Oh, glorious! Homemade croissant.
Just something I whipped up.
Mmm!
You know, over the years, I have noticed an uptick
in your baking triumphs whenever a draft is proving...
a challenge.
No, it's going swimmingly!
Hmm! Terrific!
Now, I'm wondering
if you might want to meet with some other writers.
Oh, I don't have time.
I'm writing too much to mentor anyone.
No, what I meant was more of a consultation.
You know, to help expand your readership.
I have a vast and loyal readership.
I am killing it in the 40 to 85 demo.
You said it yourself, Sarita.
Yes, but darling, this isn't me asking,
it's the publisher, who loves other demos, too...
say 25 to 39?
- Millennials? - Mm-hm!
Ugh, they don't even read!
What are you talking about? All we do is read.
I am talking about books, not Reddit!
And what are you wearing, anyway?
Slob-chic is not a thing anymore.
Look at those shoes! What is happening?
Oh, Darby!
Shouldn't your mom meet with younger authors,
just to see if we might refresh Bryn Martell
for a younger audience?
Definitely.
- Good idea, Sarita. - Thank you.
You should try that, Mom. You know, something new.
Maybe it'll help you stay relevant.
Great!
I'll set it up today.
I have the perfect candidates.
You have to keep the publisher happy, love.
Right?
Hey, Antonio!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa, whoa... what's wrong?
Oh, great, now you're crying?
Are you seriously crying like a little girl right now?!
I can't believe you! What are you, stupid?
Brain-dead or something?
This is a workplace!
Can you hear me?
This is a professional workplace!
And you've got no business being here
if you can't take the heat!
What are you doing?!
That never happened. That-- that's not me.
I-I would never say stuff like that.
Okay.
This could kill me.
We've only been in business for eight months.
How can anybody even fake this?
I'll send it to Alastair. I'll get us answers ASAP.
Oh my God...
The review!
We're getting our first major review
by Alder Bluffs Life next week.
If any of this ends up there, it's over.
Don't worry. I've got your back.
I'll help you figure this out.
Absolutely.
We will help you figure this out.
Thank you.
Thank you both.
I-I didn't know who else to turn to.
Oh, no, Zane is here!
Hannah, go distract him!
Okay, we cannot tell him about this.
Nobody.
Why on Earth not?
Because Zane is so... protective!
You know he will go overboard.
He will, you know, interfere.
Oh, definitely.
Zane is extra when his loved ones are threatened.
It's intense.
Hey!
Hi!
Did I miss the group text about a team lunch?
Oh, no, no, no. We just...
We came in to "hi," and... we did!
- So, now we're saying "bye." - Yeah!
- There you go! - Thank you.
I have to go to...
- The hairdresser. - A new client.
Both. The...
She cuts my hair.
Yeah, it's a mystery 'cause her scissors keep getting lost,
so we've just gonna...
Solve it. Goodbye! Okay, have a good day!
- Okay. - Bye!
Alright, off you go!
Protect... and serve!
Right.
Okay.
I can't believe you. What are you, stupid?
That is definitely a deepfake.
You see how the facial hair is smudged,
especially under the chin?
And the shark eyes.
- Very Uncanny Valley. - But how was it made?
The artificial intelligence pulls video, pictures,
audio samples, and then creates forgeries from that data set.
Check it out.
[video] Here it is. My beautiful kitchen.
Just had the range installed. Yes!
- I remember that. - Yeah, we've seen that one.
But that video was posted prior to the bistro's opening.
Mm-hm.
Between this and the other videos he's posted online,
I think Antonio gave the perp exactly what he needed
to create the deepfake.
I'm so sorry... Do you want something?
Like, you know, some Italian sparkling water?
Oh, yes! You know me well!
- Thank you so much! - Okay.
Yeah, I'm a little thirsty, too.
Excuse me.
So who has this kind of technology?
Hacker collectives?
Russian troll farms?
Well, yeah, maybe.
Um, or, you know, someone with a smartphone.
You know, some time and creativity.
Well, that could literally be anybody!
Yes, which makes it incredibly difficult to trace.
Yeah, but who would benefit
from ruining Antonio's reputation?
A neighbouring competitor? An angry neighbour?
