1 00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:03,837 * MTV ♪ 2 00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:08,476 [both chuckling] 3 00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:11,445 [rock music] 4 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:18,452 ♪ ♪ 5 00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:29,963 [snacks crunching] - Um, Butt-Head? 6 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:33,767 Um... how come we never score? 7 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:36,337 Uhh... 8 00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:37,971 I don't know. 9 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,074 I mean, other people score, you know? 10 00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:43,911 It just doesn't make any sense. [chuckles] 11 00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:46,847 Sure doesn't. [chuckles] 12 00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:48,449 Maybe there's a reason we never score. 13 00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:51,819 Like, maybe somebody up there doesn't want us to score. 14 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,488 Like... up there. Above. 15 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,590 In, like, the heavenly clouds or something. 16 00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:57,925 [chuckles] - Uhh... 17 00:00:57,991 --> 00:01:00,161 what are you talking about, Beavis? 18 00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:02,863 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess you're right. 19 00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,865 There's nobody up there. [chuckles] 20 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,535 Whoa! [heavenly chorus] 21 00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,137 Whoa, Butt-Head. Butt-Head! 22 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,505 Hey, check it out. - What? 23 00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,275 In my chip, look. It's that guy. [chuckles] 24 00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:15,776 - What guy? - That guy. 25 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:18,312 You know, the guy who's Jesus or-- 26 00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:19,780 or, like, Christ or something. 27 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:20,981 [chuckles] 28 00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:23,384 You dumbass, that's not Jesus. 29 00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:26,053 That's, like, that hippie from the Beatles or something. 30 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,156 Shut up, Butt-Head. [chuckles] 31 00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:30,458 It is a sign. [chuckles] 32 00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:34,728 A sign that Jesus has appeared in these nachos 33 00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:38,098 to help me score. Yeah. [chuckles] 34 00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:41,302 * Brushed my hair, went downstairs ♪ 35 00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:43,137 ♪ Favorite jeans on my rear ♪ 36 00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:44,705 ♪ And I looked up in my mirror ♪ 37 00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:46,640 She's got one of those things on 38 00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,609 that you wore that time someone drew wieners 39 00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:51,545 all over your face. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 40 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,080 Yeah, yeah, I cut holes out just like that, yeah. 41 00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:54,548 [chuckles] 42 00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:57,551 You know, I never figured out who did it. 43 00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:00,721 It's like one minute we're sitting here watching TV, 44 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:03,023 and then I fall asleep on the couch. 45 00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:04,625 And then the next thing I know, 46 00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:08,596 I wake up and there's schlongs all over my forehead and face. 47 00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,364 [chuckles] 48 00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:11,632 And no one else was here. 49 00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:13,066 I mean, except you, of course. 50 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,968 And the door was locked. 51 00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:16,637 And it just doesn't make any sense. 52 00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:18,639 [snickers] 53 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,275 But I'm gonna figure it out 54 00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:24,011 because whoever did it made one mistake. 55 00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:26,980 They wrote "BH" underneath the schlongs. 56 00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:29,283 [both chuckle] 57 00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:32,220 The "BH," I think, stands for, "Beavis, hello." 58 00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:34,322 You know, which is nice, but, you know-- 59 00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:37,024 But who would say hello? I mean, except you, of course. 60 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:38,959 [chuckles] Just can't think of anybody. 61 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,060 But I'm gonna figure it out. 62 00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:43,030 [snickers] You're a dumbass. 63 00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:45,666 [chuckles] 64 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:47,901 * Attitude, attitude, attitude, attitude ♪ 65 00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,270 ♪ Attitude, attitude ♪ 66 00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:50,538 Sometimes, like, when you say a word 67 00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:52,273 over and over again like she is, 68 00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,908 you forget what it means. 69 00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:56,577 Oh, yeah. Let me try. [chuckles] 70 00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:58,646 Attitude, attitude, attitude, 71 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,483 attitude, attitude, attitude, attitude, attitude. 72 00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:05,353 [chuckles] Yeah, I don't know what "attitude" means. 73 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:06,554 I don't think I knew what it meant 74 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,356 before though, you know? [chuckles] 75 00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:12,025 If I, like, kept saying "Beavis" over and over again, 76 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,994 you wouldn't mean anything. 