1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,920 [horn sounds] 2 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,160 [♪ "Dog Eat Dog" playing] 3 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:07,720 - [people clamouring] - [horse blusters] 4 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:16,360 [growling] 5 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:39,840 [music continues] 6 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:48,360 And on the day fourth-form pupils begin studying for their new "GCSE" exams, 7 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,720 we put a group of Cotchester shopkeepers through their paces 8 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:55,840 to see how much they can remember from their O-level maths. 9 00:00:56,840 --> 00:01:01,120 Meanwhile, here at Corinium, we are buzzing with excitement 10 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,880 for our new live show, Declan. 11 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:09,040 Declan's first guest will be Hollywood hellraiser, Johnny Friedlander. 12 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:12,800 One of the cinema's brightest stars, in his first interview 13 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:17,440 since being the unfortunate victim of a sex-tape scandal two years ago. 14 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:23,160 The reclusive star is on his way to Corinium Studios as we speak. 15 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:27,360 Can Declan O'Hara coax him out of his shell? 16 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:30,120 And what about those James Bond rumours? 17 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,480 - That's Declan… - [inhales, exhales] 18 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,600 …live tonight at eight o'clock 19 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:40,280 with his very first interview here at Corinium right after Coronation Street. 20 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:43,600 I'll definitely be tuning in. 21 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,040 [panting, barking] 22 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,520 [horn sounds] 23 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:53,680 [gasps] 24 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:56,680 [growls] 25 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,240 [Gertrude barking] 26 00:01:58,320 --> 00:01:59,360 Run. 27 00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:15,800 [breathing heavily] 28 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,080 [horn sounds] 29 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,400 [sighs] 30 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,840 [♪ opera music playing] 31 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:24,800 [cheering, clamouring] 32 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,400 [fan] Johnny! I love you! 33 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:32,880 [cheering, clamouring continues] 34 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:39,120 - Tell us about the scandal, Johnny. - Are you gonna give us the scoop? 35 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,520 Mr Friedlander. Welcome to Corinium. 36 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,720 - Please, call me Johnny. - Tony Baddingham. Please come on through. 37 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:49,480 [♪ opera music playing] 38 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:55,800 [music fades] 39 00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,560 [Deirdre] Your first live audience. 40 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,680 You're not going to wear those socks on the programme? 41 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:05,080 We get this right, Deirdre, no one will be looking at me feet. 42 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,120 [audience murmuring] 43 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:12,160 [breathing heavily] 44 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:19,280 - [crew member] Good luck, Declan. - Thanks. 45 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,640 - Hi, Seb. - [Seb] Big night, ladies. 46 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:39,760 - Hi, Seb. - [Seb] Showtime, everyone. 47 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:41,120 [employee] Yep. Sure is. 48 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:46,040 That's good. Yeah. Yeah, all right. 49 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,600 So, um, Paddy and Mick are walking to the pub, 50 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:51,360 and they spot a sign saying, "Tree fellers wanted." 51 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:53,240 So, Paddy turns to Mick and he says, 52 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,680 [Irish accent] "Well, isn't it a shame there's only the two of us?" 53 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:57,560 [Declan] You know, I can hear you, Brian. 54 00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:00,720 You don't tell jokes about Jews or Blacks anymore, so why you picking on the Irish? 55 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,840 [normal voice] Okay, mate. Uh, can we get some level? 56 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,920 Cut the fucking Paddy jokes or I'll knock you from here to the Irish Sea. 57 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,040 Is that level enough for ya? 58 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,920 Yeah. Loud and clear. Sorry, Declan. 59 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:13,840 Cameron, are you there? 60 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,320 What-What-What am I supposed to do with the, uh, cards? 61 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,400 We talked about this. Declan O'Hara doesn't hide behind a desk. 62 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,720 - Hmm. - If you'd let me see the questions, 63 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,160 I could have fed them to you. 64 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,960 [sighs] 65 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:27,720 Just trust me, will you? 66 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:33,960 [Cameron] Where's Johnny? 67 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:35,560 Houston, do we have a problem? 68 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,360 [Tony] Declan's a journalist of international stature. 69 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:46,280 So… [stammers] …the fact that he left the BBC for us, it's quite a compliment. 70 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,240 [stammers] It's all very impressive, Lord B. 71 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:51,240 Uh, of course, it's the wife who's the TV viewer around our house. 72 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,080 [chuckles] Well, it's documentaries mostly, 73 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:54,960 but I do find Dallas a guilty pleasure. 74 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,480 - Well, who doesn't love Dallas? - [Freddie chuckles] 75 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,240 - [Charles, softly] Hi. - [softly] Hi. Thanks for sneaking me in. 76 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:03,320 I think some of our new programmes can give JR a run for his money. 77 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:04,960 Have you seen Four Men Went To Mow? 78 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,160 - Mother Goose is here. - Excuse me a moment. 79 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:08,960 [Freddie speaks indistinctly] 80 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,120 [Tony] Lady Gosling, so good of you to come. 81 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:12,640 Do you know the Reverend Penney? 82 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,480 My deputy on the Franchise Renewal Committee. 83 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,400 - Of course, welcome. - [Penney] Well, looking forward 84 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,880 to some scrupulous broadcast journalism tonight. 85 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:21,920 I was just remarking, 86 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,880 what with there being a set in every living room these days, 87 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,080 television companies must recognise 88 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:30,480 that they are the custodians of the nation's morality. 89 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,200 [employee panting] 90 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,120 [moaning] 91 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:46,920 I'm working. 92 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,480 - [breathing heavily] - [door opens] 93 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,520 Showtime, Mr Friedlander. 94 00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,520 [Cameron sighs] 95 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,080 [♪ smooth jazz plays on TV] 96 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:02,560 [presenter] That's Four Men Went To Mow, 97 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:04,640 Wednesday night, nine o'clock. 98 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,240 [Lizzie] Oh, lovely. 99 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:08,960 That's a very nice wine. 100 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,560 - How long have we got? - [Maud] I guess that's why they make them. 101 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,960 - [knocks on door] - I'll get it. 102 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,520 I think we just found our fox. 103 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:23,080 [Maud] Door on the right there, Rupert. 104 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,520 Tag. Tag, it's him. Oh, my God. 105 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,800 - [Rupert] Not in the business of daring-- - [Maud laughs] 106 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,360 [Lizzie] Hello, Rupert. [kisses] 107 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,480 [Rupert] Lizzie, darling… hello. [kisses] We were just passing. 108 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:36,600 - Successful day? - Well, little fucker gave us the slip. 109 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,040 "Huntus" interruptus. 110 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:39,840 [Caitlin grunts] Sorry. 111 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:41,920 Hello, my name's Caitlin. How are you? 112 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:43,800 [chuckles] 113 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,320 [Basil clears throat, chuckles] 114 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:46,800 Sit, bunny girl. 115 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,720 You look like you've found the Holy Grail. 