Hey, Antonio, did you have a neighbour
who complained about the bistro?
It's so good!
Uh-huh.
Okay, sounds good.
His next-door neighbour complained to the city
when he applied to expand the patio.
He's gonna text me the name.
Well, that sounds promising! Let's go.
Thank you so much.
Anytime, Victoria. And I will keep digging.
"Anytime, Victoria. And I will keep digging."
Idiot!
Okay, neighbour's name is Clive,
and apparently he had a temper tantrum
at a public consultation meeting.
- Augh! - I take it that's Clive.
He looks angry.
If he gets belligerent,
I'm gonna hide behind you like a human shield.
Hello, Clive!
Stupid piece of crap!
Clive, uh...?
Are-- are you Clive? Hello?
Yeah, who wants to know?!
Hi.
We're following up on the public consultation meeting,
for the bistro's back patio permit.
You had some concerns?
You heard about that?
Oh, man, I'm totally embarrassed!
- Really? - Yeah.
Once Antonio actually had the patio going,
he put up noise-cancelling baffles,
he kept the music and the hours reasonable.
He even put up a suggestion box
on his website to keep up with feedback.
- Sounds like Antonio, alright. - Yeah!
And I'm in anger management.
Oh, good for you.
Although it's...
early days.
Is that so?
I'm a regular of Antonio's now.
I'd feel terrible if he knew
I was once dead set against the patio.
Me and some buddies are even talking about
starting a trivia night there.
Oh! Well, we'd hate to ruin that kind of fun,
so... just carry on!
Nice to meet you.
Okay, I have to go home.
What?
We're just getting started.
You're the one who thinks I need a Millennial consultant.
...with onion and garlic to seal the grain in.
Only then do we add the boiling water-- so glad you like it!
So sorry to interrupt!
- Any luck? - No!
Your neighbour, Clive, he's your biggest fan now.
So maybe don't let him know that you knew about the complaint.
Got it.
- Who else would have done this? - I don't know.
Do you have a rival or a jealous ex?
No.
Did you have a major falling out with somebody
that I don't know about for some weird reason?
Wait...
I know somebody who might hate me enough to do this!
Oh, that's...
good news?
Well, no, but...
It's Randy!
- Randy? - Yeah.
Yeah, Randy was the old head chef at La Camargue.
Oh, the place in Hamilton where you worked
- before you opened this one? - Exactly.
I've got time before the dinner rush starts,
so let's go there now and see if anybody knows
what happened to him. We can take my car.
Yeah. Alright, see you out front.
Okay.
What the hell?
It's such a treat to meet with another writer
and just... chat, peer to peer.
Oh! Well, not exactly
peer to peer, but yes, it's... it is nice.
Anyways, I've whipped together
a comprehensive data analysis of all your books.
Every Bryn Martell book has been tracked.
Oh!
Results show she often solves the case in the same way.
Well, there is a bit of a pattern
in the structure of a mystery novel...
Or you could just do... better.
Here's the pitch!
Bryn Martell is just graduating from college!
So she's a mature student?
No. She's, like, 22.
Twenty-two? Um... why?
Because then people would care about her.
Wow.
I don't know...
Maybe Bryn's inaccessible to a younger audience
because she's so...
...privileged?
Hey, Jake!
Antonio!
Oh, man, it is so good to see you again.
Good to see you, too.
Oh, and you came at the perfect time.
Like, lunch and dinner rushes have been crazy.
Good, good!
So tell me, who's EC now?
Executive chef.
I had to step in.
But I am no Antonio Pereira.
Come off it!
He's just being humble.
No, no, no! This guy here, a legend.
I mean, we had reservations
literally months in advance!
Celebrities coming in, Antonio's winning awards
- all over the place! - Oh, stop!
Oh my God, hi!
- Oh, excuse me. - Yeah.
How are you?
So Jake, I don't know if you saw it or heard about it,
but there was a deepfake video online that targeted Antonio.
Yeah, yeah, one of the staff showed me.
But there's no way that's Antonio!
Oh, believe me, I know.
Um, we're actually looking into an ex-employee of yours,
Randy Weisbrock.
Do you remember that guy?
Randy...
Do you happen to have a forwarding address for him?
Yeah, of course.
You don't think it could be him, do you?
