1 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:06,480 [Beattie] Tonight we peek behind the curtains and pull back the bed sheets 2 00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:10,000 to reveal the truth about Rupert Campbell-Black. 3 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,920 On the night before he asks voters to elect him 4 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,360 Member of Parliament for Chalford and Bisley, 5 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:20,560 we ask how a man like this gains a free pass to the highest offices in the land. 6 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:23,520 Rupert Campbell-Black, showjumper and showman, 7 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,400 charlatan and con man, 8 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:28,320 catapulted into a safe seat, he now enjoys an unusually close relationship… 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,240 -She's got nothing. -…with the Prime Minister… 10 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:32,040 -None of this is news. -…who created the role 11 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:33,800 of Minister for Sport especially for him. 12 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,760 Tony said we were doing Joan Collins this week. 13 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,400 …conceals scandalous and hastily covered-up flings 14 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:42,080 with several Tory colleagues' wives, 15 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:44,040 including our very own Sarah Stratton, 16 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:47,200 -recently married to MP Paul Stratton. -[sighs] 17 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:50,840 And Amanda, the wife of Foreign Secretary, Rollo Hamilton. 18 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:54,120 Secretly recorded tapes, recently come into our possession, 19 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,720 reveal Campbell-Black's cavalier attitude towards these conquests. 20 00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:58,800 Oh, Christ. 21 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,360 [Rupert] So, Mandy Hamilton, you know she used to get me to spank her? 22 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:06,040 Called the hairbrush "daddy." [laughs] 23 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:07,840 Oh, God, Beattie. 24 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,760 [Beattie] Earlier, I interviewed a woman who was a participant 25 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:13,720 at a group sex session in a Soho art studio… 26 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,760 -What's happening? -…in the mid-'60s. 27 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:16,840 And roll the tape. 28 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:20,040 [Beattie] Can you tell me who was present on that particular occasion? 29 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:24,080 A number of rock stars, at least one of them was in The Stones. 30 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:25,840 A couple of footballers. 31 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,800 The American actor, Johnny… 32 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,520 -[Beattie] Johnny Friedlander? -[Pamela] Yes. 33 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,920 And Rupert Campbell-Black. You don't forget that silky voice. 34 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,720 [Beattie] Hmm. And did Mr Campbell-Black engage in the group sex? 35 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,320 [Pamela] Enthusiastically. 36 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,600 No one was disappointed, put it that way. 37 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:44,480 [Beattie] And I have to ask, in this age of AIDS, 38 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:46,840 was anyone there using protection? 39 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:47,920 Protection? 40 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,320 We were all high as kites. 41 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:54,240 [Valerie] I've always said, Fred-Fred. Now he's gonna give us all AIDS. 42 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:57,760 [Beattie] And this sexual deviance was cited in their divorce proceedings 43 00:01:57,840 --> 00:01:59,400 by his ex-wife, Helen. 44 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,200 I'm not talking about him, okay? Please get off my driveway. 45 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:04,680 -[Beattie] Can I ask why? -[Helen] Get off my driveway! 46 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:05,840 [Beattie] Mrs Gordon! 47 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:07,400 -[Helen] Oh, my God! -[Beattie] Mrs Gordon! 48 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:09,880 I think that's no comment. 49 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:12,800 Helen Gordon, previously Helen Campbell-Black, 50 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,920 was involved in a foursome with Campbell-Black 51 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,960 and his showjumping teammates while on holiday in Kenya. 52 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:20,200 -[Marcus] What's a foursome? -What are you doing out of bed? 53 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,640 [Beattie] Plus, we can now reveal some uncomfortable truths… 54 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,240 It is another word for a quartet. 55 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,480 [Beattie] At the same time as seducing 56 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:31,920 Corinium's former controller of programmes, Cameron Cook, 57 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,360 Mr Campbell-Black hunted closer to home, 58 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,480 beginning a relationship with Declan O'Hara's daughter Agatha, 59 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,680 a girl 17 years his junior. 60 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,720 -Fuck's sake. -Begging the question, what sort of a man 61 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:46,320 preys upon the young daughter of his colleague and friend? 62 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,440 So, what's the Prime Minister think of the politician… 63 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:51,200 -[phone rings] -…once referred to as her "blue-eyed boy"? 64 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:55,320 Unfortunately, no one from Mrs Thatcher's office was available to comment. 65 00:02:56,320 --> 00:03:00,880 But Campbell-Black doesn't seem to return her regard in this recording from 1985. 66 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,280 Roll tape. 67 00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:04,440 [Rupert] You know why they call her "Milk Snatcher"? 68 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:08,280 It's not taking dairy products from kids, it's because she's got a milky sna-- 69 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,000 -[bleeps] -[groans] 70 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,560 With the polls opening in ten hours, 71 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:16,640 we ask how can a pervert and sexual deviant like Rupert Campbell-Black 72 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:20,680 be allowed to represent the fine people of Great Britain? 73 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:24,760 [Rupert] Fuck! 74 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:36,200 [♪ opera music playing] 75 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,560 [♪ "Making Your Mind Up" playing] 76 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,400 Oh, oh! This way. Turn! 77 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,000 [photographer] Here we go. Another one. 78 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,360 Lord Baddingham! Lord Baddingham, sir! Over here! Quickly, sir! 79 00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:58,680 Go! 80 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:02,200 [clears throat] We're here at the home of Mr Rupert Campbell-Black, 81 00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:03,480 Minister for Sport 82 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,320 and subject of last night's extraordinary Uncensored allegations. 83 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,360 We're gonna try and get a few words from him 84 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:11,680 as he arrives at his home today on election day. 85 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:14,680 Mr Campbell-Black? Hello. Good morning, sir. Mr Campbell-Black. 86 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:16,960 [journalist] Any comments on the Uncensored documentary last night? 87 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,760 Good morning, everyone. Happy Election Day. 88 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,160 Don't look too disappointed. 89 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,480 -Any comments on Uncensored last night? -[doorbell rings] 90 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:25,880 [Gerald] Morning. 91 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,440 Message from CCHQ says we press ahead 92 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,600 with Rupert's scheduled appearances today, no reference to the broadcast, 93 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,200 everything pointed towards getting out the vote. 94 00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:37,440 Um… How's he doing? I tried to call, but… 95 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:38,800 See for yourself. 96 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:42,240 [reporter] As the country heads to the polls today for the general election, 97 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,760 the question on everyone's lips isn't whether or not 98 00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:48,840 Mrs Thatcher's Conservative government can hold on to power, 99 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:54,600 but how can Rupert Campbell-Black ever come back from such a destructive exposé? 100 00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,680 [Gerald] Has he been drinking all morning? 101 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,280 He's been drinking all night. 102 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:02,640 He hasn't been to bed. 103 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:04,120 But it's election day. 104 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,120 -Yep. -[scoffs] 105 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,800 Couldn't you have persuaded him to-to stop? 106 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:09,160 Really? 107 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,040 -I'm gonna call Helen again. -Oh, my God. 108 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:16,520 He's been trying her all morning. 109 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:18,640 She's gonna go full Medea on me after this. 110 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:20,720 [dialling] 111 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:22,480 [grunts] 112 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:31,360 [line clicks] 113 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,000 Yep. 114 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:37,280 -Rupert, please! -[Sarah] Rupert. 