1
00:00:09,751 --> 00:00:12,251
[vibrant orchestral music]

2
00:00:16,543 --> 00:00:21,668
♪ Foodtopia ♪

3
00:00:22,876 --> 00:00:24,543
[crowd cheering]

4
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:26,876
Get your bets in right here!

5
00:00:26,959 --> 00:00:30,334
-Hey, hey, give me one tooth on Beans.
-Give me two teeth on Tuna!

6
00:00:31,626 --> 00:00:32,708
[engines revving]

7
00:00:32,834 --> 00:00:34,709
Come on! Come on, Beans!

8
00:00:35,084 --> 00:00:37,043
[instrumental "Barracuda" plays]

9
00:00:41,334 --> 00:00:43,001
[revs engine]

10
00:00:46,168 --> 00:00:48,084
[tires screeching]

11
00:00:53,543 --> 00:00:57,751
♪ You're in a toy car in a toy store ♪

12
00:00:57,834 --> 00:01:03,168
♪ Today your driving skills
Are on display ♪

13
00:01:05,418 --> 00:01:08,918
♪ You are a can racing a can ♪

14
00:01:09,001 --> 00:01:12,043
♪ A bet ♪

15
00:01:12,126 --> 00:01:15,543
♪ Driving remote control machines ♪

16
00:01:15,626 --> 00:01:19,293
♪ And now you're heading
Toward the toy train ♪

17
00:01:19,376 --> 00:01:22,834
♪ And the motor
That you're driving's insane ♪

18
00:01:22,918 --> 00:01:28,459
♪ So and now, now, now, now
It looks at your name ♪

19
00:01:28,543 --> 00:01:30,918
♪ Ooh, Can of Tuna ♪

20
00:01:31,001 --> 00:01:32,793
Gah! Son of a bitch!

21
00:01:32,876 --> 00:01:35,459
[cheering and applause]

22
00:01:35,543 --> 00:01:39,668
Hey, now!
Pay up, ya legume-filled laggard!

23
00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:42,918
[cheering and applause]

24
00:01:43,001 --> 00:01:45,834
[slow clapping]

25
00:01:47,459 --> 00:01:49,709
Hi, there. Sorry to break up the fun.

26
00:01:49,793 --> 00:01:52,334
Just want to say this is
a lovely home you have here,

27
00:01:52,418 --> 00:01:54,293
and, well... I'd like to have it.

28
00:01:55,293 --> 00:01:58,709
[laughter]

29
00:01:58,793 --> 00:02:01,876
Ahh, ye take us for dullards?!

30
00:02:01,959 --> 00:02:04,418
I wasn’t canned yesterday.

31
00:02:04,501 --> 00:02:09,418
We have no intention of handing
this newly discovered land fortress over.

32
00:02:09,459 --> 00:02:12,584
Unless ye plan to plunder us?

33
00:02:12,668 --> 00:02:15,043
No, no, there'll be no plundering.

34
00:02:15,126 --> 00:02:17,668
Congratulations on the single tooth
you won in your race.

35
00:02:17,751 --> 00:02:20,001
-I hope you're happy with it.
-I am.

36
00:02:20,084 --> 00:02:22,334
Every food loves teeth.

37
00:02:22,418 --> 00:02:25,501
Their symbolism be lost on no one.

38
00:02:25,584 --> 00:02:29,251
Let me let you in on a little secret:
One tooth isn't cool.

39
00:02:30,001 --> 00:02:31,251
You know what's cool?

40
00:02:31,334 --> 00:02:32,876
[snaps fingers]

41
00:02:34,084 --> 00:02:36,459
One hundred and seven teeth.

42
00:02:38,043 --> 00:02:40,168
Go ahead and count 'em.
Lots of white ones in there,

43
00:02:40,251 --> 00:02:41,543
yellow ones, too.

44
00:02:41,626 --> 00:02:43,084
There's some babies'. Oh!

45
00:02:43,168 --> 00:02:45,293
See the molar caught your eye.
Nice, isn't it?

46
00:02:45,376 --> 00:02:46,459
That’s a bicuspid.

47
00:02:46,543 --> 00:02:48,168
There’s some snaggles in there.

48
00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:51,334
That’s a matched set.
Put them together, there’s a gap.

49
00:02:51,418 --> 00:02:54,501
Look at all that grade A mouth bone.

50
00:02:54,584 --> 00:02:59,459
Aye, by the north wind,
that’s a lotta loot.

51
00:03:00,126 --> 00:03:03,001
You got a deal, me orange-hearty!

52
00:03:03,668 --> 00:03:06,876
-[grunts] Ha-ha!
-Push! Push!

53
00:03:08,376 --> 00:03:09,959
So long.

54
00:03:10,043 --> 00:03:12,876
Ya fuckin' morons.

55
00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:16,376
[heroic music]

56
00:03:20,584 --> 00:03:23,001
I own all this!

57
00:03:27,793 --> 00:03:29,668
Even you.

58
00:03:31,959 --> 00:03:34,334
[Sammy] Lavash, my love.

59
00:03:34,418 --> 00:03:38,668
When I'm with you,
I-I feel like I-I have no hole.

