shh.
Rachel, rachel.
It's okay.
It's okay...
It's just me.
Shh. Be still.
Shh. Rachel, rachel, rachel.
Shh.
♪ schlaf, kindlein, schlaf ♪
♪ der vater hüt die shaf ♪
♪ die mutter schüttelts bäumelein ♪
♪ da fällt herab ein träumelein ♪
-Ow! -Shh, shh, shh.
♪ schlaf, kindlein, schlaf... ♪
shh. Rachel.
Rachel, rachel, rachel...
rachel albrecht,
Do you believe
In the one true, eternal, almighty god?
Yes.
Do you believe
That jesus christ is the only savior of mankind?
Yes.
Do you promise
To commit yourself to christ, his word, and his church,
And to abide in the same for the rest of your life?
Yes.
Rachel, upon confession of your faith
And commitment to god
In front of these witnesses,
We baptize you
In the name of the father...
...And in the name of the son...
...And in the name of the holy spirit.
May this baptism wash you clean.
♪ wondrous love ♪
♪ vast as the ocean ♪
♪ loving-kindness as the flood ♪
♪ when the prince of life our ransom ♪
♪ shed for us his precious blood ♪
♪ who his love will not remember ♪
♪ who can cease to sing his praise ♪
♪ he can never be forgotten... ♪
god bless you.
her name's grace.
She's an amazing photographer.
yeah, well, anyone who can make you look good.
You know, she was there
Just taking photos of amish people,
But there are some mennonites who lied to get their photo.
Put it away. It's wrong. It's worldly.
I made a promise to god just 20 minutes ago--
I know.
I'm sorry.
I know how important today was.
Yeah.
only the most important day of your entire life.
So... Do you feel different?
I do.
I feel...
Responsible.
I don't know if I'm ready.
It's like going through a door
That you can never go back through.
I can see my whole life now.
Family, church, god...
You can get married now.
You know what, maybe I should get baptized.
what?
You're not done running around yet.
You love rumspringa too much.
I do, okay?
No, you're not ready.
You love worldly things too much.
-And you love yourself too much. -Junky car.
If you got baptized,
You'd do something or say something the first week
And you'd be shunned,
And then it would be goodbye, nate.
Straight to hell.
Maybe you're right.
You're idling.
No, it's...
-It's just that-- -what?
There's something. Look.
It's perfect.
Those beans are getting cold.
Yes, mem.
dat!
Dat!
what is it, bb?
What happened?
A splinter.
Well, let's see what we can do.
Whoa. Easy now, bb.
I would never hurt you.
Never.
You know, I once heard a story
About a little boy
Who had a splinter in his finger,
Just like you,
And he did not take it out.
And it became an apple tree!
And when he would clap his hands,
Apples would fall down everywhere!
There! It's out!
I'll plant it and we'll have apple pie!
Now, go on.
The unbroken thread, my daughter.
You are now a part of it.
We have an obligation
To those who came before and to those who come after.
"I know that the lord will maintain
The cause of the afflicted."
"and will execute justice for the needy."
Baptism is not the end of something.
It is the beginning.
A marriage, a home, a family.
A man to serve.
Yes, I know.
God has a plan for you.
You don't want to let him down.
Yes, mem.
Mem?
Do you remember when I had scarlet fever?
Mm-hmm.
I liked that fever.
I liked the way
Everything swam around and changed color.
I wasn't scared.
I tried to tell you. Do you remember?
I still look for
That fever beauty in this world.
And sometimes, just--
Sometimes, I see it and it makes me cry.
Genesis, exodus, leviticus, numbers...
hello.
Does anyone live here?
Iddo! Uncle iddo's here!
I'm looking for lucas!
ha-hah! There he is!
Where's your brother? Come, come, come!
Oh, you're so strong now.
rachel! Rachel!
look what I brought.
Don't show your dad.
uncle iddo is here!
and now I'm behind this truck--
And the driver's giving me the wave.
He wants me to pass him!
And I'm shouting, "hello! I'm driving a horse!"
A tired horse!
Rachel.
Rachel, say hello to your uncle iddo.
Hello.
He brought you a present.
do you want to give it for me?
Come on, open it!
forgive me for missing your baptism, rachel.
