.
- I want a CBC, a venous blood gas, and a glucose.
- I'm 20 seconds from the two-minute mark.
I need to switch out. - Matt, you're on compressions.
- I usually do the bag. - Now.
- Here, I'll take over on the bag.
- Watch that ET tube.
Let's go, Matt.
- One of the coolest aspects of being a nurse in the ED
is you're always trying something new,
even when you're terrified.
- Still no pulse.
- Let's hit him with another milligram of epi.
- 1 milligram epi in.
- What's his end tidal CO2 doing?
- Hovering around 30 right now.
- Let's push 300 milligrams of amiodarone.
- Really bad itch on the back of my neck.
Should be fine. Just calling it out.
- Ami now.
- Pushing 300 milligrams amiodarone.
- My wrist is really starting to hurt,
and my contact popped out.
It's on his ear, guys.
- Pause for a pulse check.
[monitor beeping]
- We've got a sinus rhythm.
- Pulse detected.
- Thank God. We saved him.
Yes! Ha-ha.
Ahh.
Harassment.
[upbeat music]
* *
- OK. And next week's shifts are all set.
- Great.
- Mm-hmm.
- This brie is from WinCo.
- Ooh, yum. [chuckles]
Oh, uh, I do want to talk about OT protocols.
- I got it special for our meeting.
I heated it and everything.
- Oh, that's-- I just had a banana,
so I'm not super hungry.
- $18.
- Why don't I have some brie? - Right?
- Sounds good. - It's classy, right?
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, now that you are indulging,
I just want to talk to you a little bit about Debbie.
- Mm.
- I just got another complaint about her.
- Yeah, OK. I can talk to her.
Again.
- I'm sorry.
We're past that point, unfortunately.
- Mm - She has to be let go.
- Yeah. OK, Yeah.
I can see that. - Great.
Because you're gonna be the one to do it.
- Oh, me--me do it?
- Me do it?
Me cave nurse.
Me give shots.
[growls, laughs]
- Joyce? - Yes?
- I'm just saying, are we sure that we
want to let her go, though?
I mean, it just--it seems so awful to do to somebody.
- It is, standing across from them, sensing the dread.
It is absolutely terrible, and that's why
I'm gonna have you do it.
- OK.
- * Cave nurse, she's taking her files *
* Cave nurse *
[growls]
[indistinct intercom chatter]
- What happened to the SCA patient who was in there?
- Got sent to recovery room 12.
- Ah, nice.
Nice.
I don't know if you heard, but I was the one
who saved that guy's life.
- Whale sharks have over 3,000 teeth.
Sorry.
I thought we were saying random facts that the other person
doesn't care about.
- Uh, well, I was just gonna swing by his room,
see if he wanted to talk about what happened.
- Why?
- I don't know.
I thought he might want to process it with me.
- I doubt it.
- OK, well, no offense, but you weren't there.
It felt like a pretty big deal.
You know, there's an unspoken bond there now.
- Most koalas have chlamydia.
- You are using animal facts to be mean,
and that's not what they're for.
- This should have cleared up with the antibiotics
I put you on.
- Oh, I didn't take them.
Don't want to build up a resistance
for when I really need them.
- Like right now?
[phone beeping]
Oh, just a minute.
Life largely disappoints, mostly in big ways.
But I find the simple pleasures always deliver.
That's why every day at 2:00 p.m.,
I get myself a NutRageous bar
and eat it alone in the stairwell.
Some people smoke.
Some meditate.
I slowly nibble through a peanut-and-caramel-filled
miracle of American ingenuity.
- OK.
What do I want?
Cheat day, you know?
Got to shock the body with carbs.
Remind it who's boss.
- OK. - Ooh, Three Musketeers.
A noble choice.
Eat me, D'Artagnan, I implore you.
- Mm-hmm.
- All for one and one for nougat.
- Man, just pick a snack.
- Yeah, all right.
You can't rush these things.
Uh--ooh.
You like those NutRageous bars, right?
- Yep. 44.
- 44.
Yeah, why not?
Something different.
Better be worth it.
There we go.
- Did you just take the last one?
- Oop.
I guess so.
Sorry, amigo.
- That means there's none left for me.
- Yeah, that's physics for you.
