[upbeat jazzy music]
♪ She was unemployed, unhappy,
♪ She had no cash!
♪ Pretending to be classy,
♪ but just poor white trash.
The tragic but true fact is
♪ a bitter aging actress
♪ whose agent just recently dropped her, ♪
♪ sitting on her ass drinking cheap boxed wine ♪
♪ 'til she took a bogus class while at home online, ♪
♪ Finished that, came in last, barely passed ♪
♪ Now the bitch calls herself a doctor! ♪
♪ Who would have guessed that this pony would treat ♪
♪ the craziest of the showbiz elite! ♪
♪ And now the only thing more distant and more scary ♪
♪ is her slutty blonde assistant, that dumb whore Sherry ♪
♪ You don't wanna be on her client list ♪
♪ It's Dr Jackie!
♪ The unlicensed psychotherapist ♪
[door closing sharply]
[upbeat jazzy music]
[Sherry sobbing]
Good morning -
Oh God! What a gorgeous day, huh?
We are so fortunate to help people the way we do.
We really are. I mean, hashtag blessed.
Am I right?
[hoarsely] I guess so-
You guess so?
Have you been crying?
No. Why?
Well, your eyes are all red and glassy.
Now either you've been crying
or you've been smoking meth!
Now, which is it, young lady?
Okay. I've been crying-
But why? You've got a great job.
You are what some people might consider-
relatively attractive.
And other than that persistent cough
and the mole on your shoulder that keeps changing shape,
you've got your health.
Listen, I don't wanna bring my problems to work.
Okay?
You hired me to be a professional.
Just because my boyfriend Joe dumped me last night,
on stage in front of all my friends and family
at a karaoke bar
on my birthday
doesn't mean that I have to fall apart emotionally.
[quietly] Okay?
I'm fine.
Oh boy. Um, well-
what's my first appointment today?
Meryl.
Oh God.
She's already called to say that she's stuck in traffic
on the five freeway and she's gonna be
at least 30 minutes late.
Oh, puh-leeze!
That is such just bullshit!
Just between you and me, Meryl is a compulsive liar.
That's why she's so good at what she does.
Turns out great acting is nothing more than just good lying.
Oh, and being able to do accents.
[Sherry blubbering incoherently]
What did I say?
Sorry. It's just-
My first date with Joe,
it was a double feature of "Sophie's Choice"
and " A Cry in the Dark."
Wow. That sounds fun.
Listen, since Meryl is running late,
and seeing how I didn't get you a birthday present,
how about I treat you to an emergency session right now?
An emergency session? What do you mean?
You and me right now in my office.
For the next 30 minutes, you are not my receptionist.
You are my severely depressed, deeply disturbed patient.
But-
I'm not gonna take no for an answer.
Happy birthday, Shirley.
It's Sherry!
I know that, silly.
I was just trying to make you smile.
Boop!
[mild jazz music] [typewriter clacking]
All right, now just relax
and tell me what happened last night.
Well, like I said, we went to my favorite karaoke bar.
I invited all my friends and family.
I mean, I wanted everybody to be there because you know,
turning 30 is a big deal, right?
[awkward silence]
Go on.
So everything is going great.
I started to open my presents.
Oh my God! I got so many amazing things.
These really cute bejeweled flip flops
from my cousin Cindy,
a Shellfish of the Month Club membership
from my neighbor Jan,
and an Instant Pot from my aunt Marcia
and her much older lesbian lover, Alice.
Cindy, Jan, Marcia, and Alice?
[Jackie scoffing]
Where were Bobby, Peter and Greg?
Ugh. They couldn't make it.
So anyway, everything is going great.
I blew out the candles on my cake.
My mom made my favorite cake. Oh my God!
Low-fat gluten-free vegan fairtrade lemon cake
with goat yoghurt icing sweetened by monkfruit.
Wait a minute,
goat yoghurt isn't vegan.
Oh my God. Are you sure?
Okay. Listen, what do I know?
I'm a therapist. Not a nutritionist.
Let it go.
Please continue.
So everything's going great.
But that's when it dawned on me that- wait a minute!
My boyfriend, Joe hasn't given me a present yet.
That's when he jumps on stage to dedicate a song to me.
And I'm like thinking to myself,
Okay, Sherry, why do you gotta be such a negative Joanne-
Nancy.
Huh?
The phrase is Negative Nancy.
The alliteration?
O-kay.
So anyway, he gets on stage to sing
what I thought was going to be our song,
Happily Ever After by Billy Eilish.
But no, he starts to sing
Fuck You by Ceelo Green.
He didn't.
He did.
No.
Yes.
Fuck-
You.
Fuck you.
[shouting] FUCK YOU!