116 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:54,280 All right, it is okay, Declan. The eagle has landed. 117 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:03,440 [Steve] Can we have some level, please? 118 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:07,000 - What did you have for breakfast, Johnny? - You wanna get me arrested? 119 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,880 - Declan looks nervous. - He cut me dead earlier. 120 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,680 It's awfully uncool to get so uptight. 121 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:13,640 Shut the fuck up or get the fuck out. 122 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,280 [employee stammers] Run music. 123 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,840 - [♪ theme music plays] - Five… four… 124 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:23,720 three… 125 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:26,160 two… 126 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,040 one, and in. 127 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,000 [audience cheering] 128 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,360 [background singer vocalising on TV] 129 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:41,800 Why aren't you in the audience, Maud? 130 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:43,760 Daddy gets too nervous if Mummy's there. 131 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:44,840 Isn't it daft? 132 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,120 Because he cares what you think more than anyone in the world. 133 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,680 - Oh. - [Maud] It means I miss a lot of parties. 134 00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:52,440 Good evening. I'm Declan O'Hara. 135 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:55,760 My guest tonight is one of the world's most recognisable stars. 136 00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:56,840 Room for a small one? 137 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,360 [Declan] He's the star of box office smashes such as Last Man on Mars, 138 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:03,520 Highway 12, and Dog Tag three: Voyage to Vietnam to name just a few. 139 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,360 He's been nominated for numerous awards, 140 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:07,880 but in recent years, it's his turbulent personal life, 141 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,800 and of course, finding himself the victim of a cruel honeytrap, 142 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,640 which has attracted almost as much attention as his films. 143 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,080 Johnny Friedlander, welcome to the show. 144 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,800 [Basil] What's it like seeing your ex-partner in grime, Rup? 145 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:20,520 You know Johnny Friedlander? 146 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:22,880 Well, shared a few lovers back in the day. 147 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:25,520 Yep. [groans] Not silly enough to let any of them 148 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,800 - film me having sex, though. - [Johnny] Thank you. What a crowd. 149 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:29,200 People are excited to see you. 150 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:30,600 Well, I gotta say that's nice. 151 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:32,640 It's been a while since I've done one of these. 152 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,520 - [Declan] Why do this interview now? - Go tight on Johnny. 153 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,160 - [Johnny] Well, uh… - Yeah, of course. 154 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:37,920 …I feel it's time to move on. 155 00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:40,040 [Declan] That's what we're here for. 156 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:44,000 Now, Johnny, your last film was mired in controversy. 157 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:45,800 There were stories that you were late to set. 158 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:47,280 You picked fights with the director. 159 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:49,560 You passed out at the wheel while driving under the influence. 160 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,680 See, nobody prepares you for fame. 161 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,920 You don't know how you're gonna react to being given the keys to the candy store. 162 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:58,760 It turns out that I react by overdosing on candy. 163 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:01,360 - [audience laughs] - [sighs] Going well, don't you think? 164 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:02,440 Absolutely. 165 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,480 Not sure about the socks. 166 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:11,840 Jesus Christ. Who signed off on those? 167 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:13,840 [Johnny] …I would need to be in a comedy. 168 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:16,080 [audience laughs] 169 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:19,520 And what was it like when you drove off that bridge? 170 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:24,640 [exhales sharply] Well, uh, I woke up the second I hit the water. 171 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,320 But, man, it was, uh, scary. 172 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:30,840 Thank God I was in a convertible, or I'd be at the bottom of the river now. 173 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,520 But yeah, I had to get sober. 174 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:38,720 415 days later, the world looks more beautiful than ever. 175 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:52,200 Now, shall we talk about the sex tape? 176 00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:53,640 - [sighs] - [audience murmurs] 177 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,520 [chuckles] Why not? 178 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:58,640 The elephant's in the room already, crapping in the corner. 179 00:10:58,720 --> 00:10:59,920 [Declan] Is the girl okay? 180 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:02,880 [stammers] Miss, uh-- Miss Cortes. 181 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,240 - Hell, I don't know. - You don't see her? 182 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,880 - Uh, not on my Christmas card list, no. - [audience laughs] 183 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,480 But she is, uh-- She's an actress, right? 184 00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:13,800 I don't know. Uh, we met in a bar. 185 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,800 Hope she got a lot of money out of the whole thing. 186 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:18,440 Is $5,000 a lot of money? 187 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,920 According to Miss Cortes, that's how much you paid her to have sex with you 188 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,880 and then take the tape to the National Enquirer. 189 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,040 What? 190 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:27,680 [whispers] Oh, fuck. 191 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:33,680 You said you were the victim, but in fact, you paid her 192 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,880 to video herself having sex with you as if it had been filmed undercover 193 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,920 so that when she took the tape to the press, 194 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,760 you could pretend that you'd been set up. 195 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,760 Simultaneously getting sympathy as the victim of a honeytrap 196 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:48,120 while reaping a ton of publicity that made you look like a virile sex god. 197 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:49,720 Yeah, she got publicity too, trust me. 198 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:52,400 You sat back and let the press vilify her 199 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,800 to the extent that all her acting work dried up. 200 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,400 You could have stepped in and told the truth, but you didn't. 201 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:03,160 The world would have believed you, but your silence demolished her. 202 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:07,800 Your stock shot up overnight while Pia Cortes lost her apartment. 203 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:11,480 $5,000 for a woman's reputation. Is that a fair price? 204 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:15,480 What reputation? She was a porn actress. I paid her to make a porno! 205 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,200 [audience gasps, murmurs] 206 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,480 Fuck. We've lost him. He's gonna walk out. 207 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,160 Oh, man. I'm an ass. 208 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,080 [Declan] Why did you do it? 209 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:52,840 Tell two to hold on Johnny. 210 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,320 [Brian] Stay on Johnny. Now move in. 211 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,080 Slowly, slowly. 212 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:00,600 Slowly. 213 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,560 You wouldn't get this on the BBC. 214 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,840 Get me the sweat beading on his brow. This is the one. 215 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,520 I'd had four flops in a row, and I was scared. 216 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:16,280 That's the worst thing about Hollywood is when you're out, 217 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,160 all you can think about is how to get back in. 218 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:21,960 What a mess. 219 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,080 Worst part is… 220 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:30,200 I really liked that girl. 221 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,000 I thought she had something. 