1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:01,340 (people laughing) (slow music) 2 00:00:01,440 --> 00:00:03,440 I knew you could do it. 3 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:04,940 Cheese. 4 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:06,380 [Both] Cheese. 5 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:07,540 (all laughing) 6 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,460 (Gabriel speaking Welsh) 7 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:10,900 Oh right. 8 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:14,620 Hello, Jake. 9 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:16,540 Hello, Daddy. 10 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:17,500 Last night of freedom. 11 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,300 Cheers. 12 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:19,540 Let's go out tonight. 13 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:21,460 Before the show, a date. 14 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:22,300 (fireworks squealing) 15 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:23,540 Like the old days. 16 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,740 (body thudding) (Andy grunting) 17 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:27,840 - Let's go. - Come on. 18 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,640 [Jake] How did he die again? 19 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,640 It was an accident. 20 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:38,740 The police aren't quite sure, 21 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:42,820 but what we do know is that he fell over 22 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:44,860 and hit his head. 23 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:49,820 I fall over and hit my head all the time and I don't die. 24 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:52,320 I know love, but this was, 25 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,240 it's incredibly unusual. 26 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,200 It's stupid. 27 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,080 I know this must be very hard for you, Jake. 28 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,000 What time is Daddy picking me up then? 29 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:12,480 Sweetheart, he won't be coming today. 30 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,580 Daddy's gonna be feeling really sad 31 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,680 about what's happened, isn't he? 32 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:22,540 So Llinos and I think that we should wait a bit 33 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,680 before deciding what happens next. 34 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:27,460 Especially because we think 35 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:30,780 this will make you very sad as well. 36 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,380 And of course we're all hoping 37 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:34,840 you'll be able to move in with him as planned. 38 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:40,820 But we can't promise that right now. 39 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:42,540 (slow music) 40 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,780 Jake, whatever happens, 41 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:49,640 I want you to know you're safe here with me. 42 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,280 Does this make sense, Jake? 43 00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,960 They still have my toys. 44 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,020 I want them back. 45 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,900 They're mine. 46 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,480 (slow music) 47 00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:18,680 He doesn't believe us, does he? 48 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:21,340 Well the last thing we want 49 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,580 is for Jake to think they don't want him anymore. 50 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,500 Do you think Gabriel might consider some contact, 51 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:29,540 a video perhaps? 52 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:31,660 I'm sure he would, but I haven't been able to speak 53 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,700 to him directly yet, understandably. 54 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,420 Do we know how he's feeling about Jake? 55 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,660 I think Jake's the last thing on his mind right now. 56 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,140 [Llinos] Which is a bit of a concern. 57 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:42,820 His partner's just died. 58 00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:43,660 [Llinos] I know that. 59 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,180 And he barely knows Jake. 60 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:46,460 Yeah, but still I'm not convinced 61 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,220 we should be allowing any contact 62 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:49,700 until we're absolutely certain 63 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:51,940 the adoption's moving forward. 64 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,380 This will be hugely traumatic for Gabriel. 65 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:55,220 Hang on now. 66 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:58,740 Gabriel's ability to parent is not in question here. 67 00:02:58,840 --> 00:02:59,740 He was approved. 68 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:02,020 As part of a stable, loving couple, 69 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:03,580 which is no longer the case now, is it? 70 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,220 But Jake needs to hear something from his daddy. 71 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,460 Otherwise- 72 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:08,300 We don't know for certain 73 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:09,160 he's actually gonna be his daddy now though, do we? 74 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,240 Okay, it's all right. 75 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:13,780 It's great to hear you're talking so passionately 76 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:17,900 about Gabe and Jake, but we do need 77 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,300 to take the heat out of this 78 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,300 in order to move things forward. 79 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:24,580 So I'm gonna suggest that we reconvene 80 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:27,120 in a couple of weeks after the funeral. 81 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,640 (melancholy music) 82 00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,520 Gabe. 83 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:05,360 Let me do that for you. 84 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,760 (melancholy music) 85 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,180 Do you want me to move that? 86 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:16,500 No. 87 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,520 (melancholy music) 88 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:28,140 Sorry I've not been much help with the organising. 89 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:30,580 You sure you're all right with the chapel service? 90 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,500 It's your son, Sandra. 91 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,600 He's your partner. 92 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,240 Never got married. 93 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,600 Should have got married. 94 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,060 Anyway, it's a good thing you took control 95 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:46,120 'cause I would've probably turned it into a musical. 96 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,820 Do you think I should go and see the coroner 97 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,620 after this is done just to see what's happening there? 98 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,060 Because the police have been so useless. 99 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:57,140 I mean, it can't have been an accident, can it? 100 00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:58,060 Sit down, would you, Gabe. 101 00:04:58,160 --> 00:04:58,860 I'm fine. 102 00:04:58,960 --> 00:04:59,700 I know, but I'm not, 103 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,800 and you're getting on my tits. 104 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:08,820 Sorry. 105 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:10,060 Don't be. 106 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,620 I'm getting on my tits as well and I don't have any. 107 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:15,560 (Sandra laughing) 108 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,740 Is your dad coming here? 109 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,840 I told him to go straight there. 110 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:26,200 I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable, you know? 111 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,760 Will Jake be there? 112 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:33,380 No, I don't think so. 113 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,480 He's still coming though, isn't he? 114 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:38,860 I can't think about that right now, Sandra. 