1 00:00:02,405 --> 00:00:04,102 [both chuckling] 2 00:00:04,189 --> 00:00:07,323 [bluesy rock music] 3 00:00:07,410 --> 00:00:14,025 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:17,899 --> 00:00:20,815 [eerie music] 5 00:00:20,902 --> 00:00:24,209 ♪ ♪ 6 00:00:24,296 --> 00:00:28,866 - Behold, I am Smart Butt-Head. - And I am Smart Beavis. 7 00:00:28,953 --> 00:00:31,216 Greetings, oh, primitive humans. 8 00:00:31,303 --> 00:00:33,088 We hail from an alternate universe where we, 9 00:00:33,175 --> 00:00:35,481 Beavis and Butt-Head, are super intelligent. 10 00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,266 There are billions and billions 11 00:00:37,353 --> 00:00:39,703 of alternate universes, oh, foolish ones. 12 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:42,837 But the one most fascinating to our vast intellects 13 00:00:42,924 --> 00:00:44,752 is the one where Beavis and Butt-Head were teenagers 14 00:00:44,839 --> 00:00:47,537 in the 1990s, but then grew older. 15 00:00:47,624 --> 00:00:51,236 And they're now middle-aged at the height of their powers. 16 00:00:51,323 --> 00:00:54,109 Join us, dull-witted earthlings, as we look upon 17 00:00:54,196 --> 00:00:57,808 that universe and sample its delights spread out before us, 18 00:00:57,895 --> 00:00:59,810 like a banquet of space nachos. 19 00:00:59,897 --> 00:01:02,073 Priceless wit of a satirical bent. 20 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:03,771 Whimsical, yes, yes, quite absurd. 21 00:01:03,858 --> 00:01:04,772 Whimsical, yes, indeed, yes. 22 00:01:04,859 --> 00:01:06,774 ♪ ♪ 23 00:01:06,861 --> 00:01:09,733 [both chuckling] 24 00:01:14,259 --> 00:01:19,134 - [coughs] - [coughs] 25 00:01:19,221 --> 00:01:23,355 Butt-Head, we're out of beers, Butt-Head. 26 00:01:23,442 --> 00:01:27,142 Eh, well, go get some more, dumbass. 27 00:01:27,229 --> 00:01:29,057 I'm out of money. 28 00:01:29,144 --> 00:01:31,973 So go give some more blood. 29 00:01:32,060 --> 00:01:34,062 I went twice already this morning. 30 00:01:34,149 --> 00:01:35,803 They won't take my blood anymore, because they said 31 00:01:35,890 --> 00:01:38,849 it's too watery, then I passed out, 32 00:01:38,936 --> 00:01:41,199 and some guy stole my cookie. 33 00:01:41,286 --> 00:01:44,246 I guess we need to, like, get jobs or something. 34 00:01:44,333 --> 00:01:46,814 Being unemployed is our job, dumbass. 35 00:01:46,901 --> 00:01:49,686 [chuckles] They send us money. 36 00:01:49,773 --> 00:01:51,514 Ran out of that too. 37 00:01:51,601 --> 00:01:53,777 Should I go down to that unemployment store 38 00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:55,257 and get some more or something? 39 00:01:55,344 --> 00:01:58,652 Yeah, and hurry up, you worthless dumbass. 40 00:01:58,739 --> 00:02:03,047 [grunts] Oh, boy. 41 00:02:03,134 --> 00:02:05,963 Job. [chuckles] 42 00:02:06,050 --> 00:02:08,531 ♪ Ooh, too lit ♪ 43 00:02:08,618 --> 00:02:10,446 ♪ Forgot who I was talking to, shit ♪ 44 00:02:10,533 --> 00:02:13,188 [both chuckling] 45 00:02:13,275 --> 00:02:15,320 ♪ Love ain't how they advertise it ♪ 46 00:02:15,407 --> 00:02:17,366 Oh, hey, 47 00:02:17,453 --> 00:02:19,455 that looks like that time you had that heart attack, 48 00:02:19,542 --> 00:02:24,721 and then they, like, brought you back with that infibulator. 