115 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:38,840 -What… Rupert. -I'll be back in a minute. 116 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:40,040 -[dogs barking] -[stammers] 117 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:43,440 [sighs] 118 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:46,760 [all chattering] 119 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:47,840 [clamouring] 120 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,440 [journalist] Minister, any comment on Uncensored last night? 121 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:52,880 Any comment on… 122 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,640 Beautiful morning, ladies and gentlemen. [sighs] 123 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:01,600 Don't forget to vote. 124 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,400 [clamouring continues] 125 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:06,280 Thank you. Thank you. 126 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:20,320 Hey! 127 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,320 Gonna pick up Caitlin from school. 128 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:32,400 [Declan] All right. 129 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,200 Is this journalism now, Daddy? 130 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,960 Destroying people's private lives? I mean, the things she said about him. 131 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,720 Beattie's not the brilliant journalist she thinks she is. 132 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:49,720 God, I hate that he got you caught up in all this. 133 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,240 What's it mean for Venturer? 134 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:55,600 Don't know, love. 135 00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:58,360 Don't know. 136 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:02,800 -[Monica] I'm disappointed, Tony. -[door closes] 137 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:06,040 You do things like this in my name as well as yours. 138 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:09,000 We're a partnership, a unit. And we're strong. 139 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,840 And we agreed that you wouldn't deal in dirty tricks any longer. 140 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:13,760 I know you and Rupert have your differences, 141 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:15,600 but his poor wife and children. 142 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:17,320 Who's that? 143 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:19,320 That's your present. 144 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:31,040 -Oh, Tony. [gasps] -[peacock calls] 145 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:34,560 -[Tony] Happy Anniversary, darling. -Oh, but it's not until Tuesday. 146 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,040 I got in early. 147 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:38,000 I thought you couldn't stand peacocks. 148 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,720 You always say they look like rats in ball gowns. 149 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:44,520 The Falconry has been without peacocks since you were a deb. 150 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,400 It's taken me far too long to set it right. 151 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,560 -Mummy would be thrilled. -Aw. 152 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,400 I'll need to be careful not to speed up the drive late at night, eh? 153 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:53,880 [smacks lips] 154 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,800 I haven't got you anything yet. 155 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,760 Why don't you come to A Doll's House with me this evening? 156 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,600 I'll shout you an ice cream in the interval? 157 00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,640 What, you want me to endure an evening of Ibsen on the day of the general election? 158 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,800 Well, there's no point sitting on the sofa waiting for the polls to close. 159 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,040 We'll spend the evening together. 160 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:11,200 It'll be good. 161 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,240 Well, you know how I love the theatre. 162 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:19,840 [chuckles] 163 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,480 [peacocks calling] 164 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:25,560 Vroom vroom. 165 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,320 [Monica] They're beautiful birds. 166 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,720 -[doorbell ringing] -Helen! Helen, open the door! 167 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:36,880 You can't stop me seeing my children, Helen! 168 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:40,000 Helen, I swear to God I'll break this down! 169 00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,320 -[horse whinnies] -[Malise] Stand down! 170 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:46,120 Would you mind removing your bloody finger from my doorbell? 171 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:48,880 Malise. 172 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,960 Helen's at school with Tabitha. 173 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:52,960 I don't suppose you're aware of anything 174 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,040 as parochial as the date of your daughter's sports day. 175 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,160 You're not running in the fathers' race? 176 00:09:58,240 --> 00:09:59,800 I don't qualify. [grunts] 177 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:01,840 [grunts] 178 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:05,400 You haven't been to bed, have you? 179 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,120 You know what? I'm not taking a lecture from you today, Malise. 180 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,960 Fuck you. Fuck Helen. I need to see my children! 181 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,560 I'm their father. Have you forgotten what that's like? 182 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,080 [grunting] 183 00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:20,240 [Malise chuckles] 184 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:32,560 Don't you dare talk to me about being a father. 185 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:35,680 You need to sober up. 186 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,840 How come you didn't know what he was planning? 187 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:43,280 I can't manage Mother by myself anymore. 188 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:46,360 [stammers] I've been off work moving her into a home. 189 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,200 Tony has been so kind. 190 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,720 He told me to take off all the time that I needed, 191 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,680 even when we had an episode of Uncensored to prep. 192 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:54,800 Kind or strategic? 193 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,480 I thought he was being supportive. 194 00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,280 Subterfuge is extremely stressful, you know? 195 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:01,600 We need to get you back to work, find out what Tony's doing next. 196 00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:03,080 But he's got what he wants. 197 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:04,800 Rupert's on his knees. 198 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,960 That'll never be enough for Tony. 199 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:08,880 He'll be coming for the rest of us. 200 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:13,720 [sighs] Do you think so? What do you mean? 201 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:15,680 -[Beattie] Hmm. -[Tony] Mmm. 202 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,960 Fiendish of you to have a tape recorder under the bed the whole time. 203 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,520 Well, it's amazing what men will spill after they've spilled. 204 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:23,760 [chuckling] 205 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:24,840 What can I say? 206 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:27,920 You truly are guardian of the nation's morals. 207 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,320 Oh, we aim to please. 208 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:32,760 You're about as keen to please as a nuclear warhead. 209 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,840 As you say, Tony, I'm a public servant. 210 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,000 You're a public toilet. 211 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,320 [laughing] 212 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:38,760 You don't think it was a bit cruel? 213 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:41,320 You don't know what he did to me. 214 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:42,560 Proportionate response, Joyce. 215 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,440 Good night's work everyone. 216 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:46,680 -On we go. -[Beattie sighs] 217 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,760 [inhales sharply] Are you hungry? 218 00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:55,520 A big kill like this always makes me voracious. 219 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,520 I could murder a Martini and a bloody steak. 220 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:04,640 I know a little hotel, very discreet. 221 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,640 We'd be back in plenty of time for the Election Special. 222 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,560 -What an enticing offer. -Hmm. 223 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:16,160 But I'm afraid I'm going to the theatre with my wife tonight. 224 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:20,440 [scoffs] 225 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:26,800 [laughs] That bump to the head really did change you, Tony. 226 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,680 [laughs] 227 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:31,440 Elegantly handled. 228 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,640 It's like prising off a scorpion before it stings you. 229 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,440 [trills lips] 230 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,560 [Freddie] All right, quieten down everyone. 231 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,720 I'm sorry that our first Venturer board meeting 232 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,120 is being convened at a moment of crisis. 233 00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:50,920 Let's make this an orderly discussion. I know how these things can get emotional. 234 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,880 So, Declan? 235 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:54,240 Thank you, Freddie. 