- ♪ MTV ♪
[both chuckling]
[bluesy rock music]
♪ ♪
- Ow! Ow! I'ma kick--ow. Ah!
- Okay, this is our eighth session
to try to improve your behavior,
and if anything, Butt-Head's aggression is getting worse.
- Ow! - Uh, it's the same.
- Ow.
- I'm going to say therapy isn't working.
It's time to try medication. - Ah!
- Yeah, give him some pills.
[chuckles] - No.
I mean, medication for you.
Butt-Head, I want you to take one in the morning
and one in the afternoon.
They should help your behavior.
- Let's flush 'em down the toilet.
[both chuckle]
Uh, wait a minute.
[sniffs]
These smell like grape.
- I wanna try one. C'mon.
- No way, Beavis.
I'm the one who's aggressive.
- Ow! Hey.
- See? - Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Go get some wuss pills or something.
Mmm. [smacks lips]
Not bad.
- [chuckles]
- It better come with refills.
- Maybe if they get some refills, you can give me--
Ah!
- Good morning, Wilbur!
[pig snorting]
- That thing sounds like you, Beavis.
[mimics grunting]
[pig grunting]
- [chuckling] No, it doesn't.
[grunting]
What is that thing, anyway?
Is that, like, a dog?
- No, he's the star of that movie
where there's like a really annoying spider that has a web
and it keeps making words to save a dog.
[chuckles]
It's stupid. [chuckles]
- Oh, yeah, yeah. [chuckles]
- Good morning, buddy!
- Remember when we had that substitute
and he was all, like, drunk,
and then he put that movie on
and just fell asleep at his desk all day?
[both chuckling]
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
He was like, "Oh, this is educational."
[grunting]
- It was a tear-jerker.
[chuckles]
[both chuckling] - "Jerker."
[both chuckling]
- You got to back up so I can open the door.
- Is this, like, a prison for animals or something?
[chuckles] - Yeah.
Your sentence is having to listen to this lady
for the rest of your life. - [chuckles]
- Good morning, Grayson! [laughs]
- "Good morning, Grayson!" [mocking laughter]
[chuckles] - They should eat her.
[both chuckling]
- Yeah, really.
Yeah, see how she likes it.
[chuckling]
- Good morning, Buster.
- Do you know what they call meat from a cow?
[chuckles] Beef.
[chuckles]
[both chuckling]
So, like, um, do those pills,
like, make you feel different or something?
- Eh, no.
But thank you for asking.
[chuckles]
- Oh, um, okay, yeah.
God bless you, or, I don't know.
[chuckles]
This show sucks. [chuckles]
- I guess it does.
But other people probably enjoy it.
[chuckles]
Nothing wrong with that. [chuckles]
- Oh, I--okay.
I guess that's true. [chuckles]
But it does kind of suck, Butt-Head. [chuckles]
- We can watch what you want, Beavis.
Anything you wanna do is fine.
[chuckles]
[screaming on TV]
- This is pretty cool. This is better. [chuckles]
- Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it, Beavis.
I like when you enjoy yourself.
[eerie music]
♪ ♪
- Oh, man. What's going on, Butt-Head?
You're kind of acting weird.
- Whoa. - Ah!
- Settle down, Beavis. [chuckles]
- Um, I thought you were gonna
hit me for a second there, you know?
[chuckles]
- Oh, I wouldn't hit you,
Beavis, because you're my friend.
[chuckles]
- Um, Butt-Head, I think you should stop taking those pills.
[chuckles]
- [sighs] [chuckles]
- So the sixth planet is Saturn, mm-kay?
Known for its prominent rings.
- Um, Butt-Head, why are you wearing that shirt?
- Uh, it's a sunny day. Why not wear a sunny outfit?
[chuckles] - Can everyone please focus?
Mm-kay?
Class is almost over,
and I'm just trying to squeeze in Uranus.
- [chuckles]
Uh, Butt-Head? [chuckles]
- Hmm? - [chuckles]
Van Driessen, he kind of said, "I just wanna squeeze in"--
- Beavis, Mr. Van Driessen is trying hard
to squeeze in Uranus, okay?
- Yeah, exactly. Like, um--[chuckles]
- Let's try to give him our attention.
- Yeah, but, um-- - [sighs]
I'm glad I brought a nice, sharp pencil for Uranus.
