1 00:00:12,890 --> 00:00:15,934 [vocalist] ♪ Snowflakes fall on Marylebone ♪ 2 00:00:16,018 --> 00:00:19,188 ♪ Two lovers on the cobblestones ♪ 3 00:00:19,271 --> 00:00:22,441 ♪ With scarves wrapped over collar bones ♪ 4 00:00:22,524 --> 00:00:25,194 ♪ And you wrapped around me ♪ 5 00:00:25,986 --> 00:00:29,114 ♪ Angels in the window panes ♪ 6 00:00:29,198 --> 00:00:32,326 ♪ And two pints on a single tray ♪ 7 00:00:32,409 --> 00:00:35,829 ♪ The Ten Bells full of fun awaits ♪ 8 00:00:35,913 --> 00:00:38,832 ♪ Just for Christmas Eve ♪ 9 00:00:38,916 --> 00:00:40,542 -♪ Till it's time ♪ -♪ It's time ♪ 10 00:00:40,626 --> 00:00:42,127 -♪ For goodbye ♪ -♪ Goodbye ♪ 11 00:00:42,211 --> 00:00:45,464 -♪ And we both run off into the night ♪ -♪ The night ♪ 12 00:00:45,547 --> 00:00:47,508 ♪ And I hope ♪ 13 00:00:48,717 --> 00:00:51,470 ♪ That you know ♪ 14 00:00:52,429 --> 00:00:55,432 ♪ I wanna the deck the halls ♪ 15 00:00:55,516 --> 00:00:58,393 ♪ Hang mistletoe around ya ♪ 16 00:00:58,977 --> 00:01:01,605 ♪ So when I sing 'Last Christmas' ♪ 17 00:01:01,688 --> 00:01:04,942 ♪ I hope it's my last without ya ♪ 18 00:01:05,692 --> 00:01:08,278 ♪ So you should listen up ♪ 19 00:01:09,029 --> 00:01:11,782 ♪ 'Cause this wish is about ya ♪ 20 00:01:12,407 --> 00:01:14,576 ♪ Can we have forever ♪ 21 00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:20,374 ♪ Or at least can we be together, Babe, for Christmas? ♪ 22 00:01:21,875 --> 00:01:25,587 ♪ Can we be together, Babe, for Christmas? ♪ 23 00:01:25,671 --> 00:01:27,297 [indistinct shout] 24 00:01:27,381 --> 00:01:29,633 It's fine. We've got plenty of time. 25 00:01:34,304 --> 00:01:36,598 We'd better go. We're gonna miss our trains! 26 00:01:38,976 --> 00:01:40,811 I can't go any faster! 27 00:01:43,355 --> 00:01:45,022 We made it! 28 00:01:45,107 --> 00:01:47,109 No thanks to you. 29 00:01:47,192 --> 00:01:49,444 I didn't know it took that long to cook a turkey. 30 00:01:49,528 --> 00:01:51,864 We're going with 'it was cooked', are we? 31 00:01:51,947 --> 00:01:53,657 That was my first ever Christmas dinner! 32 00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:56,451 It was great. I didn't know you could cook. 33 00:01:56,534 --> 00:02:00,080 There's lots of things you don't know about me, James Hughes. 34 00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:02,165 Stay there. Stay there! 35 00:02:02,249 --> 00:02:04,167 [James grunts] 36 00:02:04,251 --> 00:02:05,377 Okay, just one. 37 00:02:09,381 --> 00:02:11,967 That camera! You're such an old man! 38 00:02:12,050 --> 00:02:14,469 Well, this old man... 39 00:02:15,262 --> 00:02:16,930 -...got you something. -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 40 00:02:17,014 --> 00:02:19,141 -We said no presents. -I know, I know! 41 00:02:19,224 --> 00:02:20,809 -No presents, remember? -But... 42 00:02:20,893 --> 00:02:26,523 Well, just open it when... you're really missing me. 43 00:02:27,149 --> 00:02:29,151 I'll be really missing you, will I? 44 00:02:32,571 --> 00:02:34,031 I really wish I could come with you. 45 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,324 Why don't you? 46 00:02:36,909 --> 00:02:39,244 -What? -Come with me. 47 00:02:39,328 --> 00:02:41,622 We could have Christmas in the countryside together. 48 00:02:41,705 --> 00:02:44,499 I mean... my mum would kill me. 49 00:02:44,583 --> 00:02:47,419 [announcer over PA] Macclesfield calling at Luton... 50 00:02:48,128 --> 00:02:49,546 That's me. 51 00:02:49,630 --> 00:02:51,381 Bloody Macclesfield. 52 00:02:51,465 --> 00:02:52,883 -Bloody 'Kimble'. -Kemble! 53 00:02:52,966 --> 00:02:54,426 Whatever! 54 00:02:58,889 --> 00:03:04,811 I have been wanting to say that these past couple of months have been... 55 00:03:05,896 --> 00:03:10,025 Well, you're like... the coolest person I've ever met, 56 00:03:10,108 --> 00:03:12,069 and I don't even just mean on the course. Like, ever and... 57 00:03:12,152 --> 00:03:14,738 -You are out of time, James Hughes. -Well, no... 58 00:03:14,821 --> 00:03:16,615 I just... I wanna say... 59 00:03:17,074 --> 00:03:18,116 I... I love... 60 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,326 Bye! 61 00:03:20,202 --> 00:03:21,203 Bye! 62 00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:25,290 [announcer over PA] ...the 17:32 service to Kemble. 63 00:03:25,374 --> 00:03:27,376 Calling at Reading... 64 00:03:28,877 --> 00:03:29,878 Okay! 65 00:03:37,719 --> 00:03:38,720 [whistle blowing] 66 00:03:38,845 --> 00:03:40,514 -Come on, darling. -Wait! 67 00:03:41,723 --> 00:03:42,766 Have you got your ticket? 68 00:03:43,684 --> 00:03:44,726 [mumbling] 69 00:03:45,894 --> 00:03:48,230 You're going to spend Christmas together! 70 00:03:49,064 --> 00:03:50,649 That's lovely! 71 00:03:55,445 --> 00:03:56,989 Your ticket? 72 00:03:57,698 --> 00:03:59,032 Sorry, I... 73 00:04:04,663 --> 00:04:05,747 Is this free? 74 00:04:05,831 --> 00:04:07,958 -Yes, love. -Cheers. 75 00:04:32,774 --> 00:04:34,651 Someone who knows you well, eh? 76 00:04:48,290 --> 00:04:50,125 I told you! 77 00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:53,128 Stop talking to random people. 78 00:04:58,008 --> 00:04:59,009 Wait! 79 00:05:09,311 --> 00:05:10,979 This stops at Kimble, right? 80 00:05:11,063 --> 00:05:12,147 Kemble. 81 00:05:12,230 --> 00:05:13,690 Even better! 82 00:05:18,737 --> 00:05:20,447 Does this stop at Macclesfield? 83 00:05:23,325 --> 00:05:24,576 It does, love. 84 00:05:32,417 --> 00:05:33,460 Excellent! 85 00:05:49,768 --> 00:05:53,438 -[vocalists] ♪ Christmas! ♪ -[vocalist] ♪ The snow's coming down ♪ 86 00:05:53,522 --> 00:05:57,234 -♪ Christmas! ♪ -♪ I'm watching it fall ♪ 87 00:05:57,317 --> 00:06:01,196 -♪ Christmas! ♪ -♪ Lots of people around ♪ 88 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:04,991 -♪ Christmas! ♪ -♪ Baby, please come home ♪ 89 00:06:05,075 --> 00:06:08,620 -♪ Christmas! ♪ -♪ The church bells in town ♪ 90 00:06:08,703 --> 00:06:12,415 -♪ Christmas! ♪ -♪ All ringing in song ♪ 91 00:06:12,499 --> 00:06:16,336 -♪ Christmas! ♪ -♪ Full of happy sounds ♪ 92 00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:19,923 -♪ Christmas! ♪ -♪ Baby, please come home ♪ 93 00:06:20,590 --> 00:06:24,136 ♪ They're singing 'Deck The Halls' ♪ 94 00:06:24,219 --> 00:06:26,763 ♪ But it's not like Christmas at all... ♪ 95 00:06:26,847 --> 00:06:28,056 Wait! Wait! 96 00:06:29,474 --> 00:06:31,017 Stop, stop! 97 00:06:31,101 --> 00:06:32,144 Stop! 98 00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:35,355 ♪ And all the fun we had last year ♪ 99 00:06:35,438 --> 00:06:38,900 -♪ Christmas! ♪ -♪ Pretty lights on the tree ♪ 100 00:06:38,984 --> 00:06:42,821 -♪ Christmas! ♪ -♪ I'm watching them shine ♪ 101 00:06:42,904 --> 00:06:46,700 -♪ Christmas! ♪ -♪ You should be here with me ♪ 102 00:06:46,783 --> 00:06:47,784 No! 103 00:06:47,868 --> 00:06:50,287 No, no, no, no! No! No! 104 00:06:50,370 --> 00:06:52,497 -No, no, no! -One metre! 105 00:06:52,581 --> 00:06:55,792 You need to keep at least one metre from the platform edge, miss. Station rules. 106 00:06:55,875 --> 00:06:57,711 You need to stop this train. It's an emergency! 107 00:06:57,794 --> 00:07:04,176 If you wish to report an emergency, you need to call 01632 323323. 108 00:07:04,259 --> 00:07:06,553 I can't. My phone's on the train. That's the emergency. 109 00:07:06,636 --> 00:07:09,431 A lost phone does not constitute an emergency, miss. 110 00:07:09,514 --> 00:07:12,642 You can report it to Lost Property on 01632 3-- 111 00:07:12,726 --> 00:07:15,604 How can I report it if my phone is on the train? 112 00:07:15,687 --> 00:07:16,730 Can I borrow yours? 113 00:07:16,813 --> 00:07:19,816 I don't have one. There's no signal round here. 114 00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:21,693 What? You don't have a mobile phone? 115 00:07:21,776 --> 00:07:23,570 Where are we, 1985? 116 00:07:23,653 --> 00:07:26,656 They tried installing a mast last year, but we were having none of it! 117 00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:29,367 Sorry, Bill Gates, you can take your radiation 118 00:07:29,451 --> 00:07:31,119 and stick it where it belongs. 119 00:07:31,203 --> 00:07:32,204 Bristol! 120 00:07:32,287 --> 00:07:34,456 Oh, my God! This is a nightmare! 121 00:07:34,539 --> 00:07:36,208 I was supposed to surprise this guy, 122 00:07:36,291 --> 00:07:39,044 but then I fell asleep and I missed him, and now he's gone home and... 123 00:07:39,127 --> 00:07:41,963 Man, that's where I'm supposed to be. My mum's gonna be freaking out! 124 00:07:43,006 --> 00:07:45,300 And we're gonna lose our 99 day streak. 125 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:49,596 I'm gonna need that slower and in English. 126 00:07:50,722 --> 00:07:52,933 Can I get a train to Macclesfield from here? 127 00:07:53,266 --> 00:07:55,560 There speaks someone with little comprehension 128 00:07:55,644 --> 00:07:57,103 of the South West Rail Network. 129 00:07:57,187 --> 00:07:58,688 Right. Right then. Right. 130 00:07:58,772 --> 00:08:01,858 I just need to find James' house. 131 00:08:03,109 --> 00:08:05,528 You know where everyone lives, right? 132 00:08:05,612 --> 00:08:07,906 Because this is the countryside 133 00:08:07,989 --> 00:08:10,492 you're going to assume everyone knows everyone else? 134 00:08:10,575 --> 00:08:13,328 His name's Hughes. James Hughes? 135 00:08:14,287 --> 00:08:15,997 Yeah, of course I know that one. 136 00:08:16,081 --> 00:08:20,919 It's up the hill, past Chapman's house, turn right at June's cottage, 137 00:08:21,002 --> 00:08:25,215 past the church, down the drive and, well, can't miss it. 138 00:08:25,298 --> 00:08:26,299 Right, ta! 139 00:08:26,383 --> 00:08:30,011 Right then, race you home, James Hughes. 140 00:08:30,095 --> 00:08:33,431 -♪ Christmas! ♪ -♪ If there was a way ♪ 141 00:08:33,515 --> 00:08:37,394 -♪ Christmas! ♪ -♪ I'd hold back these tears ♪ 142 00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:40,981 -♪ Christmas! ♪ -♪ But it's Christmas Day ♪ 143 00:08:41,063 --> 00:08:42,691 -♪ Please! ♪ -♪ Please! ♪ 144 00:08:42,899 --> 00:08:43,900 -♪ Please! ♪ -♪ Please! ♪ 145 00:08:43,984 --> 00:08:47,070 Guess who's waking up next to you on Christmas morning? 146 00:08:48,446 --> 00:08:50,073 Thank you, Santa! 147 00:08:50,156 --> 00:08:53,910 I am so sorry. I... I thought you were someone else. Sorry. 148 00:08:54,327 --> 00:08:55,328 Aww! 149 00:08:55,996 --> 00:08:57,414 Come back! 150 00:08:58,123 --> 00:09:00,166 I've been very good! 151 00:09:15,307 --> 00:09:17,058 Yes, little man, what can I do you for? 152 00:09:17,142 --> 00:09:18,268 A '99, please. 153 00:09:18,351 --> 00:09:21,313 Well, you'll have to come back in April for ice cream, 154 00:09:21,396 --> 00:09:26,151 but if you're after a five kilo Norfolk Black with its giblets intact... 155 00:09:27,861 --> 00:09:29,571 you've come to the right place. 156 00:09:29,654 --> 00:09:31,156 -[chuckles] -Weirdo! 157 00:09:31,740 --> 00:09:34,284 Eh? Cheeky git. 158 00:09:34,367 --> 00:09:36,411 [Hayley on voicemail] Hiya! Are you alright? Joking! 159 00:09:36,494 --> 00:09:38,455 I'm not here, leave a message. Bye. 160 00:09:38,538 --> 00:09:39,372 [man] Turkeys! Simply the breast! 161 00:09:39,456 --> 00:09:41,958 Get 'em while you can! They're getting gobbled up! 162 00:09:43,251 --> 00:09:44,878 Gobble! 163 00:09:49,674 --> 00:09:52,802 [Sat-nav on phone] Starting route to Woodfield Road. 164 00:10:11,279 --> 00:10:13,073 -[gun cocks] -[gasps] 165 00:10:13,740 --> 00:10:15,075 What do you want? 166 00:10:15,158 --> 00:10:17,202 Me? Nothing. Nothing. I'm just... 167 00:10:17,285 --> 00:10:18,745 Trespassing, are you? 168 00:10:18,828 --> 00:10:21,539 No, no, no, I'm just looking for the Hughes household. 169 00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:25,335 W-- hey! Please don't shoot me! It's Christmas! 170 00:10:26,836 --> 00:10:29,047 The Hughes household? 171 00:10:29,130 --> 00:10:30,215 Yes, sir. 172 00:10:35,053 --> 00:10:37,180 Rather you than me. 173 00:10:39,474 --> 00:10:40,558 Thank you, sir. 174 00:10:45,897 --> 00:10:48,066 [Hayley] Bloody hell! 175 00:10:49,567 --> 00:10:52,153 I... I'm sorry. Are you sure this is... 176 00:11:07,794 --> 00:11:11,089 [Sat-nav on phone] Proceed to the route and make a U-turn. 177 00:11:11,172 --> 00:11:14,175 Make a U-turn and proceed to... 178 00:11:14,259 --> 00:11:16,010 -[boy] Oi! -...Woodfield Road. 179 00:11:16,678 --> 00:11:20,098 Nice coat, mate. Shame there's no sleeves. 180 00:11:20,181 --> 00:11:22,100 Well, it's actually a gilet. 181 00:11:22,225 --> 00:11:25,145 [boys] Ooh! A gilet! 182 00:11:25,353 --> 00:11:27,856 Look, guys, I'm not-- I don't want any trouble. 183 00:11:27,939 --> 00:11:30,775 Too late for that, 'Gilet'. 184 00:11:30,859 --> 00:11:33,570 Please. Please. I'm really just... 185 00:11:33,778 --> 00:11:35,905 [laughing] 186 00:11:35,989 --> 00:11:36,865 Thank God! You're kids. 187 00:11:36,948 --> 00:11:39,993 What? I'm nine and three-quarters, and he's nearly eight. 188 00:11:40,076 --> 00:11:42,287 -Yeah. -Okay, well... 189 00:11:43,621 --> 00:11:45,832 I'm looking for Woodfield Road. 190 00:11:45,915 --> 00:11:49,794 -What's it worth, 'Gilet'? -Yeah, what's it worth? 191 00:11:49,878 --> 00:11:51,379 Alright... 192 00:11:52,714 --> 00:11:54,757 I'll give you... a pound. 193 00:11:55,884 --> 00:11:57,093 Fiver! 194 00:11:59,304 --> 00:12:01,097 Okay, fine. 195 00:12:01,181 --> 00:12:02,724 -Each! -Each? 196 00:12:02,807 --> 00:12:03,975 Each! 197 00:12:06,895 --> 00:12:08,313 Alright. 198 00:12:08,396 --> 00:12:10,023 Fine. Deal. 199 00:12:10,940 --> 00:12:12,400 Thank you. 200 00:12:12,484 --> 00:12:13,985 Now where is it? 201 00:12:16,821 --> 00:12:18,031 Unbelievable! 202 00:12:22,327 --> 00:12:24,245 Happy to help! 203 00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:32,295 [vocalist] ♪ I'll be home for Christmas ♪ 204 00:12:33,338 --> 00:12:38,927 ♪ You can plan on me ♪ 205 00:12:41,054 --> 00:12:48,019 ♪ Please have snow and mistletoe ♪ 206 00:12:48,561 --> 00:12:54,567 ♪ And presents under the tree ♪ 207 00:12:56,611 --> 00:13:01,241 ♪ Christmas Eve will find me... ♪ 208 00:13:01,324 --> 00:13:03,159 -Hello, I'm... -Late! 209 00:13:03,243 --> 00:13:05,495 I know. I've been expecting you. 210 00:13:06,204 --> 00:13:07,205 Really? 