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00:00:01,070 --> 00:00:02,485
LAINEY: Back in the '90s,

2
00:00:02,519 --> 00:00:04,935
marching bands
across the country
were stepping up their game

3
00:00:04,970 --> 00:00:08,594
by taking hit songs from MTV straight to the halftime show.

4
00:00:08,629 --> 00:00:10,113
At William Penn, I was determined to make sure

5
00:00:10,148 --> 00:00:12,115
that my marching band
was doing the same.

6
00:00:12,150 --> 00:00:14,290
Um, what's this?

7
00:00:14,324 --> 00:00:17,086
Our lead-off song
for the Keystone State
Marching Band Competition.

8
00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:18,846
This isn't
On Top of Old Smokey.

9
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:20,710
No more songs
with "old" in the title.

10
00:00:20,744 --> 00:00:22,436
We need something
fresh and new.

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00:00:22,470 --> 00:00:25,577
That's why we'll be
bringing the heat
with some Barenaked Ladies.

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Which are actually just
four fully clothed men.

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[BARENAKED LADIES'
ONE WEEK PLAYING]Isn't that song, like,

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super-fast and impossible
for children to play?

15
00:00:31,134 --> 00:00:33,171
No. It's...
It's easy. Listen.

16
00:00:33,205 --> 00:00:34,862
♪ Like Kurosawa
I make mad films

17
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♪ Yeah, I don't make films

18
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♪ But if I did
I'd have a samurai ♪

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[MUMBLING]

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♪ Flying off the back swing

21
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This isn't easy.

22
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[MUMBLES] Yeah.

23
00:00:44,423 --> 00:00:45,562
[MUSIC STOPS]
No.

24
00:00:45,597 --> 00:00:47,426
Now that I hear it,
it's a real tough song.

25
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So, we don't have to do it?

26
00:00:48,565 --> 00:00:49,946
All the more reason to!

27
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Just 'cause something's hard
doesn't mean

28
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you should give up.
What do you say?

29
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I say we're guaranteed to fail
in a very public forum.

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I hear "yes."

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From the top.

32
00:00:59,266 --> 00:01:01,578
Five, six, seven, eight!

33
00:01:01,613 --> 00:01:03,891
[BAND PLAYING OUT OF SYNC]
Come on! Fast fingers!
Who's with me?

34
00:01:03,925 --> 00:01:06,307
Wow. It is fast.
But it's okay, we got this.

35
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[TRUMPET PLAYING]

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I'm running out of breath.
It's very fast.

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♪ One of these days
You're gonna get outta here

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♪ Live your life
And finally be free

39
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♪ Go where you wanna go
Do what you wanna do

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♪ Someday, you will say
"Those were the days"

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LAINEY: It was October 23rd,
1990-something,

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and the week was starting
with a nasty epidemic.

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Okay, guys, listen up.
Another teacher down.

44
00:01:36,372 --> 00:01:37,959
First Cinoman, then Crosby.

45
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Now Taraborelli
just called in sick.

46
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Oh, my God.
A kid just yacked
in Neiman's class.

47
00:01:43,068 --> 00:01:44,656
Ugh.
Oh, it's this flu
going around.

48
00:01:44,690 --> 00:01:46,968
Nobody come near me.
I'm already at my goal weight.

49
00:01:47,003 --> 00:01:49,109
Most of the year, nobody even
thinks about the janitor.

50
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Suddenly flu season,
and the man
with the vomit sawdust

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is the belle of the ball.

52
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I'm all of a sudden
not feeling so great, either.[STOMACH GURGLES]

53
00:01:55,839 --> 00:01:57,220
I better hazmat up.

54
00:01:57,255 --> 00:01:59,981
Okay, all hands on deck.
I need everybody to pitch in.

55
00:02:00,016 --> 00:02:02,501
Uh, C.B., I need you to take
Coop's Spanish classes.

56
00:02:02,536 --> 00:02:04,710
People do say
I'm the Ricky Martin
of William Penn.

57
00:02:04,745 --> 00:02:06,126
Your nana
and who else?

58
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,335
Rick, can you take
Taraborelli's class?Got it.

59
00:02:08,369 --> 00:02:11,545
And, Wilma, can you handle
Crosby's wood shop? Thank you.

60
00:02:11,579 --> 00:02:13,857
And then, last but least,
social studies, and...

61
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I'm gonna go make
a few calls.

62
00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,761
Where Principal Sweater Vest?

63
00:02:20,795 --> 00:02:22,694
He say he need me substitute.

64
00:02:22,728 --> 00:02:23,798
Don't you work
in the kitchen?

65
00:02:23,833 --> 00:02:25,973
I sometimes teach
talk class, too.

66
00:02:26,007 --> 00:02:27,077
Talk class?

67
00:02:27,112 --> 00:02:29,425
The English?
"Blah, blah, blah."

68
00:02:30,943 --> 00:02:32,531
Mother. Hi.

69
00:02:32,566 --> 00:02:34,154
Thank you for
returning my call.

70
00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:36,086
How do you feel
about teaching home ec?

71
00:02:36,121 --> 00:02:37,502
John, I can't help but notice

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00:02:37,536 --> 00:02:38,572
you never pick me
to substitute.

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Gotta go.

74
00:02:39,883 --> 00:02:41,989
Maybe I'll regret
asking you why, but...

75
00:02:42,023 --> 00:02:43,370
No, it's a good instinct.

76
00:02:43,404 --> 00:02:45,544
You've got a lunch lady
teaching Honors English.

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00:02:45,579 --> 00:02:47,891
Petra has five
advanced degrees.

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00:02:47,926 --> 00:02:50,100
She sent the first
cosmonaut to Mars.

79
00:02:50,135 --> 00:02:51,792
A cosmonaut
made it to Mars?

80
00:02:51,826 --> 00:02:53,207
Well, made it
most of the way.

81
00:02:53,242 --> 00:02:56,037
That's why she's here
making pierogis.
Win-win.

82
00:02:56,072 --> 00:02:57,280
Doesn't sound
like anyone won.

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Try her pierogis
and get back to me.

84
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Come on.
Nelson's out sick

85
00:03:00,076 --> 00:03:01,629
and you've got no one
to teach home ec.

86
00:03:01,664 --> 00:03:02,699
I can crack an egg.

87
00:03:02,734 --> 00:03:05,357
No, you can't.
You're not
minimally competent.

