[upbeat music]
[Anzu grunts]
[Anzu] "To Ms. Anzu Hoshino."
PRODUCT TYPE: VIDEO GAME
Hooray! It's finally here!
[moans happily]
[Anzu] My entire purpose in life is right here in my hands!
Look at this!
[Anzu] Ever since elementary school,
I spent my time playing games with the boys.
[boys groaning]
[Anzu] In junior high…
-Hey, karaoke tonight? -[giggles]
[Anzu] Beating the final boss was more important
than hanging out with boys. [screams]
[laughs]
-Whoa, are you really eating all that? -Huh?
Won't you gain weight? And you'll break out.
[laughs]
[Anzu] I don't care what anyone says, chocolate is my life!
NOPE, DON'T EAT THEM DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, GOBBLE IT DOWN
I love you!
-[meowing] -But the love of my life is Momohiki!
CUDDLE MOMOHIKI KISS MOMOHIKI
Romance was non-existent in my life until…
[dreamy music]
Why… Why am I… [gulps]
…yuka-don-ing this hottie?
[evil chuckle]
[theme music]
[meowing]
[moans]
I get to play my video game
all weekend long.
Yeah! All-nighter, let's do this!
[Anzu hums happily]
Aah…
Huh? Did they change the opening a bit?
Ah, whatever! Start button!
[girl pants, screams]
Are you okay? Did you get hurt?
[both laugh]
[boy] Oh!
[gasps]
[both laugh]
What the heck is with this terrible game?
Oh, come on, this has to be the wrong game!
Hm?
[grunting]
[grunting, yelping]
A fanfare, please!
You've been selected today as subject one.
-So, congratulations! -[gasps]
Hello! I'm Riri, the wizard, who grants all of your dreams.
What? A wizard?
-It's complicated to explain… -Hm.
…so for the time being, please, just read this carefully.
What's up with all this legalese in a magic-themed game?
-And it goes on forever! -Ugh…
[Anzu] Can you just explain it in a few sentences?
You mean like this?
[Anzu] No! Just give me a brief summary.
Well, to put it simply,
-we came all the way from the Magic World… -[groans]
…to support those with no experience with romantic relationships like you.
[Anzu groans] Count me out.
So, when did your heart last throb for a guy?
[Anzu] Oh… Like with Lord Matthew and Swordsman Musashimaru?
-Those are games characters, right? -[grunts]
You're in high school, it's time to quit dreaming and face reality.
Aren't you the wizard who's supposed to grant my dreams?
-[Riri] But… -[gasps]
I'm here now, there's no need to worry.
[Riri] I'm here to grant girls like you, who rejects all opportunities of romance,
a chance to experience love through this dating game
Dating game!
-Sorry. -[Riri] Dating game!
I'm not understanding a word that you're saying.
It seems to me you have no problem with those dating games
as long as they're made for women. Isn't that right, huh?
Hmm, sure…
Well then, as the selected test subject, you'll get to enjoy living your life
just like the heroine of the game I programmed,
Romantic Thriller!
Did you watch the lovely opening sequence?
And for you, Anzu,
your romance experience scores at zero
-so it may have been too intense. -[growls]
-[Anzu] No, I just knew I was playing… -[giggles]
…a terrible game with total amateur writing and production value.
Ah, so you're particular about the virtual world
despite having no romantic experiences
-in reality. -Of course! Do you have any idea
-how many dating games I've finished? -[groans]
[Riri] But imagine if you could experience life
surrounded by hot guys for real just like in the dating game,
even your heart would flutter with excitement, don't you think?
In-- In real life?
[Riri] That's right.
[in deep voice] In real life.
A super normie life
filled with ago-kui… [kissing]
Lots of kissing and kabe-don awaits you! [moans happily]
-Re-- Really? -Yes, really!
[Riri] All kinds of serious hotties agree to start appearing around you.
[squeals] And you're gonna be oh so busy!
That many guys?
You see, Anzu? Aren't you beginning to see me as an angel?
But, no, I already have the love of my life, Momohiki!
Wait! Where is he?
[gasps] Momohiki! Huh! Oh! Momohiki?
Ahem. To keep you focus on your romantic relationships,
your favorite video games, chocolate, your cat, your three greatest desires
have all been confiscated by yours truly.
