- [school bell rings] - [Evan] Okay, I'll see you guys Thursday.
Good work.
Make sure to get those papers in.
Mr. Marquez.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Uh, yeah. What's up, Eddie?
I've been having some thoughts...
Oh, my God. Suicidal.
- You want me to call somebody? - No, no, it-it's about my...
orientation,
I guess you would call it. And...
I-I think I'm...
I-I think I'm gay.
And I know that you're gay,
and I thought that maybe you could help me or, like,
talk me through how to tell the people in my life.
'Cause...
this is all just so new and scary, and...
could really use some support.
What?
You're scared to come out?
It's 2024.
Just go in the hall and say, "I'm gay."
I-I'm sorry. I don't mean to be mean.
Like, I can't help you with this. This is--
I grew up in the '90s. That was different.
Just-just go and get advice from kids your age.
I mean, if you want somebody to talk to,
go talk to one of the many out gay kids
at this school, you know?
- Yeah. O-Okay. - But be careful.
Don't talk to one of those nonspecific queer kids
who may or may not be doing it for clout.
Those people are mostly straight.
- Don't tell anybody I said that. - Yeah.
You're gonna want to find, like, a real gay person.
Like, classic gay vibes.
You know. Queeny.
You know. Should be easy to identify.
Don't tell anybody I said that.
Somebody your age.
They'll help you more than me. I think. [laughs]
But great-great--
Thanks.
Very good. Okay.
I'll see you later. Bye.
I don't know. I just feel like you don't listen to me
when I tell you what I want.
I don't want a birthday event, Malcolm.
Oh, my God, you fucking nerd. It's not an event.
It's you and me going to a bar.
It's a leather daddy bar.
People need to have fun. In this life. I'm sorry.
You and me are going to fucking Tom of Austin
for your 35th motherfucking birthday,
because you are a gay man in your prime
and someone needs to suck
- your dick! - Shh!
[quietly] I'm at school.
Nobody needs to suck my dick.
I need to suck your dick.
I'm kidding. No, we're friends, remember?
I have an outfit picked out for you. It's cunt as hell.
No. I'm not wearing whatever you have planned.
- I'm not wearing it. - Yes. Yes.
It's cute. It's comfy. You're gonna love it. Bye.
♪♪ Every time I see you falling ♪
♪♪ I get down on my knees and pray ♪
♪♪ I'm waiting for that final moment... ♪
I think my balls are hanging out of these shorts.
Yeah, they're shorts, babe.
Well, I haven't dressed like this since I was 24.
Some people still think you're 24.
- Nobody thinks I'm 24, Malcolm. - I mean, they do
when you're with me. They're like,
"Look at those two twentysomethings.
"They have their life ahead of them.
"Are they going to an Ice Spice concert?
- I like them." - [chuckles]
Let's just get inside the bar. If some parent sees me out here,
- they're probably gonna try to hate-crime me. - Oh, my God.
Not everyone in the world is a homophobe,
- as much as you love that. - Malcolm.
I know we're in Austin,
but you forget we are also in Texas.
Yeah, we are at a gay bar in Texas
and a gay bar parking lot filled with gay people's cars
and you-- I know you think you're the only gay man
- in this universe, but-- - I feel like I hear
that you're about to start talking about Berlin again.
- Am I right? - I actually wasn't.
But let's fucking go there, babe.
Because in Berlin, your life is your work is your life
- and you can actually be yourself in any environment. - Right. Your life is your work.
- Don't-don't-- - That perspective is what got you fired.
I resigned.
Like a U.S. president.
[sighs]
This could be fun, actually.
Ew. You're attracted to the most, like,
basic bodybuilder bodies.
It's so embarrassing.
You can just say you're jealous.
I'm g-- I'm not jealous of him.
Uh, it's been a while since I've been around just gay people.
This'll be good. I'm doing something
that's not work for once.
He's 35. You don't need to check it. 35.
I'm younger.
Check mine.
[indistinct chatter]
[faculty] Surprise!
- Oh, my God. - Happy birthday, Ev.
- Remember us? - Happy birthday.
[groaning, panting on TV]
- Oh, my God. [weak chuckle] - [man] You like that?