88
00:03:05,392 --> 00:03:07,635
[GASPS] Yeah, well,
you have a weird head!

89
00:03:07,670 --> 00:03:09,499
Whoa. I'm gonna
let that slide

90
00:03:09,534 --> 00:03:11,708
because I'm very secure
in my head shape.

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00:03:11,743 --> 00:03:14,470
"Minimally competent"
is an official term.

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00:03:14,504 --> 00:03:17,093
All substitutes need
a certificate from the state

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00:03:17,127 --> 00:03:19,647
saying you have
the lowest level
of remedial knowledge

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00:03:19,682 --> 00:03:22,685
in basic subjects
like reading and math.

95
00:03:22,719 --> 00:03:24,480
I have a diploma
from this school.

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00:03:25,412 --> 00:03:26,654
You'll have to do
better than that.

97
00:03:26,689 --> 00:03:28,138
This is important
to me, John.

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Everyone else
is pitching in.

99
00:03:29,554 --> 00:03:31,038
How do I get
one of these certificates?

100
00:03:31,072 --> 00:03:33,765
You can get
certified in a week
at night school.

101
00:03:33,799 --> 00:03:36,354
C.B. is actually
teaching a class
at the community college.

102
00:03:36,388 --> 00:03:38,701
That's even better.
He gives out lollipop for A's.

103
00:03:38,735 --> 00:03:40,427
This is adult education.

104
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Well, then, maybe he gives out
free cigarettes or something.

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I don't know.
As long as I get
something free.

106
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Back in the day, each sub had their own style.

107
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The sub that showed movies...

108
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Your calculus teacher
called in sick,

109
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so we're gonna watch
a math-based movie.

110
00:03:52,749 --> 00:03:54,544
Cannonball Run II.

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00:03:54,579 --> 00:03:55,580
How is that
a math movie?

112
00:03:55,614 --> 00:03:56,615
Two.

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Got a number in it.
Math.

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LAINEY: ...the sub who took it
way too seriously.

115
00:04:02,449 --> 00:04:05,245
Sometimes, you had
a random non-teacher
who confused you...

116
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I'll be your sub
for the next 30 days.Sweet.

117
00:04:07,419 --> 00:04:08,869
It's gonna be a lot
of learning today,

118
00:04:08,903 --> 00:04:11,078
so if you gotta make,
do it now.

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00:04:11,112 --> 00:04:12,459
LAINEY: ...and some
teachers like C.B.,

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who used the opportunity
of subbing

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to learn something
new themselves.

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[SPEAKING SPANISH]

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"The farmer was riding
a burrito"?

124
00:04:21,882 --> 00:04:23,401
No. Oh.

125
00:04:23,435 --> 00:04:26,093
A "burrito" means
small donkey.

126
00:04:26,127 --> 00:04:28,613
Makes me wonder what I've been
eating at the Taco Hut.

127
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Thank you, Tom Scott,
for opening our ojos

128
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to the perils
of rapidofood.

129
00:04:36,690 --> 00:04:38,347
Wilma, you're a science gal.

130
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Got to teach a quantum physics
class in about 10 minutes.

131
00:04:40,935 --> 00:04:43,075
So, my question is Sister Act
or Mrs. Doubtfire?

132
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I'd go with Sister Act

133
00:04:44,594 --> 00:04:47,114
because I'm showing
Mrs. Doubtfirein wood shop.

134
00:04:48,529 --> 00:04:50,566
When will it be safe
to go back
into the teacher's lounge?

135
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,569
It depends on
if he has hazmat
suits for the rest of us.

136
00:04:53,603 --> 00:04:55,674
Hmm. Well, I think I got all
of our classes covered.

137
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As long as we stay healthy,
we're good.

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[STOMACH GURGLES]

139
00:04:59,678 --> 00:05:00,783
What was that?

140
00:05:00,817 --> 00:05:02,129
Just got a little tug-of-war
in my tummy.

141
00:05:02,163 --> 00:05:04,752
I left my jerky out in the sun
a little too long.
I'll push through.

142
00:05:04,787 --> 00:05:06,133
You're sick.
You should go home.

143
00:05:06,167 --> 00:05:07,272
No. Nobody goes home.

144
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,137
Everybody, relax.
I have an elite immune system.

145
00:05:10,171 --> 00:05:12,173
I could eat a ball
of used Band-Aids

146
00:05:12,208 --> 00:05:13,796
and not come down
with so much as a sniffle.

147
00:05:13,830 --> 00:05:15,522
Ooh. Wait.

148
00:05:15,556 --> 00:05:16,626
You're burning up.

149
00:05:16,661 --> 00:05:18,663
Yeah, well, we have the most
important wrestling match

150
00:05:18,697 --> 00:05:20,043
of the season on Friday.

151
00:05:20,078 --> 00:05:22,252
Winner takes home
the Jenkin Cup,

152
00:05:22,287 --> 00:05:25,290
and I am not leaving this guy
in charge of that.

153
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,810
He'll turn 'em into wusses.
Do not worry.

154
00:05:27,844 --> 00:05:30,675
I just need a little
power nap in my office,
and I'll be 100%.

155
00:05:30,709 --> 00:05:32,780
[MUMBLES AND THUDS]

156
00:05:32,815 --> 00:05:34,989
LAINEY: Turns out,
nothing was 100%,

157
00:05:35,024 --> 00:05:36,543
especially my marching band.

158
00:05:36,577 --> 00:05:37,889
[MARCHING BAND
PLAYING OFF-KEY]

159
00:05:40,892 --> 00:05:42,307
[MUSIC STOPS]
Okay. Good stuff.

160
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,344
It's really coming along.
Any questions?

161
00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:48,175
Any questions
that aren't about
if I'll let you quit?

162
00:05:49,210 --> 00:05:51,143
Eh, it's not about
quitting per se,

163
00:05:51,178 --> 00:05:53,663
but what if we pivot and do Three Blind Miceinstead?

164
00:05:53,698 --> 00:05:55,700
Okay. Take five, and, uh,
study your sheet music.

165
00:05:55,734 --> 00:05:57,046
And no nursery rhymes.

166
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:58,737
Uh, Glascott said
you wanted to see me?

167
00:05:58,772 --> 00:06:00,739
Yeah, I'm taking
your night-school class
so I can become a sub.

