1 00:00:00,517 --> 00:00:02,707 - [Sam] Tonight, doing a terrible job 2 00:00:02,707 --> 00:00:04,687 at being in the Witness Protection Program, 3 00:00:04,687 --> 00:00:06,491 it's Ross Bryant! 4 00:00:06,491 --> 00:00:09,157 - Hello! The name's Ross Bryant. 5 00:00:09,157 --> 00:00:10,417 Hello. - Hi, how are you? 6 00:00:10,417 --> 00:00:14,557 - 820 (beep) Avenue. I'm a state's witness! 7 00:00:14,557 --> 00:00:16,867 - [Sam] Secretly looking for an escaped tarantula 8 00:00:16,867 --> 00:00:18,517 it's Paul F. Tompkins! 9 00:00:18,517 --> 00:00:20,820 - Hey, hey. (laughs nervously) - [Sam] Hey, Paul. 10 00:00:21,768 --> 00:00:24,672 - Hey. (Sam giggling) 11 00:00:24,672 --> 00:00:25,704 Hey... 12 00:00:25,704 --> 00:00:29,107 - [Sam] And charmingly pickpocketing the host, 13 00:00:29,107 --> 00:00:30,907 it's Chris Grace! 14 00:00:30,907 --> 00:00:32,917 - Hello, guys. So glad to... 15 00:00:32,917 --> 00:00:34,593 Oh my gosh, Sam, it's been so long now. 16 00:00:34,593 --> 00:00:35,433 - Chris, what an honor. 17 00:00:35,433 --> 00:00:37,027 - You clearly came back from Panama. 18 00:00:37,027 --> 00:00:38,047 - I... - And let's make sure 19 00:00:38,047 --> 00:00:38,880 you got your passport. 20 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,646 - Uh-huh. - Is this your phone? 21 00:00:40,646 --> 00:00:44,227 - How did you do it? 22 00:00:44,227 --> 00:00:45,327 They're all here to... 23 00:00:46,249 --> 00:00:48,332 - [Cast] Make Some Noise! 24 00:00:49,461 --> 00:00:52,878 (exuberant upbeat music) 25 00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:00,247 (exuberant upbeat music continues) 26 00:01:00,247 --> 00:01:02,017 - Welcome to "Make Some Noise," 27 00:01:02,017 --> 00:01:04,537 the game so good we spun it off unchanged. 28 00:01:04,537 --> 00:01:06,727 I am your host, Sam Reich. Here's how the show works. 29 00:01:06,727 --> 00:01:10,327 I have here a series of improvisational prompts 30 00:01:10,327 --> 00:01:14,077 our players have never seen before, 31 00:01:14,077 --> 00:01:15,427 isn't that right, players? 32 00:01:15,427 --> 00:01:16,567 - That is correct. 33 00:01:16,567 --> 00:01:17,437 We have not. - That's correct. 34 00:01:17,437 --> 00:01:18,270 - How did I get here? 35 00:01:18,270 --> 00:01:19,670 - Just a blank slate going on, Paul. 36 00:01:19,670 --> 00:01:22,687 - They took a bag off my head two seconds ago. 37 00:01:22,687 --> 00:01:24,037 - They will, to the best of their ability, 38 00:01:24,037 --> 00:01:24,997 fulfill those prompts. 39 00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:26,947 I will award them corresponding points, 40 00:01:26,947 --> 00:01:30,242 and the winner will take home the coveted Golden Ear. 41 00:01:30,242 --> 00:01:31,087 (Paul gasps breathily) - Hmm. 42 00:01:31,087 --> 00:01:33,847 - Which does listen to your conversations 43 00:01:33,847 --> 00:01:36,097 but only so that it can serve you better ads. 44 00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:36,930 - Hm. - [Sam] Players, 45 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,587 are you ready to rumble? - Yes. 46 00:01:38,587 --> 00:01:39,427 - Uh-huh. - Yep. 47 00:01:39,427 --> 00:01:42,953 - We are gonna start with a minigame. 48 00:01:42,953 --> 00:01:43,786 (Paul giggles delightedly) - Ooh. 49 00:01:43,786 --> 00:01:45,877 - Players, could you place your buzzers 50 00:01:45,877 --> 00:01:47,647 atop your podiums, please? 51 00:01:47,647 --> 00:01:48,607 - Is this what you mean? 52 00:01:48,607 --> 00:01:49,542 - That is exactly what I mean. 53 00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:51,397 - Is that? Oh. - I think that's... 54 00:01:51,397 --> 00:01:53,887 - Players, we're going to play a little game 55 00:01:53,887 --> 00:01:56,167 called Name That Sword. 56 00:01:56,167 --> 00:01:59,467 Simple rules. I'm gonna show you a sword. 57 00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:02,797 You buzz in and pitch me the name 58 00:02:02,797 --> 00:02:05,137 of said sword, à la Excalibur. 59 00:02:05,137 --> 00:02:06,131 Make sense? - Yeah. 60 00:02:06,131 --> 00:02:06,964 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. 61 00:02:06,964 --> 00:02:08,437 - My knight in shining armor, Paul, 62 00:02:08,437 --> 00:02:09,907 would you please bring in sword number one. 63 00:02:09,907 --> 00:02:12,257 - [Paul] Oh gosh. - Whoa! 64 00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:13,823 (whimsical fantasy music) (Sam laughing) 65 00:02:13,823 --> 00:02:14,656 (buzzer rings) - Ross. 66 00:02:14,656 --> 00:02:17,935 - Glutenaxe, the Child Slayer. (players giggling) 67 00:02:17,935 --> 00:02:18,768 (buzzer rings) - Chris. 68 00:02:18,768 --> 00:02:21,469 - Dickie Floss. - Dickie Floss is good! 69 00:02:21,469 --> 00:02:22,687 (buzzer dings) - [Sam] Paul. 70 00:02:22,687 --> 00:02:25,530 - Raccoon's Bane: If You've Seen That One Video. 71 00:02:25,530 --> 00:02:26,720 (cast laughing) 72 00:02:27,787 --> 00:02:29,475 - The "If You've Seen That One Video" added to the end. 73 00:02:29,475 --> 00:02:30,907 - Yeah, that's part of the name. 74 00:02:30,907 --> 00:02:34,237 - I think this particular point is gonna go to Ross. 75 00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:35,617 - Oh, gosh. 76 00:02:35,617 --> 00:02:36,450 - Do you wanna taste it? 77 00:02:36,450 --> 00:02:37,927 - How long ago was this cotton spun? 78 00:02:37,927 --> 00:02:39,037 - Like 15 minutes, maybe? 79 00:02:39,037 --> 00:02:40,567 - [Paul] Oh, "Princess and the Pea" over here. 80 00:02:40,567 --> 00:02:42,517 - That's going right in someone's wank bank. 81 00:02:42,517 --> 00:02:44,167 - Oh god. (players laughing) 82 00:02:44,167 --> 00:02:45,613 - Paul, can I please have sword number two? 83 00:02:45,613 --> 00:02:47,055 (goofy fantasy music) 84 00:02:47,055 --> 00:02:47,917 (buzzer rings) Paul. 85 00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:49,747 - Stitch One, Stab Three. 86 00:02:49,747 --> 00:02:51,995 - Yes! It does all of the above. 87 00:02:51,995 --> 00:02:53,077 (buzzer rings) Ross. 88 00:02:53,077 --> 00:02:56,484 - Yarnio, the Herald of Loomsday. 89 00:02:56,484 --> 00:02:58,616 (Sam and crew laughing) 90 00:02:58,616 --> 00:02:59,449 (buzzer rings) - Chris. 91 00:02:59,449 --> 00:03:01,387 - From here that looks like Corn: 92 00:03:01,387 --> 00:03:04,837 If You've Seen That One Video. (cast laughing) 93 00:03:04,837 --> 00:03:06,967 - I think for the callback, I'm gonna go with you, Chris. 94 00:03:06,967 --> 00:03:09,129 - Yeah. - I walked so you could run. 95 00:03:09,129 --> 00:03:11,017 (Chris laughing) - Paul, whenever you're ready, 96 00:03:11,017 --> 00:03:13,173 could I please have sword number three? 97 00:03:13,173 --> 00:03:14,264 (epic fantasy music) 98 00:03:14,264 --> 00:03:15,583 (buzzer rings) Paul. 99 00:03:15,583 --> 00:03:17,017 - Crayolanator. 100 00:03:17,017 --> 00:03:18,109 - Yes! 101 00:03:18,109 --> 00:03:19,027 (buzzer rings) Chris. 102 00:03:19,027 --> 00:03:21,517 - Flesh Color Bane. (Paul laughing) 103 00:03:21,517 --> 00:03:23,177 - Yes! Works on multiple levels. 104 00:03:23,177 --> 00:03:24,010 (buzzer rings) Ross. 105 00:03:24,010 --> 00:03:27,591 - Crayon: The Weapon of the Kinderguard. 106 00:03:27,591 --> 00:03:29,167 (cast laughing) 107 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:32,257 - That's gonna be another point on the board for Ross. 108 00:03:32,257 --> 00:03:33,127 It was close. 109 00:03:33,127 --> 00:03:34,527 - Do you wanna taste it? - Yeah. 110 00:03:34,527 --> 00:03:36,048 (cast laughing) 111 00:03:36,048 --> 00:03:37,267 Rest assured, even if they don't show it, 112 00:03:37,267 --> 00:03:38,767 I tasted every sword. 113 00:03:38,767 --> 00:03:40,177 - We cut it out 'cause it got weird. 114 00:03:40,177 --> 00:03:41,077 - Uh-huh. - Paul. 115 00:03:41,077 --> 00:03:42,457 - By the way, I keep thinking that Paul 116 00:03:42,457 --> 00:03:43,567 is going to bring out the sword. 117 00:03:43,567 --> 00:03:45,127 - I keep thinking that too, Chris! 118 00:03:45,127 --> 00:03:47,862 I look over at the door. I think I'm gonna come through it. 119 00:03:47,862 --> 00:03:49,498 (buzzer rings) - Paul. 120 00:03:49,498 --> 00:03:52,087 - Wighammer! (Ross laughing) 121 00:03:52,087 --> 00:03:54,028 - I like it a lot, Paul. 122 00:03:54,028 --> 00:03:56,180 (buzzer rings) A hesitant buzz in from Ross. 123 00:03:56,180 --> 00:03:59,437 - Braidlion: The Last Weapon of the Weave Mage. 124 00:03:59,437 --> 00:04:03,097 - I like how each one of yours has a sort of a epitaph. 