♪
It's bingo time!
♪ Yes, I can love you, baby ♪
♪ All night long ♪
You look good, Rita.
You too.
You look like you're gonna win.
Eh-eh, gaawiin.
I will say a bingo prayer for you, though.
And I will thank you, when I win.
Okay, the early bird is starting soon.
Hope you find your lucky table.
I got three grandkids; I don't need a lucky table.
Hey, jar'd! This lucky table is ours!
- I'll remember that. - (Paul chuckling)
You're going down,
you kii-a-skwe mindimooyenh!
(chuckling)
I'm not regular kii-a-skwe!
I'm prison kii-a-skwe.
Ho'leh, settle down, Stony Mountain. (chuckling)
(Agnes chuckling)
Here we are, together, outside work.
Just relax, bro. Just chillin'.
Oh yeah, yeah, we're just chillin'.
Although chillin' is a gateway to hangin'.
And you know what can happen after a hang?
Pregnancy?
No, Dean.
Friendship.
Sorry, man, you're just really hard to take
with your... town clothes, man.
Like, who tucks in their t-shirt?
Uh, this guy.
Yeah, I tuck everything in -
my t-shirt, my sheets, my socks.
Makes me feel secure, locked in.
You're really letting loose there, eh, Day Off Greg?
Dean, is it just me or is there something going on over there?
Dean: Pretty intuitive, young bingo Padawan.
They're just up in their...
bingo mojo.
Greg: By aiming those charm doohickies at each other?
Dean: So, those charms are sending bad luck to Rita,
and Rita's charms are blocking that bad luck.
Oh, what-- what is that?
...Little warrior.
Dean: Hmm...
Yes, that's the mother of all charms.
That's Coco the Coconut.
Agnes wins big with it every year.
So, bingo is just simple luck.
There's nothing simple about it, bro.
- (traditional flute playing) - By its very nature,
it's an act of resilience.
- In our ancestors' time... - (traditional flute playing)
...our customs and practices were outlawed,
by sickly, bitchy-ass white men, like yourself.
(traditional flute playing)
Tried to control what us long-haired,
beautiful warriors did on the Rez.
- (traditional flute playing) - Sickly? I...
But we bingo'd on,
and that's what makes it tradition...
and cool as fuck.
(traditional flute playing)
Hey, man. Thanks for the flute.
That really helped the story.
This is for the people, man.
(traditional flute playing)
(crowd applauding)
Attention, all players.
Tonight's final prize is $4,000.
(crowd applauding)
This year, we are going to have a good, clean,
fair, no-bullshit monster bingo.
Lips is head of security, so there'll be no funny business.
And I'm talking about you, Hilda, and your black dabber.
We can't see the numbers, we can't verify your bingo.
Bullshit!
Let's go already!
We have some money to give away.
And just like Paul, when he found out Rose was pregnant,
he's got to go!
- Oh, yeah! - (crowd laughing)
Here we go!
(squealing)
What's taking so long?
Don't blame me. This bingo machine is faulty.
I wanted the WinMax 5000,
but I never got the money, thanks to 'Cheap and Council'.
- (crowd booing, shouting) - Paul: 'Sup, Jo?
What da heck! I just got here!
Under the I, 22.
Two ducks in the water!
Hey, Mom. Big baby.
Let me grab a seat here real quick.
Uh, sorry, Jo, you can't sit with us.
Why the hell not?
You know that being late for bingo is bad luck, and...
you got bad breath.
I'm sorry, Jo, but I do feel something's off.
Where am I supposed to go?
I'm the Chief; I can't sit alone.
Roger: Under the G, 58.
Geez, wouldn't it be great if Jo found a seat?
G-58.
I'm sorry, but this is Monster Bingo,
there's no messing around.
(sighing) Okay, fuck.
Roger: Under the B, 6.
Hey, but still too close.
Paul: Bye.
Saved you a seat, Chief.
Uh...
Hey, everybody! Jo's at the loser table,
and that's your Chief?!
(crowd laughing)
Don't listen to him.
He calls me a mooch. Can you believe that?
Hey, can I borrow a dabber?
Roger: Under the B, 8.
Give me the usual: one blue freezie.
Sorry, Blue. You don't have enough.
Aw, man.
Hey, you want freezie money for life?
- Yeah. - Then, you gotta earn it.
And sometimes, it ain't pretty.
Watch and learn, freezie face.
Roger: N-41. N-41. Time for fun.
One free coffee.
It's two bucks now.
Inflation, bro.
Where's a guy gonna get two bucks from in this economy?
Hey, got two bucks?
What can I get for this?
Chickadee: Fill her up, bro.
Cheap ass.
That's how it's done, Blue.
Roger: N-44 calls out the door.
- N-44. - Oh!
Roger: O-75--
I mean, O-71.
