Today is a big day.
Today is the day Lincoln Loud becomes a man.
And I am super pumped.
I've always been known as the man with the plan,
but tonight I'm going to take it up a notch.
My best friend Clyde and I will be watching
the "Rip Hardcore Midnight Marathon"
and getting our official Macho Man badges.
Ooh! Watch my midnight marathon.
Yeah!
Put in promo code "MACHOMAN."
Oh, yeah. Macho!
And I will personally send you your Macho Man badge.
Macho Man badges are not gender specific.
Rip Hardcore isn't just super ripped.
He's super woke and super ripped.
I am totally getting that Macho Man badge!
There's nothing cooler than a badge.
That's why I want to join the FBI as a badge maker.
Maybe I'll even grow some chest hair.
Too pink?
When you're the only boy in the family with 10 sisters,
you learn two things.
Number one, always put the toilet seat down
when you're finished. - Ahh!
Lincoln! - My bad.
- Where's my lucky guitar pick? - And number two--
Hey, stinkhead.
You got to reserve your TV time.
Hops farted again!
I've even staked out my favorite spot on the couch.
Guess this one's out of flips.
The only thing left to do is prepare the midnight snacks.
Ah, the life of a chef.
Poor guy works too hard.
Dad? Dad?
Step aside, Lincoln.
This is a job for my gag flower.
Does that thing even work?
OK, then.
And now it's out of water.
Where am I? What day is it?
Did I miss my half birthday?
My dad loves his half birthday.
Last thing I remember is coming into the kitchen
to fix a late-night chocolate cake for my half birthday,
which I love. - Told you.
Hello, father.
Lucy scared the ding-dang dickens out of me,
but only because it was the middle of the night.
She doesn't scare me during the day anymore.
I don't see what's so scary about me.
I'll get that later.
What were you doing up in the middle
of the night anyway?
If you must know, I've been up 58 hours straight
for my mortician club's Three Nights of Fright.
58 hours?
Lincoln, family meeting whistle.
Another two-hour meeting
where Dad goes on like an old man.
- Order!
Order!
Zip it, people!
Your father said order.
That I did.
Now--
as some of you may have heard--
We know!
Tomorrow is your half birthday!
Tomorrow is my half birthday.
But that's not what this meeting's about.
But feel free to mark it in your calendars.
Moving on.
Lucy--
What?
Has been up for three days straight.
And last night, she scared the bejesus out of me.
So there's going to be a new rule around here.
Probably going to be no more sneaking up on people.
- You think so?
You should really start wearing a bell.
And the new rule is--
Everyone goes to bed before midnight,
not one minute later.
No!
This isn't fair! It's Lucy's fault!
Why should we have to suffer?
Exactly, Dad.
Order!
Don't make me have to count.
Here we go.
1, 2--
You did it, honey.
Sorry I had to be so harsh with them.
In this house, it's all for one and one for all.
And Lucy's not the first kid to make a mistake.
Yeah, Mom's right.
You've all been responsible
for new rules around here.
What?
You said we could have one bowl of ice cream.
New rule!
One normal-sized bowl of ice cream per kid.
By the way, we're out of mint chip.
- Really? The whole time? - The whole time.
Don't worry.
El Diablo won't hurt you.
I found him in the sewer.
New rule.
No bringing home stray pets.
Sorry, Mud Pie.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
It is not up for debate!
Effective today, no one stays up past midnight.
Now I'm going to go clean and repair Vanzilla.
I don't want to do it tomorrow because tomorrow
is my, uh, half-- - We know!
Oh.
Feel free to mark it in your calendars.
I need to come up with a plan.
This is not fair.
Man, that guy's obsessed with his half birthday.
Bingo!
OK, so here's the plan.
Tonight at midnight, you guys take Dad out
to Jean Juan's French Mex
for a half birthday celebration.
I will stay here and watch
the "Rip Hardcore Midnight Marathon"
and get my Macho Man badge.
Look, Lincoln, I'm only home from college for two days.
And we all have a lot of stuff to do.
So if you want us to help you,
you're going to have to help us with our stuff.
- Yeah. - What do you need help with?
Clyde? Got a code--
Red?
How did you know that?
Let's just say I "red" your mind.
OK.
Clyde and I will help you with your stuff,
but we have to get moving because the clock is ticking.
Macho.
Clincoln McCloud, let's do this.
Hah!
I need you to help me brush my pageant wigs.
Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
Good job.
Here's the rest of them.
Oh.
There's more.
Somebody stole my boss's tofu sandwich
from the break room at work, and now she wants all of us
to take a lie detector test.
I need to practice telling the truth.
Any time you lie, it buzzes.
OK, you're not the only sister I have to help.
How long will this take?
It'll go really fast.
Kind of fast.
It might take a really long time.