125 00:04:03,097 --> 00:04:06,287 - It's called worldbuilding. (players laughing) 126 00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:07,267 - Yeah. Chris. (buzzer rings) 127 00:04:07,267 --> 00:04:09,637 - Miley Stylus. (Ross laughs) 128 00:04:09,637 --> 00:04:12,937 - Really good, Chris. Really good. 129 00:04:12,937 --> 00:04:15,157 I am gonna say I think this one goes to Paul. 130 00:04:15,157 --> 00:04:16,297 - Yes! 131 00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:18,127 - Thank you very much, other Paul. 132 00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:18,960 - Thank you. 133 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,059 - Could I have sword number five, please? 134 00:04:21,059 --> 00:04:22,777 (players chuckling) (lively guitar music) 135 00:04:22,777 --> 00:04:24,430 - Now this one, I'm gonna taste. 136 00:04:25,573 --> 00:04:26,497 (buzzer rings) - Chris. 137 00:04:26,497 --> 00:04:28,131 - Sharp-cuterie. 138 00:04:28,131 --> 00:04:31,237 - You son of a bitch! (Sam cackling) 139 00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:32,840 - I feel like we were all going for the same thing. 140 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,325 - It's like, sometimes it's about speed. 141 00:04:34,325 --> 00:04:35,754 - [Paul] I know. Now I'm out. 142 00:04:35,754 --> 00:04:36,587 (buzzer rings) - Paul. 143 00:04:36,587 --> 00:04:38,908 - I guess I gotta just say Cheese Sword. 144 00:04:38,908 --> 00:04:41,352 (cast laughing) 145 00:04:42,252 --> 00:04:43,837 It's a cheese board sorta cheese sword. 146 00:04:43,837 --> 00:04:45,787 - Yeah, it is! - I'm very literal! 147 00:04:45,787 --> 00:04:46,682 - [Sam] Yes! 148 00:04:46,682 --> 00:04:47,647 (buzzer rings) Ross. 149 00:04:47,647 --> 00:04:51,457 - The dwarves forged it in the Cheese Caves of Switzerland. 150 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,677 It pairs well with a sweet red. 151 00:04:53,677 --> 00:04:56,587 None of this is the name. (cast laughing) 152 00:04:56,587 --> 00:05:01,087 This is only the footnote at the bottom of the fantasy page. 153 00:05:01,087 --> 00:05:04,267 Charcutter: The Lost Blade of the Brie Wraith. 154 00:05:04,267 --> 00:05:05,857 - I do think this is gonna go to Chris. 155 00:05:05,857 --> 00:05:07,057 - Yeah. - Can I pitch one, Sam? 156 00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,287 - Yeah. - Sword'oeuvre. 157 00:05:08,287 --> 00:05:10,387 - Get the fuck out! - Go away! 158 00:05:10,387 --> 00:05:12,117 - Who the fuck are you? - I'm other Paul. 159 00:05:12,117 --> 00:05:13,537 - Do you have a fucking buzzer? 160 00:05:13,537 --> 00:05:15,247 - I'll sneak you a point later. 161 00:05:15,247 --> 00:05:17,647 - The cheese knives are out. - [Ross] Yeah. 162 00:05:17,647 --> 00:05:20,121 - Paul, could I please have sword number six, please? 163 00:05:20,121 --> 00:05:21,558 - What is this, the sword show? 164 00:05:21,558 --> 00:05:22,391 - Yeah. - Oh, it is? 165 00:05:22,391 --> 00:05:23,767 - Yeah. - Oh, my mistake. 166 00:05:23,767 --> 00:05:24,600 I do apologize. 167 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,407 - We're doing this for two hours. 168 00:05:26,407 --> 00:05:28,497 - [Chris] Make Some Swords. 169 00:05:28,497 --> 00:05:29,765 (buzzer rings) - Paul. 170 00:05:29,765 --> 00:05:31,687 - Jortstar! - Yes. 171 00:05:31,687 --> 00:05:33,077 - Very good. 172 00:05:33,077 --> 00:05:33,910 (buzzer rings) Ross. 173 00:05:33,910 --> 00:05:35,557 - Death-KNY. 174 00:05:35,557 --> 00:05:38,347 - Ooh! (claps) - Oh. 175 00:05:38,347 --> 00:05:40,587 I think that may have to go to you as well, Ross. 176 00:05:40,587 --> 00:05:42,037 - Is this world, there are long swords 177 00:05:42,037 --> 00:05:43,234 and there are jort swords. 178 00:05:43,234 --> 00:05:44,735 - Oh man, that's actually really good. 179 00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:45,568 - [Paul Robalino] Sam, can I pitch one? 180 00:05:45,568 --> 00:05:47,347 - Yes. - Tommy Hiltfiger? 181 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,727 - Come on! - That's good. 182 00:05:48,727 --> 00:05:52,387 - Now, he had time. He knew what these were in advance. 183 00:05:52,387 --> 00:05:53,827 - Your headset- - Hey, that's true! 184 00:05:53,827 --> 00:05:57,847 - And that's a minigame! (bright cheerful music) 185 00:05:57,847 --> 00:06:00,877 That brings us to round one? 186 00:06:00,877 --> 00:06:01,861 - My god. 187 00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:03,337 - Ross. - Yes, sir. 188 00:06:03,337 --> 00:06:07,225 - A rap battle's bars are actually good feedback 189 00:06:07,225 --> 00:06:08,827 you should take to heart. 190 00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:10,354 - Would you like a bad beatbox? 191 00:06:10,354 --> 00:06:11,587 - That's okay, that's okay. 192 00:06:11,587 --> 00:06:13,401 - Would you like a good beatbox? 193 00:06:13,401 --> 00:06:14,917 (Chris laughing) - Oh, oh shit! 194 00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:17,857 - This dude stepped in the arena. He really oughta walk. 195 00:06:17,857 --> 00:06:19,477 And I really think you need to work 196 00:06:19,477 --> 00:06:21,487 on all that negative self-talk! 197 00:06:21,487 --> 00:06:22,320 - Oh shit! 198 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:23,677 - This battle's over 'fore it started. 199 00:06:23,677 --> 00:06:25,237 It really reached its end. 200 00:06:25,237 --> 00:06:26,947 When you say something about yourself, 201 00:06:26,947 --> 00:06:28,851 would you say that to your friend? 202 00:06:28,851 --> 00:06:30,697 - Oh shit! (cast and crew laughing) 203 00:06:30,697 --> 00:06:31,530 - Tell him. 204 00:06:31,530 --> 00:06:34,117 - Hold it down, hold it down. Hold it down. 205 00:06:34,117 --> 00:06:36,847 Oh, your first verse was so gnarly 206 00:06:36,847 --> 00:06:39,067 it don't even deserve retort. 207 00:06:39,067 --> 00:06:41,557 You forget you got a whole network around you 208 00:06:41,557 --> 00:06:42,997 that's eager to support! 209 00:06:42,997 --> 00:06:44,677 There's not a single fucking screen 210 00:06:44,677 --> 00:06:46,987 that you should ever thus be seen on, 211 00:06:46,987 --> 00:06:48,877 but you gotta a million friends 212 00:06:48,877 --> 00:06:51,226 that are begging you to lean on. 213 00:06:51,226 --> 00:06:52,059 (buzzer buzzes) 214 00:06:52,059 --> 00:06:54,067 - I will cut you off there, Ross. 215 00:06:54,067 --> 00:06:57,427 I like to imagine that this person rapped negatively 216 00:06:57,427 --> 00:07:00,277 about themselves and then you're coming in 217 00:07:00,277 --> 00:07:01,747 and propping them back up again. 218 00:07:01,747 --> 00:07:03,067 - Yeah, yeah. - It's a bold innovation 219 00:07:03,067 --> 00:07:04,267 in rap battling. - Yeah, yeah. 220 00:07:04,267 --> 00:07:05,100 - [Sam] For sure. 221 00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:06,607 I'm telling you this because I'm your friend 222 00:07:06,607 --> 00:07:09,037 amount of points for you, Ross. 223 00:07:09,037 --> 00:07:11,167 Paul F. - Huh? That's me. 224 00:07:11,167 --> 00:07:15,293 - Willy Wonka's lawyer's opening statement. 225 00:07:15,293 --> 00:07:18,130 - (folksy accent) Ladies and gentlemen of the jury... 226 00:07:18,130 --> 00:07:20,107 (cast laughing) - (laughs) Oh god! 227 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:23,080 - I'm just a simple lawyer from Oompa-Loompaland. 228 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,590 Got my law degree in a gumball machine. 229 00:07:27,757 --> 00:07:29,677 - That's not good. - But isn't it... 230 00:07:29,677 --> 00:07:32,347 Oh, Your Honor, will you silence this jury? 231 00:07:32,347 --> 00:07:33,547 (Sam laughing) Silence the gallery. 232 00:07:33,547 --> 00:07:35,437 Now, I put it to you. 233 00:07:35,437 --> 00:07:40,387 If you tell a little German boy again and again and again 234 00:07:40,387 --> 00:07:43,597 not to go near the edge of the chocolate river 235 00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:47,797 and he goes to drink from it, who is at fault here? 236 00:07:47,797 --> 00:07:51,389 If you tell someone the gum is experimental, 237 00:07:51,389 --> 00:07:52,388 (Sam laughing) 238 00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:56,257 it is in beta testing, and a child pops it in its mouth 239 00:07:56,257 --> 00:07:59,407 and turns into a big ball, who is to blame? 