Maybe.
Were you the one who fired Randy?
Yeah.
Yeah, I took my eye off the ball and didn't see how toxic
the culture in the kitchen had become under him.
What was he like?
Well, let's just say that Randy got away with
a lot of bad behaviour for too long.
And then...?
When I hired Antonio, he was clear:
the culture needed to change.
Harassment seminars, more female chefs.
Randy fought it and he got pushed out.
Antonio took his place as EC.
So, Randy blamed Antonio for everything.
Doesn't surprise me that he'd still have a grudge.
Ah, here we go.
I didn't think that Randy was a very tech-savvy kind of guy,
but I do remember him saying
he was gonna make Antonio pay.
Thank you.
course I'm writing!
What else do you think I'm doing?
Great.
Because the publishers are being so difficult...
since they haven't seen any pages.
Well... I have my process!
Hey, I have an incredible opportunity.
Sheldon Marcasczy is stopping in Toronto on his book tour.
How about you set aside some time and meet with him?
The Langum Prize, Washington Irving Medal,
Pulitzer-Prize-winning Sheldon Marcasczy?
Isn't he more of a historical novelist?
Mm-hm!
Well, I'm not writing a 500-page novel about Iwo Jima!
He's in town. And he's a powerhouse.
His agent owes me a favour.
He'll do it.
Will you?
Okay, fine, if you stop making me take these meetings!
I promise. I'll leave you alone.
But you will be calling to thank me.
Doubtful.
Oh, that's Darby. I have to meet her.
Byeee!
Hey, Antonio. Where's Darby?
Oh, she's inside.
She thought she might get more out of Randy
if she talked to him alone.
: Hmm, not her worst idea.
Right!
See you in a minute.
Are you seriously crying
like a little girl right now?
This is a professional workplace!
And you've got no business being here if you can't take the heat!
Pretty sweet.
Sucks to be him, I guess.
Karma's a bitch.
So you had nothing to do with it?
No, but thanks.
Made my day.
I'd just glad somebody revealed that weasel
for what he truly is.
Antonio stole my job,
then he wouldn't give me a reference.
I couldn't work anywhere
that didn't have chicken fingers on the menu.
- Is that what I smell? - Screw him.
And screw you, too, lady.
Very charming.
Seems to me your getting fired wasn't Antonio's fault.
And that is not my fault.
But what's great about it is that he's finally
getting a taste of what it's like to be hated by everybody.
Well, I appreciate you both coming with me
on that wild goose chase.
Yeah, I wish I would've stayed with you
in the parking lot. I cannot unsee that.
I think we should tell Zane what's up.
No! No, no, no, I can't do that.
Okay, listen: we are over-leveraged
on our investment in the restaurant
and I may not have given Zane the full scope of how bad it is.
- Really?! - I know, I know, I'm horrible,
but listen-- Zane is already feeling anxious about it.
If he gets involved with this, he will go overboard.
Guaranteed.
- Hey. - Hi.
Your staff was wondering where you disappeared to.
Uh... Oh, look at that!
I am, uh, late for the...
dinner prep!
I... See you later!
So, where did you go?
- A local... - The farmer's market.
...beekeeper's to get wild honey.
- At the farmer's market. - Yeah.
At the farmer's market, where it was fun.
They had a stand.
Okay. Well, I hope it was worth it.
It was.
Bryn Martell walked
happil--
She stormed...
Crept silently...
Ugh!
Perfect. There you go.
Antonio?
- Antonio, hi. - Yes?
I need you to come see something in the kitchen.
- Yes, just a second, Hannah. - No--
Oh, Table 14 needs some champagne.
- Could you handle that, please? - No, I can't.
- It's really important. - Hi!
- Seriously, come see this. - Hannah, I will get to you.
Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure it can wait some more minutes.
No, it can't, it can't.
Uh...
Oh, that is disgusting.
Folks, I am so sorry for this disruption.
I can assure you that
we're talking care of everything, okay?
Just enjoy your meals.
Please.
Let's go!
How did the rats get in?
I've never had a rat problem before.
Well, this fresh air vent
is supposed to have a mesh screen thingy.
That's probably how they got in.
No, no, no, no, this doesn't make any sense!
I just had my mid-year inspection last month.
