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<i>* MTV ♪</i>

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<i>Bow down before
the almighty bunghole!</i>

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I am Cornholio.

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I need TP for my bung--
aah!

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Put your hands
behind your back.

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- Are you threatening me?
- Stop resisting.

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Throw the book at him, sirs.

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Take him to jail.

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He's a weirdo,
and no one likes him anyway.

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You must release
the almighty bunghole.

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You will unhand
the mighty bunghole.

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- I will resist!

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I will resist! Unhand me!

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Ah, ah!
- Stop spitting.

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- You must release me now!
- Hey, no biting!

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Ah!

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You will not restrain
the almighty bunghole.

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Aah!

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Today we're going
to be talking

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about William Shakespeare's
inspiring play about love,

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"Romeo and Juliet,"

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who were teenagers,
just like you.

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Yeah, yeah.
That's interesting, yeah.

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Mm-hmm, yep. Mm-hmm.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah.

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Yeah.

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Hey, Butt-Head.

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Hey, Butt-Head, Butt-Head,
wake up.

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Damn it, Beavis.

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I told you to never wake me up.

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This better be good.

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Butt-Head,
that chick just looked at me.

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Butt-Head, Butt-Head,
she's doing it again.

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Uh, she's probably, like,

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never seen a dumbass weirdo before,

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so she wants to, like, check
one out in person.

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- No, no, that's not it.

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She's seen me before, yeah.

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Can everyone
please focus, mm-kay?

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They're kind of
in the 1% of Verona.

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They're also...

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Whoa, it's a note.

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Hm, lemme see that, Beavis.

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Let's see here.

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Hm.

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Yeah, what's it say?

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Uh, it says I,

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and then she drew,
like, a butt.

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Uh, and I think this is,
like, the bottom of a foot.

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Boy, she doesn't draw
very good.

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So it says,
"I kick you in the ass."

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She's gonna kick
your ass, Beavis.

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- Wait a minute.

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She's gonna kick my ass?
Really?

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She couldn't have said it
any simpler, Beavis.

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Do you think
she can kick my ass?

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She sure can, Beavis.

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She's a weirdo just like you.

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She's got weirdo strength.

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Oh, no.

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Beavis and Butt-Head,
what is going on back there?

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Uh, Beavis is having one
of his outbursts again.

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Time to call the police.

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Okay, I'm going
to have to separate you two,

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mm-kay?

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Beavis, can you trade seats
with Hector, please?

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Go ahead, Beavis.
Sit in Hector's seat.

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Oh, boy.

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Hi, Beavis.

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Oh, yeah, yeah.

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How's it goin'?

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Kick his ass.

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But what makes
"Romeo and Juliet" so universal

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is the Bard's portrayal
of love's excitement

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and dangers, mm-kay?

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My name's Glennis.

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Oh, yeah, yeah.

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How's it going there, Glennis?

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I saw you in the cafeteria.

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Everyone thinks you're weird.

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They think I'm weird too.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Check it out.

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Do you like it?

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Um, what's it say?

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Metallica.
It's on your T-shirt.

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Um, oh, no, no.

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No, I think it says, um,
"medium" or something.

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Yeah, medium, yeah.

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They're almost the same shape
though, you know,

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so you were close, you know?

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Good job.
- Okay, everyone, please focus.

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And since
you two star-crossed students

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seem to be so interested,

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perhaps you can share with us
something about love.

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Glennis, can you name something
or someone you love?

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Um, there is someone.

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But I'd rather not say.

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Mm-kay, that's fine.

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And you, Beavis?

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Do you have a great love
in your life?

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Um, yeah, I don't really have
feelings and stuff.

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Come on, Beavis.

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There must be someone
or something

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that you feel
deeply passionate about.

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Well, yeah, um,

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yeah,
now that you mentioned it,

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there kind of is actually,
you know?

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Like, I have a love

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that I can't stop
thinking about.

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And, um, and it gives me
a special feeling, you know?

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But I never told
anyone about it

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'cause I was afraid
they won't understand.

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Yeah.

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Tell us who it is, Beavis.

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Be brave like Juliet.

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Um, okay.

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Okay, yeah, yeah. I will, yeah.

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I will tell you, yeah.

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Here it goes. Yeah.

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Um, it's fire!

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Yeah, fire!

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Fire!

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I love fire.

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That kid is weird.

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<i>Diana has in store
for Denzel,</i>

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but he did not come to play.