236 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:57,160 So, bad news first. 237 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,280 The BBC have dropped our Yeats documentary. 238 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:01,920 -[groaning, sighing] -What? 239 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,640 They can't be tainted by association. 240 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,440 Also, I've had word from Charles 241 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,360 that Lady Gosling would like to speak to me about the franchise bid. 242 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,600 -That's not the kind of-- -Is anyone else going to say it? 243 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:14,440 -Rupert should resign from the board. -Thank you. 244 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:15,680 -No! -Now hold on a minute. 245 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,000 The IBA is run by a woman, and as a woman, 246 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:21,920 I have to say that some of the comments we heard on the television last night 247 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,280 were very hard to stomach. 248 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:24,840 [Cameron] They were private comments. 249 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:26,600 He didn't know Beattie had a tape recorder under the bed. 250 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:30,400 She liked him talking about other women he'd been with. It was her thing. 251 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:34,160 If this were anybody else, wouldn't we be demanding that they resign? 252 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:38,520 As a group, what values do we stand for? 253 00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:42,600 [crew chattering] 254 00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:43,720 [Steve] All right, come on. 255 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,200 Easy there, easy. 256 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,360 [Deirdre] So, we'll go in the order they're called. 257 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:49,440 -James, James? -Hmm? 258 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,200 -Probably Cotchester first… -Mmm. Right. 259 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:53,000 -…then Rutminster-- -Rutminster, Gloucester, 260 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,680 Chalford and Bisley, big swing for the Tories, blah, blah, blah, blah… 261 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,720 We have Beattie Johnson presenting the show… 262 00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:58,800 Watch your feet there. 263 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,920 And James Vereker, of course, back on his trusty swingometer. 264 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,840 Everyone, this is Mrs Menzies-Scott 265 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,560 who's joining Lady Gosling on the board of the IBA 266 00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:10,520 after a ten-year stint chairing the Women's Institute. 267 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,040 So, used to making big decisions. 268 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,600 All set for tonight, gang? 269 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:18,720 Yes. Hopefully I won't have to do too much swinging this evening, Lady Gosling! 270 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,280 And, Reverend Penney… 271 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:24,120 Congratulations on your Campbell-Black exposé, Miss Johnson. 272 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,960 "I will end the haughtiness of the arrogant 273 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,160 and lay low the pride of the ruthless." 274 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:32,960 [chuckles] "Let he that is without sin cast the first stone." 275 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,760 [Tony] Well, thank goodness that, uh, 276 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:38,400 Campbell-Black chose that little Venturer set-up over the Corinium board. 277 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,560 I'm sure the IBA will align with the public 278 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:42,160 and take a stern view on his behaviour. 279 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,440 I shall be speaking to Mr O'Hara in due course. 280 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,280 One thing I'm curious about, Lord Baddingham? 281 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:47,440 Yes? 282 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,400 As a prominent supporter of the government, 283 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:52,600 isn't it rather an own-goal to demolish Campbell-Black's reputation 284 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:55,400 the night before the country goes to the polls? 285 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:57,360 Well, Sally, as someone who cares deeply 286 00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:59,440 about the reputation of our political system, 287 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:03,320 I would say it's paramount we make it clear to the country 288 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,120 that we see no place for behaviour 289 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,800 like Campbell-Black's in the modern government, 290 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:11,120 which is, of course, bigger than any individual member. 291 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,360 I can't help thinking Mrs Thatcher would agree. 292 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:17,640 [chuckling] Rupert always had a rapier wit. Milk Snatcher. 293 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,120 -[chuckles] I spat out my sherry. -[people laughing] 294 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,320 [chuckles] 295 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:23,720 Sorry. 296 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:24,800 [Tony groans] 297 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,040 Archie's been writing to me at school. 298 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:29,440 Archie Baddingham? Caitlin. 299 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:33,080 He sent me a mixtape! It's mostly metal, but he also put Caravan of Love on it. 300 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,320 So either he loves me or he wants to have sex in a caravan. 301 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,400 [squeals] 302 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:38,800 It's not just Rupert's reputation. 303 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:40,440 If he's losing us work, it's a problem. 304 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,560 I'm here to make telly. The Yeats programme is your baby. 305 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:46,240 -Yeah, we'll sell it somewhere else, Mike. -Will anyone else take it now? 306 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:49,560 I've had the Archbishop of Canterbury on the phone. 307 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:51,880 This is a very difficult position 308 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:55,120 for those of us on the board as moral advisers. 309 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,080 Ah, it's all just rubbish anyway. 310 00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:58,800 Well, it's actually all true, Wes. 311 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:00,960 I was at that party with Johnny Friedlander and believe me, 312 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,120 Rupert's never been monogamous in his life. 313 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:05,840 I mean, until now. 314 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:07,840 [Wesley] So, even the three women at once thing? 315 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:09,480 Well, it sounds jolly tiring! 316 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,040 -[laughing] -[Enid] Look at you. 317 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:12,840 You're all as bad as each other. 318 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:14,200 Sniggering schoolboys! 319 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:15,800 Okay, I think it should take more 320 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:18,200 than a Corinium smear campaign to pull us apart. 321 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,000 Freddie? 322 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:22,080 Very quiet. 323 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:24,640 [Freddie] We'll struggle to do it without Rupert. 324 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:26,640 It's not just the profile. 325 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,040 We need his financial stake. 326 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:30,680 [Declan] But? 327 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:35,240 But a good public reputation is crucial for a company. 328 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:38,480 And Rupert's flushed ours down the karzy. 329 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:40,920 [inhales deeply] I spoke to my father. 330 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,360 What did he say? 331 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,000 [sighs] 332 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,440 Toshi… [speaks Japanese] 333 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,400 [sighs] 334 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,520 [speaks Japanese] 335 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:54,520 [both speaking Japanese] 336 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:03,040 So, Toshi's dad will cover Rupert's stake. 337 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,080 But he needs to know that he's not part of the company anymore. 338 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:10,200 -[sighs] -[Taggie] Phone, Daddy. 339 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,280 Not now, sweetheart. 340 00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:13,640 [stammers] It's Mummy. She says it's urgent. 341 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:18,080 -Go. -[stammers] Just press pause, okay? 342 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,880 [sighs] 343 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,800 [Declan] I got it, Tag. Hello, love. 344 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:25,800 Nathalie Perrault has got food poisoning. 345 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,720 -She can't go on tonight. -Maud, darling, I really can't ta-- 346 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:31,320 [Maud] I'm the understudy. I'm going on for her… 347 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,200 to play Nora. 348 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:38,080 Can you come? I mean, if you got in the car now, you'd make curtain up. 349 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:39,520 Have you seen the newspapers? 350 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,320 [sighs, stammers] It's Rupert. 351 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,880 He's always in some scrape or other. 352 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:46,360 I need you. 353 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,120 -Please? -Don't worry, love. You'll be wonderful. 