1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:13,346 [orchestral warm-up] 4 00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:31,281 Po-ta-toes-zah. Zah. 5 00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:33,783 Potatoes. 6 00:00:34,492 --> 00:00:35,368 Baby. 7 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:37,537 [low voice] Baby. [high voice] Baby. 8 00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:40,415 [normal voice] Can I hear it without the house for a second? 9 00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:44,294 Yep. Yep. [drawn-out] Yep. 10 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,171 [malevolent voice] "All those who try…" 11 00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:48,047 [normal] All right, bring it all in. 12 00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:51,843 [mimics announcer] "Ladies and gentlemen, 13 00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:53,970 in the red corner…" 14 00:00:54,053 --> 00:00:56,431 -[accented] "As a South African…" -Yep. Yep. Yep. 15 00:00:56,514 --> 00:00:58,516 "In the red corner…" 16 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,895 [mimics Trump] "I've had so many, so many of them…" 17 00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:03,104 [mimics Obama] "Americans." 18 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,773 -Yep. Yep. -[accented] "As Americans…" 19 00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,149 [mimics Obama] "As Americans…" 20 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:07,817 -"You gotta realize…" -"Never again." 21 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,194 "…it's not a question." 22 00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:10,945 ♪ There's a place… ♪ 23 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:12,655 [mimics Trump] "So many…" 24 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:15,116 -[as Obama] "…but rather of how." -[as Trump] "I've tried…" 25 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:18,369 -[as Obama] "Gotta know that yes, we can." -[as Trump] "I know…" 26 00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:20,121 [rapid vocalizations] 27 00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:21,706 Yep. [rhythmic vocalizations] 28 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,542 [normal voice] Where are all the people? Why are there no people here? 29 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:26,169 What do you mean, I'm early? 30 00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:29,839 [chuckling] 31 00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,008 Ahh. 32 00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:34,511 Yeah, that sounds amazing. 33 00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:38,348 -[mid-tempo rock intro plays] -[audience cheering, muted] 34 00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:42,101 -[music volume increases] -[cheering grows louder] 35 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:49,275 [audience cheering loudly] 36 00:01:58,326 --> 00:02:03,790 -What's going on, Toronto, Canada? -[cheering grows louder] 37 00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:07,085 How you doing, everybody? 38 00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:11,005 -Welcome to the show! -[cheering continues] 39 00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:15,760 Welcome to the show! Welcome to the show! Thank you so much for coming out! 40 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:17,262 We made it! 41 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:19,139 Oh, we made it. 42 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,348 This is so amazing. 43 00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:22,684 What a long time. It has been too long. 44 00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:26,396 -Too long. But we're back. -[applause] 45 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:29,732 -And it's so good to see you all again. -[crowd cheering] 46 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,777 Oh, man, I've missed this. I've missed this so much. 47 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,196 I've missed going around the world. 48 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,949 I've missed people's languages and cultures. 49 00:02:38,032 --> 00:02:40,243 We just did Europe as well. It was so fantastic. 50 00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:41,494 One of my dreams came true. 51 00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:43,538 I got to go to Switzerland for the first time. 52 00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:44,789 One of my dreams. 53 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:48,042 If you don't know this about me, I'll tell you why it was such a big dream. 54 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:50,962 My mother is a Black woman, Xhosa woman, from South Africa. 55 00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:53,006 I grew up in South Africa, right? 56 00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:54,757 -Molweni, molweni. -[crowd cheering] 57 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:58,595 My dad is a Swiss man from Switzerland. White man, right? 58 00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:00,680 And so, I never got to go to Switzerland. 59 00:03:00,763 --> 00:03:02,765 Then, when I got the chance, I never made the time. 60 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:05,727 Then I couldn't go. Then finally now, we went to Switzerland 61 00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:06,728 for the first time. 62 00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:09,022 And it was liberating. 63 00:03:09,105 --> 00:03:10,440 'Cause here's the thing. 64 00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:12,692 My whole life, my whole life, 65 00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:17,405 I have always felt like my dad didn't really love me. 66 00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:18,990 Okay? 67 00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:23,244 And then now, when I went and met him in Switzerland, 68 00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:24,787 I was like, "No." 69 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,414 "He's just Swiss." 70 00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:28,416 [laughter] 71 00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:30,084 They're all like that. 72 00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:31,878 [scattered cheers] 73 00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:34,589 It was a bit weird, though. 74 00:03:34,672 --> 00:03:36,841 I tried to surprise him, though. 75 00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:39,427 Right? I tried to surprise him by learning German. 76 00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:41,054 We hadn't seen each other for a while. 77 00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:43,848 Because he speaks German, I thought I'd surprise him on the trip. 78 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:46,893 You know? I went on Duolingo, did a bunch of studying. 79 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:50,146 And I got to Germany. Like, practiced the whole thing. 80 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,023 Got to Switzerland, was like, "Oh, this is it." 81 00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:53,983 I was ready. Like, "I'm gonna surprise my dad." 82 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,777 I planned to get to his house, knock on the door. 83 00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:57,528 He'd open it, surprised, like, "Oh! Trevor!" 84 00:03:57,612 --> 00:04:00,448 Then I'd be like, "Papa, ich sprechen Deutsch!" 85 00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:03,826 He was gonna be like, "Huh? Ich liebe dich!" 86 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,829 Be like… [celebratory singing] 87 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:09,290 Was gonna be a whole thing. I had it all planned out. 88 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,626 Didn't go according to plan. 89 00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:12,794 [laughter] 90 00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:15,713 I got there. He was surprised. He was happy. But as soon as I spoke, 91 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:17,548 I was like, "Papa, ich sprechen Deutsch!" 92 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,467 He was like, "Don't do that. Don't do that, huh?" 93 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:22,011 -[laughter] -"No, don't do that. No." 94 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,725 Learning German has been a weird journey for me. 95 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:32,438 You know? I wanna speak it because most of my family speaks it on my dad's side. 96 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,107 But I… 97 00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:37,735 I've learned a few things about my German which haven't been great. 98 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,153 I was in Germany, 99 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:42,615 visiting some extended family in a place called Cologne. 100 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,617 Beautiful city. If you've never been, you should go. 101 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,077 Stunning. Stunning place. 102 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,372 And one of my friends, Rolf, was with me in the city. Right? 103 00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:51,499 One day Rolf turns to me, like… 104 00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:54,294 [German accent] "Trevor, you know, today maybe we should have 105 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,796 a traditional German meal, ja?" 106 00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:59,090 "You want to eat something traditionally German?" 107 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,092 "Ja, we're going to take you, okay?" 108 00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:03,845 I was like, "That sounds amazing, Rolf. What are we gonna have?" 109 00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:06,306 He's like, "Ah, okay, have you heard of Subway?" 110 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,850 [laughter] 111 00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:10,893 "I don't think that's German, Rolf." 112 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:14,105 He's like, "Nein, nein. I'm just saying to understand the chain." 113 00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:16,774 "Right? Where you're going to be having the sandwiches 114 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,152 und you are having the bread und choosing the toppings." 115 00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:21,446 Like, "Yeah, I know how Subway works, man." 116 00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:25,199 He's like, "Okay. Ach so, I want to take you to a German version, ja?" 117 00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:26,576 "Better than that. Better." 118 00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:28,995 "Like, with the best bread und meat. You have to go." 119 00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:30,496 So he took me, and he wasn't lying. 120 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,749 So we go to this sandwich shop. 121 00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,667 It's, like, 50 years old. 122 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,669 Everything is in German. We walk in, I was like, 123 00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:38,129 "Oh, this is it!" 124 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:42,425 "Might not be my dad's house, but this is where I can practice my German." 125 00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:43,801 [laughter] 126 00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:46,262 Rolf looks at me, like, "Would you like me to order?" 127 00:05:46,345 --> 00:05:48,639 I was like, "No, Rolf, I'll… I'll order the food." 128 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,641 He's like, "Okay, you're going to buy the food?" 129 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:52,727 Like, "No, you're gonna buy. I just wanna order it." 130 00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:54,479 [laughter] 131 00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:56,272 "I just wanna practice my German." 132 00:05:56,355 --> 00:05:58,483 He's like, "But they might not understand you, ja?" 133 00:05:58,566 --> 00:05:59,817 "Because German can be diff--" 134 00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:02,153 I was like, "Yo, I got this, Rolf. I got this." 135 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:05,364 So I walk up to the counter. The woman was really friendly. 136 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,075 Like, "Guten Tag, kann ich dich helfen?" 137 00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:09,994 -I was like, "Guten tag!" -[laughter] 138 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:13,081 [shouting] "Ich will ein kleinen Broten haben, bitte schön!" 139 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,750 "Das schwarze Broten mit dem Käse!" 140 00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:18,127 "Und das Schinken, bitte schön!" 141 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:21,798 "Und gib für mich ein Pepsi Cola! Danke!" 142 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:25,259 [laughter] 143 00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:30,973 And she shat herself. 144 00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,142 [laughter continues] 145 00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:39,023 I'll never forget the look 146 00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:41,442 in that woman's face. 147 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:44,654 She was petrified. She stared at me and was like… 148 00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:47,573 [gasps] "Der Schwarze Hitler!" 149 00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,575 [laughter] 150 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:52,703 Which means "the Black Hitler." 