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《 愛情夜未眠 》

2
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妳有帶鑰匙吧?

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有...我帶了

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(晚上11點27分)

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{\an8}(瞌睡錠)

6
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嗨

7
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{\an8}妳接了,我還以為妳可能睡了

8
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{\an8}沒有,我還醒著,老樣子

9
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{\an8}那個睡眠程式好用嗎?

10
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這個嘛,我前幾天晚上又試了一次

11
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那男人得說話哄人入睡,對吧?
但他的聲音好性感

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我開始幻想他把我救出失火的油井

13
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那感覺很棒,但對失眠患者來說沒用

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你試過嗎?

15
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沒有

16
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催眠、針灸,那些方法都沒用

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我上網買過一本書

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叫做《一千零一個睡眠療法》
根本是垃圾

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書裡全是爛建議
例如戴上裝滿薰衣草的帽子

20
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聽別人睡覺時的錄音

21
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只用一邊的鼻孔呼吸

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睡在軟床墊上、睡在硬床墊上

23
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把軟床墊放到硬床墊上

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一次睡兩種床墊

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向一位北歐神祈禱、忽略你的眼睛

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好吧

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有些可能是我亂編的,但妳懂的

28
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抱歉,你剛才說的我都沒認真聽

29
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丹尼,你幹嘛在黑暗中四處爬?

30
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- 妳知道我的鄰居嗎?
- 那個養貓的人?

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- 貓男
- 你喜歡嗎?

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不知道為什麼
他邀我參加他家貓咪的生日派對

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牠幾歲了?

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17歲,我們一起出錢,送牠駕訓課程

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總之

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我不得不找藉口,說我無法參加

37
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現在看來,我說的謊有點過頭了

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為何?你說了啥?

39
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我要休假一個月
去全世界的每座迪士尼樂園玩

40
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- 你怎麼會那樣說?
- 我從沒去過,一直很想去

41
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想說現在是個好時機

42
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但你平常根本不出門

43
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對,我知道,我的邏輯有漏洞

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現在他以為我出門了

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他在我家露台辦派對,已經好幾個小時了

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所以你要那樣度過一個月嗎?

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每次他在外面,你就得在黑暗中爬行?

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對,我下定決心了

49
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而且,往好處想,我會省下很多電費

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你怎麼不拉上窗簾就好?

51
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我沒有窗簾

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而且如果我裝了窗簾,他看到後會想說

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“哪來的窗簾?”那樣他就知道我在家

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所以我進退兩難

55
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我想到一件事

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你的三餐該怎麼辦?

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對面的亞當還是會幫你買東西嗎?

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不,我也得騙他我在迪士尼樂園

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妳知道他的個性

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要是他知道真相
他會在30秒內傳遍整棟大樓

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- 對
- 聽我說,沒事的

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我感覺很好,很不錯
我要靠家裡有的東西活下來,也就是...

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一罐美乃滋和一個早餐玉米片組合包

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對,我沒仔細想清楚,對吧?

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像這種時候,能夠走出門

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- 是件很有用的事
- 是嗎?謝了

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我無能為力,現在我餓了
我得叫披薩來吃

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貓男會看到外送員

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要躲一個人還真麻煩

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我要冒險

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當作演練,看能否成功

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貓男不可能永遠在外面

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好,一個鯷魚鳳梨口味

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鯷魚鳳梨?

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沒錯,訂好了,妳在哪裡?

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深夜有開的藥局

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為了帕琵的水痘

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她依然像狒狒一樣在抓癢

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而我家沒止癢藥了

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更慘的是,她的同學大多都感染了

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家長群組一整週響個不停,我感到很內疚

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妳幹嘛感到內疚?

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記得我說過

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我沒帶帕琵去校外旅行

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- 因為她長水痘嗎?
- 媽咪,怎麼了?

