1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:18,791 --> 00:00:28,125 (♪♪♪) 4 00:00:38,041 --> 00:00:41,583 What started out as a soy milk recall one week ago 5 00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:44,416 has ballooned into a full-scale outbreak 6 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:46,708 across the greater Los Angeles area. 7 00:00:46,791 --> 00:00:50,625 The CDC has now confirmed a link between the outbreak 8 00:00:50,708 --> 00:00:52,250 and a deadly contamination 9 00:00:52,333 --> 00:00:55,916 at the Agnes Brand Milk Factory in San Bernardino. 10 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,458 This quiet, upscale Hollywood neighborhood 11 00:00:58,541 --> 00:01:01,125 where soy milk flows like water has become 12 00:01:01,208 --> 00:01:03,458 the epicenter of this unfortunate crisis. 13 00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:05,875 Since the outbreak, several Angelenos have become 14 00:01:05,958 --> 00:01:07,875 infected with the Agnes virus, 15 00:01:07,958 --> 00:01:09,958 while others have sought refuge indoors. 16 00:01:10,041 --> 00:01:12,625 Pardon me, sir. Ted Sommers, Channel 11 News. 17 00:01:12,708 --> 00:01:14,791 How are you doing? Are you okay? 18 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,708 Oh, shit. Channel 11 News. 19 00:01:16,791 --> 00:01:18,250 Love you guys. Love your work. 20 00:01:18,333 --> 00:01:19,500 Do you feel safe out here 21 00:01:19,583 --> 00:01:21,583 riding your bike on these streets alone? 22 00:01:21,666 --> 00:01:22,333 No, Ted. 23 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,958 This is a fucking BMX bike, so I'm not afraid. 24 00:01:25,041 --> 00:01:26,416 But I-- I gotta go check on my boy, 25 00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:27,833 -so I'll catch you later. -Wait, sir. 26 00:01:27,916 --> 00:01:30,291 Can I trouble you for just a few more questions? 27 00:01:30,375 --> 00:01:31,958 I really gotta check on my boy, Ted. 28 00:01:32,041 --> 00:01:34,500 Understood. Be safe. 29 00:01:34,583 --> 00:01:36,583 This is Ted Sommers in the Hollywood Hills. 30 00:01:36,666 --> 00:01:41,041 -Back to you, Sissy. -(HELICOPTER WHIRRING) 31 00:01:42,708 --> 00:01:43,916 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 32 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,250 BRUCE: James! 33 00:01:45,333 --> 00:01:46,541 Open up! 34 00:01:48,291 --> 00:01:50,791 -It's Bruce! -(KNOCKS DOOR) 35 00:01:50,875 --> 00:01:58,458 (♪♪♪) 36 00:01:58,541 --> 00:02:03,125 ♪ At first I was afraid, I was petrified ♪ 37 00:02:03,208 --> 00:02:08,125 ♪ I kept thinking I could never live without you by my side ♪ 38 00:02:08,208 --> 00:02:12,166 ♪ But then I spent so many nights just thinking how ♪ 39 00:02:12,250 --> 00:02:13,500 ♪ You'd done me wrong ♪ 40 00:02:13,583 --> 00:02:16,208 ♪ I grew strong ♪ 41 00:02:16,291 --> 00:02:18,916 ♪ I learned how to get along ♪ 42 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:23,458 ♪ And so you're back from outer space ♪ 43 00:02:23,541 --> 00:02:27,041 ♪ I just walked in to find you here without that ♪ 44 00:02:27,125 --> 00:02:28,750 ♪ Look upon your face ♪ 45 00:02:28,833 --> 00:02:31,250 ♪ I should have changed my fucking lock ♪ 46 00:02:31,333 --> 00:02:33,875 ♪ I would have made you leave your key 47 00:02:33,958 --> 00:02:36,750 ♪ If I'd have known for just one second ♪ 48 00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:39,500 ♪ You'd be back to bother me ♪ 49 00:02:39,583 --> 00:02:44,041 ♪ Oh, now go walk out the door ♪ 50 00:02:44,125 --> 00:02:46,208 ♪ Just turn around ♪ 51 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:50,250 ♪ Now you're not welcome anymore ♪ 52 00:02:50,333 --> 00:02:54,041 ♪ Weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire? ♪ 53 00:02:54,125 --> 00:02:56,458 ♪ Did you think I'd crumble? ♪ 54 00:02:56,541 --> 00:02:59,291 ♪ Did you think I'd lay down and die? ♪ 55 00:02:59,375 --> 00:03:01,458 ♪ Oh, not I ♪ 56 00:03:01,541 --> 00:03:03,916 ♪ I will survive ♪ 57 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:09,208 ♪ Yeah, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll be alive ♪ 58 00:03:09,291 --> 00:03:11,708 ♪ I've got all my life to live ♪ 59 00:03:11,791 --> 00:03:14,333 ♪ I've got all my love to give ♪ 60 00:03:14,416 --> 00:03:16,416 ♪ I will survive ♪ 61 00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,708 ♪ I will survive ♪ 62 00:03:18,791 --> 00:03:20,375 ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 63 00:03:23,708 --> 00:03:24,750 BEVERLY: Hey. 64 00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:29,416 You need to check on your homie. 65 00:03:30,625 --> 00:03:31,791 Hey, Miss Jones. 66 00:03:31,875 --> 00:03:34,666 I think it's something with-- with Emily. I-- 67 00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:36,416 Yeah, I don't know, Miss Jones. 68 00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:38,125 Why don't you just call me "Beverly"? 69 00:03:38,208 --> 00:03:39,375 Okay, Beverly. 70 00:03:39,458 --> 00:03:41,666 You know, you should probably get out of town with everything. 71 00:03:41,750 --> 00:03:42,375 What, what? 72 00:03:42,458 --> 00:03:44,125 I said you should probably get out of town with everything 73 00:03:44,208 --> 00:03:46,166 that's going on, you know, while you still can. 74 00:03:46,250 --> 00:03:47,041 Are you kidding me? 75 00:03:47,125 --> 00:03:49,541 Shoot, I've got that cable TV man coming today. 76 00:03:49,625 --> 00:03:51,916 Well, I-- I guess you could just like, 77 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,250 I don't know, reschedule? 78 00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:54,708 BEVERLY: No, fuck no. 79 00:03:54,791 --> 00:03:56,625 That flip-flop-wearing motherfucker, 80 00:03:56,708 --> 00:03:58,708 he kept me on hold for three and a half hours. 81 00:03:58,791 --> 00:04:00,250 And then you know what he did when he came back? 82 00:04:00,333 --> 00:04:02,333 -No, what'd he do? -He hung up on me. 83 00:04:02,416 --> 00:04:04,958 -Oh, I hate that. -Uh-huh, yeah. 84 00:04:05,041 --> 00:04:07,833 No, I ain't, I-- I am not canceling that appointment. 85 00:04:07,916 --> 00:04:10,291 No, I guess I wouldn't either. 86 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,083 You need to talk to your boy, okay? 87 00:04:12,166 --> 00:04:15,375 I think there's something really, really wrong with him. 88 00:04:15,458 --> 00:04:16,375 Beverly, thank you. 89 00:04:16,458 --> 00:04:17,500 -BEVERLY: Yeah. -I will. 90 00:04:17,583 --> 00:04:19,125 You can call me "Bevy". 91 00:04:19,208 --> 00:04:21,541 -Oh, Bevy. -BEVERLY: Bevy. 92 00:04:21,625 --> 00:04:22,833 -All right, bye-bye. -BEVERLY: Okay, all right. 93 00:04:22,916 --> 00:04:26,125 -(SIREN WAILING IN BACKGROUND) -(KNOCKS DOOR) 94 00:04:26,208 --> 00:04:30,541 ♪ You thought you'd just drop by and you expect me to be free ♪ 95 00:04:30,625 --> 00:04:33,375 ♪ But now I'm saving all my loving ♪ 96 00:04:33,458 --> 00:04:36,125 ♪ For someone who's loving me ♪ 97 00:04:36,208 --> 00:04:38,333 ♪ Oh, now go ♪ 98 00:04:40,541 --> 00:04:42,750 -Hey. -Dude, what the hell? 99 00:04:42,833 --> 00:04:44,166 I've been trying to get a hold of you for days. 100 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,000 Sorry, I've been trying to finish this new book 101 00:04:46,083 --> 00:04:48,208 for my publisher, and I've got like writer's block. 102 00:04:48,291 --> 00:04:49,541 It's been a whole thing. 103 00:04:49,625 --> 00:04:50,875 Bullshit. 104 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,875 I know what this is. 105 00:04:52,958 --> 00:04:54,875 You're still depressed about Emily, aren't you? 106 00:04:56,166 --> 00:04:58,000 Yep, I fucking knew it. 107 00:04:58,083 --> 00:04:59,375 Come on, man. 108 00:04:59,458 --> 00:05:02,458 What's it been like six months since you guys got divorced? 109 00:05:02,541 --> 00:05:03,625 Five months and three days. 110 00:05:03,708 --> 00:05:05,916 And we just broke up. We didn't get divorced. 111 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,375 Whatever, okay? 112 00:05:07,458 --> 00:05:08,625 We have bigger issues to worry about, 113 00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:11,375 like the fucking world ending. 114 00:05:11,458 --> 00:05:13,125 -What are you talking about? -What? 115 00:05:13,208 --> 00:05:14,500 You're joking right now. 116 00:05:14,583 --> 00:05:15,958 No. 117 00:05:16,041 --> 00:05:18,208 You don't know about the virus in L.A. 118 00:05:18,291 --> 00:05:19,875 that's mutating people's DNA? 119 00:05:19,958 --> 00:05:21,833 A virus? 120 00:05:21,916 --> 00:05:23,125 How is it mutating DNA? 121 00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:24,958 What do I look like, a fucking scientist? 122 00:05:25,041 --> 00:05:26,833 All I know is people all across L.A. 123 00:05:26,916 --> 00:05:29,208 are turning into zombies after drinking this soy milk, 124 00:05:29,291 --> 00:05:32,541 like straight-up flesh-eating zombies. 125 00:05:32,625 --> 00:05:33,791 You're serious right now? 126 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,041 Dead serious. 127 00:05:35,125 --> 00:05:36,500 Some symptoms, I'm told, 128 00:05:36,583 --> 00:05:40,791 include headache, diarrhea, runny nose, vomiting. 129 00:05:40,875 --> 00:05:42,958 And it's happening, because of soy milk. 130 00:05:43,041 --> 00:05:44,791 Well, not just any soy milk. 131 00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:47,375 Agnes Brand Soy Milk, which was my favorite, 132 00:05:47,458 --> 00:05:49,000 so now I have like a whole new 133 00:05:49,083 --> 00:05:50,250 set of problems for me personally. 134 00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:52,666 Like I tried putting regular milk on my cereal, 135 00:05:52,750 --> 00:05:54,750 and I started shitting my fucking brains out. 136 00:05:54,833 --> 00:05:56,125 Apparently, I'm lactose intolerant. 137 00:05:56,208 --> 00:05:57,583 Who knew? 138 00:05:57,666 --> 00:05:59,791 Okay, yes, very good. You had me going. 139 00:05:59,875 --> 00:06:01,875 That was, uh, that was well done. 140 00:06:01,958 --> 00:06:04,041 Very, very imaginative. Very funny. 141 00:06:04,125 --> 00:06:05,708 What are you laughing at? 142 00:06:05,791 --> 00:06:07,000 You went too far with that 143 00:06:07,083 --> 00:06:08,791 I'm lactose intolerant now thing. 144 00:06:08,875 --> 00:06:10,833 -Still, very funny. No notes. -(CLAMORING IN DISTANCE) 145 00:06:10,916 --> 00:06:13,458 James, this is not a fucking joke. 146 00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:14,791 Look. 147 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,833 Oh, oh, oh, dear mother of God. 148 00:06:16,916 --> 00:06:19,875 Um, okay, we are witnessing an attack here. 149 00:06:19,958 --> 00:06:21,125 Are you getting this, Rick? 150 00:06:21,208 --> 00:06:24,750 Um, it appears that a jogger is being attacked by a gardener, 151 00:06:24,833 --> 00:06:26,291 I think. Um... 152 00:06:26,375 --> 00:06:29,750 -That guy is being eaten. -(GROWLING, SCREAMING) 153 00:06:29,833 --> 00:06:32,166 And it looks like they might be heading our way, 154 00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:34,625 so we're going to sign off here. 155 00:06:34,708 --> 00:06:35,750 Get me, get me, get me. 156 00:06:35,833 --> 00:06:38,041 Ted Sommers signing off from the Hollywood Hills. 157 00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:40,833 -Oh, fuck. -(ENGINE STARTS) 158 00:06:40,958 --> 00:06:45,416 (GROWLING, SCREAMING) 159 00:06:53,125 --> 00:06:55,666 Ain't your normal Tuesday, is it? 160 00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:59,666 Uh-huh. 161 00:06:59,750 --> 00:07:00,875 Okay. 162 00:07:00,958 --> 00:07:02,708 (SCREAMING) 163 00:07:02,791 --> 00:07:06,333 (BIRDS CHIRPING) 164 00:07:06,416 --> 00:07:09,541 REPORTER 1: What's now being described as the Agnes virus 165 00:07:09,625 --> 00:07:12,500 has deeply impacted Los Angeles residents. 166 00:07:12,583 --> 00:07:14,083 In response to the allegations, 167 00:07:14,166 --> 00:07:17,875 the Agnes Milk Company has recalled 5,000 quarts 168 00:07:17,958 --> 00:07:19,833 of their well-known beverage. 169 00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:23,708 Dude, you mean to tell me the 170 00:07:23,791 --> 00:07:25,208 entire time you've been holed up here, 171 00:07:25,291 --> 00:07:27,333 you haven't once turned on the news? 172 00:07:27,416 --> 00:07:28,541 The news? 173 00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:30,416 Yes, James, the news. 174 00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:33,708 It's something you watch on TV that isn't Star Wars 175 00:07:33,791 --> 00:07:34,750 or Blade Runner. 176 00:07:34,833 --> 00:07:36,125 Right, right, okay, thank you, Bruce. 177 00:07:36,208 --> 00:07:38,000 -I know what the news is. -That's great. 178 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:39,958 Congratulations. I'm very happy for you. 179 00:07:40,041 --> 00:07:41,541 So what the fuck have you been doing? 180 00:07:42,833 --> 00:07:45,625 Honestly, I've just been keeping super, super busy. 181 00:07:45,708 --> 00:07:47,083 Busy doing what? 182 00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:50,000 Watching Star Wars and Blade Runner. 183 00:07:51,125 --> 00:07:52,541 -And also THX. -Right. 184 00:07:52,625 --> 00:07:53,541 JAMES: And The Postman. 185 00:07:53,625 --> 00:07:55,500 In fact, I was actually just about to put Waterworld on, 186 00:07:55,583 --> 00:07:56,750 if you want to watch that. 187 00:07:56,833 --> 00:07:59,708 James, we do not have time to watch Waterworld right now. 188 00:07:59,791 --> 00:08:01,208 We need to get the hell out of here. 189 00:08:01,291 --> 00:08:03,958 Away from the zombies to a place with clean milk. 190 00:08:04,041 --> 00:08:07,541 And I hear that Seattle has great milk alternatives, 191 00:08:07,625 --> 00:08:10,250 like carob milk and hemp milk. 192 00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:12,166 Hemp milk? How-- how does that even work? 193 00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:12,708 How do you make that? 194 00:08:12,791 --> 00:08:14,458 I don't know, but it sounds fucking bomb. 195 00:08:14,541 --> 00:08:15,791 Here, drink this. 196 00:08:15,875 --> 00:08:17,458 Uh, what is it? 197 00:08:17,541 --> 00:08:19,958 That, my friend, is a prairie oyster. 198 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:22,250 James Bond drinks them. It'll cure your hangover. 199 00:08:22,333 --> 00:08:23,291 What's in this? 200 00:08:23,375 --> 00:08:24,791 BRUCE: Just drink it, okay? Will you? 201 00:08:24,875 --> 00:08:26,125 Please, we have to get the hell out of here. 202 00:08:26,208 --> 00:08:28,916 If we don't leave soon, we may never make it out of L.A. 203 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,416 I'm just not so sure I want to make it out of L.A. 204 00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:32,916 Like I-- I'm really behind on my novel 205 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,000 and I feel like I'd rather just stay here and work on it. 206 00:08:35,083 --> 00:08:38,041 James, you're not gonna finish your book if you're dead. 207 00:08:38,125 --> 00:08:39,125 Don't be stupid. 208 00:08:39,208 --> 00:08:40,833 Besides, you're never gonna write anything as good 209 00:08:40,916 --> 00:08:43,500 as that one you did about trains and... 210 00:08:43,583 --> 00:08:45,000 -Trains in Space. -Yes, that one. 211 00:08:45,083 --> 00:08:48,000 That was good. That was so good, I almost finished it. 212 00:08:48,083 --> 00:08:50,125 Oh my God. High praise, Bruce. 213 00:08:50,208 --> 00:08:51,791 -Thank you. -You're welcome. 214 00:08:51,875 --> 00:08:53,041 Bottoms up. 215 00:08:53,125 --> 00:08:54,625 Attaboy. 216 00:08:57,083 --> 00:09:00,250 -Oh shit, dude. -What? 217 00:09:00,333 --> 00:09:03,125 You have a bottled Agnes Soy Milk in here. 218 00:09:03,208 --> 00:09:05,416 Okay. Oh, that's the bad one. 219 00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:07,125 Yes, that's the bad one. 220 00:09:07,208 --> 00:09:09,041 -JAMES: Whoa. -I'm not touching that thing. 221 00:09:09,125 --> 00:09:11,125 JAMES: Yeah, I mean, just leave it. 222 00:09:11,208 --> 00:09:14,791 (SIGHS) Well, I guess we are sort of leaving. 223 00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:21,750 JAMES: Okay, so quick Waterworld, then we'll get out of here? 224 00:09:21,833 --> 00:09:23,208 No, dude, we got to go. 225 00:09:23,291 --> 00:09:24,375 Come on. 226 00:09:27,416 --> 00:09:28,625 JAMES: She hasn't called. 227 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,041 BRUCE: Because it's over. 228 00:09:31,125 --> 00:09:32,708 Forget her. She's history. 229 00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:36,291 Here. 230 00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:37,541 Put these on. 231 00:09:38,875 --> 00:09:40,125 I just feel like I should call her, right? 