Hey, take it up with Einstein.
[laughs]
- I just have never had to fire anybody, you know?
I mean, this is someone's life we're talking about.
- Yeah, it's a shot to your ego and your finances.
Double kick in the balls.
Besides, people love Debbie.
You afraid everyone's gonna hate you
because they like her so much?
- Yes, Val, these are all concerns, OK?
I just--I feel like we're a family.
We've got to be there for each other.
- Sorry, just deleting Debbie from my contacts.
- Val?
- There's already another Debbie in here.
It's too confusing.
She'll live.
- [sighs]
- [knocking]
Someone's looking better.
- What?
- Looking good.
- I'm sorry.
Do we--do we know each other?
- Ah, you could say that. I'm Matt.
I'm part of the team that revived you.
I was actually the one who did the compressions.
- Yeah, that whole thing is a blur.
- For sure. For sure.
I mean, I remember it pretty vividly.
Time sort of slowed down.
- Does the sound come through the TV,
or is it just the remote?
- Uh, I think just-- just through the remote.
Anyway, it was pretty harrowing.
I actually pushed so hard I injured my wrist.
- Why do they do the sound just through the remote?
- Uh, I think so you don't disturb other patients.
- Well, that sucks.
- Yep.
Yep, yep, yep.
- Want to sign off on this discharge?
- Hey. - Hey.
- You didn't eat your NutRageous.
- Oh, no.
I'm actually gonna save it to create a sense
of delayed gratification.
You know, they did this study with marshmallows--
- Yeah, I don't care.
I'll give you $20 for it.
- It's worth that much to you?
Now you're really making me want it.
- Quick sign, though--
- Hold on just a sec.
Can't believe I'm gonna do this, but here goes.
I will give you 50 bucks, and we call it a day.
- Oh, you've just guaranteed I'm not giving it up.
Oh, my God.
What sweet mysteries lie beyond this orange veil?
- Get your nose off my bar.
- Just tap the screen and I can release this lady.
Teeny tap.
- Look, I need it, all right?
It helps me get through my shift.
And I actually have to work all day, unlike some people.
- What, you think it's easy being an elite trauma surgeon?
- Well, easier.
- Solid, so it's easier to pick up.
It's so much poop.
- Hey, guys. Hey.
- Oh, hey.
I was just telling them about my new poop machine.
Sorry, puppy. [laughs]
- Show her the pic.
- Oh, actually, um, guys, can I--can I talk to Debbie,
uh, real quick? Thanks.
- This is Chester. - Oh.
[laughs]
- He's a good boy.
- [chuckles]
- Is everything OK?
- Oh, yeah, totally.
Uh, well, I'm sorry.
No, not--not totally, totally.
[laughs] I'm just trying to get my words right.
[clears throat] I guess there have, you know,
been some--some concerns about your performance.
- I know. I know.
I felt horrible.
All the mistakes--before you say anything, let me just say,
I fully agree.
I've been off my game.
- Yeah, I--I appreciate that.
But, um, you know, the thing is--
- This is the wake-up call I needed.
I'll turn it around.
From now on, it's Debbie 2.0, OK?
- OK. Yeah, sure.
Yeah. OK.
Well, just really make sure to--oh.
- You will not regret this, Alexandra.
- I deal with a million different conditions
while you pop off a couple of surgeries
and play with your sword or whatever.
- Sure, you're busy. Real busy.
With hogwash.
Yeah, it must be real high stakes pulling
toys out of kids' noses.
What was it last week?
Oh, that's right, Jack Sparrow's LEGO ponytails.
- Hey. I do surgeries too.
- Oh, sure. On toes and testicles.
- You really think you're the most important
thing around here, don't you?
- Hey, people need toes and testes.
Isn't that right, Keith? [laughs]
- Uh, sorry. Why me?
- See? Keith gets it.
Face it.
I'm the Diana Ross around this place.
And you--
you're just one of The Supremes.
- You're Diana Ross?
- Oh, yeah.
- You aren't even Bob Ross.
And people actually like Bob Ross.
Nobody likes you.
- [exhales] I see.
Well, I'm needed, so--
- Well, I'm needed too.
- Wh--
- I'm also needed.
.
- Do you believe this guy?
