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* MTV ♪
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Greetings, lowly mortals.
I am Smart Butt-Head.
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And I am Smart Beavis.
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We speak to you
from our newest purchase,
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a beachfront property
on your moon,
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which we bought
from a hot single in our area.
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Um, Smart Butt-Head,
I do not see the beach.
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Hm.
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And Melody1998 is not answering
her communicator.
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This is displeasing.
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Hm, yes, yes,
perhaps she is too lonely.
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In the meantime, let us
turn our eyes upon the Earth
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and the most fascinating
of all realities,
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the alternate universe
in which Beavis and Butt-Head
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are in middle age.
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Your puny brains
cannot possibly understand
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what you are about to see,
but do your best
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while we search for Melody1998.
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Yes, yes, and the beach
on the moon, yes.
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Um, Butt-Head, this couch
has a spring sticking out
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right next to my bunghole.
- Uh, I don't care.
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- Okay, yeah.
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Yeah, that's pretty cool.
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Ugh, boy,
this beer is good today.
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Likes me some beer.
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Over here.
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Ah, that's what
I'm talking about.
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Yeah.
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What the hell do you think
you're doing, Beavis?
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I'm gonna sit here
from now on, Butt-Head.
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- The hell you say?
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Yes, I am.
You go sit on the spring side.
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Your butt's so big,
you won't even notice.
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Okay, Beavis, I'll just wait
for you to go take a whiz,
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and then I'll take it back, dumbass.
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Nope, I'm not gonna
take a whiz, never.
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Never gonna whiz.
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- Have another beer, Beavis.
- Don't mind if I do.
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Because I'm never gonna pee.
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Ah.
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Good morning, Beavis.
How's your bladder?
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Never felt better, yep.
Just fine.
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Look at the waterfall,
Beavis, gently pouring down
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like pee
coming out of a wiener.
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Just let it go.
- Ugh, ugh.
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- Damn it.
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Don't need to take a whiz.
Nope, no thank you.
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Hm, mm, yeah, hm, mm.
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Beavis, it's been two days.
I've peed 31 times.
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Yeah, well,
I tricked you, butthole!
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I will never have to pee
because when you were asleep,
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I put a chip clip on my wiener!
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Yeah, I win!
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I finally beat you
at something, yeah!
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Ah, my kidneys!
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Ah, that's better.
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Both of this man's kidneys
popped like balloons.
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I've never seen
anything like it.
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If he doesn't get
a transplant immediately,
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he'll die.
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Uh, okay.
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What's your pain level
on a scale of one to ten?
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Ugh, oh...
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69.
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That's very high.
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If we can't find
a kidney donor match
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for him soon, we're going
to have to send him to hospice.
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Yes?
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You said piss.
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- Oh, ah.
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That's right, buddy, I did.
Hang in there.
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Would you like to be tested
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to see if you can donate
your kidney to your friend?
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Uh, no.
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We found a match.
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There's only one
in the entire state,
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and, by God, we found him.
- Is he willing to donate?
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He drove himself two hours
to get here,
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and he says he wants to help
Mr. Beavis any way he can.
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In fact, he says he knows
the both of you.
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Hey, guys, it's me Stewart.
Remember me?
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Uh, no.
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Stewart, your best buddy
from high school.
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Oh, yeah.
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That sucks.
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You guys.
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The three amigos are back!
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Jesus Christ, Stewart,
not now.
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I'm waiting for some guy
both of us know
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to give me a kidney.
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- No, this is your donor.
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A part of Stewart
is going inside you.
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- Oh, no.
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Oh.
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Oh, boy.
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The three of us
used to have some fun together,
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didn't we?
- Uh, no.
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You know, I was worried
about donating a kidney
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'cause I'm still young,
and I've got the triplets,
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but I'm gonna do it because
we were such good friends.
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Um, we weren't friends.
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Aww, you guys.
Nothing's changed.
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Though I know if the situation
were reversed,
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you'd do it for me.
- Wait, wait.
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I don't have to do something
for you, do I?
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- Well, no.
- Oh, good, good, good.
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That's better.
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Beavis, if this is
the last time I talk to you,
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I want you to know...
