End of a tough week. Lots of long nights.
Quick update from the hospital.
Monica's responding well.
For those who don't know, she unfortunately nodded off
on the way home and collided with some cattle.
On the plus side, now she has a very full freezer!
So... Is that on?
To thank you all for the difficult week of night shoots,
the studio would like to present you with...
a giant Jenga set.
But on behalf of Eric, one last push.
His big fireball shot. Friday night into Saturday morning.
Okay? It's Fraturday!
Fraturday night fever.
Yeah, Fraturday night fever.
Let's have some fun. Some frun!
Okay.
Quick, before they make a pyre out of the Jenga blocks and burn me on it.
Game of Jenga? Fun fact, we're developing a Jenga movie.
Although it might collapse.
- Sir, Jenga? - Fuck your Jenga.
Your dissent has been noted, Martin.
Any chance I could leave early for a house party?
Absolutely none.
Great. Really appreciate you giving it due consideration.
What is going on, team Tecto?
- Big night tonight, huh? - Oh, are you kidding?
Your big fireball shot? Everyone's pumped.
Morale's off the charts.
Storm warning. He drank his fizzy water too fast
and now he has the hiccups.
As well, just FYI, full moon, libido raging.
You know how he gets.
Not really. I mean, he watches Formula One qualifying rounds.
Hi, Dad. It's me. I'm at Nan's. When am I gonna see you?
Okay, look. We've all got somewhere better to be, yeah?
- Yes, we fucking do. - So let's just get the shot
before the crew mutinies, and then we all lose our minds.
- Happy? - Not even remotely.
Good. Me neither.
I'm happy.
Hi, Rufus!
Evening.
Okay, folks! Positions! Positions!
Wow, someone's feeling motivated.
What? I believe in Eric's vision.
Also, I'm trying to get to a party to fuck a man.
Daniel, I never know the protocol these days,
but I have an unfolding personal situation.
- Okay, so what is it? - I have an erection and it won't go down.
God. I should probably step away.
Chemical reaction to a supplement I took this afternoon.
I just wanted to alert you from an HR standpoint.
- It's your problem now. - Dan! Dan, hey. Hey!
Oh, heads up, Adam,
I have an erection and it won't go down.
Thank you, sir. I appreciate the courtesy.
Hey. Have you seen Borat?
- Yeah. - You know that movie?
"Hey, yes, very nice! Sex with my wife."
Yeah, I've seen it.
It's so funny. Anyway...
so the crew's morale is a little low, so I bought a cupcake truck.
- Great idea. - Yeah, but I canceled it because
I have a better idea.
Live music. Free show. You know my band?
Right, you know my band? You remember my band, right?
Flight Mode, the greatest band in the world.
Yeah. It really is great.
It's like upbeat blues, so it's good for morale.
So, like, lunch is at 1:00 a.m., right?
Tight 30 then.
And then at wrap,
- we can do the full show. - Full show.
Full show, the whole thing. But I do need the god mic
and the PA system so everyone can hear it everywhere.
- Pick up that vibe! - Yeah. That's gonna be a treat for us all!
- Right? "Jagshemash. Chenquieh." - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, all right. Bye, bye. Thanks.
Hide his guitar, okay? Burn it. 'Cause the crew's gonna revolt
and my head's gonna be on a stick. All right, let's go!
Eric's big fireball! Light it up, maestro!
Behind-the-scenes featurette.
Let's talk about Eric and tonight's fireball shot.
Well, you know, I find I do better with short blasts on the EPK,
so I'm just gonna say some sound bites.
Sparks will fly!
I'm gonna take that again.
Sparks will fly.
I got it, I got it, got it, got it, got it.
Sparks will fly.
Sparks will fly!
Sparks will fly.
Sparks will fly!
Sparks will fly.
Sparks will-- Sparks will fly.
This has actually never happened to me before. I'm so sorry.
You okay, Pat?