49 00:02:24,808 --> 00:02:27,550 [both chuckling] 50 00:02:27,637 --> 00:02:29,987 Oh, yeah. [chuckles] 51 00:02:30,074 --> 00:02:32,076 That thing hurt. [chuckles] 52 00:02:32,163 --> 00:02:34,165 They said you were dead for a while too. 53 00:02:34,252 --> 00:02:38,169 Uh, that's right, I was. [chuckles] 54 00:02:38,256 --> 00:02:41,999 When I closed my eyes, I thought I saw God, 55 00:02:42,086 --> 00:02:45,960 and he said, "I love you, Butt-Head. 56 00:02:46,047 --> 00:02:49,311 Keep doing what you're doing, and don't ever come back." 57 00:02:49,398 --> 00:02:52,183 [chuckles] 58 00:02:52,270 --> 00:02:53,794 And then I woke up. [chuckles] 59 00:02:53,881 --> 00:02:57,711 And then d'you, like, change your life or something? 60 00:02:57,798 --> 00:02:59,582 No. [chuckles] 61 00:02:59,669 --> 00:03:03,194 I was completely unchanged. [chuckles] 62 00:03:03,281 --> 00:03:06,981 And then they sent me a bill for $124,000, 63 00:03:07,068 --> 00:03:12,116 and I never paid it. [both chuckling] 64 00:03:12,203 --> 00:03:16,294 I get a notice every couple months, and I just ignore it. 65 00:03:16,381 --> 00:03:18,906 [chuckles] 66 00:03:19,558 --> 00:03:21,430 In a just world, they would've killed you. 67 00:03:21,517 --> 00:03:22,823 [chuckles] 68 00:03:22,910 --> 00:03:24,912 Yeah. [chuckles] 69 00:03:24,999 --> 00:03:30,744 It's not fair. [chuckles] 70 00:03:30,831 --> 00:03:33,529 That liquor store, like, makes me wanna drink a beer. 71 00:03:33,616 --> 00:03:34,878 [chuckles] 72 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:38,447 Uh, you are drinking a beer. [chuckles] 73 00:03:38,534 --> 00:03:40,275 Oh, yeah, yeah, but I mean, like, 74 00:03:40,362 --> 00:03:42,886 another one after this. [chuckles] 75 00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:45,367 Uh, is there anything that 76 00:03:45,454 --> 00:03:46,977 doesn't make you wanna drink a beer? 77 00:03:47,064 --> 00:03:50,198 [chuckles] - Well, let me think. 78 00:03:50,285 --> 00:03:51,634 No. 79 00:03:51,721 --> 00:03:54,419 Oh, um--no, no. 80 00:03:54,506 --> 00:03:58,684 I guess not. [chuckles] 81 00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:00,643 [sighs and chuckles] 82 00:04:00,730 --> 00:04:02,819 I think I'm, like, an alcoholic, 83 00:04:02,906 --> 00:04:04,647 but with beer, you know? 84 00:04:04,734 --> 00:04:08,216 [both chuckling] 85 00:04:08,303 --> 00:04:09,783 Oh, look at that pawn shop. 86 00:04:09,870 --> 00:04:11,610 I think this is our neighborhood. 87 00:04:11,697 --> 00:04:13,047 [chuckles] 88 00:04:13,134 --> 00:04:16,180 Eh, oh, yeah. It is. 89 00:04:16,267 --> 00:04:18,835 [chuckles] Remember that time you pawned 90 00:04:18,922 --> 00:04:22,056 everything you owned, and you only got $30? 91 00:04:22,143 --> 00:04:25,233 [chuckles] - Oh, yeah, yeah. 92 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,105 Yeah, that was a great day, yeah. 93 00:04:28,192 --> 00:04:30,194 I spent it all on some St. Ides. 94 00:04:30,281 --> 00:04:31,848 [chuckles] 95 00:04:31,935 --> 00:04:35,286 That crooked eye, yeah. [chuckles] 96 00:04:38,420 --> 00:04:42,467 I would like more unemployment, please. 97 00:04:42,554 --> 00:04:45,383 Well, our records show you maxed out your benefits. 