115 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,960 Of course. 116 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:47,160 Oh, my boy. 117 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,680 (clock chiming) 118 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:58,760 Your carriage awaits, my ladies. 119 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,620 (birds chirping) 120 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,720 They wanted to walk with you. 121 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,880 (melancholy music) 122 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:02,120 (melancholy music continues) 123 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,000 That's my dad. 124 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:20,320 Berwyn. 125 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,280 Mind stopping a moment, drive. 126 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:28,120 (melancholy music) 127 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:32,920 Emrys, duck in the car. 128 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:35,700 No. 129 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:39,480 (music drowning out speech) 130 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:58,040 (car door thudding) 131 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,080 I'm so very sorry, Sandra. 132 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,240 He was such a, a wonderful boy. 133 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:11,080 (car door thudding) 134 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:17,040 (car engine rumbling) 135 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:32,280 ♪ Guide me, O Thou great Jehovah ♪ 136 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:37,720 ♪ Pilgrim through this barren land ♪ 137 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:43,840 ♪ I am weak, but Thou art mighty ♪ 138 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:49,880 ♪ Hold me with Thy pow'rful hand ♪ 139 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:56,440 ♪ Bread of heaven, bread of heaven ♪ 140 00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:02,460 ♪ Feed me now and ever more ♪ 141 00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:05,660 ♪ Ever more ♪ 142 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:09,440 ♪ Feed me now and ever more ♪ 143 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,700 Who puts gherkins in a sandwich? 144 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,740 I do. 145 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,840 Oh, sorry. 146 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,060 You're all right. 147 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:26,620 Very nice, Sandra. 148 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:31,340 I must say, I'm rather partial to a gherkin myself. (laughs) 149 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,440 How old are you when Mum died? 150 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,240 I was your age. 151 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,480 I'm so sorry, Dad. 152 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,280 Me too. 153 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:07,180 How is he? 154 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:09,280 Much like you, I imagine. 155 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,400 It's difficult for him to get his head around. 156 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,420 Take your time. 157 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,520 Don't rush into anything. 158 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:23,540 Claire. 159 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:25,640 Tell him... 160 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,200 I will. 161 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,420 Want a light? 162 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:43,980 Didn't know you smoked. 163 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,080 Neither did I. 164 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:49,320 (traffic rumbling) 165 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,660 Well, this is shit. 166 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,760 Yep. 167 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,740 Do we need to talk about Jake? 168 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:05,740 Not now. 169 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:07,140 But- 170 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,240 We don't need to talk about it now. 171 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,720 Okay. 172 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,280 You're the social worker. 173 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,880 Not today. Gabe. (sighs) 174 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,580 (car door thudding) 175 00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:29,680 Gabriel. 176 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,300 Oh, I'm sorry. 177 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,220 You remember Jackie? 178 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,300 Yes, I remember Jackie. 179 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,400 Well then, I'll be off then. 180 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,880 Okay. 181 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,000 Oh. 182 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:46,580 I'll leave you to it. 183 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:49,180 I'm sure you two must have a lot to talk about. 184 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:53,500 Though it's, it's probably for the best. 185 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:54,780 What is? 186 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:55,740 If the boy- 187 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,540 Jake, 188 00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,800 Yes. If Jake doesn't come anymore. 189 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,500 Who said he wasn't coming anymore? 190 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,140 Well, I've just been talking to Sandra 191 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:09,380 and I just assumed that it would be too difficult. 192 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,480 Yeah, he's still coming, Dad. 193 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:13,580 Oh, okay, okay. 194 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:17,200 I just, I just misunderstood, that's all. 195 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:20,340 I'll walk you out, Emrys. 196 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,180 I'm leaving now too. 197 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,860 Why do you think it would be too difficult? 198 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,580 - Let's not talk about- - No, I want to know. 199 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:26,460 Why? 200 00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:27,620 Oh, Gabriel, I- 201 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:29,180 Just tell me. 202 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,280 I'm interested. 203 00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,680 (sighs) Well because... 204 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:38,420 He's been through so much already, hasn't he, poor dab. 205 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:41,040 And I know this. 206 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,360 It'll be very difficult to fix it now, 207 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,040 especially on your own. 208 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:55,880 (bell tolling) 209 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,980 (dance music) 210 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,600 [Sandra] How long were you and your Danny together? 211 00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,760 [Berwyn] Three years. Short years. 212 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:23,020 What about you, sweetheart? 213 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:24,700 Anyone special? 214 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,800 There isn't anyone special enough? 215 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:39,560 (train rattling) 216 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,240 (can clattering) 217 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:20,500 (train rattling) 218 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,120 (dog barking) 219 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:28,000 (slow dramatic music) 220 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,960 (Gabriel grunting) 221 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,720 (door thudding) 222 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:08,100 [Berwyn] Gabriel. 223 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:11,200 (footsteps tapping) 224 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:24,960 (Berwyn speaking Welsh) 225 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,080 (slow music) 226 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,960 (Gabriel coughing) 227 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:07,060 (Gabriel speaking Welsh) 228 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:16,860 Hi, love. 229 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,100 Thanks for coming. 230 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,540 But I thought it best to get the ball rolling 231 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:23,820 because I think Jake should move in this weekend. 232 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:24,660 Oh. 233 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,020 Oh, no, no, no, you probably think it's too soon. 234 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:27,100 But honestly I am fine. 235 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:27,940 Gabriel. 