1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,400 - [audience applauding] - [♪ theme music playing] 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:05,480 [James laughs] 3 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,040 {\an8}Hello. Good evening, 4 00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:13,760 {\an8}and welcome to How to Stay Married with me, James Vereker. 5 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:19,040 And over here, the woman lucky enough to call herself my better half, 6 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:21,000 my wife, Lizzie. 7 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,760 Thank you, darling. Hello. 8 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:28,800 Now, a wise man once said, "Marriage isn't a battlefield, it's a partnership, 9 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:32,440 and married people should be comrades, not rivals." 10 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,680 [Lizzie] Though that's sometimes easier said than done. 11 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:41,480 [James] How do you stay connected after 20 years of children, careers, everything? 12 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:42,560 [sniffles] 13 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,920 [Lizzie] How do you keep each other interested over dinner 14 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:49,160 or in the bedroom when the honeymoon period comes to an end? 15 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:53,760 We'll be chatting to a range of celebrity and ordinary couples to ask, 16 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:55,760 "How do they make it work for them?" 17 00:00:55,760 --> 00:01:00,960 And we'll find out if the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence. 18 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:10,880 [grunts] 19 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,960 [Lizzie] We'll be quizzing the experts on how to keep a marriage fresh 20 00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:20,080 without seeking excitement elsewhere. 21 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:25,120 [James] We'll discuss how to deal with the pain if one of you breaks the rules. 22 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:27,760 [Lizzie] And how to keep your feet on the ground 23 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,240 when you're thinking about walking away. 24 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:38,440 - [both grunting, moaning] - [phone rings] 25 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:41,480 [both laugh] 26 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,280 [grunting] 27 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:44,960 - [machine beeps] - [Cameron] This is Cameron Cook. 28 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,240 - Leave a message. - [line beeps] 29 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:49,320 [handset settles in cradle] 30 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,520 Gosh, it's a lot to get through, isn't it? 31 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,960 Well, we did say, "Till death do us part". 32 00:01:56,960 --> 00:02:00,800 - Mmm. So, stay tuned. - And stay married. 33 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:01,720 Hmm. 34 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:13,160 [♪ opera music playing] 35 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,720 [♪ "Jump (For My Love)" playing] 36 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:56,080 [Rupert, on megaphone] Good afternoon. 37 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:59,120 This is Rupert Campbell-Black, MP for Chalford and Bisley, 38 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,640 - reminding you to vote Conservative. - [horn honks] 39 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,840 - Keep the Cotswolds blue. - [Taggie laughs] 40 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,760 - Hi! [laughs] - [horn honks] 41 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,440 You know that's a cheese? 42 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,160 Cotswold Blue. 43 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,520 Don't let Labour take our cheese. 44 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,200 [laughs] 45 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,200 [Gerald] Good to see you. 46 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:24,080 Thanks. 47 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,760 - I trust I can rely on your vote. Lovely. - Yes. Happily. 48 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,880 [chattering] 49 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,080 Thank you so much. 50 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,960 Lovely to see you again, Mr Waddingham. Thank you so much for coming. 51 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:38,280 [music continues] 52 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,240 [chattering continues] 53 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,240 Thanks for coming... 54 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,280 {\an8}[laughs] 55 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,240 - Can you hold this? - Oh, yeah. 56 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:55,880 Aw, thanks. 57 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,520 - [Taggie] No idea about the-- - [Rupert] What are you talking about? 58 00:03:58,520 --> 00:03:59,720 I've got lots of signatures. 59 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:01,720 You should think about doing this professionally. 60 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:02,720 Very funny. 61 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:04,960 - [grunts] - What is-- 62 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,880 Oh, yeah. Let me. There's a knack to it. 63 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,040 - Do you mind? - No. 64 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,080 [shutter clicking] 65 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:27,760 Patrick O'Hara. 66 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:28,960 I finished university. 67 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,080 I'm a real grown-up now. 68 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:34,960 I don't have time for declarations. You're a lovely boy, 69 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,160 - but I'm-- - You're what? 70 00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:38,280 Busy being a mistress of a wanker? 71 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:41,800 Can I kiss you? 72 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:45,480 - [engine starts] - Jesus, Patrick. I-- You have no idea. 73 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,560 You look fucking incredible, by the way. 74 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,440 You know, I think the vicar was quite taken with you. 75 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,040 They've invited for tea at the rectory. 76 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:15,840 [clicks tongue] Well, I'll do anything for the cause. 77 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:18,360 [laughs] Yeah, me too. 78 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,480 Yeah, you're quite the campaigner. 79 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:26,480 Oh, Seb's here. 80 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,040 Yeah, he's taking me to the cinema. 81 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,040 [laughs] You're going out with him? 82 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,840 - [Rupert scoffs] - [engine stops] 83 00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:36,280 - [door opens] - I like him. 84 00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:38,320 He's decent. 85 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:43,440 Well, is that the best you can hope for, "decent"? 86 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:45,920 Well, maybe I'm fed up with sitting around, 87 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,320 waiting for my life to happen... 88 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,120 making sandwiches for everybody else. 89 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:55,200 - [Seb] Hey. - [Taggie] Hey. 90 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,800 - You okay? - Yeah. 91 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,000 - You ready? - Yeah. 92 00:05:58,520 --> 00:05:59,520 Taggie. 93 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,240 Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow. 94 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,800 - [car doors close] - [engine starts] 95 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:23,760 [Cameron] Okay, next item. 96 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,720 As you know, we're finally putting something punchy in Declan's old slot, 97 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,200 Sarah's show. 98 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,920 Still working on the format. 99 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:33,400 Newest idea is we bring in a co-host to mix things up a bit. 100 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,560 - Finally. Thank you. - [stutters] A co-host? 101 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,120 More like a magazine, but spicier. 102 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,840 Network loves the idea. 103 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,720 It's not your fault, Sarah. Prime-time slot. 104 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,480 It's a big thing for you to carry by yourself 105 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:43,640 - at this st-- - Who is it? 106 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,400 We're working on the details. Obviously, it won't be James. 107 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,760 - What? - You're Cotswold Round-Up. 108 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,080 Can't dilute the brand, can we? 109 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:50,200 - [Cameron] Okay, next. - Oh, but if-- 110 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,280 Great Gardens. 111 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,840 We need a new location now that we're pulling Green Lawns. 112 00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:54,760 Do we need to pull it? 113 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,520 Freddie Jones is actively campaigning to bring down Corinium. 114 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,880 Why would we put his house on our gardening show? 115 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:03,040 Well, it might be a show of strength if we go ahead anyway. 116 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,680 And means that we gain access to the property. 117 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,480 See if we can't pump Mrs Jones for info. 118 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,160 Yes. Good. Let's go ahead. 119 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:12,400 Now then. 120 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,400 Am I a man of my word? 121 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:19,760 Cameron? 