222 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,280 What would you say to her… 223 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,280 if she was here? 224 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:38,720 Nah, she's in LA, man. 225 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,080 Uh… 226 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:41,680 She might see it. You never know. 227 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,120 Okay. Um, sure. 228 00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:02,480 Pia, if you're watching, I'm sorry. 229 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:04,880 I'm an ass. 230 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:08,720 Let me buy you a drink or a car. 231 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:11,560 Whatever you want. 232 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:13,560 I'm sorry. 233 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:19,440 [sighs] 234 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,000 [Johnny laughs] 235 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:24,440 [exhales sharply] Man, I've been sitting on that secret too long. 236 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,640 [Declan] Feel good to get it off your chest? 237 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,280 [sighs] God, the water here tastes good. 238 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:33,760 Can I get another? 239 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:35,560 Join us again after the break 240 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,040 when I'll be asking Johnny about James Bond. 241 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,000 - [♪ theme music plays] - Don't go away. 242 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,400 - [crew member] And we're clear. - [laughs] 243 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,320 [crew member] Okay, stand by, everyone. Three minutes. 244 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,440 [Lizzie] Well, that was more stressful than I expected. 245 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,280 [Taggie] Daddy always goes in for the kill. 246 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,680 He really is a master at this, your Declan. 247 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,880 I mean, is that erotic? Doing a video? 248 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,360 Oh, I think it is if you've made it for each other, 249 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,240 - or you watch it when they're away. - Mm-hmm. 250 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,880 Or watch together as a warm-up. 251 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,360 Yeah, it can be pretty hot. 252 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:06,840 With the right co-star. 253 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:10,560 Can't imagine James wanting to make a sex video with me. 254 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:14,280 The camera puts pounds on you, and he already thinks I'm fat. 255 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,000 - Well, he's mad. - Yeah. 256 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:17,640 - You're exquisite. - Oh. [laughs] 257 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:21,160 Sandwich, anyone? 258 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,840 [inhales sharply] Yeah, I'm starving. 259 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,040 Oh, my God, you made these, Taggie? 260 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:26,760 They're ambrosial. 261 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,120 Please. Please tell me you'll come and work for me. 262 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:30,160 Uh… 263 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:31,640 Caitlin, fetch another one of these for me, please. 264 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,480 No, I, uh… I tried working in a restaurant. 265 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:35,440 It was just, uh… It was too hectic. 266 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,960 Well, you-you could do people's dinner parties and things. 267 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,160 Uh, a private chef. 268 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:42,480 I bet you'd get bookings. I could put the word around if you like? 269 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:45,080 - Caitlin! - Oh! Daddy's back. 270 00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:47,080 - [♪ theme music plays on TV] - Mmm. 271 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,640 [Rupert inhales sharply] 272 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,800 Here it is. Your closet, sir. 273 00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:59,560 [breathing heavily] 274 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,080 [moaning] 275 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:06,560 Put something against the-- 276 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,600 Do you think Johnny Friedlander barricades the door? 277 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:10,960 [breathing heavily] 278 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:12,400 [moaning] 279 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,720 [Johnny] And the guy, he had the most stupid walk… 280 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,760 [both laugh] 281 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:18,040 [audience laughs] 282 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:21,240 Did I tell you what Cubby Broccoli said when my people called up and suggested me? 283 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:24,000 He said he'd sooner have James Bond played by a woman. 284 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,040 - [laughs] - [audience laughs, cheers] 285 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,960 Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Friedlander. 286 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,720 [audience cheering, applauding] 287 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:34,880 [♪ theme music playing] 288 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:47,720 [cheering] 289 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,320 Bloody marvellous. Good job. 290 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,920 Johnny, introduce you to a few of our company. 291 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,560 - This is Ginger Baines. - [Johnny] How are you? 292 00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,440 Bastard spiked Johnny's dressing room. 293 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,040 Gave him a bottle of vodka. 294 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,560 Oh, no, I did that. 295 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:03,640 What? 296 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:05,840 Why didn't you tell me? 297 00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:08,600 We needed your first show to be jaw-dropping television. 298 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,320 - No way was I leaving it to chance. - Oh, fuck. 299 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,920 And you didn't tell me you were gonna skewer the guy live on air. 300 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,920 You don't think it fucks your producer up not to know that? 301 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,560 But we didn't need to push him off the wagon. 302 00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:18,360 I didn't need help. 303 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:20,360 Yeah, you didn't need a desk either, did you? 304 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,840 - [Tony] This is Ester McCloud. - [Johnny] Hi. Hi, how you doing? 305 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,120 This is Lady Gosling. 306 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,440 - [Johnny] Hi, how you doing? - Hello. 307 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:28,680 - Freddie Jones. - Hey. 308 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,200 - Good to meet ya. - [Tony] His lovely wife. 309 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:31,640 - Hello. - [Johnny] How are you doing? 310 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,360 - James Vereker. - Hi. 311 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,720 - This is the back room boy. This is Seb. - How are you doing? 312 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,440 - [Tony] Daysee. - Hey, how you doing? 313 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,360 - This is Deirdre. - Hey, how you doing? 314 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,440 At least he didn't film you. 315 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:50,640 [Seb] He's a mug. 316 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,080 You look like a Charlie's Angel. 317 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,320 [sniffles] Thanks, Seb. 318 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:56,880 That's nice. 319 00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,480 [Lady Gosling] He's very good, isn't he? 320 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,120 [Penney] What, the new jewel in Corinium's crown, hmm? 321 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,040 - Extraordinary socks. - [Tony] Oh, yeah. 322 00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:05,440 He has so much character. 323 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,320 He's a breath of fresh air. 324 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:11,080 It's such a shame that you couldn't get Campbell-Black onto the board. 325 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:12,160 Well… 326 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:13,840 [Lady Gosling] Is Freddie Jones in the bag? 327 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,280 Oh, very much so. Very much so. 328 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,600 [sucks teeth] And much more use to us. 329 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,960 His expertise in technology, business, the real world… 330 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:21,880 [Lady Gosling] Mmm. 331 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,480 But I've got to say, Declan's got some brass. 332 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,120 I thought Johnny was gonna lamp him one. 333 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,200 How do you keep it together, all that going on? 334 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:29,880 Can I tell you a secret? 335 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,080 That was my first time taking a show out live. 336 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,920 - Did you like it? - Oh, my God. The adrenaline? 