86
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沒事

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- 好,我們很快就出門
- 媽咪

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我只是得先弄個東西

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其實我帶她去了

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好了,現在妳真的很像綿羊

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- 咩
- 咩

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我不可能缺席

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難道要讓討厭的查克媽媽
再贏過我一次嗎?

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妳們還好嗎?

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很好啊

96
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我們在家都這樣吃飯

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我們昨晚吃了千層麵,超混亂

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我看得出她起了疑心
但我完美掩飾過去了

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詭計真多,而且道德可議

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別開始說教
我看到一個叫“瞌睡錠”的新藥廣告

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針對嚴重失眠的加強配方

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我應該找找這裡有沒有

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別找了,那種藥不會讓人睡著

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只會讓所有食物吃起來像甘藍菜

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除了甘藍菜以外
那原本就有一點甘藍菜味

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但你知道我要說什麼吧?

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不,可以有一天晚上別談這個嗎?

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我不會跟妳去睡眠診所

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去嘛

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不要,讓人拿著筆記板,看我睡覺?

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我睡覺時不喜歡有觀眾

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而且,萬一...

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萬一我睡著時...

114
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打手槍呢?

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你睡覺時會打手槍嗎?

116
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不知道,但從我清醒時打的次數看來

117
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那不是不可能

118
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總之,維仔不會介意妳晚上跟我聊天嗎?

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應該不會,他把你當成我的姊妹

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基本上是個女的

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是嗎?還真令人高興呢

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等等,維仔打來了,我再打給你

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{\an8}嗨,維仔

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警報解除,她睡著了

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我是史上最棒的繼父

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你怎麼做到的?

127
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我只是唸書給她聽

128
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那我也試過,你唸了什麼?

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{\an8}就是...《磚塊的歷史》

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什麼?

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《磚塊的歷史》

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- 你幹嘛唸那個?
- 為了週六

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- 對,磚塊活動
- 對,妳知道我的習慣

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準備很重要

135
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而且,這本書其實很有趣

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我正在學習12世紀的磚造哥德式時期

137
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好,你開心就好

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拜託別離開我

139
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妳買到止癢藥了嗎?

140
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還沒,我在等藥劑師

141
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{\an8}沒關係,我還有七個章節要看

142
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好,你再告訴我結局

143
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我不認為這是一個故事...

144
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妳是開玩笑的吧?

145
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沒錯,要幫你買東西回家嗎?

146
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妳可以給我驚喜

147
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好,我接受這挑戰
我要回家時會傳訊息給你

148
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- 好,再見
- 好,拜拜

149
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好,剛才唸到哪了?

150
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都還好嗎?

151
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都很好,是護膝,太好了

152
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- 我要買這個給他
- 好

153
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- 他週末要參加磚三鐵
- 什麼是磚三鐵?

154
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跟三鐵一樣,要長跑、游泳、騎自行車

155
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但最後要蓋一小面牆

156
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真酷

157
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有人幫妳拿藥了嗎?

158
00:06:33,769 --> 00:06:37,147
沒有,櫃台後方沒人,一定是在裡面

159
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:39,358
幫妳自己個忙,吸引他們注意,喊個聲

160
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不要,我討厭那樣,很沒禮貌

161
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- 怎麼了?
- 閉嘴

162
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妳才閉嘴,我沒說話,妳在幹嘛?

163
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是查克的媽媽

164
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- 麗莎,嗨
- 凱特,天啊,真尷尬

165
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- 妳剛剛在躲我嗎?
- 躲妳?才沒有

166
00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:06,927
不,我幹嘛...妳怎麼會...不

167
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,554
我絕對不是在躲妳

168
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:10,722
查克得了水痘

169
00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:11,890
不

170
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:14,434
對了,帕琵還好嗎?

171
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,520
她那天不想拿掉面具,對吧?

172
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:21,358
對,她希望她的綿羊扮相儘量逼真

173
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,985
她最近很融入角色

174
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那我猜妳手上的那瓶止癢乳液

175
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是別有用途囉?

176
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,789
對,沒錯,是的

177
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- 我該回家了
- 好

178
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藥劑師人呢?

