1 00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:04,905 LAINEY: Back in the '90s, there was no other TV phenomenon like Friends. 2 00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,340 Everybody wished they knew them, 3 00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:08,576 or in some cases, wanted to be them. 4 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,278 (AS JOEY) How you doin'? 5 00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:11,912 (AS CHANDLER) Can you be any more like Joey? 6 00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:13,681 Joey only says that to girls. 7 00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,184 I don't... I don't know any girls. 8 00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:19,019 The faculty was equally as riveted watching these Friends, 9 00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:20,654 who always had each other's backs. 10 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:23,124 Barry and I watched the whole episode together on the phone. 11 00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:24,458 Bonkers that's still happening. 12 00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:26,494 All the choices along the course of your life, 13 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:27,961 to end up back at Goldberg. 14 00:00:27,995 --> 00:00:29,430 He may live 500 miles away 15 00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,232 studying to become a fancy radiologist, 16 00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:32,700 but I've never felt more connected to him. 17 00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,302 Everything I see reminds me of him. 18 00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:35,936 Like, Coop's grapes remind me of the time 19 00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:37,338 I fed him on a picnic this summer. 20 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,939 I've seen what that boy does to fruit. 21 00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:40,040 It's disgusting. 22 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,777 Uh, you gonna get that? I can't reach under the fridge. 23 00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:45,546 Yeah, but it's gonna rot down there. Who cares? 24 00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,014 God, Coop, stop being such a Monica. 25 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,316 Boy Monica's got a point. 26 00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:49,850 You leave that grape under there, 27 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,519 it's gonna ferment and create wine, 28 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:52,886 intoxicating the mice. 29 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:55,089 Can't have drunk mice running around here. 30 00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:57,658 I will simply lift this fridge 31 00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:59,327 and you come and grab the grape. 32 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,061 Okay. (EXHALES SHARPLY) 33 00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:02,330 One... 34 00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:03,564 (GRUNTS, BONES CRACKS) Ow! 35 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,733 My back! (GRUNTS) 36 00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:08,369 Damn it, mice! You win again! (GRUNTS) 37 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:11,139 * One of these days, you're gonna get outta here 38 00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:14,242 * Live your life and finally be free 39 00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:17,145 * Go where you wanna go, do what you wanna do 40 00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:20,814 * Someday, you will say "Those were the days" * 41 00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:23,217 LAINEY: It was October 2nd, 1990-something, 42 00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:26,554 and our school librarian had a zero-tolerance policy for nonsense. 43 00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:30,090 Toys are forbidden in my library! 44 00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:32,593 He just said his first word in Furbish! 45 00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:35,329 (MOCKING GIBBERISH) 46 00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:37,765 No canoodling amongst the stacks, 47 00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:40,368 you hormonal monsters. 48 00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:41,769 Are we in the cafeteria? 49 00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,904 Am I wearing a hair net? No! 50 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:46,240 Yep, Dr. Ness was a hothead, 51 00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:48,242 but the other teachers had kind of gotten used to it. 52 00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:49,343 WILMA: Call security. 53 00:01:49,377 --> 00:01:50,811 There's a crazy man in the library 54 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,079 having a nervous breakdown. 55 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,782 Does he have fantastic skin and an ear-piercing scream? 56 00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:56,284 That pretty much nails it, yes. 57 00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:59,287 That's just Randall Ness, the doctor of library arts. 58 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,588 Are you saying he's always like this? 59 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,190 Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much. 60 00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:05,359 So, you guys are okay with him throwing books? 61 00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:07,928 Ah, mostly paperback, very few encyclopedias. 62 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,397 Mm-hmm. Okay. 63 00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:11,131 Maybe it's none of my business. 64 00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:12,800 I'll just have my students wear hard hats 65 00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:14,268 when they visit the library. 66 00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:16,237 Well, clearly Ness is going through something. 67 00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:18,071 Maybe it's just a cry for help. 68 00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:19,807 Seems more like a cry for him to be fired, 69 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,775 but I'll leave that entirely up to you. 70 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:24,077 I mean, you are the boss. 71 00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:26,214 Well, I do have that plaque on my desk that says, 72 00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:27,781 "The buck stops here." (CHUCKLES) 73 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:29,217 And I have that other plaque that says, 74 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,618 "You don't have to be crazy to work here, 75 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,752 "but it sure helps." 