1
00:00:02,263 --> 00:00:04,047
♪ MTV ♪
2
00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:09,270
[both chuckling]
3
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[rock music]
4
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:19,193
♪ ♪
5
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I love
how spacious the kitchen is
6
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now that you've raised
the original tin ceiling, Chip.
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Oh, and these
sliding barn doors
8
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add just the right homey touch, Joanna.
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You know who's got an
even better homey touch, Chip?
10
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My new boyfriend, Butt-Head.
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[gasps]
12
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Hey, baby.
[chuckling]
13
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Get lost, you damn hippie.
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Butt-Head, I trusted you!
15
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[sobbing]
16
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I love you so much,
Butt-Head.
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[snoring]
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That's right, baby.
[chuckling]
19
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[guffawing]
Yeah, fire.
20
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Aah!
21
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Damn it, get off of me!
- Ahh! Ahh!
22
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Get off of me, butthole!
23
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[growls]
24
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[sighs]
25
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- Aah!
- Damn it, Beavis.
26
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You ate all my nachos.
27
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No way!
You ate all my nachos!
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You didn't even have nachos.
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Oh, yeah.
[guffawing]
30
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Well, I guess it was me. Yeah.
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Whoa.
Check it out, Butt-Head.
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Look at that.
33
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See?
It was someone else.
34
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Uh-huh.
35
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That's, like,
a clue or something.
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I guess I don't have to kick
your ass just yet, Beavis.
37
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[chuckling]
38
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Uh...
39
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Hmm, I don't see anyone.
40
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[munching]
41
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Whoa!
[guffaws]
42
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What's that thing, Butt-Head?
43
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I think it's, like,
a bear or something.
44
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Are you sure?
45
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Whatever it is,
I'm gonna kick its ass.
46
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[both laughing]
47
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[doorbell rings]
48
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[indistinct chatter]
49
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Ay, qué linda.
50
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Besito.
51
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They missed.
[chuckling]
52
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Yeah, by a mile.
[guffawing]
53
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They suck at kissing.
54
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They're never gonna score.
[TV chatter]
55
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Well, I mean,
I'd score with them, you know?
56
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I would not miss.
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[both laughing]
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♪ Oh, my love,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
59
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Is this, like,
Thanksgiving or something?
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Uh, yeah, I think so.
61
00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:31,716
When is Thanksgiving?
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[guffawing]
63
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I think it's, like,
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the third November of the year
or something.
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Oh, yeah, yeah.
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Remember that time your mom
tried to have Thanksgiving?
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'cause, like, she had that
boyfriend for, like, a week?
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[both laughing]
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00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:51,519
Oh, yeah, yeah.
70
00:02:51,606 --> 00:02:53,869
Yeah, that's right. Yeah.
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Lots of dudes are thankful
for your mom, Beavis.
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[both laughing]
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Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah.
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♪ Don't go yet ♪
75
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♪ ♪
76
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I mean a lot of dudes, Beavis.
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[chuckling]
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Butt-Head, come on.
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I mean, like,
hundreds of dudes.
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[chuckling]
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Shut up, Butt-Head!
[growling]
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They all go around the table
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and ask
what they're thankful for,
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and they all say Beavis' mom.
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[chuckling]
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Come on, Butt-Head.
That's enough.
87
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Come on.
88
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You know,
I do like this video, though.
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[guffawing]
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It is pretty cool,
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but don't change the subject, Beavis.
92
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On the first Thanksgiving,
93
00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:41,308
the Indians taught
the pilgrims how to eat maize,
94
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and the pilgrims taught
the Indians how to do your mom.
95
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[both laughing]
- Yeah.
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00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:49,316
They're like,
"See, it's easy."
97
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Come on, Butt-Head.
[snickers]
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On the first Thanksgiving,
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00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:56,497
the pilgrims and Squanto
pulled a train on your mom.
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[both laughing]
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Come on, Butt-Head.
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And then there was peace
throughout the land,
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'cause everyone got a piece
of your mom.
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[chuckling]
105
00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:10,032
Okay, come on, Butt-Head.
Enough!
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[snickers]
107
00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:14,210
Anyway,
in all seriousness, Beavis,
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I know
I make fun of your mom a lot,
109
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but that's because
she's a slut.