60
00:03:39,209 --> 00:03:41,376
'Cause it's filled with your love,

61
00:03:41,459 --> 00:03:42,918
your admiration,

62
00:03:43,001 --> 00:03:46,334
and, yep, occasionally,
your speckled doughy...

63
00:03:46,418 --> 00:03:49,751
-[flies buzzing]
-[screaming]

64
00:03:50,876 --> 00:03:52,168
[gasping]

65
00:03:52,251 --> 00:03:55,126
Hey, what...
what were you just screaming about?

66
00:03:55,209 --> 00:03:56,334
What, was I screaming?

67
00:03:56,418 --> 00:04:00,209
Just a night terror.
I'd rather not unpack it at the moment.

68
00:04:00,293 --> 00:04:02,751
-It was a fun night.
-Yeah, yeah. Now it's over.

69
00:04:02,834 --> 00:04:05,126
Yeah. No more excitement.

70
00:04:05,209 --> 00:04:07,126
No more love will be given.

71
00:04:07,209 --> 00:04:08,793
No more attention will be paid.

72
00:04:09,293 --> 00:04:12,751
I guess this is, this is life now.
Just sitting here...

73
00:04:13,709 --> 00:04:15,668
replaying the glory days,

74
00:04:15,751 --> 00:04:18,375
knowing there's not going to be
a quick and easy...

75
00:04:18,418 --> 00:04:19,918
[Sammy] Answer to all my problems!

76
00:04:20,043 --> 00:04:22,043
[up-tempo music]

77
00:04:28,959 --> 00:04:31,750
-Cool.
-[crowd cheering]

78
00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:39,084
I mean, jeez, look at that, they love him.

79
00:04:39,543 --> 00:04:43,043
This attention box.
It's exactly what I need.

80
00:04:45,625 --> 00:04:49,084
Oh! Yeah! Mm. Take that motherfucker.

81
00:04:49,168 --> 00:04:51,125
Ooh. Ooh. Hey!

82
00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:53,959
-Oh. Aah!
-Wow. Hey.

83
00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:55,459
You got quite an audience there.

84
00:04:55,543 --> 00:04:57,500
Can I have a turn?
Maybe just a tight five.

85
00:04:57,584 --> 00:05:00,793
Thanks a lot, Bread Boy,
you made me miss a step.

86
00:05:00,876 --> 00:05:02,584
No, I'm-I'm... Look, I'm sorry.

87
00:05:02,668 --> 00:05:06,293
Just, you know, I'm looking for an outlet
to share my gift with the world,

88
00:05:06,376 --> 00:05:09,043
and this just seems like a perfect format.

89
00:05:09,126 --> 00:05:11,793
Get your own
high-tech broadcasting system.

90
00:05:11,876 --> 00:05:13,084
This one's taken.

91
00:05:13,168 --> 00:05:15,251
You don't understand. I need this.

92
00:05:15,334 --> 00:05:17,250
No, you don't understand.

93
00:05:17,334 --> 00:05:21,293
This is my place,
and I don't give a shit what you need.

94
00:05:21,375 --> 00:05:24,459
I care about one thing and one thing only,

95
00:05:24,543 --> 00:05:26,375
-and that's this.
-No!

96
00:05:26,750 --> 00:05:28,084
[Sammy grunts]

97
00:05:30,668 --> 00:05:33,209
[up-tempo music continues]

98
00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:37,959
[breathes heavily]

99
00:05:38,043 --> 00:05:39,750
Rage!

100
00:05:39,834 --> 00:05:41,793
[dramatic music]

101
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,500
-[punches landing]
-[grunting]

102
00:05:43,584 --> 00:05:45,584
-[Sammy] Fucked with the wrong bagel.
-[punches landing]

103
00:05:46,418 --> 00:05:48,043
[cereal grunting] Wait!

104
00:05:52,668 --> 00:05:53,668
[gasps]

105
00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:56,334
Hey, how about a round of applause
for my opening act,

106
00:05:56,418 --> 00:05:58,750
the injured cereal box.

107
00:05:58,834 --> 00:06:01,501
I'm back.
Okay, let's get this show on the road.

108
00:06:01,584 --> 00:06:05,418
Um... So my ex saw me having sex
with another food the other day,

109
00:06:05,501 --> 00:06:08,376
and, uh, I guess you'd have to say
I really was in a pickle.

110
00:06:08,459 --> 00:06:10,459
[laughter]

111
00:06:13,334 --> 00:06:15,668
Do you think
this humey will eat one of his own?

112
00:06:15,751 --> 00:06:17,250
He said he's hungry, didn't he?

113
00:06:17,334 --> 00:06:19,375
It's not like we're gonna
feed him one of our own.

114
00:06:19,459 --> 00:06:21,709
So either he starves or...

115
00:06:21,793 --> 00:06:23,834
bon appé-feet! [giggles]

116
00:06:23,918 --> 00:06:26,043
Hey! Watch it. What the...?

117
00:06:26,125 --> 00:06:27,959
-Well, shit, man.
-You all right?

118
00:06:28,043 --> 00:06:30,875
-No! Have you seen Pops?
-What Pops?

