[audio logo]
[music playing]
I grew up in a very special place.
Every December, our block was transformed
into a Christmas wonderland.
And my parents started it all.
[gasp] It's Christmas.
It's Christmas!
Mom, Dad, wake up!
Wake up.
Get up.
Where are they?
Fine, I guess I'm going to open all the presents by myself.
Here, I come!
Oh, I hope Santa came.
[gasp] He came!
Merry Christmas, sweetie.
Merry Christmas.
Can I open my presents?
Oh, not just now, honey.
We have to go.
We have a lot to do before the carnival this afternoon.
Yeah, but what about Christmas?
The Christmas carnival is Christmas, sweetie.
We have put so much work into it to make it special.
Yeah, but you've done so much already.
But we have to salt the sidewalk, light the lamps.
Check on the backup generator.
Good call.
Come on, sweetie.
Don't pout.
You know how important the carnival is.
It's our responsibility.
Our duty.
Yes, our duty to make it perfect.
Can I open at least one?
Of course.
Oh, I think I just the one.
Here.
Open this one.
[unwrapping]
Wow.
A camera?
Maybe you'd like to take pictures of everyone
in all the events today to keep a record
of how happy everyone is.
You'll be our official Christmas photographer.
Like for fun or for my duty?
There's no reason it can't be both, dear.
[laughs]
Merry Christmas, honey.
Merry Christmas.
Let's go.
OK.
Mmm.
[kiss]
Get bundled up, dear.
Come on.
Meet us outside.
My parents tried their very best to instill their Christmas
spirit into me.
But when you're seven, you have other things on your mind.
(SINGING) Up on the housetop, reindeer paws.
Out jumps good, old Santa Claus.
You'll never guess what he brought me this year.
What?
I got the entire Frank Gehry LEGO collection.
Who's Frank Harry?
It's Ghery.
And he's only the greatest architect of the 20th century.
Well, that's cool.
What's wrong?
Didn't he get anything good?
[sigh] Just this.
A Polaroid?
Cool.
Yeah, well, let's test it.
[shutter clicks]
[whirring]
That's so cool.
Yeah, except my parents are going
to make me use it to take pictures of everyone else
at the carnival.
That sounds awesome.
Can I help?
Um, sure.
[music playing]
Can I have this?
Well, I guess.
Let's go.
I'll help you get people together,
and you can take the picture.
It'll be fun.
Race you there.
Every year, I'm faced with the same question.
Is Christmas merely the longest to-do list of all time?
Or is all that work actually fun?
Maybe this year I'll find out.
[MUSIC - JOHNNY MATHIS, "WE NEED A LITTLE CHRISTMAS"] Haul out
the holly.
Put up the tree before my spirit falls again.
Fill up the stocking.
I may be rushing things, but deck the halls again now!
For we need a little Christmas right this very minute.
Candles on the window.
Carols at the spinet.
Yes, we need a little Christmas right this very minute.
It hasn't snowed a single flurry.
We got guys coming left.
Coming left.
You got to call him out, you guys.
Come on.
They're breaking in!
Dan?
Left, you guys.
No, you got to call that out.
Dan, what are you doing here?
Um, I live here.
Well, I thought you'd be at work.
No, I took a personal day.
Isn't this a busy season?
Yeah, that's why I get so stressed during the holidays.
Well, don't look.
Don't look.
Hold on, guys.
No, no, no, no, no.
I said don't look.
That's like saying don't think of tigers.
I mean, the first thing you're going to do is think of tigers.
Oh, I wanted all this to be a surprise.
Wait, this is for me?
Yeah.
Like all of it?
Yeah, I went a little crazy.
I know.
But don't feel obligated to go crazy on me.
OK.
[chuckles]
Right.
[sigh] I mean, I wouldn't be upset
if you got me something nice.
But-- [laughs]
Truth be told, I'm not that big in the presents.
Getting them or just giving them?
Giving mostly.
You remember your birthday?
Oh, yeah, no, no, I remember.
I was very disappointed.
And I thought I made that point.
But it's clear we need to have another discussion.
Well, we already did.
Remember?
You got really mad at me.
I said, I have no idea what you like.
And you said I should figure it out.
And then, I asked you for a simple list.
I'm not making a list, Dan.
I'm not seven.
You said that same thing last time too.
And that didn't have any impact on you?
Wait, wait, hold on.
Are we about to have another fight?
Well, it depends.
OK, can we just skip it this time?
Because I'm really-- I'm not that big into fights either.
OK, I'm going to say it.
I'm-- Yeah.
I'm going to-- I'm just going to say it.
I have not been very happy in this relationship lately, Dan.
OK.
And that doesn't seem to bother you?
Oh, well, I don't want to break up
or anything if that's what you're saying.
Yeah, but you also don't want to talk about it?
Not really, no.
Right, OK.
So then, yeah, we're breaking up.
What?
Seriously?
Just like that?
Seriously.
I mean, what is there to discuss if you won't even
talk about it?
Well, I choose not to break up.
What about you?
No, this just isn't working.
I mean, the first couple of years were so great.
And I swear, it's like this last year have literally
stopped trying.
Fine.
You know what?
I give up.
Case in point!
I can't believe this.
Well, it's your decision.
You used to be a lot nicer.
[laughs] Sorry, that was the craziest deja vu moment.
My ex used to say that same thing.
It's weird.
OK, that's it.
I think you should move out.
What?
No, no, no.
No, I'm going to stay.
What do you mean no?
No, I found this apartment.
I put the entire security deposit down myself.
Technically, that's true.
But you remember that family reunion
that you had last summer that just--
I didn't want to go to?
Yeah, no, I'm still upset that you bailed on me for that.
I mean, my Aunt Monica doesn't even think you exist.
[snaps]
That's a fair complaint.
But my point is this.
You may recall that it was the same week
we had to renew the lease.
And so technically, my name is the only one
on any of that paperwork now.
You wouldn't.
I thought I was helping you out.
[sigh]
[keys jangle]
[door unlocks, opens]
[beep]
OK, guys, I'm back.
Sorry about that.
[door slams shut]
Oh, honey, I am so sorry.
It's OK.
It was bound to happen sooner or later.
Honestly, I don't even know why I stayed with them this long.
Well, then I suppose it's a good thing.
Yeah, except I have to move out.
Well, where will you go now?
I don't know.
I've been looking at listings.
But there isn't much available until after the New Year.
No, I mean for Christmas.
I don't suppose you're going to Dan's.
Why don't you pack up and just come home?
Mom, no offense.
But I really don't think I can handle an Evergreen Lane
Christmas right now.
I'm just going to use my Frequent Flyer miles.
I'll go somewhere warm and just relax.
No, no.
That can't-- no.
Darling, you can't.
You come on home.
You can relax with us.
Your father will be so happy.
He's not too busy remodeling Santa's workshop again?
Oh.
[laughs] No, not this year.
[laughs]
OK, that was your nervous laugh.
What are you hiding?
Oh.
[laughs] No, what are you talking about, dear?
Mom, you just did it again.
Last time you laughed like that I found out you got rid
of all my Beanie Babies.
Oh, no.
It's nothing like that, dear.
I'm just hoping that you're doing OK with the breakup
and everything.
It's got to be hard.
Sure.
No, I'm OK.
You know what?
I think it's going to be good to come home for a while.
Right now, I'm off until New Year's.
And I can just relax, and eat a million cookies,
and get some TLC.
I couldn't agree more.
It's been a long time since you've
come home for the holidays.
It'll be so wonderful for you.
Just do me one favor.
Please don't pressure me too much
to do all the Christmas activities.
I really don't think I have it in me right now.
Don't worry, dear.
Your father and I will not be pressuring you
at all this year.
I promise.
All right, thanks, Mom.
I'm just going to finish packing.
And then, I can probably be down there by dinnertime.
Oh.
No, no, no.
No, no.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow, darling.
Tomorrow.
Your father and I, we've got plans with the Engerbretson's
tonight.
So I think it would just be better if you came down
in the morning.
Is that OK?
Yeah, no, it's totally fine.
I'll just lock the door and make Dan sleep on the couch.
Probably going to be playing some virtual ogre
fighting thing.
I have no idea what he does all night.
Oh, that's wonderful, dear.
Well, I'm going to go tell your father.
He'll be so excited.
All right.
Bye, Mom.
Bye.
Are you sure this is a good idea?
This may be our only hope.
Oh.
Alpha Niner to team Kringle, we have a code red and green.
I repeat, red and green.
All units assemble.
Over.
OK, break it down.
It's a red and green?
Yes, it is.
Get the tree.
I've got the tree.
Can't you take a tree and pillows at the same time?
I've got the tree.
[phone ringing]
You've reached Jess' phone.
Leave a message.