This is insane, okay? You cannot bring people
like the people I work with to a place like this.
- They're gonna freak the fuck out. - [Malcolm] God.
Oh, my God. Daddy, chill. It's fine.
- They deserve to freak out. - They don't need
- to be freaked out. Moretti is here? - Yeah.
You brought Grant Moretti to this bar?
- How are you? - I-I have to just do--
- Is this your idea of, like, a fun surprise? - Yes.
Yeah. That's why I did it. I got to say, you're acting,
like, a little not grateful.
Just smile. Smile. Have fun, have fun.
Evan, Evan, Evan. Malcolm.
- Hi. - Hello. I just need
to disclose quickly that since there are
more than three faculty members here,
this is technically a school event.
So I just-- Just act accordingly.
And happy birthday!
Happy birthday.
Are-are you okay?
Of course. Of course. I'm open-minded.
I'm a little uncomfortable,
but I'm working through it. Hello.
Excuse me. Don't touch him. Goodbye.
- Later. - Thank you, sir. Thank you.
He's not interested.
You know, there's fisting porn on three of the televisions.
- Oh, God. - I think all the TVs are playing the same thing, though.
No, no, no, no, no. They all seem to be different ones.
There's a really, you know,
traditional, missionary-style on one.
Of course, it's between two men who are about 40 years old.
Why? Why am I talking about this?
Grant, it's very sweet that you came, but just--
- You don't need to stay here, okay? - No, no, no, no, no.
Stay. Come on. I'm gonna do a little performance later.
- Might turn you on. - [chuckles] I remember why it was good you resigned, Malcolm.
- Mwah. See? Thank you. I resigned. - Mm.
Please, just stay for one more hour.
All right. I'll-- Maybe a drink, then, and, uh,
hopefully some wings as well.
I don't think they have wings, but there is
a cum-themed bundt cake that, uh,
looks pretty good to me.
Maybe just a drink, then.
He's gonna get roofied.
Because of you.
Oh, my God.
They're not that bad for you.
♪♪ I'm the one you want ♪
♪♪ Baby, come get it ♪
♪♪ Feeling in my soul, we can take this... ♪
- Chuck. It's me, dude. - Uh...
Markie Hillridge, man.
- We played football together in high school. - Oh, my--
- Exactly. Yeah, dude. - Markie? What the fuck, dude?
- How the fuck are you? - [laughs] Holy shit.
- Aw, it's been forever. - I know.
What are you doing here?
I'm just here at this birthday party.
Is that why you're here? You got a party?
No, we're just-- we're just hanging.
Wait.
You ended up marrying Kathy Durham, didn't you?
- Briefly, yeah. - Oh.
What a dime piece, man.
- We're divorced. Yeah. - What?
- Can I get her number? I'm kidding. No. That sucks, man. - [laughs]
I mean, you guys were, like, joined at the hip
from junior high to graduation and shit.
Y'all were perfect. What happened?
Markie, I'm gay.
[chuckles] What?
- I sleep with men. - Okay.
But-- Oh, sure.
But you weren't gay in high school.
I was. Uh, yeah. I was in the closet.
Huh.
So we beat Westlake with a gay quarterback.
- [laughs] Yeah, we did. - That's what you're saying.
What, like, 300 yards that game or some shit.
- At least. Was a good time. - I wish you'd have come out the moment we won.
I came out in the shower after.
[laughing]
[laughs] This outfit is incredible.
Oh, thanks. Yeah.
Malcolm gave me this stuff.
It's so hot.
Nick knows he doesn't have to be here, right?
No.
That is what I want to talk to you about.
We broke up.
- What? When? - I know.
Like-like, just, like-- Oh.
Okay, thank you. I'm gonna take, uh, this one.
Mm-hmm. Mm.
Mm, mm-hmm, mm.
A few hours ago.
I just, like, hit a breaking point.
- With the pool stuff? - Yeah, with the pool.
And then, like, in hindsight, that pool,
like, him digging his own pool
is just a way for him to pretend to be busy
instead of looking for a job.
- Yeah, we all knew that. - I didn't want
to say anything. I didn't want you to worry about me.
I-I knew it.
It was painfully obvious. To everyone.