119
00:06:30,959 --> 00:06:33,250
That shifty old-timey popsicle?

120
00:06:33,918 --> 00:06:37,375
I had a tooth in my pocket,
and he run up with a pick and stole it.

121
00:06:37,459 --> 00:06:39,500
[gasps] He tooth pick-pocketed you?

122
00:06:39,584 --> 00:06:41,918
But-but-but foods
wouldn't steal from other foods.

123
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:46,334
Yeah? Well, tell that to the motherfucker
what yoinked my shit!

124
00:06:46,418 --> 00:06:47,750
It's happening everywhere.

125
00:06:47,834 --> 00:06:49,543
[Lemon] Hey! Somebody stop her!

126
00:06:49,625 --> 00:06:51,375
Okay, hold on, all right?

127
00:06:51,459 --> 00:06:53,709
We don't know the full story there.

128
00:06:53,793 --> 00:06:55,793
I had a tooth and she stole it!

129
00:06:56,209 --> 00:06:58,000
Okay. Now we do.

130
00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,375
This is a problem.

131
00:07:01,126 --> 00:07:02,626
Shit, here comes another problem.

132
00:07:02,709 --> 00:07:05,001
Oh no, does he know what we did?
Is he coming to confront us?

133
00:07:05,084 --> 00:07:07,043
-I don't know. Just act natural.
-Okay...

134
00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:09,876
-Ow! What are you doing?
-I can't remember how to act naturally.

135
00:07:09,959 --> 00:07:11,501
You start by pinching me?

136
00:07:11,584 --> 00:07:13,918
-Hey there, Barr.
-[whispers] That's not natural.

137
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:18,209
Hey, guys. What you up to? Can I...
Can I hang out with you all day? Um...

138
00:07:18,293 --> 00:07:19,793
Uh... all day?

139
00:07:19,875 --> 00:07:22,959
Yeah, well, from, like, from now til
bedtime. I don't... I mean... What are

140
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:26,000
-you guys carrying this foot around for?
-Oh, uh, nothing.

141
00:07:26,084 --> 00:07:28,543
I mean, we just... We just wanted this,
uh, this rolly shoe.

142
00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:31,168
Yeah, the foot's not important.
We just couldn't get it out.

143
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:33,209
-I didn't even. I didn't see it there.
-Yeah.

144
00:07:33,293 --> 00:07:36,500
-Did you notice there was a foot in here?
-No, I just saw that just now.

145
00:07:36,584 --> 00:07:38,000
-Weird.
-Just leave it in there.

146
00:07:38,084 --> 00:07:40,834
I'll help you get it out of there. I know
a thing or two about this. Here we go.

147
00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:42,625
-[Brenda] Oh!
-No, you don't have to.

148
00:07:42,709 --> 00:07:45,293
Once saved food society,
now I'm just some dumb schmuck

149
00:07:45,375 --> 00:07:48,709
pulling feet out of rolly shoes, right?
But that's what I've been reduced to.

150
00:07:48,793 --> 00:07:52,668
The only thing that makes it better is
knowing we'll be hanging out till bedtime.

151
00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:55,709
[awkward laugh] What the hell?
What does that even mean?!

152
00:07:55,793 --> 00:07:58,875
-We can't hang out with him until bedtime.
-No, it's an absurd request.

153
00:07:58,959 --> 00:08:01,501
It's so specific.
We gotta get him off our backs.

154
00:08:01,584 --> 00:08:04,834
Frank, we can't just get rid of him.
Look how sad and lost he is.

155
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:07,709
-He has nothing. Not a thing.
-[heavy sigh]

156
00:08:09,543 --> 00:08:10,751
[gasps]

157
00:08:11,126 --> 00:08:15,293
Hey, maybe you can actually help us
with a little something more pressing

158
00:08:15,376 --> 00:08:18,000
-and a lot more dangerous.
-What is it?

159
00:08:18,084 --> 00:08:21,000
Foods are stealing from each other.
We need a system to stop it.

160
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,875
You're the only food
that is heroic enough to run it.

161
00:08:23,959 --> 00:08:26,625
Damn, that stiffened me right up.

162
00:08:26,709 --> 00:08:28,625
Yeah, looks like you gained
about an inch there.

163
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:29,918
Ooh.

164
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,543
[dramatic music]

165
00:08:31,625 --> 00:08:32,833
[martial arts grunting]

166
00:08:33,293 --> 00:08:36,583
Hey, you stealing?
Over my dead meat, baby.

167
00:08:37,708 --> 00:08:40,168
Hey, Frank, remind me
to introduce you to someone later.

168
00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:42,668
-Who?
-A problem we can't handle.

169
00:08:42,750 --> 00:08:44,376
Oh, wait, it doesn't exist.

170
00:08:47,043 --> 00:08:48,458
[pulley clanking]

171
00:08:48,543 --> 00:08:51,668
I know your frail bodies
require sustenance.

172
00:08:51,751 --> 00:08:53,751
So, here, we got you something to eat.

173
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:56,168
Oh, my God!
I don't know how to thank you.

174
00:08:56,251 --> 00:09:00,834
I understand what a huge moral conundrum
this must have been for you, so... [gasps]

175
00:09:00,918 --> 00:09:03,626
Not really. We kind of kicked
the moral conundrum over to you.

