- [Sam] Tonight, following Airbnb instructions
to get to the podium, it's Ross Bryant!
- H-h-hello? (lively exuberant music)
Hello?
Oh jeez. (Sam giggling)
Five, three... (Sam and crew laughing)
It's always these ones.
Oh, actually pretty swanky.
- [Sam] Interacting with their animated sidekick,
it's Jess McKenna!
- Oh, hi!
Oh, sorry, Duchess Bobbington! (laughs)
Get on out here! (Bobbington chirping)
You're right! It is gonna be a wonderful day!
Goodbye!
- [Sam] And tucking everyone in for the night,
it's Geoff Ross!
- Oh, there's my big guy! (laughs warmly)
It's night-night time.
- I'm not even tired.
- Sweetheart- - Another story.
- Sweetheart, storytime's over.
- Another story. One more.
- No, we already had three books.
- Half a story.
- Oh, my beautiful giant children.
- [Sam] They're all here to...
- [All] Make some noise!
(cheerful exuberant music)
- Welcome to "Make Some Noise,"
the game so good we spun it off unchanged.
I am your host, Sam Reich. Here's how the show works.
I have here a series of improvisational prompts
our players have never seen before.
Isn't that right, players?
- Correct!
- Uh-huh. - Uh-huh.
- They will, to the best of their ability,
fulfill those prompts.
I will award them corresponding points,
and the winner will take home the coveted Golden Ear,
which if you rub, a genie will come out
and grant you three ears.
- Ooh! - Hm!
- Players, are you ready to rumble?
- [Players] Yes!
- In that case, let's start with a little warm-up game.
This is a little minigame we like to call translator.
Geoff, if you would do me a favor
and switch places with Jess.
Geoff, you are going to play our politician
speaking in a gibberish language.
- Okay.
- Ross and Jess are in turn going to translate for you
one line at a time.
I have a little bit of art, a prop for you.
- Oh!
- In order to inspire whatever your speech is about.
- [Geoff] Oh, lovely. - [Ross] Hm.
♪ It's Paul ♪
- It's Paul! - [Ross] Paul!
♪ Everybody, it's Paul ♪
- America's sweetheart.
- Take it away whenever you're ready.
(Geoff speaks gibberish)
- I am very
(Geoff speaking gibberish)
happy to be visiting this country
on its first day of spring. (Geoff speaking gibberish)
The air is so crisp. Crisp like a cookie.
(Sam and crew laughing) (Geoff speaks gibberish)
- And the air is brisk. Brisk like a small dog.
- Nah-nah.
- Not a big dog (Geoff speaking gibberish)
(Geoff laughing) but a small dog.
(Geoff speaking gibberish gregariously)
- This guy knows what I'm talking about.
(Sam laughing)
(Geoff speaks gibberish seriously)
- But the thing about spring.
(Geoff speaks gibberish contemplatively)
It's a time of renewal for your home
(Geoff speaks gibberish seriously)
and for my eyes.
(Geoff speaks gibberish thoughtfully)
- Allergies (Geoff speaking gibberish)
attack us all in different ways.
(Geoff speaking gibberish dramatically)
- But in our different pain, we find each other the same.
(Geoff laughing and speaking gibberish gregariously)
- [Ross and Jess] This guy knows what I'm talking about.
(Geoff speaking gibberish seriously)
- But thank you to your citizens.
Thank you to your president for welcoming me here.
(Geoff speaks gibberish and chuckles)
I shall now say goodbye in our traditional way.
(Geoff singing gibberish brightly)
♪ With here from here it's good ♪
♪ From here to here it's good ♪
- [Ross and Jess] This guy knows what I'm talking about.
- And I will cut you off there. (buzzer blares)
(crew clapping) Wow, very nuanced.
- If only our politicians
would speak about allergies that way.
- Holy moly.
- Just one time. - We're begging 'em!
(bright upbeat music)
- We will proceed with round one.
- Great.
- Ross. - Yes, sir.
- I have warned other players
that the more they succeed on this show,
the more I punish them. - Okay.
(nervously) I'll take that as a complement.
- [Sam] (laughs) A sea shanty-
- [Ross] Uh-huh.
- about struggling socially on the ship.
- Yeah, you got this, man. - Oh yeah, no problem.
- [Sam] Yeah!
