- That is humorous, yes. - Very humorous, yes.
- Quite jocular, yes. - Droll, very droll, yes.
- Whimsical, yes, yes. Quite absurd, yes.
- Quite whimsical, yes.
Priceless wit of a satirical bent, yes.
[rock music]
♪ ♪
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- Behold, oh dim-witted humans.
I am Smart Butt-Head.
- And I am the one sages call Smart Beavis.
- In the past, we have come to you
to chronicle the mysterious events
of a distant universe where Beavis and Butt-Head
are not teenagers, but in middle age.
- At the height of their powers.
But today, we bring you a different tale,
a tale about ourselves.
- The legend of how we came to be known
across the cosmos as...
- The Discoverers.
[dramatic orchestral music]
♪ ♪
- Our legend begins the day
we were called before the Supreme Leaders.
[metallic scraping]
♪ ♪
- Smart Beavis and Smart Butt-Head,
we have for you an important mission.
The Smart Council has decided to invade Earth I,
the planet they call Normal Earth.
- The humans who live there
are too stupid to have their own planet.
- And so they must be terminated.
Mm-kay?
- Your Mission is to go to Earth I
and place a navigational beacon
to show our space fleet precisely where to attack.
- Ah, yes, you chose us
because of our deep understanding of Normal Earth.
- And wisdom in the art of war.
- No, we chose you because you will probably die.
- You were the most expendable people we could think of.
- And we are extremely good at thinking.
- Quite right, Smart Todd.
- Now go. May science be with you.
♪ ♪
- Very well. We shall go to Normal Earth.
- And we shall be its doom.
- Indeed. Doom.
- Yes, yes. Quite jocular. - Chucklesome, yes, yes.
- Amusing jocosity. - Yes, yes.
Waggish and farcical as well, yes.
[Post Malone's "Insane"]
- ♪ Yeah, we want to go insane ♪
♪ ♪
- Interesting, quite interesting, yes.
- Yes, yes. Very interesting.
- ♪ Take your bitch, give her back, insane ♪
♪ Sent her packing, she was actin' crazy ♪
- People less sophisticated than ourselves might assume
that this is a man stumbling around intoxicated in his yard
and should be handed over to the authorities.
- Yes, but we know better.
- These are sophisticated dance moves with great meaning.
- Yes, it will take our scientists many centuries
to interpret what he is saying through the language of dance.
- Yes, yes.
The probability of him urinating in his own pants
is zero.
- I need it cash, cake ♪
- Did you catch that, Smart Butt-Head?
He is expressing his earthly desire for fornication
and a carton of smokes.
- Ah, yes. Yes, indeed.
- ♪ But it's different ♪
- Oh, look at this.
He is paying tribute to the God of fertility.
- Yes, yes, by placing his hand near his Earth penis,
I believe this is how they pledge of allegiance.
- Yes, yes.
- The Earth penis is a much less intelligent organ
than our space penis.
- Yes, yes.
Primitive 16-bit Earth penis, yes, yes.
- ♪ Completely ♪
- I do not understand what he appears to be doing now.
What is the meaning of this, Smart Butt-Head?
- He is performing the ancient moves
necessary before immersion in the basin of purification.
- Ah, yes, indeed, yes.
I believe you are correct, Smart Butt-Head, yes.
- Humans must reach the exalted state they call
krunk before immersion into the pool of infinity.
- Yes, yes, that pool,
like the wisdom of Post Malone, is infinite.
- ♪ Second verse, second verse, yay ♪
♪ Second verse ♪
- This is very good, Smart Butt-Head.
- Yes, yes. Very good.
I do not understand why it was not nominated
for the Space Oscars.
- Ah, yes. Yes, it is a travesty.
- Post Malone has become quite wealthy doing this.
- Yes, yes, it is no wonder that the Earthlings
have made him their king.
- ♪ To try to teach me how to dance ♪
- What do those words on his face mean?
- They mean one thing, Smart Beavis.
Kidnap me and probe my anus. - Yes, yes.