337 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,760 Yes, I loved it. But please don't ask me any specifics. It's a blur. 338 00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:41,240 - I mean, it-- - You've met Cameron then? 339 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,800 [Freddie] So you need people that can deliver under pressure? 340 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:46,280 - Diamonds. - [Tony] Couldn't agree more. 341 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,720 That's why we're courting you for the board. 342 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,160 [both chuckle] 343 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,760 [whispers] You're getting the fuck of a lifetime tonight. 344 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,000 Yeah. 345 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,280 [♪ "Slave to Love" playing] 346 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,600 - [Caitlin] Isn't that crazy? And then… - [Basil] Mm-hmm. 347 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:14,160 - …the man started turning up at the house. - Oh, no. 348 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,120 [Caitlin] And he was so in love with Mummy. 349 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,800 But then Daddy found out about it, and that wasn't funny at all. 350 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,120 [imitates explosion] 351 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:22,360 Caitlin. 352 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:25,640 Anyway, that's the real reason why we moved out of London. 353 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,080 Daddy's new job came just at the right time. 354 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,080 [Rupert] Mrs Thatcher tells me if I want to succeed in politics, 355 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,480 I have to keep my nose clean. 356 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:49,880 [Lizzie] No more cunnilingus then. 357 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:51,760 [both chuckle] 358 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:53,800 Maud's got a thumping crush on you. 359 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,880 Declan looks strong. I'd watch yourself. 360 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,360 Darling, you know I love you to bits. 361 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,200 But never tell me what to do. 362 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:16,240 [♪ piano playing] 363 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,520 - [Declan kisses, inhales deeply] - You must be exhausted. 364 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,360 How did I do? 365 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,360 Mmm, you were wonderful. 366 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,720 [breathing heavily] 367 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:12,360 [Maud breathes shakily] 368 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:14,800 [moaning] 369 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:19,120 Christ, you're wet. 370 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:23,120 [breathes heavily] I've been thinking about you coming home all evening. 371 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:38,720 Oh, what is it? 372 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:40,560 Everything all right? 373 00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:43,520 [inhales sharply] Shitting awful evening actually. 374 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:44,960 [Lizzie] Oh, I'm sorry. 375 00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,600 You should have come with me to watch the new Declan show. 376 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:50,680 It was… 377 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:52,440 brilliant. 378 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:57,040 [chair scrapes] 379 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,440 You might be a little more supportive, Lizzie. 380 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,640 [inhales sharply, sighs] 381 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,480 [birds squawk] 382 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:16,880 [Caitlin] It's only my first day at boarding school. 383 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,440 It's not like it's momentous or anything, is it? 384 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,440 I'm sorry I can't drive you there. You know Daddy needs the car this morning. 385 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:22,800 I didn't mean you. 386 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:30,240 - Bye-bye, gorgeous, ugly dog. [chuckles] - [Gertrude whines] 387 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,200 Is Mummy going to start one of her things with Rupert? 388 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,040 I'm not gonna keep her secrets again if she does. 389 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,600 Oh, Mummy and Daddy are gonna be okay. 390 00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:47,600 I'll keep an eye on them. I promise. 391 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,040 - Oh, I'm gonna miss you. - [Caitlin sighs] 392 00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:52,920 - [Taggie] Now go. - [Caitlin] I'm going. 393 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:57,760 Just you and me now, pups. 394 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,640 [♪ "Rabbit" playing] 395 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,040 [audience applauding, cheering] 396 00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:04,760 Good evening. I'm Declan O'Hara. 397 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,480 Get up and show us a few moves. 398 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:10,120 - [both chuckle] - Okay. 399 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:11,920 Take it away. 400 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:18,600 [chuckling] 401 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:20,280 [chuckles] 402 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:26,520 Please. 403 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,040 [audience laughs] 404 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:35,400 That's all we've got time for tonight. 405 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,280 Paul Roberts, ladies and gentlemen. 406 00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:40,640 [music continues] 407 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,720 [guest crying] 408 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:47,120 [chuckling] 409 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:48,240 He's got me. 410 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:49,280 Get off me, man. 411 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,400 [chuckling] 412 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:53,120 Get off me, man. 413 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,160 Get the fuck off me! 414 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,040 [chuckles] Wonderful. 415 00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:04,120 [chuckles] 416 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:11,320 [clears throat] 417 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:17,280 - Oh, my God. - [chuckles] Oof. 418 00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:18,840 Look at all this. 419 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:20,920 [Maud] If it's a neighbourhood dinner party, 420 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,280 why didn't Valerie Jones invite your da and me? 421 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:25,800 - I don't know, Mummy. - She did. I said we couldn't do it. 422 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,520 [chuckling] What? I have work to do. 423 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,640 [hits table] I never get to go anywhere. 424 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,160 I mean, how can we meet anyone 425 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:36,680 if you're gonna turn down everything just to prepare your stupid programme? 426 00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:39,280 My stupid programme is all that's paying the bills 427 00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:41,760 on this rotting pile of bricks, and all you do is spend money. 428 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:43,680 I mean, why the fuck do we own a harp? 429 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,280 Oh, you wanna take my music away from me? It's all that I have left. 430 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:48,400 - I have to go to work. - No, no. I'm still talking to you. 431 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,200 - We can talk about it later. - [sighs] 432 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:51,520 - Good luck, Tag. - Bye. 433 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,480 You know, it's a good job that you bought a priory 'cause I might as well be a nun. 434 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,360 [door opens, closes] 435 00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:59,480 You know, he's still punishing me. 436 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,080 I mean, when is it gonna stop? 437 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,280 [whirring] 438 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:09,760 [Charles] My congratulations, both of you. Ten million viewers. 439 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,360 - I want 12 mil this week. - [Charles scoffs] 440 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:14,640 I can't believe you got that story out of Mick Jagger. 441 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:17,480 People like telling me things. Psychiatrist to the stars. 442 00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:18,600 So who's next on the couch? 443 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:20,320 - [Cameron] Diana. - Doesn't do TV. 444 00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:22,760 - Arnold Schwarzenegger? - Jesus, he can't even speak. 445 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,000 - Joanna Lumley. - Rupert Campbell-Black. 446 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,000 No way. 447 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:29,400 Celebrity, ex-Olympian, a heart-throb, so I'm told, and now Minister for Sport. 448 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:31,080 Surely that's an extraordinary trajectory. 449 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:32,520 There's no hinterland. 450 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:36,280 If I'm to interview someone whose politics I despise, I want a worthy opponent. 