That's the kind of thing that the Health Inspector checks,
and it was fine then!
Look, I don't know what to tell you, man.
I've laid down some traps,
I'll come by and check on them tomorrow, okay?
The mesh screen thingy-- does it look like this?
Yeah, exactly.
Well, what's it doing all the way over here?
Looks like someone took it from there
and put it over there on purpose.
Will you give me a call after you check the traps?
Oh, for sure! Yeah, I'll give you a call...
No, but, like... 'cause I want to know about the rats.
- Rats? - Yeah.
Got it.
No, but-- ugh!
You really thought I wouldn't learn about the deepfake?
The debunked deepfake.
I'm just gonna give you some space.
And now I'm guessing the same person that got you closed down
is trying to ruin your credibility
with a rat infestation?
I think so. I'm sorry, Zane.
- Why would you hide this? - I--
I'm not even gonna start with you two!
It wasn't me.
It was 100% Darby's idea to not tell you.
- I can't believe you. - What?!
Why would you say that?
I don't know, to try something new,
be honest, be relevant?
If this is about yesterday, you started it!
You called me a slob.
Don't you have some famous author to go meet?
Zane! Where are you going?
I'm looking for evidence.
Sir, you forgot your... box!
Zane, I'm sorry, okay?
I wanted to tell you, but Antonio asked me not to.
He said that you might worry because, you know,
you do tend to...
overreact when the people you care about are threatened.
No, I don't.
Grade 10. Brian Colossi.
You trapped him in a bathroom stall with duct tape.
That's because he dumped you!
Yeah, well, maybe Antonio was onto something.
That's weird.
I thought Antonio sent everyone home already.
Let's see where she goes.
Well, it's an honour to meet you, Sheldon.
Sarita tells me that you may be able to provide
some insight as to how I could appeal to Millennials.
Oh, Millennials.
Throw in a past trauma and climate change,
you got a bestseller!
Nice place if you like frou-frou.
- You got any coffee? - Yes.
So I hear you got a problem, Vicki.
Uh, the name is Victoria.
Your output.
Terrible.
Uh... Right.
Well, I've only written 44 novels.
Look, don't get down on yourself.
You can still turn it around.
And you? Many significant awards,
but you've written, what, eight, nine books?
Eight. Under Sheldon Marcasczy.
But then there's my nom de plume--
Shandra Mabrey.
You're Shandra Mabrey?
The best-selling thriller novelist?!
Well, bravo.
No kidding.
Hannah was the one who saw the rats first.
Now she's sneaking around the restaurant
when it's supposed to be empty?
She had the key. She could have planted the rats.
Exactly!
See, you could be an honorary Spencer Sister.
Hello! Who's this now?
See, this is why surveillance is creepy.
Yeah.
Okay, Vicki...
What are the five things you need to know
to get to work on your novel?
Uh, it's Victoria, and...
"Character, Setting, Problem, Plot, Solution"!
Wrong! Boring.
Okay. What?
Here's what's important--
money.
Oh, I don't really handle that. My agent does.
I'm quite comfortable. I write for love, not money.
No, no, no.
M.O.N.E.Y.
It's a mnemonic to remember the following.
Misfortune.
What's your character's problem, flaw?
Something your judgey readers
would like to make them feel superior.
Orgasms.
Are they having any?
Nifty Gizmos.
What cool tools are they using to solve the problem?
A direct line to the Pentagon?
A flamethrower in a lipstick?
Envy.
What do the characters have that the readers will envy?
A jawline that cuts diamonds?
Legs for days?
A yoga instructor lover in Tahiti?
That would cover off O as well.
Yahoo!
What do they do that makes the reader say, "Yahoo!"...
in the end?
Well, um, Sheldon, I don't really have the answers
to any of those things right this second.
That's your problem.
My problem is I'm too prolific.
That's why I'm constantly reinventing myself.
As Shandra Mabrey, as Shane Massimo--
You're Shane Massimo, too?
Of the Jack Hogan franchise?
Yeah. Just inked a new trilogy deal.
Whoa.
Well, I don't think your system would work for me, honestly.
I start with a spark, an inspiration.
I see that.
I just read your last three books.
You could really use some inspiration.
Hmph!
Okay...