168
00:06:00,774 --> 00:06:03,708
Aw, sweet.
That's totally cool
that you care.

169
00:06:03,742 --> 00:06:05,088
But also,
why do you care?

170
00:06:05,123 --> 00:06:06,849
I'm just so tired of always
being passed over

171
00:06:06,883 --> 00:06:07,884
like I'm not even there.

172
00:06:07,919 --> 00:06:12,061
Lainey Lewis,
I see you.

173
00:06:12,095 --> 00:06:13,200
What are you doing?

174
00:06:13,234 --> 00:06:15,513
I'm not sure.
Uh, class starts at 8:00.

175
00:06:15,547 --> 00:06:17,307
We're gonna be
hitting the geography
on the test tonight.

176
00:06:17,342 --> 00:06:18,481
Test? What test?
Why is there a test?

177
00:06:18,516 --> 00:06:19,758
'Cause that's how
classes work.
You're a teacher.

178
00:06:19,793 --> 00:06:21,553
It's troubling
you don't know this.

179
00:06:21,588 --> 00:06:23,348
Oh. [CHUCKLES] Got you.
But, yeah, I quit.

180
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,763
Hey, never give up, kids.

181
00:06:24,798 --> 00:06:26,075
No quitters
in this class, right?

182
00:06:26,109 --> 00:06:27,904
Except for me.
Big quitter right here.

183
00:06:27,939 --> 00:06:29,734
I thought you were tired
of always being passed over.

184
00:06:29,768 --> 00:06:31,598
I am, but I also thought
your class was just

185
00:06:31,632 --> 00:06:33,496
you doing lame puns
in dorky costumes

186
00:06:33,531 --> 00:06:34,670
as you gave out lollipops.

187
00:06:34,704 --> 00:06:36,844
That's, like, so freaky
that you said that

188
00:06:36,879 --> 00:06:38,743
because that's
exactly what I do.

189
00:06:38,777 --> 00:06:40,261
I'm still out.
So, we're good?

190
00:06:40,296 --> 00:06:42,160
As a friend,
I refuse to let you quit.

191
00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:43,782
I already did.
Didn't hear you.

192
00:06:43,817 --> 00:06:46,060
Ready?
Two, four, five.

193
00:06:46,095 --> 00:06:47,337
[MARCHING BAND PLAYING]
I already said no.

194
00:06:47,372 --> 00:06:48,753
I can't hear you.
I'm sorry.

195
00:06:48,787 --> 00:06:50,927
Not happening!
I'm so glad
you're excited, though.

196
00:06:50,962 --> 00:06:52,377
My God! You suck!

197
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,792
I'll see you at 8:00!

198
00:06:53,827 --> 00:06:55,415
LAINEY: C.B. really wanted me to substitute.

199
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:57,451
Meanwhile, Glascott
had already become one.

200
00:06:57,486 --> 00:06:58,763
Nice wrestling, guys.

201
00:06:58,797 --> 00:07:01,248
I like the look
of all the wrestling.

202
00:07:01,282 --> 00:07:03,388
I really like the looks
of the wrestling.

203
00:07:03,975 --> 00:07:05,114
They're doing well, right?

204
00:07:05,148 --> 00:07:06,598
Ronnie should have
pinned him by now.

205
00:07:06,633 --> 00:07:08,220
Good note, Weasel.

206
00:07:08,255 --> 00:07:10,188
Ronnie, whenever you are ready
to "pin" him,

207
00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:11,431
that would be super.

208
00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:13,881
[GRUNTS] Sorry!

209
00:07:14,779 --> 00:07:15,745
My head's not in it.

210
00:07:16,988 --> 00:07:19,231
When Coach gets back,
he'll straighten me out.

211
00:07:19,266 --> 00:07:22,096
Well, right now,
I am the coach.

212
00:07:22,131 --> 00:07:24,720
In fact, isn't a former
guidance counselor

213
00:07:24,754 --> 00:07:26,307
just a coach
by another name?

214
00:07:26,342 --> 00:07:28,448
I've had Gatorade
dumped on my head.

215
00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:30,795
Not in victory,
but by a clumsy waiter.

216
00:07:30,829 --> 00:07:33,245
But I'm still qualified
to give you advice.

217
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,006
Yeah. Like when
I was worried

218
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,802
I didn't have the smarts
to be a doctor,
and you told me I did.

219
00:07:37,836 --> 00:07:40,252
Just not one for people
or animals...

220
00:07:40,287 --> 00:07:41,426
Or trees.

221
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,186
And I steered you
towards that job
with the Rug Doctor.

222
00:07:44,187 --> 00:07:45,326
I can help you
like that.

223
00:07:45,361 --> 00:07:47,432
Oh, I don't have the grades
to be a rug doctor.

224
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,261
When you were having
trouble pinning Karl,

225
00:07:49,296 --> 00:07:51,160
was it him
you were wrestling with,

226
00:07:51,194 --> 00:07:52,920
or was it "inner Ronnie"?

227
00:07:52,955 --> 00:07:54,404
Inner Ronnie?

228
00:07:54,439 --> 00:07:55,578
Knock, knock.

229
00:07:55,613 --> 00:07:57,753
Can "inner Ronnie" tell me
what's on his mind?

230
00:07:57,787 --> 00:08:00,169
Well, I guess we're both
kinda bummed
about my grandma.

231
00:08:00,203 --> 00:08:01,515
She practically raised me.

232
00:08:01,550 --> 00:08:02,620
Coach is listening.

233
00:08:02,654 --> 00:08:04,276
Well, she's got
this new boyfriend, Hank,

234
00:08:04,311 --> 00:08:06,520
and he's never gonna
be my grandpa.

235
00:08:06,555 --> 00:08:08,971
No matter how many
50-cent pieces
he pulls out of my ear.

236
00:08:09,005 --> 00:08:10,524
I think you know
what you'll have to do

237
00:08:10,559 --> 00:08:12,008
before you're ready
to wrestle Karl.

238
00:08:12,043 --> 00:08:13,389
Wrestle Hank.

239
00:08:13,423 --> 00:08:16,944
No. You need to open up
to Hank and your granny,

240
00:08:16,979 --> 00:08:19,982
and this time,
let "inner Ronnie"
do the talking.

241
00:08:20,016 --> 00:08:21,190
Oh, thanks.

