1 00:00:04,587 --> 00:00:06,047 Oh, my God. 2 00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:08,008 I’ve been getting all these TikTok algorithms 3 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,260 about where to put your couch in your house. 4 00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:12,762 What if you just put your couch at, like, a slight angle? 5 00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:16,182 That way you can watch TV at, like, a slight angle. 6 00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,476 Every single one of these essays is so bad. 7 00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:21,688 This is the, like, Red Badge of Courage midterm paper thing? 8 00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:25,275 Red Badge of Courage garbage paper, I guess. It’s, like-- 9 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:29,154 I-I don’t know how these kids didn’t get this book. It’s so simple. 10 00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:32,407 Like, a young kid goes off to war. Cowardice, honor. 11 00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:34,200 This essay just starts with the word "hey." 12 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,870 "Hey, The Red Badge of Courage is a book about courage." 13 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,371 Hey, that sounds bad. 14 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:41,624 I’m a kind, patient teacher. Maybe I’ve been too lenient. 15 00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:44,377 You know what? Honestly, I bet they didn’t even read the book. 16 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,379 - They probably used Biff Notes. - What’s Biff Notes? 17 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,506 - That’s like CliffsNotes? - He’s, like, a TikTok book guy. 18 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:50,383 He summarizes, like, high school books. 19 00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:52,385 [clears throat] I don’t think I’ve seen him. 20 00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:54,095 He’s a queer guy, queer guy. 21 00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:55,638 Think I know who he is ’cause he’s queer? 22 00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:58,016 He did a dance with Penn Jillette, and Teller wasn’t there. 23 00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,477 They just think they’re gonna, like, get away with this 24 00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:03,396 because I’m gonna try to keep the peace and give them good grades or something. 25 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:04,939 [stammers] I’m not gonna do that. 26 00:01:04,939 --> 00:01:07,317 They wanted a war, they’re gonna get a war. 27 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,235 - Don’t ask, don’t tell. - Gwen. 28 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:12,113 Oh, my God. I’m so sorry. That was, like, the first war thing I thought of. 29 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,282 What do you think of the couch? 30 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:15,909 You moved that? 31 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,123 {\an8}Here you go. 32 00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:28,963 {\an8}- Here you go. - Yo, an F? What is this? 33 00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,257 I didn’t know this was a grade you could still give out. 34 00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:33,384 - You didn’t? - Are you being deadass right now? 35 00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:34,469 With all due respect. 36 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,888 You realize this is, like, a fourth of our grade right here? 37 00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,473 - Exactly. - You can’t do this. 38 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:41,059 What do you mean I can’t do this? I didn’t do this. You did this. 39 00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:42,894 - This is your grade that you got. - Whatever. 40 00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:45,188 I gave you guys a month to read this book. 41 00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:47,774 Mr. Marquez, your feelings are valid. 42 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:51,402 We’ve all learned our lesson here, and now you can give us B’s. 43 00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:55,323 B’s are good grades. You didn’t earn good grades. 44 00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:59,786 I am the teacher. This is not up for discussion, and that’s the end of this. 45 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,372 I’m posting ads on Backpage, because with grades like this, 46 00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:04,290 I’m gonna have to hit the corner, sir. 47 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,960 You’re my hero right now. Seriously. 48 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,671 - I’ve always wanted to fail a student. - Yeah. 49 00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,589 It’s, like, impossible to fail someone in PE. 50 00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,466 They earned F’s, so they get F’s. 51 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:14,884 - Good for them. - [laughs] 52 00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:18,263 Dude, you’re like George Clooney doing funny-ass pranks on these kids. 53 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:21,850 It’s not a prank. They’re real grades that I’m giving the kids. 54 00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:23,893 Wait, George Clooney does pranks? 55 00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:25,770 I gotta help these kids get into college. 56 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:28,231 So, if you’re giving them F’s, that can honestly be the difference 57 00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:31,317 between them getting into a shitty college and a super shitty college. 58 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:33,820 Then get them to do the work to get into a good college, Rick. 59 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,905 Okay, you’re being fucking crazy right now. 60 00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:38,491 I’m just really glad I don’t have to deal with any of this 61 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:41,161 ’cause all of my students are well above average. 62 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,412 - All of them? - [Gwen] Mm-hmm. 63 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,914 It’s impossible for all your students to be well above average. 