232 00:09:40,208 --> 00:09:41,541 Like just make sure everything's okay. 233 00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:42,958 I-- I feel like I should. 234 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,125 No, dude. No. I totally disagree. 235 00:09:45,208 --> 00:09:47,458 Okay, Emily is a smart girl. She'll be fine. 236 00:09:47,541 --> 00:09:50,125 And-- and even if she isn't, who cares? 237 00:09:50,208 --> 00:09:51,500 Move on. 238 00:09:51,583 --> 00:09:54,291 Zei gezunt, as my Uncle Bernie would say. 239 00:09:54,375 --> 00:09:55,833 Seattle has everything. 240 00:09:55,916 --> 00:09:58,458 You will find a new Emily in Seattle, I promise. 241 00:09:59,583 --> 00:10:00,666 Yeah, I'm just gonna call her. I'm just gonna 242 00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:03,583 -make a quick call. -No, dude. Do not call her. 243 00:10:03,666 --> 00:10:06,000 Come on, man. I'm trying to save your life right now, 244 00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:08,625 and you're literally fucking killing me here. 245 00:10:12,625 --> 00:10:14,125 What is that? 246 00:10:14,208 --> 00:10:16,791 No, this-- this is just a box. 247 00:10:16,875 --> 00:10:18,625 It doesn't look like just a box. 248 00:10:18,708 --> 00:10:20,750 -It's my Emily memory box. -You're what? 249 00:10:20,833 --> 00:10:22,583 It's an Emily memory box. It's not weird. 250 00:10:22,666 --> 00:10:25,750 -Oh, dude. That's disgusting. -No, no, no. 251 00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,875 We need to throw that out now. 252 00:10:27,958 --> 00:10:28,541 -No. -Yes. 253 00:10:28,625 --> 00:10:29,416 We do not need to throw it out. 254 00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,791 This is essential stuff. I can't just part with this. 255 00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:33,541 Essential? Is that what I think it is? 256 00:10:33,625 --> 00:10:35,666 Is that a Seal CD? 257 00:10:36,875 --> 00:10:38,500 Yes. 258 00:10:38,583 --> 00:10:42,041 Wow. I guess I never took Emily as a Seal fan. 259 00:10:42,125 --> 00:10:43,791 You know, you really shouldn't make assumptions. 260 00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:45,375 -Hmm. -What if it's my Seal CD? 261 00:10:45,458 --> 00:10:46,958 -Oh, that's your Seal CD. Right. -Yeah, yeah, it is. 262 00:10:47,041 --> 00:10:48,583 I guess I didn't think about that. 263 00:10:48,666 --> 00:10:50,250 Name one Seal song, dude. 264 00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:51,208 -Fine. That's like-- -One. 265 00:10:51,291 --> 00:10:53,625 -No, that's easy. -Fine. Cool. Do it. 266 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,583 The Batman Forever theme. 267 00:10:57,666 --> 00:10:59,000 -Fuck. That is one. -That counts. 268 00:10:59,083 --> 00:11:00,833 -You gotta count that. -You got it, you said it. 269 00:11:00,916 --> 00:11:03,000 So, I guess end of conversation. 270 00:11:04,166 --> 00:11:05,125 Don't even-- Don't you dare! 271 00:11:05,208 --> 00:11:06,416 -No. No, don't do that. -Give me that. 272 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:07,666 -Yes. -No, dude. 273 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,833 We are burning this thing right now. 274 00:11:09,916 --> 00:11:11,250 -We are not burning that. -Yes, we are. 275 00:11:11,333 --> 00:11:12,333 -No, we are not. -We are burning it. 276 00:11:12,416 --> 00:11:14,000 Yes, because you need to move on with your life. 277 00:11:14,083 --> 00:11:15,333 No, I'm not gonna burn this. 278 00:11:15,416 --> 00:11:17,250 No. No. 279 00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:18,708 Okay. Okay. 280 00:11:18,791 --> 00:11:21,500 Alright. Won't burn it. We'll bury it. 281 00:11:21,583 --> 00:11:27,375 It'll be the worst time capsule in history of humankind. 282 00:11:27,458 --> 00:11:29,375 You're right. Okay. 283 00:11:29,458 --> 00:11:30,708 I'll get rid of it. 284 00:11:31,708 --> 00:11:34,958 I just, I have to do it on my own. Okay? 285 00:11:35,041 --> 00:11:36,750 But I'll do it. I promise. 286 00:11:36,833 --> 00:11:38,083 Pinky swear? 287 00:11:38,166 --> 00:11:39,291 Pinky swear. 288 00:11:44,958 --> 00:11:45,333 BRUCE: Alright, dude. 289 00:11:45,416 --> 00:11:47,083 We gotta get the fuck out of here or we're gonna die. 290 00:11:47,166 --> 00:11:50,416 So, let's uh, pack our shit. 291 00:11:51,708 --> 00:11:53,791 Let's go. First thing I'm doing is getting you 292 00:11:53,875 --> 00:11:55,083 a Seattle flannel. 293 00:11:55,166 --> 00:11:56,750 -JAMES: Nice. -You ready for this? 294 00:11:56,833 --> 00:11:58,083 -Oh, yeah. -Let's do it, man. 295 00:11:58,166 --> 00:11:59,583 Ooh, wait. 296 00:12:00,666 --> 00:12:02,541 What now, man? 297 00:12:02,625 --> 00:12:03,875 Who's gonna take care of Charles? 298 00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:06,958 (SIGHS) Let's do it, man. 299 00:12:07,041 --> 00:12:09,958 but your goldfish might not survive the zombie apocalypse. 300 00:12:10,041 --> 00:12:12,958 Emily won him for me at the Malibu Chili Cook-Off. 301 00:12:13,041 --> 00:12:14,541 Right. Right. That's cool. 302 00:12:14,583 --> 00:12:17,041 But still, we're not bringing a goldfish with us. 303 00:12:17,125 --> 00:12:18,833 It'll get everything wet. 304 00:12:18,916 --> 00:12:20,083 There'll be water everywhere. 305 00:12:20,166 --> 00:12:22,750 Oh. No, dude. You-- you don't get it. 306 00:12:22,833 --> 00:12:25,916 It's not just about Charles. It's this whole place. 307 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,583 (SIGHS) I mean, this house, man. 308 00:12:27,666 --> 00:12:30,625 Like I've made so many great memories here. 309 00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:33,958 I've had all my greatest successes and failures here. 310 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,458 What, I'm just gonna leave it all behind? 311 00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:40,500 Yeah. Otherwise, you're gonna die in it. 312 00:12:40,583 --> 00:12:42,833 -So... -Yeah, well, 313 00:12:42,916 --> 00:12:44,166 maybe that wouldn't be the worst thing. 314 00:12:44,250 --> 00:12:45,833 Jesus Christ, James. 315 00:12:45,916 --> 00:12:47,541 Listen to yourself. 316 00:12:47,625 --> 00:12:48,791 All right? 317 00:12:48,875 --> 00:12:52,291 I rode all the way here on my BMX bike, because-- 318 00:12:52,375 --> 00:12:53,583 You don't have a car. 319 00:12:54,833 --> 00:12:58,250 Yes, but also because you're my best friend. 320 00:12:58,333 --> 00:13:02,416 And you're not really acting like my best friend right now. 321 00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:04,375 So you're acting kind of selfish, 322 00:13:04,458 --> 00:13:08,583 and crazy, and kind of dumb. 323 00:13:08,666 --> 00:13:10,500 So will you pull it together, man? 324 00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:14,041 You're right. I'm sorry. 325 00:13:14,125 --> 00:13:16,000 I'm being-- I'm being a bad friend. 326 00:13:16,083 --> 00:13:17,833 -Yeah. A little bit. -Should we like, 327 00:13:17,916 --> 00:13:20,208 I don't know, hug or something? 328 00:13:22,166 --> 00:13:23,416 Yeah, I guess. If you want. 329 00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:30,583 (♪♪♪) 330 00:13:30,666 --> 00:13:32,166 -All right. -Yeah. No, that was weird. 331 00:13:32,250 --> 00:13:34,041 -Didn't feel natural. -Didn't feel right. 332 00:13:34,125 --> 00:13:36,208 All right. Yeah, let's uh-- let's go. 333 00:13:36,291 --> 00:13:37,583 Yeah, let's do it. All right. Cool. 334 00:13:37,666 --> 00:13:38,916 Okay. 335 00:13:40,625 --> 00:13:43,000 Hey. See you, buddy. 336 00:13:44,625 --> 00:13:45,750 You're a good fish. 337 00:13:48,166 --> 00:13:49,583 Goodbye, old friend. 338 00:13:49,666 --> 00:13:58,541 (♪♪♪) 339 00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:03,125 BRUCE: Oh my God, dude. 340 00:14:03,208 --> 00:14:05,541 Car fucking stinks. 341 00:14:05,625 --> 00:14:07,291 (CAR DOOR CLOSES) 342 00:14:07,375 --> 00:14:09,000 All right. Seatbelts on. 343 00:14:09,083 --> 00:14:11,041 BRUCE: Dude, I cannot wait to hit the open road. 344 00:14:11,125 --> 00:14:14,666 Going fricking 90 miles an hour, no seatbelts on. 345 00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:16,208 That's the downside of a BMX bike. 346 00:14:16,291 --> 00:14:19,000 You only go like, 30, 35 tops. 347 00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:20,708 You're going 35 on a BMX? 348 00:14:20,791 --> 00:14:22,375 Oh, hell yeah, dude. 349 00:14:22,458 --> 00:14:25,375 Fuck, Eldridge Street, Highland Park. 350 00:14:25,458 --> 00:14:26,958 Well, wouldn't that be like really embarrassing 351 00:14:27,041 --> 00:14:28,500 if that's how I died, during this whole thing, 352 00:14:28,583 --> 00:14:29,833 -on my bike? -Yeah, I mean, 353 00:14:29,916 --> 00:14:31,750 you really should be more careful on that thing. 354 00:14:31,833 --> 00:14:33,666 BRUCE: Are you serious? What are you-- what are you, my mother? 355 00:14:33,750 --> 00:14:35,791 Well, need I remind you about Johnny Willis? 356 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:36,833 Oh my God. 357 00:14:36,916 --> 00:14:38,541 You're really going to bring up that fucking loser 358 00:14:38,625 --> 00:14:40,291 -right now? -Yes, I am bringing him up, 359 00:14:40,375 --> 00:14:43,041 because when Johnny rode away from school that one day, 360 00:14:43,125 --> 00:14:44,750 he had no idea what was gonna happen to him. 361 00:14:44,833 --> 00:14:46,250 And what happened to him, Bruce? 362 00:14:46,333 --> 00:14:48,375 (SIGHS) Lost his nuts. 363 00:14:48,458 --> 00:14:50,375 -JAMES: He what? -He lost his nuts. 364 00:14:50,458 --> 00:14:53,708 He lost his nuts. And how did he lose his nuts? 365 00:14:53,791 --> 00:14:54,791 Can you-- can you just fucking drive? 366 00:14:54,875 --> 00:14:57,291 JAMES: No, I'm not gonna go. I need to hear you say it. 367 00:14:57,375 --> 00:14:59,041 He flipped over the side of his bike 368 00:14:59,125 --> 00:15:00,375 and got his nuts caught in the chain. 369 00:15:00,458 --> 00:15:01,583 -Are you happy? -That's right. 370 00:15:01,666 --> 00:15:03,500 And you want to be like Johnny Willis? 371 00:15:03,583 --> 00:15:04,875 Yeah, I want to end up like Johnny Willis. 372 00:15:04,958 --> 00:15:06,125 Really? You want to have no nuts? 373 00:15:06,208 --> 00:15:07,625 You want to have Styrofoam nuts? 374 00:15:07,708 --> 00:15:10,208 Okay, no, I guess not. Can you just fucking drive? 375 00:15:10,291 --> 00:15:11,541 JAMES: Okay, all right, all right, great. 376 00:15:11,625 --> 00:15:12,500 I needed to hear you say it. 377 00:15:12,583 --> 00:15:14,208 -Thank you. -Good. You're happy? Drive. 378 00:15:14,291 --> 00:15:15,750 (JAMES SIGHS) 379 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,833 -Huh, that's weird. -What? What's going on now? 380 00:15:18,916 --> 00:15:20,250 It says I'm empty. 381 00:15:22,916 --> 00:15:25,958 There's a hose coming out of my gas tank. 382 00:15:26,041 --> 00:15:28,416 What? Oh, fuck! 383 00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,916 Someone probably siphoned the gas. 384 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:31,875 Why would someone do that? 385 00:15:31,958 --> 00:15:34,041 'Cause gas is like $2 a gallon right now, 386 00:15:34,125 --> 00:15:35,250 and everybody and their mother's trying 387 00:15:35,333 --> 00:15:36,375 to get out of town. 388 00:15:37,583 --> 00:15:39,083 All right, well, dang. 389 00:15:39,166 --> 00:15:40,708 I guess we have to stay here after all. 390 00:15:40,791 --> 00:15:42,958 No, no, we-- we just got to think 391 00:15:43,083 --> 00:15:44,000 of a better option. 392 00:15:44,083 --> 00:15:45,666 There's-- there's got to be something. 393 00:15:45,750 --> 00:15:47,583 Okay, I got-- I got an idea. 394 00:15:47,666 --> 00:15:48,833 Here's what we're gonna do. 395 00:15:48,916 --> 00:15:50,333 We ride my bike to the nearest station. 396 00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:52,083 You could sit on the handlebars. 397 00:15:52,166 --> 00:15:53,375 Want me to sit on your handlebars? 398 00:15:53,458 --> 00:15:54,583 -BRUCE: Yes. -What, 10 years old? 399 00:15:54,666 --> 00:15:55,666 No, I'm not doing that. 400 00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:58,041 Dude, you're gonna really make me ride by myself? 401 00:15:58,125 --> 00:15:59,541 JAMES: Yeah. You were fine coming here. 402 00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:00,916 You'll be fine going there. 403 00:16:02,833 --> 00:16:03,958 Holy shit! 404 00:16:06,083 --> 00:16:07,083 You sure about that? 405 00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:08,583 Okay, maybe you won't be fine. 406 00:16:08,666 --> 00:16:10,541 Uh, is that guy blind? 407 00:16:10,625 --> 00:16:12,333 He is. I mean, he can't even see us. 408 00:16:12,416 --> 00:16:14,375 I mean, it's a seeing-eye dog. Isn't that their whole job? 409 00:16:14,458 --> 00:16:15,833 Yeah, but the dog's not a zombie. 410 00:16:15,916 --> 00:16:17,125 I don't know how scared we should be. 411 00:16:17,208 --> 00:16:19,041 Okay, change of plans. I think you're right. 412 00:16:19,125 --> 00:16:20,791 -We should go back inside. -Yeah, okay. 413 00:16:20,875 --> 00:16:22,208 On the count of three. One... 414 00:16:22,291 --> 00:16:24,541 -Why do we count, just run. -Yep, yep, yep. 415 00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:26,333 (SCREAMS) 416 00:16:28,666 --> 00:16:30,666 BRUCE: Go, go! Go, go, go, go! 417 00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:38,458 JAMES: Oh my God, dude. I've not moved that fast in so long. 418 00:16:38,541 --> 00:16:41,041 I know. I'm burning up right now. 419 00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:42,333 I'm so out of shape, dude. 420 00:16:42,416 --> 00:16:45,458 God, do-- do you think that's gonna hold? 421 00:16:45,541 --> 00:16:47,541 -Honestly? -JAMES: Yeah. 422 00:16:47,625 --> 00:16:48,791 I have no idea. 423 00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:50,166 No, I don't know either. 424 00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:51,666 I'm just totally out of my depth right now. 425 00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:52,666 I have no idea. 426 00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:55,708 Completely flying by the seat of my fucking pants right now. 427 00:16:55,791 --> 00:16:58,666 If Dawn of the Dead or Night of the Living Dead 428 00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:01,791 or any of the deads have taught me anything, 429 00:17:01,875 --> 00:17:03,166 it's that if you want to stay alive, 430 00:17:03,250 --> 00:17:04,458 you have to stay put. 431 00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,041 Now that Seattle's out of the question, 432 00:17:07,125 --> 00:17:08,333 I think you're right. 433 00:17:08,416 --> 00:17:09,750 Damn it! 434 00:17:09,833 --> 00:17:11,416 Maybe they come up with a cure? 435 00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:13,791 Yeah, maybe. Or... 436 00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:18,250 maybe they just hit the big red button on us. 437 00:17:18,333 --> 00:17:19,375 JAMES: No. 438 00:17:19,458 --> 00:17:20,666 Yeah. 439 00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:22,375 You think they'd really do that? 440 00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:23,625 That's what I would do. 441 00:17:24,791 --> 00:17:26,291 It's dark. 442 00:17:26,375 --> 00:17:27,625 I'm really dark, dude. 443 00:17:28,958 --> 00:17:30,166 So... 444 00:17:32,083 --> 00:17:33,958 -Waterworld? -Waterworld? 445 00:17:34,041 --> 00:17:35,750 -It's only right. -Wow. 446 00:17:35,833 --> 00:17:37,625 Okay, but I say we gotta-- let's rest for... 447 00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:39,041 -Like an hour? -About an hour. 448 00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:41,416 Yep. (GRUNTS) 449 00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:44,583 Bro, with all that gelt you made on your last book deal, 450 00:17:44,666 --> 00:17:46,791 couldn't you have gotten like a newer TV? 451 00:17:46,875 --> 00:17:49,583 I-- I could have, but I hate change, so... 452 00:18:00,083 --> 00:18:01,541 Oh! 453 00:18:01,625 --> 00:18:02,625 Yes! 454 00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:04,916 Well, dude! 455 00:18:06,166 --> 00:18:08,291 Oh! Oh! Mm! 456 00:18:09,791 --> 00:18:10,833 -Boom! -Oh. 457 00:18:10,916 --> 00:18:12,333 Brownie! 458 00:18:12,416 --> 00:18:13,916 JAMES: Wow, that is-- 459 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,125 That's a lot of brownies. 460 00:18:16,291 --> 00:18:20,083 One, you can never have enough pot brownies. 461 00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:21,250 And two, 462 00:18:22,916 --> 00:18:24,625 you can never have enough pot brownies. 