76 00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:33,254 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 77 00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:34,888 Well, John, I'd also like to remind you 78 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:36,890 that you were a former guidance counselor, 79 00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,792 bound by the Counselor Code. 80 00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,594 Is that code for wanting to avoid confrontation? 81 00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:41,795 No. 82 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,564 It means we don't fire, we talk. 83 00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:44,932 We don't send people packing. 84 00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:46,334 Instead, we do some yakking. 85 00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:49,270 We need to get to the root of Ness' growing rage 86 00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:50,471 and help him fix it. 87 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,640 It's time to put away the firing tools... 88 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:56,210 BOTH: And take out the compassion wrench. 89 00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:59,112 LAINEY: So, Glascott set off to fix Dr. Ness, 90 00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,249 while I was dealing with a bit of a broken coach. 91 00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:02,616 How's your back feel, Rick? 92 00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:03,951 Well, if I cling to the A.V. cart, 93 00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:06,354 I can wheel myself to the bathroom. Oh, man. 94 00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:07,788 Someone needs to drive you home. 95 00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:09,323 Who is your emergency contact? 96 00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,793 Wait. Susan Cinoman? 97 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,262 Well, if you must know, 98 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:17,431 Susan and I have, um, sort of a thing. 99 00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:18,499 Shut up. 100 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,000 I didn't know you guys were seeing each other. 101 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,669 It's more of a rich, unspoken history. 102 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:25,606 I guess you could say we're the Ross and Rachel of William Penn. (CHUCKLES) 103 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,541 I am so happy for you guys. 104 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,209 A-And a little bit weirded out. 105 00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:32,346 Well, I mean, we haven't shared an evening together for... 106 00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:33,781 Seven years, 107 00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:35,683 so I guess you could say we're on a break. 108 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,618 Just like Ross and Rachel. 109 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,387 Although seven years is kind of a long break. 110 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,188 Well, you can't rush these things. 111 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,356 Well, maybe you should. 112 00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:43,991 You almost died grabbing that grape. 113 00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:45,626 Trust me, Barry and I were apart 114 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,328 for way too many years. 115 00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:49,162 If you knew what it was like to be with a soul mate, 116 00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:51,465 you wouldn't waste another second without your Barry. 117 00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:52,966 I gotta go find Susan. Oh, my God. 118 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,201 Lewis, wait! (BONE CRACKS) 119 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,803 Ow! Body, you betray me! 120 00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,037 (GRUNTS) 121 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,407 I'm sorry. Coach who? Coach coach. 122 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,842 The one and only coach. Craig T. Nelson? 123 00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:03,076 Is he here? 124 00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:04,978 No. Coach Mellor. 125 00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:06,814 Oh. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Him. 126 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,382 Oh, gosh. (CHUCKLES) 127 00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:10,551 That was a long time ago, and it was nothing. 128 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,386 What? It was just a fling. 129 00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:15,088 Besides, he is completely closed off, 130 00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:17,190 and I make physical amore, 131 00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:19,660 but I also make emotional amore 132 00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:22,363 and spiritual amore. 133 00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,064 Please stop saying "amore." 134 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:27,000 I think it's safe to say Coach Mellor may be 135 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:28,669 under a different impression about you two, 136 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:30,504 but I'll let you guys work that out 137 00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:32,039 on the way home. What way home? 138 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,708 You have to drive him to his apartment. You're his emergency contact. 139 00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:35,943 Oh. Can't. 140 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,277 We've got Man of La Mancha coming up, 141 00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:39,747 and there is a lot of conquistador armor 142 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,382 in the passenger seat of my Miata. 143 00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:43,050 Sorry. (SIGHS) 144 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,919 Thanks for the ride, Lainey Lewis. 145 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:48,389 Weird how Susan was M.I.A. 146 00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:52,125 I guess she thought she couldn't keep her hands off me on the way home. 147 00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:53,794 (CHUCKLES) Uh-huh. 148 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:55,629 I think I have to tell you something. 149 00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:56,764 It's about you and Cinoman. 150 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,298 Turns out she doesn't exactly think 151 00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,633 you guys are like Ross and Rachel. 152 00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:02,302 More like, uh, Monica and Chandler? I'll take it. 153 00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:05,005 Or it's possible you and Cinoman aren't on the same show. 154 00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:07,508 She may be on Wings. 