[chuckles] Sure. Right.
Well, now you know the truth.
- Gwen. - Yes, baby?
You really don't have to be here.
What? No.
Are you kidding? I'm-- It's your birthday.
And I am definitely gonna find a new man tonight.
Mama is loose.
- You're on the loose. - Oh, my God, I'm on the loose.
[laughing]
Wait, do you want a drink? I'm gonna get another drink.
How many shots have you had?
I'm gonna get laid.
[laughs] No. Maybe.
Okay.
Yo, Ev. You know your friend Daniel?
Who?
Daniel. Your friend.
That guy over there.
[Evan] That's not my friend.
That's, like, a random waiter I met once.
He was telling me about poppers.
Okay, I wasn't gonna come out tonight,
but then I thought, "The community. I need it."
- [laughs] - Wait, so can you finish explaining what poppers are?
Remember the videos I showed you of guys bottoming?
People use poppers for that.
[Rick] Oh.
- [chuckles] Yo. - Oh, my God.
- The whole gang's officially back together again. - Yeah.
Who are you?
Come on, hon.
Guys, I'm down to try poppers.
[chuckles] I-I got you.
I got you, boo.
Here-Here's mine.
All right, boys.
I got the poppers.
- [men] Poppers! - I just had a crazy idea.
I've been trying to get a community together of artists
and people who dance and sex workers.
If you guys are in, I will leave my place.
I have a little bit of settlement money
from when I sued California Pizza Kitchen.
We have to go.
Good luck, babe.
- [indistinct chatter] - Thank you.
- Hey. - Hey.
Kind of surprised to see you here.
I feel like you've been sort of avoiding me
since the homecoming debacle.
Yeah, I've been fully avoiding you.
- [chuckles] - But Malcolm called
and, um...
it's your birthday.
I enjoyed it.
Before I freaked out.
Our awkward kiss thing.
Yeah, right? Before the freak-out?
- Yeah. - Oh, it was great. Yeah.
- What are you guys talking about? - Oh, my God.
- Hi. Me? [laughs] - Hi.
- How are you? - How are you?
- I'm good. - How's the, um...
- What is it that you do again? - [chuckles]
Uh, thank you so much for asking. I'm a dancer.
- Mm. - Uh, yeah. But right now I'm working
as a software engineer for a very innovative tech start-up.
What is the start-up?
We provide tents for unhoused people.
- Oh. - Um, through an app.
Unhoused people actually can't access an app,
'cause they don't have phones.
They're not called "cell-less."
They're called "homeless." They have phones.
And why do you need the app?
Why can't you just give people the tents?
So many people keep asking me that.
But, you know, we're partnering with North Face,
- which is really cool. - Whoa.
[dance music playing]
[Rick] Oh. Look at those guys.
Precious.
♪ ♪
No, you can get it with someone. I swear to God.
You really c-- Oh.
- [squeals] - Hey, you slut.
How are you?
There is not a single straight guy in the house.
- That's crazy. Hug? - Hug.
- I love you. - I love you.
Ah, there's the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
- Markie. I love you, too. - Hey.
- Hey. Yeah. - Aw.
- Cool. - You're such a positive force in my life,
and I am just so lucky to know you.
You're so great. Do I ever tell you that?
- [mouthing] - [Markie] Wow.
I say that about you all the time.
I feel the same way. I've always wanted to say this to you.
- I-- - Oh, my God. I'm gonna see about the karaoke situation.
- Hold on. - [Evan] But I don't think they have karaoke here.
- No, they let you if you're persistent. - [Gwen squeals]
- Gwen is so drunk. - Oh, my God.
More porn on the TVs here.
[chuckles] That's better.
You're welcome, by the way.
For Harry.
What do you mean?
I brokered peace between you two.
Singlehandedly, by the way.
- You didn't broker anything. - [urinating]
He's just a guy I had an awkward kiss with.
Okay. Well, now he's here,
and obviously he wants to "S" and "F" you, so...
- Malcolm, it doesn't matter, because nothing can happen. - I know.
You care about your job.
But you do not need to be,
like, a cop in your own life.
That stupid rule doesn't mean you can't
hook up with coworkers.