122 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,600 [chuckles] You are a man of many words. 123 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,120 Am I a man of my word? 124 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,040 Yes, of course. 125 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,240 I think we'd all agree, Tony. [chuckles] 126 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:34,480 Would you? 127 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,480 See, that's curious, because I quite clearly remember 128 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,920 telling you not to speak to any of those Venturer traitors. 129 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,720 Do you remember what I said, Ginger, would be the consequence? 130 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,240 Instant dismissal, Tony. 131 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,400 In which case, Mr Burrows... 132 00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:02,280 am I to take it you no longer require Corinium's services as an employer? 133 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,000 Um... 134 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:07,560 sorry? 135 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:11,080 [Tony] You were observed attending a screening of Absolute Beginners 136 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,520 at the Cotchester Regal... 137 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:15,720 with Taggie O'Hara. 138 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:19,800 You were spying on me? 139 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,360 It's franchise season, Sebastian. 140 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,400 I'm spying on everyone. It's self-preservation. 141 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:24,880 And it turns out, entirely necessary, 142 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,960 given that you are a double-crossing little shitbag. 143 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:32,800 So now, I'm gonna make an extremely fucking public example of you. 144 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:36,360 I'm not only gonna make sure you never work in commercial television again, 145 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:40,160 I'm gonna make sure there's no job for you on any channel anywhere. 146 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:43,720 I'm gonna make sure you can't get a job selling televisions at Rumbelows. 147 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:51,440 Escort Mr Burrows to his car, would you, Ginger? 148 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:53,000 - Don't let him clear his desk. - But I have-- 149 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,200 Be very fucking glad you're leaving here with all ten fingernails. 150 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,320 All right then. Off you all fuck. And thank you for your loyalty. 151 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:01,400 It has been noted. 152 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,640 Quick chat, Cameron. 153 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,160 I brought this little guy, as requested. 154 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,960 [Tony] You can have it back soon as Lady Gosling's had a good look. 155 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,520 Where were you Friday night? 156 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,280 - Home. - I rang. You didn't answer. 157 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,520 I unplugged my phone. 158 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,800 Wanted to make sure I got a good night's rest, prepping for Great Gardens. 159 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:32,840 You're not wearing your ring. 160 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:36,600 Close to my heart. [sighs] 161 00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:40,440 I didn't want people asking questions or-- 162 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,840 Patrick O'Hara was at your house. 163 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:44,840 And I told him where to get off. 164 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,000 I know. Thank you. 165 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,560 You know you don't have to spy on me, Tony. 166 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:54,560 - [knocks on door] - [door opens] 167 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:56,520 Ready to go for a spin? 168 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,480 [birds chirping] 169 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:04,040 [Tony] You've done a spectacular job. 170 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,920 - [Valerie chuckles] - The cameras are gonna love it. 171 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,520 We only feature the very best gardens on the programme. 172 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,520 - Oh, wow. [chuckles] - Monica's at the Falconry, of course. 173 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,360 - Mm-hmm. - And the Duchess's at Badminton. 174 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,640 And Mon-Mon, she doesn't mind? 175 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:18,440 With all of the unpleasantness... [sighs] ...I haven't spoken to her in weeks. 176 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:19,360 - [sighs] - Mmm. 177 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:22,880 Monica feels-- And I agree-- You're so special. 178 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:23,800 [chuckles] 179 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:25,600 And showcasing this lovely garden, 180 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:28,920 that's far more important than petty personal feuds. 181 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,680 Oh, I just wish we could all go back to how it was before, 182 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:32,920 - when we were all friends. - Mmm. 183 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,520 Do you, um-- Do you have to host meetings here? 184 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:38,800 [Valerie] Oh, yes. 185 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,960 They hole up in Fred-Fred's office and I d-- I just leave them to it. 186 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,960 You know, the hardest thing is remembering who's siding with who. 187 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:46,640 I'm so glad you said that. 188 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:48,600 I can't remember from one day to the next. 189 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,320 - I'm sure we've got a couple of moles. - Yes. Yes. 190 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,280 [stammers] Freddie is worried about moles. 191 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,120 - Really? - Mmm. 192 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:57,760 He's been putting castor oil everywhere. 193 00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,240 I'm terrified I'm gonna wake up in the morning 194 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:00,840 and find molehills all over the lawn. 195 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,800 - [chuckles] - [stammers] 196 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:10,640 Think about it, yeah? 197 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:12,400 - Mmm? Mmm. - All right, I'll think about it... 198 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,040 [both speaking indistinctly] 199 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,000 [Maud groans] 200 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,040 [Maud] Oh. Oh, you have to come down more often. 201 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:23,640 [both chuckle] 202 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:25,640 [Maud] Drive safe. 203 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,840 [engine starts, revs] 204 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,000 What was Malhar doing here? 205 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,920 He came to see me, darling. I do have friends. 206 00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:38,160 So, what, he came for a cup of tea? 207 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:41,400 [chuckling] Oh, Jesus Christ. We had a drink. 208 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,320 Is there something you want to ask me? 209 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,440 Hmm? Do you know where your daddy is? 210 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:49,840 'Cause I don't see you hounding him. 211 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,000 But Daddy would never. 212 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,280 Oh. 213 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,560 I am sick of your disapproval. 214 00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:56,920 You have no idea what I've done for this family over the years. 215 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,560 Well, I don't know why you bother if you resent it so much. 216 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:02,160 - I mean, you don't even like me. - [scoffs] I love you. You're my daughter. 217 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,440 Oh, c-- When you look at me, all you see are the things you've done wrong. 218 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:08,080 That's bloody unfair. I nearly died giving birth to you. 219 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:09,840 Twenty years ago. 220 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:11,840 [breathes shakily] 221 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:13,320 [sighs] 222 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:16,120 [inhales sharply] Malhar offered me a part. 223 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,160 - A part? - Yes, a part in a play. 224 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:20,720 Like I used to do parts in plays, 225 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,880 but I don't anymore because I'm stuck down here. 226 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,120 It's a play in London. 227 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,360 Well, what'd you say? 228 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,200 No. Of course I did. 229 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:34,240 Sorry. 230 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:37,680 I guess, yeah-- I guess it's nice to be asked. 231 00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:38,760 [scoffs] 232 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,600 [inhales sharply] No, it's not, Taggie. 233 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:47,280 You get so used to putting other people's needs first that it becomes second nature. 234 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,840 And then one day, you look at yourself and you think, 235 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,080 "Why in fuck's name did I do that?" 236 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:58,160 But by then, it's too late to change. 