463 00:18:24,708 --> 00:18:25,833 Ah, yeah. 464 00:18:27,041 --> 00:18:29,125 BRUCE: Who knew how essential home video would be 465 00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:30,500 in a time like this? 466 00:18:30,583 --> 00:18:31,583 I did. 467 00:18:32,666 --> 00:18:35,000 Wait, wait, pause it. Pause it. 468 00:18:35,083 --> 00:18:36,208 What? What? 469 00:18:36,291 --> 00:18:39,875 The run time is two hours and 15 minutes. 470 00:18:39,958 --> 00:18:42,500 -Mm-hmm, yeah, it's perfect. -Could be longer. 471 00:18:42,583 --> 00:18:44,416 Yeah, I can stand it to be a little longer. 472 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:45,916 -Me too. -How much longer? 473 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,416 Maybe, like... 474 00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,041 -Nine hours? -That would be cool. 475 00:18:50,125 --> 00:18:51,125 Yeah, that's what I was thinking, too. 476 00:18:51,208 --> 00:18:56,041 But these chips aren't gonna last us half this movie. 477 00:18:56,125 --> 00:18:57,500 Okay, so what are you saying? 478 00:18:57,583 --> 00:19:01,500 (♪♪♪) 479 00:19:01,583 --> 00:19:02,708 Delivery. 480 00:19:02,791 --> 00:19:04,083 What? 481 00:19:04,166 --> 00:19:05,625 No restaurants are gonna be open right now, 482 00:19:05,708 --> 00:19:08,500 and even if one of them was, no-- no one's gonna deliver. 483 00:19:08,583 --> 00:19:10,833 Dude, in this economy, 484 00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:15,250 there's always something open and always someone to deliver. 485 00:19:15,333 --> 00:19:16,500 Trust. 486 00:19:16,583 --> 00:19:17,958 Yellow pages, please. 487 00:19:18,041 --> 00:19:19,583 Okay, yeah, it's over there. 488 00:19:22,833 --> 00:19:24,250 (SIGHS) 489 00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:29,125 -Give me a nudge, please. -Oh my God, you got this, dude. 490 00:19:29,208 --> 00:19:30,875 -There it is. -Yeah. 491 00:19:30,958 --> 00:19:32,875 -Phone. -It's right here. 492 00:19:32,958 --> 00:19:34,500 Okay. 493 00:19:34,583 --> 00:19:36,166 So we're gonna agree on a good place, then? 494 00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:38,083 -That's the idea. -Okay, great. 495 00:19:38,166 --> 00:19:39,666 Oh-ho-ho! 496 00:19:39,750 --> 00:19:40,958 Here's one right here. 497 00:19:41,041 --> 00:19:42,416 Abracadabra. 498 00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:43,750 It's open 24 hours. 499 00:19:43,833 --> 00:19:47,083 It's a wings and kebab joint. 500 00:19:47,166 --> 00:19:48,916 Yeah, but wings and kebab. 501 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,166 I mean, we can do better. 502 00:19:50,250 --> 00:19:52,500 Dude, we're in a zombie apocalypse right now. 503 00:19:52,583 --> 00:19:54,291 We cannot afford to be picky here. 504 00:19:54,375 --> 00:19:55,583 You just said that we were gonna agree. 505 00:19:55,666 --> 00:19:57,916 You know, fine, just call 'em. I don't care. Just call 'em. 506 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:58,833 -Yeah? -Yes. 507 00:19:58,916 --> 00:19:59,708 -Call 'em? -Yes, that's the one. 508 00:19:59,791 --> 00:20:01,583 All right, here it is. 509 00:20:01,666 --> 00:20:03,500 -5-5-5. -Uh-huh. 510 00:20:03,583 --> 00:20:05,041 -5-5. -No. 511 00:20:05,125 --> 00:20:06,291 -5-5. -Wow. 512 00:20:06,375 --> 00:20:07,958 Whoa, that's cool. 513 00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:08,958 They got 'em all. 514 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,375 (PHONE RINGING) 515 00:20:11,458 --> 00:20:12,750 NANCY: Abracadabra, this is Nancy. 516 00:20:12,833 --> 00:20:13,916 How may I help you? 517 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,000 Wait, you guys are open? Sick! 518 00:20:16,083 --> 00:20:17,375 NANCY: Unfortunately, we're the only idiots 519 00:20:17,458 --> 00:20:18,666 open during a zombie apocalypse. 520 00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:19,750 Okay, fine, fine. 521 00:20:19,833 --> 00:20:21,166 Um, so, uh, what's up? 522 00:20:21,250 --> 00:20:22,458 You guys still deliver? 523 00:20:22,541 --> 00:20:24,708 NANCY: Uh-huh. Yeah, we are. What can I get you? 524 00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:27,833 Uh, question. 525 00:20:27,916 --> 00:20:31,416 Do you guys do the wings without the kebabs 526 00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:33,833 or is it like, a package deal sitch? 527 00:20:33,916 --> 00:20:34,500 Great question. 528 00:20:34,583 --> 00:20:37,916 NANCY: You can order wings, whatever tickles your fancy, sweetheart. 529 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:42,875 Awesome. Uh, let's do, uh, 50-piece? 530 00:20:42,958 --> 00:20:43,625 -NANCY: 50-piece. -No. 531 00:20:43,708 --> 00:20:44,875 We're gonna be here for a while. 532 00:20:44,958 --> 00:20:46,500 We better make that a 100. 533 00:20:46,583 --> 00:20:47,541 -NANCY: 100-piece-- -Oh, lots of ranch. 534 00:20:47,625 --> 00:20:48,666 Lots of ranch. 535 00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:49,041 NANCY: Extra ranch, got it. 536 00:20:49,125 --> 00:20:50,458 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you, uh-- 537 00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:51,333 NANCY: Where's all this going, sweety? 538 00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:52,958 Oh, you need my address? Right. Uh, uh-- 539 00:20:53,041 --> 00:20:54,333 NANCY: If you want the food, I need the address. 540 00:20:54,416 --> 00:20:55,750 -What is it? -6-1-8-6. 541 00:20:55,833 --> 00:20:57,791 6-1-8-6 Wildfire Lane. 542 00:20:57,875 --> 00:20:58,791 NANCY: Okay, give us about an hour. 543 00:20:58,875 --> 00:21:01,041 -Yep. -(PHONE BEEPS) 544 00:21:01,125 --> 00:21:02,541 -Hell yeah. -Okay. All right. 545 00:21:02,625 --> 00:21:04,041 Awesome. 546 00:21:06,041 --> 00:21:07,291 Dude, there's never been a great movie 547 00:21:07,375 --> 00:21:08,458 without Jeanne Tripplehorn. 548 00:21:08,541 --> 00:21:10,791 No, if you want a hit, you gotta have her in it. 549 00:21:10,875 --> 00:21:12,666 You know, I've probably seen this movie 500 times 550 00:21:12,750 --> 00:21:15,375 since it came out, and I'm just gonna say it. 551 00:21:15,458 --> 00:21:17,833 This one's gonna stand the test of time. 552 00:21:17,916 --> 00:21:19,166 The greatest movie of all time. 553 00:21:19,250 --> 00:21:21,916 It gets better every single time. 554 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,833 A lot of people say that Costner's best work 555 00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:26,291 is Field of Dreams or Dances with the Wolves-- 556 00:21:26,375 --> 00:21:28,250 Hmm, uh-huh. 557 00:21:28,333 --> 00:21:30,041 Or what's the other one? 558 00:21:30,125 --> 00:21:31,458 -Untouchables. -Untouchables. 559 00:21:31,541 --> 00:21:33,125 I know that. I knew that. 560 00:21:33,208 --> 00:21:34,666 Yeah, well, it's Dances with Wolves. 561 00:21:34,750 --> 00:21:36,083 -BRUCE: That's what I said. -You said Dances with Wolves 562 00:21:36,166 --> 00:21:37,958 -and then you said The Wolves. -BRUCE: Whatever, dude. 563 00:21:38,041 --> 00:21:38,750 JAMES: Look, I'm just trying to tell you. 564 00:21:38,833 --> 00:21:39,583 BRUCE: I'm just saying I-- 565 00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:42,208 JAMES: If you're a real Costner head, then you gotta know the names. 566 00:21:42,291 --> 00:21:43,666 BRUCE: Of course I know Costner, 567 00:21:43,750 --> 00:21:48,166 but this movie right here is the peak Costner. 568 00:21:48,250 --> 00:21:49,666 -Yeah. -This is it for me. 569 00:21:49,750 --> 00:21:51,208 Yeah, I completely agree with you, 100%. 570 00:21:51,291 --> 00:21:53,958 I mean, this is who Kevin Costner really is. 571 00:21:54,041 --> 00:21:56,041 -In real life. -Yeah, it's basically, 572 00:21:56,125 --> 00:21:58,458 as-- as far as I understand it, this is all true. 573 00:22:00,041 --> 00:22:02,125 100% true story. 574 00:22:02,208 --> 00:22:04,625 This is a biography about Kevin Costner. 575 00:22:04,708 --> 00:22:06,875 Do you think if they do hit the big red button that 576 00:22:06,958 --> 00:22:08,291 it'll be like Terminator? 577 00:22:09,625 --> 00:22:11,916 Dude, you mean like in Sarah Connor's nightmare 578 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:15,250 when her flesh gets blasted off her skeleton? 579 00:22:15,333 --> 00:22:16,458 Yes. 580 00:22:18,541 --> 00:22:20,875 I hope not. That scene scared the shit out of me. 581 00:22:20,958 --> 00:22:22,041 No, it was the worst thing I've ever seen. 582 00:22:22,125 --> 00:22:23,666 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 583 00:22:23,750 --> 00:22:25,083 Seriously? Is the food here already? 584 00:22:25,166 --> 00:22:27,958 Okay, dude, you stay put. 585 00:22:28,041 --> 00:22:30,083 -I'm gonna get this. -Wow, what a nice guy. 586 00:22:30,166 --> 00:22:32,416 My treat. I mean, not like-- 587 00:22:32,500 --> 00:22:34,250 Oh, yeah, you probably-- do you need money? 588 00:22:34,333 --> 00:22:38,125 Dude, I haven't had a job in like ever. 589 00:22:38,208 --> 00:22:39,291 -Of course, I need cash. -Oh, yeah, yeah, 590 00:22:39,375 --> 00:22:40,791 I don't know why I asked that. 591 00:22:40,875 --> 00:22:42,958 -Uh, there you go. -Give me, give me, give me. 592 00:22:43,041 --> 00:22:44,291 No, no, I gave you too much. 593 00:22:44,375 --> 00:22:46,416 No, that's good. That should be good. 594 00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:48,250 -Are you-- all right. -BRUCE: Yeah. 595 00:22:51,541 --> 00:22:53,000 BRUCE: Yo! 596 00:22:55,416 --> 00:22:57,416 Well, look who it is. 597 00:22:57,500 --> 00:22:59,250 -Shmemily. -Hi, Bruce. 598 00:22:59,333 --> 00:23:01,416 I wasn't expecting to see you here. 599 00:23:01,500 --> 00:23:03,291 Yeah, well, that makes two of us. 600 00:23:03,375 --> 00:23:04,541 What do you want? 601 00:23:04,625 --> 00:23:06,791 I just stopped to talk to James. Is he here? 602 00:23:06,875 --> 00:23:08,791 James, James, do I know-- 603 00:23:08,875 --> 00:23:09,916 Oh, right, James. 604 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,958 Yeah, no, unfortunately, James is no longer with us. 605 00:23:14,250 --> 00:23:16,166 Did something happen? 606 00:23:16,250 --> 00:23:17,833 -Did he-- -JAMES: Everything good? 607 00:23:17,916 --> 00:23:20,375 BRUCE: Yeah, dude. Chicken wings, coming right up. 608 00:23:20,458 --> 00:23:21,458 Chicken wings? 609 00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:24,291 Yeah, chicken wings. 610 00:23:24,375 --> 00:23:26,458 All right, Emily, you got me. 611 00:23:26,541 --> 00:23:28,375 James is alive. He's in the other room. 612 00:23:28,458 --> 00:23:32,625 But I just-- I don't think now is a good time, you know? 613 00:23:32,708 --> 00:23:34,791 -The breakup was one thing-- -Shut up, Bruce. I'm coming in. 614 00:23:34,875 --> 00:23:37,083 All right, yeah, just come right in. 615 00:23:37,166 --> 00:23:38,666 ♪ Ah ♪ 616 00:23:41,291 --> 00:23:44,291 ♪ Well, I don't hardly know her ♪ 617 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,333 ♪ But I think I could love her ♪ 618 00:23:53,166 --> 00:23:56,625 ♪ Crimson and clover ♪ 619 00:24:00,125 --> 00:24:01,833 ♪ Ah ♪ 620 00:24:06,583 --> 00:24:07,750 Hi. 621 00:24:09,208 --> 00:24:12,291 -Hi. -Uh, you wanna have a seat? 622 00:24:12,375 --> 00:24:13,583 Yeah. 623 00:24:21,958 --> 00:24:25,041 I know this probably isn't good timing, 624 00:24:25,125 --> 00:24:28,625 but I'm about to leave town with my girlfriends. 625 00:24:30,250 --> 00:24:31,583 Sorry. 626 00:24:36,458 --> 00:24:38,916 I guess I wanted to make sure you're okay. 627 00:24:40,041 --> 00:24:41,291 I'm not trying to get back together 628 00:24:41,375 --> 00:24:42,458 -or anything. -(HONKING HORN) 629 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,291 I just wanted to say bye. 630 00:24:46,375 --> 00:24:49,125 You know, in case anything happens. 631 00:24:49,208 --> 00:24:51,708 Yeah, I wanted to call you this morning 632 00:24:51,791 --> 00:24:52,958 for the same reason. 633 00:24:53,041 --> 00:24:54,500 Really? 634 00:24:54,583 --> 00:24:55,791 Yeah. 635 00:24:58,333 --> 00:25:04,083 ♪ The Easter Roses, giving my goodbye ♪ 636 00:25:06,083 --> 00:25:08,625 Wait, so where are you ladies headed? 637 00:25:08,708 --> 00:25:10,708 We're going to Seattle. 638 00:25:10,791 --> 00:25:11,958 Seattle? 639 00:25:12,041 --> 00:25:13,291 No shit! 640 00:25:13,375 --> 00:25:15,708 That-- that's where we were supposed to go. 641 00:25:15,791 --> 00:25:18,333 Yeah, it seems like everyone's going there. 642 00:25:18,416 --> 00:25:20,708 -I guess it's the place to be. -We already be on our way, 643 00:25:20,791 --> 00:25:22,291 but we're having a little car trouble. 644 00:25:22,375 --> 00:25:25,208 Someone sucked the gas straight out of James' tank, 645 00:25:25,291 --> 00:25:27,833 so now we're stuck here, hoping not to die. 646 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,416 But wait a sec, wait a sec. 647 00:25:31,500 --> 00:25:34,416 James, what if-- what if we went with them 648 00:25:34,500 --> 00:25:35,916 to Seattle, hmm? 649 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,375 Oh, I-- I don't know. 650 00:25:37,458 --> 00:25:38,833 I wouldn't want to impose. 651 00:25:38,916 --> 00:25:43,041 I mean, is there even any room for us? 652 00:25:44,625 --> 00:25:46,458 It would be tight, 653 00:25:46,541 --> 00:25:50,000 but I guess I could ask my friends. 654 00:25:50,083 --> 00:25:53,875 One of them could totally sit on my lap if that helps. 655 00:25:55,125 --> 00:25:56,541 (CLEARS THROAT) 656 00:25:58,500 --> 00:25:59,916 What? Just saying. 657 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:04,000 (EMILY'S FRIEND SCREAMING) 658 00:26:06,250 --> 00:26:07,958 Oh, shit! 659 00:26:08,041 --> 00:26:10,041 -Oh my God. -Oh my God. 660 00:26:10,125 --> 00:26:14,708 (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) 661 00:26:14,791 --> 00:26:15,791 That's not good. 662 00:26:15,875 --> 00:26:17,458 JAMES: Oh my God. 663 00:26:19,916 --> 00:26:21,875 -We need to do something. -BRUCE: Oh man. 664 00:26:21,958 --> 00:26:22,708 JAMES: They just came out of nowhere. 665 00:26:22,791 --> 00:26:24,416 -We gotta help them. -(GROWLING) 666 00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:26,583 -(GRUNTING) -JAMES: Oh my God. 667 00:26:26,666 --> 00:26:27,583 BRUCE: I'm not doing anything. 668 00:26:27,666 --> 00:26:29,541 JAMES: They're gone, they're already gone. 669 00:26:29,625 --> 00:26:33,416 (SCREAMING) 670 00:26:33,500 --> 00:26:35,750 -BRUCE: They can drive? -JAMES: Apparently. 671 00:26:45,291 --> 00:26:48,000 (SOBS) 672 00:26:48,083 --> 00:26:50,875 I had all these plans for when we got to Seattle. 673 00:26:52,791 --> 00:26:55,000 I was gonna start an animal rescue. 674 00:26:56,166 --> 00:26:58,916 Tasha was gonna start a band and get signed by Sub-Pop. 675 00:27:00,458 --> 00:27:03,083 Sam wanted to open a cafe for computers where you could 676 00:27:03,166 --> 00:27:04,333 surf the web. 677 00:27:05,541 --> 00:27:07,166 That would have been really cool. 678 00:27:09,333 --> 00:27:10,416 (SIGHS) 679 00:27:11,458 --> 00:27:13,291 I feel like this is all my fault. 680 00:27:14,333 --> 00:27:16,375 I'm so stupid. 681 00:27:16,458 --> 00:27:19,208 I should have never asked to stop at my ex-boyfriend's. 682 00:27:19,291 --> 00:27:21,791 -So dumb. -No, no, don't blame yourself. 683 00:27:21,875 --> 00:27:24,583 I would have done the exact same thing in your position. 684 00:27:24,666 --> 00:27:28,041 So, you were close? 685 00:27:29,333 --> 00:27:32,083 Yeah, they were my best friends. 686 00:27:32,166 --> 00:27:36,000 Look, I don't know if this helps, but, 687 00:27:37,958 --> 00:27:40,958 I have known some people who have died before. 688 00:27:41,041 --> 00:27:43,166 Not in the same way, of course. 689 00:27:43,250 --> 00:27:44,750 More of natural causes. 690 00:27:44,833 --> 00:27:46,750 But I know how it feels. 691 00:27:46,833 --> 00:27:47,750 It feels bad. 692 00:27:47,833 --> 00:27:50,041 Yeah, Bruce, I don't really think that's helping. 693 00:27:52,791 --> 00:27:56,791 Don't you want to know how I got through the bad times? 694 00:27:56,875 --> 00:27:58,833 How did you get through the bad times? 695 00:28:00,625 --> 00:28:01,916 I'm glad you asked. 696 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:03,750 I usually put on 697 00:28:03,833 --> 00:28:06,125 the feel-good instant classic Waterworld, 698 00:28:06,208 --> 00:28:08,750 and you're in luck, because it's queued up right now 699 00:28:08,833 --> 00:28:11,333 and we're actually halfway through. 700 00:28:11,416 --> 00:28:13,250 Didn't this movie suck like a lot? 701 00:28:13,333 --> 00:28:15,208 -Oh. -Whoa, 702 00:28:15,291 --> 00:28:16,666 I'm not even gonna respond to that. 703 00:28:16,750 --> 00:28:18,041 -James? -Yeah, 704 00:28:18,125 --> 00:28:21,666 we try to not talk about the reviews of Waterworld, 705 00:28:21,750 --> 00:28:24,416 because we actually think it's really good and-- 706 00:28:24,500 --> 00:28:25,416 and we're not ashamed of that. 707 00:28:25,500 --> 00:28:26,791 Not ashamed. 