64 00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:46,708 Some of your students must be average. 65 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:49,043 Well, I’m just a good teacher. 66 00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,296 Why would it-- I’m... I’m confused. What are you saying? 67 00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:52,922 I think some of your students are cheating. 68 00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:54,841 No one’s ever cheated in my class. 69 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,759 They’re not cheating or they’re not getting caught? 70 00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:59,053 Let me tell you something. People cheat all the time. 71 00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:01,389 - [Gwen] They’re not cheating. - Cheating is trying. It’s okay. 72 00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:03,016 - [Grant] Evan, come now. - What? 73 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,726 - Come, come. Come. - What? What? I’m eating. 74 00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:06,561 Yeah, you’re done. 75 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,688 Why am I getting calls from parents telling me 76 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:11,149 you failed a bunch of kids in your 11th-grade English class? 77 00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:13,484 Because I failed a bunch of kids in my 11th-grade English class. 78 00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:15,945 - I’m gonna die. - They deserve these grades, Grant. 79 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:17,322 - Look at this. - [Grant] Mm-hmm. 80 00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:19,199 - Read that. -"As an AI language model, 81 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,950 I am not able to complete this request." 82 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,785 Why is he not able to complete this request? 83 00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:24,037 It means ChatGPT wrote it. 84 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,873 - Is that not allowed? It’s the future. - Look at this one. 85 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,584 [sighs] Okay. "So, that’s what’s up with The Red Badge of Courage." 86 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:32,670 And then he underlines it, and he puts the cool guy with sunglasses emoji. 87 00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:34,756 - It’s a clear point of view. - This is crazy. 88 00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:38,718 All right. Evan, do you remember the mom, Linda Harrison, 89 00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:41,054 who complained about you kissing Malcolm in front of her son? 90 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,765 - Remember that? - Yes, of course I remember Linda Harrison. 91 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,851 She tried to have me fired for the sin of kissing a man. 92 00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:48,519 Well, you just failed her younger son. 93 00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:50,897 - Oh, shit. - Mm-hmm. It took her all of 11 seconds 94 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:55,068 after your class let out to call my office directly and demand a meeting with you. 95 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:58,279 - I’m not meeting with her. - Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 96 00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:00,698 If you refuse to meet with her, you will be fired. 97 00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:02,283 - That’s not fair. - It’s not. 98 00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:04,869 But if you don’t placate this woman, then I will be fired. 99 00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:06,579 And a new principal will be hired, 100 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:09,916 hand-selected by Linda Harrison and her obedient followers. 101 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:14,087 And then... And then do you think that a new person sitting in this chair 102 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:18,800 will indulge your-your-your noble principled bullshit? 103 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:22,387 Who’s running the school, Grant? Is it us or is it them? 104 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,430 Them. Them. Her. Her. 105 00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:27,433 Hell hath no wrath like a concerned parent, Evan. 106 00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:30,019 Do you have any idea how much sway she has? 107 00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:32,355 Sway? What do you mean sway? This is a public school. 108 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:34,565 - What? Is she funding the government? - Boosters, Evan. 109 00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:37,610 She and her husband, Dale, they’re massive boosters, okay? 110 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:41,489 Their restaurant donates a ... [mouths] ...-load of money to this school. 111 00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:44,242 Well, listen. Tell her thank you for the concern. 112 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:45,952 I really appreciate her feelings 113 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:48,037 - about how I run my class. - You’re meeting with her. 114 00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:50,915 Evan, don’t even mess around. You are meeting with her tonight. 115 00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,001 If there’s one thing I’m not doing today, it is... 116 00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:56,129 - We have a reservation for Linda Harrison. - I can make women love me. 117 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,172 - Cash only? Look at this. Cash only. - [Linda] Yoo-hoo. 118 00:04:58,172 --> 00:04:59,382 Oh, I don’t have any cash. 119 00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,759 - Look what the cat dragged in. - Wow. 120 00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:03,511 You must be Mr. Evan Marquez. 121 00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:06,389 - Linda Harrison. Nice to meet you. - Linda Harrison. That’s right. 122 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,599 - And you are Miss... - Gwen. I’m his best friend. 123 00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:09,684 I’m Ms. Sanders. 