77 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,597 You know, like, 78 00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:18,499 Beavis, Beavis, Beavis. - C'mon, don't do that, 79 00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:19,867 Butt-Head. - Beavis, Beavis, Beavis. 80 00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,469 It's not gonna work, Butt-Head. 81 00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:22,803 - Beavis, Beavis, Beavis. - Can you stop doing that, 82 00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,204 Butt-Head? - Beavis, Beavis, Beavis. 83 00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:25,606 Butt-Head, I'm serious. Don't do that. 84 00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,375 - Beavis, Beavis, Beavis. - C'mon, stop. 85 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,243 Whoa. C'mon, stop. - Beavis, Beavis, Beavis. 86 00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,345 - Stop it, Butt-Head, c'mon. - Beavis, Beavis, Beavis. 87 00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,747 - Wait a minute, who am I? - Beavis, Beavis, Beavis. 88 00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:35,683 - Did I disappear? - Hey, Beavis. Beavis. 89 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,217 - Do I exist? - Beavis, Beavis, Beavis. 90 00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:38,319 Say something else. Say any other words, like-- 91 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:39,853 - Beavis. - Like, Beavis. 92 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:40,954 I mean... - Beavis, Beavis, Beavis. 93 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,423 Just say anything. 94 00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:44,325 Any other words but that. C'mon. [chuckles] 95 00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,927 Uh, okay. [chuckles] 96 00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:49,430 I drew wieners all over your face. 97 00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:51,799 [chuckles] 98 00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,301 Ohh! 99 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:55,569 Oh, yeah, yeah. [chuckles] 100 00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,605 Yeah, I finally solved the case. 101 00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,407 Yeah. [chuckles] 102 00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:01,174 * So what I got a attitude? ♪ 103 00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:04,712 Damn it, Beavis, that isn't Jesus 104 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:06,280 on your nachos chip. 105 00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:08,316 And if he was gonna help anyone score it'd be me 106 00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:10,117 because I'm better-looking. 107 00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,352 [chuckles] - Oh, yeah, yeah. 108 00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:14,221 Yeah, I guess that's true. Yeah. [chuckles] 109 00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,824 Butt-Head, check it out! It's another sign, see? 110 00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:20,328 Maybe to score, we have to go into that church 111 00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:23,364 and, like--like, sing Christmas songs or something. 112 00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:25,265 Damn it, Beavis, you're never gonna score 113 00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:26,534 if you keep acting weird. 114 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,168 No way, Butt-Head, shut up. 115 00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:30,003 I'm tired of listening to you. 116 00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:32,773 From now on, I'm listening to Him. 117 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,075 [chuckles] - Who? 118 00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:37,478 The Lord. [chuckles] 119 00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,580 That's not the Lord, dumbass. 120 00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:41,749 That's that chick who never scored. 121 00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:43,951 No way, that's him. Yeah. [chuckles] 122 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,519 Quit being all weird. 123 00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,921 I'm gonna eat your magic chip so you'll shut up-- 124 00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:48,956 - [grunts] - [groans] 125 00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,290 No way, Butt-Head. 126 00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:53,361 From now on, I'm listening to Him, butthole. 127 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:58,932 And, soon, I shall score. [chuckles] 128 00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,701 - [groaning] - So it shall be. 129 00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:04,538 [chuckles] Boi-oing. - [groaning] 130 00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:09,643 And he said unto me, "Get on down." 131 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:12,045 [chuckles] You know what I'm saying? 132 00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:14,014 Okay, let's see. Where is he? 133 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:16,684 Oh, there he is. 134 00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,819 Damn it, Lord, am I gonna score or not? 135 00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:22,356 [chuckles] I'm willing to do whatever it takes. 136 00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:25,593 Do I, like, leave money under my pillow or something? 137 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,861 Or, I don't know, just like-- 138 00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:29,296 like, what's the deal here? 139 00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:32,099 C'mon. [chuckles] 140 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,167 Welcome, my son. 141 00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:38,238 Looking for answers? Perhaps I can help. 142 00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:40,307 So, Your Honor, um-- 143 00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:43,210 I want to know how I can get Jesus to help me out 144 00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,546 if you know what I'm saying. [chuckles] 145 00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:47,815 To study the nature of the Christ, 146 00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:52,052 I could refer you to any number of papal encyclicals. 147 00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,721 Uh-huh. Yeah. 148 00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,322 But I would suggest you start 149 00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:59,359 with the Christavideas Lavadicci, 150 00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:03,196 'cause it is addressed specifically to the laity. 