Hey, it's me.
So believe it or not, I am driving down Main Street.
Yep, I'm home.
[sigh] Listen, we have so much to catch up on.
But just call me or come by whenever you can.
All right, talk to you soon.
Come on, guys.
If you put your backs into it, you won't feel the cold.
Well, they should have layered.
Guys, please, watch the tulip beds, please.
They are very delicate.
Did you hear the lady?
[sigh] Ah, perennials.
So finicky, yet so delightful.
What?
OK.
All right, go.
Whoa.
OK, sir.
[whistling] It's there.
OK, thank you.
[chuckles] Oh, hi.
Welcome home.
Proceed with phase two.
Repeat, phase two.
Over.
Oh, look, here comes Emily.
Oh, right on schedule.
She hasn't been home for the holidays in years.
She doesn't have any idea, does she?
Not a clue.
Buckle up.
[music playing]
There she is.
Hi.
Oh.
What's with the get-ups?
[laughter]
You're moving to Florida?
That's the plan.
But why?
Well, because it's warm there.
Uncle Dino lives there.
And we can golf year round.
A bunch of my college friends are still there.
Oh, I cannot believe this.
Oh, honey, it's not like we're dying.
We're just moving to Florida.
We're taking our talents to South Beach.
But when?
As soon as we find a place.
You mean like online or what?
[car horn beeps]
That must be our cab to the airport.
Airport?
You're literally leaving today?
Yes, sweetie.
Our flight leaves in three hours.
You know how your mother needs to be early.
What's wrong with being a little early?
Nothing, the airport is 40 minutes from here.
If there's no traffic.
When is there ever any traffic?
But, Mom, Mom, Mom, you didn't think
it was important to mention to me that you
were moving to Florida when we spoke on the phone?
Honey, we weren't talking about us.
We were focused on you.
And you said you wanted to come home for the holidays.
Well, here you are.
No, I wanted to come home to be with you guys.
Remember?
The cookies and the TLC.
We'll be back by New Year's.
And in the meantime, you can make cookies.
You can bake all the cookies you want.
And the neighbors--
What?
--will be so happy to see you.
You'll get so much TLC, you won't know what to do.
You know what?
I'm already packed.
I'll come with you.
Honey, we want you to be here.
You need to decompress and take some time to yourself
to get over the breakup with David.
Dan.
Dan, right.
Now, what better way than to do it right here at the home
that you grew up in?
Yeah, but this isn't home without you two.
Sweetie, I know it's hard, but you'll
have everything here you need.
What about the neighborhood?
The neighborhood needs you.
You guys created the HOA rules for Christmas after all.
You can't just move to Florida and leave everything behind.
That is ridiculous.
Your mother and I believe that Florida is the place that
needs us the most.
Some lucky HOA has a hurricane of Christmas coming their way.
They won't know what hit them.
[laughter]
Well, that's for certain.
Oh, come on, honey.
Do it for us.
It would mean so much to us if we knew you
were taking care of the house.
And we didn't want to let the neighbors down.
She's right.
Just think of it as your Christmas present to us.
[sigh] Fine.
Just promise me you'll be back by New Year's.
Oh, honey.
You have our word.
Oh.
OK, come on.
OK, try to enjoy one last Christmas in the neighborhood.
Oh, I thought I told you that's exactly what I
was trying to avoid.
It'll be just what the doctor ordered.
Really?
I think I'd like a second opinion.
Hey, where are all the decorations?
In the garage waiting for you.
Yeah, but why aren't they up yet?
We got a late start.
Bye, honey.
Have fun.
Oh, almost forgot.
See you.
[sigh]
Hey!
You want to ride the lightning?
[whirring]
No, I'm good.
Party pooper.
[whirs loudly]
[knock on door]
Good evening, ma'am.
My name is Jared Farnsworth.
I'm looking for Emily Melrose.
Is she here?
I'm standing right here.
No.
Do you actually not recognize me?
Well, see that's impossible, because you do
have her unforgettable smile.
[chuckles]
But, I mean, the Emily Melrose I knew would be about, hmm,
to be 5'7", 5'8" by now.
You know what?
It's really interesting, because I recognize the freckles
and the steel blue eyes.
But the Jared Farnsworth I remember
he had, oh, legs that were as skinny as his arms.
So you clearly can't beat him.
You win.
Welcome home.
[laughs] It's good to see you.
You too.
Hey.
So how did you know I was here?
Well, that's the Evergreen way.
See, all eyes have been on you since you passed
the point of the mountain.
Wait, really?
I'll never tell.
[laughs]
Oh, OK.
So are you here visiting your mom?
I live here now, just up the block.
Oh, you have got to tell me the truth.
How do you do it?
How do I do what?
How do you deal with everyone, including my parents
being so over the top of the whole Christmas thing?
Oh.
Everyone is just so gung ho with the decorations
and the activities.
And the HOA is so strict.
To be honest, I love it.
And your dad has been such a mentor to me
for my first year in office.
Wait, office?
And I promise I'm not going to let it go to my head.
But as a newly elected president of the HOA,
I want to formally invite you to the kickoff
to the Christmas countdown.
Is that the overly massive tree lighting ceremony?
Really?
When's that?
Tonight.
Oh, it's a little late in the season
to be lighting the tree, isn't it?
Christmas is in a week.
Rest assured, I have my reasons.
Oh, scheduling this many board members is no easy feat.
In fact, I still don't know how your dad did it
with such [inhales] perfect balance.
Well.
Anyway, can you come?
You know what?
I just remembered I have plans.
I'm seeing Jess Woolley.
You know her.
Oh.
She married Kevin Van Orden.
And they have this adorable little girl now.
Yeah, Jess, '80s retro, always wears a beanie, cool mom.
That's oddly specific.
Oh, and her daughter loves that Darla-Do-Good doll.
All right, you're scaring me.
How do you know all this?
I call it the Santa sense.
That and they're heading up the walkway.
Hi.
Aunt Emily.
You made it.
Hey there.
Come here.
Jared Farnsworth.
Yeah.
What?
Oh.
Oh, hey.
Hi, Darla.
Good to see you.
What is going on here?
Well, Emily just informed me that you guys
won't be able to attend the Christmas tree lighting.
I want to go.
Yeah, so do I.
Uh, OK, I guess we'll be seeing you there after all.
I sense that was coming.
[chuckles] See you guys tonight.
Is that an invitation to the tree lighting?
No, it's a notice for insufficient Christmas decor.
[chuckles]
What?
Oh, Welcome back to Evergreen Lane.
I still can't believe you live on Evergreen Lane.
Well, I don't live here, but I grew up here.
Hey, are you sure you're OK staying here
by yourself? 'Cause you can always crash with us.
I'm fine.
Besides, my parents want me to look after the house anyway.
And I think it'll be good to spend some time by myself.
And try and figure out why I spent the last three
years of my life with Dan, knowing that our relationship
had no future.
Because he was nice at the beginning.
But honestly, I think the jerk in him
was just waiting to come out.
I know.
You really dodged a bullet there.
And yet, I still got wounded.
[sigh] You know what I need?
I need to just take a bunch of hot baths.
I need to sleep until 10 o'clock every morning
and sit-in front of that fireplace in my cozy pajamas
and watch Christmas movies on repeat.
Yes, that sounds perfect.
I think they're about to start.
You guys want to go?
Let's go.
Emily Melrose?
[gasp] What a wonderful surprise.
Hi, Belinda, Mary Louise, Bob.
You guys remember my best friend, Jess.
And this is her daughter, Nicole.
Hi.
We're so glad you could make it.
Well, Jared invited us.
He's an architect.
And a darn good one.
And handsome too.
Uh-huh.
Oh, stop, you two.
The last thing Emily needs is a couple of matchmakers.
I thought she just got dumped by that loser boyfriend of hers.
First of all, I dumped him, Bob.
And second of all, how did you hear that?
Belinda, of course.
She always spills the tea.
I'm so sorry.
Your mother made it seem like it wasn't a secret.
Oh, that checks out.
You know what?
She's right.
I don't have anything to hide.
But I do want to just fly a little under the radar
this Christmas if you know what I mean.
Good luck with that.
Oh, well, we'll see you at the tree.
Mm-hmm.
[chuckles]
Come on.
Let's go see that tree.
[cheers and applause]
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.
It is December.
And as you all know, we gather to light the neighborhood tree.
And I am very sorry to say that we're a little late this year.
A little?
Couple of weeks.
Stop it.
We talked about this, Ned.
It was the best time for everyone.
So thank you for that.
I've been free for the last two weeks.
You've been free since the '80s, OK?
Go ahead, Jared, please.
Anyway, I want to thank all of you
for your efforts, your energy this year.
