1 00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:18,360 Oh. 2 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:24,280 Hup, hup, hup. 3 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,960 I haven't eaten since we last met. 4 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:42,080 - Really? - You still have all my silverware. 5 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:43,760 Oh, I'm so sorry. 6 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:46,600 It's all right. I needed to lose the Christmas weight. 7 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:48,640 I've just been so busy since New Year's Eve. 8 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:51,120 Oh, good. I'm glad. You deserve to be. 9 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,200 Catering at the Baddingham pheasant shoot next Saturday. 10 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:57,280 - Will you be there? - Sadly not. 11 00:00:57,280 --> 00:00:59,440 I haven't had an invitation to The Falconry 12 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:01,240 since I introduced Paul Stratton 13 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:02,640 to Monica's buffet table. 14 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:06,200 A real shame on this occasion as I hear the food will be excellent. 15 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,680 And there's me thinking the way to a man's heart is in his trousers. 16 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,360 Am I interrupting? 17 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,360 No, Daddy. We borrowed his cutlery for the party. 18 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,120 Well, then we should return it. 19 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,080 Did I ever tell you how much I enjoy your show? 20 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:29,640 Thrilling stuff. 21 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:32,120 Once you get your teeth into something you don't let go, do you? 22 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,040 If you're such a fan, why don't you come on? 23 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:35,520 You'd make a great guest. 24 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:40,080 I promise to be gentle. 25 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:48,440 Unfortunately, the only evening I've got free in the near future is Valentine's Day 26 00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:51,600 and I doubt it'll stay that way for long. 27 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:53,880 Sorry to disappoint, old chap. 28 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,120 Here we are, Rupert. 29 00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,680 - Rupert. - Huh? 30 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:02,480 Thanks, Tag. 31 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:16,160 Cunt. 32 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,560 That's all we got time for tonight. 33 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:24,760 I'm sure our audience misses seeing you each week in Knight Rider. 34 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:28,080 Still, at least you're not playing second fiddle to a talking car anymore. 35 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,960 - Time to wrap it up, Declan. - He's got ten seconds left. 36 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,200 Before we go, 37 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:48,440 I would also like to mention that a special edition of our show 38 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:51,480 will now be going out on Valentine's Day with former Olympic showjumper, 39 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,240 Mr Rupert Campbell-Black MP. 40 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:57,680 I know that news will come as a surprise and a delight to many. 41 00:02:57,680 --> 00:02:58,880 Until next time. 42 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:00,800 Good night. 43 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:13,680 What the fuck was that? 44 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:15,880 I thought I told you not to pull this shit anymore. 45 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:17,440 Jesus. Relax, will you? 46 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:18,560 Relax? 47 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:21,680 Declan, all his office has to do is release a statement tomorrow morning 48 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:23,480 saying they don't know what we're talking about, 49 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,120 and we look like a bunch of amateurs. 50 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:26,520 Cameron, be nice to poor Declan. 51 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:28,280 He's an asshole. 52 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:29,840 No, he's a genius. 53 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:32,640 Rupert can't refuse a challenge. I know him. 54 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:35,280 You're both assholes. 55 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:36,920 Mmm. All we have to do is wait. 56 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:38,360 - Declan. - Yeah. 57 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:40,440 Mr Campbell-Black is on line one. 58 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,440 Well, isn't the genius gonna talk to him? 59 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:57,240 He can speak to my producer. Same as anybody else. 60 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:06,120 This is Cameron Cook. 61 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,320 Mrs T thinks I should accept the invitation. 62 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:11,440 Take the opportunity to show you media pinkos who's boss. 63 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:14,440 I'm inclined to agree with her, but I voted for Reagan. 64 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,800 Really? Good girl. 65 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,040 So, Minister, are you game? 66 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:21,440 We don't know each other well, Miss Cook, 67 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:23,920 but I do hope that over the course of our acquaintance, 68 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:29,680 I might have the opportunity to show you how very game I am. 69 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,000 Well? 70 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:36,200 He's in. 71 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,280 Don't think you're touching my tits later dressed like that. 72 00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:43,880 No. Sure. 73 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:47,800 Ignore my sister. She's a right bellend. 74 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,560 Yeah, before the syphilis reached his brain, 75 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,560 my father used to host seven shoots a year, 76 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,000 and we never started the first drive later than half past 9:00. 77 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,240 Shush, darling, they're waiting for their electrician friend. 78 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:01,400 - Oh, yes, the electrician. - He's not an electrician. 79 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,000 Freddie Jones is an electronics mogul. 80 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,280 Today's a celebration of him joining my board. He's the guest of honour, Henry. 81 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:08,600 You and your wife are here 82 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:10,560 to make sure he has a jolly nice time, all right? 83 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:11,720 Right. 84 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:13,880 - Oh, he's here. - Finally. 85 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:18,920 Look at that little number. 86 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:22,000 Yeah, well, as long as he can shoot straight, I couldn't give a fuck. 87 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,360 That's the spirit. 88 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:26,680 You made it! 89 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:32,040 Bloody hell, Tone, should I chuck a bucket of mud over me motor? 90 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:34,200 I'm feeling very conspicuous all of a sudden. 91 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,440 Freddie. You're perfect as you are. 92 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:37,800 My sweets. 