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<i>"But he did not come
to play."</i>

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<i>Boy, he sucks.</i>

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- What is this anyway?

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<i>This is that show
where they take a couple,</i>

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<i>and then, like, they have 'em
give each other tattoos,</i>

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<i>but they can't see it until
they're all done or something.</i>

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Oh, my God!

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Another fine offering

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from the good people at MTV.

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<i>Yeah, okay.</i>

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<i>Yeah, let's see what he got, yeah.</i>

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both: Three!

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Oh, my God.
both: Two.

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- One.

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<i>I thought seconds
were faster than that.</i>

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<i>Not when you're watching
this show.</i>

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Nah.

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<i>- Uh...</i>
- What's that supposed to mean?

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<i>Diarrhea?</i>

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<i>Whoa.</i>

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<i>It doesn't really look like
diarrhea though, you know?</i>

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<i>Doesn't usually come
in a ball like that, you know?</i>

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I mean, I'm not doctor
or anything, you know?

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<i>Just a fan, you know?</i>

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<i>Uh, wait a minute.</i>

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<i>I think that's her name.</i>

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You know, it's not a bad name
really, you know?

156
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Um, because diarrhea just
kind of flows off the tongue,

157
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you know?

158
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Diarrhea Jones, yeah.

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Uh, it doesn't flow off
the tongue, Beavis.

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It flows out of your butt.

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- You came in dirty as [bleep].

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<i>Uh, okay, let's see
what he had tattooed on her.</i>

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<i>I bet this is gonna be good, yeah.</i>

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<i>Uh, I think this also says
"Diarrhea."</i>

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<i>Oh, yeah, yeah.</i>

166
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<i>Yeah, with a picture
of some diarrhea too, yeah.</i>

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<i>See, now that looks like
diarrhea, yeah.</i>

168
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<i>Uh, so I guess they're both
named Diarrhea.</i>

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Well, that makes it easier.

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<i>He's like, "Diarrhea,</i>

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<i>will you make me the luckiest
man in the world?"</i>

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<i> I wanna have you
forever, Diarrhea.</i>

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- Yes, yes!

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<i>And then
when they get married,</i>

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<i>the priest is gonna be like,</i>

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"Diarrhea,
do you take this man,

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who I think's name
is also Diarrhea,

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<i>to be
your lawfully wedded husband,</i>

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<i>for richer or poorer,</i>

180
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through sickness and, uh--

181
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I guess just through sickness?

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Through diarrhea and health.

183
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<i>They're honeymoon's
gonna be in the toilet.</i>

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I do-doo.

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They're so cute! Aw.

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<i>This is what the bottom
of the barrel looks like.</i>

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Oh, my God.

188
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So, um, so what happens

189
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at the end
of "Romeo and Juliet"?

190
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Damn it, Beavis,
you better not be talking

191
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about a play.

192
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Sorry, sorry about that.

193
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Uh, whoa.

194
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What's going on?

195
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You know that weird girl
in Van Driessen's class?

196
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She burned down
the honors trailer.

197
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Whoa, there she is.

198
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:02,009
Whoa, she's writing
something, Butt-Head.

199
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,076
It's a line.

200
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:06,479
Uh, that means "I."

201
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,115
And then
there's a butt again.

202
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:10,550
And, um,
and that looks like, um,

203
00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:12,352
like some kind of face
or something.

204
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:15,522
- Uh, it's a head.

205
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:16,824
Butt-Head.

206
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,358
That's me.

207
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,628
Oh, do you think
that means she wants you?

208
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,462
Probably.

209
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:24,131
Maybe if she had actually
kicked your ass

210
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:25,398
I'd have noticed her more.

211
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:26,700
Oh, yeah, yeah.

212
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,435
You know, it's too bad
she's going to jail

213
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:30,838
because you probably could have
scored with her.

214
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,473
Yeah, but who cares?

215
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,542
Lots of chicks wanna score
with me.

216
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:37,978
It's because I'm not a weirdo
like you, Beavis.

217
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:40,113
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

218
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,650
But, um, but if all
these chicks like you,

219
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,217
how come you've never scored?

220
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:46,887
- It is a mystery, Beavis.

221
00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:48,622
Nobody knows.

222
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,057
Oh, yeah, yeah.

223
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,558
Yeah, right, yeah.

224
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:56,529
She wanted my schlong.

225
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,503
Oh, yeah, yeah.