1 00:00:00,868 --> 00:00:01,503 [camera record beeps] 2 00:00:01,904 --> 00:00:04,977 I'm Mark Hoagies and this is "Human Cannonball." 3 00:00:05,211 --> 00:00:06,445 Ok, Hank. Get in. 4 00:00:06,445 --> 00:00:08,718 Uh... I don't know about this Mark. 5 00:00:08,718 --> 00:00:09,352 It's fine Hank. 6 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:10,788 There's a safety net right there. 7 00:00:10,788 --> 00:00:12,291 Uhhh... can we like maybe 8 00:00:12,291 --> 00:00:13,961 test it out first or something? 9 00:00:13,961 --> 00:00:15,598 Oh my god you're killing me here, Hank, okay? 10 00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:17,535 I know what I'm doing. I'm not Dick Cheney. 11 00:00:17,535 --> 00:00:20,474 But what if I like, blow up or something? 12 00:00:20,474 --> 00:00:21,544 Okay, dammit! Cut! 13 00:00:21,544 --> 00:00:23,714 Mernft, can you help me here? Is Hank gonna blow up? 14 00:00:23,714 --> 00:00:25,618 Ahh... Yeah. I thought that was the point. 15 00:00:25,618 --> 00:00:26,987 No it's not the-- Okay, 16 00:00:26,987 --> 00:00:28,157 you know what maybe we can try it 17 00:00:28,157 --> 00:00:28,992 with a crash test dummy. 18 00:00:28,992 --> 00:00:29,727 Oh no no. 19 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,730 Those things are way pricier than you think. 20 00:00:31,864 --> 00:00:33,467 Holy crap, a million dollars?? 21 00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:35,271 You know, there's actually something you could get 22 00:00:35,271 --> 00:00:36,774 that's a lot cheaper 23 00:00:36,774 --> 00:00:38,310 and way more realistic... 24 00:00:38,310 --> 00:00:39,946 I'm talkin' inside and out. 25 00:00:39,946 --> 00:00:41,583 - Damn. That thing's no joke. 26 00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:44,523 Oh yeah the craftsmanship on these things, incredible. 27 00:00:44,523 --> 00:00:47,327 I mean they get every detail down to the fallopian tubes. 28 00:00:47,327 --> 00:00:47,962 Damn yo. 29 00:00:48,229 --> 00:00:49,900 This thing's gonna be perfect for like, 30 00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:51,904 simulating the aerodynamics. 31 00:00:51,904 --> 00:00:52,906 Alright, let's do it. 32 00:00:52,906 --> 00:00:54,075 Okay. I'm putting in the order. 33 00:00:54,075 --> 00:00:55,579 Yo Merf, you don't think Tammy's like 34 00:00:55,579 --> 00:00:56,379 gonna get the wrong idea 35 00:00:56,581 --> 00:00:57,950 when this thing arrives or nothing, right? 36 00:00:57,950 --> 00:00:59,719 Nah. Don't worry. I got you. 37 00:01:00,087 --> 00:01:02,090 [doorbell] 38 00:01:03,159 --> 00:01:04,596 David Jinglebells? 39 00:01:04,596 --> 00:01:05,731 Uh. Yup that's me. 40 00:01:06,198 --> 00:01:07,502 [crate opens] 41 00:01:09,439 --> 00:01:10,173 Oh my god. 42 00:01:10,173 --> 00:01:11,309 [♪] 43 00:01:11,610 --> 00:01:14,181 ♪ Well, I used to work at a hot dog factory. ♪ 44 00:01:14,181 --> 00:01:16,185 ♪ Until them robots came along. ♪ 45 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:17,922 ♪ And now there is no job for me ♪ 46 00:01:18,056 --> 00:01:20,562 ♪ But I get 3,000 bucks a month ♪ 47 00:01:20,562 --> 00:01:24,503 ♪ Thanks to UBI 48 00:01:24,603 --> 00:01:28,511 ♪ Now we're Universal Basic Guys. ♪ 49 00:01:28,511 --> 00:01:30,380 ♪ It may not sound like much. ♪ 50 00:01:30,380 --> 00:01:33,487 ♪ But we're still gonna try ♪ 51 00:01:33,487 --> 00:01:38,564 ♪ We're just Universal Basic Guys ♪ 52 00:01:42,806 --> 00:01:43,741 Yo... Mark. 53 00:01:43,841 --> 00:01:44,408 What's up hon? 54 00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:46,847 I'm sure you're doing something very important 55 00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:48,116 but it would mean a lot to me 56 00:01:48,116 --> 00:01:49,586 if you could spend some time with Darren. 