124 00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:10,768 - You’re Ms. Sanders. - Yes. 125 00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:12,270 - Blake speaks so highly of you. - Oh! 126 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,771 He didn’t tell me about that head of hair. 127 00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:16,858 Thank you. [chuckles] And I like your head as well. 128 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,610 [Linda] Thank you so much. And I like that little hair you have there. 129 00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:20,945 All right, y’all, get on in there. 130 00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:22,655 - We got you at a VIP table. - [Evan] Okay. 131 00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,949 Dana, stand up straight. You look like a shepherd’s hook. 132 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,995 Winston! Now, I don’t care where those nuggets are headed. 133 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:32,332 You bring ’em on back over here. That’s what we call a reroute. 134 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,417 - [chuckles] - Chicken nuggets as an appetizer. 135 00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:37,253 - That’s genius. - They’re actually steak nuggets. 136 00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:38,379 I invented ’em. 137 00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:41,090 And we’re into the patent process right now with the lawyers. 138 00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:43,343 Dale’s getting into it with ’em. You know how that is. 139 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,927 - Yeah. Yeah. - We don’t know that. 140 00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:46,721 - We’ve seen Shark Tank. - Yeah. 141 00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:49,140 - Oh, shit. These are good. - You wanted to talk, Linda? 142 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:51,559 Yes. Let’s chat about that as soon as we get some Sprites. 143 00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:55,813 Winston, honey, I’m gonna reel you back on in over here. Come on, my little trout. 144 00:05:55,813 --> 00:05:57,357 - Can we get three Sprites? - Absolutely. 145 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,441 - Now. - Yeah. 146 00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,860 - Is he the only waiter here? - No, but he’s my favorite. 147 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,863 We put double syrup in the Sprites. 148 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,908 I didn’t ask y’all what you wanted to drink because nobody gets out of here 149 00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,743 without trying my double Sprite. 150 00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,703 - Another invention? - It is. 151 00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:13,664 - [guffaws] It is. - This is crazy. I love Sprite. 152 00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:16,751 [laughs] You know, Dale calls me Willy Wonka with a boob job. 153 00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,169 I said, "Dale, don’t you go around here 154 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:20,463 telling everybody I have a boob job." [laughs] 155 00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:21,756 I have considered... 156 00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:23,341 Don’t. Gwendolyn, do not. 157 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,134 I am afraid every time I fly. 158 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,597 - So you wanted to talk about-- - Oh, Lord. 159 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,933 You’re all such good company, I just about forgot. 160 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:34,519 Okay, so, Mr. Marquez, the grades. 161 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,270 Like, what are we thinking here? 162 00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,272 Uh, we are thinking 163 00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:41,651 that the grades should accurately reflect the work. 164 00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:44,028 Mm-hmm. Lord, I hear that. 165 00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:45,113 I’m just thinking, 166 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,323 can’t we change ’em? [laughs] 167 00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:50,743 Just like a little bit. Like, just one time, just a little boost. 168 00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:51,828 What do you think, Gwen? 169 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,666 Well, you can ’cause you are the teacher, like... 170 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,418 Or no. 171 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:01,045 - He could but he won’t. - This feels like mixed signals. 172 00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:03,840 Linda, are the grades really what this is about? 173 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:08,094 - Yes, why? - There’s not another thing? 174 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,387 Like what? 175 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,472 What happened in the fall. 176 00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:13,558 You were having me investigated for kissing my boyfriend 177 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:16,102 - in front of a group of students. - Oh, honey, water, bridge, you, me. 178 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:19,439 Okay? I do not care that you’re gay. 179 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,566 I don’t care one bit that you’re gay. 180 00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:24,861 As long as you don’t care that I sneak a little drop of gin into my double Sprite 181 00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,779 at lunch. [laughs] 182 00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:29,031 - We both got our little things. - Yeah. 183 00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:32,452 Regardless, I will have to stand firm in the grades as they are. 184 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:36,289 I’m an educator, and it’s my duty to give accurate grades. 185 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,126 [chuckles] 186 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,961 Well, shoot. [laughs] 187 00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:45,173 I admit I wanted us to see eye to eye on this. 188 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,424 I can tell we don’t. 189 00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:48,509 - And we can just move on, honey. - Really? 190 00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:51,679 As a business owner, I gotta do what I gotta do to stay within my integrity, 191 00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:53,764 and you gotta do the same as a teacher. 