♪ Set out there from Newfoundland ♪
♪ Went down to the Horn ♪
♪ Red seas at morning ♪
♪ Down at early morn ♪
♪ Passing through the waters in between so many nations ♪
♪ Why haven't I ever had a really deep conversation ♪
♪ I think the captain hates me ♪
♪ The boatswain's out for me ♪
♪ They've never really said it ♪
♪ I just read their energy ♪ (Sam cackling)
♪ I wish that they would listen ♪
♪ I wish that I could speak ♪
♪ I wish that I could find the validation that I seek ♪
♪ Way, hey, and up she goes ♪
♪ Way, hey, she rises ♪
♪ Way, hey, and up she grows ♪
♪ Seriously, do you hate me ♪
(buzzer blares) - Wow.
- [Sam] Wow. - Really good.
- You just did yourself no favors
as far as next season goes. - (laughs) Oh no.
- It's the details for me, you know?
Like, Ross knows he's called a bozeman.
- It's the boatswain, yeah.
- Boatswain. See? - [Sam] Yeah.
- See, there it is. - [Sam] See?
- He knows it's boatswain,
and I think it's a city in Montana.
- Yeah, a big difference between Bozeman and a boat swain.
- [Sam] Oh. - Oh no!
- Which is what boatswain is short for.
- What century are you from? - [Geoff] What?
- I'll never tell. (cast and crew laughing)
As soon as this show's over,
I go back to my ancient slumber.
- The vampire rises only to do improv comedy.
- It's a very specific curse. - 'Tis a curse.
(cast laughing) 'Tis a blessing and a curse.
- A yo-ho-ho and a couple of points for you.
- Hot dog. - Oh.
- Ooh. (Sam sighs)
- Jess, it's kinda like I told Ross.
- (chuckles) Oh no.
- The Oompa Loompa song
after a kid was straight-up decapitated.
(Jess laughing)
♪ Oompa Loompa what did we do ♪
♪ You stuck your neck out, oopie-doot-doo ♪
♪ Heads will roll when you try that taste ♪
♪ We tried to get there, but guillotines haste ♪
♪ It chops your head from a blicky-blick block ♪
♪ We can't get the blood to stoppy-stop stop ♪
♪ Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-doo ♪
♪ This was a chocolate headed for you ♪
- Wow, Jess. (buzzer blares)
- Yes. - We'll say 50 points
specifically from the nightmare chocolate tunnel.
- Yeah, yeah. Thank you.
♪ In a world of pure decapitation ♪
- Whoa! He's back! - My guy.
- Geoff. - Your Honor?
(Ross and crew laughing) - Sure.
- [Jess] Oh. - Sure, we can go with that.
The foreman- - [Ross] (laughs) Come on.
- of The Cheesecake Factory.
- All right, listen up, folks.
I don't like having to speech over and over again, okay?
This is a serious operation.
People get hurt here when they're not doing their job right.
(Ross and crew laughing)
People can lose their lives here
(Sam and crew laughing)
when they're not doing their job right.
I hope you all notice Robbie isn't here tonight.
(Ross laughing) - Oh shit!
- Yeah, he called out.
Got a little too close to the printer
that was printing the new 600-page menu.
- Oh shit.
- We had a table of 16 come in yesterday.
Yes, I'm telling it!
We had a table of 16 come in yesterday.
They needed a high chair.
What were they told? "No problem."
That was a weekend meal.
We knew right then and there
we didn't have any high chairs!
(Jess and crew laughing)
Safety ain't a joke to me. Not on my floor!
Not at my Cheesecake Factory!
Not here in Santa Monica!
- And I'll cut you off there, Geoff. (buzzer blares)
55 days without an accident's worth
of points for you, Geoff. - Ooh.
- That's a good run, kids.
- Which brings us back to Ross.
- Never heard of him. - Holy moly.
- Ross, a bit of a sequel prompt for you.
- Huh?
- An ad for a new Burger King sandwich,
the King Lear.
- Lunchtime is upon us.
The noonday meal where one may slake their hunger.
The new Burger King: King Lear.
The only sandwich that must be divided into three parts
(Sam and crew laughing)
and given to whichever of your daughters doth love you best.
Perhaps they flatter, perhaps they do speak truth,
but perhaps you're too mad to see clearly
because the sandwich is just too delicious,
having, as it does, a horseradish aioli.
(Sam and crew laughing) - Oh!
- Ooh! - [Geoff] Oh!
- The new Burger King: King Lear!
Now, gods, stand up for bastards
and burgers! (Sam laughing)
(buzzer blares) - Um, question.
Can I get my fries full-sized?
- It is a bitter fry.
- I don't know how you managed to remember,
beat for beat, that original prompt.
- Oof. - [Sam] Like two years later.
- Someone make a side-by-side.
- Just for Jess. - I mean-
- Just for Jess- - Come on.
- [Sam] Just for Jess. - Make a side-by-side.
- For nobody.
Hey, I sound like a foreman from Santa Monica.