179
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:44,673
不知道,我也在這裡等

180
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- 妳有喊人嗎?
- 好主意

181
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:48,177
- 沒有,我不想...
- 有人在嗎?

182
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有人在嗎?

183
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好吧,看來我們只能等了

184
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一起等

185
00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:06,486
- 不然我幫妳買這個好了
- 妳為什麼要幫我?

186
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,489
我只是覺得我們媽媽要團結合作
下次換妳幫我

187
00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:16,163
好吧,謝謝

188
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:18,373
不客氣

189
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抱歉,我可以說話了嗎?

190
00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:27,591
我得離開這裡

191
00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:31,011
我不能再遇到
孩子因為我而得水痘的家長了

192
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有人在嗎?藥劑師先生

193
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藥劑師太太?

194
00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:40,395
- 有人嗎?
- 這樣吧

195
00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:41,772
妳拿走乳液,把錢留下

196
00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:43,649
不行,我只有信用卡

197
00:08:43,649 --> 00:08:45,150
妳會使用刷卡機嗎?

198
00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:49,279
我會耶,但那感覺很不妥

199
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- 好吧
- 動手吧

200
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好

201
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(交易成功)

202
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- 靠,不好了
- 什麼?

203
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- 怎麼了?
- 天啊,不

204
00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:05,254
- 我讓自己付了100英鎊
- 什麼?

205
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好,如果這樣呢?

206
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:10,092
- 真是的,不
- 怎麼了?

207
00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:11,677
我又讓自己付了100英鎊

208
00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:13,554
這家店要發財了

209
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,347
這下我得等人來幫我刷退

210
00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:16,849
丹尼,這都要怪你

211
00:09:16,849 --> 00:09:18,100
拜託

212
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:20,644
(午夜12點32分)

213
00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:23,689
婦吉絲要14.99英鎊?

214
00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:25,482
這簡直是搶劫

215
00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:27,901
什麼是婦吉絲?聽起來像某種膠水

216
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,779
丹尼,那女人幹嘛在下面塗某種膠水呢?

217
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:33,198
不知道,有東西脫落時可以塗,例如小瘤

218
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:35,409
小瘤?

219
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:40,163
好,我對女人身體構造的記憶
有點模糊了,謝謝

220
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:42,416
- 所以你目前沒對象囉?
- 當然沒有

221
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,084
昨天是我這麼久以來

222
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:47,129
最接近跟別的生物有親密接觸的一刻

223
00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:48,797
我吃了一塊炸豬皮

224
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:51,133
你得走出家門,才有可能遇到對象

225
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:53,218
是,可是要忘掉克蘿伊很難

226
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,930
那是三年前的事了

227
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,432
妳最長的空窗期是多久?

228
00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:03,020
大概五個星期半吧

229
00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:05,314
恭喜,我能說什麼?我真可悲

230
00:10:05,314 --> 00:10:07,149
- 我不是在批評你
- 妳就是

231
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,026
對,有一點

232
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,361
這樣好了

233
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:13,989
我要幫你註冊一個交友軟體

234
00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:15,240
很好

235
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,909
妳不准註冊,我不允許

236
00:10:16,909 --> 00:10:17,868
- 我就要
- 不行

237
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:19,786
等等

238
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,503
來了,披薩送來了

239
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:33,842
太好了

240
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:42,726
嗨,請進,把披薩放在8號公寓
我幫你開門

241
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,978
我不能進去,你得出來拿

242
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,605
什麼意思?外送員都會送進來

243
00:10:46,605 --> 00:10:49,066
規則改了,你需要出來拿,好讓我拍照

244
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:51,318
- 你幹嘛拍照?
- 證明我把披薩送達了

245
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:54,112
難道我還要邊吃邊拿今天的報紙拍照嗎?

246
00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:55,280
先生,拜託你

247
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,824
- 今天是我第二天上班
- 需要幫忙嗎?

