1
00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:12,916
（本影集純屬虛構）

2
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:16,500
（如有雷同，純屬巧合）

3
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,666
等等，你說你搞丟遺體什麼意思？

4
00:00:39,416 --> 00:00:46,416
《文斯小子》

5
00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:57,250
我才沒弄丟什麼鬼

6
00:00:57,333 --> 00:00:59,625
是笨蛋葬儀社送錯遺體

7
00:01:00,208 --> 00:01:02,625
我有打給他啊！我還留言咧

8
00:01:03,375 --> 00:01:05,250
你妹妹還想說是我害的

9
00:01:07,833 --> 00:01:10,083
媽，她一定沒惡意啦

10
00:01:11,833 --> 00:01:15,416
從她讓我痛14小時才出生就有惡意了

11
00:01:17,833 --> 00:01:19,166
送出去啦

12
00:01:19,666 --> 00:01:24,083
對，更別說我們這幾天關係改善很多

13
00:01:24,583 --> 00:01:26,458
媽，你盡量別放在心上

14
00:01:27,041 --> 00:01:30,000
你想說什麼？你站在她那邊啊？

15
00:01:30,083 --> 00:01:31,666
我沒站在誰那邊

16
00:01:31,750 --> 00:01:33,750
我只是說現在沒空起內訌

17
00:01:33,833 --> 00:01:36,208
尤其是這麼喜樂的一天

18
00:01:36,291 --> 00:01:39,166
你覺得我弟弟死了很喜樂啊

19
00:01:39,250 --> 00:01:41,458
我不是說詹姆斯叔叔死了很喜樂

20
00:01:41,541 --> 00:01:43,125
我是以宗教的角度

21
00:01:43,208 --> 00:01:46,083
文斯，你那邊怎麼回事？

22
00:01:47,458 --> 00:01:48,916
那是9公釐的槍聲嗎？

23
00:01:51,375 --> 00:01:53,375
蘭卡斯特？還要開兩小時耶！

24
00:01:53,458 --> 00:01:55,250
我要晚一點才能去葬禮

25
00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:57,250
幹，你最好光速飆過來

26
00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:01,875
你跟禮儀師講一下好嗎？等等

27
00:02:01,958 --> 00:02:02,791
（阿碧）

28
00:02:02,875 --> 00:02:03,958
喂

29
00:02:05,708 --> 00:02:07,375
幹，你媽有什麼毛病？

30
00:02:11,916 --> 00:02:14,958
第一，詹姆斯叔叔走了

31
00:02:15,458 --> 00:02:19,125
第二，她拒絕為這件事負起任何責任

32
00:02:19,208 --> 00:02:23,041
你當然見怪不怪，因為她沒負責過

33
00:02:23,125 --> 00:02:24,041
邪惡的女人

34
00:02:25,791 --> 00:02:27,083
你在哪裡啊？

35
00:02:34,375 --> 00:02:37,458
在路上？葬禮再過半小時就要開始了

36
00:02:37,541 --> 00:02:38,916
不太可能

37
00:02:39,416 --> 00:02:41,333
沒有遺體是辦不了葬禮的

38
00:02:41,416 --> 00:02:44,416
哈哈哈，真幽默，能拜託你快點嗎？

39
00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:47,125
沒有你什麼都做不成，你又在閒晃

