1 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,040 {\an8}Hello. Good evening, 2 00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:13,760 {\an8}and welcome to How to Stay Married with me, James Vereker. 3 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:19,040 And over here, the woman lucky enough to call herself my better half, 4 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:21,000 my wife, Lizzie. 5 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,760 Thank you, darling. Hello. 6 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:28,800 Now, a wise man once said, "Marriage isn't a battlefield, it's a partnership, 7 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:32,440 and married people should be comrades, not rivals." 8 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,680 Though that's sometimes easier said than done. 9 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:41,480 How do you stay connected after 20 years of children, careers, everything? 10 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,920 How do you keep each other interested over dinner 11 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:49,160 or in the bedroom when the honeymoon period comes to an end? 12 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:53,760 We'll be chatting to a range of celebrity and ordinary couples to ask, 13 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:55,760 "How do they make it work for them?" 14 00:00:55,760 --> 00:01:00,960 And we'll find out if the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence. 15 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,960 We'll be quizzing the experts on how to keep a marriage fresh 16 00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:20,080 without seeking excitement elsewhere. 17 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:25,120 We'll discuss how to deal with the pain if one of you breaks the rules. 18 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:27,760 And how to keep your feet on the ground 19 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,240 when you're thinking about walking away. 20 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:44,960 This is Cameron Cook. 21 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,240 Leave a message. 22 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,520 Gosh, it's a lot to get through, isn't it? 23 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,960 Well, we did say, "Till death do us part". 24 00:01:56,960 --> 00:02:00,800 - Mmm. So, stay tuned. - And stay married. 25 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:01,720 Hmm. 26 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:56,080 Good afternoon. 27 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:59,120 This is Rupert Campbell-Black, MP for Chalford and Bisley, 28 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,640 reminding you to vote Conservative. 29 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,840 Keep the Cotswolds blue. 30 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,760 Hi! 31 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,440 You know that's a cheese? 32 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,160 Cotswold Blue. 33 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,520 Don't let Labour take our cheese. 34 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,200 Good to see you. 35 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:24,080 Thanks. 36 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,760 - I trust I can rely on your vote. Lovely. - Yes. Happily. 37 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,080 Thank you so much. 38 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,960 Lovely to see you again, Mr Waddingham. Thank you so much for coming. 39 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,240 Thanks for coming... 40 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,240 - Can you hold this? - Oh, yeah. 41 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:55,880 Aw, thanks. 42 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,520 - No idea about the-- - What are you talking about? 43 00:03:58,520 --> 00:03:59,720 I've got lots of signatures. 44 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:01,720 You should think about doing this professionally. 45 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:02,720 Very funny. 46 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:04,960 What is-- 47 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,880 Oh, yeah. Let me. There's a knack to it. 48 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,040 - Do you mind? - No. 49 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:27,760 Patrick O'Hara. 50 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:28,960 I finished university. 51 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,080 I'm a real grown-up now. 52 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:34,960 I don't have time for declarations. You're a lovely boy, 53 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,160 - but I'm-- - You're what? 54 00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:38,280 Busy being a mistress of a wanker? 55 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:41,800 Can I kiss you? 56 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:45,480 Jesus, Patrick. I-- You have no idea. 57 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,560 You look fucking incredible, by the way. 58 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,440 You know, I think the vicar was quite taken with you. 59 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,040 They've invited for tea at the rectory. 60 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:15,840 Well, I'll do anything for the cause. 61 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:18,360 Yeah, me too. 62 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,480 Yeah, you're quite the campaigner. 63 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:26,480 Oh, Seb's here. 64 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,040 Yeah, he's taking me to the cinema. 65 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,040 You're going out with him? 66 00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:36,280 I like him. 67 00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:38,320 He's decent. 68 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:43,440 Well, is that the best you can hope for, "decent"? 69 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:45,920 Well, maybe I'm fed up with sitting around, 70 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,320 waiting for my life to happen... 71 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,120 making sandwiches for everybody else. 72 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:55,200 - Hey. - Hey. 73 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,800 - You okay? - Yeah. 74 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,000 - You ready? - Yeah. 75 00:05:58,520 --> 00:05:59,520 Taggie. 76 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,240 Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow. 77 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:23,760 Okay, next item. 78 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,720 As you know, we're finally putting something punchy in Declan's old slot, 79 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,200 Sarah's show. 80 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,920 Still working on the format. 81 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:33,400 Newest idea is we bring in a co-host to mix things up a bit. 82 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,560 - Finally. Thank you. - A co-host? 83 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,120 More like a magazine, but spicier. 84 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,840 Network loves the idea. 85 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,720 It's not your fault, Sarah. Prime-time slot. 86 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,480 It's a big thing for you to carry by yourself 87 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:43,640 - at this st-- - Who is it? 88 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,400 We're working on the details. Obviously, it won't be James. 89 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,760 - What? - You're Cotswold Round-Up. 90 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,080 Can't dilute the brand, can we? 91 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:50,200 - Okay, next. - Oh, but if-- 92 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,280 Great Gardens. 93 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,840 We need a new location now that we're pulling Green Lawns. 94 00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:54,760 Do we need to pull it? 95 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,520 Freddie Jones is actively campaigning to bring down Corinium. 96 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,880 Why would we put his house on our gardening show? 97 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:03,040 Well, it might be a show of strength if we go ahead anyway. 98 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,680 And means that we gain access to the property. 99 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,480 See if we can't pump Mrs Jones for info. 100 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,160 Yes. Good. Let's go ahead. 101 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:12,400 Now then. 102 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,400 Am I a man of my word? 103 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:19,760 Cameron? 104 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,600 You are a man of many words. 105 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,120 Am I a man of my word? 106 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,040 Yes, of course. 