236 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:29,180 Okay, well not fine obviously, 237 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,500 but well enough for him to come here because- 238 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:34,880 Gabe, can I just take my bloody coat off first? 239 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,240 Sure, sure. Of course. 240 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,040 Not sitting? 241 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:50,740 Thing is, Gabriel, I'm afraid we can't just plough on 242 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,140 as if nothing's happened. 243 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:52,980 Well I understand that. 244 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,080 Wait, just let me finish. 245 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,460 I'm meeting with Jake's team tomorrow 246 00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:58,820 to explore our options. 247 00:16:58,920 --> 00:16:59,660 Okay. 248 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:00,940 But make it clear that I want him 249 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:02,420 to move in sooner rather than later. 250 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,060 It's not as simple as that, love. 251 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,160 Why not? 252 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,100 We'll have to go back to panel 253 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,640 and I'll have to write an addendum report. 254 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:12,900 But I've already been assessed. 255 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:13,860 I know that. 256 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:17,480 But your situation's different now, isn't it? 257 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:21,340 So you don't think I can do this on my own either? 258 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,440 I didn't say that. 259 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:25,660 Am I gonna lose Jake as well? 260 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,760 Hey, hey, we're not there yet. 261 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:32,260 And I promise I am gonna do everything I can 262 00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:34,360 to make sure that doesn't happen. 263 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,520 Mm. 264 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,500 I'm afraid Llinos is gonna have to come around next week 265 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,060 and start collecting his things 266 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,880 because he's been asking for them, so. 267 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,340 But hopefully it'll just be temporary, 268 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,440 just until we can sort all this out. 269 00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:59,480 And the best thing you can do after that is rest. 270 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,360 Do whatever you need to get through the day 271 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:09,440 and give yourself time to grieve, whatever form that takes. 272 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:12,980 I mean, for what it's worth, 273 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,600 the best advice anyone ever gave me about grief, 274 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,600 there are no rules. 275 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:26,440 (birds chirping) 276 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,320 (dramatic rock music) 277 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:19,440 (Gabriel breathing heavily) 278 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:31,520 (slow dramatic music) 279 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:18,200 (melancholy music) 280 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:31,540 ♪ All around me are familiar faces ♪ 281 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:36,640 ♪ Worn-out places, worn-out faces ♪ 282 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:42,500 ♪ Bright and early for their daily races ♪ 283 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:47,600 ♪ Going nowhere, going nowhere ♪ 284 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:53,420 ♪ Their tears are filling up their glasses ♪ 285 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:58,520 ♪ No expression, no expression ♪ 286 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:04,580 ♪ Hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow ♪ 287 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:09,680 ♪ No tomorrow, no tomorrow ♪ 288 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:14,020 ♪ And I find it's kind of funny ♪ 289 00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:16,900 ♪ I find it's kind of sad ♪ 290 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,100 ♪ The dreams in which I'm dying ♪ 291 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,260 ♪ Are the best I've ever had ♪ 292 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:27,360 ♪ I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take ♪ 293 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,620 ♪ When people run in circles ♪ 294 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,580 ♪ It's a very, very ♪ 295 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:38,680 ♪ Mad world ♪ 296 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:44,300 ♪ Mad world ♪ 297 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:48,620 ♪ Children waiting for the day they feel good ♪ 298 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:53,720 ♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday ♪ 299 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:59,540 ♪ Made to feel the way that every child should ♪ 300 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,420 ♪ Sit and listen ♪ 301 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:06,380 ♪ Sit and listen ♪ 302 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:10,700 ♪ Went to school and I was very nervous ♪ 303 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:15,800 ♪ No one knew me, no one knew me ♪ 304 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:22,060 ♪ Hello, teacher, tell me what's my lesson ♪ 305 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:27,160 ♪ Look right through me, look right through me ♪ 306 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:31,220 ♪ And I find it's kind of funny ♪ 307 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:34,020 ♪ I find it's kind of sad ♪ 308 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:39,120 ♪ The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had ♪ 309 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:44,720 ♪ I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take ♪ 310 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,780 ♪ When people run in circles ♪ 311 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,900 ♪ I find it kind of sad ♪ 312 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,180 ♪ The dreams in which I'm dying ♪ 313 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:56,380 ♪ Are the best I've ever had ♪ 314 00:22:56,480 --> 00:23:01,660 ♪ I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take ♪ 315 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:06,760 ♪ When people run in circles, it's a very, very ♪ 316 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:12,560 ♪ Mad world ♪ 317 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:18,080 ♪ Mad world ♪ 318 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:23,560 ♪ Enlargen your world ♪ 319 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,280 ♪ Mad world ♪ 320 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:34,480 (crowd cheering) (crowd applauding) 321 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:44,320 (slow dramatic music) 322 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,880 (people chattering) 323 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:17,220 [Nurse] And what type of sex did you have? 324 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,320 Anal. 325 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,180 [Nurse] Do you know if he had HIV or not? 326 00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:24,280 Don't know. 327 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,080 [Nurse] Were you sexually assaulted? 328 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:30,040 No. 329 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:43,720 Jake. 330 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,340 Jake. - Gabriel. 331 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:49,900 Jake. 332 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,100 Jake. - Gabriel. 333 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,380 [Gabriel] Jake. 334 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:54,860 I'm so sorry. 335 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:56,960 We thought you were someone else. 336 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:02,320 Come on. 337 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,740 (Gabriel moaning) 338 00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,760 (melancholy music) 339 00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,480 (Gabriel sobbing) 340 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:15,340 You were the one that said there are no rules. 341 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:18,500 I didn't think you'd end up in A and E, for God's sake. 342 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:21,240 They will understand though, won't they? 343 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:23,900 After everything I've been through. 