708 00:28:26,875 --> 00:28:32,416 Thanks, but I'm just not really in the mood right now, so. 709 00:28:32,500 --> 00:28:33,916 Or ever. 710 00:28:35,208 --> 00:28:39,666 So you want to start it from the beginning? 711 00:28:39,750 --> 00:28:41,208 How is that? Like-- that's not at all. 712 00:28:41,291 --> 00:28:42,333 -James. -Yeah. 713 00:28:42,416 --> 00:28:45,000 -Can we talk in private? -Yeah, of course. 714 00:28:45,083 --> 00:28:46,500 Yeah. 715 00:28:48,458 --> 00:28:50,583 Oh, oh, I get it. 716 00:28:50,666 --> 00:28:52,541 You guys want me to leave. 717 00:28:52,625 --> 00:28:53,583 We'd like to be alone. 718 00:28:53,666 --> 00:28:55,291 Yeah. 719 00:28:55,333 --> 00:28:58,833 If anyone needs me, I'll be in my own private Waterworld. 720 00:28:59,875 --> 00:29:01,250 That means the toilet. 721 00:29:01,333 --> 00:29:02,916 -Yep, we got it. -We got it. 722 00:29:06,166 --> 00:29:07,708 Bye. 723 00:29:12,041 --> 00:29:13,625 Sorry about Bruce. 724 00:29:13,708 --> 00:29:16,791 I mean, he's just not um, good at stuff like that. 725 00:29:16,875 --> 00:29:19,875 Or anything in general, but you keep him around. 726 00:29:19,958 --> 00:29:21,958 Yeah. 727 00:29:22,041 --> 00:29:24,750 Well, look, I-- are you gonna be okay? 728 00:29:26,625 --> 00:29:28,458 I need to process it. 729 00:29:28,541 --> 00:29:31,375 That was probably the most horrific thing I've ever seen. 730 00:29:31,458 --> 00:29:35,458 Yeah. It's like a bad dream in real life. 731 00:29:35,541 --> 00:29:37,041 Yeah, it's so scary. 732 00:29:38,083 --> 00:29:42,250 It's like we're all just fighting to survive right now. 733 00:29:44,458 --> 00:29:45,916 What do I do? 734 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:46,958 Where should I go? 735 00:29:47,041 --> 00:29:50,166 Well, I think you should stay here. 736 00:29:51,500 --> 00:29:52,958 I mean, until things are safer. 737 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,166 -EMILY: You sure? -JAMES: Yeah. 738 00:29:56,250 --> 00:29:56,958 EMILY: Thanks, James. 739 00:29:57,041 --> 00:29:58,791 (DOOR OPENS) 740 00:30:00,750 --> 00:30:01,958 (SIGHS) 741 00:30:02,041 --> 00:30:09,708 (♪♪♪) 742 00:30:09,791 --> 00:30:10,916 Pfft. 743 00:30:15,208 --> 00:30:16,958 (SIGHS) 744 00:30:18,958 --> 00:30:20,125 (TYPING) 745 00:30:20,208 --> 00:30:22,833 Hi, I'm James, and I'm a writer. 746 00:30:22,916 --> 00:30:24,666 (MIMICS LAUGHING) 747 00:30:24,750 --> 00:30:27,500 Let's see what you got here. 748 00:30:31,083 --> 00:30:32,625 Wow. 749 00:30:32,708 --> 00:30:34,708 Impressive. 750 00:30:34,791 --> 00:30:36,000 (SIGHS) 751 00:30:42,375 --> 00:30:44,500 Pinky swear my ass. 752 00:30:55,083 --> 00:30:56,333 Much better. 753 00:31:00,416 --> 00:31:02,458 -(CHUCKLES) -(CLEARS THROAT) 754 00:31:18,416 --> 00:31:20,458 So, how have you been? 755 00:31:21,666 --> 00:31:24,791 Since, you know, we broke up. 756 00:31:24,875 --> 00:31:29,000 Yeah, yeah, I've been-- I've been really good actually. 757 00:31:29,083 --> 00:31:32,125 Healthy. Um, really clear-headed. 758 00:31:32,208 --> 00:31:33,791 And just productive. 759 00:31:33,875 --> 00:31:35,208 That's good to hear. 760 00:31:35,291 --> 00:31:37,208 -I'm glad. -Yeah, yeah. 761 00:31:37,291 --> 00:31:38,458 How have you-- how have you been? 762 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:42,041 Okay, I guess. 763 00:31:43,083 --> 00:31:45,125 Depending on the day of the week. 764 00:31:46,875 --> 00:31:49,625 In some ways, I'm still healing. 765 00:31:50,958 --> 00:31:52,500 Really? 766 00:31:52,583 --> 00:31:54,458 EMILY: What-- is that surprising? 767 00:31:55,833 --> 00:32:00,791 I mean, look, I know that this is a pretty fucked-up situation, 768 00:32:00,875 --> 00:32:03,791 but I'm like really happy we're talking again. 769 00:32:05,208 --> 00:32:08,666 I guess this is the first time since things ended, huh? 770 00:32:08,750 --> 00:32:11,583 Yeah. I never even got to apologize. 771 00:32:13,083 --> 00:32:15,416 Apologize for what? 772 00:32:15,500 --> 00:32:17,250 For everything. 773 00:32:17,333 --> 00:32:18,500 Yeah. 774 00:32:19,708 --> 00:32:21,833 Care to be more specific? 775 00:32:23,958 --> 00:32:27,583 Yeah, I mean I'm just sorry for everything that you think 776 00:32:27,666 --> 00:32:28,708 I did wrong. 777 00:32:29,708 --> 00:32:33,458 Everything I think you did wrong. 778 00:32:33,541 --> 00:32:34,291 (EMILY SCOFFS) 779 00:32:34,375 --> 00:32:37,541 EMILY: You were completely missing in action from our relationship. 780 00:32:37,625 --> 00:32:41,750 Okay, look, I have spent some time reflecting-- 781 00:32:41,833 --> 00:32:43,666 -Uh-huh. -On our relationship, 782 00:32:43,750 --> 00:32:45,625 and look, I-- 783 00:32:46,791 --> 00:32:49,875 I realize that you're the best thing that ever happened to me. 784 00:32:49,958 --> 00:32:57,708 (♪♪♪) 785 00:33:04,875 --> 00:33:07,833 I'd want things to be completely different. 786 00:33:07,916 --> 00:33:09,000 Yeah, yeah. 787 00:33:09,083 --> 00:33:10,958 I mean, different how? 788 00:33:12,625 --> 00:33:16,333 To start, I'd like us to be more honest. 789 00:33:16,416 --> 00:33:18,083 Great. Yeah, me too. Me too. 790 00:33:18,166 --> 00:33:20,041 Honesty is great. I love honesty. 791 00:33:20,125 --> 00:33:21,416 -EMILY: Okay. -Yeah. 792 00:33:21,500 --> 00:33:25,458 EMILY: Well, then how did you honestly feel after we broke up? 793 00:33:25,541 --> 00:33:27,958 -How have you been? -Very, very, very, very bad. 794 00:33:28,041 --> 00:33:29,166 I've been-- yeah, it's been rough. 795 00:33:29,250 --> 00:33:31,041 I knew it. 796 00:33:31,125 --> 00:33:33,083 How bad? 797 00:33:33,166 --> 00:33:36,750 Really bad. Um, drinking quite a bit. 798 00:33:36,833 --> 00:33:40,250 Um, just a little bit more than excessively, I would say. 799 00:33:40,333 --> 00:33:44,125 And listening to quite a bit of Yacht Rock. 800 00:33:44,208 --> 00:33:46,083 -EMILY: Oof. -Yeah, I know. 801 00:33:46,166 --> 00:33:48,833 Somehow I've become like kindred with Michael Bolton, 802 00:33:48,916 --> 00:33:50,416 and it doesn't even feel bad or weird. 803 00:33:50,500 --> 00:33:51,791 -(CHUCKLES) -JAMES: Yeah. 804 00:33:53,125 --> 00:33:54,208 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 805 00:33:54,291 --> 00:33:56,541 BRUCE: Yes! Chicken wings! 806 00:33:56,625 --> 00:33:58,583 -Hey! -Were you just right there? 807 00:33:59,833 --> 00:34:01,541 No. 808 00:34:01,625 --> 00:34:03,041 All right, let's please try to make this quick. 809 00:34:03,125 --> 00:34:04,083 Okay, I'm not gonna die for some wings. 810 00:34:04,166 --> 00:34:05,416 All right, all right. I got this. 811 00:34:05,500 --> 00:34:06,625 We'll be fine. 812 00:34:08,041 --> 00:34:10,541 -Yo, dude, come on in. -All right, pal. 813 00:34:10,625 --> 00:34:13,791 BRUCE: Oh my God. It's fucking crazy out there. 814 00:34:13,875 --> 00:34:14,875 (SIGHS) 815 00:34:14,958 --> 00:34:17,375 -Holy fucking shit. -Holy fucking shit. 816 00:34:17,458 --> 00:34:18,750 -Rory! -RORY: Bruce! 817 00:34:18,833 --> 00:34:21,666 -Woo! Oh my God. -How long has it been? 818 00:34:21,750 --> 00:34:23,375 -Like five years? -At least. 819 00:34:23,458 --> 00:34:26,166 You look uh, good. 820 00:34:26,250 --> 00:34:27,458 You still look like shit. 821 00:34:27,541 --> 00:34:28,833 (LAUGHS) 822 00:34:28,916 --> 00:34:30,375 Funny guy. 823 00:34:30,458 --> 00:34:31,708 This is James. 824 00:34:31,791 --> 00:34:33,041 How you doing, pal? 825 00:34:33,125 --> 00:34:34,291 Make yourself at home, man. 826 00:34:34,375 --> 00:34:36,500 -Mi casa, su casa. -Thanks, pal. 827 00:34:36,583 --> 00:34:37,375 BRUCE: Here, let me help you out. 828 00:34:37,458 --> 00:34:38,458 Oh, here, you want to take it? 829 00:34:38,541 --> 00:34:41,166 Wingy, wingy. Yeah! 830 00:34:41,250 --> 00:34:43,000 Come on in. Chicken wings. 831 00:34:43,083 --> 00:34:44,458 Fucking A. 832 00:34:52,875 --> 00:34:54,750 So, uh, how do you guys know each other? 833 00:34:54,833 --> 00:34:55,666 BRUCE: Oh my God, dude. 834 00:34:55,750 --> 00:34:58,041 Me and Roarster here, we go way back. 835 00:34:58,125 --> 00:34:59,666 We were sandwich artists together. 836 00:34:59,750 --> 00:35:01,708 Bruce, don't shortchange yourself. 837 00:35:01,791 --> 00:35:03,625 You're much more than a sandwich artist. 838 00:35:03,708 --> 00:35:06,458 Sandwich fucking legend, this guy. 839 00:35:06,541 --> 00:35:07,375 Fuck off. 840 00:35:07,458 --> 00:35:09,375 Oh, I'm telling you, people talked about you 841 00:35:09,458 --> 00:35:12,000 for years after you left. 842 00:35:12,083 --> 00:35:14,541 They're probably still yacking about you. 843 00:35:14,625 --> 00:35:16,416 And this was at Subway? 844 00:35:16,500 --> 00:35:18,583 Yeah, dude. 845 00:35:18,666 --> 00:35:20,500 You better see this guy in the kitchen. 846 00:35:20,583 --> 00:35:22,166 He was doing stuff with sandwiches that 847 00:35:22,250 --> 00:35:24,041 weren't even on the menu. 848 00:35:24,125 --> 00:35:26,250 Had his own fucking secret menu. 849 00:35:26,333 --> 00:35:29,375 Julia Child meets Jackson Pollock. 850 00:35:29,458 --> 00:35:31,291 Totally experimental shit. 851 00:35:31,375 --> 00:35:32,416 Blew my mind. 852 00:35:32,500 --> 00:35:34,000 I was just messing around, 853 00:35:34,083 --> 00:35:37,333 you know, having a good time, that's all. 854 00:35:37,416 --> 00:35:39,208 What are you up to these days? You a chef? 855 00:35:39,291 --> 00:35:40,458 You reinvent food? 856 00:35:40,541 --> 00:35:44,208 No, but I did go to culinary school actually. 857 00:35:44,291 --> 00:35:45,666 -I like to hear. -Yeah. 858 00:35:45,750 --> 00:35:47,666 I dropped out, though. 859 00:35:47,750 --> 00:35:51,333 But it's cool, you know, because I um-- I'm living off 860 00:35:51,416 --> 00:35:54,791 of Israel bonds and unemployment now. 861 00:35:54,875 --> 00:35:55,833 Looks like it worked out for you. 862 00:35:55,916 --> 00:35:58,791 I mean, you're living fucking lavish over here. 863 00:35:58,875 --> 00:36:00,541 Place is straight class, let me tell you. 864 00:36:00,625 --> 00:36:02,666 Right, yeah, but this actually isn't my place. 865 00:36:02,750 --> 00:36:04,166 This is James' house. He's a novelist. 866 00:36:04,250 --> 00:36:05,666 RORY: Mm, mm-hmm. 867 00:36:05,750 --> 00:36:10,416 It's uh-- you did the book, Space, uh, trains, trains. 868 00:36:10,500 --> 00:36:11,583 Trains in Space. 869 00:36:11,666 --> 00:36:12,833 BRUCE: Trains in Space, that's what I said. 870 00:36:12,916 --> 00:36:14,583 That was you, huh? That was sick. 871 00:36:14,666 --> 00:36:15,833 I saw it in the library. 872 00:36:15,916 --> 00:36:19,125 No shot I was reading it, but fucking A, dude. 873 00:36:19,208 --> 00:36:20,833 Oh, you're too kind. Thank you. 874 00:36:20,916 --> 00:36:22,916 Oh, dude, how much I owe you? 875 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:24,625 Uh, $32.50. 876 00:36:24,708 --> 00:36:26,791 Right. 877 00:36:26,875 --> 00:36:28,750 There's 40 right there. Boom. 878 00:36:28,833 --> 00:36:30,458 Thank you. 879 00:36:30,541 --> 00:36:31,625 Always got to check with this fucker. 880 00:36:31,708 --> 00:36:33,291 (LAUGHING) 881 00:36:33,375 --> 00:36:34,541 Yeah, you never know. 882 00:36:34,625 --> 00:36:37,333 Dude, didn't you like fuck my sister? 883 00:36:38,958 --> 00:36:40,750 Listen, nobody knows nothing. 884 00:36:40,833 --> 00:36:43,041 Ah, 885 00:36:43,125 --> 00:36:45,583 Rory, my man. 886 00:36:46,583 --> 00:36:48,875 We got to-- we got to hang out again. 887 00:36:48,958 --> 00:36:50,750 Dude, why don't you just stick around? 888 00:36:50,833 --> 00:36:52,291 We got Waterworld, wings. 889 00:36:52,375 --> 00:36:53,208 I wish I could. 890 00:36:53,291 --> 00:36:54,666 I still have some deliveries, though. 891 00:36:54,750 --> 00:36:57,875 Oh, dang. All right, well, I guess he's got to head out. 892 00:36:57,958 --> 00:36:58,708 Come on, man. 893 00:36:58,791 --> 00:37:01,458 You're gonna risk your life for Abracadabra? 894 00:37:01,541 --> 00:37:03,916 -Yeah. -You're better than this, man. 895 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,375 -What about your friends? -Yeah, you know what? 896 00:37:06,458 --> 00:37:07,541 For once, you're right. 897 00:37:07,625 --> 00:37:10,333 Fuck Abracadabra and the kebab wands. 898 00:37:10,416 --> 00:37:11,791 BRUCE: Yeah, fuck 'em. 899 00:37:11,875 --> 00:37:13,208 Hey, Emily! 900 00:37:13,291 --> 00:37:14,291 Emily! 901 00:37:15,333 --> 00:37:19,875 (♪♪♪) 902 00:37:19,958 --> 00:37:22,541 The last few days have been wild. Get this. 903 00:37:22,625 --> 00:37:24,708 Yesterday, I had to deliver to an orgy. 904 00:37:24,791 --> 00:37:25,541 No shit. 905 00:37:25,625 --> 00:37:28,125 Yeah, I show up to this huge mansion, 906 00:37:28,208 --> 00:37:31,583 all different walks of life, everybody's naked. 907 00:37:31,666 --> 00:37:33,250 The host, this guy named Russell, 908 00:37:33,333 --> 00:37:35,916 had the longest fucking balls I've ever seen. 909 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:37,708 They were like down to his ankles. 910 00:37:37,791 --> 00:37:40,000 I love that. Love that. 911 00:37:40,083 --> 00:37:41,458 What I'm more curious about is 912 00:37:41,541 --> 00:37:44,000 how you've managed to stay alive this whole time. 913 00:37:44,083 --> 00:37:45,166 It hasn't been easy. 914 00:37:45,250 --> 00:37:48,083 I've almost been bitten like 10 times already. 915 00:37:48,166 --> 00:37:50,833 I mean, don't get me wrong, obviously, it's a dangerous job, 916 00:37:50,916 --> 00:37:53,000 but the tips have been incredible. 917 00:37:53,083 --> 00:37:55,208 We all know how expensive rent in L.A. can be. 918 00:37:55,291 --> 00:37:56,708 -Tell me about it. -Plus, there's everything else. 919 00:37:56,791 --> 00:37:59,750 You got gas, bills, food. 920 00:37:59,833 --> 00:38:01,541 Speaking of food, Rory, what are you waiting for? 921 00:38:01,625 --> 00:38:03,000 -Dig in. -Nah, nah, nah. 922 00:38:03,083 --> 00:38:04,125 I don't touch that stuff no more. 923 00:38:04,208 --> 00:38:05,291 I'm a vegetarian. 924 00:38:05,375 --> 00:38:06,916 What? 925 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,583 You a vegetarian? No, come on. 926 00:38:09,666 --> 00:38:11,666 Yeah, for the last three months. 927 00:38:11,750 --> 00:38:14,125 Look, we used to call this guy "Meatball Rory" 928 00:38:14,208 --> 00:38:16,416 'cause he ate meatball subs for breakfast, lunch, 929 00:38:16,500 --> 00:38:18,750 -and dinner. -Those days are way behind me. 930 00:38:18,833 --> 00:38:20,000 I'm Tofu Rory. 931 00:38:20,083 --> 00:38:21,000 Come on, man. 932 00:38:21,083 --> 00:38:23,000 What's it been like, 90 days? 933 00:38:23,083 --> 00:38:24,250 You're still in the probationary period. 934 00:38:24,333 --> 00:38:24,958 You can eat meat. 935 00:38:25,041 --> 00:38:26,875 You-- you don't have to eat it if you don't want to. 936 00:38:26,958 --> 00:38:28,041 BRUCE: Come on. 937 00:38:28,125 --> 00:38:29,750 Dude, you drove all the way out here. 938 00:38:29,833 --> 00:38:31,208 You're not gonna eat with me? 939 00:38:31,291 --> 00:38:32,750 Your boy Bruce? 940 00:38:32,833 --> 00:38:33,875 Have one wing, one. 941 00:38:33,958 --> 00:38:36,208 Bruce, don't make him do it. 942 00:38:36,291 --> 00:38:37,250 You know what, fuck it, 943 00:38:37,333 --> 00:38:38,791 the world's ending anyway, right? 944 00:38:38,875 --> 00:38:40,125 I'll get one of these things. 945 00:38:41,125 --> 00:38:42,291 (MUNCHING) 946 00:38:42,375 --> 00:38:43,833 Oh man. 947 00:38:45,791 --> 00:38:48,375 -I missed this. -Welcome back, buddy. 948 00:38:48,458 --> 00:38:50,166 Got a little kick to it, too, huh? 949 00:38:50,250 --> 00:38:51,791 Actually pretty spicy. 950 00:38:51,875 --> 00:38:53,958 Dip it in some ranch, that'll cool it off. 951 00:38:54,041 --> 00:38:56,958 Ranch? Didn't I give you guys blue cheese? 952 00:38:57,041 --> 00:38:59,250 BRUCE: No, no one delivered blue cheese. That was you. 953 00:38:59,333 --> 00:39:02,375 This fucking guy Marco's been messing up the order all week. 954 00:39:03,416 --> 00:39:05,833 I guess I'll fucking suffer with the ranch. 955 00:39:05,916 --> 00:39:07,375 There he is, come on. 956 00:39:07,458 --> 00:39:09,291 (LAUGHS) Look at this guy. 957 00:39:09,375 --> 00:39:10,833 Reminds me of one of them zombies out there, 958 00:39:10,916 --> 00:39:12,333 right? 959 00:39:14,458 --> 00:39:15,875 So you two married or what? 960 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:19,375 Us? No, we're not even a couple. 961 00:39:19,458 --> 00:39:21,583 Well, uh, we're a work in progress. 