151 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:55,456 [laughter] 152 00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:58,668 Yeah. 153 00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,629 The way I inflect on certain words 154 00:07:01,712 --> 00:07:04,882 has a certain, uh, Führer feeling to it, apparently. 155 00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:06,968 [laughter] 156 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,470 I was devastated. 157 00:07:10,721 --> 00:07:12,974 Rolf thought it was hilarious. 158 00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:16,602 The whole ride home, we're in the car, he's hitting himself. 159 00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:17,812 [mimics laughter] 160 00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:20,148 "Oh mein Gott!" 161 00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:23,901 "Der Schwarze Hitler!" [cackling] 162 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:26,612 "Oh, Trevor, can you imagine if Hitler was Black?" 163 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,865 [continues cackling] 164 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:30,992 "It totally wouldn't have worked, ja?" 165 00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:34,787 [audience laughing] 166 00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:39,459 Like, "Rolf, it's not that funny." 167 00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:42,753 "I tried to learn German to connect with my family 168 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,797 and sound like one of the worst humans in history." 169 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,841 He's like, "Yeah, but it was totally funny." 170 00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:48,593 "You should have seen yourself." 171 00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:50,094 [mock shouting] 172 00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:52,555 "It's like you were about to invade the meat section." 173 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,515 "Oh mein Gott!" "Oh, you should have--" 174 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,392 I was like, "Rolf, it's not cool, man!" 175 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,602 "I'm in pain right now." 176 00:07:57,685 --> 00:07:59,854 He's like, "Calm down, Trevor. Calm down, ja?" 177 00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:02,899 -"Indulge me mein schadenfreude, okay?" -[laughter] 178 00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:05,026 He actually taught me a new word that day. 179 00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:06,903 Yeah. Never heard it before. 180 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,030 "Schadenfreude." 181 00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,699 German word. Schadenfreude. 182 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:13,201 All right? 183 00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:20,124 It means "to take great joy in the pain and suffering of others." 184 00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:22,251 [laughter] 185 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,462 [chuckles] Fun fact… 186 00:08:24,545 --> 00:08:26,964 That word was never translated into another language. 187 00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:28,799 [laughter] 188 00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:29,967 I wonder why. 189 00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,761 [laughter continues] 190 00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:35,640 Pretty insane word, right? Schadenfreude. 191 00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:36,933 Why would you want that? 192 00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:40,186 To indulge in others' pain and suffering. Why would you… 193 00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:43,523 But then when I thought about it, I was like, "It sounds terrible, but… 194 00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:45,775 we all do it." 195 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:46,817 [laughter] 196 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,361 Every one of us in this room. 197 00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:51,405 We all experience schadenfreude. 198 00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:52,949 You know? 199 00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:55,284 We all do. You know when you have schadenfreude? 200 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,704 When you're driving on the highway, yeah? 201 00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:01,165 And you're cruising along, everything's going well, 202 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:05,795 and you look over on the other side, and the traffic is packed up. 203 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,046 [laughter] 204 00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:09,423 And you get that little feeling inside. 205 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:12,718 Like… [giggles] "I made the right choices in life!" 206 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:15,137 -[maniacal chortle] -[laughter, applause] 207 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,264 That's schadenfreude. 208 00:09:17,431 --> 00:09:18,641 You know what schadenfreude is? 209 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,727 Schadenfreude is what happened when Black women 210 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,771 saw middle-aged white men crying 211 00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:26,399 after Disney said they were changing The Little Mermaid. 212 00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:29,986 [laughter, cheering] 213 00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:32,363 That's schadenfreude. 214 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:37,743 That was one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. 215 00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:40,371 Grown men, crying. 216 00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:43,708 [whiny masculine voice] "This is ruining my childhood!" 217 00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:45,918 "They changed The Little Mermaid!" 218 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,754 "She looks nothing like the original!" 219 00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,506 [normal voice] "Nothing"? 220 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:53,259 She looks nothing like the original, really? Nothing? 221 00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:56,470 There is nothing that reminds you of the original when you look at her? 222 00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:59,557 Nothing at all? You realize the only thing that changed is the color of her skin? 223 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,225 This part of the color of her skin. 224 00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,603 The hair's red, the body is fish. 225 00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:05,646 That doesn't remind you of The Little Mermaid? 226 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:09,442 That was the main thing that you recognized in The Little Mermaid? Really? 227 00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:11,444 [laughter] 228 00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:14,739 You know what schadenfreude is? 229 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,074 Schadenfreude 230 00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:18,993 is what 231 00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:21,329 everybody from 232 00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:24,415 Ireland and Kenya 233 00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:26,626 and Trinidad 234 00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:29,045 -and Jamaica… -[scattered cheering] 235 00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:33,090 -…and South Africa… and India… -[cheers continue] 236 00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:35,009 …all felt 237 00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:39,639 when the news came out and said, "The Royal Family has bad news." 238 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:42,350 -[audience laughing] -[Trevor chuckles] 239 00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:53,819 Here's the thing people don't understand. People are like… 240 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,905 [British accent] "Are you laughing at this?" 241 00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:59,241 "Are you laughing at this?" [normal voice] "Yes, first of all. But…" 242 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:02,161 -[laughter] -"…you're misunderstanding it." Right? 243 00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:05,915 The Royal Family always gets sensitive about people responding to their bad news. 244 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,417 But they don't understand, that's not really bad news. 245 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,836 Every time the Royal Family wants us to feel sorry for them, 246 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,380 is it really bad news? Huh? 247 00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:16,092 They be like… [British accent] "Please, we ask you for your sympathy right now." 248 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:19,095 "We have lost Harry and Meghan." 249 00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:21,013 [normal voice] "Lost them? They're missing?" 250 00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:22,306 [British accent] "No, no." 251 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:26,394 "Your favorite British couple has now become your favorite American couple." 252 00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:28,604 -[dramatic sobbing] -[audience laughing] 253 00:11:28,687 --> 00:11:30,606 [Trevor giggling] 254 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,905 [British accent] "The Royal Family has bad news." 255 00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:39,865 [normal] "Is it bad news?" [British] "Yes, it is." 256 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,992 "The Queen has died." [normal] "Died of what?" 257 00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:45,329 -Finishing life! -[laughter] 258 00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:48,332 You kidding? I'm not saying someone shouldn't grieve, 259 00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,334 but she finished life. 260 00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:53,546 Do you know how many human beings don't get to do that? She finished it. 261 00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:56,340 She died as Queen. Died of what? Old age. 262 00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:58,384 That means you finished the game. 263 00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:00,094 Done. Credits are rolling. 264 00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:02,096 [cheers and applause] 265 00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:04,265 Buried with the jewels. 266 00:12:04,348 --> 00:12:05,641 Hashtag "winning." 267 00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:09,895 You want the colonies to be sad? Those are their jewels. 268 00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:11,522 [laughter] 269 00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:13,691 Africans are like, "Can we have our diamonds back?" 270 00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:16,485 They're like, "No, the Queen takes them with her." 271 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,487 [laughter] 272 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:19,488 You kidding me? 273 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:23,117 People are like, "This is not the time to be talking about her." 274 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,494 "You shouldn't be saying bad things about her. It's not…" 275 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,455 "You shouldn't be speaking ill of the dead." 276 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,915 -No, that's exactly what you should do. -[crowd chuckling] 277 00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:32,835 Yeah, the perfect time to talk shit about people is when they're dead. 278 00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,920 -All right? -[laughter] 279 00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,172 Can we agree on this in society? 280 00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:38,507 Maybe be nicer to each other when we're alive, 281 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,885 and let's talk shit when people die. 282 00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:44,763 -All right? -[cheers and applause] 283 00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:46,098 Do that for me, people. 284 00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:49,018 When I'm dead, say whatever you want about me. 285 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:51,228 When you see me in the streets, just say hi. 286 00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,981 -[laughter] -You know why? 'Cause I'm gone. 287 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,484 People are like… [angry muttering] 288 00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,986 "These people up there dancing on her grave." 289 00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:02,072 Yeah, that's what graves are for. That's why they made them flat. 290 00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:03,574 [laughter] 291 00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:05,659 The whole point was people could dance on them. 292 00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:08,662 Otherwise, they would've made them slanted so you would slide off. 293 00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:11,999 And even in that, the Queen is winning. 294 00:13:12,082 --> 00:13:15,878 She's got some of the best dancers dancing on her grave. Huh? 295 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,796 Can you imagine the Africans coming in? 296 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,174 They're just there, huh, doing their thing? 297 00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:22,510 Then the Irish are like, "We're up next. Hey!" 298 00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:24,720 "Oh, save us some space on the grave." 299 00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:30,226 You've got the Indians coming in. "Now it's our moment." 