1 00:00:01,136 --> 00:00:02,606 No no no, see, you're not considering that 2 00:00:02,606 --> 00:00:05,678 Oompa Loompas are basically super nurses. 3 00:00:05,678 --> 00:00:06,514 I mean come on, 4 00:00:06,781 --> 00:00:09,151 that one girl was basically a stage 4 blueberry and 5 00:00:09,285 --> 00:00:11,122 they juiced her back to life in like a day. 6 00:00:11,122 --> 00:00:12,859 No, no no. Completely wrong, okay? 7 00:00:12,859 --> 00:00:14,830 A Gremlin would demolish an Oompa Loompa. 8 00:00:14,830 --> 00:00:17,702 All you'd find is DNA evidence of its stupid little wig and 9 00:00:17,702 --> 00:00:20,741 its little orange skin, okay? Guy did a whole video on it. 10 00:00:21,910 --> 00:00:23,346 Ah, stupid ads. 11 00:00:23,914 --> 00:00:24,583 Ew Mark. 12 00:00:24,883 --> 00:00:26,920 You gotta skip a ten second ad that badly? 13 00:00:27,054 --> 00:00:28,925 Yes, okay. It's a matter of principle. 14 00:00:29,125 --> 00:00:32,464 I'm like the Postal Service. Okay, rain, sleet, snow, 15 00:00:32,464 --> 00:00:34,770 buffalo sauce, I'm hittin' that skip button. 16 00:00:34,903 --> 00:00:35,639 Oh my god! 17 00:00:35,772 --> 00:00:36,773 No, it's fine. I got it. 18 00:00:36,773 --> 00:00:38,645 No, I think that guy's choking. 19 00:00:41,651 --> 00:00:42,653 Eh, he's fine. 20 00:00:42,786 --> 00:00:43,453 No no no. 21 00:00:43,453 --> 00:00:44,890 He's choking! He's choking! 22 00:00:48,163 --> 00:00:49,398 Come on, work with me! 23 00:00:53,073 --> 00:00:54,041 You okay, hon? 24 00:00:54,442 --> 00:00:56,781 I- I think so. Thank you so much. 25 00:00:56,881 --> 00:00:58,083 Oh, don't worry about it. 26 00:00:58,183 --> 00:00:59,954 Just drink some water and you'll be fine. 27 00:01:00,989 --> 00:01:03,628 Tam, you missed the whole part where he explains Oompa Loompas, 28 00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:05,631 they could even have little Whangdoodles. 29 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:07,467 What? 30 00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,171 You're not gonna acknowledge the fact 31 00:01:09,171 --> 00:01:10,742 I just saved the guy's life? 32 00:01:10,742 --> 00:01:13,280 I mean, I think you're being a little dramatic Tam, okay? 33 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:14,282 The guy was gonna be fine. 34 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:15,117 He was turning purple. 35 00:01:15,384 --> 00:01:17,454 Listen, I just take a more measured approach before 36 00:01:17,454 --> 00:01:20,060 rushing into a risky maneuver like the Heimlich. 37 00:01:20,060 --> 00:01:21,363 I mean, if you don't know what you're doing, 38 00:01:21,363 --> 00:01:22,932 you could crack someone's ribs. 39 00:01:23,032 --> 00:01:24,502 Mark, I know what I'm doing. 40 00:01:24,603 --> 00:01:26,472 I'm certified in advanced life support. 41 00:01:26,472 --> 00:01:28,711 Yeah, well I'm trained in advanced... 42 00:01:28,711 --> 00:01:29,847 real life hard knocks. 43 00:01:29,847 --> 00:01:31,918 I think you're just embarrassed because your wife saved 44 00:01:31,918 --> 00:01:34,723 a guy's life while you sat on your ass eating chicken wings 45 00:01:34,723 --> 00:01:37,327 and watching videos about wangnoodles or something. 46 00:01:38,463 --> 00:01:39,699 They're whangdoodles, Tam. 47 00:01:41,803 --> 00:01:44,342 Well, I used to work at a hot dog factory 48 00:01:44,475 --> 00:01:46,479 Until them robots came along 49 00:01:46,613 --> 00:01:48,217 And now there is no job for me 50 00:01:48,350 --> 00:01:50,821 But I get 3,000 bucks a month 51 00:01:50,821 --> 00:01:54,996 Thanks to UBI 52 00:01:54,996 --> 00:01:58,938 Now we're Universal Basic Guys 53 00:01:58,938 --> 00:02:00,842 It may not sound like much 54 00:02:00,842 --> 00:02:03,948 But we're still gonna try 55 00:02:03,948 --> 00:02:08,757 We're just Universal Basic Guys 56 00:02:15,137 --> 00:02:17,274 Hey, yo! Stop eating all my cookies. 57 00:02:17,274 --> 00:02:18,844 What are you talking about, your cookies? 58 00:02:19,011 --> 00:02:20,815 These are from Paul. 59 00:02:20,815 --> 00:02:21,617 Paul? Who's that? 60 00:02:21,817 --> 00:02:23,721 The guy from the restaurant. Read the note. 61 00:02:24,355 --> 00:02:26,125 "For Tammy, my hero." 62 00:02:26,226 --> 00:02:27,161 Yeah, okay, creep. 63 00:02:27,161 --> 00:02:28,597 The hell is wrong with this guy? 64 00:02:28,697 --> 00:02:29,833 He's not a creep, Mark. 65 00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:32,271 This is what happens when you save someone's life. 66 00:02:32,404 --> 00:02:34,909 People appreciate it. Unlike someone I know... 67 00:02:34,909 --> 00:02:35,711 Oh c'mon, okay? 68 00:02:35,878 --> 00:02:38,250 I think "hero" is a bit of a stretch okay? 69 00:02:38,250 --> 00:02:40,019 You were in the right place at the right time. 70 00:02:40,019 --> 00:02:40,721 Hah! Oh yeah? 71 00:02:40,955 --> 00:02:42,926 How many lives you save this week, Mark? 72 00:02:43,126 --> 00:02:43,894 How 'bout this month? 