1 00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:02,836 RIP DIGMAN: Mount Quiquaran. 2 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:05,839 One of history's most lethal supervolcanos. 3 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:08,541 In 200 BC, a series of deadly eruptions 4 00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:10,543 had decimated the local tribe. 5 00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:14,247 So the elders turned to the great artisan Tiliktakorkatan, 6 00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:17,150 who sculpted an offering to the gods... 7 00:00:17,150 --> 00:00:19,786 the Molten Idol. 8 00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:21,087 -It's beautiful. -And yet... 9 00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:23,323 not so beautiful as you, love of my life, 10 00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:25,191 keeper and tender-to of my loins. 11 00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:26,659 I thought it'd be more impressive. 12 00:00:26,659 --> 00:00:29,496 Because you have no appreciation for true beauty, Zane! 13 00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,598 You know, legend has it that removing the idol 14 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:33,299 will cause Quiquaran to erupt. 15 00:00:33,299 --> 00:00:36,302 'Tis true. But as we all know, legends... 16 00:00:36,302 --> 00:00:39,172 are rarely... real. 17 00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:40,940 Oh, fuck, I don't want to die! 18 00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:42,409 Get the fuck out of the way! 19 00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:43,510 I guess that legend was real. 20 00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,044 Shut the fuck up, Zane. 21 00:00:45,044 --> 00:00:46,546 Swooper, get us out of here! 22 00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:47,914 No can do, boss. 23 00:00:47,914 --> 00:00:49,816 That volcano's hotter than Andy Capp's wife 24 00:00:49,816 --> 00:00:51,551 when he's been out at the pub all night. 25 00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:53,319 Meet me on the other side of the jungle. 26 00:00:53,319 --> 00:00:55,321 But that jungle's filled with... 27 00:00:55,321 --> 00:00:56,756 Corpus floraria. 28 00:00:56,756 --> 00:00:58,091 -The death flower. -The death flower. 29 00:00:58,091 --> 00:01:00,193 Jesus, Zane, don't interrupt me. 30 00:01:01,327 --> 00:01:02,495 -[screeching] -[Rip laughing] 31 00:01:02,495 --> 00:01:04,397 That bird got bonked. Uh-oh. 32 00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,299 Looks like the natives are restless. 33 00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:07,567 Hello, I'm an attorney 34 00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:09,202 representing the Mondonesian tribe. 35 00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:11,304 We respectfully ask that you don't steal the Molten Idol 36 00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:12,772 as it's a culturally sig... 37 00:01:12,772 --> 00:01:14,107 We're off the hook! 38 00:01:14,107 --> 00:01:15,508 And we'll never have to think about the questions 39 00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:16,609 they were raising or ponder the ethics 40 00:01:16,609 --> 00:01:17,610 of what we're doing ever again. 41 00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:19,212 Power slide! 42 00:01:19,212 --> 00:01:21,848 Everybody lay a patch or we'll be riding the pale horse. 43 00:01:21,848 --> 00:01:23,316 Nobody understands your old-timey lingo. 44 00:01:23,316 --> 00:01:24,551 That's horsefeathers! 45 00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:26,753 [screams] 46 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:28,288 Bella! Whip! 47 00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:29,589 Don't panic, the death flower's poison 48 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:31,291 takes 30 minutes to set in. 49 00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:33,259 There's a hospital with the antidote ten minutes from here. 50 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,962 Thank God. I wouldn't be able to live without you. 51 00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:37,197 I can't die yet, babe. 52 00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:38,431 I still haven't seen The Artis. 53 00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,166 Oh, man, it looks so good. 54 00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:43,336 I can't imagine a better movie will come out in 2011. 55 00:01:43,336 --> 00:01:45,171 The current year? Yeah. I agree. 56 00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:46,272 -[gun cocks] -ZANE: All right. 57 00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:48,107 -Enough 2011 talk. -Zane. 58 00:01:48,107 --> 00:01:49,175 What the hell are you doing? 59 00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:50,777 Oh, I'm taking the idol. 60 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:53,379 It'll be my first acquisition as the new head arky of The Met. 61 00:01:53,379 --> 00:01:55,248 But we work for the Smithsonian. 62 00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:56,583 Not anymore, Rippy. 63 00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:58,485 I'm sick of you treating me like shit. 64 00:01:58,485 --> 00:02:00,887 What? You're the best inferior I've ever had. 65 00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:02,155 I always tell you that! 66 00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:04,023 Consider this my resignation. 67 00:02:04,023 --> 00:02:05,358 Fuck that, you're fired. 68 00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:07,360 Fine. Have fun paying my unemployment. 69 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,696 No, no, no, you quit, everyone heard it. 70 00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:12,732 Follow that speedboat. 71 00:02:12,732 --> 00:02:14,200 You sure? You don't look so good. 72 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:15,268 The important thing is the idol. 73 00:02:15,268 --> 00:02:16,202 We have enough time to grab it 74 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,437 and get to the hospital. 