248
00:10:58,408 --> 00:10:59,493
該死

249
00:11:00,786 --> 00:11:02,287
我要送披薩到8號公寓

250
00:11:02,955 --> 00:11:04,414
你一定是搞錯地址了

251
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:07,376
住8號公寓的先生去了迪士尼樂園

252
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:08,710
但我剛才跟他說過話

253
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,467
看吧,他在迪士尼樂園

254
00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:24,935
亞當法瑟吉爾

255
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:27,729
嗨,你應該沒有訂披薩吧?

256
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:31,191
沒有,我從不訂外賣
太多垃圾食物了,那是什麼口味?

257
00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:36,947
鯷魚鳳梨,那是丹尼的最愛

258
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:38,240
但丹尼在迪士尼樂園

259
00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:39,825
對

260
00:11:39,825 --> 00:11:40,909
很高興能幫上忙

261
00:11:43,412 --> 00:11:44,413
迪士尼樂園?

262
00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:52,337
- 嗨
- 你好,我能問你一個問題嗎?

263
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:53,338
請說

264
00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:55,591
你人在迪士尼樂園嗎?

265
00:11:56,175 --> 00:11:57,176
現在沒有

266
00:11:57,176 --> 00:11:58,427
我也覺得沒有

267
00:11:58,427 --> 00:11:59,970
那你會出來拿披薩吧?

268
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:04,600
會,我馬上出去

269
00:12:52,648 --> 00:12:54,316
你怎麼還在這裡?

270
00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:58,654
8號公寓的那個人在家
他不在迪士尼樂園,你看

271
00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:01,615
你好

272
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:04,451
你好

273
00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:10,374
有人在嗎?先生

274
00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:15,212
你想要這個嗎?

275
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:17,047
謝謝

276
00:13:18,799 --> 00:13:21,927
今天是我家貓咪的生日派對
你有興趣的話可以來

277
00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:24,012
我做了布丁塔

278
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:28,058
我很想去,但是,要工作

279
00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:30,519
隨便你吧

280
00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:33,146
走吧,安琪拉

281
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:38,861
差一點就成功了

282
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:41,530
你的生日是幾號?9月3號,對吧?

283
00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:43,657
對,問這個幹嘛?妳要做什麼?

284
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:45,325
我說過了,我在幫你填交友檔案

285
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,035
不,不可以,不,別鬧

286
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:49,496
我以為妳在開玩笑
妳不是要幫孩子買止癢藥嗎?

287
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,749
聽著,我相信藥劑師很快就會來
在那之前,我們要做這件事

288
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,334
但我不想,妳幹嘛逼我?

289
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,004
丹尼爾,因為你是我的朋友
我不希望你孤獨老死

290
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:59,464
相信我,這交友軟體很棒
我和維仔是在上面認識的

291
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,508
他是第一個被評為跟我契合的人

292
00:14:02,134 --> 00:14:03,135
契合度是多少?

293
00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,596
數字並不重要,對吧?

294
00:14:05,596 --> 00:14:07,973
不,說啊,契合度是多少?

295
00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:11,602
52%

296
00:14:11,602 --> 00:14:13,854
我跟維仔應該也有52%的契合度

297
00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:15,814
姓名,丹尼爾吉勃遜

298
00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:16,899
職業呢?

299
00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:18,233
你的職業是什麼?

300
00:14:19,151 --> 00:14:20,777
網路宅男?記者

301
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,613
對,想知道我今晚在寫哪些

302
00:14:22,613 --> 00:14:24,323
能得普立茲獎的犀利報導嗎?

303
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,326
“辨認狗狗得憂鬱症的12個方法”

304
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:30,120
和“沒人告訴你的十件醋的秘密”

305
00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:33,832
- 什麼醋的秘密?
- 不知道,我還沒瞎掰出來

306
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:40,130
好,第一個問題,“你渴望性生活嗎?”