73 00:02:44,261 --> 00:02:45,832 Have you ever saved a life? 74 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,436 I mean I'm just waiting for my opportunity, that's all. 75 00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:50,641 And what are you gonna to do when that opportunity arises? 76 00:02:50,808 --> 00:02:53,146 You haven't even taken a basic first aid class. 77 00:02:53,146 --> 00:02:55,016 Nah nah nah. It's not about training, Tam. 78 00:02:55,183 --> 00:02:56,687 It's about having the right stuff, 79 00:02:56,854 --> 00:02:59,425 the guts to run into that burning building. 80 00:02:59,526 --> 00:03:02,899 The courage to punch that shark, boom, right in the face. 81 00:03:03,199 --> 00:03:05,738 Guys like me, being a hero? 82 00:03:05,738 --> 00:03:06,405 It's in our blood. 83 00:03:06,405 --> 00:03:08,276 Nuh uh. Life-savers only. 84 00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:11,817 Mm. The taste of appreciation. 85 00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:12,518 Pfft! 86 00:03:13,086 --> 00:03:16,258 Right place. Right time. 87 00:03:19,465 --> 00:03:20,802 Ah, here we go. Here we go. 88 00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:22,672 ! 89 00:03:22,672 --> 00:03:23,808 Ooh! Damn. 90 00:03:23,808 --> 00:03:25,010 You want a hot dog, Mark? 91 00:03:25,010 --> 00:03:26,346 Come on Hank. Not now, okay? 92 00:03:26,346 --> 00:03:28,183 We're here to save lives not eat hot dogs. 93 00:03:28,350 --> 00:03:30,321 According to my police scanner app, there's already been 94 00:03:30,321 --> 00:03:31,289 two accidents here today. 95 00:03:31,557 --> 00:03:34,495 This whole intersection's a fricken black ice death trap. 96 00:03:34,696 --> 00:03:38,103 Oh. Well, maybe we should... uh... move? 97 00:03:38,103 --> 00:03:38,905 What are you talking about? 98 00:03:38,905 --> 00:03:40,608 We're in a prime position right here. 99 00:03:40,608 --> 00:03:43,113 The minute we see a crash, we swoop in, 100 00:03:43,113 --> 00:03:44,583 pull 'em to safety, and bam, 101 00:03:44,716 --> 00:03:46,452 we're getting cookies sent to the house 102 00:03:46,452 --> 00:03:47,755 and Tammy's gettin' none of them. 103 00:03:47,755 --> 00:03:50,126 And also we could save someone's life. 104 00:03:50,226 --> 00:03:51,229 Yeah, also that, yeah. 105 00:03:51,329 --> 00:03:52,130 ! 106 00:03:52,130 --> 00:03:53,366 Oh, oh, oh, oh! 107 00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:56,305 Oh hell yeah! Let's go Hank! It's showtime. 108 00:03:57,842 --> 00:03:58,376 Whoa. 109 00:03:58,978 --> 00:03:59,780 Watch yourself Hank, okay? 110 00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:01,850 This is a slippery situation here. 111 00:04:04,221 --> 00:04:06,526 Ma'am. I need you to stay calm, okay? 112 00:04:06,526 --> 00:04:07,929 We're gonna get you out of here. 113 00:04:09,098 --> 00:04:10,100 Come on, come on! 114 00:04:10,502 --> 00:04:11,737 Ah, the fricken door is locked. 115 00:04:12,506 --> 00:04:15,243 Okay ma'am listen, I need you to unlock the door 116 00:04:15,243 --> 00:04:17,280 so we can go in there and save your life. 117 00:04:17,414 --> 00:04:19,853 Uh, maybe we should call 9-1-1? 118 00:04:19,853 --> 00:04:20,988 Why would we do that? 119 00:04:21,155 --> 00:04:22,525 So she can get help? 120 00:04:22,525 --> 00:04:24,027 She's already got help. 121 00:04:25,163 --> 00:04:25,999 Ow! 122 00:04:26,299 --> 00:04:27,702 Hank, could you break the window? 123 00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:28,570 Okay. 124 00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:33,246 Yo this glass is no joke. 125 00:04:33,246 --> 00:04:34,381 Probably bulletproof. 126 00:04:34,683 --> 00:04:36,152 She might be a diplomat or something. 127 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:37,822 Whoa whoa whoa! Hank, are you nuts? 128 00:04:37,822 --> 00:04:39,559 You're gonna crush that lady's head. 129 00:04:40,026 --> 00:04:41,428 Throw it through the back window. 130 00:04:43,099 --> 00:04:44,570 Okay, ma'am I'm coming in. 131 00:04:44,803 --> 00:04:46,673 I'm coming in ma'am. I'm gonna help you. 132 00:04:46,673 --> 00:04:48,442 I'm here to save, oh, ow. 133 00:04:48,442 --> 00:04:49,646 Stand aside! 134 00:04:53,787 --> 00:04:55,323 Whoa. Cool. 135 00:04:55,457 --> 00:04:56,694 How you doin' pal? Okay, listen up. 136 00:04:56,827 --> 00:04:58,463 I need your guys on crowd control, okay? 137 00:04:58,463 --> 00:04:59,966 I need them securing this perimeter okay? 138 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,806 You, I need you holding my legs as I go through the back window 139 00:05:02,806 --> 00:05:05,176 and pull the driver to safety. You got that? 140 00:05:05,176 --> 00:05:06,847 Sir, I need you out of the way. 141 00:05:06,847 --> 00:05:09,384 Nuh uh. Sorry, pal. This is my scene. 