75 00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:21,374 Whip! Swooper, I'm out of whip range. 76 00:02:21,374 --> 00:02:23,343 We got to get closer. Whip! Whip! 77 00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:26,145 [grunts] Almost got him. 78 00:02:26,145 --> 00:02:28,248 [bird screeches] 79 00:02:32,018 --> 00:02:33,653 [laughs] 80 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,154 [gasps] 81 00:02:35,154 --> 00:02:37,090 Oh, I can't see anything. 82 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:38,258 Did you get the idol? 83 00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:40,059 Yeah, I got it, babe. 84 00:02:40,059 --> 00:02:41,227 [coughs] 85 00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:42,328 I'm dying, Rip. 86 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:43,897 Goodbye, my love. 87 00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:46,032 Tender-to of my loins. 88 00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:48,134 No, I will not let you die. 89 00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:51,337 I will not let you die! 90 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,639 It's been 12 years since Rip Digman 91 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,274 let his wife Bella die, 92 00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:56,276 and in that time Rip's former assistant Zane Troy 93 00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:59,078 has gone on to become the greatest arky in the world 94 00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:01,281 while Rip, who was fired by the Smithsonian, 95 00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:02,782 is now a has-been, a nobody, 96 00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:04,784 a real "Where are they now?" situation. 97 00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:07,120 I'm sorry to keep going on, my producer's telling me 98 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,055 we're running short and I need to stretch. 99 00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:11,157 You have to wonder what Rip is even up to these days. 100 00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:14,827 I mean, my guess, he's just sitting at home, jacking off. 101 00:03:14,827 --> 00:03:16,095 Yes, jacking off. 102 00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:17,664 And then crying because he feels 103 00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:19,432 like he's somehow cheating on his dead wife, 104 00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:21,301 whose death he was responsible for. 105 00:03:21,301 --> 00:03:22,802 And then jizzing. 106 00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:24,504 You know, one of those lame halfway ones 107 00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:26,005 where you're somehow out of rhythm with yourself. 108 00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:27,473 I don't know, maybe I'm projecting now. 109 00:03:27,473 --> 00:03:29,309 Either way, the guy's a loser. 110 00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:36,683 RIP: Morning, Agatha. 111 00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:38,651 Any museums call for an arky? 112 00:03:38,651 --> 00:03:41,321 No museum has called in ten years, Rip. 113 00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:44,023 Well, excuse me for being hopeful! 114 00:03:44,023 --> 00:03:45,491 There's no need to yell. 115 00:03:45,491 --> 00:03:47,627 You're right. My many apologies. 116 00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:49,028 You're just lonely. 117 00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:50,663 You should start dating again. 118 00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:53,333 Thanks, Agatha, but the only dating I'm interested in... 119 00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:55,501 is carbon dating. 120 00:03:58,271 --> 00:04:00,340 [Rip humming] 121 00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:02,475 I cleaned your jeep, Rip. 122 00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:04,143 Man, there sure were a lot of tear stains 123 00:04:04,143 --> 00:04:06,179 on the steering wheel. 124 00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:08,648 You must've been crying a lot. 125 00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,717 [chuckles] Yeah, thanks, Swooper. 126 00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:13,152 If anybody needs me, I'll be in my secret chamber. 127 00:04:13,152 --> 00:04:15,088 You mean you're going into your private bathroom 128 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,823 for your morning dump. 129 00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:17,657 No. 130 00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:19,559 The Holy Grail. 131 00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:22,262 The term people use to describe the coolest thing 132 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,529 in every other profession 133 00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:24,831 is that thing in archaeology. 134 00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:26,866 -Ooh, ooh. -Yes, Saltine? 135 00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:28,768 Have you ever tried to find the Holy Grail? 136 00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:31,804 Well, every shovel bum worth their salt has given it a shot. 137 00:04:31,804 --> 00:04:34,273 But its location is archaeology's greatest mystery. 138 00:04:34,273 --> 00:04:37,644 They say that just one sip from it can heal any ailment. 139 00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:39,579 So, if someone in the class found it, 140 00:04:39,579 --> 00:04:40,813 would we get extra credit? 141 00:04:40,813 --> 00:04:43,416 -[chuckles] Yeah, sure. -Great. 142 00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:45,218 No need to invite me to any parties 143 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:46,986 this weekend, classmates. 