151 00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:06,834 Okay, that's sounds good. [chuckles] "Lay." 152 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,603 [snickers] 153 00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:12,573 It was written by Pope John Paul II 154 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,509 after a special synod of bishops in Rome. 155 00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:20,080 The seventh such synod since Vatican II. 156 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,649 Vatican II? 157 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,618 Is that, like, when Iron Man kicked that guy's ass? 158 00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,487 I didn't get what was going on in that movie, you know? 159 00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:30,624 I don't often get a chance to go to the cinema. 160 00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:34,495 Anyway, Christavideas is a powerful statement 161 00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:37,631 redefining the role of the laity, 162 00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:40,468 which is nothing less than the transformation 163 00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:43,804 of the entire temporal order. [chuckles] 164 00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:46,339 Yeah, yeah. [chuckles] 165 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:50,210 That's, uh--yeah. [chuckles] Uh-huh. 166 00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,580 I know what you're going to say-- 167 00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:54,882 that would make it the boldest papal pronouncement 168 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:57,751 since Quia Nonnumquam. [chuckles] 169 00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:01,889 But let's take it easy before we all get excommunicated. 170 00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:05,325 [laughs] Yes. - [chuckles] Yeah, really. 171 00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:06,794 Or something. 172 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:11,331 Anyway, you're going to want to read this as well. 173 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,266 Yeah, yeah, I guess, maybe, you know. 174 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,235 I'll take a look, you know. [chuckles] 175 00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:19,973 I'm just gonna go ahead and put these here. 176 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,810 They'll be safe. [chuckles] 177 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,713 Nonumquam. [chuckles] 178 00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,420 That's a cool logo, yeah. [chuckles] 179 00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,556 Give this a try. [chuckles] 180 00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,157 So, um, Father, 181 00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,592 I was at one of your other branches 182 00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:41,361 and couldn't really understand what the guy was saying. 183 00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:44,665 And, um, I just have some questions about Jesus. 184 00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:48,869 Jews actually don't believe in Jesus as the Messiah. 185 00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:50,137 Our religion teaches 186 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,740 that the Messiah has not yet come. 187 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,842 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I see. 188 00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,377 So, um--so what does Jesus want me to do? 189 00:07:57,444 --> 00:08:00,413 Like, how do I get him to use his magic powers? 190 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:05,819 Again, as a Jew, Jesus is not part of my faith. 191 00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:08,221 Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah. Hey, wow, um-- 192 00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:10,090 so how tall was Jesus, you think? 193 00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,392 Well, that's a good question. 194 00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,895 But I think it's probably better posed 195 00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:17,130 to someone of the Christian faith. 196 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:18,766 But I'd love to answer any questions you have 197 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,500 about Judaism. 198 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,035 Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I understand. 199 00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:24,437 Yeah, um, so is it weird for Jesus 200 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:27,507 that he has the same name as the Christmas baby? 201 00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:31,078 That's not really a question about Judaism. 202 00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:32,479 Oh, right, right. [chuckles] 203 00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:35,549 So, Your Honor, um, it's cool if you say no, 204 00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:38,018 and don't get mad, but, um, 205 00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:39,987 is it okay if I ask you a question 206 00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:42,756 that's not about Jesus? [chuckles] 207 00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:45,325 - Yes. - Okay, yeah, um-- 208 00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:47,060 it would have been nice to know that before, you know, 209 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:48,796 but, um, anyway... 210 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:52,399 Um, is there a guy inside Iron Man? 211 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,335 [takes deep breath] 212 00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:58,171 Okay, Stark Industries was founded in 1939 213 00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,073 by Howard Stark, Tony Stark's father. 214 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,742 - Uh-huh. - And it quickly grows to be 215 00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:05,746 the biggest, high-tech arms manufacturer on the planet. 216 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,147 - Huh? - When Tony Stark takes over 217 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:10,618 as CEO, he gets kidnapped in Afghanistan. 218 00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:11,985 Let me show you where that is on the map. 219 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,587 Oh, boy. 220 00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:17,858 So Tony's gonna have to invent an arc reactor. 