142 00:05:09,384 --> 00:05:10,822 Can we get this guy out of here? 143 00:05:10,822 --> 00:05:12,291 Alright bud, come on, back up, back up. 144 00:05:12,291 --> 00:05:13,393 Ay come on. What the hell? 145 00:05:13,393 --> 00:05:14,930 Is this how we treat heroes these days? 146 00:05:14,930 --> 00:05:17,501 Hey Tom, fire up the Jaws. 147 00:05:27,689 --> 00:05:28,389 Ahh! 148 00:05:29,158 --> 00:05:29,959 Thank you. 149 00:05:31,930 --> 00:05:32,599 Unbelievable 150 00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:34,636 Man, firefighters are awesome. 151 00:05:34,736 --> 00:05:36,573 Oh come on, they didn't do anything, okay? 152 00:05:36,707 --> 00:05:38,142 The Jaws of Life did everything. 153 00:05:38,276 --> 00:05:41,315 It's all about being in the right place at the right time, 154 00:05:41,448 --> 00:05:43,219 and having the right tools. 155 00:05:43,353 --> 00:05:44,790 Yeah but that's a hell of a tool. 156 00:05:45,224 --> 00:05:46,425 Hell yeah it is... 157 00:05:47,093 --> 00:05:48,096 Yoooo. 158 00:05:48,096 --> 00:05:48,998 What's goin' on Hank? 159 00:05:49,198 --> 00:05:51,971 You wanna grill up some dogs and watch the Flyers? 160 00:05:52,071 --> 00:05:52,972 Not today Hank. 161 00:05:53,206 --> 00:05:53,974 Check it out. 162 00:05:54,776 --> 00:05:56,246 Whoa. Is that what I think it is? 163 00:05:56,346 --> 00:05:57,682 Aw, you know it. 164 00:05:57,849 --> 00:05:59,352 Jaws of Life baby! 165 00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:01,657 We're gonna save so many lives with this bad boy. 166 00:06:01,890 --> 00:06:03,894 Man. These instructions are no joke. 167 00:06:03,894 --> 00:06:05,998 Oh, c'mon. Nobody reads that crap, Hank. 168 00:06:05,998 --> 00:06:07,000 Just YouTube it. 169 00:06:07,669 --> 00:06:09,505 Here's one: "How to use the Jaws of Life." 170 00:06:09,505 --> 00:06:11,175 Oh come on, eleven minutes long? 171 00:06:11,175 --> 00:06:12,845 Forget it. I'll just figure it out. 172 00:06:14,381 --> 00:06:16,352 Alright Hank, so this is just a simple 173 00:06:16,352 --> 00:06:18,356 grab-and-lift maneuver, okay? Basic stuff. 174 00:06:18,524 --> 00:06:20,595 Yo after this I wanna test out those cutters. 175 00:06:20,595 --> 00:06:21,429 Don't worry I got you. 176 00:06:21,429 --> 00:06:23,499 So am I gonna get a Jaws of Life? 177 00:06:23,499 --> 00:06:25,805 No, no Hank. You got a way more important job. 178 00:06:25,805 --> 00:06:26,472 Oh, yeah? 179 00:06:26,674 --> 00:06:28,276 Oh yeah. You're the kill switch guy. 180 00:06:28,410 --> 00:06:30,380 That means you run the generator. 181 00:06:30,514 --> 00:06:32,986 You give life to the Jaws of Life. 182 00:06:32,986 --> 00:06:34,488 Whoa. How do I do that? 183 00:06:34,488 --> 00:06:35,858 Okay, so you see this switch right here? 184 00:06:35,858 --> 00:06:36,292 Yeah. 185 00:06:36,660 --> 00:06:38,029 Okay. You flip that on and off. 186 00:06:38,162 --> 00:06:38,864 Awesome. 187 00:06:39,164 --> 00:06:40,567 Okay Hank. Fire it up. 188 00:06:43,674 --> 00:06:45,110 What is going on here? 189 00:06:45,243 --> 00:06:46,345 Yo stand back, Tam, okay? 190 00:06:46,345 --> 00:06:49,118 This is a very powerful piece of machinery right here. 191 00:06:49,218 --> 00:06:50,788 And how much did you spend on this? 192 00:06:50,922 --> 00:06:51,857 You should know better than anyone. 193 00:06:51,857 --> 00:06:54,127 You can't put a price tag on saving lives. 194 00:06:54,261 --> 00:06:55,430 Hah, yeah, okay. 195 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:58,637 Well, I'm headed to the hospital to actually save lives. 196 00:06:59,137 --> 00:07:00,006 Oh Geez. 197 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,311 Looks like I might not be the only one headed 198 00:07:02,311 --> 00:07:03,113 to the hospital today. 199 00:07:03,246 --> 00:07:06,018 Very funny, Tam. I know what I'm doing. 200 00:07:06,151 --> 00:07:06,853 ! 201 00:07:07,555 --> 00:07:08,658 Boom! Nailed it. 202 00:07:08,958 --> 00:07:10,427 Okay Mernft. Let me see that leg. 203 00:07:10,695 --> 00:07:11,997 Actually you know what, I'm-- I'm good. 204 00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:15,170 All engines, we got a minor stuck in the jungle gym 205 00:07:15,170 --> 00:07:16,539 at Glantontown Elementary. 206 00:07:16,539 --> 00:07:18,043 Holy crap, did you hear that, Hank? 207 00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:19,178 Kid stuck in a jungle gym? 208 00:07:19,178 --> 00:07:21,415 That's like a classic Jaws of Life opportunity. 