344 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,020 It's not about you, Gabriel. 345 00:26:26,120 --> 00:26:28,900 It's about Jake and what he's been through. 346 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:30,260 'Cause whatever's happened to you, 347 00:26:30,360 --> 00:26:32,720 he has been through a hell of a lot worse. 348 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:35,220 The only thing that matters to them 349 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:36,780 is whether or not you can be trusted 350 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:41,260 to take care of a boy with Jake's needs on your own. 351 00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:43,540 'Cause who's to say that next time 352 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:44,980 life throws you a curve ball, 353 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:48,260 and believe me, there will be many, 354 00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:50,020 that you won't fall off the wagon again 355 00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:51,260 with Jake in your care. 356 00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:53,380 But it won't happen again, I promise. 357 00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,480 It can't happen again. 358 00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:58,780 But the problem now is that panel will need to see 359 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:02,060 at least two years stability after relapse 360 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:03,420 before they will approve a match. 361 00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:04,420 It wasn't a relapse. 362 00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:05,380 It was a relapse. 363 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:07,100 It was your default position to stress. 364 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:07,940 To grief. 365 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,520 Your default position was to use again. 366 00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:16,760 But I want to be his dad. 367 00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:21,020 I can be his dad. 368 00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:23,180 But they'll have to look into other options. 369 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,020 Especially as you can't prove to us you'll be- 370 00:27:26,120 --> 00:27:27,580 To us. 371 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,120 Yeah, to us. 372 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:37,080 (sighs) Look, Gabriel, sort yourself out. 373 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:41,960 Whatever it takes, grief counselling, therapy. 374 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:45,780 In the meantime, we've agreed it would be a good idea 375 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:48,580 as well as letterbox contact 376 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,340 for you to record a short video message for Jake. 377 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:55,420 Something acknowledging how difficult this has all been. 378 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,300 Because we need to make absolutely sure he knows 379 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:01,780 that this wasn't all just some elaborate lie 380 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:03,460 and that you've rejected him. 381 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:04,820 Is that what he thinks? 382 00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:09,340 That little boy has had no reason to trust anyone, so. 383 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,500 So what? 384 00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:12,580 He thinks we're just making it up, 385 00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:17,680 that we, that I don't want him anymore? 386 00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:22,960 Oh God, does he not want me anymore? 387 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,260 It's only fair that you know, 388 00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:29,180 he has asked us to look into other adopters. 389 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,740 So what's the point in me fighting for him then? 390 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,260 Because he is not capable of knowing what he wants 391 00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:36,860 because he's just a little boy, Gabriel. 392 00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:38,260 I mean, in his head he thought 393 00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:43,540 he was gonna have two daddies, and one of them died. 394 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,780 And the moment he experienced that loss, 395 00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:48,000 another catastrophic loss, 396 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:50,980 you didn't show up for him either. 397 00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:51,820 But that is because- 398 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,440 I am just saying how it will feel to him. 399 00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:58,780 But he can't know what he needs. 400 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:00,500 He's just a child. 401 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:02,740 So don't take it personally. 402 00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:04,060 But only you can decide 403 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,680 if there is something worth fighting for. 404 00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,800 You think it's hopeless, don't you? 405 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:16,840 I don't know. 406 00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:20,860 But I've already lost my son. 407 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,020 So I would never forgive you 408 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,120 if you didn't give it your best shot. 409 00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:29,140 And you're not gonna be on your own, are you? 410 00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:31,240 You twat. 411 00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:38,960 (gentle music) 412 00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:45,280 Hi, Jake, it's Daddy here. 413 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:49,660 I don't know about you, but I'm finding this so weird. 414 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:53,580 Sometimes all I want to do is scream. 415 00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:55,860 And if you're feeling anything like I am, 416 00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:59,220 you'll be feeling very sad and confused, 417 00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:02,540 because this is an incredibly strange 418 00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:05,980 and difficult situation. 419 00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:08,140 But I want you to know that I really haven't stopped 420 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:11,100 thinking about you and I still love you very much. 421 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:12,100 And I hope more than anything 422 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:14,500 that I'll get to see you again very soon. 423 00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:16,760 Oh, and give my love to Billy for me. 424 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:32,500 So I'm feeling great actually. 425 00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:34,020 I mean, I know that it's early days, 426 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:37,420 but I have so much energy. 427 00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:38,860 And I've been thinking, 428 00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:41,580 just because there are five stages of grief, 429 00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:43,820 it doesn't mean that we all have to go 430 00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:45,900 through every single one of them, does it? 431 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,020 And what are those stages? 432 00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:53,120 Well, denial, anger, bargaining. 433 00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:56,700 I'm just reading the poster behind you. 434 00:30:56,800 --> 00:30:58,500 You do know that, don't you? 435 00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,340 And where are you on that spectrum, Gabriel? 436 00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:04,340 See that's the thing, I don't think I'm on it anymore. 437 00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:06,580 Okay, but if you had to put yourself somewhere 438 00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:08,940 just as a thought experiment, where would that be? 439 00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:11,980 Honestly, I'm not on it. 440 00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:15,580 'Cause all I want to do is start a family, my family. 441 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:20,680 that I have got so much energy and love, I could burst. 442 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:23,260 And I want to be able to focus that love somewhere, 443 00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:24,860 which is why I'm doing everything I can 444 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:26,960 to prove that I parent Jake. 445 00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:31,260 'Cause I've never felt so invincible. 446 00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,380 That's how I feel. 447 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,480 Yeah, invincible. 