155 00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:09,743 Oh. 156 00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:10,978 I see. 157 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:13,280 I'm so sorry. Nah, it's all right. 158 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,450 I guess deep down inside, 159 00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:17,985 I knew I was being unrealistic 160 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,620 about a relationship with Susan. 161 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,656 But a couple years go by and I... 162 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:23,957 You don't want to admit to yourself 163 00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,727 that you're (CHUCKLES) basically completely alone. 164 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,562 Coach... No, it's okay. 165 00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:32,466 I'll just go back to my previous emergency contact, 166 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,468 a guy who never lets me down... 167 00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:36,437 Mr. Rick Mellor. 168 00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:39,072 You know what? 169 00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:40,674 I think it's a blessing we know this about Cinoman. 170 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:43,644 Now you can move on with your life and find your Barry. 171 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,446 Don't you want a special Barry for yourself? 172 00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:47,615 I might, if you stop calling it a "Barry." 173 00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:49,182 And what if she's not out there? 174 00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:50,951 Of course she's out there. 175 00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:53,020 And I'm gonna help you find her. 176 00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,489 You'd do that for me? It'd be the least I could do. 177 00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:58,792 Okay. 178 00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:00,360 I'm open to it. 179 00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:02,596 Great. Now, I'm gonna give you a couple days to recover 180 00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:04,498 and then we'll start finding your special... 181 00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,334 Let's find me a woman, Lainey Lewis! 182 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,403 Meet me in my office! 183 00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:13,140 Wow. He heals fast. 184 00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:14,942 GLASCOTT: Hey. 185 00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:16,009 Headed to the library. 186 00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,479 About to Counselor Code it up with Dr. Ness. 187 00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:19,680 What are you gonna hit him with? 188 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,115 Well, I thought I'd start with the old "Tap n' Talk." 189 00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:23,617 You know... Mm. 190 00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:24,718 Nice. 191 00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:26,654 Then I'm gonna propose a weekly steam session. 192 00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:28,121 Which of course doesn't involve a steam room, 193 00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,389 just letting off some steam. 194 00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:30,558 You know it. 195 00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,693 I've also had a lot of luck with assigning a rage journal, 196 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:33,961 if you want to give that a shot. 197 00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:36,396 Ooh. I'm calm just holding this. 198 00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:37,865 (CHUCKLES) It's all yours. 199 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:38,999 Good luck. 200 00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,067 I won't need it. 201 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,201 When I'm done with him, 202 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,403 this guy's gonna be mentally healthy as (BLEEP). 203 00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:45,506 (CHUCKLES) That's what I like to hear, Principal. 204 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,174 ** 205 00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,877 Hey, Randy. What's shakin', bacon? 206 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,912 My dog, if you must know. 207 00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,514 He has a neurological disorder. 208 00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:55,549 Oh, well, that's so sad. 209 00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:57,217 Hey, you know what else is sad? 210 00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,153 Is when people are scared to come to the library. 211 00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:02,422 Oh (CHUCKLES) is this about when I turned over that bookshelf? 212 00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:04,892 No, I had not heard about that, 213 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,995 but I am here to chat with you about a few things, 214 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,598 like throwing books, uh, yelling at the students... 215 00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:11,832 You think I'm the problem? 216 00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:14,001 Those snot-nosed kids are the damn problem. 217 00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,436 No one is saying that there's a problem. 218 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,840 Get your hand off of me. 219 00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:22,610 I was just doing the Tap n' Talk. 220 00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:24,845 But maybe talking isn't what you need. 221 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:28,782 Maybe what you need is to express your feelings with this rage journal. 222 00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,050 Huh. 223 00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:32,119 That's a great idea, John. 224 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:36,757 Express my feelings with this rage journal. 225 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,592 Like... This! 226 00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:39,893 Whoa! 227 00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:42,630 I have to fire Ness. 228 00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:45,032 What a great decision you came up with entirely on your own. 229 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:46,967 Thank you. CB: He is a person, John. 230 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,637 He has a mother and a favorite ice-cream flavor 231 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:52,072 and a dog that he threw a birthday party for, 232 00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,374 which I attended and had so much fun. 233 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:55,943 You could try water therapy, 234 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,111 as long as you're both comfortable in bathing suits together. 