Okay.
So she doesn't have a criminal record,
but she did get a suspicious parking ticket yesterday.
Wait, does that say "heating needs"?
It's an HVAC company.
She got the guy to put the rats in the ventilation!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Zane!
Zane?
Zane!
Hey, Hannah!
Hey, Zane.
Darby... What... are you doing here?
- Who's the HVAC guy? - Yeah.
Were you spying on me?
- No. - Yes.
Oh, okay.
Well, the HVAC guy is my boyfriend,
and I was just asking if maybe he could get an inspection
for Antonio, to see if there any more rats.
Don't buy it.
Why were you sneaking out of the restaurant
after Antonio sent everyone home?
I wasn't sneaking, I was returning a bottle of wine!
- That you stole? - No, I was just...
I was getting together with some friends and I borrowed
a bottle of wine from the wine rack.
But I bought a new one. I returned it.
- I have the receipt. - There's more.
You in the habit of not paying parking tickets?
I just got that yesterday!
And the parking spot was in front of a Humane Society.
Maybe that's where you got some rats... huh?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I had to put my cat down.
Oh, no, Zane.
I think we're "duct tape in the bathroom" territory.
You guys think I did this?
I can't believe this! I defended Antonio!
No, no!
You can tell him I quit!
Hello.
You seem to be feeling...
stabby.
I just needed an outlet.
There's a reason why stabbing victims
are never stabbed just once.
Okay...?
Feels too good for the stabber to stop.
Right...
So how was the famous author?
Oh, opinionated about my new manuscript.
Whoa, that's a lot of crossed out words.
What are all the Z's for?
It's for every time he said he went to sleep.
Why didn't you tell this guy to take a hike?
You were happy to get rid of all the Millennials.
Because I'm stuck.
My last two novels were flops and I'm afraid that's it!
Ride's over!
I'm not relevant anymore.
Unless you're making a watermelon smoothie,
I think you can... stop with the chopping.
You know what, I've had enough criticism for today,
especially from you.
I wasn't criticizing, Mom.
Oof, not good.
Hey, I thought you finished your shift a while ago.
Where were you?
Darby and I went to talk to Hannah.
And...
she might have quit.
Oh my God, Zane!
That's it, that's it.
This day could not get any worse.
It's gonna be okay.
Well, is it?
Babe, we just suddenly lost one income,
and I don't know for how long.
And now we've got interest on the bank loan
and our mortgage, daycare.
We might have to sell the condo.
What?
It can't be that bad.
Yeah, um... the thing is, I...
kind of maxed out the line of credit
when I was doing the patio reno.
I'm sorry! I'm so sorry.
But now with the interest, there's no way that we can...
This was all just a huge mistake.
Keeping the truth from me was a mistake.
But the bistro...
it's your dream.
I love that you're ambitious, that you take risks.
Well, maybe I'm reconsidering that one.
Maybe we can ask my parents for a loan in the meantime.
No. No, no, no, I can't do that.
I can't. I'm sorry, there's no way.
So it's better for us, for our daughter, to lose her home?
You might have to let go of your pride.
- My pride? - Yeah.
This-- it's not my pride.
It's... this is my responsibi--
You know what? I need to get some fresh air.
Darby Spencer.
Brendon?
Oh, rat guy!
Brendon, you know, I'm really just not into dating right now.
No, my sister is not available either.
How about those rats, Brendon?
Can we talk about it on the phone?
MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.
Uh...
Okay, "Misfortune."
"Bryn has been struck by malaria,
"but must still learn who's behind the tiger poaching
"in the Serengeti."
"Orgasm."
The rats from the bistro are Norway rats.
They're clean, they're domesticated--
If you want a pet, the answer is no.
- It's always been no. - The rat guy called!
Oh, my future son-in-law?
We're eloping; you're not invited.
He said the rats that normally infest buildings around here
are black rats.
Which means these rats--
Are from a store or an animal shelter!
Okay, let's hope this is lucky number 11.
Excuse me, do you sell rats?
Uh, live or frozen?
I'm getting tired of saying this, but,
live rats, please!
Uh, what kind of snake do you have?
Do we look like snake owners to you?
Uh, yeah, I sell live rats.
But I'm sold out.