211 00:13:07,288 --> 00:13:08,790 For the last 20 minutes. 212 00:13:09,832 --> 00:13:11,876 Listen, there's a guy out there with a gun. 213 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,753 Well, of course there is, you're in the country. 214 00:13:14,420 --> 00:13:16,714 Come in, girl, you'll let all the good heat out. 215 00:13:21,219 --> 00:13:22,428 Follow me. 216 00:13:22,512 --> 00:13:24,889 Heat? What heat? 217 00:13:24,973 --> 00:13:27,559 You can wait in here. Don't touch anything. 218 00:13:27,642 --> 00:13:29,686 I'll let Mr Hughes know you're here. 219 00:13:30,979 --> 00:13:32,981 An interesting choice of outfit. 220 00:13:37,735 --> 00:13:39,237 27... 221 00:13:39,696 --> 00:13:41,281 25... 222 00:13:42,031 --> 00:13:43,992 -Ho ho ho! -Jesus! 223 00:13:44,075 --> 00:13:46,327 Merry Christmas! 224 00:13:58,715 --> 00:13:59,716 Hello? 225 00:14:01,509 --> 00:14:03,344 -[knocking] -Anyone home? 226 00:14:03,428 --> 00:14:05,471 -Surprise! -Merry Chris... 227 00:14:05,555 --> 00:14:06,556 No, Dad! 228 00:14:06,639 --> 00:14:08,099 Who the hell is that? 229 00:14:08,182 --> 00:14:10,560 -Is... Is Hayley here? -Who are you? 230 00:14:10,643 --> 00:14:12,979 Yeah, who are you? 231 00:14:13,062 --> 00:14:14,731 -I'm... -[boy] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 232 00:14:14,814 --> 00:14:16,065 Mum! Mum! 233 00:14:16,983 --> 00:14:18,443 Mum, don't listen to him! 234 00:14:18,526 --> 00:14:21,404 Gilet gave us that tenner. We didn't mug him, honest. 235 00:14:21,529 --> 00:14:22,947 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who is Gilet? 236 00:14:23,031 --> 00:14:24,616 He is. He's our mate. 237 00:14:24,699 --> 00:14:27,368 -What? -Hello, Gilet. 238 00:14:28,453 --> 00:14:29,704 Is that French? 239 00:14:30,121 --> 00:14:32,749 Well, I suppose the word 'gilet' is, but I'm... 240 00:14:32,832 --> 00:14:34,917 Are you not a little bit too old to be hanging out with my boys? 241 00:14:35,001 --> 00:14:36,336 I'm nine and three quarters! 242 00:14:36,419 --> 00:14:37,920 -He's a pervert. -I just... 243 00:14:38,004 --> 00:14:39,339 -He's not! -...bumped into them in an alleyway. 244 00:14:39,422 --> 00:14:41,591 -And you gave them a tenner? -He's a drug dealer! 245 00:14:41,674 --> 00:14:42,967 No, he's our mate. 246 00:14:43,051 --> 00:14:44,844 -Stop saying that. -[Geoff] I'm back! 247 00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:47,263 -Right, positions! Positions! -Where are we going? 248 00:14:47,347 --> 00:14:49,057 What are we doing? What's going on? 249 00:14:49,140 --> 00:14:50,475 We're surprising Hayley! 250 00:14:50,558 --> 00:14:52,185 Great! Okay. 251 00:14:52,268 --> 00:14:53,645 That's... 252 00:14:53,728 --> 00:14:55,605 You're squeezing me a bit tight. 253 00:14:55,688 --> 00:14:57,231 Careful, that's my... 254 00:14:57,315 --> 00:14:58,566 Surprise! 255 00:14:58,650 --> 00:15:00,860 -Merry Christmas! -No. No. No, no. 256 00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:02,987 -No. -Where's Hayley? 257 00:15:03,071 --> 00:15:05,031 -Geoff? -She didn't show. 258 00:15:05,114 --> 00:15:08,826 It's bloody freezing out there! I've got nipples like a '99 flake. 259 00:15:08,910 --> 00:15:10,787 There's a heavy snow on the way, Geoff. 260 00:15:10,870 --> 00:15:12,622 -I forgot my coat, didn't I? -Well, did you call her? 261 00:15:12,705 --> 00:15:15,541 -No, my phone's in my coat. -What are you doing back here then? 262 00:15:15,625 --> 00:15:17,335 Getting my bloody coat, aren't I? 263 00:15:17,418 --> 00:15:18,544 [Granddad] Heading up from the South. 264 00:15:18,628 --> 00:15:21,089 -You must be shattered. Get that bag off. -It's fine. 265 00:15:21,172 --> 00:15:24,092 -Have you been flogging turkeys? -No. But if I was... 266 00:15:24,175 --> 00:15:27,720 I would just have made a hundred quid! Hey! Whoa-ho! 267 00:15:28,054 --> 00:15:29,931 -Get some music on. -You had one job. 268 00:15:30,014 --> 00:15:32,684 What are you on about? I've had loads of jobs, all pigging day. 269 00:15:32,767 --> 00:15:35,186 -I was delivering turkeys till five! -Unbelievable! 270 00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:37,480 Right, boys, upstairs, go get yourselves cleaned up. 271 00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:41,025 Remember, snitches get stitches. 272 00:15:41,109 --> 00:15:42,944 And tell-tales get... 273 00:15:43,027 --> 00:15:44,362 e-mails! 274 00:15:44,445 --> 00:15:48,074 How many times do we lose this bloody remote? 275 00:15:51,619 --> 00:15:53,663 -Hi. -Who the bloody hell are you? 276 00:15:53,746 --> 00:15:56,749 He's either a drug dealer or a pervert. 277 00:15:56,833 --> 00:15:58,042 I'm not. 278 00:15:58,126 --> 00:15:59,210 Or both. 279 00:15:59,293 --> 00:16:02,171 This is Gilet, Geoff. He's friends with the boys. 280 00:16:02,255 --> 00:16:03,423 Again, I'm not. 281 00:16:03,506 --> 00:16:06,926 Them kids! How many times have I got to tell you two, eh? 282 00:16:07,093 --> 00:16:08,928 Hang around with lads your own age! 283 00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:11,681 -[boy] I'm nine and three quarters! -Exactly! 284 00:16:11,764 --> 00:16:14,517 Right. No offence, Gilet, but come on. 285 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,437 He can stay for a quick Christmas drink, surely? 286 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:20,189 -It's fine. -What other jobs you have to do, Geoff? 287 00:16:20,273 --> 00:16:22,567 -Don't worry Granddad. I got the stuffing. -Come and have a seat with me. 288 00:16:22,650 --> 00:16:25,737 It's gone to voicemail. It never goes to voicemail. Love... 289 00:16:25,820 --> 00:16:28,948 Cup of tea, Gilet? Oh, God! 290 00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,491 That sounds exotic. 291 00:16:31,409 --> 00:16:34,036 I've come across plenty of Lees and Darrens in my time. 292 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:35,830 You can say that again! 293 00:16:35,913 --> 00:16:38,249 But I can't say I've ever met another 'Gilet'. 294 00:16:38,332 --> 00:16:40,585 It's a body warmer, Kaye. TK Maxx is full of 'em. 295 00:16:40,668 --> 00:16:42,211 -You should go and look for her. -I'll be back in a minute. 296 00:16:42,295 --> 00:16:44,714 Look, Kath, let's give it half an hour, right? 297 00:16:44,797 --> 00:16:46,841 We'll have a cuppa. If we've not heard from her by then... 298 00:16:46,924 --> 00:16:49,719 Okay, we'll give it exactly half an hour and then you'll go and look for her. 299 00:16:49,802 --> 00:16:51,137 What, no cuppa? 300 00:16:52,597 --> 00:16:53,848 No cuppa. 301 00:16:54,432 --> 00:16:55,433 Kath... 302 00:16:55,516 --> 00:16:57,852 [Kath] Honestly, one of these days I'm gonna give you a simple task 303 00:16:57,935 --> 00:16:59,145 and you're gonna get it right! 304 00:16:59,228 --> 00:17:00,897 Come on, it's Christmas Eve Eve. 305 00:17:03,191 --> 00:17:04,191 I'm James. 306 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:24,337 Hello! You must be Peanut. 307 00:17:24,420 --> 00:17:27,048 Ohh! Okay, alright. Chill, chill, Peanut. 308 00:17:28,925 --> 00:17:30,343 Peanut! 309 00:17:30,426 --> 00:17:32,887 -[clicking tongue] -Like I said, very casual. 310 00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:33,971 Thank you, Iris. 311 00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:38,267 You may leave. 312 00:17:40,645 --> 00:17:42,396 Will you please put that down? 313 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:43,731 Sorry, it's just... 314 00:17:43,815 --> 00:17:45,983 That's Tony Blair, right? And isn't that... 315 00:17:46,067 --> 00:17:48,319 The first thing to establish when you are in my house: 316 00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:50,446 that you respect my privacy. 317 00:17:50,530 --> 00:17:51,948 Oh, right. 318 00:17:53,199 --> 00:17:54,450 -Sorry. -And the second 319 00:17:54,534 --> 00:17:56,327 is the importance of punctuality. 320 00:17:57,286 --> 00:17:59,997 Erm, look, I don't want to get off on the back foot. 321 00:18:00,081 --> 00:18:01,082 I'm Hayley. 322 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,377 Taylor. 323 00:18:04,460 --> 00:18:05,962 Humphrey Hughes. 324 00:18:06,045 --> 00:18:08,214 And you get off on the wrong foot, not the back foot. 325 00:18:08,881 --> 00:18:10,591 Yeah, course, but... 326 00:18:10,675 --> 00:18:12,593 right now I feel like I'm doing a bit of both. 327 00:18:12,677 --> 00:18:14,679 Yes, well, take a seat. 328 00:18:15,513 --> 00:18:18,307 It has been something of an inauspicious start. 329 00:18:18,391 --> 00:18:20,393 We had been told good things. 330 00:18:20,476 --> 00:18:22,019 -Oh, really? -Yes. 331 00:18:22,103 --> 00:18:25,022 -Dependable, experienced, cheap. -What? 332 00:18:25,106 --> 00:18:27,567 And your background checks were clear. 333 00:18:27,650 --> 00:18:29,193 Back... background checks? 334 00:18:29,277 --> 00:18:31,279 Standard procedure. You should have been informed. 335 00:18:32,405 --> 00:18:34,699 Look, I don't know what James has told you about me, but... 336 00:18:34,782 --> 00:18:36,242 -James? -Yes. 337 00:18:36,951 --> 00:18:38,661 James. Your son? 338 00:18:39,495 --> 00:18:43,916 -Tony Blair's ball boy. -My son's name is Hubert James Hughes, 339 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,043 and he is currently away training. 340 00:18:46,127 --> 00:18:49,255 And I am a little confused as to how you know him. 341 00:18:49,338 --> 00:18:51,215 Sorry, did you just say his name's 'Hubert'? 342 00:18:51,299 --> 00:18:53,676 How do you know my son? 343 00:18:53,759 --> 00:18:55,761 We're on the same course. 344 00:18:56,554 --> 00:18:58,681 You train with Hubert? 345 00:18:59,432 --> 00:19:01,517 No, I train with James. 346 00:19:01,601 --> 00:19:02,852 Well, where is he? 347 00:19:03,436 --> 00:19:06,063 Well, I don't know. I was gonna ask you the same thing. Is he not here... 348 00:19:06,147 --> 00:19:09,025 Excuse me, sir. This is Doris. 349 00:19:10,026 --> 00:19:11,736 I'm here about the cleaning job. 350 00:19:13,154 --> 00:19:15,615 Bit late, I know, but my... cat died. 351 00:19:16,449 --> 00:19:17,742 Er... 352 00:19:17,825 --> 00:19:22,663 Iris, I will, er, conduct the interview in my study. 353 00:19:22,747 --> 00:19:24,498 Very well. Come with me. 354 00:19:26,417 --> 00:19:27,835 [Hayley] Wow! 355 00:19:27,919 --> 00:19:29,128 You thought I was the cleaner. 356 00:19:29,211 --> 00:19:32,214 Because I had an interview with a cleaner at 7:00 pm, 357 00:19:32,298 --> 00:19:36,344 and at twenty past seven you knocked on my door. 358 00:19:36,427 --> 00:19:38,262 Look, I'm going to have to deal with that. 359 00:19:38,346 --> 00:19:40,181 Won't take long. She's clearly not right. 360 00:19:40,264 --> 00:19:44,143 You will stay here until I return. Understood? 361 00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:47,104 -Yes, sir! -And don't touch anything. 362 00:19:47,563 --> 00:19:48,856 [Humphrey] Come on, Peanut! 363 00:19:49,857 --> 00:19:50,858 Come on, boy. 364 00:19:50,983 --> 00:19:53,527 I'm sorry, you don't have a phone I could borrow? I left mine on the... 365 00:19:53,611 --> 00:19:54,987 [door closes firmly] 366 00:19:57,698 --> 00:19:59,867 So I know she got on her train. 367 00:20:01,035 --> 00:20:02,036 But did she get off it? 368 00:20:03,037 --> 00:20:05,081 I know I did, 'cause I'm here. 369 00:20:05,164 --> 00:20:07,249 But Hayley's not. 370 00:20:07,333 --> 00:20:10,086 And that begs the question... 371 00:20:10,169 --> 00:20:11,629 where is she? 372 00:20:13,422 --> 00:20:15,132 You say something, young man? 373 00:20:18,177 --> 00:20:19,178 Never mind. 374 00:20:22,848 --> 00:20:24,475 [Geoff] She missed her train, that's all. 375 00:20:24,558 --> 00:20:25,685 [Kath] Yes and now she's walking the streets! 376 00:20:25,768 --> 00:20:27,520 [Geoff] Well, she'll be alright. 377 00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:30,523 I thought, you know what, it's Christmas, screw the brew. 378 00:20:30,606 --> 00:20:32,984 Have I introduced myself properly? I'm Kaye. 379 00:20:34,068 --> 00:20:35,736 You can call me Special K! 380 00:20:36,570 --> 00:20:38,239 I'm Ant and Dec's aunty. 381 00:20:38,322 --> 00:20:39,490 Ant and Dec? 382 00:20:40,658 --> 00:20:42,618 Oh, Gilet! You still here? 383 00:20:42,702 --> 00:20:44,120 I offered him a drink. 384 00:20:44,203 --> 00:20:45,204 Kaye, quick word. 385 00:20:46,622 --> 00:20:48,624 What flavour stuffing you get? 386 00:20:48,708 --> 00:20:50,334 Cranberry and chestnut, Grandad. 387 00:20:50,418 --> 00:20:52,128 Now didn't we have a box of choccies knocking about? 388 00:20:52,211 --> 00:20:54,338 Er, what are you doing, love? 389 00:20:54,422 --> 00:20:56,090 I think he likes me. 390 00:20:56,173 --> 00:20:59,677 Look, we don't know him, and he is very young. 391 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:01,637 A minute ago, he was too old. 392 00:21:01,721 --> 00:21:03,347 For Ant and Dec. 393 00:21:03,431 --> 00:21:05,474 [laughs] Oh, Kath! 394 00:21:05,558 --> 00:21:07,351 I'm a cougar these days. 395 00:21:07,435 --> 00:21:09,020 It's very on trend. 396 00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:13,232 Come on, sis, it's just a bit of Christmas fun! 397 00:21:13,315 --> 00:21:16,402 [Geoff] Could have sworn we had some Maltesers on the go! 398 00:21:16,485 --> 00:21:19,613 Ohh. I wonder how they got there, eh? 399 00:21:19,697 --> 00:21:22,366 Kath was just saying, you can always stop for your tea. 400 00:21:23,075 --> 00:21:24,076 Really? 401 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,328 Oh, God! Completely forgot. Go and check the lasagne. 402 00:21:26,412 --> 00:21:28,205 -No, it's fine. -That's me. 403 00:21:31,667 --> 00:21:33,377 I should probably take this. 404 00:21:33,461 --> 00:21:35,421 Do you have somewhere... private? 