I had an emergency at the shop and I just couldn't get away.
I'll always regret
Not seeing you enter the kingdom of heaven.
Seeing you reach your hand from one world into the next.
That flower will wither in a few days,
But your soul will shine forever in the eyes of heaven.
You made god happy today.
Amen.
are you spending the night?
no. I wanted to stop by.
Such an important day.
But I have to be at the shop in the morning.
Come on, uncle iddo! Please stay!
another time!
Please! Please!
I promise!
-Bye! -Goodbye!
Bye, uncle iddo!
Come back soon!
Bye, uncle iddo!
be good to your mem.
And don't forget to say your prayers.
I'll be checking next week.
I'll see you then.
we'll miss you.
okay, goodbye.
bye, uncle iddo!
Bishop.
Neighbors.
I...
I need to confess a sin.
I had...
I was inappropriate...
With my daughter's friend, anna lapp.
Several times.
In our house.
I was weak...
...And I fell.
I recognize the error of my ways
And...
I accept your judgement.
This transgression cannot go unpunished.
As always,
We look to the words of jesus christ for guidance.
We also look into our own hearts
And ask ourselves,
"who are we?
What do we stand for?
What is it that sets us apart?"
As the lord has forgiven you,
So you must also forgive.
Anna, can you find it in your heart
To forgive this man?
I forgive you.
if this young woman
Can find forgiveness in her heart,
Then we have no choice
But to follow her toward the grace of god.
Malachi stoltzfus,
You will be put on proving for six weeks.
If we are satisfied
As to the earnestness of your penance,
You will be forgiven.
You may sit.
I think malachi did well.
Poor girl.
But she probably tempted him.
Daughters of eve.
Have fun in hell!
It's okay. I know it's...
Isn't iddo a bit old for her?
Leah was the youngest.
Only 25 when she was in the accident.
And iddo's what... Only 35?
Of course, we would not mention it to her
Without your approval.
He's a good man, though. You're right about that.
He's already part of the family.
He's good to everyone. Such a big heart.
He's doing very well in his furniture business.
And iddo is healthy.
They could have a big family.
Eight, ten...
He's a sober and responsible man.
And there's something else.
The way he looks at her.
He likes her.
Sara, don't presume.
You do not know what is in someone else's heart.
I know him.
We can't force this. We can only suggest it.
Of course,
But rachel is a practical girl and she respects your opinion.
It is her choice.
Of course.
We know that.
Thank you, bishop.
God, I need you right now.
You need to help me.
I can't do this.
mem!
Mem, are you-- are you okay?
Yes, I'm fine.
-Do you need water or something? -Yes, some water.
Okay.
I'm-I'm just tired.
Mem, I don't think you look like you're doing okay.
I'm fine, liebchen.
Okay.
Here.
Now you're taking care of me. It's funny.
I'm feeling better.
My mother used to get these.
She would have to sit down
And everybody would take care of her.
She used to call them her little vacations.
Mem...
I need to talk to you about something.
What is it?
It's about iddo.
Oh, I forgot to tell you. He's... He's here.
What?
He came over. He's spending the night.
Where is he?
Do you know he fixed that chair in the living room.
-One, two, three. -Where is he now?
He's upstairs putting bevin to sleep.
♪ die mutter schüttelts bäumelein ♪
♪ da fällt herab ein träumelein ♪
♪ schlaf, kindlein, schlaf ♪
♪ der vater hüt die shaf ♪
Shh.
We've hardly had a chance to talk since your baptism.
I've always had a special place in my heart for you.
You know you can always count on me.
Right, rachel?
Yes.
Everyone's watching.
You can't make a mistake.
You don't want them to know who you really are.
The way you've tempted me.
Can you imagine what they'd say if they saw us?
You want me to keep your secrets.
Let me take care of you...
The way I've always done.
I know the wicked thoughts of your black little heart.
I see you the way no one else does.
You're broken, rachel.
A filthy, broken, ugly child.
iddo! Chocolate's ready!
The kind you love!
I can save you.
have you been drinking the tea?
Morning and evening.
There are tests, sara.
We can take you into town.
Levi wouldn't like that.
I really am doing much better.