It means you can't get caught
hooking up with coworkers.
- [water running] - You-you-you don't understand
something so fundamental about being a teacher.
My work
- and my personal life - Oh, my God.
- are deeply separate things. - Please stop talking
about teaching. I'm begging you.
It's so boring. It's so boring.
I honestly don't care.
If you don't want to hook up with Harry, don't.
But, like, him and I do have a vibe.
So if you don't fuck him, I-I do have to.
'Kay?
Oh.
- Hey, Harry. Did you see? - Hey. Hey, guys.
- Harry walked into the bathroom. - [chuckles] Good to see you again.
- Hey. - Evan, didn't you have to-- You were telling me
how much you had to go to the bathroom.
[scoffs]
Pee-style, you said.
Not poop.
- Bye, guys. - [door opens]
- [door closes] - Sorry, he's always trying
- to make me uncomfortable. - [urinating]
[laughs softly]
I'm uncomfortable so much of my life, honestly.
- [sighs] - [water running]
This thing does not get hot.
Well, everything else around here is working perfectly.
[laughs] I know.
[exhales]
So, uh... [chuckles]
What should we do?
[chuckles] What do you mean?
I kind of dig a crazy girl.
When we did this at school, it didn't end very well.
That's true.
But we are not at school right now.
Hello. Am I allowed to pee in here?
- Yeah, of course you can pee. It's a, it's a bathroom. - No, I-I just heard
that bathrooms are high-activity areas, you know?
[stammers] Oh. Okay. I'm so sorry, gentlemen.
Oh. Whoa. Nope? Good.
I'm gonna...
[laughs] Guess I'll see you in there.
- [door creaks] - Bye.
I'm telling you guys, seriously, modern-day root beer
tastes nothing like O.G. root beer.
- That can't be true. - It is true. Look it up.
Hey, one sec. Evan.
Hey, man, this place is fucking awesome, dude.
- [chuckles] - These guys are great.
They're hanging on my every word, man.
It's like they're on Team Markie big-time.
Yeah, so, basically, these guys
- want to have sex with you. - With me?
- Yeah. - Why?
You're kind of a classic bear.
You think more of these guys... like, does everybody here
- want to fuck me? - A lot of people do.
- Do you want to fuck me? - No, I'm good.
- Okay. - Is it making you uncomfortable?
- You want me to do something about it? - No, no.
No, not at all, actually. It's very flattering.
I'm-a hang on to this for a little bit.
Makes you think, though, you know?
Like, imagine me as a gay dude.
I'd have to bang all these dudes.
And probably all those dudes.
It would suck to suck that much, if you know what I'm saying.
No, but if you were gay, you would like it,
so it wouldn't feel like work.
Nah, I don't think I'd like it. Nah. Sorry.
Even if I was gay as hell, even if I was gayer than you,
I don't think I'd like it.
Guys, I'm on the root beer wiki. It's true.
- Wow. - [Markie] I'll catch up with you later.
Are you okay, Rick?
You look like you maybe are not okay.
- What's going on? - Just doing my best
- at keeping Austin weird. - [both laugh]
Dude, poppers. These things are gonna be the next big thing.
I'm gonna sell these things at a 200% markup.
Yeah. How much of this did you do?
- The... a lot. - Yeah.
Oh, can you text me, so I remember:
"Poppers profit straight community."
Yeah, I'll text you in a second. I'm gonna take these with me.
- Okay? You hold steady here. - All right, buddy.
Hope the money doesn't change me.
- I'm gonna sing a song, okay? - Nope. Hey, hey, hey.
- [feedback squeals] - Hey. How are you? - Hey. Hi. How are you?
- [Malcolm] Haven't seen you in a bit. - Great.
I'm gonna sing a ka... a song for you,
and it's gonna be a cappella.
Okay, kill the music, please. Thank you.
- [music stops] - [cheering, applause]
♪♪ It's Gay Town City ♪
♪♪ Ah, it's Gay Town City ♪
♪♪ Everybody loves gays ♪
♪♪ Everybody loves girls ♪
♪♪ But gays don't love girls. ♪
- Oh, shit, I'm about to Shazam this one. - Oh, wait, it's okay,
do you know how h-hot I am considered by men?