451 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:38,200 Could you stop swinging your dick for a moment? 452 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:39,640 If you stop swinging your vagina. 453 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,240 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 454 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,680 Declan's right. Campbell-Black's an arrogant brat. 455 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,680 Everything people hate about the upper classes. 456 00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:49,080 Why do you hate him so much? 457 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:51,920 Because he always gets everything he wants. 458 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,440 Joyce, Rupert Campbell-Black? 459 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,200 I wasn't surprised when the wife left. 460 00:25:58,280 --> 00:25:59,960 He'll never settle, will he? 461 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:02,560 Doesn't that make him an interesting interview? 462 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:03,960 He's the only man in England 463 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:06,360 who can come out of a sex scandal with a promotion. 464 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,120 Minister for Sport, for God's sake. 465 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,320 The man plays tennis naked. 466 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,200 He's an irredeemable shit. 467 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:15,440 We needn't pour fertiliser on his already overgrown ego. 468 00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:17,520 [inhales deeply] Who do you want, Declan? 469 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,000 - Thatcher. - [Charles] Margaret Thatcher? 470 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:21,880 No, Charles. Fucking Denis Thatcher. 471 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:23,880 L-Look, she'll never say yes anyway. 472 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:25,360 She thinks I'm an IRA pinko. 473 00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:26,600 Well, let's see, shall we? 474 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,760 [stammers] I've donated eye-watering sums to the Tory party. 475 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,400 It's not the public who decides which way the election goes, is it? 476 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:37,320 All right, stop staring at me. Fuck off. 477 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:39,400 We've all got work to do. 478 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,160 - Declan? - Yeah. 479 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,000 Don't go. Have a proper drink. 480 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:44,080 After you. 481 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:46,720 [Tony inhales sharply] 482 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:49,920 You've got viewing figures most people would sell their granny for. 483 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:50,840 [pours liquor] 484 00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:54,360 So, I'm just wondering why you're still unhappy here? 485 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:56,280 - [chuckles] - Is it Cameron? 486 00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:57,480 No, no. 487 00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:01,880 I mean, she's hard work, but you're right. She knows what she's doing. 488 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:05,000 I-I… [sighs] I just have a lot on my mind. 489 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:06,360 Money stuff. 490 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,520 I have an unpaid tax bill following me around. 491 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:11,080 Eighty grand. 492 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:14,760 London wasn't cheap. 493 00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:18,200 Not with a wife who throws a party every time someone blows their nose. 494 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,160 [inhales sharply] All right, well… 495 00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:24,560 why don't I settle with the Inland Revenue for you? 496 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,640 You can pay me back when you can. Nobody need know about it. 497 00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,680 Just the two of us. And my accountant. 498 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:33,400 That's very decent of you. 499 00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:35,160 Self-interest, really. 500 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:37,320 You're no good to me preoccupied. 501 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:38,880 [chuckles] 502 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:41,760 Now, another? 503 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:43,960 [Declan] Cheers. 504 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:46,640 - [♪ "Situation" playing] - [Taggie humming along] 505 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:51,680 [chuckles] 506 00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:01,840 [music continues] 507 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:14,120 [water bubbling] 508 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,280 - [Taggie grunts] - [Valerie] Are you always this height? 509 00:28:18,360 --> 00:28:20,360 I can usually size people by looking. 510 00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:22,160 Well, I didn't think you'd want me to serve things. 511 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:23,920 Well, I can't exactly do it myself, can I? 512 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:25,840 You know to go around the dinner table clockwise, don't you? 513 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:27,280 Don't pick, Sharon. 514 00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:29,200 And I need you to write the menu out. 515 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,520 One for each end of the table in French, if you don't mind. 516 00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:34,400 Hello, Taggie. Nice get-up. Grub smells good. 517 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:35,960 [Valerie] I'm still cross with you, Fred-Fred. 518 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:37,800 What were you thinking inviting a single man? 519 00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:40,240 I mean, what kind of a dinner party ever had nine guests? 520 00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:43,680 Ten guests now, because I've just invited a single woman to balance the books. 521 00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:45,280 Fred-Fred, how could you? 522 00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:48,320 [sighs] Now I'm gonna have to change the whole placement. 523 00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:51,240 [sighs] 524 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:53,400 Terrific. Eat that. Eat that. 525 00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:56,720 I could help you with the menus. 526 00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:58,200 I'm doing French for GCSE. 527 00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,560 [sighs] They're gonna be here soon, Mrs Makepiece. 528 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:08,680 - Yes, Mrs Jones. - [vacuum stops] 529 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:11,800 Sorry. Did you decide if you want the cheese first or the pavlova? 530 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:13,920 Fred-Fred? Cheese or dessert? 531 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:15,320 Don't posh people say "pudding"? 532 00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,000 Pudding? But "dessert" is French. 533 00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:20,240 - Agatha, which is it? - I don't know. 534 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:23,120 Pudding. They learn that at boarding school. 535 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:25,880 Chin up, Mousie. 536 00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:27,760 We've worked so hard. We can enjoy it now. 537 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:31,400 Who'd have thought it? You and me, entertaining a lord and a lady, eh? 538 00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:34,240 - [laughs] - [titters] Right. 539 00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,200 [♪ opera music playing] 540 00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:47,760 [blows] 541 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:50,520 Just a nice, cosy dinner. 542 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:52,360 Freddie's bum on a board seat at the end of it. 543 00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:55,680 I've rather implied to Lady Gosling he's already said yes, 544 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:57,880 so we need to reel him in tonight, 545 00:29:57,960 --> 00:29:59,720 or we might as well kiss goodbye to the franchise. 546 00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,880 No, absolutely. Operation "Charm Offensive." 547 00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:04,200 Well, offensive is right. 548 00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,520 We'll be forced to admire the soft furnishings. 549 00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:08,200 Fitted carpets everywhere. 550 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,120 Well, don't let Valerie Jones get to you, darling. 551 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:13,920 - You know who she reminds you of? - Who? 552 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:14,960 Your mother. 553 00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:17,400 Oh. 554 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:20,040 [sighs deeply] 555 00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:24,360 [toilet flushes] 556 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:25,480 [groans] 557 00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:29,520 [Paul] Come on. 558 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:31,280 We got five minutes. 559 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:34,360 Yeah, well five minutes is how long it takes to do this bloody dress up. 560 00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:37,680 No, all right. 561 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:41,320 Um, you know, I need you to, uh, 562 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:43,520 behave yourself this evening, don't you? 563 00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:47,000 Uh, I want Tony to invite me onto the board at Corinium, 564 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:48,720 and we need to look proper. 