Okay. I get it.
The whole time he's singing Fuck You,
he's pointing right at me.
I'm looking around, like,
what is going on?
All of a sudden he's like,
"That's it, I've had it with you, bitch. I'm outta here.
You're so fucking annoying."
Drops the mic and walks out.
Needless to say, party was over.
All right. Now, Sherry, be honest.
Did this just come out of nowhere?
Or looking back, had there been signs
that there was trouble in paradise?
Well, I mean, he called me bitch all the time.
I don't know.
He did quit his job at one point,
so he could focus on his band, Satan's Nutsack,
and quit paying half of his rent.
[Sherry gasping]
There was that one time he kicked in the TV
just because I innocently said
Benedict Cumberbatch had a cute name.
Sherry.
Why did you put up with such a clearly abusive asshole?
I don't know.
Well, did he have any redeeming qualities?
He knew karate?
No!
Remember this morning when you said hashtag blessed?
Mm-hm.
Well, he was blessed.
Down below.
Oooooh-
so you were dickmatized.
Dickmatized?
Yes. Dickmatized.
That's when, how can I say this in a tasteful way?
When a guy's huge cock blinds you
to his douchebag bullshit ways.
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, absolutely not.
I mean, look, I don't wanna question your authority,
Dr. Jackie, you know more than I do, but that's just not me.
No way, no how.
Sherry, if you're open to it,
I'd like to do a little exercise.
I did hot yoga this morning.
Not that, you idiot.
It's my birthday!
Different kind of exercise.
It's called word association. I'm going to say a word,
and you say the first thing
that pops into your pretty little head.
Okay!
All right.
Mm-hm!
You ready?
I'm ready.
All right. Okay.
[Sherry and Jackie taking a deep breath]
Relationship.
Dick.
Commitment.
Cock.
Love.
Big fat uncut tool.
Oh dear.
What?
This is worse than I thought.
Huh?
Sherry, do you remember the day we met?
When I interviewed for this job?
Of course, yes.
It was a long time ago,
but I remember it like it was yesterday,
yesterday, yesterday-
Why would you say yesterday three times?
Because it's a flashback, stupid.
[twinkly music]
Thank you for coming in, Shirley.
It's Sherry.
[Jackie chuckling]
I know that, silly. I was just trying to make you smile.
Oh!
[Sherry giggling]
Now, I have read your resume,
and although three years as the assistant night manager
at an Arby's is very impressive,
I'm afraid It's not the kind of experience
that I was looking for.
I know,
I understand how stuffing a beef and cheddar into a bag
and asking people,
"how many packets of barbecue sauce would you like?"
is not the same as working in a busy office
of a successful psychotherapist, but I really need this job.
You see, last night I broke up with my boyfriend, Lance.
He'd been treating me really badly and disrespectfully
and just, you know, generally an asshole to me.
So I kicked him out.
But the problem is we still work together
at the previously mentioned Arby's restaurant.
It's not really a restaurant.
Potato potato.
The point is I now have to pay full rent on the apartment,
'cos I'm there alone.
I don't know what to do, but I know what I can do.
I can work really hard. I promise to give you 109%.
I'll be the hardest work you've ever seen.
That way, you have time to do what you do best,
help crazy people be a little less crazy.
I like your attitude, young lady.
And I also like the fact
that you kicked that jerk boyfriend's butt to the curb.
So what do you say?
I say, congratulations.
[Sherry gasping in delight]
You're hired.
Oh thank you, Dr. Jackie! I promise I won't let you down.
[twinkly music]
[Jackie] Where's that girl I hired?
Hmm?
[uplifting music]
The one that wouldn't put up with any crap from a guy,
no matter how much meat was swinging between his legs,
where is she?
She's right here.
She's right here in front of you!
And all it took was that black and white flashback
to remind me of who I am and what I want.
Thank you, Dr. Jackie.
[door opening in hallway]
[Meryl] Hello? Is anyone fucking here?
Oh shit, it's Meryl.
Go tell her I'll be with her in a minute.
Yes ma'am!
Oh, and Sherry.
Yes. Dr. Jackie?
Don't believe a word she says.
Remember, she's a fucking liar.
[relaxing jazzy music]
[phone ringing]
Hey, Dr. Jackie.
It's John Cameron Mitchell.
Oh, hi, John Cameron Mitchell,
legendary star of "Hedwig and the Angry Inch."
How can I help you?
I have a question for you.
I just played Joe Exotic in a TV series.
Uh-huh.
And you know, it's a blonde mullet,
you know, I'm used to the Hedwig blonde wig,
but I never really thought about going out and getting laid
in the Hedwig wig.
What seems to be the problem?