240 00:07:59,407 --> 00:08:00,637 I put it to you. 241 00:08:00,637 --> 00:08:01,927 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, 242 00:08:01,927 --> 00:08:04,177 it is the children who are monsters. 243 00:08:04,177 --> 00:08:07,488 The very people he longed to save. 244 00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:09,261 (cast laughing) 245 00:08:09,261 --> 00:08:10,094 (buzzer buzzes) 246 00:08:10,094 --> 00:08:12,583 - And I will cut you off there, Paul. 247 00:08:12,583 --> 00:08:14,047 - Hell yeah. - [Sam] This Oompa-Loompa 248 00:08:14,047 --> 00:08:16,029 is from North Carolina? 249 00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:18,018 - You don't know how big Oompa-Loompaland is. 250 00:08:18,018 --> 00:08:20,174 They might have regional accents there. 251 00:08:20,174 --> 00:08:22,507 You lose! You get nothing! 252 00:08:22,507 --> 00:08:24,727 Just kidding. You get 70 points, Paul. 253 00:08:24,727 --> 00:08:25,639 - Ooh, an actual number. 254 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:26,737 - Chris. - Yes. 255 00:08:26,737 --> 00:08:30,547 - A tour guide who snuck one of his own paintings 256 00:08:30,547 --> 00:08:32,107 into the museum. 257 00:08:32,107 --> 00:08:35,287 - So, I think we got a lot out of the Rothkos. 258 00:08:35,287 --> 00:08:36,337 We sat there for a while 259 00:08:36,337 --> 00:08:38,767 and we saw the way that the color fields were working. 260 00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:40,837 And this artist is also, I would say, 261 00:08:40,837 --> 00:08:43,567 on the level of Rothko. (cast laughing) 262 00:08:43,567 --> 00:08:48,247 This is a self-portrait of a very handsome man. 263 00:08:48,247 --> 00:08:51,547 You might think that this was just an iPhone photo 264 00:08:51,547 --> 00:08:54,695 that was projected into Photoshop and traced over, 265 00:08:54,695 --> 00:08:55,711 (cast laughing) 266 00:08:55,711 --> 00:08:56,544 and you'd be right. 267 00:08:56,544 --> 00:08:59,736 In fact, it's mixed media, uh, and the artist is a- 268 00:09:01,403 --> 00:09:02,467 uh... 269 00:09:02,467 --> 00:09:05,137 Chris Grace. (cast laughing) 270 00:09:05,137 --> 00:09:07,988 No relation. Except it's me. 271 00:09:07,988 --> 00:09:10,597 - And I'll cut you off there. (buzzer buzzes) 272 00:09:10,597 --> 00:09:11,977 Yeah, an "Exit Through the Gift Shop" 273 00:09:11,977 --> 00:09:14,047 amount of points for you, Chris. 274 00:09:14,047 --> 00:09:15,637 Ross. - Yes, sir. 275 00:09:15,637 --> 00:09:18,397 - A "measured take" on Freddy Krueger 276 00:09:18,397 --> 00:09:21,937 by the Editorial Board of "The Washington Post." 277 00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:24,007 - All of us have dreams. (Paul chuckles) 278 00:09:24,007 --> 00:09:27,307 Only one person dares to walk in others', 279 00:09:27,307 --> 00:09:30,007 dispensing ironic justice to teens 280 00:09:30,007 --> 00:09:33,037 who bear the blame of their parent's crime. 281 00:09:33,037 --> 00:09:34,807 - Aw man, it says I gotta pay $12.99 282 00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:37,657 to read the rest of this one? (cast laughing) 283 00:09:37,657 --> 00:09:39,547 - No one who works out thinks 284 00:09:39,547 --> 00:09:41,707 when they go into their home gym, 285 00:09:41,707 --> 00:09:43,177 they're going to be transformed 286 00:09:43,177 --> 00:09:45,097 into a cockroach and crushed. 287 00:09:45,097 --> 00:09:46,507 - Yeah, just put it in reader view, 288 00:09:46,507 --> 00:09:48,157 and then that gets around the paywall. 289 00:09:48,157 --> 00:09:48,990 - [Chris] (laughs) Right. 290 00:09:48,990 --> 00:09:52,027 - Some people dare to dream big. 291 00:09:52,027 --> 00:09:54,547 Frederick "Freddy" Krueger (Sam laughs) 292 00:09:54,547 --> 00:09:57,277 was born two blocks from Elm Street 293 00:09:57,277 --> 00:10:00,817 on the darker side of a little Burbank suburb. 294 00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:02,107 - What if we share an account? (Sam laughing) 295 00:10:02,107 --> 00:10:04,387 What if I make one and we use the same email? 296 00:10:04,387 --> 00:10:06,667 - I don't want you to see my browsing history. 297 00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:08,767 - This misunderstood young man 298 00:10:08,767 --> 00:10:10,327 came up through local schools, 299 00:10:10,327 --> 00:10:13,227 dropping out after a predilection for 300 00:10:13,227 --> 00:10:14,427 child murder. 301 00:10:14,427 --> 00:10:15,337 (cast laughing) 302 00:10:15,337 --> 00:10:18,427 Even after perishing in a fire, he dared to live again. 303 00:10:18,427 --> 00:10:19,702 One, two, 304 00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:21,697 Freddy's coming for you. 305 00:10:21,697 --> 00:10:23,830 Three, four, 306 00:10:23,830 --> 00:10:25,350 we could all 307 00:10:25,350 --> 00:10:27,007 have given him more 308 00:10:27,007 --> 00:10:28,536 bitch! (Paul and Sam laughing) 309 00:10:28,536 --> 00:10:30,427 (buzzer buzzes) 310 00:10:30,427 --> 00:10:32,966 - Wow, Ross! Way to go. 311 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,297 - It made me rethink a lot of stuff. 312 00:10:34,297 --> 00:10:35,767 - There are two sides to every story. 313 00:10:35,767 --> 00:10:36,600 - So true. 314 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:38,327 - Democracy dies in darkness amount of points for you? 315 00:10:38,327 --> 00:10:39,160 - Mm-hmm, that's right. 316 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,747 - Paul. - That's me! 317 00:10:40,747 --> 00:10:43,327 - This presidential acceptance speech 318 00:10:43,327 --> 00:10:48,310 is clearly a last-minute rewrite of a concession speech. 319 00:10:49,748 --> 00:10:51,757 - Thanks, everybody. Thanks, everybody. 320 00:10:51,757 --> 00:10:54,307 I know this outcome is not 321 00:10:54,307 --> 00:10:58,202 what we didn't hope for. 322 00:10:58,202 --> 00:10:59,797 (Sam chuckling) 323 00:10:59,797 --> 00:11:01,330 We fought a good fight, 324 00:11:03,157 --> 00:11:05,527 and it worked. (Sam cackling) 325 00:11:05,527 --> 00:11:08,197 My opponent, um, don't boo. 326 00:11:08,197 --> 00:11:10,396 Actually, boo. Boo, go ahead. 327 00:11:10,396 --> 00:11:11,713 (Sam laughing) - [Paul] He lost. 328 00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:14,257 We may think differently about a lot of things, 329 00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:15,827 but in the end I think 330 00:11:16,957 --> 00:11:21,957 that he will watch me rise to the occasion. 331 00:11:22,177 --> 00:11:24,157 This isn't the last you'll see of me 332 00:11:24,157 --> 00:11:29,157 because I am now the President and so I'll be on TV a bunch 333 00:11:29,677 --> 00:11:31,237 because I'm the- - Sorry, I'm sorry. 334 00:11:31,237 --> 00:11:33,187 Turns out you lost. 335 00:11:33,187 --> 00:11:35,044 - Wait, I did? - You actually lost. 336 00:11:35,044 --> 00:11:36,302 (Sam and crew laughing) 337 00:11:37,657 --> 00:11:40,049 - Psych! (Sam laughing) 338 00:11:40,049 --> 00:11:44,047 (buzzer buzzes) - And that's incredible work! 339 00:11:44,047 --> 00:11:44,880 - Thank you. 340 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,797 - A Pokémon go to the polls amount of points. 341 00:11:47,797 --> 00:11:50,467 - Oh, why? Can't we just forget that happened? 342 00:11:50,467 --> 00:11:53,833 - Sorry. I'm sorry to get so real! 343 00:11:53,833 --> 00:11:55,357 (players laughing) 344 00:11:55,357 --> 00:11:56,377 Chris. - Yes. 345 00:11:56,377 --> 00:11:58,117 - Last prompt of round one. 346 00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:00,457 An Oscar bait monologue 347 00:12:00,457 --> 00:12:02,707 from "UNO: The Movie." - [Paul] Amazing. 348 00:12:02,707 --> 00:12:03,540 - [Ross] Amazing. 349 00:12:03,540 --> 00:12:06,517 - I know that all of you here, you underestimated me. 350 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:09,127 You didn't think I could play in your game. 351 00:12:09,127 --> 00:12:11,707 You thought I only had greens in my hand. 352 00:12:11,707 --> 00:12:14,227 Then you learned I was a little bit wild. 353 00:12:14,227 --> 00:12:15,547 I wasn't exactly what you expected. 354 00:12:15,547 --> 00:12:18,727 I could be whatever I wanted to fit your social situation. 