One announcement that I have to make,
though, is it's the first time in the history of the HOA's
30-year existence we will not see Gail and Albert Melrose.
Aww.
But their daughter Emily has come home for the holidays.
So everyone say hi to Emily.
[cheers and applause]
Oh, reminds me-- quick announcement,
there will be an HOA meeting at 8:00 AM.
Can you fill in for your folks?
What?
Me?
We'll call at 7:45.
Yeah.
OK, yeah, yeah.
Perfect.
Emily Melrose, ladies and gentlemen.
Lovely.
So much for sleeping in.
All right, everybody.
[chuckles]
You know what this is.
[laughter]
Without further ado, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
Light her up.
Oh.
Jared, come on.
No, no.
Is it broken?
Ned, you said this worked.
It worked when I did it.
OK.
Ned, let it-- it's going to be fine, everybody.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
It's not going to work.
Let's not--
Come on.
[grunting]
You know, this never happened when
your parents were in charge.
I don't want to blame you but I am.
Give it.
Oh.
Ah.
Oh.
Yeah!
[cheers and applause]
Evergreen Lane, I love Christmas!
[cheers and applause]
Whoo!
Yes.
[vocalizing]
[chainsaw whirring]
No one makes them fast as I can.
[vocalizing] First, the head and then the shoulders.
[vocalizing]
[singing and whirring continues]
What?
Ugh.
Oh.
[music playing]
What?
Oh.
Hm.
Hi, 911, yes.
I'd like to report a very strange man wandering
around my property.
Oh, I'm not strange.
And you're not on the phone with 911.
No, but I will be if you don't tell me what you're doing here.
I'm just checking out some stuff.
What kind of stuff?
HOA Stuff?
Yeah, how'd you guess?
Because my dad used to sneak around people's
houses looking for violations too.
Such a legend.
What does the HOA think about noise levels in the morning?
Actually, we have a very strict policy,
nothing above 90 decibels before 9:00 AM.
OK, so it's 7:30.
Oh, every week except the week before Christmas.
Oh, well, that figures.
All right, so what'd you find?
Everything is very detailed on that
notice I left you last night.
You mean the notice that was intended for my parents
to handle?
They're out of town, so everything falls on you.
Jared, are you serious?
By law 25.12, if the owners are not
present or otherwise incapacitated,
they may nominate a surrogate or next of kin
to fulfill all holiday obligations.
Read up on that, buttercup.
This one's for you.
OK, now see, that's the thing.
I came here to get away from any and all obligations.
That puts me in quite the pickle.
[laughs] See, everyone takes Christmas very, very
seriously around here.
Maybe you can tell them at the meeting,
because I told them you would be there so, yeah.
Because I was pressured to say yes in front of the whole town.
Not cool!
Emily, Emily.
Emily, wait, I'm sorry.
You're right.
I shouldn't have done that.
Can we just talk about it?
What do you mean talk about it?
That thing that two people do when they
want to solve a problem, right?
OK.
You know what?
Great.
Let's talk about it.
I think Christmas should be about having fun.
I don't think it should be about attending HOA meetings
or writing citations.
In fact, I think the word bylaw itself
should be banned for the entire month of December.
So can you please just let me enjoy
the holiday in my own way?
[sigh] You're right.
You're right.
It's Christmas time.
It's hardly the time to think about the wants and needs
of others.
[sigh]
(SINGING) On the first day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree.
Could you just go away?
There is no bylaw against early caroling here
on Evergreen Lane.
In fact, it's encouraged.
Well, can you make an exception, please?
(SINGING) On the second day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me two turtle doves and a partridge
in a pear tree.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love
gave to me three French hens, two turtle doves,
and a partridge in--
[thuds]
Fine, you win.
I'll go to the meeting if you promise
to not sing that song for the rest of the week
or the rest of my life ever.
OK.
[grunts] [sigh]
[sigh]
[music playing]
[sigh] So the word on the street is you're an architect.
That's right.
What kind?
House remodels mostly.
Did you remodel your house?
I did for absolute optimal holiday cheer.
You can put in an extra wide fireplace.
Why extra wide?
Santa, of course.
[chuckles]
Hm.
What do you do?
I am a freelance copy editor.
That makes sense.
You were always a great writer.
In fact, do you remember in fifth grade?
You wrote a story about a little girl who asked Santa for it
to be Christmas every day.
Wait, you remember that?
Pick up the pace, you lollygaggers!
Come on.
T-minus 2 minutes and counting.
Let's do it.
Got to love his enthusiasm.
Yeah, his aim isn't bad either.
Let's just, um--
All right, team, listen up.
We have six days until Christmas.
And as you can see, lots of fun still to have.
Now, I just want to make sure our event managers are
up to speed on what they need to do.
Now first off, let's see, Christmas Cookie Contest
this afternoon.
Check.
Thank you, Mom.
Hot chocolate prepped for the visitors.
You know this.
Mm.
Trophy for the winner.
Locked and loaded.
But I don't know why we don't just give it to her now?
Don't be hasty, Ned.
It's anyone's game.
Lastly, we have the illustrious Snowman Tableau Now, we
know that Gail and Albert are down in Florida.
So we may need someone to fill-in for them.
Why don't we have Emily do it?
That way it can stay in the family.
Oh, now that's a wonderful idea.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Well, hold on.
Let's see what Emily has to say.
Emily, what do you think?
I'm just a little confused.
It's an exhibition of frozen humanity followed
by a no-rules snowball fight.
What's to explain?
No, I'm well aware of what the event entails.
I still have slight hearing loss from the time I took
a shot to the eardrum in 2012.
You said you forgave me.
Say it louder, Ned.
That might be the ear.
You said you forgave me!
Right.
What I'm confused about is why my parents didn't find someone
to cover this if they knew they were going out of town?
Yeah, well, uh--
[clears throat]
Why--
You know what?
I'm sure they could walk you through it.
You have plenty of time.
How much?
36 hours.
Plenty of time?
That sounds like slight hyperbole.
You do have to enter the cookie contest.
And your house still need to be decorated to code, so yeah.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
I actually don't have to do any of this.
[laughs]
Oh.
OK.
Is it me or did it just get really hot in here?
We don't want you to miss out on any of the fun, Emily.
Wait a minute.
Why don't Pamela and Emily co-manage the event?
[laughs]
You know what?
I'll just do it by myself.
That'll be so much easier.
Oh, I'm totally fine with that.
That's a great idea.
Great.
No, then Emily wouldn't have the satisfaction of participating.
I think co-managers is a great idea.
I feel like I finally know what the FOMO feels like.
Hah.
You guys are going to have a blast.
You know what?
Can you define FOMO?
Fear of making out.
Sorry about that, Bob.
Oh, please let it be the one where
she finds out her boyfriend is actually a prince.
[phone ringing]
Hi, Mom.
Hi, sweetie.
Are you guys on a golf cart?
Your father's driving.
We're between holes.
Oh, who's winning?
I don't want to talk about it.
How are you?
I'm OK.
[sigh] But why didn't you tell the HOA to have someone
else run the Snowman Tableau?
Uh.
No.
It must've slip mind.
Fell through the cracks, I guess.
Uh-huh.
Well, they've assigned it to me.
And they also want me to decorate the house and bake
cookies.
That sounds like a perfect Christmas.
Yeah, maybe in some alternate universe
where I wasn't ditched by my parents for the Sunshine State.
Oh, come on, honey.
It sounds so harsh when you say it like that.
Well, how do you think I feel?
I feel like I'm in Home Alone 4--
Stuck in the Suburbs.
Don't be so dramatic.
I'm sorry about the decorating.
But you did say you wanted to bake cookies.
No, I said I wanted to eat cookies a lot of them.
Then make extra.
Please, Emily, at least try to get a baseline of decorations
up at the house.
Our family has a reputation to uphold.
All right, fine.
I'll do it.
I'll do my best for you guys.
There's my girl.
All right, I'm just a little worried that my best
is not going to be up to par.
Don't worry.
Neither is your father's golf score.
Ooh.
I told you.
I will turn it around on the back nine.
Sure you will.
That's what you said yesterday.
We agreed, no put down.
You guys, I need help.
Remember?
Me, help, please.
There's a checklist on my desk.
That should get you right on track.
Have fun, honey.
Don't you dare go first.
Goodbye.
I am the wolf, still.
Wolf "schmolf."
Come on.
[phone beeps]
Oh, goodness.
[gasp] Oh, it's the one in Vienna.
I love this guy.
[knock on door]
[whistling]
Hold up.
Is this another warning?
No, absolutely not.
It's not a warning.
That's a full-on citation.
For what?
Violation of the nutcracker code.
It's in your handbook, section 1-5904.
Oh, yeah.
I must have skimmed that part.