- Look...
- (gruffly) I was born and raised
on the West Side of Los Angeles.
- (boisterously) I love it here in Playa del Rey.
- (strongly) I can hear LAX! (Sam laughing)
- Let's say five couplets worth of points for you.
(Ross gasps dramatically) - Hm.
- Jess. - Sam.
- [Sam] A horny chain text message.
- [Jess] Uh-huh. - For Arbor Day.
- Sure, I'm always sending these.
(Sam and Ross laughing)
You know me, (scoffs)
married for nine years, (Sam and crew laughing)
constantly sending little pictographs of horniness.
- Jess McKenna, canonically horny.
(cast laughing)
- You heard it here first.
- 'Sup?
How you celebratin' this big (emphatically) tree day.
Want me to bark woof woof up your strong trunk
(cast laughing)
till you're sprucing out like it's pollen season?
(Sam and crew laughing)
Sneezy face, sneezy face.
Yeah, make me Zyrtec all over you, baby.
(Sam and players laughing)
I don't know if it's because it's April
but I'm feeling showers, showers, showers!
Boy, it's getting slippery, but at the end of the day,
when you and I are lying in bed, let us remember,
this is about trees. (cast laughing)
- That was really good. - Okay, thanks.
- Yeah. - That was great.
- [Sam] That was really good! - That was fantastic.
- And you know, it was still sorta performed by the foreman.
I needed just a little bit of- - [Sam] It's character.
- Just a little bit. - Just a little bit
of character to- - Hard to shake.
- It's gonna keep coming back.
- You know, 'cause if it was my real, authentic horniness,
no one would be able to take it.
- No, no. - [Sam] No, it'd be too much.
- [Jess] It would be-
- We'd all have to excuse ourselves.
- Look at me in this shirt. (Sam and crew laughing)
Look at me and this blue stand looking like a Crayola.
Let's go ahead. (clicks tongue) This one's for you.
- [Geoff] That's a freebie.
Normally you have to pay. - Fancam this, baby.
- 69 points distributed- - That's right. (laughs)
- [Sam] They are for you. - Sick!
- To me, Duchess Bobbington! (Bobbington chirping)
- (gasps) It's back!
- Away! - Ah!
- Geoff. - Your Honor.
- Bob Ross teaches you how to draw insulting caricatures.
- Perfect.
(calmly) So what you wanna do is highlight a facial feature
that you believe they're uncomfortable with.
And you wanna make it as big
and as prominent as you can.
Look at this nose. (Jess and crew laughing)
Okay, you want it big and red 'cause you are implying,
that's right, alcoholism.
Anything that you can sense is a sensitivity,
front and center.
That's why this small scar, probably from chicken pox,
takes up half of the forehead. (Jess and Sam laughing)
You know what, we're gonna put a little brown in there
'cause it is discolored. (Ross and Sam laughing)
Look at that happy little scar!
And once you're done, you know you've succeeded
when they pretend to smile at the partner they came with.
(Ross laughing) Here you go!
- Oh!
- That looks just like you, babe.
(Sam cackling) (buzzer blares)
- I will cut this off there. Wow.
- At least I was riding a dolphin.
- Riding a dolphin playing soccer.
- Uh-huh.
- Eight comically distorted points for you.
- Oh, thank you.
(bright cheerful music)
- That brings us to our first minigame.
This is a little game we like to call Dubble Duty.
How it works is, Ross and Jess,
I'm gonna ask for the two of you to enact a scene together.
Jess, if you could come stand just in front of the door
in this general play area, please.
- [Jess] Great.
- Ross, when it comes time to speak,
Jess is gonna be providing all of your dialogue.
- Great.
- This is a scene out of a military movie.
- Mm. - Mm.
- Called "The Trenches."
- Look, son, none of us thought France would be like this.
- (waifish New York accent) Yeah, this ain't what France
looked like to me on the map.
(Sam and crew laughing) - I know, I know.
- [Jess] When I looked it up, it was by an ocean.
I thought maybe it would be like a vacation.
- This ain't no vacation, son.
- [Jess] No it ain't, Sarge. - No.
- [Jess] And I haven't gotten
to try any of the fine cuisine.
I'm just eating these little MREs,
when I thought I was gonna be having some cordon bleu,
some escargot. (Sam and crew laughing)
- Okay. - [Jess] Some eclairs.
- God, there it is. Look-
- Oh, I wanted an eclair, boss.
I mean, Sarge. - [Geoff] Yeah.
You're not on vacation.
- I know that now.
- And I need you to stay strong.
- Okay, I gotta stay strong
like a beautiful baguette.
Oh, and a little mademoiselle's bicycle.