405 00:21:35,504 --> 00:21:37,339 Like a study or... 406 00:21:38,215 --> 00:21:39,592 Kitchen's through there. 407 00:21:41,802 --> 00:21:43,554 Okay, yeah. Thank you. 408 00:21:47,933 --> 00:21:50,603 -[chuckling] -[whispering] Study? 409 00:21:50,686 --> 00:21:52,021 [clears throat] 410 00:21:52,813 --> 00:21:55,441 -Dad, listen... -[Hayley] Hello, 'Hubert'. 411 00:21:55,649 --> 00:21:57,818 -Hayley? -[whispering] Surprise! 412 00:21:57,902 --> 00:21:59,403 Where the hell are you? 413 00:21:59,487 --> 00:22:00,946 What are you doing in my house? 414 00:22:01,030 --> 00:22:02,782 I got on your train. I don't know what I was thinking. 415 00:22:02,865 --> 00:22:06,243 Well, I do know what I was thinking. I was thinking it would be epic romantic. 416 00:22:06,327 --> 00:22:08,204 But then you weren't here, and it was actually horrifically awkward. 417 00:22:08,287 --> 00:22:10,706 And now I'm stuck here, I've lost my phone, 418 00:22:10,790 --> 00:22:13,417 and outside it's starting to look like the North Pole. 419 00:22:13,501 --> 00:22:15,544 Have you said anything about me? 420 00:22:15,628 --> 00:22:18,964 No! And your house! You said you lived in a cottage, not a bloody castle! 421 00:22:19,048 --> 00:22:22,843 Okay, yes, well, I-I may have done some downplaying. 422 00:22:22,927 --> 00:22:25,554 James, there's a picture of your dad with Prince Charles. 423 00:22:27,098 --> 00:22:29,058 Yeah, okay, erm... 424 00:22:29,141 --> 00:22:30,601 Okay, here we go. 425 00:22:31,310 --> 00:22:36,816 My dad's official title is Lord Humphrey Manningham-Hughes. 426 00:22:36,899 --> 00:22:38,901 -Lord? -Well, he's an Earl. 427 00:22:38,984 --> 00:22:41,153 The Earl of Gloucester, to be precise. 428 00:22:41,946 --> 00:22:43,405 Are you joking? 429 00:22:43,489 --> 00:22:45,324 I know, I should have told you, I know. 430 00:22:45,407 --> 00:22:48,911 But, look, I need you to not say anything... 431 00:22:48,994 --> 00:22:50,871 James, are you a frickin' Royal? 432 00:22:50,955 --> 00:22:52,289 No! No! 433 00:22:52,373 --> 00:22:53,833 Well, technically, yes. 434 00:22:53,916 --> 00:22:57,670 But I'm like... I'm like, 300th in line to the throne or something, okay? 435 00:22:57,753 --> 00:23:00,673 Like, put it this way, a lot of people would have to croak 436 00:23:00,756 --> 00:23:03,217 -for my character to turn up in The Crown. -I can't cope with this. 437 00:23:03,300 --> 00:23:06,637 But, Hayley, this is important: my dad, he doesn't know about... 438 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,597 -[smoke alarm beeping] -I don't believe it! 439 00:23:08,764 --> 00:23:10,182 Oh gosh, oh gosh! 440 00:23:10,266 --> 00:23:11,892 How do you turn your oven off? 441 00:23:11,976 --> 00:23:13,978 My oven? Wait, what? What? 442 00:23:15,229 --> 00:23:16,772 I told you to check the lasagne! 443 00:23:16,856 --> 00:23:19,108 -Alright, don't panic! -What is going on? 444 00:23:19,191 --> 00:23:20,943 -It's... -Is the house on fire? 445 00:23:21,026 --> 00:23:23,195 -No, no, no! -What are you doing, James? 446 00:23:23,279 --> 00:23:25,531 Is this some sort of a joke? James... 447 00:23:25,614 --> 00:23:28,367 what the hell are you doing in my house? 448 00:23:28,450 --> 00:23:30,744 What you said: Epic. Romantic. 449 00:23:30,828 --> 00:23:32,580 James, I need you to listen to me. 450 00:23:32,663 --> 00:23:34,957 They do not know about you yet. Have you said anything? 451 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:38,627 No. I mean, I haven't really been able to get a word in edgeways. 452 00:23:38,711 --> 00:23:40,754 James, I need you to do me the world's biggest favour 453 00:23:40,838 --> 00:23:42,590 and not say anything. 454 00:23:43,424 --> 00:23:45,634 Okay. I mean, may I ask why? 455 00:23:45,718 --> 00:23:48,554 I'll explain when I see you, and I promise we will laugh about it afterwards. 456 00:23:50,014 --> 00:23:51,432 What am I supposed to say? 457 00:23:51,515 --> 00:23:53,559 Just say I'll be home tomorrow or something. 458 00:23:53,642 --> 00:23:55,436 We're drama students. Improvise. 459 00:23:55,519 --> 00:23:58,272 You know how bad I am at impro! 460 00:23:58,355 --> 00:24:01,275 Whenever I get stuck, I do that weird Scottish accent. 461 00:24:01,358 --> 00:24:04,195 Well, now's your time to get good, fast! I've got to go. 462 00:24:04,278 --> 00:24:06,155 Hayley, no! Hayley. 463 00:24:07,948 --> 00:24:09,783 [sighs] Okay. 464 00:24:10,409 --> 00:24:12,036 [huffs] 465 00:24:13,746 --> 00:24:14,830 Impro. [chuckles] 466 00:24:16,248 --> 00:24:18,876 [noisy commotion] 467 00:24:19,877 --> 00:24:20,878 Excuse me. 468 00:24:23,172 --> 00:24:25,132 [commotion settles] 469 00:24:25,216 --> 00:24:27,843 I have a wee thing to tell ya. 470 00:24:35,059 --> 00:24:36,393 Your Lordship. 471 00:24:37,102 --> 00:24:38,312 Er, that was James. 472 00:24:38,395 --> 00:24:40,564 -Hubert. -Yeah, Hubert. 473 00:24:40,648 --> 00:24:44,401 Erm, he said that his train's been delayed, but he will be back tomorrow. 474 00:24:45,110 --> 00:24:46,153 Right. 475 00:24:46,237 --> 00:24:50,241 And you are here... for what reason exactly? 476 00:24:50,324 --> 00:24:53,285 Do you know what? It's actually quite a funny story... 477 00:24:54,995 --> 00:24:57,164 Er, but probably for another time. 478 00:24:57,248 --> 00:25:00,876 I'm just on my way up North, and I thought I'd nip in, say hi to a mate. 479 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,046 But he's clearly not here, so I will just be heading off. 480 00:25:04,129 --> 00:25:06,257 -Safe travels. -Out of the question. 481 00:25:07,675 --> 00:25:10,803 I'm sorry, sir, but it's too late for her to travel in this tonight. 482 00:25:11,595 --> 00:25:13,889 Besides the last train will have left by now. 483 00:25:14,890 --> 00:25:17,268 Hubert's room's made up already. 484 00:25:17,351 --> 00:25:19,270 -She could stay there. -Er... 485 00:25:21,313 --> 00:25:22,773 Oh... very well. 486 00:25:22,856 --> 00:25:26,902 Erm, Iris will call a cab for you in the morning. Early. 487 00:25:27,403 --> 00:25:28,487 Thank you, My Lord. 488 00:25:29,238 --> 00:25:30,572 Come on, Peanut! 489 00:25:30,781 --> 00:25:32,658 -Come on! -Come along. 490 00:25:33,409 --> 00:25:35,035 Getting the tour, am I? 491 00:25:39,498 --> 00:25:41,667 That's Mr Hughes' study. 492 00:25:43,002 --> 00:25:44,628 And through there is the main hall, 493 00:25:44,712 --> 00:25:46,755 and beyond that there's the conservatory, 494 00:25:46,839 --> 00:25:49,842 the kitchen, and the library's upstairs. 495 00:25:49,925 --> 00:25:51,302 Wow! 496 00:25:51,385 --> 00:25:54,722 You're only a billiard room away from a full Cluedo board. 497 00:25:54,805 --> 00:25:56,932 That's beyond the conservatory on the right. 498 00:25:58,183 --> 00:26:01,270 I'm gonna get killed with a lead pipe in the drawing room, aren't I? 499 00:26:01,353 --> 00:26:04,732 I sincerely hope not. The drawing room is strictly out of bounds. 500 00:26:06,108 --> 00:26:08,694 Besides, there is no drawing room on a Cluedo board. 501 00:26:10,321 --> 00:26:13,574 Oh, wow! This one looks just like James. 502 00:26:13,657 --> 00:26:15,576 If he went full hipster. 503 00:26:15,659 --> 00:26:17,453 That's the First Earl of Gloucester. 504 00:26:17,536 --> 00:26:19,455 Fought alongside King Charles. 505 00:26:20,372 --> 00:26:23,751 This family has a proud military history. 506 00:26:23,834 --> 00:26:27,921 It's produced field marshals at Waterloo, generals in the Boer. 507 00:26:28,714 --> 00:26:31,675 Hubert's great-great-grandfather was in the Somme. 508 00:26:31,759 --> 00:26:34,219 His great-grandfather fought with Montgomery. 509 00:26:35,220 --> 00:26:40,726 And of course, Mr Hughes' own record in Afghanistan and Iraq speaks for itself. 510 00:26:41,810 --> 00:26:42,811 Wow! 511 00:26:43,395 --> 00:26:46,148 So how does everyone feel about Hubert? 512 00:26:46,231 --> 00:26:48,067 -Very proud. -Really? 513 00:26:49,234 --> 00:26:51,153 As I'm sure your parents are of you. 514 00:26:52,196 --> 00:26:55,115 The officer training course at Sandhurst is... 515 00:26:55,199 --> 00:26:57,743 Well, it produces the best soldiers in the world. 516 00:26:57,826 --> 00:26:58,952 Sandhurst? 517 00:27:00,037 --> 00:27:02,206 You did say you were on the same course, didn't you? 518 00:27:02,998 --> 00:27:05,250 Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, we are. Sorry. 519 00:27:05,334 --> 00:27:07,336 Sorry, it's been a long day. 520 00:27:08,253 --> 00:27:10,172 Let me show you your bedroom. 521 00:27:17,346 --> 00:27:18,806 Here you are. 522 00:27:20,808 --> 00:27:22,893 Supper will be in the main hall at nine. 523 00:27:23,602 --> 00:27:25,604 And try and wear something a little more... 524 00:27:27,356 --> 00:27:28,982 Not... not that. 525 00:27:58,429 --> 00:28:00,681 -[Nan] Looks like... -[Grandad] I love lasagne! 526 00:28:00,764 --> 00:28:02,266 I've got to say, 527 00:28:02,349 --> 00:28:04,893 losing her phone and missing her train is such a Hayley thing to do. 528 00:28:04,977 --> 00:28:06,603 Still don't know why she didn't call me, though. 529 00:28:06,687 --> 00:28:07,771 [Geoff] Here you go! 530 00:28:07,855 --> 00:28:10,524 Geoff, what have you got those out for? 531 00:28:10,607 --> 00:28:12,609 Gives Gilet a chance to get to know us quicker. 532 00:28:12,693 --> 00:28:13,861 'James' is fine. 533 00:28:13,944 --> 00:28:15,404 Oh! Who put that there? 534 00:28:15,487 --> 00:28:18,574 -You did. -We had 'em made for Hayley's 21st. 535 00:28:18,657 --> 00:28:19,908 Who is he again? 536 00:28:19,992 --> 00:28:22,411 Hayley's friend from drama school, Mum! 537 00:28:22,995 --> 00:28:25,038 His train got cancelled at Macclesfield, 538 00:28:25,122 --> 00:28:28,208 so H texted him saying he could crash here for the night. 539 00:28:28,292 --> 00:28:29,334 -Shagging, are they? -Whoa! 540 00:28:30,002 --> 00:28:32,463 -Of course not, Mum! Bloody hell! -Oh, God, no. 541 00:28:32,546 --> 00:28:34,631 I'm... I'm very much single. 542 00:28:35,215 --> 00:28:36,216 Really? 543 00:28:38,927 --> 00:28:40,137 And gay. 544 00:28:40,888 --> 00:28:42,097 -Really? -Aye. 545 00:28:42,181 --> 00:28:45,726 I am just a wee bit into my men, it's true. 546 00:28:45,809 --> 00:28:48,187 Oh, cool! Who would you rather snog, Ronaldo or Messi? 547 00:28:48,270 --> 00:28:50,314 That's Ronaldo, any day of the week. Right, Gilet? 548 00:28:50,397 --> 00:28:52,608 I'm a Lionel Messi man myself. 549 00:28:52,691 --> 00:28:54,860 Such a low centre of gravity. 550 00:28:54,943 --> 00:28:57,362 So, er, Ant and Dec, are those your real names? 551 00:28:57,446 --> 00:28:59,031 [Geoff] Oh, God, here we go! 552 00:28:59,114 --> 00:29:01,825 Right, so, Dad is Antony, 553 00:29:01,909 --> 00:29:04,786 and then Geoff's dad was Declan. Do you know what? 554 00:29:04,870 --> 00:29:07,456 It wasn't until we'd done it that we even realised. 555 00:29:07,539 --> 00:29:10,542 Not that we're not big fans of the presenters. Cracking chemistry. 556 00:29:10,626 --> 00:29:14,421 Do you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna put this here, 557 00:29:14,505 --> 00:29:16,340 so that Hayley... 558 00:29:17,341 --> 00:29:19,009 is here in spirit. 559 00:29:19,092 --> 00:29:20,969 She's in London, Kath. She's not dead. 560 00:29:21,053 --> 00:29:24,056 She's such a worrier these days. [soft chuckle] 561 00:29:24,139 --> 00:29:26,600 Can't imagine what you were like when she got her tattoo. 562 00:29:28,977 --> 00:29:30,020 Tattoo? 563 00:29:31,355 --> 00:29:32,773 I mean... 564 00:29:32,856 --> 00:29:35,192 if... if she got a tattoo, 565 00:29:35,275 --> 00:29:37,277 just to imagine what you'd be like. 566 00:29:40,072 --> 00:29:41,823 H would tell me if she got a tattoo, wouldn't she? 567 00:29:41,907 --> 00:29:42,991 Yeah. 568 00:29:43,075 --> 00:29:46,036 Well, I never told anybody when I got mine. 569 00:30:12,646 --> 00:30:14,439 Do you get to eat in here every night? 570 00:30:15,107 --> 00:30:17,943 Most evenings I enjoy supper in my study. 571 00:30:18,026 --> 00:30:19,152 Alone. 572 00:30:20,862 --> 00:30:21,947 Right. 573 00:30:29,913 --> 00:30:31,832 Must be fun being a lord. 574 00:30:34,626 --> 00:30:38,380 I try not to use the title, where possible. 575 00:30:38,463 --> 00:30:41,592 Really? If it was me, I'd be using it all the time! 576 00:30:41,675 --> 00:30:43,802 'Her Lordship's coming through!' 577 00:30:43,885 --> 00:30:46,096 Straight to the front of the queue at H&M. 578 00:30:46,179 --> 00:30:50,058 'Out the way, people, Her Lordship needs a new boob tube.' 579 00:30:50,142 --> 00:30:52,060 [chuckles] 580 00:31:03,030 --> 00:31:05,324 So what are your plans for Christmas? 581 00:31:05,949 --> 00:31:08,869 We tend not to make a fuss of Christmas in this house. 582 00:31:08,952 --> 00:31:11,705 Oh, but come on, the fuss is the best bit! 583 00:31:11,788 --> 00:31:15,125 And you could get a massive Christmas tree in here! 584 00:31:15,208 --> 00:31:17,836 Like, my house is tiny, but you should see it at Christmas. 585 00:31:17,919 --> 00:31:20,672 Man alive, like, we have Advent candles, 586 00:31:20,756 --> 00:31:22,341 Advent calendars, 587 00:31:22,424 --> 00:31:24,259 we even have this, like, Advent toilet roll 588 00:31:24,343 --> 00:31:26,678 that's got, like, the Christmas cracker jokes on it. 589 00:31:26,762 --> 00:31:30,349 And my mum! She has this musical reindeer. 590 00:31:30,432 --> 00:31:32,768 It's like... ♪ Jingle bells! Jingle--♪ Ugh! 591 00:31:32,851 --> 00:31:35,354 It drives everybody nuts. And-- [scoffs] 592 00:31:35,437 --> 00:31:39,650 Tonight, my nan, she makes these, like, Christmas pudding muffins, 593 00:31:39,733 --> 00:31:41,902 and if you find the one with the coin baked in it, 594 00:31:41,985 --> 00:31:44,738 you don't have to do any chores for the whole of Crimbo. 595 00:31:52,245 --> 00:31:55,290 I just think every home should have a Christmas tree, that's all. 596 00:32:00,337 --> 00:32:03,131 Well, you won't see many Christmases at home... 597 00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:05,425 once you get your commission. 