Sold out? Huh!
Did you happen to sell a bunch of them to someone recently?
Are you two cops?
Provincial Animal Welfare Services.
Also known as PAWS.
Uh, yeah, some guy left a message
asking to reserve them,
and came at night to pick them up.
I'm sure you already know this,
but you have to have signed paperwork to buy a live animal.
Do you have that?
Mm-hm. Do you?
Yeah.
Here you go.
Randy Weisbrock.
- That dirty-- - Do not say it, please.
I already told you it wasn't me.
Well, this is your name, and your address.
We got this from the store
where you bought those fine Norway rats last night.
And then you drove to Antonio's bistro,
somewhere between midnight and 8 am,
and you placed those poor, innocent rats in a vent.
No.
That's my name and address, but that's not true.
You already told us you hate Antonio.
We spoke to a neighbour of yours.
He said you were gone all night.
Where'd you go?
How'd you get that hand injury?
Maybe it was pulling a metal grate from an air vent
to put rats inside.
No! I got loaded at the bar and got into a fight.
I cut my hand open.
I spent eight hours in Emergency.
You got any other crazy theories?
Yes, but they're even flimsier than this one, so...
Alright, you want any food or not?
What's the Prairie Dog like?
I guess I'm a terrible writer and a terrible detective.
That's definitely not true.
But you are a terrible driver.
Ah-- Oh!
Really?
Wait... do that again.
What? I've already proven I'm bad at omelettes.
What more do you want?
No, no, the saucepan flip in Antonio's deepfake video,
it was done by someone very experienced.
Are you seriously crying
like a little girl right now?
I can't believe you! What are you, stupid?
See? There.
Someone with real chef skills did that.
And, he's left-handed!
And Antonio is right-handed.
Hmm!
Aww!
Are you sure I can't pay you for this?
I mean, prosciutto-wrapped scallops!
They'll be awful if I freeze them.
Better they get used today or tomorrow.
Wow, this is very generous of you.
I mean, come on, at least let me give you a couple bills.
No, of course not.
But listen...
there is a favour I'd like to ask you.
Any chance you need help around here?
I'll do whatever, sous-chef, chef de cuisine--
I'll do the dishes if you need me to!
Oh, wow.
I am so sorry.
I totally put you on the spot there.
You know what, just forget I asked.
No, no, no...
You can have your old job back!
- Really? - Yeah.
Yeah, are you kidding me!
We can be just like old times!
Big crowds. Stellar reviews.
Not an empty seat in the house.
Guys, Antonio's comin' back!
Ha-ha!
Oh my God, thank you.
Thank you!
You know, this whole thing, at the very least,
it's reminded me who my real friends are.
Come on, come on, let's go make some scallops.
Yeah, sounds good!
What do you mean, "It's Jake"? I thought it was Randy!
He bought the rats using Randy's name,
and the handwriting on that paperwork,
it matches the note that he gave to Darby.
Antonio is right-handed
but the person in the video is left-handed.
And when Jake wrote down Randy's address for Darby,
he used his left hand.
Really? Okay.
Antonio is there now.
- What, where? - With Jake!
He's-- he's there dropping off food.
No, I see. Okay, thank you.
Guys, I just spoke to the restaurant owner.
He said that Jake was trying to be the chef and the manager,
and he was failing at both.
Well, Antonio just sent me a text.
He's-- he's accepted his old job back.
Okay, we'll call him next.
We're headed there now.
Okay, I-I'll ask the neighbour to come over
and look after Lucy and I'll meet you there.
Great.
Hang on to your hat.
Go!
I can't believe we're gonna work together again!
You know, I... I can't thank you enough.
Of course.
I mean, I won't be able to start you
at the same salary, but... but we'll get back there.
Oh!
Sorry.
I'll get this.
Hi.
Antonio, are you okay?
Uh, yeah, of course I'm okay.
Listen to me-- it's Jake!
Jake is the one who made the deepfake and planted the rats.
No way.
Yeah, I just got off the phone with the restaurant owner.
He said that Jake was about to be fired!
He's lying, so be careful!
Um, sure!
Yeah, okay, if-- if Lucy won't settle, just try her--
Sorry... Try her dinosaur stuffy.
- Is he right there? - Yes.