93 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:41,200 - Look... - Oh, dear God. 94 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,120 ...it's Sherlock Ideal Holmes. 95 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:45,880 - Tony, thank you so much for receiving us. - Of course. 96 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,600 Here to investigate crimes against taste. 97 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,280 - Mon-Mon. - Hello, Valerie. 98 00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:50,720 - Good to see ya. - Pleasure. 99 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:54,440 Lady Hermione, so honoured to make your acquaintance. 100 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,560 Mrs Jones, I've heard so much about you. 101 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,960 - Now, let's get a gun in your hand. - No need. 102 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:09,720 I brought me own. 103 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,640 Oh. Marvellous. 104 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:38,040 You are sure he can shoot, aren't you? 105 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:31,160 - Oh. Hmm. - Oh. 106 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,360 So, how long do you spend on a cock, hmm? 107 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:41,480 Uh, well, generally speaking, I can finish one off in 15 minutes or less, 108 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,320 but my hands aren't as quick as they used to be. 109 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:45,640 No, sure. 110 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,400 Any of you ladies fancy having a go? 111 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,600 Traditionally speaking, Fred-Fred, it's the men that shoot. 112 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,720 We ladies are here merely to marvel at your prowess. 113 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,200 I will! 114 00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,200 - Oh, she's doing it. She's off. - Wow. 115 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,960 All right. Good for you, girl. 116 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,200 So... 117 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,920 Here it is. What h... What handed are you? 118 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,160 - Right-handed. - You're right-handed? 119 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,160 Okay. So, just take it... take it. Your trigger's there. 120 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:12,880 Safety's off. Now, you gotta keep it hard into your shoulder, 121 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,720 otherwise, you're gonna do yourself a mischief. 122 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:15,800 Okay. 123 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:17,040 Right, okay. Go on. 124 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:18,640 In your own time. 125 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,960 - Whoa. - Oh. Never mind. 126 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:27,000 - Go on. Have another go. - Oh, no, no, it's fine. Thank you. 127 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,920 - God, look at the state of your hands. - God. 128 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:32,000 I hoped nobody would notice. 129 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:35,360 Um, I was fighting with a typewriter ribbon first thing. 130 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,280 Needless to say, the ribbon won. 131 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,000 Oh, well. 132 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:52,640 Know anywhere quiet? 133 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:10,960 Lord Lieutenant? 134 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:14,120 - Hello... [chuckles] ...Mr Hampshire. - Uh-huh? 135 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:16,240 You must visit Green Lawns soon. 136 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:19,480 Honest, we would so love to receive you. Do say you'll come. 137 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,640 Certainly. Yes. Wha-What a splendid idea. 138 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,280 Mrs Stratton. [chuckles] Hello. 139 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:26,160 You must come and visit me in my boutique. 140 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,520 I'm always searching for the right kind of clientele, and well, 141 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:30,480 natural elegance can be so hard to find. 142 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,840 Yes. No, I have been meaning to, it's just... Yeah. 143 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,040 You could pick something out for your Corinium screen test, 144 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:36,320 - couldn't you, darling? - Great idea. 145 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:37,560 A screen test? How exciting. 146 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,160 Any idea what he has in mind for you? 147 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,000 Oh, he hasn't said, actually. 148 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:43,520 Well, choose your outfit wisely, Sarah. 149 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,680 - The camera can be very unforgiving... - Mmm. 150 00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,240 ...even for the most perfect of specimens. 151 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:49,560 Oh. 152 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,360 Mon-Mon... [chuckles] ...Hello. 153 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:53,720 I'm having a fabulous time. 154 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,160 Freddie. 155 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,600 Thought you hadn't shot before. Turns out you're a natural. 156 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,080 Yeah, I was top marksman at Bisley 157 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:04,160 - for two years during me national service. - Ah! No wonder then. 158 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:05,600 I want to introduce you to my son. 159 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:10,120 - Um, just bear with me a moment. - Yeah. 160 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,160 Oh, fuck! 161 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,480 A spliff and a wank would sort you right out, mate. 162 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,200 Just a thought. 163 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,360 There are far too many loaded guns around here today 164 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,120 for you to be making comments like that. 165 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,120 Now, fuck off before I do something you'll regret. 166 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,720 Ah, Tones! 167 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,600 - Look who's here. - Surprise. 168 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:24,720 Hope you don't mind us dropping in. 169 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,160 Of course not. 170 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,600 I've shot two dozen pheasant, a jay and a woodcock this morning. 171 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:30,240 Why shouldn't I add a couple of cuckoos to that tally? 172 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:34,640 Well, for a start, I wouldn't be able to appear on your chat show. 173 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:37,880 Oh! 174 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:39,440 Why shoot you now when I can wait 175 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:42,320 and have you savaged by an Irish wolfhound? 176 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,640 Ooh! 177 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:51,280 Ginger, please show our guests to their pegs for the next drive. 178 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:52,680 Right. 179 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,960 I can't believe you turned up uninvited. 180 00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,600 Don't always have to be invited, Taggie. 181 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,280 Good things seldom come to those who wait. 182 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,720 - Charles. - Oh, hello. 183 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:15,880 I didn't expect to see anybody. 184 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:19,280 I'm researching Campbell-Black and needed something from my office. 