40
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:48,625
誰知道你在幹嘛

41
00:02:51,791 --> 00:02:53,958
喂，你有聽我講話嗎？

42
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:56,291
我不想再當你們的傳聲筒了

43
00:02:56,791 --> 00:03:02,083
我們是一家人，又相親相愛
但你們兩個要拿出家人的樣子

44
00:03:03,666 --> 00:03:05,875
好吧，你說的對，老哥

45
00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:09,625
我根本沒想到你要負的責任

46
00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:12,083
你一定壓力很大

47
00:03:12,833 --> 00:03:16,041
先是跳蚤市場，又是詹姆斯叔叔

48
00:03:16,541 --> 00:03:19,541
我都沒想到要問你的感受

49
00:03:19,625 --> 00:03:20,583
你還好嗎？

50
00:03:24,458 --> 00:03:25,291
喂？

51
00:03:25,375 --> 00:03:28,083
-我只是說…
-喂，別這樣，兄弟

52
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,541
她是瘋婆子

53
00:03:29,625 --> 00:03:33,000
韋恩，閃邊去，我要砍這個笨蛋！

54
00:03:33,083 --> 00:03:35,708
安妮塔，這裡有監視器，冷靜點

55
00:03:35,791 --> 00:03:37,166
-媽！
-幹嘛，文斯？

56
00:03:37,666 --> 00:03:38,791
你叫什麼？

57
00:03:38,875 --> 00:03:41,500
我叫是因為我要宰了這個臭雞巴

58
00:03:41,583 --> 00:03:43,666
-對不起…
-不用對不起

59
00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:44,666
去做事

60
00:03:45,166 --> 00:03:47,041
我要你打給你老闆

61
00:03:47,125 --> 00:03:49,916
跟他說你需要兩副棺材

62
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,833
因為你也要入土為安

63
00:03:51,916 --> 00:03:54,125
媽，呼吸練習

64
00:04:04,583 --> 00:04:05,916
我們要找什麼？

65
00:04:07,250 --> 00:04:08,458
內心祥和

66
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:12,291
要去哪裡找？

67
00:04:13,458 --> 00:04:15,041
我的快樂天堂

68
00:04:18,708 --> 00:04:19,833
找到沒？

69
00:04:19,916 --> 00:04:23,000
別逼我，不然你也要進棺材

70
00:04:27,958 --> 00:04:31,208
我知道你已經盡全力了

71
00:04:31,291 --> 00:04:35,125
但我訂的是白鴿包套服務

72
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,041
我…

73
00:04:36,125 --> 00:04:37,541
白…

74
00:04:38,875 --> 00:04:39,750
鴿

75
00:04:42,125 --> 00:04:43,708
這裡寫

76
00:04:44,291 --> 00:04:46,166
白鴿包套服務

77
00:04:46,250 --> 00:04:47,916
涵蓋珍珠白棺材

78
00:04:48,416 --> 00:04:52,250
還有釋放和平鴿儀式
加上無人機拍攝影片

79
00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:56,333
還有史帝夫哈維做的白色西裝壽衣

80
00:04:56,416 --> 00:04:58,541
-是，我很熟悉這項…
-所以…

81
00:05:01,458 --> 00:05:04,750
你知道我弟弟在哪裡嗎？

82
00:05:07,458 --> 00:05:08,333
不知道

83
00:05:11,583 --> 00:05:13,291
先生，我問你一個問題

84
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,833
你喜歡活著嗎？

85
00:05:17,791 --> 00:05:22,083
我打給我老闆…馬上打，對

86
00:05:24,375 --> 00:05:25,583
有停車位嗎？

87
00:05:25,666 --> 00:05:27,083
媽的咧，文斯

88
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,916
（上帝的國度）

89
00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:53,708
幹嘛買這些？

90
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,125
我是美國人

91
00:06:02,583 --> 00:06:04,791
靠，一點都沒錯

92
00:06:06,458 --> 00:06:08,666
要用紀錄裡的信用卡扣款嗎？

93
00:06:34,166 --> 00:06:35,125
他不在裡面

94
00:06:35,208 --> 00:06:36,500
一定有

95
00:06:38,708 --> 00:06:43,291
等一下，你是說我不認識我弟弟？

96
00:06:43,791 --> 00:06:46,208
我對別人的家務事不予置評

97
00:06:46,291 --> 00:06:48,833
我只能說這輛車有裝什麼東西

98
00:06:48,916 --> 00:06:50,541
因為是我裝上車的

99
00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:54,500
這一個半禮拜內死掉
又姓詹姆斯的人都在車上

100
00:06:54,583 --> 00:06:57,083
他不姓詹姆斯啦！

101
00:07:00,625 --> 00:07:03,583
哦，那就是在別台車上

102
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,166
我沒辦法

103
00:07:06,250 --> 00:07:07,666
你也沒比較好

104
00:08:47,833 --> 00:08:48,833
等一下

105
00:08:50,166 --> 00:08:51,541
我受夠你了

106
00:09:00,041 --> 00:09:01,333
上帝垂憐

107
00:09:14,291 --> 00:09:15,875
看到你哥哥沒？

108
00:09:15,958 --> 00:09:18,208
沒有，他說他在路上了

109
00:09:18,708 --> 00:09:20,541
-你跟麥克舅舅講過沒？
-麥克

110
00:09:20,625 --> 00:09:22,250
你跟文斯講過沒？

111
00:09:22,333 --> 00:09:26,000
我沒跟他講過話
他接到網飛特別節目後

112
00:09:26,083 --> 00:09:28,333
就跩個二五八萬

113
00:09:28,416 --> 00:09:30,833
這兩件事完全沒有關係

114
00:09:30,916 --> 00:09:32,291
你知道他最近不太順

115
00:09:32,375 --> 00:09:36,083
我知道他很不順，而且他會繼續不順

116
00:09:36,166 --> 00:09:37,541
這些年輕小黑

117
00:09:37,625 --> 00:09:41,500
拒絕回饋大眾就會變成這樣

118
00:09:42,041 --> 00:09:44,791
開始跟那個白妞搞在一起

119
00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:47,333
還有那方面的事

120
00:09:47,416 --> 00:09:50,000
你講我兒子的事最好小心點

121
00:09:50,083 --> 00:09:53,416
（火力全開）

122
00:10:03,916 --> 00:10:06,750
（迷魂葬儀社）

123
00:10:30,791 --> 00:10:32,708
這場告別式有多久？

124
00:10:32,791 --> 00:10:36,041
不知道，但是再拖下去，連我都會死

125
00:10:36,125 --> 00:10:37,916
我們來了快兩小時

126
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,416
我跟牧師說絕對不能拖
所以應該快結束了