242
00:08:21,224 --> 00:08:22,640
Yeah.
I'm on it.

243
00:08:22,674 --> 00:08:24,296
That's good coaching, Coach.

244
00:08:24,331 --> 00:08:25,643
Thanks, Weasel.

245
00:08:25,677 --> 00:08:28,059
What the hell kind of
cockamamie practice is this?

246
00:08:28,093 --> 00:08:29,543
Why is there no sweat
on the mat?

247
00:08:29,578 --> 00:08:30,820
Why is nobody wrestling?

248
00:08:30,855 --> 00:08:33,167
Where's that
musty armpit smell?

249
00:08:33,202 --> 00:08:35,687
Rick, you should be
home in bed.
You look terrible.

250
00:08:35,722 --> 00:08:39,449
I feel terrible, too.
Got my temperature
up to 104.8.

251
00:08:39,484 --> 00:08:41,106
That's a personal best.

252
00:08:41,141 --> 00:08:42,729
I stopped sweating
'cause I'm all out.

253
00:08:43,730 --> 00:08:45,317
Where's Ronnie,
my best wrestler?

254
00:08:45,352 --> 00:08:46,940
I sent him home
for some training.

255
00:08:46,974 --> 00:08:49,563
Weights?
Yes. Emotional ones.

256
00:08:49,598 --> 00:08:50,944
And those are
the heaviest of all.

257
00:08:50,978 --> 00:08:52,083
No, they're not.

258
00:08:52,117 --> 00:08:54,119
Emotions and feelings
don't mix with wrestling.

259
00:08:54,154 --> 00:08:55,362
I knew
you'd botch this up.

260
00:08:55,396 --> 00:08:57,398
I was actually making
some real progress here.

261
00:08:57,433 --> 00:08:59,297
By sending Ronnie home
to cry in his journal?

262
00:08:59,331 --> 00:09:01,230
Journaling
would be a huge step.

263
00:09:01,264 --> 00:09:04,682
I need to coach
this team to victory
over Valley Forge!

264
00:09:04,716 --> 00:09:07,270
Whoa. Okay. Come on.
We're taking you
to the emergency room.

265
00:09:07,305 --> 00:09:08,686
Huh? No way.

266
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,998
Not until you promise
to call your colonel pal

267
00:09:11,033 --> 00:09:13,380
and tell him to postpone
this meet until I'm better

268
00:09:13,414 --> 00:09:15,244
and I can undo
all the coaching you did.

269
00:09:15,278 --> 00:09:16,832
If that's what
it takes, fine.

270
00:09:16,866 --> 00:09:19,455
I will call Colonel Welch
and postpone.
Now let's go.

271
00:09:19,489 --> 00:09:21,526
Hello, Colonel Welch?

272
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,253
Who is this?
John Glascott
over at William Penn.

273
00:09:24,287 --> 00:09:26,151
Coach Mellor's
come down with a fever,

274
00:09:26,186 --> 00:09:28,775
and I promised him
that we would postpone

275
00:09:28,809 --> 00:09:30,984
until later,
when he's better. Hell, no!

276
00:09:32,123 --> 00:09:33,918
What the [BLEEP] was that?

277
00:09:36,058 --> 00:09:38,198
LAINEY: After failing
to postpone
the wrestling meet,

278
00:09:38,232 --> 00:09:39,924
Glascott had to break
the news to Coach.

279
00:09:39,958 --> 00:09:42,927
Rick? Hey, buddy,
you feeling better?

280
00:09:42,961 --> 00:09:45,343
LAINEY: He was still
really sick, but recovering
in his own way.

281
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:46,689
What's up, pal?!

282
00:09:46,724 --> 00:09:47,897
Rick, shouldn't you
be in bed?

283
00:09:47,932 --> 00:09:49,554
There's no stopping
the Mellor machine.

284
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,246
My mind is moving in a million
different directions.

285
00:09:53,765 --> 00:09:56,906
I just got an idea
for a Police Academymovie.

286
00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:59,668
I need a pen and some paper.

287
00:09:59,702 --> 00:10:01,462
So, listen, I was talking
to Colonel Welch

288
00:10:01,497 --> 00:10:02,878
over at Valley Forge.

289
00:10:02,912 --> 00:10:05,915
Valley Forge.
Pivotal moment in the war.

290
00:10:05,950 --> 00:10:08,021
I hope General Washington
knows what he's doing,

291
00:10:08,055 --> 00:10:10,402
that cherry-tree-chopping
son of a bitch.

292
00:10:10,437 --> 00:10:12,922
Yeah, and so, listen,
I talked to Colonel Welch

293
00:10:12,957 --> 00:10:14,959
about postponing
the wrestling match,

294
00:10:14,993 --> 00:10:16,754
but he's being
a real blowhole.

295
00:10:16,788 --> 00:10:18,687
You're a true friend.
You and...

296
00:10:18,721 --> 00:10:20,205
Have you met Eileen?

297
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,035
No.
Oh. She's...

298
00:10:23,174 --> 00:10:25,245
...a hell of a gal.
Mmm.

299
00:10:25,279 --> 00:10:27,109
She's a bit clingy,
though, you know?

300
00:10:27,143 --> 00:10:28,973
Don't worry, Rick.
The boys and
I won't let you down.

301
00:10:29,007 --> 00:10:30,388
I know you won't, Jeremy.

302
00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:31,872
Mmm-hmm.
Godspeed.

303
00:10:31,907 --> 00:10:33,149
I'll walk you to the door.

304
00:10:33,184 --> 00:10:35,669
Stop smothering me, please!

305
00:10:35,704 --> 00:10:37,913
LANEY:
It was the first of CB's
night-school classes,

306
00:10:37,947 --> 00:10:41,088
and he was already
diving into his trademark
teaching style...

307
00:10:41,123 --> 00:10:44,126
Silly costumes,
baggy cargo pants,
and close-up magic,

308
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:46,749
all to make boring subjects
seem more fun.

309
00:10:46,784 --> 00:10:48,958
And transitioning
into state capitals,

310
00:10:48,993 --> 00:10:50,408
but I don't need an outfit
for that

311
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:52,410
because the fun
is right there.

312
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:54,032
Alaska.
What's the capital?

313
00:10:54,067 --> 00:10:55,620
Peter, d'youknow?

314
00:10:57,001 --> 00:10:58,140
No one's getting the puns.