354 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,800 My guys are tearing each other to bits here. 355 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,280 If I leave now, the company could crumble. 356 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:55,800 -[huffs] What, you're not coming? -It's Venturer, love. 357 00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:58,200 [sighs] 358 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:00,600 [exhales heavily] 359 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,720 But-But it's not dishonest, is it? Rupert is just Rupert. 360 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,600 Always has been, take it or leave it. 361 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:07,640 I mean, I-I personally think people find it refreshing. 362 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:08,840 The archbishop doesn't! 363 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,440 [Basil] Doesn't he have anything better to do? 364 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,880 I mean, how narrow-minded and prurient do you have to be to think this is a problem? 365 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,400 [Enid] How thoughtless and ignorant do you have to be to think it isn't? 366 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:19,160 I thought you're a bohemian. Who here doesn't have a past? 367 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,320 Not one that Beattie Johnson would be interested in. 368 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,160 Well, I don't imagine she gets down to Glyndebourne much. 369 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,240 I'm sorry, it's him or me. 370 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,520 -Okay, whatever happened to loyalty? -Cameron. 371 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,520 Us against the world? Are we gonna take this? 372 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,680 Let's face it, a direct attack from Tony Baddingham, 373 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:33,920 are we gonna take it lying down? 374 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:35,680 I'm all for love and forgiveness, 375 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:39,040 but I simply don't see how our franchise bid can survive this. 376 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:41,840 What about we just take a vote? Democracy in action. 377 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,240 Fuck democracy! 378 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:49,800 You know what I mean. 379 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,160 You can abstain, Cameron. 380 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:55,680 [Freddie] You'd better go while we vote. 381 00:18:56,560 --> 00:19:00,480 Mike, Patrick, you're not on the board so you should step out as well. 382 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,360 This isn't the Venturer I signed up for. 383 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,320 Rupert would swim through shark-infested water 384 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,840 for any one of you if this were the other way round. 385 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,000 Whatever you decide, 386 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:18,720 please God have the grace to wait until after the election 387 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,440 before you tell him he's been subjected to another vote. 388 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,400 [♪ dramatic music playing] 389 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:29,600 You okay? 390 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,440 This is such a fucking mess. 391 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:33,760 Why do you defend him? 392 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:34,920 Because I love him. 393 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,280 Because he fought for me. 394 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:40,560 Now it's my time to fight for him. 395 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,360 Okay. 396 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:49,120 How do we do this? 397 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,040 [sighs] 398 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:01,080 [cloth rubbing] 399 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,040 Coffee. 400 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,160 No, thank you. 401 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:12,440 It's not a question. Sit. 402 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,200 [Malise] The Times, The Telegraph, 403 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:20,080 Today, The Mail, The Mirror and The Scorpion. 404 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,560 You're on the front page of all of them. 405 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:26,640 Photographers have already set up camp outside waiting for you to leave. 406 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,120 [sighs] I'm glad to see you've dressed up for my dressing-down. 407 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,200 For God's sake, Rupert, grow up! 408 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:41,360 We're all tired of the wanton schoolboy playing everything for a laugh. 409 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:44,360 Might have been endearing in a young buck, 410 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,760 but in a man nearing 40, 411 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:49,160 I'm afraid it's long ago passed over into… 412 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:51,840 [sighs] …pathetic. 413 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,200 Right. 414 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:56,000 [Malise] Needless to say, Helen's furious. 415 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,560 [smacks lips] 416 00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:58,640 Needless to say. 417 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,440 [Malise] Oh, she knew you'd been unfaithful to her during the marriage, 418 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:05,120 but she had no idea of the scale of her humiliation. 419 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,520 Well, thank God you saved her from me. 420 00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:11,440 We both know I didn't take Helen from you. 421 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:16,600 You'd broken her a long time before I put her back together. 422 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:20,120 And I'm damned if I'll let you break her again. 423 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,600 Oh, come on, Malise! 424 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,520 Who doesn't have their sexual peccadilloes? 425 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:25,600 [scoffs] 426 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,480 I know Helen's tastes are pretty vanilla, but I'm sure you've used your riding crop 427 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:29,760 on her a couple of times. 428 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,160 Your daughter was in tears this morning 429 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:37,240 because she's afraid that you're going to die of AIDS. 430 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:43,200 You've lost your wife, and you're about to lose your children 431 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:47,040 because you can't keep your bloody cock inside your trousers. 432 00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:50,520 Of course, the irony in all that is… 433 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,920 -is that I have stopped. -[groans] 434 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,720 Everything she exposed in that broadcast was years ago. 435 00:21:58,800 --> 00:21:59,840 Oh, really? 436 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:02,600 Sarah Stratton? Nathalie Perrault? 437 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:04,400 Months ago. And… 438 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:07,800 they were the last. 439 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:14,080 [sighs] I'm not excusing what's happened… 440 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:20,720 but Beattie let me confide in her at a time when I needed to, 441 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:25,080 and I had no idea she was recording every word of it to use against me later. 442 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,640 Of course I told her hundreds of good things about Helen, 443 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:30,520 but they didn't broadcast any of that. 444 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:34,360 But don't worry, I'll get what I deserve. 445 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:37,520 I'm gonna lose my seat tonight. 446 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,520 Yes, most likely. 447 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:44,040 But you've been dropped from the national team before and bounced back. 448 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,320 You learnt then, didn't you? Pulled yourself together. 449 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:49,800 When Timmie died… 450 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:55,840 I swore if I couldn't look after him, 451 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,440 I'd take good care of the young riders on the team. 452 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,280 Keep you close, 453 00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:04,440 stop you repeating your mistakes again and again. 454 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,720 [scoffs] But of course, it was hopeless. 455 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:10,840 I used to blame myself, 456 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:15,320 but the rot in you had set in long before I came on the scene. 457 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,840 Your father gave you the worst possible example. 458 00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,040 You can do better for your children. 459 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:23,880 They love you, the poor little buggers. 460 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:28,200 For me? 461 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:30,200 Mmm. 462 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:34,320 Put these on and go and cast your vote with dignity. 463 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:48,280 [inhales deeply] 464 00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:52,120 Thank you. 465 00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:59,520 [inhales sharply] I hope I can count on your vote, Malise? 466 00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:00,680 [chuckles] 467 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,960 I shall be voting for the Liberals. 468 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:12,440 [theatregoers chattering] 469 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:15,160 Oh! Nathalie's not on tonight. 470 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,920 "Tonight the role of Nora will be played by Maud O'Hara." 471 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,520 Oh, God, it gets worse. Let's just go for dinner. 