185 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:20,600 I never thought I'd see the day 186 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,400 when Tony Baddingham had Declan O'Hara doing his dirty work. 187 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,000 I have my own reasons for wanting to take that bastard down. 188 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,800 You know, in different circumstances, 189 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,600 you and Rupert could've been friends. 190 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,760 Both complicated, both stubborn, misunderstood. 191 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,360 Bollocks. What are you doing in on a Saturday? 192 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:39,160 Moving offices ahead of my grand return. 193 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:45,200 Apparently, my recent coronary episode makes me a medical liability, 194 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,520 which is why Cameron Cook is now controller of programmes and I'm-- 195 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,040 "Head of Religious Broadcasting". 196 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:53,400 I can't begrudge her too much. 197 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:57,040 Climbing the greasy pole requires its own set of skills. 198 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:57,960 Mmm. 199 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:01,200 Especially when the greasy pole in question 200 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,000 lives in Tony Baddingham's trousers. 201 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:06,360 How's the heart? 202 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:12,360 Oh, you know, broken. 203 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,400 Don't show Tony any weakness, Declan, 204 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,080 or this is what you get. 205 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:20,960 What did you think of your first shoot? 206 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,720 How can people murder helpless animals all day for fun? 207 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:27,600 Says the girl who baked two dozen pork pies for the occasion. 208 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,720 Or do you suppose the poor piggies were hugged to death? 209 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,440 Don't be horrid. I needed the job. 210 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:32,520 Don't be a hypocrite. 211 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,840 Stand up for what you believe in. 212 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:39,880 Maybe I shouldn't be saying this, 213 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,280 but I don't think you should go on Daddy's show. 214 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:44,360 I'm worried he's gonna do something awful. 215 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:47,880 I'll be fine. Promise. 216 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,400 Oh, look at this... 217 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,040 Oh, smashing spread, Agatha. 218 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,320 I'm hosting at the Beaufort next month 219 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,080 and I wondered if you might do the food? 220 00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:58,760 - Oh, that's... that's very kind. - Yeah. 221 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:00,440 Uh... 222 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:05,520 To be honest, I-I find the whole idea of hunts and shoots... 223 00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:09,960 ...utterly objectionable, 224 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,280 and I won't be doing them anymore. 225 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:14,240 Oh... [gasps, chuckles] ...right. 226 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,240 Be careful, Agatha. You're in danger 227 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,560 of developing a backbone. 228 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,640 Now, I've got a girls' supper Monday week. 229 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:22,640 I'm gonna give you a tinkle. 230 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,760 Mmm. 231 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:33,960 Come on, Rupe. We've got a hot date at the Dog and Trumpet. 232 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:35,880 Bye, angel. 233 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,280 I have had the most delightful day. 234 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:07,880 It's so nice to have finally found our kind of people. 235 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:11,240 Sorry, Tone, I gotta get to the office. Trouble with a shipment out of Japan. 236 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:15,120 Oh. You're a true titan of industry, Freddie. Let's talk again soon. 237 00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:17,240 Try and set a date for you to come in and discuss your ideas, yeah? 238 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:18,440 I'll give you a ring on Monday. 239 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,480 Thanks. Bye-bye. 240 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,000 Well done. 241 00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:31,200 They're just through there. I'll fetch the brandy glasses. 242 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:41,440 Oh, Mr Hampshire... 243 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:44,080 ...I would so love to receive you. 244 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:46,040 Oh, well, 245 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:49,240 fortunately for you, Mrs Jones... 246 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:53,040 ...hounds aren't the only thing I ride to. 247 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,160 No, I'm sure a ride with you would be delightful. 248 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,280 What can I say? The likeness is uncanny. 249 00:17:58,280 --> 00:17:59,720 Uh, what about me, Mr Hampshire? 250 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,760 - Do I bear a resemblance? - Oh, I'm sure he wishes you did. 251 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:05,800 He'd be bounding down to Green Lawns 252 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:08,000 to admire one's topiary balls. 253 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,800 Sorry, Mousie left her, um... 254 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:23,080 Oh, no. Yeah, sure. I was just, um, trying them on for size. 255 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:25,560 You know, I really must get down to Mousie's boutique soon. 256 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,280 Well, look, thanks again for a great time. 257 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:29,400 Let's talk on Monday. 258 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,720 - Absolutely. Let me see you out... - No, no, no. You're all right. 259 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:32,960 I know the way. 260 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:48,120 Now, who'd like a cigar? 261 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:51,400 Yes, please. 262 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,960 - I'll have one of those. - Very unfortunate. 263 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:10,880 Ah, how was the shoot? 264 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,080 Well, they killed loads of birds, but they liked my food. 265 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,360 Rupert stopped by. 266 00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:20,080 Oh, Jesus Christ. Is there no place free of that man? 267 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:43,080 "Cheating..." 268 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,600 "Caught red-handed". 269 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:53,720 What? 270 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,200 Why are you in here? 271 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,280 What are you planning on doing to Rupert? 272 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:07,840 - He said he was sorry. - I raised you to be smarter than that. 273 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,000 A story is a story. 274 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,680 It looks like it's all been said before. 275 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:13,360 No, it hasn't. 276 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,280 He doesn't deserve whatever you have planned for him. 277 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,000 It's called journalism, Tag. 278 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,200 You can call it what you want. 279 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:22,640 I call it revenge. 