Ready?
Hello.
Renata, have you seen my smoothie?
[sighs] Renata!
Get the sheet mask
and the cooling eye patches out of the freezer. Now!
They should have been on her yesterday, for God's sakes!
I trusted you.
Ah, fuck off, Barb.
[Sheryl] Sare, Sare.
- Excuse me. - Sorry.
I know Steve's family are gentiles
but will we get to lift you up in a chair?
Barbara said she can't afford a law suit right now.
- Aw. - I know.
Where are you?
- A little wedding gift. - Oh, my God, you shouldn't have!
I should get you a present for making me look so fabulous!
Thank you, that was so thoughtful.
- Open it! - Now?
- Yes. You'll see. - OK.
Oh, my God.
You're too much.
- Holy fuck! - I know, right?
Where did you find this?
In my grubby old basement. Can you believe it?
Oh, my God, look at these babies.
- There's me. - Look at your face.
"Voted most likely to end up in a Thai prison!"
[laughs] And look at you now!
Owning your own company, it's so cool.
I know, right? Oh, here we go.
"Sare Horowitz. Voted most likely
to be CEO of a global company,
the profits of which she uses to save the world."
Look at you! What are you up to now?
Well, I mean, I'm getting married...
Obviously! And...?
- Well, my mom died. - Oh, my God. Rachel.
Yeah, I know.
Well, she was Jewish but thank you for that.
No worries.
It's been really tough. Thank you.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
- Hey, Michael? - Yeah?
[she whispers]
- Now? - Yeah.
It's a bit of wedding nerves.
- Don't worry, I got you, girl. - Thank fuck.
Oh, hi!
- Hi. - Wow, you look so casual.
Thank you. Um, great to see you.
- I'm just gonna go and see Sare. - Sare. [cries]
What's wrong?
We can't let this go ahead. Sare doesn't love him.
- [cries] - Oh, I-I know.
But, like, you don't want to interfere!
So what do you do, right?
- [Barbara] Shelly! - Get it together, OK?
[laughs] Hi.
Babushka. Oh, you're emotional!
I know! [laughs] Best day of our lives!
[they laugh]
[whispers] Save her!
[sighs] Oh, Jesus!
Thank you for this. [laughs]
Oh, yes.
Hey! Look at the hair! It's good, right?
Suki, maximum setting.
Smells like a brewery in here.
Uh-huh.
[muffled sound]
[echoing chatter]
[echoing laughter]
[sound returns to normal]
[pants]
[breathing slows]
[waves break]
[waves fade]
[gasps]
[Suze] Sare!
Sare.
Wow, you look... You look amazing.
- Back away from the hair! - Why aren't you dressed?
- I just need to talk to Sare. - No, no.
Sare needs her time alone. Thank you.
- No, I... - Let's go.
Honey, I'm coming back.
What can I say? I'm a genius.
I'll see you out there.
Thank you for coming. I appreciate it. Real pleasure.
- Jimmy. - Jimmy?
Father of the bride.
What? Sorry, I have a little tinnitus.
Sare's my daughter.
Your daughter? But is...
So this is, uh, this is what we're marrying into. Nice.
I thought Sare's dad was dead.
Well, lookie here, I'm a walking miracle.
I don't know, is he a wedding crasher or something?
I don't know, but-but I should probably...
I think that might have been one of Suze's crazy uncles.
I'm going to go and check it out.
[pill bottle rattles]
[chuckles] There you are.
You're like a princess.
I've come to walk my little girl down the aisle.
I told them that you're dead.
[they laugh]
[Jimmy] Oh, look at you.
Look at you. You're a mess.
You thought you could get away from me. But you can't.
You are me.
[Suze] Sare, I'm sorry.
I should have said this before but it's not too late...
What the fuck? You...
Suzi, Suzi, Suzi, I have to...
- [gasps] - What are you doing?
You've missed your cue!
You two should be walking. Now!
Who is this person?
This is Jimmy.
Well, whoever you are,
you need to take your seats for God's sakes! They need to go!
Come on, Jimmy.
You're not ruining this day for me.
You will go out there and smile.
And walk, walk, walk.
[gentle classical music plays]
You look beautiful.
Thank you.
You look tired.
Fuck off.
[Kirsten] You may now be seated.
Welcome, friends and fam...
Oh! [laughs]
No, it's on.
[chuckles] One, two, one, two ...
[feedback whines]
[chuckles, clears throat]
Welcome, friends and family to this very, very special day!
We are here to celebrate love,
belonging and finding your person.
Look at these two beautiful people. Yah!
And now, as an appetiser,
or amuse bouche, as we say in Paris... [laughs]
We have Sare's sister Suze,
who's, yeah, going to read a poem...
Oh, shit.
...all the way from the Emerald Isle.
[applause]
[Suze] I forgot about this.
Um, oh, uh, hello?
[clears throat]
Um, this is The Facts of Life by Padraig O'Tuama.
That you were born and you will die.
That you will sometimes love enough, and sometimes not.
That you will lie, if only to yourself.
That you'll get tired,
that you'll learn most from the situations you did not choose.
That you began as the fusion of a sperm and an egg
of two people who once were strangers
and may still well be.
That you'll probably be OK,
that you must accept change before you die,
but you will die anyway.
So, you might as well live and you might as well love.
[chuckles]
You might as well love.
[applause]
That was very... Irish!
[laughter]
Let's keep some of those happy tears in there for the vows!
Oh!
OK. [exhales]
Now, it's tradition to ask if anyone here objects
to these two people spending the rest of their lives together.