472 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,400 Oh, no, no, let's give her a chance now we're here. 473 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,280 We'd only be at home waiting for the results. 474 00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:27,400 -Oh. Darling, oh! -[bell rings] 475 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:32,400 [Beattie] Later tonight, we'll be bringing you 476 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,000 all the live updates from the Central South West region. 477 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:38,120 [James] Plus in-depth analysis of the results as they come in, 478 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,920 served with a generous helping of Corinium charm. 479 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,400 -[Beattie chuckles] -Look, there's Daddy. 480 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,240 [Beattie] But first let's go over to the ITN newsroom. 481 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:47,600 -[Trevor] Good evening. -[knocking on window] 482 00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:50,360 The campaigns are over, the polls are open… 483 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,040 [report on television continues indistinctly] 484 00:24:58,240 --> 00:24:59,880 [Freddie] I know I shouldn't be here. 485 00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:01,560 I just wanted to talk to you. 486 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:03,920 It's been a terrible day. 487 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:08,600 [laughs] I thought if James was on the telly, he couldn't be here, so… 488 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,920 Oh. Well, I'm cooking supper for the children. 489 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,200 Of course, I'm sorry. 490 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:16,680 Is that a potato waffle? 491 00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,400 -Mm-hmm. -Because, um… 492 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,760 -Mmm. Here. -[chuckles] 493 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,400 I haven't eaten all day. 494 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:24,760 We've been arguing about Rupert. 495 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:27,360 -Oh. -Declan's had us put it to a vote. 496 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:29,080 Oh. What did you do? 497 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,440 -I voted for Rupert to stay. -Oh, good. 498 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,320 Of course, he's behaved awfully, 499 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:37,400 but I've always felt it's our job as his friends to stay loyal, 500 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:39,760 to steer him onto the path. 501 00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:41,880 We've all done things. 502 00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:46,720 I knew you was gonna say something wise like that. 503 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,160 Val's worried he's going to invite us in for a threesome, 504 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,360 so she's ripped out all the pampas grass just in case. 505 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:53,480 [chuckles] 506 00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:55,680 But Rupert's staying? 507 00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,920 Well, Declan's got the casting vote. 508 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,680 I left them to it. It didn't feel right. 509 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,720 -[Sebastian] Mummy! -[mutters] 510 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:05,640 [exhales heavily] I'm gonna go home. 511 00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,000 Where do you stand on fish fingers? 512 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:15,880 I can't get enough of them. [chuckles] 513 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:18,080 [Ellie chuckling] 514 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,000 [Freddie growling] 515 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:24,720 -[screams] -[Freddie laughs] 516 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:27,440 Okay, come on, upstairs now for teeth brushing, please. 517 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:29,000 -No! -No! 518 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:32,080 You'd better listen to your mum, or all your teeth will fall out. 519 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,200 -Oh, no, I've got no teeth. -[both children laughing] 520 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,080 Where's my teeth gone? [screams] 521 00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,000 You're funny, Mr Jones. 522 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:41,640 Thank you, Mr Vereker. 523 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,840 -I am Sebastian. -Well, I'm Freddie. 524 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,240 -[both] Freddie! -Okay, upstairs now! 525 00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,800 -Go on. [groans] -[chuckling] 526 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:52,760 [sighs] Why are all posh people called Sebastian? 527 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:53,920 We're not posh people. 528 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:56,200 -You're posher than me. -[chuckles] 529 00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,000 -[groans] -[chuckles] Oh, dear. 530 00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:01,800 -Are you all right? -[Freddie] Yeah. 531 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,760 Have you got a wheelchair? 532 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:05,560 Well, James treats me like a wheelchair. 533 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,000 Something he can fall back on in old age. 534 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:11,360 Ah. 535 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:14,360 Why did you marry him? 536 00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:19,680 Because he asked me. 537 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:27,480 Why did you marry Valerie? 538 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,240 I loved her. 539 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:35,800 [♪ gentle music plays] 540 00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:37,400 [Ellie] Mummy! 541 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,000 -I should go. [chuckles softly] -Mmm. 542 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:47,440 [inhales deeply] 543 00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:02,360 Roar. 544 00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,160 [Ellie] Where are you? 545 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:38,640 Goodnight, Freddie. 546 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:41,720 Goodnight, Lizzie. 547 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:55,200 [♪ opera music playing] 548 00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:00,640 [footsteps approaching] 549 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,080 Ta-da! 550 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:05,880 -[chuckles] -Blimey. 551 00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:08,200 -Look at you. -[Valerie sighs] Oh. 552 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:10,800 Doesn't he look fantastic? [chuckles] 553 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,640 We spent the whole day at the school outfitters. 554 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:15,080 [Freddie] Proper gentleman. 555 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:16,160 He looks like a penguin. 556 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,560 [Valerie] Sharon, stop it! 557 00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:21,320 [sighing] Oh. 558 00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:25,280 Look what we've done, eh? [chuckles] 559 00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:27,280 Our boy. [chuckles] 560 00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:29,960 I'm proud of you. [kisses] 561 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:32,920 We bought everything on the list. 562 00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:35,760 Cricket kit, football kit, swimming kit, 563 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:39,400 tennis kit, rugby kit, fencing kit, all the kits. [chuckles] 564 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:41,360 I'm proud of you and all. 565 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,600 Won't be many Joneses boys on that rugby team, will there, son, eh? 566 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:47,960 Now Eton rules says we can't see you for the first month 567 00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:49,720 so you're gonna have to be brave, Wayne. 568 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:52,200 Okay? No crying like a ninny. 569 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,200 Now, most of them other boys, they've been away from home 570 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:56,120 since they were babies. 571 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,600 Sharon, come on, stop being so lazy 572 00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:01,200 and help me get the rest of the bags out the car, you lump. 573 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:02,480 Honestly. 574 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,520 [breathes deeply] I don't know how I'm gonna cope 575 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:14,000 not seeing that cheeky little mug for that long. 576 00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:16,280 You sure you want this? 577 00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:19,160 It makes Mum happy. 578 00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:21,480 Can I take this off now? 579 00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:23,920 Yeah, son. Go on. 580 00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,000 -Wasn't she wonderful? -Mmm. 581 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:37,440 A revelation. 582 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:41,360 I think you may have found your Titania. 583 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:43,840 Maud? I couldn't cast Maud O'Hara. 584 00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:45,920 Declan would howl. 585 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,240 Let's go round and see her, shall we? 586 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:51,720 [♪ jazz music plays] 587 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:56,600 Congratulations! Woman of the hour. 588 00:30:56,680 --> 00:31:00,400 [scoffs] Woman of the half-hour call. 589 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:04,960 I mean, this is unexpected and nice. 590 00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:06,840 After thinking I didn't have anyone in tonight. 591 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,080 Oh, yes, I'm sorry none of your family were there. 