(Sam laughing)
Ooh, I thought I was gonna see it, Sarge.
I thought I was gonna see her, biking along the Seine.
And she'd have a little scarf on
and it would fly off in the wind,
and I would pick it up and I'd run to her and I'd say,
"Excuse me, mademoiselle.
Is this your scarf?"
And she would say, "Let me teach you how to be a lover."
(Sam and crew laughing)
'Cause I'm horny, Sarge! - Private, I got that!
I got that. I got-
- [Jess] Oh, I'm so horny, Sarge!
- Private, I understand! I understand!
Please, I un-
- [Jess] Canonically horny, Sarge!
- I know, I know! I know.
I read your file. I know.
Look, if you go over that edge, okay?
- Oh, don't make me edge, Sarge.
- No, that's, don't.
- [Jess] Okay, Sarge.
- I need you to strike at these Germans,
and you're gonna come back
and you can have your little French fantasy.
- Are you serious, Sarge?
You're saying all I gotta do is give what for (laughs)
to the enemy, boss?
And then I can come back and say, "Oui, oui, mademoiselle.
I do have a fine baguette." (Sam and crew laughing)
You get what I'm saying?
- Yeah, no, no, I caught it. I caught it, I caught it.
- And cut. (buzzer blares)
Canonically horny.
- Canonically horny is back!
- That's about Ross.
- It was literally about Ross
even though it was once again in the voice
of the foreman- - Of the foreman.
- It's hard to drop.
- from the Cheesecake Factory. - Look, it's hard to drop.
- This episode is living in a certain time and place.
- Yeah, you're okay, you know?
- Sarge, I just wanna get back to my home
of Venice, California.
- I'm going to a screening
at the Hammer Museum in Westwood, Sarge.
- I gotta get back to my home of Malibu.
- You wouldn't believe how long the fog lasts
over our house, Sarge.
(bright upbeat music)
- That brings us to round two where our players
will now test their talents in teams of twos.
- Oh my god! - Hm.
- Ross. - Yes.
- And Jess. - Yes...
Sam!
- A Jane Austen protagonist gets the ick.
- Mr. Finley, you know I was ever so much looking forward
to promenading with you,
but there's a thing that has come upon me.
It is not an illness. Don't you fret.
It's more that I, well, I...
I no longer can stand the sight of you.
- Miss Berrington, I was given to understand
that you enjoyed our time together.
- It is almost as if you are now a different man entirely
standing before me and I can't undo what I have now seen
which is that you get a bit of sweat
on your upper lip before speaking and you never wipe it.
Don't do it now! It's too late!
- Too late? Too late?
If I fall short in matters of hygiene, Miss Berrington,
I hope that you can look past the pure soul
that beats within my heart.
You would be the topic of all my felicity.
- You certainly will never be able
to undo the ick that is upon me.
- I'm terribly sorry that your judgment is so impaired.
(huffs) I thought that this was because we're first cousins.
(Sam laughing) - [Ross] But apparently...
- And cut! (buzzer blares)
Roles you were each born to play!
- Oh!
- Six points and pointibility for you both.
Jess. - Sam.
- And Geoff. - Your Honor.
- Sweeney Todd on "The Great British Baking Show."
- All right, so a little bit of a mince pie.
- (chuckles knowingly) One could say that.
- Just gonna dig in.
- Yes, please. - If you don't mind.
- Don't delay. I didn't.
- Oh, okay. Here we go.
- So I used a bit of chutney to highlight the flavors
of the priest's shame. (Sam and crew laughing)
- Yeah, maybe those taste a little less like blood.
Let's see. (Sam wheezing and laughing)
All right.
- No soggy bottoms, I assure you.
- (strained) No, no.
- I left them in the heat, the damned!
(Sam and Ross laughing)
- I do taste the cayenne.
- Just a bit on the back of the throat.
- Yeah. - The tender, supple throat.
- All right.
- The easy-breezy breakable throat.
- All right, okay. - The wind pipe
that connects you- - All right.
- to your mortal coil. - Thank you so much, Sweeney.
Thank you. - I can't wait for you
to see my showstopper.
- Oh! Delightful. (Sam laughing)
- I made a treacle.
(buzzer blares) - I will cut you off there.
12 identically shaped points for you.
- Oh!
- Geoff. - Your Honor.
- And Ross. - Yessir.
- A "comedy sketch"
(Geoff slaps podium enthusiastically)
written by bad A.I.
- Hey, Fart Brother. How you are you this Thursday?
- Hello Butt roommate. (Sam laughing)
I was curious how you're going to deal
with Abraham Lincoln coming over for dinner.
