Okay Shred. We are rolling.
Hi Seattle, my name's Officer Taylor,
but you can call me Shred,
and these are our pets of the week.
This is Masha.
She's looking for a new home
after her owners couldn't take care of her anymore.
She's so friendly.
Ooh, she's going exploring.
You know what's great about bullfrogs?
They love jumping!
Here's Doctor McJumpenstein and Larry the Leaper.
Go ahead, guys.
Jump.
Do you have an active lifestyle?
Consider adopting Dash.
You know, me and Dash have a lot in common.
We both love running on the beach,
cuddling on rainy days, and chasing tail.
Really, Victoria?
This is Tanya.
A 12-year-old Chihuahua looking for a home.
Um, she looks uh... maybe give her a little jiggle.
Whoa.
She got me. Get her out!
Oh, I just brought them back from jumping!
Oh, where did they go?
They must have jumped out the window.
Emily, I think the frogs need new batteries.
Why are you still filming?!
What do you want me to do?!
So if you want a pet, come on down to Precinct 22
and meet with one of our friendly officers.
Let's get some tails wagging!
Frank, you have a line.
Oh, uh, and if you want a frog that jumps, good luck.
Ok, that wasn't the line.
We can beep that.
Yeah, we can beep it.
Oh, score!
What?
I was looking for Frank's tick medication for his cat
and I think I hit the motherlode.
Look at all this stuff they had back in the '70s.
Animal Control Zippo lighters...
No.
Flip up sunglasses.
Oh, hello. Look at this!
And it fits!
- Ok, that's good. - You try it.
- It looks good. - Yeah?
- I think it goes. - Ok.
Yeah.
Look at this an ancient walkie-talkie.
Officer Shred Taylor I'm gonna need you back at the precinct
to do the hustle.
Right now. Immediately.
Copy that.
Uh, when the boss says “hustle ” I always boogie over.
Wait, you can do the hustle though, right?
- I don't know that I can. - No, you can do it.
It's like...
Is that how it goes?
Knock knock.
Hey, we were doing the hustle.
Uh-huh.
Everyone's in the bullpen,
Victoria's getting ready to get her citizenship exam results.
- Oh yeah. - Yes.
Ok, I'm about to check the website.
Ooh, no, I'm not. I'm too nervous.
I'll do it. I'll do it.
What the hell's this?
That's the wrong question.
What you should be asking is “where can I get one? ”
Authentic 1971 Animal Control hat.
That's interesting. And were all hats too small back then?
Oh my god, can I just... I'm gonna look.
Thank you for taking the US naturalization test,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Click this link to access your results.
Congratulations!
Guys, the screen is frozen.
Oh. That's premature discharge.
And that's how you had your fourth kid, am I right?
Put it right there.
No.
Congratulations!
No, I think the whole site has crashed.
This stupid country!
I know the stakes feel crazy high right now
but just breathe.
You know, you either pass or you get, uh, deported.
Oh, wow.
Ok, the stress is hitting me now, too.
What if I failed?
I'm sure you'll get some good news soon. Right?
Ma'am.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, no, no, no.
Alright, you'll get this back at the end of the school year.
Emily, can I talk to you?
Ok, I know where you hide my stuff, Frank!
The eagle has landed.
Where? I'll let dispatch know.
No, the- the lemur.
Remember the animal buy I set up at the gala
with Lucas, tonight, at the docks.
Yes, the lemur at the docks.
I'm so glad that I wore my fashion forward boat shoes.
Yeah, thank god.
Oh, it's Rick.
We've been checking in every day since he went to Nepal.
Yes, yes. Yours is a love story for the ages.
I just need you to focus on this investigation.
It's really coming together.
Rick, hi. How was your sound bath?
The vibrations rattled my ears so much that it fell off.
But the- the monks, they just rolled with it.
In fact, they decided that it was my turn
to guard the flame of enlightenment.
I'm assuming that's the giant torch that you're holding?
Exactly.
And if I can keep it lit for 24 hours
I will be granted an audience with the Llama.
Just to confirm, that's uh-
A religious leader, not an animal.
Not an animal, right.
Did you just get a text from contractor Greg?
House is done!
Not technically.
I requested they leave one outlet plate unscrewed
so that we could do the honors together as...
House brothers.
Yeah.
Did he leave a screwdriver?
I'll call him on the way. Yeah.
You seem pretty good for just getting out of surgery.
You can operate heavy machinery.
How about this copier, buddy?
Frank, you had a kid?
Oh, wow.
He smells just like you.
Rudolph just had some teeth removed
to make his breath better, not like yours.
What're you doing here? You looking to adopt?