107 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,240 I think we'd all agree, Tony. 108 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:34,480 Would you? 109 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,480 See, that's curious, because I quite clearly remember 110 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,920 telling you not to speak to any of those Venturer traitors. 111 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,720 Do you remember what I said, Ginger, would be the consequence? 112 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,240 Instant dismissal, Tony. 113 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,400 In which case, Mr Burrows... 114 00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:02,280 am I to take it you no longer require Corinium's services as an employer? 115 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,000 Um... 116 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:07,560 sorry? 117 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:11,080 You were observed attending a screening of Absolute Beginners 118 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,520 at the Cotchester Regal... 119 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:15,720 with Taggie O'Hara. 120 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:19,800 You were spying on me? 121 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,360 It's franchise season, Sebastian. 122 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,400 I'm spying on everyone. It's self-preservation. 123 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:24,880 And it turns out, entirely necessary, 124 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,960 given that you are a double-crossing little shitbag. 125 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:32,800 So now, I'm gonna make an extremely fucking public example of you. 126 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:36,360 I'm not only gonna make sure you never work in commercial television again, 127 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:40,160 I'm gonna make sure there's no job for you on any channel anywhere. 128 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:43,720 I'm gonna make sure you can't get a job selling televisions at Rumbelows. 129 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:51,440 Escort Mr Burrows to his car, would you, Ginger? 130 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:53,000 - Don't let him clear his desk. - But I have-- 131 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,200 Be very fucking glad you're leaving here with all ten fingernails. 132 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,320 All right then. Off you all fuck. And thank you for your loyalty. 133 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:01,400 It has been noted. 134 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,640 Quick chat, Cameron. 135 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,160 I brought this little guy, as requested. 136 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,960 You can have it back soon as Lady Gosling's had a good look. 137 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,520 Where were you Friday night? 138 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,280 - Home. - I rang. You didn't answer. 139 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,520 I unplugged my phone. 140 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,800 Wanted to make sure I got a good night's rest, prepping for Great Gardens. 141 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:32,840 You're not wearing your ring. 142 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:36,600 Close to my heart. 143 00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:40,440 I didn't want people asking questions or-- 144 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,840 Patrick O'Hara was at your house. 145 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:44,840 And I told him where to get off. 146 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,000 I know. Thank you. 147 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,560 You know you don't have to spy on me, Tony. 148 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:56,520 Ready to go for a spin? 149 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:04,040 You've done a spectacular job. 150 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,920 The cameras are gonna love it. 151 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,520 We only feature the very best gardens on the programme. 152 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,520 - Oh, wow. - Monica's at the Falconry, of course. 153 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,360 - Mm-hmm. - And the Duchess's at Badminton. 154 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,640 And Mon-Mon, she doesn't mind? 155 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:18,440 With all of the unpleasantness... ...I haven't spoken to her in weeks. 156 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:19,360 Mmm. 157 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:22,880 Monica feels-- And I agree-- You're so special. 158 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:25,600 And showcasing this lovely garden, 159 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:28,920 that's far more important than petty personal feuds. 160 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,680 Oh, I just wish we could all go back to how it was before, 161 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:32,920 - when we were all friends. - Mmm. 162 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,520 Do you, um-- Do you have to host meetings here? 163 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:38,800 Oh, yes. 164 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,960 They hole up in Fred-Fred's office and I d-- I just leave them to it. 165 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,960 You know, the hardest thing is remembering who's siding with who. 166 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:46,640 I'm so glad you said that. 167 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:48,600 I can't remember from one day to the next. 168 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,320 - I'm sure we've got a couple of moles. - Yes. Yes. 169 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,280 Freddie is worried about moles. 170 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,120 - Really? - Mmm. 171 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:57,760 He's been putting castor oil everywhere. 172 00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,240 I'm terrified I'm gonna wake up in the morning 173 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:00,840 and find molehills all over the lawn. 174 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:10,640 Think about it, yeah? 175 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:12,400 - Mmm? Mmm. - All right, I'll think about it... 176 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,040 Oh. Oh, you have to come down more often. 177 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:25,640 Drive safe. 178 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,000 What was Malhar doing here? 179 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,920 He came to see me, darling. I do have friends. 180 00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:38,160 So, what, he came for a cup of tea? 181 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:41,400 Oh, Jesus Christ. We had a drink. 182 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,320 Is there something you want to ask me? 183 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,440 Hmm? Do you know where your daddy is? 184 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:49,840 'Cause I don't see you hounding him. 185 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,000 But Daddy would never. 186 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,280 Oh. 187 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,560 I am sick of your disapproval. 188 00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:56,920 You have no idea what I've done for this family over the years. 189 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,560 Well, I don't know why you bother if you resent it so much. 190 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:02,160 - I mean, you don't even like me. - I love you. You're my daughter. 191 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,440 Oh, c-- When you look at me, all you see are the things you've done wrong. 192 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:08,080 That's bloody unfair. I nearly died giving birth to you. 193 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:09,840 Twenty years ago. 194 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:16,120 Malhar offered me a part. 195 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,160 - A part? - Yes, a part in a play. 196 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:20,720 Like I used to do parts in plays, 197 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,880 but I don't anymore because I'm stuck down here. 198 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,120 It's a play in London. 199 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,360 Well, what'd you say? 200 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,200 No. Of course I did. 201 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:34,240 Sorry. 202 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:37,680 I guess, yeah-- I guess it's nice to be asked. 203 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,600 No, it's not, Taggie. 204 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:47,280 You get so used to putting other people's needs first that it becomes second nature. 