280 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,600 So, what's this big scoop you've got on Rupert? 281 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,240 The whole office is talking about it. 282 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,040 A magician never reveals his secret, Seb. 283 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:42,840 "The Butcher of Corinium". That's a new one. 284 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:45,880 It's not true, is it? 285 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:49,080 I mean, I kn... I know the show can get a bit confrontational, 286 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,080 but I'd never rip someone apart for the sake of it. 287 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:53,400 You're making great television, 288 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:57,800 and more importantly, keeping Lord B happy. 289 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:08,680 Mm-hmm. 290 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:15,960 Slag. 291 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,920 Lord Baddingham's office. 292 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:21,520 Of course, putting you through. 293 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:24,760 Freddie Jones for you. 294 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:30,280 Freddie, how are ya? 295 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:32,200 I can't join your board, Tony. 296 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:35,200 - Freddie-- - I heard everything. 297 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,280 You, Sarah, all of 'em. 298 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,200 I don't mind people making fun of me. 299 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:47,320 It's just that nobody makes fun of my Valerie. 300 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:50,080 We all love Mousie. 301 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:51,920 I hate snobs, Tony. 302 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,200 And you're the worst kind there is, 303 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:57,120 the kind who's forgotten where he came from. 304 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,520 Fred-Fred. I am in such turmoil. 305 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,320 Some young ladies from Corinium were in the boutique earlier today 306 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:18,120 saying the most ghastly things about Tony Baddingham 307 00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:19,440 and that Black woman. 308 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:21,560 I don't know what I'm gonna say to poor Monica. 309 00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:24,120 - Well, then don't say anything. - Oh, I must. It's too awful. 310 00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:27,200 Mousie, please. It's got nothing to do with us. 311 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:36,960 We needed Freddie! 312 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:41,920 It was Rupert. 313 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,160 He crashed the shoot, ruined the mood. 314 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:47,200 Don't be such a baby. You fucked up. 315 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,560 - Beg your pardon? - You heard me. 316 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:01,880 Forget Freddie Jones. 317 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,600 You've got me and Declan, 318 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,200 and we've got the highest ratings in the country. 319 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,960 I know Declan's got a scoop on Rupert. 320 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:19,720 Apparently, it's top secret. 321 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:22,800 Valentine's Day can't come quickly enough. 322 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,320 Mon-Mon? 323 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,600 Oh! I promise we aren't always shooting things here, Valerie, 324 00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:37,480 but roosting on my hornbeams is a capital offence. 325 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,080 Dearest Mon-Mon... 326 00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:48,640 ...I'm afraid I must relay some rather difficult information to you 327 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,200 - regarding Cameron Cook. - Oh, yes? 328 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,600 You see, as the owner of a very popular boutique, 329 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,240 one learns about all sorts of goings-on, 330 00:23:56,240 --> 00:24:00,440 and, well, the suggestion is that she might have come by her recent promotion 331 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,880 through certain immodest means 332 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:07,880 and that perhaps your husband's head was, well, turned. 333 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,520 Well, that's very interesting, Valerie. 334 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:12,840 Thank you. 335 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:16,600 I mean, actually, I have no idea whether it could all be substantiated. 336 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,080 No, you don't. 337 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,280 It can leave one feeling quite alone. 338 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,480 So, if ever you wanted to confide in someone... 339 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,240 I'm sure that won't be necessary. 340 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:40,560 Thank you so much for stopping by. 341 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:56,400 Good morning, Rutshire, 342 00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,080 and a happy Valentine's Day to all our listeners. 343 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:02,920 Stay tuned for back-to-back love songs to get you in the romantic mood. 344 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,320 And on television tonight, 345 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:08,960 Declan O'Hara will be interviewing local Casanova, Rupert Campbell-Black. 346 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:12,600 Let's see if Declan gets him to kiss and tell all. 347 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:17,600 - Delivery. - Oh, gosh. 348 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:20,920 For Mr Vereker. 349 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,160 Oh. 350 00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:27,680 Thank you. Thanks. 351 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,920 Bye, darling. Must dash. Feel free to pop all this in a pile for me. 352 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:40,680 Darling, 353 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,080 we can go for dinner anytime. 354 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:47,120 Tonight, I want to watch the Valentine's Day massacre 355 00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:49,680 of Rupert Campbell-Black. 356 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,520 Well, I'll have finished my screen test for Cotswold Round-Up by mid-afternoon. 357 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:55,480 So, you have until then to change your mind, okay? 358 00:25:58,240 --> 00:25:59,240 Or what? 359 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:02,520 You'll hang an open-for-business sign on your dressing room door? 360 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:07,560 Don't tempt me. 361 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:36,680 - Where have you been? - Just getting some exercise. 362 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:39,480 Archie, dear. 363 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:42,920 Your father says he found you on the morning of the shoot 364 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,160 receiving manual stimulation from an estate worker. 365 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:47,720 Uh... 366 00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:50,320 Well, darling, look, 367 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:54,440 whilst boarding school is undoubtedly a lonely place 368 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,520 where certain extracurricular activities are tolerated, 369 00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:59,960 - well, at least they were in my day... - Fuck. 370 00:26:59,960 --> 00:27:05,440 ...I do feel that one should exercise restraint when closer to home. 371 00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,960 After all, fraternising with the staff 372 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:14,880 can only ever lead to pain and humiliation for all concerned. 