[rock music]
♪ ♪
[both chuckling]
That statue kicks ass.
Yeah, yeah. [both chuckle]
What kind of pants are those?
They're yoga pants, dumbass.
Everybody knows that. [chuckles]
Well, that statue sure looks good in those yoga pants.
[chuckles] - It sure does.
[chuckles] - [chuckles]
Yoga pants. [chuckles]
Mm.
Um, Butt-Head?
I wonder if I would look sexy in yoga pants.
[chuckles] Yeah.
Everyone looks sexy in yoga pants.
Yeah, except for you, Beavis,
'cause you're disgusting.
No way, Butt-Head. [chuckles]
You heard what she said.
I'm gonna listen to a chick and not you.
[chuckles]
I'm gonna go get some yoga pants,
and then I shall score.
[chuckles]
[slurps]
You've seen it before, but not on this scale.
[laughs]
I thought we all needed cheering up, myself included.
So I know how you love a little bit of rock cooking.
I thought I'd go OTT with it.
You know--you know, Butt-Head, um,
sometimes I worry that I'll never score, you know?
But, um--
but this guy will never score.
Yeah, I don't see how he could.
[chuckles]
Is this the outback or something?
He's in the outback
'cause his wife kicked him out,
and now he's living out back behind his mom's house.
[chuckles]
"Mom, can I play breakfast in the backyard again?"
[both chuckle]
This guy's survival skill, is it, like, if he runs out
of food, he just goes to his mom's house
and gets a bunch of stuff out of the fridge?
[both chuckle]
And then he just goes into the backyard
and cooks it all, yeah.
[chuckles]
On one of those tiles from the roof, yeah.
[chuckles]
Why didn't he just, like, get some Froot Loops
or something?
[both chuckle]
This breakfast is a cry for help.
[both chuckle]
He made a face out of eggs and sausage
'cause he's lonely.
[both chuckle]
"Let's make some pancake boobs here."
[both chuckle]
He's like, "I'm cooking for two
"in case Jennifer comes back. Has anyone seen her?
No? Well, that means more for me."
[chuckles]
This is turning out to be a great day
without Jennifer, and many more to come, yeah.
[chuckles]
" Yeah, my ex-wife likes oranges,
so I guess I'll make her some orange juice.
[chuckles]
And I'll make it here in her sawed-off leg bone.
[both chuckle]
That was lovely.
[chuckles]
Yup, all good things must come to an end,
like this filthy breakfast and my marriage of 14 months.
[both chuckle]
Come on, Butt-Head. This is getting too sad.
[chuckles]
Yeah. [chuckles]
"And now I filled this backpack with rocks,
and I'm just gonna go walk into the ocean."
[both chuckle] - Yeah.
"In the next episode, you'll be seeing an outback funeral."
[both chuckle]
"Let me know if she's there." [chuckles]
"She'll probably cry, and then she'll regret
running off with her college roommate."
Yeah. [both chuckle]
She'll be like, "You know, if I hadn't left him,
"he'd still be alive and cooking me a filthy breakfast
on a rock."
[both chuckle]
"And don't forget, if you like this video,
can you please go find my wife?"
[both chuckle]
Just smash that find-my-wife button.
[both chuckle]
Go get me some yoga pants.
Ooh, yeah. [chuckles]
Uh, here you go, Beavis. [chuckles]
Um, those look kind of small, Butt-Head.
Of course they look small, dumbass.
That's because they, like, stretch and stuff so that
they can, like, rearrange your butt or something.
Oh, yeah, yeah. That makes sense, yeah.
[chuckles] This is gonna be cool.
[chuckles]
- [slurps] - Okay.
I'll take these off.
Here we go. [chuckles]
Ah.
Hey, how's it going? [chuckles]
Hey, Butt-Head, I'm, like, naked in a place
that, like, chicks have been naked in.
Cool. [chuckles]
- Boing, oing, oing. - [chuckles]
Okay, okay. [chuckles]
- [slurps] - Put these bad boys on.
[chuckles]
[grunting]
[slurps]
[grunting]
About halfway there.
[grunting]
Son of a bitch!
[elastic snaps]
[sighs] Okay.
[chuckles] Here we go.
How do I look? [chuckles]
Uh, Beavis?
Pretty sexy.
[chuckles] - Uh, Beavis?
[chuckles] - Yeah, I'd tap that.
Yeah--ooh. [chuckles]
Uh, Beavis, it looks like you don't have any nads.
What? What're you talking about?
Or a schlong. [chuckles]
No way, Butt-Head. My schlong is right--
[screams]
No, what happened to my nads? - [chuckles]
I know they're in there 'cause these pants
are really making 'em hurt.
Uh, you better take 'em off
before any chicks see you, Beavis.
That's embarrassing. - [grunting]
They won't come off, Butt-Head.
[grunts]
My wiener's going numb. [screaming]
Just get ahold of yourself, Beavis.
Hold of yourself. [chuckles]
I can't get 'em off. Ahh!
[grunting] You gotta help me, Butt-Head.
These pants are cutting off oxygen to my schlong.
Hmm, we need to find a place that sells schlong oxygen.
No, we gotta find something to get 'em off
before my wiener dies.
Damn it. [grumbles]
We just need to, like, oil 'em up,
and then they'll just slide right off.
Now just wait over there.
I'll be right back. [chuckles]
Care to try our new olive oils from Tuscany?
Okay, Beavis, I got you some oil,
and it has Tuscany in it.
What's that?
I don't know, but it'll grease you up good.
Open up your pants. [chuckles]
It's not working, Butt-Head.
That's 'cause you need some muscle, dumbass.
Hold on to that thing, and let a real man do this.
Uh, Butt-Head, Butt-Head.
Butt-Head, I'm starting to slip.
Hold on, dumbass.
- I can't. - Almost got it.
No, Butt-Head.
No, no, no--oh, no!
Ahh!
[screaming]
[chuckles] That was cool.
[chuckles]
[grunts]
I can't get up, Butt-Head.
Ow, ah. [grunting]
It just keeps going down.
Uh, don't worry, Beavis. I'm gonna go get help.
Ow. [grunting]
Going down. [chuckles]
Oh, yeah. [grunting]
Eh, but really, Butt-Head, come on.
Ah, ow, ah.
Uh, excuse me.
We need help and stuff.
What's the problem?
Uh, my friend has no nads.
[grunts] Ah, ow, ah, ow, ah!
Uh, he says he doesn't know how to help you, Beavis.
Damn it.
[grunting]
Well, I'll see you at home.
- [screams] - Let me know how it turns out.
[chuckles] - Okay, see you later.
Damn it.
Ah, ow. Ah, ow.
[grunting]
Ah!
Damn it.
[snoring]
- Good morning. - Good morning.
[chuckles]
[snoring]
[coughs]
[snoring]
Chirp.