205 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,840 And then one day, you look at yourself and you think, 206 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,080 "Why in fuck's name did I do that?" 207 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:58,160 But by then, it's too late to change. 208 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:20,840 Darling! 209 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:26,120 - I'm so glad to see you. - Just supporting my husband. 210 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:27,240 Not that he needs it. 211 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,000 What brings you to Valerie's opening? 212 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,040 - Sticker bombing. - Mmm. 213 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,720 I managed to get one on Valerie's bottom. 214 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,360 Oh. 215 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,760 - Closest to her opening I ever wanna get. - Oh. 216 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:45,240 We probably shouldn't be talking, since we're with rival consortiums. 217 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,280 - Consortia? Don't know. - Consortia? 218 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,320 - Consortiums? - Hmm. 219 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:51,800 - Hmm. - Anyway, it doesn't matter. 220 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:53,520 We're all adults. 221 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,560 I'm not giving you up for the sake of any stupid franchise. 222 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,440 You're the closest thing I have to a conscience. 223 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:25,400 - Hello, Valerie. - Hello, darling. 224 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:36,160 - This is horrendous, isn't it? - Absolute hell. 225 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,680 - Lemonade, Mrs Vereker? - Thank you, Sharon. 226 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:41,560 Oh, lovely hat. 227 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:43,720 I'm fine. 228 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,560 No, just hang on one second. 229 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,520 If one of you can do it for me, darling. Thank you so much. 230 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,320 Stop it. No. Stop it. You all-- 231 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,480 James is having an affair with Sarah Stratton. 232 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,120 Oh, darling. 233 00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:02,120 I shouldn't have told you that. 234 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,320 You'll leak it to the Scorpion to discredit Corinium. 235 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,640 Why don't you leave him? He's a wanker. 236 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,080 I-- 237 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,680 I booked a hotel room to have an affair with Freddie. 238 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,320 Then I-- Then I bottled out. 239 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,120 Hated myself. 240 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,480 Everyone does it. 241 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:31,440 Really, everyone? 242 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:32,680 - Yeah. - What? 243 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:34,360 All-All these people? 244 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:38,040 Her, over there in the hat. 245 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,720 Oh, is she fucking that man next to her? 246 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:41,160 Is that why she's not looking at him? 247 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,720 Him and her? Hmm, handjobs in the potting shed. 248 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,240 I mean it, Rupert. 249 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:50,760 Am I-- Am I really the only person holding out? 250 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,720 Does that make me a bit simple? 251 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:04,560 Should I be able to hold more than one man in my head at once? 252 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:09,720 Oh. 253 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,200 Can't we make it a show about fidelity, for God's sake? 254 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,600 Yes, you're an embarrassment to Corinium Television. 255 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,760 Blimey. 256 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,840 - Oh, my God. - Bit of a circus, innit? 257 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,000 Ugh. 258 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,360 Send in the clowns. 259 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:29,320 Speaking of which, they're about to film your spouses. 260 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,720 Think I'll, um... 261 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:34,120 go and watch. 262 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:42,760 You didn't come. 263 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:48,000 I tried, I-- I couldn't get out of the car. 264 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:50,560 I'm sorry. 265 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:52,720 Yeah. 266 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,760 No, it's probably for the best. 267 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,280 You were probably right when you said no the first time. 268 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:10,400 S-- Seconds away, James. 269 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,120 Quiet, please! 270 00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:14,120 And action, James. 271 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,560 One only has to look at your borders, Mrs Jones, 272 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,880 to appreciate what an extraordinary gardener you are. 273 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,320 Tell me, what's your secret? 274 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:22,000 How do you grow such whopping glads? 275 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,400 Oh. Well, James, 276 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,640 I feed them with growmore... 277 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,120 - ...and obviously I stake them very tall... - Deirdre, ah-- Deirdre, 278 00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:30,480 - can we quieten down the masses, please? - ...so they're not flopping over... 279 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,960 - Can we have some quiet, please? - Thank you, Cameron. 280 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,000 Quiet! 281 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:36,720 - Right. Deirdre, are we ready? - Hmm. 282 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:38,400 Excellent. 283 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,080 - Oh, for God's sake. - Cut! 284 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,280 I'm so sorry. Are you all right? It's like working in a zoo. 285 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:44,680 - Why's there a dog off a lead? - Beaver. 286 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,360 Can we find out why there's a dog off the lead? 287 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,560 - Okay, shall we try this again? - I'm so sorry. 288 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,240 - Are we ready? Are we ready? - I'm ready. 289 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:51,600 Action. 290 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,000 One only has to take a look at your borders, Mrs Jones, to realise... 291 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:02,960 I'm here to pick you up. 292 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,680 - I have my car. - Well, Ginger will drive it home for you. 293 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:09,200 Okay, I don't understand. 294 00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:11,360 I'm taking you out. 295 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,880 It's the Venturer franchise application. 296 00:18:58,440 --> 00:18:59,640 Okay, but how did you get it? 297 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:04,400 Ginger did a little light espionage at Green Lawns. 298 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:07,440 Well, can I read it? What's-What's in it? 299 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,200 Enough for us to get our teeth into. 300 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,440 We'll pick over it tomorrow. 301 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,240 Tonight is about you and me. 302 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:26,320 Listen... 303 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:31,720 - I know I don't say it enough, but-- - Tony, people can see us. 304 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:41,760 Dance with me. 305 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:42,880 Nobody's dancing. 306 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,280 I don't care. Come and dance. 