Confiscated?
[chuckles nervously] Are you kidding? Come on! There's no way.
-[evil laughter] -[gasps]
No! [whines]
Huh? [wails]
See?
-[laughs] -[groans]
[Anzu] All… All of my games
have turned into Kabayaki-chan Goro snacks!
[Riri] And look, it's the "soft" kind, too.
Not funny at all!
What about my chocolate?
[gasps]
[Anzu] What? Oh, no!
There's no chocolate on anything!
The delicious parts are all totally gone!
[evil laughter]
Confiscated.
Eating too much chocolate is bad for your skin and it's a lot of fat.
[Anzu] Don't say that while you're covered in chocolate!
-So now do you understand what it means… -[Anzu crying]
…to eliminate your three greatest desires?
Monster!
[Riri] If you want to gain something, you have to pay the price.
-Did you think you'll get a paradise… -[growls]
…of hotties for free? Don't be ridiculous! Come on!
You devil!
Hey! Please, watch your mouth.
To be honest with you, I'm just your everyday gentle-hearted wizard.
I'm saying this with your best interest at heart.
What is this? Brainwashing? Some sketchy cult?
This is the only way that'll get you to prioritize cuties over your cat.
-Ugh… -[Momohiki shrieks]
[Riri] When you get lonely,
you most likely turn to chocolates instead of a boyfriend.
[chuckles awkwardly]
Instead of setting aside time for dates,
you spend all your time playing games.
[Anzu grunting]
So now, do you get it? [giggles]
How toxic your three greatest desires are for romantic relationships?
They will be confiscated indefinitely until you achieve
a lovely Romantic Thriller-level relationship!
FOREVER CONFISCATED
Impossible! Riri!
[Anzu] I can't even handle a day without them!
I can live without guys, okay?
But my three greatest desires are a total necessity for me!
-That's exactly why you were chosen. -[whines]
Like I said,
we are here to solve Japan's extremely serious low birth rate problem.
Low birth rate? That's what this is all about?
Look at that. You didn't read the explanation
-in the beginning carefully. -[groans]
Either way,
I'll be assisting you with your romantic relationships
as best as I can.
For love, for the future of Japan, and most importantly, for my salary!
Keep that last part to yourself, all right?
-Oh, my goodness! -Huh?
I forgot that I left the stove on earlier.
-Well, time to go back to the Magic World. -[grunts]
-I am not getting involved with this! -[wails]
[Riri] Actually, remember hitting your start button before?
Too late! There's no turning back
even if it feels like sailing a boat made of mud.
No way! A mud boat!
Come on, it was only a little joke.
In reality, an exciting, Titanic-level romance awaits you!
[grunts] Either way, the boat is sinking.
Life without my three greatest desires is gonna be miserable.
Give me back my reason to live!
-[Riri] Until next time! Bon voyage! -[gasps]
Wait a sec! Hey! Wait!
[gasps]
-Mom! Where's Momohiki? -Huh?
-Hm, he's right over there. -[yelps]
[Anzu] Why the heck is he up there?
Momohiki, please, please, please, show me your cute face!
[kisses, wails]
-[Anzu's dad] I'm home! -[wails]
Huh?
-[Miyoko] Oh, you're home early. -[Anzu wails]
Yeah. I know this is sudden…
Momohiki, please…
…but it's been decided that I'll be transferred to the US.
-Wow! -What?
And I want you to come with me.
It's always been a dream of mine to live overseas.
Wait! What about me?
Anzu, honey, you have school.
[Anzu's dad] It will only be two or three years.
-What? -[Anzu's dad] You should be able
-to hold down the fort yourself by now. -Mm-hmm.
-We'll take Momohiki with us too. -Wait! Things are happening too fast!
[Anzu] And Dad, aren't you a post office employee?
Why is the relocation, seriously?
-We should get started packing right away. -[Miyoko chuckling softly]
And we should also celebrate tonight.
[birds chirping]
All right then, we're off.
Make sure you eat every day. And keep all the doors locked.
-[groans] -[both] Take care!
[retreating footsteps]
[Anzu] It took them no time to pack and they're moving overseas.
Mom and Dad were much too casual about this,
and their whole high-schooler-living-alone-thing
is way too forced! [growls]
Well, I had to establish the playing field early on.