221 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:19,993 This sucks. [chuckles] 222 00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:23,163 [inhales deeply] 223 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:25,198 Gonna get my napkin ready just in case anything falls... 224 00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:28,501 Whoa, she's really gonna eat ten Big Macs in a row? 225 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,970 [chuckles] - I'm really glad... 226 00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:32,940 Uh, no, she's probably just gonna, like, 227 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:35,575 lecture us on how fast food is bad for you. 228 00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:37,010 Oh, yeah, yeah. 229 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,612 She's probably just gonna, like, yell at us 230 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:41,581 about meat and America and "meat is murder." 231 00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,416 - Go. - [chuckles] 232 00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:47,320 Uh, wait a second. 233 00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,422 I think she's really gonna do it. 234 00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:51,659 Whoa. Yes. 235 00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:54,127 Yes, she's not spitting it out or complaining or anything. 236 00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,262 Yeah, yeah. - Yes. 237 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:56,664 Yes. - Whoa, yeah, yeah. 238 00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:57,731 - Ooh, that's good. - Yeah, get it. Yeah, yeah. 239 00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:58,832 - Yes, yes, yes. - Go, go, go. 240 00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:00,100 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 241 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:04,604 both: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. 242 00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,106 - Go. Yes. - Go, yeah, yeah. 243 00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:07,975 [chuckles] 244 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,877 This is great. 245 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,945 Yeah. [chuckles] 246 00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:14,414 This is the coolest chick I have ever seen in my life. 247 00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:16,583 - Yeah. Ooh, yeah. - [chuckles] 248 00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:19,619 Look at that. Just look at that. 249 00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:20,921 [chuckles] 250 00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,656 Whoa. I think she's gonna drink 251 00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:25,726 that whole thing of Coke. - Shut up, Butt-Head. 252 00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,327 I just want to sit here 253 00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:29,229 and watch this girl eat hamburgers. 254 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:30,731 This is the most beautiful thing 255 00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:32,532 I have ever seen. Yeah. 256 00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:35,002 [chuckles] - Okay, Beavis. [chuckles] 257 00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:36,904 It is amazing. 258 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,438 It sure is. 259 00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:39,873 You know, um-- 260 00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:41,408 normally, you know, I see a girl like this, you know, 261 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,343 and I just think I want to score with her, but, um, 262 00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:46,146 now I want to just, like, 263 00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:47,314 settle down with her, you know? 264 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:48,949 And, like--and get married. 265 00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,617 And, um... [chuckles] 266 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,352 And have a couple kids. 267 00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:55,022 And hopefully she doesn't eat the kids, you know, but, um-- 268 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,290 Yeah, and if Big Macs are more important, 269 00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:59,526 then, you know, she can have all the Big Macs she wants 270 00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:00,994 and I'll understand, 271 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,896 you know...[chuckles] That that comes first. 272 00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:04,631 You know? [chuckles] 273 00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:06,199 Okay, Beavis. 274 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:07,600 Maybe I could score with her 275 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,437 after she's really full, you know? [chuckles] 276 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,773 You know, the 11th Big Mac is Beavis. Yeah. 277 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,141 [chuckles] Me. 278 00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:19,012 Uh, I think I'm in love, Beavis. 279 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:20,948 And I'm gonna have to kick your ass for her. 280 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,315 [chuckles] 281 00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:24,384 Shut up, Butt-Head, c'mon. [chuckles] 282 00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:26,854 I would drive all the way to New Zealand to get her. 283 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,723 [chuckling] 284 00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:31,491 Okay, she's in the home stretch, now. 285 00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:34,594 It's down to the last three. C'mon. [chuckles] 286 00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:37,530 At this point, it's all mental. [chuckles] 287 00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:38,932 You don't eat those last three Big Macs 288 00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:40,200 with your mouth. 289 00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:41,969 You eat them with your heart. 290 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,805 She has the heart of a champion. [chuckles] 291 00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:47,975 And it is completely clogged with beef fat. 292 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,642 [snickers] 293 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,678 Shut up, Butt-Head. [chuckles] 294 00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:52,980 That's my wife you're talking about. 295 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:56,984 [burps] I feel-- 296 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,519 [burps] - My woman. 