307 00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:09,760 I meant what I said about the ring. 308 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,160 Once we win this, we'll do this whenever we want. 309 00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,840 Come on, Tag. A, B, C or D? 310 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,720 - None of them. - No, you have to pick one. 311 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:04,080 {\an8}Come on. Otherwise, how do we know which Four Men Went To Mow character 312 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:05,160 you're going to marry? 313 00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:09,400 - Tag, have you seen this? - What? 314 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:11,920 Show me. 315 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:14,960 "Rupert in clinch with cook". 316 00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:18,760 Oh, my God. You're in the Scorpion. You're the cook. 317 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:20,880 Yeah, it's Cameron Cook. They must mean Cameron. 318 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,040 - Cameron? - No, it's definitely you. 319 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,600 Seb's going to be devastated. 320 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,960 - Losing his job and now this? - What about Cameron? 321 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,480 It's Rupert and Cameron. Didn't you know? 322 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,120 Wow, she really picks 'em, doesn't she? 323 00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:34,040 Oh, God, please. 324 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,720 It'll ruin everything for Daddy if it comes out. 325 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,200 I-I shouldn't have told you. 326 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,280 Please, Patrick. Leave it alone. 327 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,640 Tomorrow, at the public meeting... 328 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,520 ...we all need to be able to answer whatever questions come up. 329 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,120 Seb's been doing some briefing notes for everyone 330 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:54,160 now that he has more time on his hands, 331 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:57,360 but we need to know this back to front like Cameron does. 332 00:21:57,360 --> 00:21:58,600 Where is Cameron? 333 00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:01,640 With the Dark Lord, I suppose. I rang her this morning, but she didn't answer. 334 00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:03,600 Gerald, you got a spare copy? 335 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,960 - I couldn't find mine this morning. - Uh, yes. 336 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:07,200 Rupert does that a lot. 337 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:08,680 Why does this have to be at Corinium? 338 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,800 Shouldn't a public meeting be on neutral grounds? 339 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:12,760 Oh, it's deliberately stacked in favour of the incumbent. 340 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:16,520 It's simpler for everyone if they get to keep the franchise, 341 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:20,760 so the IBA make it easy to defend and difficult to challenge. 342 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,560 Look... [sighs] ...we have to prove we've got the money 343 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:24,880 and experience to take over the building, 344 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,080 'cause plenty of franchise applications fall at this hurdle. 345 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,040 - So, you know... - They got your best side. 346 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,120 - It's not what you think. - What is it? 347 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:33,680 Oh, wonderful. 348 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:39,640 You think this is funny? 349 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:44,280 Oh, come on. It's just tabloid nonsense, tonight's chip paper. 350 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,360 You promised me you wouldn't touch her. 351 00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:48,640 - I didn't touch her. - What the fuck is that? 352 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,080 The seat belt wasn't working. 353 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:52,040 You made him promise not to touch me? 354 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,080 What-- I'm 20 years old. 355 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,120 Oh, so something did happen then, did it? 356 00:22:58,360 --> 00:22:59,920 She's... [stammers] ...seeing Seb, isn't she? 357 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,040 Seb, it's... 358 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:05,400 - nothing. - No, it's okay. 359 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,680 - She's her own person. - There, you see? She's her own person. 360 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,160 - Get out of my house. - Daddy, for God's sake. Stop. 361 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,160 - Here we go. - Seriously, this is too far-- 362 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,160 You couldn't be serious if your life depended on it. 363 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,800 - The fuck do you have riding on this? - I put my house up. 364 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:24,240 I bought the bluebell wood so you could clear your debts. 365 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:25,600 You've had all my money, what more do you want? 366 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:27,280 Look-- 367 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,200 Shall we get back to work 368 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,840 and stop talking about who gets to touch up Taggie? 369 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:32,880 Oh! 370 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:34,320 Hey. 371 00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:35,760 - Stop. - Come here. Come on. 372 00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:36,880 - Whoa. - You prick! 373 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,160 - Prick! - What is wrong with you? 374 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,960 - I need you to sit down now. - Come on, chaps. That is enough. 375 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:45,480 God. Fuck is your face made of? Jesus Christ. 376 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:47,600 - You all right? - Fuck. 377 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,280 What happened? 378 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:51,920 You shouldn't be here. It's not safe. 379 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,640 I was gonna call, but I got scared in case Tony bugged the phone. 380 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,040 That's paranoid, darling. 381 00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:58,520 No, not anymore it's not. 382 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,400 Tony has seen the application. He knows all of our plans. 383 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:05,160 What... [stammers] ...how? 384 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:10,600 Freddie... 385 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:12,840 You got your copy? 386 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:34,240 You should probably get someone to fix that. 387 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,920 I'm for bed, darling. 388 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:40,880 - Oh, is that Green Lawns? - Mmm. It's the Great Gardens tape. 389 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:43,560 - Come and watch with me. - And here I am surrounded by... 390 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,560 - Laugh at Valerie's gruesome borders. - ...large variety of yellows, 391 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,480 - greens, blues, lilacs, oranges, indigos. - Yes, all right. 392 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:49,680 All the colours of the rainbow. 393 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,920 And who's this little collection of colourful characters we have here? 394 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,480 - He's a little rambler. - See? She's got gnomes. 395 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,280 I think he's a little camera-shy, don't you? 396 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,480 And what's the inspiration behind this piece of landscaping here? 397 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:01,720 Well, James, uh... 398 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,560 What does she feed those enormous gladioli? 399 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:05,960 Same thing she feeds her children. 400 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:07,840 Tony. 401 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,040 And reflect it it does. 402 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:11,080 Almost blinding. 403 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:15,000 Oh, look. Poor James is the same colour as the marigolds. 404 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,560 And she looks like she's dressed for Ascot. 405 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,160 - ...extraordinary garden you... - Lady Valerie of Vulgaria. 406 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:22,360 - Hmm. - ...what's your secret? 