But just ask me an easy question.
- Am I your favorite brother? - Yes.
Leni, I'm your only brother.
I know, but sometimes you can be a little annoying.
Pretty annoying.
OK, fine.
You're really annoying.
OK, so I need a really funny closing joke
for my comedy act.
What do you think?
Have a great night.
And if you're driving home, please take a car.
Oh my gosh, that is so funny.
Great job. 'Kay, bye.
Not so fast.
I got about 50 other options, and you're not leaving
until you hear them all.
Two fish are in a tank, and one of them says,
how do you drive this thing?
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Bobby literally sent me the most
romantic anniversary text.
I tried to send him one, but I think I need your help.
I'm sure what you wrote is great.
"Bobby, I literally love that you never litter.
"If you literally ever litter, you pick it up later,
"which is literally not littering.
Happy anniversary."
Was that awful? - Literally.
Tomorrow is my hockey team's championship game,
and I need to come up with the perfect motivational speech
to, uh--
- Motivate them? - Yes!
See, this is why I need you, Mr. Good-with-Words Guy.
Let me give you what I got so far.
We got to win this game, you space wasters!
- Oh!
I'm entering Todd in a robotics competition,
and it seems another contestant also has a robot named Todd.
Why can't he change his robot name?
His Todd was named after his recently deceased grandfather.
Some guys have all the luck.
So you need me to come up with a new name
for Robot Todd?
- Precisely. - How about Beau?
- No. - Jamie?
Lame-y.
This is a list of names that I don't like.
We've been here for hours.
The world record for a guinea pig jump is 48 centimeters.
Sprinks here is going to shatter that record
by a full 2 centimeters.
But according to the big shots at Guinness,
I need a witness to verify it.
Fly, Sprinks!
Probably just nerves.
Oh, hey, little dude.
I'm just finishing up this banging track.
But it's missing a little sultry southern sound,
a.k.a. the cowbell.
So grab a drumstick.
I need some cowbell.
Lincoln, where are you?
I got to go.
Lucy?
Hello, brother.
Please stop doing that.
She scared me too.
Let's not mention this in our Macho Man applications.
Why don't we just ask your dad
if he'll change the bedtime rule?
He's fixing Vanzilla today.
It's not a good time to ask him for stuff.
I am not a good mechanic!
I just wanted to replace the windshield wiper fluid!
I need to stay up for five more hours
to complete my Three Nights of Fright.
And although I'd never admit it to my fellow club members,
I'm fading.
I need you to keep me awake.
This isn't going to work, Lincoln.
We're running out of time.
You have too many sisters.
That's it, Clyde!
I just had another idea.
Come with me.
You need a cowbell player to go with your blaring solos.
You need to stay awake.
You need to know if your joke's actually funny.
You need to practice telling the truth.
You need your guinea pig to set a world record.
You need to practice your motivational speech.
- Let's do this! - Yeah!
You need to write your boyfriend a romantic text.
Clyde can help you write it.
He's the best at this stuff.
I wouldn't say I'm the best.
Bobby, how lucky am I that in this infinite universe
our souls exist in the same place at the same time?
Love that is true, love that is real,
love that is love.
Oh, Clyde.
That is literally so perfect.
My dads and I watch a lot of romantic comedies together.
Oh, and if you could run through an airport
and read him your text right before he gets on an airplane,
that'd be ideal.
I did it!
I sent the perfect text!
I laid down the perfect track.
I stayed up for 72 hours straight.
I said sprocket, not socket.
That was a really funny joke.
I wrote a funny closing joke!
I told the truth!
You gotta ask yourself one question--
how bad do I want it?
Now go get it!
Yes!
I'm getting in the "Guinness Book"!
I wrote the perfect speech!
Yes!
I brushed all my pageant wigs!
All that's left to do is come up
with a name for Lisa's robot, and then operation
watch "Rip Hardcore" and get my Macho Man badge
while you guys take dad out
for his half birthday is ready to launch
with time to spare.
- Macho.
I may be a genius, Lola.
But what do you think's going to happen when Dad notices
you're not at his party?
I didn't think about that.
If Dad sees I'm not there,
then he's going to want to come get me.
How could I have missed this?
I'm the man with the plan, but my plan was flawed.
I have to be here to get my Macho Man badge,
but I have to be there so Dad doesn't find out
I skipped his party.
Too bad you can't be two places at once.
Or can I?
The man with the plan is back.
Lincoln.
Excuse me?
We're going to name your robot Lincoln.
I am having such a good time.
Gwen, how's that beef baguette in a bread bowl?
Great. Perfect pre-game meal
for my hockey championship tomorrow.
Carbo load!
You still need to chew carbs, sweetie.
I do?
So the man with the plan came through again.
In 13 minutes, we're going to be official Macho Men.