144 00:04:46,986 --> 00:04:48,388 I've got plans. 145 00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,622 Eat a pile of shit, nerd. 146 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,591 I'd rather sift through said shit 147 00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:53,092 to discover secrets of the past. 148 00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:55,261 Wow, you're awfully cheery, aren't you? 149 00:04:55,261 --> 00:04:56,362 Why wouldn't I be? 150 00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:57,730 I'm studying to be an arky, 151 00:04:57,730 --> 00:04:59,265 the greatest job in the world. 152 00:04:59,265 --> 00:05:00,266 Don't you ever miss it? 153 00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:01,401 Of course I miss it. 154 00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:02,735 The glory. The fame. 155 00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:04,337 I yearn for it still. 156 00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:05,872 Much like the wolf whelp yearns 157 00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:08,241 for its mother's tough yet glossy teat. 158 00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,742 But now I've been reduced 159 00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:11,477 to the most degrading job there is. 160 00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:12,979 Teaching. 161 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:14,681 STUDENT: Then maybe you shouldn't have killed your wife. 162 00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:16,849 -I didn't kill my wife! A bird did! -[laughter] 163 00:05:18,851 --> 00:05:20,086 [gulps, sighs] 164 00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:22,855 Another RumChata. Neat. 165 00:05:22,855 --> 00:05:26,325 Professor, over here. It's me, the student you hate. 166 00:05:26,325 --> 00:05:28,061 Oh, man. What are you doing here? 167 00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:30,329 Okay, I was thinking about how sad you were in class, 168 00:05:30,329 --> 00:05:31,764 so I started digging around, 169 00:05:31,764 --> 00:05:33,466 and I know how you can become an arky again. 170 00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:34,500 Quail Eegan. 171 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:35,868 The long-haired billionaire? 172 00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:37,603 The very same. He's building a new museum 173 00:05:37,603 --> 00:05:39,072 and he needs a head arky, 174 00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,940 so he's holding a big competition to find one. 175 00:05:40,940 --> 00:05:42,508 The whole thing kicks off tonight. 176 00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:43,776 You. Should. Go. 177 00:05:43,776 --> 00:05:46,145 Huh, an intriguing proposition. 178 00:05:46,145 --> 00:05:49,015 Right? And you can bring me as your assistant arky. 179 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,316 Ha! No dice. 180 00:05:50,316 --> 00:05:52,351 Rip Digman rolls solo. 181 00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:54,253 But the arky union says you have to have an assistant. 182 00:05:54,253 --> 00:05:57,757 Ugh. Stupid union coming up with stupid rules so I don't die. 183 00:05:57,757 --> 00:05:59,192 But I'm still not going to hire you. 184 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,326 We don't even know each other. 185 00:06:00,326 --> 00:06:01,761 I mean, I don't even know... 186 00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:04,897 ♪ If you like jazz ♪ 187 00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:06,999 I really don't. But I've wanted to be 188 00:06:06,999 --> 00:06:08,301 -an arky all my life. -Okay. 189 00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,635 -I'm an amateur inventor. -Okay. 190 00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:11,037 -I love Latin. -Go on. 191 00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,839 Or should I say "Amo linguam Latinam"? 192 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:13,906 -[laughs] -Oh, yeah, I don't get it. 193 00:06:13,906 --> 00:06:15,408 Oh, and my parents disowned me 194 00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:16,542 because they hate archaeology. 195 00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:19,278 ♪ A de facto orphan. ♪ 196 00:06:19,278 --> 00:06:20,847 You spin a good yarn, kid, 197 00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:23,416 but I'm still not sure we connect on a cosmic level, 198 00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:24,650 at the base of the neural queue. 199 00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:25,852 Avatar ref. 200 00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:27,420 The event starts in 15 minutes 201 00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:28,621 and you have to have an assistant. 202 00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:29,856 You're hired. 203 00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:33,126 Whoa. Every arky in the world is here. 204 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:36,929 Felix Cadbury, Kate Kwan, Indiana Jones. 205 00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:37,830 And Zane Troy. 206 00:06:37,830 --> 00:06:39,198 -Wow. -RIP: Ugh. 207 00:06:39,198 --> 00:06:41,100 -Come on. -Sorry. I know he betrayed you, 208 00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:43,169 but he's like the most famous person on Earth. 209 00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:44,771 Oh, fuck, don't look. Don't look. 210 00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:47,240 Rip Digman. I guess the rumors were true. 211 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,341 You have gotten fatter. 212 00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:49,675 What are you doing here, Zane? 213 00:06:49,675 --> 00:06:51,110 The Met not paying you enough? 214 00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:52,378 I'm a businessman, Rip. 215 00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:53,746 I have to keep my options open. 216 00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:55,681 Besides, loyalty's overrated. 