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[rock music]
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♪ ♪
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Today we're talking
about fossils.
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Okay?
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And a fossil, class,
is really just another name
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for an ancient bone.
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[Beavis and Butt-Head
snickering]
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But what you may not know
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is that these bony messengers
from the past
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can be found
in our own backyard.
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Recently, not far from here,
a Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton
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was found
by amateur bone hunters.
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Beavis' mom
is an amateur bone hunter.
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Shut up, Butt-Head.
That's not funny.
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And while they may not have
the glitz
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of popular youth culture,
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dinosaur exhibits bring in
millions of dollars
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for the American
Paleontological Foundation--
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Uh, sir?
Sir! Hey!
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What was the part
about a million dollars?
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More like millions,
Butt-Head.
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You know, a good research
project would be to find--
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Beavis, our hard work
in school is about to pay off.
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[chuckles]
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Yeah, finally.
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Jesus.
[chuckles]
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Eh, sorry, Butt-Head.
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Anderson only had one shovel.
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One is all we need, Beavis.
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Now start digging.
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Van Driessen said we'd find
them in our own backyard.
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[chuckles]
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[shovel clanking]
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[grunting]
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Um, I don't see
any bones, Butt-Head.
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Beavis, you wuss.
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You're not digging good.
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Step aside.
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You got to put your back
into it, dumbass, like this.
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Beavis, we'll find
no dinosaurs here.
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If it's this hard
for us to dig,
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there's no way the dinosaurs
could have dug their houses
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with those wimpy little
kangaroo arms.
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Oh, yeah.
[both chuckling]
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[shovel scraping]
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Uh, those dumbass bones got
to be in somebody's backyard.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Whoa, a bone!
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It's just like that
dinosaur bone we saw in class
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but newer.
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That butt-munch dog
stole our idea.
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Damn it.
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Come on, give it.
[dog growling]
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It's mine.
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What are you going to do
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with a million dollars, butthole?
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[dog growling]
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Whoa, bones.
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Yeah, we don't
even have to dig.
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That stupid dog did
all our work for us.
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He even put them in bags.
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Yeah, there's still
some dinosaur on this one.
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Not bad really.
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Wait, what's this show called?
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Uh, this is "Ghosted."
[chuckles]
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So is there a ghost
on that chair?
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[chuckles]
- No.
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That dude there,
he like, ghosted her.
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And so now they're going
to like, find out why
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and then work it out
or something,
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or settle it in the cage
or something.
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Why didn't you tell me?
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Why didn't you like,
spend the holidays with me?
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I was your girlfriend.
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Boy, she must have
done something
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really bad
for him to ghost her.
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Yeah, she probably
like, killed his dog
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and slapped his mom
and stuff, you know?
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And even then though,
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I still don't think
I'd ghost her, Butt-Head.
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- [sighs]
- Yeah, this better be good.
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This is really embarrassing.
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We got to pay attention.
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The real reason
I ghosted you, Giovanna,
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is because you're a sex addict.
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What?
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Uh, what?
[chuckles]
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Wait, wait, wait a second.
Whoa, whoa. [chuckles]
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You know, it almost
sounded like he said
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she wants to have sex too much,
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and that's why
he broke up with her.
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Uh, that can't be right.
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Girl, you're like
a [bleep] rabbit.
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Like, you just [bleep],
[bleep], [bleep], [bleep],
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[bleep], [bleep],
[bleep], [bleep].
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Wait, he is!
He is complaining!
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- You're pathetic.
- What?
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- You're for real pathetic.
- He's complaining about that?
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This is the dumbest dude
I've ever seen in my life.
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Oh, he's not just dumb,
Butt-Head.
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[chuckles]
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He's a lousy son of a bitch!
Yeah.
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- He sure is.
- How dare he!
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I mean, some of us,
you know, like me,
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don't have any sex, ever.
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And he's sitting there
with his man bun
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and complaining about
having too much sex?
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Jesus Christ.
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Multiple times
a day, every day.
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I don't know what
number multiple is,
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but it's better than zero.
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Exactly.
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There's starving kids
in poor countries,
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and they probably get to score,
but I don't.
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And look at this guy.
Who does he think he is?
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For once, I'm not going
to say settle down, Beavis.
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You're absolutely right.
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I hate him!
I hate him, Butt-Head!
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[screaming]
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[glass shatters]
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Shut up!
- That's right, Beavis.
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Shut up!
[screams]
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Shut up, you butt monkey!
- Kick his ass.
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[screams]
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Lousy son of a bitch.
Teach him a lesson.
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- [grunting]
- There you go.