962 00:39:21,666 --> 00:39:23,500 Kind of like every couple I know. 963 00:39:23,583 --> 00:39:26,083 That's why my grandma wonders why I'm not getting laid. 964 00:39:26,166 --> 00:39:27,541 No one else is wondering that. 965 00:39:29,583 --> 00:39:30,583 (GRUNTS) 966 00:39:30,666 --> 00:39:31,666 Fuck me. 967 00:39:31,750 --> 00:39:34,291 I should not have eaten that wing. 968 00:39:34,375 --> 00:39:36,250 Already not sitting too well with me. 969 00:39:36,333 --> 00:39:37,625 -Uh-oh. -Ah, God. 970 00:39:37,708 --> 00:39:39,791 Don't tell me it's like that time you got back from TJ 971 00:39:39,875 --> 00:39:40,916 with Montezuma's Revenge. 972 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:42,375 I'm telling you, if that's the case, 973 00:39:42,458 --> 00:39:43,583 we're all in trouble. 974 00:39:44,666 --> 00:39:46,041 You guys got a bedroom near here? 975 00:39:46,125 --> 00:39:47,875 Yeah, yeah, it's right out there down the hall. 976 00:39:47,958 --> 00:39:49,750 In fact, Bruce, why don't you show him? 977 00:39:49,833 --> 00:39:51,208 Yeah, I'll show him. 978 00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:57,000 Hey, man. I just want to thank you for your words 979 00:39:57,083 --> 00:39:58,916 of encouragement earlier. I really appreciate that. 980 00:39:59,000 --> 00:39:59,875 You know, I've always thought about 981 00:39:59,958 --> 00:40:02,291 -getting back in the kitchen. -You should totally do it, bro. 982 00:40:02,416 --> 00:40:04,625 Yeah, it's just the pressure, you know? 983 00:40:04,708 --> 00:40:06,916 It's like I got a whole bunch of new ideas I want to try. 984 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:08,125 Like ostrich liver. 985 00:40:08,208 --> 00:40:10,125 That shit is fucking unbelievable. 986 00:40:10,208 --> 00:40:12,583 You slice it up real thin, and then you sauté it 987 00:40:12,666 --> 00:40:14,166 in salted butter. 988 00:40:14,250 --> 00:40:15,458 Where's that fucking bed? 989 00:40:15,541 --> 00:40:16,416 Oh, it's right over here to the right. 990 00:40:16,500 --> 00:40:17,708 Oh, fucking A. 991 00:40:17,791 --> 00:40:19,875 You have a little something on your face. 992 00:40:19,958 --> 00:40:21,375 Oh, where? 993 00:40:21,458 --> 00:40:22,541 I can get it. 994 00:40:28,750 --> 00:40:30,500 Thank you. Um... (CLEARS THROAT) 995 00:40:30,583 --> 00:40:31,791 Thank you. 996 00:40:31,875 --> 00:40:34,583 Am I crazy or is there some flirting happening right now? 997 00:40:34,666 --> 00:40:35,916 You're crazy. 998 00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:37,750 We're just not fighting at the moment. 999 00:40:37,833 --> 00:40:39,750 Okay, 'cause it feels like things are going swimmingly, 1000 00:40:39,833 --> 00:40:41,333 -actually. -Swimmingly? 1001 00:40:41,416 --> 00:40:43,250 Mm-hmm. 1002 00:40:43,333 --> 00:40:44,666 You're an idiot. 1003 00:40:44,708 --> 00:40:46,916 Mm-hmm. Okay, all right. 1004 00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,708 -It's your turn. -My turn for what? 1005 00:40:49,791 --> 00:40:51,375 The new honesty thing. 1006 00:40:51,458 --> 00:40:53,875 I was honest with you earlier, so now it's my turn. 1007 00:40:53,958 --> 00:40:55,208 I'm game. What do you want to know? 1008 00:40:55,291 --> 00:40:58,625 Okay, what is your beef with Bruce? 1009 00:40:59,791 --> 00:41:01,625 What do you mean? 1010 00:41:01,708 --> 00:41:02,833 Come on. 1011 00:41:02,916 --> 00:41:04,333 There's something there. 1012 00:41:04,416 --> 00:41:05,708 Like the entire time we were together, 1013 00:41:05,791 --> 00:41:08,375 it seemed like there was a-- I don't know, a tension. 1014 00:41:08,458 --> 00:41:10,791 And I mean, sometimes it even seemed like you hate him. 1015 00:41:10,875 --> 00:41:13,000 I don't hate Bruce. 1016 00:41:13,083 --> 00:41:15,333 We're just two very different people. 1017 00:41:15,416 --> 00:41:17,750 -It's awkward with us. -Right. 1018 00:41:17,833 --> 00:41:20,041 But we're very different people, too. 1019 00:41:20,125 --> 00:41:22,041 I-- I just-- I don't know what the difference is. 1020 00:41:22,125 --> 00:41:24,750 Like what-- like why is it awkward? 1021 00:41:24,833 --> 00:41:26,041 I don't know, James. 1022 00:41:26,166 --> 00:41:27,208 I don't know. 1023 00:41:27,291 --> 00:41:28,333 Okay. 1024 00:41:28,416 --> 00:41:30,000 I feel like you do and you should just say it. 1025 00:41:30,083 --> 00:41:31,791 I just want to know. I got to know. 1026 00:41:33,333 --> 00:41:35,583 Okay, there's this one thing I probably should have 1027 00:41:35,666 --> 00:41:39,000 already admitted to you, but I haven't yet. 1028 00:41:39,083 --> 00:41:41,166 So, here I go. 1029 00:41:43,166 --> 00:41:44,375 Um, 1030 00:41:45,458 --> 00:41:48,250 -this is so embarrassing. -It's fine. 1031 00:41:48,333 --> 00:41:50,125 I just-- I got to know. 1032 00:41:50,208 --> 00:41:54,625 Okay, before you and I were dating, 1033 00:41:56,291 --> 00:41:58,125 Bruce and I, 1034 00:41:59,916 --> 00:42:01,500 this is so stupid, 1035 00:42:04,500 --> 00:42:05,500 we had a fling. 1036 00:42:07,458 --> 00:42:09,000 It was a small fling. It didn't mean anything. 1037 00:42:09,083 --> 00:42:13,625 A fling? Um, I'm sorry, with you and Bruce? 1038 00:42:13,708 --> 00:42:15,250 Bruce, my best friend. 1039 00:42:15,333 --> 00:42:17,916 Bruce, the guy walking around my house right now. 1040 00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:19,291 Unfortunately, yes. 1041 00:42:19,375 --> 00:42:20,625 Son of a bitch. 1042 00:42:20,708 --> 00:42:22,208 -James, wait. -Bruce! 1043 00:42:26,125 --> 00:42:27,833 Fuck, I'm burning up here. 1044 00:42:27,916 --> 00:42:36,708 (♪♪♪) 1045 00:42:40,333 --> 00:42:44,208 Fucking Christ, my eyes are... (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) 1046 00:42:45,208 --> 00:42:47,208 -JAMES: Bruce! -What? I'm making a drink. 1047 00:42:47,291 --> 00:42:49,666 JAMES: I don't care. Tell me what happened between you and Emily 1048 00:42:49,708 --> 00:42:51,250 before we were together. 1049 00:42:52,916 --> 00:42:54,166 -BRUCE: What? -Mm-hmm-hmm. 1050 00:42:54,250 --> 00:42:56,000 Oh my God, you told him? 1051 00:42:56,083 --> 00:42:57,416 I had to. 1052 00:42:59,666 --> 00:43:03,041 What the fuck is happening to me? 1053 00:43:03,125 --> 00:43:04,291 Tell me everything right now. 1054 00:43:04,375 --> 00:43:06,250 Okay, it's not a big deal. 1055 00:43:06,333 --> 00:43:08,083 Nothing, basically nothing happened. 1056 00:43:08,166 --> 00:43:09,625 If nothing happened, we wouldn't be having 1057 00:43:09,708 --> 00:43:11,291 -this conversation right now. -I'll just say it, 1058 00:43:11,375 --> 00:43:12,500 there was definitely some hand stuff. 1059 00:43:12,583 --> 00:43:13,916 Hand stuff? 1060 00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:14,708 -Yes. -Hand stuff? 1061 00:43:14,791 --> 00:43:16,375 Okay, there might have been some hand stuff, 1062 00:43:16,458 --> 00:43:19,083 but I swear to God, James, we did not have sex. 1063 00:43:19,166 --> 00:43:20,041 It's true. 1064 00:43:20,125 --> 00:43:21,875 I mean, we probably would have, but nothing ever happened, 1065 00:43:21,958 --> 00:43:22,666 -because-- -Stop. 1066 00:43:22,750 --> 00:43:24,291 You don't have to go there, okay? 1067 00:43:24,375 --> 00:43:25,916 -She doesn't-- -No, yes, you do. 1068 00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:26,833 Tell me why right now. 1069 00:43:26,916 --> 00:43:29,291 Because Bruce got very excited by the hand stuff, that's why. 1070 00:43:29,375 --> 00:43:31,041 Oh my God, okay. 1071 00:43:31,083 --> 00:43:32,458 Is that everything? 1072 00:43:32,541 --> 00:43:36,125 Then Bruce made me a sandwich and we shared it. 1073 00:43:36,208 --> 00:43:37,208 Ch-- a sandwich? 1074 00:43:37,291 --> 00:43:38,416 Did you wash your hands first? 1075 00:43:38,500 --> 00:43:39,666 Yes, I washed my hands. 1076 00:43:39,750 --> 00:43:41,083 I swear I washed my hands. 1077 00:43:41,166 --> 00:43:43,208 I feel sick right now. 1078 00:43:43,291 --> 00:43:44,875 Yeah, how do you think I feel? 1079 00:43:44,958 --> 00:43:47,125 I don't feel so hot myself. 1080 00:43:47,208 --> 00:43:48,333 What is he still doing here? 1081 00:43:48,416 --> 00:43:49,500 I'm sorry, are you wearing my bathrobe? 1082 00:43:49,583 --> 00:43:50,833 Did you just take a shower? 1083 00:43:50,916 --> 00:43:52,833 I'm sweating my fucking balls off, bro. 1084 00:43:52,916 --> 00:43:54,666 Is it hot in here or is it me? 1085 00:43:54,750 --> 00:43:55,833 -EMILY: Oh God! -JAMES: Oh, holy shit! 1086 00:43:55,916 --> 00:43:57,541 -Oh my God. -Oh, wow. 1087 00:43:57,625 --> 00:43:58,708 Is he infected? 1088 00:43:58,791 --> 00:44:00,375 I think it's just food poisoning. 1089 00:44:00,458 --> 00:44:02,083 That doesn't look like food poisoning. 1090 00:44:02,166 --> 00:44:04,458 Okay, relax, maybe he just you know, had 1091 00:44:04,541 --> 00:44:06,666 an allergic reaction to their hot wings, that's all. 1092 00:44:06,750 --> 00:44:08,208 Do you have allergies, Rory? 1093 00:44:08,291 --> 00:44:09,583 I'm allergic to cats. 1094 00:44:09,666 --> 00:44:10,791 I don't have a cat. 1095 00:44:10,875 --> 00:44:12,375 That is not an allergic reaction. 1096 00:44:12,458 --> 00:44:14,708 Okay, you know what, Rory? 1097 00:44:14,791 --> 00:44:18,833 Remember when you said that you almost got bit like 10 times? 1098 00:44:18,916 --> 00:44:20,250 Yeah. 1099 00:44:20,333 --> 00:44:22,583 -Did you maybe get bit? -Nah, I just-- 1100 00:44:22,666 --> 00:44:24,375 That looks like a bite mark to me. 1101 00:44:24,458 --> 00:44:26,791 Nah, I just got that at the orgy. 1102 00:44:26,875 --> 00:44:29,291 Okay, Rory, I'm gonna ask you a question here 1103 00:44:29,375 --> 00:44:32,375 and as crazy as this may sound, I need you to be honest, okay? 1104 00:44:32,458 --> 00:44:34,500 Yeah, the fuck you need. 1105 00:44:34,583 --> 00:44:35,791 Did you... 1106 00:44:37,625 --> 00:44:39,916 Did you have sex with a zombie? 1107 00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:41,333 -(RETCHES) -JAMES: Oh, shit! 1108 00:44:41,416 --> 00:44:42,541 -EMILY: Oh my God! -Fuck, is that blood? 1109 00:44:42,625 --> 00:44:45,041 (SCREAMING) 1110 00:44:45,125 --> 00:44:54,083 (♪♪♪) 1111 00:44:57,166 --> 00:44:58,166 NEWSCASTER 1: Thanks, Bill. 1112 00:44:58,250 --> 00:44:59,958 We have a warning about our next story. 1113 00:45:00,041 --> 00:45:04,958 (WHIMPERING) 1114 00:45:05,041 --> 00:45:07,666 James, I just wanna say I'm sorry, we need to talk. 1115 00:45:07,750 --> 00:45:10,208 Shut the fuck up, he's going to hear you. 1116 00:45:10,291 --> 00:45:12,125 You're right, you're right, we'll talk later. 1117 00:45:14,958 --> 00:45:17,916 (RORY GRUNTING) 1118 00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:22,375 (GROWLS) 1119 00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:30,000 (BREATHS HEAVILY) 1120 00:46:00,666 --> 00:46:02,375 -Run! -(EMILY SCREAMS) 1121 00:46:08,916 --> 00:46:09,833 Shut it! 1122 00:46:09,916 --> 00:46:11,416 Shut the door! 1123 00:46:11,500 --> 00:46:15,416 Oh, oh, that's Rory, he looks so terrible. 1124 00:46:15,500 --> 00:46:17,833 -BRUCE: Damn. -JAMES: Jesus Christ. 1125 00:46:17,916 --> 00:46:19,500 I can't believe I used to be friends with him. 1126 00:46:19,583 --> 00:46:22,125 He fucked a zombie. 1127 00:46:22,208 --> 00:46:25,000 Oh God, that's the worst STD I've ever seen. 1128 00:46:25,083 --> 00:46:26,708 (GROWLS) 1129 00:46:26,791 --> 00:46:28,291 And I thought herpes was bad. 1130 00:46:28,375 --> 00:46:30,041 EMILY: Disgusting. 1131 00:46:30,125 --> 00:46:31,916 -Where's he going? -JAMES: There he goes. 1132 00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:34,500 Great. Oh, wait. Charles. 1133 00:46:34,583 --> 00:46:36,125 Oh, shit, dude. 1134 00:46:36,208 --> 00:46:38,083 -No, he's gonna eat my fish. -No, Charles. 1135 00:46:38,166 --> 00:46:40,250 BRUCE: Don't do it, Rory. 1136 00:46:40,333 --> 00:46:42,250 -JAMES: Charles. -BRUCE: I'm sorry, dude. 1137 00:46:42,333 --> 00:46:44,125 Motherfucker. 1138 00:46:44,208 --> 00:46:45,333 No, this bitch has to die. 1139 00:46:45,416 --> 00:46:47,583 -James! -BRUCE: James no, James, stop! 1140 00:46:47,666 --> 00:46:49,875 Jesus Christ, I don't care, I don't care. 1141 00:46:49,958 --> 00:46:51,000 BRUCE: Oh, he's coming back. 1142 00:46:52,083 --> 00:46:54,666 -(GROWLS) -(SIREN WAILING IN BACKGROUND) 1143 00:46:54,750 --> 00:46:56,083 I don't think he knows how to get out. 1144 00:46:56,166 --> 00:46:59,708 No, he-- I think we're-- I think we're safe out here. 1145 00:46:59,791 --> 00:47:01,750 JAMES: Yeah, yeah, no, it's perfect. This is great. 1146 00:47:01,833 --> 00:47:05,041 We got the zombie locked inside, and then we're locked outside 1147 00:47:05,125 --> 00:47:06,375 where all the zombies are. It's great. 1148 00:47:06,458 --> 00:47:08,000 EMILY: Yeah, another zombie could show up any moment. 1149 00:47:08,083 --> 00:47:09,333 I honestly hope one does. 1150 00:47:09,416 --> 00:47:11,041 I would love to just fucking die right now. 1151 00:47:11,125 --> 00:47:13,083 In fact, zombies! Come and fucking eat me! 1152 00:47:13,166 --> 00:47:16,083 Hey! James, I know you're angry right now about the hookup, 1153 00:47:16,166 --> 00:47:17,083 but can you just put that on the back burner for a second? 1154 00:47:17,166 --> 00:47:18,708 Ew, the hookup. 1155 00:47:18,791 --> 00:47:19,708 Yeah, dude, come on. 1156 00:47:19,791 --> 00:47:21,083 Don't you want to survive here? 1157 00:47:21,166 --> 00:47:22,458 Just think about it. 1158 00:47:22,541 --> 00:47:24,666 What would they do in the zombie movies? 1159 00:47:24,750 --> 00:47:27,416 I've never seen a zombie movie where my best friend 1160 00:47:27,500 --> 00:47:28,958 tries to bang my girlfriend. 1161 00:47:29,041 --> 00:47:30,583 BRUCE: Okay, what is this, 1985? 1162 00:47:30,666 --> 00:47:32,583 I didn't try to bang your girlfriend, 1163 00:47:32,666 --> 00:47:33,791 and she wasn't even your girlfriend then. 1164 00:47:33,875 --> 00:47:35,041 Shut up, okay? 1165 00:47:35,125 --> 00:47:36,541 I think I have an idea. 1166 00:47:36,625 --> 00:47:38,875 One of you needs to open the door, get him out here, 1167 00:47:38,958 --> 00:47:41,208 distract him, and then spray him with a hose. 1168 00:47:41,291 --> 00:47:43,041 I'll grab that plant, smash him over the head, 1169 00:47:43,125 --> 00:47:45,083 and that should give us enough time to get back inside. 1170 00:47:45,166 --> 00:47:46,083 That could work. 1171 00:47:46,166 --> 00:47:48,208 Yeah, totally. You're the distractor, though. 1172 00:47:48,291 --> 00:47:50,166 What? Why-- why am I the distractor? 1173 00:47:50,250 --> 00:47:52,750 Oh, I guess just because this is all your fault. 1174 00:47:52,833 --> 00:47:55,375 You came to my house, you made us get hot wings, 1175 00:47:55,458 --> 00:47:58,000 you invited Rory Gabagool into my home. 1176 00:47:58,083 --> 00:47:59,916 Okay, those are all valid points. 1177 00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:01,333 I'll be the distractor. 1178 00:48:01,416 --> 00:48:02,791 Thank you. 1179 00:48:02,875 --> 00:48:05,166 (BIRDS CHIRPING) (FIRING IN BACKGROUND) 1180 00:48:05,250 --> 00:48:06,875 (SIGHS) 1181 00:48:06,958 --> 00:48:08,333 Ready. 1182 00:48:08,416 --> 00:48:09,458 Set. 1183 00:48:13,500 --> 00:48:14,291 Fucking go! 1184 00:48:14,375 --> 00:48:23,166 (♪♪♪) 1185 00:49:02,750 --> 00:49:04,666 Oh my God! I can't believe it actually worked! 1186 00:49:04,791 --> 00:49:06,833 We did it! That was awesome! 1187 00:49:06,916 --> 00:49:08,250 Up high. 1188 00:49:08,333 --> 00:49:09,833 -No five? -No, no five. 1189 00:49:09,916 --> 00:49:10,916 Now that things are back to normal, 1190 00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:12,541 I'd like to be left the fuck alone. 1191 00:49:12,625 --> 00:49:13,708 James! 1192 00:49:19,208 --> 00:49:20,666 All this shit going on in the world, 1193 00:49:20,750 --> 00:49:23,500 why would you even think about telling James what happened? 1194 00:49:23,583 --> 00:49:26,041 Because it was one of the problems of our relationship. 1195 00:49:26,125 --> 00:49:27,916 We were never honest with each other. 1196 00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:30,291 Relationships require honesty. 1197 00:49:30,375 --> 00:49:31,958 Oh my God, are you kidding me? 1198 00:49:32,041 --> 00:49:33,208 James is my best friend 1199 00:49:33,291 --> 00:49:35,583 and I was ready to take that to the grave. 1200 00:49:35,666 --> 00:49:37,041 Look, I wasn't happy about it either. 1201 00:49:37,125 --> 00:49:38,166 It's embarrassing. 1202 00:49:38,250 --> 00:49:40,208 Okay, you don't have to rub it in. 1203 00:49:40,291 --> 00:49:41,833 -That's not what I meant. -You know what? 1204 00:49:41,916 --> 00:49:44,041 A girl like you would never in a million years 1205 00:49:44,125 --> 00:49:46,958 end up with a guy like me, because I am a fuck-up. 1206 00:49:47,041 --> 00:49:49,666 I know it, James knows it, and you know it. 1207 00:49:49,750 --> 00:49:51,083 I mean, you said it yourself. 1208 00:49:51,166 --> 00:49:53,833 I'm not really great at anything in general. 1209 00:49:53,916 --> 00:49:55,250 You were spying on us? 1210 00:49:55,333 --> 00:49:57,125 That's super fucking creepy, Bruce. 