1
00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:03,737
<i>* MTV ♪</i>

2
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:08,776
[both chuckling]

3
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,779
<i>[rock music]</i>

4
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:18,986
<i>♪ ♪</i>

5
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:27,995
<i>[gibberish]</i>

6
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:30,498
<i>Bow down before
the almighty bunghole!</i>

7
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:33,501
<i>[gibberish]</i>

8
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,970
I am Cornholio.

9
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,339
I need TP for my bung--
aah!

10
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:39,973
Put your hands
behind your back.

11
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,609
- Are you threatening me?
- Stop resisting.

12
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:43,277
Throw the book at him, sirs.

13
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,012
[can hisses]

14
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:46,514
Take him to jail.

15
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,582
He's a weirdo,
and no one likes him anyway.

16
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,918
You must release
the almighty bunghole.

17
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,553
You will unhand
the mighty bunghole.

18
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:53,987
- [laughs]
- I will resist!

19
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,823
I will resist! Unhand me!

20
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,158
Ah, ah!
- Stop spitting.

21
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:59,227
- You must release me now!
- Hey, no biting!

22
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,561
Ah!

23
00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:02,763
You will not restrain
the almighty bunghole.

24
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:06,534
[grunting] Aah!

25
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,736
Today we're going
to be talking

26
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:13,006
about William Shakespeare's
inspiring play about love,

27
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,343
"Romeo and Juliet,"

28
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:18,479
who were teenagers,
just like you.

29
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,948
Yeah, yeah.
That's interesting, yeah.

30
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,483
Mm-hmm, yep. Mm-hmm.

31
00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:24,051
Yeah, yeah.

32
00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,686
Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah.

33
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,521
[laughs] Yeah.

34
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,325
Hey, Butt-Head.

35
00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:33,194
Hey, Butt-Head, Butt-Head,
wake up.

36
00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:35,196
[groans]
Damn it, Beavis.

37
00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:38,166
I told you to never wake me up.

38
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:39,533
This better be good.

39
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,934
Butt-Head,
that chick just looked at me.

40
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:43,271
[grunts]

41
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:45,973
Butt-Head, Butt-Head,
she's doing it again.

42
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,908
Uh, she's probably, like,

43
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:50,611
never seen a dumbass weirdo before,

44
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:53,714
so she wants to, like, check
one out in person.

45
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,115
[laughs]
- No, no, that's not it.

46
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:57,185
She's seen me before, yeah.

47
00:01:57,251 --> 00:02:01,054
Can everyone
please focus, mm-kay?

48
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:05,693
They're kind of
in the 1% of Verona.

49
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,995
They're also...

50
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:10,198
Whoa, it's a note.

51
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:12,600
Hm, lemme see that, Beavis.

52
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:13,834
Let's see here.

53
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,236
Hm. [laughs]

54
00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:16,637
Yeah, what's it say?

55
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:20,107
Uh, it says I,

56
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:23,611
and then she drew,
like, a butt.

57
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:25,246
[laughs]

58
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:29,082
Uh, and I think this is,
like, the bottom of a foot.

59
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,952
Boy, she doesn't draw
very good.

60
00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:36,357
So it says,
"I kick you in the ass."

61
00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:37,458
[laughs]

62
00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,827
She's gonna kick
your ass, Beavis.

63
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:42,196
[laughs]
- Wait a minute.

64
00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:44,432
She's gonna kick my ass?
Really?

65
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:47,868
She couldn't have said it
any simpler, Beavis.

66
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,304
Do you think
she can kick my ass?

67
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,306
She sure can, Beavis.

68
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,942
She's a weirdo just like you.
[laughs]

69
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,878
She's got weirdo strength.

70
00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,847
Oh, no.

71
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:03,451
Beavis and Butt-Head,
what is going on back there?

72
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:07,688
Uh, Beavis is having one
of his outbursts again.

73
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,457
Time to call the police.

74
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:10,791
[sighs]

75
00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,527
Okay, I'm going
to have to separate you two,

76
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:14,928
mm-kay?

77
00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:19,533
Beavis, can you trade seats
with Hector, please?

78
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,003
Go ahead, Beavis.
Sit in Hector's seat.

79
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:26,240
Oh, boy. [chuckles]

80
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:29,443
<i>[soft music]</i>

81
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:31,445
<i>♪ ♪</i>

82
00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:33,781
Hi, Beavis.

83
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,182
Oh, yeah, yeah.

84
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:38,218
How's it goin'?

85
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:39,853
Kick his ass.

