The legend of the werewolf
it's common folklore in these parts.
The moors most of all.
None more truly gruesome though,
than the story of Freddy Campbell.
For I knew the poor fellow and his victims
well.
Hello.
'Is it done?'
Oui,
how you say? Bagged and booted.
'Thank fuck for that'
'Well done old boy.'
'Now dump that Scottish cunt and get back to civilization ASAP.'
'Meet me at The Black Horse tomorrow night
7pm sharp.'
OK.
♪ May old acquaintance be forgot
♪ for the sake of Auld Lang Syne.
♪ For old acquaintance be forgot
♪ for the sake of Auld Lang Syne.
♪ For Auld Lang Syne, my dear.
♪ For Auld Lang Syne.
♪ We'll sing
♪ a song of gladness here
Garsoin, you old dog.
Sacre bleu!
What is this?
Come on... Traffic.
'New job available. '
Aye.
Taxi!
Hello?
Yes, yes, put me though to Duncan will you.
It Henry, Henry Bartholemew.
Just tell him it's Barty,
he'll know who it is.
Come on, bloody idiots...
Hello? Yes, Yes.
Duncan, how are you?
Hows the wife?
And the kids?
Yes, Yes.
Good. Good.
Uh huh.
Listen, how's the Turk an sale?
Uh huh huh.
I see.
Well, let...
Well, maybe...
Okay, well...
OK, I see.
Hm mm.
Well, that's brilliant.
That's perfect.
No, I'm being sarcastic Duncan.
That way, it's like punching you in the face, but with the words.
Yeah.
How about you suck my balls?
You heard me
or better still, why don't you get your ugly wife to do it?
Yeah., she's not the only one that's ugly.
Your kids are ugly too!
Austin looks like a beach ball.
A beach ball yeah, covered in donkey shit!
Fuck you.
No... Fuck you!
Fuck, fuck,
fuck!!!
Alreet Freddy?
Fucking shite.
What a shithole!
Cheers pet.
You're a bit chatty tonight Freddy?
Hard day at the lab?
Sorry pal, forgot. You got sacked.
I tell you If I ever get my hands on the fucker that grassed you up.
Still, at least the police didn't get involved, ehh?
Keep it down Silon.
For fuck's sake.
SILON Just fucking with you Freddy man
div-vent worry pal,
your secret's safe with me.
So?
What?
Well, I didn't come here for your sparkling company Freddy, did I?
Nice one.
Two beers for me, and wor buddy here!
Cheers, pet.
Thanks.
Alreet Nige?
What's up Silon?
Nout... This place is dead... Fucking ghost town.
Cheap beer though, isn't it?
Aye.
So whens Milyus get out?
The morrow.
Crazy bastard.
Freddy!
Areet bro?
Where is he?
Who?
What's the point man?
Ho way man, it's Conrad.
Wasn't even his fault.
Milius.
Hows tricks man? Good to see you.
Good.
What you doing?
Waiting for a metro.
Okay, here we go.
Did you just hoy Conrad in front of a metro?
For fuck's sake? You've been out 30 minutes!
30 fucking minutes!
Do you need a bag?
Oh, yes, please.
That's 15 pounds.
Card or cash.?
Oh, card.
Okay.
Oh, thank you.
Freddy!
Oh. Oh, oh.
Here we go, Freddy.
That one out,
that one in.
Ohh, oh.
I think we have a winner!
Oh, crap.
Oh...
What time you call this like?
Traffic, you know.
Traffic?
Come here pal.
I'm a busy man Freddy.
Got no time you see.
No time to wait for people.
Fuck Freddy, why you making us wait?
Why are you making us look bad pal?
Like I said Silon, it's a traffic, you know?
All right, Freddy.
Just divent do it again, understand?
Aye, nae bother Silon.
Good boy.
Now, hand it over.
Might need more sooner than later.
They lap this shit up.