209 00:07:21,415 --> 00:07:22,084 Oh that's true. 210 00:07:22,217 --> 00:07:23,319 Maybe we should call the firemen. 211 00:07:23,419 --> 00:07:26,158 No, Hank. If it's on a scanner they already know about it 212 00:07:26,158 --> 00:07:27,161 so we gotta get there quick! 213 00:07:27,294 --> 00:07:28,930 Come on, let's go, go, go, go, go! 214 00:07:34,274 --> 00:07:35,611 It's gonna be okay, sweetie. 215 00:07:35,744 --> 00:07:36,747 The firemen are coming. 216 00:07:36,947 --> 00:07:39,987 Uh oh. Looks like somebody's in a pickle! 217 00:07:40,153 --> 00:07:42,626 But don't worry bud, I'm here to save your life. 218 00:07:42,726 --> 00:07:45,363 Wh--, what? Save my life? 219 00:07:45,363 --> 00:07:47,502 Mommy? Am I gonna die? 220 00:07:47,602 --> 00:07:48,169 No no no. 221 00:07:48,269 --> 00:07:49,438 It's gonna be okay sweetie. 222 00:07:49,438 --> 00:07:50,440 Don't you worry. 223 00:07:50,541 --> 00:07:51,710 Okay, okay. 224 00:07:51,710 --> 00:07:53,213 We're gonna get you out of here, dude. 225 00:07:53,446 --> 00:07:55,350 I'm sorry. I'm just a little confused here. 226 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:56,720 Are you with the fire department? 227 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,224 Nah. Even better. I'm with Hoagies FD. 228 00:07:59,224 --> 00:08:00,761 "Hoagies FD?" 229 00:08:00,895 --> 00:08:02,030 Oh, we're the best of the best. 230 00:08:02,030 --> 00:08:05,103 The ones the firefighters call when they need rescuing. 231 00:08:08,476 --> 00:08:09,913 Now just stay calm, buddy, okay? 232 00:08:09,913 --> 00:08:11,984 It's totally safe what I'm doing here. 233 00:08:12,217 --> 00:08:13,720 So how we doin' today? 234 00:08:14,088 --> 00:08:14,856 Bad. 235 00:08:15,257 --> 00:08:17,762 Ah c'mon. Let me tell you could be a lot worse, okay? 236 00:08:17,762 --> 00:08:18,697 I've seen some stuff, okay? 237 00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:21,737 I saw this one video, this guy under a train, friggin' 238 00:08:21,737 --> 00:08:24,041 half his body's out there, organs are wiggling like it's 239 00:08:24,041 --> 00:08:25,511 friggin' some android and aliens-- 240 00:08:25,511 --> 00:08:26,746 Yeah. Okay, let's not. 241 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,818 What the hell is going on here? 242 00:08:28,918 --> 00:08:29,619 Oh here we go. 243 00:08:29,753 --> 00:08:31,489 Everything's under control okay? 244 00:08:31,489 --> 00:08:33,493 Oh god, this guy again? 245 00:08:33,627 --> 00:08:34,295 Where'd you get that? 246 00:08:34,495 --> 00:08:36,366 Yeah none of your jurisdiction pal. 247 00:08:36,499 --> 00:08:37,067 Okay, pal. 248 00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:39,640 Well this is not a Jaws of Life situation. 249 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:40,440 Are you kidding me? 250 00:08:40,575 --> 00:08:42,812 This is a textbook Jaws of Life situation. 251 00:08:42,812 --> 00:08:44,382 It's a three-minute wrench job. 252 00:08:44,382 --> 00:08:45,952 Well, we don't have that kind of time. 253 00:08:45,952 --> 00:08:49,693 Okay, I need you to stand back so we can do our job 254 00:08:49,693 --> 00:08:50,628 and get those bolts off. 255 00:08:50,895 --> 00:08:53,567 Uh excuse me, but maybe let the Jaws of Life Specialists 256 00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:54,368 determine our approach. 257 00:08:54,536 --> 00:08:56,540 Buddy, are you even trained on that thing? 258 00:08:56,673 --> 00:08:59,646 Pffft! Was Schindler trained on how to make lists when 259 00:08:59,646 --> 00:09:00,581 he saved a bunch of Jews? 260 00:09:00,814 --> 00:09:04,656 Was Harriet Tubman trained on underground railroading? 261 00:09:04,789 --> 00:09:08,296 Was friggin' Indiana Jones trained on pulling little 262 00:09:08,296 --> 00:09:09,666 Asian boys out of Lava Pits? 263 00:09:09,666 --> 00:09:11,302 No, I don't think so. 264 00:09:11,537 --> 00:09:14,141 Guys like me, we are born with a PhD 265 00:09:14,141 --> 00:09:15,644 in saving lives, buddy. 266 00:09:17,314 --> 00:09:18,283 Hank, what the hell! 267 00:09:18,283 --> 00:09:19,184 Hit the kill switch! 268 00:09:22,324 --> 00:09:24,829 Man, these last few days the ER has been nuts. 269 00:09:24,829 --> 00:09:27,735 If I ever find the dude who designed that intersection 270 00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:29,805 I'm gonna put him in the emergency room. 271 00:09:29,939 --> 00:09:32,143 Well, if it isn't my guardian angel! 