300 00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:35,314 Finally, everyone from the Caribbean… ♪ Murder, she wrote ♪ 301 00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:39,068 [laughter, applause] 302 00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:40,819 Give it up! 303 00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:44,615 [audience laughs, applauding] 304 00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:56,418 One of my favorite things 305 00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:58,629 I used to love doing 306 00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:02,675 was watching horror movies 307 00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:07,471 and then judging people when they made stupid decisions. 308 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,723 [laughter] 309 00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:13,435 I love it. 310 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:16,397 I watch horror movies. 311 00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:18,649 I wait for people to make stupid decisions. 312 00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:21,569 And then when they die, I'm like, "You deserved it." 313 00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:24,613 [laughter] 314 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,865 Never makes sense. 315 00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:27,700 Never. 316 00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:29,618 You know? Someone being chased. 317 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:33,330 There's, like, a guy in a mask, and he's got a knife. Right? 318 00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,291 Guy's walking. 319 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:38,127 Person runs to their car. They always fumble with the keys. 320 00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:42,131 [panicked whimpering] 321 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:44,592 -Dead. What are you doing? -[laughter] 322 00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:45,676 What are you doing? 323 00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:48,721 If someone's chasing you with a knife and you get to a car, 324 00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:50,973 don't bother getting in. It's a waste of time. 325 00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:54,101 All you do is just run to this side of the car. 326 00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:56,729 -And then you wait. -[laughter] 327 00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,064 When they go that way, you go this way. 328 00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:01,442 -[laughter] -They go that way, you go this way. 329 00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:03,277 Yeah, we can do this shit all day. 330 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:06,864 [vocalizes jaunty tune] 331 00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:14,413 People make the dumbest decisions in horror movies. I don't get it. 332 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,625 My favorite is when people just have to hide. 333 00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:20,210 That's all they have to do. Just hide and shut up. 334 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:22,713 [laughter] 335 00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:24,673 For an hour and a half, they can't do it. 336 00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:26,592 Like in A Quiet Place. 337 00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:28,969 Have you watched that? One of my favorite movies of all time. 338 00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:32,181 Yeah? The one with the aliens that don't see anything? 339 00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:35,559 They just use echolocation to figure out where everyone is. 340 00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:40,773 -[throaty clicking vocalizations] -[laughter] 341 00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:47,613 [continues clicking sounds] 342 00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:53,077 There's always the people hiding in the shed. Just there, like… 343 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,537 -[loud, trembling breaths] -[laughter] 344 00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:58,540 [quavering] Shh… 345 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:03,796 -[shuddering sobs] -[audience laughing] 346 00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:06,048 You just have to be quiet. You can just chill. 347 00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:08,342 Just be there, chilling. 348 00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:11,011 [chuckles] Could be sitting there playing Xbox quietly. 349 00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:12,763 -[laughter] -No… [whimpers] 350 00:16:12,846 --> 00:16:14,640 Shh… 351 00:16:15,432 --> 00:16:17,309 There's always that baby. [mimics baby giggle] 352 00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:18,978 [shuddering] Shh! 353 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:24,358 And there'll always be the moment where you can see the monster's given up. 354 00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:29,655 You know? The moment where the monster's like… [clicking] 355 00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:34,827 -[rapid clicking] -[laughter] 356 00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:37,871 And just as it's about to leave, just as it's about to go, 357 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,457 there's always one idiot, one idiot who jumps up, like, 358 00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:43,335 "I can't take it anymore!" 359 00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:45,170 "Come get me!" 360 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:48,007 [mimics impact grunt] Dead. You deserved it. 361 00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:50,718 [audience laughing] 362 00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:52,803 'Cause I never got it. Right? I never understood. 363 00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,764 Why? All you have to do is wait. 364 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:59,101 You just stay inside for long enough, and the danger will subside. 365 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:02,646 Why can't you do it? Why is it so hard to just stay inside? 366 00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:06,442 And then the pandemic hit. 367 00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:09,194 [audience laughing] 368 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:11,572 I was like, "Ah, now I get it." 369 00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:14,116 [laughter continues] 370 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:17,119 Ah, 'cause we all hit our breaking point. 371 00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,663 The pandemic made people crazy. 372 00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:22,791 I thought we were all gonna come together. That's what I believed. 373 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,501 From all the movies I watched as a kid. 374 00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:28,380 I thought if humans were ever threatened with an existential threat, 375 00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:31,258 we would abandon every single fight we were having, 376 00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:34,386 and we would come together to win. 377 00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:35,888 You know? 378 00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,807 I thought if that virus came, we'd all be there. 379 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:43,020 We'd be like, "All right, no more racism. No more sexism. Let's do this together." 380 00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:46,440 And we'd go and defeat the enemy aliens, and then we'd come back, 381 00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:49,526 be like, "All right, let's get back to the racism and sexism." 382 00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:51,153 [laughter] 383 00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:54,782 Like in Independence Day, that's what happened. Remember? 384 00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:56,325 Yeah. That's what I grew up watching. 385 00:17:56,992 --> 00:18:00,621 Everyone in the world came together to fight the aliens. We stopped all our… 386 00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:03,791 There was no politics, no nothing. We unified, and we won. 387 00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:07,753 And then in real life, what do we do? We fought each other, and we lost. 388 00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,464 We were supposed to be a team. 389 00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:12,424 Will Smith was supposed to be our hero. 390 00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:15,177 [laughter] 391 00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,266 None of it went as planned! 392 00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:23,894 [applause] 393 00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:25,270 [Trevor chortles] 394 00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:29,817 [audience chuckling] 395 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,361 I wonder if that's how the dinosaurs went out, you know? 396 00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:35,823 Maybe they just couldn't agree on anything. 397 00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:39,159 Maybe some warned the others, like, "There's an asteroid!" 398 00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:40,994 "There's an asteroid coming down to Earth!" 399 00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:43,956 Other dinosaurs are like, "Asteroids are not real!" 400 00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:45,082 [laughter] 401 00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:46,542 "It's a hoax!" 402 00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:51,839 That rock smashed into the planet… [mimics impact explosion] 403 00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:53,882 Dust covered the globe. 404 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,426 All the dinosaurs were running around in panic, 405 00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:58,679 "Ahh! The dust is everywhere!" 406 00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:02,349 -"Wear a mask! Wear a mask!" -[laughter] 407 00:19:02,432 --> 00:19:04,810 The T. rex was like, "I can't!" 408 00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:07,437 [laughter continues] 409 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,568 [giggling] 410 00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,196 You know what's so crazy is… 411 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:21,785 I thought the pandemic was gonna ravage Africa the worst. 412 00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:24,872 Yeah, I won't lie. I was terrified. 413 00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:26,832 I was terrified for the African continent. 414 00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:30,502 My whole life, I'd seen, whenever there was a virus that broke out in the world, 415 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,462 if it got to Africa, we got it the worst. 416 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,591 I remember when it started spreading around the globe. 417 00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:36,925 I was getting ready for it. 418 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,136 My friends from home were calling me on the phone. 419 00:19:39,219 --> 00:19:42,681 They're like, "Trevor, are you seeing what's happening with coronavirus?" 420 00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:45,017 "Yeah, I'm seeing it." "What do you think's gonna happen?" 421 00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:47,311 Like, "Aww, man. You guys are screwed, man." 422 00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:48,270 [laughter] 423 00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:51,273 "You guys?" Like, "Yeah. I'm in America, baby." 424 00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:54,318 "I made the right choices in life." 425 00:19:54,401 --> 00:19:55,986 [laughter] 426 00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:57,487 Turns out it was the other way around. 427 00:19:57,571 --> 00:20:00,741 Pound for pound, Africa did better than any other continent 428 00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:02,367 in handling the disease. 429 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:05,245 [cheers and applause] 430 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,249 Shocked everyone. 431 00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:12,211 What was even wilder was this… 432 00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:15,464 When Ebola was happening in Africa, 433 00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:21,345 the news always made it seem like it was Africans' fault for having Ebola. 434 00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:26,141 Every time you'd watch the news, there was always a subtle level of blame 435 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,435 that was happening in the news reports, right? 436 00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:30,270 Didn't humanize the people. 437 00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:33,941 It would always be someone random on, like, Sky or the BBC standing there. 438 00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:36,318 There'd be dead bodies piled up behind them. Like, 439 00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:40,072 "Sarah, I'm standing in West Africa, where as you can see behind me 440 00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:43,408 the bodies of Ebola victims are piling up." 441 00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:45,827 "Many European scientists are asking 442 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:49,289 if unfortunately these Africans have themselves to blame." 