127
00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:45,416
應該還剩下兩首歌
然後是感言，然後是念詩

128
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:47,916
這樣大概還剩一小時多一點

129
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,208
然後你哥哥要念祭文

130
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,333
他有回電嗎？

131
00:10:52,416 --> 00:10:56,000
應該沒有，我看看

132
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:07,333
老婆，你跳得真美
現在用大迴旋迷死他們

133
00:11:17,791 --> 00:11:19,916
搞什…喂！

134
00:11:24,166 --> 00:11:26,333
你在哪裡？我找到你叔叔了

135
00:11:26,416 --> 00:11:29,625
現在我得看甄寧在神的殿堂扭屁股

136
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:35,291
不行…

137
00:11:35,791 --> 00:11:37,958
-不會，沒關係
-不行

138
00:11:38,041 --> 00:11:39,958
你沒事，我們沒事

139
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:42,291
天啊

140
00:12:06,750 --> 00:12:07,875
喂，媽

141
00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:11,541
我還在路上

142
00:12:13,958 --> 00:12:15,416
我出了一點小車禍

143
00:12:21,666 --> 00:12:22,500
對啊

144
00:12:22,583 --> 00:12:25,500
人生的價值，不能以長短來衡量

145
00:12:25,583 --> 00:12:27,375
而是以捐獻來看

146
00:12:27,875 --> 00:12:31,541
我們一想到詹姆斯的捐獻與奉獻

147
00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:33,291
就心存感激

148
00:12:34,041 --> 00:12:35,333
反正說都說了

149
00:12:35,833 --> 00:12:40,000
本教堂的捐款手機程式印在訃聞背面

150
00:12:40,083 --> 00:12:42,875
我們接受上帝賜給你們的任何禮物

151
00:12:42,958 --> 00:12:44,375
大家來個阿們吧

152
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:55,083
你殺過人嗎？

153
00:13:03,333 --> 00:13:04,375
戀愛過嗎？

154
00:13:10,875 --> 00:13:11,708
對啊

155
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:13,708
很瘋狂吧？

156
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:35,500
你應該不會剛好有槍械吧？

157
00:14:02,791 --> 00:14:05,708
（祭文）

158
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:45,041
小黑，你怎麼了？

159
00:14:45,541 --> 00:14:46,666
我被人綁架

160
00:14:47,208 --> 00:14:48,208
綁架？

161
00:14:48,708 --> 00:14:51,125
你是大人耶

162
00:14:51,208 --> 00:14:54,250
振作一點，你看起來跟「象人」一樣

163
00:14:54,833 --> 00:14:55,791
牙買加歌手？

164
00:14:55,875 --> 00:14:57,000
不是，那個可憐人

165
00:14:57,083 --> 00:15:00,333
你是牙買加人可能就不會挨揍了

166
00:15:00,416 --> 00:15:04,291
兒子，拿這支去漬筆清理一下

167
00:15:04,375 --> 00:15:06,833
別上台讓我丟臉

168
00:15:09,083 --> 00:15:12,000
-我沒那麼慘吧？
-就是有

169
00:15:12,083 --> 00:15:13,541
只是皮肉傷啦

170
00:15:14,208 --> 00:15:16,166
-我遲到了嗎？
-你剛好趕上

171
00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:20,583
現在來聽他姪子文斯史戴波朗讀祭文

172
00:15:21,416 --> 00:15:22,458
去吧

173
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,041
-你很帥
-謝謝

174
00:15:51,958 --> 00:15:52,958
謝謝你

175
00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:01,708
這是我的第一次，所以…

176
00:16:02,458 --> 00:16:03,666
請多包涵

177
00:16:07,625 --> 00:16:11,541
大家都知道我把詹姆斯叔叔當成爸爸

178
00:16:12,125 --> 00:16:13,666
他教我很多事情

179
00:16:14,166 --> 00:16:15,625
怎麼踢美式足球

180
00:16:16,458 --> 00:16:17,625
怎麼開車

181
00:16:17,708 --> 00:16:19,625
還有…鑑識科學

182
00:16:21,291 --> 00:16:23,291
可是久而久之，他也教我…

183
00:16:23,791 --> 00:16:24,958
什麼不該做

184
00:16:26,375 --> 00:16:29,166
我們都知道他不是完人

185
00:16:29,250 --> 00:16:32,708
他有缺點，可是我們有誰是完美的？

186
00:16:35,791 --> 00:16:38,875
不管他有什麼過去，好歹都是家人

187
00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:43,166
有人教我如果沒人負責，身為家人