Every front porch must have a nutcracker
by December 19th, which was yesterday.
And I'm giving you a bit of wiggle room here.
And I don't want to say it's getting ridiculous.
OK, I didn't even know about the nutcracker code.
It's in your handbook.
One second.
I'll wait.
Yeah, just a sec.
Are we good?
[scoffs] It is illegal to rip up a citation.
Also, your nutcracker needs to be 36 inches from shoe
to chapeau.
Oh, from shoe to chapeau.
Is that in the handbook too?
No, it's my own little flourish.
OK.
So what is the penalty for these citations?
That's up to the HOA president. (WHISPERS) Me.
And should be proportional to the offense.
So what do I get for no nutcracker?
Well, that's known as a fix-it ticket.
And you get a taller nutcracker, and I will personally
tear that up.
And what about the one that I ripped up?
About two hours community service.
You can start by helping Mary Louise and Bob with their lawn
display.
Hey there, Bob.
OK.
All righty then.
[music playing]
So what was wrong with this spot for Dasher and Dancer?
Oh, nothing.
I just wanted a second opinion.
Oh, OK.
Well, would it be all right if I maybe
take down the rest of the reindeer in the meantime?
Well, if Dasher and Dancer move, everything's going to change.
Oh, excellent point.
Well--
OK.
--the cookies are in the oven.
And where were we, Bob?
Oh, Dasher and Dancer.
[laughs]
Oh, OK, honey, a little to the right.
OK.
OK, and a little forward.
Yeah, and then a little to the right.
Yeah.
And now to the left.
OK.
To the left, to the left.
[gasp] Oh, boy.
To the left.
Sorry, just a sec.
Whoa.
What do you think, Bob?
About what?
Pfft, pfft.
[sigh] Well, what do you think?
Oh, it's perfect.
Thank you.
Aww, happy to help.
Really?
Oh, I thought Jared cited you with community service.
True but you know what?
It was a pleasure.
We'll thank Jared later.
He's an architect, you know.
That has been mentioned, yes.
mm-hmm.
And you let us know if you need any help with your decorations.
Do you know what?
I have a question.
Did my parents were really not put up any decorations?
Well, as a matter of fact--
Bob doesn't remember, do you, Bob?
Um, yeah, she's right.
I don't remember.
Neither of us do.
OK, all right.
Well, I got to go bake some cookies.
So see you later.
[exhales]
Stop mentioning Jared.
You're going to jinx it.
I can't believe we have less than two hours to finish these.
I should have started this before you guys came over.
[door bell]
Oh, what is it now?
Go on.
We can mix the batter.
OK.
The sugar is right there in the medium canister.
Got it.
Ready to make some cookies?
Yep.
[chuckles]
Pamela, what's up?
I was wondering when you'd like to meet
to plan the snowman parade.
Right.
How about later tonight?
No, no.
I never plan anything after the cookie contest.
Oh, OK.
Why not?
If I lose, I will be in no condition to do anything.
Good for you for being honest.
But I've never lost.
Right, no, of course.
OK, so if you win--
If.
If I win?
Sorry, sorry, sorry, no.
I mean, when--
OK, don't jinx me.
Right.
Shh.
Just-- but I--
Please.
I was just going to--
Mmm.
How about when the whole thing's over?
We'll just check in with each other, right?
And we'll see if you're in a happy place.
And if you are, then we can meet up.
How does that sound?
That's fine.
OK, Whoo, good.
OK, I'll see you there.
Great.
Your nutcracker's too short!
I'm aware.
So what are you going to do after the holiday?
I don't know.
I'll probably just camp out here until I find a place.
I'm sure my parents would love having me around.
Mm, well, so would a certain HOA president.
What?
Oh, give me a break.
What?
I saw the way he was looking at you at the tree lighting.
What?
Come on.
Like you were the only woman on Evergreen Lane.
She's right.
[laughs]
I noticed it too.
Well, I didn't even know you were listening.
(WHISPERING) She is always listening.
[chatter]
[music playing]
I'm out of my league.
How could it was going to be "The Great British Bake Off"?
It's always this crazy.
These folks don't understand the meaning of the word amateur.
Well, don't feel bad.
I am sure that these hold up.
Yuck.
Nicole.
I'm sure that it's fine.
Mm.
Are you sure it was sugar from the medium cannister?
[coughs] My mom doesn't label the jars.
Is that a Salt Lake specialty?
[laughs]
Aha.
[coughs]
The classic.
Did you know that English shortbread
is the forerunner of the modern American sugar cookie?
Yeah, there's another school that
says it goes back to Mesopotamia, 2000 years ago.
But I am not of that school.
This was originally formulated in Sussex
by the chef de cuisine of the Archduke of--
Sorry, are you allergic to nuts?
No.
Milk?
No.
Shellfish?
No.
What are you allergic to?
Sulfites.
[gasp] Bummer.
Sulfites were the secret ingredient.
And a lot of salt.
[clears throat] Nicole.
Oh.
Mom, can I have a real cookie?
Yes, please do.
You should.
Mm, divine.
Can I have a bite?
Thank you.
[cheers and applause]
OK, you've all brought your A-game, but the votes are in.
And I know it was hard to choose a favorite from among so
many glorious recipes.
But we do have to crown a winner for this year's Christmas
Cookie Contest.
Ring-a-ding-ding, baby.
It's game time.
Third place goes to Ned Broadhead.
Yeah, me!
[cheers and applause]
Oh, me!
Oh!
[laughs] I did it.
Yes.
I did it.
The third place, that seems right.
Third.
Spicy gingersnaps were a first for me.
What was the secret ingredient?
Nepalese ghost peppers, baby.
That'd do it.
All right, second place.
We never want second.
Missy Cartwright-- [laughs]
[cheers and applause]
--for her sumptuous and rich egg nog truffles.
But the winner, first place, once again
for her perfect pecan stockings is Pamela Bevans.
Oh, thank you.
[gasp] Oh, my god.
Oh.
Would you like to say a few words?
Me-- I-- [stammering]
Oh.
Let's keep hydrated, shall we?
OK, thanks for coming, everyone.
I hope you saved some Christmas cookies for Santa,
because he'll be here in six days!
Yes.
[cheers and applause]
Sorry.
Ah!
[laughs]
Never see anything like that.
[laughs]
Oh, you should look.
Oh, wow.
I never stood a chance, did I?
No.
Whoa, hi-- Pamela, hi.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
I am now prepared to confirm our planning
meeting for later today.
Oh, good.
Are you sure you're OK though, because you
seemed kind of emotional.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Besides, victory gives me purpose.
OK, then.
All right, how about--
I don't know.
What time works for you this evening.
Well, I feel it's best to take advantage of the daylight
hours.
We don't want to appear like a couple
of lackadaisical Leslies, do we?
Oh, quite the contrary.
You know, I had some Christmas stuff,
that I was going to do Christmas activities.
But why don't we say around 4:00?
OK, I'll put around 4:00 in my calendar.
Helen, we're leaving.
Yes, Mom.
No, mommy's got to be somewhere around 4:00.
Why does she make me so nervous?
Because she's a bona fide ice queen.
Elsa's got nothing on her.
[laughter]
Hey, Em.
I was wondering if I could talk to you in private.
Sure.
Yeah, I'll go find Nicole.
Oh, boy.
[laughs]
Oh, no.
I'm not really sure how to tell you this,
but it seems like you've caused quite a scuttlebutt.
A scuttlebutt.
Mm-hmm.
What kind of scuttlebutt?
A little scuttlebutt.
You see, the thing is-- it's like after the Christmas tree
lighting and then the cookie contest, visitors that
are outside the lane, they've been a little disappointed
at your lack of decorations.
Outside the lane?
Mm.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
[sigh] Fine.
You know what?
I don't want to be a sore thumb.
Mm-mm.
And I promised my parents I would do the minimum.
So when can you start?
As soon as I can get the bins off the shelves in the garage.
That's all it takes?
Yeah.
Attention, all available units.
Rendezvous at Melrose Manor, stat.
Operation Deck the Halls is a go.
Over.
What is happening?
[MUSIC - CRAIN, "DECK THE HALLS"]
(SINGING) Hey, hey, hey.
Ho, ho, ho.
Deck the halls with boughs of holly.
Fa-la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
'Tis the season to be jolly.
Light them up.
(SINGING) Fa-la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
Don we now our gay apparel.
Snow flakes, they're heavy.
The bells [chuckles] are ringing.
I don't see any smiles here.
We're working, but we're having fun.
What is going on here?
This is classic storage configuration.
We'll have you sorted out in no time.
Nice.
Last one.
Great job.
I got it.
Oh.
It's the nutcracker.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Thank you.
Oh.
One of the best in the neighborhood.
Oh.