57 00:01:49,586 --> 00:01:51,924 Oh absolutely, yeah. I take a lot of pride 58 00:01:51,924 --> 00:01:52,793 in being an involved stepdad. 59 00:01:52,959 --> 00:01:54,797 When he gets back from his dad's we'll hang out. 60 00:01:54,797 --> 00:01:55,464 We'll do a little bonding. 61 00:01:55,464 --> 00:01:57,869 Uh. He's been here since April. 62 00:01:57,869 --> 00:01:59,405 Oh get out of here are you serious? 63 00:01:59,405 --> 00:02:00,407 I didn't even notice him. 64 00:02:00,407 --> 00:02:02,178 Exactly. He's barely left his room 65 00:02:02,178 --> 00:02:03,413 in like three days. 66 00:02:03,547 --> 00:02:05,417 I'm worried he's gonna spend the whole summer up there 67 00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:06,787 and not make any friends. 68 00:02:06,787 --> 00:02:08,056 No problem, Tam, okay. 69 00:02:08,056 --> 00:02:09,660 I'll hang out with him. We'll get outside, 70 00:02:09,660 --> 00:02:11,930 we'll make some friends, we'll get into some trouble. 71 00:02:11,930 --> 00:02:13,466 Okay maybe not that last part. 72 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:14,903 C'mon, Tam. Maybe the reason 73 00:02:14,903 --> 00:02:16,339 he's not making any friends 74 00:02:16,339 --> 00:02:17,842 is because you're a bit of a, 75 00:02:17,842 --> 00:02:19,479 you know, helicopter parent. 76 00:02:19,479 --> 00:02:20,280 I am not. 77 00:02:20,481 --> 00:02:22,217 I just don't want yous to do anything stupid. 78 00:02:22,217 --> 00:02:23,053 Cannon's loaded. 79 00:02:23,053 --> 00:02:25,524 Me? Do something stupid?! PFFFFT!!! 80 00:02:25,524 --> 00:02:26,760 I have fun, Tam, 81 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:30,668 but I do not put the people I love at risk. 82 00:02:30,768 --> 00:02:31,770 [bang]! 83 00:02:32,138 --> 00:02:34,241 [creaking] 84 00:02:35,912 --> 00:02:37,214 [crash]! - Woah. 85 00:02:37,849 --> 00:02:39,184 That was awesome. 86 00:02:40,220 --> 00:02:41,156 What's up Buddy? 87 00:02:41,289 --> 00:02:41,891 Hey Mark. 88 00:02:41,991 --> 00:02:43,159 You got any interest in hanging 89 00:02:43,159 --> 00:02:44,530 out with me and Uncle Hank? 90 00:02:44,530 --> 00:02:45,030 No thanks. 91 00:02:45,230 --> 00:02:46,399 I don't want to play with guns. 92 00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:47,769 It's not a gun, Darren. 93 00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:48,303 It's a cannon. 94 00:02:48,303 --> 00:02:49,873 A cannon is a gun. 95 00:02:49,873 --> 00:02:51,308 No, it's a classic... 96 00:02:51,308 --> 00:02:53,480 medieval ball shooting... tool. 97 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:54,348 Oh would you look at this? 98 00:02:54,448 --> 00:02:57,421 A cannon is a 'large caliber gun classified 99 00:02:57,421 --> 00:02:58,189 as a type of artillery.' 100 00:02:58,323 --> 00:02:59,993 Oh c'mon. You can't trust the internet 101 00:02:59,993 --> 00:03:00,995 Darren, okay? 102 00:03:00,995 --> 00:03:02,198 You know how you really learn? 103 00:03:02,198 --> 00:03:04,836 By going outside and doing experiences. 104 00:03:05,136 --> 00:03:07,007 Yo. You wanna throw this bad boy around? 105 00:03:07,007 --> 00:03:08,076 Please put that back. 106 00:03:08,076 --> 00:03:08,677 No Darren, 107 00:03:09,211 --> 00:03:11,149 this boomerang is a classic toy. We gotta play with it! 108 00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:12,686 It's a decorative artifact. 