307
00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:41,381
是,有一點

308
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,383
如果對方...這要先詢問

309
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,718
你單身三年一定很渴望

310
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:46,220
好

311
00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:48,680
“伴侶的外表對你而言有多重要?

312
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:52,476
完全不重要、有點重要或非常重要?”

313
00:14:52,476 --> 00:14:53,644
完全不重要

314
00:14:53,644 --> 00:14:56,313
不重要,不,一點也不

315
00:14:58,148 --> 00:15:00,651
也許有一點點,大概比一點點更多

316
00:15:00,651 --> 00:15:02,653
也許比我剛才說的更重要一點點

317
00:15:02,653 --> 00:15:04,321
要看情況,看從什麼角度,因為...

318
00:15:04,321 --> 00:15:05,989
- 我就填非常重要囉?
- 麻煩了

319
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:07,658
好,下一題

320
00:15:07,658 --> 00:15:11,495
“你有隱藏的才藝嗎?”我要填沒有

321
00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:13,705
- 別填沒有,填有
- 你有嗎?

322
00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:14,873
而且要粗體字

323
00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:16,041
因為我真的有才藝

324
00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:18,293
- 是嗎?例如什麼?
- 我會彈電子琴

325
00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:19,545
- 你才不會
- 我會

326
00:15:19,545 --> 00:15:23,465
別笑,我會,不要笑
我真的會彈,我加入過樂團

327
00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:24,550
少騙人了

328
00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:25,634
小可愛樂團

329
00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:30,013
我們是什麼樂風?
有點像電台司令結合新好男孩

330
00:15:31,223 --> 00:15:33,016
我當時打扮得滿誇張的

331
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,977
我表演時,頭上會頂著一座燭台

332
00:15:38,814 --> 00:15:40,607
那你們怎麼沒成為搖滾天團?

333
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,734
全散了,我們幾個月後就解散了

334
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:43,819
為什麼?

335
00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:45,529
我害鼓手身上著火

336
00:15:45,529 --> 00:15:48,574
等等...傑夫

337
00:15:48,574 --> 00:15:49,867
對不起

338
00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:56,415
貓男的情況怎麼樣了?

339
00:15:56,415 --> 00:15:57,499
他還在外面

340
00:15:57,499 --> 00:16:00,294
你應該跟茱蒂夫人一起分享

341
00:16:00,294 --> 00:16:02,129
他好像把我的披薩餵貓吃了

342
00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:06,175
你想去那裡嗎?好

343
00:16:06,175 --> 00:16:08,594
- 就是現在
- 你在做什麼?

344
00:16:08,594 --> 00:16:10,971
我大概在20分鐘前,又訂了一個披薩

345
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:12,556
什麼?你又訂了一個?

346
00:16:12,556 --> 00:16:15,225
對,我一直在觀察他,大概每隔半小時

347
00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:16,935
貓男都會去繞大樓一圈

348
00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:19,646
他去一趟大約花四分鐘半

349
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,065
那表示貓男有四分鐘半的時間不在

350
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,194
還有,第一個披薩花了28分鐘送達

351
00:16:25,194 --> 00:16:28,614
我算好時間,讓剛才訂的披薩
在貓男這次遊蕩時送來

352
00:16:28,614 --> 00:16:30,532
如果我的計算正確...

353
00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:34,203
非常好

354
00:16:34,203 --> 00:16:35,287
厲害吧?

355
00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:44,087
嘿,到大樓左邊的最後一扇窗戶

356
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:46,298
你不會又耍我吧?

357
00:16:46,298 --> 00:16:47,799
不會,沒問題的,相信我

358
00:17:00,312 --> 00:17:02,773
不,該死,別又來了

359
00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:10,696
嘿,這裡

360
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,532
這打不開,但可以用塞的,來吧

361
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:18,747
- 等等
- 塞得進來,快

362
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:23,669
塞不進去

363
00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:27,548
好吧,兩分鐘後,那個養貓男就會回來

364
00:17:27,548 --> 00:17:29,174
你得把披薩一片一片塞進來

365
00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:31,718
- 我不確定
- 什麼叫你不確定?