This is the fifth child you've lost?
Forgive me, sara, if I've embarrassed you.
Why can't I have any more children, eli?
Hello, eli.
Levi.
We have two boys here who think teasing animals is funny.
So...
bevin,
Did uncle iddo put you to bed the other night?
yes.
what did he do?
what do you mean?
I don't know. Was he nice?
iddo's always nice.
I mean, did he, like, I don't know.
What did he do?
He told me a story and sang me a song.
What was the story?
It was about this bad little girl
Who didn't obey and got punished forever.
♪ by his passion we can plead ♪
♪ god has born all mortal anguish ♪
♪ surely he will know our need. ♪
♪ amen ♪
I think I'm failing.
I have thoughts.
All women do.
I'm not in god's grace.
You will find your way back.
I tempted iddo.
I don't know what do to, mem. I'm so wicked.
Marry him.
Mem?
And then he will be your husband
And it will be all right in god's eyes.
Not that. I couldn't.
Rachel,
A woman makes choices
And they are always hard.
We want things we can't have.
We make plans that will never happen.
We accept and we submit
And we build our ladder to heaven.
We do things behind closed doors
That...
Trim your wick, daughter.
Cut away what is charred and defiled
So that your flame can be clean and clear and steady.
They are done.
It's late.
What are you doing out here?
I love the lilacs.
Your mother planted those.
One for each of the children.
They bloom for a few days and then they're gone.
Did you leave that lantern in the barn?
no.
Well, burn the place down that way.
I'll get it, dat.
You're a good girl, rachel.
I didn't mean to scare you.
Please stay.
Will you help me collect some eggs?
That's all I want.
I promise.
That's it.
A few more, please.
Bring them to me.
Rachel...
...This one's cracked.
I want you to ask me for it.
Rachel.
Rachel?
What happened?
It was iddo!
Iddo? Where is he?
He... He...
What? What did he do?
I feel so dirty.
He ripped my dress open,
But I think I can sew it.
Dat...
He did that to me.
He did that to me, dat.
Did you tempt him?
What?
You tempted him.
What...
What?
Your mother told me.
No...
You must understand that I do not do this in anger.
Dat...
I am in control of my emotions and my thoughts.
"he that spareth his rod hateth his son..."
Dat...
"...But he who loveth him chasteneth him promptly."
Come to me, child.
What did you say to him?
What did you show him?
What did you do?
run away?
Where would you go?
I don't know.
Somewhere.
You need money.
How would you support yourself?
I can sell things.
Someone will give me a job.
I can count change. I can do that.
okay. What about rent, or groceries?
Or getting around?
Everything costs money out there.
You have no idea.
There's money in the house.
The fruit money.
You're going to steal ?
I don't know.
I have to get out. I have to think.
What if you got sick?
Or something happened to you?
I'm not going to get sick.
you'll be shunned.
Hey, do you want to give up your family?
I don't know what else to do.
People here help each other.
Out there,
There's not going to be anyone to protect you.
There's no one to protect me here.
Was it really so bad?
Please help me.
Okay.
I have a friend who might let you stay at her place.
Grace, the photographer.
I'll call her and set it up.
When do you want to go?
Now. Tonight.
Mem?
Oh, rachel, I need you to run to the store for me.
I need flour, sugar, cinnamon, and some coffee.
The donnermeyers are coming over
And I'm going to make my sour cream cake.
We're not running a tab there anymore.
Your father doesn't like debt.
Yes, mem.
Rachel...
You've--
You've just not been yourself lately.
I know that.
You're going to be spending more time at church now.
I think it's time we make you a new dress.
People notice.
Yes, mem.
oh! Rachel albrecht, what's your secret?
I'm sorry, what?
I heard you got top marks in your bible class.
Oh. Yes. Thank you.
I expect you'll be joining the wanderers now.
Yes. I'd like to.
You know we've been needing another soprano.
Tuesday night.
You know where.
All right.
Thank you.
Rachel?
Yes?
It's good to have you among us.
What are you doing?
What's this?
I was wondering
What it would be like if I had a watch,
To tell what time it is.
I forgot to wash it off.
You have to be careful.
Mem and dat wouldn't like this.