188
00:16:43,833 --> 00:16:45,333
就得要求彼此負責

189
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:49,375
麥克舅舅

190
00:16:51,291 --> 00:16:52,625
別再跟我要錢了

191
00:16:53,291 --> 00:16:56,000
你從我們小時候起開了15家公司

192
00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:58,458
結果他媽的一毛都沒賺到

193
00:16:59,416 --> 00:17:01,166
連冰淇淋車都是

194
00:17:03,875 --> 00:17:04,833
甄寧舅媽

195
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:08,041
拜託別在臉書上罵我媽了

196
00:17:09,083 --> 00:17:10,666
我知道你們經常吵架

197
00:17:11,708 --> 00:17:12,541
好嗎？

198
00:17:14,083 --> 00:17:15,166
可是現在結束了

199
00:17:15,791 --> 00:17:16,791
放下吧

200
00:17:17,375 --> 00:17:18,958
我也要勸你，韋恩舅舅

201
00:17:19,875 --> 00:17:21,833
你是一家人，我愛你

202
00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:24,291
但這是我的婚姻

203
00:17:24,958 --> 00:17:25,958
好嗎？

204
00:17:27,083 --> 00:17:29,041
你他媽少管閒事

205
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,250
我真的很不想找人做掉你

206
00:17:36,625 --> 00:17:37,458
阿碧

207
00:17:39,666 --> 00:17:40,750
老妹，我愛你

208
00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:43,083
我知道

209
00:17:45,708 --> 00:17:46,958
還有，媽…

210
00:17:49,708 --> 00:17:51,750
你也知道我最近很不順

211
00:17:51,833 --> 00:17:54,333
但是你一路上都挺我

212
00:17:54,875 --> 00:17:57,458
跟我講一些很不中聽的話

213
00:17:58,875 --> 00:18:03,250
但是你全都說對了，你一直都是對的

214
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,583
但是你都循循善誘

215
00:18:06,125 --> 00:18:07,416
每次都體諒我

216
00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:11,791
你對我恩比天高
就像你善待詹姆斯叔叔

217
00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:14,125
我心存感激

218
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:20,916
詹姆斯叔叔

219
00:18:24,125 --> 00:18:25,500
謝謝你忠於自己

220
00:18:26,958 --> 00:18:28,708
讓我知道不想變成誰

221
00:18:30,833 --> 00:18:31,916
你的姪子

222
00:18:32,958 --> 00:18:34,041
敬上

223
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:39,833
《文斯小子》

224
00:18:39,916 --> 00:18:43,333
集名：詹姆斯叔叔走了

225
00:18:43,416 --> 00:18:46,291
黑莓糖漿

226
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:51,250
少數一成不變的東西

227
00:18:51,791 --> 00:18:54,375
你必須繼續挺進

228
00:18:54,458 --> 00:18:57,125
太陽不會永遠下雨

229
00:18:57,208 --> 00:19:02,333
總會有心痛的時候

230
00:19:05,083 --> 00:19:07,333
星期天早上起床時

231
00:19:07,416 --> 00:19:13,041
今天有點壞消息

232
00:19:13,666 --> 00:19:18,291
嗯，他們說我這個人不該活著

233
00:19:18,375 --> 00:19:24,166
時間已經慢慢消逝

234
00:19:24,666 --> 00:19:28,166
不要以為我瘋了

235
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:33,333
因為我的腦袋一直在想

236
00:19:33,833 --> 00:19:38,458
我知道我得堅強，我得撐下去

237
00:19:38,541 --> 00:19:41,583
有時我寧願放棄也不要…

238
00:19:41,666 --> 00:19:44,375
你們覺得詹姆斯叔叔
對這場喪禮滿意嗎？

239
00:19:44,458 --> 00:19:47,250
那邊有這麼多白人美眉替他難過

240
00:19:47,333 --> 00:19:50,750
他一定上天堂了，我只是比喻而已

241
00:19:51,250 --> 00:19:55,166
我很愛我弟弟，不過…你們知道的

242
00:19:55,250 --> 00:19:57,291
你必須繼續挺進…

243
00:19:57,375 --> 00:19:58,541
對，我們知道

244
00:19:58,625 --> 00:20:00,416
太陽不會永遠下雨…

245
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:04,416
-我一定會很想他
-對啊，我也是，兒子

246
00:20:06,458 --> 00:20:08,416
接下來呢？

247
00:20:10,666 --> 00:20:15,416
在我們歷經大風大浪後

248
00:21:09,625 --> 00:21:14,041
字幕翻譯：溫鳳祺