98 00:04:45,470 --> 00:04:46,907 Cool. [chuckles] 99 00:04:46,994 --> 00:04:49,083 But let's see if we can find you a job. 100 00:04:49,170 --> 00:04:50,824 What? What? No, no. 101 00:04:50,911 --> 00:04:53,827 No, I came down here for money. Yeah, yeah. 102 00:04:53,914 --> 00:04:56,481 Let's see what you're qualified for. 103 00:04:56,568 --> 00:04:58,614 Last job? 104 00:04:58,701 --> 00:05:00,181 I was fired from Burger World. 105 00:05:00,268 --> 00:05:02,313 And when was that? 106 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,621 It was, like, two weeks ago. 107 00:05:05,708 --> 00:05:08,537 - It says here 23 years ago. - Oh, yeah, yeah. 108 00:05:08,624 --> 00:05:10,408 Yeah, that sounds right. 109 00:05:10,495 --> 00:05:13,977 Also, I donate blood and sperm. 110 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,327 And you donate the sperm where? 111 00:05:16,414 --> 00:05:19,809 Um, just kind of everywhere, you know? 112 00:05:19,896 --> 00:05:22,203 Okay, you're gonna need something completely unskilled. 113 00:05:22,290 --> 00:05:23,595 Yeah, that sounds cool. 114 00:05:23,682 --> 00:05:25,641 I have an opening for a home aide. 115 00:05:25,728 --> 00:05:28,252 It's a government program where you help people 116 00:05:28,339 --> 00:05:29,645 who can't take care of themselves 117 00:05:29,732 --> 00:05:31,647 just with ordinary, household tasks. 118 00:05:31,734 --> 00:05:33,301 You know how to do that, right? 119 00:05:33,388 --> 00:05:35,216 Um, I've been in a house, yeah. 120 00:05:35,303 --> 00:05:37,392 Here's the client's address. 121 00:05:37,479 --> 00:05:39,437 They pay's not much, but I think you'll find 122 00:05:39,524 --> 00:05:41,396 helping someone even less fortunate than yourself 123 00:05:41,483 --> 00:05:43,528 will help give you self-esteem. 124 00:05:43,615 --> 00:05:45,052 Self-steam? 125 00:05:45,139 --> 00:05:47,010 It'll make you feel good about yourself. 126 00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:51,101 Wow. Self-steam. Hmm. 127 00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:55,018 [chuckling] Dicks. 128 00:05:58,630 --> 00:06:00,676 [humming] 129 00:06:00,763 --> 00:06:04,375 Okay, time to get your self-steam. 130 00:06:04,462 --> 00:06:06,290 [chuckles] 131 00:06:06,377 --> 00:06:10,164 Time to meet the dillhole who can't take care of himself. 132 00:06:10,251 --> 00:06:13,080 I wonder what he looks like. [chuckles] 133 00:06:13,167 --> 00:06:14,951 Here we go. [chuckles] 134 00:06:17,214 --> 00:06:20,478 Uh, what are you knocking for, dumbass? 135 00:06:20,565 --> 00:06:23,046 I thought you were the butthole the government sent. 136 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:25,135 What butthole? [chuckles] 137 00:06:25,222 --> 00:06:27,703 The social worker called and asked if I needed help 138 00:06:27,790 --> 00:06:29,661 'cause the neighbors complained. 139 00:06:29,748 --> 00:06:31,663 Whoa, really? [chuckles] 140 00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:33,970 I pretended I was a fat dumbass 141 00:06:34,057 --> 00:06:36,712 who never gets off his couch. [chuckles] 142 00:06:36,799 --> 00:06:40,237 And he believed me. [chuckles] 143 00:06:40,324 --> 00:06:42,544 Well, maybe, maybe I'm the butthole 144 00:06:42,631 --> 00:06:44,502 that the government sent. 145 00:06:44,589 --> 00:06:47,418 Well then, quit standing around and get to work. 146 00:06:47,505 --> 00:06:49,072 [chuckles] 147 00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:53,555 So they said first, I'm supposed to, like, 148 00:06:53,642 --> 00:06:54,817 tidy up or something. 