109 00:03:12,686 --> 00:03:14,757 My dad got me that when he was in Australia. 110 00:03:14,757 --> 00:03:16,326 Okay what's the point of having a boomerang 111 00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:17,695 if you're not gonna throw it Darren? 112 00:03:17,695 --> 00:03:19,699 If we do this, will you leave me alone? 113 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,202 Maybe. 114 00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,406 Andrea this is a mistake. I swear. 115 00:03:23,406 --> 00:03:24,843 Uh can you just leave it in the box? 116 00:03:24,843 --> 00:03:27,816 Oh no, sir. You ordered white glove service. 117 00:03:28,116 --> 00:03:29,919 You don't even have to touch the box... 118 00:03:30,220 --> 00:03:31,924 Well, this box. 119 00:03:31,924 --> 00:03:33,426 Huh- What?! 120 00:03:35,598 --> 00:03:37,803 Are you trying to send me a message, here? 121 00:03:37,803 --> 00:03:38,938 What? No! 122 00:03:38,938 --> 00:03:40,107 You want it in the bedroom? 123 00:03:40,207 --> 00:03:41,877 Can you just take it back with you please? 124 00:03:41,877 --> 00:03:42,545 If you want to return it, 125 00:03:42,545 --> 00:03:44,314 there's a QR code on the back 126 00:03:44,314 --> 00:03:45,819 that you can get all the info. 127 00:03:45,819 --> 00:03:46,686 Oh my god. 128 00:03:46,686 --> 00:03:47,722 Maybe next time 129 00:03:47,722 --> 00:03:50,694 pick a delivery window where your wife isn't home. 130 00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:55,270 It's gotta be some kind of mistake 131 00:03:55,270 --> 00:03:56,774 or practical joke [click] or something. 132 00:03:56,774 --> 00:03:58,577 Pretty expensive practical joke... 133 00:03:58,577 --> 00:04:00,648 [movie starts] “Hello David Jinglebells ”. 134 00:04:00,648 --> 00:04:03,821 “Congratulations on your new Real Babe, 135 00:04:03,821 --> 00:04:06,026 the ultimate pleasure doll experience. ” 136 00:04:06,026 --> 00:04:06,459 Heh?! 137 00:04:06,761 --> 00:04:07,261 “ We're going to walk you 138 00:04:07,696 --> 00:04:09,398 through all the intimate details... ” 139 00:04:09,398 --> 00:04:10,133 Oh god. Skip! 140 00:04:10,535 --> 00:04:13,272 “Beneath the natural silicon exterior is our new, 141 00:04:13,272 --> 00:04:14,910 state of the art self-heating, 142 00:04:14,910 --> 00:04:15,745 strawberry flavored- ” 143 00:04:15,745 --> 00:04:16,212 Skip! 144 00:04:16,212 --> 00:04:16,847 What? Ew. 145 00:04:16,847 --> 00:04:17,648 Skip please! Uh, 146 00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:18,918 tell me how to send you back! 147 00:04:18,918 --> 00:04:19,519 Send back! 148 00:04:19,786 --> 00:04:21,790 “Nano-fiber polyester landing stri-- 149 00:04:21,790 --> 00:04:23,093 Functional lactating-- 150 00:04:23,093 --> 00:04:24,362 Tentacle attachments-- 151 00:04:24,462 --> 00:04:25,865 Just load the milk into the cartridge-- ” 152 00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:26,466 - Wow David. 153 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,571 Really splurged on the trim package. 154 00:04:28,571 --> 00:04:31,510 “Enter promo code MothersDay for 30% off 155 00:04:31,510 --> 00:04:34,081 our new pregnant belly expansion pack! ” 156 00:04:34,081 --> 00:04:35,685 So the fun thing about a boomerang 157 00:04:35,685 --> 00:04:37,756 is that when you throw it, it comes back. 158 00:04:37,756 --> 00:04:39,559 Which makes it a very ironic gift choice 159 00:04:39,559 --> 00:04:40,426 coming from your father. 