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I did your mom.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Um, Butt-Head, I don't want
a part of Stewart in me.
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Look at him.
What if I start to suck?
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I'm scared.
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Hey, um, you know what?
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I'm beginning
to have second thoughts
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about this whole--
- Okay, shh.
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Count backwards from ten.
- Hey, hey, um, um--
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And now you count backwards
from ten.
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Ten, um, eight or something,
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five, I don't know, W.
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I am the great Cornholio.
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TP.
Yes, yes, TP.
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* You live
in my dream state ♪
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Um, is this
Tyler, The Creator?
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- Uh, yeah.
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I mean,
he's cool and everything,
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but, um, he kind of needs
a better name, you know?
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If I was gonna be
one of these guys,
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I'd be, like,
Butt-Head, The Scorer.
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I'd be Beavis, The Mutilator. Yeah.
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You'd be Beavis,
The Monkey Spanker.
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I guess it has a nice ring
to it.
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It's not my first choice,
you know, but, uh...
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* Can I get a kiss? ♪
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If I was stranded
on a lifeboat with that girl,
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I'd be like, "Hey, baby,
you ever do it on a boat
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with three dudes
in raincoats masturbating?"
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Yeah, make that four.
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Damn it, Beavis.
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You're messing up
my flow again.
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* Okay, okay, okay,
okay dokey ♪
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What country's army is this?
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I think it's, like, Europe.
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Tyler, The Creator's
gonna overthrow America.
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Yeah, I think he should
overthrow America, you know?
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Because he's got a lot
of good ideas, you know,
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and he's not like these
other politicians, you know?
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He tells it like it is,
you know?
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And he's concerned
about my tax dollars,
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and he says all the things
that everyone else is afraid
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to say, you know?
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Whoa, he's stepping
on the army's heads.
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Yeah, yeah, exactly.
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All these politicians,
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they don't have the guts
to step on people's heads.
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And all these fat cats
in Washington
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and these companies
in bed with the corporations
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and the councils
of representatives.
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He's in bed with chicks.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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He'll drain the swamp.
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Yeah, then he'll drain
the main vein.
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See, he's just like us.
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He puts on a Charlie Brown
ghost outfit, you know?
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And see,
now he's turning into bees,
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you know?
Just like us.
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Like a working man do.
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Uh, so you'd vote
for this guy?
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No, no, no.
172
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No, I'm not gonna vote.
No, no.
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It seems like a big hassle,
you know?
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You know, I always say...
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"Don't blame me,
I didn't vote."
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I don't know
why I was so worried.
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The operation was a success,
and now we're not just friends.
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We're blood brothers.
- This sucks.
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I think that's worth a little
dialysis here and there, huh?
180
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I would toast
to the three amigos,
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but Beavis and I
can't have alcohol
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because of our kidney,
so Butt-head,
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you'll have to have
an extra glass for us.
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[chuckles
- Oh, God.
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Anyway,
after I left Highland,
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I kind of bounced around
for, like, six years,
187
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but now I'm doing great.
188
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:45,953
You are looking
at junior administrator
189
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at Basco Mortgage.
You guys heard of it?
190
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,222
Mm-hmm, yeah.
191
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,291
Well, next time you want
to buy a house,
192
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I can get you
half a point below prime.
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I mean, I gotta ask
Mr. Basco first,
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but he's cool.
He totally--
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Uh, yeah, no.
No, no, no, no.
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00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:02,002
Amigo, oh, uh, hey,
you can't do that, Beavis.
197
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:03,837
The alcohol will mess up my--
hey, stop it.
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That's my kidney in there.
199
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:06,807
Yeah.
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00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:08,709
Ow!
201
00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:10,077
Finally.
202
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:12,813
That kidney sucked.
203
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,215
Well, here you go.
204
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,284
I don't need
this chip clip anymore.
205
00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:21,021
- That was my kidney.
- Your organ blew up.
206
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:25,292
- Yeah.
- Uh, another bottle, sir.
207
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:26,860
The guy who sucks is paying.
208
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,528
Yeah, yeah.
209
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:31,164
Hey, Stewart, do you know
anyone cool who has a kidney?