598 00:32:05,509 --> 00:32:06,551 Sorry? 599 00:32:07,719 --> 00:32:09,429 Once you're an officer. 600 00:32:09,888 --> 00:32:12,140 You won't get home very often. 601 00:32:12,516 --> 00:32:14,226 Well, all depends, sir. 602 00:32:14,309 --> 00:32:16,937 If I get in the LANCS Regiment, like I hope, then I'll be just up the road. 603 00:32:17,562 --> 00:32:18,689 The LANCS? 604 00:32:19,981 --> 00:32:23,276 Well, don't they refer to themselves as the... 605 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,445 Mmm. The Lions Of England, yeah. 606 00:32:25,529 --> 00:32:27,447 Or the Kingsmen, if you prefer. 607 00:32:33,286 --> 00:32:37,499 As someone who never really had a choice, 608 00:32:37,582 --> 00:32:42,254 I'm curious, why did you choose the army as a career? 609 00:32:42,337 --> 00:32:44,715 Mmm. Much like James, actually. 610 00:32:44,798 --> 00:32:46,425 My dad was a massive influence. 611 00:32:46,508 --> 00:32:48,051 He served? 612 00:32:48,135 --> 00:32:49,845 He served a lot, yeah. 613 00:32:49,928 --> 00:32:53,265 Ice... Icy conditions were his speciality. 614 00:32:53,348 --> 00:32:56,810 But... very secretive. We're not really allowed to talk about it. 615 00:32:57,936 --> 00:33:00,480 That sounds like the Mountain Troop. 616 00:33:01,481 --> 00:33:04,985 Yes, that's the one, but you didn't hear it from me. 617 00:33:05,068 --> 00:33:06,611 Ninety-Nine Regiment. 618 00:33:06,695 --> 00:33:09,781 SAS arctic survival experts. 619 00:33:11,408 --> 00:33:15,620 Yes, I've seen what those boys can do in the mountains of Afghanistan. 620 00:33:16,788 --> 00:33:19,916 Your father must be an impressive physical specimen. 621 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:24,463 Oh, yes, sir. He really keeps himself in shape. 622 00:33:26,757 --> 00:33:27,758 [laughter] 623 00:33:27,841 --> 00:33:29,509 That hit the spot, eh? 624 00:33:29,593 --> 00:33:31,511 -What was I saying? -Turkey Trot. 625 00:33:31,595 --> 00:33:34,389 Oh, yeah. So, it was this half marathon, right? 626 00:33:34,473 --> 00:33:37,726 And they do it every Saturday before Crimbo, 627 00:33:37,809 --> 00:33:40,020 and they call it the Turkey Trot. 628 00:33:40,103 --> 00:33:41,688 Because every finisher gets a turkey. 629 00:33:41,772 --> 00:33:44,316 -The race starts at 9:00 am, right? -Yeah. 630 00:33:44,399 --> 00:33:48,320 He comes home at 2:30, and he's carrying... 631 00:33:48,445 --> 00:33:50,238 A frozen bloody chicken! 632 00:33:51,239 --> 00:33:54,785 It had taken him that long to get round, they'd run out of turkeys! 633 00:33:54,868 --> 00:33:56,620 Chicken for Christmas dinner? 634 00:33:56,703 --> 00:33:58,163 -I'll never live it down! -That's for you. 635 00:33:58,246 --> 00:33:59,539 -Thank you. -Right! 636 00:33:59,623 --> 00:34:02,125 -Let's see who's got the golden ticket. -Oh, yeah, Gilet. 637 00:34:02,209 --> 00:34:05,253 You find the ten-pence piece, and you're chore-free, eh? 638 00:34:05,337 --> 00:34:06,963 In my day, it was a sixpence. 639 00:34:15,555 --> 00:34:18,224 -I think it's stuck. -I think someone's found the 10p. 640 00:34:18,307 --> 00:34:21,019 Man! I hate doing the dishes! 641 00:34:21,102 --> 00:34:23,771 -He doesn't even live here. Rematch! -Is he alright? 642 00:34:23,855 --> 00:34:26,024 -He's choking. -Bloody no! That's real! 643 00:34:26,106 --> 00:34:27,943 You alright, mate? 644 00:34:28,026 --> 00:34:30,362 You know, a sixpence was much smaller. 645 00:34:30,445 --> 00:34:33,155 -Is he going to die? -It would've slipped right through. 646 00:34:33,240 --> 00:34:35,826 -Stay there. Turn round. -No, boys! No, don't film! 647 00:34:35,909 --> 00:34:37,911 -Put your cameras away. -Stay with me! 648 00:34:37,994 --> 00:34:40,121 Geoff! What are you doing? 649 00:34:40,204 --> 00:34:41,623 I'm doing the Heimlich manoeuvre! 650 00:34:41,706 --> 00:34:43,458 And how many first-aid courses have you done at work? 651 00:34:43,541 --> 00:34:45,085 Out of the way, out of the way, out of the way. Turn! 652 00:34:52,843 --> 00:34:53,844 [Dec] Dramatic! 653 00:34:53,927 --> 00:34:56,221 No washing up for me this year. 654 00:34:56,304 --> 00:34:57,722 You alright? 655 00:34:57,806 --> 00:35:00,517 -Are you alright? -How about that for drama, eh? 656 00:35:03,770 --> 00:35:07,482 [vocalists] ♪ Merry Christmas ♪ 657 00:35:07,566 --> 00:35:10,944 ♪ Merry Christmas ♪ 658 00:35:11,027 --> 00:35:16,199 ♪ It's the time of the year When all good dreams come true ♪ 659 00:35:16,950 --> 00:35:20,495 ♪ I look at all the toys Under the Christmas tree ♪ 660 00:35:20,579 --> 00:35:24,457 ♪ It makes me think about The way that things could be ♪ 661 00:35:24,541 --> 00:35:29,921 ♪ If people all over the world Could just see them too ♪ 662 00:35:32,132 --> 00:35:35,427 ♪ Merry Christmas ♪ 663 00:35:36,136 --> 00:35:39,264 ♪ Merry Christmas ♪ 664 00:35:39,347 --> 00:35:45,186 ♪ It's the time of the year When all good dreams come true ♪ 665 00:35:45,270 --> 00:35:48,982 ♪ I look at all the toys Under the Christmas tree ♪ 666 00:35:49,065 --> 00:35:52,736 ♪ Makes me think about The way that things could be ♪ 667 00:35:52,819 --> 00:35:57,324 ♪ If people all over the world Could just see them too ♪ 668 00:35:57,407 --> 00:35:58,533 Ohh! 669 00:35:58,617 --> 00:36:00,035 Hey, Peanut! 670 00:36:00,118 --> 00:36:02,203 Have you come to keep me company? 671 00:36:04,539 --> 00:36:06,374 Ohh. 672 00:36:06,458 --> 00:36:10,211 What is this? Is this for you? 673 00:36:12,339 --> 00:36:14,174 What is this? 674 00:36:15,425 --> 00:36:18,720 [laughs] 675 00:36:18,803 --> 00:36:20,764 James Hughes! 676 00:36:22,223 --> 00:36:26,645 For someone who blushes a lot, your master is a saucy devil. 677 00:36:26,728 --> 00:36:28,939 [Peanut barks, Hayley screams] 678 00:36:29,022 --> 00:36:31,358 Peanut! Bad dog. Peanut! 679 00:36:31,441 --> 00:36:32,609 Peanut! 680 00:36:32,692 --> 00:36:33,985 Peanut, Peanut! 681 00:36:34,069 --> 00:36:36,780 Peanut! You little dog pervert! 682 00:36:38,823 --> 00:36:41,701 Peanut! Peanut! Give it to me here! 683 00:36:41,785 --> 00:36:43,453 Drop, Peanut! 684 00:36:43,536 --> 00:36:45,664 Give it to me! Give me that! 685 00:36:45,747 --> 00:36:48,500 Please, please, please, just... Peanut! 686 00:36:48,583 --> 00:36:50,085 What are you doing down here? 687 00:36:50,168 --> 00:36:52,462 -Sorry, your dog has something of mine. -Peanut! 688 00:36:52,545 --> 00:36:54,214 -Give! -I mean... 689 00:36:54,297 --> 00:36:55,924 it's not really mine. 690 00:36:56,007 --> 00:36:59,302 Technically, I suppose, it sort of is mine, but only because... 691 00:37:01,054 --> 00:37:02,055 It's mine. 692 00:37:03,932 --> 00:37:06,726 This area of the house is strictly off limits. 693 00:37:06,810 --> 00:37:08,311 Yeah, sorry. I know. 694 00:37:08,395 --> 00:37:10,730 Iris said, but I just lost my bearings. 695 00:37:13,775 --> 00:37:15,110 Miss Taylor... 696 00:37:15,694 --> 00:37:18,405 you may heart cuddles, 697 00:37:18,488 --> 00:37:20,115 but what I heart 698 00:37:20,198 --> 00:37:22,450 is people who can do as they are told! 699 00:37:22,534 --> 00:37:23,910 Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. 700 00:37:23,994 --> 00:37:27,288 Um, don't worry, I'll be out of your hair in the morning. 701 00:37:27,372 --> 00:37:28,665 I'm glad to hear it. 702 00:37:30,959 --> 00:37:32,335 Aren't you forgetting something? 703 00:37:43,304 --> 00:37:44,639 [low] Oh, my God. 704 00:37:47,350 --> 00:37:49,269 Once again, love, we're really sorry. 705 00:37:49,352 --> 00:37:50,729 Well, it's my own fault. 706 00:37:50,812 --> 00:37:52,230 [Geoff] It was, yeah. 707 00:37:52,313 --> 00:37:54,733 You should always check your food for currency. 708 00:37:55,817 --> 00:37:57,152 This is you. 709 00:37:58,194 --> 00:37:59,279 Thanks. 710 00:38:02,699 --> 00:38:06,286 Right, then. It's jacuzzi o'clock for us. 711 00:38:06,369 --> 00:38:08,288 We've just had one fitted, en suite. 712 00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:11,124 Kath here's mad for 'em. Hey! 713 00:38:11,207 --> 00:38:13,460 Gilet does not need to know about that. 714 00:38:13,543 --> 00:38:17,589 Erm, night-night, love, and Geoff will drop you at the station first thing. 715 00:38:17,672 --> 00:38:20,300 Well, it's Christmas Eve tomorrow. I was hoping for a... 716 00:38:22,093 --> 00:38:23,261 First thing. 717 00:38:23,344 --> 00:38:24,345 Thanks. 718 00:38:26,139 --> 00:38:27,182 Night. 719 00:38:29,476 --> 00:38:30,894 [doors close] 720 00:38:34,105 --> 00:38:35,523 [soft sigh] 721 00:38:39,277 --> 00:38:42,113 [distant dog barks, siren wails] 722 00:38:46,576 --> 00:38:49,704 Look at you, Hayley Taylor. 723 00:38:50,747 --> 00:38:52,332 Ah, you are... 724 00:39:01,758 --> 00:39:02,926 Magic? 725 00:39:05,178 --> 00:39:08,306 [Geoff] There's my little floozy in the jacuzzi! 726 00:39:08,932 --> 00:39:11,601 [Kath] Does Mr Whippy want some sprinkles and sauce? 727 00:39:11,684 --> 00:39:13,103 [James groans, Geoff and Kath laugh] 728 00:39:13,186 --> 00:39:15,230 -[James] No! -[Geoff] There we go! 729 00:39:21,319 --> 00:39:24,614 [vocalist] ♪ Softly they fall, where do they go? ♪ 730 00:39:24,697 --> 00:39:25,949 [vocalists] ♪ Purple snowflakes ♪ 731 00:39:26,032 --> 00:39:30,411 -♪ Cover the ground, without a sound ♪ -♪ Gentle snowflakes ♪ 732 00:39:30,495 --> 00:39:34,833 -♪ Fall from the sky, before your eyes ♪ -♪ It's so thrilling ♪ 733 00:39:34,916 --> 00:39:38,920 -♪ Blankets of white, brighten the night ♪ -♪ Such a feeling ♪ 734 00:39:39,629 --> 00:39:42,465 ♪ They seem to say ♪ 735 00:39:42,549 --> 00:39:46,511 ♪ That our love is here to stay ♪ 736 00:39:47,178 --> 00:39:49,472 ♪ We'll be cosy and warm ♪ 737 00:39:49,556 --> 00:39:53,768 ♪ Until summer flowers bloom ♪ 738 00:39:57,147 --> 00:39:58,565 Cab here? 739 00:39:58,648 --> 00:40:02,152 Uh, they're refusing to send any in the snow, so I'm just gonna walk. 740 00:40:02,902 --> 00:40:04,737 When you get back to Sandhurst, 741 00:40:04,821 --> 00:40:07,157 pass on my regards to Colonel Dowd. 742 00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:09,200 I trust he's still in charge of new intake? 743 00:40:09,284 --> 00:40:13,371 Oh, aye. Old Dowder's still there. The old ball-breaker. 744 00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:15,123 Except he isn't. 745 00:40:16,124 --> 00:40:17,542 And he never was. 746 00:40:18,084 --> 00:40:21,296 There is, however, a Colonel Crosby who informed me that my son 747 00:40:21,379 --> 00:40:24,132 discharged himself after only three days. 748 00:40:24,215 --> 00:40:26,759 He'd been led to believe it was with my blessing. 749 00:40:26,843 --> 00:40:29,262 And of course, he'd never heard of you, 750 00:40:29,345 --> 00:40:31,222 which I can't say is a surprise. 751 00:40:31,306 --> 00:40:33,766 Why? 'Cause people like me don't get to be army officers? 752 00:40:33,850 --> 00:40:36,144 Precisely. You're asthmatic. 753 00:40:37,228 --> 00:40:39,397 And quite clearly a performer. 754 00:40:40,607 --> 00:40:42,567 Much more suited to the drama course 755 00:40:42,650 --> 00:40:46,029 at the Guildhall School of Performing Arts. 756 00:40:46,696 --> 00:40:48,406 Unlike my son. 757 00:40:49,282 --> 00:40:52,493 I see, so you've been running more background checks? 758 00:40:52,577 --> 00:40:56,623 We've always ensured that this family has served its country, 759 00:40:56,706 --> 00:41:01,044 and I have a right to know if my son has abandoned his duty. 760 00:41:02,045 --> 00:41:06,216 So, perhaps you'd like to explain to me exactly what is going on. 761 00:41:09,344 --> 00:41:13,223 Maybe you should talk to James about that, not me. 762 00:41:13,306 --> 00:41:15,683 I just wanna go away and be with my family. 763 00:41:15,767 --> 00:41:16,809 This has been... 764 00:41:17,936 --> 00:41:19,979 really weird! 765 00:41:23,066 --> 00:41:24,817 Merry Christmas. 766 00:41:36,537 --> 00:41:37,664 Ohh. 767 00:41:58,101 --> 00:42:00,436 Kicked you out already, has he? 768 00:42:01,229 --> 00:42:03,147 No surprise there. 769 00:42:12,198 --> 00:42:15,410 [distant horn honks repeatedly] 770 00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:20,290 I've never really been one for emotional goodbyes, so, erm... 771 00:42:24,919 --> 00:42:26,671 -Thanks, Geoff. -Yeah. 772 00:42:26,754 --> 00:42:28,798 Sorry it couldn't have been a longer stay. 773 00:42:30,675 --> 00:42:32,218 Let's be honest, mate, 774 00:42:32,302 --> 00:42:35,388 if you stuck round any longer on Christmas Eve, it would've been weird. 775 00:42:35,471 --> 00:42:37,181 No one really wanted that. 776 00:42:37,265 --> 00:42:39,934 The 8:33 to Hull on platform three 777 00:42:40,018 --> 00:42:41,894 -has been cancelled. -Glad I'm not going to Hull. 778 00:42:41,978 --> 00:42:43,730 Aren't we all, lad? 779 00:42:44,605 --> 00:42:47,984 We apologise for the inconvenience this may cause you. 780 00:42:49,527 --> 00:42:52,113 -Bloody hell! -The train to London Euston 781 00:42:52,196 --> 00:42:53,823 has now been cancelled. 782 00:42:53,906 --> 00:42:56,534 We are sorry for the disruption to your service. 783 00:42:57,660 --> 00:43:02,874 The 8:59 from platform one calling at Reading, Swindon... 784 00:43:02,957 --> 00:43:04,500 Oh, you're kidding me! 785 00:43:05,918 --> 00:43:07,712 Your attention, please. 786 00:43:07,795 --> 00:43:10,340 Due to the adverse weather conditions 787 00:43:10,423 --> 00:43:13,426 all services from this station are now suspended. 788 00:43:13,509 --> 00:43:18,139 Please remain calm. I repeat, please remain calm. 789 00:43:20,058 --> 00:43:21,809 Looks like we're spending another night at my mother's. 790 00:43:21,893 --> 00:43:25,063 Ohh, shit! Shit! 791 00:43:25,646 --> 00:43:27,690 My sentiments exactly, dear. 792 00:43:29,359 --> 00:43:30,777 Come on! 793 00:43:35,531 --> 00:43:36,657 Hello? 794 00:43:36,741 --> 00:43:38,951 I've just had the worst night of my life. 795 00:43:39,035 --> 00:43:41,704 -Where are you? -I'm at the station. 