217 00:06:55,681 --> 00:06:57,216 Well, yeah, I agree with that. 218 00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:58,718 Wait, that was a reference to how you betrayed me. 219 00:06:58,718 --> 00:07:00,586 -Saltine, punch this guy in the nuts. -What? 220 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:01,921 Forget it. You blinked. It's over. 221 00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,489 -Sorry. -You know, Rippy, 222 00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:05,258 we always did do great work together. 223 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,759 If you'd be interested in becoming partners 224 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:08,494 with a 50-50 split, give me a call. 225 00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:09,562 Wait, really? 226 00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:11,564 Oh, son of a bitch! 227 00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:12,932 I'll just put it in this pocket, though. 228 00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,168 No, don't keep it, Rip. It's an insult. 229 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:16,369 You must be new. 230 00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:17,770 Rip can't throw anything away. 231 00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,939 He's less of an arky and more of a hoarder. 232 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:22,542 -That's never been diagnosed! -[laughter] 233 00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:25,511 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentleme, please welcome 234 00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:29,482 Quail Eegan! 235 00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:30,650 Showmanship. 236 00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:32,485 Now, as you all know, 237 00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:33,753 I'm the best at everything. 238 00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:35,154 I've created the best electric car, 239 00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:38,524 the best rockets, and the best hologram of myself. 240 00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:40,092 [gasping] 241 00:07:40,092 --> 00:07:42,962 [laughing] But now I have my sights set even higher. 242 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,463 The Eegan. 243 00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:47,300 Upon completion, it will be the largest museum in the world. 244 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,968 The only thing missing is... 245 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:50,236 A Froyo machine. 246 00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:51,470 ...a collection. 247 00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:52,405 And that's where all you come in. 248 00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:53,639 I'm holding a contest. 249 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:56,275 Can anyone tell me what this is? 250 00:07:56,275 --> 00:08:00,146 Ha! Too easy. That's Hammurabi's hat. 251 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,380 Rip Digman. 252 00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:02,815 What a blast from the past. 253 00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:04,917 Oh, the pleasure is mine. [gasps] 254 00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:07,520 Nothing personal. I swear. this one is the real me. 255 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,755 -[gunshot] -[screaming] 256 00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:12,325 You won't be rid of me that easily. 257 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,026 -[crowd cheering] -But you're right, Rip. 258 00:08:14,026 --> 00:08:15,895 4,000 years ago, Hammurabi conquered Mesopotamia. 259 00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:18,364 All while wearing this hat. 260 00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:19,765 But it has never been found. 261 00:08:19,765 --> 00:08:22,201 And I want it as the centerpiece for my new museum. 262 00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:24,670 Whoever brings it to me will be named head arky. 263 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,706 A position that comes with a generous salary 264 00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:28,074 and hella bennies. 265 00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:30,276 Now, let the competition begin! 266 00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:31,577 And begin it shall. 267 00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,045 -Put 'er there. [yells] -[thudding] 268 00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:34,647 Full disclosure: I am in Iceland. 269 00:08:34,647 --> 00:08:36,082 DIRECTOR: And you're clear. 270 00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,017 Wow. They couldn't tell you were a hologram? 271 00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:40,753 Yes, and neither could you. 272 00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:41,988 Well, time for bed. 273 00:08:44,984 --> 00:08:46,419 Move to your left, Shelly. 274 00:08:46,419 --> 00:08:48,521 -[alarm blaring] -[screams] 275 00:08:49,789 --> 00:08:50,890 [jets whirring] 276 00:08:50,890 --> 00:08:54,761 Aah! My ears are bleeding! 277 00:08:54,761 --> 00:08:56,229 HOWARD TOE: Our top story tonight: 278 00:08:56,229 --> 00:08:57,630 Arkies across the globe 279 00:08:57,630 --> 00:09:00,867 are competing to head up Quail Eegan's new museum. 280 00:09:00,867 --> 00:09:02,935 Zane Troy is the odds-on favorite to win the job, 281 00:09:02,935 --> 00:09:05,371 while Rip Digman is the favorite to accidentally 282 00:09:05,371 --> 00:09:07,306 stumble off a cliff and die a horrific death. 283 00:09:07,306 --> 00:09:09,509 Here's a sneak peek at his "in memoriam" segment. 284 00:09:09,509 --> 00:09:11,744 [comical music playing] 285 00:09:14,047 --> 00:09:15,782 Ugh, what the hell is that music? 