237 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,400 [stammering] 238 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:13,600 [chuckling] 239 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:19,760 [dog barks] 240 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:20,840 [Rupert] Darling! 241 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:26,120 - I'm so glad to see you. - Just supporting my husband. 242 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:27,240 Not that he needs it. 243 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,320 [Rupert groans] 244 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,000 What brings you to Valerie's opening? 245 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,040 - Sticker bombing. - Mmm. 246 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,720 I managed to get one on Valerie's bottom. 247 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,360 Oh. [laughs] 248 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,760 - Closest to her opening I ever wanna get. - Oh. 249 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:45,240 We probably shouldn't be talking, since we're with rival consortiums. 250 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,280 - Consortia? Don't know. - Consortia? 251 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,320 - Consortiums? - Hmm. 252 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:51,800 - Hmm. - Anyway, it doesn't matter. 253 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:53,520 We're all adults. 254 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,560 I'm not giving you up for the sake of any stupid franchise. 255 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,440 You're the closest thing I have to a conscience. 256 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,040 [♪ "An English Country Garden" playing] 257 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,560 [birds chirping] 258 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,120 [chattering] 259 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:25,400 - Hello, Valerie. - Hello, darling. [chuckles] 260 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:36,160 - This is horrendous, isn't it? - Absolute hell. 261 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,680 - Lemonade, Mrs Vereker? - Thank you, Sharon. 262 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:41,560 Oh, lovely hat. 263 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:43,720 [clicks tongue] I'm fine. 264 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:47,560 [sighs] 265 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,560 [laughs] No, just hang on one second. 266 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,520 If one of you can do it for me, darling. Thank you so much. 267 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,320 [James laughs] Stop it. No. Stop it. You all-- 268 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,480 James is having an affair with Sarah Stratton. 269 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,120 Oh, darling. 270 00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:02,120 I shouldn't have told you that. 271 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,320 You'll leak it to the Scorpion to discredit Corinium. 272 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,640 Why don't you leave him? He's a wanker. 273 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,080 [Lizzie] I-- 274 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,680 [cries] I booked a hotel room to have an affair with Freddie. 275 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,320 Then I-- Then I bottled out. 276 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,120 Hated myself. 277 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,480 Everyone does it. 278 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:31,440 - [laughs] Really, everyone? - [laughs] 279 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:32,680 - Yeah. - What? 280 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:34,360 All-All these people? 281 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:38,040 - [stammers] - Her, over there in the hat. 282 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,720 Oh, is she fucking that man next to her? 283 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:41,160 Is that why she's not looking at him? 284 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,720 Him and her? Hmm, handjobs in the potting shed. 285 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,240 - [laughs] - I mean it, Rupert. 286 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:50,760 Am I-- Am I really the only person holding out? 287 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,720 Does that make me a bit simple? 288 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:04,560 Should I be able to hold more than one man in my head at once? 289 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:09,720 - [sighs] - Oh. [sobbing] 290 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,200 [sighs] Can't we make it a show about fidelity, for God's sake? 291 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,600 Yes, you're an embarrassment to Corinium Television. 292 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,760 - [chuckles] - [Freddie] Blimey. 293 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,840 - Oh, my God. - Bit of a circus, innit? 294 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,000 Ugh. 295 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,360 Send in the clowns. 296 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:29,320 [clears throat, grunts] Speaking of which, they're about to film your spouses. 297 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,720 - [chuckles] - Think I'll, um... 298 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:34,120 go and watch. 299 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:42,760 You didn't come. 300 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:48,000 I tried, I-- I couldn't get out of the car. 301 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:50,560 I'm sorry. 302 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:52,720 Yeah. 303 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,760 No, it's probably for the best. 304 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,280 You were probably right when you said no the first time. 305 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:03,080 [chuckles] 306 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:10,400 S-- Seconds away, James. 307 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,120 Quiet, please! 308 00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:14,120 And action, James. 309 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,560 One only has to look at your borders, Mrs Jones, 310 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,880 to appreciate what an extraordinary gardener you are. 311 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,320 - [chuckles] - Tell me, what's your secret? 312 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:22,000 How do you grow such whopping glads? 313 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,400 Oh. Well, James, 314 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,640 - I feed them with growmore... - [crew chattering, laughing] 315 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,120 - ...and obviously I stake them very tall... - [James] Deirdre, ah-- Deirdre, 316 00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:30,480 - can we quieten down the masses, please? - [Valerie] ...so they're not flopping over... 317 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,960 - Can we have some quiet, please? - [James] Thank you, Cameron. 318 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,000 [Cameron] Quiet! 319 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,160 [barking] 320 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:36,720 - [James] Right. Deirdre, are we ready? - Hmm. 321 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:38,400 - [James] Excellent. - [shrieks] 322 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,080 - [James] Oh, for God's sake. - Cut! 323 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,280 [James] I'm so sorry. Are you all right? It's like working in a zoo. 324 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:44,680 - Why's there a dog off a lead? - Beaver. 325 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,360 Can we find out why there's a dog off the lead? 326 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,560 - [Cameron] Okay, shall we try this again? - I'm so sorry. 327 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,240 - Are we ready? Are we ready? - I'm ready. 328 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:51,600 - [Deirdre] Action. - [clears throat] 329 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,000 One only has to take a look at your borders, Mrs Jones, to realise... 330 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:02,960 I'm here to pick you up. 331 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,680 - I have my car. - Well, Ginger will drive it home for you. 332 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:09,200 Okay, I don't understand. 333 00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:11,360 I'm taking you out. 334 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:15,400 [sighs] 335 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,960 [♪ opera music playing] 336 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,880 It's the Venturer franchise application. 337 00:18:58,440 --> 00:18:59,640 Okay, but how did you get it? 338 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:04,400 [inhales sharply] Ginger did a little light espionage at Green Lawns. 339 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:07,440 Well, can I read it? What's-What's in it? 340 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,200 Enough for us to get our teeth into. 341 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,440 We'll pick over it tomorrow. 342 00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:12,960 [♪ "Love Is a Battlefield" playing] 343 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,240 [sighs deeply] 344 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,240 Tonight is about you and me. 345 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:26,320 Listen... 346 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:31,720 - I know I don't say it enough, but-- - Tony, people can see us. 347 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:37,240 [music continues] 348 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:41,760 Dance with me. 349 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:42,880 Nobody's dancing. 350 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,280 - I don't care. Come and dance. - [chuckles] 351 00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:09,760 I meant what I said about the ring. 352 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,160 Once we win this, we'll do this whenever we want. 353 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,800 [singing] 354 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,600 [laughing] 355 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,720 - [continues singing] - [laughing] 356 00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,840 [Caitlin] Come on, Tag. A, B, C or D? 357 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,720 - None of them. - No, you have to pick one. 358 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:04,080 {\an8}Come on. Otherwise, how do we know which Four Men Went To Mow character 359 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:05,160 you're going to marry? 