No. A little bird informant told me
that you are doing an undercover bust.
I told you, dumbass.
Irregardless, you're gonna want me on this one.
I asked you for your help, you mocked me,
and now that I'm about to spike the ball
and do an elaborate end zone dance you want in? Nah.
Hey. Hey. Hey! You're my brother.
I don't wanna see you get hurt.
You dangled me off a bridge when I was seven.
That's called immersion therapy.
It's so you wouldn't have a fear of heights.
I'm terrified of heights.
Frank, you're not a cop, you don't have back-up.
You're a sad pretty boy with a beagle hanging off your teats.
That's it.
Yeah, well, these teats can bench press 300 pounds.
Hey, you know what? Beagle check.
Nut check!
Gotcha.
And the re-model is done.
It was a pleasure screwing with you, house brother.
Pleasure screwing with you. Look what we did.
- Yeah. - Mmhmm?
You know, life and zoning laws threw a lot at us,
and sure, it was twice as expensive as we expected
but I think we crushed it.
We should throw a party.
My first instinct is no.
You know, the last one was kind of a total bust.
We got working toilets now.
Also, we have a guest of honor, Victoria.
My partner deserves a rager.
She does, but she hasn't technically passed the test yet.
My dad's been coaching her.
The fear of disappointment in that man,
it's gonna drive her to do impossible things.
What if we made it a surprise party?
That way, if nobody shows up
we can sorta cancel it without her knowing.
I need you to be positive. I need you to manifest this.
- Manifest. - Mmmhmm.
Ok, yeah. Let's do it.
No surprise.
Now you're in my head.
I think we need to cover ourselves.
Ok. Surprise. You know what I'll do?
I'll invite my golf course girl.
You found her?
No, I didn't find her yet,
but as the only one who's taken my mind off Emily
I'm determined, so I am getting close.
I found out where she works,
I'm just waiting on them to return my calls.
You think guys like us achieve something like this
waiting for someone to return our call?
Hey, Greg, thanks for returning my call. Listen...
There's our man. Here we go.
Uh, I forgot my fake name. What's my fake Italian name?
Is it Marty? Mickey? What is it?
It's Maria. Don't panic.
And- and maybe don't talk.
Ok.
Oh, that's not Lucas.
What? Should we abort? Should we run?
I could probably make a run for it in my boat shoes.
- No, he sees us. We're doing it. - Ok.
Oh, good evening.
I don't believe we've had the pleasure.
Mr. Lucas sends his regrets. He has business elsewhere.
Oh, how... disappointing.
My Italian attaché is correct.
Unfortunately, this is not the arrangement upon which we agreed.
Well, it is what it is.
Uh... ciao.
Oh!
Uh, Beaudine, this is not um... how do you say... the lemur?
This is a... how do you say... a cat.
What? Wait, seriously? This is a cat?
Si. Si. The meow, meow.
Always being chased by uh the bow wow.
It's a cat.
You were looking for a lemur? Because they're illegal.
Whoever would be in that kind of business
are dangerous people.
I'd be careful.
Wait, this is not just a cat.
This is my cat, Doc Whiskers.
Which means they must have broken into my apartment.
Mama mia.
Leonardo DiCaprio.
Are you serious?
I don't know, I'm freaking out and I'm just saying
whatever comes to my mind that's Italian.
Protect my boy.
Clear!
Clear.
Ok, what are we clearing?
Shouldn't we just call the cops, or like your brother?
No, I'm not gonna call the cops, it's my place.
I can handle it.
Oh my god!
What?
They opened the 2007.
Oh, this is a beautiful vintage, dark fruits, leather...
and they didn't even pair it with a hard cheese.
Oh, wow.
I haven't been to your apartment before
and this is not what I pictured.
Well, I contain multitudes.
Wait, is that a robot cat feeder?
How much money have you spent on this animal?
It's actually a great investment.
It's got a camera and it records everything he does,
and this is such a fun age. He's three--
Wait, it's got a camera!
Ok, I'm looking for anything unusual, untoward,
out of the ordinary...
Stealing your cat?
- Yeah. - Right.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, what's that?
You ate everything in the bowl.
You're cleaning it for me. Thank you so much.
Wrong day.
- Where did you go? - Mmhmm.
Oh, what about that?
"...From beneath his slouched hat,
"Ahab dropped a tear into the sea."
Are you reading him Moby Dick?
Yeah, he loves-- he loves fish.
So this is what happens
when a high school football player grows up.
Check out all this vino.
There's the assault on my cabernet.
It's a little jammy for my taste.
Yeah, that's because you didn't let it breathe,
you thieving rube!