235 00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,413 Pool or tank? Please ignore CB. 236 00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:03,551 You're the person we're all looking to for decisive action here. 237 00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:05,619 You have to stop viewing Ness as a human being. 238 00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:09,256 He's a man-shaped problem in a tweed blazer who needs to go. 239 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:10,824 How can you be so heartless? 240 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,993 Right? No, I want to know how. 241 00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:16,429 I tried to get through to him and give him a second chance, but he refused. 242 00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:19,132 Wilma Howell, teach me how to be heartless. 243 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,101 A lot of my kids have this same trouble 244 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,470 separating their emotions from their work. 245 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,606 Why don't you pop by my biology lab today? 246 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:26,740 Sounds fun. Yeah. 247 00:08:26,774 --> 00:08:28,842 You're gonna cut open a cute little froggy. 248 00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:30,310 Oh. 249 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,812 In this first column, I've written down 250 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,781 all the places to meet women in our community, 251 00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:35,849 and on this side, I've listed all the places you go. 252 00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:39,519 Good news. One match. MELLOR: No! 253 00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:40,821 Absolutely not. 254 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,956 Fitness club is where I focus on this temple. 255 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:45,659 I can do a standing jump on this table right now. 256 00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,460 That means I don't need a running start. 257 00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:51,164 I cannot train my body to do that kind of thing while I'm flirting. 258 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,332 You wanna see me jump? 259 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,267 I most certainly do not. 260 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:57,504 Okay. Your loss. What else you got? 261 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,672 That's your only option, buddy. 262 00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,040 Do you really not go to the grocery store? 263 00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,174 Where do you buy your food? 264 00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:02,943 The neighborhood farm plot. 265 00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,978 You want to get the kind of ruby-red I get in a beet? 266 00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:07,114 You got to grow it yourself. 267 00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:09,617 Then we can ask around and find some people to set you up with? 268 00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:12,419 If you give it time, you will absolutely find someone. 269 00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:15,455 It seems so difficult. If only finding a mate was as efficient 270 00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:16,690 as recruiting a ball player. 271 00:09:16,724 --> 00:09:18,692 I get these guys in front of me, and within five minutes, 272 00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,661 I can tell if they're Mellor material. 273 00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,362 Yeah, I'm not sure... 274 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:25,132 Wait a second. That actually exists. 275 00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,566 ** 276 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,836 Let's find you a new recruit. 277 00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:31,371 ** 278 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,244 LAINEY: Principal Glascott knew he needed to fire Dr. Ness, 279 00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:38,879 but he needed a little bit of practice first 280 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,547 at being a little more ruthless. 281 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,751 Now, no more dawdling. Time to cut and gut. 282 00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:47,387 This is hard, knowing that this frog had a family and a name. 283 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,922 (CHUCKLES) Its name was Sample 27. 284 00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:50,490 I bet he went by Sampley. 285 00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:51,992 You're not helping, CB. 286 00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:54,294 I'm helping remind you who you are, John. 287 00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,163 I'm helping you be a better leader. 288 00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:57,364 Okay, everyone just stop talking. 289 00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:58,932 I'm doing this. 290 00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:00,367 (AS KERMIT THE FROG) Don't hurt me. 291 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,102 I play the banjo and I'm in love with Miss Piggy. 292 00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,403 Ooh. 293 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,873 John, this frog is not Kermit. 294 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,207 Kermit's not even Kermit. 295 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,009 He's just felt and a man's hand. 296 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,210 In a moment like this, 297 00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:12,680 it's best to separate yourself from your feelings, 298 00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,447 like I have to whenever CB starts talking. 299 00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:15,749 (NORMAL VOICE) That's rude. 300 00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:18,351 I'm sorry. I just can't turn off my emotions like that. 301 00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:19,552 Good. 302 00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,955 Emotions are what make you you, John. 303 00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,724 Or are your emotions holding you back? 304 00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:27,260 This is for the greater good, John. 305 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,461 You're right. 