360 00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:09,400 - Tag, have you seen this? - [Taggie] What? 361 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:11,920 [Caitlin] Show me. 362 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:14,960 "Rupert in clinch with cook". 363 00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:18,760 Oh, my God. You're in the Scorpion. You're the cook. 364 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:20,880 Yeah, it's Cameron Cook. They must mean Cameron. 365 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,040 - Cameron? - No, it's definitely you. 366 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,600 [gasps] Seb's going to be devastated. 367 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,960 - Losing his job and now this? - What about Cameron? 368 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,480 It's Rupert and Cameron. Didn't you know? 369 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,120 [scoffs] Wow, she really picks 'em, doesn't she? 370 00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:34,040 Oh, God, please. 371 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,720 It'll ruin everything for Daddy if it comes out. 372 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,200 [stutters] I-I shouldn't have told you. 373 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,280 Please, Patrick. Leave it alone. 374 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:40,360 [sighs] 375 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,640 [Declan] Tomorrow, at the public meeting... [sighs] 376 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,520 ...we all need to be able to answer whatever questions come up. 377 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,120 Seb's been doing some briefing notes for everyone 378 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:54,160 now that he has more time on his hands, 379 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:57,360 but we need to know this back to front like Cameron does. 380 00:21:57,360 --> 00:21:58,600 Where is Cameron? 381 00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:01,640 With the Dark Lord, I suppose. I rang her this morning, but she didn't answer. 382 00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:03,600 Gerald, you got a spare copy? 383 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,960 - I couldn't find mine this morning. - Uh, yes. 384 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:07,200 Rupert does that a lot. 385 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:08,680 Why does this have to be at Corinium? 386 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,800 Shouldn't a public meeting be on neutral grounds? 387 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:12,760 Oh, it's deliberately stacked in favour of the incumbent. 388 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:16,520 [stutters] It's simpler for everyone if they get to keep the franchise, 389 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:20,760 so the IBA make it easy to defend and difficult to challenge. 390 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,560 Look... [sighs] ...we have to prove we've got the money 391 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:24,880 and experience to take over the building, 392 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,080 'cause plenty of franchise applications fall at this hurdle. 393 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,040 - So, you know... - They got your best side. 394 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:30,480 - [chuckles] - [stutters, sighs] 395 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,120 - It's not what you think. - [Declan] What is it? 396 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:33,680 [Enid] Oh, wonderful. 397 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:39,640 You think this is funny? 398 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:44,280 Oh, come on. It's just tabloid nonsense, tonight's chip paper. 399 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,360 You promised me you wouldn't touch her. 400 00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:48,640 - I didn't touch her. [stammers] - What the fuck is that? 401 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,080 The seat belt wasn't working. 402 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:52,040 You made him promise not to touch me? 403 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,080 What-- I'm 20 years old. 404 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,120 Oh, so something did happen then, did it? 405 00:22:58,360 --> 00:22:59,920 She's... [stammers] ...seeing Seb, isn't she? 406 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,040 - [swallows] - Seb, it's... 407 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:05,400 - nothing. - No, it's okay. 408 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,680 - She's her own person. - There, you see? She's her own person. 409 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,160 - Get out of my house. - Daddy, for God's sake. Stop. 410 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,160 - Here we go. - [Rupert] Seriously, this is too far-- 411 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,160 [Declan] You couldn't be serious if your life depended on it. 412 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,800 - The fuck do you have riding on this? - I put my house up. 413 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:24,240 I bought the bluebell wood so you could clear your debts. 414 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:25,600 You've had all my money, what more do you want? 415 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:27,280 Look-- [stammers] 416 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,200 Shall we get back to work 417 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,840 and stop talking about who gets to touch up Taggie? 418 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:32,880 - [Maud] Oh! - [Rupert groans] 419 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:34,320 - Hey. - [all clamouring] 420 00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:35,760 - [Gerald] Stop. - [Freddie] Come here. Come on. 421 00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:36,880 - Whoa. - [Declan] You prick! 422 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,160 - Prick! - [Taggie] What is wrong with you? 423 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,960 - I need you to sit down now. - Come on, chaps. That is enough. 424 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:45,480 God. Fuck is your face made of? Jesus Christ. 425 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:47,600 - You all right? - Fuck. 426 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,280 - What happened? - [grunts] 427 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:51,920 You shouldn't be here. It's not safe. 428 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,640 I was gonna call, but I got scared in case Tony bugged the phone. 429 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,040 That's paranoid, darling. 430 00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:58,520 No, not anymore it's not. 431 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,400 Tony has seen the application. He knows all of our plans. 432 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:05,160 What... [stammers] ...how? 433 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:10,600 Freddie... 434 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:12,840 You got your copy? 435 00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:16,200 [sighs] 436 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,720 - [sighs] - [Taggie sighs] 437 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:34,240 [James] You should probably get someone to fix that. 438 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,920 I'm for bed, darling. 439 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:40,880 - Oh, is that Green Lawns? - Mmm. It's the Great Gardens tape. 440 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:43,560 - Come and watch with me. - [James] And here I am surrounded by... 441 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,560 - Laugh at Valerie's gruesome borders. - ...large variety of yellows, 442 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,480 - greens, blues, lilacs, oranges, indigos. - Yes, all right. 443 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:49,680 All the colours of the rainbow. 444 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,920 And who's this little collection of colourful characters we have here? 445 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,480 - He's a little rambler. - See? She's got gnomes. 446 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:55,400 [chuckles] 447 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,280 [James] I think he's a little camera-shy, don't you? 448 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,480 And what's the inspiration behind this piece of landscaping here? 449 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:01,720 [chuckles] Well, James, uh... 450 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,560 What does she feed those enormous gladioli? 451 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:05,960 Same thing she feeds her children. 452 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:07,840 [chuckles] Tony. 453 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,040 - [chuckles] - And reflect it it does. 454 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:11,080 - [laughs] - Almost blinding. 455 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:15,000 Oh, look. Poor James is the same colour as the marigolds. 456 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:16,640 [chuckles] 457 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,560 And she looks like she's dressed for Ascot. 458 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,160 - ...extraordinary garden you... - Lady Valerie of Vulgaria. 459 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:22,360 - Hmm. - [James] ...what's your secret? 460 00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:24,760 - How do you grow such whopping glads? - [chuckles] Well, James, 461 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,920 I feed them with growmore, and obviously I stake them very high so they're-- 462 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,160 - [barking] - [shrieks] 463 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:30,360 - [Deirdre] Cut! - Ooh! 464 00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:34,080 - Whoops-a-daisy. - [cackling] 465 00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:37,680 Oh, it's Rupert. 466 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,160 - [Cameron] Oh. - [Rupert] Beaver! 467 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:41,240 [James] Can we find out why there's a dog off the lead? 468 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,640 [TV continues indistinctly] 469 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,160 [chuckling] 470 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:49,400 [♪ opera music playing] 471 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,600 - What's happening? We're rolling? - [Deirdre] It's going. 