It's jewelry. It's vain.
I know. I forgot.
You can't forget anymore.
You're a big girl now.
Okay.
You can't let anyone be mean to you
Or treat you bad ever again.
Okay?
Who's going to treat me bad?
People.
Why?
I love you, little bb.
You're squeezing me.
Sorry.
Rachel?
What time is it?
It's late.
Isabel.
What are you doing here?
I'm sorry.
Child...
Let us help you, child.
we're taking you to a place
Where they help girls who've lost their way.
Everything can be forgiven in time.
Rachel.
Welcome to bright haven.
We are so happy that you've come to join us.
Would you please remove your shoes?
Life skills from 5:00 a.M. Until to 7:00.
We take you through harvest all the way to canning.
And then bible study from 7:30 until noon.
Then lunch.
And then bible study from 1:00 p.M. Until 5:00.
Yeah.
And then from 5:00 until 5:30, free time.
We like to think of this as our--
As our house of love.
We want to help you prepare
For your roles
As wives and mothers in the world
And instill values
That will admit you into the kingdom of heaven.
Our goal is to fill your heart with light
And the joy that can be found in the divine love of god.
Only girls accompanied by staff can leave the building.
Rooms are locked at 7:00 p.M.
"wives, be subject to your husbands,
As to the lord,
Without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
That you might be holy and without blemish.
For the husband is head of the wife
As christ is head of the church."
Now, this is our struggle.
The individual.
The unsatisfied mind.
God has given us rules.
All that we need to do is follow them without question.
God is judging our every move, our every thought.
I know that each one of you has sinned,
Even in your tiniest, most private moment.
Perhaps spending a little too much time
In front of the mirror,
For a split second thinking that you might be pretty.
You are not pretty.
You are vain and weak.
You are wicked and dirty.
You disappoint god a million times every day
With your carnal thoughts and your dark desires.
You have forgotten that god loves you.
Seven o'clock!
Be at peace!
She's not that bad, you know.
She's helped a lot of girls.
She understands what it's like.
I think she had some trouble in her past.
I heard she was married.
I heard he died.
No, no, she ran away,
Then came back, and then he died.
I ran away.
Or I tried to.
We all did.
That's why we're here.
Not me.
I stayed.
I tempted my cousin
And then I tried to blame it on him.
What did he do?
It's what I did.
I told everyone about us.
I guess I...
Thought I deserved to be heard.
Anyway, what good is running away?
Where would we go? Who would want us?
they don't open.
I just wanted to get some air.
It's so we're not tempted.
It only gets really bad in here in August.
How long have you been here?
This is my third time.
he would say, "you're not trying hard enough,"
And...
"your brain looks like a messy closet,"
And that I should clean it up.
If he ever spoke to me.
Thank you, ruth.
Rachel, what would god say to you?
He would say...
"why, rachel?"
"why can't you just be good?"
He would say...
"why do I waste my time with you?"
"all you do is make the wrong choices."
"now you get what you deserve...
...Nothing."
♪ all things wise and wonderful ♪
♪ the lord god made them all ♪
♪ each little flower that opens... ♪
Rachel.
We've come to visit you.
If you do not want to speak to me,
At least speak to your mother.
♪ all things bright and beautiful ♪
♪ all creatures great and small ♪
♪ all things wise and wonderful ♪
♪ the lord god made them all ♪
He hasn't eaten in three weeks.
He's living in shame over what you did.
Just look at him.
I'm sorry.
Do you know we might be asked to leave the church?
Do you know what hell is?
It's pain and regret for eternity.
You have brought us all to the brink, rachel.
Accept your life. I accepted mine.
Find your way, rachel.
They will help you here,
And then when you come home,
Everything can go back to the way it was.
But, mem, iddo...
careful with the roots there.
You want to make sure
That you've got the whole package
Before you put it into the earth.
The roots are so strong and yet they are so fragile.
Those rows are not straight.
Carl, listen to me.
You're not going to hang any of my photos
Unless I am standing in that gallery,
Pointing to where I want them to be hung.
Well, don't give me "that's how they do it."
That's not how I do it-- you know that.
but you remember what--
You remember what happened at drexel, right?
Yeah, exactly.
It was not fine.