315
00:10:58,174 --> 00:11:00,004
Psst! Ms. Lewis.

316
00:11:00,038 --> 00:11:01,246
What are you guys
doing here?

317
00:11:01,281 --> 00:11:03,041
Sorry,
it's a marching-band
emergency.

318
00:11:03,076 --> 00:11:04,284
Is everybody okay?

319
00:11:04,318 --> 00:11:07,805
We had
a trombone/bass-drum collision
during band practice.

320
00:11:07,839 --> 00:11:09,565
Looks like
the trombone won.

321
00:11:09,599 --> 00:11:10,635
Not really.

322
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,395
So sorry.
I have to replace these,

323
00:11:12,430 --> 00:11:13,500
and the place closes
at 10:00.

324
00:11:13,534 --> 00:11:15,571
I'll be back if I can.
Wait.

325
00:11:15,605 --> 00:11:18,160
Before you go, what's
the capital of Delaware?

326
00:11:18,194 --> 00:11:19,644
Uh...
While you're gone,

327
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,197
why don't you
think it Dover?

328
00:11:21,232 --> 00:11:23,510
I definitely will.
[CHUCKLES] Let's go.

329
00:11:23,544 --> 00:11:24,925
♪♪

330
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,996
Hey, thanks
for the help, guys.

331
00:11:27,031 --> 00:11:29,343
Although, you didn't actually
have to break the instruments.

332
00:11:29,378 --> 00:11:30,862
We really wanted
to sell it.

333
00:11:30,897 --> 00:11:32,277
You did poorly.

334
00:11:32,312 --> 00:11:33,451
He knows!

335
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:35,039
[CHUCKLES]
Hey, you.

336
00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:37,006
Look, I can explain.

337
00:11:37,041 --> 00:11:40,009
You paid children to help spin
your desperate web of lies?

338
00:11:40,044 --> 00:11:42,632
Yes, but they sucked,
and I will be asking
for the money back.

339
00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:44,842
You should really
get back to my class.

340
00:11:44,876 --> 00:11:47,051
You're supposed to
start subbing on Monday.What?

341
00:11:47,085 --> 00:11:49,432
Virus took out
the sixth grade
history teacher,

342
00:11:49,467 --> 00:11:51,572
and I told Glascott
you'd be ready to fill in.

343
00:11:51,607 --> 00:11:53,471
Why'd you do that?
'Cause you
got a great teacher,

344
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:54,714
and he's gonna help you
pass that test.

345
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,819
Or the teacher just
passes me to be nice.

346
00:11:56,854 --> 00:11:58,062
The teacher's not
gonna do that.

347
00:11:58,096 --> 00:12:00,823
Then the teacher
needs to tell Glascott
that he's a bonehead

348
00:12:00,858 --> 00:12:02,376
for signing me up
without even asking.

349
00:12:02,411 --> 00:12:04,137
Don't call the teacher
a bonehead.

350
00:12:04,171 --> 00:12:06,691
Teacher's a bonehead,
and his close-up magic
is lame.

351
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,693
The teacher knows you're only
saying that 'cause you're mad.

352
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,144
Does the teacher also know
that gluing felt numbers

353
00:12:11,178 --> 00:12:12,870
to his coat
makes him look like a doofus?

354
00:12:12,904 --> 00:12:14,492
Now you're just hurting
the teacher's feelings,

355
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:15,838
but he still
believes in you.

356
00:12:15,873 --> 00:12:18,668
Ugh! I hate this super-caring
and supportive teacher!

357
00:12:18,703 --> 00:12:20,015
Teacher knows
you don't mean that

358
00:12:20,049 --> 00:12:22,534
and sees this as a happy end
to the conversation.

359
00:12:22,569 --> 00:12:24,744
Watch out for that bench.

360
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,262
LAINEY: On the day
of the big meet,

361
00:12:26,297 --> 00:12:30,197
Glascott was trying to be the inspiring coach Mellor said he could never be.

362
00:12:30,232 --> 00:12:32,752
Principal Glascott,
I'm back.

363
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,719
And I'm ready to wrestle.

364
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,548
Well, that's great, Ronnie,
but what about your granny

365
00:12:36,583 --> 00:12:38,240
and her special friend,
Hank?

366
00:12:38,274 --> 00:12:39,724
We all talked,
and with your help,

367
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,313
I've come to accept
my grandmother
as a sensual being.

368
00:12:42,347 --> 00:12:44,039
Those are the words
I wanted to hear.

369
00:12:44,073 --> 00:12:45,212
Thanks for everything,
Coach.

370
00:12:45,247 --> 00:12:46,800
That's right.
I am the coach.

371
00:12:46,835 --> 00:12:49,527
But I stand in the shadow
of a great man, Coach Mellor.

372
00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:53,151
A great man who doesn't always
appreciate the crucial role

373
00:12:53,186 --> 00:12:56,120
that guidance counseling
can play in athletic success.

374
00:12:56,154 --> 00:12:59,848
But nevertheless, I am honored
to call him my best friend...

375
00:12:59,882 --> 00:13:01,090
At work.

376
00:13:01,125 --> 00:13:03,403
Let's win this one
for Coach Mellor.

377
00:13:03,437 --> 00:13:04,956
ALL: Yeah!

378
00:13:04,991 --> 00:13:06,647
LAINEY:
Glascott stepped out
onto that mat

379
00:13:06,682 --> 00:13:09,478
and coached his team
the best way he knew how.

380
00:13:09,512 --> 00:13:11,100
Ronnie, remember
to love yourself,

381
00:13:11,135 --> 00:13:12,792
no matter
how this turns out!

382
00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:15,380
I'm a work
in progress, Coach!

383
00:13:15,415 --> 00:13:16,796
[GRUNTING]

384
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:19,143
LAINEY: Glascott couldn't wait to share the good news with Mellor,

385
00:13:19,177 --> 00:13:21,801
that he and the wrestlers
had won the trophy
just for him.

386
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:24,286
You won this for me?
Are you crazy?

387
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:26,288
Why are you yelling?
I thought you'd be happy.

388
00:13:26,322 --> 00:13:28,324
Happy? I couldn't turn
those kids into winners,

389
00:13:28,359 --> 00:13:29,774
and you do it in two days?

390
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,258
I'm so mad right now!

