- ♪ MTV ♪
[both chuckling]
[rock music]
♪ ♪
- [snoring]
- [mumbling]
[hammer pounding] - Ugh, damn it.
How the hell are we supposed to sleep with all this noise?
- Eh.
What's it say, Butt-Head?
- Uh,
"We re-serve the rig-hut to re-fussy..."
- It says, "We reserve the right
to refuse service to anyone."
- Uh...
- It means employees can refuse service
to a customer who violates our policies.
- Uh... - Huh?
- Like, if a customer creates
an unsafe or a hostile work environment.
- Whoa, that would be cool.
[both chuckle] - Yeah, unsafe kicks ass.
[chuckles] - Uh, wait a second.
So we can, like, refuse service to anyone we want?
- No, only if they violate our policies
or create an unsafe or hostile work environment,
- Cool. [chuckles]
Maybe work wouldn't suck so much
if it was unsafe and hostile.
[chuckles] - Yeah, motivation is cool.
[chuckles]
- ♪ Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy ♪
♪ Not me, if you ever cared to ask ♪
♪ Good for you ♪
- These cheerleaders don't seem all that great, you know?
- Yeah, really.
The cheerleaders at our school are better than this,
and half of 'em are pregnant.
[both chuckle]
- Yeah, that's cool. [chuckles]
- The coach is like, "Olivia Rodrigo,
"I've been noticing you've been half-assing it at practice.
"You're supposed to be
"cheering for the Fighting Dolphins,
not yelling about your boyfriend."
[chuckles]
- "When you wear this uniform, you rep the school.
"Now, if you wanna go burn down
"Your boyfriend's house,
you do it in your street clothes."
[chuckles]
"This is not gonna help us beat the Wildcats."
[chuckles]
- ♪ Like a damn sociopath, I've lost my mind ♪
- Uh, what is that word, "sociopath"?
[chuckles] - Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I wonder what it means. [chuckles]
- That school psychiatrist said I was one of those.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- But it didn't matter, 'cause I don't care about her at all.
[both chuckle]
Or anyone else, really. [chuckles]
I don't care about others. [chuckles]
- ♪ Good for you ♪
- You know, I would love
to have a girl be this mad at me
because that means that I scored with her before,
you know?
- Yeah, no girl will ever be
this pissed off about you, Beavis.
- Yeah, yeah.
No one's ever gonna burn down my house.
[chuckles]
I guess I'll just have to do it myself.
[chuckles] - You'll die alone.
[both chuckle] - Shut up, Butt-Head.
[chuckles]
- Hi, I want a bacon cheeseburger
with lettuce and tomato, but extra tomato,
and a vanilla shake,
and a large half-fries, half-onion rings.
- Uh, I refuse. [chuckles]
- What? Why?
- You're, like, creating a work environment.
[chuckles] - But you work here.
Isn't this your job?
- You just did it again, dumbass.
I'm sorry, sir.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
[chuckles]
- Yeah, we'll have three regular hamburgers.
- Uh-huh. - No ketchup on one of them.
- [chuckles] Ketchup sucks.
- And we'll take two orders of fries.
- Would you like to try our new Macho Hot Fries
for $1 more?
- Sounds good.
- [chuckles]
- You got all that?
- No.
- What do you mean, "No"?
- I refuse. [chuckles]
I'm not gonna make it,
'cause you're, like, violating our policies.
- How exactly am I violating your policies?
- Um, what's the policy again?
[chuckles]
- Would you just give us our food?
- I think it's, like, you're being a butthole or something.
[chuckles]
And, like, you suck. [chuckles]
Thank you. Drive through.
[chuckles]
We won't be needing this anymore.
- Can we have two junior burger meals
with the apple slices?
And I'll have a salad.
- Uh, no, you cannot. - We know our rights, ma'am.
[chuckles] - We sure do.
They're on that sign full of words.
[chuckles]
- Um, Butt-Head,
that's the sign that shows you how to choke somebody.