272 00:09:32,410 --> 00:09:33,947 Oh, hey... uh... Paul? 273 00:09:33,947 --> 00:09:36,954 You remembered? Her coffee's on me. 274 00:09:36,954 --> 00:09:39,793 Oh, you don't have to do that. You've already been so generous, 275 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,832 what with the restaurant tab and the cookie basket and all? 276 00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:45,336 I insist. Heroes shouldn't have to pay for coffee. 277 00:09:45,436 --> 00:09:47,340 You know... that is so true. 278 00:09:47,441 --> 00:09:48,476 Ha, ha. Thank you. 279 00:09:48,476 --> 00:09:49,311 See you around! 280 00:09:50,347 --> 00:09:51,850 That was kind of weird. 281 00:09:51,850 --> 00:09:54,722 Oh he's just appreciative. I saved his life. 282 00:09:54,823 --> 00:09:56,727 But like, how'd he get your address? 283 00:09:56,860 --> 00:09:58,229 I don't know... Google? 284 00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:01,636 Oh! 285 00:10:05,177 --> 00:10:05,911 Eh! 286 00:10:08,416 --> 00:10:09,752 You okay, pal? You're doing great. 287 00:10:10,086 --> 00:10:12,792 Yeah. I'm alright. Are you okay? 288 00:10:13,092 --> 00:10:13,627 Oh, yeah. 289 00:10:13,894 --> 00:10:15,329 I can't even feel my arm anymore. 290 00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:17,100 There you go. 291 00:10:17,502 --> 00:10:18,771 You were very brave. 292 00:10:19,004 --> 00:10:22,344 In fact, I think you could be a firefighter someday. 293 00:10:22,344 --> 00:10:23,513 Oh, my god, get a room. 294 00:10:23,647 --> 00:10:25,183 Really? That's cool. 295 00:10:27,354 --> 00:10:28,523 Get out of here, kid. 296 00:10:28,523 --> 00:10:30,326 See? I told ya. 297 00:10:30,326 --> 00:10:32,397 This was never a Jaws of Life situation... 298 00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:35,069 But it is now. 299 00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:37,240 Tom, grab the Jaws. 300 00:10:37,474 --> 00:10:38,910 Let's cut this moron out. 301 00:10:45,356 --> 00:10:46,125 There you go. 302 00:10:46,492 --> 00:10:48,463 Hey, if you really want to be a hero, 303 00:10:48,463 --> 00:10:50,367 next time, just call us. 304 00:10:50,768 --> 00:10:52,371 Here. Stay out of trouble. 305 00:10:54,374 --> 00:10:55,511 Okay well that was rude. 306 00:10:55,778 --> 00:10:57,916 Yeah. He didn't even offer me a lollipop. 307 00:10:58,016 --> 00:10:59,686 Friggin' knock off piece of crap. 308 00:10:59,819 --> 00:11:00,721 Thing snap like a twig. 309 00:11:00,888 --> 00:11:03,258 I guess those firemen got the better tools, eh? 310 00:11:03,693 --> 00:11:05,898 Hmm... Not for long. 311 00:11:10,775 --> 00:11:13,112 Whoa! Is that the fricken Hoagie Brothers? 312 00:11:13,112 --> 00:11:13,614 Hey, Artie. 313 00:11:13,614 --> 00:11:14,616 How's it goin' Artie? 314 00:11:14,616 --> 00:11:16,418 Ah you know, keepin' busy. 315 00:11:18,957 --> 00:11:20,794 Ah you know I still can't believe they let you go, man. 316 00:11:20,794 --> 00:11:22,330 I mean with all those new robots in the factory 317 00:11:22,330 --> 00:11:24,101 you'd figure they'd still need a technician, right? 318 00:11:24,201 --> 00:11:26,974 Yeah well, apparently those Humantis robots 319 00:11:27,074 --> 00:11:28,844 got other robots who do the fixing. 320 00:11:28,844 --> 00:11:31,850 Wait, so who fixes the robots that fix the robots? 321 00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:34,154 It's robots all the way down, Hank. 322 00:11:34,421 --> 00:11:35,190 Whoa. 323 00:11:35,490 --> 00:11:37,862 So I know youse ain't here for a welfare check. 324 00:11:37,862 --> 00:11:38,930 What do youse need? 325 00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:43,072 I call it The Exoskeleton of Life. 326 00:11:43,205 --> 00:11:45,545 What is this, your fricken arts and crafts project 327 00:11:45,545 --> 00:11:46,078 from when you were eight? 328 00:11:46,547 --> 00:11:49,251 No Artie, it's the ultimate life saving tool. 329 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:50,554 Can you build it or not? 330 00:11:50,554 --> 00:11:51,790 Yeah, of course I can build it. 331 00:11:52,091 --> 00:11:53,827 The question is why the hell would I? 332 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,698 Uh, how about to save lives? 333 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,267 Eh. I don't really like people. 334 00:11:57,267 --> 00:12:00,474 C'mon, Artie. Just imagine me in this thing, smashing glass, 335 00:12:00,474 --> 00:12:04,214 slashing through steel, prying open hunks of burning metal... 336 00:12:04,214 --> 00:12:05,016 It'll be awesome! 337 00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:08,355 Oh man, that sounds like a freakin' disaster. 