1
00:00:03,294 --> 00:00:04,587
[thunderclap]

2
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:05,714
This is it, Lis.

3
00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:08,258
They're gonna make you
an actual Disney princess.

4
00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:10,051
If that's what you really want?

5
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:14,848
Let's see, a lifetime
of competition and anxiety as me,

6
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:17,767
versus being totally taken care of?

7
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,228
Tough choice. Tough choice.

8
00:00:20,311 --> 00:00:22,063
[Loki growls]

9
00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,189
Growl.

10
00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:26,276
I wanna be a princess.

11
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:27,777
You've got the job.

12
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,946
[Loki's voice] First step's a killer.

13
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,198
[giggles, gasps]

14
00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:33,616
[Lisa humming]

15
00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:36,244
[grunts, screams]

16
00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:42,292
It is I, Loki, making another
contractually obligated appearance.

17
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:44,210
Though my powers are no match

18
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:47,922
for the accountants
at Disney business affairs.

19
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,049
[shudders]

20
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:52,344
Merchandising. So beneath me.

21
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,512
[screams, grunts]

22
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:55,680
[footsteps approaching]

23
00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:56,765
Who's that?

24
00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:59,851
-Oh, thank heavens. Snow White?
-[wolf howls]

25
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:02,062
Close enough.

26
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:03,521
I poisoned her.

27
00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:05,190
-Join the club!
-Come on. Be a villain!

28
00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:07,025
Join us. [hisses]

29
00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:08,693
No, I'm not a villain.

30
00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:10,695
Oh, come on.

31
00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:12,697
Villains are fun.

32
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,282
[cackles]

33
00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:18,119
Besides, Disney gets rid of princesses
as soon as they're 20.

34
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:19,245
It's a fact.

35
00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:23,416
[sobs] I was 19 and three-quarters. Union!

36
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:27,003
And we villains get
to sing diabolical tunes,

37
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,881
which become drag show favorites.

38
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:35,011
♪ <i>Who wants to be a pretty girl</i>
<i>In a fancy dress</i> ♪

39
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:38,390
♪ <i>When you can be an octopus</i>
<i>Who makes a mess</i> ♪

40
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:41,434
♪ <i>That sap Prince Charming</i>
<i>He's such a schnook</i> ♪

41
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:45,146
♪ <i>Ladies prefer a man with a hook</i> ♪

42
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,107
Not the face! Not the face!

43
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:48,692
Thank you.

44
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:51,277
♪ <i>You don't get an invitation</i> ♪

45
00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:54,155
-♪ <i>So create a conflagration</i> ♪
-[children laughing]

46
00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,741
-[screaming]
-Seems a little extreme.

47
00:01:56,825 --> 00:02:01,413
♪ <i>When your brother wrecks your toys</i>
<i>You can slice the heads off boys</i> ♪

48
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:02,497
Cool!

49
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:05,250
♪ <i>But don't you villains always die?</i> ♪

50
00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:07,919
Depressing kid.

51
00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:13,425
♪ <i>It beats living happily-ever-after</i>
<i>With some boring guy</i> ♪

52
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,427
♪ <i>Bring on the princes</i> ♪

53
00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:20,890
♪ <i>We are predictable</i>
<i>Dull as linen</i> ♪

54
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,852
♪ <i>We seem to kiss unconscious women</i> ♪

55
00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:26,938
♪ <i>Same white teeth</i>
<i>Same fluffy hair</i> ♪

56
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:29,858
♪ <i>Big strapping chests</i>
<i>But nothing up there</i> ♪

57
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:32,777
♪ <i>We seem super handsome</i>
<i>But here are the facts</i> ♪

58
00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:35,739
♪ <i>When we come on-screen</i>
<i>Kids leave to get snacks</i> ♪

59
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:38,450
♪ <i>We'll screw up the world's affairs</i> ♪

60
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:41,536
♪ <i>You stay home and crank out heirs</i> ♪

61
00:02:41,619 --> 00:02:44,497
♪ <i>Life with me will not be easy</i> ♪

62
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:47,751
♪ <i>You're better off with Doc and Sneezy</i> ♪

63
00:02:48,626 --> 00:02:50,253
Aren't you forgetting someone?

64
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,630
And don't say narcissistic.

65
00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:54,716
-[princes] Sorry, Mickey!
-[prince 1] Don't hurt us.

66
00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:57,218
-[prince 2] Won't happen again!
-[prince 3] Have you lost weight?

67
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:31,294
-[chattering]
-Shh!