- Oh, I'm glad you asked about a very auspicious dinner
I'm having with the President.
I have decided to have six hams. Come with me.
(crew and Sam laughing)
As you can see, they're already burned. What a travesty.
- This will bode well with our meeting
with our 16th president.
- Our 16th president is very important for many reasons,
many of which are Civil War.
- The Civil War began for numerous reasons
(Sam and Jess laughing)
including the states' rights
to hold people in human bondage.
What is one boy to do
in such a situation and scenario as this?
- President Buchanan was the president
before Abraham Lincoln.
Some say his inauspicious administration
was part of the reason for Civil War.
- And the following President Johnson
is notably one of the worst.
- That is a fascinating tidbit that is useful to know.
Oh no, my hams! (Sam laughing)
- I have nine fingers on each hand.
- Ding dong! President's here, and he's horny.
- And cut. (buzzer blares)
Wow, Jess. - Put that on TV, cowards!
- Come on! - Cowards!
We were almost too good at it.
- No more questions, please.
- Let us move on with the game so that later on,
we can learn about what you humans call love.
- 40 AI-generated "points" for you both.
- Okay.
- Worth absolutely nothing.
- Hm. - That took a dark twist.
- Ross. - Yessir.
- And Jess. - Sam.
- Eugene from marching band
only invited the hot cheerleader to the renaissance faire-
- [Geoff] Oh my god! - as a stupid bet.
(Jess and Sam laughing)
- Um, so, should we like, make sure that we're in line
for the falcon show or, um,
did you want me to get in line for the turkey legs?
Britney, I have something to tell you.
- Is my costume not authentic enough?
I-I really tried hard and my tits are out.
- No, the cleav' is popping, for sure.
I had other intentions, Britney, but something happened
at the renaissance faire I wasn't expecting.
I fell in love.
I have to be- - With immersion?
- Oh. (Sam laughing)
Immersion is 100% my first love.
- I'm sorry, Eugene. Did, did...
Did I do something wrong?
- You didn't do anything wrong. You did everything right.
You made me fall for you,
even though we're from two different worlds,
and I guess maybe-
- I know. - I made you fall for me too.
- I already liked you, Eugene. Come on.
- What? - You play the quints.
Those are the heaviest drums.
- [Ross] I know.
- And me, I'm just like,
I'm just on the sidelines, you know?
I'm just cheering at what other people do. I'm a loser.
- Britney, I only asked you here
because the woodwind section-
- [Jess] What? - thought it would be funny.
- Oh my gosh. They came for me again?
- Mm-hmm.
- Those reed-suckers? - Yeah.
- They've been tormenting me since fifth grade
ever since I couldn't get my embouchure right.
And I thought you were better, Eugene
'cause you're a percussionist.
- I thought so too, but now the only rhythm I wanna step to
is the one that's beating in your heart.
- I don't know if I can, Eugene.
- I don't even deserve a relationship with you.
I've been misleading you this whole time.
When I asked you to join me in my DnD game night.
- No. - [Ross] That was part of it.
- No!
- When I asked you to go to the Coin Collectors Convention,
that was part of it!
- [Jess] But I have coins!
- When I asked you to paint Warhammer figurines,
that was part of it!
- And cut! (buzzer blares)
♪ Every day is a winding road ♪ - Wow!
I was so, like I didn't wanna...
I wanted to see what happened.
- Reed-suckers. (Jess laughs)
- A "my, how the tables have turned" amount of points
for the both of you. - Oh.
- Jess. - Sam.
- And Geoff. - Your Honor.
- Movie buffs discuss the symbolism
of an accidentally left-in water bottle.
- Sorry, do you need a couple more minutes to like,
take it in or can we like, share how we feel about the-
- No, no, no. We can get right into it.
- Okay, 'cause I don't wanna like, influence you yet.
- Here's the thing, like, I will admit,
it hit me as a surprise. - Yes.
- But I would also go as far to say, a challenge?
- That's what I felt too. - Right?
- 'Cause at first I was like,
"Okay, so this is obviously a gaffe."
- [Geoff] Oh! - But then the more
that I sat there I thought, "He would never do that."
- No, I know this director.
- He's an auteur. - I know.
He is so specific with everything.
- So here's what I was thinking.
Like, tell me if this is too far,
and again, I do not wanna put this on you
if you're not ready. - Okay, I'm ready.
- The mother character was disposable.
She had only four lines,
and they were only in service of the protagonist, her son.
- Mm-hmm.
- She was the water bottle. (Sam laughing)
And like, he gets so much criticism
for not writing strong female characters,
but I was like, "The water bottle is a woman."
- Of course, of course.