592 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:10,680 -I'm not. -[stammers] Tony! 593 00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:12,400 Isn't he awful? [chuckles] 594 00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:16,080 I'm not complaining. This is extremely nice wine. 595 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:19,000 We usually end up at a sticky table at the Coach and Horses. [chuckles] 596 00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:20,880 Well, not for long. 597 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:23,000 -Tony, tell her. -Ah, yes. 598 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:25,040 [clicks tongue] Monica's had an idea. 599 00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,640 -Oh? -And I think it's a rather good one. 600 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:29,960 I would like to offer you a role 601 00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:33,360 in Corinium's production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. 602 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:36,920 The leading lady, Titania, Queen of the Fairies. 603 00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,840 [chuckling] I think Maud knows her Shakespeare, darling. 604 00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,960 It's our flagship project, filmed at Corinium 605 00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:45,240 with a live audience, broadcast on the network, 606 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:49,600 with a subsequent video release for schools all over the country. 607 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:51,280 -It's going to have quite a reach. -[Tony] Mmm. 608 00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:53,520 God… 609 00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,040 I mean, thank you. Thank you. 610 00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:00,480 I mean, obviously I'll have to speak with my-- 611 00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:01,880 Your husband. Yes, of course. 612 00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:04,560 [sucks teeth] I was going to say my agent. 613 00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:06,080 [Tony grunts] 614 00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:09,680 -[chuckles] Oh, Ibsen would be proud. -[chuckles] 615 00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:10,920 [Monica] Thank you. 616 00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:17,880 [chuckles] 617 00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:24,200 [sighs] 618 00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:28,960 [chuckles] 619 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,600 [Steve] Ready to go live, studio. 620 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:39,000 Countdown to handover to ITN in five, four, three… 621 00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:43,000 Good evening. 622 00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:45,600 And welcome to the Cotswold Round-Up Election Special. 623 00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:49,760 Let's go over to our outside broadcast unit in Cotchester now. 624 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:52,720 Where I am being told… 625 00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:56,760 Yes, Paul Stratton has retained his seat for the Conservatives. 626 00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:59,920 [Paul] I'd like to give thanks to all my supporters, 627 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:05,520 my constituency staff, and to my wonderful secretary, Samantha. 628 00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,040 And, of course, I would like to thank 629 00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:10,720 my daughters Penelope and Cressida. 630 00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:15,920 Uh, to my father Desmond Stratton QC for his sage advice during this election, 631 00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:20,600 and finally to my schnauzer, Sultan, for being there. 632 00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:22,920 -Good boy, Sultan. Thank you. -[audience cheering] 633 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:24,160 -[sobs] -[Beattie] Paul Stratton 634 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:26,120 holds Cotchester for the Conservatives. 635 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,120 All eyes now turn to Chalford and Bisley 636 00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,560 where Rupert Campbell-Black's seat hangs in the balance 637 00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:32,840 after last night's shocking exposé. 638 00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:34,600 Over to James and his swingometer. 639 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:38,200 Paul Stratton retaining his majority by more than 15,000. 640 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:40,480 A decisive win there. 641 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:43,000 Oh, no, don't go that way… No, not that… No, no… 642 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:44,720 [clears throat] Uh, I'll just hold it. 643 00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:48,360 [chuckling, clears throat] It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing! 644 00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:49,440 Beattie. 645 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:52,240 Head up, okay? 646 00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:55,360 Act like nothing's wrong and people will believe it. 647 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:59,880 Whatever happens, I-I just want to say it has been an honour to serve with you and-- 648 00:33:59,960 --> 00:34:02,120 All right, Gerald, we're not going over the top. 649 00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:03,520 [♪ opera music plays] 650 00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:04,840 Ready? 651 00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:06,400 [sighs] 652 00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:07,560 Ready. 653 00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,360 [♪ music crescendos] 654 00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,280 Chalford and Bisley are about to declare. 655 00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:29,200 Stand by for outside broadcast! 656 00:34:30,240 --> 00:34:33,040 [Beattie] And I'm just hearing now that we can go over to Chalford and Bisley 657 00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:34,680 for the announcement of today's results. 658 00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:36,720 We weren't expecting you back tonight, Tony. 659 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:39,880 -I wouldn't miss this for the world! -[chuckles] 660 00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:41,800 And cut to outside broadcast. 661 00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:43,960 [♪ dramatic music plays] 662 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:47,560 [Patricia] As returning officer for the Chalford and Bisley Constituency, 663 00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:48,720 I hereby declare 664 00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:52,880 that the total number of votes for each candidate was as follows. 665 00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:59,400 Michael Seaborne, Labour Party candidate: 5,342. 666 00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:04,760 David Edwards, known as Baa Baa Woolly Ramsbottom, 667 00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:07,720 Cotswold Loony Party: 283. 668 00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:09,880 Baa! 669 00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:11,200 Baa! Yes! 670 00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,840 [Patricia] Margaret Baldwin, Liberal Party. 671 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:17,200 24,292. 672 00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:22,560 Rupert Campbell-Black, Conservative Party. 673 00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:25,720 [music stops] 674 00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:30,240 36,272. 675 00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:32,240 Wow! 676 00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:35,280 [Patricia] I do hereby declare that Rupert Campbell-Black 677 00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:39,080 is duly elected Member of Parliament for Chalford and Bisley… 678 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:40,640 [cheering] 679 00:35:40,720 --> 00:35:44,960 …and retains the seat for the Conservative Party. 680 00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,840 -Go up, go up. -[chattering] 681 00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:51,840 [♪ dramatic music plays] 682 00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,200 -[Gerald] We did it! -Well done, Gerry! 683 00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,240 [Rupert] Thank you. Thank you all. 684 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:04,440 I will do my absolute utmost to deserve your confidence. 685 00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:07,040 Onward. 686 00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:09,240 -[crowd] Onward! -[reporter on TV] Rupert Campbell-Black, 687 00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,040 re-elected as Member of Parliament for Chalford and Bisley, 688 00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:15,480 kisses his girlfriend, television executive Cameron Cook. 689 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,000 [applause, cheering continue on television] 690 00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:21,920 [commentator on TV] If you're just joining us, 88 results have been declared so far. 691 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:25,880 In the last few moments, disgraced Minister for Sport Rupert Campbell-Black 692 00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:29,320 has surprised everyone by retaining Chalford and Bisley… 693 00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:31,400 [♪ opera music plays] 694 00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:34,800 [no audible dialogue] 695 00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:48,080 They just announced. 696 00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:49,440 He won, didn't he? 697 00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:53,880 [laughs] How does he do it? 698 00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:55,680 He's still their Olympic hero. 699 00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:58,040 Not to those who really know him. 700 00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:01,400 He's even got you on side. Look. [sighs] 701 00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:03,480 [Malise] He still needs a father figure sometimes. 702 00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:05,240 Or maybe you still need a son. 703 00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:09,680 [clicks tongue] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 704 00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:14,200 I sometimes think that you see Rupert through rose-tinted glasses 705 00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:16,320 because you miss Timmie. 706 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:20,280 And it pains me because I am pretty sure that Rupert is no kind of substitute. 707 00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:23,800 Rupert is a danger to everyone around him when he's a loose cannon. 708 00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:26,480 It's a good thing that he kept his seat. 709 00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:28,600 If Rupert were a woman, 710 00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,880 he would be tarred and feathered and dragged by his hair 711 00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:34,000 -through the streets of Cotchester. -Oh, for God's sake, Helen. 