86
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,122
[chuckles]

87
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:49,129
But what makes
"Romeo and Juliet" so universal

88
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:52,766
is the Bard's portrayal
of love's excitement

89
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,336
and dangers, mm-kay?

90
00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:57,070
My name's Glennis.

91
00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:59,340
Oh, yeah, yeah.

92
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:02,276
How's it going there, Glennis?

93
00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:04,645
[softly]
I saw you in the cafeteria.

94
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,380
Everyone thinks you're weird.

95
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:08,248
They think I'm weird too.

96
00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:11,285
Yeah, yeah. [laughs]

97
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,120
Check it out.

98
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:14,522
Do you like it?

99
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,890
Um, what's it say?

100
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:19,026
Metallica.
It's on your T-shirt.

101
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,128
Um, oh, no, no.

102
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:23,664
No, I think it says, um,
"medium" or something.

103
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:26,367
[laughs]
Yeah, medium, yeah.

104
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,436
They're almost the same shape
though, you know,

105
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,170
so you were close, you know?

106
00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:33,607
Good job.
- Okay, everyone, please focus.

107
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:36,744
And since
you two star-crossed students

108
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:38,446
seem to be so interested,

109
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:41,549
perhaps you can share with us
something about love.

110
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:46,587
Glennis, can you name something
or someone you love?

111
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:49,757
Um, there is someone.

112
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,925
But I'd rather not say.

113
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:54,094
Mm-kay, that's fine.

114
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:55,596
And you, Beavis?

115
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,865
Do you have a great love
in your life?

116
00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:01,335
Um, yeah, I don't really have
feelings and stuff.

117
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:02,603
Come on, Beavis.

118
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,872
There must be someone
or something

119
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:07,841
that you feel
deeply passionate about.

120
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,242
Well, yeah, um,

121
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,911
yeah,
now that you mentioned it,

122
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,313
there kind of is actually,
you know?

123
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:15,215
Like, I have a love

124
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,117
that I can't stop
thinking about.

125
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:20,187
And, um, and it gives me
a special feeling, you know?

126
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:23,090
But I never told
anyone about it

127
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,726
'cause I was afraid
they won't understand.

128
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,027
Yeah. [laughs]

129
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:29,262
Tell us who it is, Beavis.

130
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,665
Be brave like Juliet.

131
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:34,001
Um, okay.

132
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,670
Okay, yeah, yeah. I will, yeah.

133
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,539
I will tell you, yeah.

134
00:05:38,606 --> 00:05:39,840
Here it goes. Yeah.

135
00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:42,109
Um, it's fire!

136
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,144
Yeah, fire!

137
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:45,479
Fire! [chuckles]

138
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,481
I love fire.

139
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:50,451
[both laugh]

140
00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:53,421
That kid is weird.

141
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:54,888
<i>Diana has in store
for Denzel,</i>

142
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:57,124
but he did not come to play.

143
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,493
<i>"But he did not come
to play."</i>

144
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:00,894
<i>[laughs]</i>

145
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,229
<i>Boy, he sucks.</i>

146
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,164
[laughs]
- What is this anyway?

147
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:07,067
<i>This is that show
where they take a couple,</i>

148
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:09,537
<i>and then, like, they have 'em
give each other tattoos,</i>

149
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:12,406
<i>but they can't see it until
they're all done or something.</i>

150
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:13,574
Oh, my God!

151
00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:14,775
Another fine offering

152
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:16,444
from the good people at MTV.

153
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:17,645
[both laugh]

154
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,514
<i>Yeah, okay.</i>

155
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,616
<i>Yeah, let's see what he got, yeah.</i>

156
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,184
<i>[dramatic music]</i>

157
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:25,185
both: Three!

158
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,521
Oh, my God.
both: Two.

159
00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:29,222
- [sighs]
- One.

160
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:32,192
<i>I thought seconds
were faster than that.</i>

161
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:33,961
<i>Not when you're watching
this show.</i>

162
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,597
- [laughs]
<i>- [chortles]</i>

163
00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:38,799
Nah.

164
00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:40,534
<i>- Uh...</i>
- What's that supposed to mean?

165
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,102
<i>Diarrhea?</i>

166
00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:44,204
<i>Whoa.
[chuckles]</i>

167
00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:47,107
<i>It doesn't really look like
diarrhea though, you know?</i>

168
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,142
<i>Doesn't usually come
in a ball like that, you know?</i>

169
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,879
I mean, I'm not doctor
or anything, you know?