- So I'm thinking now, it probably does pass Bechdel.
- Okay, first impression.
- Lay it on me. - First impressions.
It is about waste. He's saying-
- That's what I'm saying.
- The entire relationship is waste.
- Do you know what he's saying?
This whole thing where we sat here and spent-
- [Geoff] Waste.
- Spent three hours and 15 minutes.
- Waste.
- That's a waste of our time.
- It's a mirror, okay? I think people don't get this.
- Holy shit, Brent. - The screen's a mirror.
- Brent, what does water do?
Water reflects. - Reflects.
There it is, there it is! There it is!
- And cut. (buzzer blares)
- [Jess] You get it. - Hell yeah!
It's scary how well two smart people can justify anything.
- As someone who went to film school, it's like that.
(Jess and Ross laughing) It is like that.
- Let's say five points and stars on Letterboxd for you.
- Ooh! - Thank you.
- Which brings us to the last prompt of round two.
- Oh my god!
- Geoff. - Your Honor?
- And Ross. - Yes. Sir.
- Two inventors arrive at the patent office
to register the same invention at the same time.
- The office is just about to close!
- You stand back, you son of a bitch!
You are not doing this to me! - Oh my god.
(gasps) Is that what I think it is?
- No, you did not. You did not.
Do not tell me you did this to me again.
- Morton Palasky strikes again.
I guess this is what they call parallel thinking, huh?
(Geoff laughs sarcastically)
- Neil Fudge, you've outdone yourself.
- Guess what, you're about to get snaked
by the Fudge man today. - Oh, I don't think so!
Not again!
- I have poured my lifeblood into this.
- I got a divorce because of this invention!
- Oh, you got a divorce? - And it was worth it!
- My family forced me out of the house at gunpoint!
They said- - Okay, Fudge!
- They said that this invention wasn't just a boondoggle,
wasn't just folly, but "totally immoral."
(Geoff laughing sarcastically) (Sam laughing genuinely)
- The government came to my home and said,
"Sir, you must stop!"
- The government? How quaint!
The Secretary of the UN tried to shoot me
with an bow and arrow! - Please, please!
We've all been to hell, and I fear nothing, Fudge!
- I- - Nothing!
- Well, Fudge knows no fear. - Hm?
- Apparently we both invented
the world's smallest dick sucking machine.
(Sam laughing)
- [Geoff] No one will take this from me.
- The world's smallest!
- The President's here, and he's horny.
(buzzer blares) - Okay, the thing is,
they have small penises, you see.
- Very small. - [Jess] You see.
- The invention's for them.
- I'm just glad that canonically horny Jess McKenna
got a button in there. - Canonically.
- Two eerily similar points
for the both of you. - Oh!
(cheerful music)
- That brings us to our final minigame.
This is a little game we like to call
Who Are You Supposed to Be?
How it works, players, is when I say go,
you are going to race over to this box of costume items,
put on whatever pleases you, race back to your podium,
buzz in, and pitch me on who you are supposed to be
in the style of a child on Halloween.
Does that make sense?
- Yeah, Sam.
- (laughs) Thank you, Jess. - [Ross] Uh-huh.
- Uh-huh.
- Sure does! - Yep.
- And away we go.
(lively piano music)
- Okay, let's see.
(bell rings) - Jess, that was fast.
- Canonically Jess McKenna. - [Ross] (laughs) Yep, yep.
- (laughs) Unbelievable!
(bell rings) Ross.
- (British accent) Nigel Merryweather, baby reporter,
BBC News, Kuala Lumpur.
Ga ga, goo goo.
(Sam laughing) Goo goo, ga ga.
(bell rings) - Geoff.
- Dale Johnson, the pride of the MILF-hunting community
here in Santa Monica, California.
(buzzer blares)
- I like the callback a lot, Geoff.
(bell rings) Ross.
- Congratulations, you're being robbed
by the world's most whimsical bank robber.
(Sam laughing) Stick 'em up!
- It's a manic pixie dream robber.
(bell rings) Jess.
- Hello, greetings.
I'm someone who should played by Ross Bryant.
(cast laughing)
(buzzer blares) - Absolutely.
(bell rings) And Ross.
- Kyle Dugan, skateboarder on my last ever run.
- Oh! (laughs) (Geoff laughing)
(laughing) Oh no!
And Geoff. (bell rings)
- I'm a divorced dad on a solo cruise
pretending everything's okay.
(maracas shaking) (Geoff forcing laughter)
When do we get to the Bahamas?
I would love to...
Love to smile again.
- His family left him
after he invented the dick sucking machine.
- Dick sucking machine.
(laughs) The dick sucking machine is back.