355 00:12:18,727 --> 00:12:20,587 And then when I needed to, 356 00:12:20,587 --> 00:12:23,047 I could make you do what I wanted you to do. 357 00:12:23,047 --> 00:12:25,597 I could make you draw four. (Sam gasps dramatically) 358 00:12:25,597 --> 00:12:28,357 Or maybe even more if there were other cards 359 00:12:28,357 --> 00:12:29,317 with different numbers on them, 360 00:12:29,317 --> 00:12:31,714 but I don't know the game that well, do I? 361 00:12:31,714 --> 00:12:34,597 And here in the final act, (cast laughing) 362 00:12:34,597 --> 00:12:36,997 as all of your blood is on my hands, 363 00:12:36,997 --> 00:12:40,267 that's when I finally played the reverse. 364 00:12:40,267 --> 00:12:43,727 There's only one person left standing. (whispers) UNO. 365 00:12:43,727 --> 00:12:45,967 (buzzer buzzes) - I love it in Oscar movies 366 00:12:45,967 --> 00:12:47,707 where they say the name of the movie. 367 00:12:47,707 --> 00:12:48,540 - [Chris] That's right. - [Sam] Oh, damn. 368 00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:51,796 - Truly, they were the Killers of the Flower Moon. 369 00:12:51,796 --> 00:12:52,957 - Yes, exactly. 370 00:12:52,957 --> 00:12:55,774 - A, conveniently, draw 16 amount of points for you. 371 00:12:55,774 --> 00:12:56,698 - Oh. - Wow. 372 00:12:56,698 --> 00:12:58,237 (cheerful upbeat music) 373 00:12:58,237 --> 00:13:02,017 - Players, that brings us to our second minigame. 374 00:13:02,017 --> 00:13:03,805 - Another minigame? - [Ross] Whoa. 375 00:13:03,805 --> 00:13:05,797 How many swords do we have to name now? 376 00:13:05,797 --> 00:13:08,947 - This is a little minigame we like to call Vent It Out. 377 00:13:08,947 --> 00:13:13,947 How this works is, I am going to give each of you a topic 378 00:13:14,017 --> 00:13:16,717 to rant and rave about. - Huh. 379 00:13:16,717 --> 00:13:19,987 - You may only rant and rave when I call your name. 380 00:13:19,987 --> 00:13:20,820 - Hm. 381 00:13:20,820 --> 00:13:22,777 - When I call the next person's name, 382 00:13:22,777 --> 00:13:25,237 you must continue to rant and rave 383 00:13:25,237 --> 00:13:28,087 where the last person left off. 384 00:13:28,087 --> 00:13:30,187 - The most dangerous game. - Impossible! 385 00:13:30,187 --> 00:13:31,237 - Chris. - Okay. 386 00:13:31,237 --> 00:13:32,437 - Would you please vent about- 387 00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:34,511 - Should that button be closer to you? 388 00:13:34,511 --> 00:13:35,827 (Chris laughing) 389 00:13:35,827 --> 00:13:37,137 - Do you think? - [Ross] Under the chair? 390 00:13:37,137 --> 00:13:40,507 - I feel like you're traveling a really long way to get to- 391 00:13:40,507 --> 00:13:42,867 - It feels like we're robbing your bank. 392 00:13:42,867 --> 00:13:45,817 (players laughing) 393 00:13:45,817 --> 00:13:46,650 - What's wrong with this thing? 394 00:13:46,650 --> 00:13:47,483 - [Sam] If I could please- - Easy, easy, easy- 395 00:13:47,483 --> 00:13:48,316 - [Paul] Instead of calling the police- 396 00:13:48,316 --> 00:13:50,077 - Easy, easy. - No, I'm just getting 397 00:13:50,077 --> 00:13:52,717 the money from the registers. - No quick moves, Reich 398 00:13:52,717 --> 00:13:54,907 - [Sam] Chris, daylight savings. 399 00:13:54,907 --> 00:13:56,857 - I don't understand what we're saving. 400 00:13:56,857 --> 00:14:00,427 Time is not a thing that can be captured or put into a bank. 401 00:14:00,427 --> 00:14:02,827 Time, as a construct, is really just the progression 402 00:14:02,827 --> 00:14:04,597 of molecules- - Stop. Paul. 403 00:14:04,597 --> 00:14:08,257 - And who has more time than molecules? We do. 404 00:14:08,257 --> 00:14:10,477 I think we should decide what hour it is 405 00:14:10,477 --> 00:14:11,587 whenever we want to. 406 00:14:11,587 --> 00:14:14,107 Do away with the concept of time altogether. 407 00:14:14,107 --> 00:14:14,940 - Stop. Ross. 408 00:14:14,940 --> 00:14:18,157 - Let it pass away as a relic of a former time 409 00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:20,077 when we lived in an agrarian economy 410 00:14:20,077 --> 00:14:23,737 that demanded folks to rise with and fall with the Sun. 411 00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:25,417 But that time has passed, 412 00:14:25,417 --> 00:14:28,207 much like the molecular theory of biology 413 00:14:28,207 --> 00:14:30,277 has been swept into the dustbin of history. 414 00:14:30,277 --> 00:14:33,817 We are made purely of- - Stop. Paul. 415 00:14:33,817 --> 00:14:37,597 - Guts, meat, blood, spaghetti parts. 416 00:14:37,597 --> 00:14:40,777 - Stop. Chris. - Pasta, Prego, 417 00:14:40,777 --> 00:14:41,610 RAGÚ, Chef- 418 00:14:41,610 --> 00:14:43,447 - [Sam] Stop. Ross. - Boyardee. 419 00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:45,667 - Ross, could you please rant instead 420 00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:47,617 about America's lack of trains? 421 00:14:47,617 --> 00:14:50,707 - We used to be a proud country where people could travel 422 00:14:50,707 --> 00:14:53,377 from one coast to another on the rail, 423 00:14:53,377 --> 00:14:56,597 choo-chooing from one coast to the other. 424 00:14:56,597 --> 00:14:57,430 - Stop. Paul. 425 00:14:57,430 --> 00:15:01,159 - Choo-choo? Now it's more like chi-chow! 426 00:15:01,159 --> 00:15:04,177 (Chris laughing) The past tense of choo-choo. 427 00:15:04,177 --> 00:15:05,047 - Stop. Chris. 428 00:15:05,047 --> 00:15:08,291 - I think it was my great-grandfather Chi Chow 429 00:15:08,291 --> 00:15:13,291 who first built the tracks that these trains run on, 430 00:15:13,357 --> 00:15:15,997 and you have forgotten my great-grandfather's legacy 431 00:15:15,997 --> 00:15:18,667 by not riding the Amtrak. - Stop. Paul. 432 00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:22,327 - My great-grandfather will haunt the shit out of you. 433 00:15:22,327 --> 00:15:26,167 - (laughs) And Paul, could you please rant instead 434 00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:28,957 about how capes aren't in fashion anymore? 435 00:15:28,957 --> 00:15:30,097 - Have you ever walked down the street 436 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,447 and you see everybody's shoulders 437 00:15:31,447 --> 00:15:33,064 and you're sick to your stomach? 438 00:15:33,064 --> 00:15:35,317 (Chris laughing) - Stop. Ross. (laughs) 439 00:15:35,317 --> 00:15:39,547 - These bulbous appendages on either side of our torso 440 00:15:39,547 --> 00:15:41,707 should be kept away from the common view, 441 00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:46,477 kept draped in a fancy drapery that dangles upon you, 442 00:15:46,477 --> 00:15:49,417 leaving more of the body to the erotic imagination. 443 00:15:49,417 --> 00:15:50,773 - Stop. Chris. 444 00:15:50,773 --> 00:15:51,704 - (New York-ish accent) And also, 445 00:15:51,704 --> 00:15:54,307 who's a superhero and who's not? 446 00:15:54,307 --> 00:15:56,557 How am I supposed to know without a cape? 447 00:15:56,557 --> 00:15:57,685 - Stop. Paul. 448 00:15:57,685 --> 00:15:59,917 - (accent intensifies) These sorta Spider-Man guys 449 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:01,177 who don't have no cape, 450 00:16:01,177 --> 00:16:03,787 of course everybody hates 'em like J. Jonah Jameson 451 00:16:03,787 --> 00:16:06,577 because he just looks like a big bug! 452 00:16:06,577 --> 00:16:07,466 - Stop. Ross. 453 00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:08,474 - (goofier New York accent) How do you know 454 00:16:08,474 --> 00:16:10,447 who's a superhero anymore? 455 00:16:10,447 --> 00:16:13,597 You got your Green Lanterns and your Spider-Man 456 00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:15,667 going around sans cape. 457 00:16:15,667 --> 00:16:16,687 - Stop. Chris. 458 00:16:16,687 --> 00:16:17,887 - I wanna go back to the day 459 00:16:17,887 --> 00:16:21,247 when there was only one superhero, the Capeman. 460 00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:23,557 He made capes and he solved crimes 461 00:16:23,557 --> 00:16:25,327 by putting capes on the criminals. 462 00:16:25,327 --> 00:16:27,367 You're like, "That's the bad guy." 463 00:16:27,367 --> 00:16:31,891 - And we will stop. (laughs) (cast laughing) 464 00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,607 What the fuck just happened? 465 00:16:33,607 --> 00:16:35,827 - (mimics wacky gibberish) Bad guy. 466 00:16:35,827 --> 00:16:38,407 - The real Vent It Out is to vent about a thing 467 00:16:38,407 --> 00:16:41,282 while the whole speech undergoes a Bronxification. 468 00:16:41,282 --> 00:16:42,457 (cast laughing) 469 00:16:42,457 --> 00:16:43,327 - Paul. - Hi. 470 00:16:43,327 --> 00:16:46,687 - [Sam] The small number of "Mr. Bean" episodes. 471 00:16:46,687 --> 00:16:48,773 - (English accent) We used to build things in this country. 