[chuckles]
- Okay, I wanna see the manager right now.
- I refuse. [both chuckling]
- Ugh.
- Yeah, and don't come back! [door slams]
Thank you for choosing Burger World.
[chuckles]
- Hey, guys, we're here, and today, we've got some new items
to the studio, and I'm super, super excited about it.
I'm not quite sure what's in here.
- Oh, this is that video where he unboxes real human skulls.
[chuckles] - Yeah, that's messed up.
[chuckles]
- If you're unboxing real human skulls,
you shouldn't start out with,
"Hey, guys, I'm super, super excited."
[chuckles]
- Yeah, really.
Your start out like--
[cackles]
Like that Crypt Keeper dude, you know?
Like, how he's always making puns, you know?
[chuckles]
"Welcome, boils and ghouls." [chuckles]
- "If you are watching, you just might get a head."
[chuckles]
- "Oh, what have we here?
This is to remind you to stay in skull."
[both chuckle]
Wait a minute. [chuckles]
Wait, where do they get these skulls?
- Uh, from dead people.
[chuckles]
- Wait a minute, so he--so he's, like,
a serial killer or something?
- Yeah. [chuckles]
"Breaking news: Police have just arrested a man
known as the dumbass-who-shows-off-
his-skulls-on-YouTube killer."
[both chuckle]
"Neighbors said he seems like a serial killer,
and he's got a bunch of skulls in his apartment."
[chuckles]
- "Neighbors said he would show off his skulls
"and say, 'Meet my new tomb-mate.'"
[cackles]
[both chuckle]
- Yeah. [chuckles]
"Would you like to come into my apartment
and take a whiz in the bath-tomb?"
[chuckles]
- [chuckles]
He's like... [cackles]
"These skulls give me a bone-r."
[chuckles]
You know, yeah, 'cause the bone is, like, you know--
skull is, like, a bone, you know.
[chuckles] - Uh, yes, I get it, Beavis.
[chuckles] Don't run it into the ground.
[chuckles]
- But I'm getting grave reviews.
[chuckles]
- I'm going to kick your ass.
Now shut up. [chuckles]
- You know, yeah, wait a second.
I don't think I get that one.
- This was an old, old preparation...
- That guy, who the skull belong to, is like,
"You know, I lived a good life.
"I raised a family, and now this dumbass is playing
with my skull on YouTube."
[chuckles]
- Man, this is really messed up, Butt-Head.
Think maybe we should call the police?
- Uh, nah.
[chuckles] It's not my problem.
[chuckles] - Oh, yeah.
[chuckles]
Yeah, it's not my skull. [chuckles]
- I hope you guys enjoy it. Ciao.
- "Ciao.
I'm gonna go chow down on some human flesh."
[both chuckle]
[cars honking]
- Uh, can I get a double cheeseburger, large fries,
and a root beer?
- Yes, you can,
but not here.
I refuse. [chuckles]
- Butt-Head, Butt-Head. [chuckles]
There's a hot chick in line. Check her out.
[chuckles] Should I refuse her?
- Whoa, she's creating a hostile environment
in my pants.
[both chuckle]
- Hey, yeah, really.
It's getting unsafe in there. [chuckles]
- Let me handle this, Beavis. [chuckles]
- Um, I guess I could let you handle it.
But I was kind of hoping the hot chick would--
[screaming]
I thought you meant--
[crash] Ahh!
- Stop it. Don't you ever--
[impacts] - Ah-ah-oh!
- Get out there. [chuckles]
- What's this about you guys refusing to serve people?
- Nothing could be further from the truth, ma'am.
I'll have Beavis bring you everything
from our entire menu.
- I am servicing the right to reserve you.
- Uh, and allow me to provide you a little entertainment.
[chuckles]
Check this out. [chuckles]
Uh, you, and, uh, you over there,
we reserve the right to refuse you service,
unless you fight.
[chuckles] - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fight. [chuckles]
Winner gets to eat, yeah. [chuckles]
- And the loser shall be refused.