306 00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:30,597 I'm head of school now. 307 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,900 Head of schools cut frogs. 308 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,835 Metaphorically. 309 00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:37,437 (SQUELCHING) 310 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,740 (ALL GROAN) 311 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:42,375 I hope Sampley haunts you from the grave. 312 00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:44,277 LAINEY: I had convinced Coach that speed-dating 313 00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:46,714 was the perfect venue to find a quick match, 314 00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:49,950 but he may have taken the quick part a little too seriously. 315 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,753 I weigh a buck-85. How about you? 316 00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:53,987 You ever live on a boat? 317 00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,923 Is that a wig, or is that your real hair? 318 00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:57,290 What's your favorite kind of squat? 319 00:10:57,324 --> 00:11:00,627 ** 320 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,295 Oh, no. What is he doing? 321 00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:03,797 Mellor! 322 00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:04,832 (MOUTHING) 323 00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:07,267 You a fan of beet juice? 324 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,069 Winter Olympics or Summer Olympics? 325 00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:10,637 Don't think, just answer. 326 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,606 Talk to me about your paternal grandmother's medical history. 327 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,242 (BELL DINGS) 328 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,010 We need to talk. 329 00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:19,747 Whoa! I didn't see you pay the registration fee. 330 00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,949 I'm not speed-dating you, dummy. I'm here to coach you. 331 00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:23,150 You can't just ask these women 332 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,285 about their body mass and root-vegetable intake. 333 00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:26,987 Why? If there are deal-breakers, 334 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,822 it's best everybody knows about them now. 335 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:31,158 Slow down and try and have a real conversation. 336 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,860 Listen to what these women are saying. 337 00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,227 Well, if they're expressing 338 00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:36,864 that they don't like that their BMI is in the "warning" range, 339 00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:38,698 I can't say that I blame them. 340 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,067 I know this seems crazy, 341 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,869 but this is a real opportunity for you to meet someone, 342 00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:43,236 and I want that for you. 343 00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,806 I want it, too. But I'm... 344 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,374 Scared? 345 00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:50,177 Yeah. I get that, 346 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,846 but you're only going to get out of this what you put into it. 347 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,281 Show them you're vulnerable. 348 00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:55,715 I don't know how to do that. 349 00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:57,818 You just did when you admitted you were scared. 350 00:11:57,851 --> 00:12:00,320 You're looking for a partner, not a football recruit. 351 00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,355 Put Coach on the sideline and be Rick. 352 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,992 Okay. Game on. 353 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:07,060 I m... I mean, normal conversation on. 354 00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:08,661 (BELL DINGS) Okay. 355 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:13,166 How you doing? I'm Rick. Samantha. 356 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,735 How you doing, Samantha? A-Actually, I'm really nervous. 357 00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:18,238 Well, you know what? I'm really nervous, too. 358 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,908 So, maybe we'll just be really nervous together. 359 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:23,743 Okay. (CHUCKLES) 360 00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,212 ** 361 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,980 Yes. 362 00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:28,648 GLASCOTT: Hey, Wilma. 363 00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:31,084 Guess who's fired up and eager to get in there 364 00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:33,653 with absolutely no qualms and fire Dr. Ness? 365 00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:34,754 This guy. 366 00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:36,323 How long have you been standing there? 367 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:37,825 Uh, about 45 minutes. 368 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,159 And I can't waste any more time. 369 00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:41,028 I've already missed one important meeting, 370 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,229 but I guess that was good 371 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,164 for the kid who set the flag on fire. 372 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:45,598 We've gone over this. 373 00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,935 Switch off your emotions for the greater good. 374 00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:49,803 Why does the female praying mantis 375 00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:51,571 bite off the male's head while mating? 376 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,040 Oh, my God. They actually do that? 377 00:12:53,073 --> 00:12:54,741 I'm gonna guess for the greater good. 378 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:55,976 Correct. 379 00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:59,379 His death spasms increase the odds of successful procreation. 380 00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:00,447 Gross. 381 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,949 All right, cleansing breath, John. 382 00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,550 Let's get in there and do this. 383 00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:04,784 No cleansing breath! Ooh! 384 00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:07,720 Go eat his damn head! Ah! 385 00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:10,290 That is a lot of money to be spending on a Weimaraner. 