443 00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:52,876 "They've been refusing the advice of the World Health Organization, 444 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,879 not understanding the importance of distancing from each other 445 00:20:55,963 --> 00:20:57,089 during this time." 446 00:20:57,172 --> 00:21:00,801 "And it appears that they only have themselves to blame." 447 00:21:00,884 --> 00:21:04,221 "Dillian Pann, BBC. Back to you in the studio." 448 00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:06,723 And I would watch this and be like, "No!" 449 00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:09,434 "Africans, why do we do this to ourselves?" 450 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,603 "Why, Africa?" 451 00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:12,980 "Why?" 452 00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:15,065 "Why do we love doing this to ourselves?" 453 00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:17,484 "Why do we like kissing monkeys?" 454 00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:19,278 -Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. -[laughter] 455 00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:22,197 Mwah, mwah, mwah. "The lips are so sexy." 456 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,324 [laughter] 457 00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:29,371 And then when COVID came, 458 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,790 Africans used everything they had learned 459 00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:35,210 from every virus they had to fight without the help of the West, 460 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:38,171 and they dealt with it better than any other continent. 461 00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:39,464 [applause] 462 00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:42,718 Didn't get credit, by the way. Everyone made it seem like it was luck. 463 00:21:44,928 --> 00:21:47,639 That's where the world is lucky that Africans aren't spiteful. 464 00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:49,641 Yeah. 465 00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:51,518 Africans aren't spiteful people. 466 00:21:51,601 --> 00:21:54,938 'Cause I would've given anything to see one African news anchor be like, 467 00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:58,275 "Good evening, everybody, and welcome to the Africa News Network." 468 00:21:58,358 --> 00:22:02,195 "Tonight, we are covering the ongoing coronavirus pandemic 469 00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:04,406 that is ravaging the Western world." 470 00:22:05,532 --> 00:22:07,492 "Many African scientists are asking 471 00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:10,370 if these people do not have themselves to blame." 472 00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:12,748 [laughter] 473 00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:16,918 "Many of them have refused the advice of the World Health Organization, 474 00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:21,131 completely ignoring the social distancing methods." 475 00:22:21,214 --> 00:22:24,968 "Some have even had to be shown how to wash their own hands." 476 00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:27,429 -[tsking] -[audience laughing] 477 00:22:27,512 --> 00:22:28,847 "Savages." 478 00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:33,185 [cheers and applause] 479 00:22:33,852 --> 00:22:38,815 "It appears what has been increasing the severity of this problem 480 00:22:38,899 --> 00:22:43,403 is the fact that some do not even want to wear masks across their face, 481 00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:47,199 saying, quote, 'I cannot breathe through this piece of cloth.'" 482 00:22:47,282 --> 00:22:49,034 [laughter] 483 00:22:49,117 --> 00:22:53,330 "This is commonly known by scientists as 'bitch-ass lungs syndrome.'" 484 00:22:53,413 --> 00:22:57,000 -[laughter] -"Back to you in the studio, Chippewa." 485 00:22:57,084 --> 00:22:59,920 [cheers and applause] 486 00:23:00,003 --> 00:23:01,588 Would've given anything to see that. 487 00:23:02,881 --> 00:23:07,302 One of the biggest side effects of COVID that I didn't expect 488 00:23:07,385 --> 00:23:09,679 is how stupid it would make human beings. 489 00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:11,598 [laughter] 490 00:23:11,681 --> 00:23:13,642 Yeah. If there's one thing coronavirus did, 491 00:23:13,725 --> 00:23:16,561 it taught me how many of my friends are absolute idiots. 492 00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:19,815 Everyone studied at the University of Facebook. 493 00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:21,274 [laughter] 494 00:23:21,358 --> 00:23:24,319 Everyone's a scientist. [chuckles] 495 00:23:25,654 --> 00:23:27,489 Everyone had a conspiracy theory. 496 00:23:28,115 --> 00:23:30,700 "You know what happened here. The government did this." 497 00:23:30,784 --> 00:23:33,120 "Oh, the government?" "Yeah. The government did this." 498 00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:35,122 "Why?" "To control us." 499 00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:38,125 "You thought this gave them control?" 500 00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:39,626 [audience snickering] 501 00:23:39,709 --> 00:23:42,379 "You think governments wanted this?" 502 00:23:43,672 --> 00:23:46,383 Which do you think gives a government more control? 503 00:23:47,384 --> 00:23:50,762 A population that goes to work, earns money, 504 00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:54,307 buys things they can't afford, get into debt, have to go back to work, 505 00:23:54,391 --> 00:23:56,476 do more of the thing they don't like to get more money 506 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,353 to pay the debt for the thing they didn't need, 507 00:23:58,436 --> 00:23:59,855 for the thing they didn't need or afford. 508 00:23:59,938 --> 00:24:02,190 To get more money to go to the job for the thing they don't like, 509 00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:03,525 for the thing they didn't need, 510 00:24:03,608 --> 00:24:05,819 to get the loan for the money for the thing they didn't want, 511 00:24:05,902 --> 00:24:08,029 to get into more debt to get the thing they don't want, 512 00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:10,115 to go to the job they don't need for the money… 513 00:24:10,198 --> 00:24:12,450 Which do you think gives them more control? That? 514 00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:15,662 Or everyone just sitting at home 515 00:24:16,663 --> 00:24:18,874 with free money, thinking about life? 516 00:24:18,957 --> 00:24:21,585 [laughter] 517 00:24:22,294 --> 00:24:24,004 Everyone just sitting at home, like, 518 00:24:24,629 --> 00:24:26,715 "How come a weekend's only two days?" 519 00:24:26,798 --> 00:24:29,718 [laughter] 520 00:24:29,801 --> 00:24:31,636 [Trevor chuckles] 521 00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:35,974 That's a government's worst nightmare. 522 00:24:37,851 --> 00:24:39,477 Conspiracies were stupid. 523 00:24:39,561 --> 00:24:42,272 Here's the thing. I'm not against conspiracy theories. Right? 524 00:24:42,355 --> 00:24:46,151 Please understand that. I actually like a good conspiracy theory. 525 00:24:46,234 --> 00:24:48,236 In fact, I think everybody should hold one. 526 00:24:48,862 --> 00:24:54,784 I think, in your life, you should hold at least one good conspiracy theory. 527 00:24:54,868 --> 00:24:57,621 -Yeah. Keeps you on your toes. -[crowd chuckling] 528 00:24:57,704 --> 00:24:59,831 Don't just trust everything everyone tells you. 529 00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:02,125 You gotta have one. 530 00:25:02,209 --> 00:25:03,960 Like, mine? My personal favorite? 531 00:25:05,086 --> 00:25:06,171 I believe 532 00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:09,758 that gluten is concentrated white privilege. 533 00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:12,594 [laughter] 534 00:25:17,098 --> 00:25:18,308 You know I'm right. 535 00:25:18,391 --> 00:25:20,227 [laughter continues] 536 00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:25,273 But COVID, oh, man, the conspiracies were ridiculous. 537 00:25:26,233 --> 00:25:28,235 Especially because I know what really happened. 538 00:25:28,318 --> 00:25:30,320 All right? That's what frustrated me. 539 00:25:31,112 --> 00:25:32,197 No, I do. 540 00:25:32,906 --> 00:25:36,493 I knew exactly what caused COVID. I saw it coming and I didn't say anything. 541 00:25:36,576 --> 00:25:39,329 -My bad, by the way. I, uh… -[laughter] 542 00:25:39,412 --> 00:25:41,039 Yeah, it was too much wishing. 543 00:25:41,873 --> 00:25:43,375 We wished too much. 544 00:25:43,458 --> 00:25:44,960 I saw it coming. 545 00:25:45,043 --> 00:25:48,713 You know, when I was young, wishing was something that was special. 546 00:25:48,797 --> 00:25:49,923 Didn't happen that much. 547 00:25:50,006 --> 00:25:52,217 You had to have a special set of circumstances 548 00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:53,760 in order to make a wish. 549 00:25:53,843 --> 00:25:58,265 You'd find a clover with the right amount of leaves. Yeah? 550 00:25:58,348 --> 00:26:00,058 There'd be a star, shooting. 551 00:26:00,141 --> 00:26:02,060 "Where?" "There!" [gasps] Too late. 552 00:26:02,143 --> 00:26:03,895 [laughter] 553 00:26:03,979 --> 00:26:05,981 Or it had to be your birthday. 554 00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:07,524 They'd bring out the candles. 555 00:26:08,066 --> 00:26:09,734 And if you blew them all out, 556 00:26:09,818 --> 00:26:11,444 you could make a wish. 557 00:26:11,528 --> 00:26:13,613 And if you missed any, you died. 558 00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:16,241 [laughter] 559 00:26:18,493 --> 00:26:21,413 But then people just started wishing for anything, huh? 560 00:26:21,496 --> 00:26:23,540 Find an eyelash on their cheek… [dramatic gasp] 561 00:26:23,623 --> 00:26:25,125 "Make a wish!" 562 00:26:25,208 --> 00:26:27,877 Know how many of these shits are on your face at any given time? 563 00:26:27,961 --> 00:26:29,212 [laughter] 564 00:26:29,296 --> 00:26:31,298 People started wishing on, like, the time. 565 00:26:31,381 --> 00:26:33,967 -Right? Be like, "11:11." -[laughter] 566 00:26:34,050 --> 00:26:35,385 "Make a wish!" 567 00:26:35,468 --> 00:26:38,305 -That's every day. -[laughter] 568 00:26:38,388 --> 00:26:41,474 Twice a day on this side of the world, 'cause people don't like big numbers. 569 00:26:41,558 --> 00:26:43,268 [laughter] 570 00:26:43,351 --> 00:26:46,479 You can't wish every day. That's not a special occasion. But people did it. 571 00:26:46,563 --> 00:26:49,190 People were wishing. Wishing, wishing, wishing. 572 00:26:49,274 --> 00:26:51,026 Everywhere. Even rappers got involved. 573 00:26:51,109 --> 00:26:55,280 "Oh, I wish a nigga would." Would what? You can't just leave it open-ended. 574 00:26:55,363 --> 00:26:56,990 [laughter] 575 00:26:58,491 --> 00:27:01,244 And that's how we got COVID. All our wishes came together. 576 00:27:01,328 --> 00:27:03,204 And they all came true at the same time. 577 00:27:03,288 --> 00:27:04,456 And that's what we got. 578 00:27:05,206 --> 00:27:08,793 Yeah, COVID was like an asshole genie that gave us everything we asked for. 579 00:27:08,877 --> 00:27:11,921 [laughter] 580 00:27:13,506 --> 00:27:14,341 We all wished. 581 00:27:14,924 --> 00:27:17,052 How many people were rubbing that lamp 582 00:27:17,135 --> 00:27:18,595 at the beginning of 2020? 583 00:27:19,512 --> 00:27:20,680 Just wishing away, like, 584 00:27:20,764 --> 00:27:24,351 "Oh, I wish I didn't have to go into the office every day." 585 00:27:24,434 --> 00:27:26,436 "Oh!" [mimics whoosh] 586 00:27:26,519 --> 00:27:30,690 -[evil chortling] -[audience laughing] 587 00:27:30,774 --> 00:27:33,068 [malevolent voice] "Your wish is granted." 588 00:27:33,151 --> 00:27:34,652 [laughter] 589 00:27:36,029 --> 00:27:38,656 Yeah, you wished not to go into the office. 590 00:27:38,740 --> 00:27:41,951 You forgot to wish that the office wouldn't come into your house. 591 00:27:42,035 --> 00:27:44,371 [laughter] 592 00:27:44,454 --> 00:27:46,373 [scattered applause] 593 00:27:46,456 --> 00:27:48,083 Now you are stuck, 594 00:27:48,166 --> 00:27:51,336 every day, on Zoom, 595 00:27:51,419 --> 00:27:54,297 can't blink, gotta make constant eye contact. 596 00:27:54,381 --> 00:27:56,383 -"Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh." -[laughter] 597 00:27:56,466 --> 00:27:58,093 "Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh." 598 00:27:59,427 --> 00:28:01,096 Had to find the one corner of your house 599 00:28:01,179 --> 00:28:03,348 that made it look like you had your shit together. 600 00:28:03,431 --> 00:28:05,934 [laughter] 601 00:28:08,686 --> 00:28:10,063 Everybody wished. 602 00:28:11,147 --> 00:28:13,358 And, boy, we got what we wished for. 603 00:28:13,441 --> 00:28:15,568 How many parents were rubbing that lamp? 604 00:28:16,361 --> 00:28:17,695 Wishing away? 605 00:28:17,779 --> 00:28:22,033 "Oh, I wish I could spend more time with my kids. Oh!" 606 00:28:22,117 --> 00:28:23,660 "Oh!" [mimics whoosh] 607 00:28:23,743 --> 00:28:26,871 -[evil chortling] -[audience laughing] 608 00:28:26,955 --> 00:28:28,873 [malevolent voice] "Your wish is granted." 609 00:28:28,957 --> 00:28:30,917 [laughter] 610 00:28:32,210 --> 00:28:33,169 Yeah. 611 00:28:34,045 --> 00:28:36,965 A lot of parents realized the only reason you like your kids 612 00:28:37,966 --> 00:28:39,884 is because you only know them part-time. 613 00:28:39,968 --> 00:28:43,847 [laughter, applause] 614 00:28:43,930 --> 00:28:46,766 [scattered cheers, whistles] 615 00:28:46,850 --> 00:28:49,894 You meet them in the morning, send them off, tuck them in at night. 616 00:28:49,978 --> 00:28:51,604 It's a pretty sweet gig. 617 00:28:51,688 --> 00:28:52,981 [laughter] 618 00:28:53,064 --> 00:28:56,818 But the next thing you know, everyone was trapped indoors, 24/7. 619 00:28:56,901 --> 00:28:59,362 Ooh, it was so fun to watch the parents flip. 620 00:28:59,446 --> 00:29:01,906 It was so fun. Remember at the beginning, all the parents were there, 621 00:29:01,990 --> 00:29:04,909 like, "You will not open the schools!" 622 00:29:04,993 --> 00:29:07,704 "My children are not going anywhere!" 623 00:29:07,787 --> 00:29:09,914 "I will protect them at all costs." 624 00:29:09,998 --> 00:29:14,043 "I'm a mama bear and I'll protect my cubs, you hear me?" 625 00:29:14,586 --> 00:29:18,423 "You will not open the schools until the virus is gone!" 626 00:29:18,506 --> 00:29:20,675 [laughter] 627 00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:23,386 -Nine months later… -[laughter continues] 628 00:29:27,140 --> 00:29:29,392 Those same parents were there, screaming on the stoop. 