Yes, that or her blankie.
One of those should work.
You know what?
It's fine, I can pick her up early.
No, no bother at all.
Okay, ciao.
Uh, so thank you for the wine,
but I have to get going.
Oh, man, we're celebrating!
Come on, we got paperwork to sign.
It-- it's fine. Uh, I'll come back!
I work here now!
Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Who was that on the phone?
Hmm?
Uh, that-- that was Lucy's daycare.
She's being fussy, so I really have to go pick her up.
I thought you said she was with Zane.
No, I didn't.
Did I?
Alright, your campaign to ruin Antonio's reputation
stops now!
Who are you?
Victoria Spencer.
One half of The Spencer Sisters, private investigators.
- Sisters? - See?
No one buys it!
Now I get it.
Jake asked me back a few months ago,
right after I opened the bistro, and I turned him down.
I can't believe you did that to me!
I thought we were friends.
Yeah, I thought so too.
But you screwed me over!
Whoa.
And I worked so hard!
We were finally getting somewhere and you deserted me!
You have no loyalty.
You're off enjoying your new adventure
and I-I'm left with, with...
The frustration that you maybe never
even had any talent?
That you're Salieri to Antonio's Mozart?
Yikes!
Choose your moments, Mom!
- What? - Jake, it's over.
- No. - Yeah.
- No. - You have nowhere to go, okay?
You're surrounded. Give it up.
Put the knife down.
Come on.
You're not going anywhere!
I'm a bad-ass pickleball player
and I will show no mercy to your face!
You're under arrest for defamatory libel
and animal endangerment.
Man, we... we had such a good thing,
and you just threw it away!
Some friend you are!
You okay?
- Now I am. - Yeah, okay.
God.
Yeah.
You're probably good to set down the wok.
Fair enough.
We're wokking.
Let's wok, hon'.
Oh, God, you had to say it, didn't you?
It's a joke.
I know.
Hi.
- Hey. - I'm so happy she's back.
What did Antonio do to swing that?
He made me apologize to her and do my best grovelling.
Also, I sent her a case of the wine she liked.
Oh, well done!
And thanks to you two,
it looks like Antonio and I might be able to retire
someday after all.
Lucky you.
So, the review just came out.
Turns out Alder Bluffs Life...
loves me!
Look, look, look, look, look!
Oh, it's so good!
Thank you. Thank you so much.
You and Victoria can eat here free.
- For life! - We will!
And a round of drinks on the house!
For everybody!
And there goes a chunk of our retirement.
I'm really sorry I lied to you, Zane.
Well, I hear what you and Antonio were saying
about me going a little overboard
when my loved ones are threatened, so...
There are worse impulses that a person can have.
Namely?
- Early rising. - Okay.
Shameless singing.
Wearing revealing nighties in front of family.
So where is Victoria, by the way?
No, no, no, you just don't understand.
Okay, maybe I'm more of a visual thinker.
See, there's your problem: thinking!
Don't think. Just do.
Or maybe you just don't understand
what I'm trying to teach you, Vicki.
It's Victoria.
Where is MONEY? Show me MONEY!
I don't know why I bother.
Most women don't understand MONEY, anyway--
Okay, relax, mansplainer!
You don't get to bully and belittle my mother
in her own home with your stupid acronyms
and your paint-by-number formulas.
You have no idea how hard she works,
how dedicated she is!
It isn't just about how many books she can spew out.
She actually cares about her readership and about
offering her readers books that are meaningful.
- Does she care too much? Maybe. - Darby...
Does she get paralysed by doubt?
- Sometimes. - Darby...
Does she take it out on her daughter?
- I think so. - Darby!
What?
It's my turn.
You know what?
You can take your tips, your tricks, your fake names,
and all of your awards, and shove 'em!
As for MONEY, here's what I got.
M for "Misfortune," for having to spend my precious hours
with a creep like you!
- O, "Orgasms." - Hmm!
Plenty, and they're none of your damn business!
Ooh, TMI!
N, "Nifty Gizmos."
A direct line to Alder Bluff's police department
if you don't get the hell out of my house.
And E, "Envy,"
for having the smartest, most fiercely loyal daughter
who would be the envy of anyone I know.
Y, "Yahoo!"