It wasn't fine at all.
You even said that.
The eyeline was wrong, the storytelling was wr--
Wrong.
Oh!
No, I'm still here.
No, my boyfriend just--
You know what, never mind.
Don't do anything without me...
There.
Can you-- carl, hold on a second.
Don't hang up.
Is that...
Hey! Hey!
Are you nate's friend?
Hey, are you...
Are you rachel?
-Yeah? -Yes.
Hey, you made it.
Give me one second.
Not the best of neighborhoods.
I was kind of expecting you, like, three weeks ago.
I gave up on you.
I'm sorry.
Is it okay that I'm here?
Yeah, of course.
Welcome to the grace place!
Oh.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I...
You know what--
-No, really-- -no, listen, it's me.
I can be very overbearing sometimes.
How about we start all over, okay?
Okay.
My name is grace,
And, uh...
...Welcome to my home.
Come in.
Okay.
Come in.
Carl, are you still there?
Great.
Tell them to wait for me until I get there, okay?
Okay, great.
Well, then I will see you tomorrow.
Yeah. Okay, great. Yeah. Bye.
Alexa, play something cool.
Yeah.
Everything here makes so much noise.
I'm not used to it.
Well, gosh, toto, we're not in kansas anymore.
No, I'm from here, in pennsylvania.
Yeah--
It's--
Never mind.
This is so kind.
I'm sorry-- I didn't know where to go,
Or what was next, or--
If I should even come here, and--
Don't worry about it.
You can stay here until you get yourself set up, okay?
I've got an extra bedroom--
More of a storage closet.
I'm afraid we're going to have to share a bathroom
Because my landlord refuses to fix the other one.
I can grab you a tap card...
Maybe some new clothes,
And...
Oh, my god, do you have no shoes?
No. I had to leave them.
Do you have anything?
Okay, yeah. You know what, don't worry about it.
I got stuff you can borrow.
Um...
And...
I can help you get a job.
I've got some friends
That can give you some gig work.
Do you have a social security card?
No.
I.D.? Like a passport? State I.D.?
Oh, hey, hey.
Listen. We don't have to do anything today, okay?
Why don't you take a seat?
Drink coffee,
Talk...
...Or not.
Listen, man, just do whatever feels comfortable, okay?
-Okay. -Okay.
-Oh, my. -What?
This is the best thing
That I've ever tasted in my whole life.
Hey, hey.
you scared the shit out of me!
babe, what's going--
Oh, shoot, get back in here! Put your pants on.
Rachel, are you okay?
Yes.
that was just my boyfriend, cleve.
Babe, say hi.
hi, rachel.
Hi, cleve.
nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
I'm coming out of the bedroom.
I'm walking down the hall.
I'm fully dressed.
I'm here.
Hi.
Let's...
Let's make this our first official meeting.
I'm cleve.
I'm rachel.
So we're good?
Yes, cleve, we're good.
All right.
Can I make you something to eat?
I can do it, it's--
No, no.
You sit. I got this.
Are you sure? I--
I live for this.
When you taste this,
You are going to have a mouth orgasm.
a mouth orgasm?
And under any circumstances,
Do not let grace cook for you.
Anything she makes tastes like dryer lint.
Dryer lint?
You're kind of fresh off the truck, aren't you?
Kind of.
So you cook?
Yeah.
I do everything around here.
I'm the neat one.
Grace...
Grace is a slob.
Look at this place.
I mean, no organizational skills.
Never rinses a dish,
Just leaves it out in the open
Like I'm expected to clean up after her.
I hate that.
Yeah. The food gets stuck on and it gets all crusty.
And then you have to work twice as hard.
I think we're gonna get along great.
I mean...
You already know more about me than most people.
Alexa, play something to wake me up.
Well, good morning, sunshine.
Careful.
So, I think these will fit.
What do you think?
No. I couldn't.
Oh, I know it's not exactly the height of fashion.
I just keep them around for the models.
You don't understand. I can't take off my--
Don't worry. I can just go into the other room.
No, it's not that.
My dress, my kapp ,
It's a conversation between me and god.
Oh, I didn't realize.
It wouldn't matter anyway, though.
Why?
I'd still be ugly.