366
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:35,389
這變得有點奇怪,這不是你的性癖吧?

367
00:17:35,389 --> 00:17:38,350
不是,我餓了,這只需要花一分鐘

368
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:41,854
我會給你20英鎊的小費

369
00:17:43,272 --> 00:17:46,275
- 好吧,你先給錢
- 好,先給錢

370
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,153
那麼...

371
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:57,160
快點

372
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,745
- 準備好了嗎?
- 好了

373
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,497
嘴巴張開

374
00:18:01,373 --> 00:18:03,333
我不要你餵我,我只是要你塞進窗口

375
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,585
好

376
00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:09,631
很好,這就對了,繼續塞

377
00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:12,968
你做得很好

378
00:18:15,012 --> 00:18:16,513
等等,別動

379
00:18:18,849 --> 00:18:19,850
你聽到了嗎?

380
00:18:19,850 --> 00:18:20,767
聽到什麼?

381
00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:25,939
好,繼續吧,快點,加快速度

382
00:18:27,983 --> 00:18:28,984
很好

383
00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:34,323
卡住了

384
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:39,161
好

385
00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:41,955
- 最後一片
- 好,謝謝你

386
00:18:42,873 --> 00:18:44,249
我現在要拍證明照

387
00:18:49,046 --> 00:18:50,756
你在做什麼?

388
00:18:50,756 --> 00:18:52,508
派對要往這邊走

389
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:02,309
(午夜12點45分)

390
00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:04,436
妳的等待時間久到不像話了

391
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:08,273
我相信很快就會有人出現,但我們繼續吧

392
00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:09,191
好

393
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:13,028
“你有多符合以下的形容詞?

394
00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:17,533
性感程度,完全不性感、有點性感
或非常性感?”

395
00:19:17,533 --> 00:19:19,368
我要選有點性感

396
00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:21,328
笑什麼?

397
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:22,246
沒事

398
00:19:22,246 --> 00:19:24,456
我只是不知道你這麼看得起自己

399
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:26,291
對,至少我沒說非常性感吧?

400
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:29,044
我說有點性感,意思是我略帶性感

401
00:19:29,044 --> 00:19:31,797
在我運氣好的時候,還有不脹氣的時候

402
00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:33,507
妳覺得我是哪種程度?

403
00:19:33,507 --> 00:19:36,552
不知道,有時我覺得你有點像...

404
00:19:37,928 --> 00:19:39,888
像親切的送牛奶大叔

405
00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:44,977
- 把那個填上去吧
- 好,最後一題

406
00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:47,521
“你有多擅長以下這件事?

407
00:19:47,521 --> 00:19:50,274
在感情關係中製造浪漫

408
00:19:50,274 --> 00:19:53,360
完全不擅長、有點擅長或非常擅長?”

409
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,736
我想我有時候很浪漫

410
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,822
真的嗎?我無法想像你浪漫的樣子

411
00:19:56,822 --> 00:19:59,116
對,妳當然無法
因為我是親切的送牛奶大叔丹尼

412
00:19:59,116 --> 00:20:02,035
那你說啊,你上一次耍浪漫是什麼時候?

413
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:05,122
- 妳記得克蘿伊嗎?
- 是,我記得克蘿伊

414
00:20:05,122 --> 00:20:07,958
好,我們初次約會時,我僱了一艘運河船

415
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:10,377
在船上掛滿了小燈

416
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,547
我們沿著攝政運河航行,看著日落

417
00:20:13,547 --> 00:20:15,757
喝著最便宜的香檳

418
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,342
主要是因為我僱了船之後

419
00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:19,261
就付不起其他費用了

420
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:22,097
但是,那不重要

421
00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:23,974
我們當時不在乎

422
00:20:25,851 --> 00:20:30,439
我們聽著一個浪漫歌單,跟彼此聊天

423
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:33,192
一起大笑

424
00:20:35,611 --> 00:20:36,612
然後我們停下來

425
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:40,866
在那裡看了旁邊公園的

426
00:20:40,866 --> 00:20:41,992
一場煙火秀

427
00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:44,536
蓋著毯子,互相依偎

428
00:20:50,501 --> 00:20:51,627
那樣算浪漫嗎?