629 00:29:29,476 --> 00:29:33,062 -"When are the goddamn schools opening?" -[laughter] 630 00:29:33,146 --> 00:29:36,816 "You can't expect me to spend all day with these kids! Who am I, their mom?!" 631 00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:38,067 [laughter] 632 00:29:38,151 --> 00:29:39,986 "They should be in school!" 633 00:29:40,069 --> 00:29:42,697 Kids are like, "But, Mommy, there's a new variant out there." 634 00:29:42,781 --> 00:29:46,701 "Listen, Timmy, at some point you're gonna have to see what you're made of, okay?" 635 00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:47,786 [laughter] 636 00:29:47,869 --> 00:29:51,247 "Either your lungs are gonna make it or they ain't. All right, buddy?" 637 00:29:51,331 --> 00:29:53,833 "Now get on out there and see what you're made of." 638 00:29:53,917 --> 00:29:56,127 "If Simba could do it, so can you. Hakuna matata." 639 00:29:56,211 --> 00:29:57,670 "Go on, buddy. Go on." 640 00:29:57,754 --> 00:30:01,466 -[laughter, applause] -[Trevor laughing] 641 00:30:05,386 --> 00:30:06,721 We all wished! 642 00:30:12,685 --> 00:30:15,021 How many couples out there were wishing? 643 00:30:15,104 --> 00:30:17,065 [laughter] 644 00:30:18,399 --> 00:30:19,901 Rubbing away at that lamp. 645 00:30:20,944 --> 00:30:23,071 Looking into each other's eyes. 646 00:30:23,738 --> 00:30:25,114 Like, "Damn, girl." 647 00:30:26,366 --> 00:30:29,911 "I wish I could be locked in a room with you all day." 648 00:30:29,994 --> 00:30:32,497 -[laughter] -"Mmm, mmm, mmm!" 649 00:30:33,456 --> 00:30:36,918 "Mmm, girl, I wish they would lock us up and throw away the key." 650 00:30:37,001 --> 00:30:38,670 "The things I would do to you." 651 00:30:38,753 --> 00:30:41,172 "Oh, yeah? What would you do to me?" 652 00:30:41,256 --> 00:30:45,593 "Girl, I wish they would tell us we could only see each other all day." 653 00:30:45,677 --> 00:30:46,678 "All day." 654 00:30:46,761 --> 00:30:50,181 -[mimics whoosh, chortles evilly] -[laughter] 655 00:30:50,265 --> 00:30:52,684 [malevolent voice] "Your wish is granted." 656 00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:57,313 Lot of couples 657 00:30:57,397 --> 00:31:00,441 learned a lot during the pandemic. 658 00:31:00,525 --> 00:31:03,111 Lot of couples learned a lot during the pandemic. 659 00:31:03,945 --> 00:31:05,572 Lot of people realized 660 00:31:06,155 --> 00:31:08,616 that love may be unconditional, 661 00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:11,369 but "like" has a time-limit. 662 00:31:11,452 --> 00:31:13,663 [laughter] 663 00:31:16,499 --> 00:31:19,168 "'Cause I love you, baby. I just don't know if I like you anymore." 664 00:31:19,252 --> 00:31:21,921 [laughter continues] 665 00:31:25,508 --> 00:31:28,720 It all started as so much fun, remember? In the beginning, it was like a sleepover. 666 00:31:28,803 --> 00:31:31,472 "Oh my God, this is so much fun!" 667 00:31:33,850 --> 00:31:36,019 And then the weeks turned into months. 668 00:31:36,811 --> 00:31:38,688 The months turned into years. 669 00:31:39,898 --> 00:31:42,150 And at some point, you'd be sitting in the house 670 00:31:43,443 --> 00:31:45,320 with a glaze over your eyes, 671 00:31:46,988 --> 00:31:48,156 and you'd hear them 672 00:31:48,990 --> 00:31:50,408 coughing on the other side. 673 00:31:51,326 --> 00:31:53,745 [mimics weak coughing] 674 00:31:54,787 --> 00:31:58,583 -And you'd be like, "Yes." -[laughter] 675 00:31:59,751 --> 00:32:02,045 "Oh, yes, Jesus." 676 00:32:03,296 --> 00:32:05,048 "Take them now, Lord." 677 00:32:06,591 --> 00:32:09,177 "If it's their time, it's their time." 678 00:32:10,261 --> 00:32:12,931 "Let thy will be done, Lord Jesus." 679 00:32:14,015 --> 00:32:18,227 -"I could use the extra office space." -[laughter] 680 00:32:25,485 --> 00:32:26,778 You know, 681 00:32:28,529 --> 00:32:32,075 one of the things that saddens me the most about the world we live in is that 682 00:32:32,909 --> 00:32:37,622 we oftentimes don't have the luxury to process the whys. 683 00:32:40,208 --> 00:32:41,584 We know that things happen. 684 00:32:42,710 --> 00:32:45,088 We feel the things happening to us. 685 00:32:45,171 --> 00:32:46,798 But oftentimes, 686 00:32:46,881 --> 00:32:49,842 we don't make the time or don't have the time to process 687 00:32:50,510 --> 00:32:51,636 the why. 688 00:32:54,764 --> 00:32:57,141 Why were we so angry? 689 00:32:58,685 --> 00:33:00,937 Why did we fight each other so much? 690 00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:03,606 We had no compassion for each other. 691 00:33:04,232 --> 00:33:06,025 We were the worst of ourselves. 692 00:33:07,527 --> 00:33:09,654 And you know, if you ask me, it's because… 693 00:33:11,823 --> 00:33:12,991 we were scared. 694 00:33:13,908 --> 00:33:16,953 As humans, we've become so comfortable 695 00:33:17,036 --> 00:33:18,079 knowing, 696 00:33:19,122 --> 00:33:21,165 that we forget how uncertain life is. 697 00:33:23,501 --> 00:33:26,546 We get taught every single day that "we know, we know, we know." 698 00:33:26,629 --> 00:33:29,424 We get comfortable knowing, so you think you'll always know. 699 00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:31,801 "What's the traffic gonna be like?" You know. 700 00:33:32,593 --> 00:33:36,014 "What's the weather gonna be like?" You know. "Oh, it'll rain on Thursday." 701 00:33:36,097 --> 00:33:38,391 Understand what a magic trick that is? 702 00:33:39,017 --> 00:33:41,144 If you had that technology 500 years ago, 703 00:33:41,227 --> 00:33:43,271 you're like, "It'll rain Thursday," people will be like… 704 00:33:43,354 --> 00:33:47,567 -[mimics tribal chanting] -[audience laughing] 705 00:33:51,279 --> 00:33:53,990 We take that for granted, but it's also made us forget that 706 00:33:54,073 --> 00:33:55,324 life is uncertain. 707 00:33:55,408 --> 00:33:57,577 We don't know. The pandemic showed it. 708 00:33:57,660 --> 00:33:58,953 It exposed every one of us. 709 00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:02,206 And I think the thing we need to take a moment to think about is the why. 710 00:34:02,290 --> 00:34:04,375 Why were we so angry? Why were we so frustrated? 711 00:34:04,459 --> 00:34:05,877 It wasn't because of movies, 712 00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:07,962 it wasn't because we couldn't go out to parties, 713 00:34:08,046 --> 00:34:10,423 it wasn't because we couldn't go to the mall, any of that shit. 714 00:34:10,506 --> 00:34:12,925 It's because we lost each other. 715 00:34:13,509 --> 00:34:16,137 -I lost you. You lost me. -[cheers and applause] 716 00:34:16,971 --> 00:34:17,972 We lost this. 717 00:34:19,724 --> 00:34:20,850 You know? 718 00:34:20,933 --> 00:34:23,227 That's the real thing people were frustrated about. 719 00:34:24,562 --> 00:34:28,107 And what made it worse was governments made it seem like they knew. 720 00:34:28,191 --> 00:34:30,109 I think that's the thing that made it worse. 721 00:34:30,193 --> 00:34:31,903 They were so confident, 722 00:34:31,986 --> 00:34:34,530 they made it seem like they knew. 723 00:34:34,614 --> 00:34:36,407 They said it would be 21 days. 724 00:34:37,241 --> 00:34:39,994 [laughter] 725 00:34:40,078 --> 00:34:42,872 Twenty-one days. I will never forget that number. 726 00:34:44,373 --> 00:34:45,625 'Cause we didn't ask why. 727 00:34:46,709 --> 00:34:47,585 Right? 728 00:34:47,668 --> 00:34:51,297 We heard of China building a 10,000-person hospital overnight. 729 00:34:51,380 --> 00:34:53,841 None of us asked, "Why?" 730 00:34:53,925 --> 00:34:56,511 -[laughter] -We were just like, "Ah, China." 731 00:34:57,720 --> 00:34:59,222 "They love building shit." 732 00:34:59,305 --> 00:35:01,808 [laughter continues] 733 00:35:03,434 --> 00:35:05,645 I remember how confident world leaders were as well. 734 00:35:06,187 --> 00:35:07,897 Some more cocky than others. 735 00:35:08,689 --> 00:35:10,066 One of my favorites was 736 00:35:10,608 --> 00:35:12,860 Prime Minister of the UK, Boris Johnson. 737 00:35:13,569 --> 00:35:14,654 Yeah. 738 00:35:14,737 --> 00:35:16,489 He was an interesting one. 739 00:35:16,572 --> 00:35:17,532 [laughter] 740 00:35:17,615 --> 00:35:18,950 He went to a hospital 741 00:35:19,659 --> 00:35:20,952 during the pandemic, 742 00:35:21,536 --> 00:35:23,162 and he was hugging people. 743 00:35:23,246 --> 00:35:25,331 Like, right at the beginning, he was hugging people. 744 00:35:25,414 --> 00:35:27,291 Journalists asked him, "Prime Minister Johnson, 745 00:35:27,375 --> 00:35:29,836 do you think it's appropriate to be hugging people during…" 746 00:35:29,919 --> 00:35:33,548 He's like, "First of all, everyone needs to calm down. This is not a pandemic." 747 00:35:33,631 --> 00:35:36,300 "Look at my hair. Do I look stressed? Everybody needs to calm down." 748 00:35:36,384 --> 00:35:38,511 "Nothing… Everything is fine. I can touch people." 749 00:35:38,594 --> 00:35:40,388 "We're not shutting down. Everything stays open." 750 00:35:40,471 --> 00:35:42,473 "The pubs will stay open, the football stays open." 751 00:35:42,557 --> 00:35:45,810 "Excuse me, I have to go…" [dramatic vocalizations] 752 00:35:45,893 --> 00:35:48,354 He was just gone. He didn't give a shit. You know? 753 00:35:48,437 --> 00:35:51,232 America's president, oh, he was even cockier. 754 00:35:51,315 --> 00:35:54,569 Yeah. You see him when he came out? Donald J. Trump? 755 00:35:54,652 --> 00:35:56,195 Oh, he had all the swag. 756 00:35:56,279 --> 00:35:59,782 He was like, "Folks, we're gonna have it handled." 757 00:36:01,117 --> 00:36:05,955 -"In 21 days, 21 days." -[laughter] 758 00:36:06,038 --> 00:36:09,333 "The virus will be gone, 21 days." 759 00:36:10,376 --> 00:36:12,545 "Some are even saying 20." 760 00:36:12,628 --> 00:36:15,923 [laughter, applause] 761 00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:20,595 That disease came and kicked Trump and Boris deep in the chest. 762 00:36:20,678 --> 00:36:24,640 Both men went to the ICU, almost died. Only reason they survived 763 00:36:24,724 --> 00:36:27,685 is because they're both heads of state. They gave them that secret juice. 764 00:36:28,895 --> 00:36:32,315 Boris, to his credit, he came out of that hospital like he had seen Jesus. 765 00:36:32,398 --> 00:36:33,608 [laughter] 766 00:36:33,691 --> 00:36:36,360 He came from the hospital, held a press conference, 767 00:36:36,444 --> 00:36:37,945 shut everything down. 768 00:36:38,029 --> 00:36:40,907 He came there, barely dressed, like, "Everybody, this is not a joke." 769 00:36:40,990 --> 00:36:43,034 "I've seen it for myself. The UK's shutting down." 770 00:36:43,117 --> 00:36:45,077 "Please, football's gone. The pubs are gone." 771 00:36:45,161 --> 00:36:47,205 "Do not take this lightly. I've experienced it myself." 772 00:36:47,288 --> 00:36:49,582 "I promise, this is not fun. I can't talk, I have to go." 773 00:36:49,665 --> 00:36:52,835 "Please, I can't talk. I have to…" And he was just gone. 774 00:36:52,919 --> 00:36:54,337 Gone! That man was terrified. 775 00:36:54,420 --> 00:36:56,422 I was half-expecting coronavirus to come around the corner. 776 00:36:56,505 --> 00:37:02,303 -Like… [clicking] -[audience laughing, applauding] 777 00:37:03,221 --> 00:37:05,681 [cheering] 778 00:37:08,309 --> 00:37:10,478 Trump, on the other hand, didn't give a damn. 779 00:37:12,021 --> 00:37:14,190 That man will die from being stubborn. 780 00:37:14,982 --> 00:37:16,609 He came out of the hospital, 781 00:37:16,692 --> 00:37:19,654 could barely breathe, but still held a press conference. 782 00:37:19,737 --> 00:37:22,990 Didn't even speak. Was just like… [dramatic wheezing] 783 00:37:23,074 --> 00:37:26,827 -[audience laughing] -[continues wheezing] 784 00:37:28,579 --> 00:37:30,998 [laughter continues] 785 00:37:34,585 --> 00:37:36,254 [mimics Trump] "If I can do it…" 786 00:37:36,337 --> 00:37:39,423 [wheezes] "…so can you." 787 00:37:39,507 --> 00:37:43,302 -[audience laughing, cheering] -[laughing] 788 00:37:44,053 --> 00:37:46,013 Ah, man. 789 00:37:46,097 --> 00:37:48,891 [cheers and applause] 790 00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:56,065 I honestly don't get how anybody voted for that man. 791 00:37:56,148 --> 00:37:58,276 [laughter] 792 00:37:58,359 --> 00:37:59,318 I really don't get it. 793 00:37:59,402 --> 00:38:02,280 [crowd cheering] 794 00:38:04,282 --> 00:38:05,533 And by the way, 795 00:38:05,616 --> 00:38:07,159 I don't mean politically. 796 00:38:07,243 --> 00:38:08,411 All right? I understand. 797 00:38:08,494 --> 00:38:11,205 People will vote for the politics they wanna vote for. I get that. 798 00:38:11,289 --> 00:38:14,292 What I don't understand is why people voted for him. 799 00:38:14,375 --> 00:38:17,295 What was even crazier was that some people voted for him 800 00:38:17,378 --> 00:38:19,714 and then were disappointed by who he was. 801 00:38:19,797 --> 00:38:21,465 [laughter] 802 00:38:21,549 --> 00:38:23,384 That was the craziest thing I've ever seen. 803 00:38:23,467 --> 00:38:25,678 People were like, "I can't believe what he's doing." 804 00:38:25,761 --> 00:38:27,179 "I can't believe what he's doing." 805 00:38:27,263 --> 00:38:29,390 "I'm sorry, you can't believe what's happening?" 806 00:38:29,473 --> 00:38:30,850 "Donald Trump. Can you believe this?" 807 00:38:30,933 --> 00:38:33,936 "Can I believe he's doing the same thing he's been doing his whole life?" 808 00:38:34,020 --> 00:38:35,771 "Yeah, I can't believe this. This is shock--" 809 00:38:35,855 --> 00:38:37,189 "You're shocked?" 810 00:38:37,273 --> 00:38:40,735 Donald Trump is the least shocking human being I've ever come across in my life. 811 00:38:41,402 --> 00:38:43,779 He is consistently being himself. 812 00:38:44,989 --> 00:38:46,949 The man is a clichéd villain. 813 00:38:47,033 --> 00:38:49,327 Looks like a villain, talks like a villain. 814 00:38:49,869 --> 00:38:52,163 He looks like he should be in a Scooby-Doo episode. 815 00:38:52,246 --> 00:38:55,458 [laughter, applause] 816 00:38:55,541 --> 00:38:57,293 With that face, with that vibe? 817 00:38:57,376 --> 00:38:59,754 You could see him in the lineup when they're trying to solve the crime. 818 00:38:59,837 --> 00:39:02,006 "Who do you think it is, Scoob?" Be like, 819 00:39:02,089 --> 00:39:03,966 "Oh, it wasn't me, I'll tell you that much." 820 00:39:04,050 --> 00:39:06,135 "I didn't do anything. I'm innocent." 821 00:39:06,218 --> 00:39:10,222 -[as Trump] "I'm innocent. So innocent." -[laughter] 822 00:39:10,306 --> 00:39:13,684 "Some say, the most innocent man who's ever lived." 823 00:39:14,727 --> 00:39:16,395 Be like, "Yeah, I think it's that guy." 824 00:39:16,479 --> 00:39:17,980 [laughter] 825 00:39:23,402 --> 00:39:24,653 I just don't get it. 826 00:39:25,571 --> 00:39:27,490 Why would you vote…? I mean, actually… 827 00:39:27,573 --> 00:39:29,742 I get it, but I don't understand. 828 00:39:30,659 --> 00:39:33,329 'Cause what I get and I've realized is, 829 00:39:33,412 --> 00:39:34,955 in the United States of America, 830 00:39:35,039 --> 00:39:38,459 if you want to win an election, all you need to have is a strange voice. 