338 00:12:10,093 --> 00:12:10,594 I'll do it. 339 00:12:11,128 --> 00:12:13,032 When she opened up the freezer, 340 00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:15,203 what she found was... a human head. 341 00:12:15,203 --> 00:12:16,305 Oh! 342 00:12:18,176 --> 00:12:18,944 Oh... 343 00:12:19,311 --> 00:12:20,080 Paul. 344 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:20,948 Haha, yep. 345 00:12:21,215 --> 00:12:24,087 So I realized I sent you chocolate chip cookies before, 346 00:12:24,087 --> 00:12:26,559 but then I saw on your IG that you're more of an oatmeal 347 00:12:26,559 --> 00:12:29,131 cookie enthusiast so I was kicking myself and decided, 348 00:12:29,131 --> 00:12:30,868 ah what the heck, I'll just bring her 349 00:12:30,868 --> 00:12:32,003 some oatmeal cookies. Hehe. 350 00:12:32,003 --> 00:12:33,874 Paul, you really don't have to do this. 351 00:12:34,008 --> 00:12:35,644 You've already done more than enough. 352 00:12:35,644 --> 00:12:36,879 Oh get outta town! 353 00:12:36,879 --> 00:12:38,750 Tammy, you gave me my life back. 354 00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:40,086 This is nothing. 355 00:12:42,758 --> 00:12:44,595 Okay well, have a nice day. 356 00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:47,935 "Oatmeal cookie enthusiast"? 357 00:12:48,737 --> 00:12:50,239 2014? 358 00:12:53,445 --> 00:12:54,782 Okay Hank, you ready? 359 00:12:54,883 --> 00:12:56,252 Yeah. Let's go. 360 00:12:56,252 --> 00:12:57,120 Fire it up. 361 00:13:05,771 --> 00:13:06,038 Whoa. 362 00:13:06,673 --> 00:13:08,376 Uh, did I pull the string too hard or? 363 00:13:08,376 --> 00:13:09,177 What the hell, Mark? 364 00:13:09,478 --> 00:13:11,650 You can't wait five seconds for the door to open! 365 00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:13,052 Yo Artie you killed it, man. 366 00:13:13,052 --> 00:13:14,355 This thing is too fricken awesome. 367 00:13:14,488 --> 00:13:16,191 Alright, let me show you what you're working with. 368 00:13:16,358 --> 00:13:19,565 So let's see. You got your spreader tool. You got your ram. 369 00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:21,101 Your circular saw. 370 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:24,041 Right here you got your extendable grabber claw. 371 00:13:24,041 --> 00:13:26,178 On your hip is a wideband police scanner 372 00:13:26,178 --> 00:13:29,852 and I even built in a hot dog cannon in case you need a snack. 373 00:13:30,821 --> 00:13:32,023 Awesome. 374 00:13:33,527 --> 00:13:35,396 Hell yeah. C'mon, Hank. 375 00:13:35,965 --> 00:13:37,534 Time to go lend a helping hand. 376 00:14:03,587 --> 00:14:05,323 ! 377 00:14:08,697 --> 00:14:10,267 Man, we're really making a difference 378 00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,403 in the community Mark. Feels good, eh? 379 00:14:12,571 --> 00:14:13,339 Hell yeah. 380 00:14:14,509 --> 00:14:17,548 Yo Tam check it out, I just saved a life. 381 00:14:18,415 --> 00:14:19,117 Hon, that's a cat. 382 00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,656 Cats are people too. You ever heard of Garfield? 383 00:14:21,656 --> 00:14:23,860 How about you give up this charade and I'll let you 384 00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:24,996 have some of my cookies. 385 00:14:25,129 --> 00:14:26,900 Paul just dropped off another box. 386 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,135 Wait what!? Oh, come-- 387 00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:30,440 I told you that guy was a fricken weirdo dude. 388 00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:33,112 No he's just a... a nice guy, 389 00:14:33,412 --> 00:14:36,485 who's... really, really... uh... appreciative. 390 00:14:36,719 --> 00:14:37,988 Yeah well you know what, I'm good. 391 00:14:38,155 --> 00:14:40,160 I'm getting my own cookies. Later, hon. 392 00:14:40,528 --> 00:14:42,497 Yo, ma'am, can I get some cookies for that? 393 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:43,867 You totaled my car. 394 00:14:44,034 --> 00:14:44,936 Pfft okay whatever. 395 00:14:45,203 --> 00:14:47,508 We've got an overturned school bus on the corner 396 00:14:47,508 --> 00:14:48,510 of Maple and Western... 397 00:14:48,610 --> 00:14:49,879 Oh no, that sounds pretty bad. 398 00:14:50,146 --> 00:14:51,382 We gotta call the fire department. 399 00:14:51,382 --> 00:14:53,553 No, Hank! An overturned school bus!? 400 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,058 That's like the filet mignon of saving lives, okay! 401 00:14:56,058 --> 00:14:58,061 We're gonna be swimming in cookies. Lets go! 402 00:14:58,161 --> 00:15:00,433 Where do you think you're going? I need your information! 