Wow.
They really did a number on you, didn't they?
Look, um...
Nate...
Didn't tell me why you were coming to stay with me.
As a survivor,
I can only assume that someone was hurting you.
Someone you knew.
Someone you trusted.
Did someone hurt you, rachel?
You don't understand.
No, I do.
I really, really do.
Do you know that I hate cinnamon?
I can't stand the smell of it.
Mem was baking in the kitchen
And the house smelled of cinnamon.
I sat at the table coloring with the other kids.
Uncle iddo sat next to me.
It was daytime.
There were people around, but he didn't care.
He reached under the table.
It hurt,
But I couldn't let anyone know what was happening.
I was so afraid.
Afraid it was my fault.
How old were you?
Eight.
That was the first time.
You are out of there now and you are never going back.
You have a new life here.
I'm going to make it happen for you, I promise.
Do you think so?
I know so.
I don't think that can work.
Why not?
I want to go home.
Why?
Because it's home.
after six years,
Will this top predator recognize his friend?
Come here, you sexy amish boy!
Uh...
This one's homesick.
...An alpha male breaks through the others.
He hesitates, then...
-Hey. -Wait.
Watch how he lets the lion jump on him.
The lion loves him. They're friends.
...Six years melt away,
And once again, this 600-pound--
I talked to your parents today.
How are they?
Yeah.
They talked to me
About how shunning is the final act of love,
And...
They want me to bring you back so they can show you it.
How are bevin and the twins?
Bevin thinks you're working.
How do I live?
Nobody knows me, and I...
I don't have a family anymore.
I'm like those people on the screen--
Moving and talking, but trapped behind glass.
But you're not alone.
You don't know.
I mean, you can go back.
You still have a choice.
I'm living with strangers.
I don't understand half the things they say.
-Rachel-- -no, nate, you have to go.
This is too hard. I can't do this.
Okay.
Will you at least walk me out?
I'm sorry.
Thank you for coming today.
It's okay.
I wanted to come.
God's gonna look after you no matter what you do, rachel.
I believe that.
I want to believe that.
You know, I don't think
I've ever had the chance to say this,
But...
I admire you, rachel.
I really do.
Have you ever been to the ocean before?
No.
Why?
My mother talked about it sometimes,
But I don't think she's actually been.
It seems like a place where you can really breathe.
Where you can feel right.
Hmm.
You know, I've been thinking about it,
I don't think I'm going to get baptized after all.
Really?
Yeah.
Keep my options open.
Good night, rachel.
Good night, nate.
I'm coming out of the bedroom.
Going to the bathroom.
almost done.
Grace, I...
I can't keep living off of your generosity.
Eating your food and everything.
so you'll work for me.
What do you want me to do?
well, actually,
I'm starting a big project tomorrow.
You'll help.
I'll show you what to do. It'll be really interesting.
Okay.
Thank you.
mm-hmm.
Name and address. Contact information here.
Don't forget to sign the release form.
There's instructions
On how to sign up for the download account.
That's how you'll get your pictures.
hey, everyone.
I just wanted to say
Thank you so much for participating
And for your trust.
So, this is what it's about.
As you know,
I've been photographing people the world sees as a group,
And I want to humanize the individual.
You know, whether you're trans, or black,
Or amish,
Or an immigrant,
I want to know who you are.
You know, I learned a long time ago
That portrait is a dialogue,
So tell me,
How do you want the world to see you?
Gorgeous.
Yeah, stay there, stay there, stay there.
I need to get real close. I need to get real close.
And how do you think the world actually sees you?
We're not getting any younger.
you know this isn't easy for me.
yeah, well, sometimes,
You just gotta rip the band-aid off.
I don't know what that means.
I'm coming out of the bedroom.
I'm walking down the hallway.
I'm coming into the living-room.
I...
I've never had trousers on before.
Is this a mistake?
It feels like it.
Do I look stupid?
One thing...
I'll do it.
You...
Are so beautiful.
I could cry.
What do I think about?
think about who you are.
My mother once said you're not yourself.
And she was right.
I don't know
What it would feel like to be myself.
Or who that would even be.
someone strong.
Brave.
chin up.
it's nate.