110
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Shut up, Butt-Head!
She is not.
111
00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:25,134
She just has sex
with lots and lots of guys.
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That's all. [snickers]
113
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Oh, I stand corrected.
[chuckling]
114
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Besides, Butt-Head,
I heard somewhere
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that "slut" is, like,
a good word now, you know?
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Like, "Yeah, yeah.
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Yeah, I'm a slut! Yeah."
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[guffawing]
119
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Uh...oh.
120
00:04:43,761 --> 00:04:46,677
Well, then,
like I was saying,
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your mom is
the biggest slut of all time.
122
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Yeah, thank you.
[guffawing]
123
00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:55,904
I'll tell her you said that.
[guffawing]
124
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No one takes my nachos
and gets away with it.
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Yep, time to kick some ass.
126
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You can run,
but you can't hide, dumbass.
127
00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:07,785
[both grunting]
128
00:05:07,872 --> 00:05:11,746
This tree feels kind of funny
on my schlong.
129
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They call it wood
for a reason, Beavis.
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[chuckles]
131
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[raccoon chittering]
There's no escape now.
132
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Prepare to have your ass
shoved up your--
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uh...
134
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oh, I see.
135
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[chuckles]
136
00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:29,546
Butt-Head.
[chittering]
137
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The bears are going
into our house.
138
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Damn it.
We gotta climb down there now.
139
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Yeah, maybe later.
140
00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:38,860
Remember that thing I said
on the way up
141
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about the tree feeling funny
on my schlong?
142
00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:43,168
Might want to just, like,
143
00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:45,214
stay here a little while,
you know what I'm saying?
144
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Beavis, you pervert.
Get out of the way now.
145
00:05:47,738 --> 00:05:49,349
Perve out with the tree
on your own time.
146
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:51,568
We gotta fight those bears.
147
00:05:51,655 --> 00:05:53,527
Aah! Come on, Butt-Head!
Come on.
148
00:05:53,614 --> 00:05:54,789
Aah! Just five more minutes.
Come on.
149
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- Damn you, Beavis.
- Aah! I'm almost--whoa!
150
00:05:57,095 --> 00:05:58,619
[grunting]
151
00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:00,534
[thuds] Ugh.
152
00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:07,584
[grunts]
153
00:06:07,671 --> 00:06:09,630
Damn it, Butt-Head.
You ruined it.
154
00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:15,636
Anderson's gotta
have something in here
155
00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:18,987
to kill that dumb bear
son of a bitch.
156
00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:21,250
Uh, hmm...
157
00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:24,340
Something to kill a bear.
158
00:06:24,427 --> 00:06:26,777
- Uh...
- No.
159
00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:28,431
Uh...
160
00:06:28,518 --> 00:06:30,390
Ooh, there we go.
161
00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:32,130
Bingo.
[guffawing]
162
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,003
Let's kill them with this.
163
00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:37,440
I'll pretend I'm gonna
measure how tall he is.
164
00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:39,137
And then you sneak up
behind him.
165
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And I'm like,
"That's two feet tall, sir,"
166
00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:43,577
and meanwhile, you've
got another one of these
167
00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:45,100
that's metric, see--aah!
168
00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:47,407
Shut up, Beavis. Look.
169
00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:49,800
Look what happened
to that mouse.
170
00:06:49,887 --> 00:06:52,499
And he's got a big can of glue.
171
00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:54,326
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
172
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,328
Oh, yeah, yeah,
we'll just sniff some glue
173
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,288
and forget about the bears.
174
00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:01,899
You're a dumbass, Beavis.
[chuckling]
175
00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:03,640
Oh, yeah, yeah.
[guffawing]
176
00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:08,384
Glue is cool.
[chuckling]
177
00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:10,342
Butt-Head,
you've got that trap stuck to--
178
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:13,084
Beavis, don't tell me
how to do my job.
179
00:07:13,171 --> 00:07:14,564
Yeah, but Butt-Head,
you've got a thing on your--
180
00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:16,827
Beavis,
if I wanted your opinion,
181
00:07:16,914 --> 00:07:18,481
I'd tell it to you.
182
00:07:18,568 --> 00:07:20,440
And now, the bait.
183
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:22,180
[chuckling]
Get this here.