796 00:43:41,788 --> 00:43:43,956 And I guess my dad knows about drama school then? 797 00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:47,794 Only after I spent all night pretending I was G.I. bloody Jane. 798 00:43:47,877 --> 00:43:51,130 -I tried to tell you. -Yeah. When exactly? 799 00:43:51,214 --> 00:43:54,926 I mean, you've had two months and you actually haven't told me anything. 800 00:43:55,009 --> 00:43:57,595 I'll be honest, right now, I feel like I don't even know you. 801 00:43:57,678 --> 00:44:00,473 -Okay, hang on. -I can't hang on! 802 00:44:00,556 --> 00:44:02,225 I'm on a real-life payphone. 803 00:44:02,308 --> 00:44:05,728 I had to ask the weird old station master to show me how it worked. 804 00:44:06,813 --> 00:44:07,897 Look, I really wanted to tell you, 805 00:44:07,980 --> 00:44:10,274 but I didn't know how you were gonna react, 806 00:44:10,358 --> 00:44:13,152 -and then it just felt like... -I thought we could trust each other. 807 00:44:14,112 --> 00:44:17,865 Well, yeah, you certainly trusted me to lie to your parents about us. 808 00:44:17,949 --> 00:44:20,118 Do not try and deflect this on to me. 809 00:44:20,201 --> 00:44:22,453 Come on, there's loads of things you haven't told me too. 810 00:44:22,537 --> 00:44:23,913 Like what? 811 00:44:23,996 --> 00:44:25,540 Like, you're a magician! 812 00:44:25,623 --> 00:44:27,458 You are an Earl. 813 00:44:27,542 --> 00:44:30,545 You went to Eton. You are going to inherit an estate! 814 00:44:30,628 --> 00:44:33,381 If you can't be honest with me, at least be honest with yourself. 815 00:44:33,464 --> 00:44:34,590 You hunt! 816 00:44:35,550 --> 00:44:37,051 What did you just call me? 817 00:44:38,886 --> 00:44:39,971 Hello? 818 00:44:42,682 --> 00:44:44,100 Hop in, Gilet! 819 00:45:02,994 --> 00:45:04,954 Any chance of a coffee? 820 00:45:05,913 --> 00:45:07,790 I think we can do better than that. 821 00:45:09,876 --> 00:45:11,961 There you are. That should warm you up. 822 00:45:12,044 --> 00:45:13,087 Thanks. 823 00:45:14,213 --> 00:45:16,174 I always have a glass of sherry with my nan 824 00:45:16,257 --> 00:45:18,509 on Christmas Eve when we have a pamper. 825 00:45:19,385 --> 00:45:21,179 -Cheers. -Cheers. 826 00:45:21,262 --> 00:45:23,014 Let's call it breakfast. 827 00:45:23,097 --> 00:45:24,307 [Hayley chuckles] 828 00:45:27,226 --> 00:45:29,353 Thanks for letting me back in. 829 00:45:29,437 --> 00:45:32,023 I didn't really know where else to go. 830 00:45:32,106 --> 00:45:34,692 I'm so glad it was you that answered the door. 831 00:45:34,775 --> 00:45:37,153 Oh... well, yes. 832 00:45:37,236 --> 00:45:40,031 I'd apologise for his behaviour if I could, 833 00:45:40,114 --> 00:45:43,993 but, unfortunately, that's not in my job description. 834 00:45:45,536 --> 00:45:49,040 It appears that over the last few years he's forgotten how to treat our guests. 835 00:45:50,374 --> 00:45:53,419 Still, not to worry. Today's one of the few days he goes out. 836 00:45:54,504 --> 00:45:56,631 And he won't be back till much later, 837 00:45:56,714 --> 00:46:00,384 so, perhaps by then your trains will be up and running again. 838 00:46:02,053 --> 00:46:03,429 Is that James' mum? 839 00:46:04,055 --> 00:46:05,306 Fiona, yes. 840 00:46:06,098 --> 00:46:08,100 She passed away, didn't she? 841 00:46:09,060 --> 00:46:10,478 Four years ago now. 842 00:46:11,062 --> 00:46:13,606 James never really wants to talk about it. 843 00:46:13,689 --> 00:46:16,567 [sucks teeth] Like father, like son. 844 00:46:18,319 --> 00:46:20,863 All you need to know is it wasn't always like this. 845 00:46:22,031 --> 00:46:25,576 No, there was a time when this house was full of fun and laughter. 846 00:46:26,285 --> 00:46:29,330 Especially at Christmas. They used to love Christmas. 847 00:46:30,164 --> 00:46:33,000 Oh, Fiona and Mr Hughes had great plans. 848 00:46:33,084 --> 00:46:36,462 They were going to host wedding parties, even a music festival. 849 00:46:36,546 --> 00:46:38,005 -No way! -Yeah. 850 00:46:38,089 --> 00:46:40,925 Gloucestonbury. It would have been quite a weekend. 851 00:46:41,008 --> 00:46:42,843 -[Hayley chuckles softly] -Oh, anyway. 852 00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:45,513 I better get going. 853 00:46:45,596 --> 00:46:47,640 My list won't 'to do' itself. 854 00:46:48,516 --> 00:46:51,269 So... stay as long as you like. 855 00:46:51,352 --> 00:46:52,979 -Make yourself at home. -Thanks. 856 00:46:53,062 --> 00:46:54,397 Just don't read my diaries. 857 00:46:55,147 --> 00:46:58,401 And if you do go out, make sure that dog stays inside. 858 00:46:58,901 --> 00:47:00,278 He's a runner. 859 00:47:00,361 --> 00:47:02,363 I can think of plenty of other words for him. 860 00:47:02,446 --> 00:47:04,574 Oh, Peanut's alright. 861 00:47:05,866 --> 00:47:10,121 Like a lot of people round here, his bark is far worse than his bite. 862 00:47:17,670 --> 00:47:23,676 [chorus] ♪ O, tidings of comfort and joy ♪ 863 00:47:24,093 --> 00:47:26,220 ♪ Comfort and joy ♪ 864 00:47:26,304 --> 00:47:32,310 ♪ O, tidings of comfort and joy ♪ 865 00:47:43,279 --> 00:47:44,905 [Geoff groans] 866 00:47:46,907 --> 00:47:47,992 [groans] 867 00:47:48,826 --> 00:47:51,912 Yeah, the boys will be delighted you're back, Gilet. 868 00:47:51,996 --> 00:47:54,123 They've taken a real shine to you. 869 00:47:54,206 --> 00:47:56,542 Get him! Get him, get him! Quick, get him in the face! 870 00:47:56,626 --> 00:47:57,877 Aah! Stop! 871 00:47:57,960 --> 00:47:59,337 Dec! 872 00:47:59,420 --> 00:48:02,048 -Not in the face! Ow! -Yes! 873 00:48:02,131 --> 00:48:04,634 The cold weather sweeping in from Siberia... 874 00:48:04,717 --> 00:48:06,719 There weren't any rocks in the ones they threw at me. 875 00:48:06,802 --> 00:48:08,596 -I'm sure it was an accident. -Yeah. 876 00:48:08,679 --> 00:48:10,473 -Put some ice on it, love. -Yeah. 877 00:48:10,556 --> 00:48:12,183 -Okay. -You'll survive, lad. 878 00:48:12,266 --> 00:48:13,351 I know. 879 00:48:13,434 --> 00:48:16,020 -Them kids, eh? -Right, what we gonna do? 880 00:48:16,103 --> 00:48:18,064 Sneak out the back door and ambush them from the rear? 881 00:48:18,147 --> 00:48:20,316 About Hayley being stuck in the hell hole. 882 00:48:20,399 --> 00:48:23,277 Oh, the trains'll be up and running soon enough. 883 00:48:23,361 --> 00:48:24,362 Well... 884 00:48:24,445 --> 00:48:26,155 She wouldn't want us to cancel our Christmas Eve 885 00:48:26,238 --> 00:48:27,698 just 'cause her train's delayed. 886 00:48:27,782 --> 00:48:30,117 We owe it to her to crack on with tradition. 887 00:48:30,201 --> 00:48:32,370 -Boys to the pub! -Girls have a pamper! 888 00:48:32,453 --> 00:48:34,455 Exactly! It's what Hayley would have wanted. 889 00:48:34,538 --> 00:48:36,040 Right, we're off to The Tuns. 890 00:48:36,123 --> 00:48:38,334 We'll set up the home spa! 891 00:48:39,502 --> 00:48:41,170 Get slicing those cucumbers, Gladys. 892 00:48:41,253 --> 00:48:43,297 Do it yourself. I'm watching the news. 893 00:48:43,381 --> 00:48:46,425 It's not going to be the same without Hayley. We need it to be the four of us. 894 00:48:46,509 --> 00:48:48,135 Oh, Gilet can take her place! 895 00:48:48,219 --> 00:48:50,513 Why don't you stay with us and have a pamper with the girls? 896 00:48:50,596 --> 00:48:52,306 I'm sorry, what's happening now? 897 00:48:52,390 --> 00:48:54,350 Yeah, you could fill us in on what she's been up to! 898 00:48:54,433 --> 00:48:56,477 No, he's coming to the pub with me and Granddad! 899 00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:58,104 I do not think that The Tuns 900 00:48:58,187 --> 00:49:00,815 is the sort of place that Gilet would like to go to, Geoff. 901 00:49:00,898 --> 00:49:04,193 The pub'll be no fun for you. It's all Guinness and football, 902 00:49:04,276 --> 00:49:06,153 and 'Fairytale of New York'. 903 00:49:06,237 --> 00:49:08,155 I mean, that doesn't sound not fun. 904 00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:10,449 I do enjoy a drop of Guinness now and again. 905 00:49:10,533 --> 00:49:12,410 Looks like you haven't got a choice, pal. 906 00:49:12,493 --> 00:49:14,620 Anthony, we're leaving a good man behind, 907 00:49:14,704 --> 00:49:17,164 but desperate times call for desperate measures. 908 00:49:17,248 --> 00:49:19,709 -Onwards, Christian soldier! -♪ Onwards, Christian soldier... ♪ 909 00:49:19,792 --> 00:49:21,210 Hey, don't wait up! 910 00:49:21,293 --> 00:49:24,171 Now Christmas has started! 911 00:49:24,255 --> 00:49:25,631 Come on! 912 00:49:25,715 --> 00:49:28,342 [laughter] 913 00:51:30,464 --> 00:51:33,717 [peppy musical intro plays] 914 00:51:40,975 --> 00:51:42,393 [vocalist] ♪ Oh, yeah! ♪ 915 00:51:42,476 --> 00:51:44,395 ♪ Candles burnin' low ♪ 916 00:51:45,187 --> 00:51:47,481 ♪ Lots of mistletoe ♪ 917 00:51:48,274 --> 00:51:50,192 ♪ Lots of snow and ice ♪ 918 00:51:50,985 --> 00:51:53,696 ♪ Everywhere we go ♪ 919 00:51:53,779 --> 00:51:56,240 ♪ Choirs singin' carols ♪ 920 00:51:57,157 --> 00:51:59,451 ♪ Right outside my door ♪ 921 00:51:59,535 --> 00:52:01,579 ♪ All these things and more ♪ 922 00:52:02,705 --> 00:52:04,790 ♪ All these things and more ♪ 923 00:52:04,874 --> 00:52:07,918 ♪ That's what Christmas Means to me, my love ♪ 924 00:52:08,002 --> 00:52:09,003 ♪ What Christmas means to me, my love ♪ 925 00:52:09,086 --> 00:52:12,047 ♪ Ah, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah! ♪ 926 00:52:13,549 --> 00:52:15,217 ♪ You know what I mean ♪ 927 00:52:16,510 --> 00:52:19,054 ♪ I see your smilin' face ♪ 928 00:52:19,722 --> 00:52:22,266 ♪ Like I've never seen before ♪ 929 00:52:23,142 --> 00:52:25,936 ♪ Even though I love ya madly ♪ 930 00:52:26,020 --> 00:52:28,439 ♪ It seems I love you more ♪ 931 00:52:28,522 --> 00:52:30,900 ♪ The little cards you'll give me ♪ 932 00:52:31,859 --> 00:52:34,653 ♪ Touch my heart for sure ♪ 933 00:52:34,737 --> 00:52:38,949 -♪ All these things and more, darling ♪ -♪ All these things and more ♪ 934 00:52:39,033 --> 00:52:42,953 ♪ Whoa, that's what Christmas means to me, my love ♪ 935 00:52:43,037 --> 00:52:45,581 ♪ That's what Christmas Means to me, my love ♪ 936 00:52:45,664 --> 00:52:46,665 ♪ Oh, yeah! ♪ 937 00:52:46,749 --> 00:52:49,668 -♪ I feel like running wild ♪ -♪ Running wild! ♪ 938 00:52:49,752 --> 00:52:52,004 ♪ As anxious as a little child ♪ 939 00:52:52,087 --> 00:52:55,007 ♪ Greet you 'neath the mistletoe ♪ 940 00:52:55,090 --> 00:52:57,676 ♪ Kiss you once and then some more ♪ 941 00:52:57,760 --> 00:53:00,512 ♪ And wish you a Merry Christmas, baby ♪ 942 00:53:00,596 --> 00:53:03,390 -♪ Wish you a Merry Christmas, baby ♪ -♪ Whoa! ♪ 943 00:53:03,474 --> 00:53:06,727 ♪ And such happiness in the coming year ♪ 944 00:53:06,810 --> 00:53:09,229 -♪ Happiness in the coming year ♪ -♪ Oh, baby ♪ 945 00:53:09,313 --> 00:53:11,649 ♪ Let's deck the halls with holly... ♪ 946 00:53:11,732 --> 00:53:16,111 Now that is what I call a fuss! 947 00:53:22,159 --> 00:53:24,912 [Peanut barking] 948 00:53:33,587 --> 00:53:34,797 [soft groan] 949 00:53:38,175 --> 00:53:39,635 Peanut! 950 00:53:40,636 --> 00:53:42,262 [shouting] Peanut! 951 00:53:43,180 --> 00:53:45,724 [low] Oh, my God! 952 00:53:48,352 --> 00:53:50,771 [sighs] 953 00:53:50,854 --> 00:53:52,064 Okay... 954 00:54:05,703 --> 00:54:08,747 Please don't be lost! Please don't be lost! Please don't be lost! 955 00:54:08,831 --> 00:54:10,040 Please don't be lost! 956 00:54:10,124 --> 00:54:11,542 [Peanut barks] 957 00:54:11,625 --> 00:54:13,627 Wait, Peanut, wait! Wait. 958 00:54:13,711 --> 00:54:15,337 Wait! 959 00:54:16,296 --> 00:54:18,007 Wait! Good boy. 960 00:54:18,090 --> 00:54:20,092 Good boy. Good boy. 961 00:54:20,175 --> 00:54:22,052 Just wait there, yes. Yes. 962 00:54:22,136 --> 00:54:24,930 Wait there. Okay. Good boy. 963 00:54:25,014 --> 00:54:27,850 Good boy. Good boy. 964 00:54:28,434 --> 00:54:30,894 Wait there. Don't move. 965 00:54:30,978 --> 00:54:33,188 Good boy. Great! 966 00:54:33,272 --> 00:54:35,107 [low] Oh, gosh. 967 00:54:35,190 --> 00:54:37,359 [audibly strains] 968 00:54:37,443 --> 00:54:38,861 Ohh. 969 00:54:40,112 --> 00:54:42,781 Okay. Yes! That's it. 970 00:54:43,907 --> 00:54:45,200 Wait there, Peanut. 971 00:54:45,284 --> 00:54:46,702 Wait there. 972 00:54:51,248 --> 00:54:52,416 Yes! 973 00:54:52,499 --> 00:54:55,169 You forgot my dad was in the Mountain Troop, didn't you, Peanut? 974 00:54:55,252 --> 00:54:57,046 [shotgun cocks] 975 00:54:57,129 --> 00:54:58,255 Got you. 976 00:54:59,757 --> 00:55:01,800 Please! I'm just getting the dog. 977 00:55:01,884 --> 00:55:04,011 You expect me to believe that? 978 00:55:04,094 --> 00:55:07,890 You are scrumping. Scrumping for my apples. 979 00:55:09,641 --> 00:55:13,020 Who sent you? Magners? Bulmers? 980 00:55:13,562 --> 00:55:15,439 You city folk will never 981 00:55:15,522 --> 00:55:18,358 be able to make cider like us, and do you know why? 982 00:55:19,359 --> 00:55:20,694 -Pomace. -Pomace? 983 00:55:20,778 --> 00:55:23,072 Well, don't worry. I'm not here for your pomace. 984 00:55:23,155 --> 00:55:26,158 -It's good pomace. -No, I bet it is, whatever it is, 985 00:55:26,241 --> 00:55:27,951 but I'm not here for your cider. 986 00:55:28,035 --> 00:55:31,622 I'm just here to make sure this stupid dog doesn't get killed by your electric fence. 987 00:55:31,705 --> 00:55:33,207 Pull the other one! 988 00:55:33,290 --> 00:55:36,251 Everyone round here knows this fence isn't turned on. 989 00:55:36,335 --> 00:55:37,461 See? 990 00:55:37,544 --> 00:55:38,545 [shotgun blast] 991 00:55:38,629 --> 00:55:40,005 [thud] 992 00:55:40,089 --> 00:55:41,090 [whispers] Oh, my... 993 00:55:41,173 --> 00:55:42,508 Oh, my God! 994 00:55:46,678 --> 00:55:49,890 [whispers] Oh, my God! 995 00:55:49,973 --> 00:55:51,433 [soft groan] 996 00:55:51,517 --> 00:55:53,477 [laughter] 997 00:55:54,520 --> 00:55:56,730 That's enough from us though, Gilet. 998 00:55:56,814 --> 00:55:58,690 It's time for you to start dishing the dirt. 999 00:55:58,774 --> 00:56:00,776 Oh, yeah. Come on, tell us how our girl's getting on. 1000 00:56:01,777 --> 00:56:03,737 Well, okay. Well... 1001 00:56:03,821 --> 00:56:06,532 She's... I mean... I mean, she's great. 