Aye, like wild dogs they are around this shit.
Now...
Fuck off!
Prick.
Here,
let's go.
For fuck's sake.
Why do I have to deal with these fucking pricks?
Oh, oh,
Fuck me!
Look at that Henry No5. Okay.
Oh... Wolfsbane,
pickled over the last year. Hmm.
That's an ancient flower.
Very much sought after by druids over the days of enlightenment.
Aye, days before mobile phones
and shitty game shows,
days before
cars, planes and cement.
Beasts of the world.
Beasts of the world, my friend.
Aye, beasts of the world.
Now, by the age of 35, two thirds of men
experience hair loss. By the age of 50,
it's 85% of all men.
I'll be rich,
rich beyond my wildest dreams.
And the world will be my oyster and the sea will be my Guinness.
King Freddy
wisest of the wise,
a modern man with glorious intent.
Hey, hey. Hello.
My name is King Freddy.
Could wolfsbane be the key?
Now, Freddy, shall we see?
Come here, buddy.
Come here.
There you go, that's it.
This won't hurt.
There you go,
its all over pal.
You didn't feel a thing, did you?
You're a magnificent patient.
Would. Would you like some basil?
Hey, would you?
Freddy!
Oh, God.
Freddy!
Morning.
Bahh...
Oh, my God.
This has to be the worst cup of tea I have ever had.
80 years on this vile planet.
And this is what I get?
Milk and water?
Are we at war or something?
Is Hitler back? Hmmm?
Bah.
Are you trying to poison your mother?
No... Course not.
Freddy?
Aye.
Help me up, will you?
What are you doing, Ma?
I'm going through a run.
Imbecile!
Got to go, haven't I? Oh.
Oh, bahh.
Ahhhhhh.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
Are you going to the shop, Freddy?
Not today Ma,
have work to do.
I need some supplies. My boy.
Shall I write a list?
I can add to the delivery order for next week.
What do you need?
What?
I said I can add
to the delivery order for next week.
What do you need?
What?
Bananas.
Bah.
Bananas? Again?
Today.
Not next week.
I can't today Ma.
Sorry.
Ahhhh...
Bananas.
Aye, be a good boy and get your mam
her bananas, will you?
Ban-an-ers!
Hey,
Do you need a bag?
Oh, yes, please.
Card?
Cash?
Cash, card actually.
Don't forget my banana.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Oh. Oh, for fuck's sake.
Oh, Fuck.
Henry number five!
My god,
you look like Dougal!
Ha! Get in! Oh!
Oh. how you doing buddy?
You feel okay?
Yeah, you're fine aren't you?
Oh! Get in! Oh!
Pity the fool!
A little bit early to celebrate, but...
Oh, oh, oh!
Dougal!
On to the next level, my friend.
The next. Level!
Ahoy rapscallion! Unhand fair maiden.
Or prepared to die.
No. King Freddy, it is you that shall die!
No, no, no, no, sir.
It is you that shall die.
Help me! Help me! King Freddy!
Save you for this beast!
Oh, fear not child. Prepared to die.
Ahhhhhhhh!
Thank you.
You're my hero!
Thank you for saving my life!
Fear not child, for this rascals reign of terror
is at an end.
Freddy!
On my way.
Oh, oh, bah.
Morning!
Why are you so chirpy?
Break through in the lab ma.
It's vile!
Freddy?
I, King Freddy banish you beasts from hell
with one final swoop of my blade!
Get away!
'Hia, can I take your order please?'
Aye, uh.
I would like a big burger meal
and a vanilla milkshake, please.
'Is that it?'
Aye.
'So that's one big burger meal with vanilla shake?'
Aye, that's it. Thanks pal.
Is there any discount for cash?
♪ Mm mm mm.
♪ Da de da
Ahhhh...
Ma?
Ahhh, Hmmm.
What you doing?
Sunbathing, obviously.
Chicken broth.