We'll come back to that. How about your director, Eric Bouchard?
Sure, that's easy.
Eric Bouchard is a visionary genius.
Anita, can you say Eric's a genius?
Come on, Anita. Say Eric's a genius.
Eric Bouchard's a visionary genius.
And, you know, just to say,
this is Eric's movie, but it's also very much Anita's movie.
Wow, thank you. That's too fucking kind, Pat.
Oh, you know what? I think we got it. Great.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Pat, I see what you're doing.
Eric fucked China, and now you're fucking me.
No idea what you mean. Hey, Bryclops?
- Be a pal, bring my car around. - Great. Bryclops the valet.
All right, I'm out of here. Have fun on the night shoot
for the movie you're making.
About tonight's work.
The fiery ball of death.
And not to be too grand, but...
behold my fiery ball of death!
- Okay, folks! Lining up for a take! - Dag. Calm down.
- Breathe. - The pre-viz.
The fighting that we already shot.
More fighting.
Violence, violence, violence.
Again some violence. Then violence.
And then the scene.
Eye consumes the sun through his head portal
and is then reborn as a villain.
A baptism, but of fire.
Not water, like you normally use in a baptism, but fire.
Smart.
Because, actually, the death ball operates on two levels.
To be clear, it is a fixed ball and will not operate at two levels.
Sure, Nathan, but really it does.
Also, the single-level fixed ball is highly temperamental.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And only operates if the wind's under
- 23 miles per hour. - Yes. Yeah. Thank you.
Okay? Yeah? Let's bang, gang.
Would now be a good time to talk about my character arc?
- No. - Dan. Dan, can I show you something?
Before I show Eric, 'cause I want this to be right for him.
You know, for the furtive sprinting, I've been working with my movement coach.
- Furtive sprinting? - Yeah, like it says in the script,
"Tecto sprints furtively."
But I was thinking I want to do it with, like, a sense of energy,
but also like he's being watched, you know?
I think that's Eric's intentionality, but just check it out. Check it out.
Steph, why does it say, "Tecto sprints furtively"?
Well, that's just... that's just what Eric wrote,
and I typed it up. And he's the maestro, so...
And how does one sprint furtively?
- I think we're about to find out. - You watching?
- Yeah.
Okay. Activate!
Oh, no. Oh, God, no.
You like it?
I'll show you again. Just watch. Yeah.
"Frantically."
- Tecto sprints "frantically." - You guys watching?
Oh, yes, yes. 'Cause that's obviously what he meant.
Activate!
"Furtive running." What do you think?
What do you think, Dan?
Yeah, I mean, it looked pretty furtive to me.
But...
let's... ask Eric. Yeah. The Maestro. Eric!
I've already shot this scene in my head twice.
Think of the Hans Zimmer tune. There's a...
I will shoot you from down here,
and then I need your new dialogue, please.
And you want all of this, do you?
Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
Right-o.
"Kneel before Dark Eye, seer of all things!"
Then there's a laundry list of all the things that I've seen.
Assume you want me to say all of that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And on the move, please.
- I have... - "Hot day in hell and I'm the devil"?
- Are you doing some writing? - Fuck off, I'm doodling.
Why isn't he shooting?
Relax. He's laser-focused. He's obsessed with this shot.
Hiccups have returned.
Possibly triggered by overthinking.
Hiccups of the mind. Our brave and noble leader.
I heard he has a tattoo of Harry Potter.
A cartoon Harry Potter that he never lets anyone see.
Sources close to Eric can neither confirm nor deny.
Your monologue again, Peter. In full.
Eric is a genius, he is.
- Is he though? - No, of course not.
But he knows how to place a camera
and it's 11:00 p.m. on a Friday and we need a figurehead.
And Francis Ford Hiccups is the best we have.
So we rally, yes?
"And I have seen all of the eternal war."
"And the second eternal war..."
My fireball.
My God, it shall burn so bright.
Eric, you said people will never forget seeing your fireball.
