- (phone chiming) - Oh, thank fuck!
(upbeat music)
(phone chiming)
I thought ice cream vans were for drug dealers and perverts.
Bit sexist, Jackie.
We could be both. (laughing)
Okay, you two, don't get arrested now, yeah?
- See you. - Thank you!
(sighing)
I'm sorry I dragged you into this.
I just wanted to meet him.
Look, there is one other place we could try.
I know he used to gig there a lot.
I don't think I want to get my hopes up.
Yeah, you've been here two minutes
and we've already beat the hope outta you?
Come on!
You've come this far.
Sure, what harm?
Go! Go on! Go!
You're going to have to keep me awake.
- I haven't slept. - We can play 20 questions!
I'll DJ!
I booked us a fancy hotel in Carlingford.
(upbeat music)
Ah!
(groaning)
Oh, come on!
Oh, my God! We're here already?
That was so quick.
- Thank God they have a bath. - You can have a bath.
(indistinct chatter)
(laughing)
- Jesus fucking Christ. - Oh, my God!
(both): Surprise!
Oh my God!
(both): What are you doing here?
- How's my girl? - Oh, isn't he handsome, Suzi?
And you must be Suze.
Going in, going in. Is it okay if I go in, sis?
Straight in there for the huggathon!
The resemblance is uncanny.
And you could be their sister!
Oh, Steven!
How are you here?
Well, I was worried about you,
so I booked the next available flight.
Isn't it romantic, Suzi?
Sheryl here was Thelma to my Louise.
We wanted to keep the whole thing a surprise,
so I tracked you on Find my Phone.
We were heading to Galway,
but then I saw you were on the move, so I...
This part is so clever.
(both): Checked your credit card!
Wow, that's not creepy at all.
Ladies, drinks? Come on. Sit down.
- Sit down. Barkeep! - Whiskey!
- Can I get two whiskeys? - Yeah.
And a sparkling water for the little lady.
And I will have... Hmm...
What do I want? What do Irish people drink?
Oh! I'll have a Guinness! Gotta be five o'clock somewhere!
It's 5:30.
Steven just told me he's going to be a father!
- Oh, Suzi did you know? - No! I didn't tell her.
Surprise! You're going to be an auntie!
(laughing)
You know, I...
I think I might need to lie down.
- Oh, that'll be the baby. - Oh, it's not a baby.
- It's a fetus. - Oh, no... Wait, wait, wait!
"This week, your baby is the size of a kumquat."
I love this app!
I really am so, so tired.
Oh! All over it. I've upgraded you guys and booked us a suite.
- Aww! - So nice to have a man
looking after us, isn't it, Suzi?
Aw, it's lovely.
- Mm-hm. - Mm-hm.
- So good to see you, baby. - You, too.
Maybe it's still morning sickness?
Like, totally normal. 85 % of women experience it.
But we're nearly in a new trimester, baby!
Though one percent of women do go on to have
Hyperemesis Gravidarum, HG,
where you're just dangerously sick the whole time.
But that's not going to be you, honey.
Open notes: Call Dr. Budlovsky about safe antinausea. Period.
We can cancel dinner if you're not feeling good.
I booked us in at 7:00, that's in 15 minutes.
I just thought everybody would be hungry.
No. Dinner sounds great.
Oh, I brought you your fluffies.
I know you hate sleeping without them.
I'm going to order more pillows.
These are simply not going to do the job.
Ahh, this is what it must be like to be rich.
Well, you came prepared.
Well, it's probably 30 Euro for a bottle of wine downstairs.
Ridiculous.
And I'm joined by three...
Ah, Suzi, would you look at it?
How do you feel about the lack of Scots?
Better not say too much 'cause I think it's a problem,
but I'm a bit disappointed with the selection.
That's funny, isn't it? We're live...
- Mum. - What?
What's going on?
Can't I just enjoy myself for once?
You don't go to Lidl without Deryl.
Suzie, you don't get to have all the fun.
(turning TV on) (laughing)
(soft piano playing)
Suzie, they have the loveliest little buffet up there at the bar.
- Oh, Mam, they're for... - What?
Nothing.
Give us one of those olives.
I always steal the bar garnishes myself!
I won't tell. Ladies, my name is Phelim,
and I'll be looking after you this evening.
- What can I get you to drink? - Oh!
Aa bottle of white wine, please, Phelim.
Certainly, madam. We have Pinot Grigio, Sauvignon or Chardonnay.