831 00:39:38,542 --> 00:39:39,835 [crowd chuckling] 832 00:39:39,919 --> 00:39:43,089 Simple as that. Wanna be president of the United States? 833 00:39:43,172 --> 00:39:44,590 Get a strange voice, you're done. 834 00:39:45,466 --> 00:39:48,219 Yeah, forget policies, forget ideas. That's boring. 835 00:39:48,302 --> 00:39:49,845 You come out there, "Here are my--" 836 00:39:49,929 --> 00:39:51,389 "Boo!" 837 00:39:51,472 --> 00:39:53,224 "Normal-sounding-ass bitch." 838 00:39:53,307 --> 00:39:55,059 [laughter] 839 00:39:55,142 --> 00:39:56,060 No. 840 00:39:56,769 --> 00:39:59,522 You come out there with a strange voice, the people love it. 841 00:40:00,439 --> 00:40:02,566 You realize there's been no American president 842 00:40:02,650 --> 00:40:04,610 who has a normal speaking voice. None. 843 00:40:05,194 --> 00:40:08,280 You can go back as far as you want. None of them spoke normal. None. 844 00:40:08,906 --> 00:40:11,450 Go back as far as… Like, JFK. 845 00:40:11,534 --> 00:40:12,785 JFK. He didn't speak normal. 846 00:40:12,868 --> 00:40:17,039 He had that thing. [mimics trebly voice] "Ask not what your country can do for you, 847 00:40:17,915 --> 00:40:21,335 but ask what you can do for your…" That's not normal. 848 00:40:21,419 --> 00:40:22,586 [laughter] 849 00:40:22,670 --> 00:40:24,964 Don't care what anybody says. That's not normal. 850 00:40:25,464 --> 00:40:27,466 You're telling me that man was standing in a McDonald's, 851 00:40:27,550 --> 00:40:29,093 ordering food with that voice? 852 00:40:29,718 --> 00:40:33,305 Like, "Could I please get a number one, medium, with fries." 853 00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:36,684 "And I'll also have a McFlurry, please." 854 00:40:37,518 --> 00:40:39,854 "What do you mean the ice cream machine is broken?" 855 00:40:39,937 --> 00:40:41,814 [laughter] 856 00:40:41,897 --> 00:40:43,566 That's not normal. 857 00:40:45,818 --> 00:40:48,404 No American presidents speak normal. None. 858 00:40:48,487 --> 00:40:50,739 Bill Clinton. He didn't speak normal. 859 00:40:50,823 --> 00:40:54,160 He always did that thing where it sounded like he was trying to seduce the audience. 860 00:40:54,243 --> 00:40:55,369 You know? Like… 861 00:40:55,453 --> 00:40:57,913 [gravelly, seductive voice] "I did not have sexual relations…" 862 00:40:57,997 --> 00:40:59,999 [laughter] 863 00:41:00,082 --> 00:41:01,208 "…with that woman." 864 00:41:01,292 --> 00:41:02,835 [sleazy chuckle] 865 00:41:03,919 --> 00:41:05,254 What are you doing? 866 00:41:05,337 --> 00:41:06,714 [laughter] 867 00:41:07,923 --> 00:41:10,301 No American president spoke normal. None of them. 868 00:41:10,384 --> 00:41:12,261 George Bush, he didn't speak normal. 869 00:41:12,344 --> 00:41:14,054 Always did that weird chuckly thing. 870 00:41:14,138 --> 00:41:16,390 [Southern accent] "Gonna find the people that did this, 871 00:41:16,974 --> 00:41:18,976 and then bomb a totally different country." 872 00:41:19,059 --> 00:41:21,020 -[snarky chuckle] -[laughter] 873 00:41:21,103 --> 00:41:23,731 "Fool me once…" [snarky chuckle] 874 00:41:23,814 --> 00:41:25,274 That's not normal. 875 00:41:25,858 --> 00:41:28,444 No American president spoke normal. None. 876 00:41:28,527 --> 00:41:30,654 Barack Obama, he didn't speak normal. 877 00:41:30,738 --> 00:41:33,199 Always did that thing where it sounded like his voice was buffering. 878 00:41:33,282 --> 00:41:36,160 -"Uh…" -[laughter] 879 00:41:36,243 --> 00:41:38,037 "Uh… as Americans, 880 00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:42,208 uh, we gotta try to get, uh… faster internet." 881 00:41:42,291 --> 00:41:44,919 [laughter, cheers] 882 00:41:45,002 --> 00:41:46,128 That's not normal. 883 00:41:48,130 --> 00:41:50,257 Joe Biden, he doesn't speak normal. 884 00:41:50,341 --> 00:41:51,550 You kidding me? 885 00:41:51,634 --> 00:41:54,428 He just fades into mumbles every time he gives a speech. 886 00:41:54,512 --> 00:41:57,056 -[laughter] -Not normal. He'll be up there, like, 887 00:41:57,139 --> 00:42:00,893 "That's why the most important thing to understand…" [mumbling] 888 00:42:00,976 --> 00:42:04,313 "…the dreams of the finest negroes. Come on, man." 889 00:42:04,396 --> 00:42:07,942 -[laughter] -"Come on. Please." 890 00:42:08,692 --> 00:42:09,860 "I mean it." 891 00:42:10,611 --> 00:42:12,029 "Come on." 892 00:42:12,863 --> 00:42:14,114 That's not normal. 893 00:42:16,825 --> 00:42:19,662 -Trump, that was the weirdest of all. -[laughter] 894 00:42:20,246 --> 00:42:22,498 Every other American president was predictable. 895 00:42:22,581 --> 00:42:24,166 You understood the ebb and flow. 896 00:42:24,250 --> 00:42:26,043 Trump, you never knew what to expect. 897 00:42:26,794 --> 00:42:28,879 All right? The volume on his voice, all over the place. 898 00:42:28,963 --> 00:42:30,673 Inflection where it didn't make sense. 899 00:42:30,756 --> 00:42:33,175 Do you know how hard it was to figure out where to put the volume 900 00:42:33,259 --> 00:42:35,594 -on your TV when watching his speech? -[laughter] 901 00:42:37,304 --> 00:42:40,724 I had to sit there and ride it like a shitty DJ the whole time. 902 00:42:40,808 --> 00:42:43,102 As he would speak. Because you wouldn't know when it'd happen. 903 00:42:43,185 --> 00:42:45,604 He'd be up there, "I think, as Americans, 904 00:42:45,688 --> 00:42:49,817 -we try and try, so try, big trying." -[laughter] 905 00:42:49,900 --> 00:42:51,193 "All trying." 906 00:42:51,277 --> 00:42:53,195 "I know this. I do." 907 00:42:54,363 --> 00:42:56,907 "But I know and I think 908 00:42:57,575 --> 00:42:59,535 if we can, we can, 909 00:42:59,618 --> 00:43:02,955 but we won't, but we will, but maybe. But…" 910 00:43:03,038 --> 00:43:04,748 -[laughter] -What? 911 00:43:05,457 --> 00:43:07,751 [cheers and applause] 912 00:43:07,835 --> 00:43:09,086 It's not normal. 913 00:43:15,634 --> 00:43:18,846 That's why I laugh whenever I come to Canada and watch your news. 914 00:43:18,929 --> 00:43:20,848 [laughter] 915 00:43:20,931 --> 00:43:23,642 Every time I come to Canada, I turn on the news, and they'll be like, 916 00:43:23,726 --> 00:43:26,895 "There's a Canadian scandal happening." 917 00:43:26,979 --> 00:43:28,981 "Justin Trudeau in another scandal." 918 00:43:29,064 --> 00:43:32,568 He has the most adorable scandals. You kidding me? 919 00:43:33,152 --> 00:43:36,488 Compared to American presidents? What? They're like, "He's scandalous." 920 00:43:36,572 --> 00:43:39,783 "Has he been convicted of anything? Then shut the hell up." 921 00:43:39,867 --> 00:43:41,910 -[laughter] -Be like, "He's scandalous." 922 00:43:41,994 --> 00:43:45,748 He's got the terrible… "He slept at a rich man's house." 923 00:43:45,831 --> 00:43:47,374 [chortling] 924 00:43:47,458 --> 00:43:49,043 Ah, that's adorable. 925 00:43:49,126 --> 00:43:50,502 [laughter] 926 00:43:50,586 --> 00:43:53,464 My favorite scandal of Justin Trudeau's, by far, 927 00:43:53,547 --> 00:43:58,344 is the one where he went on a trip to India. 928 00:43:58,427 --> 00:44:01,013 [laughter] 929 00:44:01,096 --> 00:44:03,766 And then became Indian. 930 00:44:03,849 --> 00:44:07,603 [laughter, applause] 931 00:44:09,605 --> 00:44:13,859 That has to be one of the greatest scandals of all time. 932 00:44:17,237 --> 00:44:18,572 I remember when it broke. 933 00:44:19,448 --> 00:44:22,451 He took off. He was wearing a suit. He left Canada. 934 00:44:22,534 --> 00:44:26,121 Waving on the plane. "Goodbye. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye." 935 00:44:26,205 --> 00:44:28,332 Got on, flew to India, landed. 936 00:44:28,415 --> 00:44:32,252 Doors opened, and he came out, and he was already half-Indian. 937 00:44:32,336 --> 00:44:34,129 [laughter] 938 00:44:34,213 --> 00:44:35,506 Had the jacket on. 939 00:44:35,589 --> 00:44:37,299 But what was crazy 940 00:44:37,383 --> 00:44:41,220 was that as the trip progressed, he became more and more Indian 941 00:44:42,054 --> 00:44:43,263 each day. 942 00:44:44,223 --> 00:44:46,767 Clearly, no one's telling him what's happening on the news in Canada, 943 00:44:46,850 --> 00:44:48,143 because Canadians were losing it. 944 00:44:48,227 --> 00:44:50,729 Like, "This is disrespectful! How can you do this, eh?" 945 00:44:50,813 --> 00:44:53,482 And he was out there becoming more and more Indian. 946 00:44:53,565 --> 00:44:56,026 It started with the top, and then he went down to the pants. 947 00:44:56,110 --> 00:44:58,320 He had the full outfit. Then he had the headdress. 948 00:44:59,071 --> 00:45:01,824 My favorite was when he walked into a meeting with Indian dignitaries 949 00:45:01,907 --> 00:45:03,200 and they were all wearing suits. 950 00:45:03,283 --> 00:45:05,953 [laughter] 951 00:45:06,036 --> 00:45:08,831 [applause] 952 00:45:10,082 --> 00:45:11,375 This man walked into that meeting 953 00:45:11,458 --> 00:45:13,168 looking like he was about to audition for Baat Ban. 954 00:45:13,252 --> 00:45:16,338 -You were like, "What the hell is this?" -[laughter] 955 00:45:17,423 --> 00:45:19,842 He was getting so Indian that I was hoping a moment would come 956 00:45:19,925 --> 00:45:22,136 where he'd be in the middle of a speech, 957 00:45:22,219 --> 00:45:24,596 and I was just hoping suddenly he'd be like… 958 00:45:25,931 --> 00:45:28,016 "Can I just say how proud I am 959 00:45:29,309 --> 00:45:31,437 of the work we've done together?" 960 00:45:32,688 --> 00:45:34,982 "As Canadians and as Indians…" 961 00:45:35,983 --> 00:45:38,485 [singing] ♪ …we… ♪ 962 00:45:38,569 --> 00:45:42,322 -[rhythmic vocalizations] -[laughter, applause] 963 00:45:42,406 --> 00:45:44,741 [vocalizing in Indian musical style] 964 00:45:44,825 --> 00:45:47,661 -[cheers and applause] -I was hoping that would happen. 965 00:45:49,872 --> 00:45:51,373 I was waiting for it. 966 00:45:55,377 --> 00:45:57,671 "The biggest scandal of all time." 967 00:45:57,754 --> 00:46:00,299 "He became Indian." 968 00:46:00,382 --> 00:46:02,092 [laughter] 969 00:46:04,428 --> 00:46:06,013 I don't think it was that bad. 970 00:46:07,347 --> 00:46:09,850 I just think he tries too hard, to be honest. 971 00:46:09,933 --> 00:46:12,102 You know, I think Justin Trudeau tries too hard. 972 00:46:12,186 --> 00:46:15,731 Tries too hard to show he's compassionate. Tries too hard, you know? 973 00:46:15,814 --> 00:46:17,816 I don't think it's that bad. And look, I'm biased. 974 00:46:17,900 --> 00:46:19,610 I know I'm biased. I am. 975 00:46:20,402 --> 00:46:23,655 Because I… I too have Trudeau'd. 976 00:46:24,281 --> 00:46:26,742 [laughter] 977 00:46:26,825 --> 00:46:27,993 I'll… Yeah. 978 00:46:28,076 --> 00:46:29,912 I'll confess it here tonight. 979 00:46:29,995 --> 00:46:32,331 I too have Trudeau'd, Canada. 980 00:46:32,414 --> 00:46:33,957 [crowd chuckling] 981 00:46:34,041 --> 00:46:37,669 I too have tried too hard to connect with a group of people, and… 982 00:46:38,295 --> 00:46:39,546 it did not go well. 983 00:46:39,630 --> 00:46:41,507 [laughter] 984 00:46:41,590 --> 00:46:44,968 My story happened in Edinburgh, Scotland. 985 00:46:45,052 --> 00:46:46,553 [scattered cheers] 986 00:46:46,637 --> 00:46:50,015 Beautiful place. If you've never been, go. Stunning. 987 00:46:50,682 --> 00:46:51,600 Everything. 988 00:46:51,683 --> 00:46:53,101 The place is full of history. 989 00:46:53,185 --> 00:46:55,229 The people are lovely and warm. 990 00:46:55,312 --> 00:46:57,314 The place isn't, but the people are. 991 00:46:57,397 --> 00:46:58,899 [laughter] 992 00:46:58,982 --> 00:47:01,485 Everything is old. They love telling you that. 993 00:47:01,568 --> 00:47:03,654 Everywhere you'll go in Edinburgh, people will be like, 994 00:47:03,737 --> 00:47:05,322 "How old d'ya think that bridge is?" 995 00:47:05,405 --> 00:47:08,200 Like, "I don't know." They're like, "Three hundred years old." 996 00:47:08,867 --> 00:47:12,746 Like, "Oh, okay." They be like, "That church, 500 years old." 997 00:47:13,622 --> 00:47:17,251 -"Meet my son, 800 years old." -[laughter] 998 00:47:17,876 --> 00:47:20,295 "He looks six." "Aye. Scottish workmanship." 999 00:47:20,379 --> 00:47:22,464 [laughter] 1000 00:47:22,548 --> 00:47:24,967 But they're a wonderful people. It was really great out there. 1001 00:47:25,050 --> 00:47:27,594 We were there for a comedy festival, okay? 1002 00:47:27,678 --> 00:47:28,929 And… 1003 00:47:29,012 --> 00:47:30,973 what I do whenever I'm traveling is, 1004 00:47:31,056 --> 00:47:32,808 if I get to be in the same place as my friends, 1005 00:47:32,891 --> 00:47:34,434 we try and spend as much time together. 1006 00:47:35,018 --> 00:47:38,981 And what we'll do is we'll order food or we'll go out, and when we do that, 1007 00:47:39,064 --> 00:47:41,149 we allow one person to designate the meal. 1008 00:47:41,233 --> 00:47:43,527 Nobody negotiates. Everybody gets to pick a day. 1009 00:47:44,152 --> 00:47:45,821 And so, whenever my day comes around, 1010 00:47:46,530 --> 00:47:49,283 consistently I pick Indian food. 1011 00:47:49,366 --> 00:47:51,910 All right? Yeah, I think it's the best cuisine in the world. 1012 00:47:51,994 --> 00:47:53,161 -Nothing comes close. -[cheering] 1013 00:47:53,245 --> 00:47:56,790 You don't agree with me, let's meet in the parking lot and we can fight. 1014 00:47:56,873 --> 00:47:58,542 [laughter] 1015 00:47:58,625 --> 00:48:00,836 I love Indian food. Loved it my whole life. 1016 00:48:01,712 --> 00:48:03,797 We're in Edinburgh. I'm with friends. "Where are we going?" 1017 00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:06,133 "Trevor, what do you say?" I'm like, "Indian food." "Every time!" 1018 00:48:06,216 --> 00:48:08,010 "Yes, every time, Indian food." 1019 00:48:08,093 --> 00:48:09,928 "It's always the same." "Then why keep asking?" 1020 00:48:10,012 --> 00:48:12,931 -"If you know, you know. Stop asking me." -[laughter] 1021 00:48:13,765 --> 00:48:15,726 And I searched for where we were gonna go. 1022 00:48:15,809 --> 00:48:19,187 I always try and find the most authentic Indian restaurant I can find. 1023 00:48:19,271 --> 00:48:22,316 I mean, like, authentic Indian restaurants. 1024 00:48:22,399 --> 00:48:26,820 You know? What I'll do is I'll go to a place, and then I'll ask around. 1025 00:48:26,903 --> 00:48:28,488 I'll ask people, like, "Where do you go?" 1026 00:48:28,572 --> 00:48:30,741 Then like, where the white people tell me, I don't go there. 1027 00:48:30,824 --> 00:48:33,160 [laughter] 1028 00:48:33,243 --> 00:48:34,328 [Trevor chuckles] 1029 00:48:36,538 --> 00:48:39,041 So I found this authentic spot. 1030 00:48:39,124 --> 00:48:40,959 And it was… I was so happy. 1031 00:48:41,043 --> 00:48:43,128 Now, the reason it had to be so authentic, 1032 00:48:43,211 --> 00:48:45,297 just so you understand a little bit of me… 1033 00:48:45,380 --> 00:48:47,257 I grew up in South Africa, as you know. Right? 1034 00:48:47,341 --> 00:48:50,177 Now, what a lot of people may not know is that South Africa 1035 00:48:50,260 --> 00:48:53,597 has one of the largest Indian populations outside of India. 