Can I wear the mullet out?
As a kind of, you know,
honey to attract the bees?
I say, hell yes.
At our age,
we are allowed to do whatever it takes to get laid.
Let me know if it works,
'cos if it does,
hell, I'll even put on a wig.
[Jackie chuckling]
Thank you, Dr. Jackie.
All right.
Your insight is always overwhelming to me.
I'm so glad I came to you. That makes so much sense.
Thank you so much.
[Jackie giggling]
Bye bye.
[upbeat jazzy music]
[dynamic music]
As a professional entertainer,
it's important that I look my best.
That's why I use the luxurious but affordable products
from Aaron Carre's skincare,
moisturizers, exfoliants, and more.
Everything you need to look your best at any age.
Try Aaron Carre skincare today.
Here's your lunch!
[paper sliding across wood]
Have a seat.
Who the hell are you,
and how could this possibly be my lunch?
Oh, hi!
I'm Pete,
with the Try, Try Again temp agency,
giving hard-to-employ people another chance since 1989?
I'm filling in for Sherry
while she gets her elbow reduction.
Elbow reduction?
Mm-hm. Apparently it's a thing.
She'll be back on Monday.
It's a surprisingly fast recovery period.
She told me in a note she left me.
[paper rustling]
Oh, and she also wanted me to tell you
that she is definitely not at Coachella.
And if you see photos of her on social media,
wearing overalls and an oversized floppy hat
that those photos are fake
and that they were most likely posted by her ex-boyfriend
just to cause trouble.
Never mind, I'll deal with her later.
Now you realize that submarine sandwich
isn't supposed to be the size of an actual submarine, right?
Well, Sherry told me in a note that she wrote me
that you wanted a six foot submarine sandwich for lunch.
I said six inch sub!
Please don't yell at me.
I don't like when people yell at me.
You know how some people are afraid of spiders
and of flying
and of Jennifer Lawrence?
Well, that's how I am, but with yelling.
Okay. I won't yell.
Can I please see the note that Sherry gave you?
Oh, I see what the problem is.
Okay?
See, that says six inch sub,
those two little lines mean inch.
If there was only one line, it would be feet.
It's a simple mistake.
Please don't yell at me.
I'm not yelling.
I'm practically whispering.
Like I said, this is a simple mistake.
Anyone could have made it.
It's not your fault.
Thank you for saying that.
It's not your fault, something I'm not used to hearing.
You are very kind.
Well, you are very kind
is not something I'm used to hearing.
Your next appointment's waiting in the reception area.
What?
Why didn't you tell me?
[pen scribbling]
[awkward silence]
[Jackie sighing deeply]
Send them in please.
[cheerful jazzy music] [typewriter clacking]
Hello? Welcome.
I'm Dr. Jackie and you are?
[quietly] I- I'm Roy.
I'm sorry. I can't hear you.
I-I'm Roy.
Roy?
Yes.
Hello Roy.
Why are you here today? How can I help you?
Well, I, I, I struggle, as you can see, with confidence.
Okay. I'm gonna have to ask that you please speak up.
[loudly] I'm shy and I need help!
You don't need to yell-
[Roy] Okay.
There's a dis-
you know, something in the middle.
Okay.
You know?
I need help with confidence.
Okay. I think you're in the right place.
I've helped a lot of people with confidence.
Tell me in your everyday life, like, what's the problem?
Well, I struggle to be a strong-willed person.
I, I find myself to be scared of situations and-
which is interesting because in my professional life,
I, I'm a lot stronger.
I'm a lot more confident, a little more outspoken.
Right. What do you do for a living?
Well, I'm a drag performer.
A what?
A drag performer-
It's a job now. Yeah. Some of us do it for money.
Drag?
Now can you explain,
is that where the fellas dress up like ladies?
Yeah, sort of.
It started about eight years ago
with a very successful reality television show.
And what's happened-
Wait, drag started eight years ago?
Only eight years ago. According to the internet.
Please go on.
My drag character's name is Bianca Del Rio.
Would you like to see a photo?
I'd love to.
[photo frame clacking]
That's a lot-
That's a lot of makeup.
[photo frame slapping against table]
Let's just put that over there.
Try to focus.
So she's bold.
Yeah. She's very bold and outspoken,
but I struggle in my real life, you know,
outside of not having liquor or drugs,
it can be really challenging
to find who I really am as a person.
So you don't do any drugs or alcohol?
No, but as you can see, I'm very soft spoken and shy.
But when I'm Bianca, she's always the life of the party,
always with the cocktail,
always with crowds of people around her,
laughing and enjoying themselves.