The house is fine.
Ah.
What a charming man!
Deryl's been arrested.
(coughing) Lovely.
What? (gasping)
Lovely.
Oh, that's lovely.
Hey! Are we okay? Is it okay that I'm here?
- 'Cause you're acting a little... - A little what?
Distant, or something.
Sorry, that's not a criticism, it's just...
No, God. No. I'm sorry, Steve.
No, I'm... Oh, I'm so happy you're here.
It's just the... sweetest surprise!
Ever. Mwah! No, I'm just, um...
- God, I'm just so tired! - Of course you are.
- And that's okay. - Okay.
- Sare. - Mm-hmm?
- We're gonna find him. - Yeah.
That baby is going to have his, or hopefully her, Irish grandfather.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Ah, it's the love birds!
- Hey. - Hey.
- Oh, I got that. - Oh, thank you.
- You both look lovely. - Okay.
- Ah, Steven. - Oh! She's fine.
But I will have some.
I'd like to raise a toast!
No! It's bad luck to toast with water.
We'll get you a Guinness. It's good for the baby, the iron.
I drank it every day with Suzie.
- (chuckling) - To our new family!
And to new life!
Yes! To our new little family.
Yay! (laughing)
Mmm...
- I need the toilet. - Yeah, me, too.
Okay! I got it! You could hit me with the van.
Just gently. We go to the hospital, say it was a miscarriage.
Or I could fall down the hotel stairs?
- Yeah. - Say the bleeding just started.
Or I could jump off a cliff.
You know there's only one way out of this.
Maybe you could tell him? He likes you.
Hurry up. I need to go, too.
Yeah. Ever since I got pregnant,
I just need to pee all the time.
You are not pregnant!
You had an abortion. All over the front seat.
Young love.
It's so lovely looking at you two.
It's too bad nothing worked out for Suzie.
I'd have loved to be a grandmother,
but it's too late now.
Child would probably be deformed at this rate.
- Age of her. - Mam, you don't say that.
- What? - Oh. Double tequila.
And another bottle of wine, Phelim!
Yes, let's have the chardonnay this time.
The French, not the American.
So, when are you two due?
- Valentine's Day! - Oh, that is so lovely!
I've been working on our birth plan.
Oh! Would you go away out of that birth plan.
I had to walk to hospital on my own when I went into labour.
Waters broke all over my new shoes.
72 hours in labour!
Broke my pelvis in three places.
When I finally saw her little, squished red face
looking up at me, the first thing I said to the midwife was,
"God, she's ugly!" (laughing)
- Women are so brave. - Do you know, on the radio
last week they were saying that women are booking
a caesarean between the blow dry and the manicure.
Have you ever heard the like?
If you want to book in, that's still on the table.
- (classical music piano playing) - Well, sure Mary had Jesus
in the stable and he turned out all right.
Science has come a long way since then.
Ai, sure that's the world gone mad.
I would like to make another toast.
(classical music intensifying)
There is no baby! (glass shattering)
Sorry.
I lost the baby.
Just now?
- In the toilet? - What? No!
No, I... it... the baby, the...
It stopped. The... Stopped...
The, uh, I stopped the baby. I, uh, it... I aborted it.
Uh, ah, abortion.
Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
- Is this a joke? - No.
What are you talking about? What's she saying?
Steve...
(breathing heavily)
Steve?
Ladies, are you ready to order your mains?
The gentleman is taking care of it.
Oh!
I'll have the Lobster Thermidor.
Steve.
(knocking on door) Steve.
Steve, come on! Open the door.
Steve, please, open the door!
I know you can hear me.
How did you even get an abortion in Ireland?
I did it before I left.
So, you've been lying to me this whole time?
- Yeah. - You lying... bitch!
I know. I'm a lying cunt.
Oh, my God! Don't use that word.
Why would you do this to me?
I didn't want to have kids in the first place
and I told you that over and over.
And then, when I got pregnant, I wanted to talk options,
but you wouldn't listen.
You were just so excited and...
I just didn't want you to have any regrets.
Everyone wants kids.
I don't think that I do.
Steve?
Steve!
(soft piano playing)
Thank you very much.
(applause)
- Woo! - Right, come on.
Deryl. Arrested?
They've taken him in. The guards.
He was drunk as a skunk!
Funny, isn't it.
It's when people want a baby, they call it a baby,
but when they want to get rid of it, they call it a fetus.
- Focus! - Well, that's it, really.
There isn't much more to say.