472 00:16:48,773 --> 00:16:49,606 - Hm. 473 00:16:49,606 --> 00:16:51,907 - There was a time when- - Stop. Ross. 474 00:16:51,907 --> 00:16:54,307 - (English accent) A show like "Dad's Army" 475 00:16:54,307 --> 00:16:57,337 would be on the air for years uncounted, 476 00:16:57,337 --> 00:17:01,627 while one Mr. Rowan Atkinson poured his genius 477 00:17:01,627 --> 00:17:05,137 into literally only like a dozen episodes or so. 478 00:17:05,137 --> 00:17:06,037 - Stop. Chris. 479 00:17:06,037 --> 00:17:06,870 - (English accent) I, myself, 480 00:17:06,870 --> 00:17:09,817 had a society of fans of Rowan Atkinson's. 481 00:17:09,817 --> 00:17:12,037 We call ourselves The Bean Counters. 482 00:17:12,037 --> 00:17:13,807 We keep track of how many episodes there are- 483 00:17:13,807 --> 00:17:14,640 - Stop. Paul. 484 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,987 - There are precious few. (Sam chuckling) 485 00:17:16,987 --> 00:17:18,675 The happy few. 486 00:17:18,675 --> 00:17:21,667 Are we going to stand by as Britons 487 00:17:21,667 --> 00:17:23,797 and let the American sitcom "Friends" 488 00:17:23,797 --> 00:17:26,077 steal the turkey on the head gag? 489 00:17:26,077 --> 00:17:27,577 Bean did it first! 490 00:17:27,577 --> 00:17:28,747 - Stop. Chris. 491 00:17:28,747 --> 00:17:31,627 - We must never give up. We shall always persist. 492 00:17:31,627 --> 00:17:33,817 We must fight on the shores of the US. 493 00:17:33,817 --> 00:17:35,677 We must fight in the UK- - Stop. Ross. 494 00:17:35,677 --> 00:17:37,657 - And the Sun shall never set on Bean 495 00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:40,044 as it has set on our empire! 496 00:17:40,044 --> 00:17:43,029 ♪ Rule, the Britannia ♪ 497 00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:45,886 ♪ Britannia rules the waves ♪ 498 00:17:45,886 --> 00:17:46,837 (buzzer buzzes) (Paul gasps in shock) 499 00:17:46,837 --> 00:17:48,427 - Chris, last one. - Yep. 500 00:17:48,427 --> 00:17:49,597 - [Sam] Streaming services. 501 00:17:49,597 --> 00:17:52,507 - Y'all, I'll tell you what, they all suck except one. 502 00:17:52,507 --> 00:17:53,340 - Oh, don't you dare. 503 00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,717 - Which one am I talking about, folks? 504 00:17:55,717 --> 00:17:56,550 - Don't you dare. 505 00:17:56,550 --> 00:17:58,490 ♪ I love all the streaming services ♪ 506 00:17:58,490 --> 00:18:01,394 ♪ But there is only one that is the best ♪ 507 00:18:01,394 --> 00:18:04,473 ♪ And it makes me wanna scream and shout 'cause ♪ 508 00:18:04,473 --> 00:18:07,227 ♪ It's the one that's called ♪ - And stop. Paul. 509 00:18:07,227 --> 00:18:08,634 ♪ Shudder ♪ 510 00:18:08,634 --> 00:18:10,732 ♪ Everybody likes to get scared ♪ 511 00:18:10,732 --> 00:18:13,489 ♪ Everybody likes to say, "Is there a ghost in here" ♪ 512 00:18:13,489 --> 00:18:15,907 ♪ Everybody likes to say, "I'm a werewolf" ♪ 513 00:18:15,907 --> 00:18:17,051 - And stop. Ross. 514 00:18:17,051 --> 00:18:19,922 ♪ Do you want giallo from 1970 ♪ 515 00:18:19,922 --> 00:18:22,963 ♪ Do you want contemporary low-budget movies ♪ 516 00:18:22,963 --> 00:18:25,847 ♪ Shudder's got it all for a low, low price ♪ 517 00:18:25,847 --> 00:18:29,287 ♪ On the Amazon tab on your TV ♪ 518 00:18:29,287 --> 00:18:30,205 - Stop. Chris. 519 00:18:30,205 --> 00:18:33,517 ♪ And if you don't like that, I got another one for you ♪ 520 00:18:33,517 --> 00:18:34,394 - Stop. Paul. 521 00:18:34,394 --> 00:18:35,227 ♪ Crunchyroll ♪ 522 00:18:35,227 --> 00:18:38,015 - All right, put me out of my fucking misery. 523 00:18:38,015 --> 00:18:41,047 (players laughing) (bright whimsical music) 524 00:18:41,047 --> 00:18:42,937 That brings us to round two 525 00:18:42,937 --> 00:18:45,337 where our players will now test their talents 526 00:18:45,337 --> 00:18:47,467 in teams of twos. 527 00:18:47,467 --> 00:18:49,237 - Ooh. - But there's three. 528 00:18:49,237 --> 00:18:51,547 - And so we're starting with Ross. 529 00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:53,575 - He's one! - And Paul. 530 00:18:53,575 --> 00:18:54,997 - I'm the second? 531 00:18:54,997 --> 00:18:59,347 - Both of these people are definitely wearing a wire. 532 00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,177 - Hey, sorry I'm late. 533 00:19:01,177 --> 00:19:03,307 I uh, hit some traffic coming over here. 534 00:19:03,307 --> 00:19:05,437 - No problem, I understand. Things happen. 535 00:19:05,437 --> 00:19:07,657 And if you saw me get out of that dry cleaning van, 536 00:19:07,657 --> 00:19:10,417 it's just 'cause I was, uh, returning something. 537 00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:12,937 - Yeah, right, and this bulge in my jacket 538 00:19:12,937 --> 00:19:16,627 is because I got a tumor. (Sam and crew laughing) 539 00:19:16,627 --> 00:19:19,297 I don't wanna bring the room down. How's the crime going? 540 00:19:19,297 --> 00:19:22,207 - I was wondering if the shipment of cocaine 541 00:19:22,207 --> 00:19:24,247 had come in from South America, 542 00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:27,457 and if so, whereso and whenso? 543 00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:29,527 - Cocaine shipment, that sounds familiar. 544 00:19:29,527 --> 00:19:31,117 Weren't you telling me about that 545 00:19:31,117 --> 00:19:32,977 and how you wanted to do it? 546 00:19:32,977 --> 00:19:34,657 - Hey, it takes two to tango. 547 00:19:34,657 --> 00:19:37,537 We had a conversation where a lot of things came up. 548 00:19:37,537 --> 00:19:40,567 We were speaking vaguely, but if you could specifically say 549 00:19:40,567 --> 00:19:42,607 when you are bringing it in, 550 00:19:42,607 --> 00:19:44,737 that would be really helpful for me. 551 00:19:44,737 --> 00:19:46,297 My memory ain't so good. 552 00:19:46,297 --> 00:19:50,050 - Oh, well let me refresh it. You're a criminal doing crime. 553 00:19:51,217 --> 00:19:53,167 You hate the law, right? - Absolutely. 554 00:19:53,167 --> 00:19:54,127 - And you like to break it? 555 00:19:54,127 --> 00:19:55,867 - I love to break it and I do not like 556 00:19:55,867 --> 00:19:58,447 to collaborate with it to save my own skin. 557 00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:00,355 - One second, one second. Is that good or? 558 00:20:00,355 --> 00:20:03,307 - (laughs) And... (buzzer buzzes) 559 00:20:03,307 --> 00:20:05,407 I love an insecure rat 560 00:20:05,407 --> 00:20:07,400 who needs a little validation from time to time. 561 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,887 - Am I doing okay? 562 00:20:08,887 --> 00:20:10,717 - Can you please say that again louder amount of points 563 00:20:10,717 --> 00:20:11,987 for the both of you. - Oh my. 564 00:20:11,987 --> 00:20:13,207 - Paul. - That's me. 565 00:20:13,207 --> 00:20:15,907 - And Chris. - Ah. 566 00:20:15,907 --> 00:20:19,837 - Realizing an anecdote isn't at all appropriate 567 00:20:19,837 --> 00:20:21,877 for the "Jeopardy!" intro. 568 00:20:21,877 --> 00:20:23,137 - And back from the break. 569 00:20:23,137 --> 00:20:25,207 We're gonna get to know our contestants a little bit more. 570 00:20:25,207 --> 00:20:28,657 And Chris, I understand that you have an interesting story 571 00:20:28,657 --> 00:20:31,687 to tell us involving your love of apples 572 00:20:31,687 --> 00:20:34,567 - Yes, I'm allergic to apples, 573 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,847 and I recently had some in the green room, 574 00:20:36,847 --> 00:20:40,297 and so my throat's closing up at this time, 575 00:20:40,297 --> 00:20:43,717 but my desire to be on the show and the power dynamic 576 00:20:43,717 --> 00:20:46,267 has dictated that I won't say anything about it 577 00:20:46,267 --> 00:20:48,007 except maybe unconsciously. (laughs) 578 00:20:48,007 --> 00:20:49,218 - Well, best of luck. 579 00:20:50,724 --> 00:20:54,482 Ross, I understand you have over 30 newspapers. 580 00:20:54,482 --> 00:20:55,315 (Chris coughing) 581 00:20:55,315 --> 00:20:57,907 - That's right. I'm something of a collector. 582 00:20:57,907 --> 00:21:02,101 I started a month ago. (Chris groaning painfully) 583 00:21:02,101 --> 00:21:04,327 - Could you stop making so much noise? 584 00:21:04,327 --> 00:21:06,187 - I will cut you off. (buzzer buzzes) 585 00:21:06,187 --> 00:21:08,887 What is 800 points for you both? 586 00:21:08,887 --> 00:21:09,997 - Holy smoke. - Oh. 587 00:21:09,997 --> 00:21:10,830 - Chris. - Yes. 588 00:21:10,830 --> 00:21:12,196 - And Ross. - Yes, sir. 589 00:21:12,196 --> 00:21:14,227 - A father chess knight 590 00:21:14,227 --> 00:21:18,967 teaches its baby chess knight to take its first steps. 