192 00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:54,932 And I respect it. 193 00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:57,435 Wow. Okay. 194 00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,936 It shows strength. It shows courage. 195 00:07:58,936 --> 00:08:00,021 - [Gwen] I agree. - Thank you. 196 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,606 - This has been nice. - [Gwen] Yeah. 197 00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,399 I thought this was gonna be more of a problem. 198 00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:05,860 - It’s a little scary. - Everything’s on la casa. 199 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:08,112 - I have to excuse myself. - Oh, you’re leaving us? 200 00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:09,780 Chef Gary is really on one. 201 00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:11,866 For the specials tonight, let me tell you what. 202 00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:14,535 He wants to put a duck burger on a butter pretzel bun, 203 00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:15,745 and I think he’s crazy. 204 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:17,872 Although, so crazy it just might work. 205 00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:20,791 - All right, bye. - [Gwen chuckles] 206 00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:23,461 I hate to see her go, but I love to watch her walk away. 207 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,504 Gwendolyn. 208 00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,425 - [bell rings] - [door opens] 209 00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:31,052 Sorry I’m late, guys. 210 00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,763 I just had this whole thing happen with my car insurance, 211 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:36,849 and they were not taking my payment because it was a credit card-- 212 00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:38,351 Yoo-hoo, visitor alert. 213 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,770 Hey, Mr. Marquez. 214 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:43,147 He’s uninsured. Let’s write that down. 215 00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:45,691 What are you doing here, Linda? I thought we moved on from this. 216 00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:48,778 Oh, we have. We’ve moved on to the next level of sorting this problem out. 217 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:49,904 The next level? 218 00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,906 Okay. Well, I don’t know if you know this, 219 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:53,616 you’re not allowed to just be in my classroom. 220 00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,785 You have to have my permission to observe my class. 221 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,412 I actually do know that, which is why I went over your head 222 00:08:58,412 --> 00:09:00,373 and got authorization from the school board. 223 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,375 [whispering] Mom, stop. This is embarrassing. 224 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,460 - Blake, tuck in your Billabong shirt. - [students laughing] 225 00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:05,878 All the way around, sir. 226 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,755 Everyone, eyes on me. 227 00:09:07,755 --> 00:09:11,926 This is Dr. Doug. He is a teaching expert, okay? 228 00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:14,303 And he and I are gonna be just observing class today. 229 00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:16,430 So, drink a glass of act right, you know what I mean? 230 00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:18,307 [chuckles] I’m just kidding. Be yourselves. 231 00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:23,437 I’ll be right back. 232 00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:26,065 Dramatically exits. Let’s write that down. 233 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:29,860 There’s power up here. I can definitely jerry-rig a little camera for ya. 234 00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:31,946 Good, ’cause I wanna prove to you they’re not cheating. 235 00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:34,448 Put the cameras wherever you want. Can you put them back there? 236 00:09:34,448 --> 00:09:38,035 Yeah, it’s a drop ceiling. It’s a whole world up there. 237 00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:39,787 - Huh. - I don’t know. I get a couple cameras. 238 00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:42,081 We’ll get the footage and watch it together over drinks? 239 00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:43,499 We could-- 240 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,084 What? 241 00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,253 Linda is in my class. 242 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,171 - [screams] - No, no, no, it’s not good. 243 00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:52,466 That whole thing where she was being nice and friendly last night, 244 00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:54,051 - that was a front. - Oh, my God. 245 00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:56,345 And now she brought a teaching expert to class 246 00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:58,431 to observe me and try to take me down or something. 247 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,349 - She’s a bitch. Always been. - What? 248 00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:02,226 Yeah. Can you come and sit in? I need manpower. 249 00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:04,478 - It’s your free period, right? - Yes. What? 250 00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:06,105 - Can I come? - I only needed Gwen, 251 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:07,857 - but sure, more is better. - Yes, buddy. [grunts] 252 00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:08,983 Oh, my God. 253 00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:10,484 You should check out Michigan State. 254 00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:12,320 They got bomb pad thai. 255 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,573 You probably can’t get in there ’cause your grades are bunk. [laughs] 256 00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:17,783 - But, yo-- - Rick, come sit in Evan’s class with us. 257 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,160 Oh, I’m there. Hell yeah. 258 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,829 You like skinny noodle or thick noodle? Huh? 259 00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:24,081 Michigan State’s got both. 260 00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:28,127 Get it 360, everything, like, IMAX almost. 