(bell rings) - And Ross Bryant.
- (waifish) Oh gee, mister, do you have two bits?
It's me, a character played by Jess McKenna.
(Jess and Sam laughing)
(bell rings) - [Sam] Jess.
- None of us grabbed this for the longest time
because it's terrifying, so just here is,
I guess, nightmare fuel.
I'm hoping that like, after maybe two months
this is gonna pop up in your subconscious.
You're not gonna remember where it came from.
- [Sam] What a terrible curse.
- All you're gonna know is, is that it's
canonically horny.
- Yeah! (Sam laughing)
(claps emphatically) Yes, yes, yes!
- This is so scary. - [Geoff] Bravo.
- And that is a minigame.
(lively upbeat music)
That brings us to round three where our players
will now hold hands and jump into the abyss together.
Ross. - Yessir.
- Jess. - Yeah, Sam.
- Geoff. - Your Honor.
- The Ghosts of Past, Present, and Future huddle
and strategize in between visits to Scrooge.
- I tried to show him his childhood,
but he was focused on his studies.
- (dry and raspily) Time to bring out the big guns.
- Let's wait a second. I haven't had my chance.
- Let me show him his grave.
- Okay, hold on, hold on.
- Future, Future. - Future.
- You're always so eager- - Hold on.
- to show them their grave- - Every time.
- But first we must let Present
show him what he's fighting for.
- Fine, fine, fine.
You go show him the Cratchits for a couple secs.
- Yes! - Yes, for a little bit.
- And then the grave!
- Future, future, future, future.
- Sometimes when there's too much grave they get a little,
you know, defeatist. - Yeah.
- There's a bit of nihilism to it.
- You know, sometimes they give up at that point.
- Yes. - They're like,
"Oh, we don't want this." - You are helpful.
You are helpful, but as the last bit.
- I was thinking... - [Geoff] Last bit.
- Just blue sky here.
- Sure. - [Geoff] Okay.
- What if we go way far future.
Like future 3022.
- I just don't know how that would help Mr. Scrooge.
- Oh, so that's so distant. There's no connection, you know?
- He'd see a world where most people
have uploaded their consciousness to the cloud.
- [Geoff] He doesn't know what it means!
- Christmas is a distant memory.
- Our goal is to help Ebenezer Scrooge
keep Christmas in his heart.
I don't see how future inventions
is going to change anything. - Fine, fine.
You've talked me into it.
I'll show him the grave.
- Oh, there it is. Okay.
(buzzer blares)
- I think I'll cut this off there.
The spirit of Christmas in your hearts kept all year long-
- Oh! - That's nice.
- Ross. - Yessir.
- Jess. - Sam.
- Geoff. - Your Honor.
- So that's why the McDonald's ice cream machine
is always broken.
- Oh jeez, it's back again.
- I know it's my gremlin shift, but I can't deal with it.
- You're not manager yet. I've worked here a long time.
- Okay. - You learn a few things.
How to work the griddle. - Mm-hmm.
- When breakfast ends. - Mm-hmm.
- [Ross] And that every day around noon-
- And always keep the ketchup filled
and also how to give the gremlin its ice cream machine.
(Sam laughing) - [Ross] Yeah. Yep.
- Hi, Jerry.
- Hello. - Hello.
- Please let me nobble out its parts.
- Get in there and start nibbling and nobbling.
(Sam laughing)
- I just feel like we should not allow this.
- Ray Kroc made a pact with them years ago.
- I know! - How do you think
he was able to franchise so quickly?
- Look, the gremlins giveth and the gremlins taketh away.
- I just feel that the gremlins have been taketh a lot.
- I understand-
- Their last innovation was the Snack Wrap.
It's been a long time.
- You know what? We also gave you those salads that shook.
- The shakeable salads, McPizza, the McLean.
Those are all gremlin brainstorms.
- Those are terrible! Those have all been discontinued.
- Look, a deal's a deal.
- You got me. - But to be honest,
everyone comes hoping for ice cream.
It's broken so much that it's become like, a thing.
- Are you telling me that people stopped ordering
'cause they assume it's broken?
- Every time, they just assume. They don't even...
We don't even have to tell them it's broken.
- That's not what I wanted. - [Geoff] Yeah.
- All right, I'll take one of your souls instead.
- Oh! - Oh!
- And a button. (buzzer blares)
- Jerry the gremlin.
- I like that there was so much lore.
- Yeah.
- That's a lot of McDonald's products.
- McDonald's lore.
Grimace is real.
- Oh yeah, that's my uncle. (Sam and Ross laughing)
- Let's say two golden-arched points for you all.
- Ooh! - Ooh!