472 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:53,800 Hang on for one moment. Wait. 473 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,160 [Valerie] Shall we try that again? 474 00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:58,840 [TV continues indistinctly] 475 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,360 [whirs] 476 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:06,040 [chuckles] 477 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:14,080 Beaver seems besotted with Miss Cook, doesn't he? 478 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:18,440 It's rather like he knows her. 479 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,240 [breathing heavily] 480 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:54,760 [sniffs] 481 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:02,600 [ticking] 482 00:27:04,360 --> 00:27:06,240 The day of reckoning arrives. 483 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:10,680 [Ginger] Could we say the application was just sitting on Freddie Jones's desk? 484 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,440 Makes him sound appallingly careless. 485 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:16,800 I'm not sure we want to admit to trespassing and theft, do we? 486 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,040 That's a fair point. 487 00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,400 The best way to take advantage of this little windfall 488 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:22,560 is to pull apart every idea they've got. 489 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:25,360 Pour scorn on every word they say this afternoon. 490 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:29,440 We've got it all worked out, right, Tony? 491 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:32,320 Absolutely. 492 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,000 No question. It's ours. 493 00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:42,320 Never pays to think something's definitively yours, in my experience. 494 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:46,720 Let's not rest on our laurels just yet. 495 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,360 [radio presenter] Emotions are riding high in Rutshire in the battle for control 496 00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:56,760 of the central south-west television region. 497 00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:59,400 The franchise holder, Corinium, will go head-to-head 498 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,680 at a public meeting with new consortium Venturer 499 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:05,320 - led by TV presenter Declan O'Hara... - [sighs] 500 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:09,320 ...MP and former Olympian showjumper, Rupert Campbell-Black, 501 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,400 and tech wizard Freddie Jones. 502 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,280 They've got the charm, but can they convince the IBA 503 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,960 that they've got the chops to catch the crown? 504 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,840 [♪ "Two Tribes" playing] 505 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:21,800 [breathes deeply] 506 00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:52,760 [no audible dialogue] 507 00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:03,880 [audience cheering] 508 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:12,080 [music fades out] 509 00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:16,400 [cheering fades out] 510 00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,440 [high-pitched ringing] 511 00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:25,160 - [sighs] - [cheering resumes] 512 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:26,920 [audience chattering] 513 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,320 Why the cameras? Are we on television? 514 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:36,600 Oh, it's for the evening news. 515 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,000 Don't stare at them. It'll look like a game show. 516 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,800 Oh, look, there's-- there's Charles. Hello, Charles. 517 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,320 Henry, try and remember who's on whose side, will you? 518 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,360 Somebody get all this down before this door opens. 519 00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:49,920 - Yeah, but if you need help, just ask. - I'm better on the subject. 520 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:51,720 - [Declan] You can get on that, Rupert. - [Rupert] Yeah. 521 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:53,720 - [Bishop Brenton] Yes, good idea. Yes. - [sighs] 522 00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:56,000 - [♪ opera music playing] - [sighs] 523 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,920 We never come to Corinium. I don't understand. 524 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,880 Listen, it's Daddy's big day, and we're here to support him. 525 00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:07,960 [applause] 526 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,520 - [audience member] Hey! - [chuckles] 527 00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:14,560 - I'll just go and find a seat. - Oh, no, no. You're up here with us. 528 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,760 Ragtag sort of bunch, aren't they? 529 00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:20,000 Spend half the time fighting each other, apparently. 530 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:20,960 Embarrassing. 531 00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:22,080 Yes. 532 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:23,280 [applause] 533 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:24,560 Well, we can talk over there-- 534 00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:30,360 [applause fades out] 535 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:33,240 Goodness. All human life is here. 536 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:36,440 - Mostly pond life over that side. - [chuckles] 537 00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:38,400 What the hell is Beattie Johnson doing here? 538 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:43,520 Hello, darling. 539 00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:51,480 Is everything okay? 540 00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:55,720 [whispers] Love you. 541 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:02,000 Ladies and gentlemen, the meeting is about to begin. 542 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:06,880 This consultation aims simply to determine if the new company, Venturer, 543 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:11,640 has the capacity to be a contender for the south-west central franchise. 544 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:14,280 We will inform Venturer by telephone later in the evening 545 00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:17,240 if they may submit a formal franchise application. 546 00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:19,200 And however, in the meantime, 547 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:22,280 this is an opportunity for you, the public, 548 00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:25,320 to give both sides a good grilling. 549 00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:27,800 So, are there any questions from the floor? 550 00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,120 Yes, lady at the back over there. 551 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:32,920 Uh, with the very tight perm. 552 00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:35,240 [♪ "Pump That Iron" playing] 553 00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:39,320 Can I please ask both teams when you're gonna start showing bingo on the telly? 554 00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:43,000 Well, we're absolutely committed to bringing 555 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,120 as many different sports to the viewing public. 556 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,960 So, if there's an appetite for bingo, absolutely. 557 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:51,240 Ah, yes, I was-- I was rather wondering if James might sign my blouse. [chuckles] 558 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:52,200 [audience laughs] 559 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:53,320 - Oh. [chuckles] - [chuckles] 560 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:56,560 Yes, my company's been developing satellite television for a while now. 561 00:31:56,560 --> 00:32:00,640 Dishy Daniel won't be leaving Four Men Went To Mow this next series. 562 00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:03,920 At Venturer, we've got plans to show polo. 563 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,360 I'm sorry that the Chipping Sodbury WI feel 564 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,920 we've disproportionately covered news from Cotchester. 565 00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:12,400 So, Venturer are gonna harvest this technology for domestic use. 566 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,760 That's something that we've got and Corinium haven't. 567 00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:18,720 Oh, and yes, I would be delighted to sign your blouse. 568 00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:20,680 - [chuckles] - [audience gasps] 569 00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:22,760 We'll ensure he removes his shirt... 570 00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:24,800 - [wolf whistle] - ...at least once an episode. 571 00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:26,760 [applause] 572 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,560 Yeah, we'll keep it on the network if it's popular. 573 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,200 Well, um, I'll respond to that if I may. 574 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:34,200 [music ends] 575 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:35,960 The underdog team over there might expect 576 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:38,640 to retain all of your favourite programmes, 577 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,840 but I'm afraid they belong to Corinium. 578 00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,240 Cotswold Round-Up, ladies and gentlemen. 579 00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:47,200 Imagine a world without that sofa, James. 580 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,480 No Master Dog. 581 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:51,960 No Dorothy Dove. 582 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,760 And, ladies and gentlemen, what that means 583 00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,280 is no more Four Men Went To Mow. 584 00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:01,320 - [audience groans] - Sorry, lads. 585 00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:03,280 What a dreary prospect. 586 00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:06,040 And what about the future? 587 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:11,960 Our newest output brings us to a whole new frontier of entertainment. 