- Tell us about it. - Sorry...
Eric, news of great import.
Christopher Nolan is coming.
Chris?
Christopher Chris?
Tonight?
It's just a pop-in, but knowing him,
it'll be three and a half hours long.
Like, the same, like, the length of one of his--
I'm seeing the joke, Stephanie. Why is he coming?
Scouting stages after dark?
Or maybe...
- Bismarck? - Shh. Don't jinx it.
Eric, let's go again.
Tell us about your fireball.
It's small, isn't it?
When you're up close.
Excuse me.
Eric?
Goodness gracious, great balls of gas!
Full moon. Who knows what could happen?
Okay, Mum, not to be dramatic,
I'm... I'm wrangling a fireball, so...
Okay, just cover it in straw, tell him it's asleep.
I'll deal with it when I'm home, okay? Bye.
Gosh, the sacrifices.
You're the real hero, "The Invisible Dad!"
As long as I'm there when he wakes up, minimal psychological damage.
Hi. Circling back on Peter's erection,
the studio is very keen for it not to be visible.
Do we loop in VFX or--
God forbid anyone should ever fuck in any of these movies!
We'll paint it out in post, yeah?
So it's there, it's not there, it's Schrödinger's erection.
Sure, great. "Schrödinger's ding-a-ling."
And the party actually sounds kind of bullshit.
- There's no one there. - Let's focus.
Shit, everyone's just turned up.
- Holy shit, is that Briane? - Okay, Dag?
I'm calling. I need to call. If that's Briane, I'm calling.
- All right, Dag, can we just focus? - Sal, is that Briane?
Oi, Sal, is Briane there?
Is that Briane, Sal? Sal, is that Briane?
Sorry, Jaz, we're just finding out if that's Briane.
Yeah. Dan, wind's dropping.
Lining up for the fireball! Where's Eric?
Eric's in his trailer, and he's refusing to come out.
It was. It was Briane.
Briane just turned up. Classic Briane.
Rumors of a potential pop-in. Although, knowing Chris...
Okay, sorry. What is this, please?
Mulling. With hiccups.
Okay, no, he doesn't have time for a fucking mull.
It's not the mulling hour.
- Dan, Peter's asking for you. - Dag, can you handle, please?
Promoted to erection handler. Thank you!
The erection's gone down. I think it's something else.
Eric, sir, wind's dropping. It's fireball time.
Eric?
Hi.
Daniel?
I'm having second thoughts about the scene tonight.
Okay, mate. Is this about Christopher Nolan?
God, no.
I could give two shits what Christopher Nolan's thinking.
The whitening? I was doing it anyways.
Yeah, no. I mean, I knew that, totally.
No, but I was thinking, actually,
my fireball is quite small...
by comparison to...
To... Oppenheimer? To the atomic bomb?
Yeah, I mean, look, everything's going to look small
in comparison to nuclear Armageddon, mate.
Stand everybody down.
I need to work on Peter's monologue.
Okay, no. Eric? Sir,
we are all here tonight 'cause of you, yeah?
Okay, we've got an 80-ton crane,
biggest reservoir of gas in northern Europe.
The crew are cold.
They're tired. They are violently horny.
We have until the sun comes up to get this shot and get home.
Please can we shoot?
Do you know what, Daniel?
I've eaten a lot of shit for this movie.
A Subway foot-long, but of turds. Yeah.
And I've done it because I know that at the end of the turd rainbow,
there's a pot.
Not of more turds, but of gold.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
If Christopher Nolan comes tonight
and likes my scene, it is very likely
that he will ask me to shoot Blood and Iron,
his Bismarck biopic that he's executive producing.
So tell the crew that the genius is mulling.
Peter, I'm coming in.
Hope you haven't got another one.
Is Daniel not around?
It's actually something rather personal.
Please, I have brothers. I'm sure I've heard it all before.
I'm struggling to get my iPhone to connect with a Bluetooth vibrator.