1211 00:49:57,208 --> 00:49:59,666 Yes, I was, and I didn't appreciate that comment. 1212 00:49:59,750 --> 00:50:01,708 Or the one you just made. 1213 00:50:01,791 --> 00:50:03,208 Jesus, learn to take a joke. 1214 00:50:03,291 --> 00:50:05,166 Oh, I'm sorry, I get it now. 1215 00:50:05,250 --> 00:50:06,458 Bruce sucks at life. 1216 00:50:06,541 --> 00:50:08,000 -Ha-ha, very funny. -Look, Bruce, 1217 00:50:08,083 --> 00:50:09,708 the reason our fling was embarrassing to me 1218 00:50:09,791 --> 00:50:12,083 was nothing to do with who you are. 1219 00:50:12,166 --> 00:50:16,083 It's because we barely knew each other at the time. 1220 00:50:16,166 --> 00:50:18,500 And honestly, I didn't have a lot 1221 00:50:18,583 --> 00:50:19,958 of experience. 1222 00:50:20,041 --> 00:50:21,916 Well, you know, that makes two of us, 1223 00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:24,250 because I didn't have a whole lot of experience either. 1224 00:50:24,333 --> 00:50:26,333 I'm positive you had at least more than I did. 1225 00:50:27,583 --> 00:50:30,708 No, no, I didn't, because-- 1226 00:50:30,791 --> 00:50:33,583 Well, Emily, I... 1227 00:50:36,500 --> 00:50:37,625 I was a virgin. 1228 00:50:38,708 --> 00:50:39,833 You were a virgin? 1229 00:50:39,916 --> 00:50:41,041 Yes. Shh. 1230 00:50:41,125 --> 00:50:42,500 You don't need to say it so loud. 1231 00:50:42,583 --> 00:50:44,041 I'm speaking at a normal volume. 1232 00:50:44,125 --> 00:50:45,625 Okay, well, I guess it just sounds worse 1233 00:50:45,708 --> 00:50:47,666 when someone else says it. 1234 00:50:47,750 --> 00:50:49,541 I'm sorry. I... 1235 00:50:49,625 --> 00:50:52,041 I honestly, I really don't know how to react to that. 1236 00:50:52,125 --> 00:50:55,250 Well, I'll have you know, I'm no longer a virgin. 1237 00:50:55,333 --> 00:50:56,750 I've done it numerous times. 1238 00:50:56,833 --> 00:50:59,875 -Okay. -At least, 6, 7, 8-- 1239 00:50:59,958 --> 00:51:02,750 -I got it. -With multiple partners, so... 1240 00:51:02,833 --> 00:51:05,083 That's great. Bruce, I'm... 1241 00:51:05,166 --> 00:51:06,708 I'm genuinely happy for you. 1242 00:51:07,916 --> 00:51:08,833 Thanks, Emily. 1243 00:51:08,916 --> 00:51:11,541 That's actually the nicest thing you've ever said to me. 1244 00:51:13,291 --> 00:51:15,958 -See what a relief this is? -Yeah. 1245 00:51:16,041 --> 00:51:17,833 We should have done this years ago. 1246 00:51:17,916 --> 00:51:20,041 The problem was we just acted like it never happened. 1247 00:51:20,125 --> 00:51:21,333 I know. I hated it. 1248 00:51:21,416 --> 00:51:23,958 It just festered like an open wound. 1249 00:51:24,041 --> 00:51:24,750 Right? 1250 00:51:24,833 --> 00:51:29,166 And I was just jealous of you and James. 1251 00:51:29,250 --> 00:51:31,458 You were jealous of us? 1252 00:51:31,541 --> 00:51:33,666 -Yes. -I was jealous of you guys. 1253 00:51:33,750 --> 00:51:35,333 Oh my God, no, you were not. 1254 00:51:35,416 --> 00:51:36,291 EMILY: Yes! 1255 00:51:36,375 --> 00:51:37,750 About what? 1256 00:51:37,833 --> 00:51:41,375 You two could laugh about anything, talk about anything. 1257 00:51:42,458 --> 00:51:45,333 James and I, we were always just annoying, 1258 00:51:45,416 --> 00:51:46,958 and emotional, 1259 00:51:47,041 --> 00:51:50,041 and draining to the people who cared about us most. 1260 00:51:50,125 --> 00:51:52,791 Well, you know, if it makes you feel any better, 1261 00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:56,625 I don't think James wants to be in a relationship with me either 1262 00:51:56,708 --> 00:51:58,458 right now. 1263 00:51:58,541 --> 00:51:59,833 I'm gonna go talk to him. 1264 00:52:01,583 --> 00:52:02,666 Thanks. 1265 00:52:02,750 --> 00:52:06,083 Oh, and if I get kicked out of the house 1266 00:52:06,166 --> 00:52:09,208 and my penis gets eaten by a zombie, 1267 00:52:10,333 --> 00:52:12,083 it's all your fault. 1268 00:52:12,166 --> 00:52:13,625 Okay, Bruce. 1269 00:52:13,708 --> 00:52:14,958 I'll work on it. 1270 00:52:15,041 --> 00:52:21,833 (♪♪♪) 1271 00:52:21,916 --> 00:52:25,583 (TYPING) 1272 00:52:25,666 --> 00:52:33,208 (♪♪♪) 1273 00:52:33,291 --> 00:52:34,625 I told you to leave me alone. 1274 00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:38,083 -What are you doing? -I'm finishing my book. 1275 00:52:40,375 --> 00:52:42,166 What's it about? 1276 00:52:42,250 --> 00:52:44,625 It's about a sad loser who gets dumped. 1277 00:52:44,708 --> 00:52:46,458 I've been struggling to finish it, 1278 00:52:46,541 --> 00:52:49,500 but I've recently had a burst of inspiration. 1279 00:52:49,583 --> 00:52:54,791 "And then she dies suddenly, terribly, and embarrassing." 1280 00:52:54,875 --> 00:52:57,291 Come on, James. Don't be so immature. 1281 00:53:02,666 --> 00:53:04,958 It happened a long time ago. 1282 00:53:05,041 --> 00:53:06,791 I can't change that now. 1283 00:53:08,750 --> 00:53:09,541 You could have told me about it 1284 00:53:09,625 --> 00:53:12,125 in the five years that we were together, though. 1285 00:53:12,208 --> 00:53:13,250 You're right. 1286 00:53:13,333 --> 00:53:14,833 I should have. 1287 00:53:14,916 --> 00:53:16,708 But I didn't. 1288 00:53:16,791 --> 00:53:19,416 I thought it would create problems in our relationship. 1289 00:53:19,500 --> 00:53:21,625 -(SCOFFS) -I guess it did anyway. 1290 00:53:21,708 --> 00:53:22,750 Yep. 1291 00:53:23,875 --> 00:53:25,458 I'm sorry, James. 1292 00:53:26,500 --> 00:53:29,208 Would you have really preferred me lying to you? 1293 00:53:29,291 --> 00:53:32,375 Emily, I don't really want to talk to you right now, okay? 1294 00:53:32,458 --> 00:53:36,541 I, um, you broke my heart and then you did it again. 1295 00:53:36,625 --> 00:53:39,083 And really, my only question now is how many more times 1296 00:53:39,166 --> 00:53:39,833 can you possibly do it? 1297 00:53:39,916 --> 00:53:41,708 'Cause it's pretty fucking shattered now. 1298 00:53:46,875 --> 00:53:49,000 Sounds like you want me to leave. 1299 00:53:49,083 --> 00:53:51,125 Yeah, that would probably be for the best. 1300 00:53:53,333 --> 00:53:54,625 Are you sure about that? 1301 00:53:56,791 --> 00:53:58,041 Yes, I am. 1302 00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:02,208 This was a bad idea. 1303 00:54:02,291 --> 00:54:04,125 I should have never come here in the first place. 1304 00:54:04,208 --> 00:54:05,875 Yeah, I got a lot of work to do. 1305 00:54:05,958 --> 00:54:07,916 Yeah, you always did. 1306 00:54:10,500 --> 00:54:11,666 You know what? 1307 00:54:11,750 --> 00:54:13,666 You haven't changed one bit. 1308 00:54:13,750 --> 00:54:16,041 You're still a selfish and insecure prick 1309 00:54:16,125 --> 00:54:17,625 and I can't believe I even considered getting 1310 00:54:17,708 --> 00:54:19,000 back together with you. 1311 00:54:21,208 --> 00:54:22,750 Okay, is that all? 1312 00:54:24,375 --> 00:54:25,833 Have a nice life, James. 1313 00:54:30,541 --> 00:54:31,833 (SIGHS) 1314 00:54:36,833 --> 00:54:37,875 I'll talk to him. 1315 00:54:37,958 --> 00:54:39,333 I don't care anymore. 1316 00:54:39,416 --> 00:54:40,541 (SIGHS) 1317 00:54:40,625 --> 00:54:41,916 Goddamn it. 1318 00:54:46,583 --> 00:54:50,500 (TYPING) 1319 00:54:51,541 --> 00:54:53,041 Hey. 1320 00:54:53,125 --> 00:54:54,666 No, I don't want to fucking talk to you either. 1321 00:54:54,750 --> 00:54:56,000 In fact, why don't you go with her? 1322 00:54:56,083 --> 00:54:57,333 Right, you guys can go have some fun 1323 00:54:57,416 --> 00:54:58,458 for old times' sake. 1324 00:54:58,541 --> 00:55:00,625 -Come on, man. -Just go! 1325 00:55:01,708 --> 00:55:04,208 Look, just hear me out, okay? 1326 00:55:04,291 --> 00:55:05,375 You don't have to say anything. 1327 00:55:05,458 --> 00:55:08,583 I'm sorry about what happened with me and Emily. 1328 00:55:08,666 --> 00:55:09,666 Okay, I should have told you. 1329 00:55:09,750 --> 00:55:11,000 I was wrong. 1330 00:55:11,083 --> 00:55:13,125 You have every right to be pissed, okay? 1331 00:55:13,208 --> 00:55:14,583 I'd be pissed, too. 1332 00:55:14,666 --> 00:55:16,833 But what you're doing right now might be the biggest mistake 1333 00:55:16,916 --> 00:55:18,583 you've ever made in your entire life. 1334 00:55:19,583 --> 00:55:21,541 Dude, you saw what those monsters are capable of. 1335 00:55:21,625 --> 00:55:24,208 They'll-- they'll chew your fucking nuts off. 1336 00:55:24,291 --> 00:55:26,291 You're really gonna let Emily-- you're gonna 1337 00:55:26,375 --> 00:55:29,291 let me wander out into the streets alone to die? 1338 00:55:29,375 --> 00:55:31,000 You're that cold-hearted? 1339 00:55:31,083 --> 00:55:33,375 I just-- I don't get it, man. 1340 00:55:33,458 --> 00:55:34,750 We're the only two people on this planet 1341 00:55:34,833 --> 00:55:36,291 who give a shit about you. 1342 00:55:37,791 --> 00:55:40,416 Sorry, if I'm coming off like a dick, but it's the truth. 1343 00:55:41,583 --> 00:55:44,666 I just-- I don't care anymore. 1344 00:55:44,750 --> 00:55:46,250 That's not the James I know. 1345 00:55:46,333 --> 00:55:48,250 Then maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do. 1346 00:55:48,333 --> 00:55:50,708 Or maybe you've just forgotten who you really are. 1347 00:55:51,708 --> 00:55:53,166 What are you doing? 1348 00:55:53,250 --> 00:55:57,166 Reminding you that is the girl you love. 1349 00:55:57,250 --> 00:56:00,250 And that, that's the guy you love. 1350 00:56:01,916 --> 00:56:04,083 Platonically, of course. 1351 00:56:04,166 --> 00:56:06,166 -So? -So, dude, 1352 00:56:06,250 --> 00:56:08,708 today could possibly be the end of the fucking world. 1353 00:56:08,791 --> 00:56:11,583 You need to decide if you and Emily are over and you want 1354 00:56:11,666 --> 00:56:13,291 to make peace, or... 1355 00:56:15,166 --> 00:56:17,916 if you want to get back together and you want to win her back. 1356 00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:21,250 But this self-loathing bullshit needs to stop. 1357 00:56:21,333 --> 00:56:23,041 What's it gonna be? 1358 00:56:23,125 --> 00:56:24,125 I don't know. 1359 00:56:25,125 --> 00:56:29,125 Just, why don't you tell me how you two met? 1360 00:56:29,208 --> 00:56:30,583 What's that gonna solve? 1361 00:56:30,666 --> 00:56:32,916 Please, dude, tell me. I want to know. 1362 00:56:35,166 --> 00:56:37,375 We were at the Cineplex Odeon. 1363 00:56:37,458 --> 00:56:39,083 It was a midnight screening of THX 1364 00:56:39,166 --> 00:56:41,000 and we were the only two people there. 1365 00:56:41,083 --> 00:56:44,250 The projector broke halfway through and when the guy came 1366 00:56:44,333 --> 00:56:46,500 to fix it, I went and sat next to her. 1367 00:56:46,583 --> 00:56:48,375 You know, introduced myself. 1368 00:56:48,458 --> 00:56:51,791 "Hey, I'm James, a hungry novelist who loves 1369 00:56:51,875 --> 00:56:54,458 George Lucas and aspires to be as influential." 1370 00:56:55,583 --> 00:56:59,875 She was an amateur photographer who admired him just as much. 1371 00:56:59,958 --> 00:57:01,166 And she loved dogs. 1372 00:57:02,250 --> 00:57:03,833 And she was just-- 1373 00:57:03,916 --> 00:57:06,958 She could really express herself, you know? 1374 00:57:07,041 --> 00:57:10,916 Talked about who she was and who she wanted to be. 1375 00:57:13,166 --> 00:57:14,416 She'd never read any James Joyce, 1376 00:57:14,500 --> 00:57:16,750 but had read all Stephen King. 1377 00:57:16,833 --> 00:57:20,083 She loved the classic Incredible Hulk with Bill Bixby 1378 00:57:20,166 --> 00:57:21,625 and Lou Ferrigno. 1379 00:57:21,708 --> 00:57:24,250 She thought Boba Fett died like a chump. 1380 00:57:24,333 --> 00:57:26,958 She knew Empire was the best Star Wars. 1381 00:57:29,041 --> 00:57:31,166 She liked Disneyland, but only when it was raining. 1382 00:57:32,625 --> 00:57:34,208 That first night we talked 1383 00:57:34,291 --> 00:57:36,083 and talked through the whole movie, 1384 00:57:36,166 --> 00:57:37,541 never even looking at the screen. 1385 00:57:37,625 --> 00:57:41,083 And when it was over, we walked and talked about anything 1386 00:57:41,166 --> 00:57:42,833 and everything. 1387 00:57:42,916 --> 00:57:45,208 And before we knew it, we were in the middle of nowhere 1388 00:57:45,291 --> 00:57:46,583 and we didn't care. 1389 00:57:46,666 --> 00:57:49,250 We just turned around and walked right back, 1390 00:57:49,333 --> 00:57:50,625 talking the whole way. 1391 00:57:51,833 --> 00:57:53,041 And that night I just... 1392 00:57:54,416 --> 00:57:56,541 I knew she was perfect. 1393 00:57:57,833 --> 00:58:00,250 That no one could compare to her. 1394 00:58:00,333 --> 00:58:01,500 And that... 1395 00:58:03,416 --> 00:58:05,208 Holy shit! 1396 00:58:05,291 --> 00:58:07,333 I have to get her back. 1397 00:58:07,416 --> 00:58:08,708 That's your answer right there. 1398 00:58:08,791 --> 00:58:10,833 -Oh my God, Bruce. -I know. 1399 00:58:10,916 --> 00:58:12,583 -I don't want to lose her. -I know. 1400 00:58:12,666 --> 00:58:13,916 I've been a fucking asshole. 1401 00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:16,416 Complete, gaping, stinky fucking asshole. 1402 00:58:16,500 --> 00:58:19,000 JAMES: Jesus Christ, dude. The imagery sometimes. 1403 00:58:19,083 --> 00:58:21,083 Let's go get your girlfriend back. 1404 00:58:21,166 --> 00:58:22,791 (SIGHS) Let's do that. 1405 00:58:22,875 --> 00:58:27,708 -(SIREN WAILING) -(HELICOPTER WHIRRING) 1406 00:58:28,916 --> 00:58:30,166 (SIGHS) 1407 00:58:34,041 --> 00:58:34,916 (FIRING IN DISTANCE) 1408 00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:37,208 Jesus Christ. 1409 00:58:37,291 --> 00:58:39,583 Goddamn it. Just go. 1410 00:58:39,666 --> 00:58:41,041 -Shut up. -(FIRING IN DISTANCE) 1411 00:58:41,125 --> 00:58:42,500 (WOMAN SCREAMS) 1412 00:58:43,791 --> 00:58:46,416 (BLASTS) 1413 00:58:46,500 --> 00:58:47,916 (JAMES SIGHS) 1414 00:58:50,291 --> 00:58:52,000 Shit, man. It's spooky out here. 1415 00:58:52,083 --> 00:58:53,416 I know. I'm such a fucking idiot. 1416 00:58:53,500 --> 00:58:54,541 I hope she's okay. 1417 00:58:54,625 --> 00:58:57,500 Holy shit. Dude, look at the size of this thing. Dibs. 1418 00:58:57,583 --> 00:58:58,875 No, no, no, no, no. 1419 00:58:58,958 --> 00:59:00,083 -What? -It's the maintenance guy's. 1420 00:59:00,166 --> 00:59:01,583 Dude, fuck the maintenance guy. 1421 00:59:01,666 --> 00:59:03,125 He's probably dead for all we know. 1422 00:59:03,208 --> 00:59:04,833 That is a badass axe. 1423 00:59:04,916 --> 00:59:07,083 And we could kill some fucking zombies with that thing. 1424 00:59:07,166 --> 00:59:09,583 Plus, God put that here for a reason. 1425 00:59:09,666 --> 00:59:11,083 Okay, fine, but we have to put it back when we're done. 1426 00:59:11,166 --> 00:59:12,708 -Fine, whatever. -You got to remind me. 1427 00:59:12,791 --> 00:59:14,333 -Okay, I will. -Okay. 1428 00:59:14,416 --> 00:59:16,291 Now let's go get your girlfriend back. 1429 00:59:16,375 --> 00:59:18,416 -Let's go get her. -(SIGHS) 1430 00:59:18,500 --> 00:59:20,208 -Hey, James. -Yeah? 1431 00:59:20,291 --> 00:59:23,416 Remember when I told you I had slept with like, 1432 00:59:23,500 --> 00:59:25,083 hundreds of ladies? 1433 00:59:25,166 --> 00:59:26,416 Uh-huh. 1434 00:59:26,500 --> 00:59:27,791 That's true. 1435 00:59:27,875 --> 00:59:29,583 -Really? -Okay, it's not true. 1436 00:59:29,666 --> 00:59:31,750 Yeah, I know, Bruce. 1437 00:59:31,833 --> 00:59:34,416 But I have like made sex with women before. 1438 00:59:34,500 --> 00:59:36,208 Yeah, typically, when you have sex, 1439 00:59:36,291 --> 00:59:38,416 you're not the kind of person who's ever made sex. 1440 00:59:38,500 --> 00:59:39,916 All right, then I won't talk about sex anymore. 1441 00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:41,250 Let's just not talk about anything for a little bit. 1442 00:59:41,333 --> 00:59:43,416 -Fine. -(EMILY SCREAMS IN DISTANCE) 1443 00:59:43,500 --> 00:59:44,750 -(GROWLS) -That was Emily. 1444 00:59:44,833 --> 00:59:46,750 Holy shit, dude. 1445 00:59:46,833 --> 00:59:48,333 It's Miss Jones' place. 1446 00:59:48,416 --> 00:59:49,416 You mean Beverly? 1447 00:59:49,500 --> 00:59:50,666 What, no, Miss Jo-- 1448 00:59:50,750 --> 00:59:52,541 Wait, when did you get on first-name basis with her? 1449 00:59:52,625 --> 00:59:54,500 Since, like today. You're not? 1450 00:59:54,583 --> 00:59:55,791 No. Did something happen? 1451 00:59:55,875 --> 00:59:57,458 -What? -What? Why'd you-- how'd you-- 1452 00:59:57,541 --> 00:59:59,250 I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. 1453 01:00:03,750 --> 01:00:05,833 I've always wondered what it looked like back here. 1454 01:00:05,916 --> 01:00:07,583 I have not wondered that. 1455 01:00:11,458 --> 01:00:12,541 What the fuck? 1456 01:00:12,583 --> 01:00:13,791 She's a cop? 1457 01:00:13,875 --> 01:00:15,166 BRUCE: Not just a cop. 1458 01:00:15,250 --> 01:00:17,333 She's a fucking detective, dude. 1459 01:00:17,416 --> 01:00:18,500 Oh, dude. 1460 01:00:18,583 --> 01:00:19,750 Fresh donuts. 