588 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:17,040 Most imminently, we are replacing our tired old talk show Declan 589 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:20,880 with a brand-new format and a new presenter. 590 00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:25,440 Joining Sarah Stratton in her first-ever television job, 591 00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:29,120 celebrity gossip columnist, Beattie Johnson. 592 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:31,320 [audience cheers, murmurs] 593 00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:37,360 Heading up Uncensored, 594 00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:43,400 the naughtiest, most gossipy show on the independent network. 595 00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,840 Because that's what we do at Corinium. 596 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:51,000 We serve you the television you want. 597 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:52,360 Your station. 598 00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:56,160 - Now and always. - [applause] 599 00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:00,360 Because who wants to feel like their television station 600 00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:03,400 is some rich man's second hobby? 601 00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:09,000 Honestly, what does Rupert Campbell-Black know about broadcasting? 602 00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:10,600 [audience murmuring] 603 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:15,640 I know people. 604 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:21,040 I know this area from representing you all in Parliament. 605 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:24,160 I've knocked on a damn sight more doors than Tony Baddingham has. 606 00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:28,520 And look at the audience that have come today to support Venturer. 607 00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:31,480 We've got Cotchester Council gardening team. 608 00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:34,360 - The Chipping Sodbury WI. - Hello! 609 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:35,880 Bisley Ballroom Dancers. 610 00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:37,560 The headmaster from Rugborough 611 00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:38,760 and the lads 612 00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:40,960 - from Cotchester Rugby Football Club! - [cheering] 613 00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:44,520 [chanting] Venturer! Venturer! Venturer! 614 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,440 They know a good team when they see one. 615 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,760 This lot, a team? A team? 616 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:50,800 Ask Rupert where he got that bruise. 617 00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:53,880 - They're a bunch of amateurs! - [audience] Yeah. 618 00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:58,360 Brawling and boozing and bedding other people's wives. 619 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,760 The drama should be on the screen. 620 00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:04,320 Not off it. 621 00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:07,080 [applause] 622 00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:14,720 No, you're right. 623 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:18,880 They do deserve better. 624 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:27,480 You deserve better. 625 00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:34,720 You all deserve better than the shite Tony Baddingham 626 00:35:34,720 --> 00:35:37,560 has been pumping into your living rooms for all these years. 627 00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:38,920 [applause] 628 00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:42,360 You deserve better than endless quiz shows 629 00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:45,960 that cost nothing to make and nourish nobody's soul. 630 00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:48,880 Yes, they have a good drama, but one? 631 00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:50,400 One good drama? 632 00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:52,760 We will make dozens. 633 00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:55,600 There will be Venturer shows all over the network, 634 00:35:55,600 --> 00:36:00,200 so you can be proud of the work that comes out of the central south-west. 635 00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:02,800 We're not in this to make money. 636 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:07,000 We are in this to make joy. 637 00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:10,720 Because what is television for? 638 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,600 I don't think Tony Baddingham's asked himself that in a very long time. 639 00:36:15,720 --> 00:36:17,160 Christ, it shows. 640 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,400 You know what I think it's for? 641 00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:23,480 Community. 642 00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:28,120 People used to sit around the fire for their stories. 643 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:30,920 Now we sit around the television. 644 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,920 We point our chairs at the corner of the room, 645 00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:37,440 and that is where we commune. 646 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:40,960 Television has the power to bring us together. 647 00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:44,440 To help us forgive each other. 648 00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:49,480 When we've had a stupid fight. 649 00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:57,960 To give us a window into others' lives. 650 00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:03,360 To bring new ideas into our homes. 651 00:37:05,240 --> 00:37:06,800 It is, I believe, 652 00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:10,080 the greatest art form man has created. 653 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:14,120 I got into this business many years ago 654 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:18,760 in the pursuit of truth and integrity. 655 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:22,320 And I still believe in both. 656 00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:25,720 And you deserve better. 657 00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:30,520 And we will move mountains to give you better 658 00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:33,440 if you put your faith in us and give us a chance. 659 00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:38,840 [applauding, cheering] 660 00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:55,800 Thank you, Rupert. 661 00:37:58,280 --> 00:37:59,640 [audience member] Go Venturer! 662 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,280 And now I have to spend months fighting this. When does it ever stop? 663 00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:13,040 [stammers] We don't know the verdict yet. 664 00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:15,600 Oh, Christ, d'you see Gosling's wizened face light up 665 00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:17,560 at Declan's blarney lyricism? 666 00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:19,360 Then we have the smear campaign. 667 00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:20,800 More scandal, more dirt-- 668 00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,800 Ginger, you wouldn't know dirt if it shat itself into your face. 669 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,720 Do you have any idea of the size of dirt you managed to miss this week, hmm? 670 00:38:26,720 --> 00:38:29,040 You are supposed to be my fucking eyes and ears. 671 00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,000 I'd get better reports from Helen fucking Keller! 672 00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:40,240 - [Maud] Well done, darling. - Thank you, sweetheart. 673 00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:48,440 I meant what I said. 674 00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:50,480 - Well, I just hope that it worked-- - [gasps] Excuse me. 675 00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:52,840 You were just brilliant. Everybody loved you. 676 00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:54,840 - [Declan] Thank you, darling. - I'm so proud of you. 677 00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:56,560 - Where'd you get all these people? - Daddy. 678 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,760 Hello, Agatha. Bet you didn't expect this lot. 679 00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:01,800 Sorry we were a bit rowdy with you. 680 00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:03,640 This is from all of us. 681 00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:04,960 - [chuckles] - Hey, Rupert. 682 00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:06,400 I reckon she's a keeper, don't you? 683 00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:10,800 No, mate, she's our top striker. 684 00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:17,320 We did good, right? We did okay? 685 00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:18,440 - You were great-- - Hey. 686 00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:19,480 Hey. 687 00:39:20,240 --> 00:39:23,040 - It's all back to yours, apparently. - [chuckling] Oh, apparently. 688 00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:43,160 {\an8}[Rupert] Why didn't you tell me he was bringing in Beattie? 689 00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:44,720 {\an8}I didn't know. 690 00:39:44,720 --> 00:39:47,520 {\an8}I don't know what the hell he's doing. Something's going on with him. 691 00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:50,280 - He-He knows something, or I-- - It's okay. 692 00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:51,720 We're gonna win this. 693 00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:56,640 And what if we don't? 694 00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:58,800 I'll look after you whatever happens, okay? 695 00:39:58,800 --> 00:39:59,920 Promise. 696 00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:02,040 Can you come to the Priory? 697 00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:06,440 I'm supposed to be here, but I'll slip away if I can. 698 00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:18,800 - [knock on door] - [Paul] Come on, Sarah. 699 00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:22,520 S-- Lizzie. Lizzie, listen, um, Sarah's not coming out. 700 00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:24,600 Would you just go in and see she's all right? 701 00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:29,400 Oh... [stammers] ...I think you could go in if it's your wife, Paul. 702 00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:32,240 I can't be seen coming out of the ladies. I'm a member of parliament. 