429
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:54,880
是,很不錯

430
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,590
有點俗氣

431
00:20:56,590 --> 00:21:00,344
是維仔,糟了,她醒來了,說要找我

432
00:21:00,344 --> 00:21:03,263
這可是第一次,她通常只想要佩佩豬

433
00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,057
好,我在做什麼?我得離開這裡

434
00:21:05,057 --> 00:21:07,017
終於啊,哈利路亞,快走吧

435
00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:10,187
好,藥劑師先生,我要進去了

436
00:21:13,315 --> 00:21:14,858
妳在幹嘛?

437
00:21:14,858 --> 00:21:16,527
沒買到止癢藥的話我不走

438
00:21:16,527 --> 00:21:18,987
這真是刺激,好像《不可能的任務》

439
00:21:18,987 --> 00:21:21,907
是啊,我好興奮
我能理解罪犯為何做壞事了

440
00:21:21,907 --> 00:21:23,158
(止癢藥)

441
00:21:23,158 --> 00:21:24,868
好

442
00:21:28,163 --> 00:21:29,122
妳現在又在幹嘛?

443
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:32,334
如果不能刷退信用卡
那我要拿回價值200英鎊的藥

444
00:21:35,838 --> 00:21:36,880
天啊

445
00:21:40,884 --> 00:21:42,511
- 妳好
- 我沒偷東西

446
00:21:42,511 --> 00:21:44,179
- 什麼?
- 什麼?

447
00:21:45,013 --> 00:21:47,808
我是來拿處方藥的,安庫柏太太

448
00:21:48,851 --> 00:21:50,143
什麼?

449
00:21:50,143 --> 00:21:52,855
我來拿處方藥,安庫柏太太

450
00:21:54,982 --> 00:21:55,983
貴姓大名?

451
00:21:55,983 --> 00:21:57,401
安庫柏太太

452
00:21:59,570 --> 00:22:00,612
請多多包涵

453
00:22:05,117 --> 00:22:06,410
妳沒事吧?

454
00:22:06,410 --> 00:22:09,663
沒事,我只是在回想
我把處方藥放到哪裡了

455
00:22:09,663 --> 00:22:12,624
不是在那些藍色的處方藥籃裡嗎?

456
00:22:13,250 --> 00:22:15,085
(處方藥與諮詢處)

457
00:22:15,085 --> 00:22:17,629
看來可以從那裡開始找,對吧?

458
00:22:25,262 --> 00:22:27,139
- 找到了
- 多少錢?

459
00:22:27,806 --> 00:22:29,141
請給我9.35英鎊

460
00:22:32,186 --> 00:22:34,646
- 不行,無法使用刷卡機
- 為什麼?

461
00:22:35,564 --> 00:22:36,565
因為我很笨

462
00:22:38,066 --> 00:22:39,026
妳有現金嗎?

463
00:22:45,699 --> 00:22:47,284
這不是我的處方藥

464
00:22:47,284 --> 00:22:49,077
這是加菲蘇努努先生的

465
00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:50,871
妳不是他嗎?

466
00:22:50,871 --> 00:22:51,955
不是

467
00:22:51,955 --> 00:22:54,249
- 那妳叫什麼?
- 安庫柏

468
00:22:54,249 --> 00:22:55,334
稍等一下

469
00:23:16,647 --> 00:23:18,774
他們說他已經死了三小時左右

470
00:23:20,567 --> 00:23:22,819
我該去找警察做完筆錄

471
00:23:25,030 --> 00:23:26,281
我覺得好內疚

472
00:23:26,281 --> 00:23:28,450
拜託,救護人員說他是心跳停止

473
00:23:28,450 --> 00:23:30,702
他幾乎立刻就死了,沒有受苦

474
00:23:30,702 --> 00:23:33,539
這太悲傷了,像那樣孤單一人

475
00:23:33,539 --> 00:23:35,082
- 在裡面死去
- 妳在開玩笑吧?