- Come on, Butt-Head. What's going on?
- Nothing, Beavis.
This is the perfect pencil for Uranus.
[chuckles] [school bell rings]
Oh, darn. [chuckles]
- Whoa! Where'd that come from?
Um, Van Driessen?
I think there's something wrong with Butt-Head.
- Oh, I don't think so at all.
In fact, Butt-Head, I'm very proud of your behavior today.
- No, you don't understand. There's something wrong--
- Oh, thank you, Mr. Van Driessen.
I enjoyed your class today.
- You mean the part about Uranus, right, Butt-Head?
[chuckles]
- I actually liked Saturn, Beavis,
with its prominent rings.
That was my favorite. - What?
- Would you like to join Beavis
and I for lunch, Mr. Van Driessen?
- Butt-Head, no, no.
- Fascinating.
Mt. Van Driessen, I would love to hear
more stories about the teachers' union.
- Oh, no.
- Well, at the next meeting,
there was quite a spirited debate about the health plan.
- Ooh. [chuckles]
The health plan? - Damn it, Butt-Head.
- Are you okay, Beavis?
I brought an extra banana if you'd like one.
- A what?
- A banana, Beavis. [chuckles]
They're delicious-- better than nachos.
♪ ♪
Mmm.
A banana.
[humming] [scratching sound]
- Damn it, Butt-Head. This sucks.
You have to stop taking those pills.
- But Beavis, I was told to take these pills by an adult.
Is there something else that's bothering you?
- Yeah, there is! - [chuckles]
- It's bothering me that you're acting like a butthole!
- I hear you, Beavis.
I'll try to do better. - Damn it.
Stop agreeing with everything I say!
- Okay, Beavis. - See, you did it again!
Stop it!
- What would you like me to do, Beavis?
- Damn it, Butt-Head!
You're a butthole and your mom's a slut
and you suck! [chuckles]
- Beavis, thank you for being honest with me.
I think we can work this out if we just dialogue
like Ms. Ortiz modeled for us, and we--
- [screams] - Oh, Beavis, my pills.
- Ah! Enough!
[screaming]
- Beavis, this is a step backwards for you.
I'm concerned--
- Stop acting like a wuss!
Call me a butthole!
Say, "Beavis is a butthole!"
- [coughing] Don't say that about my friend.
[gagging]
- Oh, damn it. Damn it.
Ah!
[grunting]
- [pukes]
[both panting]
[eerie music]
♪ ♪
What the hell is wrong with you, butthole?
- Ah! Hittin' me.
Oh, yeah.
- Beavis, you're about to get your ass kicked.
- No, no, no-- [chuckles]
Ah! - Damn it.
- Ah! - Butthole.
- Ah! Cut it out.
- [grunts] - Ah!
[rock music]
Ow. Ah!
- [grunting]
- Ah!
[both chuckling]
[bluesy rock music]
♪ ♪
[eerie music]
♪ ♪
- Behold, I am Smart Butt-Head. - And I am Smart Beavis.
Greetings, oh, primitive humans.
- We hail from an alternate universe where we,
Beavis and Butt-Head, are super intelligent.
- There are billions and billions
of alternate universes, oh, foolish ones.
- But the one most fascinating to our vast intellects
is the one where Beavis and Butt-Head were teenagers
in the 1990s, but then grew older.
- And they're now middle-aged at the height of their powers.
- Join us, dull-witted earthlings, as we look upon
that universe and sample its delights spread out before us,
like a banquet of space nachos.
- Priceless wit of a satirical bent.
- Whimsical, yes, yes, quite absurd.
- Whimsical, yes, indeed, yes.
♪ ♪
[both chuckling]
- [coughs] - [coughs]
Butt-Head, we're out of beers, Butt-Head.
- Eh, well, go get some more, dumbass.
- I'm out of money.
- So go give some more blood.
- I went twice already this morning.
They won't take my blood anymore, because they said
it's too watery, then I passed out,
and some guy stole my cookie.
I guess we need to, like, get jobs or something.
- Being unemployed is our job, dumbass.
[chuckles] They send us money.
- Ran out of that too.
Should I go down to that unemployment store
and get some more or something?
- Yeah, and hurry up, you worthless dumbass.
- [grunts] Oh, boy.