386 00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:11,391 (CHUCKLES) 387 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:13,894 But if the surgery buys me a few extra months, 388 00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:16,229 then I just gotta get him to his next birthday. (CHUCKLES) 389 00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:18,365 (SIGHS) I can't do this. 390 00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:19,799 All right, thanks. 391 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,402 The library's closed. 392 00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:26,573 Dr. Ness, there is no easy way to say this, 393 00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:29,809 but in light of your behavior, I have to. 394 00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,578 First of all, I want to thank you 395 00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:34,147 for all the work you've done here at William Penn. 396 00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:35,615 Wait, wait, hold on. 397 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:39,386 It... It... It sounds like you're firing me. 398 00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:43,290 As principal, I need to run the best school possible, 399 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,325 and you've become toxic. 400 00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,494 You can't do this. (CHUCKLES) 401 00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:49,596 I'm a doctor of library sciences. 402 00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,131 You're just a... 403 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,633 Mister with some bachelor's degree. 404 00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:56,937 Dr. Ness, you're fired. 405 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:00,941 Are you crying? 406 00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,342 (VOICE BREAKING) No. 407 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:05,245 ** 408 00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:07,314 (SIGHS) 409 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,615 This is so exciting. 410 00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,150 The proctor is tallying up all the matches. 411 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,518 I really got into it at the end there. 412 00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:13,520 Good. I bet you and Samantha matched. 413 00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,956 Well, she loves beets as much as I do. 414 00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:17,190 I told you not to talk about beets. 415 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,226 The conversation just naturally went there. 416 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,293 This is yours. 417 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,129 And yours. 418 00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:23,596 Oh, no, no, no. I wasn't even... 419 00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:25,865 Oh, wow. 10? 420 00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:27,600 (CHUCKLES) How'd you do? 421 00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:29,702 Uh, well, I got none. (CHUCKLES) 422 00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:31,972 What? No, that can't be right. 423 00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:34,241 I hate Samantha. 424 00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:36,143 Well, that's that. It was good fun. 425 00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:38,645 Um... Let's go to a bar. 426 00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:40,247 I'm a fantastic wing woman. 427 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,681 Eh, I, uh... 428 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,550 I got some stuff I gotta do. 429 00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:44,784 You know what I was thinking? 430 00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:47,120 You know those dating shows like Studs or Singled Out? 431 00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:49,056 I bet you would be great on one of those. 432 00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,959 Lainey, just stop, okay? I-It just didn't work. 433 00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,793 I don't want to date anybody anymore, okay? 434 00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:55,228 No, it's not okay, Rick. 435 00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:56,396 Don't you get it? 436 00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:58,731 I was happier pretending that I had somebody in my life 437 00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:01,234 than confirming the fact that I'm not compatible with anyone. 438 00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:03,070 I'm closing my heart for good. 439 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,973 No. Rick, come on. 440 00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:08,708 Not everybody gets to be happy in love, Lainey Lewis. 441 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,177 ** 442 00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:11,778 (SIGHS) 443 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,883 LAINEY: After firing his problem librarian, 444 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,752 Glascott had a new problem, extreme guilt. 445 00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,454 But he had a plan to make things better. 446 00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:23,690 (SIGHS) 447 00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:24,924 I got your message. 448 00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,493 What do you need to talk about? 449 00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:29,196 To be honest, it's kind of weird for me to be here since... 450 00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:30,530 You fired me. 451 00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:33,200 Fired you as a librarian, but that doesn't mean 452 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:35,068 I can't hire you to help organize my office. 453 00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:36,403 Look at this place. 454 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,571 I really let it get away from me. (CHUCKLES) 455 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:42,775 I need your help, at $7 an hour. 456 00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:44,677 I have two Masters and a doctorate. 457 00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:46,779 So... $7.50? 458 00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,248 But look, at that rate, you're gonna have to 459 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:49,616 come by my house and do some landscaping, 460 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:50,883 or maybe some light painting. 461 00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:52,952 Right now, my kitchen is in powder blue, 462 00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:54,354 but I would love to see it in periwinkle. 