1036 00:48:54,348 --> 00:48:58,435 All right? One of the largest Indian populations outside of India. 1037 00:48:58,518 --> 00:49:00,228 I know Canada's number one now. 1038 00:49:00,312 --> 00:49:03,440 [laughter] 1039 00:49:03,523 --> 00:49:04,900 But when I was growing up, 1040 00:49:04,983 --> 00:49:10,238 we had the single largest population of Indians outside of India. 1041 00:49:10,322 --> 00:49:11,740 Yeah. So if India blew up… 1042 00:49:11,823 --> 00:49:13,533 [mimics explosion] 1043 00:49:13,617 --> 00:49:14,701 We were India. 1044 00:49:14,785 --> 00:49:16,328 [laughter] 1045 00:49:16,411 --> 00:49:17,454 It was that close. 1046 00:49:19,331 --> 00:49:22,209 And so I was lucky enough to grow up surrounded by Indian culture. 1047 00:49:22,292 --> 00:49:24,419 In fact, one of my best friends growing up 1048 00:49:24,503 --> 00:49:26,713 was a little Indian boy by the name of Theesan Pillay. 1049 00:49:27,506 --> 00:49:29,174 And we were thick as thieves. 1050 00:49:29,257 --> 00:49:31,927 I don't think you understand. Every day, we hung out together. 1051 00:49:32,010 --> 00:49:33,845 We spent our recesses together. 1052 00:49:33,929 --> 00:49:36,181 We're hanging out, eating, everything together. 1053 00:49:36,264 --> 00:49:37,641 Because we had so many things in common. 1054 00:49:37,724 --> 00:49:39,476 We met at the beginning of the school year, 1055 00:49:39,559 --> 00:49:41,978 and we had so many things in common. 1056 00:49:42,062 --> 00:49:44,398 Like, he liked running. I liked running. 1057 00:49:45,565 --> 00:49:46,692 So… 1058 00:49:46,775 --> 00:49:49,027 [laughter] 1059 00:49:49,111 --> 00:49:51,738 Theesan and I would spend every day together. 1060 00:49:51,822 --> 00:49:54,700 And our ritual was simple. We'd go to all the classes we did, 1061 00:49:54,783 --> 00:49:57,035 and then we'd meet at what we called break time. 1062 00:49:57,119 --> 00:49:59,121 At break time, we'd sit and eat lunch together. 1063 00:49:59,204 --> 00:50:01,456 Now, our lunches were very different. All right? 1064 00:50:01,540 --> 00:50:05,043 Because Theesan would get a packed lunch from his mom every single day. 1065 00:50:05,127 --> 00:50:07,671 I would get money from my mom to buy food 1066 00:50:07,754 --> 00:50:09,673 from the school tuck shop. Right? 1067 00:50:09,756 --> 00:50:11,216 Cafeteria. Right? 1068 00:50:11,299 --> 00:50:13,427 So I'd go and buy the food every day. 1069 00:50:13,510 --> 00:50:15,554 'Cause my mom couldn't cook, right? 1070 00:50:15,637 --> 00:50:18,557 Well, she tried once, and I was like, "Don't do this ever again." 1071 00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:20,350 -[laughter] -"This is child abuse." 1072 00:50:20,434 --> 00:50:21,977 "Just give me the money." 1073 00:50:22,811 --> 00:50:24,312 So, I would buy the food every day. 1074 00:50:24,396 --> 00:50:26,815 Theesan, on the other hand, had food that his mom made every day. 1075 00:50:26,898 --> 00:50:29,151 And every day, the meal was curry. 1076 00:50:29,985 --> 00:50:31,236 I know this 1077 00:50:31,319 --> 00:50:33,739 because every day, we'd sit down together, 1078 00:50:33,822 --> 00:50:35,657 Theesan would open his little lunchbox, 1079 00:50:35,741 --> 00:50:38,744 he'd take out his little can of juice, 1080 00:50:38,827 --> 00:50:42,164 he'd unwrap his sandwich with little triangles cut out. 1081 00:50:42,247 --> 00:50:43,665 And then he'd pull it out, 1082 00:50:43,749 --> 00:50:45,333 he'd open the bread, 1083 00:50:45,417 --> 00:50:48,628 look inside, and then he'd scream at the top of his lungs. 1084 00:50:48,712 --> 00:50:52,174 He'd be like, "Curry!" 1085 00:50:52,257 --> 00:50:53,425 [laughter] 1086 00:50:53,508 --> 00:50:54,843 "Damn it, Mommy." 1087 00:50:54,926 --> 00:50:56,928 [laughter] 1088 00:50:59,556 --> 00:51:00,432 Every day. 1089 00:51:01,475 --> 00:51:04,102 Every day, we'd sit down, I'd have my food, he'd have his. 1090 00:51:04,186 --> 00:51:06,730 He'd take the juice out of the box, unwrap the sandwich, look in between, 1091 00:51:06,813 --> 00:51:09,357 and be like, "Curry!" 1092 00:51:10,275 --> 00:51:11,443 "Damn it, Mommy." 1093 00:51:11,526 --> 00:51:13,445 [laughter] 1094 00:51:14,029 --> 00:51:16,490 Every single day. 1095 00:51:16,573 --> 00:51:17,783 Without fail. 1096 00:51:17,866 --> 00:51:19,743 Every day. Mutton curry. 1097 00:51:19,826 --> 00:51:21,244 Lamb curry. 1098 00:51:21,328 --> 00:51:23,747 Potato curry. Every curry you can imagine. 1099 00:51:23,830 --> 00:51:26,833 But it was curry every single day. 1100 00:51:26,917 --> 00:51:29,127 "Curry!" It was my favorite part of the day. 1101 00:51:29,211 --> 00:51:30,212 [laughter] 1102 00:51:30,295 --> 00:51:33,465 Some days, I wouldn't even open my lunch for fear of missing the moment. 1103 00:51:33,548 --> 00:51:35,383 I would just sit there next to him, waiting. 1104 00:51:36,092 --> 00:51:38,637 And he'd open it up and be like, "Curry!" 1105 00:51:38,720 --> 00:51:41,181 And I'd mouth it next to him. "Damn it, Mommy." 1106 00:51:41,264 --> 00:51:43,141 [laughter] 1107 00:51:43,225 --> 00:51:47,687 Every day for months and months and months and months, this happened. 1108 00:51:47,771 --> 00:51:48,897 And then finally, 1109 00:51:49,648 --> 00:51:50,524 finally, 1110 00:51:51,733 --> 00:51:53,276 at the risk of breaking it all, 1111 00:51:54,194 --> 00:51:57,447 I turn to Theesan one day, he screams, like, "Curry!" 1112 00:51:57,531 --> 00:51:58,698 "Damn it, Mommy." 1113 00:51:59,449 --> 00:52:00,742 And I was like, "Theesan." 1114 00:52:02,369 --> 00:52:04,412 "You know it's gonna be curry every day." 1115 00:52:04,496 --> 00:52:06,164 [audience chuckling] 1116 00:52:06,248 --> 00:52:07,582 He said, "What?" 1117 00:52:07,666 --> 00:52:08,875 [laughter] 1118 00:52:08,959 --> 00:52:12,921 I said, "It's gonna be curry every single day." 1119 00:52:13,672 --> 00:52:15,674 "Every day, you open the bread, 1120 00:52:16,341 --> 00:52:19,970 and then, every day, you're shocked and you're like, 'Curry! Damn it, Mommy.'" 1121 00:52:20,595 --> 00:52:22,556 "But it's always gonna be curry." 1122 00:52:23,515 --> 00:52:26,476 And he said, "I know, Trevor. I know." 1123 00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:28,812 "I'm not shocked. I'm just disappointed." 1124 00:52:28,895 --> 00:52:30,188 [laughter] 1125 00:52:30,272 --> 00:52:33,567 "Right? Because every single day, right, I come to school, 1126 00:52:33,650 --> 00:52:35,652 and then every day, I'm like, 'I wanna eat lunch.'" 1127 00:52:35,735 --> 00:52:38,154 "And every day, I open the box and I know what it's gonna be 1128 00:52:38,238 --> 00:52:40,198 because last night, we had the curry." 1129 00:52:40,282 --> 00:52:42,617 "Then what my mom does is she takes last night's curry, 1130 00:52:42,701 --> 00:52:44,411 then she put it in a sandwich for me, 1131 00:52:44,494 --> 00:52:46,329 and then that's the curry I'm gonna have today." 1132 00:52:46,413 --> 00:52:47,998 "Then I know when I go home tonight, 1133 00:52:48,081 --> 00:52:51,209 I'm gonna eat the curry I know is coming the next day." 1134 00:52:51,293 --> 00:52:53,378 "So every single day, I'm getting curry." 1135 00:52:53,461 --> 00:52:55,672 "It's curry and then there's gonna be more curry." 1136 00:52:55,755 --> 00:52:58,049 "Trevor, I know I'm Indian, but it's too much, man." 1137 00:52:58,133 --> 00:52:59,467 [laughter] 1138 00:52:59,551 --> 00:53:01,845 "I just want something different, you know?" 1139 00:53:01,928 --> 00:53:04,973 "They say variety's the spice of life, not just curry." 1140 00:53:05,056 --> 00:53:06,600 [laughter continues] 1141 00:53:07,642 --> 00:53:11,313 I was like, "Ah, but, Theesan, is it… Like, is it bad?" 1142 00:53:11,396 --> 00:53:14,524 -He said, "I don't even know anymore." -[laughter] 1143 00:53:14,608 --> 00:53:16,359 "I lost perspectives." 1144 00:53:17,944 --> 00:53:19,613 "Here, you can have it." 1145 00:53:20,363 --> 00:53:22,908 And he gave me his curry sandwich. 1146 00:53:25,368 --> 00:53:26,870 I bit it. 1147 00:53:29,247 --> 00:53:31,750 And, Toronto, there are moments in your life… 1148 00:53:31,833 --> 00:53:34,628 [laughter] 1149 00:53:34,711 --> 00:53:36,504 …that'll forever shape who you are. 1150 00:53:36,588 --> 00:53:38,673 [laughter continues] 1151 00:53:38,757 --> 00:53:42,385 Moments that will define who you grow on to be. 1152 00:53:42,469 --> 00:53:43,887 This was one of those moments. 1153 00:53:43,970 --> 00:53:46,598 I put that sandwich in my mouth, 1154 00:53:46,681 --> 00:53:49,935 I bit down, and my mouth came alive. 1155 00:53:50,018 --> 00:53:52,979 My tongue discovered its purpose. 1156 00:53:53,063 --> 00:53:55,523 I didn't know potatoes could pop like that. 1157 00:53:55,607 --> 00:53:58,193 -The flavors were bouncing around. -[audience cheering] 1158 00:53:58,276 --> 00:54:00,111 My eyes opened wide. 1159 00:54:01,529 --> 00:54:05,742 It was… I was like, "Wow!" I was like, "Curry!" 1160 00:54:05,825 --> 00:54:06,993 [laughter] 1161 00:54:07,077 --> 00:54:08,370 "Thank you, Mommy." 1162 00:54:08,453 --> 00:54:11,289 [laughter, applause] 1163 00:54:11,373 --> 00:54:14,417 And I said, "Theesan, this is amazing. You eat this every day?" 1164 00:54:14,501 --> 00:54:16,378 And he's like, "Every damn day." 1165 00:54:16,461 --> 00:54:17,837 [laughter] 1166 00:54:17,921 --> 00:54:19,881 And I was like, "Okay, let's swap." 1167 00:54:19,965 --> 00:54:22,342 "I'll give you my money for tuck shop, 1168 00:54:22,425 --> 00:54:24,761 and then you give me your curry food, every day." 1169 00:54:24,844 --> 00:54:26,012 And we did that. We traded. 1170 00:54:26,096 --> 00:54:28,348 Let me tell you something. You thought we were best friends before, 1171 00:54:28,431 --> 00:54:30,350 we turned into soulmates. 1172 00:54:30,433 --> 00:54:31,476 [laughter] 1173 00:54:31,559 --> 00:54:34,229 Yeah, because we both got everything we dreamed of. 1174 00:54:34,312 --> 00:54:37,315 All right? I got to have a home-cooked meal every single day. 1175 00:54:37,399 --> 00:54:40,610 And as an Indian person, he got to start a business. Theesan was in heaven. 1176 00:54:40,694 --> 00:54:42,862 [laughter] 1177 00:54:42,946 --> 00:54:44,239 It was perfect. 1178 00:54:44,322 --> 00:54:46,783 [applause] 1179 00:54:46,866 --> 00:54:48,618 And since then, I've loved curry. 1180 00:54:49,494 --> 00:54:52,288 So, fast-forward many decades. Edinburgh, Scotland. 1181 00:54:52,372 --> 00:54:53,790 Going out with my friends. 1182 00:54:53,873 --> 00:54:55,458 We're choosing a spot. I choose Indian. 1183 00:54:55,542 --> 00:54:58,837 Authentic Indian. We get to the place, and it's legit. 1184 00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:02,590 Like, it is legit. We walk in and there's Indian music playing. 1185 00:55:02,674 --> 00:55:04,759 There are Indian people eating. Indian cooks in the back. 1186 00:55:04,843 --> 00:55:06,886 Indian waiters. Indian garbs on the wall. 1187 00:55:06,970 --> 00:55:10,598 -I'm like, "This is it. I'm home." -[laughter] 1188 00:55:10,682 --> 00:55:12,308 We walked in, sat down. 1189 00:55:12,392 --> 00:55:14,728 And as soon as we sat, one of my friends, Steve, 1190 00:55:14,811 --> 00:55:17,230 launches for the menu. And I was like, "Steve, Steve." 1191 00:55:17,313 --> 00:55:19,649 "It's cool. I'll just order for everyone at the table." 1192 00:55:19,733 --> 00:55:23,570 And he's like, "Oh, that's fine, Trevor. I'll order for myself, thank you." 1193 00:55:23,653 --> 00:55:25,530 I was like, "No, it's not about that, Steve." 1194 00:55:25,613 --> 00:55:27,699 "I just prefer to order for all of us, yeah?" 1195 00:55:28,283 --> 00:55:29,534 "All right? You good?" 1196 00:55:29,617 --> 00:55:33,329 He's like, "Uh, I don't know why that's necessary. I…" 1197 00:55:33,413 --> 00:55:35,415 "I think I'll just order for myself. Is that okay?" 1198 00:55:35,498 --> 00:55:37,584 I was like, "It's not, no. It's not okay, Steve." 1199 00:55:37,667 --> 00:55:40,003 -[laughter] -"It's not okay. All right?" 1200 00:55:40,086 --> 00:55:42,839 "Because you're probably gonna say some shit that's gonna embarrass me 1201 00:55:42,922 --> 00:55:45,216 in front of my Indian people. All right?" 1202 00:55:45,300 --> 00:55:47,135 "So I just need you to back off for a moment." 1203 00:55:47,218 --> 00:55:49,596 He's like, "I'm sorry. What would I say that could embarrass you 1204 00:55:49,679 --> 00:55:50,847 in front of Indian people?" 1205 00:55:50,930 --> 00:55:53,349 I was like, "I don't know, and I don't want it to happen." 1206 00:55:53,433 --> 00:55:54,893 "Just let me handle this, okay?" 1207 00:55:54,976 --> 00:55:56,227 He's like, "Let you handle this?" 1208 00:55:56,311 --> 00:55:59,731 "Trevor, I'll have you know that I've eaten curry for many, many years." 1209 00:55:59,814 --> 00:56:03,610 I'm like, "Steve, not the time. Just let's not argue, okay? Not the time." 1210 00:56:03,693 --> 00:56:06,071 He's like, "What do you mean? Why would I embarrass you? Why?" 1211 00:56:06,154 --> 00:56:08,823 I was like, "You don't need to know why. Let's just not." 1212 00:56:08,907 --> 00:56:10,575 "No, why? Because I'm white?" 1213 00:56:10,658 --> 00:56:12,786 I was like, "You brought it up, not me. All right?" 1214 00:56:13,369 --> 00:56:15,330 "I wasn't gonna bring up race, but you did." 1215 00:56:15,413 --> 00:56:16,748 "You brought it up. Let's talk about it." 1216 00:56:16,831 --> 00:56:19,584 Every time I take my white friends to an ethnic restaurant, 1217 00:56:19,667 --> 00:56:21,586 they always say some shit that embarrasses me. 1218 00:56:21,669 --> 00:56:23,797 Every single time. Every time. 1219 00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:25,840 Either they don't know how to pronounce the food 1220 00:56:25,924 --> 00:56:27,383 or they'll say some random shit. 1221 00:56:27,467 --> 00:56:29,094 Like, "Can I get that one? The papadums?" 1222 00:56:29,177 --> 00:56:31,054 "What do you call these ones?" 1223 00:56:31,137 --> 00:56:33,139 "Can I get this one, but not spicy?" 1224 00:56:33,223 --> 00:56:35,767 -"Kill yourself!" -[laughter] 1225 00:56:35,850 --> 00:56:39,354 "Can I get the curry, but not spicy?" "Kill yourself!" 1226 00:56:39,437 --> 00:56:41,231 [laughter] 1227 00:56:41,314 --> 00:56:43,858 How you gonna ask for curry but not spicy? 1228 00:56:43,942 --> 00:56:45,401 That's the whole point of curry. 1229 00:56:46,069 --> 00:56:47,779 You want curry without the spice. 1230 00:56:48,571 --> 00:56:52,408 What, do you go to a sushi restaurant and ask for the fish slightly boiled? 1231 00:56:52,492 --> 00:56:54,744 [laughter] 1232 00:56:55,578 --> 00:56:56,788 "Don't want the spice." 1233 00:56:56,871 --> 00:56:59,332 "Your forefathers went around the world killing people for this spice!" 1234 00:56:59,415 --> 00:57:01,626 -"Now you don't want it?" -[laughter] 1235 00:57:01,709 --> 00:57:04,379 [cheers and applause] 1236 00:57:05,046 --> 00:57:07,090 "Shut up and eat the spice, Steve." 