Yes, my slow minded sprogling.
Yes. Indeed.
♪ Da de da
Would you like some?
Oh.
Ne thanks ma.
Got work to do.
Suit yourself.
♪ Da de dum dum
Ahhhhhhh.
([phone vibrating]
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit, shit, shit. Oh.
Oh. Hia...
Oh, Christ... Oh.
Hey. Aye.
Sorry, I eh,
aye... Aye.
Sorry, I had my headphones on, y' know?
Aye, aye.
I can be there in, like,
20 minutes.
Okay.
Aye, on my way.
Don't say a fucking word.
What the fuck Freddy?
Giz it!
I fucking warned you,
you fucking prick!
I fucking warned you!
Don't fuck with me!
You fuck with us again and I'll have you put in a fucking cage!
You hear me, Freddy?
Fucking cunt!
Come on!
Bloody hell!
Oh. Get in!
Bah.
♪ Have to go ma,
Alright Freddy?
Fuck you.
Hia, can I take your order please.
Hello, I would like five double cheeseburgers
and... uh... vanilla milkshake.
Is that it?
Huh? Chicken nuggets.
Fuck it.
Why not? Aey.
Hmm.
Yeah.
Hey.
Do you need a bag?
Nope.
I'm fine. thank you.
Oh, allow me, madam.
Thank you young man, what a gentlemen.
No problem.
Always happy to help a lady.
Oh, you're too kind.
That's five fifty, card or cash?
Cash.
Oh, allow me.
No, no, I couldn't.
But, I insist.
No, I won't have it.
Oh, ha.
Bye.
The name's Campbell.
Freddie Campbell.
Karla.
Stupid dog...
Milkshake?
Milkshake!
Milkshake?
Glad ice? What you doing?
♪ Do de do de do
♪ bonjour, my name is Freddy
Ma?
Hello?
Ma?
Ma!
Die!
Die!!!!
Die! Bloody die!!!
Bahhhh!!!!
For fuck's sake.
Get yourself an ice cream.
Who goes there?
Show yourself!
Oh! Oh!
Oh!
Oh, Oh,
Oh, ho
ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho,
ho, ho.
Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh,
oh, crap.
Oh, crap. crap, crap.
Howl!!!!
Ohhh...
Crap.
Aye. Oh,
What's he talking about?
Hmm.
What are you doing?
Look, Mildred.
Look at what?
Smell the air.
What are you going on about?
What a place.
Hurry up, you bloody buffoon. It's freezing.
Aye, that it is...
That it is.
Howl!
Crap.
Howl!!!
'Coming up after this.'
'Police are on the hunt for a mass killer'
'who went on a killing spree across Walls end last night.'
'So far, seven people are confirmed dead.'
'Northumberland police are urgently asking for anyone who has seen Frederick Campbell,
a 55 year old male driving a silver Ford C-max.'
'The suspect is considered extremely dangerous
and all contact should be avoided.'
Bloody hell.
How long now Hamish?
Nearly there.
Could murder a cuppa.
Its around here somewhere.
Oh, we made it.
Aye,
Nae bother.
Hey!
Stop, that's our boat!
Hey! Wait! Come back!
That's our boat!
Hey!
Stop!
Wait! Come back! That's our boat!!!!
Stop! That's our boat!
Oh my god Betty,
a werewolf just stole our boat.
Howl!!!
This is the life, Mildred.
Aye, that it is.
The most beautiful place in the world.
Aye.
Aye, Scotland.
Give us one of your stories.
One of your grannies.
One of my grannies?
Aye.
Aye, well OK. Have you heard the one about the frog and the lettuce?
Only about a million times... Christ.
Okay, well, don't get your knickers in a twist!
Which ones have you not heard then?
You are joking Mildred...
How am I supposed to know the stories I've never heard? Hmm?
Well, if you're going to be like that, you'll get nothing then.
Aye... Grand.
Just a minute.