It's okay. It's okay.
The boss just texted.
It's coming in tomorrow at the docks.
Flight from Tanzania.
I thought we had tomorrow off. Let's just go.
Grab the ugly cat.
That is not true. You're my prettiest boy.
I hate to break up this moment
but it's coming in tomorrow from Tanzania.
That's an animal, right?
Yeah. My cousin Billy is an air marshal.
We have history but he's family
so I think he can get us the flight info.
What is it with your family and uniforms?
You just love to be in them?
We love epaulets. I can't stop staring at these.
Any word? Website still down?
Yeah, so friggin' stressful.
If you need a break why don't you come by the house tonight?
We'll give you a little tour, remodel's finally done.
I don't want a surprise party.
That's a leap.
That's such a leap.
What? What?
You just want to give me a friendly tour
of your crappy house
on the night that I get my citizenship results?
Ok, fine. You want the real reason?
We wanted to ask your opinion
on a color palette for our furniture
because we can't afford an interior designer.
You know, with the black mold and everything...
Yeah, and the foundation issues.
Yeah. The house tilts. We should have caught that.
We're out of money.
Right.
Please. Will you come take a tour.
Ok. Might be nice to take my mind off things.
Thank you.
Good save.
Yeah. The key to lying?
Little bit of selfishness coupled with incompetence.
There's our seaplane. Thank you, cousin Billy.
I'm, like, having a lot of fun.
I kinda feel like a badass right now.
You're not gonna sing again, are you?
No, I'm not gonna...
♪ This Emily plays for keeps
♪ and Alvin Lucas you're going down. ♪
Alright, that's it. I got it out of my system.
This actually is fun.
I mean, like, the moment before the bust,
the adrenaline's flowing
and then feeling that you're gonna make a real difference
and get revenge for your cat, you know?
I mean, it's like the best feeling.
You miss it, don't you?
Yeah, more than I realized.
Oh, here we go.
Ok.
I've got eyes on Alvin.
Oh, wow.
You know, I'm excited to see what it is.
If Lucas touches that cage I'm gonna shoot him.
What?
I'm gonna get a photo.
Oh.
Oh, it's a Zoboomafoo! It's a lemur.
It's go time.
This is happening. Oh, my gosh.
Wait, why are they here?
Patrick!
Your brother?
Hey. Hey.
Look. Yeah. I'm glad that justice is done
but this was my bust.
Our bust.
Ok, let's not credit hog, partner.
And what were you gonna do? Leash him and crate train him?
You are so going down, Alvin Lucas.
Can she touch me?
- No. Don't crowd my suspect. - Okay.
Are you surprised, Alvin?
You don't recognize me, do you?
How about now?
Beaudine Devereaux. Are you my Huckleberry?
Wait! What the...
Can I just get in the cruiser?
- Yes. Of course. - Thank you.
Hey, remind me to read you your rights later?
Yeah, you got it.
What?
How could you do this?
Cousin Billy called me, he gave me the flight number,
he said, and I quote
“Franker the wanker is gonna need your help ”.
You stole my bust just like you stole my Sega Genesis.
You know, if I'm ever murdered
I'd rather my case go unsolved than have you involved.
If you're ever murdered I won't even bother to plant evidence.
What?
Not that we even do that, but I wouldn't anyway.
Hey, Victoria will be here soon. Booties, please.
- Get those on your feet. - Hey.
Hey, look who it is! Bento!
Woah, hey buddy, I thought you RSVP'd plus one?
The more, the merrier, am I right?
- That's actually not the case - No, buddy.
just because right now we're sorta at capacity.
- Opa! - Opa!!
Well, after months of hard work by you and me,
my brother, who once shared an Uber
with the Golden State Killer without realizing it,
gets the win.
Yeah, look. I know it didn't turn out how we expected
but Alvin Lucas was brought to justice
and a lot of animals are better off for it.
So, if I may, to the animals. To Beaudine and Maria.
How you say... we did it?
We did it.
You did pretty good, partner.
Yeah? Like a real cop?
Well, as real a cop can be in fancy boat shoes.
I'll take it.
Oh, ok. Now it's a party.
I'm so glad you two could make it.
Patel, I'd like you to meet Carousel Pony
and Reese the Pitbull.
Hey, thanks for coming.
I want to hear about the cruise later, you two.
That's terrifying.
Oh, she's here! She's here! Places!
Victoria's here! Places!
Shhh! Get down!
Oh god.
Surprise.
- Surprise. - Where is she?
You ruined this thing you didn't want.
What? Are you kidding me?
Who told you? Who told her?
No one.