184
00:07:22,267 --> 00:07:24,313
[grunts]
185
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,142
This is gonna be cool.
[chuckling]
186
00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:30,058
[pop music on TV]
187
00:07:31,973 --> 00:07:33,975
I'm kind of hungry.
[guffawing]
188
00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:36,804
Well, then go get us
some food, dumbass.
189
00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:39,459
Okay.
[guffawing]
190
00:07:39,546 --> 00:07:42,462
[humming]
191
00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:47,815
Whoa, cool. Nachos.
[guffawing]
192
00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:50,731
Just gonna scoop some up here.
193
00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:52,733
[grunting]
Damn it.
194
00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:56,040
[grunting]
195
00:07:56,127 --> 00:07:57,868
Aah! Aw, damn it.
196
00:07:57,955 --> 00:07:59,609
Help! Ow!
197
00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:01,785
I'm stuck, Butt-Head!
Help!
198
00:08:01,872 --> 00:08:04,571
Quit messing around, Beavis.
I'm hungry.
199
00:08:04,658 --> 00:08:06,921
Damn it, Beavis,
you're screwing up my trap.
200
00:08:07,008 --> 00:08:08,618
[both grunting]
201
00:08:08,705 --> 00:08:10,620
Aah! Damn it, Beavis.
202
00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:13,623
[both grunting]
203
00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:17,279
Damn it.
Get off!
204
00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:18,323
[glass shatters]
205
00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:20,064
[chuckles] Get off.
206
00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:21,588
[glass shatters]
207
00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:22,850
[both grunting]
208
00:08:22,937 --> 00:08:24,329
Walk this way, Beavis.
209
00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:26,375
You're screwing it all up.
210
00:08:26,462 --> 00:08:28,203
Ow!
- Damn it.
211
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:30,031
I can't--no, no.
both: Aah!
212
00:08:30,118 --> 00:08:32,424
- Ow!
- Damn it.
213
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,775
Butt-Head, I just need
to take a whiz here.
214
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:37,125
- Not now, dumbass!
- Ow!
215
00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:38,953
We need, like,
a hose or something.
216
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:40,215
Ow!
217
00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:42,739
This glue sucks.
218
00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:45,089
So, let's take a look
at the cow eye here.
219
00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:47,352
And there are gonna be
obviously some similarities
220
00:08:47,439 --> 00:08:48,963
between human
and cow eyes here.
221
00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:50,530
Whoa!
222
00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:52,183
They just took that eyeball
out of a cow?
223
00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:54,359
[guffawing]
224
00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:56,753
Uh, yeah. [chuckles]
225
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,016
This is gonna be cool.
[guffawing]
226
00:08:59,103 --> 00:09:01,976
Boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing.
[giggling]
227
00:09:02,063 --> 00:09:03,151
I think the cow, like,
228
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:06,023
donated its eyeballs
to science.
229
00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:09,026
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- You can do that.
230
00:09:09,113 --> 00:09:11,376
Like,
on your driver's license,
231
00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:13,770
you can be an organ donor.
232
00:09:13,857 --> 00:09:15,946
[chuckling]
233
00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:17,774
You know, if someone,
like, donates their schlong
234
00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:20,821
to science, I could,
like, become a scientist
235
00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:24,172
and then, like,
get two schlongs.
236
00:09:24,259 --> 00:09:27,044
And then, I could, like,
be scoring with a chick
237
00:09:27,131 --> 00:09:29,394
and spanking my monkey
at the same time.
238
00:09:29,481 --> 00:09:32,049
Yeah! Yeah!
[guffawing]
239
00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:36,445
Uh. Beavis, why would you
be spanking your monkey
240
00:09:36,532 --> 00:09:39,361
if you're already scoring
with a chick?
241
00:09:39,448 --> 00:09:41,232
'Cause if I'm scoring
with a chick,
242
00:09:41,319 --> 00:09:43,583
I think my other schlong
would have a boner too,
243
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:45,019
you know what I'm saying?
244
00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:46,716
[guffawing]
245
00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:50,154
Why not just score
with two chicks?
246
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:51,939
Ooh, yeah.
I hadn't thought about that.
247
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:54,855
Yeah.
Yeah, that would be good.