261 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,630 What is he doing? Can you please put that iPad down? 262 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,798 You’re not allowed to take pictures in here, okay? 263 00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:36,177 He is documenting. We are just observing. It’s gonna be like we’re not here, honey. 264 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,721 I went ahead and gathered some other board-certified teachers 265 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,222 to observe this observation. 266 00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:42,892 Oh. [laughs] It’s good you have the gym teacher here. 267 00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,226 - Hey, Markie. - Linda. 268 00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:45,978 - Looking all like a Shrek today. - [shutter clicks] 269 00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:48,064 - [Markie] It’s Shrek. There’s only one. - Uh, stunning. 270 00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,440 - Hey, Gwen. - Shut up. 271 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,359 - Okay. - Now that we have six adults in here, 272 00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:54,278 let’s continue our somewhat tumultuous journey through 273 00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:57,657 - The Red Badge of Courage. - Didn’t we already write those essays? 274 00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:00,910 Yes. But since that didn’t quite work, we’re gonna stay with that book 275 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,287 until the information has been effectively communicated. 276 00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,581 Aren’t we getting behind on the state curriculum here? 277 00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:07,792 Shouldn’t we be moving on to To Kill a Mockingbird? 278 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,835 - Doug, shut up. - Lot of questions for a doctor. 279 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,546 Markie, do you even have a master’s? What did you major in? Ranch? 280 00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:14,173 I’m sorry. I thought you were just observing. 281 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,425 - Easily distracted. Write that down. - What are you writing? 282 00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:17,885 Are you writing this in wingdings? 283 00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:19,095 - What is that? - Stop it. 284 00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:22,306 How about this? I’m ordering you to leave, okay? 285 00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:24,350 Observation over. 286 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,978 Actually my parents’ rights state that I can be here, so I will be remaining. 287 00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:30,314 - That doesn’t exist. - You’re out of order. 288 00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:33,192 This whole... This whole classroom is out of order. 289 00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:36,278 - Linda, this isn’t a courtroom. - I object. 290 00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:39,448 I don’t know what is going on, and why will he not stop typing? 291 00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:41,450 - I’ll take care of this. - OOO for "Out of Order." 292 00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:42,576 - Who wants an iPad? - Gwen. 293 00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:45,830 - Just keep teaching, Evan. - So, The Red Badge of Courage-- 294 00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:48,082 And she’s what? She’s allowed to bring this teaching expert 295 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,792 into my classroom without asking? 296 00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:52,712 Technically, no. But in a world where I want to keep my job, yes. 297 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,380 She’s probably just gathering evidence. 298 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,257 Gathering evidence for what, Grant? 299 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,884 For the parents-faculty town hall meeting she called for tonight. 300 00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:01,053 - She called a town hall meeting? - Yes. 301 00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:03,764 - She’s allowed to do that? - Technically, no. But in a world where-- 302 00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:05,850 You knew about this? What... Why wouldn’t you tell me? 303 00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:08,394 Because I was hoping she wouldn’t gather any evidence. 304 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:11,105 Evan, look, if we don’t make it through this, 305 00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:13,691 I wanna say it’s been an honor and a privilege serving with you. 306 00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:14,859 Oh, shut up. 307 00:12:16,944 --> 00:12:20,906 My associates are handing out the findings from today in the classroom. 308 00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:23,242 That’s gonna be Dr. Doug. Y’all know Winston. 309 00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:25,244 Tell him not to hide his light under a bushel. 310 00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:26,620 You let it shine, Winston. 311 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:28,622 - You’re gonna let this happen to me? - Shh. 312 00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:31,208 I think perhaps what is most stark about our findings today 313 00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:34,211 is that Mr. Marquez is unable to even teach his class 314 00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:37,173 without the assistance of several other teachers present. 315 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:41,927 I mean, does the state have funding for such an extensive support system? 316 00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:43,804 Linda, you brought a teaching expert to my class. 317 00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:46,599 - [Grant] Mr. Marquez. - And you came to my class unannounced. 318 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:50,311 - Okay? I needed backup. - Mr. Marquez, Mrs. Harrison has the floor. 319 00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:51,771 Thank you, Grant. 320 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,857 Everybody just open to page four. Let’s all do it together. 