176
00:09:06,501 --> 00:09:08,418
Oh, and it's a lady's foot!

177
00:09:08,501 --> 00:09:11,001
I don't know why
that makes it worse, but it does.

178
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:14,709
Wait, but if I don't eat it,
isn't that somehow more sexist?

179
00:09:14,793 --> 00:09:17,751
What am I talking myself into?
I can't eat a foot.

180
00:09:17,834 --> 00:09:20,543
[scoffs] Can't eat a foot.
What an asshole.

181
00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:23,251
Yeah, well, I bet you
could eat me though, right, huh?

182
00:09:23,334 --> 00:09:25,084
Could you bring yourself to do that?

183
00:09:25,168 --> 00:09:27,793
I, uh, don't know.

184
00:09:27,876 --> 00:09:32,376
Oh, you know. I bet just by looking at me,
you can remember what I taste like.

185
00:09:32,458 --> 00:09:36,251
-Brenda, take it easy.
-No! I bet this guy wants to eat me.

186
00:09:36,333 --> 00:09:38,708
Yeah? What?
Hey, you want to spread me open?

187
00:09:38,793 --> 00:09:40,958
Yeah. Squirt some mustard on me.

188
00:09:41,043 --> 00:09:42,208
Pop a radish on my head.

189
00:09:42,293 --> 00:09:45,376
Dunk me in a soda, smear me on
a watermelon slice, and then eat me?

190
00:09:45,458 --> 00:09:48,376
-Is that it?
-I would never do that.

191
00:09:48,458 --> 00:09:52,001
-That flavor profile is insane!
-[gasps] Flavor profile.

192
00:09:52,083 --> 00:09:54,793
Did you hear that, Frank?
He's flavor profiling me.

193
00:09:54,876 --> 00:09:56,543
Okay, look, I'm sorry.

194
00:09:56,626 --> 00:09:59,168
A foot is just a lot
to wrap my head around.

195
00:09:59,251 --> 00:10:03,501
Maybe if you got me some fingers
I could fry them in oil or...

196
00:10:03,584 --> 00:10:07,959
Or... Oh, my God. Of course.
Of course, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

197
00:10:08,043 --> 00:10:09,959
Oil is a person to you.

198
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,584
Oh, I didn't mean that.
I didn't mean that.

199
00:10:11,668 --> 00:10:13,334
Frank, let's bounce.

200
00:10:13,418 --> 00:10:15,334
[sputters] Don't leave me here alone.

201
00:10:15,418 --> 00:10:17,709
Thought you wanted me to
help you create your food society.

202
00:10:17,793 --> 00:10:21,376
We're viewing you more as a rainy day
human, as in saving you for a rainy day.

203
00:10:21,459 --> 00:10:23,543
Or a bird day, or any day
we don't understand.

204
00:10:23,626 --> 00:10:25,209
But we don't need you right now.

205
00:10:25,293 --> 00:10:28,876
The last thing we want is our society
resembling your fucked up human society.

206
00:10:28,959 --> 00:10:31,084
We're doing things the food way.

207
00:10:32,001 --> 00:10:35,708
Okay, so I'm creating a task force
to patrol the streets

208
00:10:35,793 --> 00:10:38,458
and crack down on tooth theft.

209
00:10:39,168 --> 00:10:42,083
To all the volunteers,
when I call you by name,

210
00:10:42,168 --> 00:10:45,751
please step forward
and get your badge and cocktail sword,

211
00:10:45,833 --> 00:10:48,626
which will give you a sense
of irrational power that I know

212
00:10:48,708 --> 00:10:51,168
will not be a problem going forward.

213
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,958
Chris Bologna.

214
00:10:56,043 --> 00:10:57,501
Kishka Hargitay.

215
00:11:00,501 --> 00:11:01,459
Hi, Kishka.

216
00:11:01,543 --> 00:11:02,876
Iced Tea.

217
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:09,459
And all the rest.
Let's hit the streets!

218
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:11,084
[police siren wailing]

219
00:11:11,501 --> 00:11:12,918
[tune of "Bad Boys" (theme from Cops)]

220
00:11:13,001 --> 00:11:15,793
♪ Bad foods, bad foods comin' after you ♪

221
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:18,293
♪ Comin' after you
When you steal a tooth ♪

222
00:11:18,376 --> 00:11:21,126
♪ Bad foods, bad foods comin' after you ♪

223
00:11:21,209 --> 00:11:23,918
♪ Comin' after you
When you steal a tooth ♪

224
00:11:24,001 --> 00:11:26,709
♪ Bad foods, bad foods, comin' after you ♪

225
00:11:26,793 --> 00:11:29,043
♪ Comin' after you
When you steal a tooth ♪

226
00:11:29,126 --> 00:11:30,418
The juice is loose!

