[thunderclap]
This is it, Lis.
They're gonna make you an actual Disney princess.
If that's what you really want?
Let's see, a lifetime of competition and anxiety as me,
versus being totally taken care of?
Tough choice. Tough choice.
[Loki growls]
Growl.
I wanna be a princess.
You've got the job.
[Loki's voice] First step's a killer.
[giggles, gasps]
[Lisa humming]
[grunts, screams]
It is I, Loki, making another contractually obligated appearance.
Though my powers are no match
for the accountants at Disney business affairs.
[shudders]
Merchandising. So beneath me.
[screams, grunts]
[footsteps approaching]
Who's that?
-Oh, thank heavens. Snow White? -[wolf howls]
Close enough.
I poisoned her.
-Join the club! -Come on. Be a villain!
Join us. [hisses]
No, I'm not a villain.
Oh, come on.
Villains are fun.
[cackles]
Besides, Disney gets rid of princesses as soon as they're 20.
It's a fact.
[sobs] I was 19 and three-quarters. Union!
And we villains get to sing diabolical tunes,
which become drag show favorites.
♪ Who wants to be a pretty girl In a fancy dress ♪
♪ When you can be an octopus Who makes a mess ♪
♪ That sap Prince Charming He's such a schnook ♪
♪ Ladies prefer a man with a hook ♪
Not the face! Not the face!
Thank you.
♪ You don't get an invitation ♪
-♪ So create a conflagration ♪ -[children laughing]
-[screaming] -Seems a little extreme.
♪ When your brother wrecks your toys You can slice the heads off boys ♪
Cool!
♪ But don't you villains always die? ♪
Depressing kid.
♪ It beats living happily-ever-after With some boring guy ♪
♪ Bring on the princes ♪
♪ We are predictable Dull as linen ♪
♪ We seem to kiss unconscious women ♪
♪ Same white teeth Same fluffy hair ♪
♪ Big strapping chests But nothing up there ♪
♪ We seem super handsome But here are the facts ♪
♪ When we come on-screen Kids leave to get snacks ♪
♪ We'll screw up the world's affairs ♪
♪ You stay home and crank out heirs ♪
♪ Life with me will not be easy ♪
♪ You're better off with Doc and Sneezy ♪
Aren't you forgetting someone?
And don't say narcissistic.
-[princes] Sorry, Mickey! -[prince 1] Don't hurt us.
-[prince 2] Won't happen again! -[prince 3] Have you lost weight?
-[chattering] -Shh!