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♪ MTV ♪
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[rock music]
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♪ ♪
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George Washington
and the Founding Fathers
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were farmers, mm-kay?
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And the main crop
they grew was tobacco.
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Whoa.
You can grow cigarettes?
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Well, no, but you
can grow tobacco, mm-kay?
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You can grow tobacco.
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Yes, tobacco is a plant.
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It grows from seeds
like any other plant.
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Whoa, cigarette seeds.
That's cool.
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[sighs]
Guys, it's April.
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We're supposed to be up
to the Vietnam War.
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Now, as I was saying,
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tobacco was America's
first cash crop.
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Yeah, yeah,
get cash and money.
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Beavis, we've heard enough.
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Let's grow tobacco
and get cash money
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like that dumbass
George Washington.
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[chuckles]
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So, um, Butt-Head?
How do we grow tobacco?
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Uh...
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whoa, check it out.
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Whoa, is that
a cigarette seed?
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It sure is, Beavis.
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We finally learned something
from that hippie.
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[chuckles]
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Um, I don't think
it's growing, Butt-Head.
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That's because it's not
on a farm, butthole.
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It needs, like, dirt and,
like, barns and stuff.
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Oh, yeah, yeah.
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And, like, a pitchfork or
something, or some hay maybe.
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Whoa, check it out, Beavis.
More seeds.
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[both chuckling]
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It's good to see
two young people
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cleaning up all the litter
around here.
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There's a receptacle
right over there, boys.
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Whoa, cool.
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We're gonna be rich.
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I can't believe
these dumbasses
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just left these around and
didn't know they were seeds.
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They really suck at farming.
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Beavis, everybody
sucks at everything.
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[chuckles]
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♪ It'll be a Wednesday ♪
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♪ And I'll be going
in this coffee shop ♪
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♪ Hear the barista call an oat
milk latte and your name ♪
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♪ And I look up from my phone
and think there's no chance ♪
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♪ It's you, but it is ♪
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- Uh...
- Eh?
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♪ How's your family,
how's your sister? ♪
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♪ I'll say,
Shannon's being Shannon ♪
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♪ After a minute of nonsensical
chatter, you'll say ♪
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Does she know
that the video's started yet?
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She can't decide if she's,
like, talking, or singing,
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or rapping, or just not
really trying very hard.
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♪ We've been swimming
on edge of a cliff ♪
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Wait a second.
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Swimming on the edge
of a cliff?
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I don't understand that.
I don't get that at all.
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Maybe it's like, uhh,
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there's, like,
a waterfall or something?
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[chuckles]
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No, no,
that would be a waterfall.
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It's not a cliff.
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No, it doesn't make any sense.
It doesn't make any sense.
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Swimming on the edge
of a cliff, I don't get it.
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Uh, okay, Beavis.
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It's dumb.
Do you get that?
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♪ We've been swimming ♪
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Well, maybe there's,
like, a baby pool,
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but you can't swim
in a baby pool.
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Yeah, I don't understand it.
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Dammit, Beavis, who cares?
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It's just stupid.
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If there was pool
on the edge of a cliff--
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just think about it
for like a couple minutes.
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If there was a pool
on the edge of a cliff--
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Uh, anyway, Beavis--
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So where's the edge
of the pool?
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Is that the cliff?
- Dammit, Beavis, shut up.
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Wait a minute.
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Maybe the whole cliff is made
of water, or it's ice
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because--you know, 'cause
then that's part of the--
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no, no, that isn't it.
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♪ You'll suggest a restaurant
we used to go to ♪
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She'd be a cool girlfriend
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'cause you could, like,
come home and just say,
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"Well, how was your day?"
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And then she'd be like,
"Bleh, bleh, bleh.
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It was a Wednesday, and--"
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I'm sorry
to keep harping on this,
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but I'm thinking
about the cliff again,
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and maybe if you took
an aboveground pool,
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one of those infinite pools
or something, but--
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Dammit, Beavis,
if you say one more thing
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about the cliff,
I'm gonna smack
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the living crap out of you.
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Hang on, hang on.
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Let me just circle back
to the cliff for a second.
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Okay, hear me out.
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My grandmother's favorite actor
is Montgomery Clift.
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Now, if he had a pool
at his house--
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Ahh!
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[grunts]
- Hurry up, Beavis.