What happens if your dad notices
it's a robot and not you?
Why does everyone keep poking holes in my plan?
Let's check Lisa's robot cam.
How about you, Linc?
How's that burger treating you?
The modern hamburger was a result
of the emergence of the working class
and the demand for mass-produced,
affordable food.
Oh, no.
What's going on?
Sometimes the artificial intelligence mode overrides
conversational tones.
Wow, Linc, you've really been boning up
on your meat trivia, huh?
Good job, buddy.
Yeah.
Lincoln.
It worked!
I never had any doubts.
T-minus 10 minutes till the midnight marathon.
I think I just felt a chest hair come in.
How you doing?
I've never felt like more of a man.
My lemon bars are ready.
all: ♪ Happy half birthday to you ♪
You're welcome.
Here we go.
Make sure not to verbalize your wish, Father.
It is considered taboo.
You know what, buddy?
I don't need to make a wish, because tonight,
all my wishes have come true.
- Aww.
- Diablo sauce?
Parfaits-- the modern hamburger--happy--
Meat trivia.
Oh!
Fire!
Fire. Ow.
Pain. I'm melting.
What is going on here?
That's not Lincoln, Dad.
It's Todd.
I programmed him to have Lincoln's voice.
What?
Well, why?
Ahh! All you hardcore fans,
enter the promo code "MACHOMAN" right now.
You'll receive your Macho Man badges in three to five
business days, three to five!
I'm going to enter the promo code.
- On it. - It's now or never
for your Macho Man dreams to come true!
Lincoln wanted to stay up to watch
the midnight marathon so that he
could get his Macho Man badge.
He asked us to take you out for your half birthday.
So you wouldn't make him go to bed.
So the only reason you're all here
is to help Lincoln with his scheme.
Yeah.
Well, don't I feel like a fool.
Why aren't you filling in your Macho Man code?
Last chance to enter the code
and get your Macho Man badge!
You know, when I was a kid, there was this really
popular guy named Jake Strong.
And we had the exact same birthday.
And every year, all the neighborhood kids
would go to Jake's party, and no one would come to mine.
And my mom, she tried to entice the kids to come to the party.
One year, we even had a miniature pony.
But it didn't work.
Nobody came?
No.
That pony bucked me off and ran straight to Jake's.
I think he was attracted to all the music and laughter.
Anyway, my mom had this amazing idea.
And she decided that instead of trying to compete with Jake,
we'd start celebrating my half birthday.
And it worked.
All the kids came.
And you know, I just was never happier.
And I always dreamed that you guys would throw me
a half birthday party,
but I guess some things are too good to be true.
10, 9--
Lincoln, 10 seconds or you won't get your badge.
6, 5, 4--
You know what, Clyde?
I don't feel like a Macho Man right now.
Get your badge.
I guess I'll just call a cab to take us home
since I couldn't fix Vanzilla either.
Oh, honey.
No.
I already called a cab.
Hey, Todd.
I love cake.
Surprise!
Wait, wh-- what?
all: Surprise?
It's your surprise half birthday party.
I had to get you out of the house
so we could decorate, right, guys?
Yeah.
Wait, so that whole story about Lincoln's plan?
It was all part of our bigger plan, right, guys?
- Yeah. - Of course.
Wait, you were all in on this?
Yeah.
It's like you said, Dad.
In the Loud House, it is all for one and one for all.
And...
We have another special surprise for you.
I wrote you a half birthday song.
I don't think this could get any better.
And I'm going to kick it with a little cowbell.
It just did.
My real birthday was just a couple weeks ago,
and nobody remembered.
You know what? all: What?
- 1, 2, 3, 4!
all: ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
all: ♪ Yeah ♪
all: ♪ Happy half birthday ♪
both: ♪ And boys ♪
all: ♪ Happy half birthday ♪
all: ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
all: Hey!
all: ♪ And so you know, you're way cooler than Jake Strong ♪
Yeah!
- Love you, Dad! - Love you, Dad!
Thank you!
That was--that was perfect.
Where are Leni and Lana?
What would a half birthday be without a big present?
Please be a pony.
Vanzilla, you're beautiful.
She's purring like a kitten.
Vanzilla!
And I combined all my ribbons from my ribbon collection
to make that pretty bow.
Aww.
This is the greatest night of my life.
And I am the luckiest dad in the world
because I have the best kids ever.
Wait.
Linc, what about your midnight marathon
and your Macho Man badge?
I don't mean a badge from Rip Hardcore
to prove that I'm a man, because a real man
is a guy who loves his family and always
does the right thing.
all: Yeah!
It seems there really is no stronger bond than family.
- You know what?
- What? - Let's just rock this thing!
all: 1, 2, 3, 4!
all: ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
all: ♪ Yeah ♪
all: Happy half birthday!
Yeah!