1002 00:56:06,615 --> 00:56:08,784 She works hard, she plays hard. 1003 00:56:08,867 --> 00:56:10,911 -Mm-hmm. -She's... 1004 00:56:10,994 --> 00:56:14,331 She's actually been spending a lot of time with this guy on her course. 1005 00:56:14,414 --> 00:56:16,375 -They seem to be getting on very well. -Oh? 1006 00:56:16,458 --> 00:56:18,919 Mm. Yeah, can't seem to get enough of each other. 1007 00:56:19,002 --> 00:56:22,631 They always make each other laugh. It seems great. 1008 00:56:23,632 --> 00:56:25,342 From the outside. 1009 00:56:26,135 --> 00:56:28,428 Well, well, well! Hayley Taylor, juggling her men! 1010 00:56:28,512 --> 00:56:30,806 I knew I'd be a positive influence on my girl. 1011 00:56:30,889 --> 00:56:33,851 -Juggling? -No. No, she would not do that to Steve. 1012 00:56:33,934 --> 00:56:35,060 Who's Steve? 1013 00:56:35,144 --> 00:56:39,523 ♪ We three kings of Orient are! One in a taxi, one in a bra! ♪ 1014 00:56:39,606 --> 00:56:43,318 ♪ One on a scooter, pipping his hooter ♪ 1015 00:56:43,402 --> 00:56:46,613 ♪ Smoking a big cigar! ♪ 1016 00:56:46,697 --> 00:56:49,283 -♪ Whoa! ♪ -[Nan groans] Right. 1017 00:56:49,366 --> 00:56:52,911 [joyous shouts] 1018 00:56:52,995 --> 00:56:55,289 ♪ United are effing shite! ♪ 1019 00:56:56,582 --> 00:56:58,083 Long time no see! 1020 00:56:58,167 --> 00:56:59,918 Long time no Steve! 1021 00:57:00,002 --> 00:57:01,253 Boys, look who's here! 1022 00:57:01,336 --> 00:57:02,921 Steve! 1023 00:57:03,005 --> 00:57:04,548 [joyous shouting] 1024 00:57:04,631 --> 00:57:05,716 Hey, hey, hey! 1025 00:57:05,799 --> 00:57:07,676 That's Lance Corporal Steve to you. 1026 00:57:09,011 --> 00:57:10,012 [Kath chuckles] 1027 00:57:10,095 --> 00:57:11,346 [playful shout] 1028 00:57:11,430 --> 00:57:14,683 When did you get back? I've sent all your presents to the barracks! 1029 00:57:14,766 --> 00:57:16,101 Aw, you shouldn't have. 1030 00:57:16,185 --> 00:57:18,478 Listen, I managed to wrangle a few days' leave last minute. 1031 00:57:18,562 --> 00:57:23,025 The Lions Of England are without their chief Kingsman till New Year's! 1032 00:57:23,108 --> 00:57:24,860 [joyous shouts] 1033 00:57:24,943 --> 00:57:27,237 We bumped into him on the way home, 1034 00:57:27,321 --> 00:57:29,948 just in time for Christmas Eve games! 1035 00:57:30,032 --> 00:57:31,617 Christmas Steve games! 1036 00:57:31,700 --> 00:57:34,578 Now when H gets back, Steve will be waiting for her! 1037 00:57:34,661 --> 00:57:36,872 -I mean, it's perfect. -Perfect. 1038 00:57:36,955 --> 00:57:38,749 Wait, who is... who is Steve? 1039 00:57:39,917 --> 00:57:41,877 You? Who are you? 1040 00:57:41,960 --> 00:57:45,631 You must be the mysterious visitor I've heard so much about. Puffer Jacket? 1041 00:57:45,797 --> 00:57:47,299 Yeah. It's Gilet. 1042 00:57:47,382 --> 00:57:49,426 Here you go, Steve-O. Stick that one on. 1043 00:57:50,219 --> 00:57:53,764 I'm not too sure this'll fit anymore. [clicks tongue] Been hitting the gym. 1044 00:57:53,847 --> 00:57:55,349 Fiancé? 1045 00:57:55,432 --> 00:57:57,059 Surely Hayley told you about Steve? 1046 00:57:57,142 --> 00:57:58,310 No. 1047 00:57:59,144 --> 00:58:00,938 No, she-she didn't. 1048 00:58:01,021 --> 00:58:02,356 Funnily enough. 1049 00:58:02,439 --> 00:58:04,316 Yeah, that is funny. 1050 00:58:06,109 --> 00:58:08,028 Yeah, yeah, erm... 1051 00:58:08,737 --> 00:58:09,821 Very funny. 1052 00:58:11,365 --> 00:58:12,908 You alright, Gilet? 1053 00:58:12,991 --> 00:58:14,701 You look like you've swallowed another coin. 1054 00:58:17,246 --> 00:58:18,830 Are you sure you're engaged? 1055 00:58:22,209 --> 00:58:24,378 Just a bit, mate. [chuckles] 1056 00:58:26,129 --> 00:58:29,508 Well, um... congratulations. 1057 00:58:29,591 --> 00:58:31,426 Yeah, you're right, Geoff. 1058 00:58:31,510 --> 00:58:32,594 He is a bit weird. 1059 00:58:32,678 --> 00:58:34,096 You're telling me! 1060 00:58:35,055 --> 00:58:37,266 -I've got to... I've got to go. -What, get ready for games night? 1061 00:58:37,349 --> 00:58:38,517 No... 1062 00:58:39,309 --> 00:58:41,061 -I've just really gotta go. -What? 1063 00:58:41,144 --> 00:58:44,648 Well, you can't go now. I've just sorted the teams! 1064 00:58:44,731 --> 00:58:47,317 You're with me and the olds. Steve, you're with this lot. 1065 00:58:49,486 --> 00:58:52,364 -Let the battle commence! -Hey-hey-hey! 1066 00:58:52,447 --> 00:58:55,033 I hate games night. 1067 00:58:58,704 --> 00:59:00,664 [door opens] 1068 00:59:02,749 --> 00:59:04,501 Mr Hughes! You're back. 1069 00:59:05,919 --> 00:59:06,920 Wait. 1070 00:59:07,004 --> 00:59:08,839 What are you doing in there? 1071 00:59:09,423 --> 00:59:11,967 That room is strictly out of bounds! 1072 00:59:13,260 --> 00:59:15,929 Oh, Mr Hughes, erm, wait a minute. Sorry, I just need to tell... 1073 00:59:25,230 --> 00:59:26,732 Did you do this? 1074 00:59:26,815 --> 00:59:27,816 Mmm. 1075 00:59:31,236 --> 00:59:32,779 Why did you do this? 1076 00:59:33,280 --> 00:59:34,781 I just thought I'd surprise you. 1077 00:59:34,865 --> 00:59:37,617 Like I said, every home should have a tree at Christmas. 1078 00:59:39,953 --> 00:59:41,371 Where's Peanut? 1079 00:59:41,455 --> 00:59:44,875 Okay, so that was something I wanted to talk to you about. 1080 00:59:47,502 --> 00:59:49,129 What are you doing down here? 1081 00:59:49,963 --> 00:59:51,798 Right, well... 1082 00:59:54,051 --> 00:59:56,178 Why have you put a hat on my dog? 1083 00:59:56,261 --> 00:59:58,472 -Come here, boy. -Mr Hughes, let me explain. 1084 00:59:58,555 --> 01:00:00,349 What the bloody hell? 1085 01:00:00,432 --> 01:00:01,975 It's just a scratch. 1086 01:00:02,059 --> 01:00:04,519 -Let's have a look at it. -Shotgun went off. 1087 01:00:04,603 --> 01:00:06,271 I was on his land, and it's my fault. 1088 01:00:06,355 --> 01:00:08,440 I don't want to hear it! Now just get out of my sight, both of you! 1089 01:00:08,523 --> 01:00:10,359 Alright, boy. 1090 01:00:11,026 --> 01:00:13,653 Let's get this silly bandage off, shall we? 1091 01:00:13,737 --> 01:00:16,448 -Mr Hughes... -How dare you put my dog in danger! 1092 01:00:16,531 --> 01:00:18,575 He's in shock, but he's alright. 1093 01:00:18,658 --> 01:00:20,285 I think you just need to chill out a bit. 1094 01:00:20,369 --> 01:00:22,037 Don't tell me to chill out! 1095 01:00:22,120 --> 01:00:25,791 You have no right to come into my house and start interfering! 1096 01:00:26,625 --> 01:00:29,753 Rearranging and touching her things! 1097 01:00:29,836 --> 01:00:31,838 Oh, Mr Hughes, I'm so sorry. I didn't think. 1098 01:00:31,922 --> 01:00:34,466 Well, you should have. Now just leave us alone! 1099 01:00:39,137 --> 01:00:40,472 [low] Sorry, lad. 1100 01:00:57,239 --> 01:00:58,240 [sighs] Okay. 1101 01:01:10,210 --> 01:01:11,878 Me and Hayley first hit it off behind a... 1102 01:01:11,962 --> 01:01:13,755 -Burger King! -Come on! 1103 01:01:13,839 --> 01:01:16,800 First holiday I came on with you guys. The best ever. 1104 01:01:16,883 --> 01:01:19,511 Devon. No, uh, Greece. Wait! Spain! 1105 01:01:19,594 --> 01:01:21,096 ¡Si, Senorita! 1106 01:01:21,179 --> 01:01:22,639 [celebratory shouts] 1107 01:01:22,722 --> 01:01:24,808 -How good was that holiday? -Come on, come on! 1108 01:01:24,891 --> 01:01:26,393 Next one, next one, next one, next one! 1109 01:01:26,476 --> 01:01:28,186 I smashed my PB at this last year. 1110 01:01:28,270 --> 01:01:29,271 -Iron Man! -Yes! 1111 01:01:29,354 --> 01:01:32,232 [celebratory shouts] 1112 01:01:32,315 --> 01:01:33,817 Go on! 1113 01:01:33,900 --> 01:01:35,527 Of course, he's done an Iron Man. 1114 01:01:36,111 --> 01:01:38,572 What you ever done, eh, Puffer Jacket? 1115 01:01:38,655 --> 01:01:39,990 A feather man? 1116 01:01:40,073 --> 01:01:41,283 [laughter] 1117 01:01:41,366 --> 01:01:42,742 A sponge boy? 1118 01:01:42,826 --> 01:01:44,494 [laughter] 1119 01:01:44,578 --> 01:01:46,955 I'm only messing with you, lad. 1120 01:01:47,038 --> 01:01:48,540 Listen, you're up. 1121 01:01:48,623 --> 01:01:50,709 You're gonna be with... 1122 01:01:53,170 --> 01:01:54,171 Nan. 1123 01:01:54,254 --> 01:01:55,255 Right! 1124 01:01:55,380 --> 01:01:57,632 -Okay. -Come on, Mum, here we go! 1125 01:02:01,178 --> 01:02:02,387 Go! 1126 01:02:02,471 --> 01:02:04,598 Swedish band. Eurovision. 1127 01:02:09,227 --> 01:02:10,228 Nan? 1128 01:02:11,938 --> 01:02:13,023 Coldplay? 1129 01:02:14,983 --> 01:02:17,110 'Waterloo'? 'Dancing Queen'? 1130 01:02:18,111 --> 01:02:19,571 I've said Coldplay! 1131 01:02:20,780 --> 01:02:21,781 'Mamma Mia'. 1132 01:02:23,450 --> 01:02:24,659 Come on, think about it! 1133 01:02:25,243 --> 01:02:26,495 Time! 1134 01:02:26,578 --> 01:02:27,829 -Unbelievable. -Yes! 1135 01:02:27,913 --> 01:02:30,165 I bloody hate Coldplay. 1136 01:02:31,917 --> 01:02:35,670 And that's another big fat zero for Puffer Jacket. 1137 01:02:35,754 --> 01:02:37,797 Call me Puffer Jacket one more time! 1138 01:02:37,881 --> 01:02:41,009 -Ohh! -Gilet, it's only Christmas games. 1139 01:02:41,092 --> 01:02:43,929 -This has been going on all night. -What are you gonna do about it? 1140 01:02:45,597 --> 01:02:46,848 Puffer Jacket! 1141 01:02:48,141 --> 01:02:50,560 I don't know, Steve. 1142 01:02:52,354 --> 01:02:53,939 Maybe we should take it outside? 1143 01:02:54,022 --> 01:02:55,815 -Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! -Boys, boys! 1144 01:02:55,899 --> 01:02:58,360 Boys, boys! There's not going to be a fight. 1145 01:02:58,443 --> 01:03:00,529 -Batter him, Steve! -Mum! 1146 01:03:00,612 --> 01:03:03,281 Gilet, that's the cider talking, right? 1147 01:03:03,365 --> 01:03:06,535 -No offence but Steve here... -In the army, yes, I gathered. 1148 01:03:07,869 --> 01:03:13,166 Well, I've got level two stage combat, so bring it on. 1149 01:03:16,294 --> 01:03:17,754 That's the landline. 1150 01:03:18,505 --> 01:03:20,799 Nobody ever rings the landline. 1151 01:03:24,094 --> 01:03:25,845 -Hello? -Hey, Mum. 1152 01:03:25,929 --> 01:03:27,430 Oh, it's Hayley! 1153 01:03:28,598 --> 01:03:30,433 Hayley, love, where are you? 1154 01:03:30,517 --> 01:03:33,770 -Don't worry, Mum. I'm on my way home. -Oh, thank God for that! 1155 01:03:33,853 --> 01:03:35,313 Are you... 1156 01:03:35,397 --> 01:03:36,898 Are you playing games? 1157 01:03:36,982 --> 01:03:39,985 You know us, love. Christmas Eve games. 1158 01:03:40,068 --> 01:03:42,571 I'm so sorry I'm not home yet, Mum. 1159 01:03:42,654 --> 01:03:44,823 -It's not your fault, love. -No, it is. 1160 01:03:44,906 --> 01:03:46,575 I thought I was... 1161 01:03:47,617 --> 01:03:49,369 I don't know what I thought. 1162 01:03:49,452 --> 01:03:51,413 But believe me, Mum, there is nowhere else in the world 1163 01:03:51,496 --> 01:03:53,790 that I would rather be than at home with you. 1164 01:03:53,873 --> 01:03:55,542 I know, love, I know. 1165 01:03:55,625 --> 01:03:59,337 And there is somebody else here who can't wait to see you! 1166 01:03:59,421 --> 01:04:01,047 I'll pass you on to him! 1167 01:04:01,673 --> 01:04:02,757 James? 1168 01:04:02,841 --> 01:04:04,634 Guess again! 1169 01:04:04,718 --> 01:04:07,387 Steve?! What the hell are you doing there? 1170 01:04:07,470 --> 01:04:09,014 I can't wait to see you too, darling. 1171 01:04:09,097 --> 01:04:11,182 We're through. We're through. I told you months ago. 1172 01:04:11,266 --> 01:04:13,101 Yeah, well, your family don't know that, do they? 1173 01:04:13,184 --> 01:04:14,561 How much she's missing you. 1174 01:04:14,644 --> 01:04:16,980 -[all] Aww. -I was waiting to tell them. 1175 01:04:17,063 --> 01:04:18,231 Anyway, that is none of your business. 1176 01:04:18,315 --> 01:04:19,274 You're not supposed to be there at all, 1177 01:04:19,357 --> 01:04:20,692 you massive weirdo! 1178 01:04:20,775 --> 01:04:21,943 Yeah. Yeah. 1179 01:04:22,027 --> 01:04:24,487 Oh, God! Is James still there? 1180 01:04:24,571 --> 01:04:27,073 -Let me talk to her. -I've met James. Yeah. 1181 01:04:27,157 --> 01:04:28,825 -Lovely fella. -Let me speak to her. 1182 01:04:28,908 --> 01:04:31,828 Steve, get out of there now, you freak. You've got no right! 1183 01:04:31,911 --> 01:04:34,414 -This isn't fair. Steve-- -She had to go. 1184 01:04:35,165 --> 01:04:37,250 -I want to talk to her. -You can't. 1185 01:04:37,334 --> 01:04:39,252 -Yes, I can. -No, you can't. 1186 01:04:39,336 --> 01:04:40,587 Yes, I can! 1187 01:04:40,670 --> 01:04:42,964 I'm telling you, you can't! 1188 01:04:43,048 --> 01:04:44,674 -Geoff! -Hey! 1189 01:04:44,758 --> 01:04:47,677 -She's my girlfriend! -No, she's mine! 1190 01:04:47,761 --> 01:04:50,096 -Not... now! -Gilet! 1191 01:04:54,893 --> 01:04:56,895 At least, I thought she was mine. 1192 01:04:58,480 --> 01:05:00,649 -What? -Why else do you think I'm here? 1193 01:05:00,732 --> 01:05:02,817 I didn't miss my train. 1194 01:05:03,818 --> 01:05:06,571 I came to spend Christmas with the girl I love. 1195 01:05:06,655 --> 01:05:08,865 -Hang on, you said you were... -I'm not gay! 1196 01:05:10,784 --> 01:05:12,577 I'm just a really good actor. 1197 01:05:12,661 --> 01:05:14,496 What about Ronaldo? 1198 01:05:14,579 --> 01:05:17,582 Next thing he'll be telling us he's not called Gilet. 1199 01:05:17,666 --> 01:05:20,835 I'm not called Gilet! My name's Hubert. 1200 01:05:20,919 --> 01:05:23,338 Then who the bloody hell is James? 1201 01:05:23,421 --> 01:05:26,132 -Dad! -I told you they were shagging. 1202 01:05:26,216 --> 01:05:28,259 -Mum! -No, she would've told me. 1203 01:05:28,343 --> 01:05:31,012 -She tells me everything! -Or maybe she doesn't. 1204 01:05:31,930 --> 01:05:34,099 Maybe she's not your little girl anymore. 1205 01:05:35,392 --> 01:05:37,352 And maybe she has got a tattoo. 1206 01:05:39,062 --> 01:05:42,273 Well... if you're so bloody in love with her, 1207 01:05:42,357 --> 01:05:43,942 why did you leave her in London? 1208 01:05:44,025 --> 01:05:45,694 She's not in London. 