No, that is a new one. Ring the bell.
It's not for me.
It's situated somewhere on my wife.
She's in Surrey.
Oh, God. I'm so tired.
I'm old, I'm tired.
And I just want to be canceled.
- Oh, yeah? - The dream.
Every day's a Saturday when you're canceled.
I've heard stories from some of the old gang.
You should see their gardens.
We can get you canceled, Peter.
You can't. That's the problem. The sleaze is priced in with me.
I'm unsinkable. Peter the Pool Noodle.
As for this damn thing...
Why is everything so bloody complicated?
Bluetooth? It was all manual back in my day.
Remote-operated over the Internet.
I mean, sex-wise, you can literally phone it in,
which is, you know, perfect for me, obviously.
Just trying to keep her interested, you know?
I'll fix it.
Let's get your lovely wife horny. Come on, Peter.
You're a delight!
So kind.
Oh, bless you. Bless you, bless you, bless you.
Eric's embarrassed. He thinks Nolan's gonna laugh at his fireball.
Oh, poor Mr. Hiccups and his flame of shame.
Dag, could you get off your phone for a second?
Honestly, your generation and phones!
Sorry, I'm just trying to connect to Peter's Bluetooth vibrator.
Okay, no, I didn't hear that.
Lot of unrest. Lighting guys raided the prop tent.
I just confiscated this. They engraved Eric's name on it.
Okay. Could we just maybe do like a crew lottery, yeah?
Distract them with money.
Just need to keep them busy until Eric emerges.
It's imperative they don't find out that he's mulling.
- Right, yeah. - Settle in.
That is one big mull. Could be a long night.
Oh, it's connected.
Just made someone very happy.
Why aren't we rolling? It's cold and we're tired.
What's going on, Daniel? Is he fucking mulling in there?
No, no. He's not mulling. Not Eric.
No. Wind. Windy. Just blame the wind.
But everyone put your fiver in, you might win some money!
- Okay, let's go, move. - Fuck you!
Fuck me dead.
- We hid Adam's guitar. - Dan!
But he has another guitar.
Dan, Dan! Can I borrow the god mic?
You know what, actually, it's broken, so we're just gonna...
Look, I don't know if you know this, but the crew's getting really upset.
And they've been, like,
demanding my blue-jean boogie-woogie. So...
- I know that, mate. Yeah. But-- - And I was gonna do, like,
all covers, you know, solid bangers,
but then I was like, obviously...
they want the original stuff.
- You know, all Flight Mode shit, you know. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
"Fire of Lies."
- I mean, "Leather and Lace." - Yeah, yeah.
- "Summer Polaroid." - Summer Polaroid
- Yeah! - Yeah, yeah, I love that one.
But, the thing is, Eric said no.
- What? - He said no. He didn't want it.
- Eric? - Yeah.
- Okay. - I'm sorry, man.
Yeah. Well, screw that guy. I mean, like, I'm just...
I'm starting to think he's a little bit bullshit.
- Yeah. - You know.
Furtive running? I'm sorry. That's weird.
Also, there is a crewmour going around that he...
he goes to bed with his shoes on.
- Like, dude, what the hell is that? - Yeah, all right.
Hey there. Night shoots, my favorite.
Breakfast at midnight, pork chops at sunrise.
Wasn't expecting you back.
Heard Mr. Nolan might be popping in.
- Bryclops! Coffee? - Sure. Bryclops.
Fucking Nolan.
I'll be honest with you, I don't go in for all this fruity arthouse shit.
"Ooh, but it's backwards."
Yeah, how about just making it forwards, huh?
But Shane likes this guy very much,
so I'm here to make sure we give the big man a show.
Think you can manage that for me, Dan?
Easy breezy, leave that with me-zy, as they say.
No one says that.
Where is Anita? Anita!
Jesus Night Christ.
Briane, vibe check, cunt. Where's Party Man?
Keep him on ice for me, yeah?