[giggles]
-[growls] -[Riri screams]
[Riri grunts]
[groans, coughs]
That's right. I've got extra energy because I'm mad
-and you better watch out! -[fingers cracking]
-I expect nothing less. -[growls]
You're the anti-heroine type, I recognized.
NON-HEROINE
[grunts]
-I don't care what you call me… -[groans]
…just turn things back to normal now.
-Give me back Momohiki! -[wails]
[Riri] Impossible!
[breathing heavily]
[panting]
[echoes] Damn it!
Are you kidding me?
-[Anzu] Chocolate! -[seller 1] Oh, sorry.
-[Anzu] Chocolate! -[seller 2] We're closed today.
[Anzu] Where's the chocolate!
[seller 3] We're having a sugar-free snack fair.
ON SALE MANAGER'S CHOICE
For real?
They're all sold out? Is that a thing?
[whimpers]
Am I cursed to never eat chocolate ever again in my whole entire life? Ever?
The chocolate… The cacao… I'm getting withdrawals…
Why is this happening?
You're kidding me!
[Anzu] Am I really gonna let that thing who created
that awful Romantic Thriller game tell me what to do?
No way! Not a chance!
Even if a hot guy does show up, I just won't fall in love, right?
I'm sorry, but there's no way someone exists in real life
who could surpass the high standards
I've set up after my experiences with 2D guys.
As long as no romantic relationship develops,
-then that thing will have no choice… -[evil laughter]
…but to give up and leave me alone!
[sinister laughter]
Sneaky devil who stole my three greatest desires!
Yes, Romantic Thriller, you say?
I will destroy it all.
And I will become the Romantic Killer!
That being said, bring it on you so-called cuties!
-Oh. -[gasps]
Aah!
I am so sorry! [whimpers]
[sighs]
That's a pretty good crack.
[Anzu] Wow, a hot guy actually showed up.
I'm really sorry! I'll pay to fix it.
[Tsukasa] You don't have to pay for the repairs.
What?
I wasn't paying attention either.
[exclaims]
[Anzu] He's nothing compared to Matthew and Musashimaru!
-[girl wails] -[boy grunts]
Well, then, uh, thanks! Thanks a lot!
I'm sorry I bumped you. Goodbye!
[laughs awkwardly]
Uh-- Uh…
[Anzu] I'm off to school.
[sighs]
Not like there's anyone home to hear me.
[sighs]
I can't believe I ran into that adorable guy yesterday.
But as long as I avoid getting involved, it's all good, right?
[scoffs] Just wait and see, devil!
-Good morning to you! -[Anzu] They're back!
[Riri] All right. Time to march on into school.
[grunts, laughs]
Wait! What?
[indistinct chatter]
Why are you following me, huh?
Not to worry, no one but you can see me.
Exactly. That's what I'm worried about.
I'll look crazy if people think that I'm talking to myself.
Don't worry about that, either.
Whenever you're talking to me, everyone else is seeing an illusion.
So they won't notice.
You're so annoying. I'll probably just ignore you.
[Riri] However, young lady…
[Anzu grunts]
[groans]
[grunting]
You must not underestimate my magic.
But, come on! That wasn't really magic at all!
-I'm off before you take revenge. -[Anzu gasps]
[groans]
-Huh? -[exhales]
[Anzu] It's that hottie from yesterday?
That uniform… No way!
[whimpers] We go to the same school?
That little devil!
Are you okay, dear?
I'm sorry. I'm such a total klutz. [cheeky laughter]
[Anzu] Riri set me up for that meeting.
[evil laughter]
Huh? You okay? What happened?
Jeez, Tsukasa, don't just stand there, give her a hand.
[exclaims]
Oh, that's okay. I'm totally fine! [laughs awkwardly]
[Anzu] I'm not gonna let that thing have their way.
[laughing continues]
Uh…
S-- See ya.
Big deal, he ignored me too.
[beeps]
-[gril 1] Oh, hey, here he comes. Look! -[girl 2] Excuse me.
You've been on my mind.
Here you go. Will you please read my letter?
[Anzu] Oh, a girl's confessing her love to him.
Typical life of a hot guy.
[girl 3] That was really brave of her.
I don't want it.
-[gasps] -[whimpers]
What? Uh, uh…
Uh…
I'm sorry about him. [pants]
Ouch.