321 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:58,110 She used to be so sweet. Like, I don’t even know who this woman is. 322 00:12:58,110 --> 00:12:59,862 These booklets are really well made. 323 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:02,406 - Where’d they get this picture of you? - Oh, my God. 324 00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:04,950 - You’re built like a baby seal. - I told you to post that. 325 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,118 I have to listen to this. 326 00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:09,038 ’Cause whether this requires an adjustment or, 327 00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:11,332 honey, God forbid, a removal, 328 00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,917 that’s something we need to talk about. 329 00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,084 She said removal? 330 00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:15,503 [sighs] 331 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:18,589 I think everybody’s with me here when I say we want our children 332 00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:23,052 - to thrive and to learn. - [parents] Amen. 333 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,930 - Let me hear it one more time in the back. - Amen. 334 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:28,974 What we don’t want is our children subjected to things 335 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,268 that we have not agreed to. 336 00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:33,020 - Am I right? - Yes. 337 00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:37,274 Like receiving failing grades on passing work. Can I get an amen? 338 00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:38,818 I’m so sorry. I don’t wanna be dramatic, 339 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,195 but this woman has a personal vendetta against me. 340 00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:44,532 I’m not the only one who’s been affected by Mr. Marquez’s actions. 341 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:47,576 I’d like to bring to speak a beautiful, incredible and talented 342 00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,829 Latina single mother, Luisa. 343 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,206 - Come on, Luisa. - [mic feedback] 344 00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:55,292 Actually, I’m not single. I am married for nine years. 345 00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:56,377 Congratulations. 346 00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,839 My son was on the football team. 347 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,925 And then he got an F, and now they say that he can’t play anymore. 348 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,552 Heh! That’s his future! 349 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,221 We are angry, Mr. Marquez. 350 00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:08,889 [speaking Spanish] 351 00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:11,809 [speaking Spanish] 352 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:17,356 Hey, Siri, open Google Translate. 353 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,233 [continues speaking Spanish] 354 00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:22,736 [speaking Spanish] 355 00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:24,822 [in English] I’ma call a cállate! 356 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,867 Y’all know Dr. Doug can’t even write that down. 357 00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,537 Now, that was beautiful and cultural. 358 00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:35,291 - Okay? And I thank you, Luisa. - She’s using my own people against me. 359 00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:37,251 And that goes to show that I’m not the only one 360 00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:38,961 affected by Mr. Marquez’s actions. And-- 361 00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:42,006 Excuse me, sorry. Please, Linda, if you don’t mind. 362 00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:43,382 - Oh, my God. - I’m sorry, 363 00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:45,175 but there is a more pressing matter. 364 00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:47,761 - Oh, here we go. - We all need to be aware 365 00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:51,515 - that our kids are playing a new sex game. - [parents gasping, murmuring] 366 00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:54,351 When I say the phrase "reverse glory hole," 367 00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:55,811 - what do you picture? - [parents] Oh. 368 00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:58,606 Okay. All right. And... And that does sound terrifying. 369 00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:01,442 Earmark the, uh, reverse glory hole. Just write that down. 370 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,527 Gonna deal with that later. We’ll keep an eye on it. 371 00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:06,405 I would really love the opportunity to speak now since this is all about me. 372 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:09,992 I got one more reminder before I sit down. I’m gonna quit taking y’all’s time. 373 00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:14,788 Y’all get some food real quick. 374 00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:17,374 - We got Winston on the carving station! - [parents cheering] 375 00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:18,751 We got two chocolate fountains. 376 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:22,546 And we have a boatload of my favorite and yours, 377 00:15:22,546 --> 00:15:24,924 - steak nuggets. [laughs] - [crowd cheering] 378 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,008 Dig in, y’all! 379 00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,718 I was hoping that was for us. 380 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:30,012 I can just drill a peephole right here in the desk, 381 00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:33,265 and they take the exam, you drop your keys, catch them in the act. 382 00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:35,184 How you doing over there? 383 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,311 I’m not good, you know? 384 00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:40,856 This woman, it’s like I close my eyes, and she’s all I can see. 385 00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:45,235 And she’s staring at me with her blonde updo. 386 00:15:45,235 --> 00:15:48,447 I feel like the town hall went fine. 387 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:52,201 It wasn’t fine, Gwen. You know it didn’t go fine. 388 00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:55,788 They were acting like they were gonna carry me out of town on a pitchfork 389 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,539 like a big steak nugget. 