1 00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:08,809 ♪ MTV ♪ 2 00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:31,031 And we'll just take some of these, 3 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,566 one of these, 4 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:33,567 gotta have these. 5 00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:34,935 These are good. 6 00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,104 Yeah. 7 00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:38,172 And there we go. 8 00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,177 Something to wash it all down with, 9 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:44,212 you know what I'm saying? 10 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:45,546 Yep. 11 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:48,249 We like the cold ones. 12 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,418 Are you guys old enough to drink? 13 00:00:50,418 --> 00:00:52,986 Uh, are you, sir? 14 00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:54,655 Yeah, are you, sir? 15 00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:57,291 I can't sell you this unless you've got ID. 16 00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:59,560 You can still buy the rest. 17 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,729 Uh... 18 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,597 Do you even have any money? 19 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,366 Uh, do you, sir? 20 00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,535 Yeah, do you, sir? 21 00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:09,470 Because we could, like, use some money. 22 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,339 You know what I'm saying? 23 00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:15,443 Nobody ever lets us buy cool things, Butt-Head. 24 00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:19,147 They always say we're, like, not old enough or something. 25 00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:21,382 Whoa. 26 00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:23,451 I have, like, an idea. 27 00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:27,688 Old people can buy whatever they want, 28 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,524 so we just need to, like, make you look old. 29 00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,059 Yeah, cool. 30 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:35,696 You need, like, gray hair and wrinkles and stuff. 31 00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:38,199 My 'nads have wrinkles. 32 00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:39,433 They kind of look old. 33 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,834 Maybe I'll show people my 'nads 34 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,803 instead of my face. Yeah. 35 00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:46,207 People don't like seeing 'nads, dumbass. 36 00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,008 Not even on a fake ID? 37 00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:51,179 Uh, no. 38 00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:54,182 You're weird, Beavis. 39 00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:56,083 Okay, stand still. 40 00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:57,551 I'm gonna dye your hair. 41 00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,420 Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, dye. 42 00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:02,656 Yeah, dye! 43 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:05,293 Whoa, it smells like dizzy or--or something. 44 00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:07,528 That means it's working, Beavis. 45 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,497 Oh, really? 46 00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:11,865 Cool. 47 00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:14,435 Put a little here. 48 00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:15,969 There we go. 49 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,338 Okay. 50 00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,740 Old guys are always hurting their back, 51 00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:22,443 so you need to, like, say "Ow, my back" a lot. 52 00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:24,578 Um, okay, yeah. 53 00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:25,979 Ow, my back. 54 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:29,417 Uh, no, it needs to sound real. 55 00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:32,052 Okay, okay, let me try this. How about, um... 56 00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:33,721 Ow, my back! 57 00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:37,458 Uh, that's pretty good. 58 00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,693 - Yeah. - Okay. 59 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:42,996 Now go in there and buy beer. 60 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,598 Oh... 61 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,836 Damn it. Ah. 62 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,339 It's time to go. The bus is leaving. 63 00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:55,409 Um, I just have to get some beer or something. 64 00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:57,110 We have to get on the bus. 65 00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:59,747 Um, oh, okay. Yeah. 66 00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:02,383 I guess that's pretty cool. 67 00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:04,518 Thank you, son. 68 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,153 My back. 69 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,495 Beavis is gone. 70 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:19,166 ♪ Open your eyes ♪ 71 00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:22,270 ♪ To know where I'm taking you to ♪ 72 00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:24,638 Well, somebody's homeschooled. 73 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,643 Yeah, you can tell. 74 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:32,280 I think the secret to doing these trick shots 75 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,382 is not having any friends 76 00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:37,150 so you just, like, throw Frisbees all day 77 00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:39,287 and then sometimes, they go in things. 78 00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,290 He keeps doing that thing 79 00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:43,591 that Caulay MacCulkin does, you know, 80 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:44,758 in "Home Alone," 81 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,294 you know, with his fist. 82 00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:50,163 But in "Home Alone," his parents wanted him back. 83 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:55,135 Oh, yeah. 84 00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:57,305 They just, like, put a bunch of Frisbees 85 00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:59,407 and a basketball outside and locked the door. 86 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:04,312 "If the ball goes in the net, I'm not lonely. 