286 00:09:15,782 --> 00:09:17,316 Don't let them play that when I die. 287 00:09:17,316 --> 00:09:18,651 This is so exciting. 288 00:09:18,651 --> 00:09:20,319 I can't believe I'm an assistant arky. 289 00:09:20,319 --> 00:09:22,789 Let's be clear. You're my temporary assistant. 290 00:09:22,789 --> 00:09:24,257 If I get back in the game, I'll have my pick 291 00:09:24,257 --> 00:09:25,458 of the top assistants in the biz. 292 00:09:25,458 --> 00:09:27,226 [screams] What is that thing? 293 00:09:27,226 --> 00:09:29,629 Saltine, meet Fleety, my fast loris. 294 00:09:29,629 --> 00:09:31,831 I've heard of a slow loris but never a fast one. 295 00:09:31,831 --> 00:09:33,366 What's the difference? 296 00:09:33,366 --> 00:09:34,967 -A raging addiction to methamphetamines. -[snarls] 297 00:09:34,967 --> 00:09:36,936 So, Saltine, you ever heard of Wendell Banks? 298 00:09:36,936 --> 00:09:38,671 He's that arky who went missing a couple years ago. 299 00:09:38,671 --> 00:09:41,774 Precisely. Wendell was one of my many male mentors. 300 00:09:41,774 --> 00:09:44,510 And what nobody knows but yo soy is that he actually went missing 301 00:09:44,510 --> 00:09:46,412 while hunting for Hammurabi's hat. 302 00:09:46,412 --> 00:09:48,014 Wendell was a bit of a warrior poet, 303 00:09:48,014 --> 00:09:50,616 always leaving cryptic hints as to where he was going. 304 00:09:50,616 --> 00:09:52,885 In fact, this is the last voice mail he left me. 305 00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:55,021 WENDALL: My dear Rip, I'm off to find Hammurabi's ht 306 00:09:55,021 --> 00:09:56,389 in a land where the sky is as blue as... 307 00:09:56,389 --> 00:09:57,690 [birds screeching] 308 00:09:57,690 --> 00:09:59,358 I can't make out what he was saying. 309 00:09:59,358 --> 00:10:01,394 His hint was covered by the incessant squawking 310 00:10:01,394 --> 00:10:02,895 -of a meridian warbler. -You're right, Rip. 311 00:10:02,895 --> 00:10:04,530 That squawking was a meridian warbler. 312 00:10:04,530 --> 00:10:06,566 But the balking was an Ecuadorian sea hawk. 313 00:10:06,566 --> 00:10:08,134 My God. You're also right. 314 00:10:08,134 --> 00:10:10,336 The other bird call was fucking tucked under there. 315 00:10:10,336 --> 00:10:11,704 And there's only one place in the world 316 00:10:11,704 --> 00:10:13,473 where their migratory patterns overlap. 317 00:10:13,473 --> 00:10:16,676 Looks like we're headed... to Indonesia. 318 00:10:16,676 --> 00:10:18,077 ♪ ♪ 319 00:10:18,077 --> 00:10:19,846 Yeah, he was here, but he didn't find any hat. 320 00:10:19,846 --> 00:10:21,814 He did steal some ornamental robes, though. 321 00:10:21,814 --> 00:10:23,282 [chuckles] Classic arky move. 322 00:10:23,282 --> 00:10:24,684 Never leave a place empty-handed. 323 00:10:24,684 --> 00:10:26,352 Did he say where he was going? 324 00:10:26,352 --> 00:10:28,654 Yeah, a place where "water falls from on high, 325 00:10:28,654 --> 00:10:30,623 like tears from the angel of sadness." 326 00:10:30,623 --> 00:10:33,126 Looks like we're heading... to Venezuela. 327 00:10:33,126 --> 00:10:34,327 ♪ ♪ 328 00:10:34,327 --> 00:10:35,862 He was here, but he didn't find a hat. 329 00:10:35,862 --> 00:10:38,064 Stole a bunch of secret ceramics, though. 330 00:10:38,064 --> 00:10:39,732 That's Wendell for you. So cool. 331 00:10:39,732 --> 00:10:41,367 Did he say where he was going? 332 00:10:41,367 --> 00:10:43,169 Something about "where haggling means hello 333 00:10:43,169 --> 00:10:45,371 and Mehmet's merchants mingle"? 334 00:10:45,371 --> 00:10:48,007 Looks like we're heading... to Istanbul. 335 00:10:48,007 --> 00:10:49,008 ♪ ♪ 336 00:10:49,008 --> 00:10:50,309 Yep, he was here 337 00:10:50,309 --> 00:10:51,978 and swiped our Byzantine sarcophagus. 338 00:10:51,978 --> 00:10:53,112 Ha! I love that. 339 00:10:53,112 --> 00:10:54,413 Rip, that's not good behavior. 340 00:10:54,413 --> 00:10:55,781 He said he was hungry, 341 00:10:55,781 --> 00:10:57,683 and I told him there's a Hardee's nearby. 342 00:10:57,683 --> 00:11:00,253 Looks like we're heading... to Hardee's. 343 00:11:00,253 --> 00:11:01,654 -♪ ♪ -Yeah, he was here. 344 00:11:01,654 --> 00:11:03,389 Asked for a water cup, then filled it with soda. 345 00:11:03,389 --> 00:11:04,457 Did he say where he was going? 346 00:11:04,457 --> 00:11:05,725 No, he didn't say the name. 347 00:11:05,725 --> 00:11:07,627 Damn. After all that, a dead end. 348 00:11:07,627 --> 00:11:09,695 But he did say the latitude was 22 degrees, 349 00:11:09,695 --> 00:11:11,164 46 minutes, 54.8 seconds south. 350 00:11:11,164 --> 00:11:13,232 And the longitude was 81 degrees, 45 minutes, 351 00:11:13,232 --> 00:11:14,600 43.2 seconds east. Does that help? 352 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,402 No, that doesn't. Oh, no, wait, it does! 353 00:11:16,402 --> 00:11:18,471 ♪ ♪ 354 00:11:18,471 --> 00:11:19,705 Rip, I'd like to show you 355 00:11:19,705 --> 00:11:21,374 the first of what I like to call 356 00:11:21,374 --> 00:11:23,309 Saltine's Cool Inventions. 357 00:11:23,309 --> 00:11:25,077 Wow. Great name. 358 00:11:25,077 --> 00:11:28,147 Voilà. It's a mirror that, when a cat looks into it, 359 00:11:28,147 --> 00:11:29,715 it reflects the image of a lion. 360 00:11:29,715 --> 00:11:31,517 I based it on a poster I had in my bedroom growing up 361 00:11:31,517 --> 00:11:32,818 that had the caption, 362 00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,520 "What matters most is how you see yourself." 363 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:35,988 So it reads your brainwaves 364 00:11:35,988 --> 00:11:37,757 and shows you a reflection of your inner self? 365 00:11:37,757 --> 00:11:39,559 Not at all. It can just tell when a cat 366 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:41,961 is looking at it and then it reflects the image of a lion. 367 00:11:41,961 --> 00:11:43,996 Good night, Saltine. 368 00:11:43,996 --> 00:11:45,364 Ah! No! 369 00:11:45,364 --> 00:11:47,900 ♪ ♪ 370 00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:50,536 Have fun. I'll be here with the plane. 371 00:11:50,536 --> 00:11:53,472 These mountain walls must block all radio waves 372 00:11:53,472 --> 00:11:55,741 and satellite signals. We're in a true dead zone. 373 00:11:55,741 --> 00:11:57,877 So they've never heard Stern? 