He's coming with me.
(SINGING) La-la-la-la.
That looks great.
Thank you so much.
That looks beautiful.
(SINGING) Hey, hey, hey.
Ho, ho, ho.
Hey, hey, hey.
[clears throat]
(SINGING) Ho, ho, ho.
I think this should bring me up to code.
We'll see about that.
Go ahead.
42 inches.
Someone's been reading their handbook.
Well, not exactly.
But it does make a good doorstop.
Care to do the honors?
[exhales]
[applause]
[chuckles] Nice work.
You too.
You three.
[chuckles] This was amazing.
Thank you so much, everyone.
Now all you need is a lawn display.
You know, I have an extremely rare taxidermy set
of nine adult reindeer.
They're beautiful.
You just say the word, and I will just wrangle those puppies
out of that parking garage A-S-A-P.
Well, as lovely as that sounds, I
think you've really done enough already.
What?
Oh, no, no, no.
I am so grateful for your help, really so grateful.
It's just I kind of need to decompress.
That was a lot.
You sure?
Second wind here.
No.
[laughs] I'm totally sure.
You know how to find us.
Yes, I do.
This is just incredible, really.
You know, it just reminds me of exactly what it
looked like when I was little.
You know what?
I'd love to have you all inside, and I
can make you a cup of cocoa as a token of I appreciation.
What just happened?
I think it's a Christmas miracle.
I'll take you up on that cocoa.
But the people just--
Looks great.
Kind of strange.
Santa, I am your father.
Got the hot cocoa.
[toys thud]
[clears throat] Oh, great.
Hey, that was really fun.
Thank you for getting everyone to help out.
Oh, yeah.
Are you kidding me?
They wanted to do this.
Yeah, I got to chill out there.
Yeah, yeah.
It sure is freezing.
I'm going to come join you.
[chuckles]
Oh, man.
Oh.
You know, I always thought my parents were just so pushy,
making everyone follow all of these rules
and do all of these activities.
But I'm starting to realize I think people always wanted to.
They live for this.
Like, think about how many lives your parents
changed by giving them these amazing memories all
these years.
Yeah.
Speaking of which, do you still have
those old Polaroids from me and you together
at the Christmas carnival?
Oh, they have to be here somewhere.
My parents threw everything out that
was old unless it was Christmas-related.
Right.
But I bet they're stored away somewhere.
OK.
I'll have to look for them.
[laughs]
Yeah.
[laughs]
I've gotten pretty close with your parents
since I moved back here.
And you know what they talk about more than anything else?
Easy, Christmas.
No, it's-- it's you.
Every time I see them it's--
oh, did you see that new article that Emily edited
for that amazing magazine.
Or, oh, Emily took us this fantastic restaurant.
Or she's taking kickboxing now.
And she's a blue belt--
Purple belt. Purple belt.
Hm?
And they really shouldn't have told you that.
That is my secret superpower.
Mm.
Well, that's just the angel on top of the Christmas tree.
I know all the dirt.
Really?
For instance, your favorite sandwich
is a frozen peanut butter and jelly.
That's gross.
You have to try it.
No, you are afraid of basements but not attics.
I have my reasons.
OK.
You are shamelessly, unapologetically
in love with Nickelback.
Chad Kroeger was my everything.
I mean, that hair.
Oh, you good?
Yeah.
Did I lose you?
No, I'm good.
But this has gotten a little strange.
Yeah, a little bit.
You kind of know a lot about me.
Well, your parents go on and on and on and on about you.
So--
Honestly, they go on and on about you,
the whole neighborhood does.
Well, that's nice, yeah.
When I moved here, they did welcome me with arms wide open.
That's Creed.
You would know.
[laughter]
Oh.
Oh, no.
I can't stay here.
Yeah, I'm on fire, so--
No, no.
I have to go.
I totally forgot about my meeting with Pamela.
Oh, oh, go.
I'll let myself out.
Really?
Are you sure?
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
But I'll see you soon, right?
Absolutely.
Well, hope so.
Great then.
Yeah, soon, soon.
[exhales] Ooh, sorry about that.
Pamela, hi.
I am so sorry.
I was decorating the house with Santa's helpers.
And I just lost track of time.
Hm, I'll say.
It's 5:23.
I know.
I'm sorry.
We agreed on 4:00.
We did say around 4:00.
Is 5:23 around 4:00?
Well, it's better than 6:23, isn't it?
Is this the lady that made you fill up the swear jar?
Oh.
You know what, sweetie?
Why don't you just go on inside and play with your dolls, OK?
I brought my dad's checklist.
He used this checklist for the event for years.
Then you already have a roadmap.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just that--
I don't know if you could see this part.
It's 3 feet long.
Yeah.
But I really think we could do it all
if we just like divvy it up and do this together.
You know what?
That is a great idea.
How about you do everything on the list, and then you
tell me when you're done?
[sigh] OK.
You're still mad.
I can tell.
I am so, so sorry.
But the entire neighborhood, they all came out.
The neighborhood came out to help me,
and I just got carried away.
I was carried away with the Christmas spirit, you know?
OK, nice try.
But-- I'll make it up to you.
How?
I don't know.
Do you have any ideas?
Actually, yes.
You've got tiny, dexterous hands.
Come on in.
I need you with your cute, little, baby
hands to thread popcorn.
Oh, my-- that's a lot of popcorn.
[chuckles]
Yeah, I need the hot glue stockings for my daughter's
girl scout troop.
We can go over the list while you thread all that popcorn.
Don't move a muscle.
I'll be right back with my hot glue gun.
Don't eat it!
OK, you know, if I'm being completely honest,
I've always wanted to take a crack at your dad's list.
I've just always admired his organizational skills.
Look at this.
OK, "get required permit from HOA."
We can do that.
You know what?
I'm going to talk to Oscar Parcell about the parking.
He likes to be courted, you know?
Oh, OK.
I'll bring over my cookies.
He'll be great.
OK, "pick up extra gloves from community donation center."
We can do that.
Ow!
Stop.
Don't.
Stop.
Go through it.
Push through the pain.
Sorry.
[music playing]
Good morning.
Look who's right on time.
How are you feeling?
You know what?
I woke up with a bit of a crick in my neck.
I think I must have slept wrong or something.
I think it's the way you were stringing
the popcorn last night.
Really?
What do you mean?
Correct posture and regular chiropractic adjustments
are a must.
I wrote my dissertation on it.
Wait, you have a PhD?
Wow, in what?
Arts and crafts.
Hm.
With a minor in scrapbooking!
Wow.
Easy.
Now, don't you break on me.
I mean it.
There you go.
Ah.
Oh, that is amazing.
And a few days late.
Perfection is worth the citation.
OK.
Good morning, Ned.
Good morning.
We're just going around the neighborhood,
trying to get donations for the Snowman Tableau.
Of course, of course.
Ah, what do you need?
Really anything.
Buttons, carrots, beanies, old clothing,
anything you can think of.
Oh, oh.
I've got 12 hazmat suits.
You can make a post-apocalyptic gang of snow people.
OK, you know what?
Just get us a few carrots and an old beanie net, OK?
Your loss.
You don't know what you're missing.
Yeah, I do.
OK, you know what?
That's just dangerous.
How?
Well, some poor kid is going to get his tongue stuck on that.
Why would he be licking it?
I don't know what--
I don't know how kids think.
They like to lick stuff and eat stuff off the floor.
Is that coal?
Yep.
Do you actually burn it?
No, I'm more of a green energy guy.
Then why do you have coal?
Stocking stuffers.
You mean like for the naughty kids.
Yeah, but I don't have the heart to put them
in anyone's stocking.
So I'm mainly just use them as snowman eyes.
And we wonder why we're single.
Bzzz.
OK, don't.
You know what?
(ROBOTIC VOICE) Have you been on the naughty list?
No, I've never been on a naughty list ever.
Santa says otherwise.
He would never say--
(ROBOTIC VOICE) Are you sure?
OK, stop it.
Not you.
She seems frustrated.
[laughs]
All right, you know what?
Fine.
We'll take it.
Just put it in the wagon!
Why is she yelling at me?
Stop that!
Bzzz.
She does a lot.
Don't do that!
[laughs]
So how long have you lived here?
Five years in November.
Where did you live before?
In Highland.
I would bring my daughter here every Christmas season.
It's her favorite thing to do.
My husband, he travels a lot for work and sometimes
during the holidays.
So we would come here to be part of a community.
I told Ned to cut these.
That's really sweet.
Is he traveling this holiday season?
Yes and no.
What do you mean?
He had unexpected trip come up.
And before he could figure out his work schedule,
all the flights back to Salt Lake were booked solid.
It's the busiest time of the year, you know,
holidays and ski season.