1237 00:57:08,716 --> 00:57:12,470 And he's like, "Trevor, I really don't understand where this is coming from." 1238 00:57:12,554 --> 00:57:15,223 "All right? I'm not gonna embarrass you. I understand curry." 1239 00:57:15,306 --> 00:57:17,809 I was like, "Let's just leave it at that. I've got you." 1240 00:57:17,892 --> 00:57:19,435 "I understand this way more than you." 1241 00:57:19,519 --> 00:57:21,855 He's like, "I'm sorry, you're not more Indian than me." 1242 00:57:21,938 --> 00:57:23,314 Like, "I'm sorry, what?" 1243 00:57:23,398 --> 00:57:25,483 Like, "Yeah, you are not more Indian than me." 1244 00:57:25,567 --> 00:57:27,902 I was like, "Kuch Kuch Hota Hai." 1245 00:57:27,986 --> 00:57:29,195 [laughter] 1246 00:57:29,904 --> 00:57:31,823 "What the hell is that?" "Exactly." 1247 00:57:33,450 --> 00:57:35,034 "Don't tell me I'm not more Indian than you." 1248 00:57:35,118 --> 00:57:38,246 "You shut up. When the waiter comes in…" He's like, "I'm not gonna shut up." 1249 00:57:38,329 --> 00:57:40,748 Like, "You shut up!" Like, "Okay, fine. Order, then." 1250 00:57:40,832 --> 00:57:42,125 The waiter walks over, 1251 00:57:42,792 --> 00:57:45,545 this beautiful Indian man, got his beautiful Indian garb, 1252 00:57:45,628 --> 00:57:46,713 and he steps up. 1253 00:57:46,796 --> 00:57:49,340 And I know Steve. I can see him questioning my authority 1254 00:57:49,424 --> 00:57:51,176 out of the corner of my eye. 1255 00:57:52,177 --> 00:57:53,678 And that's when I Trudeau'd. 1256 00:57:53,761 --> 00:57:55,847 [laughter] 1257 00:57:55,930 --> 00:57:57,432 I was just a little too hyped. 1258 00:57:59,309 --> 00:58:01,102 I wanted to show him that these were my people. 1259 00:58:01,186 --> 00:58:02,854 As the waiter got there, I didn't let him speak. 1260 00:58:02,937 --> 00:58:05,523 I just jumped up and was like… [Indian accent] "Good evening." 1261 00:58:05,607 --> 00:58:06,608 [laughter] 1262 00:58:06,691 --> 00:58:09,486 "I'm going to be ordering for the entire table, please." 1263 00:58:09,569 --> 00:58:12,071 [laughter continues] 1264 00:58:13,656 --> 00:58:16,784 "Could we please have three garlic roll naans?" 1265 00:58:16,868 --> 00:58:20,413 "We're going to have, uh, three rumali rotis." 1266 00:58:20,497 --> 00:58:23,583 "Give us one shahi paneer, one palak paneer." 1267 00:58:23,666 --> 00:58:25,001 [audience cheering] 1268 00:58:25,084 --> 00:58:28,838 "You know what? We're going to have a rogan josh. Lamb, of course." 1269 00:58:28,922 --> 00:58:30,590 [laughter] 1270 00:58:30,673 --> 00:58:34,594 "Could we also please have one butter chicken for my Caucasian friends?" 1271 00:58:34,677 --> 00:58:38,848 [laughter, applause] 1272 00:58:40,558 --> 00:58:42,519 "And then we're going to have three samosas 1273 00:58:42,602 --> 00:58:44,896 and three mango lassis to wash it all down." 1274 00:58:45,647 --> 00:58:47,148 "Thank you very much." 1275 00:58:47,232 --> 00:58:48,274 [laughter] 1276 00:58:48,358 --> 00:58:49,859 I crushed it. 1277 00:58:49,943 --> 00:58:53,571 [cheers and applause] 1278 00:58:53,655 --> 00:58:54,697 I could feel it. 1279 00:58:55,823 --> 00:58:57,200 Everyone could feel it. 1280 00:58:59,452 --> 00:59:00,787 They could feel something. 1281 00:59:00,870 --> 00:59:03,039 [laughter] 1282 00:59:03,665 --> 00:59:05,208 'Cause the table went dead. 1283 00:59:05,291 --> 00:59:06,626 [laughter] 1284 00:59:07,544 --> 00:59:09,003 The waiter just stared at me. 1285 00:59:09,837 --> 00:59:13,925 At first I thought he was impressed. Then I realized he was confused. 1286 00:59:14,008 --> 00:59:15,593 [laughter] 1287 00:59:16,844 --> 00:59:19,264 And this Indian man leans in, 1288 00:59:20,515 --> 00:59:22,392 looks me dead in the eye, and he's like… 1289 00:59:24,644 --> 00:59:27,272 [Scottish accent] "Sorry, sir, could you repeat what you said?" 1290 00:59:27,355 --> 00:59:31,943 [laughter, applause] 1291 00:59:37,073 --> 00:59:40,159 "I canna hear what you were saying. You got a bit of an accent." 1292 00:59:40,243 --> 00:59:42,620 [laughter] 1293 00:59:42,704 --> 00:59:45,707 -And I was like, "Oh, shit!" -[laughter] 1294 00:59:45,790 --> 00:59:47,625 "He's Scottish!" 1295 00:59:48,543 --> 00:59:51,087 I mean, I know he's Scot… We're in Scotland. 1296 00:59:51,170 --> 00:59:53,756 Scottish… But, like, he's Indian! I didn't expect that, right? 1297 00:59:53,840 --> 00:59:56,509 Because the whole place is Indian. Indian restaurant, people were Indian. 1298 00:59:56,593 --> 00:59:58,803 Indian garbs on the wall. The guy was Indian. 1299 00:59:58,886 --> 01:00:01,139 His beard was Indian. But his mouth was Shrek. 1300 01:00:01,222 --> 01:00:03,766 -I didn't expect that. -[laughter] 1301 01:00:04,892 --> 01:00:06,603 And now he didn't understand me. 1302 01:00:06,686 --> 01:00:08,605 'Cause I Trudeau'd too much. 1303 01:00:08,688 --> 01:00:10,231 [laughter] 1304 01:00:11,149 --> 01:00:13,067 I didn't need to try so hard. 1305 01:00:15,987 --> 01:00:17,238 But then I realized 1306 01:00:17,864 --> 01:00:19,115 I also couldn't stop. 1307 01:00:19,198 --> 01:00:21,409 [laughter] 1308 01:00:21,492 --> 01:00:23,119 'Cause that would be racist. 1309 01:00:23,202 --> 01:00:25,747 [laughter] 1310 01:00:31,210 --> 01:00:32,337 So now, 1311 01:00:33,880 --> 01:00:36,424 I've got this Scottish-Indian man looking at me. 1312 01:00:38,217 --> 01:00:40,136 Everyone's quiet, and he's like, 1313 01:00:40,219 --> 01:00:44,140 "If you don't mind, laddie, could you order again, a little slower this time?" 1314 01:00:45,141 --> 01:00:47,018 "I didna hear what ya said." 1315 01:00:49,646 --> 01:00:52,231 [Indian accent] "You want me to place the entire order again?" 1316 01:00:52,315 --> 01:00:53,650 [laughter] 1317 01:00:54,567 --> 01:00:57,862 [Scottish accent] "Aye, if you don't mind. I'm ready whenever you are." 1318 01:01:02,116 --> 01:01:05,995 [Indian accent] "I think everybody can order for themselves at the table. I…" 1319 01:01:06,871 --> 01:01:09,040 "I don't think it's necessary to hold their hands." 1320 01:01:09,123 --> 01:01:11,376 "Everybody can order individually." 1321 01:01:11,459 --> 01:01:14,003 "And we can go from there, okay? We can go from there." 1322 01:01:14,087 --> 01:01:15,672 Steve was like, "Oh, I wish I could, 1323 01:01:15,755 --> 01:01:18,925 but I'm so afraid I might offend someone. I…" 1324 01:01:19,008 --> 01:01:20,468 [laughter] 1325 01:01:20,551 --> 01:01:24,430 "I think my friend here should order for us. Please, Trevor, go ahead." 1326 01:01:24,514 --> 01:01:26,724 "Go ahead. You're far more cultured than I am." 1327 01:01:26,808 --> 01:01:29,560 I said, "No, Steve, please. You can try your hand." 1328 01:01:29,644 --> 01:01:30,895 "I'm sure you know what you want." 1329 01:01:30,978 --> 01:01:33,481 He's like, "No, but what if I say something embarrassing?" 1330 01:01:34,315 --> 01:01:37,568 "The last thing I'd want to do is offend another person's culture, Trevor." 1331 01:01:37,652 --> 01:01:41,406 "You can't offend anybody. There are no mistakes here, okay?" 1332 01:01:41,489 --> 01:01:42,699 "We are all friends, okay?" 1333 01:01:42,782 --> 01:01:44,617 "If anybody make a mistake, we forget about it." 1334 01:01:44,701 --> 01:01:48,371 "In fact, whatever happens today, we're all gonna forget about it, okay?" 1335 01:01:48,454 --> 01:01:49,664 "Just order. Just order." 1336 01:01:49,747 --> 01:01:53,543 He's like, "No, I really wish I could, but Trevor, please go on." 1337 01:01:53,626 --> 01:01:56,003 I said, "No, just order, Steve." "No, please, Trevor." 1338 01:01:56,087 --> 01:01:57,630 I was like, "Order, bastard!" 1339 01:01:57,714 --> 01:02:00,383 [laughter] 1340 01:02:02,051 --> 01:02:03,094 "Just order!" 1341 01:02:04,429 --> 01:02:08,099 The waiter was like, "Hey, there's no need to fight amongst yourselves." 1342 01:02:08,808 --> 01:02:11,352 "Look, clearly your friend's a little uncomfortable." 1343 01:02:11,436 --> 01:02:13,896 "Right? Just order for him." 1344 01:02:14,939 --> 01:02:17,275 [Indian accent] "Yes, it's totally uncomfortable." 1345 01:02:21,529 --> 01:02:23,322 "Okay, could we please have, um… 1346 01:02:24,490 --> 01:02:26,534 uh, three rumali rotis, and… 1347 01:02:27,452 --> 01:02:29,203 three garlic naan, 1348 01:02:29,287 --> 01:02:31,164 uh, one shahi paneer, one palak paneer, 1349 01:02:31,247 --> 01:02:33,708 and, uh, could we also get a lamb rogan josh?" 1350 01:02:33,791 --> 01:02:38,004 "And we're also going to be having, uh, one butter chicken--" 1351 01:02:38,087 --> 01:02:39,922 "For your Caucasian friends?" 1352 01:02:40,006 --> 01:02:42,717 -[laughter] -"For anybody. For anybody." 1353 01:02:42,800 --> 01:02:45,595 "Anybody can enjoy different types of curry. They don't all have to be spicy." 1354 01:02:45,678 --> 01:02:48,347 "It doesn't matter, as long as you participate." 1355 01:02:48,431 --> 01:02:49,599 "There is no wrong way." 1356 01:02:49,682 --> 01:02:52,268 "Oh, you're so understanding, Trevor." 1357 01:02:52,351 --> 01:02:54,187 "Yes. Yes, I am." 1358 01:02:54,270 --> 01:02:55,521 [laughter] 1359 01:02:55,605 --> 01:02:58,107 "Could we, um, also please get, uh--" 1360 01:02:58,191 --> 01:03:03,905 -[mimics phone buzzing] -[audience laughing] 1361 01:03:03,988 --> 01:03:07,700 [continues mimicking buzzing] 1362 01:03:07,784 --> 01:03:10,161 [audience chuckling] 1363 01:03:10,244 --> 01:03:15,416 -[continues mimicking buzzing] -[laughter] 1364 01:03:15,500 --> 01:03:17,627 [Scottish accent] "Aren't you gonna answer that?" 1365 01:03:17,710 --> 01:03:20,379 -[continues mimicking buzzing] -[laughter] 1366 01:03:20,463 --> 01:03:22,423 [Indian accent] "No, they can call me back later." 1367 01:03:22,507 --> 01:03:27,470 [continues buzzing] 1368 01:03:27,553 --> 01:03:30,765 [Scottish accent] "It's getting awkward. Just answer your phone. I'll wait." 1369 01:03:30,848 --> 01:03:32,600 [buzzing] 1370 01:03:32,683 --> 01:03:33,601 [Indian accent] "Okay." 1371 01:03:33,684 --> 01:03:36,103 -[buzzing] -[laughter] 1372 01:03:36,187 --> 01:03:37,980 [mimics button click] 1373 01:03:38,898 --> 01:03:41,901 [audience laughing] 1374 01:03:41,984 --> 01:03:43,152 [Indian accent] "Hello?" 1375 01:03:43,236 --> 01:03:46,405 [audience laughing] 1376 01:03:49,283 --> 01:03:51,744 "Yes, this is Trevor speaking. How can I help you?" 1377 01:03:51,828 --> 01:03:53,204 [laughter] 1378 01:03:53,287 --> 01:03:55,915 "Yes, no, one and the same. Can you get to the point?" 1379 01:03:55,998 --> 01:03:57,708 "I can't talk right now. Can you…" 1380 01:03:57,792 --> 01:04:00,878 "Can you tell me what you need? I can't speak for too long. Can you…" 1381 01:04:01,712 --> 01:04:04,465 "No, there is nothing wrong with my voice. Can you just get…" 1382 01:04:04,549 --> 01:04:05,758 [laughter] 1383 01:04:05,842 --> 01:04:08,719 "No, everything's fine. No, I have not been kidnapped. No." 1384 01:04:09,428 --> 01:04:11,430 "I have not been kidnapped. Everything is fine." 1385 01:04:11,514 --> 01:04:14,183 "This is not a secret message. Just, can you tell me what you need?" 1386 01:04:14,267 --> 01:04:15,977 "No, we can talk later then. We--" 1387 01:04:16,060 --> 01:04:19,397 "No, yeah, my voice is like this sometimes. Don't worry about that." 1388 01:04:19,480 --> 01:04:21,983 "Just-- No, and I think I know my voice." 1389 01:04:22,066 --> 01:04:23,192 "I know my voice also." 1390 01:04:23,276 --> 01:04:25,319 "Well, I've been me my whole life, okay?" 1391 01:04:25,403 --> 01:04:27,238 "Okay, fine. We'll talk later. We'll talk later." 1392 01:04:27,321 --> 01:04:30,116 "Okay, okay, okay. Love you too, Mommy. Bye-bye." 1393 01:04:30,199 --> 01:04:33,661 [laughter, applause] 1394 01:04:35,830 --> 01:04:38,499 Most awkward meal I've ever had in my life. 1395 01:04:41,919 --> 01:04:43,880 I barely ate a thing. 1396 01:04:45,715 --> 01:04:48,092 I just sat there thinking about my life. 1397 01:04:48,175 --> 01:04:50,219 [laughter] 1398 01:04:50,803 --> 01:04:52,513 We finally get up to leave. 1399 01:04:53,681 --> 01:04:55,808 Steve is beaming from ear to ear. 1400 01:04:55,892 --> 01:04:58,352 [laughter] 1401 01:04:58,436 --> 01:05:00,229 They walk out ahead of me, 1402 01:05:00,313 --> 01:05:03,941 and as I'm leaving the restaurant, the waiter waves us off. 1403 01:05:04,025 --> 01:05:06,694 [Scottish accent] "Good night, everybody! Have a great night." 1404 01:05:06,777 --> 01:05:10,114 And we wave at him. He's like, "Excuse me, before you go, hey." 1405 01:05:10,197 --> 01:05:12,283 "Aren't you Trevor Noah?" 1406 01:05:12,366 --> 01:05:15,077 [laughter] 1407 01:05:15,161 --> 01:05:16,412 "The comedian, right?" 1408 01:05:18,205 --> 01:05:19,999 I was like, "Yeah. Yeah, why?" 1409 01:05:20,082 --> 01:05:22,043 He's like, "Oh, no, because…" 1410 01:05:22,126 --> 01:05:23,920 [Indian accent] "I totally got you, Trevor!" 1411 01:05:24,003 --> 01:05:25,588 [laughter] 1412 01:05:25,671 --> 01:05:28,716 -"I totally got you, Trevor!" -[laughter continues] 1413 01:05:29,634 --> 01:05:31,469 Like, "Wait, wait, what…?" 1414 01:05:31,552 --> 01:05:34,472 "Wait, you're Indian?" He's like, "Of course I'm Indian!" 1415 01:05:34,555 --> 01:05:36,724 "Of course I'm Indian! Whole place is Indian!" 1416 01:05:36,807 --> 01:05:38,059 "I totally got you, huh?" 1417 01:05:38,142 --> 01:05:40,394 I said, "I don't understand." He's like, "You don't understand?" 1418 01:05:40,478 --> 01:05:42,980 "You walked in. I said, 'Look, Trevor Noah's coming.'" 1419 01:05:43,064 --> 01:05:45,942 "Then you start talking with accent. I go, 'I'll also do accent.'" 1420 01:05:46,025 --> 01:05:48,569 "Then you were doing accent. Then I do accent." 1421 01:05:48,653 --> 01:05:51,447 "Then you were doing accent. You make joke, I make joke." 1422 01:05:51,530 --> 01:05:54,116 "Do you like joke?" I was like, "No, I don't like your joke!" 1423 01:05:54,742 --> 01:05:57,995 "I thought I was about to get canceled! You see this shit?" 1424 01:05:58,079 --> 01:06:02,249 He's like, "It was amazing. You were sweating so hard! Not from the curry, eh?" 1425 01:06:02,333 --> 01:06:04,126 "That was so funny, Trevor!" 1426 01:06:04,210 --> 01:06:06,295 I was like, "It was not funny. My friends were laughing at me." 1427 01:06:06,379 --> 01:06:09,131 Like, "I know." Like, "I was scared, man. Why would you do that?" 1428 01:06:09,215 --> 01:06:13,094 Like, "Because, Trevor, I take great joy in the pain and suffering of others." 1429 01:06:13,177 --> 01:06:15,846 -[audience laughing] -"It's called schadenfreude." 1430 01:06:16,430 --> 01:06:20,017 Yo, Toronto! You guys have been amazing. Thank you so much for coming out! 1431 01:06:20,101 --> 01:06:23,729 -[cheers and applause] -I love you all. Good night! 1432 01:06:23,813 --> 01:06:27,775 -[mid-tempo rock beat plays] -[cheers continue] 1433 01:06:47,003 --> 01:06:49,338 I love you guys so much. Good night, everybody. 1434 01:06:49,422 --> 01:06:52,383 [audience cheering] 1435 01:06:52,466 --> 01:06:55,386 [music continues] 1436 01:07:08,691 --> 01:07:12,069 [cheers continue, muted] 1437 01:07:20,411 --> 01:07:22,079 [cheers fading] 1438 01:07:22,163 --> 01:07:23,622 [music continues] 1439 01:08:03,788 --> 01:08:05,039 [music fades out]