407 00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:24,760 - How do you grow such whopping glads? - Well, James, 408 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,920 I feed them with growmore, and obviously I stake them very high so they're-- 409 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:30,360 - Cut! - Ooh! 410 00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:34,080 Whoops-a-daisy. 411 00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:37,680 Oh, it's Rupert. 412 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,160 - Oh. - Beaver! 413 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:41,240 Can we find out why there's a dog off the lead? 414 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,600 - What's happening? We're rolling? - It's going. 415 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:53,800 Hang on for one moment. Wait. 416 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,160 Shall we try that again? 417 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:14,080 Beaver seems besotted with Miss Cook, doesn't he? 418 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:18,440 It's rather like he knows her. 419 00:27:04,360 --> 00:27:06,240 The day of reckoning arrives. 420 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:10,680 Could we say the application was just sitting on Freddie Jones's desk? 421 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,440 Makes him sound appallingly careless. 422 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:16,800 I'm not sure we want to admit to trespassing and theft, do we? 423 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,040 That's a fair point. 424 00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,400 The best way to take advantage of this little windfall 425 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:22,560 is to pull apart every idea they've got. 426 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:25,360 Pour scorn on every word they say this afternoon. 427 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:29,440 We've got it all worked out, right, Tony? 428 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:32,320 Absolutely. 429 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,000 No question. It's ours. 430 00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:42,320 Never pays to think something's definitively yours, in my experience. 431 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:46,720 Let's not rest on our laurels just yet. 432 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,360 Emotions are riding high in Rutshire in the battle for control 433 00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:56,760 of the central south-west television region. 434 00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:59,400 The franchise holder, Corinium, will go head-to-head 435 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,680 at a public meeting with new consortium Venturer 436 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:05,320 led by TV presenter Declan O'Hara... 437 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:09,320 ...MP and former Olympian showjumper, Rupert Campbell-Black, 438 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,400 and tech wizard Freddie Jones. 439 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,280 They've got the charm, but can they convince the IBA 440 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,960 that they've got the chops to catch the crown? 441 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,320 Why the cameras? Are we on television? 442 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:36,600 Oh, it's for the evening news. 443 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,000 Don't stare at them. It'll look like a game show. 444 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,800 Oh, look, there's-- there's Charles. Hello, Charles. 445 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,320 Henry, try and remember who's on whose side, will you? 446 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,360 Somebody get all this down before this door opens. 447 00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:49,920 - Yeah, but if you need help, just ask. - I'm better on the subject. 448 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:51,720 - You can get on that, Rupert. - Yeah. 449 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:53,720 Yes, good idea. Yes. 450 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,920 We never come to Corinium. I don't understand. 451 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,880 Listen, it's Daddy's big day, and we're here to support him. 452 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,520 Hey! 453 00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:14,560 - I'll just go and find a seat. - Oh, no, no. You're up here with us. 454 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,760 Ragtag sort of bunch, aren't they? 455 00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:20,000 Spend half the time fighting each other, apparently. 456 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:20,960 Embarrassing. 457 00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:22,080 Yes. 458 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:24,560 Well, we can talk over there-- 459 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:33,240 Goodness. All human life is here. 460 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:36,440 Mostly pond life over that side. 461 00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:38,400 What the hell is Beattie Johnson doing here? 462 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:43,520 Hello, darling. 463 00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:51,480 Is everything okay? 464 00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:55,720 Love you. 465 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:02,000 Ladies and gentlemen, the meeting is about to begin. 466 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:06,880 This consultation aims simply to determine if the new company, Venturer, 467 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:11,640 has the capacity to be a contender for the south-west central franchise. 468 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:14,280 We will inform Venturer by telephone later in the evening 469 00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:17,240 if they may submit a formal franchise application. 470 00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:19,200 And however, in the meantime, 471 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:22,280 this is an opportunity for you, the public, 472 00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:25,320 to give both sides a good grilling. 473 00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:27,800 So, are there any questions from the floor? 474 00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,120 Yes, lady at the back over there. 475 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:32,920 Uh, with the very tight perm. 476 00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:39,320 Can I please ask both teams when you're gonna start showing bingo on the telly? 477 00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:43,000 Well, we're absolutely committed to bringing 478 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,120 as many different sports to the viewing public. 479 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,960 So, if there's an appetite for bingo, absolutely. 480 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:51,240 Ah, yes, I was-- I was rather wondering if James might sign my blouse. 481 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:53,320 Oh. 482 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:56,560 Yes, my company's been developing satellite television for a while now. 483 00:31:56,560 --> 00:32:00,640 Dishy Daniel won't be leaving Four Men Went To Mow this next series. 484 00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:03,920 At Venturer, we've got plans to show polo. 485 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,360 I'm sorry that the Chipping Sodbury WI feel 486 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,920 we've disproportionately covered news from Cotchester. 487 00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:12,400 So, Venturer are gonna harvest this technology for domestic use. 488 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,760 That's something that we've got and Corinium haven't. 489 00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:18,720 Oh, and yes, I would be delighted to sign your blouse. 490 00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:22,760 We'll ensure he removes his shirt... 491 00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:24,800 ...at least once an episode. 492 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,560 Yeah, we'll keep it on the network if it's popular. 493 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,200 Well, um, I'll respond to that if I may. 494 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:35,960 The underdog team over there might expect 495 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:38,640 to retain all of your favourite programmes, 496 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,840 but I'm afraid they belong to Corinium. 497 00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,240 Cotswold Round-Up, ladies and gentlemen. 498 00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:47,200 Imagine a world without that sofa, James. 499 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,480 No Master Dog. 500 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:51,960 No Dorothy Dove. 501 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,760 And, ladies and gentlemen, what that means 502 00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,280 is no more Four Men Went To Mow. 503 00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:01,320 Sorry, lads. 504 00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:03,280 What a dreary prospect. 