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♪ MTV ♪
2
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♪ ♪
3
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I love
how spacious the kitchen is
4
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now that you've raised
the original tin ceiling, Chip.
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Oh, and these
sliding barn doors
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add just the right homey touch, Joanna.
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You know who's got an
even better homey touch, Chip?
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My new boyfriend, Butt-Head.
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Hey, baby.
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Get lost, you damn hippie.
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Butt-Head, I trusted you!
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I love you so much,
Butt-Head.
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That's right, baby.
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Yeah, fire.
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Aah!
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Damn it, get off of me!
- Ahh! Ahh!
17
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Get off of me, butthole!
18
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- Aah!
- Damn it, Beavis.
19
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You ate all my nachos.
20
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No way!
You ate all my nachos!
21
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You didn't even have nachos.
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Oh, yeah.
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Well, I guess it was me. Yeah.
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Whoa.
Check it out, Butt-Head.
25
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Look at that.
26
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See?
It was someone else.
27
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Uh-huh.
28
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That's, like,
a clue or something.
29
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I guess I don't have to kick
your ass just yet, Beavis.
30
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Uh...
31
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Hmm, I don't see anyone.
32
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Whoa!
33
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What's that thing, Butt-Head?
34
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I think it's, like,
a bear or something.
35
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Are you sure?
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Whatever it is,
I'm gonna kick its ass.
37
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Ay, qué linda.
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Besito.
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They missed.
40
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Yeah, by a mile.
41
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They suck at kissing.
42
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They're never gonna score.
43
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Well, I mean,
I'd score with them, you know?
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I would not miss.
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♪ Oh, my love,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
46
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Is this, like,
Thanksgiving or something?
47
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Uh, yeah, I think so.
48
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When is Thanksgiving?
49
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I think it's, like,
50
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the third November of the year
or something.
51
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Oh, yeah, yeah.
52
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Remember that time your mom
tried to have Thanksgiving?
53
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'cause, like, she had that
boyfriend for, like, a week?
54
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Oh, yeah, yeah.
55
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Yeah, that's right. Yeah.
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Lots of dudes are thankful
for your mom, Beavis.
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Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah.
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♪ Don't go yet ♪
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♪ ♪
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I mean a lot of dudes, Beavis.
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Butt-Head, come on.
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I mean, like,
hundreds of dudes.
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Shut up, Butt-Head!
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They all go around the table
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and ask
what they're thankful for,
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and they all say Beavis' mom.
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Come on, Butt-Head.
That's enough.
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Come on.
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You know,
I do like this video, though.
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It is pretty cool,
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but don't change the subject, Beavis.
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On the first Thanksgiving,
73
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the Indians taught
the pilgrims how to eat maize,
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and the pilgrims taught
the Indians how to do your mom.
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Yeah.
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00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:49,316
They're like,
"See, it's easy."
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Come on, Butt-Head.
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On the first Thanksgiving,
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the pilgrims and Squanto
pulled a train on your mom.
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Come on, Butt-Head.
81
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And then there was peace
throughout the land,
82
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'cause everyone got a piece
of your mom.
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Okay, come on, Butt-Head.
Enough!
84
00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:14,210
Anyway,
in all seriousness, Beavis,
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00:04:14,297 --> 00:04:16,821
I know
I make fun of your mom a lot,
86
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but that's because
she's a slut.
87
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Shut up, Butt-Head!
She is not.
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She just has sex
with lots and lots of guys.
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That's all.
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Oh, I stand corrected.
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Besides, Butt-Head,
I heard somewhere
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that "slut" is, like,
a good word now, you know?
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Like, "Yeah, yeah.
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Yeah, I'm a slut! Yeah."
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Uh...oh.
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Well, then,
like I was saying,
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your mom is
the biggest slut of all time.
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Yeah, thank you.
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I'll tell her you said that.
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00:04:55,991 --> 00:04:58,515
No one takes my nachos
and gets away with it.
101
00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:01,213
Yep, time to kick some ass.
102
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:04,304
You can run,
but you can't hide, dumbass.
103
00:05:07,872 --> 00:05:11,746
This tree feels kind of funny
on my schlong.
104
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They call it wood
for a reason, Beavis.
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There's no escape now.
106
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Prepare to have your ass
shoved up your--
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uh...