463 00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:57,390 ** 464 00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:58,725 We need to talk. 465 00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,260 I'm not sure we do. 466 00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,862 Rick, I know it's hard to open yourself up, 467 00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:05,798 but it's better than living your whole life closed off to love. 468 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:08,535 Who needs love when you've got SportsCenter and a Bowflex? 469 00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,403 Come on. Would you tell a kid to stop playing sports 470 00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:11,571 because he lost one game? 471 00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,440 That's easy for you to say. You have Barry. 472 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:16,109 You don't know anything about love being... Hard. 473 00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:17,310 That's where you're wrong. 474 00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,312 I know I always talk about how great it is, 475 00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:21,281 but it's been really hard having Barry so far away. 476 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,482 You know the other night when I said 477 00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,051 we were watching Friends on the phone together? 478 00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:26,253 Yeah. Well, the truth is, he fell asleep. 479 00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:27,987 He doesn't love Friends like I do. 480 00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:29,589 He likes Suddenly Susan better. 481 00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:31,724 Well, that is a problem. 482 00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,693 All relationships are challenging, 483 00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:35,395 but they're worth it. 484 00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:37,530 And you're really missing out if you're not willing to try. 485 00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:39,666 Well, how do you propose I try? 486 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,103 Well, just keep this open. 487 00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:47,107 Might not happen fast, but be ready when it does. 488 00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:50,243 And don't be afraid to show her who you really are. 489 00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:52,445 ** 490 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,450 Look, John, I-I-I see what you're trying to do. 491 00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:59,819 (SIGHS) I just feel so awful. 492 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,988 Firing you was very hard on me. 493 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,523 I-I just hate the thought 494 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,292 of putting you out on the street. 495 00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:07,627 Truth is, I'm glad you fired me. 496 00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,629 It was a big wake-up call. 497 00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:11,964 I was angry, burned out. 498 00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:13,166 Yeah. (CHUCKLES) I mean, in 10 years, 499 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,602 are people even gonna need a librarian? 500 00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:16,703 Of course. 501 00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:18,205 Where else would people get books? 502 00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,339 And what? 503 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,441 Will a computer tell you what you'd like to read? 504 00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:23,243 (CHUCKLES) I don't think so. 505 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,947 Wait, is that Dr. Ness? 506 00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,316 Why is he back? 507 00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:32,352 Uh, well, it seems like John, who's a human being, 508 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:36,022 feels guilty and is now trying to pay Ness to be his manservant. 509 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:39,192 I think it's sweet that Glascott ransacked his entire office 510 00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,194 just to help heal a friend. 511 00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:43,296 This school's just a lot to get used to. 512 00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:46,166 It was the tough love of the firing that woke me up, 513 00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:48,168 but after I calmed down, 514 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,737 it was your kindness and words of wisdom 515 00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,806 that pointed me in the direction I needed to go. 516 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,543 I finally started anger-management counseling. 517 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:59,646 And I'm on my fourth rage journal. 518 00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,548 ** 519 00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:05,752 He gave me the Tap n' Talk. 520 00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:07,487 (CHUCKLES) 521 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,689 ** 522 00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:10,790 How'd it go? 523 00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:12,992 Well, I broke some pretty valuable stuff in my office. 524 00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:14,026 I didn't think that through. 525 00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:16,429 But Dr. Ness is gonna be fine. 526 00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:17,697 I gotta say, 527 00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:20,066 I heard the way your kindness affected Ness for the better. 528 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,901 Your touchy-feely Counselor Code 529 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,703 has its role in being a boss. 530 00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:26,873 Well, we appreciate you saying you could learn a few things from both of us. 531 00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:28,141 That's not what I said. 532 00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,942 Actually, I've learned in some ways, you both were right. 533 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:32,712 I needed to be hard on him in order to protect the school, 534 00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:35,248 and I needed to be kind to support him. 535 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:36,349 And I did both. 536 00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:37,484 Good job, John. 537 00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:38,651 (CHUCKLES) 538 00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:40,453 I don't need your praise, but I do need both of you 539 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:41,921 to come help me clean up my office. 540 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,724 Step lightly, 'cause I broke a few figurines. 