712 00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:37,640 He gets a seat in Parliament. All I get is to suffer by association. 713 00:37:37,720 --> 00:37:39,960 To look and feel stupid that I was ever married to him, 714 00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:41,720 that I ever had his children! 715 00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:46,560 No matter what I do, I will always be the Olympic hero's embarrassed first wife! 716 00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:48,200 [inhales deeply] 717 00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:53,280 -Come on. -[sighs] 718 00:37:54,720 --> 00:37:56,120 -[chuckles] -[sighs] 719 00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:02,200 What happened to you in Kenya? 720 00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:06,360 What? [inhales sharply] 721 00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:10,560 You never told me about Kenya. What happened to you there? 722 00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:14,320 No, no, I… I didn't. [sighs] 723 00:38:16,720 --> 00:38:19,480 I didn't want to because I knew you would think differently of me. 724 00:38:20,720 --> 00:38:22,480 Oh, and so you do. 725 00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:26,160 I think you should sleep in the spare room tonight. 726 00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:28,160 [scoffs] 727 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:30,480 Which one? 728 00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:32,560 [breathing heavily] 729 00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,360 [♪ "The Chicken Song" plays] 730 00:38:37,800 --> 00:38:41,520 ♪ Hold a chicken in the air ♪ 731 00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:43,840 ♪ Stick a deckchair up your nose ♪ 732 00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:47,800 ♪ Buy a jumbo jet And then bury all your clothes ♪ 733 00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,040 ♪ Paint your left knee green ♪ 734 00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:51,640 ♪ Then extract your wisdom teeth ♪ 735 00:38:51,720 --> 00:38:53,880 ♪ Form a string quartet ♪ 736 00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:57,760 ♪ And pretend your name is Keith ♪ 737 00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:02,480 ♪ Skin yourself alive ♪ 738 00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:04,680 ♪ Learn to speak Arapaho ♪ 739 00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:09,000 ♪ Climb inside a dog And behead an Eskimo ♪ 740 00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:11,000 [chuckles] 741 00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:12,400 What the fuck is this? 742 00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:14,760 [laughs] It's, uh, "The Chicken Song". 743 00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:16,200 What? 744 00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:17,280 Um, Spitting Image. 745 00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,000 -It's a parody. -Of what? 746 00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:20,240 -Rupert! Ooh. [laughs] -Ooh. 747 00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:21,960 [laughs] 748 00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:24,680 -Okay, come on. Let's go home. -[Rupert] What? 749 00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:27,720 I've just won the general bloody election! 750 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:32,160 Actually, Mrs Thatcher just won the general bloody election. 751 00:39:32,240 --> 00:39:34,720 Honey, I need to talk to you about Venturer. 752 00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:36,600 No, no, no, no. We're celebrating. 753 00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:38,960 Venturer won the election! 754 00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:40,360 Ooh. 755 00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:42,840 I'm going to bed. 756 00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:45,440 Uh… [sighs] Fine, fine, fine. 757 00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:47,600 -I'll-I'll-I'll come with you. -No, no, no. 758 00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:49,160 [stammers] Celebrate. 759 00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:51,760 It's your party. 760 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,120 ♪ The sound is loud and grating ♪ 761 00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:57,160 ♪ It's truly nauseating ♪ 762 00:39:57,240 --> 00:39:59,640 ♪ Let's do the dance again ♪ 763 00:39:59,720 --> 00:40:03,320 ♪ Hold a chicken in the air ♪ 764 00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:05,560 ♪ Stick a deckchair up your nose ♪ 765 00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:09,880 ♪ Buy a jumbo jet And then bury all your clothes ♪ 766 00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:12,720 [song ends] 767 00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:15,440 -[grunts] -Take that, Dimbleby. 768 00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:18,800 As always, the great British public voted for Mummy. 769 00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:20,960 [clears throat] How about we go somewhere and celebrate? 770 00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:23,040 -You and me? -Why not? 771 00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:25,320 I'll check under the bed for tape recorders. 772 00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:28,320 -[laughs] Okay, then. -[laughs] 773 00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:29,400 -Really? -No. 774 00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:30,680 Oh. [stammers] Look-- 775 00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:34,720 Ooh. I thought you were wonderful, James. 776 00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:39,200 [James] Ah. Hey, team. 777 00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:41,040 Who's up for partying? [chuckles] 778 00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:42,840 I could have a quick beverage. 779 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,680 Uh, Daysee, going somewhere nice? 780 00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:48,760 Lock-in with the OB crew at the Cotchester Arms. 781 00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:50,520 [James] What, cider with the camera boys? 782 00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,280 I've got, uh, Bolly in my dressing room. 783 00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:54,480 No, thank you. 784 00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:56,720 Well, come on, Daysee. Why the sad face? 785 00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:59,240 -You used to be much more up for partying. -Fuck off. 786 00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:01,640 [stammers] Little Daysee just told me to F off. 787 00:41:01,720 --> 00:41:02,760 -[chuckles] -[chuckles] 788 00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:08,760 [sighs] Uh, Deirdre? 789 00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:10,560 Yes, James? 790 00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:13,360 Call me a cab home. There's a love. [grunts] 791 00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:22,480 [reporter on TV] …won by retaining his Chalford and Bisley seat 792 00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:24,840 with an overwhelming majority. 793 00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:28,240 [sniffles] Where's Rupert? 794 00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:30,560 I left him at the party, sticking a deckchair up his nose. 795 00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:32,120 [laughs] 796 00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:34,040 [crying] 797 00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:35,920 What's wrong now? 798 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:37,560 Paul won his seat. 799 00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:38,640 [Sarah sobs] 800 00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:41,160 Do you wanna be married to him or not? 801 00:41:41,240 --> 00:41:44,600 If you do, stop being a whiny little bitch and go back to your house. 802 00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:47,680 [scoffs] You can't talk to me like that. 803 00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:49,480 I just did. 804 00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:53,560 [scoffs] 805 00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:55,840 [footsteps approaching] 806 00:41:57,120 --> 00:41:58,520 [James sighs] 807 00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:01,320 [James sighs] 808 00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:04,880 [sighs] The buzz, darling, of revealing to the nation 809 00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:06,480 the results of their little pencil marks. 810 00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:08,640 Oh, you-you were brilliant. 811 00:42:08,720 --> 00:42:13,000 Beattie bloody bumfuck bloody Johnson getting all the glory. 812 00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:16,640 [grunts] Maybe next year I can ask for a bigger pendulum. 813 00:42:16,720 --> 00:42:17,920 [Lizzie] Yes. 814 00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,440 Oh. [chuckles] Speaking of pendulums… 815 00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:26,960 Looks like my election erection's coming out to play again. 816 00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:28,720 Yes, it is. 817 00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:30,320 [clears throat, mutters] 818 00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:32,640 Hmm? 819 00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:36,160 [inhales deeply] Oh. Oh. 820 00:42:36,240 --> 00:42:38,360 [clicks tongue, sighs] I've brushed my teeth. 821 00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:41,320 [sighs] Fine. We'll just have sex. 822 00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:42,920 -Okay. -[clears throat] 823 00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,520 [inhales sharply] Come on. [sighs] 824 00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:49,800 Do you know, people really do underestimate me. 825 00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:51,920 -Mmm. -And I'd be shocked if after tonight, 826 00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:55,320 Venturer don't try to poach me. Or better yet, persuade me to be a mole. 827 00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:57,600 -[chuckles] -I'd be a fantastic double agent. 828 00:42:57,680 --> 00:42:59,800 -Mmm. -Oh! Come on, open a little wider, Lizzie. 829 00:42:59,880 --> 00:43:01,520 I can't get it in. [grunts] 830 00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:04,680 James "The Mole" Vereker. Ooh, there. 831 00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:06,560 -[grunts] That's the job, Lizzie. -[moans] 832 00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:08,240 -Good girl. Open up the burrow. -[moans] 833 00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:10,600 [moans, chuckles] 834 00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:14,080 ♪ I am a mole and I live in a hole ♪ 835 00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:16,760 -♪ I am a mole and I live in a hole ♪ -[inhales sharply, moans] 836 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:19,080 [vocalises] ♪ I am a mole and I live in a… ♪ 837 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:21,920 [both moaning] 838 00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:23,280 ♪ …hole ♪ 839 00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:25,320 -[moans] -Oh. 840 00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:27,880 -Oh. -[breathing deeply] 841 00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:30,960 [both moaning] 842 00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:32,200 Oh, Lizzie. 