He wouldn't last an hour doing what we do here.
- Yeah, we clearly do a lot.
- Have you thought about just eating a PayDay?
- There's no chocolate in a PayDay.
Come on, man.
- Just to say it, you were pretty
harsh too, so maybe just--
- Oh, the gift shop.
They have candy bars.
- Oh, you know what I was thinking about?
An Oh Henry.
- Sir, I've literally never heard of any of these.
- He barely even acknowledged me.
He was just, like, totally indifferent.
- I get it.
You want some appreciation.
Maybe a little hug.
- You're messing with me, right?
- I'm serious.
Then on your deathbed, he holds your hand
and tells you, as long as I live, you live through me.
- All right.
I just want, like, a thank you.
I feel like that's not too much to ask
for saving someone's life.
I thanked the Levi's chatbot that helped me return my jeans.
It's manners.
- What was wrong with the jeans?
- Ah, they were black.
It was too edgy.
- [clears throat]
Hey, Joyce, uh, listen.
I just had a very productive conversation, uh, with Debbie.
And I have decided that the right thing to do,
um, as her boss is to keep her on staff.
- Yeah, great.
That all makes sense.
- Oh.
Yeah?
- Yes.
And I find it admirable that you're willing
to take on Debbie's mistakes as your own.
- Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry.
What--when you say as my own, that--
- All of her errors are now your errors.
You're responsible.
Look at you, boss lady, leaning in and not looking back.
I love it.
- So nothing?
- Yeah, I guess we're all out.
Funny, you're the second guy
to come in today looking for NutRageous bars.
- That son of a--
well, what about that?
- Oh, sure.
These are, like, $200, though.
- Yeah, well, we could just switch out that NutRageous
with a Snickers.
No one would even need to know.
- Sorry.
Once the cellophane's on it, there's nothing I can do.
- Well, you could re-tie the cellophane.
- But it comes with a NutRageous.
- [sigh] It comes with whatever you put in it.
This is a hospital gift shop.
Nothing that happens here matters.
- Actually, I just remembered,
this one's spoken for.
- [sighs] OK.
- Hey, there's my superstar.
[laughs] How are we doing over here?
- Good. - Yeah?
- Type 1 skin tear.
I irrigated with saline, re-approximated.
I was just about to dress it. - All right.
Sounds good.
[chuckles] Ooh.
Ah--
are you sure you want to use Tegaderm here?
- No good?
- Well, given her age, it can tear the skin,
so you really want to use a non-adherent dressing
like Mepilex.
- Right.
God, there's so many options.
It's like, use this for this.
Use that for that.
It's crazy.
- [chuckles] Yeah, that's the job.
- There.
All set now.
- Pretty much.
You need to draw an arrow to indicate
the direction for removal.
- Oh, right. - Remember? Yeah.
- I need you around more often.
I could be the hands and you tell me what to do.
I'm your puppet.
I'm gonna be a real nurse someday.
[laughter]
- That's funny.
- Are you warm?
- Mom, it's all right.
I'm fine.
- Oh, I'm just glad you're OK.
- Yeah.
- Aren't we all?
He's a good kid.
A good egg.
Ah.
[laughs] I'm Matt.
You must be Clay's family.
- Oh, yes. I'm his mom,
and this is his Aunt Pearl. - Hi.
- Are you taking over for Nurse Haley?
- No, no, no.
This guy came in earlier about the TV.
It's fine, man.
- Uh, yeah.
Well--but also, remember, I was the one who--
yesterday, when his heart stopped,
I literally had to climb on top of him and restart it.
- Oh, OK.
- Yeah, I was pushing on that chest for, like, four minutes.
Full weight.
I honestly thought we were gonna lose him,
but I went into this zone where I sort of--
- Please stop.
I can't.
- Hey, can you not upset my mom, please?
- Oh, uh, yeah.
No, I'm sorry about that.
- It's fine, man.
It's just manners, you know?
- If you see it lying around--
- You really just couldn't take the win, could you?
- What? I'm sorry?
- Let's not do this dance.
I know it was you.
You went to the gift shop and you bought out
all the NutRageous bars.
It's pathetic.
- What?
What, because of our whole thing earlier?
Look, I know things got heated, but Ron, that sounds insane.