Ahhhh!
Bloody hell!!
That's what you get!
You silly old fart!
Amazing.
Bloody chair.
Will be the death of me this dam thing!
Fooling buffoon!
Pass us the crisps, Hamish.
Getting a bit nippy,
Going to get some wood.
Back soon.
What's that?
Bloody hell!
So?
Are we going to hear your grannies story or what?
Aye, well, if you're ready like?
Aye.
It be an evil moon.
Can I just stop you there Mildred?
That's the greatest opening to a story I've ever heard.
It be an evil moon.
Amazing.
Shut it, y'drunken old goat!
Any more of your shenanigans and you'll get nothing and you'll be making your own porridge tomorrow!
Silent as a moose,
Silent as a moose.
It be an evil moon
the stars flickered and the mountain slept silently.
An old sheepdog sat a rock watching his flock.
Not once had he lost a sheep.
Even when he slept, he could listen for any possible danger.
One of the sheep approaches him and asks him,
So why do you guard us every night?
The old dog said
because it's my job.
The sheep ponders, then asks another question.
So what is our job then?
The dog says, your job?
Your job is to give birth every year
so your babies can be eaten.
Bloody hell...
Is that it?
Aye.
Bit morbid like... Your granny told you this?
Aye, when I was a wee bairn.
Fuck me Mildred...
I'm going for a slash.
Hello?
You okay?
Aye.
What the hell are you doing?
Who are you?
What's your name?
Freddy.
What are you doing?
Car problems.
I see.
You like whiskey, Freddy?
Aye.
Come on then.
Come on.
Come meet Mildred.
You hungry?
Just about to cook some steaks,
We're staying at the bothy round the back there, see?
Mildred.
Oh, What's this?
Look what I found?
Oh, hello.
What's your name?
His name is Freddy.
Doesn't speak much?
Aye.
So are you camping?
What brings you out here?
Car problems.
Leave the fella alone, Mildred.
Here, sit down.
I'll get another chair.
Have a wee drop of this.
Oh, oh
Howl!!!!!
Don't worry, Hamish is a great mechanic
aren't you, love?
Aye.
Relax here tonight.
Sleep by the fire and we'll help you fix your car in the morning.
Great.
Do you like steaks?
Of course he does. Look at the man!
He's half beast!
You don't like like that from eating salads
and that vegan shite.
Angus ribeye from aunt Ethel's farm.
How do you like it?
Burnt.
Not raw?
Nah, I like my meat burnt.
Thank you very much.
So you guys hiking or?
Where you come from?
-Inverness, we're here on a wee holiday.
Hamish needs to lose weight.
What?
Might rain tomorrow.
My God.. Messenger of doom.
This OK?
Aye
Oh, thank you.
Thanks doll.. Amazing.
Thanks for stopping.
We haven't seen a car in hours.
Bit out the way. Where you headed?
We don't know.
The map said that the bothy was on
the other side of the lock, that we were meant to stay at tonight
but then someone stole our boat.
Someone stole your boat?
Yeah. Yes.
Bastard.
But honestly
anywhere will do us fine. We're freezing...
Is this him?
No, I don't think so.
This guy, he wasn't
human...
and then she ran over the dog.
Hamish! My god...
Don't listen to him, Freddy.
Drunken old goat!
More whiskey?
I think we've had enough time for some sleep I think.
Aye,
you're probably right.
Don't worry, Freddy.
We won't tell anyone you're a werewolf.
Plenty them in our family, I can tell you.
Just don't go eaten any nice people will you?
Night, Freddy.
Good luck, pal.
Mildred.
He's gone.
Mildred?
Howl!!!
Where is he?
I have no fucking idea!
Where is he?
Go fuck yourself!
Where is he? Or I'll cut your wife's eye out.
Don't fucking. know.
He was here then he just left
y'crazy bastard!
What the fuck?
No!!!!!
Howl!