Uh-oh!
[Kirsten laughs] Please speak now or forever hold your peace.
Oh, ah! [chuckles] Just kidding. [laughs]
Whoo!
Let's get this party started! [laughs]
Aw, so cute.
OK, Steve and Sare, you may now say your vows.
You OK?
Never better.
You are me.
I stand before you, Sare,
and I know just one thing.
I wanna be your husband.
Sare, you are my best friend,
my lover,
uh, my partner in crime.
[chuckles] Aw.
My Josephine to my Napoleon.
I cannot wait for all the adventures
that we'll have together.
You are my beautiful rock.
- [Sare giggles] - Uh, wait, I'm sorry.
Uh, sorry.
You're beautiful. And you are my rock.
- [Steve mutters] Sorry. - [Kirsten] Aw!
Thank you, Steve. [laughs]
Sare?
That was really beautiful.
[breathes deeply] OK.
You are my rock.
Rock.
Cocksucker!
Sorry. That was...
OK. No, I can do this.
Oh, sorry.
Steve!
Yeah. [clears throat]
You are my...
cocksucker!
[laughs]
Hang on, I-I-I can do this, I can.
- What is happening? - I don't know.
- I think I need to breathe. - What?
[Sare exhales] I think I...
OK, why don't we take a little break,
and get the bride water.
[pants] I have to sit and take my boots off.
I have to take them off!
- Now? - Yeah, I need to get it off!
Just pull from the heel!
- Oh, my God. - Pull harder!
Oh, thank fuck! Oh, hang on, there's another one!
Why are there always two?
- They come in pairs. - I have to get it off!
[Sare cries]
Please, please get up, OK.
Hee-haw!
[laughs] That's what you sound like!
That was super mean.
Oh no, I'm doing you a favour.
You need someone who can... ski.
[groans]
Honey, is this white?
Yes, it's white.
It is, that's what I said.
There we go.
It's white. I mean, this is white, right?
I just have to stop to say one thing.
I was going to be a CEO... of something!
I just...
Oh, my God, I just... I want this dress off!
Get it off! I want it off!
Just get it off!
If you rip that dress, I'll kill you.
We'll talk about this later. Now get on with it.
Barb! I forgot to tap!
We need to stop. Because I forgot to tap!
Where's the cream? We need a miracle.
What did you do to her?
I-I-I...
Tap, tap, tap. Tippity tap. Tap.
Tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap.
Tippity tap. Tap, tap.
Tap, tap, tap.
- Tip, tippity tappity tap. - [Suze] Sare.
You're OK.
You're all liars!
Liars!
And I'm a liar too.
Sare. Sare, it's OK? We're gonna get out of here.
But she's honest.
I mean, OK, she smokes.
But she's honest.
Just, I...
I wanna be honest too.
Yeah, I wanna show you all who I really am.
Oh, we see who you are! And it is a miracle to behold.
[Jimmy] The first thing I learned in the AA
is that addiction is never the fault of the addict.
Oh, could you shut your gob, Jimmy! Sorry, Babs.
Who the hell is that guy?
- [Sare] Our dad. Not dead! - [Steve] What?
And, I am not you.
Oh, God, Sare. Sare!
Fuck! What did you take?
I had all of it!
Oh, my God, what? How many?
- A lot. - How many is a lot?
A lot, a lot.
Fuck! OK, well it's gotta come out. Come on, come on.
[groans]
Oh, my floor!
- [gags] - Oh, my God!
[Kirsten groans]
Oh, my God!
Call a doctor!
Hello! Mishpocha!
Get out of here, we're free!
- [groans] - Mummy?
[Barbara groans]
[they pant]
[they laugh]
[they continue laughing]
Oh, another one!
[they continue laughing]
Oh!
[Suze cries]
[match strikes]
[Sheryl laughs] Oh, my God!
Oh, faces only a mother could love.
[they laugh]
Tippy top.
[figurine thuds]
[sighs]
Why are you looking at me like that, I'm not dead?
Not yet.
I've been thinking about it.
And I think you should take my eggs.
[laughs]
Are you still high on the meds?
No. I mean, yeah, but, I'm serious.
What?
You should think about it.
You want me to take your eggs?
[Sare] I mean it.
They're just gonna get thrown away.
Oh, Lord.
What, and there'll be a little one of you running around?
Yeah, the last thing the world needs.
I'm serious though, think about it.
'Cause it's a pretty good offer for a girl like you. [laughs]
Oh, my God.
Your egg... and a stranger's sperm. [groans]
Well, I came from a stranger and it brought me to you.
Oh! Will you help me raise the baby?
No fucking chance.
[they laugh]
Aunty Sare. I can live with that.
[sighs]
- [mouths] - Come on.
Ciao, Angelo!
Do you accept cash?
[Suze] I can't believe you're still in there.
[Sare] I know, it's this fucking infection,
but I feel so much better.
How's the poo situation?
- Haven't gone. - [laughs]
I've got a haemorrhoid the size of a golf ball.
Well, that'll be me soon. If I'm lucky.
Are you pregnant yet?
Pff! Dunno. I gotta wait two weeks.
Two fucking weeks!
[Sare] Two weeks?
Oh, man! Hey, you got a pull out in that new place?
[Suze] Ha, I barely have a bed.
[Sare] Well, looks like I'm sleeping with you then.
[Suze] Huh?
[Sare] I might have booked a flight to come see you!
[Suze laughs] I thought you were broke!
[Sare] There were a couple of engagement rings around.
[they laugh]
[Sare] Oops!
[they laugh]