373 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,200 There are lines one does not cross. 374 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:23,840 Understood? 375 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:26,240 Yeah. 376 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:28,000 Good. 377 00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:34,840 You see? I told you I'd deal with it. 378 00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:36,640 I don't know what I'd do without you. 379 00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:38,840 You might bear that in mind. 380 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:51,480 - Cameron Cook. - "I met a lady in the meads, 381 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:53,680 Full beautiful, a faerie's child, 382 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,840 Her hair was long, her foot was light, and her eyes were wild 383 00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:00,720 I set her on my pacing steed, and nothing else saw all day long 384 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:04,000 For sidelong would she bend, and sing a faerie's song." 385 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,600 You know, it's customary to send flowers, cheapskate. 386 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,000 Oh, hey, there's nothing cheap about John Keats. 387 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:10,880 Go try your luck with some doe-eyed undergrads. 388 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:12,080 I'm busy. 389 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:40,560 I believe I asked for coffee. 390 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,360 Sometime this century would be fantastic. 391 00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:46,800 You'd think the promotion would make her happy, but she's angrier than ever. 392 00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:50,040 I'll get the coffee. You get the phone. 393 00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:51,920 James Vereker's phone. 394 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:53,480 Oh, hello, Deirdre. 395 00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:55,720 Uh, can you tell James I'd like him home for lunch today? 396 00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:57,920 I'm sorry, who's this? 397 00:28:58,520 --> 00:28:59,480 His wife. 398 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,520 Oh, yes. Right you are. 399 00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,440 This is for you. It's from Rupert. 400 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,320 Hello, Bas. How are you? 401 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:42,400 Dreadful. 402 00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:46,120 So, Freddie Jones lent me this fabulous new singalong machine, 403 00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:47,240 freshly shipped from Japan. 404 00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:48,600 I'm supposed to be hosting 405 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:52,840 an "If Music Be The Food of Love" karaoke and curry night, 406 00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,480 only now, my chef's off sick. 407 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:57,800 Well, I could cook a curry for you. 408 00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:00,600 Oh, that's exactly what I hoped you'd say. 409 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:03,720 Did I just hear I'm getting abandoned on Valentine's night? 410 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:07,480 You said you were going to watch Daddy's interview with me, Taggie. 411 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:09,000 Well, come to the bar. 412 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:12,240 You can watch the interview and I can watch you. 413 00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:14,680 - Hmm. - Oh, and thank you, my darling, honestly. 414 00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:16,920 You really helped me out of a tight spot. 415 00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:19,600 Well, I have a tight spot too, if you fancy lending a hand. 416 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:24,400 Come to Bar Sinister tonight and I'll lend you two. 417 00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:26,880 Ooh. 418 00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:37,880 - Who was that? - Oh, uh... Ah... [scoffs] ...it was Bas. 419 00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:40,160 He wants Taggie to do some cooking for him. 420 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:42,000 - Good luck tonight. - Thanks, love. 421 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,760 - Give him hell. - Oh, I will. 422 00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:49,440 Daddy, please don't do this to Rupert. 423 00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:51,040 Oh, for fuck's sake, Tag. 424 00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:53,760 This is happening whether you like it or not. Now, grow up. 425 00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:15,120 Sarah, you were brilliant. I've said it before, the camera loves you. 426 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:16,320 I was so nervous this morning 427 00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,640 and having you there just really put me at ease, you know? 428 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,320 You should see Sarah's screen test, Cameron. She's really something. 429 00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:24,800 I'd rather watch frogs fucking. 430 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:26,640 Hmm? 431 00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:28,720 Uh, you can take the girl out of New York. 432 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,720 Well, here he is, man of the moment! 433 00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:32,200 What's this? More dirt on Rupert? 434 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,120 You will have to find out tonight, I'm afraid. 435 00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:36,120 Scorpion are holding their front page for us tomorrow, 436 00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:38,200 so whatever you have, O'Hara, it better be good. What is it? 437 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:39,400 - Hmm. - Drugs? 438 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:40,960 Underage girls? Oh, God. 439 00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:42,920 I'd love to see that smug bastard in handcuffs. 440 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:46,040 It's not criminal, but I promise you won't be disappointed. 441 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,200 It'll blindside even him. 442 00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,760 - God. He's a shark. - Mmm. 443 00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:53,160 Come on. 444 00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:23,680 Mmm. Two sugars. For the shock. 445 00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:25,680 Thank you. 446 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:28,920 I only come round to give you this. 447 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:33,280 Oh, gosh, it's... What is it? 448 00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:38,920 It's a word processor. Sort of like a fancy electric typewriter. 449 00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,640 So you don't have to worry about any more ink-based accidents. 450 00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:45,200 Oh, gosh. Freddie, that's... 451 00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:49,400 - That's so-- - You have a talent, Lizzie. 452 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:52,960 It should be encouraged. 453 00:32:57,120 --> 00:32:58,520 - I better go. - Oh, yeah. 454 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:09,800 For what it's worth, and I didn't see much, 455 00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:11,120 but for what it's worth, 456 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:13,880 I thought you looked lovely. 457 00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,720 - Hello. - Sorry, darling, couldn't get away. 458 00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:31,400 Oh, that's all right. 459 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:32,720 Doesn't matter now. 460 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:34,680 Listen, the whole station's staying 461 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:36,520 to watch the Campbell-Black bloodbath in person. 