297 00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:00,788 [chuckles] - [burps] Pardon me. 298 00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:08,128 And then I went to a place called a mosque or something. 299 00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:10,363 But they did not want to talk about Jesus. 300 00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:11,999 Wow. [chuckles] 301 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:15,168 Your dumbass nacho isn't gonna help us score, Beavis. 302 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:20,173 No way. I still believe He will help me score. 303 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,674 [chuckles] 304 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,411 C'mon. Just give me a sign. 305 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,079 Any kind of sign. 306 00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,347 Hey, Bobby! 307 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,549 Bobby and Broderick! 308 00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:30,984 Whoa. [chuckles] 309 00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,520 It's Audrey from your homeroom. 310 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,789 I am so glad to see you guys here. 311 00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:38,792 No chick has ever said that to us. 312 00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:41,328 It is a miracle. [chuckles] 313 00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:44,531 I've noticed you guys, like, talk about sex all the time. 314 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,266 Like, it's all you think about. 315 00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,500 And it's getting in the way 316 00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:49,669 of your studies and making other friends. 317 00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:52,605 It sure is, baby. [both chuckle] 318 00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:54,007 I think what we do here 319 00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,608 could really help you get over that 320 00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,210 and start living your best life. 321 00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,778 - Totally. - Mm-hmm. 322 00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:01,481 Uh, wait a minute. 323 00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,416 I see what's going on here. 324 00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:05,318 You're saying you're gonna help us score? 325 00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:07,720 It really helped me with my SAT scores, 326 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,189 if that's what you mean. 327 00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:10,757 Come on it. It'll be fun. 328 00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,893 [girls giggling] - We're gonna score. 329 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,527 [chuckles] - Hallelujah. 330 00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:16,830 [both snickering] 331 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:22,135 * Whatever you give life you will get back ♪ 332 00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:24,972 ♪ Why be a wallflower * - You know that thing 333 00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:26,239 she just said, um, 334 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,775 "whatever you give life you'll get back"? 335 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:31,178 Um, everybody's always saying that. 336 00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:33,780 And, um-- and it's just not true 337 00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:36,049 because, um--because I, like, 338 00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:38,718 just keep giving and giving 339 00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:41,121 and trying and everything sucks. 340 00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:42,923 And, um--[chuckles] There's no life. 341 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,392 And, um--yeah, yeah, anyway. 342 00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,360 I just wanted to say something about that, yeah. 343 00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:50,463 [both chuckle] - That would be a cool song, 344 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,465 Beavis. [chuckles] 345 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,134 You know, about how life sucks. 346 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:57,437 Yeah, yeah, I mean, if I could score just one time, 347 00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,072 I'd say, "Yeah, yeah, okay. There's something." 348 00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:00,573 Yeah. 349 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,709 I'm not asking for a lot. Just one time, yeah. 350 00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,211 Yeah, it could be with anyone. 351 00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,746 It could be with her, it could be with her, 352 00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:08,148 it could be with her. 353 00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,050 It could be anyone. Oh, not her, though. No. 354 00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:11,885 [chuckles] She has fake hair. 355 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:14,387 She's all phony, yeah. [chuckles] 356 00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:17,824 Uh, those are all the same chick, Beavis. 357 00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,692 Then any of them, or all of them, 358 00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:21,828 or the same one. I don't care. [chuckles] 359 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,796 All I need is-- whoa, a cheeseburger. 360 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,298 [chuckles] 361 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:26,766 Yeah, that looks pretty good right about now. 362 00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:29,036 [chuckles, sighs] 363 00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,971 Yeah, I think I'm just hungry, you know? 364 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,372 I get like this when I'm hungry. 365 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,207 I might go get a cheeseburger, Butt-Head. 366 00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:36,409 - [chuckles] - Kick ass. 367 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,745 [snickering] 368 00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:41,148 Dumbass. 369 00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:44,451 Welcome to our abstinence circle. 370 00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:46,920 Audrey, can you introduce us to your new friends? 