- Well, yeah, but I mean,
you do insane things sometimes.
- OK, look.
I-I just got to ask, as a friend now, is everything OK?
I mean, why would I even do something like that?
To teach you a lesson?
To show you that there are consequences
when you disrespect a colleague?
Gee, Ron, that sure is a lot of effort
to make sure you think twice
before you come at Schweitz.
Don't you think?
[wrapper crinkling]
Mmm.
.
- OK, we've got to fire Debbie. - Yes, I'm aware.
- Yeah, I just--
I don't know.
I hate that we're giving up on somebody.
You know, it just-- it feels so final.
- So our patients deserve bad care?
- Oh-- - Think of Debbie
as a drunk airline pilot.
Sure, she's funny on the intercom,
but is she really gonna clear those mountains?
- I don't know.
I'm just--I'm having a really hard time with this.
- Of course, you are.
But unfortunately, it's part of the job.
So why don't you practice on me?
- Seriously? - Yeah.
You need to learn this stuff, so pretend I'm Debbie
and fire me.
Let me have it. [chuckles]
- OK. Uh, Debbie, listen.
I know that you're trying and I can see that,
but unfortunately, I am gonna have to let you go.
- Is this because I rejected your advances?
The other day you put your hand on my knee and said,
if you like your job, my hand goes wherever it wants.
And I said, no.
And now you're firing me.
- Wait, what?
- Gina, we good?
- Yeah, he's out like a light.
- All right.
Well, we've got a pretty run-of-the-mill hernia repair,
so cue the playlist, and let's get in the zone.
[high-pitched pop song]
- * Meow meow meow meow *
- OK, no. [chuckles]
That's obviously not the--skip past this.
- Hello, Bruce.
I know you like to set the mood
with some music before surgery,
so I thought I'd help you out.
[operatic singing] * Bruce is a horse's ass *
- No.
No, he's not.
He's not a horse's-- don't--ignore this song.
It's not even a song.
And if it was, those wouldn't be the lyrics.
This song is a lie, and that's a fake song.
- * Nobody likes *
- I am in character.
- OK, you have to stay firm.
It's a business decision.
- All right.
Debbie, we are letting you go.
I'm sorry.
- Oh, you're sorry.
You're sorry.
- Oh, my God.
Joy--no. Ah, sorry.
Debbie.
No.
Let's just try to stay calm-- - Stay calm?
You stay calm.
- Oh, my God.
Joyce, please remember these are your things.
- I need this job.
I have a lien against my house.
Did you know that?
I was talked into installing solar panels,
and they won't take them down.
- All right.
Well, I'm sure you can figure that out, Debbie.
- Oh, I've tried, but you can't just cancel the contract.
- Right. - No, no.
Not until you've returned the minimum kilowatt hours
to the grid.
- OK, I'm sorry.
Joyce, did you get solar panels?
- What? No.
I'm Debbie right now.
We're role playing.
[laughs]
- So Reginald comes here by himself?
- Yep.
- Here are those labs you needed.
- Oh, thank you.
- See?
Thank you.
So easy.
- He's pissy because someone didn't thank him
for doing his job.
- I literally pumped this guy's heart back to life,
and all he can talk about is the sound
coming from the TV remote.
- Oh, so you've got to hit aux, then press audio out.
- It's, like, two buttons to change it.
- OK. Well, I didn't know that.
- Listen, you want gratitude?
You're in the wrong business.
Drive an ice cream truck.
Sell weed. Don't do this.
- I don't know.
Who cares what some random guy thinks?
You saved his life.
That's awesome.
- Oh.
Well, I appreciate that.
- [sniffing]
You smell that?
Smells like boner in here.
- Wh--
No.
- Hey, man. [knocking]
Heard the hernia repair went well.
- Yeah, it went great.
Went perfect, in fact, so--
look, what are we doing?
I zinged you.
You zinged me.
What do you say we quit the zinging and the zagging,
we put this whole nonsense to bed, and call a Bruce truce?
- And you're not just saying this
because you're afraid I'll put hot sauce
on that secret stash of butt wipes you keep in the bathroom?
I know about those.
- [chuckles] No.
Ron, come on. We're professionals.
Why don't you take a seat
and we can talk this out like adults?