462 00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:38,360 So, don't wait up, all right? 463 00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:40,480 Oh, righto. 464 00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:42,240 Lots of love. 465 00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:54,360 Thought you might like to meet your new co-host. 466 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,160 Co-host? What do you mean co-host? 467 00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:04,240 Oh, I see. 468 00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,360 Well, I can feel my ratings soaring already. 469 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:15,920 Are you here about the pony? 470 00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:17,920 Tabitha's in the stables. This way. 471 00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:19,960 I'm here to speak to you about your ex-husband. 472 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:22,720 Um, my father's Declan O'Hara. 473 00:34:22,720 --> 00:34:24,480 I've already told his office. I want nothing to do-- 474 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:26,240 I've got a really bad feeling about the interview tonight. 475 00:34:26,240 --> 00:34:27,840 It's got nothing to do with me. 476 00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:29,720 Talk to Rupert. 477 00:34:29,720 --> 00:34:32,280 Ask him to back out, please. 478 00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:33,680 I think you should leave. 479 00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:35,480 I mean, you must have loved him once. 480 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:37,880 Are you sleeping with him? 481 00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:40,880 Wha... I... No, I... No, um-- 482 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:42,320 Rupert is bad news. 483 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:43,840 I believe that people can change. 484 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:45,720 I was just like you. 485 00:34:45,720 --> 00:34:49,600 I told myself nobody understands him like me, he'll change. 486 00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:51,920 I looked at him and I saw all this potential, 487 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:55,520 and he looked at me and saw something he'd enjoy breaking. 488 00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:58,720 Rupert is a cancer. 489 00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:03,080 My advice? Cut him out before it's too late. 490 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:05,560 Now, please leave. 491 00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:33,520 You're where you are because you're good. 492 00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:36,040 You know that, don't you? 493 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:38,680 Come on. Snap out of it. 494 00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:40,600 We've history to make. 495 00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:43,040 Elvis is about to enter the building. 496 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,160 Remember, this isn't Wogan. He won't be gentle. 497 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,520 If you don't like the question, change the subject. 498 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:06,640 Thanks for the words of wisdom, sensei, 499 00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:11,080 but I do feel in situations like this, it's often better just to be oneself. 500 00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:14,880 Try telling that to Ted Heath. 501 00:36:27,720 --> 00:36:28,800 Sure. 502 00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:35,200 Okay. 503 00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,360 Are you ready for a good show tonight? 504 00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:54,440 Yes! 505 00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:56,880 Bet you are, means you don't have to pay your television licence, doesn't it? 506 00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:01,360 Looking at you, Maureen, every week she's here. Every week. 507 00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:04,920 - And Jane Fonda's got a workout video now. - Ooh! 508 00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:07,480 I won't be doing it, I want Jane Fondue. 509 00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:09,000 Bit of bread, bit of cheese. Yeah. 510 00:37:18,720 --> 00:37:21,360 Hi. Sandra's just gonna touch you up, okay? 511 00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:23,880 I'd love her to, but I'm about to appear on national television. 512 00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:26,200 - Mr Campbell-Black. - Ah. 513 00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:28,600 - Great to have you on the show. - Ready when you are. 514 00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:05,760 - Hello. - Paul. 515 00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:08,120 Darling, I am so sorry. 516 00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:09,320 I'm such a pig. 517 00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:10,560 Can you forgive me? 518 00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:11,720 I brought champagne. 519 00:38:11,720 --> 00:38:15,680 - Paul, you shouldn't have. - Come here. 520 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,840 Phew. 521 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:21,080 All right, direct me to the vol-au-vents. 522 00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:24,680 ♪ Declan ♪ 523 00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:28,200 And we're live in five... 524 00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:31,120 four... 525 00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:37,280 - three... - ♪ Declan ♪ 526 00:38:39,040 --> 00:38:39,880 ...two... 527 00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:43,160 Good luck, Declan. 528 00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:44,880 One. 529 00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:55,040 My guest tonight needs no introduction. 530 00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:57,960 He has been described as the world's greatest showjumper 531 00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:00,200 and one of the most eligible bachelors in England. 532 00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:03,160 He is of course Minister for Sport and MP for Chalford and Bisley, 533 00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:04,240 Mr Rupert Campbell-Black. 534 00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,280 Now, Mr Campbell-Black, you've had a varied career, haven't you? 535 00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,840 What first attracted you to politics? 536 00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:16,840 Athletes make good politicians. 537 00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:21,520 Showjumping taught me how to think on my feet and remain unfazed under scrutiny. 538 00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:24,080 Do you get on with the Prime Minister? 539 00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:25,160 I hold her 540 00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:26,640 - in enormously high esteem. - Going in. 541 00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:29,320 Margaret Thatcher is the daughter of a greengrocer. 542 00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:32,600 She went to a grammar school, as did Norman Tebbit, Cecil Parkinson. 543 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,160 The Conservative Party has changed 544 00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:36,960 and it's Mrs Thatcher who has changed it. 545 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:39,600 So why do you think she keeps you around? 546 00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:41,760 Camera one, over to you. 547 00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:43,840 I hope she thinks I'm good at my job. 548 00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:47,680 Do aristocrats make good politicians? 549 00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:48,800 Plenty of them have. 550 00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:52,000 My family has a strong sense of moral duty. 551 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,960 I inherited that with the house. 552 00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:56,920 Oh. Noblesse oblige. 553 00:39:56,920 --> 00:39:59,400 If you like. My Latin is not what it used to be. 554 00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:03,640 But with your privileged background, 555 00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:07,680 how can you understand the difficulties faced by the man on the street? 556 00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:10,240 I can't help the circumstances of my birth. 