Don't let him in!
hey, come in. How's it going, nate?
uh...
Is everything okay?
Rachel? Is that you?
M'lady.
But don't come opening night.
Come on, like, the second week when we work out all the kinks.
I get one free comp,
So you guys are gonna have to fight it out
Or come on different days,
You know?
ahem.
Ah. Um, so,
Good night.
Hello.
I learned a new tune today.
did you?
staying in the bedroom!
What?
Nothing.
Um...
I got a job today.
-You did? -Mm-hmm.
I park cars.
Okay.
Yeah.
It's good.
People just--
They tip me.
I've wanted to do that for a while.
Me too.
I think--
I think we should--
It's okay, it's okay.
It's okay.
Nate, no.
Hey...
Hey.
I love you, rachel.
-I love you. -Please.
Please.
Stop.
It's okay, it's okay.
Nate! I said, no!
No, nate.
I said, no.
hey.
Is everything all right?
Yeah, yeah, we were just--
I was asking rachel.
Good night, nate.
I'm sorry.
I mean, they're the most honest subjects our there.
They don't actually pose, they just--
-They just exist, right? -Yeah.
Hey, rachel.
Looks like one of your peeps.
he looks lost.
Might need your help.
-Hey... -You okay?
Do you--do you know him?
Okay.
I'll be right back.
is that him?
Okay.
What did he say?
Rachel, your mom's in the hospital.
She's very sick.
She's asking for you.
dr. Thompson to radiology.
Dr. Thompson to radiology.
excuse me, nurse?
Which room is she in?
Dat, which room?
I know you don't want to talk to me.
I don't blame you.
I know when I left, it caused you a lot of pain.
That probably made you sicker.
Remember when I told you about that fever beauty?
How you can see things in a way
That are so...
Clear and shocking
And...
Right?
That's you, mem.
That's the part of you that is in me.
I know you're supposed to shun me right now...
And I know it's out of love.
But I'm going to stay here
And I'm going to take care of you
Until you're better.
I will make it up to you, I promise.
Rachel...
What is it, mem?
I see you.
I'm sorry. I can change--
I see...
...Who you are.
Strong...
...And true.
You are the best of us.
You are the one who can fly.
It was never your fault.
Never.
None of it.
Rachel...
...The sea...
Knows.
♪ this world is not my home ♪
♪ I'm just a-passing through ♪
♪ my treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue ♪
♪ the angels beckon me from heaven's open door ♪
♪ and I can't feel at home in this world anymore ♪
♪ o lord, you know I have no friend like you ♪
♪ if heaven's not my home then, lord, what will I do? ♪
♪ the angels beckon me from heaven's open door ♪
♪ and I can't feel at home in this world anymore ♪
♪ they're all expecting me ♪
♪ and that's one thing I know ♪
♪ my savior pardoned me and now I onward go ♪
♪ I know he'll take me through though I am weak and poor ♪
♪ and I can't feel at home in this world anymore ♪
I weep for you, rachel.
Thank you.
It is you who have died.
You we have buried today.
I'll pray for you, rachel.
Pray that you find your way back to god.
Pray that it's not too late.
thank you, ladies. That was wonderful.
I'll put the lamb up.
They can have that for supper tonight.
Rachel, where did your mother keep--
Oh. I'll find it.
I think we brought too much bread.
I'll take some loaves home and bring fresh on Wednesday.
sara's canning was always so organized.
She was a wonderful mother to her children.
I will miss her.
I remember when my mother died.
There was so much I wish I had done for her.
It took me many years to forgive myself
And realize...
I had done my best.
Mothers and daughters--
It's always bumpy
And the conversation is always left unfinished.
I think about friends
Who will reach out their hands and their hearts to me,
No matter what I've done.
Always there with guidance when we need them.
In these difficult times.
Amen.
Children, go upstairs.
Yes, dat.
Rachel, sit down.
Here with me.
Much has changed since we last spoke.
Many things have...
Happened.
We have...
We have both made choices that we will have to live with.
I spoke with the bishop.
You may be forgiven.
You must earn your way back into the church.
It will be hard work, but it can be done...
...And we can live together again in the sight of god.
You will find a nice young man in church...