160 00:04:40,628 --> 00:04:42,498 Okay Darren so here's what you're gonna do okay? 161 00:04:42,498 --> 00:04:45,070 You want the flat side against your palm. 162 00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:45,871 Just like this okay? 163 00:04:45,871 --> 00:04:47,140 And then you make sure the curvature 164 00:04:47,407 --> 00:04:49,278 is facing the direction you're looking to throw. 165 00:04:49,278 --> 00:04:52,150 Okay, you angle your arm 45 degrees on release, 166 00:04:52,150 --> 00:04:53,153 and then you're just gonna let it 167 00:04:53,153 --> 00:04:54,789 roll off your fingers, okay? 168 00:04:54,789 --> 00:04:55,591 Here we go. 169 00:04:56,392 --> 00:04:57,562 Okay, there we go. 170 00:04:57,562 --> 00:04:59,264 Okay you see it? No? Don't worry 171 00:04:59,264 --> 00:05:01,468 it's gonna come back so... any minute now. 172 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:02,304 Keep an eye out, 173 00:05:02,304 --> 00:05:03,240 keep an eye out. 174 00:05:03,373 --> 00:05:04,742 It'll sneak up on you. 175 00:05:05,310 --> 00:05:06,412 [window breaks] 176 00:05:06,613 --> 00:05:08,349 Ugh, that's the end of that. 177 00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:09,318 Thank you Mark. 178 00:05:09,318 --> 00:05:11,255 Uh uh. No way, Jose. 179 00:05:11,255 --> 00:05:13,293 We are going on an adventure! 180 00:05:13,293 --> 00:05:14,061 Ugh. 181 00:05:15,196 --> 00:05:16,734 If we somehow find this thing, 182 00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:18,303 it's going right back on my wall. 183 00:05:18,303 --> 00:05:19,807 Uh uh. Attitude shift. 184 00:05:19,807 --> 00:05:20,440 We're gonna find it. 185 00:05:20,742 --> 00:05:21,943 And then... we're gonna throw it again. 186 00:05:23,112 --> 00:05:24,883 [eerie music] 187 00:05:25,685 --> 00:05:26,319 Bingo. 188 00:05:26,319 --> 00:05:27,989 See that broken window up there? 189 00:05:27,989 --> 00:05:28,857 I bet it's in there. 190 00:05:29,191 --> 00:05:31,429 I gotta say, Darren, okay that was a hell of a throw. 191 00:05:31,429 --> 00:05:33,199 If that damn house wasn't in the way 192 00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:34,435 it would have definitely come back. 193 00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:35,303 This is so sketch. 194 00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:37,341 So we're just gonna knock on the door? 195 00:05:37,576 --> 00:05:38,977 Yeah. What's the worst that can happen, 196 00:05:38,977 --> 00:05:40,413 okay, we make some new friends? 197 00:05:40,413 --> 00:05:40,948 Now in sales, 198 00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:43,419 this is what we refer to as a “cold call ” okay? 199 00:05:43,419 --> 00:05:45,223 Hank is gonna make small talk 200 00:05:45,223 --> 00:05:46,660 while you and I, we sneak upstairs 201 00:05:46,660 --> 00:05:47,829 and we get the boomerang. 202 00:05:47,929 --> 00:05:50,834 Or we can just apologize and ask them to get it. 203 00:05:50,834 --> 00:05:52,605 You want to let whatever weirdos live in this house 204 00:05:52,605 --> 00:05:54,174 know we broke their window? 205 00:05:54,174 --> 00:05:55,744 Oh yo, wow!? 206 00:05:55,744 --> 00:05:56,479 I mean... hi. 207 00:05:56,479 --> 00:05:57,849 I mean... hello, ma'am. 208 00:05:57,849 --> 00:05:59,284 My name's Mark. I was just wondering if- 209 00:05:59,284 --> 00:06:02,057 What did you say about a window? 