1209 01:05:45,777 --> 01:05:48,530 -She's in Kemble at my house. -What? 1210 01:05:48,613 --> 01:05:50,198 She chose not to come here. 1211 01:05:51,324 --> 01:05:53,743 And I thought it was because she wanted to spend Christmas with me, 1212 01:05:53,827 --> 01:05:57,288 but seeing as she's marrying Private Plonker here, 1213 01:05:57,372 --> 01:06:00,291 maybe she just wanted to get away from you lot and all this madness. 1214 01:06:03,420 --> 01:06:05,130 I'm actually a Lance Corporal. 1215 01:06:05,213 --> 01:06:07,841 I don't care if you're the Grand Old Duke Of York! 1216 01:06:07,924 --> 01:06:10,927 All I know is I've been made to do an awful lot of lying, 1217 01:06:11,010 --> 01:06:13,763 and I've been lied to an awful lot and I've had enough, and I'm going home. 1218 01:06:32,490 --> 01:06:33,575 [outer door closes] 1219 01:06:33,658 --> 01:06:35,618 I'll put the kettle on. 1220 01:06:38,747 --> 01:06:41,583 [telephone rings] 1221 01:06:42,584 --> 01:06:43,626 [tearfully] Steve! 1222 01:06:43,710 --> 01:06:45,545 And you said you couldn't trust me? 1223 01:06:45,628 --> 01:06:46,504 James, I need you to listen to me. 1224 01:06:46,588 --> 01:06:48,423 Do you have any idea how humiliated I feel. 1225 01:06:48,506 --> 01:06:50,633 Are you not even gonna let me talk? 1226 01:06:50,717 --> 01:06:52,886 Iris was right. Like father like son, innit? 1227 01:06:52,969 --> 01:06:55,638 You know what, maybe you were right. Maybe we don't know each other. 1228 01:06:56,514 --> 01:06:59,017 I'd say we should split up, but it turns out... 1229 01:06:59,100 --> 01:07:00,185 Hello? 1230 01:07:00,268 --> 01:07:01,478 James! 1231 01:07:01,603 --> 01:07:02,812 Hayley? 1232 01:07:05,732 --> 01:07:06,858 Hello? 1233 01:07:09,360 --> 01:07:11,905 Can you hear me? Bloody landlines! 1234 01:07:14,449 --> 01:07:16,576 [Father Christmas] Ho ho ho! 1235 01:07:16,659 --> 01:07:19,496 Merry Christmas...! [voice warps and wanes] 1236 01:07:23,917 --> 01:07:29,923 [vocalist] ♪ Just a lonely, lonely Christmas ♪ 1237 01:07:31,841 --> 01:07:37,847 ♪ What a glad one it would be ♪ 1238 01:07:39,724 --> 01:07:44,270 ♪ If only my lover ♪ 1239 01:07:44,354 --> 01:07:45,980 [distant siren wails] 1240 01:07:47,941 --> 01:07:53,947 ♪ Would come back to me ♪ 1241 01:07:55,824 --> 01:07:58,451 ♪ Seems like she's been gone ♪ 1242 01:07:58,535 --> 01:08:03,373 ♪ A thousand years ♪ 1243 01:08:03,873 --> 01:08:09,879 ♪ As the days and nights roll by ♪ 1244 01:08:11,339 --> 01:08:17,344 ♪ Oh, yes, she's gone away ♪ 1245 01:08:19,763 --> 01:08:25,395 ♪ Oh, tell me why... ♪ 1246 01:08:26,688 --> 01:08:28,438 [door opens] 1247 01:08:28,522 --> 01:08:30,191 Ohh. I'm sorry, sir. 1248 01:08:30,275 --> 01:08:32,110 I'm not used to this room being occupied. I just... 1249 01:08:32,192 --> 01:08:34,195 No, no, please, come in. 1250 01:08:39,701 --> 01:08:41,411 She saved them all. 1251 01:08:42,411 --> 01:08:45,205 The theatre programmes from his school plays. 1252 01:08:45,290 --> 01:08:49,919 Yes, I... I remember her talking about how good he was. 1253 01:08:52,547 --> 01:08:56,634 I didn't make one performance with Fiona, and then afterwards... 1254 01:09:00,263 --> 01:09:02,473 I couldn't face it on my own. 1255 01:09:04,433 --> 01:09:07,103 There's so much I haven't been able to do without her. 1256 01:09:09,355 --> 01:09:12,191 All our plans for the estate, for the... 1257 01:09:14,944 --> 01:09:16,946 She was irrepressible, Iris. 1258 01:09:17,030 --> 01:09:19,324 So full of life, full of hope. 1259 01:09:25,705 --> 01:09:29,417 Every Christmas Eve, I go and stand by her grave. 1260 01:09:31,085 --> 01:09:32,837 She isn't there. 1261 01:09:34,630 --> 01:09:36,174 She's in here. 1262 01:09:37,467 --> 01:09:38,884 In this room. 1263 01:09:43,639 --> 01:09:45,642 Forgotten how beautiful it is. 1264 01:09:47,852 --> 01:09:49,103 Well... 1265 01:09:50,063 --> 01:09:55,109 all it needed was for somebody to come along and let a bit of light in. 1266 01:09:56,819 --> 01:09:59,405 You know, you and Hubert are not that different. 1267 01:10:00,865 --> 01:10:03,534 You're both drawn towards the same sort of person. 1268 01:10:05,411 --> 01:10:08,915 I think the least you can do is go upstairs and talk to her, don't you? 1269 01:10:29,102 --> 01:10:30,728 [soft knocking on door] 1270 01:10:48,955 --> 01:10:51,582 [panting] 1271 01:10:58,798 --> 01:10:59,841 [soft wheeze] 1272 01:11:07,348 --> 01:11:09,350 [doorbell rings] 1273 01:11:16,482 --> 01:11:17,567 Sorry. 1274 01:11:19,444 --> 01:11:21,446 I was wondering when you'd notice. 1275 01:11:24,574 --> 01:11:26,367 Well, I should... 1276 01:11:28,619 --> 01:11:30,455 You any good at wrapping? 1277 01:11:35,668 --> 01:11:38,880 I always thought Steve was a bit of a knob, truth be told. 1278 01:11:39,547 --> 01:11:43,301 But you put a brave face on things when your daughter says she likes someone. 1279 01:11:43,384 --> 01:11:45,720 Find us the end of that, will you, mate? 1280 01:11:45,803 --> 01:11:47,096 Ta. 1281 01:11:47,180 --> 01:11:49,640 After you left, he burst into tears. 1282 01:11:49,724 --> 01:11:50,808 [chuckles] 1283 01:11:50,892 --> 01:11:54,103 Said Hayley had split up with him just before she went to London, 1284 01:11:54,187 --> 01:11:55,938 but was afraid to tell her mum. 1285 01:11:56,022 --> 01:11:57,023 Unbelievable. 1286 01:11:57,148 --> 01:12:00,068 I've got to admit, I'm relieved. 1287 01:12:00,526 --> 01:12:02,320 Kath was upset, mind. 1288 01:12:03,029 --> 01:12:06,032 Took herself off to bed before the end of Muppets Christmas Carol. 1289 01:12:06,741 --> 01:12:08,201 Was she fond of Steve? 1290 01:12:08,284 --> 01:12:11,370 He was stationed away most of the time, so we never saw that much of him. 1291 01:12:11,454 --> 01:12:15,041 Can you just stick your finger there? 1292 01:12:19,253 --> 01:12:22,799 I think it's more the fact that she couldn't face losing her little girl. 1293 01:12:24,759 --> 01:12:26,928 If Hayley's with Steve... [spits] 1294 01:12:27,011 --> 01:12:28,846 then there's a chance that she might come back here 1295 01:12:28,930 --> 01:12:31,224 and build a life for herself, you know? 1296 01:12:31,307 --> 01:12:33,810 Not down there in that hell hole with the likes of you. 1297 01:12:34,769 --> 01:12:36,687 I guess that's why she didn't say anything. 1298 01:12:46,114 --> 01:12:47,615 Oh... erm... 1299 01:12:50,660 --> 01:12:52,703 -Give it here, Geoff. -Yeah, thanks, mate. 1300 01:12:57,083 --> 01:12:58,626 Pigs ear of that. 1301 01:12:59,335 --> 01:13:00,753 [heavy sigh] 1302 01:13:00,837 --> 01:13:02,922 I always used to love doing the wrapping with my mum. 1303 01:13:05,883 --> 01:13:07,510 When did you lose her? 1304 01:13:07,593 --> 01:13:09,428 It's four years now. 1305 01:13:10,930 --> 01:13:13,891 -Four years to the day. -Oh, I'm sorry, fella. 1306 01:13:17,311 --> 01:13:19,313 We'd just run out of cranberry sauce... 1307 01:13:20,481 --> 01:13:25,027 and my mum insisted on doing a last-minute drive to the shops. 1308 01:13:26,362 --> 01:13:29,490 She hit some black ice at a junction, and that was that. 1309 01:13:35,371 --> 01:13:39,584 I can still see her heading out the door saying, 'I'll be right back.' 1310 01:13:41,294 --> 01:13:42,962 And she never was. 1311 01:13:43,045 --> 01:13:44,672 Oh, mate. 1312 01:13:47,133 --> 01:13:49,760 Well, it's been 15 years now for me with my dad. 1313 01:13:50,720 --> 01:13:52,972 I wish I could say it goes away, but... 1314 01:13:53,764 --> 01:13:54,974 never really does. 1315 01:13:56,142 --> 01:13:57,768 Especially at Christmas. 1316 01:14:00,354 --> 01:14:04,108 After it happened, I wanted to stick around, but... 1317 01:14:05,318 --> 01:14:08,196 my dad sent me straight back to boarding school, 1318 01:14:08,279 --> 01:14:10,281 and the whole house sort of shut down. 1319 01:14:12,450 --> 01:14:15,494 By the time I left, he... he wouldn't even look me in the eye. 1320 01:14:17,496 --> 01:14:20,041 I started to feel like I'd lost both my parents. 1321 01:14:24,795 --> 01:14:29,634 The truth is, as much as I wanted to be here with Hayley... 1322 01:14:31,969 --> 01:14:37,183 an even bigger part of me just wanted a proper family Christmas again. 1323 01:14:40,144 --> 01:14:42,355 If only it were that simple, eh? 1324 01:14:43,773 --> 01:14:46,067 I'd be straight round the Dillons' up the road. 1325 01:14:46,150 --> 01:14:48,069 They have a 'tur-duck-en'. 1326 01:14:49,111 --> 01:14:53,282 A duck in a turkey in a goose! 1327 01:14:54,951 --> 01:14:56,994 But that's the ball ache, isn't it, eh? 1328 01:14:57,078 --> 01:14:59,330 You don't get to choose your family. 1329 01:15:01,207 --> 01:15:03,960 But for my money, those Christmases 1330 01:15:04,043 --> 01:15:06,587 when there's only a chicken for dinner... 1331 01:15:08,130 --> 01:15:11,092 they're normally the most important Christmases of all. 1332 01:15:15,846 --> 01:15:17,473 Oh, bugger! 1333 01:15:17,556 --> 01:15:19,850 I forgot to drop off the Dillons' tur-duck-en! 1334 01:15:20,935 --> 01:15:24,522 [laughter] 1335 01:15:24,605 --> 01:15:25,606 Cheers! 1336 01:15:26,357 --> 01:15:27,358 Cheers. 1337 01:15:32,822 --> 01:15:33,823 [Peanut barks] 1338 01:15:33,906 --> 01:15:35,741 Find her, boy! 1339 01:15:35,825 --> 01:15:37,076 Find her! 1340 01:15:42,373 --> 01:15:44,792 [panting] 1341 01:15:50,756 --> 01:15:52,466 [Peanut barking] 1342 01:15:53,467 --> 01:15:56,929 Good boy! Peanut! Good boy! 1343 01:15:58,306 --> 01:15:59,640 Good boy! 1344 01:16:03,644 --> 01:16:04,770 Here! 1345 01:16:07,148 --> 01:16:09,525 It's a good job that dog can't get enough of you, eh? 1346 01:16:09,608 --> 01:16:12,320 -[puffs inhaler] -Now, come on. 1347 01:16:12,403 --> 01:16:14,363 Let's get you back in the warm. 1348 01:16:15,906 --> 01:16:16,991 Right. 1349 01:16:23,456 --> 01:16:25,666 Come on, Peanut. Home, boy! 1350 01:16:46,437 --> 01:16:50,024 [electronic 'Jingle Bells' plays] 1351 01:16:50,107 --> 01:16:51,984 Morning, dear. 1352 01:16:52,068 --> 01:16:53,986 [whispering] Meet me outside in five. 1353 01:16:54,070 --> 01:16:55,446 There's something I want to show you. 1354 01:16:56,030 --> 01:16:58,240 Oh... and Merry Christmas! 1355 01:16:58,324 --> 01:16:59,575 [soft chuckle] 1356 01:17:05,664 --> 01:17:07,500 [music ends, James grunts] 1357 01:17:15,216 --> 01:17:16,300 [brakes screech] 1358 01:17:16,384 --> 01:17:17,385 [horn honks] 1359 01:17:20,638 --> 01:17:24,392 As Santa said to Rudolph, 'Let's ride!' 1360 01:17:24,475 --> 01:17:27,186 -Amazing. -I can't see a bloody thing in these. 1361 01:17:27,895 --> 01:17:31,357 Right in you hop, Gilet. Your chariot awaits. 1362 01:17:31,440 --> 01:17:32,691 Thank you! 1363 01:17:33,442 --> 01:17:34,693 Where do you think you're going? 1364 01:17:34,777 --> 01:17:35,820 Eh? 1365 01:17:36,904 --> 01:17:38,948 Oh, I'll be back in time for turkey, love. 1366 01:17:39,031 --> 01:17:40,908 Geoff, it's Christmas morning! 1367 01:17:40,991 --> 01:17:42,827 We've spent enough time apart as a family. 1368 01:17:42,910 --> 01:17:44,161 Now, Kath, listen... 1369 01:17:45,704 --> 01:17:47,581 You go, we all go! 1370 01:17:48,499 --> 01:17:49,500 [musical intro plays] 1371 01:17:49,583 --> 01:17:51,335 Boys, come on! 1372 01:17:54,880 --> 01:17:57,508 [Geoff] Now, don't worry about the snow. I've modified the van. 1373 01:17:58,717 --> 01:18:00,136 Oh, shit! 1374 01:18:00,219 --> 01:18:02,346 [vocalist] ♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪ 1375 01:18:03,556 --> 01:18:06,976 ♪ O'er the fields we go ♪ 1376 01:18:07,601 --> 01:18:11,480 ♪ Laughing all the way ♪ 1377 01:18:12,857 --> 01:18:17,486 ♪ Bells on bob-tails ring, yeah! ♪ 1378 01:18:17,570 --> 01:18:21,115 ♪ Making spirits bright ♪ 1379 01:18:22,074 --> 01:18:26,412 ♪ What fun it is to ride and sing ♪ 1380 01:18:26,495 --> 01:18:29,248 ♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪ 1381 01:18:29,331 --> 01:18:30,791 Oh, my God! 1382 01:18:30,875 --> 01:18:34,003 ♪ I said, jingle bells! ♪ 1383 01:18:34,086 --> 01:18:36,422 ♪ Jingle bells ♪ 1384 01:18:36,505 --> 01:18:39,967 ♪ Jingle all the way! ♪ 1385 01:18:40,050 --> 01:18:42,595 Flipping Nora, Gilet! You're loaded. 1386 01:18:43,721 --> 01:18:45,556 Hello, dear boy! 1387 01:18:45,639 --> 01:18:47,433 -Iris! -Oh, my goodness! 1388 01:18:47,516 --> 01:18:49,518 -Merry Christmas! -Merry Christmas! 1389 01:18:49,602 --> 01:18:51,687 How are you? 1390 01:18:52,646 --> 01:18:56,484 Everyone, this is Iris. She's our housekeeper. 1391 01:18:57,109 --> 01:18:58,527 Really loaded! 1392 01:19:00,112 --> 01:19:02,656 -Are you thinking what I'm thinking? -Oh, yeah. 1393 01:19:02,740 --> 01:19:06,494 Hayley plays her cards right, she'll pull off a proper Meghan Markle. 1394 01:19:06,577 --> 01:19:09,914 -I'm sorry I'm not dressed yet. -Is Dad up? 1395 01:19:09,997 --> 01:19:11,832 And where's Hayley? 1396 01:19:12,416 --> 01:19:14,251 Erm... 1397 01:19:14,335 --> 01:19:15,878 how can I put this? 1398 01:19:18,047 --> 01:19:20,424 Bloody Macclesfield! 1399 01:19:21,926 --> 01:19:25,054 Bloody Christmas Day! 1400 01:19:25,137 --> 01:19:31,018 Bloody ten-hour round trip in the bloody snow! 1401 01:19:31,101 --> 01:19:34,438 [Hayley] Still can't believe you persuaded him to do this. 1402 01:19:34,522 --> 01:19:37,024 Well, the upside of someone shooting your dog 1403 01:19:37,107 --> 01:19:39,693 is that they then owe you a very big favour. 1404 01:19:43,072 --> 01:19:44,615 Mr Hughes... 1405 01:19:44,698 --> 01:19:47,159 Please... Humphrey. 1406 01:19:49,245 --> 01:19:50,663 Humphrey. 1407 01:19:50,955 --> 01:19:53,707 I'm sorry for overstepping the mark. I just... 1408 01:19:54,291 --> 01:19:55,626 wasn't thinking. 1409 01:19:56,377 --> 01:19:58,420 And I'm really sorry Peanut got injured. 1410 01:19:59,380 --> 01:20:02,383 Well, I'm sorry if I overreacted. 1411 01:20:04,760 --> 01:20:09,598 Peanut was my wife's dog and... well, I lost her, and... 1412 01:20:11,433 --> 01:20:15,771 Since then, he's become the biggest part of her I have left. 1413 01:20:17,481 --> 01:20:20,150 James didn't really tell me that much about his mum 1414 01:20:20,234 --> 01:20:23,153 but... sounds like she was a really special person. 