That is our right, and we reserve it.
- This is bullshit.
I'm not gonna hurt this guy for a lousy cheeseburger.
- Yeah, except, you know, you wouldn't hurt me.
all: Ooh!
- He just said he can kick your ass.
- You'll be on the floor in about five seconds.
- Yeah, fight, fight! - You wanna go?
You wanna go?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Kick his ass.
- Worldstar.
- Hey!
[both chuckling]
- Well, we did it, Beavis.
This place is an unsafe and hostile work environment.
- Yeah, manager's gonna be really proud of us, you know?
- It's a good thing he put up that sign.
[indistinct yelling]
- I guess it's not up anymore.
Oh, there it is.
[chuckles]
Butt-Head, the sign broke.
- Eh, damn it.
Now we have to serve people again.
[chuckles]
- Yeah, this job sucks.
[police siren wailing]
[rock music]
♪ ♪
[both chuckling]
- That statue kicks ass.
- Yeah, yeah. [both chuckle]
What kind of pants are those?
- They're yoga pants, dumbass.
Everybody knows that. [chuckles]
- Well, that statue sure looks good in those yoga pants.
[chuckles] - It sure does.
[chuckles] - [chuckles]
Yoga pants. [chuckles]
Mm.
Um, Butt-Head?
I wonder if I would look sexy in yoga pants.
[chuckles] Yeah.
- Everyone looks sexy in yoga pants.
- Yeah, except for you, Beavis,
'cause you're disgusting.
- No way, Butt-Head. [chuckles]
You heard what she said.
I'm gonna listen to a chick and not you.
[chuckles]
I'm gonna go get some yoga pants,
and then I shall score.
[chuckles]
- [slurps]
- You've seen it before, but not on this scale.
[laughs]
I thought we all needed cheering up, myself included.
So I know how you love a little bit of rock cooking.
I thought I'd go OTT with it.
- You know--you know, Butt-Head, um,
sometimes I worry that I'll never score, you know?
But, um--
but this guy will never score.
- Yeah, I don't see how he could.
[chuckles]
- Is this the outback or something?
- He's in the outback
'cause his wife kicked him out,
and now he's living out back behind his mom's house.
[chuckles]
- "Mom, can I play breakfast in the backyard again?"
[both chuckle]
- This guy's survival skill, is it, like, if he runs out
of food, he just goes to his mom's house
and gets a bunch of stuff out of the fridge?
[both chuckle]
- And then he just goes into the backyard
and cooks it all, yeah.
[chuckles]
On one of those tiles from the roof, yeah.
[chuckles]
- Why didn't he just, like, get some Froot Loops
or something?
[both chuckle]
This breakfast is a cry for help.
[both chuckle]
He made a face out of eggs and sausage
'cause he's lonely.
[both chuckle]
- "Let's make some pancake boobs here."
[both chuckle]
- He's like, "I'm cooking for two
"in case Jennifer comes back. Has anyone seen her?
No? Well, that means more for me."
[chuckles]
- This is turning out to be a great day
without Jennifer, and many more to come, yeah.
[chuckles]
" Yeah, my ex-wife likes oranges,
so I guess I'll make her some orange juice.
[chuckles]
- And I'll make it here in her sawed-off leg bone.
[both chuckle]
- That was lovely.
- [chuckles]
Yup, all good things must come to an end,
like this filthy breakfast and my marriage of 14 months.
[both chuckle]
- Come on, Butt-Head. This is getting too sad.
[chuckles]
- Yeah. [chuckles]
"And now I filled this backpack with rocks,
and I'm just gonna go walk into the ocean."
[both chuckle] - Yeah.
- "In the next episode, you'll be seeing an outback funeral."
[both chuckle]
"Let me know if she's there." [chuckles]
"She'll probably cry, and then she'll regret
running off with her college roommate."
- Yeah. [both chuckle]
She'll be like, "You know, if I hadn't left him,
"he'd still be alive and cooking me a filthy breakfast
on a rock."