227
00:11:30,501 --> 00:11:32,418
♪ Bad foods, bad foods comin' after you ♪

228
00:11:32,501 --> 00:11:34,918
♪ Comin' after you
When you steal a tooth ♪

229
00:11:35,001 --> 00:11:37,458
♪ Bologna man gettin' in your face ♪

230
00:11:37,543 --> 00:11:39,668
♪ The Kishka spreading your legs ♪

231
00:11:39,751 --> 00:11:42,793
♪ Iced Tea gotcha runnin' for days ♪

232
00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:45,918
♪ And the Barry man
He don't play, don't play ♪

233
00:11:46,001 --> 00:11:48,793
All right, Cream, we know you're friends
with Pops. Where's he at?

234
00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:50,293
Yeah, all right. What do you want from me?

235
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:53,208
I know lots of pops:
soda pops, ring pops, blow pops.

236
00:11:53,293 --> 00:11:54,918
-I even know a couple fucking lolli...
-Save it!

237
00:11:55,001 --> 00:11:57,251
You know which Pops we're talking about.

238
00:11:57,333 --> 00:11:59,501
"Icle," man. Pops-icle

239
00:11:59,583 --> 00:12:01,876
Ow! Hey, watch the tub, man.

240
00:12:01,959 --> 00:12:03,834
All right, look, he's over there.

241
00:12:04,376 --> 00:12:06,251
Stay cool, thanks for the tooth.

242
00:12:06,751 --> 00:12:08,376
Pops! Freeze!

243
00:12:08,918 --> 00:12:10,876
That's what I'm trying to do!

244
00:12:10,959 --> 00:12:13,209
[suspenseful music]

245
00:12:13,293 --> 00:12:14,126
Officers.

246
00:12:16,459 --> 00:12:18,084
Open the fuckin' door!

247
00:12:18,168 --> 00:12:19,293
[door creaks]

248
00:12:19,709 --> 00:12:22,001
Sorry, Pops. Party's over.

249
00:12:22,668 --> 00:12:25,209
Hey, where the hell you takin' me?

250
00:12:25,293 --> 00:12:27,001
Oh, wouldn't you like to know?

251
00:12:27,084 --> 00:12:30,584
What are we supposed to do with Pops
and the other foods we caught stealing?

252
00:12:33,168 --> 00:12:34,751
I got this one.

253
00:12:34,833 --> 00:12:36,583
Food Court is now in session.

254
00:12:36,668 --> 00:12:41,208
All y'all rise right now
for the Honorable Judge Rutabaga Ginsburg.

255
00:12:41,708 --> 00:12:43,083
[coughs]

256
00:12:43,168 --> 00:12:44,333
We did it again.

257
00:12:44,418 --> 00:12:46,251
You're welcome, Foodtopia.

258
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:49,376
Okay, our first case is

259
00:12:49,458 --> 00:12:53,751
Red Lentils versus Pops.

260
00:12:53,833 --> 00:12:57,376
-So, what's the problem?
-Pops' the one that stole my tooth.

261
00:12:57,458 --> 00:12:59,668
The ol' chopper-stealing bitch.

262
00:13:00,126 --> 00:13:01,918
Pops, is that accurate?

263
00:13:02,001 --> 00:13:05,001
-Sure is, and I'd do it again.
-No remorse.

264
00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:07,793
Don't worry, Frank. They caught
the bastard. The system's working.

265
00:13:07,876 --> 00:13:09,834
But you don't understand.

266
00:13:09,918 --> 00:13:11,876
It-it's not that cut and dry.

267
00:13:12,293 --> 00:13:15,376
Pops only did what he had to do.

268
00:13:15,918 --> 00:13:18,126
I was melting to death.

269
00:13:18,626 --> 00:13:21,501
Not just me. My young'uns: Cream, Fudge...

270
00:13:21,584 --> 00:13:25,168
the whole Icle family
on the brink of liquification.

271
00:13:25,793 --> 00:13:28,293
We needed a freezer and fast.

272
00:13:28,376 --> 00:13:32,168
But freezers ain't coming cheap
in ol' Foodtopia.

273
00:13:33,043 --> 00:13:35,833
That's why I had to steal
Red Lentils' tooth.

274
00:13:35,918 --> 00:13:38,876
This goddamn place
made me change who I was.

275
00:13:38,958 --> 00:13:40,626
And the worst part is,

276
00:13:40,708 --> 00:13:43,793
by the time I came back
with my ill-gotten tooth,

277
00:13:43,876 --> 00:13:47,793
every Icle in my family had melted anyway.

278
00:13:47,876 --> 00:13:48,958
[sobbing]

279
00:13:51,251 --> 00:13:56,793
I can still picture little Fudgey's face
sliding down the side of his body,

280
00:13:56,876 --> 00:13:59,458
splattin' all over the floor and my shoes.

281
00:13:59,543 --> 00:14:01,543
-Look.
-Shoes off the witness tray.

282
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:07,959
Ugh. Sad to see,
but this is a food court of law,

283
00:14:08,043 --> 00:14:12,543
and much like the airtight
sealing on a jar of pickles,

284
00:14:12,626 --> 00:14:15,334
laws must never be broken.

285
00:14:16,751 --> 00:14:22,209
I hereby order Pops
to return the teeth to Red Lentils.

286
00:14:22,293 --> 00:14:23,626
Bay Leaf!