448 00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:37,540 So there you go, Sharon. 449 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:39,640 Not on the spectrum, am I? 450 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:42,820 In fact, I am shitting all over your spectrum 451 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:44,380 because invincibility isn't anywhere near 452 00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:46,180 that spectrum, is it? 453 00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:48,420 [Sharon] It is Gabriel. 454 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:50,180 No, it isn't. 455 00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,280 Look again. 456 00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:55,180 Oh yeah, sorry. 457 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,340 Acceptance, isn't it? 458 00:31:57,440 --> 00:32:00,440 No, Gabriel. It's denial. 459 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,200 (clock ticking) 460 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:09,040 Fuck. 461 00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:13,660 (dramatic music) 462 00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:15,800 How do you think that made me feel? 463 00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,220 Look, how can his death be deemed 464 00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:20,720 as a death by misadventure? 465 00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:23,700 I mean, misadventure. 466 00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:25,800 What the fuck? 467 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:29,720 Makes dying almost some fun, doesn't it? 468 00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:32,680 As if we're all missing out. 469 00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:36,100 Are you clear what misadventure means, Gabriel? 470 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:40,380 Unintended consequence of an intentional act. 471 00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:42,340 Right. 472 00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,140 All I want to do is catch the fucker 473 00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:48,140 who performed that intentional act, 474 00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:50,620 which unintentionally killed my Andy 475 00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:53,220 and unintentionally kill him as well. 476 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,260 (dramatic music) 477 00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:57,460 [Sharon] Okay. 478 00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:01,300 Don't worry, won't be able to do that because- 479 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,140 We have very little to go on, I'm afraid. 480 00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:06,700 Our only hope is if somebody comes forward in the future. 481 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:08,800 Come back crying much. 482 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:11,840 All is forgiven. 483 00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:16,900 You know, I thought I saw my dad on "Crimewatch" once. 484 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:18,700 For a split second, 485 00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:21,120 I thought he'd robbed a bank in Milton Keynes. 486 00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:24,720 I even checked the calendar to see where he was that day. 487 00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:27,020 Do you want to talk about your Dad? 488 00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:29,120 No, you're all right. 489 00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:32,320 But Andy didn't deserve it though, did he? 490 00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:35,500 He was a saint. 491 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:38,860 That if anyone was gonna die first, it should have been me. 492 00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,860 And then I found myself wondering if that's why he died, 493 00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:43,420 because he was a saint. 494 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,340 Only the good die young, all that. 495 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,780 Or if Andy's death was a punishment from God 496 00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:49,900 for my past behaviour. 497 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:51,980 I don't even believe in God. 498 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:53,240 And then I feel even more guilty 'cause I've somehow managed 499 00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:55,420 to make Andy's death all about me again. 500 00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:59,020 He can't even be centre stage in his own demise. 501 00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:00,460 Poor bugger. 502 00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:01,740 And then all I want is to hear him tell me 503 00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,780 that I'm a self-centered, egotistical twat again. 504 00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:07,460 So I find myself pleading with they upstairs, 505 00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:10,820 because if there is God they're probably non-binary, right? 506 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,300 And I find myself saying things like, 507 00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:15,700 "If I promise to stop masturbating, 508 00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,380 "can I please wake up from this nightmare 509 00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:18,940 "and find Andy coming out of the shower 510 00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:21,040 "like Bobby Ewing in Dallas." 511 00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,680 (dramatic music) 512 00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:29,100 Is any of this normal? 513 00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,960 (clock ticking) 514 00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:40,640 This is all perfectly normal. 515 00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:45,860 (slow dramatic music) 516 00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,520 (gentle music) 517 00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:58,840 (Gabriel screaming) 518 00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:06,280 (birds squawking) 519 00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,860 (Gabriel laughing) 520 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,760 (Berwyn laughing) 521 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:26,380 Jake. 522 00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:27,540 Have you seen- 523 00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:29,220 [Gabriel] I really haven't stopped thinking about you 524 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:30,820 and I still love you very much. 525 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:31,860 And I hope more than anything 526 00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,260 that I'll get to see you again very soon. 527 00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:37,260 Oh, and give my love to Billy for me. 528 00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:39,920 (gentle music) 529 00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:43,600 (birds chirping) 530 00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:53,500 [Jackie] You've come a really long way. 531 00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:54,940 I don't feel like I have. 532 00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:56,860 You have. 533 00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:58,740 You did the work, Gabe. 534 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:01,180 You're financially solvent. 535 00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:02,500 Only because Andy ignored me 536 00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:04,420 and paid the life insurance anyway. 537 00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:07,180 But you've clearly demonstrated you are committed 538 00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:09,480 to being the best dad you can be to Jake. 539 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:13,600 Which is why we think it's time we took it back to panel. 540 00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:16,340 What? Really? 541 00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:17,740 Really. 542 00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:19,900 That is, if you still want Jake. 543 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,660 Yes, yes, of course I still want Jake. 544 00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:26,600 Which is excellent news because he's been asking for you. 545 00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:28,540 He has? 546 00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:30,300 He has. 547 00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:31,660 Fuck off. 548 00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:33,880 Please don't say that to panel, will you? 549 00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:37,300 Thank you. 550 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:38,940 It's not a done deal yet. 551 00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,340 I mean, just 'cause you want it, just 'cause Jake wants it, 552 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:44,000 doesn't mean that panel will think it's a good idea. 553 00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:54,880 Hey. 554 00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:57,400 They're ready for you. 555 00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:00,980 Just be prepared. 