565 00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:52,280 - Respectable. - Darling, is this about Rupert? 566 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,400 - [laughs] - It was just a silly flirtation. 567 00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:56,600 Come on, you know I love you most of all. 568 00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:59,480 Besides, I thought you wanted a young wife that everyone admires. 569 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:01,000 [Paul] I do, darling. 570 00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:03,920 Just prefer they admired you from further away. 571 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:10,400 [sighs] 572 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,040 [♪ classical music playing] 573 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:18,400 [Paul] So, it was a considerable renovation? 574 00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,840 Yes, it was terribly poky. 575 00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:24,040 Three bedrooms and only the one bathroom, so we had to extend, 576 00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:26,120 but once we'd rendered over the old stonework, 577 00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,840 you can't tell the join between the old and new. 578 00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:30,400 I thought this was a listed building. 579 00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:31,800 Oh, it is, yeah. 580 00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:34,640 Fred-Fred has friends in high places. 581 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,600 I mean, one needs a good-sized lounge for entertaining. 582 00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:39,760 - [chuckles] - [whispers] Lounge? 583 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,200 [whispers] Behave. We're being charming. 584 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:43,960 - Uh-huh. - [doorbell rings] 585 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:49,920 I think I've had this dream. 586 00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:51,480 Valerie made me. 587 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:53,240 It's just so short. 588 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:56,120 "Brevity is the soul of wit." 589 00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,400 And I could almost see your brevities. 590 00:31:58,480 --> 00:31:59,600 - [chuckles] - [sighs] 591 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,200 [classical music continues] 592 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,840 [softly] The fact is this is a listed building. There are rules. 593 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:08,040 [Lizzie] Mmm. 594 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:10,480 - [chatter stops] - [Sarah clears throat] 595 00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:15,600 [clicks tongue] Aw. 596 00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:16,680 [giggles] 597 00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:18,160 [Rupert] Darling, you look ravishing. 598 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:20,720 [Lizzie groans] James hates this, but it's the only clean one I've got. 599 00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:22,400 - [chuckles] - Um… 600 00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:23,680 Hello, Valerie. 601 00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:26,640 Evening, Stratton. 602 00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:28,640 Listen, I think you were given the wrong impression 603 00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:30,000 about the tennis game with your wife. 604 00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:33,080 All quite innocent, sort of thing that wouldn't bat an eyelid on the Continent. 605 00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:34,840 Good, clean, open-air fun. 606 00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:36,600 Shake hands and play nicely, shall we? 607 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:42,760 [Paul sniffs] 608 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,120 [♪ classical music plays loudly] 609 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:46,840 Freddie! 610 00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:48,520 Sound system! 611 00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:49,960 Sorry, love. Wrong room. 612 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:52,480 Freddie's equipment is staggering. 613 00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:55,680 [Lizzie, Sarah chuckle] 614 00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:57,640 - Mmm. - Mmm. 615 00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,720 I, uh… I gather you spent this afternoon on the couch with my husband? 616 00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:04,080 - Yes. Do you mind? - No. Good for you. 617 00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:06,160 I hope you told him it was marvellous afterwards. 618 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:07,200 [chuckles] 619 00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:11,760 - Thanks, Fred. - Nature abhors a vacuum. 620 00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:13,840 - [chuckles] - Yes, so does my cleaner. 621 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:16,440 - [laughs] That's very good. - [Lizzie chuckles] Thank you. 622 00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:17,920 - That's very good. - Freddie. 623 00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:19,600 Can you show me this sound system? 624 00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:22,160 I'll be back in a tick. 625 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:25,880 - You're a hit with the host. - [Lizzie mutters] 626 00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:27,640 I bet you're next to him at dinner. 627 00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:28,720 [scoffs] 628 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:35,280 Right. I'm off to see what decorative hell 629 00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:37,040 Valerie's unleashed on the downstairs loo. 630 00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:39,000 - Cloakroom, darling. Cloakroom. - [groans] 631 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:40,200 [Valerie] That's interesting. 632 00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:43,320 Agatha's the help. We borrowed her for the event. 633 00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:44,400 Overtime. 634 00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:47,760 [Tony] There's no need to see cable satellite as a threat. 635 00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:49,280 Let's embrace the possibilities, 636 00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,720 but your expertise will be invaluable. 637 00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:55,360 Of course, you're busy. 638 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:58,360 Well, I think you like feeling useful. We'd have fun. 639 00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:00,480 Not trying to seduce you onto his board, is he? 640 00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:03,640 We're a viable, growing company with excellent prospects. 641 00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:06,280 The financial rewards are considerable. 642 00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:08,200 [groans] Must we bring money into it? 643 00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:10,680 Freddie's a businessman. It's what we do. 644 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:13,280 - You ever said "no" to this man? - Frequently. 645 00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:15,800 - Did you enjoy the polo? - [Freddie laughs] 646 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,480 You're a very bad influence. I had a headache for three days. 647 00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:19,680 - [laughs] - [Valerie] Freddie. 648 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:22,920 Uh, Mr Vereker and Mrs Stratton are on the television. 649 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:25,080 - Oh, yes. You'll want to see this. - Yeah. Okay. 650 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:38,680 - Sarah, welcome. - Hi, James. 651 00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:40,880 - [James] Absolute pleasure… - Oh, look, there you are, Sarah. 652 00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:41,840 Where's Sarah? 653 00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:43,880 [James] …you've been married to Paul Stratton, 654 00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:46,360 - MP for Cotchester, for a few months now. - [Sarah] Mmm. 655 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:49,120 [James] How do you see your role as the wife of an MP? 656 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:51,840 [Sarah] To support my husband in every possible way. 657 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:53,400 And how do you get on with Paul's family? 658 00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:55,280 His children must be nearly as old as you are. 659 00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,360 - Oh, very good, James. Gripping stuff. - [Sarah] I put no pressure 660 00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,240 on Paul to leave his first wife. 661 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:01,280 But because he eventually made that decision, 662 00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:03,600 - you know, I'm branded a scarlet woman… - [doorbell rings] 663 00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:05,760 …so I've had to try even harder to prove myself a good… 664 00:35:09,240 --> 00:35:11,480 [scoffs] Cute. 665 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:19,920 [James] And what advice would you give to a young woman now 666 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:23,240 who was engaged to be married to a busy, powerful, even famous man? 667 00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:26,440 [Sarah] The one thing I would say is do not let yourself go after you're married. 668 00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:28,160 I mean, we all know what happens then, don't we? 669 00:35:28,240 --> 00:35:30,080 [Freddie] Hello, Cameron. Let me get you a drink. 670 00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:31,880 They're all glued to the local news, I'm afraid. 671 00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:32,840 Thank you. 672 00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,640 - [Sarah] Oh, James. [chuckles] - [James laughs] Stop it. 673 00:35:35,720 --> 00:35:38,280 - [Sarah] What are you, 21? [laughs] - [laughs] Oh, please. 