374 00:11:57,877 --> 00:11:59,278 [both gasp] 375 00:11:59,278 --> 00:12:02,148 And now we see how Wendell Banks met his fate. 376 00:12:02,148 --> 00:12:03,316 Looks like a tiger got him. 377 00:12:03,316 --> 00:12:04,750 He must have been cornered. 378 00:12:04,750 --> 00:12:06,252 There's no way out of here. It's a dead end. 379 00:12:06,252 --> 00:12:07,553 There's always a way, 380 00:12:07,553 --> 00:12:09,722 even if you have to make it yourself. 381 00:12:09,722 --> 00:12:11,591 -And here it is. -[gasps] Oh, God. 382 00:12:11,591 --> 00:12:12,692 It's filled with snakes. 383 00:12:12,692 --> 00:12:14,293 Let me guess. You hate snakes? 384 00:12:14,293 --> 00:12:15,895 -Nope, I love them. -Oh. 385 00:12:15,895 --> 00:12:17,830 Yep, I love them, and I always have, 386 00:12:17,830 --> 00:12:19,665 because I'm my own unique character. 387 00:12:19,665 --> 00:12:21,601 -Okay. -I'm not based on anyone else. 388 00:12:21,601 --> 00:12:23,502 -Didn't think you were. -And since I am legally 389 00:12:23,502 --> 00:12:25,071 my own person who is not afraid of snakes, 390 00:12:25,071 --> 00:12:29,041 I'll just reach into this alcove and move some of them aside. 391 00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:31,477 Yep. Pardon me, nice snakes. Hi there. [chuckles] 392 00:12:31,477 --> 00:12:33,279 And pull the lever. 393 00:12:34,780 --> 00:12:36,549 Now you're on the trolley. 394 00:12:36,549 --> 00:12:39,051 [wildlife chirping] 395 00:12:39,051 --> 00:12:41,887 [drumming] 396 00:12:41,887 --> 00:12:43,689 My God. 397 00:12:43,689 --> 00:12:45,791 An untouched civilization. 398 00:12:45,791 --> 00:12:47,226 These Neanderthals could be 399 00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:48,861 a whole tribe of missing links. 400 00:12:48,861 --> 00:12:49,862 And look. 401 00:12:49,862 --> 00:12:51,731 I spy with my little arky eye 402 00:12:51,731 --> 00:12:53,699 -Hammurabi's hat. -SALTINE: That's it. 403 00:12:53,699 --> 00:12:55,167 Let's wait for them to fall asleep, 404 00:12:55,167 --> 00:12:56,202 then we can sneak in... 405 00:12:56,202 --> 00:12:58,104 And there he goes. 406 00:12:58,104 --> 00:13:00,740 [drumming] 407 00:13:00,740 --> 00:13:01,741 [screams] 408 00:13:01,741 --> 00:13:03,042 They somehow noticed me. Run! 409 00:13:03,042 --> 00:13:04,043 [growling] 410 00:13:04,043 --> 00:13:05,645 Well, we're fucking dead. 411 00:13:05,645 --> 00:13:08,214 Rip, look. They're all staring at the hat. 412 00:13:08,214 --> 00:13:09,582 -Oh. -Put it on. 413 00:13:09,582 --> 00:13:11,651 That's interesting. 414 00:13:11,651 --> 00:13:14,053 Huh? Huh. 415 00:13:14,053 --> 00:13:15,554 [grunting] 416 00:13:15,554 --> 00:13:17,189 It almost seems like they won't attack 417 00:13:17,189 --> 00:13:18,824 when I'm wearing the hat. 418 00:13:18,824 --> 00:13:20,459 Yeah, when you're wearing it, they clearly worship you. 419 00:13:20,459 --> 00:13:22,461 -Now let's get out of here. -Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. 420 00:13:22,461 --> 00:13:24,630 They worship me? 421 00:13:24,630 --> 00:13:25,931 Yes. Now let's go. 422 00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:28,868 Actually, I want to hang here a while 423 00:13:28,868 --> 00:13:31,070 -and-and see how this plays out. -What? 424 00:13:31,070 --> 00:13:32,405 Rise, my people, 425 00:13:32,405 --> 00:13:35,174 and gaze upon your glorious leader. 426 00:13:35,174 --> 00:13:36,609 [cheering] 427 00:13:36,609 --> 00:13:37,843 Oh, shit, man. 428 00:13:41,589 --> 00:13:44,159 Saltine, check it. This cat knows English. 429 00:13:44,159 --> 00:13:45,460 -Sup? -His name is Kurt. 430 00:13:45,460 --> 00:13:46,795 Rip, this is crazy. 431 00:13:46,795 --> 00:13:48,263 Let's just take the hat back to Eegan. 432 00:13:48,263 --> 00:13:50,131 Wh-What's your hurry? We've got it made here. 433 00:13:50,131 --> 00:13:53,068 Around-the-clock adulation, free refills on coconut water. 434 00:13:53,068 --> 00:13:55,236 Plus, they're grinding up this emerald forest shit, 435 00:13:55,236 --> 00:13:57,472 and it packs quite a wallop. 436 00:13:57,472 --> 00:13:59,007 [snorts] Wa-ha! 437 00:13:59,007 --> 00:14:00,742 Okay, I get it. You're feeling good. 438 00:14:00,742 --> 00:14:02,077 But we'll leave soon, right? 439 00:14:02,077 --> 00:14:04,412 Sure. Or, hear me out, we never leave. 440 00:14:04,412 --> 00:14:06,748 Hear me out. We live here for the rest of our lives. 441 00:14:06,748 --> 00:14:08,616 Hear me out. We get more of this green stuff. 442 00:14:08,616 --> 00:14:10,251 Hear me out. We snort it all. 443 00:14:10,251 --> 00:14:12,487 Hear me out. And then we die! 444 00:14:12,487 --> 00:14:14,122 Goodbye, Rip. 445 00:14:14,122 --> 00:14:16,825 Okay, but you're gonna miss my new leader ceremony. 446 00:14:16,825 --> 00:14:20,361 Kurt says it'll be the biggest party in many moons. 447 00:14:22,764 --> 00:14:26,367 Hey, Saltine, where's Rip? 448 00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:28,169 -Oh, my God! He's dead?! -What? 449 00:14:28,169 --> 00:14:29,504 No, he's just not coming. 450 00:14:29,504 --> 00:14:30,705 I'm sorry. That was confusing. 451 00:14:30,705 --> 00:14:33,675 Oh, thank God. I thought we'd lost him. 452 00:14:33,675 --> 00:14:35,777 You can't do stuff like that! 453 00:14:35,777 --> 00:14:37,612 KURT: So, this is where we perform 454 00:14:37,612 --> 00:14:39,114 -the new leader ceremony. -Great. 455 00:14:39,114 --> 00:14:40,482 And what are my duties? 456 00:14:40,482 --> 00:14:41,783 You have sex with everyone in the village. 457 00:14:41,783 --> 00:14:43,451 [laughs] Say that again, 458 00:14:43,451 --> 00:14:44,886 Kurt the talking Neanderthal. 459 00:14:44,886 --> 00:14:46,421 Sorry, sometimes my diction is a little off. 460 00:14:46,421 --> 00:14:49,491 I said, you have sex with everyone in the village, 461 00:14:49,491 --> 00:14:51,626 -and if you don't, we kill you. -Huh. 462 00:14:51,626 --> 00:14:53,328 Let me just take a look here. 463 00:14:53,328 --> 00:14:54,362 [gasps] 464 00:14:54,362 --> 00:14:55,964 Holy hell. 465 00:14:55,964 --> 00:14:58,366 Uh, not to give you the wind, Kurt, old pal, 466 00:14:58,366 --> 00:15:00,735 but this is giving me a real case of the zorros. 