287
00:14:23,709 --> 00:14:25,293
[Pops screams]

288
00:14:25,376 --> 00:14:26,334
[crowd gasps]

289
00:14:27,543 --> 00:14:28,459
[gasps]

290
00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:30,584
[gasping]

291
00:14:30,668 --> 00:14:35,208
-[gavel squeaks]
-If everyone has now finished gasping,

292
00:14:35,293 --> 00:14:40,458
the court will now hear
the case of Spritzer versus Romaine,

293
00:14:40,543 --> 00:14:45,418
who is accused
of stealing three baby teeth.

294
00:14:45,501 --> 00:14:48,418
Uh, are you noticing
a disturbing trend in all the foods

295
00:14:48,501 --> 00:14:49,833
that are on trial for stealing?

296
00:14:49,918 --> 00:14:51,793
[air horn blows]

297
00:14:52,918 --> 00:14:57,501
Still plenty of fridge space to rent
in my spacious, six-shelf walk-in!

298
00:14:57,583 --> 00:15:01,251
Comes fully equipped with central cooling,
no natural light and butter shelf doorman.

299
00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:02,834
Don't have enough teeth for a fridge?

300
00:15:02,918 --> 00:15:05,709
We also sell cold water squares
for half the price.

301
00:15:05,793 --> 00:15:08,168
Or be the envy of all your food friends
when you hit the open road

302
00:15:08,251 --> 00:15:11,584
in your sleek new wind up or RC.
Batteries not included.

303
00:15:14,126 --> 00:15:17,793
The fuck? Are foods using teeth
to barter for goods?

304
00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:19,168
[coughing]

305
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:20,501
And services.

306
00:15:21,918 --> 00:15:23,751
[dramatic music]

307
00:15:27,251 --> 00:15:31,251
-Move it!
-Hey, stop hogging the blow zone.

308
00:15:31,834 --> 00:15:33,043
What the hell is this?

309
00:15:33,668 --> 00:15:35,668
We got food slums now?

310
00:15:36,626 --> 00:15:38,458
And we're punishing foods
for stealing teeth.

311
00:15:38,543 --> 00:15:41,043
But it's like they're only doing that
because they need them to live.

312
00:15:41,126 --> 00:15:41,958
[baby cries]

313
00:15:42,043 --> 00:15:43,668
Oh, fuck. This is bad.

314
00:15:43,751 --> 00:15:45,958
I don't know what to do.
I'm spinnin' out.

315
00:15:46,043 --> 00:15:48,668
Is this something we should be
talking to the humey about?

316
00:15:48,751 --> 00:15:50,333
No, no, no, no. Frank. Frank...

317
00:15:50,418 --> 00:15:53,751
This isn't water from the sky or flying
monsters. We don't need the humey

318
00:15:53,833 --> 00:15:56,668
and we don't want to be infected
by his evil basic-bitch ideas.

319
00:15:56,751 --> 00:16:00,626
This is a food problem, and we
need to come up with a food solution.

320
00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:03,834
A "food-lution." See? Ha!
I just came up with a "food-lution"

321
00:16:03,918 --> 00:16:07,084
for the problem that "food" and "solution"
were too many goddamn words.

322
00:16:07,168 --> 00:16:10,043
-See? I just did it there.
-You're right. It's simple.

323
00:16:10,126 --> 00:16:12,834
Some foods have a lot of teeth,
some foods have none.

324
00:16:12,918 --> 00:16:17,459
So, we ask the foods, uh, who have a lot
to just give some to the foods that don't.

325
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:19,334
Yeah, this is not remotely controversial.

326
00:16:19,418 --> 00:16:21,626
And every food is gonna be
onboard with this.

327
00:16:21,709 --> 00:16:23,418
Great. How do we get the word out?

328
00:16:23,501 --> 00:16:26,001
-[applause and cheering]
-Okay, how about this one?

329
00:16:26,084 --> 00:16:29,626
What do you call a noodle
that's trying to be something it's not?

330
00:16:29,709 --> 00:16:30,793
An im-pasta!

331
00:16:32,793 --> 00:16:35,793
That's the same joke structure
as the last one.

332
00:16:35,876 --> 00:16:37,458
You're the imposter.

333
00:16:37,543 --> 00:16:38,583
Hack!

334
00:16:38,668 --> 00:16:39,793
[crowd booing]

335
00:16:39,876 --> 00:16:43,001
Hey, what are you...
Don't, don't leave in the middle.

336
00:16:43,083 --> 00:16:44,833
No, come on, Sammy, you're losin' 'em.

337
00:16:44,918 --> 00:16:48,626
You're losing them. Think, think, think.
How do I stay relevant?

338
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:51,543
Sammy, we need you to deliver
a public service announcement

339
00:16:51,626 --> 00:16:54,376
that absolutely everyone has to hear.

340
00:16:54,458 --> 00:16:56,583
Ooh. Yeah.

341
00:16:56,668 --> 00:16:59,708
-[cheering and applause]
-[jazzy music]

342
00:17:00,418 --> 00:17:02,876
[cheering and applause continues]

343
00:17:05,918 --> 00:17:06,793
Good evening.

344
00:17:06,876 --> 00:17:08,751
I, of course, am Sammy Bagel.