So the earliest you can get back is
the afternoon of Christmas Day.
Oh, my goodness.
I'm so sorry.
Well, it is what it is.
And at least we've got Evergreen Lane.
Hey, but-- no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
What are you doing?
Is that another citation?
No, no.
No citation.
Invitation.
It's my annual White Elephant Party.
Be warned.
It can get pretty competitive.
A couple of years ago, the police had to come break it up.
Yeah, if Ned's there, just don't bring power tools.
It still gives me night terrors.
How are you doing?
Comes and goes.
You guys did great on the donations.
Yeah, people were really happy to help.
Yeah.
And it was nice.
Pamela and I had some really nice quality neighbor time.
Oh, actually, we're not neighbors.
It's your parents' house.
Oh, true.
Yeah.
But you know what?
I didn't hate it.
Oh, that's good, yeah.
So I'll just go through all the stuff
and organize it in the bins.
That way you can go be home with Helen.
That's really nice.
OK.
Please keep the carrots away from the hats and the mittens.
Absolutely.
That's a vegetable.
They're fabric.
Oh, yes.
OK.
100%.
Oh.
Got it.
Great.
OK.
What a 180, huh?
Yeah, please don't jinx it.
Oh, no.
I didn't want to say this when she was around,
but there's your citation.
For what?
No lawn display.
I don't know if you noticed, but I was kind of busy
fulfilling my obligation to the HOA
by collecting things for the Snowman Tableau.
Actually, I did notice.
That's why the penalty's been reduced to mandatory attendance
to my White Elephant Party.
Oh, OK.
So it's a party I literally can't miss.
That's an excellent way of putting it.
Yes.
[music playing]
[chuckles]
I'll help you.
Oh, honey, no, we don't have any.
If we kept all the lawn displays from every year,
we wouldn't have any room in the house for furniture.
So what did you do with them?
Your father donated them to charity.
And you bought new ones every year?
Yep, and we always had the best ones, didn't we?
[chuckles]
Remember that 10-foot-tall polar bear?
Do I remember it?
That thing still gives me nightmares.
It was a classic.
Is that Jared?
Uh, yeah.
He's helping me out today.
Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Melrose.
Ooh, hi, Jared.
Hey, Jared.
Oh, honey, they're hanging out together.
Yes.
Isn't that wonderful?
Lovely, just lovely.
Oh, Albert.
OK, thank you.
Thank you anyway.
We're going to go now.
Bye, sweetie.
Bye.
[kiss]
Have fun.
OK, turn it off.
It's off.
No, all the way off, Albert.
It is off.
It's still green.
Green is off.
Oh, honey, are you sure?
What if they can hear us? 'Cause last time they could hear us.
They can't hear us, because it's off.
Is that the teakettle boiling?
Did I make tea?
You did.
Emily, I still have all the lawn displays.
What?
Are you kidding me?
I can't part with those.
They're my most prized possessions.
So where are they?
In a storage locker just outside of town.
I'll text you the information.
The key is an empty shoe polish can
in the top drawer of my desk.
But whatever you do, don't tell your mother.
OK, no, no.
Don't worry.
You're very sweet and partially insane secret is safe with us.
Taking it to my grave, sir.
OK.
Take anything you want.
And if anyone asks, you found them at The Salvation Army.
Got it.
Who are you talking to?
[phone beeps]
Oh, and those are my parents.
Legends.
It's like an episode of "Hoarders," holiday edition.
It's like a dream.
You know, my dad said the lawn display was the crowning piece
of decoration.
It's got to be just right.
Anything inspire you?
Yeah, you know what?
Yes.
So this guy is Ned, obviously.
Of course.
And here we have Mary Louise and Bob.
Adorable.
And the elf is Pamela, always hard at work
and a little intense.
And then, here, I'm Rudolph, the new kid
on the block who's trying to figure everything out.
And where am I?
Give me that citation pad.
[gasp] (WHISPERING) I'm Santa?
Of course, you are.
Who else would you be?
Do you know, when I was a little kid,
I actually wanted to be Santa Claus when I grew up?
Aww.
Were you just heartbroken when you found out
that wasn't possible?
No, I have studied and research the Santa Claus 1, 2, and 3.
I am convinced it is still possible.
[laughs]
Ho, ho, ho, everybody.
What happened here?
Did a Christmas comet land on your house?
Well, I guess you could say I got into the spirit a bit.
Yeah, this is Clark Griswold level decoration.
Did you do this all by yourself?
Mm-hmm.
Jared helped.
Are you her boyfriend now?
Oh, um, no.
Do you want to be?
Nicole, we're just friends.
Yeah, friends.
That's what Hannah said when I asked her if she liked Jaden.
Then, Braxton saw them holding hands under the lunch table.
Have you guys held hands yet?
Nope.
Mm-mm.
Nope.
Mm-mm.
Don't let her make you feel uncomfortable.
We encourage her to speak her mind.
You see something, you say something.
OK, well, this isn't the airport, Kevin.
[laughter]
I'm sorry.
You don't have to answer that if you don't want to.
We made you cookies.
We used sugar this time.
I hope you don't mind.
Oh, nice.
Good call.
Well, we should head inside.
Do you want to join us?
Oh, yes, it's-- see, it's against the HOA rules for me
to say no to cookies so [chuckles] yes.
OK.
Hello.
You know, Dasher and Dancer and--
Comet.
Prancer.
You're skipping literally the only one.
Dancer.
Gosh, I should've gotten that.
How did you did that?
All right, big guy, let's see what you got.
OK, uh--
Exhausting.
Oh, the Christmas Carlton!
[laughter]
My turn, finally.
Guys, ready for this?
Do you want the moon?
Just say the word.
I'll throw a lasso around it, and I'll pull it down.
Oh, oh, Bing Crosby.
Are you kidding?
OK, everyone.
Welcome to the annual Snowman Tableau.
[cheers and applause]
Yeah!
[applause]
Pamela and I are so excited you could all make it.
And we cannot wait to see what awesome snow people you make.
So listen up, we have some carrot for noses, hats,
scarves, clothes, buttons.
Coal for eyes.
What kind of coal is it?
Uh, kind that comes from the ground?
No need to be childish.
All coal comes from the ground.
Is that anthracite or bituminous?
It's for snowman eyes, Ned.
Does it make a difference?
Well, maybe not to you.
Anywho, does anyone else have any questions?
No.
Yes, Ned.
Can we use rebar to ensure structural integrity?
Rebar?
Yeah.
Currently it is 41 degrees Fahrenheit,
5 degrees centigrade.
Without adequate internal support,
my design will not be able to--
You know what?
Go nuts.
All right, everybody, let the fun begin!
Yeah!
[cheers and applause]
[MUSIC - JOSS STONE, "WHAT CHRISTMAS MEANS TO ME"]
(SINGING) Candles burning low.
Hanging mistletoe.
Lots of snow and ice everywhere we go.
Choir singing carols right outside my door.
All these things and more.
That's what Christmas means to me, my love.
Oh, about tonight's party, there is a dress code.
Oh, I brought everything I own when I moved out,
so I should be covered.
Is it formal or semi-formal or Christmas casual?
Ugly sweater.
Oh, nice, classy.
Your parents always had the most hideous sweaters.
I have no idea where they got them.
Yeah, those were just their regular sweaters.
[gasp]
Do you know what this means?
What?
Snowball fight.
Snowball fight?
Every man for himself.
No rules.
No mercy Oh.
Mm.
Fall back!
Fall back.
Regroup.
Fall back.
You will live to regret that!
Ned, I've been waiting all year for this.
I'm coming for you, sister.
[music playing]
Cheap shot.
Bob, return my Tupperware!
Come on.
Don't surrender.
Don't retreat.
I got one with your name on it.
This one's for you, Farnsworth.
Yeah!
That'll hurt in the morning.
I've got cat-like reflexes.
Hey, hey, hey.
Come here.
[yelling]
I came prepared.
[music playing]
A little much.
Ah, let's see.
Oh, just right.
Mm-hmm.
[music playing]
[laughs] Hm.
Pamela?
[music playing]
[door bell]
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
Merry Christmas.
[laughter]
Here.
Oh, thank you.
Watch this guy.
Hey, I only had two.
Is that what I think it is?
I have no idea how I found it but yes.
[laughs]
Oh, oh, this is very impressive.
This whole thing?
The internet's is a wonderful place.
I see you found your parents' stash.
Yes, it's a 1987 classic, I believe.
'87, a fine year indeed.
And this is for you.
This is amazing.
But what we really need to do is this.
Come here.
Ready?
OK, 1, 2, Santa.
[laughs]
[shutter clicks]
[whirring]
All right, this will go perfectly right next
to the other one.
Come see.