- No, I think I'll stand. Thank you.
- Oh, come on. Take a seat.
Kick your feet up.
- [laughs]
- Really want you to kick your feet up, Ron.
- What the [bleep]?
You have lost your damn mind.
- Yeah, it's pretty great, isn't it?
Yeah, it would have been better if you'd put your feet up,
but it's still landing for me.
- Bruce, you are in serious need
of spiritual and mental help.
I own this now.
- Hey, bon appétit, baby.
[laughs]
.
- Hey, Debbie. [chuckles]
Gosh.
This job, right?
So much grunt work.
[laughs] Hey, have you ever thought
about doing something else?
- No, not really.
- OK, but, like, what if you had to, you know?
Like, what if--oh, OK, this will be fun.
What is a secret passion that Debbie
has always wanted to pursue?
- Huh.
You know, I think nursing is my passion.
- OK.
- Funny, I never really thought about it that way--
- Uh, it can't be nursing.
Can't be nursing, though.
So it's got to be something else like cooking
or painting or--
- Oh, no.
Painting seems hard.
One little mistake, and whoop.
Whole painting ruined.
- Yeah, that's--that's true. It is.
It's high stakes.
- Same with cooking. - Mm-hmm
- Debbie, hi.
We're letting you go.
It's nothing personal.
It's just not working out.
- What? - Come on.
We're not gonna play the what game.
You've been given plenty of opportunities,
and you haven't performed.
- Yeah, I understand.
- OK, great.
So say your goodbyes, and HR will be in touch.
- Got it.
Thanks, Joyce. - Mm-hmm.
- [sighs] And now that it doesn't matter,
it was me that stole those boxes
of hand sanitizer during COVID.
- Sometimes I roll my eyes at Joyce,
but I feel like I could really learn a lot from her,
or a little.
You know, like a medium amount.
But she's in charge for a reason.
Also, I should really apologize to Hector
because I accused him pretty publicly
about the whole sanitizer thing.
- That guy's crazy.
He's out of his mind.
- He's crashing.
I need a doctor.
- Code blue. Code blue.
- So the doctor's on his way. - Code blue.
- Low blood pressure, coughing fit, pulse weak and thready.
- Can we get some RSI meds on deck?
And we need a GlideScope in here, please.
- Trauma has it.
- O2 stats dropping quickly.
- Cannot get a clear view of his vocal cords
because of all the swelling.
Bruce, can you give me a hand?
- Sure, get me a bougie.
That's good.
There we go.
I'm in. Go ahead. Thread the ET tube.
- There you go. Yep. All right.
OK.
Give him two units of FFP.
- Doctors are weird.
On one hand, they're huge babies.
They're cocky and rude and petty.
But when push comes to shove, they can put all of that aside
and save a freaking life.
It's pretty cool.
- Yeah, sometimes I don't give Ron enough credit.
He's actually a very good doctor.
The two of us did really well in there.
Anyway, I've identified all the grocery stores
and gas stations that carry NutRageous bars,
and I do mean all.
Now, Ron's probably thinking, I'll go one-mile radius.
That's why I've gone a six-mile radius.
I've also reached out to our hospital snack vendor, Sergéy.
We're trading.
- So do other animals have chlamydia?
- That's actually a good question.
Let's look it up.
- Oh, hold on.
You dropped this.
- Oh, damn.
My sweatshirt.
- You say thank you.
I'm sorry, but there's something called manners,
and they exist for a reason.
Somebody picks up your sweatshirt or, I don't know,
saves your life, you say thank you.
It's not that hard.
- OK.
Thank you.
- You're welcome. [chuckles]
You're welcome.
- I'm sorry.
I guess I didn't realize that I was a side character
in my own life and this experience
was really about you.
- What? Uh, no, I--
- No, I just got so distracted by my death
and subsequent resurrection that I
forgot to get down on my knees and kiss
the feet of some piece--
- Honey, your heart.
- No, no, this is important.
I want to make sure the next time I'm hovering outside
of my own body, I think, hey.
Don't forget to thank that male nurse.
- That's not relevant.
Oh.
- This is crazy.
Sheep, goats, pigs.
What animals don't have chlamydia?
Let's look it up.
[bell clangs]