I'll smash that nerd like he's Easter egg chocolate. Briane!
Seriously, what am I thinking?
- He's married. I'm married. - Are you married?
To a rich, handsome man, hung like Christ on the cross.
I haven't been touched by a human in six weeks.
- Anita? - Do your jobs. Please. Thank you.
It's just stress. It's stress, love.
It always happens.
Oh, my God. I love him!
I'm crushing it out here, okay?
I'm crushing it. And I'm having an excellent birthday, too.
But thank you for your concern, Mom.
Also thank you for the V-Bucks.
- God. - Bryson.
Sorry.
I meant to ask. Eyepatch?
Yeah. I forgot to take out a contact lens for four nights
due to a work-life imbalance, and it fused to my eyeball.
But it actually kinda helps me to visualize the frame.
You know, looking through one eye. So I might keep it.
Is it your birthday, Bryson?
Please don't tell Pat. He'll be angry
that I didn't get me a birthday card and sign it from him.
It's cool. We're both missing stuff and will it be worth it?
This whole industry will be dead in two years
and we threw away our best years for what?
Fucking Tecto?
But no, happy birthday.
Anita, where have you been?
Pat dropped in, and Eric's still mulling.
Dan, be a grown up. Take charge.
Push the button, win a prize.
God, this is so easy. I'm such a great lover!
Is that the Bluetooth vibrator there, Peter?
Preset five. Good old preset five.
She's loving it, apparently.
Look, Peter, personally, I don't give a shit,
but we are going to have to send you for a module.
Oh, sure. Another HR module.
More learning opportunities than a prison library!
Okay, guys, it is time.
- Get your tickets ready. Thank you. - Oh, good.
A distraction for the crew.
And the winner is... yellow 3-1-9.
Yellow, 3-1-9?
Oh, yes!
- Yes! - No.
Yeah! Fuck yeah! I win!
I win!
I fucking always win these fucking things.
It's like four in a row. It's incredible.
Here, I want to say something.
Hi, guys. To our crew, listen...
I know it's been a-- It's been a long week, okay? Yeah?
But we have a very important guest coming to set, okay?
So don't get sleepy and fuck this up, all right?
Wake up!
And fuck Eric, right? Fuck Eric, man! He killed this party.
This is the day the music died.
You guys want to hear a protest song, right?
- Damn right. - Shit.
- Flight Mode has protest songs! - They're turning.
Would now be a good time to leave to go and fuck an acquaintance at a party?
He just killed the vibe.
- Fuck Eric! Fuck Eric! - Fuck Eric! Fuck Eric!
Eric, come in. It's getting mutinous out here.
Eric. I'm on the edge of catastrophe here, mate.
I could really do with those pages, yeah?
Eric. Please.
Let's just shoot this thing, yeah? Before it's too late.
Daniel, I have it.
My rewrites. New pages coming in.
Dan, wind's dropping. They're saying it's now or never on the fireball.
All right, it's not a drill.
- We move. - Let's go!
Dag needs this to happen really quite badly.
Dan, I'm watching from my trailer.
That's because I'm cold, not because I'm hiding from Chris Nolan.
Eric's new sides.
What? What is this? It's even longer.
Check my contract. I need 48 hours for new lines.
Eric. Yeah, we don't have time to do Peter's new monologue.
I must have it all.
New lines? Any for me?
Hey Dan, can you tell Eric to go fuck himself, please?
Four new pages at 3 a.m.? Fuck the Maestro.
Eric, Peter's not gonna do the new speech.
He must. But mumbled. It must be mumbled.
SFX is asking how much gas you want.
Dan, why does Eric hate Flight Mode, seriously?
Turn the gas all the way down to four.
Four? Did you just say four?
It needs to burn for the duration of the new monologue.
Can you just tell me how much gas?
Eric said crank it up to ten. And... I just lost comms.
What about the new monologue?
Eric said the new monologue's bullshit.