390 00:15:57,539 --> 00:16:00,000 But they got distracted by the food in the end. 391 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,211 I don’t think they’ll remember what happened. 392 00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:03,796 It’s just everyone’s on her side. 393 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,298 I’m not gonna win this. I can’t win this. 394 00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:09,969 Are you giving up? Evan Marquez giving up? 395 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,846 We have her right where we want her, man. 396 00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:14,848 How? 397 00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:17,601 Do you ever wonder why her restaurants are all cash-only? 398 00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:20,813 All right, let’s go right in the cleavage. There we go. 399 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,357 This is just so crazy to wear a wire. 400 00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:25,484 It’s your only way out of this buddy, seriously. 401 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:28,028 [Evan] Okay. Explain the tax fraud thing to me again 402 00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:31,031 ’cause I only get about 40% of any conversation about money. 403 00:16:31,031 --> 00:16:34,410 All right. It’s simple but complicated at the same time, right? 404 00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,495 Biggest restaurant in Austin, 405 00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,288 arguably the fanciest. 406 00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:39,456 Cash only. 407 00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:40,791 Why do you think that is? 408 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:43,335 It’s obvious they’re skimming right off the top. 409 00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,462 Cooking the books, okay? 410 00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:47,673 And their cover is that they donate to the school. 411 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,425 It throws the IRS off the scent. 412 00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,010 It’s fraud. It’s bad. 413 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,178 It just sounds like such a conspiracy theory. 414 00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:56,932 I know, right? But all conspiracy theories are 90% true. 415 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:10,821 [Evan whispers] You got this, Evan. 416 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,114 [dogs barking] 417 00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:13,782 [Linda] Come on in, Mr. Marquez. 418 00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:15,993 - Hey. - [barking continues] 419 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:18,454 Oh, my Lord. Y’all hush. 420 00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:20,414 - Hush, I said! - [Evan] Thanks so much 421 00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:21,832 for agreeing to meet. 422 00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:24,835 Hey! Brad, Steven, you’re about to lose your privileges. 423 00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:26,879 So many nice... [clears throat] ...dogs. 424 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,964 Lord have mercy. ’Bout to drive me to drink! 425 00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,799 This is a very, very beautiful house. 426 00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:33,677 The recession was very good to us. Wasn’t it, Kevin? 427 00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:35,012 Sorry, is there a way to... 428 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:37,264 I just wanted to be able to hear what you were saying. 429 00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:40,350 I can hear you just fine. You said you wanted a few minutes of my time. 430 00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:41,935 - [clears throat] Floor’s yours. - Yes. 431 00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:45,731 Uh, I was gonna say your restaurant-- The-The cash-only thing-- 432 00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:48,525 You know what? There’s a wild pheasant down by the fence line. 433 00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:50,319 That’s what’s making these dogs nuts. 434 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,863 - Come with me. I gotta do something. - [magazine loads] 435 00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:54,948 - Oh, my God. - [barking continues] 436 00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:57,117 So that is just sitting there. Okay. 437 00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:59,328 - Ah! - Damn. That fucker can move. 438 00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:02,331 You ever dealt with pheasant? 439 00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,876 So hard to kill, and they don’t even taste good. 440 00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:10,172 Yeah. Pheasant is definitely one of my least favorite meats. 441 00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:14,259 You know, speaking of meat, your restaurant was amazing. 442 00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:16,678 I thought it was so good, and I... 443 00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:19,139 I thought it was cute how you guys did that cash-only thing. 444 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:21,183 I was, like, okay, 445 00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:24,061 why would someone do a cash-only thing? 446 00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:26,522 Mr. Marquez, let’s just cut to the chase. 447 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,398 I know you’re here to grovel for your job. 448 00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:30,651 If you can just change those grades, you won’t have to. 449 00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:37,157 Yeah. I-I hear that. 450 00:18:37,157 --> 00:18:39,034 College is real important to our family. 451 00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:41,370 Blake’s GPA is right on the cusp 452 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:45,207 of dropping him to a lower level of potential universities. [sighs] 453 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,418 We need him in a good college like his older brother. 