(sniffling)
Well, I told him.
Yeah, you told the whole hotel.
Everyone's like, "Oh, I want a baby.
I want a baby." But it's not a baby, is it?
It's a person.
And I just, like, didn't want to have this thing,
you know, that's gonna grow up to have a miserable job
and be depressed and have to watch me die,
only to develop some new type of cancer
while baking in a nuclear wasteland where people
are killing each other over half a cup of water,
just to eventually die themselves
in an earthquake or a flood.
How can there be a flood if everyone's killing each other
for a cup of water?
Sorry. I hear ya.
No, it's a good point.
I mean, look at you. You don't have kids and you're...
you're amazing!
(footsteps approaching)
The wheels are coming off in here.
Oh... oh, Jesus!
♪ We went home with lock and key ♪
♪ He left me in the morning ♪
♪ I slept on 'til one o'clock ♪
♪ My head felt like a concrete block ♪
♪ I drank some whiskey and I drank it hot ♪
♪ On the first day of winter ♪
♪ Ancient rain ♪
♪ Pouring down ♪
♪ Wire my bones to the ground ♪
♪ Ancient rain ♪
♪ Falling down ♪
♪ Wire my bones to the ground ♪
Okay. Party's over.
No, Susie. I want to sing!
- Ah! - Jesus Christ!
We need to get you to bed.
Another drink is what I need!
With a side of Phelim!!
What room are you? (indistinct chatter)
(grunting)
(retching) (both): Oh, Jesus!
It's okay! Happens to me all the time.
- Oh, Mam! - Oh, ancient rain!
(sighing)
I'm a stupid woman.
A stupid, stupid woman.
Oh! And I was a terrible mother.
No.
You did the best you could with what you knew at the time.
No!
I was terrible.
My Suzi. She's the best thing
that ever happened to me in my whole life.
She's the only thing and I just...
I love her so much.
And I want her to be happy.
Do you think she's happy, Sare?
Oh, I thought you were Sare.
You must think I'm some idiot.
No.
You want different things.
It sucks.
(soft music)
Would you look at her, so strong.
Never settled for anything less than she deserved.
You're like that.
Wasn't good enough, so you walked away.
He tried to kill me, Suzi.
Pointed a kitchen knife at me, shouting mad stuff.
I just ran out of the house and down the road in me bare feet.
Jacinta's light was on.
Sure, she's always watching those late-night bingo shows.
She took me in, made me a hot toddy.
She put cloves in it... and everything.
She rang the guards and I just sat there on the sofa
watching the little balls on the telly, in me housecoat.
Thank God I was still wearing me bra.
What do you want to do?
I'll press charges.
Will you come with me? In the morning?
Of course.
Then we can do something nice.
I got my savings from the credit union.
We could do one of them foot things...
...when the fish bite your feet.
Saw it on the... on the telly.
(humming)
Uh, I figured we should get an early start
- if we want to find your dad. - Steve.
I think best course of action is to hire a private detective.
- Steve! - I Googled seventeen,
all with varying Yelp reviews.
Steve!
Last night was really hard.
But I've given it a lot of thought
and I just want to say...
I forgive you.
But I'm not asking for your forgiveness.
(chuckling)
(sighing)
- (chuckling) - Whoo-whoo...
Who even are you right now, huh?
What's the point in anything if you don't have kids?
Huh? What's the point in any of it?!
Huh? What's the... what's the point
in brushing your teeth in the morning? Huh?
What's the point in this?
What is the point in this sticky thing?!
What's the point of this shirt?
The goddamn tablecloth, boring, fucking shirt?
Huh? Huh?
These...
These tiny, little dead baby socks.
Why don't we all just lay down and die while we're at it?
I think you should fly home.
Wha...
Don't... don't do this.
(soft music)
Shit.
Uh, I think my fingers are swollen from all the sodium.
I'm really sorry.
I've been eating a lot of chips and I just...
I can't get it off!
Steve? Steve? (door closing)
Mam?
Where are you going?
He rang this morning, Suze,
and he's going to get help.
Well, what about pressing charges?
And, do you know, he's never said that before?
- But, Mam, last night-- - He loves me!
And I love him.
Here.
What? Are you allowed to take these?
Yeah.
Ah, that's lovely.
(sighing)
(door closing)
(soft music)
(sighing)
(upbeat music)
- Oh! - Jesus. Sorry.
- Sorry. - So, here.
Hello, Susan.
Jimmy.