So essentially you're here
to try to incorporate more of Bianca
into Roy's everyday life, to be more outspoken,
to stand up for yourself,
to tell people how you really feel.
[Roy making agreeable sounds]
Okay. I'd like to try something now
where I say something and you repeat it.
Sure.
I am powerful.
I am outspoken.
Okay. I am moving on.
No, you don't say that.
Stop!
Oh, sorry. I didn't realize.
How about we hypnotize you?
Oh!
Try to get to the root of the problem.
[Jackie loudly clearing her throat]
Can you unbutton the top button?
I think that's a good start.
Okay.
This is turning into a different type of session,
but I kind of like it.
It's one button.
I need you to simmer down,
and I'd like to make it very clear.
I don't find you attractive.
Not like this and not in that picture.
Okay?
I think we need to really dig deep
and find out what's going on.
Why are you so shy?
Why are you holding back?
All right?
Okay.
Because Bianca's somewhere inside you
and we need to tap into her.
Sure.
All right. So just watch this.
Okay.
Watch the swinging necklace.
Bianca Del Rio is very tired.
[drowsily] Tired?
What about this cheap jewelry from Santee Alley
that cost you 2 dollars? That's really tired.
[chain clattering]
Okay, careful, or I'll give you the villain edit.
What's the villain edit?
Oh! Yes! [intriguing music]
The villain edit, according to Urban Dictionary,
is a reality TV phenomena
that makes one person seem unlikeable, conniving,
or makes them the villain for the sake of good reality TV.
Who are you talking to?
No one.
I just really think I made a big mistake
by coming here today.
Stay seated.
I didn't realize that I had to do this, but,
I think it's time we tapped into your inner child.
No.
What the fuck is that?
This is the Dr. Jackie puppet.
You're gonna talk to the puppet, not me.
And we're gonna find out what the problem is.
This is gonna work. Do you trust me?
No, but-
[whispering] All right, let's do this.
[high-pitched] Hi! I'm Dr. Jackie!
You're really bad at this.
I could totally see your lips moving.
[normal] I'm a psychotherapist, not a ventriloquist.
I'm not the winner of "America's Got Talent."
It's just hard 'cos your lips are moving.
I mean, can-
that's actually better for everyone.
Even the fake people in the back that are watching.
Don't make me write down "sees fake people."
All of a sudden your next tour will be canceled
because you will be in an insane asylum.
I have that power.
Now talk to the fucking puppet.
Are you trying to trigger me,
with this puppet wearing a sombrero?
That's racist.
Do you wanna get better or not?
Si.
[high-pitched] Hola? Yo soy Dr. Yackie.
What's your name?
Hola, Dr. Yackie.
My name is Roy, also known as Bianca Del Rio.
And I struggle with inner confidence.
[high-pitched] You are deeply disturbed and very sick.
I'm deeply disturbed and she's the one holding a puppet?
Oh.
How dare you question Dr Jackie!
Come closer, little boy.
I'm gonna show you what happens to little boys
who disrespect Dr. Jackie!
[cartoon punching sound]
Ow!
If someone bothers you, punch him in the nose!
[normal voice] Like Bianca would.
I actually feel worse than I did before I came in here.
I don't think your tactics or methods are working at all.
The chanting, the hypnotism,
the silly little puppet that was racist.
None of it has made me feel any better.
I'd like to point out that the puppet may be racist,
but I'm not.
Sure.
And I just remembered something
that you mentioned a little earlier in our session.
You said that Bianca Del Rio
is always the life of the party?
She always has a cocktail in her hand?
Do you remember saying that?
Vaguely.
I think I understand the problem.
If you wanna be more like Bianca and be more outspoken,
stand up for yourself, tell people how you really feel,
I think you just need to start drinking
even when you're not in drag.
[tense music]
No.
Yes.
Do you think this is gonna work?
It worked for me.
[liquid sloshing]
Try it.
[tense music ramping up]
[Roy gulping down drink]
Ah!
Now, how do you feel?
How do I feel?
I feel fucking amazing!
I don't know if anyone's ever gonna tell you this,
Dr. Jackie, but you're a fucking joke.
This is bullshit!
Have you looked at yourself?
That old tired busted face
that looks like Trixie Mattel and Ronald McDonald fucked
and had a baby they should have aborted?
Fuck off, dude!
And by the way, you're fat.
Do you believe that shit?
[high-pitched] But she was right about one thing.
[normal] What's that?
[high-pitched] You are fat.
[cartoon punching sound] Ouch!
I'll kill you, you little bitch!
I'll kill you!
Excuse me, bonkers bitch.
Could I just get my picture back?
Sure.
It's right here.
Pretty pretty.
[upbeat jazzy flourish]
[theme song instrumental playing]