591 00:21:18,967 --> 00:21:20,017 - Wait, wait a minute. - My spry boy. 592 00:21:20,017 --> 00:21:23,110 - Wait a minute. - [Sam] Oh shit! Oh shit! 593 00:21:24,780 --> 00:21:26,287 - Where can I go, Papa? 594 00:21:26,287 --> 00:21:28,687 - My boy, I know that logic would dictate 595 00:21:28,687 --> 00:21:32,017 that you'd walk straight ahead as far as the eye can see. 596 00:21:32,017 --> 00:21:32,850 - Like a queen? 597 00:21:32,850 --> 00:21:34,027 - That's the queen's prerogative. 598 00:21:34,027 --> 00:21:34,867 - Aw. 599 00:21:34,867 --> 00:21:38,167 - We just take a little step to the left 600 00:21:38,167 --> 00:21:40,657 and a long stride forward, or the opposite. 601 00:21:40,657 --> 00:21:43,687 - I go a little bit forward and to the side. 602 00:21:43,687 --> 00:21:46,717 Or I go to the side and a little bit forward. 603 00:21:46,717 --> 00:21:48,397 - My boy's becoming a man. 604 00:21:48,397 --> 00:21:51,874 And if there's ever a pawn or anything in front of you, 605 00:21:51,874 --> 00:21:53,347 you jump right over 'em. 606 00:21:53,347 --> 00:21:56,527 - And Papa, what if I go to c7 607 00:21:56,527 --> 00:21:59,587 and I attack both the rook and the king at the same time? 608 00:21:59,587 --> 00:22:01,087 - You've been pincered, my boy. 609 00:22:01,087 --> 00:22:02,227 - Oh, that's not a good thing? 610 00:22:02,227 --> 00:22:03,463 - Let's say no. (Sam laughing) 611 00:22:03,463 --> 00:22:06,667 - Oh, we don't have that much power in this kingdom, do we? 612 00:22:06,667 --> 00:22:09,817 In fact, my twin brother is there on the other side, 613 00:22:09,817 --> 00:22:10,987 and he got killed. 614 00:22:10,987 --> 00:22:12,187 - We shall not speak of him. 615 00:22:12,187 --> 00:22:13,271 You are all that remains. Now give me- 616 00:22:13,271 --> 00:22:14,976 - [Paul] You are all that remains. 617 00:22:14,976 --> 00:22:16,351 (Sam laughing) 618 00:22:16,351 --> 00:22:19,177 - Now give me a hug, boy. - Give me a hug, boy. 619 00:22:19,177 --> 00:22:21,070 - But son. - Son. 620 00:22:21,997 --> 00:22:23,767 - Papa, we can never get to each other. 621 00:22:23,767 --> 00:22:25,160 - [Paul] We can never get to each other. 622 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:26,107 - My boy. - My boy. 623 00:22:26,107 --> 00:22:26,940 - Papa. 624 00:22:26,940 --> 00:22:28,440 - [Sam] And I will cut you off there. 625 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:29,424 (buzzer buzzes) 626 00:22:29,424 --> 00:22:32,317 I love how this like, went from like a wholesome scene 627 00:22:32,317 --> 00:22:34,807 between two chess pieces to a very sad man. 628 00:22:34,807 --> 00:22:35,749 - A very sad man. 629 00:22:35,749 --> 00:22:37,087 - I was trying to play him as a little boy. 630 00:22:37,087 --> 00:22:40,360 I guess the sad man in me really comes through. 631 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:41,376 (Sam laughs) 632 00:22:41,376 --> 00:22:44,868 A Grandmaster amount of points for both of you. 633 00:22:44,868 --> 00:22:45,701 - A Magnus Carlsen. 634 00:22:45,701 --> 00:22:48,157 - Bringing us back to Ross. 635 00:22:48,157 --> 00:22:50,707 - My god. What's happening? - And Paul. 636 00:22:50,707 --> 00:22:51,577 - That's me. 637 00:22:51,577 --> 00:22:56,577 - Rip Van Winkle explains the gap in his resume. 638 00:22:57,037 --> 00:22:57,870 - I gotta say, 639 00:22:57,870 --> 00:22:59,887 I found your cover letter extremely impressive. 640 00:22:59,887 --> 00:23:00,720 - Thank you. 641 00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:02,827 - You're definitely the most interestingly dressed 642 00:23:02,827 --> 00:23:04,397 of the candidates I've seen today. 643 00:23:04,397 --> 00:23:07,207 - I have my own style. - Yeah. 644 00:23:07,207 --> 00:23:09,097 I am just noticing that like, 645 00:23:09,097 --> 00:23:12,487 right before the American Revolution- 646 00:23:12,487 --> 00:23:14,917 - Right. - there's a whole lot here 647 00:23:14,917 --> 00:23:17,227 working in a lot of agriculture. 648 00:23:17,227 --> 00:23:19,957 - That's right. - Cider manufacturing. 649 00:23:19,957 --> 00:23:21,930 And then there's a big gap here, 650 00:23:21,930 --> 00:23:23,959 and I'm just wondering if you could explain that. 651 00:23:23,959 --> 00:23:25,717 - You know, I've been working since I was a kid, 652 00:23:25,717 --> 00:23:28,867 and I decided I needed some time to like, 653 00:23:28,867 --> 00:23:30,847 you know, just kind of experience things, you know? 654 00:23:30,847 --> 00:23:32,647 - Great, so taking some time for yourself 655 00:23:32,647 --> 00:23:35,707 to explore yourself. - Yes. 656 00:23:35,707 --> 00:23:38,197 You know what, it's like I was exploring all my dreams. 657 00:23:38,197 --> 00:23:41,190 - Mm-hmm. - And deciding, do I want to, 658 00:23:41,190 --> 00:23:43,027 is this really a dream that I want? 659 00:23:43,027 --> 00:23:44,977 And then it would just shift into another dream 660 00:23:44,977 --> 00:23:47,047 and then and so on and so forth. 661 00:23:47,047 --> 00:23:49,897 - You're a very dreamy man. - (laughs) Yeah, well, I am. 662 00:23:49,897 --> 00:23:52,567 - Now, about these gnomes who play bowls 663 00:23:52,567 --> 00:23:56,289 with the sound of thunder up in "Them Thar Hills." 664 00:23:56,289 --> 00:23:58,657 - Yeah, I just put that in for, 665 00:23:58,657 --> 00:23:59,947 you know, sort of an about me. 666 00:23:59,947 --> 00:24:03,517 - Uh, sorry. Hey, Dave, where do we keep the horsey sauce? 667 00:24:03,517 --> 00:24:04,687 - It's in the walk-in fridge. 668 00:24:04,687 --> 00:24:05,977 - They make sauce out of horses now? 669 00:24:05,977 --> 00:24:08,647 - The horsey sauce contains very little horse. 670 00:24:08,647 --> 00:24:09,480 - Oh. 671 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,197 - But the beef does arrive here as a liquid. 672 00:24:11,197 --> 00:24:12,030 - Oh! 673 00:24:12,030 --> 00:24:13,447 - I'm gonna get right down to it. You are hired. 674 00:24:13,447 --> 00:24:16,578 - Why, thank you! You won't be sorry. 675 00:24:16,578 --> 00:24:18,547 (buzzer buzzes) - And cut. 676 00:24:18,547 --> 00:24:21,247 How about the audience collectively Googling Rip Van Winkle 677 00:24:21,247 --> 00:24:22,417 amount of points for the both of you. 678 00:24:22,417 --> 00:24:23,250 Paul. - Hm? 679 00:24:23,250 --> 00:24:24,277 - And Chris. - Huh? 680 00:24:24,277 --> 00:24:25,110 - Ah. 681 00:24:25,110 --> 00:24:26,527 - Excuse me for a moment. 682 00:24:26,527 --> 00:24:29,227 - There he goes. - Give me all your money. 683 00:24:29,227 --> 00:24:33,307 - New Year's Eve TV hosts are not the "fun" kind of drunks. 684 00:24:33,307 --> 00:24:35,347 - Well, guess what, it's almost time 685 00:24:35,347 --> 00:24:37,323 for the stupid-ass ball to drop. 686 00:24:37,323 --> 00:24:41,167 - Yeah, yeah, and Jelly Roll's gonna sing at some point. 687 00:24:41,167 --> 00:24:42,667 - I don't know who Jelly Roll is. 688 00:24:42,667 --> 00:24:45,187 I don't know who half these people are. 689 00:24:45,187 --> 00:24:48,247 I hate myself. (Sam chuckling) 690 00:24:48,247 --> 00:24:50,077 And I hate you if you're watching this. 691 00:24:50,077 --> 00:24:51,907 This year isn't gonna be any different. 692 00:24:51,907 --> 00:24:53,528 - We've been doing this so long. 693 00:24:53,528 --> 00:24:55,807 - So fucking long. 694 00:24:55,807 --> 00:24:57,697 Guess what's gonna happen in the New Year, 695 00:24:57,697 --> 00:24:59,227 more of the same shit! 696 00:24:59,227 --> 00:25:01,117 - Hey guys, I'm out here in Times Square 697 00:25:01,117 --> 00:25:04,087 getting live reactions from the people out in the Square, 698 00:25:04,087 --> 00:25:06,367 but first and foremost, I wanna know, do you hate me? 699 00:25:06,367 --> 00:25:08,467 - Yeah, I do. You know what, man? 700 00:25:08,467 --> 00:25:10,327 I'm glad you asked because I do. 701 00:25:10,327 --> 00:25:12,517 I wish you would hit yourself in the face with a hammer. 702 00:25:12,517 --> 00:25:15,487 - I knew it. I pick up on the energy, and I know you do. 703 00:25:15,487 --> 00:25:18,907 - Hey, that's your son, man. (Sam and crew laughing) 704 00:25:18,907 --> 00:25:21,217 - You don't think I regret it every day? 705 00:25:21,217 --> 00:25:23,613 - Yeah, go ahead. Spill it all out! 706 00:25:24,487 --> 00:25:26,497 Let the whole country know what goes on 707 00:25:26,497 --> 00:25:29,887 behind the picture-perfect closed doors of our house! 