674 00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:39,520 And the rest? 675 00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:41,000 - She's a natural, isn't she? - [James] Touché. 676 00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:42,680 Well, it's just wonderful to see her opening up. 677 00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:44,760 [James] Um, now, I understand that Paul's left… 678 00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:46,200 [TV continues, indistinct] 679 00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,960 [Sarah moans] 680 00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:55,440 [both breathing heavily, moaning] 681 00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:03,240 [Sarah chuckles] 682 00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:20,920 [panting] 683 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,880 Don't ask for seconds, all right? [sniffs] Does it smell fishy? 684 00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:34,560 [sniffs] New cologne? 685 00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:36,160 - I wear it all the time. - I like it. 686 00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:38,720 - You sure the lighting wasn't a bit hard? - It was brilliant. 687 00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:41,480 What the hell are you doing here? 688 00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:44,320 Freddie called after you left. I couldn't say no to him, could I? 689 00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:46,480 Well, don't do anything outrageous. Stay out of my way. 690 00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:48,480 [chattering] 691 00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:51,160 [Paul] Well, I clearly drew the long straw. 692 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:53,640 [Monica] Good. 693 00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:56,080 - [Freddie] You're here? - [Lizzie] Yeah. 694 00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:57,600 Thank you. 695 00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:00,560 Ah, Cavendish. 696 00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:02,600 We've never really had a proper chat, have we? 697 00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:04,160 No, we haven't, Lady Baddingham. 698 00:37:04,240 --> 00:37:05,680 Oh, Monica, please. [chuckles] 699 00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:07,160 We're all friends here. 700 00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:16,000 Rupert Campbell-Black. 701 00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:21,080 I presume, since we're the only people here without partners, 702 00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:23,440 that we're being set up with each other, and just so you know, 703 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:25,240 I am perfectly comfortable with that. 704 00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,200 - Do you have a boyfriend? - [Cameron giggles] 705 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:29,600 Kind of. 706 00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:31,760 - Kind of. - Mm-hmm. 707 00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:34,280 Best kind. 708 00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:37,480 [chuckles] 709 00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:41,200 Sorry. I think, uh, someone's been playing with the, um-- 710 00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:42,440 Everything all right, Valerie? 711 00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,520 Yes. Yep. Yep, yep. Quite, quite all right. 712 00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,120 Do you work with Cavendish, James? Hmm? 713 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:49,240 [James] Her name's Cameron. 714 00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:51,360 No, I promise it's not. 715 00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:54,160 No. Cavendish? Yes. See? 716 00:37:54,240 --> 00:37:55,560 James thought you were called Cameron. 717 00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:58,240 Yeah, it's Cameron. 718 00:37:58,320 --> 00:37:59,240 Yeah. 719 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:01,240 But… Yes, but you always answer to Cavendish, 720 00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:03,040 so, why didn't you say anything? 721 00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:04,880 [Cameron] Well, you're my boss's wife. 722 00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:07,720 [stammers] Silly girl. 723 00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:11,680 There's no need f… Hon-Honestly, what peculiar behaviour. 724 00:38:12,720 --> 00:38:14,320 [both chuckle] 725 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:16,040 [chuckles] 726 00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:19,000 - [Rupert] "Salmon mousse." - [Lizzie] Do you like salmon mousse? 727 00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:20,720 So, what have we got? 728 00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:24,560 "Gingered French peasant, cravat sauce." [chuckles] 729 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:26,360 - "Desert château." - [chuckles] 730 00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:28,160 Do you think it's garnished with actual sand? 731 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:32,120 - Garnished with leftover peasants maybe? - [both laugh] 732 00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:33,280 [Valerie] Not frequently, no. 733 00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,480 Uh, clockwise, Agatha please. Thank you. 734 00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:37,280 - Sorry. - I did tell her. [chuckles] 735 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:42,080 [guests chattering] 736 00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:48,000 [sighs] 737 00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:57,920 Ah, Taggie. 738 00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:04,200 Looks amazing. I do love a bit of pheasant. 739 00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:06,240 [James] It looks delicious. Thank you, darling. 740 00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:07,640 And how do you get on with Declan? 741 00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:10,920 Well, I'm his producer, which gives him licence to be obnoxious. 742 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:12,960 God knows how his wife puts up with him. 743 00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:15,480 Well, you could ask Taggie here. She's his daughter. 744 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:18,680 - [chuckles] - Oh, God, I'm-I'm sorry. 745 00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:20,920 - [chuckles] - It's all sport with you, isn't it? 746 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:22,880 Blood sport mostly. The chase. 747 00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:24,240 Oh, but if you caught something, 748 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:25,920 I don't think you'd know what to do with it. 749 00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:27,240 [Rupert] Mmm. 750 00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:30,040 She's quite the ball-breaker, your new producer. Where'd you find her? 751 00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:31,400 Hunted her down in New York. 752 00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:32,720 Ah, blood sports again. 753 00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:34,560 You guys go to school together or something? 754 00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:36,480 [chuckles] No, no, no, no. 755 00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:37,960 And that's funny why? 756 00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:41,480 Because as it happens, no, we didn't. 757 00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:43,280 Rupert went to Harrow. 758 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:46,160 I went to grammar school. 759 00:39:46,240 --> 00:39:47,960 And you'll never let anyone forget it, will you? 760 00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:50,360 - I wasn't gonna say anything of the sort. - [Tony laughs] 761 00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:52,880 It's you that won't let anyone forget it, Baddingham. 762 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:58,080 - Tony was quite different as a boy. - Oh. 763 00:39:58,160 --> 00:39:59,680 Billy Bunter, weren't you? 764 00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:02,040 Okay, what's grammar school, 765 00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:04,080 and how is it different from where you went? 766 00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:05,920 [Monica] Well, it's increasingly hard to say. 767 00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:08,160 Rupert's school cost a lot more, 768 00:40:08,240 --> 00:40:10,160 but they didn't spend any of it teaching him manners. 769 00:40:10,240 --> 00:40:12,120 [laughs] 770 00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:13,760 - Very good, Lady Baddingham. - Thank you. 771 00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,920 - I can't imagine you fat, Tony. - It's where I got my drive to succeed. 772 00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,520 [Valerie] Mmm. I wish Fred-Fred had a drive like that. 773 00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:20,800 We can't budge the scales at all. 774 00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:23,080 [all laughing] 775 00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:27,040 Be careful what you wish for, Valerie. Might drive him to some dangerous places. 776 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:30,200 [James] Um, been meaning to say, Tony. 777 00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,720 Uh, we found a presenter for our "caring for the elderly" segment. 778 00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:35,120 She's a Jamaican lady living in Cotchester. 779 00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:37,320 A 70-year-old widow with an adult daughter, 780 00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:39,240 which makes her a Black single mother. 781 00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:40,640 Box ticked. 782 00:40:40,720 --> 00:40:42,720 I was brought up by a Black single mother. 783 00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:44,880 Can't wait to tune in. 784 00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:54,560 She's so exotic, isn't she? Where's she from? 785 00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:55,920 America, I think. 