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We gotta, like, find some dirt,
so we can go farm
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like that George Washington butthole.
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You know, I wonder if
George Washington ever scored.
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Of course he scored, dumbass.
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He's rich, and he's got
his own cigarette trees.
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You should think
before you open your mouth
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once in a while.
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[chuckles]
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Dammit,
stop eating the seeds.
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Sorry, it's like, I ate one,
and now it's like,
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I just can't stop, you know?
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It's like
I'm addicted to seeds,
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you know what I'm saying?
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[chuckling]
- Whoa.
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Check it out, Beavis, a farm.
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Um, Butt-Head, how are we
supposed to plant our tobacco?
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There's, like, already
all these plants here.
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Uh...
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I think they're just like
weeds or something.
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People have really let this
place go to crap, you know.
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It's a disgrace.
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Well, let's dig this crap up.
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Damn weeds.
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What the hell is this thing?
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[both grunting]
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[rock music]
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♪ ♪
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[sighs]
Farming is hard work.
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[grunts]
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Feels good though, you know?
Back to the soil.
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[grunts]
That ought to do it.
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Now let's plant our tobacco.
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[grunts]
- [chuckles]
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There we go, all done.
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So, um...
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when will they be ready?
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Patience, Beavis.
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The cigarette tree takes
many seasons to grow.
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Uh, how many of those
did you eat?
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I don't know.
Probably like 80.
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Dammit, Beavis,
each one of those was gonna be
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a whole cigarette tree.
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You ate like 80 trees.
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Sorry, sorry.
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Just one more to help me relax.
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I'll stop tomorrow.
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Dammit, Beavis, now we gotta
go find more seeds,
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or we're not gonna
get rich enough.
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Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, good idea.
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I'm, like,
craving finding more seeds.
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You know what I mean?
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[gasps]
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- Oh, no.
- Oh, my God.
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I don't understand who would do
something like this.
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The important thing is,
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we worked together
and cleaned it up.
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Butt-Head,
the weeds grew back.
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That sucks.
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Well, let's get to work.
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[grunting]
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No one said it'd be easy.
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What the hell?
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What are you doing
in our garden?
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Uh...
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we're farming, dumbass.
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What does it look like?
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Yeah, yeah, we're trying
to get rid of these weeds,
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unlike some lazy people.
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What's your problem?
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Wait a second.
I know these boys.
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They couldn't have been
the ones who ruined our garden.
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They're good boys,
and they pick up litter.
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Uh, what?
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No, no, we're trying
to be like George Washington.
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George Washington?
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I guess they know
the importance of being honest.
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Yeah,
George Washington scored.
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They were just trying
to help clean up,
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and we jumped to conclusions.
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- Mm-hmm.
- I'm sorry, boys.
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If you two ever want
to help us garden,
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you're always welcome.
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Um, okay.
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Well, Beavis,
let's get to farming.
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We've got a lot
of hard work ahead of us.
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- That's right.
- Yes.
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Sir, could I use
your shovel for a minute?
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For a fellow gardener?
Of course.
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Hey, stop that!
196
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We're just trying
to do an honest day's work,
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you lazy buttholes.
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Yeah, work.
You ever heard of it?
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Lend a hand
or get out of the way.
200
00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:05,240
- Let's get 'em!
- Hey, hey, hey!
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[groans]
202
00:09:07,111 --> 00:09:08,548
- Ow!
- Don't make me kick your--
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00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:11,289
[grunts and yells]
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Tobacco sucks.
205
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:19,167
That old lady kicked
my ass so hard,
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00:09:19,254 --> 00:09:21,299
the doctor said
I have a tumor on my tongue.
207
00:09:21,386 --> 00:09:24,085
And it increased my risk
of heart disease.
208
00:09:24,172 --> 00:09:26,087
Yeah.
209
00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:29,351
And also, like, a low fetal
birth weight or something.
210
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I don't know.
211
00:09:31,309 --> 00:09:33,790
Well, we certainly learned
a lesson today.
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00:09:33,877 --> 00:09:35,749
Yep, we sure did.
213
00:09:35,836 --> 00:09:38,360
The reason George Washington
is dead is some old ladies
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kicked his ass
and gave him cancer.
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00:09:40,754 --> 00:09:42,451
[chuckles]
216
00:09:42,538 --> 00:09:45,193
And that's why we're
the greatest country on Earth.
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[rock music]