Yeah, I want Kansas City minus four
and Oral Roberts plus nine and a half.
You got to clamp that.
Yeah, and while I got you,
what's the line on Thursday night?
Cowboys minus six and a half,
and the total's 45 and a half.
You think the Giants are gonna get up to seven?
Nah. If anything, it's going down.
Anytime.
Oh, crap,
this valve is for shit.
- I'm sorry? - HEGLAND: Not you.
Just a lifetime of pork chops.
So listen, give me a dime on the hoops
and then I'm gonna wait on the G-Men,
just to, you know, see if they get up to seven.
You're down.
All good. Yeah.
(monitor flatlines)
Oh, boy. Ah...
Fire up the paddles.
If you ever have a problem with the ol' ticker,
I got your guy.
Terrific. So listen, I don't see any way
the IRS doesn't come flying up your ass this year.
What?
It's right there.
I listed all the expenses for the gift shop.
Lot of breakage, some theft.
As you may recall,
terrible flooding in the storage room.
- That hurt. - Flooding?
Out of nowhere.
Aha.
Did this flood damage any of the neighboring stores?
Hmm. Oddly no.
The silver lining is the inventory we did lose
- is deductible. - I see.
I took the liberty of writing it down right there.
Very thoughtful.
What's this townhouse in Tarzana?
Is that another office?
Well, you're listing it as a business expense.
Well, no. Well, yeah. No.
I'll tell you what it is.
Um, do you believe in passion?
- What? - I met a girl.
She's 24 years old going on a hundred,
very old soul.
Anyway, she wants to be an actress,
which you know, it's a rough road.
I'm helping her pay her rent,
and she in turn is helping me resurrect my vitality,
you know, my life force.
Which, yeah, it's reflected in my productivity.
So yeah, it's a business deduction.
You're trying to write off your mistress?
If you want to ignore everything I just said, fine.
All right, maybe we can call your townhouse
a storage facility.
You're the man.
So, what do you think?
You think I got a shot at a refund?
No, Danny, you have to pay taxes to get a refund.
- Well, that's bullshit. - Listen to me,
I have to sign these returns.
If I know they're fraudulent, I'm culpable.
You know what that means? Culpable?
Yeah, I know what culp--
It means you go down, I go down!
Come on.
You and I both know the Feds look the other way
when it comes to bookmaking.
They don't with tax fraud. That's how they got Capone!
Okay, settle down.
(sighs) So, what's our next move?
Our next move is you pay a minimal amount
- of income tax. - Oh, I hate that.
As opposed to everyone else in the world who loves it?
You need to come see my sidewalk in front of my house.
For years now, buckled with tree roots.
People trip, they fall. Old people. Children.
Where's my tax money at work?
You would think I was living in,
I don't know, fucking Cleveland or something.
If you like, I can include a letter in your return
about your buckled sidewalk.
Great. I'll send you some JPEGs.
I'm gonna prepare these documents
so everything's on the up-and-up.
Please tell me if there's anything else I should know.
Insurance scams, young ladies with a dream?
Why are you thinking?
♪ ♪
♪ I bet you won't hit a motherfucker ♪
♪ Hit a motherfucker ♪
♪ Hit a motherfucker, hit a motherfucker... ♪
(music continues quietly)
(sighs)
- Hey, yo. - Hey.
Who's that?
It's Three 6 Mafia.
Mm.
I like it, man.
That's some real fresh OG shit.
I'm glad you approve. Give me my money.
Yeah, yeah. About that. I'm a little light.
But you know I'm good for it.
Why would I know that?
Well, I just figured we've built
a relationship, you know, that foments trust.
- (turns music off) - Let me ask you something.
On those occasions that you won,
have I asked you to do any fomenting?
No. I paid in full.
On time. No bullshit.
I don't know what to tell you, man.
I don't got it.
(locks doors)
Shit.
I'm gonna call my partner.
- Why? - Shh.
Hey, Danny.
Yeah, I'm here with 712...
Yeah, the frat fuck from USC. Well, he's light.
Hold on, let me put you on speaker.
-DANNY: How light? - Not even close.
Well, looks like he's not gonna graduate.
(laughs nervously)
Funny.
Uh, okay. How-how-how about this?
Alabama's a lock on Saturday.
How about you let me put what I owe on the moneyline?
We even up.
So, you want to go double or nothing on a credit?
Win-win.
-RAY: You hearing this, Danny? - I am.
-Thoughts? - Kill him.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait. Hang on, fellas.
(stammers) We're friends, right?
I ain't got no friends.
Ray, you know what to do. Be quick about it.
ZACH: Hang on, hang on, hang on.
Wait, wait, wait. What if I go to my parents?
Keep talking.
I could ask for, you know, a little bit of money
from my trust fund.
You hear that, Danny?
Tinker Bell here gets to live another day.
And you don't have to hose out the back of your car.
24 hours.
I understand. Thank you.
And thanks, Danny, man, I app--
Go.