403 00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:02,336 Sorry, ma'am, I got lives to save. 404 00:15:17,467 --> 00:15:19,538 What the hell is it with this guy? 405 00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:26,418 Tammy, you need to block this dude. 406 00:15:26,586 --> 00:15:28,455 I mean maybe he's from the Midwest or something 407 00:15:28,455 --> 00:15:30,426 and we're not used to being treated the way that-- 408 00:15:30,426 --> 00:15:31,529 Oh my god! 409 00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:34,969 Jasmine he's still here. 410 00:15:34,969 --> 00:15:35,470 What!? 411 00:15:35,971 --> 00:15:38,075 Tell him to get lost and call Mark, now-- 412 00:15:38,075 --> 00:15:39,645 Okay, okay, I gotta go. 413 00:15:39,946 --> 00:15:41,348 No thank you! 414 00:15:41,481 --> 00:15:42,651 I insist! 415 00:15:42,818 --> 00:15:43,520 No. 416 00:15:44,354 --> 00:15:45,356 Ew! 417 00:15:47,528 --> 00:15:48,530 Ahh! 418 00:15:48,830 --> 00:15:50,299 How the hell did you get in? 419 00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:53,205 Oh, I just let myself in through the chimney. 420 00:15:53,372 --> 00:15:55,376 Sorry to get all Santy Claus on you! 421 00:15:55,577 --> 00:15:56,546 Hahaha. 422 00:15:56,546 --> 00:15:58,583 Anyway, I got you flowers! 423 00:15:58,583 --> 00:15:59,250 Enough! 424 00:15:59,652 --> 00:16:01,722 You need to get your ass out of my house right now. 425 00:16:01,722 --> 00:16:04,327 I don't understand. I thought you liked tulips. 426 00:16:04,596 --> 00:16:04,829 Hey! 427 00:16:05,096 --> 00:16:05,764 Ah come on! Out! 428 00:16:05,998 --> 00:16:07,400 I was just trying to show my gratitude! 429 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,370 You're my guardian angel, my hero! 430 00:16:09,370 --> 00:16:10,406 We have a special connection! 431 00:16:10,507 --> 00:16:14,114 No. I'm not a hero, and I'm not your guardian angel. 432 00:16:14,214 --> 00:16:15,149 I'm just a fricken nurse. 433 00:16:15,316 --> 00:16:19,190 I save lives every day. It's just part of the job. 434 00:16:19,859 --> 00:16:21,494 But you need to be appreciated! 435 00:16:21,662 --> 00:16:24,234 Nuh uh. I don't need any more appreciation. 436 00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:27,575 I need you to leave. Or else I'm gonna get you a gift, pal... 437 00:16:27,742 --> 00:16:28,877 a restraining order! 438 00:16:31,247 --> 00:16:34,454 Daddy does not do rejection well. 439 00:16:38,663 --> 00:16:41,636 Alright children I need you to all remain calm. 440 00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:44,140 For I am here to save you. 441 00:16:54,261 --> 00:16:54,963 Where the hell are the kids? 442 00:16:55,263 --> 00:16:57,500 Oh no we're too late. They're already ghosts. 443 00:16:58,503 --> 00:17:01,374 Ah are you kidding me! Fricken first responders. 444 00:17:26,626 --> 00:17:28,462 Ugh. What a day. Ugh. 445 00:17:28,563 --> 00:17:30,767 Oh great, now the fricken power 446 00:17:30,767 --> 00:17:31,536 is out too. 447 00:17:31,736 --> 00:17:32,771 Man this grid's a joke. 448 00:17:32,771 --> 00:17:34,542 Tax dollars hard at work eh? 449 00:17:35,076 --> 00:17:36,311 Whoa there, Bryce Harper. 450 00:17:36,311 --> 00:17:37,881 What's with the bat? Everything okay? 451 00:17:37,881 --> 00:17:39,585 Oh yeah no all good just um... 452 00:17:39,585 --> 00:17:41,756 power's out and you never know if some weird creep 453 00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:43,994 might happen to... not that there would be but you know... 454 00:17:43,994 --> 00:17:46,331 with all the cops busy dealing with all the chaos and all 455 00:17:46,464 --> 00:17:47,969 I'm just keeping an eye out. 456 00:17:48,169 --> 00:17:49,939 Oh my god. Wait a minute. You're right! 457 00:17:50,173 --> 00:17:50,708 It's perfect! 458 00:17:51,008 --> 00:17:52,711 There's probably accidents galore. 459 00:17:52,978 --> 00:17:55,316 This is like the gold rush of saving lives right here! 460 00:17:55,584 --> 00:17:57,822 Right place. Right time. Right tool... 461 00:17:57,922 --> 00:17:59,559 and not enough first responders. 462 00:17:59,692 --> 00:18:01,394 Hank! Fire up the suit! 463 00:18:04,936 --> 00:18:06,506 Aw what in the hell, Mark!? 464 00:18:06,506 --> 00:18:09,277 Sorry Tam, there's people out there who need me. 465 00:18:13,251 --> 00:18:14,955 I tried to be nice to you, Tammy. 466 00:18:15,122 --> 00:18:17,260 Grrr, I treated you like an angel. 467 00:18:17,260 --> 00:18:20,265 And if you don't want to be my angel, 468 00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:23,271 then I'm gonna send you to hell. 469 00:18:24,675 --> 00:18:25,544 Woah! 470 00:18:33,225 --> 00:18:35,363 Oh boy Hank. We got a live one baby! 471 00:18:35,497 --> 00:18:37,500 Right place, right time, right tools... 472 00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,237 and no firefighters in sight. 473 00:18:39,404 --> 00:18:40,707 Oh geez. You're right. 