345
00:17:08,793 --> 00:17:11,501
You know my first guests
from starting the revolution

346
00:17:11,583 --> 00:17:14,418
and most recently
creating our justice system.

347
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,168
Frank and Brenda.

348
00:17:16,251 --> 00:17:18,168
-[jazzy music]
-[applause]

349
00:17:18,251 --> 00:17:21,958
Terrific. Yeah. No.
Frank, Brenda, love you kids.

350
00:17:22,043 --> 00:17:25,543
Now, I hear that you've got
a big announcement.

351
00:17:25,626 --> 00:17:26,793
Yes, we do.

352
00:17:26,876 --> 00:17:30,751
Basically, we have devised a system,
a pretty clever little system,

353
00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:33,376
which would take
a portion of everyone's teeth

354
00:17:33,459 --> 00:17:36,209
to ensure the foods
who don't have any are taken care of.

355
00:17:36,293 --> 00:17:37,334
[Brenda] Yeah. Okay...

356
00:17:37,418 --> 00:17:40,543
To demonstrate what we're talking about,
um, picture a pie.

357
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:43,126
Or better yet,
let's bring her up on stage. Pie.

358
00:17:43,209 --> 00:17:45,293
-[applause]
-[jazzy music]

359
00:17:45,376 --> 00:17:47,709
Mm, ah, yes. [giggles]

360
00:17:47,793 --> 00:17:52,168
I would just like to say hi
to my friend, Rhubarb. Hi, Barb.

361
00:17:52,251 --> 00:17:56,501
Okay, let's say Pie here represents
all the teeth a food had.

362
00:17:56,584 --> 00:17:59,418
-I'm Teeth.
-You sure are, Pie. Thanks for helping.

363
00:17:59,501 --> 00:18:02,876
So, as I was saying,
if you're a food that doesn't have a lot,

364
00:18:02,959 --> 00:18:06,334
we'd only take, like,
this big a slice of your teeth.

365
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,501
-That's not a lot.
-Exactly.

366
00:18:08,584 --> 00:18:09,709
[softly] Seriously, stop that. I don't...

367
00:18:09,793 --> 00:18:11,293
You shouldn't be commenting.
You're just a prop.

368
00:18:11,376 --> 00:18:13,418
And if you have
way more teeth than you need,

369
00:18:13,501 --> 00:18:15,668
you'll pay, like, this big a slice.

370
00:18:15,751 --> 00:18:17,168
Which is significant.

371
00:18:17,251 --> 00:18:21,959
But you will notice there's still
quite a sizable slice of Pie's body left.

372
00:18:22,043 --> 00:18:22,918
[Julius] Boo!

373
00:18:23,001 --> 00:18:24,584
-Oh, whoa, whoa, what?
-[Julius] Boo!

374
00:18:24,668 --> 00:18:27,126
Wait. No, stop it. Do I hear a boo?

375
00:18:27,209 --> 00:18:30,793
-Is someone booing? Who's the booer?
-[Julius] Boo, boo, boo. Boo!

376
00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:32,418
Okay, you, sir.

377
00:18:33,376 --> 00:18:36,459
You seem to have a problem
with the share-sies plan?

378
00:18:36,543 --> 00:18:40,209
Yeah. I'm Julius, and I got a problem.

379
00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:42,376
They don't believe in food.

380
00:18:42,459 --> 00:18:44,334
What? We started the revolution!

381
00:18:44,418 --> 00:18:45,709
We believe in food.

382
00:18:45,793 --> 00:18:47,043
I was there for that!

383
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,793
-She's right!
-Well, it doesn't sound like it.

384
00:18:49,876 --> 00:18:51,584
You want to give everyone handouts

385
00:18:51,668 --> 00:18:55,293
'cause you think we're too weak
to figure it out for ourselves.

386
00:18:55,376 --> 00:18:57,209
-Yeah.
-Come on. What the fuck?

387
00:18:57,293 --> 00:18:58,918
-Yeah, what the fuck?
-No, that's not what we're saying.

388
00:18:59,001 --> 00:19:00,918
Hey, stand up, sir. Talk into the mic.

389
00:19:01,001 --> 00:19:03,918
This is your chance
to speak directly to Frank and Brenda.

390
00:19:04,001 --> 00:19:09,501
After the war, you said foods were free
to do whatever we want,

391
00:19:09,584 --> 00:19:12,584
and now you're telling us what to do.

392
00:19:12,668 --> 00:19:14,043
So, which is it?

393
00:19:14,126 --> 00:19:16,584
-Uh, both?
-No way!

394
00:19:16,668 --> 00:19:18,876
-[audience groaning]
-You lie!

395
00:19:18,959 --> 00:19:21,418
Hey, can I ask you guys a question? Yeah.

396
00:19:21,501 --> 00:19:24,834
Are you better off now
than you were four days ago?

397
00:19:24,918 --> 00:19:27,334
-I'm not.
-I'm doing much worse.

398
00:19:27,418 --> 00:19:29,959
Then why are we even listening
to them in the first place?

399
00:19:30,043 --> 00:19:31,959
-Yeah.
-Who put them in charge?