557 00:40:10,240 --> 00:40:12,680 It's not what you've got, it's what you do with it. 558 00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:21,840 Now, your tenure as Minister for Sport has been controversial. 559 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:26,120 If you're talking about football, then the hooligans are a tiny minority. 560 00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:30,600 Well, you have taken a notoriously light-touch approach to policing the game. 561 00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:34,040 The poor sods are out of work, their fathers are out of work. 562 00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:35,480 Often their grandfathers too. 563 00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:38,560 Out of the sheer frustration of not winning, they resort to violence. 564 00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:41,240 I think we should try to understand the vandals. 565 00:40:41,240 --> 00:40:42,280 Sounds almost socialist. 566 00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:44,720 Although, some people might call you a vandal. 567 00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:48,960 Of women, horses, marriages. 568 00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:51,840 Still... [sighs] ...adultery must prepare you well 569 00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:55,880 - for life within the Conservative Party. - Oh. 570 00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:57,440 I'm sorry? 571 00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:01,800 You know, sneaking around, lying, betrayal, sexual degeneracy. 572 00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:05,560 - I'm no longer married. - Yeah, but you were, for six years. 573 00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:07,960 And yet throughout your marriage, your affairs were common knowledge. 574 00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:10,120 I mean, one Gloucestershire peer has described you as 575 00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:14,400 "rather a nasty virus that everyone's wife caught sooner or later." 576 00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:17,240 Well, if you'd seen his wife, it's definitely later. 577 00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:23,440 Christ, he really is an arsehole, isn't he? 578 00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:26,760 And that's the break in five... 579 00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:28,240 - And that's time for a break. - ...four... 580 00:41:28,240 --> 00:41:29,320 - three... - Wind it up, Declan. 581 00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,040 - Who knows what Mr Campbell-Black might... - ...two... 582 00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,040 - ...choose to share with us when we return. - ...and we're out. 583 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,400 Clear! And we're back on in three minutes. 584 00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:44,440 Rupert, there's somebody here to see you. 585 00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:46,040 Ooh. 586 00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:48,960 ...miner's strike. He kept the kids off school. 587 00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,560 - Taggie, what are you doing here? - You need to go. Just walk out. 588 00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:01,240 Your father's not the first old socialist who's tried to catch me out. 589 00:42:01,240 --> 00:42:03,400 Whatever you're worried about, it's already out there. 590 00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:05,520 No, I know him. 591 00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:07,160 He's saving the worst for later. 592 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:10,240 When he wants something, he's ruthless. 593 00:42:10,240 --> 00:42:11,480 He'll do anything. I mean, he's-- 594 00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:14,360 - He's just like you, Rupert. - Exactly. 595 00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:17,440 Minister, we need you back on set. The break's almost over. 596 00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,320 Just walk out the building with me. 597 00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:20,520 Minister. 598 00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:21,640 Please. 599 00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:34,000 Five seconds and we're back. 600 00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:35,240 Where the fuck is he? 601 00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:39,000 - Five, four... - Declan, you're going to have to ad lib. 602 00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:41,960 ...three... 603 00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:46,560 two... 604 00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:57,800 Declan, you're on. 605 00:42:57,800 --> 00:42:59,320 Welcome back. 606 00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:00,800 You know what this reminds me of? 607 00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:05,240 Um, being back on the circuit, having an opponent. 608 00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:08,080 Knowing that I can make a tiny mistake and it might all be over. 609 00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:09,600 - It's exhilarating. - This is an interview. 610 00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:11,000 There's no winner. 611 00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:13,520 That's not true though, is it? 612 00:43:14,240 --> 00:43:15,800 He wants to beat me. 613 00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:20,080 - He's trying to distract him. - I have to say, 614 00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:22,400 - you are unlike my other guests. - Now's the time, Declan. 615 00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:23,960 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 616 00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:28,120 Most celebrities are scared that I'll find out something exposing about them. 617 00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:30,400 - What's she doing here? - Something is wrong. 618 00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:33,520 The more awful things you do, the more the public seem to love you. 619 00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:35,880 Well, who am I to argue with public opinion? 620 00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:37,120 So you don't deny it? 621 00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:38,960 What's that? 622 00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:41,120 That you've done awful things? 623 00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:43,520 I have. You're right. 624 00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:46,800 But isn't that what we do? 625 00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:50,440 We? 626 00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:51,920 Men like us. 627 00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:53,640 I am nothing like you. 628 00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:55,400 Really? 629 00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:56,600 You're cold. 630 00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:00,080 You have had the best education money can buy, 631 00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:01,880 yet you remain a philistine. 632 00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:04,120 You barely see your children. 633 00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:08,480 You pick up women just because you can, but you're still fundamentally alone. 634 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:12,800 And when they can't fill that emptiness inside you, you discard them. 635 00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:17,760 Despite your gold medals and your money, you are a lonely man 636 00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:19,800 rattling around a huge empty manor, 637 00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:21,320 and that's how you'll likely end your days. 638 00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:24,840 You behave like a man with no secrets and no shame. 639 00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:29,880 Well, there is one thing I'd like to discuss with you. 640 00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:31,520 You're right. I'm a rake. 641 00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:38,680 A liar. 642 00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:40,000 A cheat. 