87 00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:07,748 Yes. Yeah. Awesome! Yeah." 88 00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,419 You know what these Frisbees don't go in? 89 00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:14,388 A girl. 90 00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:17,224 Oh, yeah. 91 00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:18,992 The other dudes in the neighborhood are like, 92 00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:20,594 "Hey, trick shot guy. 93 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,095 "We got a bunch of girls that wanna come over 94 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,431 and swim in your pool," 95 00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:26,400 and then he's like, "What? No way. 96 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,002 "I have to hit a soccer ball with a wiffle bat 97 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:30,571 "and bounce it off a basketball hoop 98 00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:32,440 "onto a ledge. 99 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,875 "I can't do that with a bunch of chicks running around here 100 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,109 "in bikinis. 101 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,811 Get out of here." 102 00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,347 Yeah, yeah. 103 00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:42,516 And then he fist pumps. Yeah. 104 00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:43,651 "Yeah! 105 00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:44,818 Got rid of those chicks." 106 00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,253 Yeah. [laughs] 107 00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:48,356 I bet he does a lot of fist pumping, 108 00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:50,558 if you know what I mean. 109 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:53,026 Yeah. 110 00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,528 I got a little trick shot 111 00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:57,865 where I make it hit the ceiling. 112 00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:59,667 Uh... 113 00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:02,135 that's disgusting, Beavis. 114 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,673 Took me all summer to master it, too. 115 00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,575 Uh, okay, Beavis, 116 00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:10,277 I'm gonna try a trick shot now. 117 00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:12,212 I'm gonna take this can, 118 00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:15,015 and I'm gonna, like, bounce it off the TV 119 00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,750 and then off your head 120 00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:19,119 and then out the window. 121 00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,755 This is gonna be cool. 122 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:24,425 Uh... 123 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:26,794 Ow. 124 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,462 Wait, I didn't see. Did it go out the window? 125 00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:33,534 Uh... no. [laughs] 126 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:36,670 Guess I have to keep trying until I get it right. 127 00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:40,674 Okay, look straight ahead, Beavis. 128 00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:43,310 Ah! 129 00:05:43,411 --> 00:05:44,778 Damn it. 130 00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:46,313 I think you're doing something wrong, Butt-Head. 131 00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,549 Let me try. Yeah. 132 00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:51,419 Concentrate here. 133 00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:53,220 Line this thing up. Yeah. 134 00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,229 Whoa. Ow. 135 00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:05,298 What happened, Butt-Head? Did it work? 136 00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:08,268 Uh... no. 137 00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:10,070 That sucked. 138 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,440 And you lost the can. 139 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,874 Ah, damn it. 140 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:17,344 Well, I guess I gotta keep trying, you know? 141 00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:19,179 Let me see. Maybe this rock would work. 142 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,983 Think I got this. Yeah, yeah. 143 00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:26,854 Dumbass. 144 00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:31,258 Agh. Ow. 145 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,161 Whoa! 146 00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:39,800 These guys really know how to party. 147 00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:47,541 Jack. No. 148 00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:50,243 Social Security doesn't go as far as it used to. 149 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,212 Yeah, no one lets us buy anything cool. 150 00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:53,947 No, they don't. 151 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,849 And now they won't let me drive. 152 00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:57,885 Yeah, me neither. Yeah, it sucks. 153 00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,188 Hello... 154 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:02,189 Oh, hey, hey. How's it going? 155 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,792 Yeah. I'm Beavis. 156 00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:07,495 Oh, mm, haven't seen you before. 157 00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,096 When did you move in? 158 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,798 I don't know, really. 159 00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:13,266 They just dropped me off here, you know? 160 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,603 My kids did the same to me. 161 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:18,371 You know, there are so few men at this place. 162 00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,508 A girl can get lonely. 163 00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:26,580 Um... um... what? 164 00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,116 You know, a handsome old stud like you 165 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:31,384 could really brighten my day. 166 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:34,354 How'd you like to come back to my room? 167 00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:36,624 Um, okay, yeah. 168 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:39,426 Is there, like, beer there or something? 169 00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:43,531 I like the way you think. 170 00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:46,033 Yeah, thinking sucks. 171 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:53,741 Hmm, looks like we're alone now. 172 00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:56,610 Oh, candy, yeah. That's pretty cool. 173 00:07:56,610 --> 00:08:00,548 When was the last time you were with a woman, Beavis? 174 00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:01,849 Uh, I don't know. 175 00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,084 I think, like, never or something. 176 00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:09,022 Whoa. 177 00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,423 Boi-oi-oing-- 178 00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:12,025 ow-ow-ow, my back! 179 00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,093 Gah! 180 00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,130 So that's where that dumbass went. 181 00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:22,235 Don't think about your dead wife, Beavis. 