371 00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:49,256 Pastor Travis, Bobby and Broderick are 372 00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:52,259 excited to hear about sexual abstinence. 373 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,261 Excited to hear it, excited to do it. 374 00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,728 - Yeah, yeah. - [chuckles] 375 00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:57,864 Yeah, sexual abbisance. Yeah. 376 00:14:57,931 --> 00:15:00,700 Boi-oi-oi-oing. [snickers] 377 00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:03,170 Yeah, yeah. Cool. 378 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,772 See, the culture and the media can give you a lot of BS 379 00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,440 about sex, right? 380 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,376 But in here, we keep it real. 381 00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,778 - Yeah. Yeah, exactly. - [chuckles] 382 00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:13,280 - I want it real. - Yeah. 383 00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,882 - Right now. - Right on, right on. 384 00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:18,118 Well, why don't we hear it from you peers? 385 00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:19,886 Who's ready to do a share? 386 00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:21,321 I'll go. 387 00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:23,856 I was a little scared of abstinence at first. 388 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,225 I wasn't sure I could do it. 389 00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:27,527 We're here to support you. [chuckles] 390 00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:28,795 Aw, thanks. 391 00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:30,830 But now, I feel filled up with joy. 392 00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:32,332 Yeah, yeah. 393 00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:34,167 - Yeah. [chuckles] - Yeah, filled. 394 00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:36,003 Joy. [both chuckle] 395 00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:38,238 Yeah. Thanks to abstinence, 396 00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:41,774 now I can really get to know people deep down. 397 00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,343 - [chuckles] - Yeah, yeah, deep down. 398 00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:45,545 Yeah. [chuckles] - And the best part is 399 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:46,913 you're not alone. 400 00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,915 We're doing it with you. 401 00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:50,550 That's the point, dumbass. 402 00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,485 All of us together. 403 00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,487 Yeah, yeah. All of us, yeah, yeah. 404 00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,223 Except him, yeah. [chuckles] 405 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,758 All at the same time, yeah. [chuckles] 406 00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:00,327 Sounds pretty good, huh? 407 00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:03,130 So what'll it be? Are you ready? 408 00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:06,633 Ready to get on top of all those sexual urges and desires 409 00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:08,401 and really feel fulfilled? 410 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,603 - Can we do it right now, sir? - Yeah, yeah. 411 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,105 Yeah, right now. Yeah! 412 00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:14,441 You can choose abstinence right now. 413 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:15,608 Yes! 414 00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:16,643 - Uh... - What are we waiting for? 415 00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:17,944 - Bro... - Yeah, yeah. Let's do 416 00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:19,412 some sexual abbisance. - Whoa, relax, bro. 417 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,348 - Excuse me? - Yeah, let's all get naked. 418 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,550 - Get off the chair, bro. - Aah! 419 00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:26,186 Oh, dear. 420 00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:31,724 [mystical music] 421 00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:34,161 Wow, where am I? 422 00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,463 Is this part of scoring? 423 00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:37,930 Am I dead? 424 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,766 What's going on? 425 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,701 Give me an answer, somebody. 426 00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,403 Somebody, please. 427 00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:45,405 [bell chimes] 428 00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:48,741 The answer lies in an apostolic exhortation 429 00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:53,880 from Pope John Paul called Perfectae Caritatis. 430 00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,615 [bell chimes] 431 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,585 Did I mention that Tony Stark had to invent an arc reactor? 432 00:16:58,651 --> 00:16:59,952 Yeah, you said that already. 433 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,721 [bell chimes] 434 00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:03,623 With respect, Rabbi, I'd already invented 435 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:04,957 the arc reactor. 436 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,126 What I did in Afghanistan was engineer it 437 00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,794 into a smaller form factor. 438 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,162 You're splitting hairs. 439 00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:11,398 Damn it, enough. [chuckles] 440 00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:14,467 Can somebody please tell me what's going on? 441 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,070 Am I scoring right now? [chuckles] 442 00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:18,671 Or did I just score? 443 00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:19,939 No. 444 00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:22,775 [bell chimes] 445 00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:25,578 You are not scoring, my child. 446 00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,314 You will never score. 447 00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,416 - Assuredly not, no. - Wow, Jesus makes 448 00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,284 a good point. - Yeah, he'll never score. 