643 00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:42,880 If there was something I wanted, I pursued it. 644 00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:44,320 I didn't care about anybody else. 645 00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:46,760 My horses, my teammates, my wife. 646 00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:50,240 - But we're still alike. - I very much doubt that. 647 00:44:50,240 --> 00:44:51,800 You're the best in the world at what you do. 648 00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:53,400 Flattery will get you nowhere, Mr Ca-- 649 00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:55,840 I remember what that was like, being the best. 650 00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:57,720 And what I was willing to do to stay there. 651 00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:03,400 What are you willing to do? 652 00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:08,800 To your family? 653 00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:11,560 To yourself? 654 00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:23,360 I'm bored of you tickling each other's balls, Declan. 655 00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:24,840 Get the fucking cat out the bag. 656 00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:31,640 You're right. 657 00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:35,640 I'm a workaholic. 658 00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:42,160 And when I'm consumed by something... 659 00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:46,040 I can be, um... 660 00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:49,520 I can be a-- 661 00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:50,960 A monster. 662 00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:53,960 Yeah. 663 00:45:57,400 --> 00:45:59,560 You're probably a better husband than I was. 664 00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:02,440 After all, you're still married. 665 00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:05,160 I don't know. 666 00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:09,200 I think I'm a pretty bad husband. 667 00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:15,840 Do you think you've ever been in love? 668 00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:27,640 No. 669 00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:32,120 That's my fault. 670 00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:34,560 My ambition hasn't left room for much else. 671 00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:37,760 Do you think that will ever change? 672 00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:44,200 The fucker isn't gonna do it. 673 00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:46,760 Well, even if he doesn't destroy Rupert, this could still be a good show. 674 00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:50,200 Tell me about, um... Tell me about your childhood. 675 00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:53,160 - Pull the transmission. - Let's just see where this goes-- 676 00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:56,240 If you value your job, pull the fucking transmission! 677 00:46:56,240 --> 00:46:57,760 No, because this is my show. 678 00:46:57,760 --> 00:46:59,840 - Cut the transmission. - No. 679 00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:02,000 - Give that to me. Give me that! - No, no. 680 00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:03,320 Cameron! 681 00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,280 - Cameron, for fuck's sake! - Tony, no. 682 00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:06,400 Trust me. 683 00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:10,080 Listen, you arrogant little Irish prick, 684 00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:11,440 either you destroy the fucker, 685 00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:13,600 or I'm gonna come down and pull you off the floor myself. 686 00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:14,920 There's no point, Tony. 687 00:47:14,920 --> 00:47:17,000 He's already taken his earpiece out. He can't hear you. 688 00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:20,720 If it's any consolation, we've made some really great television. 689 00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:26,080 This would have worked if you'd just done your fucking job! 690 00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:28,640 Who do you trust? 691 00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:33,000 Who do you count on? 692 00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:43,320 Dogs. 693 00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:48,080 I, um... ...much prefer dogs to people. 694 00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:53,760 I'd give anything to see my old Labrador, Badger, again. 695 00:47:56,680 --> 00:47:58,040 He was a good dog. 696 00:47:58,040 --> 00:47:59,680 Aw. 697 00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:14,320 So, which of your many sporting achievements was the hardest won? 698 00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:17,040 Which was the hardest? 699 00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:20,520 The King's Cup, the... the Olympic Gold, the World Championship? 700 00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:23,000 Well, none of them. 701 00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:29,280 The hardest thing... ...the thing that nearly killed me... 702 00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:30,600 Yeah? 703 00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:35,880 ...was giving it all up. 704 00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:48,480 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Rupert Campbell-Black. 705 00:48:58,320 --> 00:48:59,880 Coat, sir? Thank you, sir. 706 00:48:59,880 --> 00:49:02,040 Hey, there they are! Get the drinks in! 707 00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:13,760 Congratulations, darling. 708 00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:16,400 It was great TV, as always. 709 00:49:27,240 --> 00:49:28,600 Did you like the show? 710 00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:30,400 Yeah. 711 00:49:41,680 --> 00:49:44,880 Sorry, Lord B. Didn't expect to see you there. 712 00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:49,680 Thought you'd be down at Bar Sinister by now, celebrating with Declan and Rupert. 713 00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:56,800 Great show tonight, by the way. 714 00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:57,920 Best yet. 715 00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:30,080 I want you to stay away from Taggie. 716 00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:33,680 She's young enough to be your daughter. 717 00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:40,520 Yeah, of course. 718 00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:43,440 Good. 719 00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:51,080 Drink? 720 00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:53,040 No, no, I'm... I'm taking Maud home. 721 00:50:57,440 --> 00:50:59,120 What was it that you had on me? 722 00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:01,640 Nothing. 723 00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:04,000 I was just bluffing. 724 00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:10,840 This is karaoke, ladies and gentlemen. 725 00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:12,440 Go, Freddie! 726 00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:35,120 Sorry. 727 00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:38,520 See, I told you it was all gonna be okay. 728 00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:40,960 Gonna dance? 729 00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:42,720 Um... 730 00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:49,800 I'd love to but... 731 00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:52,560 I have to go. 732 00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:54,520 Sorry, angel. 733 00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:12,000 Come on then. 734 00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:53,600 Let him be. 735 00:53:30,240 --> 00:53:33,120 Fuck! 736 00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:49,680 The Falconry. 737 00:53:50,800 --> 00:53:51,800 Oh, hello. 738 00:53:52,920 --> 00:53:55,200 Right. Yes, of course. 739 00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:57,400 Tell whoever it is to fuck off. 740 00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:59,160 I would, darling... 741 00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:03,080 ...but it's Margaret Thatcher. 742 00:54:15,880 --> 00:54:17,280 Prime Minister? 743 00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:43,480 She wants to visit the station and do an interview of her own. 744 00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:45,840 - How wonderful. A real coup. - Mmm. 745 00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:47,560 Yeah, it's great news. 746 00:54:48,160 --> 00:54:49,440 Mmm. 747 00:54:49,440 --> 00:54:53,160 And all thanks to Rupert, I suppose.