- Perhaps we should lure him into our spacecraft
with a 40-ouncer and a pack of cigarettes
and take him to our home planet for study.
- Yes, yes.
40 ounces is the optimal volume for malt liquor.
- 32-ounce does not get you messed up sufficiently.
And 52 ounces is too heavy to hold.
- Yes, yes. Do you think he would mind being probed?
- I do not think he would mind or notice.
- Yes, yes.
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
- Look upon these foolish humans,
unaware their destruction is nigh.
- Let us place the beacon here in this temple of commerce.
♪ ♪
[bell chimes]
How primitive. - Yes.
The convenience stores on our world are far more advanced.
- Yes, yes, very primitive, yes.
- It appears to be an obsolete form of nachos.
- Yes, quite archaic, yes.
Where is the space cheese?
- And look at this.
Primitive analog pornography.
- Fascinating.
We must take it for our research.
Now, let us place the beacon
to guide our space fleet to its prey.
- But where shall we place it, Smart Beavis?
- Ah, these days, you got to take out a mortgage
just to buy some cold ones, I tell you what.
- Let us put the beacon in this chamber.
It should suffice.
- Yes, yes. A felicitous location, yes.
- Well, hold on there, boys.
You can't just take those magazines
and go whack off in the bathroom.
- I do not understand.
- What do these words mean?
"Whack off"?
- You know, choking the chicken.
Beating your meat.
Spanking your monkey.
Son, I'm talking about masturbating.
- We have never heard of it.
- What is masturbating?
- You really don't know?
Oh, boy.
Well, all right, I guess I'll explain it to you then.
You see, sometimes a man--
And that's pretty much the long and short of it.
- Fascinating.
- Your own schlong?
- Quite fascinating, indeed.
- We must try this immediately for research.
- Indeed.
We shall return immediately afterwards
and place the beacon.
[dramatic orchestral music]
♪ ♪
- The research was a success.
- Indeed.
The old man's analysis
of spanking your monkey was correct.
- Quite accurate, yes.
Let us go now and place the beacon.
- First, we should conduct the research one more time.
- Very well.
- Research complete.
Let us place the beacon.
- Or we conduct the research one more time.
- Yes, yes, I agree.
One more time, yes. We must be thorough, yes.
[doors opening and shutting]
- My schlong hurts.
- As does mine.
- It is finally time to cease our research
and plant the beacon.
- Agreed.
But first, one more time.
♪ ♪
- Set course for the navigation beacon.
- I'm not detecting it, sir.
- That's not possible.
We sent a team to plant it a week ago.
- It was never turned on, sir.
We have zero navigational data.
- No matter.
I became Smart Admiral because I am expert in navigating
without--
[dramatic music]
- Smart Beavis and Smart Butt-Head,
you failed to place the beacon.
As a result,
our invasion fleet crashed into the moon,
destroying over 40 ships
and putting Admiral Smart Van Driessen
in the space emergency room.
- You have disappointed us for the last time, mm-kay?
- You have anything to say before we pass sentence?
- In our defense, Supreme Leaders,
we have discovered something.
- Indeed, we did.
Something unknown to our planet called spanking your monkey.
- I will beam you how it works.
[devices chime]
- Very well.
We will consider this spanking your monkey
and return with our verdict.
[ominous music]
♪ ♪
[ominous music]
♪ ♪
We will now vote on your sentence.
- Death.
- Give them a billion dollars.
- Throw them a parade.
- Give them $2 billion.
- Rename the planet in their honor.
- Sing songs of their triumph at every public gathering.
- Let us consider the evidence one more time.
Yes. - Agreed.
- You've got to be kidding me.
[triumphant orchestral music]
♪ ♪
- I only wish more people had come to our parade.
- They are all at home spanking their monkeys.
- Thanks to what we learned from that old man,
Earth 327-Z would never be the same again.
♪ ♪
And that is why we are known as...
- The Discoverers.
♪ ♪
[rock music]
♪ ♪
[chiming noises]
- Chirp.