708 00:25:29,887 --> 00:25:34,627 - Why don't you try being a man? Stand on your own two feet! 709 00:25:34,627 --> 00:25:36,878 - And now SZA's gonna perform 710 00:25:36,878 --> 00:25:38,203 (Sam laughing) 711 00:25:38,203 --> 00:25:40,177 on "The New York Times" Doritos stage. 712 00:25:40,177 --> 00:25:41,647 - Take it away, SZA. 713 00:25:41,647 --> 00:25:44,093 - I'd give everything for one "I love you." 714 00:25:44,093 --> 00:25:45,873 - And cut. (buzzer buzzes) 715 00:25:45,873 --> 00:25:47,977 I fucking loved that scene. 716 00:25:47,977 --> 00:25:51,190 A 10, 9, 8, 7 amount of points for the both of you? 717 00:25:51,190 --> 00:25:53,017 - Wow. - Hm, stops at seven. 718 00:25:53,017 --> 00:25:55,927 - Last prompt of round two. - Aw. 719 00:25:55,927 --> 00:25:56,760 - Chris. - Yes. 720 00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:57,593 - And Ross. 721 00:25:57,593 --> 00:25:58,507 - [Chris] Hey! - [Ross] Okay. 722 00:25:58,507 --> 00:26:02,259 - Letters between two "historically close 723 00:26:02,259 --> 00:26:05,887 unmarried friends of the same sex." 724 00:26:05,887 --> 00:26:09,427 - Jeffrey, I do hope that this message finds you well. 725 00:26:09,427 --> 00:26:12,157 This day I did go hunting in the grange outside our house 726 00:26:12,157 --> 00:26:15,817 while Martha attended to the household chores. 727 00:26:15,817 --> 00:26:17,047 Thinking of you dearly. 728 00:26:17,047 --> 00:26:21,187 Your kind words in the last message meant so much to me. 729 00:26:21,187 --> 00:26:24,547 Also, your body. Anyway, how's Diane? 730 00:26:24,547 --> 00:26:27,307 Yours, Philip. 731 00:26:27,307 --> 00:26:30,277 - Philip, Appomattox has been hell. 732 00:26:30,277 --> 00:26:33,757 The bodies pile up one on top of t'other 733 00:26:33,757 --> 00:26:37,177 and I look at them wishing that I was one 734 00:26:37,177 --> 00:26:41,437 and you were t'other on top of me here 735 00:26:41,437 --> 00:26:44,429 in the fight to save the South. (laughs) 736 00:26:44,429 --> 00:26:46,914 (Sam and Paul laughing) 737 00:26:46,914 --> 00:26:49,884 - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 738 00:26:49,884 --> 00:26:53,677 - You could help me save your South parts. 739 00:26:53,677 --> 00:26:56,197 I'd like to explore your Southern lands 740 00:26:56,197 --> 00:27:01,197 and make my own Sherman's March into your nether regions. 741 00:27:01,747 --> 00:27:04,222 How's that wife of yours? I forget her name. 742 00:27:04,222 --> 00:27:05,137 (Sam laughing) 743 00:27:05,137 --> 00:27:06,787 Yours, Jeffrey. 744 00:27:06,787 --> 00:27:08,467 - Jeffrey, I'm sure your wife is well, 745 00:27:08,467 --> 00:27:12,097 but our friendship shall know few bounds, 746 00:27:12,097 --> 00:27:14,767 but there is an intimacy with you that I long for 747 00:27:14,767 --> 00:27:16,117 that I know I can never have. 748 00:27:16,117 --> 00:27:20,197 - This traitor, Lincoln, has given up on our country! 749 00:27:20,197 --> 00:27:23,947 - Just because we are on opposite sides of this conflict. 750 00:27:23,947 --> 00:27:25,807 - It's put lover against lover! 751 00:27:25,807 --> 00:27:27,157 - Brother against brother. 752 00:27:27,157 --> 00:27:29,437 - And brother lovers against brother lovers. 753 00:27:29,437 --> 00:27:33,919 - Truly, we are the worst victims of this whole situation. 754 00:27:33,919 --> 00:27:34,752 (buzzer buzzes) 755 00:27:34,752 --> 00:27:36,277 - I put myself on the wrong side. 756 00:27:36,277 --> 00:27:39,217 - (laughs) Whoops! 757 00:27:39,217 --> 00:27:41,467 69 totally platonic points for both of you. 758 00:27:41,467 --> 00:27:42,808 - Oh! 759 00:27:42,808 --> 00:27:44,467 (cheerful upbeat music) 760 00:27:44,467 --> 00:27:48,337 - That brings us to our final minigame. 761 00:27:48,337 --> 00:27:51,127 - Oh, this guy is crazy for minigames. 762 00:27:51,127 --> 00:27:52,558 - Can't get enough of these minis. 763 00:27:52,558 --> 00:27:53,599 - It's kinda my kink. 764 00:27:53,599 --> 00:27:55,327 - You're a minigame freak. 765 00:27:55,327 --> 00:27:59,017 - This is a little minigame we like to call Translator. 766 00:27:59,017 --> 00:28:00,540 How it works is, Ross- - Yes, sir. 767 00:28:00,540 --> 00:28:02,587 - [Sam] You are gonna switch places with Paul. 768 00:28:02,587 --> 00:28:04,447 - Okay. As you wish. - [Sam] You are going 769 00:28:04,447 --> 00:28:07,237 to be our "foreign politician" 770 00:28:07,237 --> 00:28:09,868 speaking in a gibberish foreign language. 771 00:28:09,868 --> 00:28:10,701 - Okay. 772 00:28:10,701 --> 00:28:15,701 - Chris and Paul, you will take turns translating Ross 773 00:28:15,757 --> 00:28:16,987 however you see fit. 774 00:28:16,987 --> 00:28:20,857 And we have a little piece of art to inspire you, Ross. 775 00:28:20,857 --> 00:28:22,777 Paul, could I have that please? 776 00:28:22,777 --> 00:28:23,977 - And this is a little piece of art. 777 00:28:23,977 --> 00:28:26,617 Did you mean to say "prop?" (players laughing) 778 00:28:26,617 --> 00:28:27,877 Did you forget the word for prop? 779 00:28:27,877 --> 00:28:29,767 - Anyway, um... (laughs) (Chris and Paul laughing) 780 00:28:29,767 --> 00:28:31,687 Ross, we have a little prop. 781 00:28:31,687 --> 00:28:33,517 - You can't move on that easily, Sam. 782 00:28:33,517 --> 00:28:35,441 - Take it away whenever you are ready. 783 00:28:35,441 --> 00:28:39,187 (Ross speaking gibberish in vaguely Soviet accent) 784 00:28:39,187 --> 00:28:40,020 - Zest. 785 00:28:40,020 --> 00:28:42,458 - Friends, enemies, and Uncle Zac. 786 00:28:42,458 --> 00:28:44,917 (gibberish continues) 787 00:28:44,917 --> 00:28:47,287 - I will now create a story 788 00:28:47,287 --> 00:28:50,062 with some suggestions from the audience. 789 00:28:50,062 --> 00:28:55,062 (gibberish continues) 790 00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:01,113 (Ross mimics motor buzzing) (Chris laughing) 791 00:29:01,113 --> 00:29:04,297 (gibberish continues) 792 00:29:04,297 --> 00:29:07,327 - Okay, I heard "Dildo factory 793 00:29:07,327 --> 00:29:09,547 from over there and over there." 794 00:29:09,547 --> 00:29:13,627 We take you now to a day at the dildo factory. 795 00:29:13,627 --> 00:29:15,637 First, the shades are drawn 796 00:29:15,637 --> 00:29:18,763 so that no one can see how me make the dildos. 797 00:29:18,763 --> 00:29:23,763 (gibberish) 798 00:29:23,764 --> 00:29:26,257 (seductive gibberish) 799 00:29:26,257 --> 00:29:27,997 - Matilda, did you hear 800 00:29:27,997 --> 00:29:30,907 that the dildo factory is being shut down? 801 00:29:30,907 --> 00:29:34,956 (feminine voice) No, our country's economy is quite strong. 802 00:29:34,956 --> 00:29:39,123 (Ross shouts patriotic gibberish) 803 00:29:40,057 --> 00:29:41,767 - Now, that was a lot of fun, 804 00:29:41,767 --> 00:29:44,145 but did you notice the hidden lesson in there? 805 00:29:44,145 --> 00:29:45,746 (Sam and crew laughing) 806 00:29:45,746 --> 00:29:48,573 (Ross speaking gibberish) 807 00:29:48,573 --> 00:29:50,875 - The Amerikanshi "dildo". 808 00:29:50,875 --> 00:29:52,734 (Ross continues speaking gibberish) 809 00:29:52,734 --> 00:29:53,870 The Amerikanshi. 810 00:29:53,870 --> 00:29:56,433 (speaks gibberish) Pierce Brosnan. 811 00:29:56,433 --> 00:29:57,733 (Sam and crew laughing) 812 00:29:57,733 --> 00:30:00,877 - Some people say that the dildos our country makes 813 00:30:00,877 --> 00:30:05,167 are inferior to the American dildo, but I believe our dildos 814 00:30:05,167 --> 00:30:08,017 are as strong as "Remington Steele," 815 00:30:08,017 --> 00:30:10,387 a TV show starring Pierce Brosnan. 816 00:30:10,387 --> 00:30:12,904 - And I will cut you off there. (buzzer buzzes) 817 00:30:12,904 --> 00:30:14,917 Holy shit! 818 00:30:14,917 --> 00:30:16,987 Paul, you can grab that for me, please. 819 00:30:16,987 --> 00:30:19,560 - Take it back to the Louvre. (laughs mockingly) 820 00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:20,594 - (laughs) It's art. 821 00:30:20,594 --> 00:30:23,677 (upbeat jaunty music) 822 00:30:23,677 --> 00:30:26,107 - That brings us to round three 823 00:30:26,107 --> 00:30:28,567 where our players will now hold hands 824 00:30:28,567 --> 00:30:31,627 and jump into the abyss together. 825 00:30:31,627 --> 00:30:32,460 - Yes. 826 00:30:32,460 --> 00:30:33,293 - Ross. - Yes, sir. 827 00:30:33,293 --> 00:30:34,126 - Paul. - That's me. 828 00:30:34,126 --> 00:30:34,959 - Chris. - Hey. 829 00:30:34,959 --> 00:30:38,437 - Three soldiers bored inside the Trojan Horse. 