454 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:51,463 His older brother, your gay son. 455 00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:52,548 [chuckles] 456 00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:54,466 My son. 457 00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,552 Part of me wants to ask if you still think 458 00:18:56,552 --> 00:19:00,973 that just by being his out gay teacher, I turned him gay, 459 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:05,269 but I would hope you’re evolved enough by now to realize that’s not possible. 460 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:08,897 Well, I certainly think he was encouraged. 461 00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:12,943 [grunts] 462 00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:19,074 [sighs] Anyway, he is thriving at school. [sniffles] 463 00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:20,534 Do you talk to him at all? 464 00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:23,495 Of course I talk to him. He’s my son, and I love him. 465 00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:27,374 And... despite what you think I think about his preferences, 466 00:19:27,374 --> 00:19:28,625 I love him no matter what, 467 00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:31,253 and as long as he keeps it out of Austin, it’s fine by me. 468 00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:34,965 Why would he need to keep it out of Austin? 469 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:37,759 Austin’s a perfectly gay-friendly place. 470 00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:41,054 Not the circles I run in. They don’t understand. 471 00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:43,098 So I’m not gonna have my life turned upside down 472 00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:44,558 because of something like that. 473 00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:47,561 You have a secret. 474 00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,149 A woman like me has many secrets. 475 00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:53,984 No, I mean, you have a secret. 476 00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:58,322 Like, the fact that your son is gay is a secret for you. 477 00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:02,451 Like, you’re scared if you told the people in your life this that 478 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:05,120 they would kick you out of your whole social structure. 479 00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,081 Well, exactly. So you do understand. 480 00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:11,501 Yeah, I do. I just... 481 00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:16,423 I wonder if you realize that’s exactly how your son feels. 482 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:21,428 He feels like he has this thing about him that if he told the wrong people 483 00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:24,848 would get him kicked out of his life, right? 484 00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:27,726 And that’s how you’re feeling. And that’s how I felt growing up. 485 00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:33,732 So we’re all feeling the same thing. 486 00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:35,859 See what I’m saying? 487 00:20:39,112 --> 00:20:41,990 Wow, you really healed me. Thanks. 488 00:20:43,575 --> 00:20:45,494 - [sighs, laughs] - [water splashes] 489 00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:46,995 I got him. 490 00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:49,122 Oh, right between his beady little eyes. 491 00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:55,254 Um, why don’t you just... let him redo the essay? 492 00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,630 You don’t have to change the grades. 493 00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:59,466 And then whichever one is better, you count that one. 494 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,052 Yeah, that’s reasonable. 495 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:03,720 Great. 496 00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:10,060 You know, it’s a good thing that you were recording that whole conversation, 497 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:13,522 and now you can just go back and listen to that speech you gave whenever you want. 498 00:21:17,776 --> 00:21:20,153 And, guys, before I wrap up class, I wanted to say 499 00:21:20,153 --> 00:21:23,240 I’m gonna give you all a redo on your Red Badge of Courage essays 500 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,574 to try to get a better grade. 501 00:21:24,574 --> 00:21:27,411 I believe in second chances, so, congratulations. 502 00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:28,620 Ah! Oh! 503 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:30,163 Oh, my God! 504 00:21:30,163 --> 00:21:31,540 [coughing] 505 00:21:32,916 --> 00:21:34,918 [coughing, groans] 506 00:21:34,918 --> 00:21:38,630 Sorry. [chuckles] God, I got turned around up there. 507 00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:41,174 Were you trying to catch your students cheating? 508 00:21:41,174 --> 00:21:43,969 Yeah. Yeah. I didn’t catch any of them cheating. 509 00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:45,721 Basically, all the kids are just watching Snapchat. 510 00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,139 That’s what I figured out. 511 00:21:48,598 --> 00:21:49,766 I gotta get out of here. 512 00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:51,393 Class dismissed. 513 00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:54,146 - [students chattering] - [grunting] Come on. 514 00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,940 - [Gwen grunts] - I’ll get you. Okay. 515 00:21:56,940 --> 00:21:59,026 ♪ She drives me crazy ♪ 516 00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:00,944 ♪ Cuckoo ♪ 517 00:22:00,944 --> 00:22:03,447 ♪ Like no one else ♪ 518 00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:05,240 ♪ Cuckoo ♪ 519 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:11,038 ♪ She drives me crazy And I can’t help myself ♪ 520 00:22:12,205 --> 00:22:13,832 ♪ Cuckoo ♪ 521 00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:16,460 [music continues] 522 00:22:31,808 --> 00:22:34,227 {\an8}♪ She drives me crazy ♪ 523 00:22:34,227 --> 00:22:36,229 {\an8}♪ Cuckoo ♪ 524 00:22:36,229 --> 00:22:38,732 {\an8}♪ Like no one else ♪ 525 00:22:38,732 --> 00:22:40,609 {\an8}♪ Cuckoo ♪ 526 00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:42,903 {\an8}♪ She drives me crazy ♪ 527 00:22:42,903 --> 00:22:45,989 {\an8}♪ And I can’t help myself ♪