Thank you.
He bought it.
These stupid gangster movies work in our favor.
Hey, don't discount the fear of a giant Black man.
Could we at least agree me being Italian helps a little?
(chuckles) Yeah, Danny. You're terrifying.
Leave the gun, take the cannoli.
Goodbye.
(cheering over TV)
Yes.
Why don't you put that away and watch the game with me?
I don't like football.
(exhales) Well, there's a way to make it interesting,
even if you don't like it.
Is one team a force for good and one team a force for evil?
Not quite.
How much money you got on you?
- I don't know. - Well, look.
A dollar.
Red team wins, you bet on the red team,
you get two dollars.
Really?
Do you want to bet your dollar on the red team?
Well, what if they lose?
I get your dollar.
Actually $1.10 'cause of the vig.
But you know what? You're family, I'll float you.
But then I'll have nothing.
No. No, no, no.
You'll have several hours of excitement and thrills.
Pass.
Smart boy.
Look. It's Aunt Lorraine.
Motherf--
I like her hat.
There's my guys.
You know anything about this?
Jesus. Is that legal?
- No way. - Well, then you got a problem.
- (door opens) - RAY: Hey.
Hey.
What the hell is that?
Magic shrooms.
What? Coffee not doing it for you anymore?
My sister-- your girlfriend-- has been growing these
right underneath our noses,
but also providing therapeutic guidance
to troubled souls.
"Dr. Lorraine Colavito,
graduate of the UC Berkley Center
for Psychedelic Facilitation."
When did she become a fucking doctor?
She's not a fucking doctor. She's a fucking drug dealer.
This is gonna bring nothing but heat.
I do like the hat.
- You seriously knew nothing about this? - Nothing.
You got to ask yourself if that's a healthy relationship.
Lorraine. You got a minute?
- Not a good time. - I'm out!
- DANNY: What's going on? - (pants)
I'm just a little busy right now.
- We need to talk. - Yeah, like I said, not a good time.
At the bar. One hour.
(grunting)
Come back!
We're your friends!
Sorry, Mommy number three.
Ah, fuck it.
You miss the fancy one?
No, I like this.
It counts my steps, let's me know if I'm breathing.
Cares about me.
Hey, sorry I'm late. I was in Pilates when you called.
What's he doing here?
- If you don't want me here, I'll leave. - Sit down.
- I'm really happy to leave. - So, what's up?
We know about the mushrooms.
We know about the seances or whatever the fuck you're doing.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Do you?
Please, let me leave.
All right, fine.
But you've got it all wrong.
You see, we provide therapy. We're healers.
- You're drug dealers. - And you're putting us all at risk.
No, we're not selling it. We give it away.
- There's no law against giving it away. - Or not much of one.
- So, what's the scam? - LORRAINE: It's really beautiful.
The hallucinogenics are free.
But the hand-holding costs a fucking fortune.
If you're a certified psychedelic counselor.
- Which I am. - No, you're not.
Okay, but nobody knows that.
Hey, uh, you Danny Colavito?
Who's asking?
Uh, look, you don't know me, but I owe you an amends.
What're you talking about?
Uh...
- Give me your watch. - Oh, shit!
- It's him! - Fuck.
I thought I shot you.
Yeah, yeah, you, uh, you did.
- You shot him? - Not now, Lorraine.
You're busting my balls for bringing happiness to people
and you're shooting them in the head?
- He tried to mug me. - I did.
And-and I'm here to make that right.
How?
I'm in a 12-step program,
you know, 'cause of the meth and crack, et cetera.
And this is part of my amends step.
Yeah, I got another one at 7-Eleven after this
that I am not looking forward to.
So, you came down here to say you're sorry
and that's the end of it?
I was hoping so.
Oh, and I wanted to give you a heads-up about Jerry.
Who's Jerry?
He's the waiter that tipped me off.
- He's really angry. - He's alive?
Did you shoot him, too?
- No, he stabbed himself. - Holy shit.
Yeah, he is one angry fucker with a colostomy bag.
And he blames you.
All right, well. Let's see, uh...
What's your name again?
I'm Tarifa. (chuckles softly)
Okay, Tarifa.
I accept your amends.
And I also apologize for... shooting you in the head.
Wow, man.
You know, my sponsor told me not to expect anything in return,
and yet...
Thank you.
Hmm.
Damn.
I think I'm gonna go get me a slushy
and make me another amends.
Good for you.
Go get 'em, chap.
You know, in a different world, he and I could've been friends.
I'm still happy to leave.
All right, things are looking up.
- RAY: Let's get out of here. - DANNY: No.
No more. I'm serious.
- No more. - You didn't hear a word we said.
No more!
(door opens)
So, is that it? We done?
(scoffs) Listen,
I didn't get to where I am by being a quitter.
- And where are you? - Okay, you can leave now.