786 00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:57,520 [Sharon] Wayne likes Black girls, don't you? 787 00:40:57,600 --> 00:40:58,480 [Wayne] What? Shut up. 788 00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:00,560 You've got a picture of Grace Jones with no clothes on. 789 00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:01,840 I saw it in your pants drawer. 790 00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:03,920 It is going so well. 791 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:05,760 The pheasant was divine. 792 00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:06,960 Everyone's saying so. 793 00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:09,120 I knew you'd be wonderful at this. 794 00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:11,600 [sighs] I'm sorry she put you in that thing. 795 00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:14,240 It was me who wrote the menus out. That's why the spelling's so bad. 796 00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:17,920 Oh, God. Your dyslexia. 797 00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:20,800 I'm so sorry. 798 00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:23,280 We thought we were taking the mickey out of… 799 00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:25,840 someone else. 800 00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:30,560 W-Well, you cook like a dream, even if you can't spell for shit. 801 00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:33,040 [laughs] 802 00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:35,280 [guests cheering, chattering] 803 00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:38,680 - [Rupert] Bravo. - Pavlova. 804 00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:40,840 - Bravo! - [Monica] Magnificent. 805 00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:42,640 [sound fades out] 806 00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:50,520 [chatter resumes] 807 00:41:54,240 --> 00:41:56,080 What's your favourite thing about your job? 808 00:41:56,920 --> 00:42:00,360 Well, what a lovely question. 809 00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:06,200 Space. Up there. 810 00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:10,160 Most British satellites use my computers now. 811 00:42:10,240 --> 00:42:14,040 And sometimes I look up at the night sky, 812 00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:17,160 and I see a little star winking back at me, 813 00:42:17,240 --> 00:42:20,600 and I think, "I made that happen". [chuckles] 814 00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:22,920 And it blows my mind. 815 00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:34,520 - Chateau Gateau. - [Cameron] Mmm. 816 00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:37,200 This looks divine. 817 00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:39,760 Well done, angel. 818 00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:41,240 [Taggie chuckles] 819 00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:48,360 [gasps] Oh, God! 820 00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:49,720 - [Taggie] God! - [gasps] 821 00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:52,040 - Oh, dear. Oh. - [cackling] 822 00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:55,840 You stupid bitch. What the fuck are you doing? 823 00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:57,160 I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 824 00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:00,400 - Oops. - [Valerie] Fetch a cloth, Agatha. 825 00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:02,480 - Don't fetch a cloth. It's Armani. - I'll pay for it. 826 00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:05,040 - [chuckles] - [Cameron grunts] You couldn't begin to. 827 00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:07,080 - [crying] S… - Needn't be a bitch about it. 828 00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:10,320 [Taggie sobs] 829 00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:12,440 Cameron, let's-let's go and get you tidied up. 830 00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:14,200 Come on. Come with me. 831 00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:16,560 - [snickers] - Rupert, how could you? 832 00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,240 [stammers, laughing] 833 00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:25,000 God, that is exactly the kind of crass, lecherous-- 834 00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:27,760 [grunts] I thought she'd like it. God knows her mother would have. 835 00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:30,240 Women aren't just a buffet, laid out for you to snack on. 836 00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:32,400 Perhaps she's not as innocent as you think she is. 837 00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:36,520 - And that's a very cheeky little dress. - Valerie made her wear it to do the job. 838 00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:38,640 Not that you'd understand. 839 00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,360 With looks like hers, I would not have thought a career was that important. 840 00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:44,600 Honestly, Rupert, this was badly done. 841 00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:48,600 [sighs] 842 00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:50,280 [guests chattering] 843 00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:55,480 [laughing] 844 00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:10,560 - [Rupert] Taggie, I thought-- - [Taggie] Get away from me. 845 00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:13,680 - I thought you wanted me to. - Why on earth would you think that? 846 00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:16,240 Well, you like to watch. 847 00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,720 Thought you might be grown up enough to play too. 848 00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:20,880 You're disgusting and I want nothing to do with you. 849 00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:23,640 [Rupert sighs] 850 00:44:24,240 --> 00:44:26,360 - Taggie… Hang on. - [engine starts] 851 00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:27,560 [sighs] 852 00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:30,400 Fucking idiot. 853 00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:33,440 What a stupid fuck. 854 00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:38,200 [sighs] 855 00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:42,360 Rather dramatic end to the evening. 856 00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:45,200 All these sobbing women. [sighs] 857 00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:47,280 [Tony] Valerie all right? 858 00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:50,400 She's chuffed to bits that you came to dinner. 859 00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:53,000 So, thank you. 860 00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:54,600 So… 861 00:44:56,720 --> 00:44:57,720 this board thing. 862 00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:03,520 My Val, she… she's keen for me to get into something more cultural. 863 00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,760 So, why don't you send me over the business plan? I'll look over it. 864 00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:11,480 I'll give you a call on Monday. 865 00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:17,360 [♪ opera music playing] 866 00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:22,520 [music stops] 867 00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:25,800 [phone rings] 868 00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:29,840 [Cameron] Last night was humiliating. 869 00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:32,080 I don't know if I can do this anymore. 870 00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:37,080 - You and me. - What? Why? 871 00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:40,160 [sniffs, clears throat] 872 00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:43,760 You were at Valerie Jones's dinner party? 873 00:45:45,240 --> 00:45:46,080 Yeah. 874 00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,760 I gather you got pudding tipped all over you by my daughter. 875 00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:51,040 - I'll pay for the cleaning bill. - Wouldn't Rupert do that? 876 00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:55,400 It was him that made Taggie drop the pudding when he groped her. 877 00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:56,880 He what? 878 00:45:57,840 --> 00:45:59,480 Oh, you didn't know? Ah. 879 00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:02,720 It was more than a pinch on the bottom, wasn't it? 880 00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:04,640 I didn't see it at the time, but "grope" sounds right. 881 00:46:04,720 --> 00:46:06,720 I'm sorry. He… He fucking what? 882 00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:10,360 Yeah, he's a promiscuous libertine, isn't he? 883 00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:12,280 Fondles whoever he likes. 884 00:46:15,720 --> 00:46:17,800 - Whoa, no. Hold on. Declan. Wait. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 885 00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:20,280 That bastard! Jesus, when I catch him, I'll f-- 886 00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:22,480 Interview him to death? 887 00:46:23,240 --> 00:46:24,400 You know, that's an idea. 888 00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:26,440 Think about it. 889 00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:28,360 You go over there and thump him, who gets to see it? 890 00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:30,320 One housekeeper and a gardener at best. 891 00:46:31,720 --> 00:46:32,920 Have him on the show. 892 00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:36,720 You can flay him in front of 16 million people. 893 00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:39,800 Oh, but you already said you didn't want him, right? No hinterland. 894 00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:40,880 [Tony] I didn't want him either. 895 00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:43,160 I didn't want to give him the exposure, but exposing him? 896 00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:46,320 Come on, that's a whole different show, isn't it? 897 00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:48,480 That's where you destroy him, 898 00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:50,960 and it lasts a fuck of a lot longer than a black eye. 899 00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:57,200 Revenge is a dish best served on television. 900 00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:01,840 [breathing shakily] 901 00:47:07,760 --> 00:47:09,760 [♪ opera music playing]