149 00:06:54,904 --> 00:06:57,080 [groans and coughs] 150 00:06:57,167 --> 00:07:01,432 Well, get to it, Beavis. My tax dollars pay your salary. 151 00:07:01,519 --> 00:07:03,173 [chuckles] - I'm gonna throw this away. 152 00:07:03,260 --> 00:07:05,959 - Don't throw those out. - Why not? 153 00:07:06,046 --> 00:07:07,569 I need those for my business. 154 00:07:07,656 --> 00:07:09,310 What business? 155 00:07:09,397 --> 00:07:11,529 One of these days, I'll tell you, Beavis. 156 00:07:11,616 --> 00:07:13,836 I've got big plans. 157 00:07:13,923 --> 00:07:16,317 No, not the bottle. 158 00:07:16,404 --> 00:07:18,667 You can pick up that chip. 159 00:07:18,754 --> 00:07:20,669 [slurps] [sighs] 160 00:07:20,756 --> 00:07:23,367 This is the good life. [chuckles] 161 00:07:23,454 --> 00:07:26,457 Now fix me lunch. - Is that part of my job? 162 00:07:26,544 --> 00:07:28,068 I was told it was. 163 00:07:28,155 --> 00:07:29,678 [sighs] Okay, Butt-Head. 164 00:07:29,765 --> 00:07:31,245 Mr. Butt-Head. 165 00:07:31,332 --> 00:07:32,637 I'm not gonna call you Mr. Butt-Head, 166 00:07:32,724 --> 00:07:34,378 Butt-Head. 167 00:07:34,465 --> 00:07:36,859 I don't want to have to report you, Beavis. 168 00:07:36,946 --> 00:07:41,081 You want me to get you fired? - Well, um, no, Mr. Butt-Head. 169 00:07:41,168 --> 00:07:43,779 If I get you fired, then we don't have any money. 170 00:07:43,866 --> 00:07:45,607 I'm doing this for us. 171 00:07:45,694 --> 00:07:48,958 Damn it. Self-steam sucks. 172 00:07:49,045 --> 00:07:50,699 Hey, what's up, guys? 173 00:07:50,786 --> 00:07:52,788 It is Stargirl, the Practical Witch, 174 00:07:52,875 --> 00:07:56,096 and welcome to my YouTube channel today. 175 00:07:56,183 --> 00:07:59,490 We are back again with another virtual, online, 176 00:07:59,577 --> 00:08:01,144 interactive tarot reading. 177 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:03,451 Now, what I normally have you guys do 178 00:08:03,538 --> 00:08:05,888 during this psychic reading is I have you guys 179 00:08:05,975 --> 00:08:07,846 look at the options with your-- 180 00:08:07,933 --> 00:08:11,763 Uh, hmm. 181 00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:14,375 [grunts] Oh, boy. 182 00:08:14,462 --> 00:08:17,378 She's like, "I can see into the future, 183 00:08:17,465 --> 00:08:19,554 and I'm still talking." [chuckles] 184 00:08:19,641 --> 00:08:21,208 Yeah, I can see way into the future, 185 00:08:21,295 --> 00:08:23,775 and I'm still going on and on and on. 186 00:08:23,862 --> 00:08:25,255 [chuckles] 187 00:08:25,342 --> 00:08:27,388 All-vegan makeup, which I make a very big deal-- 188 00:08:27,475 --> 00:08:31,392 If you, like, knew you'd eventually score with her, 189 00:08:31,479 --> 00:08:33,524 how long do you think you'd be able to listen to her talk? 190 00:08:33,611 --> 00:08:35,222 [chuckles] 191 00:08:35,309 --> 00:08:39,008 Probably, like, about five years, maybe six or seven. 