467 00:15:00,735 --> 00:15:02,237 I mean, not to sound pigeon-livered, 468 00:15:02,237 --> 00:15:04,038 but the bank is closed, if you take my meaning. 469 00:15:04,038 --> 00:15:05,039 [chuckles] Sorry. 470 00:15:05,039 --> 00:15:06,274 I turn into a real church bell 471 00:15:06,274 --> 00:15:07,542 when I've got the zorros. 472 00:15:07,542 --> 00:15:08,576 I'm sure you're like, "Who is this 473 00:15:08,576 --> 00:15:09,611 canceled stamp?" Am I right? 474 00:15:09,611 --> 00:15:10,879 [nervous giggling] 475 00:15:11,713 --> 00:15:13,081 Okay, I think I know 476 00:15:13,081 --> 00:15:14,749 how to convince Rip to come back with us. 477 00:15:14,749 --> 00:15:17,819 Saltine, stop. We can't make him leave. 478 00:15:17,819 --> 00:15:19,587 But what about the arky competition? 479 00:15:19,587 --> 00:15:22,257 The arky world treated Rip like dog shit. 480 00:15:22,257 --> 00:15:23,525 They stomped on him, 481 00:15:23,525 --> 00:15:25,393 then they chewed him up, and spit him out. 482 00:15:25,393 --> 00:15:27,195 Just like you do with dog shit. 483 00:15:27,195 --> 00:15:29,197 So if he's found a place where he feels happy 484 00:15:29,197 --> 00:15:32,066 and respected, who are we to ask him to give that up? 485 00:15:32,066 --> 00:15:35,069 That's a good point. I just hope he's, to quote Pharrell... 486 00:15:35,069 --> 00:15:36,805 -happy. -[Fleety chitters] 487 00:15:37,539 --> 00:15:39,541 -Fleety? Where's Rip? -[sad mumbling] 488 00:15:39,541 --> 00:15:41,810 -Oh, my God, he's dead?! -[mumbling] 489 00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:42,977 Come on! 490 00:15:42,977 --> 00:15:44,913 You guys got to stop doing that! 491 00:15:44,913 --> 00:15:46,781 Rip, are you in here? Rip? 492 00:15:46,781 --> 00:15:49,617 RIP: Oh, yeah. Fill me up, stud. 493 00:15:49,617 --> 00:15:51,052 Crush me out, stallion. 494 00:15:51,052 --> 00:15:52,053 Oh, my God. 495 00:15:52,053 --> 00:15:53,188 -Saltine! -Aah! 496 00:15:53,188 --> 00:15:54,322 You got to get me the fuck out of here. 497 00:15:54,322 --> 00:15:55,824 Rip? But I thought you were... 498 00:15:55,824 --> 00:15:57,225 Getting my backyard churned into a DQ Blizzard? 499 00:15:57,225 --> 00:15:58,726 Luckily, they're so dumb, I've been tricking them 500 00:15:58,726 --> 00:15:59,928 with a sex doll I made out of straw. 501 00:15:59,928 --> 00:16:01,629 -[thumping] -[rustling] 502 00:16:01,629 --> 00:16:03,398 So, uh, you're rescuing me or what? 503 00:16:03,398 --> 00:16:07,235 Heck, yeah, I am. It's time for Saltine's Cool Inventions. 504 00:16:07,235 --> 00:16:08,736 Oh, damn it. Not the cat mirror. 505 00:16:08,736 --> 00:16:10,071 I made a few modifications. 506 00:16:10,071 --> 00:16:12,173 Now, it doesn't just reflect, it also 507 00:16:12,173 --> 00:16:13,641 projects holograms. 508 00:16:13,641 --> 00:16:14,943 Check it. 509 00:16:14,943 --> 00:16:16,377 -[meows] -[confused grunt] 510 00:16:16,377 --> 00:16:18,446 -[screams] -[grunts] 511 00:16:18,446 --> 00:16:20,448 -[meows] -[screams] 512 00:16:20,448 --> 00:16:22,050 -It's working. -I know. 513 00:16:22,050 --> 00:16:24,118 RIP [over recording]: Ooh, that hit the back wall. 514 00:16:24,919 --> 00:16:28,056 -[roaring] -[screaming] 515 00:16:28,056 --> 00:16:29,190 [meowing] 516 00:16:29,190 --> 00:16:31,292 Roar! Roar! 517 00:16:31,292 --> 00:16:32,460 [chuckles] This way! 518 00:16:32,460 --> 00:16:34,295 It works. Okay, I got to ask. 519 00:16:34,295 --> 00:16:36,931 Where did Fleety find a kitten in the middle of the jungle? 520 00:16:37,732 --> 00:16:39,167 -[roaring] - Oh, I see. It's a tiger cub. 521 00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:41,870 And now its mama's pissed. Fleety, you suck. 522 00:16:42,871 --> 00:16:44,172 Uh, that's not good. 523 00:16:44,172 --> 00:16:45,306 [Fleety grunts] 524 00:16:45,306 --> 00:16:47,141 Uh... Okay. 525 00:16:47,141 --> 00:16:48,576 That's normal. 526 00:16:48,576 --> 00:16:50,345 [scoffs] Said no one ever. 527 00:16:50,345 --> 00:16:51,479 -[laughs] -[growling] 528 00:16:51,479 --> 00:16:53,181 Let's move! 529 00:16:59,554 --> 00:17:00,722 [roaring] 530 00:17:00,722 --> 00:17:02,023 Keep running! 531 00:17:02,023 --> 00:17:03,224 [roars] 532 00:17:03,224 --> 00:17:04,292 Ah! 533 00:17:07,629 --> 00:17:09,430 [confused snarl] 534 00:17:09,430 --> 00:17:11,199 [sympathetic growl] 535 00:17:12,333 --> 00:17:14,469 Huh. 536 00:17:14,469 --> 00:17:16,070 Well, that's odd. 537 00:17:16,070 --> 00:17:17,205 Yeah... 538 00:17:17,205 --> 00:17:19,107 Got to say, though... 539 00:17:19,107 --> 00:17:20,375 I don't hate it. 540 00:17:20,375 --> 00:17:22,143 Swooper! Fire up the plane! 541 00:17:22,143 --> 00:17:25,013 Sorry, boss, I couldn't stop him. 542 00:17:25,813 --> 00:17:27,815 I'll be taking that hat, Rip. 543 00:17:27,815 --> 00:17:30,385 You'll have to suck my dick first. 544 00:17:30,385 --> 00:17:32,587 -No, I think I'll just take it. -Right, well, 545 00:17:32,587 --> 00:17:33,955 I guess I can see your point also. 546 00:17:33,955 --> 00:17:36,057 Got to hand it to him, he's good. 547 00:17:38,768 --> 00:17:40,336 -How did you even find us, Zane? -The business card I gave you. 548 00:17:40,336 --> 00:17:42,172 The one that said "fuck you" on it and you kept it anyway 549 00:17:42,172 --> 00:17:44,340 because you're a hoarder, it was a homing device. 550 00:17:44,340 --> 00:17:45,809 Oh, the fucking card? 551 00:17:45,809 --> 00:17:47,177 Unbelievable, man. 552 00:17:47,177 --> 00:17:48,812 I'll just put it in this pocket, though. 553 00:17:48,812 --> 00:17:50,380 Oh, I knew Wendell Banks disappeared 554 00:17:50,380 --> 00:17:52,115 searching for that hat, so I figured I'd be like you 555 00:17:52,115 --> 00:17:54,150 and follow the trail of my male mentor. 556 00:17:54,150 --> 00:17:57,020 Wow, Zane, you are a world-class bum nickel. 557 00:17:57,020 --> 00:17:58,621 Rippy, that really hurt my feelings. 558 00:17:58,621 --> 00:17:59,656 -It did? -No! 559 00:17:59,656 --> 00:18:01,157 I was being sarcastic. 560 00:18:01,157 --> 00:18:03,526 Your dry British wit makes it impossible to tell. 561 00:18:03,526 --> 00:18:04,561 Now, the hat. 562 00:18:04,561 --> 00:18:06,229 Okay, fine. You win, Zane. 563 00:18:06,229 --> 00:18:09,299 No. Zane Troy, if you want to take that hat from Rip, 564 00:18:09,299 --> 00:18:10,967 you're going to have to go through 565 00:18:10,967 --> 00:18:13,102 his temporary assist... [grunts] 566 00:18:13,102 --> 00:18:14,470 Saltine! 