- Job. [chuckles]
- ♪ Ooh, too lit ♪
♪ Forgot who I was talking to, shit ♪
[both chuckling]
♪ Love ain't how they advertise it ♪
- Oh, hey,
that looks like that time you had that heart attack,
and then they, like, brought you back with that infibulator.
[both chuckling]
- Oh, yeah. [chuckles]
That thing hurt. [chuckles]
- They said you were dead for a while too.
- Uh, that's right, I was. [chuckles]
When I closed my eyes, I thought I saw God,
and he said, "I love you, Butt-Head.
Keep doing what you're doing, and don't ever come back."
[chuckles]
And then I woke up. [chuckles]
- And then d'you, like, change your life or something?
- No. [chuckles]
I was completely unchanged. [chuckles]
And then they sent me a bill for $124,000,
and I never paid it. [both chuckling]
I get a notice every couple months, and I just ignore it.
[chuckles]
- In a just world, they would've killed you.
[chuckles]
- Yeah. [chuckles]
It's not fair. [chuckles]
- That liquor store, like, makes me wanna drink a beer.
[chuckles]
- Uh, you are drinking a beer. [chuckles]
- Oh, yeah, yeah, but I mean, like,
another one after this. [chuckles]
- Uh, is there anything that
doesn't make you wanna drink a beer?
[chuckles] - Well, let me think.
No.
Oh, um--no, no.
I guess not. [chuckles]
[sighs and chuckles]
I think I'm, like, an alcoholic,
but with beer, you know?
[both chuckling]
Oh, look at that pawn shop.
I think this is our neighborhood.
[chuckles]
- Eh, oh, yeah. It is.
[chuckles] Remember that time you pawned
everything you owned, and you only got $30?
[chuckles] - Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that was a great day, yeah.
I spent it all on some St. Ides.
[chuckles]
That crooked eye, yeah. [chuckles]
I would like more unemployment, please.
- Well, our records show you maxed out your benefits.
- Cool. [chuckles]
- But let's see if we can find you a job.
- What? What? No, no.
No, I came down here for money. Yeah, yeah.
- Let's see what you're qualified for.
Last job?
- I was fired from Burger World.
- And when was that?
- It was, like, two weeks ago.
- It says here 23 years ago. - Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that sounds right.
Also, I donate blood and sperm.
- And you donate the sperm where?
- Um, just kind of everywhere, you know?
- Okay, you're gonna need something completely unskilled.
- Yeah, that sounds cool.
- I have an opening for a home aide.
It's a government program where you help people
who can't take care of themselves
just with ordinary, household tasks.
You know how to do that, right?
- Um, I've been in a house, yeah.
- Here's the client's address.
They pay's not much, but I think you'll find
helping someone even less fortunate than yourself
will help give you self-esteem.
- Self-steam?
- It'll make you feel good about yourself.
- Wow. Self-steam. Hmm.
[chuckling] Dicks.
- [humming]
Okay, time to get your self-steam.
[chuckles]
Time to meet the dillhole who can't take care of himself.
I wonder what he looks like. [chuckles]
Here we go. [chuckles]
- Uh, what are you knocking for, dumbass?
I thought you were the butthole the government sent.
- What butthole? [chuckles]
- The social worker called and asked if I needed help
'cause the neighbors complained.
- Whoa, really? [chuckles]
- I pretended I was a fat dumbass
who never gets off his couch. [chuckles]
And he believed me. [chuckles]
- Well, maybe, maybe I'm the butthole
that the government sent.
- Well then, quit standing around and get to work.
[chuckles]
- So they said first, I'm supposed to, like,
tidy up or something.
- [groans and coughs]
Well, get to it, Beavis. My tax dollars pay your salary.
[chuckles] - I'm gonna throw this away.
- Don't throw those out. - Why not?
- I need those for my business.
- What business?
- One of these days, I'll tell you, Beavis.
I've got big plans.
No, not the bottle.
You can pick up that chip.
[slurps] [sighs]
This is the good life. [chuckles]
Now fix me lunch. - Is that part of my job?
- I was told it was.
- [sighs] Okay, Butt-Head.
- Mr. Butt-Head.
- I'm not gonna call you Mr. Butt-Head,
Butt-Head.
- I don't want to have to report you, Beavis.
You want me to get you fired? - Well, um, no, Mr. Butt-Head.