She won't stop looking at me.
She's trying to get into my head.
Roger: O-69.
That's O for Oklahoma and 69 for don't even make the joke, Ed.
What was that number?
O-69.
You got this.
You got the coconut, and you've got me.
(tapping)
Listen to those dabbers on the table, man.
It's like music. It's cool.
It's like Jamiroquai.
You believe this mooniya?
I'm surprised he even came out tonight.
I thought he'd be at home drinking milk,
watching documentaries.
- (laughing) - Oh, hey, calm down, all right?
Dean, I am still your boss.
North Store Greg is my boss.
Day Off Greg is just some nerd with a moustache.
Look at this guy, he's like part news anchor,
part... catfish.
"This just in, I'm really lame
"and I pull up my pants really high
"because I have a hairy arse. Back to you, Barb."
(sobbing)
(sniffling)
- Weenuk, what's wrong with you? - (whimpering)
Don't get all sad arse now.
When we tease you, it just means we like you.
Then, why does it hurt? (sobbing)
Just take it if you want to be cool.
Teasing is one of the sacred seven teachings.
- It is? - Yeah, man.
Keeps you humble.
Roger: B-11.
B-11 or not to B-11.
Man, you got a lot to learn about being cool on the Rez.
Get your elbows on the table.
Nobody likes a guy with good posture.
Okay?
And throw a bro in here and there... bro.
Bro.
And instead of saying "no", say, "Not even".
Not even.
Yeah, right.
And if somebody rubs you the wrong way, say,
"Go fuck yourself then."
Isn't that a little harsh?
Here, try it.
More bingo cards?
Not even, bro.
Cool.
And go fuck yourself, then.
This kind of rhymes.
Under the N, 37.
Bingo!
- (crowd applauding) - Paul: Yeah!
Roger: We have a bingo.
Early bird goes to Agnes.
Yeah, I see how it is,
just because your daughter's Chief.
(crowd applauding)
(applauding)
♪
That's a good bingo.
What do you want, bro?
I lost my glasses. Anyone return them?
Someone returned his glasses already.
Let's see what you got.
No, sir, nobody's turned in anything.
But...
can I interest you in these?
The heck, boy! These look like mine!
You have good taste!
Those just came in from Paris.
Paris, eh?
Those stop UV light,
sunlight, blue light,
even Coors Light.
You put these on, you'll never miss another number.
I'll take 'em.
These are $400.
But for you, a hundred bucks.
That's a steal.
And if anyone asks you where you got them,
tell them a boy named Blue.
(crowd shouting)
(shouting)
(screaming)
Hurry up! Fuck! Call a number!
I'm trying to, Hilda.
Blame Cheap and Council.
You already told that joke.
Maybe your arms are too weak
and you should start working out with the teens.
You know what? One day a ball's gonna come
flying out and hit someone in the eye,
and that's gonna be on you.
As if! You're just milking it, Roger.
Move it along.
(crowd shouting)
(gasping) Where is she?
- What? - Coco, where is she?
I told you to watch her.
Oh, Mom, I made a mistake. I got distracted.
There's a guy over there eating a hot dog in a hamburger bun.
You fucker!
I know who did this.
Am I wearing something of yours or what?
Oh. Guard the table.
Give me back the coconut, Rita.
You sound like a coconut.
I know you stole it.
What seems to be the problem?
Nothing, officer. I'm just trying to play bingo.
Rita stole Coco.
Okay, I'm gonna need a description.
Okay, he's brown.
Everyone here is brown.
You're gonna have to get more specific.
He's hairy and he's got big googly eyes.
If you're talking about Ernie Mitchell,
he's at his mom's tonight.
She's talking about a coconut.
Roger: Under the O, 75.
Watch out for that beehive.
I might be running late, but I got an N-38.
Under the G, 4-0.
Under the O, 65.
I-21. Are we fun?
She's gonna win soon. I can feel it.
Look at her cards, they're soaked.
Paul: She's gotta have Coco there somewhere.
(creaking)
N-39.
The pain's moved down to the spine.
Bingo!
(cheering)
We have a bingo. Rita...
Anyone got any lard?
Oh, fok off.
You're just struggling on purpose.
I am not.
That machine's fine.
Oh, really?
Why don't you come up here and bingo call it, 'den?
Fine, 'den.
You're just playing it up, tryin' to win an Oscar.
(creaking)
Under the I,
for "I told you so..."
Paul: Ho'leh, you just suck!
(crowd shouting)
(exhaling sharply)
Oh, man, I gotta admit, bro,
I kinda like you better with the moustache.
Put it back.
Ah, well, I can't do that, Dean,
because that's not how moustaches work.
Just gotta try harder, bro. Just push it back.
You know, I do kind of like it, though.
I feel like I can talk faster.