I don't really share this with anyone,
but I've been thinking about installing a retractable roof
on my house.
Why?
So I could plant a 60-foot old growth tree in my living room.
Ned, have you ever thought about therapy?
I've been in therapy for years.
Have you ever thought about getting a different therapist?
Look what I found.
There.
Almost a perfect recreation.
You still have it.
Yeah, I love that photo.
Ooh, it's almost singing time.
[music playing]
(SINGING) Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't go?
Ho, ho, ho, who would go?
Oh, up on the housetop, click, click, click.
Down to the chimney with good St. Nick.
(SINGING) Fall on your knees.
Oh, hear the angel's voices.
(SINGING) Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way.
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh.
Hey.
[cheers and applause]
Whoo-hoo!
Whoa, come on.
I'm so glad you found these.
That's you, Pam, right?
Yeah, that was during my poncho phase.
[laughs]
Whoo, you look on that one.
Oh.
[laughter]
You'd never know it, but Jared's actually very stressed out.
About what?
The Christmas carnival.
The Santa he booked had to cancel.
Apparently, he sprained his lap.
Oh, no.
Can he find a replacement?
No, it's three days until Christmas.
Everybody's booked.
He's already so busy with everything else.
I'm worried he's not going to find anyone.
Maybe I could help find someone.
That would be wonderful.
I'll tell him you'll take it off his plate.
He'll be so relieved.
Maybe Ned could do it.
My record is 2 minutes and 13 seconds.
Pain is all in the mind.
[panting]
Keep thinking.
Ned, stop it.
Ooh.
All right, everyone.
It's time.
Oh, yes.
It is time.
[applause]
It's time.
On your turn, you can either take a wrapped present.
Or you can steal from someone else.
But there's a twist.
Pay attention, Ned.
The lightning round, you have 10 seconds for one final swap.
Ready?
Who has number one?
I do.
Take it away, Mom.
OK.
I didn't want that one anyway.
Drum roll.
[laughter]
What is it?
It's a top-of-the-line condensation monitor.
Well, sorry, Belinda.
No one's trading you.
What's wrong with you people?
[music - "jingle bells"]
(SINGING) Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.
[gasp]
Oh.
OK, don't get too attached.
Don't anybody think about trading this.
(SINGING) Oh, how fun it is to ride on a one horse
open sleigh.
Hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.
Oh, what fun it is to ride on a one horse open sleigh.
Oh, yeah!
[music playing]
(SINGING) Oh, what fun it is to ride on a one horse
open sleigh!
Hey.
Hello.
How's checklist coming?
Hey.
Well, other than about a dozen boxes being empty, it's great.
Well, you can check the Santa box, because I found someone
to do it.
What?
Yeah, your mom said you were so stressed and asked
if I could help.
Why would do-- she did?
Yeah.
So it took a few hours, but I think I've
convinced Kevin to volunteer.
Who's Kevin?
Hello, Jessica's husband.
Now, I don't have a Santa suit.
But I'm thinking that Pam can help us.
The woman has a PhD in arts and crafts.
She can probably whip something up in an afternoon blindfolded.
She sure could for, yeah, Kevin.
Oh, I'll hold for applause.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a Santa on Christmas
Eve-eve?
Yeah.
[clears throat] Yeah.
It's like finding the actual Santa.
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you.
Well, you don't look happy.
I thought you'd be happy.
[laughs] Yeah, I'm happy.
Don't I look happy?
No, you look like I put coal in your stocking.
Oh, oh, it's Christmas time.
Of course, I'm happy.
I'm just a little stressed right now.
My mom's right.
I have a lot on my plate.
But good luck with Kevin or Pam or Kevin.
Good luck.
[chuckles]
[music playing]
Are you sure about this?
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
I can make a Santa suit with my eyes shut.
See, I had a hunch you would say that.
Just get me his measurements, stem to stern.
In about 60 to 90 minutes, I'll have him looking exactly
like "Miracle on 34th Street."
Oh, you are a magician.
Thank you so much.
It's an advanced degree, not magic.
Right.
It sounds like you're having a wonderful time.
Honestly, I am.
Everyone's working so hard, but this time it
doesn't feel like work.
It's kind of magical.
I think I finally understand why you and dad made service
such a priority over the holidays.
Your father will be so glad to hear it.
He's in a Thai massage right now.
But he'll be so pleased to hear that.
Tell me, how's it going with Jared?
I don't know, Mom.
I mean, he's such a special guy even
though he's [laughs] extremely quirky and downright goofy
sometimes.
He's just so sweet.
He's so charming.
I meant how's it going with his HOA duties but go on.
Oh, oh, right.
No, no, no.
He's an excellent president, very good president.
Everyone is really happy with him.
I just wish he wasn't so stressed.
Uh-oh, what's he worried about?
Well, the Santa he hired canceled last minute,
and he was too busy to deal with it.
So I took over.
And I don't think he really appreciated that.
Why not?
Well, when I told him I found someone to do it,
he acted kind of cold.
It's like I offended him or something.
Maybe because you did offend him.
What?
By trying to help?
By not asking the one person it would mean the most to,
sweetie.
[gasp] Right, of course.
How did I not think of that, Mom?
I guess I've still got some of those mom skills lying around.
Mad mom skills.
All right, I got to go.
I have to go fix this.
Merry Christmas.
Cannonball!
Oh.
Oh!
[phone beeps]
[sigh]
[music playing]
[door bell]
Hello.
No more "ho ho ho" chime?
I disconnected it.
How come?
Just wasn't feeling it.
Well, maybe this will help put you back in the spirit.
What's that?
It's a little nutcracker.
Still too small.
I know.
It's too small for your porch.
But it's not too small for your mantel.
And that right there has sentimental value.
Him?
Yes.
Mm.
That right there is the beginning
of how you got me into the Christmas spirit
on Evergreen Lane.
Really?
Yes, and since then, I have had the best week.
And that's because of you.
You're so devoted to making everyone happy that I foolishly
assumed you were too busy to fulfill
your true calling this year.
What are you saying to me right now?
That I think you would make the best Santa ever.
And I am so sorry I didn't ask before.
But I'm here now.
Just a girl standing in front of a boy,
asking him to be the most perfect Santa Claus.
I thought you'd never ask.
So happy you're happy.
Thank you.
So we actually have to get to Pam,
so that we can give her your sizes.
OK.
Yay.
[grunts]
Kevin has short arms and tiny hands.
Well, it's not my fault. The suit
was constructed on the measurements I was given.
I know.
I am so sorry, Pamela.
We rushed over as soon as we could.
I didn't think you'd finish it so fast.
Hey, what can I say?
I was in the zone.
Well, do you think you could let it out a little?
Oh, sure.
It is a Santa suit after all.
I'll just magically add fabric to it!
No, no, no, no, sorry, sorry.
I was just brainstorming.
Ned has a spare Santa suit.
What'd you guys think?
Hey, it's no threat out of my bobbin.
Go.
Go!
Oh, sorry.
I have several actually.
You never know when one will come in handy.
Ah.
Yeah, here is the Barry Manilow Santa.
Beautiful.
This is the traditional Norwegian laplander Santa.
Darth Vader Santa, very popular.
OK, what about just a classic mall Santa?
[sigh] If you must.
Ah, here we are.
Yes, yes.
You, sir, are a lifesaver.
Right.
Sign here and return in 48 hours.
I live across the street, Ned.
Right.
That's why I'm waiving the deposit.
How kind of you.
Sign for the boots as well.
Separate entry.
Here.
Grazie.
Oh.
[chuckles]
Is it time?
It's time.
Time for what?
I hereby nominate Emily Melrose to be officially named
to team Kringle as one of Santa's helpers.
I second the nomination.
Put the motion to a vote.
All in favor say aye.
Aye.
The motion has passed.
It is with great pride that I bestow
upon you, Emily Melrose, the great honor--
And responsibility.
--and responsibility of officially becoming
one of Santa's helpers.
Huzzah!
This is not a toy.
You have a lot of ground to cover out there.
Keep in constant communicado, capiche?
Capiche.
Never leave a helper without a hand.
Congratulations.
Attention, team Kringle, mount up!
Yeah!
Let's move, move, move.
Watch out with the steps we sneak up on.
Yeah, let's go.
Let's go!
Get the lead out.
North Pole.
Christmas tree.
Move, move, move, move, move.
I'll take cinnamon buns.
Let's go!
[chatter]
Are you OK?
Got it.
Sure you got it.
All right.
I'm Dasher.
I'm Dancer.
Everything looks great.
[sigh] Looks so great.
Want to take it for a test spin?
Oh, come on.
It's just a chair.
It's not just a chair.
This is where reality is suspended, where children still
believe in magic.
Mm, then it's really special.
Yeah.
Let's give it a try.
Yeah.