- If I get you fired, then we don't have any money.
I'm doing this for us.
- Damn it. Self-steam sucks.
- Hey, what's up, guys?
It is Stargirl, the Practical Witch,
and welcome to my YouTube channel today.
We are back again with another virtual, online,
interactive tarot reading.
Now, what I normally have you guys do
during this psychic reading is I have you guys
look at the options with your--
- Uh, hmm.
- [grunts] Oh, boy.
- She's like, "I can see into the future,
and I'm still talking." [chuckles]
- Yeah, I can see way into the future,
and I'm still going on and on and on.
[chuckles]
- All-vegan makeup, which I make a very big deal--
- If you, like, knew you'd eventually score with her,
how long do you think you'd be able to listen to her talk?
[chuckles]
- Probably, like, about five years, maybe six or seven.
- I'm not saying that you're poor, guys, okay?
I'm not picking that up at all.
But I'm hearing you, like,
spend a lot of time in an RV camper--
- Uh, I have more psychic abilities than she does.
Check this out, Beavis.
Uh, okay, I'm sensing great pain.
- No, no, you're just gonna say you see a smack in my future,
and then you're gonna smack me.
You've been doing this for 25 years.
Come on.
- Uh, I knew you were gonna say that, Beavis,
for I am the great Butt-Headini.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Do not underestimate my powers.
Now check this out.
I'm sensing a--uh-- do you have an uncle?
- No. [chuckles]
- Or, I mean, an aunt, maybe?
- No, no. [chuckles]
- Uh, a cousin?
- No, I don't think so.
I mean, my Uncle Bob had a kid, but I don't think that's--
- Damn it, Beavis.
You said you don't have an uncle.
- I don't--I mean, except for Uncle Bob.
- Damn it, Beavis.
Okay, very well.
I'm sensing a couch.
Is there a couch in your life? [chuckles]
- No, no, I don't think I know of a couch.
[chuckles] - Damn it, Beavis.
You're sitting on a couch. - No, no.
[screams]
[chuckles]
Wait a minute, Butt-Head.
Wait, did you say you were gonna smack me?
[chuckles]
- Yes, Beavis. I knew I was going to do that.
It is as I have foreseen, for I am the great Butt-Headini.
- Oh, I guess you are pretty good then.
[chuckles]
- It's time to celebrate your first paycheck
by buying me beer with it.
- Right away, Mr. Butt-Head.
- [chuckles]
Uh, what are you doing, Beavis?
- I just want some Count Chocula.
- We need beer, not, like, health food.
- No way! It's my money.
I earned it.
I gave you a bath.
- You wouldn't even have
the money if I wasn't all pathetic or whatever.
- Ah! Damn it--
I'm gonna kill you, Mr. Butt-Head!
- Beavis, you're about to get fired the hard way.
[loud crashing] - Ah!
Ah, no! Ah, no!
Mr. Butt-Head, no, stop! No, ah!
Ow, ah!
Help, Butt-Head! Ow, ow!
- I swear, Beavis, if you're still alive, you're fired.
- [screaming]
- [chuckles]
You're unemployed again.
- I'm making money from workman's comp,
and I still have my self-steam.
[both chuckling]
- No, you don't.
You're a dumb butthole, and you always will be.
- Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I forgot.
Yeah, thank you. [both chuckling]
- Just fascinating. - Yes, yes.
Intellectually stimulating. Yes, yes, very humorous.
- Unfortunately, oh, foolish humans,
your puny brains are too weak
to comprehend what you just saw.
- Yes, yes.
I hope you were at least able to enjoy the pretty colors.
Smart Butt-Head,
let us watch it again to pick up more smart nuances.
- We cannot, because I think I erased it.
- Ah, yes, droll, droll, yes.
Quire risible, yes. - Amusing.
Amusing and humorous, yes, yes.
- Quite off-kilter, yes, yes.
[eerie music]
You missed. - Yes, yes, indeed.
Too much yaw-- entering new coordinates now.
- Um, those are not the right coordinates, Smart Butt-Head.
- Quite farcical, yes.
- Yes, yes, allow me.
[loud crash] - Those were also incorrect.
- Yes, yes, peculiar and quaint, yes, yes.
♪ ♪
[bluesy rock music]
♪ ♪
- Chirp.