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You don't want to score?
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Well, how about not scoring
with some of this?
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- Yes.
- [grunts]
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[sighs]
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That's how you
take care of that.
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That'll teach him a lesson.
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[chuckles]
That was cool.
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Sorry, sorry.
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Yeah, I just really hated him,
Butt-Head, you know?
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[both chuckle]
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We don't have a TV anymore.
[chuckles]
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Why not?
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Oh, yeah, yeah.
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[metallic scraping]
[both grunting]
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So let's, like,
assemble the bones.
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[chuckles]
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Um, are there instructions
or something?
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I don't see any.
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They must have fell out
of the bag or something.
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We don't need instructions, asswipe.
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I know plenty about dinosaurs.
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Now, this is an ass bone.
[chuckles]
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[both chuckle]
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How's it look?
[chuckles]
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Uh...
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pretty realistic.
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Hmm, it feels like
it's missing something though.
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Like what?
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Uh...
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oh, yeah.
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[both chuckling]
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I shall call you Bonersaurus.
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The mighty Bonersaurus.
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[both chuckling]
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Beavis,
it's going to be hard for us
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not to make a million dollars.
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[chuckles]
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Come see the dinosaur.
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It's a real skeleton
of a dinosaur monster.
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Yes, sir.
[chuckles]
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And then, like,
visit the gift shop.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah,
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We've got a t-shirt
that says "Bonersaurus"
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and then like,
Butt-Head's retainer,
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and that's, like, a bra
I found in a parking lot once.
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Come see the
ancient Bonersaurus.
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Oh, my God.
Pull over, pull over.
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Look at this.
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- Step right up.
- Hey, you.
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That is too perfect.
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Let's get a picture,
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and then we'll
get the hell out of here.
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Come see the Bonersaurus.
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Come check out our museum
that's going to make us rich.
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Did you make this?
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Uh, yeah,
this is Bonersaurus.
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Would you like to see it
for $2?
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Yes, we'd love to see it.
Here you go.
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Welcome to our museum.
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Hundreds of years ago,
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Bonersaurus walked the land,
killing everything in sight,
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and scoring
with chick dinosaurs.
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Yeah,
its name was Bonersaurus,
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which means saurus
that has a boner.
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[chuckles]
- And this ends our tour.
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Please exit through
the gift shop.
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And buy some stuff.
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[camera shutter clicks]
195
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I have to post this
right now.
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[both chuckling]
197
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Um, how much money have
we made so far, Butt-Head?
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Uh, let's see here.
199
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One, two--uh...
200
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it's like $100 or, like,
a million or something.
201
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Kickass.
202
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What are you going to
buy with your half?
203
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Half?
204
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Boner-saurus was my idea, Beavis.
205
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No way.
206
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It was my idea,
and I built most of it!
207
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Well, I stuck on the boner.
[chuckles]
208
00:08:49,022 --> 00:08:50,894
And that's what everybody's
here to see.
209
00:08:50,981 --> 00:08:52,113
Damn it, Butt-Head.
210
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Now, I'm going
to take the boner...
211
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- No, you're not.
- And build my own Bonersaurus!
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And mine is going
to be all boners
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with none of that dumb stuff
like arms! Yeah.
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Beavis,
if you touch my boner,
215
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,950
I swear to God I'm going--
- This boner is mine!
216
00:09:06,039 --> 00:09:08,216
Beavis, get your damn
hands off my boner.
217
00:09:08,303 --> 00:09:09,826
[fist impacting]
- Make me!
218
00:09:09,913 --> 00:09:11,654
[both grunting]
219
00:09:19,836 --> 00:09:21,098
[chuckles]
220
00:09:22,447 --> 00:09:24,319
[wind blows softly]
221
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I guess the museum's closed,
Butt-Head.
222
00:09:30,629 --> 00:09:34,024
The age of the mighty
Bonersaurus is over.
223
00:09:34,111 --> 00:09:36,679
Perhaps in a hundred years,
people will find these bones
224
00:09:36,766 --> 00:09:40,204
and say, "Once long ago,
there was a dinosaur
225
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that had a boner or something."
226
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,078
I don't know.
[chuckles]
227
00:09:45,166 --> 00:09:47,951
This is stupid.
[chuckles]
228
00:09:48,038 --> 00:09:51,433
Why did we even do this?
229
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,610
Makes you think. [chuckles]
It really makes you think.
230
00:09:54,697 --> 00:09:55,611
[both chuckling]
231
00:09:55,698 --> 00:09:57,308
[dog growling]
232
00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:26,729
Chirp.