170
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,346
<i>Just a fan, you know?</i>

171
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,615
<i>[laughs]</i>

172
00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:57,117
<i>Uh, wait a minute.</i>

173
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,652
<i>I think that's her name.</i>

174
00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:00,187
<i>[both laugh]</i>

175
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,722
You know, it's not a bad name
really, you know?

176
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:04,692
Um, because diarrhea just
kind of flows off the tongue,

177
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:05,926
you know? [laughs]

178
00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:08,462
Diarrhea Jones, yeah.

179
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:11,064
Uh, it doesn't flow off
the tongue, Beavis.

180
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:13,967
[chuckles]
It flows out of your butt.

181
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,504
- You came in dirty as [bleep].
<i>- [laughs]</i>

182
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:21,308
<i>Uh, okay, let's see
what he had tattooed on her.</i>

183
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:25,245
<i>I bet this is gonna be good, yeah.</i>

184
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:29,449
<i>Uh, I think this also says
"Diarrhea."</i>

185
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,284
<i>Oh, yeah, yeah.</i>

186
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:34,254
<i>Yeah, with a picture
of some diarrhea too, yeah.</i>

187
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:38,025
<i>See, now that looks like
diarrhea, yeah.</i>

188
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:42,029
<i>Uh, so I guess they're both
named Diarrhea.</i>

189
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:43,731
Well, that makes it easier.

190
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,232
[both laugh]

191
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,800
[giggles]

192
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:49,136
<i>He's like, "Diarrhea,</i>

193
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:52,405
<i>will you make me the luckiest
man in the world?"</i>

194
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,808
<i>[laughing] I wanna have you
forever, Diarrhea.</i>

195
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,244
<i>[chuckling]</i>
- Yes, yes!

196
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,979
<i>And then
when they get married,</i>

197
00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:00,280
<i>the priest is gonna be like,</i>

198
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:02,883
"Diarrhea,
do you take this man,

199
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:05,485
who I think's name
is also Diarrhea,

200
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:07,521
<i>to be
your lawfully wedded husband,</i>

201
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:09,056
<i>for richer or poorer,</i>

202
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:11,725
through sickness and, uh--

203
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:14,194
I guess just through sickness?
[laughs]

204
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:15,996
Through diarrhea and health.

205
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:17,464
[both laugh]

206
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:20,233
<i>They're honeymoon's
gonna be in the toilet.</i>

207
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,069
<i>[laughs]</i>

208
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:24,905
I do-doo.
[chortles]

209
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:27,775
They're so cute! Aw.

210
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,477
<i>This is what the bottom
of the barrel looks like.</i>

211
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:33,446
<i>[both laugh]</i>

212
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,949
Oh, my God.

213
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,718
So, um, so what happens

214
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,186
at the end
of "Romeo and Juliet"?

215
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,021
Damn it, Beavis,
you better not be talking

216
00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:42,489
about a play.

217
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,825
Sorry, sorry about that.
[police siren wailing]

218
00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,827
Uh, whoa.

219
00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:48,428
What's going on?

220
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:51,064
You know that weird girl
in Van Driessen's class?

221
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,533
She burned down
the honors trailer.

222
00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:55,235
Whoa, there she is.

223
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,439
[exhales]

224
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:02,009
Whoa, she's writing
something, Butt-Head.

225
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,076
It's a line.

226
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:06,479
Uh, that means "I."

227
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,115
And then
there's a butt again.

228
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:10,550
And, um,
and that looks like, um,

229
00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:12,352
like some kind of face
or something.

230
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:15,522
[laughs]
- Uh, it's a head.

231
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:16,824
Butt-Head.

232
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,358
That's me. [laughs]

233
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,628
Oh, do you think
that means she wants you?

234
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,462
Probably.

235
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:24,131
Maybe if she had actually
kicked your ass

236
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:25,398
I'd have noticed her more.

237
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:26,700
Oh, yeah, yeah.

238
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,435
You know, it's too bad
she's going to jail

239
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:30,838
because you probably could have
scored with her.

240
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,473
Yeah, but who cares?

241
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,542
Lots of chicks wanna score
with me.

242
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:37,978
It's because I'm not a weirdo
like you, Beavis.

243
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:40,113
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

244
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,650
But, um, but if all
these chicks like you,

245
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,217
how come you've never scored?

246
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:46,887
[laughs]
- It is a mystery, Beavis.

247
00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:48,622
Nobody knows.

248
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,057
Oh, yeah, yeah.

249
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,558
Yeah, right, yeah. [laughs]

250
00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:52,726
[engine turning over]

251
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,061
[siren wailing]

252
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:56,529
She wanted my schlong.

253
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,432
[both laugh]

254
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,503
Oh, yeah, yeah.