830 00:30:38,437 --> 00:30:41,167 - Can I say that this sucks? 831 00:30:41,167 --> 00:30:42,787 - Aeschylus, I'm glad somebody had the guts 832 00:30:42,787 --> 00:30:45,037 to finally says it because I feel like Ulysses makes a plan 833 00:30:45,037 --> 00:30:46,387 and everyone's like, "Oh, great idea." 834 00:30:46,387 --> 00:30:48,187 And we're the ones who gotta like, follow through. 835 00:30:48,187 --> 00:30:50,784 - What are we supposed to do once we're inside? 836 00:30:50,784 --> 00:30:53,767 - They bring the horse in, and then we jump out 837 00:30:53,767 --> 00:30:55,747 and we're like, "We fucking got you!" 838 00:30:55,747 --> 00:30:58,777 - (laughs) "We got you!" Yeah. - But they didn't tell us 839 00:30:58,777 --> 00:31:00,637 how long we were gonna be in the horse. 840 00:31:00,637 --> 00:31:02,737 - The thing is, we're so cramped in here 841 00:31:02,737 --> 00:31:04,617 that I feel like it's gonna be more like, 842 00:31:04,617 --> 00:31:07,147 (groans) "We're coming." - I know. 843 00:31:07,147 --> 00:31:09,487 - Like, we're not gonna be able to spring out of the horse. 844 00:31:09,487 --> 00:31:12,277 - Agamemnon didn't even leave us any snacks in here. 845 00:31:12,277 --> 00:31:14,347 - No, I'm starving. - I'm starving. 846 00:31:14,347 --> 00:31:16,950 - My legs are fully asleep and they have been for an hour. 847 00:31:16,950 --> 00:31:19,267 - Uh-huh. - Oh, did you see Helen? 848 00:31:19,267 --> 00:31:20,557 - Oh my god. - Oh my god. 849 00:31:20,557 --> 00:31:22,362 - The stories are true. (buzzer buzzes) 850 00:31:22,362 --> 00:31:24,849 - I will cut you off there. - Launched 1,000 of my ships. 851 00:31:24,849 --> 00:31:27,487 - (cackles) Holy shit, right? - She's hot. 852 00:31:27,487 --> 00:31:30,547 - Let's say eight totally normal points 853 00:31:30,547 --> 00:31:33,097 with nothing suspicious inside them. 854 00:31:33,097 --> 00:31:33,930 - Ooh. - I get it. 855 00:31:33,930 --> 00:31:36,187 - Beware if Reich is giving points. 856 00:31:36,187 --> 00:31:37,020 - Ross. - Yeah. 857 00:31:37,020 --> 00:31:37,853 - [Sam] Paul. - That's me. 858 00:31:37,853 --> 00:31:38,686 - Chris. - Hello. 859 00:31:38,686 --> 00:31:41,017 - A German sitcom where hijinx 860 00:31:41,017 --> 00:31:44,047 is handled swiftly and pragmatically. 861 00:31:44,047 --> 00:31:45,757 - (German accent) Welcome to the dance, gentlemen, 862 00:31:45,757 --> 00:31:47,587 but you must be in formal wear, 863 00:31:47,587 --> 00:31:49,897 and you must have masquerade masks as well. 864 00:31:49,897 --> 00:31:51,607 - (German accent) These specific requests 865 00:31:51,607 --> 00:31:54,697 are unable to be fulfilled by me in my current state! 866 00:31:54,697 --> 00:31:57,337 - (German accent) Yes, I too am ill-equipped 867 00:31:57,337 --> 00:32:00,637 for these very specific items of clothing. 868 00:32:00,637 --> 00:32:03,607 - Well, would you like us to loan you a jacket and a mask? 869 00:32:03,607 --> 00:32:04,687 - Yes, please. 870 00:32:04,687 --> 00:32:06,349 - [Ross] Danke schön. - [Paul] Danke schön. 871 00:32:06,349 --> 00:32:08,227 - (feminine voice) Well, here I am at the dance. 872 00:32:08,227 --> 00:32:11,107 I hope that my old boyfriends are not here. 873 00:32:11,107 --> 00:32:13,265 - Oh no. - Oh, drat. 874 00:32:13,265 --> 00:32:15,277 - I am one of the old boyfriends 875 00:32:15,277 --> 00:32:16,747 to which they were referring. 876 00:32:16,747 --> 00:32:19,927 - I too am a former paramour of this young lady. 877 00:32:19,927 --> 00:32:22,330 - Oh well, it is my time to leave. Goodbye. 878 00:32:22,330 --> 00:32:23,888 (Sam and crew laughing) 879 00:32:23,888 --> 00:32:26,347 - And now, let us enjoy the song I have requested 880 00:32:26,347 --> 00:32:27,787 from the disc jockey. 881 00:32:27,787 --> 00:32:31,387 - I'm sorry, there's no songs here to be requested. 882 00:32:31,387 --> 00:32:33,937 - Then why do you have two record turntables 883 00:32:33,937 --> 00:32:34,770 in front of you? 884 00:32:34,770 --> 00:32:37,177 - Because I dictate what songs are played. 885 00:32:37,177 --> 00:32:38,617 What song did you desire? 886 00:32:38,617 --> 00:32:41,257 - I want to hear "99 Luftballons." 887 00:32:41,257 --> 00:32:44,377 - What? That is the only record I have bought! 888 00:32:44,377 --> 00:32:46,898 ♪ Ninety-neunzig luftballons ♪ 889 00:32:46,898 --> 00:32:51,270 (Chris vocalizing "99 Luftballons" by Nena) 890 00:32:51,270 --> 00:32:53,440 (buzzer buzzes) - And... 891 00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:56,437 That felt a little bit like three Christoph Waltzs. 892 00:32:56,437 --> 00:32:58,717 - Uh-huh. - [Sam] At a prom. 893 00:32:58,717 --> 00:33:01,258 - It's The Last Waltz. My god. 894 00:33:01,258 --> 00:33:02,091 (Paul laughing) 895 00:33:02,091 --> 00:33:04,837 - Humorless. I review you for one point. 896 00:33:04,837 --> 00:33:05,767 - Fair. 897 00:33:05,767 --> 00:33:08,347 - Last prompt of our game. - No! 898 00:33:08,347 --> 00:33:10,146 - What sword we gonna name this time? 899 00:33:10,146 --> 00:33:11,167 (Paul laughing) 900 00:33:11,167 --> 00:33:12,000 - Ross. - Yes, sir. 901 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:12,833 - Paul. - That's me. 902 00:33:12,833 --> 00:33:13,807 - Chris. - Yes. 903 00:33:13,807 --> 00:33:18,067 - The Three Witches' spell (Paul and Ross laughing) 904 00:33:18,067 --> 00:33:21,940 uses only Trader Joe's products. 905 00:33:23,121 --> 00:33:24,247 (Ross and Paul gleefully cackling like witches) 906 00:33:24,247 --> 00:33:25,494 - Bubble, bubble. - Bubble. 907 00:33:25,494 --> 00:33:27,457 - [All] Toil and trouble. 908 00:33:27,457 --> 00:33:29,797 - Fire burn and cauldron bubble! 909 00:33:29,797 --> 00:33:33,745 Into the pot goes Peppermint Bark Joe-Joe's! 910 00:33:33,745 --> 00:33:34,728 (Sam laughing and Ross cackling) 911 00:33:34,728 --> 00:33:37,545 - That was the one that I remember. 912 00:33:37,545 --> 00:33:38,647 - Sorry! 913 00:33:38,647 --> 00:33:43,647 - A cup of the butter of a peanut as dark as night. 914 00:33:43,837 --> 00:33:46,597 - Soon this cauldron will heed the call 915 00:33:46,597 --> 00:33:48,847 since it is the season of fall, 916 00:33:48,847 --> 00:33:52,087 I bring an item that spells the doom, 917 00:33:52,087 --> 00:33:57,087 the holiday Cinnamon Broom. (Ross and Paul giggling) 918 00:33:58,777 --> 00:34:01,780 - Your apartment shall smell seasonal! 919 00:34:02,647 --> 00:34:07,267 Now to teem, into you also goes Power Greens. 920 00:34:07,267 --> 00:34:09,577 That all your plans should wither and fail, 921 00:34:09,577 --> 00:34:12,955 a mixture of spinach, chard, and kale. 922 00:34:12,955 --> 00:34:14,344 (Paul laughing gleefully) 923 00:34:14,344 --> 00:34:17,167 - And now to add to the potion fine, 924 00:34:17,167 --> 00:34:19,776 a bottle of Uncle TJ's Wine. 925 00:34:19,776 --> 00:34:21,967 - Oh, Charles Shaw! 926 00:34:21,967 --> 00:34:24,937 This two buck Charles shall complete the brew. 927 00:34:24,937 --> 00:34:26,167 - Then we shall throw in not one buck, 928 00:34:26,167 --> 00:34:28,078 but two! - But two! 929 00:34:28,078 --> 00:34:30,844 - And I will cut you off there. (buzzer buzzes) 930 00:34:30,844 --> 00:34:32,857 - You cut it off before we could ring the bell 931 00:34:32,857 --> 00:34:34,087 for some unknown reason. - Yeah. 932 00:34:34,087 --> 00:34:37,417 So how was your day? (cast laughing) 933 00:34:37,417 --> 00:34:40,087 - The cashier saying, "Oh, I love these" amount of points 934 00:34:40,087 --> 00:34:41,317 for the three of you. (Ross and Paul giggle) 935 00:34:41,317 --> 00:34:45,097 That brings us to the end of our show. 936 00:34:45,097 --> 00:34:48,130 Our winner tonight... - Oh my goodness. 937 00:34:49,072 --> 00:34:50,527 (Paul gasps excitedly) 938 00:34:50,527 --> 00:34:54,337 - Paul F. Tompkins. - No! On my first very show? 939 00:34:54,337 --> 00:34:57,367 - [Ross] Can't believe it. - Paul, you are the recipient 940 00:34:57,367 --> 00:35:00,067 of the coveted Golden Ear. 941 00:35:00,067 --> 00:35:01,447 - Ew. 942 00:35:01,447 --> 00:35:03,607 Thank you to everyone who made this possible. 943 00:35:03,607 --> 00:35:05,347 - That does it for us here at "Make Some Noise." 944 00:35:05,347 --> 00:35:07,747 Tune in next time for more of the Game Samer. 945 00:35:07,747 --> 00:35:10,957 I'm Sam Reich, and that sounds pretty good to me. 946 00:35:10,957 --> 00:35:12,124 Good night. 947 00:35:12,124 --> 00:35:15,124 (warm upbeat music) 948 00:35:19,643 --> 00:35:23,143 (warm upbeat music fades)