192 00:08:40,575 --> 00:08:43,186 I'm not saying that you're poor, guys, okay? 193 00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:44,666 I'm not picking that up at all. 194 00:08:44,753 --> 00:08:46,059 But I'm hearing you, like, 195 00:08:46,146 --> 00:08:48,452 spend a lot of time in an RV camper-- 196 00:08:48,539 --> 00:08:53,109 Uh, I have more psychic abilities than she does. 197 00:08:53,196 --> 00:08:54,806 Check this out, Beavis. 198 00:08:54,893 --> 00:08:59,028 Uh, okay, I'm sensing great pain. 199 00:08:59,115 --> 00:09:01,683 No, no, you're just gonna say you see a smack in my future, 200 00:09:01,770 --> 00:09:03,946 and then you're gonna smack me. 201 00:09:04,033 --> 00:09:05,426 You've been doing this for 25 years. 202 00:09:05,513 --> 00:09:07,297 Come on. 203 00:09:07,384 --> 00:09:10,213 Uh, I knew you were gonna say that, Beavis, 204 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,780 for I am the great Butt-Headini. 205 00:09:11,867 --> 00:09:13,260 Yeah, yeah. 206 00:09:13,347 --> 00:09:16,567 Do not underestimate my powers. 207 00:09:16,654 --> 00:09:18,700 Now check this out. 208 00:09:18,787 --> 00:09:23,879 I'm sensing a--uh-- do you have an uncle? 209 00:09:23,966 --> 00:09:26,229 No. [chuckles] 210 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:28,710 Or, I mean, an aunt, maybe? 211 00:09:28,797 --> 00:09:30,712 No, no. [chuckles] 212 00:09:30,799 --> 00:09:34,150 Uh, a cousin? 213 00:09:34,237 --> 00:09:36,065 No, I don't think so. 214 00:09:36,152 --> 00:09:37,806 I mean, my Uncle Bob had a kid, but I don't think that's-- 215 00:09:37,893 --> 00:09:38,937 Damn it, Beavis. 216 00:09:39,024 --> 00:09:40,461 You said you don't have an uncle. 217 00:09:40,548 --> 00:09:42,724 I don't--I mean, except for Uncle Bob. 218 00:09:42,811 --> 00:09:43,899 Damn it, Beavis. 219 00:09:43,986 --> 00:09:46,075 Okay, very well. 220 00:09:46,162 --> 00:09:48,686 I'm sensing a couch. 221 00:09:48,773 --> 00:09:51,994 Is there a couch in your life? [chuckles] 222 00:09:52,081 --> 00:09:54,127 No, no, I don't think I know of a couch. 223 00:09:54,214 --> 00:09:56,041 [chuckles] - Damn it, Beavis. 224 00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:58,435 You're sitting on a couch. - No, no. 225 00:09:58,522 --> 00:09:59,828 [screams] 226 00:09:59,915 --> 00:10:01,134 [chuckles] 227 00:10:01,221 --> 00:10:02,787 Wait a minute, Butt-Head. 228 00:10:02,874 --> 00:10:04,398 Wait, did you say you were gonna smack me? 229 00:10:04,485 --> 00:10:06,008 [chuckles] 230 00:10:06,095 --> 00:10:09,011 Yes, Beavis. I knew I was going to do that. 231 00:10:09,098 --> 00:10:13,320 It is as I have foreseen, for I am the great Butt-Headini. 232 00:10:13,407 --> 00:10:14,712 Oh, I guess you are pretty good then. 233 00:10:14,799 --> 00:10:16,540 [chuckles] 234 00:10:16,627 --> 00:10:18,847 It's time to celebrate your first paycheck 235 00:10:18,934 --> 00:10:20,588 by buying me beer with it. 236 00:10:20,675 --> 00:10:22,372 Right away, Mr. Butt-Head. 237 00:10:22,459 --> 00:10:24,853 [chuckles] 238 00:10:24,940 --> 00:10:27,290 Uh, what are you doing, Beavis? 239 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,292 I just want some Count Chocula. 240 00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:32,600 We need beer, not, like, health food. 241 00:10:32,687 --> 00:10:34,471 No way! It's my money. 