391
00:13:31,293 --> 00:13:33,985
Look, all I did was focus
on the missing ingredients

392
00:13:34,020 --> 00:13:35,642
that your team is
in desperate need of.

393
00:13:35,676 --> 00:13:37,886
Creatine?
The answer better be creatine.

394
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,370
Emotional healing.

395
00:13:39,404 --> 00:13:41,268
It's creatine of the mind.

396
00:13:41,303 --> 00:13:42,511
They don't need
any of that.

397
00:13:42,545 --> 00:13:44,685
They need to work
on their duck-unders,
their single-legs,

398
00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:47,309
their double-legs,
their half-Nelsons.No Nelsons.

399
00:13:47,343 --> 00:13:49,898
I just had them wrestle
with their personal issues.

400
00:13:49,932 --> 00:13:51,106
[CHUCKLES]
Someone had to do it.

401
00:13:51,140 --> 00:13:53,763
That someone is me,
and I help them plenty
with that stuff.

402
00:13:53,798 --> 00:13:55,179
Do you?

403
00:13:55,938 --> 00:13:57,250
Weasel, go!

404
00:13:57,284 --> 00:14:00,115
My parents
are going through this,
like, really bad break-up,

405
00:14:00,149 --> 00:14:03,497
and I just feel
like it's all my fault.

406
00:14:03,532 --> 00:14:05,845
Okay, here's what
we're gonna do.

407
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:08,295
We're gonna pretend
none of this was said.

408
00:14:08,330 --> 00:14:09,952
And give me
some frog squats.

409
00:14:09,987 --> 00:14:11,989
Everybody knows
that frog squats

410
00:14:12,023 --> 00:14:14,094
are the cure
for body and mind.

411
00:14:14,129 --> 00:14:16,994
Can I give you
a little advice,
coach to coach?

412
00:14:17,028 --> 00:14:18,512
No, because
you're not a coach.

413
00:14:18,547 --> 00:14:20,411
My trophy says otherwise.

414
00:14:20,445 --> 00:14:21,550
This is not your trophy.

415
00:14:21,584 --> 00:14:23,863
This is my trophy,
even though you won it.

416
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:25,105
Look, champ...

417
00:14:25,140 --> 00:14:27,970
No, no, no.
Don't try to connect to me
by using sports lingo.

418
00:14:28,005 --> 00:14:30,317
I know that my more
hands-on method

419
00:14:30,352 --> 00:14:32,216
is a little scary
for you...

420
00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:34,597
No, don't sit backwards
in the chair like you're cool

421
00:14:34,632 --> 00:14:35,978
and relatable
so I open up to you.

422
00:14:36,013 --> 00:14:38,532
Come on, big guy.
Let's dig into those feelings.

423
00:14:38,567 --> 00:14:40,155
My feelings are locked
and sealed

424
00:14:40,189 --> 00:14:42,605
behind a solid wall of muscle
that is my torso.

425
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,297
We both know a great coach

426
00:14:44,331 --> 00:14:46,989
teaches more than just
wrestling moves, ace.

427
00:14:47,024 --> 00:14:49,302
You're not a coach,
and I'm not good

428
00:14:49,336 --> 00:14:51,028
at talking about feelings
and problems.

429
00:14:51,062 --> 00:14:52,132
You don't have to be good.

430
00:14:52,167 --> 00:14:53,685
You just have to be there
for 'em, slugger.

431
00:14:55,377 --> 00:14:56,550
What if I can't be?

432
00:14:56,585 --> 00:14:58,380
We both know that
if anyone can do it,

433
00:14:58,414 --> 00:15:01,417
it's you,
Sporty McSportperson.

434
00:15:01,452 --> 00:15:02,487
You run out of nicknames?

435
00:15:02,522 --> 00:15:04,317
Yes. I have.

436
00:15:04,351 --> 00:15:06,906
LAINEY:
As Mellor was letting
Glascott's advice sink in,

437
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:09,978
C.B. was hoping his own advice had worked on me.

438
00:15:10,012 --> 00:15:12,187
Finally doing that
practice test, I see.

439
00:15:12,221 --> 00:15:14,154
Yeah. And you're right.
I actually think
I did pretty good.

440
00:15:14,189 --> 00:15:15,569
I don't doubt that
for a second.

441
00:15:15,604 --> 00:15:17,917
Let's see
what we got here.

442
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:20,264
Shoop. Magic.
[CHUCKLES]

443
00:15:20,298 --> 00:15:21,748
"Draw the food pyramid."

444
00:15:21,782 --> 00:15:24,233
And then you just drew
a bunch of apples
into a pyramid.

445
00:15:24,268 --> 00:15:25,510
Nailed it.

446
00:15:25,545 --> 00:15:27,996
"When did the Cold War end?"
"When it got hot."

447
00:15:28,030 --> 00:15:29,066
That one's my fave.

448
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:30,446
"Name the four oceans."

449
00:15:30,481 --> 00:15:33,415
"Jack, Chrissy, Janet,
Mr. Roper"?

450
00:15:33,449 --> 00:15:35,244
I love that show.

451
00:15:35,279 --> 00:15:37,350
"What is pi?"
And then you drew pie.

452
00:15:37,384 --> 00:15:39,559
Boom.
I'm a genius, right?

453
00:15:39,593 --> 00:15:42,251
"Describe the Big Bang."
"Really loud."

454
00:15:42,286 --> 00:15:43,390
How'd I do?

455
00:15:43,425 --> 00:15:45,461
Well, if it's a test
for sarcasm and spite,

456
00:15:45,496 --> 00:15:46,669
then you aced it.

457
00:15:46,704 --> 00:15:47,843
Aw. My first A-plus.

458
00:15:47,877 --> 00:15:50,846
Oh, your answers
are so creative
and infuriating.

459
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,434
You could've just spent
the time studying.

460
00:15:52,468 --> 00:15:53,538
You would've
actually passed.

461
00:15:53,573 --> 00:15:54,781
More like failed.

462
00:15:54,815 --> 00:15:56,265
Look, when I was
a student here,

463
00:15:56,300 --> 00:15:58,509
taking tests and memorizing
stuff was not my thing.

464
00:15:58,543 --> 00:16:00,614
It's not the '80s, Lainey.

465
00:16:00,649 --> 00:16:03,272
There's a ton of ways now
to help people
who learn differently.