505 00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:06,040 And what about the future? 506 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:11,960 Our newest output brings us to a whole new frontier of entertainment. 507 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:17,040 Most imminently, we are replacing our tired old talk show Declan 508 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:20,880 with a brand-new format and a new presenter. 509 00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:25,440 Joining Sarah Stratton in her first-ever television job, 510 00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:29,120 celebrity gossip columnist, Beattie Johnson. 511 00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:37,360 Heading up Uncensored, 512 00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:43,400 the naughtiest, most gossipy show on the independent network. 513 00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,840 Because that's what we do at Corinium. 514 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:51,000 We serve you the television you want. 515 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:52,360 Your station. 516 00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:56,160 Now and always. 517 00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:00,360 Because who wants to feel like their television station 518 00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:03,400 is some rich man's second hobby? 519 00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:09,000 Honestly, what does Rupert Campbell-Black know about broadcasting? 520 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:15,640 I know people. 521 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:21,040 I know this area from representing you all in Parliament. 522 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:24,160 I've knocked on a damn sight more doors than Tony Baddingham has. 523 00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:28,520 And look at the audience that have come today to support Venturer. 524 00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:31,480 We've got Cotchester Council gardening team. 525 00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:34,360 - The Chipping Sodbury WI. - Hello! 526 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:35,880 Bisley Ballroom Dancers. 527 00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:37,560 The headmaster from Rugborough 528 00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:38,760 and the lads 529 00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:40,960 from Cotchester Rugby Football Club! 530 00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:44,520 Venturer! Venturer! Venturer! 531 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,440 They know a good team when they see one. 532 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,760 This lot, a team? A team? 533 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:50,800 Ask Rupert where he got that bruise. 534 00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:53,880 - They're a bunch of amateurs! - Yeah. 535 00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:58,360 Brawling and boozing and bedding other people's wives. 536 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,760 The drama should be on the screen. 537 00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:04,320 Not off it. 538 00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:14,720 No, you're right. 539 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:18,880 They do deserve better. 540 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:27,480 You deserve better. 541 00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:34,720 You all deserve better than the shite Tony Baddingham 542 00:35:34,720 --> 00:35:37,560 has been pumping into your living rooms for all these years. 543 00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:42,360 You deserve better than endless quiz shows 544 00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:45,960 that cost nothing to make and nourish nobody's soul. 545 00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:48,880 Yes, they have a good drama, but one? 546 00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:50,400 One good drama? 547 00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:52,760 We will make dozens. 548 00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:55,600 There will be Venturer shows all over the network, 549 00:35:55,600 --> 00:36:00,200 so you can be proud of the work that comes out of the central south-west. 550 00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:02,800 We're not in this to make money. 551 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:07,000 We are in this to make joy. 552 00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:10,720 Because what is television for? 553 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,600 I don't think Tony Baddingham's asked himself that in a very long time. 554 00:36:15,720 --> 00:36:17,160 Christ, it shows. 555 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,400 You know what I think it's for? 556 00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:23,480 Community. 557 00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:28,120 People used to sit around the fire for their stories. 558 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:30,920 Now we sit around the television. 559 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,920 We point our chairs at the corner of the room, 560 00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:37,440 and that is where we commune. 561 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:40,960 Television has the power to bring us together. 562 00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:44,440 To help us forgive each other. 563 00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:49,480 When we've had a stupid fight. 564 00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:57,960 To give us a window into others' lives. 565 00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:03,360 To bring new ideas into our homes. 566 00:37:05,240 --> 00:37:06,800 It is, I believe, 567 00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:10,080 the greatest art form man has created. 568 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:14,120 I got into this business many years ago 569 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:18,760 in the pursuit of truth and integrity. 570 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:22,320 And I still believe in both. 571 00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:25,720 And you deserve better. 572 00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:30,520 And we will move mountains to give you better 573 00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:33,440 if you put your faith in us and give us a chance. 574 00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:55,800 Thank you, Rupert. 575 00:37:58,280 --> 00:37:59,640 Go Venturer! 576 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,280 And now I have to spend months fighting this. When does it ever stop? 577 00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:13,040 We don't know the verdict yet. 578 00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:15,600 Oh, Christ, d'you see Gosling's wizened face light up 579 00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:17,560 at Declan's blarney lyricism? 580 00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:19,360 Then we have the smear campaign. 581 00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:20,800 More scandal, more dirt-- 582 00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,800 Ginger, you wouldn't know dirt if it shat itself into your face. 583 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,720 Do you have any idea of the size of dirt you managed to miss this week, hmm? 584 00:38:26,720 --> 00:38:29,040 You are supposed to be my fucking eyes and ears. 585 00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,000 I'd get better reports from Helen fucking Keller! 586 00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:40,240 - Well done, darling. - Thank you, sweetheart. 587 00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:48,440 I meant what I said. 588 00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:50,480 - Well, I just hope that it worked-- - Excuse me. 589 00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:52,840 You were just brilliant. Everybody loved you. 590 00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:54,840 - Thank you, darling. - I'm so proud of you. 591 00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:56,560 - Where'd you get all these people? - Daddy. 592 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,760 Hello, Agatha. Bet you didn't expect this lot. 593 00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:01,800 Sorry we were a bit rowdy with you. 594 00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:03,640 This is from all of us. 595 00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:04,960 Hey, Rupert. 596 00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:06,400 I reckon she's a keeper, don't you? 597 00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:10,800 No, mate, she's our top striker. 598 00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:17,320 We did good, right? We did okay? 599 00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:18,440 - You were great-- - Hey. 600 00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:19,480 Hey. 601 00:39:20,240 --> 00:39:23,040 - It's all back to yours, apparently. - Oh, apparently. 602 00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:43,160 {\an8} Why didn't you tell me he was bringing in Beattie? 