449 00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:34,121 [grunts] 450 00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,289 Yeah, that sucks. [grunts] 451 00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:39,559 [laughs] Just get that from you. 452 00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:40,927 [chuckles] 453 00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:43,029 [crunching] Still fresh. 454 00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,564 [chuckles] 455 00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:51,037 [lounge music] 456 00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:55,508 Ew, look at that. That's disgusting. 457 00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:59,846 Who would do that? [chuckles] Who would eat a salad? 458 00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:01,981 [chuckles] 459 00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:03,916 Yeah, I would never do that. Yeah. [chuckles] 460 00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:07,954 Uh, what kind of lizard, dragon thing is this anyway? 461 00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:09,456 [chuckles] 462 00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,358 It's a white-throated monitor lizard, Butt-Head. 463 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,525 [chuckles] 464 00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:16,629 Uh, what? [chuckles] 465 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,898 It's a white-throated monitor lizard. 466 00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:20,733 Yeah. [chuckles] 467 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,535 How do you know, Beavis? 468 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,304 [chuckles] I don't know. 469 00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:25,605 I like lizards. 470 00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,039 Yeah, yeah, it's, like, um-- 471 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,008 like, one of my passions. 472 00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:29,876 You know, like, um, 473 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,278 spanking my monkey. 474 00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:33,045 You know, and, um-- and fire, of course. 475 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,947 And, um--[chuckles] And lizards. 476 00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,816 Yeah. [chuckles] Yep. 477 00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:40,553 [chuckles] Passion. 478 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:41,888 You know what really pisses me off? 479 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:45,091 How come this lizard gets to have dinner 480 00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:47,126 with a hot chick and she, like, feeds him 481 00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:50,263 and wipes his mouth and takes care of him, 482 00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:54,133 and I never get to have dinner with any chick at all? 483 00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,635 It's not fair. [chuckles] 484 00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:57,170 That's 'cause this lizard is 485 00:18:57,237 --> 00:19:00,039 better-looking than you, Beavis. [chuckles] 486 00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:01,608 And he's smoother. 487 00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:03,876 He's like, "Hey, baby, 488 00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,078 "you know, I don't normally do this, 489 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,880 "but I feel such a strong connection with you. 490 00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:09,182 "I was thinking maybe we would go 491 00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:11,418 "back to my terrarium and find out 492 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,619 if I have a schlong." 493 00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,120 [both chuckle] 494 00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:15,855 "And then maybe we can go eat some crickets." 495 00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:17,190 [chuckles] - No, no, Butt-Head. No. 496 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,392 You're thinking of the ridge-tailed monitor. 497 00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:20,960 That doesn't work. [chuckles] 498 00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,429 Damn it, Beavis, you threw me off. 499 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:23,930 [chuckles] 500 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,865 If you want to be wrong, that's fine. [chuckles] 501 00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:28,067 Beavis, I'm gonna smack you upside the head. 502 00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:29,336 [chuckles] 503 00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:30,903 Yeah, you can smack me upside the head, 504 00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,839 but white-throated monitors do not eat crickets. 505 00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:35,208 It makes them sick. [chuckles] 506 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:36,343 It's only the ridge-tailed 507 00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:38,578 and maybe sometimes a Nile mon--aah! 508 00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:41,080 - Dumbass. - [chuckles] 509 00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:44,050 [crunching] 510 00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,786 Well, Butt-Head, um-- [chuckles] 511 00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:49,456 I guess Iron Man really doesn't want us to score. 512 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,057 [chuckles] 513 00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,826 It's just not our time, Beavis. 514 00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:55,328 I think Audrey said that we have to wait 515 00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:58,298 until we're, like, the last man on Earth or something. 516 00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,132 [chuckles] - Oh, yeah, yeah. [chuckles] 517 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,568 Yeah, well, you know, 518 00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,102 I'll just wait for another sign then. 519 00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:04,103 [chuckles] 520 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,139 [ominous music] 521 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,108 Whoa, Butt-Head, check it out! It's a--[chuckles] 522 00:20:09,175 --> 00:20:11,478 Eh... 523 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,680 Eh, just ignore it. [chuckles] 524 00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:18,985 I'll be damned. [chuckles] 525 00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:24,391 [rock music] 526 00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:31,063 ♪ ♪ 527 00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:47,780 Chirp.