- Bringing us to the penultimate prompt
of our game, players.
- Penultimate.
- Ross. - Yeah.
- Jess. - Yes, Sam.
- Geoff. - Your Honor.
- A 21-pun salute.
- Oh. - A 21-pun salute?
Shoot.
- Let me take that one down the barrel.
- This'll be cannon-ically horny?
- Sure.
- But I could see how a 21-pun salute could be triggering.
- Oh, let me just rifle through my brain.
- 21-pun salute?
More like a 21-gun salute, am I right, folks?
- Let's all stand together and take a crossbow.
- So much energy. Yeah, what a pistol.
(Sam laughing) - [Geoff] Damn it!
- Oh yeah, of course he was referring to me.
I mean, all of his jokes have perfect aim.
- Mm-hmm. - Oh!
- Of course we're referring to you. You're right on target.
- Of course.
And your jokes never misfire.
- Boy, I know we talked a lot about canon.
It was a ball.
(Sam giggling) - [Geoff] Damn it. Okay.
- At first I didn't think I would get that joke,
but that's a joke I musket.
- Hurry up and get in here, Geoff.
Time is running out on the Glock.
- You know, considering
how many Abraham Lincoln references we had,
I'm surprised no one has referred
to John Wilkes Booth shooting a man in the head.
- Okay, you're right.
Thank you for giving me that idea, my "American Cousin."
(cast laughing)
- But of course we can do these puns here.
This is a safe place.
Everything's fine in this chamber.
- Mm-hmm.
- I mean, I've done so many already.
There's probably 16 in the clip.
- Damn it! (Sam and crew laughing)
- Not to get political
because we could talk about these puns,
and if we even have a right to bear them.
- All right, can I take a second? Can I take a second?
- I'm sorry you wanna amend my pun?
That's all fine and good.
And we could talk about bears or we could talk about bulls.
And when it comes to animals, I say bullet.
(crew and Ross laughing) (buzzer blares)
- That's 21.
- [Ross and Jess] Yeah! - And I did three!
- Damn! Super, super impressive.
A point per pun seem fair? 21 points?
- That seems fair.
- Last prompt of our game.
- Oh no.
- Ross. - Yeah.
- Jess. - Sam.
- Geoff. - Your Honor.
- Abraham-
- Wow!
- Lin-Con.
- Wow. - Yeah.
- Wow, okay. - What's going on?
- Hmm, yeah. - Yeah.
- Boys, are you excited or what?
- Nice hats.
- Oh, fantastic hats. - [Geoff] Oh, thank you.
- You gonna go to the panel
on how we keep his oratory legacy alive or?
(Sam laughing)
- First thing. - I don't think we...
That hall is slammed. It's so hard to get into Fourscores.
- Gosh! - Oh.
- Gotta get into Fourscores.
- It is tough. And what about the mixer?
Will I see you fellas at the mixer?
- You'll see me-
- To the Better Angels of our Nature meet and greet?
- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah.
I will be late. I will be late, but I will be there.
- Where you coming from?
- Well, I did wanna see the Ford's Theatre reenactment.
I know it's controversial.
- Okay, that's not official. - I know, I know.
- That's like... - That's fringe.
- I, look- - That's fringe con.
- Yeah, are you moonlighting at Booth-Con?
- I am just going for a little bit, just to get a taste.
I've heard it's very accurate.
- I mean, I'm not gonna talk you out of it.
It's clear you've already made your decision.
- Guess so.
- I guess we won't see you at the Better Angels mixer
where we will all be getting very horny.
- Mm-hmm. (laughs) (Sam laughing)
We all know how this convention ends.
- In a pile of cum.
(buzzer blares) - [Jess] You said it.
- If ever there is a button.
Fourscore and seven points for you all.
- Hell yeah. - Oh, okay. Great.
- That brings us to the end of our show.
Our winner this eve...
(paper rips)
Ross Bryant. (jubilant music)
- Oh!
- Ross, you are the recipient-
- Unbelievable. - of the coveted Golden Ear.
- I couldn't have done it without you, Sam.
I couldn't have done it without all of us.
- Oh, stop. - Way to go, Ross.
- Most of all, I couldn't have done it without you,
(Bobbington chirping)
Ms. Bobbington.
- Oh, it's Duchess Bobbington! - Oh, Duchess!
- You were right! It was a great day!
(Sam laughing) - Yay!
- Bye, Duchess! (Bobbington chirping)
That does it for us here at "Make Some Noise."
Tune in next time for more of the Game Samer.
I'm Sam Reich, and that sounds pretty good to me.
Good night.
(warm upbeat music)
(warm upbeat music fades)