556 00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:03,080 They won't go easy on you in there. 557 00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:17,860 So I suppose in the end 558 00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:21,420 it comes down to a matter of balancing risk. 559 00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:22,900 Is it better for Jake's wellbeing 560 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:25,000 to remain in the care system? 561 00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:26,980 Deny the parent he's asked for 562 00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:30,200 and all the pain and rejection that would bring. 563 00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:35,540 Or we perhaps risking more if we approve this match. 564 00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:39,220 Because if you can't cope as a single adopter, Gabriel, 565 00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:41,840 then Jake's suffering could be greater. 566 00:37:46,240 --> 00:37:48,240 Of course it's a risk. 567 00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:50,980 Believing me, for such a long time 568 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:53,840 it's been the first thing I think about when I wake up. 569 00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:59,000 And last thing I think about before I sleep, if I sleep. 570 00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:03,040 And like most of you, I've had so many doubts. 571 00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:08,160 What if I fail Jake again? 572 00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:10,780 Now how can I know that fighting 573 00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:12,540 for this is the right decision? 574 00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:14,640 But that's the point. I can't. 575 00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,040 How can I possibly know what's right? 576 00:38:20,240 --> 00:38:22,240 How can you know? 577 00:38:23,240 --> 00:38:24,380 It's impossible. 578 00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:25,500 This isn't science. 579 00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:30,420 These are emotions, relationships, vulnerabilities. 580 00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:31,900 We're all just humans trying to figure out 581 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,920 how to get through life, so we can't know. 582 00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,400 But we can feel. 583 00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:44,500 And all we can ever do is go on the information we have 584 00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:49,400 and what that does to our guts, our heart, here. 585 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,000 And I've messed up a lot. 586 00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:03,920 But my God, the intention to love him, 587 00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:09,000 and love him, and love him is there. 588 00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:16,700 And it's not just me. 589 00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:18,100 I have the most extraordinary support network 590 00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:20,200 who love Jake as well. 591 00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:26,000 And who, despite my flaws, love me too. 592 00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:31,320 And they want this to work out more than anything. 593 00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:35,980 I have my village. 594 00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:37,420 (slow music) 595 00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:38,740 And so my gut is crying out 596 00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:43,280 that this is in all probability the best thing for Jake. 597 00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:51,080 Love, the best thing. 598 00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:57,360 But you're right, it's a risk and it's scary 599 00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:02,600 and you have to listen to your own guts. 600 00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:07,660 But if I'd listened to my fears about all the things 601 00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:10,120 that could go wrong in my life, 602 00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:15,440 I would never have come out. 603 00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,200 I'd never have met Andy. 604 00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:25,840 I would never have met Jake. 605 00:40:30,720 --> 00:40:33,360 And yeah, approving this might be the wrong decision, 606 00:40:34,720 --> 00:40:37,900 but it might also end up being the best thing 607 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:40,000 that's ever happened to both of us. 608 00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:13,100 Thank you, Gabriel, 609 00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,540 for everything that you've shared with us. 610 00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,480 We've had to think really hard about this. 611 00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:22,760 It is a high-risk decision, 612 00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:26,620 but we've come to the unanimous decision 613 00:41:26,720 --> 00:41:28,720 to approve the match. 614 00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:32,240 You've got a brilliant support network, Gabriel. 615 00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:35,280 And he got a good one there too. 616 00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,760 (Jackie laughing) 617 00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,460 Good boy. 618 00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:48,560 Oh, that's a good boy. 619 00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:55,080 (phone ringing) 620 00:41:58,900 --> 00:41:59,880 Gabriel? 621 00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:01,260 (in Welsh) 622 00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:04,260 Yeah. 623 00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:31,120 Dad? 624 00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:41,260 (Gabriel sighing) 625 00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:44,040 (phone buzzing) 626 00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:49,240 (window tapping) 627 00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:58,560 So, just one more thing. 628 00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:02,060 Will there ever not be just one more thing? 629 00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:04,160 Welcome to parenting. 630 00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:07,760 We need to talk about meeting birth mum. 631 00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:12,360 You've agreed, Gabe, 632 00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:16,300 and she's come a really long way this last year. 633 00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:19,060 She's moved area for a fresh start 634 00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:22,160 and she's committed to getting herself clean. 635 00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:26,500 She's been through a lot too. 636 00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:27,900 I don't really care what she's been through. 637 00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:29,140 Jake's my priority. 638 00:43:29,240 --> 00:43:31,400 Which is exactly why you should meet her. 639 00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:33,220 You'll be able to answer 640 00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:35,320 his questions about her in the future. 641 00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:40,100 We'll control everything. 642 00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,420 We'll agree on the questions you ask each other beforehand. 643 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:43,860 Things you'll wanna know about Jake 644 00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:45,960 and she'll wanna know about, 645 00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:53,320 well, you, and the kind of life you'll be able to give him. 646 00:43:57,360 --> 00:44:00,380 Just think how nice it'll be one day 647 00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:04,760 when you are able to say to Jake, "I met your mum once." 648 00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:15,700 I didn't know if I was supposed to come in or not, 649 00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:17,820 'cause they said at the desk that Llinos is already here. 650 00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:19,860 But they obviously got that wrong, didn't they, 651 00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:21,740 'cause she's not here, is she? 652 00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:23,260 Fuck, shouldn't have come in yet, should I? 653 00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:24,340 I should have waited outside 654 00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:26,340 and now I've made this really weird. (laughs) 655 00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:29,540 Becky, it's fine. 656 00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:30,380 You're very welcome. 657 00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:32,140 I'm sure Llinos will be here in a moment. 658 00:44:32,240 --> 00:44:33,540 Yeah, I wouldn't bet on it. 659 00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:34,380 You know as well as I do, 660 00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:36,580 social workers are a waste of fucking space. 661 00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:38,680 Where's your social worker? 