[both chuckle]
- "And don't forget, if you like this video,
can you please go find my wife?"
[both chuckle]
- Just smash that find-my-wife button.
[both chuckle]
Go get me some yoga pants.
Ooh, yeah. [chuckles]
- Uh, here you go, Beavis. [chuckles]
- Um, those look kind of small, Butt-Head.
- Of course they look small, dumbass.
That's because they, like, stretch and stuff so that
they can, like, rearrange your butt or something.
- Oh, yeah, yeah. That makes sense, yeah.
[chuckles] This is gonna be cool.
[chuckles]
- [slurps] - Okay.
I'll take these off.
Here we go. [chuckles]
Ah.
Hey, how's it going? [chuckles]
Hey, Butt-Head, I'm, like, naked in a place
that, like, chicks have been naked in.
- Cool. [chuckles]
- Boing, oing, oing. - [chuckles]
- Okay, okay. [chuckles]
- [slurps] - Put these bad boys on.
[chuckles]
[grunting]
- [slurps]
- [grunting]
About halfway there.
[grunting]
Son of a bitch!
[elastic snaps]
[sighs] Okay.
[chuckles] Here we go.
How do I look? [chuckles]
- Uh, Beavis?
- Pretty sexy.
[chuckles] - Uh, Beavis?
[chuckles] - Yeah, I'd tap that.
Yeah--ooh. [chuckles]
- Uh, Beavis, it looks like you don't have any nads.
- What? What're you talking about?
- Or a schlong. [chuckles]
- No way, Butt-Head. My schlong is right--
[screams]
No, what happened to my nads? - [chuckles]
- I know they're in there 'cause these pants
are really making 'em hurt.
- Uh, you better take 'em off
before any chicks see you, Beavis.
That's embarrassing. - [grunting]
They won't come off, Butt-Head.
[grunts]
My wiener's going numb. [screaming]
- Just get ahold of yourself, Beavis.
Hold of yourself. [chuckles]
- I can't get 'em off. Ahh!
- [grunting] You gotta help me, Butt-Head.
These pants are cutting off oxygen to my schlong.
- Hmm, we need to find a place that sells schlong oxygen.
- No, we gotta find something to get 'em off
before my wiener dies.
Damn it. [grumbles]
- We just need to, like, oil 'em up,
and then they'll just slide right off.
Now just wait over there.
I'll be right back. [chuckles]
- Care to try our new olive oils from Tuscany?
- Okay, Beavis, I got you some oil,
and it has Tuscany in it.
- What's that?
- I don't know, but it'll grease you up good.
Open up your pants. [chuckles]
- It's not working, Butt-Head.
- That's 'cause you need some muscle, dumbass.
Hold on to that thing, and let a real man do this.
- Uh, Butt-Head, Butt-Head.
Butt-Head, I'm starting to slip.
- Hold on, dumbass.
- I can't. - Almost got it.
- No, Butt-Head.
No, no, no--oh, no!
Ahh!
[screaming]
- [chuckles] That was cool.
[chuckles]
- [grunts]
I can't get up, Butt-Head.
Ow, ah. [grunting]
It just keeps going down.
- Uh, don't worry, Beavis. I'm gonna go get help.
- Ow. [grunting]
- Going down. [chuckles]
- Oh, yeah. [grunting]
Eh, but really, Butt-Head, come on.
Ah, ow, ah.
- Uh, excuse me.
We need help and stuff.
- What's the problem?
- Uh, my friend has no nads.
[grunts] Ah, ow, ah, ow, ah!
- Uh, he says he doesn't know how to help you, Beavis.
- Damn it.
[grunting]
- Well, I'll see you at home.
- [screams] - Let me know how it turns out.
[chuckles] - Okay, see you later.
Damn it.
Ah, ow. Ah, ow.
[grunting]
Ah!
Damn it.
[snoring]
- Good morning. - Good morning.
[chuckles]
[snoring]
[coughs]
[snoring]
- Chirp.