I had my doubts and then I saw Bento's party bus out front.
So, are we celebrating good news?
Still nothing. Still nothing.
Still nothing! Still don't know.
well, let's get that music back up!
Hey, partner, you are going to pass this thing.
I know it.
Thank you.
Thank you for this dumb party.
It's nothing.
I mean, it was a lot of organizing...
Hey, Frank, pour me a drink.
Oh.
Hey! Everything good?
Everything is amazing.
I had the most enlightening meeting with the Llama.
Oh, really?
It was transformative.
We only spoke for minutes but it felt like hours.
And I figured out exactly what I need to be fulfilled.
And what I need is you.
Mmmhmm.
Emily Price...
will you marry me?
Oh. Oh, I think you froze. Hello? Em? Emily?
Stupid Himalayan wifi. It must be the storm.
I'll just try again when it clears.
Frank, I've got someone here that wants to say hi.
If it's my brother I'm gonna burn your investment down
and urinate on the ashes.
What kind of shindig is this?
My dad?
Well, I thought you were gonna get a big win today
and I wanted him to be here to celebrate.
Some Indian guy handed me this hair net.
What the hell am I supposed to do with this?
He's just getting started. Everybody, Jimmy Shaw!
Mr. Shaw, Frank's had a really tough day.
So I know you got a hard shell
but I think right now he could use a view
of that chewy little center.
Tell not Rick to quit coming down to my burger place.
Ah yes, that's my cue.
Gentlemen.
I heard you had an exciting day.
Well, not as exciting as Patrick's.
That hair net is actually supposed to be
jammed in your mouth.
I asked around.
You did good police work on that Alvin Lucas case.
If you can't think of a punchline
I'm not gonna help you brainstorm one.
No, I mean it.
I could probably pull some strings,
get you back on the police force.
Your sincerity is throwing me.
Yeah, I'm not good with it either.
Hey.
You ok?
Mmm. Mmm-hmm.
Do you need protein?
I could make you a plate of tenders.
I can combo the sauces just like you like it.
No, no, no. Uh... Rick just asked me to marry him.
What?
Yay! Congratulations!
No. Um, but I didn't answer him though.
I uh, pretended that the call froze.
- Oh. - Oh.
Yeah. I was on the phone and I looked over and um,
I saw Shred doing this weird dance with that hat--
I'm gonna kill him.
Why did I freeze?
I don't know.
But it sounds like you might need to talk to Shred.
Why would I talk to Shred?
Life is short, ok?
You never know when you might die or get deported
or whatever it is that pertains to your situation right now.
Sorry, I'm a little one-track-minded.
But I think your heart is trying to tell you something.
Have you seen Shred?
No, have you seen Bento?
He's missing and that scares me.
No.
Ok.
Turn around.
Oh, uh...
Other way.
You don't happen to have a really old cough drop, do you?
You're here.
Oh my- I've been looking everywhere for you!
Have you?
Well, a devil bird ate that phone.
You know, I've heard that one before.
- Yeah? - Uh-huh.
- It's a pretty common thing? - It's a common one.
I can't believe you're here right now.
I got your card, and went to the precinct.
They said you were here so I thought I'd make an entrance.
Well, I for one will never forget it.
I passed!
I frickin' passed! I get to stay!
You can't get rid of me!
USA! USA!
I've never seen you before in my life!
USA! USA!
What is wrong with this thing?
They will let anybody into this country nowadays.
I'm surprised you didn't offer to marry me.
Oh, the divorce would have been a mess.
Bento?
Opa!
Oh my god, look at that hole.
Yep, looks like dry rot.
That's 100K off asking.
Jeez.
♪ Oh, I can't take another heartache, ♪
♪ though you say you're my friend, ♪
♪ I'm at my wits end,
♪ you say your love is bonafide ♪
♪ but that don't coincide
♪ with the things that you do, ♪
♪ and when I ask you to be nice you say ♪
♪ you gotta be cruel to be kind... ♪
So am I making a call for you or not?
I don't think so.
I thought that's what I wanted
but I think I'm right where I belong... unfortunately.
You're an idiot.
I love you, too, Dad.
♪ ...cruel to be kind.
I'm an American!
Now someone get me a Big Gulp and a gun.
This deserves an all-American lunch.
There's a great sushi place around the corner.
Wait, we have to get a group photo first.
- Oh. - Okay.
Alright, be cool, 10 o'clock. WV.
What?
West Virginia license plate.
What?
West Virginia, Victoria. West Virginia.
Say che...
- Let's go, go, go! - Wait!
Go, go, go, go, go!!!
I didn't even get the photo.