567 00:18:14,470 --> 00:18:16,072 Corpus floraria. Ring a bell, Rip? 568 00:18:16,072 --> 00:18:18,975 Anyhoo, antidote's on the beach two klicks thataway. 569 00:18:18,975 --> 00:18:22,545 I'm headed thisaway. You get it. Ta-ta. 570 00:18:22,545 --> 00:18:23,880 Don't worry about me, Rip. 571 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:25,615 -Get the hat back. -No, boss! 572 00:18:25,615 --> 00:18:26,850 We got to get her to the hospital. 573 00:18:26,850 --> 00:18:28,251 SALTINE: The dart is my fault. 574 00:18:28,251 --> 00:18:29,519 Should've seen it coming. 575 00:18:29,519 --> 00:18:30,820 -Saltine, no, hang on. -[coughs] 576 00:18:30,820 --> 00:18:32,155 Oh, God. It's happening again. 577 00:18:32,155 --> 00:18:33,990 Would going after the hat be repeating 578 00:18:33,990 --> 00:18:35,925 the mistakes of my past? Am I being given an opportunity 579 00:18:35,925 --> 00:18:37,994 to make a better choice? Or to make the same choice 580 00:18:37,994 --> 00:18:39,863 as before but in hopes of a better outcome? 581 00:18:39,863 --> 00:18:41,531 Either way, will I live to regret my decision, 582 00:18:41,531 --> 00:18:44,100 or will I revel in the glory of a choice well made? 583 00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:45,668 And is this an act of free will, 584 00:18:45,668 --> 00:18:47,303 or am I fate's unwitting pawn? 585 00:18:47,303 --> 00:18:49,205 If I seize the hat and return to glory at the cost 586 00:18:49,205 --> 00:18:51,741 of Saltine's young life, will I be able to live with myself, 587 00:18:51,741 --> 00:18:54,077 or if I save her life but return to obscurity, 588 00:18:54,077 --> 00:18:55,945 will I forever be filled with resentment? 589 00:18:55,945 --> 00:18:58,147 I don't know what to fucking do, God. 590 00:18:58,147 --> 00:19:01,584 This! Is! Hard! 591 00:19:01,584 --> 00:19:03,052 [thunder crashes] 592 00:19:03,052 --> 00:19:06,756 And so I'd like to introduce my new head arky, 593 00:19:06,756 --> 00:19:10,326 the man who brought me Hammurabi's hat... 594 00:19:10,326 --> 00:19:11,361 Zane Troy. 595 00:19:11,361 --> 00:19:12,762 [cheering and applause] 596 00:19:12,762 --> 00:19:14,631 Thank you. I just want to say I would never 597 00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:17,133 have found the hat without my old friend Rip Digman. 598 00:19:17,133 --> 00:19:18,701 Well, that sucks. 599 00:19:18,701 --> 00:19:19,836 Thanks for saving my life, Rip. 600 00:19:19,836 --> 00:19:21,537 Of course, Saltine. 601 00:19:21,537 --> 00:19:24,274 -There was never a question of what I would do. -What? 602 00:19:24,274 --> 00:19:25,475 I want to say I'm sorry. 603 00:19:25,475 --> 00:19:26,576 I dragged you into all of this, 604 00:19:26,576 --> 00:19:28,044 and it amounted to nothing. 605 00:19:28,044 --> 00:19:29,579 I hope your next assistant will make you proud. 606 00:19:29,579 --> 00:19:31,447 She already has. 607 00:19:31,447 --> 00:19:34,183 Surprise! I'm hiring you as my permanent assistant. 608 00:19:34,183 --> 00:19:36,719 Seriously? But we lost the hat because of me. 609 00:19:36,719 --> 00:19:38,454 We lost the hat because of Zane. 610 00:19:38,454 --> 00:19:41,991 But you, you helped me get back on the proverbial arky horse. 611 00:19:41,991 --> 00:19:43,393 I know your family doesn't approve 612 00:19:43,393 --> 00:19:44,727 of your lifestyle, Saltine, 613 00:19:44,727 --> 00:19:45,995 but they can go to hell 614 00:19:45,995 --> 00:19:48,464 and burn there for a thousand years 615 00:19:48,464 --> 00:19:52,435 as we laugh at them and spray our hot, frothy oat piss 616 00:19:52,435 --> 00:19:54,103 all over their charred corpses 617 00:19:54,103 --> 00:19:57,907 with the force of a thousand beer-bloated stallions. 618 00:19:57,907 --> 00:20:01,110 That was a really nice speech. 619 00:20:01,110 --> 00:20:03,146 Thanks. I wrote it on this piece of toilet paper 620 00:20:03,146 --> 00:20:04,480 while you were unconscious. 621 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,482 Swooper even took an uncredited pass. 622 00:20:06,482 --> 00:20:07,917 Happy to help. 623 00:20:09,018 --> 00:20:11,321 So, what's next for us, boss? 624 00:20:11,321 --> 00:20:12,922 I'll be in touch. 625 00:20:14,857 --> 00:20:18,194 ♪ ♪ 626 00:20:22,999 --> 00:20:25,768 I trust this will be to your liking. 627 00:20:27,770 --> 00:20:29,839 Rip, I'm so glad you're back. 628 00:20:29,839 --> 00:20:31,474 The phone's been ringing off the hook. 629 00:20:31,474 --> 00:20:32,675 With job offers? 630 00:20:32,675 --> 00:20:34,177 No, there's a problem with the phone. 631 00:20:34,177 --> 00:20:35,678 It keeps ringing off the hook. 632 00:20:35,678 --> 00:20:36,813 I called the phone company 633 00:20:36,813 --> 00:20:38,214 and they're gonna fix it tomorrow. 634 00:20:38,214 --> 00:20:39,215 [ringing] 635 00:20:39,215 --> 00:20:40,249 -See? -Oh, yeah, look at that. 636 00:20:40,249 --> 00:20:41,684 -That's freaky. -Also... 637 00:20:41,684 --> 00:20:43,786 you're getting a bunch of emails with job offers. 638 00:20:43,786 --> 00:20:44,821 Really? 639 00:20:44,821 --> 00:20:46,489 I guess some smaller museums 640 00:20:46,489 --> 00:20:49,258 saw Zane say nice things about you in his press conference. 641 00:20:49,258 --> 00:20:51,561 Because his dry British wit makes it impossible to tell 642 00:20:51,561 --> 00:20:53,029 when he's being sarcastic. 643 00:20:53,029 --> 00:20:54,664 Good God, Agatha. Do you know what this means? 644 00:20:54,664 --> 00:20:57,100 [snorts] Rip Digman is back! 645 00:20:59,569 --> 00:21:02,271 Hey, Swooper. I'm heading into my secret chamber. 646 00:21:02,271 --> 00:21:03,473 Have a nice shit. 647 00:21:05,541 --> 00:21:07,343 -[clicking] -[rumbling] 648 00:21:15,318 --> 00:21:16,386 Hey, babe. 649 00:21:17,754 --> 00:21:19,322 Things are finally looking up. 650 00:21:19,322 --> 00:21:22,392 Soon I'm going to find the Grail and bring you back. 651 00:21:22,392 --> 00:21:23,559 But in the meantime, 652 00:21:23,559 --> 00:21:25,328 don't you worry about me being faithful. 653 00:21:25,328 --> 00:21:27,764 Because the only dating I'm interested in... 654 00:21:27,764 --> 00:21:29,032 is carbon dating. 655 00:21:51,805 --> 00:21:53,040 Chirp.