182 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:25,305 She's gone, and I'm here. 183 00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:27,174 Yeah, okay. That sounds pretty cool. 184 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,579 What the hell are you doing? 185 00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:33,446 What? Um... 186 00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:35,983 Uh, what the hell are you doing? 187 00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,450 This is your grandson? 188 00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:39,620 So nice of him to visit. 189 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:42,422 You're supposed to be getting us beer, butthole. 190 00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:44,491 Damn it, Butt-Head, go away! 191 00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:46,727 Here, here, have some candy. 192 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:49,229 I don't want your candy, dumbass. 193 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,031 Give me that. 194 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,100 Have a Susan B. Anthony dollar. 195 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,602 Just get out of here! 196 00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:56,970 I'm about to score with this weird old lady. 197 00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:59,472 No way. She wants to score with me. 198 00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:01,241 She just gave me this silver coin 199 00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,310 that probably costs $10,000. 200 00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:05,312 Pearl? 201 00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,380 Hey! - Uh, Albert? 202 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:10,818 What the hell are you two doing in my wife's room? 203 00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:13,320 I'm, like, trying to score with her or something. 204 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,689 Yeah, me too. 205 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,390 God damn it! 206 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,026 - Hey, cut it out! - Ugh! 207 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,695 - Hey! - Oh, dear. 208 00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,430 Ah, my back! Ah, ah! 209 00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:25,098 Oh, Albert, 210 00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,267 oh, I've never seen this side of you. 211 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,069 Kick his ass, Albert. 212 00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:31,639 He's a horn dog. 213 00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:33,173 Ow, my back! Agh! 214 00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,677 Ow, my back. 215 00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:39,079 Uh, like, watch your step. 216 00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,250 Yeah, thank you. 217 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,920 Did I ever tell you about the time I almost scored? 218 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,122 You sure did, Beavis. 219 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,691 You sure did. 220 00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:53,794 I almost scored. 221 00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,395 My back. 222 00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:56,930 Oh. [laughs] 223 00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,711 Hello, I'm Tom Anderson, 224 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:13,647 veteran of two foreign wars. 225 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,949 The Battle of Incheon, 226 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,951 the biggest naval invasion 227 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:21,354 since a little thing called D-Day. 228 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:22,723 Me and my platoon 229 00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,825 were about to land on Red Beach 230 00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,660 when I noticed something 231 00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:29,396 that changed the whole ball game. 232 00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:34,501 You see that, Jackson? - Yes, sir. 233 00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,069 That machine gun nest's got our boys pinned down-- 234 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,438 Somebody didn't paint this hull right, 235 00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,708 and see? You get rust. 236 00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:42,810 Gotta mix that primer correctly, 237 00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:44,678 or you might as well not even bother 238 00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:46,046 with the top coat. 239 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,614 Sir, we might all be dead in a min-- 240 00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:49,482 See, the paint acts as a seal 241 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,384 to keep out the salt water, 242 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:54,221 because when salt and water get together, 243 00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:57,958 that's what I call a recipe for rust. 244 00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,927 I'm not gonna bore you with it, 245 00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:02,730 but salt water is full of ions... 246 00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:03,864 Sir, the beach is over there. 247 00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:05,165 We're going the wrong direction-- 248 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,868 And that speeds up the oxidation process, 249 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,870 which I'll speak more about later. 250 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,905 Anyway, I don't think 251 00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:14,041 anybody's gonna be whooping the Commies 252 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:16,243 without doing their basic maintenance. 253 00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:18,278 We're headed back to the ship. 254 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:20,413 - But sir... - And Sergeant, 255 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:22,850 if anything happens to me, 256 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,752 give this to my wife. 257 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,123 It's instructions on how to properly maintain 258 00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:33,593 the oil furnace. 259 00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:35,763 That boat did get repainted 260 00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:37,397 and lasted another three months 261 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:40,000 before it was sunk in the Sea of Japan, 262 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,836 killing everyone on board. 263 00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:45,105 What happened to that oil furnace? 264 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:47,440 Well... That's a tale 265 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,510 for the next "Tom Anderson's War Stories," 266 00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:52,479 and it's a doozy.