466
00:16:03,307 --> 00:16:05,136
Sounds like a nicer way
to just say I'm a dummy.

467
00:16:05,171 --> 00:16:07,828
No. You're just as smart
as everyone else.

468
00:16:07,863 --> 00:16:10,417
You just need to find
another way of learning
that works best for you.

469
00:16:10,452 --> 00:16:12,109
Or I just stick
to music.

470
00:16:12,143 --> 00:16:13,765
That's the one thing
that always comes easy

471
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:14,904
and always
makes sense to me.

472
00:16:14,939 --> 00:16:16,768
Well, I believe you can do
much more than that.

473
00:16:16,803 --> 00:16:18,632
Maybe it's time to stop
believing in me.

474
00:16:18,667 --> 00:16:22,395
♪♪

475
00:16:24,845 --> 00:16:26,847
I had given up on wanting
to become a substitute

476
00:16:26,882 --> 00:16:28,297
and was back to focusing
on the one thing

477
00:16:28,332 --> 00:16:31,266
I was already qualified to
teach... Music.

478
00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:33,061
[BAND PLAYING
FAST JAZZ MUSIC]

479
00:16:35,373 --> 00:16:36,616
[MUSIC STOPS]

480
00:16:36,650 --> 00:16:39,239
Wow! See what happens
when you don't give up?

481
00:16:39,274 --> 00:16:41,586
I mean, do I feel bad for
bribing some of you guys

482
00:16:41,621 --> 00:16:44,210
to help me give up
when I found
something challenging?

483
00:16:44,244 --> 00:16:45,452
100%, yes.

484
00:16:45,487 --> 00:16:47,385
But this isn't about me
and how much I suck.

485
00:16:47,420 --> 00:16:49,456
It's about how you guys
are hot like wasabi

486
00:16:49,491 --> 00:16:50,906
when you bust rhymes.

487
00:16:50,940 --> 00:16:52,425
C.B.: That sounded
pretty spicy to me.

488
00:16:52,459 --> 00:16:54,116
I'd put it on my burrito,

489
00:16:54,151 --> 00:16:56,601
which apparently means
"small donkey."

490
00:16:56,636 --> 00:16:58,500
Listen,
I really hate the idea

491
00:16:58,534 --> 00:16:59,915
of you missing
that test tonight.

492
00:16:59,949 --> 00:17:01,158
I love that
you care so much,

493
00:17:01,192 --> 00:17:02,952
but what's the point
if I'm not even gonna pass?

494
00:17:02,987 --> 00:17:04,092
You're obviously unfamiliar

495
00:17:04,126 --> 00:17:06,680
with the CB "Jam
while you cram"
study technique.

496
00:17:06,715 --> 00:17:08,717
Okay, guys,
let's do a rehearsal.

497
00:17:08,751 --> 00:17:10,477
One, two, three.

498
00:17:10,512 --> 00:17:13,446
[MARCHING BAND PLAYS
BARENAKED LADIES' ONE WEEK] ♪ It is Denver, Colorado

499
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,793
♪ And California... That's got Sacramento

500
00:17:15,827 --> 00:17:17,657
♪ Honolulu, Hawaii-i

501
00:17:17,691 --> 00:17:19,797
♪ Utah's where you'll find Salt Lake City

502
00:17:19,831 --> 00:17:22,041
♪ How can I help you, Lainey, figure out these capitals?

503
00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:24,250
♪ I wanna teach you Columbus, Ohio

504
00:17:24,284 --> 00:17:26,114
♪ I'm the kinda guy who loves to go to Madison

505
00:17:26,148 --> 00:17:27,460
♪ Don't understand
where that is?

506
00:17:27,494 --> 00:17:28,599
♪ Wisconsin

507
00:17:28,633 --> 00:17:30,532
♪ These are
the state capitals

508
00:17:30,566 --> 00:17:32,534
♪ Where is Boise? It's right there in Idaho

509
00:17:32,568 --> 00:17:34,674
♪ Phoenix, Arizona

510
00:17:34,708 --> 00:17:36,814
♪ And Harrisburg is right here in Pennsylvania

511
00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:38,954
♪ Massachusetts is Boston

512
00:17:38,988 --> 00:17:40,921
♪ And you know that Texas is Austin

513
00:17:40,956 --> 00:17:43,027
♪ And maybe we can visit Albany

514
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,340
♪ To celebrate you passing this geography? ♪

515
00:17:45,374 --> 00:17:46,479
[MUSIC STOPS]
Wow.

516
00:17:46,513 --> 00:17:48,929
You made yourself look like
a total jackass just for me?

517
00:17:48,964 --> 00:17:51,725
Well, I... I...
Well, I thought
I looked pretty awesome.

518
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:53,727
You said you're not much
for memorizing facts.

519
00:17:53,762 --> 00:17:55,074
How about lyrics?

520
00:17:55,557 --> 00:17:57,317
That, I can do.

521
00:17:57,352 --> 00:17:58,629
Thanks, C.B.

522
00:17:58,663 --> 00:18:00,044
It's important to remember

523
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,357
that learning
isn't just for students.

524
00:18:02,391 --> 00:18:05,014
We teachers have to keep
growing, too.

525
00:18:05,049 --> 00:18:07,189
And even though
it may seem tough at times,

526
00:18:07,224 --> 00:18:10,019
all you really need is the right person to guide you.

527
00:18:10,986 --> 00:18:13,402
My God, she's glorious.

528
00:18:13,437 --> 00:18:15,818
You got yourselves one heck
of a trophy there, boys.

529
00:18:15,853 --> 00:18:17,579
It's all thanks to you,
Coach G.

530
00:18:17,613 --> 00:18:20,237
It's Mr. G.
You got your real coach back.

531
00:18:20,271 --> 00:18:24,379
♪ ...getting to the point
where we have ♪

532
00:18:24,413 --> 00:18:26,864
Ronnie, wait.
♪ Almost made amends ♪

533
00:18:26,898 --> 00:18:28,417
I know you've been
wrestling

534
00:18:28,452 --> 00:18:29,591
with some family problems
lately.

535
00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:32,111
Ah, nah, it's just dumb stuff
about my grandma.

536
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:36,356
Who raised you by herself
and is like a mom to you?Yeah.

537
00:18:36,391 --> 00:18:38,772
When I was your age,
it was just me and my mom.