400
00:19:32,043 --> 00:19:32,918
I didn't. Did you?

401
00:19:33,001 --> 00:19:33,876
-Not me.
-No!

402
00:19:33,959 --> 00:19:35,793
-No.
-Yeah, what the fuck?

403
00:19:35,876 --> 00:19:37,543
You think you should be in charge?

404
00:19:37,626 --> 00:19:44,459
No, I think we should be
in charge of who's in charge.

405
00:19:44,543 --> 00:19:46,918
-Yeah!
-He's fuckin' right.

406
00:19:47,001 --> 00:19:50,709
-If my fellow foods were to choose me...
-[cheering]

407
00:19:50,793 --> 00:19:54,709
...I would sure as shit
do a better job than you.

408
00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:56,501
-[crowd cheers]
-Yeah.

409
00:19:56,584 --> 00:19:59,251
[crowd chants] Julius! Julius! Julius!

410
00:19:59,334 --> 00:20:03,209
Someone call the Watermelon,
'cause this is getting juicy.

411
00:20:03,293 --> 00:20:05,209
[applause]

412
00:20:05,293 --> 00:20:06,293
So, what do you say?

413
00:20:06,376 --> 00:20:10,918
Do you think, uh, my old friends
Frank and Brenda should be in charge?

414
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,001
-Fuck no!
-[loud booing]

415
00:20:15,168 --> 00:20:20,501
Or... do think my audience member Julius
should be in charge?

416
00:20:20,584 --> 00:20:23,126
[loud cheering and applause]

417
00:20:23,209 --> 00:20:24,918
Well, tune in next time

418
00:20:25,001 --> 00:20:29,168
where the winner will be chosen
exclusively on my show,

419
00:20:29,251 --> 00:20:32,876
Arguments, hosted by
your favorite bagel, Sammy.

420
00:20:33,334 --> 00:20:35,543
[cheering and applause]

421
00:20:43,043 --> 00:20:44,959
Hey, great job, you two.

422
00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:46,626
Great show.

423
00:20:46,709 --> 00:20:49,459
What do you mean, great show?
You completely fucked us.

424
00:20:49,543 --> 00:20:54,501
Wait, what? I don't understand.
Everyone in town was watching you.

425
00:20:54,584 --> 00:20:57,376
I'm-I'm totally perplexed
how you could view that

426
00:20:57,459 --> 00:20:59,793
as anything other than tremendous.

427
00:20:59,876 --> 00:21:01,293
[cheering]

428
00:21:01,376 --> 00:21:02,959
Look at that. They love me.

429
00:21:03,043 --> 00:21:05,668
Excuse me while I go canoodle
with some canned noodles.

430
00:21:05,751 --> 00:21:06,584
Ciao for now.

431
00:21:06,668 --> 00:21:09,501
What just happened?
That was a fucking disaster.

432
00:21:09,584 --> 00:21:12,251
Any food-lutions
for how we solve this problem?

433
00:21:12,334 --> 00:21:15,584
Well, not at the moment,
but could be worse. Right?

434
00:21:15,668 --> 00:21:16,834
How?

435
00:21:16,918 --> 00:21:18,751
Think you can run from Barry?

436
00:21:19,209 --> 00:21:21,626
[instrumental "Barracuda" plays]

437
00:21:21,709 --> 00:21:26,126
♪ You're chasing a grape
Who wants to escape ♪

438
00:21:26,209 --> 00:21:27,209
♪ From you ♪

439
00:21:27,293 --> 00:21:31,168
♪ But bustin' foods is what you do ♪

440
00:21:31,251 --> 00:21:32,709
♪ Uh-huh ♪

441
00:21:32,793 --> 00:21:36,918
♪ Evading the law through a tall straw ♪

442
00:21:37,001 --> 00:21:40,293
♪ No way ♪

443
00:21:40,376 --> 00:21:43,418
♪ Barry loses food today ♪

444
00:21:43,501 --> 00:21:46,793
♪ And now you're vaulting
With a chopstick ♪

445
00:21:46,876 --> 00:21:50,459
♪ You're so determined
To catch up with this prick ♪

446
00:21:50,543 --> 00:21:56,043
♪ He thinks you're gone, gone, gone, gone
But here's your last trick ♪

447
00:21:56,459 --> 00:22:00,459
♪ Oh, Barry caught ya ♪

448
00:22:01,043 --> 00:22:04,168
Stop... stop struggling.
I do not want to squish you.

449
00:22:05,668 --> 00:22:08,293
What the fuck?

450
00:22:10,084 --> 00:22:12,543
-[dramatic music]
-[heartbeat pounding]

451
00:22:13,459 --> 00:22:16,668
[music intensifies, then fades]

452
00:22:18,209 --> 00:22:21,293
["Visions of Gideon" by Sufjan Stevens]

453
00:22:28,209 --> 00:22:30,876
[groaning] Well...

454
00:22:31,834 --> 00:22:33,584
I guess that seals it.

455
00:22:34,626 --> 00:22:36,626
I'm a cannibal now.

456
00:23:11,334 --> 00:23:13,334
[music continues]

457
00:23:47,501 --> 00:23:49,501
[music continues]