703 00:40:32,240 --> 00:40:34,760 Look, let's go grab a drink. The womenfolk can join us later. 704 00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:36,800 [Paul] Thank you. 705 00:40:42,240 --> 00:40:44,240 [sighs] 706 00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:50,760 [Sarah retching, coughing] 707 00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:55,280 [toilet flushes] 708 00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:57,160 Sarah, are you all right? 709 00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,320 Um, I must have eaten something. 710 00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:07,360 Nerves? 711 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:10,280 [scoffs] That woman. 712 00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:13,240 [sighs] Why's he put me with her? 713 00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:17,440 My big chance, and then it's her. [sniffles] 714 00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:20,600 [sighs] Bloody Tony. [breathes shakily] 715 00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:23,080 Do you know, I spent my life running around after these men 716 00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:25,000 who just can't be trusted. [sniffles] 717 00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:27,640 And they have all the power. [sobs] 718 00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:32,000 They just squeeze us out like toothpaste, not even toothpaste. 719 00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:33,840 They don't need us at all. [sniffles] 720 00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:34,920 Oh, I think they do. 721 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:39,000 But fuck 'em, right? 722 00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:41,800 [laughing, sniffles] 723 00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:44,960 We should stop putting them first. 724 00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:47,320 Do what we want. 725 00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:51,480 Not just the right thing all the time. 726 00:41:54,240 --> 00:41:56,080 I'm not sure I've ever done the right thing. 727 00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:04,720 I've got to go. Uh, your husband's looking for you. 728 00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,200 [sighs, sniffles] 729 00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:10,040 [breathes deeply] 730 00:42:11,720 --> 00:42:13,080 [knock on door] 731 00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:14,920 Thought I told you to fuck off. 732 00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:19,120 - [door opens] - [Monica] No, darling, it's me. 733 00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:29,120 I'm here to say come home. 734 00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:32,520 Archie's waiting in the car. 735 00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:36,240 Why'd you have to bring the boy to see his father being humiliated? 736 00:42:36,240 --> 00:42:39,040 You know, we both know it's not that you're angry about. 737 00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:43,600 But perhaps this is a test. 738 00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:47,400 It's time for you to decide. 739 00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:48,440 [♪ opera music playing] 740 00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:54,640 I've been loyal all of these years, but even my stoicism has a limit. 741 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:55,880 So do be careful. 742 00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:00,440 Come home tonight, and let's talk about it. 743 00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:03,840 Because if you don't, 744 00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:08,040 I'll take the children to my sister's in the morning. 745 00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:16,040 [door opens, closes] 746 00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,520 Would be rather a thing to win it though, wouldn't it? 747 00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:24,720 - [blows, chuckles] - [groans, chuckles] I love you guys. 748 00:43:24,720 --> 00:43:26,360 [all chuckle] 749 00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:28,480 [guests chattering] 750 00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:29,640 [sighs] 751 00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:31,840 [♪ jazz piano music playing] 752 00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:42,400 Legs on that, eh? I think I might be in there. 753 00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:44,280 You fucking idiot. 754 00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:46,640 What if Declan finds out? 755 00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:48,720 Not to mention, he's a friend and it's wrong. 756 00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:51,640 You've never objected to a bit of wife-sitting before. 757 00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:53,920 [jazz music continues] 758 00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:58,560 Goodness. When did you get so morally fibrous? 759 00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,960 Dame Enid's on the piano. She's fucking amazing. 760 00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:08,920 So, what happens now? 761 00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:11,840 We're just waiting on Lady Gosling to call to say if we're through to the next round. 762 00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:12,920 [sighs] 763 00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:15,840 - You sure you can't stay? - Yeah. 764 00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:18,440 I've had a lovely time, but they're tired. 765 00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:19,880 So I'll take them home. 766 00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:22,560 Fingers crossed. 767 00:44:23,720 --> 00:44:25,800 Thank you, darling. Thanks for coming. 768 00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:27,600 I'm really proud of you, Fred-Fred. 769 00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:36,800 Love you. [clears throat] 770 00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:41,080 Stop slouching, Sharon. You look like a potato. 771 00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:47,920 [♪ singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart"] 772 00:44:57,280 --> 00:44:59,720 - Patrick, have you seen your mother? - Have another drink. 773 00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:01,600 Dad, relax. 774 00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:15,560 - Evening, Mr Fairburn! - I managed to escape. 775 00:45:25,720 --> 00:45:26,960 [speaking indistinctly] 776 00:45:28,080 --> 00:45:29,960 [music continues] 777 00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:46,040 Hello. 778 00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:48,880 Hello. 779 00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:13,480 I'm Cilla bloody Black. 780 00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:17,640 [Lizzie] Do you think you'll get it? 781 00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:19,480 - Lots of hurdles to jump yet. - Mmm. 782 00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:21,280 But I think we did a really good job tonight. 783 00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:22,360 [chuckles] 784 00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:24,160 [chuckles] 785 00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:26,760 So is-- is this a night off, then? 786 00:46:40,240 --> 00:46:42,720 Have you got any idea how fucking beautiful you are? 787 00:46:55,240 --> 00:46:56,560 [chuckles] 788 00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:01,120 How are you? 789 00:47:01,880 --> 00:47:03,920 Surprisingly well, frankly. 790 00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:06,440 Mother knew me this morning. 791 00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,280 First time in months. 792 00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:12,600 Made me feel like life is possible. 793 00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:16,880 And I wanted to say to you that even if you can't love me, 794 00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:19,680 then I think friends would be rather nice. 795 00:47:25,720 --> 00:47:27,560 Charles, I think I found someone to marry. 796 00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:31,040 Goodness. 797 00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:35,960 Well, she's a-- a nice girl from a good family, 798 00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:37,600 and she-she likes me in the right way. 799 00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:40,480 Do you like her? 800 00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:42,600 I think we get on rather well. 801 00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:46,400 You know, I really think I could bear to be married to her. 802 00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:49,560 And especially if it meant everyone would stop asking me why I'm not married. 803 00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:53,960 It'll give me the respectability I need for my career, and-and... 804 00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:59,080 and then we could be together. 805 00:48:01,240 --> 00:48:02,400 Still in secret. 806 00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:05,280 But safe. 807 00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:14,760 I don't know if I can live without this. 808 00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:17,200 Without you. 809 00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:19,560 [breathes shakily] 810 00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:25,600 [both chuckling] 811 00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:56,240 I've never done this before. 812 00:48:57,120 --> 00:48:59,440 - What, sex? - [chuckles] Adultery. 813 00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:02,160 I've written about it a lot. 814 00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:06,120 I've never met anyone I wanted to do it with before. 815 00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:20,360 [Lizzie breathing shakily] 816 00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:41,000 It's so nice to feel software becoming hardware. [chuckles] 817 00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:42,080 [pants] 818 00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:50,400 [both chuckling] 819 00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:56,760 [groans] I'm going to declare this 820 00:49:56,760 --> 00:49:59,800 - an area of outstanding natural beauty. - [chuckles] 821 00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:12,480 [gasps] 822 00:50:13,240 --> 00:50:16,120 [breathing heavily, moans] 823 00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:19,000 [whimpers] 824 00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:22,600 [moans] 825 00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:29,240 [moans] 826 00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:33,200 [moans] 827 00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:37,720 - [footsteps approach] - [door opens] 828 00:50:40,720 --> 00:50:41,760 What's going on? 829 00:50:42,360 --> 00:50:43,640 [guests chattering in background] 830 00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:46,000 I'm going to London. 