538
00:18:38,807 --> 00:18:41,913
When she found someone new,
it was tough.

539
00:18:41,948 --> 00:18:44,364
Wish I had someone
to talk to.

540
00:18:44,399 --> 00:18:46,746
So, I'm here if you need me.
Always.

541
00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:48,127
Thanks.

542
00:18:49,404 --> 00:18:51,337
Well, look who finally
took a page

543
00:18:51,371 --> 00:18:53,373
out of the John Glascott
playbook.

544
00:18:53,408 --> 00:18:55,755
♪ I'll pick you up

545
00:18:55,789 --> 00:18:57,860
♪ And if you court... ♪

546
00:18:57,895 --> 00:18:59,759
Here.

547
00:18:59,793 --> 00:19:01,795
Little thank you
for coaching me, coach.

548
00:19:01,830 --> 00:19:03,866
Stop. All you've
ever wanted

549
00:19:03,901 --> 00:19:05,765
was to have this trophy
in your case.

550
00:19:05,799 --> 00:19:08,940
Yeah, well, I'd much rather
have it in your office.

551
00:19:08,975 --> 00:19:10,977
You earned it... Champ.

552
00:19:11,633 --> 00:19:13,117
Thanks, slugger.

553
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,636
♪ So, if you call

554
00:19:14,670 --> 00:19:17,225
♪ I will answer

555
00:19:17,259 --> 00:19:19,641
♪ If you fall

556
00:19:19,675 --> 00:19:22,195
♪ I'll pick you up

557
00:19:22,230 --> 00:19:24,473
♪ If you court... ♪
C.B.: Hi.

558
00:19:24,508 --> 00:19:26,958
Looks like someone
earned their lollipop.

559
00:19:26,993 --> 00:19:29,029
Holy crap!
I aced the test?

560
00:19:29,064 --> 00:19:30,134
I've never done that before.

561
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,929
Well, like I said,
all you needed

562
00:19:31,963 --> 00:19:33,172
was a different way
to learn.

563
00:19:34,656 --> 00:19:37,659
Hey, CB?
Next time you see the teacher,

564
00:19:37,693 --> 00:19:40,109
thank him for always
believing in me.

565
00:19:40,144 --> 00:19:41,490
I'll let him know.

566
00:19:41,525 --> 00:19:45,667
♪ Those crazy,
messed-up things
that you do

567
00:19:45,701 --> 00:19:48,980
♪ If you ever... ♪
LAINEY: And so, the next time a teacher called in sick,

568
00:19:49,015 --> 00:19:53,951
Glascott had
another substitute
he could rely on... Me.

569
00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:56,333
♪♪

570
00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:59,784
Hello, everybody,
I'm sitting here
with the real C.B.

571
00:19:59,819 --> 00:20:02,131
Can you break dance?
Absolutely not.

572
00:20:02,166 --> 00:20:04,927
So, I'm gonna teach you
the most basic stall.Okay.

573
00:20:04,962 --> 00:20:06,412
So, you're gonna go
like this.

574
00:20:07,171 --> 00:20:08,345
I know.
[CHUCKLES]

575
00:20:08,379 --> 00:20:10,968
So, then, just like...
What?

576
00:20:11,762 --> 00:20:13,833
Yeah. Okay, yeah, no,
that'll work.

577
00:20:13,867 --> 00:20:15,283
That's actually
really cool.

578
00:20:15,317 --> 00:20:16,663
You grab your foot...
Yeah.

579
00:20:16,698 --> 00:20:18,458
...and then you...
Jump over it.

580
00:20:18,493 --> 00:20:20,219
Oh, my God.
And freeze.

581
00:20:22,704 --> 00:20:24,637
Hey, guys,
I got a fun idea.

582
00:20:24,671 --> 00:20:26,846
We should go see
that new movie Outbreak.

583
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,951
A deadly virus
takes out a whole city?

584
00:20:28,986 --> 00:20:30,505
[CHUCKLES]
Sound familiar?

585
00:20:30,539 --> 00:20:32,921
I already saw it with Barry
before the flu
crushed this place.

586
00:20:32,955 --> 00:20:34,267
It's too soon, dude.

587
00:20:34,302 --> 00:20:36,338
I'm boycotting AMC
until they start letting me

588
00:20:36,373 --> 00:20:38,133
use my ab-roller
in the aisle.

589
00:20:38,167 --> 00:20:39,445
The real star
was that monkey.

590
00:20:39,479 --> 00:20:40,722
Pretty sure it was Marcel
from Friends.

591
00:20:40,756 --> 00:20:42,275
It was not Marcel
from Friends.

592
00:20:42,310 --> 00:20:44,139
Why? Because he's known
for comedy?

593
00:20:44,173 --> 00:20:47,211
You don't think Marcel
can cross over
into dramatic roles?

594
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,938
Marcel is a completely
different sub-species.

595
00:20:49,972 --> 00:20:51,146
It's called acting, Wilma.

596
00:20:51,180 --> 00:20:52,906
Tom Cruise isn't a vampire,
either.

597
00:20:52,941 --> 00:20:56,807
Okay, look, this movie
has Dustin Hoffman
and maybe Marcel.

598
00:20:56,841 --> 00:20:57,877
We gotta go.

599
00:20:57,911 --> 00:20:59,223
[STOMACH GURGLES]

600
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,328
Was that you?

601
00:21:00,362 --> 00:21:01,812
I don't think so.
Oh, no.

602
00:21:01,846 --> 00:21:03,986
It's starting.
No, no. It's impossible.

603
00:21:04,021 --> 00:21:05,988
I got confirmation from
Nurse Steve

604
00:21:06,023 --> 00:21:09,406
that the school is...
[STOMACH GURGLES]

605
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,994
...clear and free
of that pesky ol' virus.

606
00:21:12,029 --> 00:21:13,237
You don't look so good.

607
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,343
No, no. I feel great.
[CHUCKLES]

608
00:21:15,377 --> 00:21:17,724
But I... I actually...
I... I gotta go real quick

609
00:21:17,759 --> 00:21:19,381
and take care
of some urgent business.

610
00:21:19,416 --> 00:21:23,592
Um, I'm gonna be gone for
possibly four to six days.

611
00:21:23,627 --> 00:21:26,354
[STOMACH GURGLES]
Oh, no! Oh!

612
00:21:26,388 --> 00:21:28,252
♪♪