474 00:18:40,974 --> 00:18:42,176 I'm going in! 475 00:19:02,283 --> 00:19:04,253 We did it, Mark. We saved this guy's life! 476 00:19:04,354 --> 00:19:05,256 Hell yeah, I did! 477 00:19:05,624 --> 00:19:08,228 We're eating gift basket cookies tonight, baby! 478 00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:10,232 Uh huh. 479 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,137 Wait. Do I know you from somewhere? 480 00:19:12,237 --> 00:19:14,307 You saved me... 481 00:19:15,275 --> 00:19:16,077 It's all good, bud. 482 00:19:16,378 --> 00:19:18,550 You know, I'm just a good samaritan who happens to 483 00:19:18,550 --> 00:19:20,453 like double chocolate chip cookies, so you know... 484 00:19:20,554 --> 00:19:22,156 Uh, I think he's choking, Mark. 485 00:19:22,557 --> 00:19:25,162 Oh, that's who this guy is. 486 00:19:25,329 --> 00:19:27,635 Uh, maybe we should give him the Hitler Maneuver? 487 00:19:27,802 --> 00:19:28,469 The Heimlich? 488 00:19:28,637 --> 00:19:29,137 Oh is that it? 489 00:19:29,304 --> 00:19:31,174 Okay come 'ere. Come 'ere. 490 00:19:31,743 --> 00:19:32,443 Alright... 491 00:19:32,778 --> 00:19:35,015 Uh... you want me to find a YouTube tutorial? 492 00:19:35,015 --> 00:19:36,318 Nah nah nah, I got this, okay? 493 00:19:36,318 --> 00:19:37,386 It's basic stuff. 494 00:19:41,327 --> 00:19:43,431 Come on, you son of a bitch. Come on, get it out. 495 00:19:43,431 --> 00:19:46,205 Spit it out. Come on, buddy pop the dog, pop the dog. 496 00:19:46,305 --> 00:19:47,775 Pop it out. Pop, pop, pop. 497 00:19:50,078 --> 00:19:50,580 You know what? 498 00:19:51,147 --> 00:19:53,185 I think we all learned an important lesson today: 499 00:19:53,419 --> 00:19:55,590 When the Grim Reaper decides it's time, 500 00:19:55,590 --> 00:19:58,195 there's really no special tool that can get in his way. 501 00:19:58,496 --> 00:20:00,199 Sometimes it's just your time... 502 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,203 I got him. I got him. Move! 503 00:20:02,303 --> 00:20:03,038 Whoa! Okay. 504 00:20:03,172 --> 00:20:03,740 Yo what the hell? 505 00:20:04,007 --> 00:20:05,610 How do they always get here so fast? 506 00:20:05,610 --> 00:20:08,650 Wait, Hank. Did you call the fire department? 507 00:20:08,783 --> 00:20:09,150 Yeah. 508 00:20:09,451 --> 00:20:10,486 Why the hell'd you do that? 509 00:20:10,721 --> 00:20:12,490 I don't know. I thought they could help. 510 00:20:12,490 --> 00:20:14,695 Dammit Hank. Let's get out of here. 511 00:20:15,029 --> 00:20:15,931 Argh! 512 00:20:18,536 --> 00:20:19,303 My... 513 00:20:19,939 --> 00:20:21,475 new... hero. 514 00:20:21,475 --> 00:20:23,613 Don't worry about it, pal. Just doing my job. 515 00:20:23,746 --> 00:20:25,483 Well can I at least, I don't know, 516 00:20:25,483 --> 00:20:26,418 buy you a beer or something? 517 00:20:26,418 --> 00:20:30,259 I-- I don't normally... eh... you know what? 518 00:20:30,259 --> 00:20:31,996 What the hell. It's been a long day. 519 00:20:32,496 --> 00:20:34,936 I mean really, who the hell's this Heimlich guy anyway? 520 00:20:34,936 --> 00:20:37,440 Some German pervert running around humping people 521 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,645 and one day a piece of steak flies outta someone's mouth, 522 00:20:39,645 --> 00:20:42,050 and now he's a freakin' Thomas Edison of choking? 523 00:20:42,050 --> 00:20:43,686 Pfft. I don't buy it. 524 00:20:49,598 --> 00:20:49,965 Oh yeah. 525 00:20:50,099 --> 00:20:50,867 You're nuts. 526 00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:52,370 Shaggy would eat sandwiches like 527 00:20:52,370 --> 00:20:53,873 two feet high in one bite. 528 00:20:53,873 --> 00:20:55,978 Nah Tam, wouldn't even be a contest, okay? 529 00:20:55,978 --> 00:20:57,380 Alf has eight stomachs. 530 00:20:57,380 --> 00:20:59,150 Yeah but he only eats cats. 531 00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:01,287 No no no. He ate all kinds of stuff okay? 532 00:21:01,287 --> 00:21:02,858 The cats were just a delicacy. 533 00:21:04,662 --> 00:21:06,732 So, how was your first aid class? 534 00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:07,868 Eh, not for me. 535 00:21:08,035 --> 00:21:08,970 Hank said you fell asleep. 536 00:21:09,104 --> 00:21:10,372 I mean well it's just, you know, by the thirtieth 537 00:21:10,372 --> 00:21:12,978 chest compression it's like, I get it. 538 00:21:13,479 --> 00:21:15,684 Coming up at 11: 539 00:21:15,684 --> 00:21:19,390 A Glantontown firefighter kills a home intruder with an axe, 540 00:21:19,390 --> 00:21:20,828 after the man apparently... - Oh my god. 541 00:21:20,828 --> 00:21:22,898 entered his house through the chimney. 542 00:21:24,535 --> 00:21:25,269 Somebody help! 543 00:21:25,436 --> 00:21:26,471 He's choking! 544 00:21:27,908 --> 00:21:29,310 Uh, we'll take the check.