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oh, I see.
109
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Butt-Head.
110
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The bears are going
into our house.
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Damn it.
We gotta climb down there now.
112
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Yeah, maybe later.
113
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Remember that thing I said
on the way up
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about the tree feeling funny
on my schlong?
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Might want to just, like,
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stay here a little while,
you know what I'm saying?
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Beavis, you pervert.
Get out of the way now.
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Perve out with the tree
on your own time.
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We gotta fight those bears.
120
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Aah! Come on, Butt-Head!
Come on.
121
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Aah! Just five more minutes.
Come on.
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- Damn you, Beavis.
- Aah! I'm almost--whoa!
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Ugh.
124
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Damn it, Butt-Head.
You ruined it.
125
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Anderson's gotta
have something in here
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to kill that dumb bear
son of a bitch.
127
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Uh, hmm...
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Something to kill a bear.
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- Uh...
- No.
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Uh...
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Ooh, there we go.
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Bingo.
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Let's kill them with this.
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I'll pretend I'm gonna
measure how tall he is.
135
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And then you sneak up
behind him.
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And I'm like,
"That's two feet tall, sir,"
137
00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:43,577
and meanwhile, you've
got another one of these
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that's metric, see--aah!
139
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Shut up, Beavis. Look.
140
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Look what happened
to that mouse.
141
00:06:49,887 --> 00:06:52,499
And he's got a big can of glue.
142
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Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
143
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,328
Oh, yeah, yeah,
we'll just sniff some glue
144
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and forget about the bears.
145
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You're a dumbass, Beavis.
146
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Oh, yeah, yeah.
147
00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:08,384
Glue is cool.
148
00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:10,342
Butt-Head,
you've got that trap stuck to--
149
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Beavis, don't tell me
how to do my job.
150
00:07:13,171 --> 00:07:14,564
Yeah, but Butt-Head,
you've got a thing on your--
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00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:16,827
Beavis,
if I wanted your opinion,
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I'd tell it to you.
153
00:07:18,568 --> 00:07:20,440
And now, the bait.
154
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Get this here.
155
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This is gonna be cool.
156
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I'm kind of hungry.
157
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Well, then go get us
some food, dumbass.
158
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Okay.
159
00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:47,815
Whoa, cool. Nachos.
160
00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:50,731
Just gonna scoop some up here.
161
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Damn it.
162
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Aah! Aw, damn it.
163
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Help! Ow!
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I'm stuck, Butt-Head!
Help!
165
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Quit messing around, Beavis.
I'm hungry.
166
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Damn it, Beavis,
you're screwing up my trap.
167
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Aah! Damn it, Beavis.
168
00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:17,279
Damn it.
Get off!
169
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Get off.
170
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Walk this way, Beavis.
171
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You're screwing it all up.
172
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Ow!
- Damn it.
173
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I can't--no, no.
both: Aah!
174
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- Ow!
- Damn it.
175
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,775
Butt-Head, I just need
to take a whiz here.
176
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:37,125
- Not now, dumbass!
- Ow!
177
00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:38,953
We need, like,
a hose or something.
178
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:40,215
Ow!
179
00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:42,739
This glue sucks.
180
00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:45,089
So, let's take a look
at the cow eye here.
181
00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:47,352
And there are gonna be
obviously some similarities
182
00:08:47,439 --> 00:08:48,963
between human
and cow eyes here.
183
00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:50,530
Whoa!
184
00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:52,183
They just took that eyeball
out of a cow?
185
00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:56,753
Uh, yeah.
186
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,016
This is gonna be cool.
187
00:08:59,103 --> 00:09:01,976
Boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing.
188
00:09:02,063 --> 00:09:03,151
I think the cow, like,
189
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:06,023
donated its eyeballs
to science.
190
00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:09,026
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- You can do that.
191
00:09:09,113 --> 00:09:11,376
Like,
on your driver's license,
192
00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:13,770
you can be an organ donor.
193
00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:17,774
You know, if someone,
like, donates their schlong
194
00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:20,821
to science, I could,
like, become a scientist
195
00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:24,172
and then, like,
get two schlongs.
196
00:09:24,259 --> 00:09:27,044
And then, I could, like,
be scoring with a chick
197
00:09:27,131 --> 00:09:29,394
and spanking my monkey
at the same time.