210 00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:03,159 Oh I was just saying that uh... 211 00:06:03,159 --> 00:06:05,163 You know I love some of the trim work 212 00:06:05,163 --> 00:06:05,865 on these windows- 213 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:06,800 Go away! 214 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:07,736 [door slams] 215 00:06:08,036 --> 00:06:09,906 Darren, now that's called "playing hardball" 216 00:06:09,906 --> 00:06:10,641 no problem. 217 00:06:10,841 --> 00:06:13,012 Every "no" brings you closer to a "yes." 218 00:06:14,850 --> 00:06:15,316 Yes? 219 00:06:15,316 --> 00:06:16,587 Oh hey boss, so, 220 00:06:16,587 --> 00:06:17,889 you know we've been out hiking 221 00:06:17,889 --> 00:06:20,193 and I really gotta use the bathroom, so-- 222 00:06:20,193 --> 00:06:21,897 Go in the woods! 223 00:06:22,264 --> 00:06:23,133 You know the thing is, 224 00:06:23,266 --> 00:06:26,272 it's kind of a number two situation and um... 225 00:06:26,272 --> 00:06:27,975 and I'm allergic to leaves so. 226 00:06:27,975 --> 00:06:28,711 You are? 227 00:06:28,711 --> 00:06:29,144 - Hank! 228 00:06:29,278 --> 00:06:30,848 One moment, please. 229 00:06:31,382 --> 00:06:33,955 The man just wants to use the bathroom. 230 00:06:33,955 --> 00:06:34,388 No! 231 00:06:34,388 --> 00:06:35,658 Come on, Deborah. 232 00:06:35,658 --> 00:06:37,796 We haven't had a guest in ages. 233 00:06:37,896 --> 00:06:39,197 Lest you forget, 234 00:06:39,197 --> 00:06:43,006 there's a reason we don't have guests, Charles. 235 00:06:43,006 --> 00:06:44,509 Oh relax. 236 00:06:45,109 --> 00:06:46,245 Down the hall. 237 00:06:46,245 --> 00:06:47,848 First door on your right. 238 00:06:47,848 --> 00:06:50,688 Actually, is there a upstairs bathroom I can use? 239 00:06:50,688 --> 00:06:51,489 I need a little privacy. 240 00:06:51,623 --> 00:06:53,694 I got a little, had a whole two burgers 241 00:06:53,694 --> 00:06:55,497 for breakfast situation happening, 242 00:06:55,497 --> 00:06:56,365 you know what I mean. 243 00:06:56,365 --> 00:06:56,800 - No! 244 00:06:56,933 --> 00:06:58,671 Don't be rude, Deborah. 245 00:06:58,671 --> 00:07:02,444 You're welcome to use the upstairs hallway bathroom. 246 00:07:02,444 --> 00:07:03,514 Really appreciate it. 247 00:07:03,514 --> 00:07:04,048 C'mon Dar. 248 00:07:04,214 --> 00:07:06,319 Why does the boy need to come? 249 00:07:06,319 --> 00:07:07,888 Oh uh... Darren here? 250 00:07:07,888 --> 00:07:08,891 He's my uh... 251 00:07:08,891 --> 00:07:10,127 he's my wipe boy. 252 00:07:10,127 --> 00:07:11,395 Wipe boy? 253 00:07:11,395 --> 00:07:11,997 What? 254 00:07:11,997 --> 00:07:14,335 I'd love to have a wipe boy. 255 00:07:14,335 --> 00:07:14,869 Eww! 256 00:07:15,337 --> 00:07:17,241 Andrea, how many times do I have to tell you? 257 00:07:17,241 --> 00:07:18,611 I didn't order this, okay?! 258 00:07:18,611 --> 00:07:20,013 - David, it's fine. 259 00:07:20,013 --> 00:07:22,552 In fact, I'm thinking about ordering my own doll... 260 00:07:22,552 --> 00:07:25,056 Oh wow, this one looks just like The Rock. 261 00:07:25,056 --> 00:07:26,358 Okay, enough. I'll throw it out. 262 00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:27,995 Uh, you cannot put that in our trash. 263 00:07:27,995 --> 00:07:28,797 Are you insane? 264 00:07:28,897 --> 00:07:30,935 Ok well I'll return it this afternoon. 265 00:07:30,935 --> 00:07:31,904 Fine, but until then 266 00:07:31,904 --> 00:07:33,841 can you move it out of the living room? 267 00:07:33,841 --> 00:07:36,045 The thing weighs like 120 pounds. 