476
00:23:35,082 --> 00:23:37,000
倒在藥堆裡死去,那是我的理想

477
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:39,711
但我希望是比嬰兒瀉藥更重的藥

478
00:23:42,798 --> 00:23:43,799
妳會沒事吧?

479
00:23:44,383 --> 00:23:46,301
當然,你瞭解我的

480
00:23:46,301 --> 00:23:48,345
就是因為瞭解才問妳

481
00:23:48,345 --> 00:23:50,722
只能有一個陰鬱、悲慘的蠢蛋
在這段關係裡

482
00:23:50,722 --> 00:23:51,849
我是說友誼關係

483
00:23:52,432 --> 00:23:55,561
而我已經佔掉那名額了,所以...

484
00:23:55,561 --> 00:23:57,771
知道了,謝謝你

485
00:23:58,689 --> 00:23:59,690
總之,聽好

486
00:23:59,690 --> 00:24:01,984
我該掛電話了,又吵了妳一個晚上

487
00:24:01,984 --> 00:24:04,820
不行,你還不能掛斷
我們還沒設好你的交友檔案

488
00:24:04,820 --> 00:24:07,030
對,不,我們不用現在弄

489
00:24:07,030 --> 00:24:08,448
- 我們可以...
- 不,我們來弄吧

490
00:24:08,448 --> 00:24:09,825
只要幾秒鐘的時間

491
00:24:09,825 --> 00:24:11,827
它會馬上顯示配對結果

492
00:24:11,827 --> 00:24:12,744
準備好了嗎?

493
00:24:12,744 --> 00:24:13,829
(配對中)

494
00:24:13,829 --> 00:24:14,913
好了

495
00:24:14,913 --> 00:24:17,207
好,那有配對結果後,我該幹嘛?

496
00:24:17,207 --> 00:24:19,877
我得寄電郵給對方嗎?約她們去吃司康?

497
00:24:19,877 --> 00:24:24,715
對,你終究得走出你家公寓

498
00:24:28,135 --> 00:24:29,136
你配對成功了

499
00:24:29,136 --> 00:24:30,179
(我們為你配對成功了)

500
00:24:30,804 --> 00:24:32,973
91%的契合度

501
00:24:32,973 --> 00:24:35,767
真的嗎?好,她長什麼樣子?

502
00:24:35,767 --> 00:24:38,395
她...

503
00:24:40,397 --> 00:24:41,565
我還在...

504
00:24:44,401 --> 00:24:45,694
怎樣?

505
00:24:45,694 --> 00:24:48,530
(丹尼,你與麗莎配對了)

506
00:24:49,907 --> 00:24:53,827
不,抱歉
剛才只是有點故障,還沒有配對

507
00:24:55,621 --> 00:24:56,997
那就好,太好了

508
00:24:56,997 --> 00:24:59,416
我差不多該跟維仔聯絡了

509
00:24:59,416 --> 00:25:00,792
好,下次同一時間再聊?

510
00:25:00,792 --> 00:25:02,920
好,同一時間,試著睡一下

511
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,379
好,晚安,妳這瘋子

512
00:25:04,379 --> 00:25:05,464
好,晚安

513
00:25:13,722 --> 00:25:15,933
(警報解除,親一個)

514
00:25:26,068 --> 00:25:29,154
{\an8}(你真棒,親一個)

515
00:25:44,670 --> 00:25:46,046
總算走了,謝謝

516
00:25:57,224 --> 00:25:59,017
迪士尼樂園好玩嗎?

517
00:27:00,037 --> 00:27:02,039
字幕翻譯:翁乙玄