242 00:10:34,558 --> 00:10:35,864 I earned it. 243 00:10:35,951 --> 00:10:37,126 I gave you a bath. 244 00:10:37,213 --> 00:10:38,562 You wouldn't even have 245 00:10:38,649 --> 00:10:41,435 the money if I wasn't all pathetic or whatever. 246 00:10:41,522 --> 00:10:42,653 Ah! Damn it-- 247 00:10:42,740 --> 00:10:44,873 I'm gonna kill you, Mr. Butt-Head! 248 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:46,831 Beavis, you're about to get fired the hard way. 249 00:10:46,918 --> 00:10:48,050 [loud crashing] - Ah! 250 00:10:48,137 --> 00:10:49,747 Ah, no! Ah, no! 251 00:10:49,834 --> 00:10:52,837 Mr. Butt-Head, no, stop! No, ah! 252 00:10:52,924 --> 00:10:54,187 Ow, ah! 253 00:10:54,274 --> 00:10:55,884 Help, Butt-Head! Ow, ow! 254 00:10:55,971 --> 00:10:59,583 I swear, Beavis, if you're still alive, you're fired. 255 00:10:59,670 --> 00:11:02,412 [screaming] 256 00:11:05,937 --> 00:11:08,418 [chuckles] 257 00:11:08,505 --> 00:11:10,725 You're unemployed again. 258 00:11:10,812 --> 00:11:13,118 I'm making money from workman's comp, 259 00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:15,208 and I still have my self-steam. 260 00:11:15,295 --> 00:11:16,731 [both chuckling] 261 00:11:16,818 --> 00:11:18,254 No, you don't. 262 00:11:18,341 --> 00:11:21,301 You're a dumb butthole, and you always will be. 263 00:11:21,388 --> 00:11:23,346 Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I forgot. 264 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:26,219 Yeah, thank you. [both chuckling] 265 00:11:28,090 --> 00:11:29,961 - Just fascinating. - Yes, yes. 266 00:11:30,048 --> 00:11:32,312 Intellectually stimulating. Yes, yes, very humorous. 267 00:11:32,399 --> 00:11:34,401 Unfortunately, oh, foolish humans, 268 00:11:34,488 --> 00:11:36,054 your puny brains are too weak 269 00:11:36,141 --> 00:11:37,795 to comprehend what you just saw. 270 00:11:37,882 --> 00:11:39,623 Yes, yes. 271 00:11:39,710 --> 00:11:41,538 I hope you were at least able to enjoy the pretty colors. 272 00:11:41,625 --> 00:11:43,323 Smart Butt-Head, 273 00:11:43,410 --> 00:11:46,021 let us watch it again to pick up more smart nuances. 274 00:11:46,108 --> 00:11:49,067 We cannot, because I think I erased it. 275 00:11:49,154 --> 00:11:50,808 Ah, yes, droll, droll, yes. 276 00:11:50,895 --> 00:11:52,593 Quire risible, yes. - Amusing. 277 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:54,247 Amusing and humorous, yes, yes. 278 00:11:54,334 --> 00:11:57,162 Quite off-kilter, yes, yes. 279 00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,600 [eerie music] 280 00:11:59,687 --> 00:12:01,428 You missed. - Yes, yes, indeed. 281 00:12:01,515 --> 00:12:04,082 Too much yaw-- entering new coordinates now. 282 00:12:04,169 --> 00:12:07,216 Um, those are not the right coordinates, Smart Butt-Head. 283 00:12:07,303 --> 00:12:09,044 Quite farcical, yes. 284 00:12:09,131 --> 00:12:11,873 Yes, yes, allow me. 285 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:13,875 [loud crash] - Those were also incorrect. 286 00:12:13,962 --> 00:12:15,964 Yes, yes, peculiar and quaint, yes, yes. 287 00:12:16,051 --> 00:12:18,532 ♪ ♪ 288 00:12:20,403 --> 00:12:22,971 [bluesy rock music] 289 00:12:23,058 --> 00:12:30,195 ♪ ♪ 290 00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,213 Chirp.