♪ Lovers, we were one and the same ♪
♪ Everyone could see ♪
♪ As we laughed walking in the falling rain. ♪
- You got to admire her entrepreneurial spirit. - No, I don't.
She's getting in on the ground floor of something new.
That's how great fortunes are made.
I'll give you three-to-one this ends with her in chains.
Your next baby's gonna be born in jail.
Gentlemen, a hearty good evening to--
Just give me my money and get out.
Yeah, about that, it appears my trust fund is
slightly less liquid than I'd hoped.
Here we go.
- Fuck. - But...
I believe I have a solution.
Behold.
- Oh, shit. - Motherfucker.
What? That's got to be worth way more than I owe you.
RAY: That's not the point. It's hot.
Red-hot. A hobo can warm his hands over it.
Please tell me you didn't steal this from your own mother.
Stepmother.
She fellated her way into my father's heart.
I don't know, Zach.
This is more trouble than it's worth.
It's fine.
Worst-case scenario, they go after my junkie brother.
He rips them off every time he gets out of rehab.
Wait, wait, wait. So, you're the good son?
That's fucked-up, right?
- Can you give us a moment? - Sure.
I'll keep a lookout for ne'er-do-wells.
Just get the fuck out of here.
What you think?
I don't want to fence this stuff.
That's a bullet train to hell.
So, what then?
Well...
I can't speak for you, but there's a woman in my life
that would appreciate a spontaneous gesture
of love and affection.
Your wife?
Sure, her too.
("I Want to Pay You Back" by The Chi-Lites playing)
♪ There's something that I want to give you ♪
♪ I'm gonna give you a five-pound box of love ♪
♪ With a million dollar bill on top ♪
♪ Million dollar bill on top ♪
♪ Diamonds on every corner ♪
♪ And a big black pearl for a lock ♪
♪ Use my heart ♪
♪ For a key ♪
♪ I want to pay you back ♪
♪ I want to pay you back for loving me ♪
♪ Pay you back for loving me ♪
♪ Gonna give you a cloud of love to sleep on ♪
♪ A determined man to rely on ♪
♪ Love around every corner ♪
♪ I want to pay you back ♪
♪ Or wherever you might be ♪
♪ Hold you tight ♪
♪ But tenderly ♪
♪ Hold you tight but tenderly ♪
- ♪ I want to pay you back ♪ - ♪ I want to pay you back ♪
♪ I want to pay you back for loving me ♪
♪ Me, me, me ♪
♪ What's the use in turning away ♪
♪ When we could be happy ♪
♪ Each and every day. ♪
- To happy women. - To happy women.
You know, every time I make love to my girlfriend,
somehow I feel more connected to my wife.
I get that.
- I'm gonna take it a step further. - Uh-huh.
Sex with a 24-year-old has kept my marriage strong.
It's because you don't have all that jizz
backing up in your brain, making you go crazy.
Thank you, doctor.
Oh, shit.
Mind if we join you?
Do we have a choice?
Danny, Ray,
I would like you to meet a friend of mine.
This is Patrick Ryan.
I believe you know his son, Zach.
- No, doesn't ring a bell. Danny? - No.
Oh, come on, fellas, can we not do this? The kid flipped on you.
Flipped on us? What are you talking about?
You threatened his life.
He had no choice but to steal from his mother.
Stepmother.
Carl, you know how we operate.
We don't pull any of that strong-arm shit.
Is there any chance that Zach's brother might be involved?
Yeah, we were given to believe that he might be the bad penny.
- Oh, yeah, he is. - Mm.
Except that during the time of the break-in,
Pat Junior was being held without bail
in Brownsville, Texas.
Well, there is bail. I'm just done with him.
Tough love. Good for you.
Shut up.
Here's how this works.
Mr. Ryan is not going to press charges against his son,
which means you turds caught a break.
Calamari.
Just put it in the middle.
Yeah, just get right on in there.
This whole thing goes away.
All you got to do is return the jewelry.
That's gonna be tough.
Might be easier if you just kill us.
♪ ♪
(dialogue inaudible)
♪ ♪
(dialogue inaudible)
♪ ♪
(dialogue inaudible)
♪ ♪
No.
You gave it to me. It's mine.
♪ ♪
(crying)
♪ ♪
- Any problems? - No. Easy-peasy.
Eh...
Is this everything?
- Pretty much. - What does that mean?
My grandma has a tiara. You want it back, you go get it.
The worst thing about this,
this fucking Zach kid just walks away.
Doesn't pay us, doesn't go to jail.
- No repercussions. - It's called white privilege.
Don't do that. I want to hate him, too.
Danny Colavito!
I'm shitting in a bag 'cause of you!
Die, motherfucker! Die!
(horn honks)
(brakes squeal, hiss)
Did your life just pass right in front of you?
- Nope. - Me neither.
- Disappointing. - Very.
(woman screams)
♪ ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I love Jimmy Luxury ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪ - ♪ Hey, hey ♪
♪ La-la-la, I'll see you tomorrow in Havana. ♪