All right, well,
now that we got cool Day Off Greg,
I'm gonna put you to the test.
Go ahead. Tease me.
- Don't hold back. - Are you sure?
Okay, I'll give it a try.
Um, you look like, uh, a...
a pothead.
Yeah, that's not bad, that's not bad.
Well, how about this?
"I'm Dean. I, uh-- I sleep on a bus and I poop in buckets.
"Hey..."
Hey, you ever notice that this guy
has never been seen with a woman,
and yet, he always has hickeys?
I think Dean has sex with a vacuum cleaner.
(people laughing)
Okay, okay. I feel the love in your teasing, bro.
- It's pretty good. - Hey.
Didn't your father crash a snowmobile
into an outhouse when you were just a kid?
Probably driving too fast trying to get away
from that big washing machine-sized head of yours.
I mean, look at the size of that square noggin.
Whenever he eats, it's like he's on spin cycle.
"Um, um, um, um."
Huh? (chuckling)
Dean?
Dean, did I do it right?
Rita!
Congratulations on your bingo!
It's just a game; nothing to be so serious about, eh?
I agree, Agnes.
The only thing I'm serious about is my three grandchildren.
How many do you have again?
Aww. Me, I only have one.
Don't make a move.
- Man: Come on, Jo! - (crowd jeering)
Under the O...
83.
Roger: That's not even a real number!
Hurry up, Cheap and Council!
- (thudding) - Oh-ho!
Oh, my eye...
Okay, we're on to our final game:
monster bingo!
(crowd applauding)
Okay, let's get started, then.
We're going to try something a little different this time.
B-15,
'cause... Roger's a shithead.
That's not even funny.
Hot start over here, though.
You'll both have plenty of time
to think about what you did in here.
Hey, new fish.
Hilda, what are you in for?
Blacking out my cards. You?
I got caught trying to steal back a coconut.
Amateur.
How long have you been on the inside for?
Lips gave me 15...
minutes.
I missed out on so many things.
We gotta get out of here.
I think I have a plan.
Hey, Dean.
Listen, I'm so sorry I was so hard on you earlier.
But you have to admit, you helped create this cool,
untucked monster.
Look, I really want us to be friends.
But I feel like it's our differences
that make both of us really special.
Yeah, man.
Maybe you should stay as a nerdy white guy
and me as this cool-ass influential titan.
Sure, Dean.
But you know what I think is the real bonanza?
It's our friendship.
That's beautiful, man.
Thanks.
Hey, and you know what, guy?
Go fuck yourself, then.
Not even.
All right!
(playing harmonica)
All right!
I got it.
You're gonna pretend to be hurt,
and then you're gonna cry for help.
Why pretend?
'Cause we can fake that part.
Nah, nah, it's gotta look real.
Here, cut me.
Ah, don't worry. Right here, where there's no organs.
Trust me, you can go pretty deep.
That's crazy. Nobody's getting cut.
- Worked in Attica! - I'm sure it did.
But all you got to do is pretend to be hurt.
And then, Lips is going to come in, and then--
- We'll cut him. - Oh my God!
Nobody's getting cut!
Lips is going to come in, I'm going to knock him out,
and then the two of us are gonna be free.
Right, you coward.
We'll do it your non-cutting way.
Get to it.
Help! Help!
Oh, my spleen! Oh!
It's busted! Oh!
Lips: What's going on?
- What's going on? - Now!
Ahh!
I'm sorry, Hilda, but this is monster bingo!
Hey, Paul, open the door!
(doorknob jiggling)
Damn it!
It's just you and me now.
Nice try, Rita the cheat-ah,
but thieves never win.
Give me that!
Paul: No! Let go.
(both straining)
Let go! Aah!
♪
G-58!
I won!
Bingo! I won!
Those are my cards!
Were your cards, Chief Snooze-You-Lose.
(crowd booing)
Four thousand big ones.
And guess what?
Every penny is going towards my--
Let me guess. The WinMax 5000 bingo machine?
As if.
I'm getting an arse lift.
(crowd booing)
All right, fine.
A WinMax 5000.
But if there's leftover money, it's going right to my jeet!
Chickadee: What's up, little guy?
That kid sold me a hamster for a hundred bucks, but it's dead.
That's too far. You crossed the line, Blue.
Here, take your money, kid.
There are limits, bro.
You'll learn them eventually.
The fuck?
The student has become the teacher.
♪ A prisoner sits in solitude inside an empty cell
♪ Dreaming of his freedom ♪
♪ And a ghostly wishing well ♪
♪ Haunted by the flashes of a rainbow in his tears ♪
♪ Waiting for an open door ♪
♪ To satisfy his fears ♪
♪ Somewhere deep inside him ♪
♪ He slowly shifts the blame ♪
♪ While the shouting in his... ♪