And not a single one of you has even started
to look at my cleavage.
- [blows raspberry] - [laughter] - And that is also
awful for me. [chuckles]
♪♪ But I'll still sing ♪
♪♪ For my gays... ♪
- No. - Work, bitch.
- That was great. Give it up for you. - Hold on, wait.
- No, that's... [stammers] - [crowd booing]
Keep the hag.
[others chanting] Keep the hag.
- Keep the hag. - Hey, be nice.
Do not call her "hag."
- She's my friend. - Malcolm, let's stop
with the misogyny.
A white woman with red hair?
Do you know how hard she had it?
- Time to go. Time to go. Goodbye. Goodbye. - I love you, baby.
- Okay. - Give it up for Gwen.
[cheering, applause]
Somebody gave me ketamine.
- I don't know what that is. - [laughs]
We're here tonight to celebrate a man.
A myth, some would say.
- Maybe a legend. Evan Marquez. - [cheering]
Our Latinx queen.
[applause]
- Evan's my hero. - You know, people will tell you in this life,
they'll say, "You can't, you can't be gay."
- Nobody says that. - They say that. They say that.
- Okay. - The point is,
- we're here to celebrate you. - [man] Mm-hmm.
- All of you. [tongue clicks] - [crowd] Aw...
I'm gonna celebrate Evan right now
with all of me.
[crowd oohing]
- Hit it. - ["Fade into You" playing]
- [all oohing] - Uh.
Yeah, it's getting sad and sexual here.
Whoo! Gay pride.
You know what's coming?
Something really hot.
♪♪ I want to hold the hand ♪
♪♪ Inside y... ♪ Shit.
It was supposed to be wh... a whipped cream reveal,
but it got smushed in the jacket,
but it looked good before.
♪♪ I want to hold the hand ♪
♪♪ That's true ♪
Still good, though, right?
I'm not going up there.
♪♪ I look to you and I see ♪
- [both] ♪♪ Nothing ♪ - Come on.
- Do it yourself. - No, you can come up with me.
- [Evan] No, come on. - Get up there, Evan.
[Malcolm] Come on.
Okay.
♪♪ In shadows ♪
Loser. Loser!
[laughs]
♪♪ Some kind of night ♪
♪♪ Into your darkness ♪
Harry. Harry.
Come up with me. This is another teacher.
Harry. ♪♪ I want to... ♪
[vocalizing]
We-We've been rehearsing this for weeks.
Weeks now. You know this one, right?
You cool with this?
Both your guys up there getting steamy?
Neither of them are "my guys."
They're my friends. It's fine.
If I've learned nothing else in your world,
it's that there's no such thing as "just friends."
- What does that mean? - You know what I mean. Come on, man.
I see, I see the way you look at Harry.
I see the way he looks at you. You guys got chemistry.
It's fine. I'm not a jealous guy.
They can do what they want.
Look, dude, when you look at him,
it reminds me of how I look at Gwen.
And vice versa.
- What? - Come on.
You don't have to be naive
or pretend like you don't see that there's definitely
something brewing between her and I.
With you and Gwen?
She said it by the bathroom.
"I love you, Markie." What was all that?
- Markie. - What?
I j... look, I ju... I suffer in silence 'cause I don't want
to be a home-wrecker.
I...
I'm sorry, this is such new information.
I mean, you wouldn't be a home-wrecker.
She-she broke up with Nick tonight.
Who? They what?
Gwen and Nick broke up.
Oh, my God, dude, tonigh... [gasps]
It's a full moon, brother. Tonight's our night.
It's the night you and I go after the ones we love.
[both] ♪♪ Fade into you ♪
[crowd cheering]
♪♪ Strange we never knew. ♪
Get up there, Evan.
Get up there and plant your flag
in front of God and all these gay dudes.
[voice fading] Get up there and mark your territory...
♪♪ These are the times that I think about ♪
["Nirvana" by Elliana playing]
♪♪ Red lights and the feeling ♪
♪♪ That I needed you ♪
♪♪ Oh, you got me right in nirvana ♪
♪♪ So fast ♪
♪♪ You're the best part of a sad song ♪
♪♪ You got me all out of breath ♪
- ♪♪ Too fast, and I miss you when I'm going home ♪ - Yes. Yes. Yes.