831 00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:50,440 Malhar offered me a part in, uh, A Doll's House. 832 00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:54,240 I thought you didn't get it. 833 00:50:54,880 --> 00:50:56,120 It's a different part. 834 00:50:57,680 --> 00:50:58,680 It's the maid. 835 00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:00,200 You're playing the maid? 836 00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:03,600 Yeah, Declan. Yeah. 837 00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:10,880 Because as it turns out, I'm not a star anymore. 838 00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:17,480 As it turns out, I spent too long following you around. 839 00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:20,640 For wherever you wanted to be. 840 00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:25,400 There for the children so that you get to do what you want to do. 841 00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:27,800 I want to work. 842 00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:35,680 I need to work. 843 00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:40,280 And you, of all people, should understand that. 844 00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:51,680 [sighs] And if you'd been even remotely available to me recently, 845 00:51:52,280 --> 00:51:54,840 you would have been part of that decision, but you weren't. 846 00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:57,280 So I made it myself. 847 00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:03,360 [softly] No. 848 00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:04,440 [Declan sighs] 849 00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:11,160 We need you here, love. 850 00:52:12,240 --> 00:52:13,240 You actually don't. 851 00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:17,080 Good luck with the franchise bid. 852 00:52:17,720 --> 00:52:19,160 - Mummy. - Tag, stop her. 853 00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:21,000 She said she's going to London to do a fucking play. 854 00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:23,880 I am going to London to do a fucking play, 855 00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:27,680 and I should never have left it this long. 856 00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:32,200 Goodbye, my sweetheart. 857 00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:38,120 Please don't go. 858 00:52:38,120 --> 00:52:39,520 Maud, please. 859 00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:42,720 [phone ringing] 860 00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:49,240 [ringing continues] 861 00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:52,840 You should get that. 862 00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:56,520 [sighs] 863 00:52:57,320 --> 00:52:59,560 [ringing continues] 864 00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:05,880 Hello? 865 00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:08,120 Yes. Hi, Lady Gosling. 866 00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:11,840 No, no. Of course, no. I-I appreciate you calling. 867 00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:17,000 [guests cheering] 868 00:53:21,840 --> 00:53:23,280 [guest] Yes! 869 00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:29,000 [cheering continues] 870 00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:38,080 [TV host] And later tonight, the battle 871 00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:41,520 for the central south-west television region is on. 872 00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:45,600 Incumbent company, Corinium, now being challenged by Venturer, 873 00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:49,640 headed by Corinium's biggest star, Declan O'Hara, 874 00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:53,520 along with ex-showjumper and Minister for Sport, Rupert Campbell-Black. 875 00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:57,040 Today's meeting was to decide if Venturer has the capacity 876 00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:59,600 to be a serious contender for the franchise. 877 00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:14,440 - Leaving already? - [gasps] 878 00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:16,600 [sighs] 879 00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:19,920 Shall we pop to my office? 880 00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:21,720 For what? 881 00:54:23,600 --> 00:54:25,120 Never asked me that before. 882 00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:34,920 [TV host] Across the country, 883 00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:37,880 regional television franchises are being renewed. 884 00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:42,640 Often the original incumbent sitting pretty, remaining unchallenged. 885 00:54:43,240 --> 00:54:46,320 How long have you been sleeping with Rupert Campbell-Black? 886 00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:49,800 [chattering, laughing] 887 00:54:54,680 --> 00:54:56,680 What am I having? Just a bit. 888 00:54:58,160 --> 00:54:59,560 Hey. 889 00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:02,000 What's that? Just a bit. Yeah, a bit. 890 00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:03,800 [Taggie sighs] 891 00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:05,960 [laughs] 892 00:55:08,720 --> 00:55:10,280 [chatter fades out] 893 00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:15,280 [sighs] 894 00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:24,880 [whispering] 895 00:55:34,160 --> 00:55:35,560 [TV chatter in background] 896 00:55:35,560 --> 00:55:37,560 I was spying on him-- on Venturer. 897 00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:38,640 Oh. 898 00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:43,280 So what information did you fuck out of him for me? 899 00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:46,040 Turns out I'm not a very good spy. 900 00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:47,800 Oh, don't fucking goad me. 901 00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:54,080 There is no one in the world you could sleep with that... [stammers] 902 00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:57,000 He is the worst man in the world. 903 00:55:58,040 --> 00:55:59,480 You knew that. 904 00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:04,240 Oh, you fucking reek of him! 905 00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:11,200 I'll give you whatever you want. 906 00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:13,680 I'll-- I'll ring my solicitor tomorrow. 907 00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:15,560 I'll start the divorce. I'll do anything. 908 00:56:15,560 --> 00:56:19,760 Just swear you will never let that man touch you again. 909 00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:21,760 Just let me have this one, please. 910 00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:27,640 - Mm-mmm. I'm sorry. - [sighs] 911 00:56:31,200 --> 00:56:33,320 I will sack you so hard! 912 00:56:33,320 --> 00:56:35,920 You can't sack me. I'm resigning. 913 00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:38,600 Your visa's tied to your job, darling! 914 00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:41,360 I'll make sure you're on the first plane back to America! 915 00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:43,400 Yeah? 916 00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:46,040 I will marry Rupert. 917 00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:48,440 Then I can stay. 918 00:56:50,640 --> 00:56:52,040 Venturer might have won this battle... 919 00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:53,800 - [Seb] Oi, lads, we're on! - ...but have they won the war? 920 00:56:53,800 --> 00:56:55,920 That's the question on everyone's lips. 921 00:56:55,920 --> 00:57:00,600 They have been successful putting together an impressive board 922 00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:03,200 comprising the great and the good of Rutshire. 923 00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:04,320 - Yes. - [all cheering] 924 00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:07,600 People used to sit around the fire for their stories. 925 00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:10,440 Now we sit around the television. 926 00:57:11,640 --> 00:57:14,040 That is where we commune. 927 00:57:14,040 --> 00:57:16,280 Television has the power to bring us together. 928 00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:18,520 - Fuck you! - [gasps] 929 00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:22,560 [both grunt] 930 00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:24,160 [Declan] To help us forgive each other. 931 00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:26,560 When we've had a stupid fight. 932 00:57:28,680 --> 00:57:32,120 To give us a window into other's lives. 933 00:57:32,120 --> 00:57:36,160 - To bring new ideas into our homes. - [cheering] 934 00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:37,960 Where's Mummy? 935 00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:42,280 It is, I believe, the greatest art form man has created. 936 00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:43,680 [clears throat] 937 00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:46,240 Hi. 938 00:57:46,240 --> 00:57:47,640 - Hi. - Uh-- 939 00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:51,600 - [Tony straining] - [grunting] 940 00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:53,240 [panting] 941 00:57:56,200 --> 00:57:57,080 [both grunt] 942 00:58:01,280 --> 00:58:02,360 Seb's a nice boy. 943 00:58:03,760 --> 00:58:06,120 - You were right. - Yeah, he's lovely. 944 00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:08,400 - He's a good sort. - Yeah. 945 00:58:10,080 --> 00:58:11,080 Only, he's not you. 946 00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:17,760 Oh, Tag. 947 00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:22,400 [breathes shakily] I don't know why I just said that. 948 00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:24,240 I think I'm tired. 949 00:58:29,560 --> 00:58:31,880 - [Taggie sighs] - [breathes shakily] 950 00:58:31,880 --> 00:58:34,520 It's the franchise. Cameron. 951 00:58:35,680 --> 00:58:38,680 - I'm trapped. I can't get out of it. - I'm not asking you to. 952 00:58:41,640 --> 00:58:43,040 But she's not you. 953 00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:47,480 I can't breathe without you. 954 00:58:49,200 --> 00:58:50,240 [Taggie sighs] 955 00:59:27,520 --> 00:59:28,880 [Taggie breathes shakily] 956 00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:44,640 - [breathing shakily] - [Tony on TV] ...first-ever television job, 957 00:59:44,640 --> 00:59:47,080 celebrity gossip columnist, Beattie Johnson! 958 00:59:47,080 --> 00:59:48,120 [breathing shakily] 959 00:59:48,120 --> 00:59:50,320 - Heading up Uncensored... - [breathing shakily] 960 00:59:50,320 --> 00:59:55,600 ...the naughtiest, most gossipy show on the independent network. 961 00:59:57,400 --> 01:00:00,160 Because that's what we do at Corinium. 962 01:00:01,720 --> 01:00:05,240 We serve you the television you want. 963 01:00:05,240 --> 01:00:06,440 Your station. 964 01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:09,680 Now and always.