1461 01:00:22,583 --> 01:00:24,041 JAMES: Dude, drop the donuts. We gotta go. 1462 01:00:33,583 --> 01:00:34,916 Shit. 1463 01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:36,708 -This is scary. -Shut up. 1464 01:00:41,916 --> 01:00:42,916 What are you doing on the ground? 1465 01:00:44,291 --> 01:00:45,916 I'm losing blood. 1466 01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:47,625 Oh, fuck, dude! 1467 01:00:47,708 --> 01:00:49,375 (SCREAMS) 1468 01:00:50,666 --> 01:00:51,875 (GROWLING) 1469 01:00:51,958 --> 01:00:53,791 Oh, Je-- Jesus Christ. 1470 01:00:53,916 --> 01:00:55,708 Okay. 1471 01:00:55,791 --> 01:00:57,125 Miss Jones! 1472 01:00:57,208 --> 01:00:59,208 BRUCE: Dude, is-- is that-- is that a clothing iron? 1473 01:00:59,291 --> 01:01:00,708 Maybe she was ironing when she turned. 1474 01:01:00,791 --> 01:01:02,958 Yeah, well, she's fucking death-gripping the thing. 1475 01:01:03,041 --> 01:01:05,583 Miss Jones, hi. James here. How's it going? 1476 01:01:05,666 --> 01:01:07,208 -How are you doing? -Dude, what are you doing? 1477 01:01:07,291 --> 01:01:09,208 -She can't fucking hear you. -I should try. 1478 01:01:09,291 --> 01:01:10,166 She might be in there somewhere. 1479 01:01:10,250 --> 01:01:11,875 No, dude. She's a fucking zombie. 1480 01:01:11,958 --> 01:01:14,000 She's gonna eat your fucking face off. 1481 01:01:14,083 --> 01:01:15,958 You gotta-- 1482 01:01:16,041 --> 01:01:17,375 Miss Jones! 1483 01:01:17,458 --> 01:01:18,458 Hello? Miss Jones. 1484 01:01:18,541 --> 01:01:19,666 See, dude, she's fucking gone. 1485 01:01:19,750 --> 01:01:22,000 -Just-- just kill her ass. -Oh, God. 1486 01:01:22,083 --> 01:01:23,250 -I'm so sorry, but this is-- -You got this. 1487 01:01:23,333 --> 01:01:24,875 Okay, okay. I really like you. 1488 01:01:24,958 --> 01:01:26,750 (GRUNTS) 1489 01:01:26,833 --> 01:01:30,000 ♪ And so you're back from outer space ♪ 1490 01:01:31,625 --> 01:01:33,625 -Oh my God. -You got it, buddy. 1491 01:01:33,708 --> 01:01:36,458 -(GROWLING) -(SCREAMS) 1492 01:01:36,541 --> 01:01:41,083 -(GRUNTING) 1493 01:01:42,333 --> 01:01:43,916 JAMES: Okay, oh my gosh, okay. 1494 01:01:44,000 --> 01:01:45,625 Okay, okay, okay. 1495 01:01:45,708 --> 01:01:48,416 (GRUNTS) 1496 01:01:48,500 --> 01:01:49,458 Oh, yeah, that's gotta hurt. 1497 01:01:49,541 --> 01:01:51,500 ♪ You're not welcome anymore ♪ 1498 01:01:51,583 --> 01:01:55,250 (GROWLING) 1499 01:01:56,458 --> 01:01:57,875 Ah, you took my move! 1500 01:01:57,958 --> 01:01:59,666 ♪ You think I'd lay down and die? ♪ 1501 01:01:59,750 --> 01:02:01,375 ♪ Oh, no, not I ♪ 1502 01:02:01,458 --> 01:02:03,083 James, you're doing good, buddy. 1503 01:02:03,166 --> 01:02:04,208 I love it. 1504 01:02:04,291 --> 01:02:08,250 (GRUNTING) 1505 01:02:08,333 --> 01:02:10,083 ♪ I've got all my life to live ♪ 1506 01:02:10,166 --> 01:02:11,791 ♪ I've got all my love to give ♪ 1507 01:02:11,875 --> 01:02:12,958 You got this, man. 1508 01:02:13,041 --> 01:02:14,208 You can fucking do it. 1509 01:02:14,291 --> 01:02:16,166 Okay, okay. 1510 01:02:16,250 --> 01:02:18,333 (INDISTINCT SPEECH) 1511 01:02:18,416 --> 01:02:19,875 Stop it. 1512 01:02:21,916 --> 01:02:23,458 Okay, okay. 1513 01:02:23,541 --> 01:02:25,166 Okay, okay, okay. 1514 01:02:25,250 --> 01:02:26,250 No, stop. 1515 01:02:27,875 --> 01:02:29,250 Okay, now go back. (INDISTINCT SPEECH) 1516 01:02:29,333 --> 01:02:33,083 (GROWLING) 1517 01:02:33,166 --> 01:02:34,250 Oh yes. 1518 01:02:34,333 --> 01:02:37,375 Oh my God, really cool. That was awesome. 1519 01:02:37,458 --> 01:02:39,041 Yeah, where the fuck were you? 1520 01:02:39,125 --> 01:02:40,875 -I was in the bathroom. -I can't even understand. 1521 01:02:40,958 --> 01:02:42,500 Emily. 1522 01:02:42,583 --> 01:02:44,541 BRUCE: Oh, are we gonna lift this thing? 1523 01:02:44,625 --> 01:02:46,166 -JAMES: Yeah. -BRUCE: Jesus. 1524 01:02:46,250 --> 01:02:47,583 JAMES: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1525 01:02:47,666 --> 01:02:49,583 Okay, all right. It's really fucking-- 1526 01:02:49,666 --> 01:02:50,875 Okay. 1527 01:02:50,958 --> 01:02:52,583 Okay. 1528 01:02:58,083 --> 01:03:00,000 Let me just-- hold on, sorry. 1529 01:03:01,541 --> 01:03:03,375 BRUCE: You all right in there? 1530 01:03:03,458 --> 01:03:05,291 PARROT: Fuck you. 1531 01:03:05,375 --> 01:03:06,625 This fucking bird. 1532 01:03:06,708 --> 01:03:08,500 -Yes, we're okay. -BRUCE: Damn it. 1533 01:03:08,583 --> 01:03:08,958 JAMES: We're okay. 1534 01:03:09,041 --> 01:03:10,708 BRUCE: Why are we bringing this stupid fucking thing? 1535 01:03:10,791 --> 01:03:12,250 We can't leave it in there. 1536 01:03:12,333 --> 01:03:13,583 Ow. 1537 01:03:14,958 --> 01:03:16,500 Come on, hurry. 1538 01:03:26,250 --> 01:03:27,500 BRUCE: Goddamn it. 1539 01:03:28,708 --> 01:03:32,208 (UPBEAT MUSIC) 1540 01:03:32,291 --> 01:03:34,708 The president has now declared 1541 01:03:34,791 --> 01:03:38,166 martial law in the city of Los Angeles. 1542 01:03:38,250 --> 01:03:41,250 All residents are urged to remain indoors 1543 01:03:41,333 --> 01:03:42,791 until further notice. 1544 01:03:42,875 --> 01:03:46,083 Any unauthorized individuals found in the streets 1545 01:03:46,166 --> 01:03:47,958 will be treated as a potential threat 1546 01:03:48,041 --> 01:03:52,208 to national security and will be dealt with accordingly. 1547 01:03:52,291 --> 01:03:55,000 In other news, soy milk futures have dropped 1548 01:03:55,083 --> 01:03:56,791 significantly in the last 24 hours. 1549 01:03:56,875 --> 01:03:58,375 Goddamn it. 1550 01:03:58,458 --> 01:04:00,375 Ted, fuck. 1551 01:04:00,458 --> 01:04:01,916 You guys hear that? 1552 01:04:02,000 --> 01:04:03,875 Soy milk futures are down. 1553 01:04:05,625 --> 01:04:07,416 There goes my whole portfolio. 1554 01:04:09,125 --> 01:04:10,166 (SIGHS) 1555 01:04:10,250 --> 01:04:11,291 Oh, God. 1556 01:04:11,375 --> 01:04:12,916 She really dug her teeth in. 1557 01:04:16,208 --> 01:04:17,333 So... 1558 01:04:18,500 --> 01:04:20,000 where did it all go wrong? 1559 01:04:23,500 --> 01:04:25,250 With us? 1560 01:04:25,333 --> 01:04:27,250 You really want to know? 1561 01:04:27,333 --> 01:04:27,875 I do. 1562 01:04:27,958 --> 01:04:29,375 EMILY: I don't think you can handle it. 1563 01:04:30,958 --> 01:04:33,208 I-- I think I can. 1564 01:04:33,291 --> 01:04:34,375 Okay. 1565 01:04:36,708 --> 01:04:39,916 You spent all your time with that dinosaur you call computer 1566 01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:41,958 writing obscure nothingness. 1567 01:04:42,041 --> 01:04:43,708 You're stuck in the past, James. 1568 01:04:43,791 --> 01:04:45,375 No wonder you can't move forward. 1569 01:04:45,458 --> 01:04:46,750 -Wait. -All your love 1570 01:04:46,833 --> 01:04:48,708 spent on that stupid book. 1571 01:04:48,791 --> 01:04:50,333 Nothing left over for me. 1572 01:04:50,416 --> 01:04:52,791 Your life put on hold and for what? 1573 01:04:52,875 --> 01:04:55,708 No, no. I-- I think I finally found my inspiration. 1574 01:04:55,791 --> 01:04:57,958 Well, that's great for you, but unfortunately-- 1575 01:04:58,041 --> 01:04:59,958 JAMES: If you would just let me talk. 1576 01:05:02,166 --> 01:05:04,458 Right. Um, okay. 1577 01:05:04,583 --> 01:05:05,875 Okay. 1578 01:05:07,416 --> 01:05:11,000 I'm sorry that I was a terrible boyfriend. 1579 01:05:11,083 --> 01:05:12,583 And I was. 1580 01:05:12,666 --> 01:05:16,958 I was distant and very bad at communicating. 1581 01:05:17,041 --> 01:05:20,541 -EMILY: Mm-hmm. -And I-- I didn't see you. 1582 01:05:20,625 --> 01:05:22,583 And more than anything, I'm sorry that it took a day 1583 01:05:22,666 --> 01:05:26,041 like today for me to see how amazing you are. 1584 01:05:26,125 --> 01:05:28,208 And how much I want to fight for you. 1585 01:05:28,291 --> 01:05:31,000 So, what do you say? 1586 01:05:34,666 --> 01:05:35,750 No. 1587 01:05:37,208 --> 01:05:38,458 No? 1588 01:05:38,541 --> 01:05:41,125 I'm sorry, it's not that easy. 1589 01:05:44,833 --> 01:05:46,500 Okay. Two seconds. 1590 01:05:52,875 --> 01:05:54,666 -Oh my God. -(FRIDGE DOOR CLOSES) 1591 01:05:54,750 --> 01:05:56,000 Oh. 1592 01:05:57,125 --> 01:05:58,166 Wow. 1593 01:05:58,250 --> 01:06:03,416 (GULPING) 1594 01:06:05,791 --> 01:06:07,041 EMILY: Okay. 1595 01:06:07,125 --> 01:06:15,666 (♪♪♪) 1596 01:06:15,750 --> 01:06:20,958 I can't imagine living on this planet without you. 1597 01:06:21,041 --> 01:06:23,666 So if I have to become a mindless zombie as 1598 01:06:23,750 --> 01:06:27,541 we both just fade into the dust, at least we can be together. 1599 01:06:31,166 --> 01:06:34,750 I can't take you back right away, 1600 01:06:34,833 --> 01:06:37,750 especially after everything that's happened. 1601 01:06:39,041 --> 01:06:40,333 But it's a start. 1602 01:06:41,833 --> 01:06:44,625 Oh no, James. 1603 01:06:44,708 --> 01:06:46,875 -You didn't. -I did. 1604 01:06:46,958 --> 01:06:49,166 (SIGHS) Jesus. 1605 01:06:49,250 --> 01:06:50,166 You two have put me in a 1606 01:06:50,250 --> 01:06:53,125 seriously fucked-up love triangle. 1607 01:06:53,208 --> 01:06:56,458 I want you both to know that when you turn into zombies, 1608 01:06:56,541 --> 01:06:58,041 I'm going to kill you both 1609 01:06:58,125 --> 01:07:00,500 and claim squatter's rights, so I can live here forever. 1610 01:07:00,583 --> 01:07:02,833 -Hope that's cool. -Yeah, that seems fair. 1611 01:07:04,750 --> 01:07:06,791 I think I have an ending for your book. 1612 01:07:06,875 --> 01:07:08,041 Really? 1613 01:07:08,125 --> 01:07:09,666 Mm-hmm. You want to hear it? 1614 01:07:09,750 --> 01:07:11,250 Yeah, I do. 1615 01:07:11,333 --> 01:07:15,041 The guy finally wins over the girl, they fall deeply, 1616 01:07:15,125 --> 01:07:19,375 madly in love, and they die happily ever after. 1617 01:07:19,458 --> 01:07:21,208 -The end. -That's good. 1618 01:07:21,291 --> 01:07:22,833 I'd read that. Mm-hmm. 1619 01:07:22,916 --> 01:07:25,000 -I love it. -Me too. 1620 01:07:25,083 --> 01:07:34,375 (♪♪♪) 1621 01:07:44,541 --> 01:07:49,250 ♪ Yeah, one, two princes kneel before you ♪ 1622 01:07:49,333 --> 01:07:50,708 ♪ That's what I said now ♪ 1623 01:07:50,791 --> 01:07:53,916 ♪ Princes, princes who adore you ♪ 1624 01:07:54,000 --> 01:07:55,375 ♪ Just go ahead now ♪ 1625 01:07:55,458 --> 01:07:58,708 ♪ One has diamonds in his pocket ♪ 1626 01:07:58,791 --> 01:08:00,083 ♪ And that's some bread now ♪ 1627 01:08:00,166 --> 01:08:03,291 ♪ This one said he wants to buy you rockets ♪ 1628 01:08:03,375 --> 01:08:04,500 ♪ Ain't in his head now ♪ 1629 01:08:04,583 --> 01:08:08,875 ♪ Yeah ♪ 1630 01:08:08,958 --> 01:08:11,250 ♪ Doo, doo, doo doo, doo, doo, doo ♪ 1631 01:08:11,333 --> 01:08:13,875 A doo-dobba, dobba, dobba, dobba, dobba, dobba 1632 01:08:13,958 --> 01:08:17,041 ♪ This one, he got a princely racket ♪ 1633 01:08:17,125 --> 01:08:18,583 ♪ That's what I said now ♪ 1634 01:08:18,666 --> 01:08:21,791 ♪ Got some big seal upon his jacket ♪ 1635 01:08:21,875 --> 01:08:23,166 ♪ Ain't in his head now ♪ 1636 01:08:23,250 --> 01:08:26,583 ♪ You marry him, your father will condone you ♪ 1637 01:08:26,666 --> 01:08:27,666 ♪ How about that now ♪ 1638 01:08:27,750 --> 01:08:31,083 ♪ You marry me, your father will disown you ♪ 1639 01:08:31,166 --> 01:08:32,416 ♪ He'll eat his hat now ♪ 1640 01:08:32,541 --> 01:08:35,541 ♪ Marry him or marry me, I'm the one that loves you ♪ 1641 01:08:35,625 --> 01:08:36,583 ♪ Baby, can't you see 1642 01:08:36,666 --> 01:08:38,958 I ain't got no future or family tree? ♪ 1643 01:08:39,041 --> 01:08:41,583 ♪ But I know what a prince and lover ought to be ♪ 1644 01:08:41,666 --> 01:08:43,416 ♪ I know what a prince and lover ought to be ♪ 1645 01:08:43,500 --> 01:08:47,083 ♪ Said if you want to call me baby 1646 01:08:47,166 --> 01:08:48,375 Just go ahead now ♪ 1647 01:08:48,458 --> 01:08:51,666 ♪ And if you like to tell me maybe 1648 01:08:51,750 --> 01:08:53,125 Just go ahead now ♪ 1649 01:08:53,208 --> 01:08:56,333 ♪ And if you want to buy me flowers ♪ 1650 01:08:56,416 --> 01:08:57,708 ♪ Just go ahead now ♪ 1651 01:08:57,791 --> 01:09:02,458 ♪ And if you would like to talk for hours, just go ahead now ♪ 1652 01:09:12,375 --> 01:09:21,458 (♪♪♪) 1653 01:10:00,458 --> 01:10:10,083 (♪♪♪) 1654 01:10:32,583 --> 01:10:33,833 (WHISTLING) 1655 01:10:37,000 --> 01:10:39,958 Good morning, sleepyheads. 1656 01:10:40,041 --> 01:10:41,291 Yikes. 1657 01:10:42,750 --> 01:10:44,416 How do you feel? 1658 01:10:44,500 --> 01:10:45,791 Like shit. 1659 01:10:45,875 --> 01:10:48,333 I'm not sure though if that's because I'm becoming a zombie 1660 01:10:48,416 --> 01:10:51,041 or because I'm super hungover. 1661 01:10:51,125 --> 01:10:52,333 Well, you came to the right place, 1662 01:10:52,416 --> 01:10:54,791 because I just brewed up a couple of prairie oysters. 1663 01:10:54,875 --> 01:10:56,416 -Do, do, do, do. -No, I am not doing that again. 1664 01:10:56,500 --> 01:10:58,708 -Yes, you are. -JAMES: I am not going to. 1665 01:10:58,791 --> 01:11:00,833 -Prairie what? -Prairie oysters. 1666 01:11:00,916 --> 01:11:03,416 BRUCE: It's a hangover remedy invented by James Bond. 1667 01:11:04,833 --> 01:11:06,000 Don't let the Bond thing fool you, though. 1668 01:11:06,083 --> 01:11:07,416 It tastes like shit. 1669 01:11:07,500 --> 01:11:08,708 All right. 1670 01:11:10,083 --> 01:11:11,666 Admittedly, it did help, so. 1671 01:11:12,666 --> 01:11:15,750 I mean, I'll do anything to get rid of this headache, so. 1672 01:11:15,833 --> 01:11:17,666 -Bottoms up. -Bottoms up. 1673 01:11:19,541 --> 01:11:20,791 Mm. 1674 01:11:24,041 --> 01:11:25,125 It's not terrible. 1675 01:11:25,208 --> 01:11:27,875 Okay, now I want you both to try 1676 01:11:27,958 --> 01:11:32,000 my world famous bacon egg sandwich. 1677 01:11:32,083 --> 01:11:34,041 Okay, now that I'll do. 1678 01:11:34,125 --> 01:11:35,416 BRUCE: Take a big bite, would you? 1679 01:11:37,166 --> 01:11:38,291 (MUNCHES) 1680 01:11:38,375 --> 01:11:39,458 Mm. 1681 01:11:41,250 --> 01:11:43,083 -Oh my God. -(CHUCKLING) 1682 01:11:43,166 --> 01:11:45,541 Bruce, oh, this is amazing. 1683 01:11:45,625 --> 01:11:46,750 -You really think so? -Mm-hmm. 1684 01:11:46,833 --> 01:11:48,291 You haven't lost your touch? 1685 01:11:48,375 --> 01:11:50,625 Wow, Rory was not joking 1686 01:11:50,708 --> 01:11:52,666 when he said that you are a sandwich artiste. 1687 01:11:52,750 --> 01:11:55,291 -Oh man, you really think so? -Yes. 1688 01:11:55,375 --> 01:11:57,500 If this is my last meal, I can die happy. 1689 01:11:57,583 --> 01:11:58,625 That's really sweet, Emily. 1690 01:11:58,708 --> 01:11:59,708 Thank you. 1691 01:12:01,083 --> 01:12:02,208 Wait a second. 1692 01:12:03,416 --> 01:12:04,416 What's wrong? 1693 01:12:05,500 --> 01:12:06,250 -James. -JAMES: Yeah. 1694 01:12:06,333 --> 01:12:07,791 Look at Emily's face. 1695 01:12:07,875 --> 01:12:10,166 Oh my God. Wait, what? 1696 01:12:10,250 --> 01:12:12,166 Yeah, we've already established that I look like shit. 1697 01:12:12,250 --> 01:12:13,541 No, no, you look amazing. 1698 01:12:13,625 --> 01:12:15,333 You look like perfect. 1699 01:12:15,416 --> 01:12:16,666 BRUCE: So beautiful right now. 1700 01:12:16,750 --> 01:12:17,958 Well, come on. 1701 01:12:18,041 --> 01:12:21,791 No, it's almost like you look-- you look cured. 1702 01:12:23,625 --> 01:12:24,958 Holy shit. 1703 01:12:26,833 --> 01:12:28,625 How is that even possible? 1704 01:12:28,708 --> 01:12:30,416 I have no idea. 1705 01:12:32,041 --> 01:12:35,041 Dude, I think it's the prairie oyster. 1706 01:12:35,125 --> 01:12:36,458 No, no way. 1707 01:12:36,541 --> 01:12:37,833 Yes, think about it. 1708 01:12:37,916 --> 01:12:39,000 You had one yesterday 1709 01:12:39,083 --> 01:12:41,041 and you're showing no symptoms right now. 1710 01:12:41,125 --> 01:12:42,958 You're right. I actually feel amazing. 1711 01:12:44,291 --> 01:12:45,791 Do you know what this means, Bruce? 1712 01:12:45,875 --> 01:12:46,625 What? 1713 01:12:46,708 --> 01:12:49,125 If you found the cure for the Agnes virus, 1714 01:12:49,208 --> 01:12:50,791 you're gonna be a hero. 1715 01:12:52,166 --> 01:12:53,583 Fuck being a hero. 1716 01:12:53,666 --> 01:12:55,375 I'm about to be a billionaire. 1717 01:12:55,458 --> 01:12:56,541 I need to let the world know. 1718 01:12:56,625 --> 01:12:57,708 James, give me the phone. 1719 01:12:57,791 --> 01:12:58,916 Yeah, yeah, sure. 1720 01:12:59,000 --> 01:13:00,208 There you go. 1721 01:13:01,208 --> 01:13:02,166 Who are you calling? 1722 01:13:02,250 --> 01:13:03,458 (DIALING) 1723 01:13:03,541 --> 01:13:04,791 Ted Sommers, bitch. 1724 01:13:04,875 --> 01:13:06,125 Channel 11 News. 1725 01:13:06,208 --> 01:13:07,958 -You just know the number? -By heart. 1726 01:13:08,041 --> 01:13:11,291 -(PHONE RINGING) -Love those guys. 1727 01:13:11,375 --> 01:13:12,333 (SIGHS) 1728 01:13:12,416 --> 01:13:14,250 It's ringing. This is good. 1729 01:13:14,333 --> 01:13:15,875 CHANNEL 11 OPERATOR: Channel 11, how can I direct your call? 1730 01:13:15,958 --> 01:13:19,583 Hey, uh, this is Bruce Springsteen 1731 01:13:19,666 --> 01:13:21,000 calling for Ted Sommers. 