1415 01:20:25,072 --> 01:20:27,616 And he didn't tell me much about you either, to be fair. 1416 01:20:28,784 --> 01:20:33,122 I think what we had helped him escape a lot of things. 1417 01:20:33,205 --> 01:20:34,748 What you had? 1418 01:20:35,749 --> 01:20:37,793 Looks that way, yeah. 1419 01:20:40,379 --> 01:20:42,256 And I know it's not my place to say, 1420 01:20:42,339 --> 01:20:45,968 but surely the biggest part of her that you've got left isn't Peanut. 1421 01:20:48,137 --> 01:20:49,179 It's James. 1422 01:20:52,891 --> 01:20:54,101 Hubert. 1423 01:20:54,685 --> 01:20:55,936 Hubert. 1424 01:20:58,105 --> 01:20:59,523 [engine sputters and dies] 1425 01:21:00,065 --> 01:21:01,233 What? 1426 01:21:01,317 --> 01:21:04,403 What is wrong? Whoa, whoa! Steady girl on, old girl! 1427 01:21:04,486 --> 01:21:05,529 Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! 1428 01:21:05,613 --> 01:21:07,239 [loud complaint] 1429 01:21:09,575 --> 01:21:14,955 [resounding scream] 1430 01:21:18,667 --> 01:21:21,962 Good night, my beautiful girl. 1431 01:21:23,380 --> 01:21:26,383 You were the only one I had left to talk to. 1432 01:21:28,510 --> 01:21:32,806 Well, you could always come up to the house and talk to me. 1433 01:21:32,890 --> 01:21:34,516 No, thank you. 1434 01:21:35,017 --> 01:21:37,186 I know where I'm not welcome. 1435 01:21:37,269 --> 01:21:39,980 It's not my house anymore. 1436 01:21:40,064 --> 01:21:41,690 Oh, here we go again. 1437 01:21:41,774 --> 01:21:46,195 What kind of a son throws his own father out on the streets 1438 01:21:46,278 --> 01:21:49,490 to avoid a little inheritance tax? 1439 01:21:49,573 --> 01:21:51,408 I didn't throw you out. 1440 01:21:51,492 --> 01:21:53,243 You chose to leave. 1441 01:21:53,327 --> 01:21:56,246 And as far as being 'out on the street' is concerned... 1442 01:21:56,330 --> 01:21:59,375 Hang on a minute! You're father and son? 1443 01:21:59,458 --> 01:22:02,920 Only when His Grace isn't playing at being Worzel Gummidge. 1444 01:22:03,003 --> 01:22:07,299 And only when His Lordship's not being a selfish arsehole. 1445 01:22:07,383 --> 01:22:08,634 Ah. 1446 01:22:08,717 --> 01:22:11,553 Yeah, yeah. I guess I can see the similarities. 1447 01:22:14,598 --> 01:22:16,600 I don't think that was called for, do you? 1448 01:22:16,684 --> 01:22:17,935 Well, no... 1449 01:22:20,688 --> 01:22:23,273 And I thought my family were weird, Peanut. 1450 01:22:25,943 --> 01:22:28,612 Looks like I'm not going home for Christmas after all. 1451 01:22:31,407 --> 01:22:33,826 [distant calliope music plays] 1452 01:22:35,869 --> 01:22:37,329 Is that... 1453 01:22:39,581 --> 01:22:41,291 [horn honks] 1454 01:22:41,375 --> 01:22:42,668 Oh, my God, no way. 1455 01:22:42,751 --> 01:22:44,837 No way, no way! 1456 01:22:45,671 --> 01:22:47,631 -[Geoff laughs] -Dad! 1457 01:22:47,715 --> 01:22:51,051 Well, what the bloody hell are you lot doing out here? 1458 01:22:51,135 --> 01:22:52,970 [joyous shouting] 1459 01:22:54,763 --> 01:22:57,391 -I can't believe it! -Iris? 1460 01:22:57,474 --> 01:22:59,059 Mum! 1461 01:23:00,936 --> 01:23:02,896 I'm so sorry about Steve. 1462 01:23:02,980 --> 01:23:05,232 You seemed so happy. I just didn't want to let you down. 1463 01:23:05,315 --> 01:23:06,734 No. 1464 01:23:06,817 --> 01:23:09,319 Never mind me. We've got plenty of time for that later. 1465 01:23:10,028 --> 01:23:12,906 I don't think I'm the one that you need to be saying sorry to. 1466 01:23:20,789 --> 01:23:21,790 So... 1467 01:23:22,666 --> 01:23:23,751 So. 1468 01:23:28,714 --> 01:23:30,591 -Shall we just, erm... -Yeah. 1469 01:23:41,351 --> 01:23:42,561 Hi. 1470 01:23:42,644 --> 01:23:43,645 Hi. 1471 01:23:47,399 --> 01:23:48,650 Shall we... 1472 01:23:49,902 --> 01:23:51,236 Shall we just start again? 1473 01:23:53,989 --> 01:23:57,075 I'm Hubert James Manningham-Hughes. 1474 01:23:57,826 --> 01:24:00,078 307th in line to the throne. 1475 01:24:01,038 --> 01:24:04,500 I'm Haylo the Street Witch. 1476 01:24:04,583 --> 01:24:07,294 First in line for this Mr Whippy van. 1477 01:24:10,631 --> 01:24:13,091 Look, about Steve... 1478 01:24:13,175 --> 01:24:16,470 -You don't have to apologise. -No, but I do want you to understand. 1479 01:24:16,553 --> 01:24:18,514 I understand. 1480 01:24:20,599 --> 01:24:23,519 I live with lots of family expectations too. 1481 01:24:26,063 --> 01:24:29,316 And I'm sorry... that I lied. 1482 01:24:29,399 --> 01:24:30,484 I was... 1483 01:24:31,443 --> 01:24:33,862 just having so much fun with you, I didn't want to scare you off. 1484 01:24:33,946 --> 01:24:35,989 Well, I don't scare that easily. 1485 01:24:36,949 --> 01:24:38,325 I nearly got shot by your granddad! 1486 01:24:38,408 --> 01:24:39,576 [soft chuckle] 1487 01:24:39,660 --> 01:24:43,664 Well, I was mugged by your brothers, 1488 01:24:43,747 --> 01:24:46,375 groped by your aunt, and choked by your nan. 1489 01:24:46,458 --> 01:24:47,543 So... 1490 01:24:48,710 --> 01:24:51,088 let's just say it's been a real pleasure getting to know you 1491 01:24:51,171 --> 01:24:53,090 since the last time we were together. 1492 01:24:54,258 --> 01:24:55,968 You too. 1493 01:24:58,053 --> 01:25:00,764 And I would love to get to know you even more. 1494 01:25:02,432 --> 01:25:05,894 Well... you... will. 1495 01:25:05,978 --> 01:25:09,189 [romantic music rises] 1496 01:25:17,906 --> 01:25:19,908 [knocking on window] 1497 01:25:24,913 --> 01:25:27,249 Here they come, eh? The love birds. 1498 01:25:28,709 --> 01:25:31,503 Right. The troops need to be fed. 1499 01:25:31,587 --> 01:25:35,090 Oh, yes, there's plenty of food in the larder back at the house. 1500 01:25:35,173 --> 01:25:36,800 And I don't know about anyone else, 1501 01:25:36,884 --> 01:25:39,553 but I could certainly do with some mulled wine. 1502 01:25:39,636 --> 01:25:41,930 Well, I'm more of a spiced rum man myself. 1503 01:25:42,014 --> 01:25:43,849 [laughter] 1504 01:25:45,309 --> 01:25:46,852 Oh, God, wait a minute! 1505 01:25:46,935 --> 01:25:48,020 What? 1506 01:25:48,103 --> 01:25:49,396 Nan! 1507 01:25:52,316 --> 01:25:54,568 Where the bloody hell is everyone? 1508 01:25:57,863 --> 01:26:01,241 -[vocalists] ♪ Christmas ♪ -[vocalist] ♪ The snow's coming down ♪ 1509 01:26:01,325 --> 01:26:02,534 ♪ Christmas... ♪ 1510 01:26:02,618 --> 01:26:05,704 -Get him, get him, get him! -Whoa, whoa, whoa, boys! 1511 01:26:05,787 --> 01:26:07,581 -Boys! -Take it outside! 1512 01:26:08,624 --> 01:26:10,292 Give us a hand there will you, Dad? 1513 01:26:10,375 --> 01:26:13,253 No! No chores for me this year, remember? 1514 01:26:14,421 --> 01:26:17,466 -Where's your colander? -Up there, that top cupboard up there. 1515 01:26:18,967 --> 01:26:20,260 Christ Almighty! 1516 01:26:20,344 --> 01:26:23,597 Yeah, don't ask. Every single year, every single year! 1517 01:26:23,680 --> 01:26:25,140 You can't have enough colanders! 1518 01:26:25,223 --> 01:26:27,184 Well, they're lively, aren't they? 1519 01:26:27,267 --> 01:26:28,769 Watch out! 1520 01:26:30,103 --> 01:26:31,563 Get out my way! Move! 1521 01:26:31,647 --> 01:26:32,648 So... 1522 01:26:33,357 --> 01:26:35,817 Are you going to avoid me all day? 1523 01:26:37,611 --> 01:26:38,820 [James clears throat] 1524 01:26:43,825 --> 01:26:45,577 I'm... I'm sorry... 1525 01:26:46,453 --> 01:26:50,499 I... I can't be the hero that you are. 1526 01:26:52,376 --> 01:26:54,503 And I know what you've taught me about duty... 1527 01:26:54,586 --> 01:26:57,255 Well, if you know that, then you should know how easy it is 1528 01:26:57,339 --> 01:27:00,008 for me to have you reinstated at Sandhurst next term 1529 01:27:00,092 --> 01:27:02,719 and have your accounts and assets frozen 1530 01:27:02,803 --> 01:27:04,721 until you receive your officer's commission. 1531 01:27:04,805 --> 01:27:05,806 Dad! 1532 01:27:08,016 --> 01:27:10,519 But most of all you should know that... 1533 01:27:11,353 --> 01:27:15,899 I don't intend to do any of those things. 1534 01:27:17,859 --> 01:27:21,279 You see, you're not the only member of this family that can act. 1535 01:27:21,363 --> 01:27:24,199 I was a very fetching Lady Macbeth in my senior year. 1536 01:27:26,910 --> 01:27:31,957 There is only... one duty that I have 1537 01:27:32,040 --> 01:27:34,084 that matters to me... 1538 01:27:36,253 --> 01:27:41,258 and I have been neglecting that for some time. 1539 01:27:54,604 --> 01:27:56,189 Your mum would have been very proud of you. 1540 01:27:57,274 --> 01:27:59,943 I am... proud of you. 1541 01:28:01,236 --> 01:28:07,242 And I'll tell you something else, she would have absolutely loved her. 1542 01:28:08,326 --> 01:28:09,578 [tapping bottle] 1543 01:28:09,661 --> 01:28:11,872 Alright, everyone, grub's up! 1544 01:28:13,665 --> 01:28:15,542 Right, I've got the parsnips here. 1545 01:28:15,625 --> 01:28:17,502 Erm, go sit down the end. 1546 01:28:19,129 --> 01:28:20,756 Who are you again? 1547 01:28:22,507 --> 01:28:23,925 That smells good. 1548 01:28:24,009 --> 01:28:25,469 Here we go! 1549 01:28:25,552 --> 01:28:27,554 -[cheers] -Make some room. 1550 01:28:27,637 --> 01:28:29,473 Oh, sorry about that. 1551 01:28:29,556 --> 01:28:32,434 A toast to friends and family, 1552 01:28:32,517 --> 01:28:35,103 old and new. 1553 01:28:35,187 --> 01:28:38,148 And to those no longer with us 1554 01:28:38,231 --> 01:28:40,317 who remain in our hearts forever. 1555 01:28:41,485 --> 01:28:43,278 -Cheers! -Cheers! 1556 01:28:43,361 --> 01:28:45,655 And to the Dillons' tur-duck-en! 1557 01:28:47,991 --> 01:28:49,451 Merry Christmas! 1558 01:28:49,534 --> 01:28:51,703 Merry Christmas! 1559 01:28:51,787 --> 01:28:54,790 -Merry Christmas, James. -I'm more of a goose man myself. 1560 01:28:54,873 --> 01:28:55,874 Oh, God. 1561 01:28:55,957 --> 01:28:58,085 -Get a drop of this down yer! -What do you say, Humph? 1562 01:28:58,168 --> 01:29:00,545 -New Year's Eve round yours? -Oh, yes! Why not? 1563 01:29:00,629 --> 01:29:02,422 Hey, hey! Good man! 1564 01:29:02,506 --> 01:29:04,257 I can show you my pomace. 1565 01:29:04,341 --> 01:29:06,802 And I'll show you my tattoo. 1566 01:29:10,639 --> 01:29:13,141 I do love you, James Hughes. 1567 01:29:14,601 --> 01:29:16,937 I love you, Hayley Taylor. 1568 01:29:17,020 --> 01:29:19,189 Wow! You're not blushing. 1569 01:29:19,272 --> 01:29:20,816 I know. 1570 01:29:20,899 --> 01:29:23,193 Hey, Merry Christmas. 1571 01:29:24,027 --> 01:29:25,445 Merry Christmas. 1572 01:29:26,238 --> 01:29:27,781 Right, everyone ready? 1573 01:29:27,864 --> 01:29:30,367 -It's on a timer. -Okay, let's go! 1574 01:29:30,450 --> 01:29:32,869 -Three, two... -Up we get! 1575 01:29:32,953 --> 01:29:33,954 One! 1576 01:29:34,037 --> 01:29:36,790 Merry Christmas! 1577 01:29:40,252 --> 01:29:43,296 ♪ Can we be together, babe? ♪ 1578 01:29:43,380 --> 01:29:46,675 ♪ Gingerbread and quiet towns ♪ 1579 01:29:46,758 --> 01:29:49,594 ♪ It's midnight and we're flying now ♪ 1580 01:29:49,678 --> 01:29:53,431 ♪ Slow dance in your parents' house ♪ 1581 01:29:53,515 --> 01:29:56,518 ♪ Together at last ♪ 1582 01:29:56,601 --> 01:29:59,187 ♪ Now you're back, I swear it's true ♪ 1583 01:29:59,271 --> 01:30:02,774 ♪ I'm never ever leaving you ♪ 1584 01:30:02,858 --> 01:30:06,278 ♪ Oh, this year till we're 82 ♪ 1585 01:30:06,361 --> 01:30:09,322 ♪ Christmas Day is ours ♪ 1586 01:30:09,406 --> 01:30:11,074 -♪ Till it's time ♪ -♪ It's time ♪ 1587 01:30:11,158 --> 01:30:12,742 -♪ For goodbye ♪ -♪ Goodbye ♪ 1588 01:30:12,826 --> 01:30:15,871 -♪ And we both run off into the night ♪ -♪ The night ♪ 1589 01:30:15,954 --> 01:30:18,582 ♪ And I hope ♪ 1590 01:30:19,416 --> 01:30:21,793 ♪ That you know ♪ 1591 01:30:22,961 --> 01:30:25,964 ♪ I wanna the deck the halls ♪ 1592 01:30:26,047 --> 01:30:29,342 ♪ Hang mistletoe around ya ♪ 1593 01:30:29,426 --> 01:30:32,554 ♪ So when I sing 'Last Christmas' ♪ 1594 01:30:32,637 --> 01:30:36,099 ♪ I hope it's my last without ya ♪ 1595 01:30:36,183 --> 01:30:39,436 ♪ So you should listen up ♪ 1596 01:30:39,519 --> 01:30:42,147 ♪ 'Cause this wish is about ya ♪ 1597 01:30:42,981 --> 01:30:45,400 ♪ Can we have forever ♪ 1598 01:30:45,483 --> 01:30:50,864 ♪ Or at least can we be together, babe For Christmas? ♪ 1599 01:30:52,449 --> 01:30:57,454 ♪ Or at least can we be together, babe For Christmas? ♪ 1600 01:31:06,171 --> 01:31:09,674 ♪ Can we be together, babe ♪ 1601 01:31:10,342 --> 01:31:16,181 ♪ Together, babe, for Christmas? ♪ 1602 01:31:30,403 --> 01:31:33,240 [vocalist] ♪ Rockin' around the Christmas tree ♪ 1603 01:31:33,323 --> 01:31:36,243 ♪ At the Christmas party hop ♪ 1604 01:31:37,285 --> 01:31:40,038 ♪ Mistletoe hung where you can see ♪ 1605 01:31:40,121 --> 01:31:42,832 ♪ Every couple tries to stop ♪ 1606 01:31:44,125 --> 01:31:46,878 ♪ Rockin' around the Christmas tree ♪ 1607 01:31:46,962 --> 01:31:49,839 ♪ Let the Christmas spirit ring ♪ 1608 01:31:50,882 --> 01:31:53,677 ♪ Later we'll have some pumpkin pie ♪ 1609 01:31:53,760 --> 01:31:56,346 ♪ And we'll do some carolling ♪ 1610 01:31:57,639 --> 01:32:02,227 ♪ You will get a sentimental feeling ♪ 1611 01:32:02,310 --> 01:32:04,354 ♪ When you hear ♪ 1612 01:32:04,437 --> 01:32:07,857 ♪ Voices singing, let's be jolly ♪ 1613 01:32:07,941 --> 01:32:11,194 ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪ 1614 01:32:11,278 --> 01:32:14,155 ♪ Rockin' around the Christmas tree ♪ 1615 01:32:14,489 --> 01:32:16,866 ♪ Have a happy holiday ♪ 1616 01:32:18,076 --> 01:32:20,870 ♪ Everyone dancing merrily ♪ 1617 01:32:20,954 --> 01:32:23,790 ♪ In the new old-fashioned way ♪ 1618 01:32:37,929 --> 01:32:43,018 ♪ Oh, you will get a sentimental feeling ♪ 1619 01:32:43,101 --> 01:32:45,061 ♪ When you hear ♪ 1620 01:32:45,145 --> 01:32:48,565 ♪ Voices singing, let's be jolly ♪ 1621 01:32:48,648 --> 01:32:52,027 ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪ 1622 01:32:52,110 --> 01:32:54,988 ♪ Rockin' around the Christmas tree ♪ 1623 01:32:55,071 --> 01:32:57,615 ♪ Have a happy holiday ♪ 1624 01:32:58,992 --> 01:33:01,703 ♪ Everyone dancing merrily ♪ 1625 01:33:01,786 --> 01:33:07,751 ♪ In the new old-fashioned way ♪ 1626 01:33:07,834 --> 01:33:10,837 [vocalists sing]