248
00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:56,857
I mean, I'd need
a third schlong, you know,
249
00:09:56,944 --> 00:09:59,120
but then I could be scoring
with two chicks
250
00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:00,643
and spanking my monkey.
251
00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:02,297
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Yeah.
252
00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:04,299
[guffawing]
253
00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:06,693
Beavis, why do you always
need an extra schlong
254
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:09,652
to be spanking
your monkey with?
255
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:12,133
To spank my monkey! Yeah.
256
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,352
So if you had two schlongs
257
00:10:14,439 --> 00:10:16,659
and you were scoring with
two chicks at the same time,
258
00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:18,574
that wouldn't be good enough?
259
00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:22,143
You still think
you'd need an extra schlong?
260
00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:24,624
Well, I mean,
you gotta have at least one
261
00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:26,060
to spank your monkey with,
262
00:10:26,147 --> 00:10:27,627
and that's exactly what I have.
263
00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:29,193
[guffawing]
264
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:32,762
Uh, you're a weirdo, Beavis.
[chuckling]
265
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:33,894
Yeah, but anyway, you know,
266
00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:36,636
if somebody starts
donating schlongs,
267
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:39,160
somebody better be donating
some more hands to science too,
268
00:10:39,247 --> 00:10:40,901
you know what I mean?
269
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:43,599
'Cause then I could have,
like, four schlongs
270
00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:45,296
and, like, eight hands.
271
00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:47,255
Yeah, that would be cool.
[guffawing]
272
00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:51,999
I'd be Dr. Spankenstein,
the Spanktopus.
273
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:55,480
Uh, don't you mean
four schlongs and four hands?
274
00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:57,657
No, no.
275
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,833
I think we must, like,
spank our monkeys differently,
276
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,096
Butt-Head. [guffawing]
277
00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:03,924
Different paths up
the same mountain.
278
00:11:04,011 --> 00:11:06,143
[both laughing]
279
00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:08,319
Different strokes
for different strokes.
280
00:11:08,406 --> 00:11:10,452
[both laughing]
281
00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:13,368
[both grunting]
282
00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:19,287
We need to get the hose
and spray this crap off.
283
00:11:19,374 --> 00:11:22,638
[both grunting]
284
00:11:22,725 --> 00:11:24,031
Slow down, Butt-Head.
285
00:11:24,118 --> 00:11:26,424
Damn it, Beavis,
just don't do anything.
286
00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:29,166
[both grunting]
I think I got it.
287
00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:30,298
Get the hose, Butt-Head.
Come on.
288
00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:31,429
Damn it, Beavis. Hold still--
289
00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:33,170
both: Aah!
290
00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:35,390
[chittering]
291
00:11:35,477 --> 00:11:37,697
Whoa, it's bears!
292
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,655
No! No, this is wrong!
293
00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:42,136
No! No!
- Aah!
294
00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:45,095
[both grunting]
- Aah!
295
00:11:45,182 --> 00:11:46,793
Damn it.
Get off of me.
296
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,795
[both grunting]
297
00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:50,622
Butt-Head,
I'm stuck to a bear!
298
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,277
Aah! Aah!
- Damn glue.
299
00:11:53,364 --> 00:11:54,714
[tires squeal]
[car horn honks]
300
00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,977
This is all your fault, Beavis.
301
00:11:58,543 --> 00:11:59,631
Boy, it's still nice
302
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,590
for a fella to take a moment
303
00:12:01,677 --> 00:12:05,072
and enjoy a dang sunset
in this crazy world.
304
00:12:05,159 --> 00:12:06,377
[distant chittering]
305
00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:09,119
[both grunting]
306
00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:10,555
What the hell?
307
00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:12,427
[chittering and grunting]
308
00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:14,559
Stand your ground!
309
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:17,258
I got bear spray, damn it!
310
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,434
- Aah! Aah! Ugh!
- Aah! Aah! Ow!
311
00:12:19,521 --> 00:12:20,348
No! No!
- Ow! Ow!
312
00:12:20,435 --> 00:12:21,915
Ow, my eyes!
313
00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:24,744
Blech! Damn it, ow!
- Ugh. Ugh.
314
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:28,138
Well, Beavis, it just goes
to show you, you can't do--
315
00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:29,923
Take that!
both: Aah!
316
00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:32,882
There's more where that
came from, you son of a bitch!