♪♪ And I've been running in circles... ♪
Oh, so you're, like, in love with me now?
- Yeah. I think that's a possibility, yeah. - Okay, great.
♪♪ Feel the end if I'm not out of nirvana. ♪
♪♪ Fade into you ♪
- Evan. - ♪♪ It's strange you ♪
- ♪♪ Never knew ♪ - I meant the other guy, dude.
Come on.
♪♪ You gotta fade ♪
- Doofus. - ♪♪ Into your darkness ♪
♪♪ Oh, yeah. ♪
Don't lay down, that's when the spins start.
[Employee] I'll be right with you. One moment, please.
Okay. Rude.
Evan, I'm proud of you.
- You knew Malcolm was no longer faculty... - [sputters]
...so, good for you. You kissed the right guy.
That's not why I kissed him, Grant.
I'm not gonna live my life by those rules anymore.
Should've been Harry. Seriously.
I said it to you, man. Chemistry is off the charts.
Should've kissed both of them thangs.
Yeah, no, Harry's great,
but, you know,
Malcolm is... Malcolm
and he has a special place in my heart.
The heart wants what it wants, you know.
I miss the gay bar.
- [scoffs] - You might just miss the poppers.
I miss the poppers.
- Wait, where is Malcolm? - [Evan] That waiter
Daniel invited him to an orgy.
Unbelievable.
Well, whatever. I accept him for who he is.
You got to let people be who they are.
- Whoa. - And that's the only relationship advice
- worth a damn. - Yes.
That is actually, like, so true.
Gwen, your voice was amazing tonight.
You were like a... you were a songbird.
A true songbird.
I didn't sing at the bar, did I?
["Kissing in Swimming Pools" by Holly Humberstone playing]
[chuckles] That is damn good.
I haven't had one of these in probably, uh, 20 years.
My wife forbids it.
Oh-ho-ho, bad boy. [chuckles]
Just tonight. It's a special night.
Why is it special?
Just feels special.
Aw.
And it's your birthday.
Hey.
[Rick] Oh-ho.
- [Malcolm] Hi, teachers. - Look at this funky guy.
- I thought you were at the orgy. - I went.
It was good.
That waiter's so fucking annoying, but he gives a...
almost academic blow job.
Apartment or warehouse?
Um, Home Depot stockroom.
- Mmm. - [chuckles]
Stocking up on caulk.
Oh-ho-ho, look at these two lovebirds.
We had a really nice long talk,
and we're back together.
- [Malcolm] Aw, that's amazing. - [Gwen] And you know why?
It's because, Markie, you said something so awesome in the car.
You said, "You got to let people be who they are."
- Aw. - Oh. That's cute. - [Gwen] Yeah.
Thanks, Markie, for what you said.
[Nick] All right, just gonna announce something real quick.
This pool, guys, is almost done.
I mean, it's almost ready.
But the water in it looks like dirty sink water.
Well, you shouldn't go in. The filter has
- to actually be up and running before-- - Exactly.
- So it's not ready, is what you're saying. - [Nick] It's not ready.
- But show 'em the jets. - Okay, okay.
- I would love to see the jets. - Yeah.
Let's see the jets.
- Got it on Bluetooth here. - Bluetooth?
- Watch this shit. - [Nick] Three, two,
one.
[creaking]
- Oh, my God! - Oh!
- It's the main pipe! - No, no, no, no. Not on the burger.
- [Gwen] Have to turn off the valve. - [laughing]
This is kind of...
Kind of boyfy-boyfy?
A little bit.
♪♪ I could repair you so gently ♪
♪♪ So ♪
♪♪ Can we kiss in your swimming pool? ♪
♪♪ In this bathing suit ♪
♪♪ I would die for you ♪
♪♪ Maybe I don't have to leave so soon ♪
♪♪ You look heavenly in this shade of blue ♪
♪♪ We don't have to complicate it ♪
♪♪ I just want to be alone with you ♪
♪♪ I ♪
♪♪ Just want to be alone with you. ♪
[vocalizing]