843 00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:34,360 -[chuckles] -[sighs] 844 00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:35,840 [laughs] 845 00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:39,120 I am a kite and you are my bollard. 846 00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:42,240 [grunting] 847 00:43:48,240 --> 00:43:49,880 [sighs] 848 00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:51,600 [buzzard shrieks] 849 00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:58,960 Oh, darling. You're home. 850 00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:03,440 Congratulations. You won. 851 00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:04,520 I made you breakfast. 852 00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:08,680 You must be exhausted after all that celebrating. [chuckles] 853 00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:14,680 I'm so sorry about that stupid fight that we had. 854 00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:17,760 [sighing] It was just my hormones. 855 00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:19,480 Wasn't your fault at all. 856 00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:21,240 -But the baby? -Your baby. 857 00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:25,240 I've been so mean to you, Paulie. 858 00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,960 I just want us to be a proper little family. 859 00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:32,200 I'm so happy. 860 00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:38,360 [chuckles] 861 00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:39,640 You know, 862 00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:44,800 some women find that the second trimester… 863 00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:46,280 [♪ mischievous music plays] 864 00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:49,040 …is the horniest three months of their life. 865 00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:51,800 [giggles] 866 00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:57,040 [chuckles] 867 00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:02,120 [doorbell rings] 868 00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:03,200 [pounding on door] 869 00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:08,800 Gerald. I was in bed. 870 00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:11,600 Well, I've… I've come to join you. 871 00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:13,320 -[chuckles] -Oh. 872 00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:16,880 [both moaning] 873 00:45:18,240 --> 00:45:20,240 [panting, moaning] 874 00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:27,120 I can't believe Rupert actually did it. [pants] He's Superman. 875 00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:28,840 -[chuckles] -Should I be jealous? 876 00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:31,720 I'd do anything for Rupert, but it's you I'm really in love with. 877 00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:33,360 Uh, uh, you and Mrs Thatcher. 878 00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:34,480 [moans] 879 00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:36,520 Oh, I think my erection just died. 880 00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:38,000 Oh, no. Really? 881 00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:40,480 Yes, just-just-just stop talking about Mrs Thatcher. 882 00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:41,560 Sorry, sorry. 883 00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:42,800 [chuckles] 884 00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,040 You know I want to be an MP, Charles. 885 00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:47,440 And that's why you're getting married to a woman that you don't love 886 00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:50,760 and throwing away all your principles to work for a party 887 00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:55,280 that's taking away gay men's rights to even be considered human beings. 888 00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:58,360 -I'm going to change things. -[chuckles] 889 00:45:58,440 --> 00:45:59,760 From the inside. 890 00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:05,120 -Really? -Why not? 891 00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:08,080 [moaning, laughing] 892 00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:18,080 You know, Gerald congratulated me last night 893 00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:20,720 on being a perfect politician's wife. 894 00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:23,400 Gerald was very drunk. 895 00:46:24,720 --> 00:46:26,920 I mean, what does that even look like? 896 00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:28,520 Put up and shut up? 897 00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:30,600 Well, that's not your style, is it? 898 00:46:35,240 --> 00:46:39,080 You know I supported you because I don't think what happened to you was fair. 899 00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:42,480 I can't deny anything Beattie said. 900 00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:45,800 It's all true. 901 00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:47,120 You don't have to. 902 00:46:48,720 --> 00:46:50,440 You are a whole person. 903 00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:54,720 And I love you. 904 00:46:57,320 --> 00:46:59,320 [♪ opera music plays] 905 00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:07,000 I'll take the dogs out. 906 00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:16,280 I adore you. Thank you for supporting me. 907 00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:23,120 [dog barking] 908 00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:27,920 [speaks indistinctly] Yes! 909 00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:29,120 Oh, yes! 910 00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:31,160 Oh, are you leaving me alone? 911 00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:35,120 Oh, all right. Okay, okay. 912 00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:40,960 Downing Street were just on the phone. 913 00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:42,720 Mrs Thatcher wants to see you. 914 00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:56,200 [grunts] 915 00:47:57,200 --> 00:48:00,880 I know it smarts, darling, but whatever you think about Rupert-- 916 00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:03,360 You know, I really couldn't do all this without your support. 917 00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:05,960 All your ideas. 918 00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:08,120 You're my secret weapon. 919 00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:11,680 It cuts both ways, darling. We're a team. 920 00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:15,640 I think we've come out of this unpleasantness stronger than ever. 921 00:48:15,720 --> 00:48:18,320 [huffs] Look at him. I mean, who does he think he is? 922 00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:19,800 Bloody Sir Lancelot? 923 00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:21,480 Sir Fucksalot. [chuckles] 924 00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:23,560 [laughing] 925 00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:30,800 You'll stop this feud with Rupert now, yes? 926 00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:33,480 Please. 927 00:48:34,880 --> 00:48:36,080 I will… 928 00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:37,360 stop the feud with Rupert. 929 00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:52,040 How did last night go for your mother? 930 00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:54,240 -Did she call? -Mm-mmm. She didn't call. 931 00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:58,960 -Eggs, Daddy? -No, I couldn't eat, Tag. 932 00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:03,640 Mrs Thatcher's third landslide. 933 00:49:03,720 --> 00:49:07,760 Poor Mr Kinnock should just give up. She's gonna be Prime Minister forever. 934 00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:09,560 Change is hard. 935 00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:13,280 It scares people, so they stick with the status quo. 936 00:49:14,360 --> 00:49:17,160 -Well, that's depressing. -[car horn honks] 937 00:49:17,240 --> 00:49:19,440 -That's Freddie. -[Taggie] Are you gonna talk to Rupert? 938 00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:22,600 What have you decided? 939 00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:28,360 I mean, surely if he won the election, you'd… 940 00:49:29,720 --> 00:49:31,200 Uh, I thought you'd want to know, 941 00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:33,800 there's a press conference about to start at Downing Street. 942 00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:35,760 Let's hear what Maggie has to say for herself then. 943 00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:37,920 It's not Mrs Thatcher. It's Rupert. 944 00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:43,560 -[reporters clamouring] -[shutters clicking] 945 00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:46,360 Thank you, gentlemen, ladies. 946 00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:51,160 I've spoken to Mrs Thatcher in light of the Uncensored programme 947 00:49:51,240 --> 00:49:55,240 the night before last and the coverage that broadcast generated. 948 00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:56,920 I told the Prime Minister 949 00:49:57,000 --> 00:49:59,640 that although I won my seat in yesterday's general election, 950 00:49:59,720 --> 00:50:02,880 I do not want the scandal around me to distract from the important work 951 00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:04,320 that our government is doing. 952 00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:08,720 It was therefore with deep regret that I tendered, 953 00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:10,400 and the Prime Minister accepted, 954 00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:14,640 my resignation as an MP and a Minister. 955 00:50:14,720 --> 00:50:16,840 [reporters clamouring] 956 00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:19,400 There'll be another statement in due course, gentlemen. 957 00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:20,480 Thank you very much. 958 00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:23,400 Seems you've won after all, my Lord. 959 00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:25,800 [Ginger chuckles] 960 00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:30,440 [chuckles] 961 00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:34,880 One down, three to go. 962 00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:36,960 [♪ "Love Will Tear Us Apart" playing] 963 00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:46,920 [sighs] All right. Tell me. 964 00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:49,600 Do you need me to go? 965 00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:01,960 It's been a pleasure. 966 00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:31,400 [♪ song fades] 967 00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:34,400 [♪ opera music plays]