198
00:09:29,481 --> 00:09:32,049
Yeah! Yeah!
199
00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:36,445
Uh. Beavis, why would you
be spanking your monkey
200
00:09:36,532 --> 00:09:39,361
if you're already scoring
with a chick?
201
00:09:39,448 --> 00:09:41,232
'Cause if I'm scoring
with a chick,
202
00:09:41,319 --> 00:09:43,583
I think my other schlong
would have a boner too,
203
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:45,019
you know what I'm saying?
204
00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:50,154
Why not just score
with two chicks?
205
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:51,939
Ooh, yeah.
I hadn't thought about that.
206
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:54,855
Yeah.
Yeah, that would be good.
207
00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:56,857
I mean, I'd need
a third schlong, you know,
208
00:09:56,944 --> 00:09:59,120
but then I could be scoring
with two chicks
209
00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:00,643
and spanking my monkey.
210
00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:02,297
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Yeah.
211
00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:06,693
Beavis, why do you always
need an extra schlong
212
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:09,652
to be spanking
your monkey with?
213
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:12,133
To spank my monkey! Yeah.
214
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,352
So if you had two schlongs
215
00:10:14,439 --> 00:10:16,659
and you were scoring with
two chicks at the same time,
216
00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:18,574
that wouldn't be good enough?
217
00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:22,143
You still think
you'd need an extra schlong?
218
00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:24,624
Well, I mean,
you gotta have at least one
219
00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:26,060
to spank your monkey with,
220
00:10:26,147 --> 00:10:27,627
and that's exactly what I have.
221
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:32,762
Uh, you're a weirdo, Beavis.
222
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:33,894
Yeah, but anyway, you know,
223
00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:36,636
if somebody starts
donating schlongs,
224
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:39,160
somebody better be donating
some more hands to science too,
225
00:10:39,247 --> 00:10:40,901
you know what I mean?
226
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:43,599
'Cause then I could have,
like, four schlongs
227
00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:45,296
and, like, eight hands.
228
00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:47,255
Yeah, that would be cool.
229
00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:51,999
I'd be Dr. Spankenstein,
the Spanktopus.
230
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:55,480
Uh, don't you mean
four schlongs and four hands?
231
00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:57,657
No, no.
232
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,833
I think we must, like,
spank our monkeys differently,
233
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,096
Butt-Head.
234
00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:03,924
Different paths up
the same mountain.
235
00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:08,319
Different strokes
for different strokes.
236
00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:19,287
We need to get the hose
and spray this crap off.
237
00:11:22,725 --> 00:11:24,031
Slow down, Butt-Head.
238
00:11:24,118 --> 00:11:26,424
Damn it, Beavis,
just don't do anything.
239
00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:29,166
I think I got it.
240
00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:30,298
Get the hose, Butt-Head.
Come on.
241
00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:31,429
Damn it, Beavis. Hold still--
242
00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:33,170
both: Aah!
243
00:11:35,477 --> 00:11:37,697
Whoa, it's bears!
244
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,655
No! No, this is wrong!
245
00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:42,136
No! No!
- Aah!
246
00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:45,095
Aah!
247
00:11:45,182 --> 00:11:46,793
Damn it.
Get off of me.
248
00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:50,622
Butt-Head,
I'm stuck to a bear!
249
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,277
Aah! Aah!
- Damn glue.
250
00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,977
This is all your fault, Beavis.
251
00:11:58,543 --> 00:11:59,631
Boy, it's still nice
252
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,590
for a fella to take a moment
253
00:12:01,677 --> 00:12:05,072
and enjoy a dang sunset
in this crazy world.
254
00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:10,555
What the hell?
255
00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:14,559
Stand your ground!
256
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:17,258
I got bear spray, damn it!
257
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,434
- Aah! Aah! Ugh!
- Aah! Aah! Ow!
258
00:12:19,521 --> 00:12:20,348
No! No!
- Ow! Ow!
259
00:12:20,435 --> 00:12:21,915
Ow, my eyes!
260
00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:24,744
Blech! Damn it, ow!
- Ugh. Ugh.
261
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:28,138
Well, Beavis, it just goes
to show you, you can't do--
262
00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:29,923
Take that!
both: Aah!
263
00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:32,882
There's more where that
came from, you son of a bitch!