1732 01:13:21,083 --> 01:13:21,583 CHANNEL 11 OPERATOR: Hold please. 1733 01:13:21,666 --> 01:13:23,041 No, I'm not gonna fucking hold. 1734 01:13:23,125 --> 01:13:27,458 (BIRDS CHIRPING) 1735 01:13:41,583 --> 01:13:42,833 You better wrap things up. 1736 01:13:42,916 --> 01:13:44,208 It's about to start soon. 1737 01:13:44,291 --> 01:13:46,833 Yeah, this is for my publisher. 1738 01:13:46,916 --> 01:13:49,083 Very big day for this guy. 1739 01:13:49,166 --> 01:13:50,333 Is that a new printer? 1740 01:13:50,416 --> 01:13:51,625 Yes, it is. 1741 01:13:52,625 --> 01:13:53,750 I'm proud of you. 1742 01:13:55,125 --> 01:13:56,875 You think this is gonna be your masterpiece? 1743 01:13:58,541 --> 01:13:59,666 I know it is. 1744 01:14:02,541 --> 01:14:04,000 -Bruce. -Yes? 1745 01:14:04,083 --> 01:14:07,458 Many are calling you a "national hero". 1746 01:14:07,541 --> 01:14:10,000 Do you feel like a hero? 1747 01:14:10,083 --> 01:14:11,541 -That's me. -Yeah, it is. 1748 01:14:11,625 --> 01:14:12,958 Come on, Ted. 1749 01:14:13,041 --> 01:14:14,083 (LAUGHS) 1750 01:14:14,166 --> 01:14:16,375 You know, if you're looking for a real hero, 1751 01:14:16,458 --> 01:14:17,625 his name is James Bond. 1752 01:14:17,708 --> 01:14:20,333 Taught me everything I know about the prairie oyster. 1753 01:14:20,416 --> 01:14:22,708 Now tell me, how does one go 1754 01:14:22,791 --> 01:14:26,458 from being unemployed for over three years 1755 01:14:26,541 --> 01:14:28,458 to solving a health crisis? 1756 01:14:28,541 --> 01:14:30,208 That's a great question, Ted. 1757 01:14:30,291 --> 01:14:31,375 It's fairly simple. 1758 01:14:31,458 --> 01:14:33,208 I'm not really great at anything in general, 1759 01:14:33,291 --> 01:14:35,791 other than getting all messed up and trying to figure out how 1760 01:14:35,875 --> 01:14:37,458 to avoid a hangover. 1761 01:14:37,541 --> 01:14:39,625 The rest of it was basically being 1762 01:14:39,708 --> 01:14:41,750 in the right place at the right time. 1763 01:14:41,833 --> 01:14:46,541 Some would say you're the most celebrated person on the planet. 1764 01:14:46,625 --> 01:14:48,083 How does that make you feel? 1765 01:14:48,208 --> 01:14:49,458 Pretty great, Ted. 1766 01:14:49,541 --> 01:14:50,916 Pretty great. 1767 01:14:51,000 --> 01:14:52,375 (LAUGHS) 1768 01:14:52,458 --> 01:14:54,666 Well, everyone wants to know 1769 01:14:54,750 --> 01:14:56,875 what's next for Bruce Springsteen, 1770 01:14:56,958 --> 01:14:59,791 the sandwich artist, not the boss? 1771 01:14:59,875 --> 01:15:01,666 -Stein. Springstein. -Sorry about that. 1772 01:15:01,750 --> 01:15:02,500 (BRUCE CLEARS THROAT) 1773 01:15:02,583 --> 01:15:05,625 Well, you know, I was thinking after I graduate 1774 01:15:05,708 --> 01:15:06,500 culinary school, 1775 01:15:06,583 --> 01:15:08,875 I'll open a sandwich shop with my good buddy Rory. 1776 01:15:08,958 --> 01:15:09,916 I mean, he inspired me 1777 01:15:10,000 --> 01:15:11,250 to get back in the kitchen in the first place. 1778 01:15:11,333 --> 01:15:14,083 -I'm proud of you, Bruce. -I love you, buddy. 1779 01:15:14,166 --> 01:15:17,375 Then I'd like to open an animal rescue with 1780 01:15:17,458 --> 01:15:18,708 -my friend Emily. -(GASPS) 1781 01:15:18,791 --> 01:15:20,250 BRUCE: And after that, hopefully write 1782 01:15:20,333 --> 01:15:21,208 a book about this entire crazy experience-- 1783 01:15:21,291 --> 01:15:23,333 Bruce! 1784 01:15:23,416 --> 01:15:25,583 BRUCE: --with my best friend James, because he's a novelist, 1785 01:15:25,666 --> 01:15:27,625 and also because he saved my life. 1786 01:15:27,708 --> 01:15:29,666 Yeah, I, for sure, didn't save any lives. 1787 01:15:29,708 --> 01:15:32,500 No, no, you almost killed us all. 1788 01:15:32,583 --> 01:15:35,125 Sounds like you've got some really wonderful friends, Bruce. 1789 01:15:35,208 --> 01:15:36,958 I really do. I really do, Ted. 1790 01:15:37,041 --> 01:15:39,375 -Woo! -Oh, yeah. There you go. 1791 01:15:39,458 --> 01:15:41,083 Thank you, thank you. 1792 01:15:41,166 --> 01:15:43,000 You're a fucking hero these days. 1793 01:15:45,125 --> 01:15:47,041 Oh, shit, dude. 1794 01:15:47,125 --> 01:15:48,083 Look. 1795 01:15:48,166 --> 01:15:49,625 Oh, all of our old friends. 1796 01:15:49,708 --> 01:15:51,166 BRUCE: Yeah. 1797 01:15:51,250 --> 01:15:53,916 Still smiling after everything they've been through. 1798 01:15:54,000 --> 01:15:55,208 Amazing. 1799 01:15:56,416 --> 01:15:58,625 JAMES: You know, the doctors were able to save the jogger's leg. 1800 01:16:00,166 --> 01:16:02,666 Truly incredible what they can do these days, 1801 01:16:02,750 --> 01:16:04,791 -medical people, you know? -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 1802 01:16:06,291 --> 01:16:07,458 I should have been a doctor. 1803 01:16:08,791 --> 01:16:12,750 Oh, look. It's Beverly and her asshole parrot. 1804 01:16:13,750 --> 01:16:15,041 Dude, she looks great. 1805 01:16:15,125 --> 01:16:16,250 BRUCE: Yes, she does. 1806 01:16:17,250 --> 01:16:20,625 Yes, she does. 1807 01:16:21,833 --> 01:16:22,958 Mm. 1808 01:16:24,083 --> 01:16:26,333 You know, you really saved the world, man. 1809 01:16:26,416 --> 01:16:28,458 Yes, I did. 1810 01:16:30,375 --> 01:16:33,041 I'm honored to call you my best friend. 1811 01:16:34,333 --> 01:16:35,541 Me too, buddy. 1812 01:16:38,875 --> 01:16:39,958 -Oh. -Oh. 1813 01:16:41,125 --> 01:16:44,916 Ah, yeah, that-- that's not good. 1814 01:16:45,000 --> 01:16:46,208 Oh. 1815 01:16:47,958 --> 01:16:50,541 Maybe it's like some kind of, I don't know. 1816 01:16:50,625 --> 01:16:51,875 Um. 1817 01:16:51,958 --> 01:16:53,916 -Dude. -What? 1818 01:16:54,000 --> 01:16:56,708 Ah, your face. 1819 01:16:59,000 --> 01:17:01,541 Turn it up. Turn it up! 1820 01:17:01,625 --> 01:17:03,583 TED: On the Agnes virus outbreak, 1821 01:17:03,666 --> 01:17:05,625 the Centers for Disease Control have deemed 1822 01:17:05,708 --> 01:17:10,375 the prairie oyster antidote only temporarily effective. 1823 01:17:10,458 --> 01:17:13,541 To be clear, CDC scientists have concluded 1824 01:17:13,625 --> 01:17:16,000 that the antidote is ineffective against 1825 01:17:16,083 --> 01:17:18,875 the long-term effects of the Agnes virus. 1826 01:17:18,958 --> 01:17:20,208 -Washington officials are said-- -Fuck, Ted. 1827 01:17:20,291 --> 01:17:23,041 ...to be deploying alternative containment measures 1828 01:17:23,125 --> 01:17:24,708 as we speak. 1829 01:17:24,791 --> 01:17:26,375 -Reports are coming in from... -(HELICOPTER WHIRRING) 1830 01:17:26,458 --> 01:17:28,541 ...all across the city about infected persons wandering 1831 01:17:28,625 --> 01:17:30,000 -the streets aimlessly. -What the hell is that? 1832 01:17:32,000 --> 01:17:35,166 Air raid sirens. The big red button. 1833 01:17:35,208 --> 01:17:38,125 Guess I'm not really great at anything in general, am I? 1834 01:17:38,208 --> 01:17:40,833 That's not true, man. You're a great best friend. 1835 01:17:42,083 --> 01:17:43,000 Thanks, buddy. 1836 01:17:43,083 --> 01:17:49,666 (♪♪♪) 1837 01:17:49,750 --> 01:17:51,750 So this is the end of the world? 1838 01:17:51,833 --> 01:17:52,833 As we know it. 1839 01:17:53,875 --> 01:17:55,916 It's a lot different than I pictured it. 1840 01:17:57,125 --> 01:17:58,583 Looks pretty good from here. 1841 01:18:01,166 --> 01:18:03,750 So, what do you say? 1842 01:18:03,833 --> 01:18:05,083 Will you take me back? 1843 01:18:06,541 --> 01:18:08,125 I hate you. 1844 01:18:08,208 --> 01:18:09,458 I know. 1845 01:18:12,041 --> 01:18:15,375 ♪ I'll be waiting to show her ♪ 1846 01:18:18,375 --> 01:18:21,666 (INDISTINCT LYRICS) 1847 01:18:24,291 --> 01:18:27,541 ♪ Over and over ♪ 1848 01:18:29,291 --> 01:18:37,916 (♪♪♪) 1849 01:18:49,291 --> 01:18:50,333 BRUCE: Now, let's go to Seattle now. 1850 01:18:50,416 --> 01:18:52,208 I'm not going right now. 1851 01:18:52,291 --> 01:18:53,666 BRUCE: Let's go to Seattle, dude. 1852 01:18:53,750 --> 01:18:56,000 -(LAUGHING) -What is it? Spun-- 1853 01:18:56,083 --> 01:18:57,166 -What is it? -JAMES: Space Trains. 1854 01:18:57,250 --> 01:18:58,833 -Space Trains. -JAMES: Oh, no.* 1855 01:18:58,916 --> 01:19:00,833 (LAUGHS) 1856 01:19:04,375 --> 01:19:06,833 (LAUGHS) 1857 01:19:06,916 --> 01:19:08,166 Russell, there you go. Yeah. 1858 01:19:08,250 --> 01:19:09,291 -BRUCE: No. -He's a jerk-- 1859 01:19:09,375 --> 01:19:11,000 (LAUGHTER) 1860 01:19:11,083 --> 01:19:12,708 Yeah, oof. 1861 01:19:12,791 --> 01:19:14,041 I'm just here to report the news. 1862 01:19:14,125 --> 01:19:17,375 -I can't get involved. -(SCREAMING) 1863 01:19:17,458 --> 01:19:18,541 It looks very painful. 1864 01:19:18,625 --> 01:19:19,750 I understand your yelling. 1865 01:19:19,833 --> 01:19:21,583 BRUCE: Maybe we can like go out sometime. 1866 01:19:21,666 --> 01:19:23,000 Ooh. Yeah. 1867 01:19:23,083 --> 01:19:24,708 Yeah. Uh-huh. 1868 01:19:24,791 --> 01:19:26,041 Yeah, I'll buy you some new shoes. 1869 01:19:26,125 --> 01:19:27,375 Woo-hoo! 1870 01:19:29,041 --> 01:19:32,625 Thank you, Ted. I-- I'm very blessed and fortunate. 1871 01:19:32,708 --> 01:19:34,916 I know a lot of people out there don't have any friends. 1872 01:19:35,000 --> 01:19:37,625 Yeah. Many people lost loved ones. 1873 01:19:37,708 --> 01:19:39,458 They did. They sure did. 1874 01:19:39,541 --> 01:19:40,916 Um, yeah. 1875 01:19:42,500 --> 01:19:47,000 After you go back to, I wanted to say sandwich school, but-- 1876 01:19:47,083 --> 01:19:49,750 (LAUGHS) 1877 01:19:49,833 --> 01:19:52,541 After you go back to the culinary institute 1878 01:19:52,625 --> 01:19:55,625 and you start this animal rescue, you said. 1879 01:19:55,708 --> 01:19:57,083 -Yeah. -Um, 1880 01:19:57,166 --> 01:19:59,458 are you an animal lover, Bruce? 1881 01:20:01,208 --> 01:20:03,583 Not really. No, it's not really about me. 1882 01:20:03,666 --> 01:20:05,041 It's more about Emily. 1883 01:20:05,125 --> 01:20:06,666 -That's her thing. -I see. 1884 01:20:06,750 --> 01:20:09,125 Yeah. -So you just plan to support her 1885 01:20:09,208 --> 01:20:11,291 and the shelter financially? 1886 01:20:12,458 --> 01:20:13,708 If that's what it takes. 1887 01:20:13,791 --> 01:20:15,625 If that's what it takes, Ted. 1888 01:20:15,708 --> 01:20:19,916 I've never really been much of an animal guy personally. 1889 01:20:20,000 --> 01:20:21,041 They stink. 1890 01:20:21,125 --> 01:20:22,791 And you got to clean up after them. 1891 01:20:22,875 --> 01:20:23,916 But it's okay. 1892 01:20:24,000 --> 01:20:25,708 -I won't be there. -Right. Right. 1893 01:20:25,791 --> 01:20:30,041 But it's good to put your name on things that are looked at 1894 01:20:30,125 --> 01:20:33,250 as positive in the world. 1895 01:20:33,333 --> 01:20:35,708 So a lot of people like animal rescues. 1896 01:20:35,791 --> 01:20:37,083 Emily does. 1897 01:20:37,166 --> 01:20:39,375 So I do. 1898 01:20:39,458 --> 01:20:41,541 Okay, I-- I can understand that. 1899 01:20:41,625 --> 01:20:43,958 I, for one, don't like dog barks. 1900 01:20:44,041 --> 01:20:45,750 (LAUGHS) 1901 01:20:45,833 --> 01:20:46,916 I'm with you there. 1902 01:20:47,000 --> 01:20:49,708 They can make me jump out of my skin. 1903 01:20:49,791 --> 01:20:51,666 And they make me very angry, too. 1904 01:20:51,750 --> 01:20:53,708 -They surprise me. -Yes. Yeah. 1905 01:20:53,791 --> 01:20:57,541 Shock me. But I know many animals are wonderful. 1906 01:20:57,625 --> 01:20:58,583 Sure. 1907 01:20:58,666 --> 01:21:00,291 And you're going to write a book about all of this, 1908 01:21:00,375 --> 01:21:02,291 you hope? 1909 01:21:02,375 --> 01:21:07,291 Well, I will be doing a bit of the ghost, what do they say? 1910 01:21:07,375 --> 01:21:08,708 -Is it ghost writing? -Ghost writing. 1911 01:21:08,791 --> 01:21:10,166 Oh, no, no, that's not right. 1912 01:21:10,250 --> 01:21:11,541 I will be uh-- 1913 01:21:11,625 --> 01:21:13,916 Well, your friend will be ghost writing for you, I believe. 1914 01:21:14,000 --> 01:21:15,208 Yes. That's what I meant. 1915 01:21:15,291 --> 01:21:16,583 Yes. James will be the ghost writer. 1916 01:21:16,666 --> 01:21:17,875 James will be the ghost writer, 1917 01:21:17,958 --> 01:21:19,958 and I will take all of the credit. 1918 01:21:20,041 --> 01:21:22,208 -(BOTH LAUGH) -I don't know. 1919 01:21:22,291 --> 01:21:24,583 How do you think James will feel about that? 1920 01:21:24,666 --> 01:21:27,125 We'll find out when he sees this interview. 1921 01:21:28,666 --> 01:21:30,666 Hey, I got a little whiskey there for you. 1922 01:21:30,750 --> 01:21:33,125 -It's top shelf. -Oh, I-- I don't doubt it. 1923 01:21:33,208 --> 01:21:35,083 You're very kind, Bruce, but if I have one, 1924 01:21:35,166 --> 01:21:37,291 I'll have a thousand. (LAUGHS) 1925 01:21:37,375 --> 01:21:39,208 I'd like to see that. 1926 01:21:39,291 --> 01:21:40,875 I don't think you would. 1927 01:21:42,000 --> 01:21:43,125 I would like to see that. 1928 01:21:43,208 --> 01:21:44,583 It gets quite ugly. 1929 01:21:44,666 --> 01:21:46,083 I-- I would I-- 1930 01:21:46,166 --> 01:21:48,333 You're making me want to see this even more. 1931 01:21:48,416 --> 01:21:50,375 I may be making you want to see it, 1932 01:21:50,458 --> 01:21:53,625 but trust me, once you saw it, you would be filled with regret. 1933 01:21:53,708 --> 01:21:55,083 No, no, no. 1934 01:21:55,166 --> 01:21:57,375 I've never-- I never regret anything. 1935 01:21:57,458 --> 01:21:58,875 Oh, well. 1936 01:21:58,958 --> 01:22:01,041 No regrets. That's my life motto. 1937 01:22:01,125 --> 01:22:02,666 That's one way to live, I suppose. 1938 01:22:02,750 --> 01:22:04,208 I certainly have regrets. 1939 01:22:04,291 --> 01:22:05,333 Oh, yeah? 1940 01:22:05,416 --> 01:22:06,875 Millions and millions. 1941 01:22:06,958 --> 01:22:08,375 Oh, man. 1942 01:22:08,458 --> 01:22:10,208 Maybe hundreds, I don't-- 1943 01:22:10,291 --> 01:22:11,666 I don't think I've been alive long enough 1944 01:22:11,750 --> 01:22:13,166 to have millions of regrets. 1945 01:22:13,250 --> 01:22:15,375 But this interview isn't about me. 1946 01:22:15,458 --> 01:22:17,458 -It's about you, Bruce. -That's right, it is. 1947 01:22:17,541 --> 01:22:18,875 So, no regrets? 1948 01:22:18,958 --> 01:22:20,000 No regrets. 1949 01:22:20,083 --> 01:22:21,375 I'm a lucky man. 1950 01:22:21,458 --> 01:22:23,041 Very fortunate. 1951 01:22:23,125 --> 01:22:25,833 I appreciate you letting us into your beautiful home here. 1952 01:22:25,916 --> 01:22:28,500 Oh, I-- no problem. Of course. Anytime. 1953 01:22:28,583 --> 01:22:29,583 It's not really my home. 1954 01:22:29,666 --> 01:22:31,916 It's James', the one with the novel. 1955 01:22:32,000 --> 01:22:34,250 Oh, I see. I see. 1956 01:22:34,333 --> 01:22:37,041 Did you ever read his book, Space in Tr-- 1957 01:22:37,125 --> 01:22:39,208 -Trains in Space? -Trains in Space. 1958 01:22:39,291 --> 01:22:41,333 I believe I've heard of it. 1959 01:22:41,416 --> 01:22:42,750 -Great book. -Is it? 1960 01:22:42,833 --> 01:22:44,166 -I never read it. -Oh, no. 1961 01:22:44,250 --> 01:22:45,583 (LAUGHS) 1962 01:22:45,666 --> 01:22:46,958 -Well, that's all. -Don't tell him. 1963 01:22:47,041 --> 01:22:48,041 Don't tell anybody. 1964 01:22:48,125 --> 01:22:50,583 I have a feeling he's gonna see this interview. 1965 01:22:52,083 --> 01:22:54,750 I feel a lot of people are going to see this interview. 1966 01:22:54,833 --> 01:22:57,208 -I sure hope so. -I hope so, too. 1967 01:22:57,291 --> 01:22:58,666 I sure hope so. 1968 01:22:58,750 --> 01:23:01,125 Well, Ted, I've got to say, I have, you know, 1969 01:23:01,208 --> 01:23:02,958 I've been a fan of yours for a really long time. 1970 01:23:03,041 --> 01:23:06,416 And I-- I-- anytime you want to have me back on, 1971 01:23:06,500 --> 01:23:08,333 I'm-- I'm honored. 1972 01:23:08,416 --> 01:23:10,166 -Oh my goodness. Thank you. -I'm honored. 1973 01:23:10,250 --> 01:23:11,750 Thank you so much, Bruce. 1974 01:23:11,833 --> 01:23:15,666 I-- I don't often hear such words of sincere encouragement, 1975 01:23:15,750 --> 01:23:16,750 and I-- and I deeply appreciate it. 1976 01:23:16,833 --> 01:23:19,625 You know, there was a lot of people that wanted 1977 01:23:19,708 --> 01:23:21,250 to do this interview. 1978 01:23:21,333 --> 01:23:25,500 Phil Donahue, Geraldo Rivera, but I chose you, 1979 01:23:25,583 --> 01:23:29,125 because I love Channel 11 News. 1980 01:23:30,416 --> 01:23:33,125 Um, thank you. 1981 01:23:33,208 --> 01:23:37,875 Bruce, that is deeply moving to me that you would choose me 1982 01:23:37,958 --> 01:23:42,083 over such giants of the news business. 1983 01:23:42,166 --> 01:23:44,500 You, my friend, are a giant. 1984 01:23:47,708 --> 01:23:50,708 Oh, thank you, Bruce, um... 1985 01:23:51,791 --> 01:23:53,166 -(LAUGHS) -You okay there, Ted? 1986 01:23:53,250 --> 01:23:54,875 I think we're gonna have to cut. 1987 01:23:54,958 --> 01:23:56,125 (LAUGHS) 1988 01:23:56,208 --> 01:24:04,208 (♪♪♪)