You were made for this.
I hope I do it justice.
I'm sure you will.
Well, it's just beautiful.
Couldn't agree more.
[laughs] All right, we have a busy day tomorrow.
So I should head home.
Oh, I caught that.
Caught what?
That right there was the first time
since you've been back that you refer to your parent's place
as home.
Huh, I guess I did.
Night.
Goodnight.
[clears throat]
[music playing]
[gasp] Oh, Pamela.
I am so sorry about the whole Santa suit debacle.
Are you OK?
[crying] No.
So I just got off the phone with Alan.
Looks like there's a winter storm system moving
into the East Coast.
And it's supposed to hit on the 25th.
Good news is my nana in Pittsburgh
will have a White Christmas.
Bad news is that his flight will most definitely be canceled.
And I have to tell Helen again that she's not going
to see her father on Christmas.
I'm so sorry.
It's fine.
That's why we have Evergreen Lane.
Please don't tell the others.
Last thing I want to do is dampen their spirits.
I won't say a word.
I really didn't want to be alone this Christmas.
[music playing]
Usually someone hugs you, hug them.
It's OK.
[phone ringing]
Hey.
Dan, hi.
Hi, hi, hi, it's me.
Listen, we need to talk.
[chatter]
Here you go, sweetheart.
Extra marshmallows.
Thank you.
What time should I take over, Mary?
1 o'clock.
OK, I'll be back then.
Can we go see Santa now?
Yes, of course, honey.
Ooh, you know what?
Let's go now.
We'll beat the line.
Santa, we're coming for you!
[laughter]
Well, you really seem to be fitting in around here.
You know what?
As strange as it seems, I think you're right.
I'm glad to hear it.
Does that mean you're thinking of moving back?
Oh, I don't know.
But if you hear of a place for rent, I'd take a look at it.
Ooh, I'll keep my ear to the ground.
I know one girl who'll be very happy to have you back.
It's so nice to be close to Nicole again.
I meant me.
Oh.
[laughs]
(SANTA CLAUS VOICE) Thank you, London.
Merry Christmas to you.
Merry Christmas.
[laughs] OK, Trixie.
Who do we have next?
Well, Santa, you remember Nicole.
Nicole, of course, Merry Christmas to you.
Do you want to sit in Santa's lap?
No, thank you.
Oh.
[chuckles]
Oh, OK.
A little girl who knows what she wants, Santa loves that.
Why do you refer to yourself in the third person?
That's a great question.
Oh, a more important question is, have you
been naughty or nice?
A little bit of both.
Like everyone, right?
I suppose.
Look, I know you're not the real Santa.
It's OK.
We should pretend for all the grown-ups sake.
(NORMAL VOICE) I'm picking up what you put down.
OK, what do you want for Christmas?
Two things.
Hit me.
I'd like some new furniture for my doll house, ideally Bauhuas
or Danish modern.
What else?
I'd like that handsome architect to take my Aunt
Emily on a date.
I told you.
She's always listening.
See?
That is what I call highly effective communication.
Uh-huh.
[laughs]
What makes you think you're Aunt Emily wants
that handsome architect to take her out on a date?
Well, she said she didn't like him,
but you know what that means.
Thanks for the tip, kiddo.
Merry Christmas.
You too.
(SANTA CLAUS VOICE) [laughs] Oh, Trixie, who do we have next?
Trixie doesn't care.
[music playing]
Alan!
Pamela.
[music playing]
The storm.
How did you get here?
None of that matters now.
We're together.
That's all that's important.
What's the story there?
Christmas miracle.
Don't stay out too late, you too.
We're waiting up for Santa.
I'm looking at my favorite star.
Oh.
[laughs]
[shutter clicks]
[whirring]
Mom says I'm the official photographer this year.
And you are doing an excellent job.
Thanks, Emily.
[music playing]
(SINGING) Glory to the newborn king.
[shutter clicks]
[whirring]
[sigh]
You're a true Melrose, Emily.
Your parents would be proud.
Merry Christmas.
How did you do it?
Do what?
There are no secrets from Santa.
How did you get Alan home in time for Christmas?
My ex-boyfriend happens to work for an airline.
So I called in a huge favor and got him on the last flight
before the storm hit.
Your ex?
Thought you said that guy was a jerk.
Oh, he is, totally.
Oh.
But even the biggest jerk is no match for the Christmas spirit.
[exhales] That give me goosebumps.
Is that strange?
Coming from you?
No.
[laughter]
So how was it?
Greatest night of my life.
Aww.
And it's not over.
I have a lot of presents to deliver.
So in fact, do you know where I can pick up some--
it's Bauhaus doll furniture.
I feel like the elves could help with that probably.
[clicks tongue] That's a good idea.
I do have one more request though.
Yeah, what's that?
How would you feel about going on a date with an architect?
Oh, it depends.
Hm.
Is he handsome?
I know someone who has a framed photo of him.
I can show you tomorrow and you decide.
All right.
Walk me home?
I got to get back to the sleigh.
Reindeer are a handful this time of night.
[laughs]
[music playing]
It's Christmas.
[music playing]
Merry Christmas, honey!
Surprise!
[laughs]
Mom?
[laughs]
What are you doing here?
Well, Florida was fun, but we couldn't be away
for the big day.
Oh, I am so happy to see both of you.
Oh.
The house looks terrific.
You did a great job outside.
Yes, the lawn display is very eclectic.
Thank you.
That's exactly what I was going for.
It's all very familiar somehow.
Really?
Hm?
I don't know.
Like father like daughter, I guess.
Did you remember to put the key to the storage
unit back in the shoe polish tin?
Wait, you knew?
[laughs] I think it's funny how after all these years
you still think you can keep a secret from me.
Pfft.
How was your week, honey?
You know what?
It was exactly what I needed.
Really?
How so?
I just realized how amazing it is what you guys started here.
And I was so proud to be a part of it for one more
year, even if it was the last.
Is that it?
You're heading back?
I haven't decided yet.
But I am thinking about looking for a place in town.
I can work from anywhere, and I miss home.
That's the best news we've heard in a long time.
Indeed.
[chuckles] How about you guys?
Did you find a place in Florida?
The good news is we found a condo right next
to my brother's.
The bad news is their HOA holiday regulations
are a total mess.
Oh.
But don't you worry.
Your father and I are already drafting amendments.
Mm.
Gail and Albert Melrose, just saving
Christmas one suburb at a time.
Mm-hmm.
[laughs]
Mm.
And thank you so much for looking out for the place.
That was the best Christmas gift you could have ever given us.
And now we want to give you the best gift we can think of.
[chuckles] It's your keychain.
I don't get it.
Those are the keys to your new home on Evergreen Lane.
Oh, are you serious?
If you want the house, it's yours.
We can't imagine it any other way.
I-- I mean, yes.
I mean, yes!
Oh.
[laughs]
Oh, I love you guys so much.
Merry Christmas, honey.
I love--
(SINGING) Joy to the world, the Lord has come.
Right on cue.
Let Earth receive her King.
Let every heart prepare him room.
And heaven and nature sing.
Heaven and nature.
And heaven and naure sing.
And heaven and nature.
And heaven and heaven and nature sing.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
[cheering]
Merry Christmas.
We've got a big day ahead of us.
But come on in for some cocoa.
(SINGING) We wish you a Merry Christmas.
We wish you a Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
We wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.
Hi, Bob.
Oh, I'm not singing.
OK, you stopped me.
[music playing]
[door closes, locks]
Barely 36.
Well, Merry Christmas to you too.
So you thinking about taking their offer?
Well, I mean, the house is amazing.
But kind of on the fence about the neighborhood.
Yeah, yes, a lot of characters.
Yeah, the HOA is very strict.
Well, if you get in good with their president,
he might cut you some slack.
I highly doubt that.
I took an oath to protect this neighborhood.
And I'm going to honor it.
That just gave me goosebumps.
Is that strange?
Not at all.
[chuckles]
You got a pen?
Always.
[sigh] I have a citation for you, Mr. President.
I'm sorry.
Is there some rule I broke that I'm unaware of?
It's my own little flourish.
That's not how that works.
Punishment isn't too bad.
I'll be the judge of that.
[clears throat] This, I think I can handle.
[music playing]
Merry Christmas.
[laughs]
So in the end, Christmas didn't quite
turn out like I thought it would It was better.
And I know one new resident who has some ideas for next year's
celebration.
The countdown is on.
[music playing] It's Christmas time, my dear.
You could feel it in the air.
Singing songs and spreading Christmas cheer.
[vocalizing]
Kissing under mistletoe.
Kissing.
Never want to let you go.
Never going to let you.
At least one thing is clear.
Ooh-ooh.
We can't wait to do it all again next year.
[audio logo]