662 00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:43,160 I'm a social worker. 663 00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:45,640 Fuck. Really? 664 00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:48,460 I thought you were a special friend 665 00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:49,900 or something, like. (laughs) 666 00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:53,500 They offered me, I was offered, but I didn't want it 667 00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:55,940 'cause it's no one else's business, is it, you know, this. 668 00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:58,040 It's just mine, ours. 669 00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:00,900 Shit, sorry. 670 00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:03,000 I'm sure you're not a waste of space. 671 00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:05,540 Is she a waste of space? 672 00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:06,700 No. 673 00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:08,460 Good. That's good then. 674 00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:10,700 God, a bit bloody formal this, isn't it? 675 00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:13,820 And what's with the, all the plastic bottles? 676 00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:15,460 They fine you for screwing up the recycling 677 00:45:15,560 --> 00:45:17,560 and they give you all this plastic shit. 678 00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:19,840 I thought we were meeting in reception. 679 00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:20,680 You weren't fucking there, were you, 680 00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:21,920 and I've been making a right tit out of myself, 681 00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,480 came charging in like a paedophile in a playground. 682 00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:27,840 Anyway, you're here now, so we sitting down then or what? 683 00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:32,660 Okay, so this is your opportunity 684 00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:34,860 to share any information you have about Jake. 685 00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:38,120 You got the questions from the adopter, didn't you, Becky? 686 00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:39,900 Doesn't he have a name? 687 00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:41,300 Yeah. 688 00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:42,940 But as discussed, he'll be known as the adopter. 689 00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:44,820 Why? In case I look him up on Facebook or something 690 00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:45,940 and try and kill him. 691 00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:47,220 Nobody's suggesting that. 692 00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:49,020 Because adopter makes him sound 693 00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:51,460 like the RoboCop or Terminator or something. 694 00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:52,300 It's what we agreed. 695 00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:55,280 All right, all right, I get it. 696 00:45:57,480 --> 00:45:59,540 They're good questions. 697 00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:00,380 Thank you. 698 00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:03,200 And the adopter has your questions too, so. 699 00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:06,780 Thought they were shit, did you? 700 00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:07,620 Sorry? 701 00:46:07,720 --> 00:46:10,180 I said yours were good. You said nothing. 702 00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:11,980 It's rude. 703 00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,260 - No, I- - I'm joking, man. 704 00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:16,980 God, you're all so fucking touchy. 705 00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:18,780 - Becky. - All right, all right. 706 00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:21,280 Over to you, adopter. 707 00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:26,920 I just wanted to ask about his name. 708 00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:29,800 Why did you decide to call him Jake? 709 00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:35,500 Mm. 710 00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:37,460 [Llinos] Take your time, Becky. 711 00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:38,420 It's okay to be upset. 712 00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:39,260 I'm not upset. 713 00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:40,860 [Llinos] Take a moment. 714 00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:42,960 I don't need a fuckin' moment. 715 00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:50,840 It's 'cause I like Joseph, innit, the musical. 716 00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:55,500 I was in it when I was at school. 717 00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:57,180 I couldn't sing for shit, 718 00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:59,740 but I could dance the tits off anyone. (laughs) 719 00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:03,460 But I didn't want Joseph 'cause of Stalin. 720 00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:06,700 So I settled for Jacob. 721 00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:10,040 It's a stronger name anyway, and I wanted him to be strong. 722 00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:12,940 I want him to be strong. 723 00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:14,540 Is that all right, like? 724 00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:15,740 It's great. 725 00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:17,500 I'm sure... 726 00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:19,260 (gasps) You were going to say his name there, 727 00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:21,360 weren't you? (laughs) 728 00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:24,040 Don't get your knickers in a twist. 729 00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:26,120 I'm not gonna try and guess. 730 00:47:26,720 --> 00:47:28,720 Go ahead. Next one. 731 00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:36,080 I wanted to ask about his dad, his birth dad, Liam. 732 00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:39,280 How did you meet? 733 00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:41,880 At a drum and bass club off my tits on molly. 734 00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:46,340 He promised me the world and utterly destroyed it. (laughs) 735 00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:48,620 Go on, next one. 736 00:47:48,720 --> 00:47:52,620 When did Jake start speaking and walking? 737 00:47:52,720 --> 00:47:53,780 That's actually two questions 738 00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:55,880 but I won't hold it against you. 739 00:47:56,640 --> 00:47:58,060 God, right one you got here, Llin. 740 00:47:58,160 --> 00:47:59,000 I thought you said he was intelligent. 741 00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:00,540 - Sorry, I- - I'm joking, man. 742 00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:04,180 God. I hope you're more fun with Jake. 743 00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:08,140 Anyway, Jakey took his first steps at 15 months, 744 00:48:08,240 --> 00:48:10,280 just as "Call The Midwife" was starting. 745 00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:15,000 I don't forget anything, see? 746 00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:19,680 I remember everything. 747 00:48:22,240 --> 00:48:24,240 Everything. 748 00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:29,820 Jakey bloody loves "Call the Midwife" by the way. 749 00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:31,920 You need to watch it with him. 750 00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:34,920 I thought all nuns are cunts before I watched that. 751 00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:39,680 And his first word was mam, I think. 752 00:48:46,240 --> 00:48:47,700 (mother speaking Welsh) 753 00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:49,800 What are you staring at? 754 00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:52,400 No, nothing. 755 00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:55,000 And your next question? 756 00:48:57,520 --> 00:48:59,520 Your happiest memory of him? 757 00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:11,680 I think it, I think it was seeing him for the first time. 758 00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:15,460 Couldn't believe how much I loved this pink wriggly thing 759 00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:18,940 that had just like mutilated my fanny. (laughs) 760 00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:22,120 But I did, I loved him, 761 00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:26,480 more than I've ever loved anything before or since. 762 00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:29,560 Ever will again maybe. 763 00:49:32,720 --> 00:49:34,720 Your last question? 764 00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:38,040 What do you hope that he achieves? 765 00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:41,520 More than I have. 766 00:49:43,640 --> 00:49:47,340 It might be nice if you can elaborate. 767 00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:48,500 No, I don't have anything else to say. 768 00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:49,500 I want to ask my questions. 769 00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:52,340 That was your last question, wasn't it, adopter? 