603 00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:44,720 {\an8}I didn't know. 604 00:39:44,720 --> 00:39:47,520 {\an8}I don't know what the hell he's doing. Something's going on with him. 605 00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:50,280 - He-He knows something, or I-- - It's okay. 606 00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:51,720 We're gonna win this. 607 00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:56,640 And what if we don't? 608 00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:58,800 I'll look after you whatever happens, okay? 609 00:39:58,800 --> 00:39:59,920 Promise. 610 00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:02,040 Can you come to the Priory? 611 00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:06,440 I'm supposed to be here, but I'll slip away if I can. 612 00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:18,800 Come on, Sarah. 613 00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:22,520 S-- Lizzie. Lizzie, listen, um, Sarah's not coming out. 614 00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:24,600 Would you just go in and see she's all right? 615 00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:29,400 Oh... [stammers] ...I think you could go in if it's your wife, Paul. 616 00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:32,240 I can't be seen coming out of the ladies. I'm a member of parliament. 617 00:40:32,240 --> 00:40:34,760 Look, let's go grab a drink. The womenfolk can join us later. 618 00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:36,800 Thank you. 619 00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:57,160 Sarah, are you all right? 620 00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,320 Um, I must have eaten something. 621 00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:07,360 Nerves? 622 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:10,280 That woman. 623 00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:13,240 Why's he put me with her? 624 00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:17,440 My big chance, and then it's her. 625 00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:20,600 Bloody Tony. 626 00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:23,080 Do you know, I spent my life running around after these men 627 00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:25,000 who just can't be trusted. 628 00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:27,640 And they have all the power. 629 00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:32,000 They just squeeze us out like toothpaste, not even toothpaste. 630 00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:33,840 They don't need us at all. 631 00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:34,920 Oh, I think they do. 632 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:39,000 But fuck 'em, right? 633 00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:44,960 We should stop putting them first. 634 00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:47,320 Do what we want. 635 00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:51,480 Not just the right thing all the time. 636 00:41:54,240 --> 00:41:56,080 I'm not sure I've ever done the right thing. 637 00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:04,720 I've got to go. Uh, your husband's looking for you. 638 00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:14,920 Thought I told you to fuck off. 639 00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:19,120 No, darling, it's me. 640 00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:29,120 I'm here to say come home. 641 00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:32,520 Archie's waiting in the car. 642 00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:36,240 Why'd you have to bring the boy to see his father being humiliated? 643 00:42:36,240 --> 00:42:39,040 You know, we both know it's not that you're angry about. 644 00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:43,600 But perhaps this is a test. 645 00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:47,400 It's time for you to decide. 646 00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:54,640 I've been loyal all of these years, but even my stoicism has a limit. 647 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:55,880 So do be careful. 648 00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:00,440 Come home tonight, and let's talk about it. 649 00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:03,840 Because if you don't, 650 00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:08,040 I'll take the children to my sister's in the morning. 651 00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,520 Would be rather a thing to win it though, wouldn't it? 652 00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:24,720 I love you guys. 653 00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:42,400 Legs on that, eh? I think I might be in there. 654 00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:44,280 You fucking idiot. 655 00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:46,640 What if Declan finds out? 656 00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:48,720 Not to mention, he's a friend and it's wrong. 657 00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:51,640 You've never objected to a bit of wife-sitting before. 658 00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:58,560 Goodness. When did you get so morally fibrous? 659 00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,960 Dame Enid's on the piano. She's fucking amazing. 660 00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:08,920 So, what happens now? 661 00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:11,840 We're just waiting on Lady Gosling to call to say if we're through to the next round. 662 00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:15,840 - You sure you can't stay? - Yeah. 663 00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:18,440 I've had a lovely time, but they're tired. 664 00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:19,880 So I'll take them home. 665 00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:22,560 Fingers crossed. 666 00:44:23,720 --> 00:44:25,800 Thank you, darling. Thanks for coming. 667 00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:27,600 I'm really proud of you, Fred-Fred. 668 00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:36,800 Love you. 669 00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:41,080 Stop slouching, Sharon. You look like a potato. 670 00:44:57,280 --> 00:44:59,720 - Patrick, have you seen your mother? - Have another drink. 671 00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:01,600 Dad, relax. 672 00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:15,560 - Evening, Mr Fairburn! - I managed to escape. 673 00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:46,040 Hello. 674 00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:48,880 Hello. 675 00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:13,480 I'm Cilla bloody Black. 676 00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:17,640 Do you think you'll get it? 677 00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:19,480 - Lots of hurdles to jump yet. - Mmm. 678 00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:21,280 But I think we did a really good job tonight. 679 00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:26,760 So is-- is this a night off, then? 680 00:46:40,240 --> 00:46:42,720 Have you got any idea how fucking beautiful you are? 681 00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:01,120 How are you? 682 00:47:01,880 --> 00:47:03,920 Surprisingly well, frankly. 683 00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:06,440 Mother knew me this morning. 684 00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,280 First time in months. 685 00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:12,600 Made me feel like life is possible. 686 00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:16,880 And I wanted to say to you that even if you can't love me, 687 00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:19,680 then I think friends would be rather nice. 688 00:47:25,720 --> 00:47:27,560 Charles, I think I found someone to marry. 689 00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:31,040 Goodness. 690 00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:35,960 Well, she's a-- a nice girl from a good family, 691 00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:37,600 and she-she likes me in the right way. 692 00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:40,480 Do you like her? 693 00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:42,600 I think we get on rather well. 694 00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:46,400 You know, I really think I could bear to be married to her. 695 00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:49,560 And especially if it meant everyone would stop asking me why I'm not married. 696 00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:53,960 It'll give me the respectability I need for my career, and-and... 697 00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:59,080 and then we could be together. 698 00:48:01,240 --> 00:48:02,400 Still in secret. 699 00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:05,280 But safe. 700 00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:14,760 I don't know if I can live without this. 701 00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:17,200 Without you. 702 00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:56,240 I've never done this before. 703 00:48:57,120 --> 00:48:59,440 - What, sex? - Adultery. 704 00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:02,160 I've written about it a lot. 705 00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:06,120 I've never met anyone I wanted to do it with before. 706 00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:41,000 It's so nice to feel software becoming hardware. 