That poor girl.
[Anzu] Hey, what was that?
He's cute, but his personality? Not so much.
Hey, Tsukasa. Good morning.
I saw that. But I do get it.
A letter is just a little bit extra these days, don't you think so?
Really? I'd be flattered if I got a letter.
I mean, you should've at least accepted it from her.
I don't want her to get the wrong idea from me.
-[Rena] I understand. -[groans in disgust]
[Rena] She's not your type, right?
[Anzu] Ugh! He's full of himself just because he's a little popular.
There's no way I'd date a guy like him!
[Rena] But anyway, I sent you a message yesterday and you didn't even read it.
-[Tsukasa] My phone broke. -[Rena gasps]
[gasps]
-[Rena] That blows. -[Makoto] Do you have insurance?
[Tsukasa] I was cheap, I didn't get it.
-[Rena] Seriously? That sucks! -[wails]
[Rena] I'd die without my phone.
-Aren you gonna buy a new one? -[wailing continues]
[Tsukasa] Not for a while. I can't afford it.
-[Rena] Really? -[Anzu groans]
[school bell rings]
[Saki] Whoa.
Your dad was transferred to the US out of nowhere?
[Anzu] Yeah,
that's the reason why I didn't have any time to make my lunch today.
Sorry to drag you here with me, Saki.
No worries. It's my first time here. I'm excited.
[Anzu] Right? Now let's see, what should I eat?
[Makoto] I'll order for both of us.
[Anzu] All right, the decision is made.
[Tsukasa] Uh, I'll get…
[both] Lunch set A.
[both gasp]
[distressed groans]
[Saki] I think he's the hot guy that everyone's been talking about.
-Kazuki from Class 7. -[girls yell excitedly]
[Anzu] Kazuki?
I see.
Yeah. And he's really popular with all the girls.
[giggles] You probably didn't notice
because you're usually busy playing your video games during lunch
[grunts, laughs awkwardly]
I heard he moved here alone from another prefecture.
Apparently, the girls like him because he's reserved
-and doesn't smile much. -I see.
I don't want it.
I don't want her to get the wrong idea from me.
[Anzu] He's reserved, huh?
I'd say he's got some personality issues
Slowly falling in love after a terrible first impression is a classic scenario.
Shut up!
-Time to eat. -[Rena] Tsukasa!
-I'm gonna sit next to you. -[chokes]
Oh. So, hey, I heard you live all by yourself.
That's nuts. I wanna come and hang out. Where do you live?
[Anzu] Ugh! I'm not listening! Not listening! No!
[indistinct chatter]
I gotta shut out all the information I don't want to know!
I gotta avoid going to the cafeteria as much as possible.
[groans]
There's nothing to do here!
I'm bored.
[wails]
How do people live without gaming?
Momohiki is gone and there's no chocolate.
[sighs]
[grunts]
[stomach rumbles]
[TV beeps]
Time to make dinner. [groans]
[sighs]
[gasps]
[Anzu shrieks]
[narrator] Roaches are unseemly, so instead, cake. You're welcome!
[terrified moans, screams]
THE GLASS IS IMAGINARY
[screams] Mommy!
[wails]
Oh, that's right! I lost my extermination expert!
-She would get rid of them for me. -[giggles]
[grunts]
[Anzu] It's time to awaken the soldier within me!
[roars]
Go!
[toots]
Damn, it's empty!
[groans, screams]
[shrieks]
[Anzu] I rushed out, I didn't bring anything with me.
And I'm wearing two different shoes.
I don't want to go home, but I'm seriously starving.
[sobs] Mommy.
[sniffs]
Ugh! This is the worst!
I need to take cover somewhere.
[grunts]
[grunts continues]
And it's pouring.
[Anzu] Huh?
Uh…
A fanfare, please!
And a big congratulations!
Did you fall for my little trick?
I bet now you don't feel like skipping the ending, right?
In today's world, you can watch whatever you want at your own convenience.
But don't you think in that process we've also lost something?
[sighs] Don't just let things be! Come on!
Let's go on a super-duper happy adventure!
So I can make sure I get paid.
[closing theme music]
♪ Ah, yeah! ♪
♪ Let's go! ♪
♪ Lo-love! ♪
♪ Here we go! ♪