770 00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:54,440 - Yeah. - Good. Yeah. 771 00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:58,440 Right, what I wanna know is, 772 00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:01,060 will you have other close family around? 773 00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:02,740 Yes. 774 00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:03,900 His nan's not too far away 775 00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:06,580 and she really can't wait to meet him. 776 00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:09,540 Good, 'cause you'll need help, you know. 777 00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:11,640 It's hard doing it on your own. 778 00:50:12,360 --> 00:50:13,860 Although I was actually dead chuffed 779 00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:16,100 when I heard he was going to a single man. 780 00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:18,700 'Cause I'm his only mammy then, see, 781 00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:22,700 and I think it'd be good for him. 782 00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:23,940 He needs to know that not all men 783 00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:26,280 are complete and utter dickheads. 784 00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:29,740 Why are you doing this on your own anyway, by the way? 785 00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:30,540 Are you gay? 786 00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:32,220 Yes, actually. 787 00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:33,820 Cool. 788 00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:35,620 Yeah, I'm cool with that 789 00:50:35,720 --> 00:50:39,420 'cause my nan's a lesbian and she's a total legend. 790 00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:40,260 Why is your nan a legend? 791 00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:41,900 No, that's not on the list. 792 00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:43,620 Is he allowed to ask questions that are not on the list? 793 00:50:43,720 --> 00:50:47,220 We have time if you want to answer. 794 00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:49,820 All right, well don't be surprised 795 00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:51,960 if I go parkour on my questions as well. 796 00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:54,980 Nan's a legend because she's the only one 797 00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:57,640 that gave a shit that my dad was a fuckin' asshole. 798 00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:02,440 I'm so sorry to hear that. 799 00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:08,120 So how come you're single then? 800 00:51:08,600 --> 00:51:10,460 I mean, like you're hardly a munter. 801 00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:13,000 You just haven't found right one yet, have you? 802 00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:15,300 No. 803 00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:20,400 My, my partner, he, he died. 804 00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:25,480 Oh God. Right. 805 00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:29,100 What happened? 806 00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:31,200 We're not, we're not actually sure, 807 00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:34,080 but he was probably attacked. 808 00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:40,000 But anyway, he fell and he knocked his head and... 809 00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:43,940 [Becky] Shit. Sorry. 810 00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:44,820 It's okay. 811 00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:47,000 [Becky] It's not okay. It's fuckin' sad. 812 00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:49,340 Llinos, get the man a tissue. 813 00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:50,260 No, I'm fine, honestly. 814 00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:52,360 No, get the fucking man a tissue, I said. 815 00:51:57,520 --> 00:51:59,520 You cry if you want to. 816 00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:02,520 It's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. 817 00:52:04,040 --> 00:52:06,520 And you make sure you teach that to Jakey too. 818 00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:11,700 What was his name? Your partner. 819 00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:13,300 (gentle music) 820 00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:15,560 Andrew, Andy. 821 00:52:17,080 --> 00:52:19,020 His name was Andy. 822 00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:22,520 [Becky] Andy. That's nice. 823 00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:24,720 Oh shit, no, I shouldn't have said. 824 00:52:24,720 --> 00:52:26,020 Oh shit, sorry. 825 00:52:26,120 --> 00:52:27,500 Like, I just wanted to know what his name was 826 00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:31,180 'cause, well 'cause, he would have been 827 00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:33,180 his dad as well, wouldn't he? 828 00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:34,020 Yeah. 829 00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:36,140 Lucky boy. 830 00:52:36,240 --> 00:52:39,980 Not one but two nice dads to take care of him. 831 00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:43,140 (gentle music) 832 00:52:43,240 --> 00:52:46,720 I mean, look at you, 833 00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:52,600 look at your kind face. 834 00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:00,680 Anyway, um. 835 00:53:11,880 --> 00:53:14,680 Will you take Jake on holiday? 836 00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:18,340 Yes. Yes. 837 00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:21,200 There's lots of places that I'd like to share with him. 838 00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:26,800 Last question. 839 00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:31,120 Do you have a garden? 840 00:53:32,720 --> 00:53:36,460 Yes, front and back garden. 841 00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:38,140 (Becky laughing) 842 00:53:38,240 --> 00:53:39,860 Just got a trampoline in the back 843 00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:42,460 'cause I know how much he loves that. 844 00:53:42,560 --> 00:53:45,280 (birds chirping) 845 00:53:51,200 --> 00:53:53,200 Actually, can I ask one more question? 846 00:53:56,120 --> 00:54:01,120 You, you, fuck, 847 00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:06,160 you will love him, won't you? 848 00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:10,120 I already do. 849 00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:13,680 (laughs) Good. 850 00:54:22,280 --> 00:54:24,500 Because I love him too, see, 851 00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:29,600 and I want him to have a good life. 852 00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:34,600 I want him to be happy. 853 00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:41,160 And you will let him know that, that I loved him, 854 00:54:44,760 --> 00:54:47,160 that it wasn't because I didn't love him. 855 00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:54,960 God, look at you. 856 00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:01,160 Look at your kind face. 857 00:55:04,440 --> 00:55:06,500 He takes after you, you know? 858 00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:08,660 No, it's true. 859 00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:13,120 He's bright, and funny, he's so funny. 860 00:55:15,360 --> 00:55:16,340 (Becky laughing) 861 00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:18,440 And loving. 862 00:55:19,200 --> 00:55:21,200 You should be really proud of that. 863 00:55:28,640 --> 00:55:32,080 We always think it's nice if there's a picture 864 00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:36,000 of the two of you together for Jake. 865 00:55:37,600 --> 00:55:39,580 I don't have to put my arm around him or nothing? 866 00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:42,480 No, you can just stand next to each other. 867 00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:51,460 I feel like a right fuckin' pleb. 868 00:55:51,560 --> 00:55:53,660 No, it's lovely. 869 00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:55,660 (camera clicking) 870 00:55:55,760 --> 00:55:57,940 Thanks. 871 00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:00,460 Right then, we better get going, ain't it, Llin? 872 00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:02,860 Christ, I could do with a drink. (laughs) 873 00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:05,720 And you'll have things to do, I imagine. 874 00:56:08,720 --> 00:56:13,180 Well anyway, goodbye, RoboCop. 875 00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:15,280 My name's Gabriel. 876 00:56:24,280 --> 00:56:26,280 Thank you. 877 00:56:29,040 --> 00:56:31,040 Come on, let's go. 878 00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:45,600 (gentle music) 879 00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:18,040 (gentle music continues) 880 00:57:32,800 --> 00:57:35,720 (Gabriel laughing) 881 00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:48,480 (upbeat music) 882 00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:04,180 ♪ You talk like Marlene Dietrich ♪ 883 00:58:04,280 --> 00:58:08,220 ♪ And you dance like Zizi Jeanmaire ♪ 884 00:58:08,320 --> 00:58:12,460 ♪ Your clothes are all made by Balmain ♪ 885 00:58:12,560 --> 00:58:15,500 ♪ And there's diamonds and pearls in your hair ♪ 886 00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:18,420 ♪ Yes, there are ♪ 887 00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:22,460 ♪ You live in a fancy apartment ♪ 888 00:58:22,560 --> 00:58:26,500 ♪ Off the Boulevard St. Michel ♪ 889 00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:31,600 ♪ Where you keep your Rolling Stones records ♪