707 00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:56,760 I'm going to declare this 708 00:49:56,760 --> 00:49:59,800 an area of outstanding natural beauty. 709 00:50:40,720 --> 00:50:41,760 What's going on? 710 00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:46,000 I'm going to London. 711 00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:50,440 Malhar offered me a part in, uh, A Doll's House. 712 00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:54,240 I thought you didn't get it. 713 00:50:54,880 --> 00:50:56,120 It's a different part. 714 00:50:57,680 --> 00:50:58,680 It's the maid. 715 00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:00,200 You're playing the maid? 716 00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:03,600 Yeah, Declan. Yeah. 717 00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:10,880 Because as it turns out, I'm not a star anymore. 718 00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:17,480 As it turns out, I spent too long following you around. 719 00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:20,640 For wherever you wanted to be. 720 00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:25,400 There for the children so that you get to do what you want to do. 721 00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:27,800 I want to work. 722 00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:35,680 I need to work. 723 00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:40,280 And you, of all people, should understand that. 724 00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:51,680 And if you'd been even remotely available to me recently, 725 00:51:52,280 --> 00:51:54,840 you would have been part of that decision, but you weren't. 726 00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:57,280 So I made it myself. 727 00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:03,360 No. 728 00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:11,160 We need you here, love. 729 00:52:12,240 --> 00:52:13,240 You actually don't. 730 00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:17,080 Good luck with the franchise bid. 731 00:52:17,720 --> 00:52:19,160 - Mummy. - Tag, stop her. 732 00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:21,000 She said she's going to London to do a fucking play. 733 00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:23,880 I am going to London to do a fucking play, 734 00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:27,680 and I should never have left it this long. 735 00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:32,200 Goodbye, my sweetheart. 736 00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:38,120 Please don't go. 737 00:52:38,120 --> 00:52:39,520 Maud, please. 738 00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:52,840 You should get that. 739 00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:05,880 Hello? 740 00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:08,120 Yes. Hi, Lady Gosling. 741 00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:11,840 No, no. Of course, no. I-I appreciate you calling. 742 00:53:21,840 --> 00:53:23,280 Yes! 743 00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:38,080 And later tonight, the battle 744 00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:41,520 for the central south-west television region is on. 745 00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:45,600 Incumbent company, Corinium, now being challenged by Venturer, 746 00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:49,640 headed by Corinium's biggest star, Declan O'Hara, 747 00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:53,520 along with ex-showjumper and Minister for Sport, Rupert Campbell-Black. 748 00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:57,040 Today's meeting was to decide if Venturer has the capacity 749 00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:59,600 to be a serious contender for the franchise. 750 00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:14,440 Leaving already? 751 00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:19,920 Shall we pop to my office? 752 00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:21,720 For what? 753 00:54:23,600 --> 00:54:25,120 Never asked me that before. 754 00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:34,920 Across the country, 755 00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:37,880 regional television franchises are being renewed. 756 00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:42,640 Often the original incumbent sitting pretty, remaining unchallenged. 757 00:54:43,240 --> 00:54:46,320 How long have you been sleeping with Rupert Campbell-Black? 758 00:54:54,680 --> 00:54:56,680 What am I having? Just a bit. 759 00:54:58,160 --> 00:54:59,560 Hey. 760 00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:02,000 What's that? Just a bit. Yeah, a bit. 761 00:55:35,560 --> 00:55:37,560 I was spying on him-- on Venturer. 762 00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:38,640 Oh. 763 00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:43,280 So what information did you fuck out of him for me? 764 00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:46,040 Turns out I'm not a very good spy. 765 00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:47,800 Oh, don't fucking goad me. 766 00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:54,080 There is no one in the world you could sleep with that... 767 00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:57,000 He is the worst man in the world. 768 00:55:58,040 --> 00:55:59,480 You knew that. 769 00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:04,240 Oh, you fucking reek of him! 770 00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:11,200 I'll give you whatever you want. 771 00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:13,680 I'll-- I'll ring my solicitor tomorrow. 772 00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:15,560 I'll start the divorce. I'll do anything. 773 00:56:15,560 --> 00:56:19,760 Just swear you will never let that man touch you again. 774 00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:21,760 Just let me have this one, please. 775 00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:27,640 Mm-mmm. I'm sorry. 776 00:56:31,200 --> 00:56:33,320 I will sack you so hard! 777 00:56:33,320 --> 00:56:35,920 You can't sack me. I'm resigning. 778 00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:38,600 Your visa's tied to your job, darling! 779 00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:41,360 I'll make sure you're on the first plane back to America! 780 00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:43,400 Yeah? 781 00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:46,040 I will marry Rupert. 782 00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:48,440 Then I can stay. 783 00:56:50,640 --> 00:56:52,040 Venturer might have won this battle... 784 00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:53,800 - Oi, lads, we're on! - ...but have they won the war? 785 00:56:53,800 --> 00:56:55,920 That's the question on everyone's lips. 786 00:56:55,920 --> 00:57:00,600 They have been successful putting together an impressive board 787 00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:03,200 comprising the great and the good of Rutshire. 788 00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:04,320 Yes. 789 00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:07,600 People used to sit around the fire for their stories. 790 00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:10,440 Now we sit around the television. 791 00:57:11,640 --> 00:57:14,040 That is where we commune. 792 00:57:14,040 --> 00:57:16,280 Television has the power to bring us together. 793 00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:18,520 Fuck you! 794 00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:24,160 To help us forgive each other. 795 00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:26,560 When we've had a stupid fight. 796 00:57:28,680 --> 00:57:32,120 To give us a window into other's lives. 797 00:57:32,120 --> 00:57:36,160 To bring new ideas into our homes. 798 00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:37,960 Where's Mummy? 799 00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:42,280 It is, I believe, the greatest art form man has created. 800 00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:46,240 Hi. 801 00:57:46,240 --> 00:57:47,640 - Hi. - Uh-- 802 00:58:01,280 --> 00:58:02,360 Seb's a nice boy. 803 00:58:03,760 --> 00:58:06,120 - You were right. - Yeah, he's lovely. 804 00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:08,400 - He's a good sort. - Yeah. 805 00:58:10,080 --> 00:58:11,080 Only, he's not you. 806 00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:17,760 Oh, Tag. 807 00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:22,400 I don't know why I just said that. 808 00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:24,240 I think I'm tired. 809 00:58:31,880 --> 00:58:34,520 It's the franchise. Cameron. 810 00:58:35,680 --> 00:58:38,680 - I'm trapped. I can't get out of it. - I'm not asking you to. 811 00:58:41,640 --> 00:58:43,040 But she's not you. 812 00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:47,480 I can't breathe without you. 813 00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:44,640 ...first-ever television job, 814 00:59:44,640 --> 00:59:47,080 celebrity gossip columnist, Beattie Johnson! 815 00:59:48,120 --> 00:59:50,320 Heading up Uncensored... 816 00:59:50,320 --> 00:59:55,600 ...the naughtiest, most gossipy show on the independent network. 817 00:59:57,400 --> 01:00:00,160 Because that's what we do at Corinium. 818 01:00:01,720 --> 01:00:05,240 We serve you the television you want. 819 01:00:05,240 --> 01:00:06,440 Your station. 820 01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:09,680 Now and always.