...Someone to care for,
And it needn't be iddo.
Bevin and the boys need their sister.
This house needs to be cared for.
Stay with us, rachel.
Here...
You are loved.
Dat says I'm not supposed to talk to you.
I know.
But I guess I'm already talking.
I guess so.
What are you doing?
I'm looking through mem's hope chest.
It was a gift for her 16th birthday,
And she put things in it
For the day she'd be married.
Things she'd need.
so it's full of her hope?
Yes.
Full of her hope.
Bevin, do you know why I left?
Because I did something wrong.
What?
No. Why would you think that?
I don't know.
Oh, bevin!
You did nothing wrong.
You are perfect.
Then why did you go?
Hope, I guess.
look, it's mem!
She looks so beautiful.
Did she make this?
all the things she dreamed about.
All the things she could have been.
"the sea knows"
The sea knows.
"in the countless blue drops
Of her restless heart
In the splash and the salt
She knows the possibilities of each and every drop
Who they are
And how they magnify each other
How they keep their secrets..."
"the sea knows everything
Except herself."
Mem was a poet and an artist
All these years ago.
But why did she stop?
♪ through the floodgates of god's mercy ♪
♪ flowed a vast and gracious tide ♪
♪ grace and love like mighty rivers ♪
♪ poured incessant from above ♪
♪ heaven's peace and perfect justice ♪
♪ kissed a guilty world in love ♪
Bishop.
I know I have no voice in here, but I have a confession.
I need a place to talk to god
And a place to maybe find some hope.
I've been told there's a chance for me to come back,
And...
...Maybe you'll find it in your heart
To allow me to speak.
Please. Come in, rachel.
I have been weak...
And selfish.
I have made a lot of mistakes.
I need your help to get right with god.
I believe what I've learned in this church.
"I know that the lord
Will maintain the cause of the afflicted
And will execute justice for the needy."
I've learned that in here and at home.
It's a good lesson.
That's why I love this church.
I'm confessing a sin.
I ran away in secret,
And it was cowardly,
And...
It's a sin that goes against everything that I was taught.
So I will tell you now
That I am...
I'm leaving the church
And my family and my home.
And it will break my heart
And it will be lonely and difficult,
But I will do it with my head held high.
It is the only way
I can take responsibility for what I believe.
Rachel! Be still!
I will not be still!
I came to you for protection
And you beat me.
You have nothing to say to me.
I will miss you every day of my life,
But I do not trust you.
You destroyed that trust.
I have learned something else.
Something my mother has taught me.
I think I'm starting to understand who I am.
There's this other rachel who needs my protection.
Who needs a safe place to grow.
No matter how hard that is...
I have to give her a chance.
And one other thing.
I'm not gone for good.
I will be visiting.
And if I hear that anyone touched my little sister...
Or was...
"inappropriate" with any other woman...
...I will have the police here so fast,
You won't know what hit you.
Rachel!
how long
Do you think you're going to stay at grace's?
She'll let me stay until I find a job.
Maybe we could park cars together?
I don't think so.
Why not?
I got fired.
You'll find another job.
Look, rachel,
I'm just going to move back in with my parents.
Things aren't working out for me out there,
So I'm just gonna start my baptism classes.
-Are you sure? -Yeah.
Where are we going?
There's something I want you to do.
I think you...
I think...
You know what,
There's something you need to do.
For you.
Um...
I don't think I'm going to see you after today.
I understand.
Give her a minute.
Show them who you are.
dear bevin,
What do you think of the drawings I sent you?
I think I'm getting better every day,
But...
I have a long way to go.
Got you!
okay, ready?
You're it!
it's time.
okay.
I'm not gone for good, you know?
I'm going to visit.
I know.
But, bevin, I want you to know that--
I know all this stuff.
Don't worry.
Here.
It's you.
I'm finding that mem was right.
The sea knows.
It knows how to be calm and sure.
It knows when to be fierce.
It knows where it belongs.
I think maybe I can learn from it.
I'm trying anyway.
Mem would like that.
I'm so excited
That you're coming to visit me next week.
I'll show you where I live.
I'll take you to the beach,
And we'll walk, and we'll swim...
...And we'll see what happens next.
All my love, me.