He just wrote a new line.
"It's a hot day in hell and I'm the devil."
Dan, what are you doing?
Crank the valve up to 11. Overclock it.
That will absolutely melt the gas ball.
I'm just the messenger, yeah? Take it up with the boss.
Dan, the wind's picking up.
Positions! Positions!
End board! End board!
You ready for this, Dan?
Tonight's a fireball, and it'll kill us all.
- Standby on the set! - And...
Sound speed!
...action!
Eye! I beg you. Don’t!
It's a hot day in hell, and I am the devil.
Wind's picking up, Dan. Now or never.
And... action fireball.
Eye!
Please don't do this!
Eye! No!
And we cut there.
- Cut! - Cut there!
Gas ball melted. We can't go again.
- Oh, my God. - Did we get it?
- End board! End board! - Good job. Hey, good job.
Yeah, we got it.
Hey. First bit of sun I've seen in this godawful country.
Pass on my thanks to your director.
Guy's a genius.
Yeah. Yeah, he is.
True visionary.
Fuck me, that was hot.
I thought it would be bigger.
Hey!
- That was amazing! - God, I thought I was toast there!
That was amazing. You were amazing!
Okay, I'm gonna go home. I'll go home and kill myself.
So, okay. Bye!
- Okay. - Yeah, bye.
So. You got a line in the movie. Beat me to it.
No idea what you're talking about.
It was all Eric.
You going to the party?
Party man left with someone else.
It was Briane. Briane fucked the party man.
- Classic Briane. - Yeah.
Well, career-wise, just pay your dues. You'll get there. I mean, you're young.
- You've got time on your side. - I'm 35.
I'm a 35-year-old woman.
I just have good skin and a lot of debt, so people think I'm younger.
Right.
Well, in that case, good luck.
Daniel. Why didn't we shoot my new speech?
Yeah, look, Peter refused.
So he improvised something, but luckily it worked.
Now, where's my Nolan, huh?
Saw him craning his neck, fucking meerkat!
- Oh, my God. - Yeah.
Christopher Nolan.
- So anyway... - What the fuck is she playing at?
I've got an idea I'd love to talk to you about.
She's not authorized for Nolan.
Two words, space dinosaurs.
I think she's making up for lost time.
But we play it for real.
None of the dinosaurs even know they're in space.
If Shane asks, I approached Mr. Nolan
and he politely declined my advances.
Director with a brain? Come on, last thing I fucking need.
I got headaches in three time zones and I can't sleep.
- But that's showbiz, am I right? - You pretty much always are.
Next stop, Armenia. Location shoot, huh?
Sparks will fly.
Nope, still not right.
That's Tom fucking Cruise.
Oi, birthday boy.
Excuse me, guys.
We're getting waffles!
Happy birthday.
- Hey. - Hi.
- Happy birthday. - Oh, my God. Thank you.
- Cool eye patch. - Thank you very much.
I had one of those for a whole movie.
So this one's called "Leather and Lace."
Oi, fuck off!
Fuck. I fucked it.
Sorry. Hold on! I'll start again. It's okay, guys.
Don't worry. Keep the vibe going.
- It's okay. Here we go, "Leather & Lace." - Fuck you.
Sparks will fly.
You know what? Heidi. Heidi.
Go get a cup of coffee. I'm gonna bust a few out on my own here.
Just let the camera roll and I'll take it from there.
Sparks will fly!
Sparks will f--
Sparks will fly.
They're just words. I'm going crazy.
Do that. Do that rhythm. I'm going-- They're just words.
Good. I'm going crazy.
I'll die young. I'm so tired.
I can't sleep. I need help.
Sparks will help. Sparks will fly!
Sparks will fly! Again.
Sparks will fly! I got it.
Sparks will fly! Now take it down.
Sparks will fly. Got it!
- Heidi! - We good?
Yeah.
I got it. Yeah.
Just might have to cut out some of the stuff in the middle.