541 00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:47,059 LAINEY: Turns out, Glascott was able to grow as a boss 542 00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:49,095 but stay true to himself. 543 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:52,599 He was part counselor, part principal, all Glascott. 544 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:53,666 Hi. 545 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:56,236 Uh, excuse me. My nephew loves your class. 546 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,704 You're the gym teacher, right? 547 00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,105 Oh, yeah. Coach Mellor. 548 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,473 Julie. I'm Toby's aunt. 549 00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:01,574 Welcome. 550 00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:03,576 Thanks, Coach. (CHUCKLES) 551 00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,044 Toby's a big fan of your class. 552 00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,479 Well, that's nice to hear. 553 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,516 Enjoy your evening. 554 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,824 Uh, on second thought, you should call me Rick. 555 00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,427 Hey, Rick. (BOTH CHUCKLE) 556 00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,595 This is gonna sound very strange, but I feel like... 557 00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:24,264 Have we met before? You look very familiar. 558 00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:25,898 I-I didn't want to make this weird, 559 00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:28,000 but I actually think that we go to the same gym. 560 00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:30,002 That's right! Yeah! 561 00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:31,738 Sorry. I'm sorry I never said hi. 562 00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:33,740 I just... I'm pretty focused on my workout, so... 563 00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:36,175 Oh, good for you. I'm never focused enough. 564 00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:37,844 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 565 00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:39,479 Well, you don't look like you need it. 566 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,180 LAINEY: Opening your heart can be scary, 567 00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:43,182 but when you have people who support you, 568 00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:45,485 it can make it a little bit easier. Oh, my gosh! 569 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:46,819 That is amazing. 570 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,188 (SIGHS) How do you do that? 571 00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:50,823 I almost didn't. (BOTH CHUCKLE) 572 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:53,760 * Is it really fair to feel... 573 00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:56,496 Hey, who was that in the gym you were talking to for 20 minutes? 574 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,498 Her name is Julie. She's cute. 575 00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,099 Yeah, she's a nurse. 576 00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:01,634 Gave me an earful about stretching 577 00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:03,436 before I jump up on a table. 578 00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:05,505 Oh, or lift a fridge. Yeah. 579 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,039 I think I like her. 580 00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:09,542 Who knows? Maybe something will happen, maybe it won't. 581 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,043 Yeah, you never do know. 582 00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:13,045 You want to wait for me for a sec? 583 00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:14,847 I got to turn this in to the nurse's office. 584 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:16,182 * ...for one more day 585 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,150 * Can you hold on... * 586 00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:19,652 LAINEY: That's the thing about friends. 587 00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:22,489 They can get you through whatever life throws your way. 588 00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:25,558 Whether it's opening your heart or giving some tough love, 589 00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,193 they'll always be there for you. 590 00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,898 I'm a lot denser than I look. Physically, I mean. 591 00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:35,134 Favorite singer? Easy. Mr. Burt Bacharach. 592 00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:37,870 Was I not just talking to you? You guys are all starting to look alike. 593 00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:40,640 I'm looking for a teammate, a doubles partner, 594 00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:43,343 a holder to put down the football of love 595 00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:46,479 so I can kick it right through the uprights of companionship. 596 00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:48,180 Let's arm wrestle. Come on. 597 00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:50,517 I'm... I'm gonna win, but I want to see how strong you are. 598 00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:52,184 Yeah, I know they say "big-boned." 599 00:20:52,218 --> 00:20:53,686 It's what you hear all the time. 600 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,254 A person can lose weight in their bones. 601 00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:56,423 Trust me. 602 00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:58,591 I noticed your hands are super rough. 603 00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:01,227 You work with your hands or is that an allergy? 604 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,730 My favorite sensation is the wind on my thighs. 605 00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:06,399 Makes them feel free 'cause they're American. 606 00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:10,036 As of today, it has been 38 months since I've worn pants. 607 00:21:10,069 --> 00:21:12,872 Oh, well, I think it's weird you can't sleep standing up. 608 00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:14,741 I want to test your tensile strength. 609 00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:16,943 I want you to squeeze my hand as hard as you can. 610 00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:18,678 Don't worry. You will not hurt me. 611 00:21:18,711 --> 00:21:21,080 If I had one wish, it'd be to be a centaur. 612 00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:23,383 Can't be strong enough in the lower body. 613 00:21:23,416 --> 00:21:26,085 I'm not shouting! You're shouting! 614 00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,954 Where are you going? We still have more time. 615 00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:29,255 Timer didn't go off.