268 00:07:36,045 --> 00:07:37,247 Is it that unbearable to ju- 269 00:07:38,482 --> 00:07:39,553 I will move it. 270 00:07:39,553 --> 00:07:40,754 Yes, I will move it. 271 00:07:40,921 --> 00:07:41,690 Argh! 272 00:07:41,991 --> 00:07:44,127 Come on, let's go. 273 00:07:44,361 --> 00:07:45,564 [foot tapping] 274 00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:46,933 Huh! 275 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,203 Cool place. 276 00:07:48,203 --> 00:07:49,038 - Thanks. 277 00:07:49,338 --> 00:07:50,340 So when was this built? 278 00:07:50,340 --> 00:07:52,343 Like the 50s or something? 279 00:07:52,343 --> 00:07:54,849 1730s actually. 280 00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,452 Woah. 1730s? 281 00:07:56,653 --> 00:07:58,590 I didn't even know houses were invented yet. 282 00:07:58,757 --> 00:08:01,128 So uh, what do you do for work? 283 00:08:01,128 --> 00:08:05,203 We are the custodians of something evil- 284 00:08:05,203 --> 00:08:05,838 Enough! 285 00:08:06,005 --> 00:08:08,275 What's taking your friends so long? 286 00:08:08,844 --> 00:08:09,846 [creaking] 287 00:08:10,146 --> 00:08:10,782 Yo Dar, 288 00:08:10,882 --> 00:08:12,083 that's gotta be the attic right? 289 00:08:12,083 --> 00:08:12,785 Oh cool, 290 00:08:13,052 --> 00:08:14,589 the chained up room in a creepy-ass house. 291 00:08:14,589 --> 00:08:16,024 Sounds like a great idea. 292 00:08:16,024 --> 00:08:16,726 C'mon, Darren. 293 00:08:16,726 --> 00:08:17,628 We're having an adventure. 294 00:08:17,995 --> 00:08:19,732 [voice from behind door] “You looking for your boomerang? 295 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,168 I got it in here. 296 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,572 Just unlock the door. ” 297 00:08:22,872 --> 00:08:24,576 Ahh... Wh-- What was that? 298 00:08:24,576 --> 00:08:26,312 - Darren, you heard that creepy voice. 299 00:08:26,312 --> 00:08:27,515 It's got the boomerang. 300 00:08:28,182 --> 00:08:29,451 [chains rattling] 301 00:08:29,451 --> 00:08:31,489 [Deborah] “Everything okay up there? ” 302 00:08:31,489 --> 00:08:32,959 Oh yeah! All good! 303 00:08:32,959 --> 00:08:33,761 All good! Sorry... 304 00:08:33,761 --> 00:08:35,964 just finishing wiping up. 305 00:08:35,964 --> 00:08:36,767 C'mon Darren! 306 00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:38,069 Get that dingleberry! 307 00:08:39,138 --> 00:08:40,306 Alright let's see here. 308 00:08:40,941 --> 00:08:41,709 [crash]! 309 00:08:42,511 --> 00:08:43,379 [Jersey Devil] “See ya! ” 310 00:08:43,514 --> 00:08:45,149 [musical notes] 311 00:08:46,218 --> 00:08:47,721 Oh my. 312 00:08:48,022 --> 00:08:49,257 [frantic panic]! 313 00:08:51,095 --> 00:08:53,332 Welp. Happy, Charles? 314 00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:55,370 I told you this would happen! 315 00:08:55,370 --> 00:08:59,044 Do you have any idea what you've done!? 316 00:08:59,044 --> 00:09:01,248 Uh. I guess I let your pet goat bat thing out? 317 00:09:01,248 --> 00:09:01,983 I mean who cares. 318 00:09:01,983 --> 00:09:03,253 No, you fool! 319 00:09:03,654 --> 00:09:05,423 You've just unleashed... 320 00:09:05,423 --> 00:09:07,928 The Jersey Devil! 321 00:09:11,102 --> 00:09:13,105 So when you say "unleashed the Jersey Devil," 322 00:09:13,105 --> 00:09:14,676 is that like a good thing or a bad thing? 323 00:09:14,676 --> 00:09:16,378 The hellish beast 324 00:09:16,378 --> 00:09:19,317 will reign terror upon our community. 325 00:09:19,552 --> 00:09:22,358 Its wrath knows no bounds! 326 00:09:22,358 --> 00:09:24,061 Okay, so it's a bad thing. 327 00:09:24,061 --> 00:09:25,798 So uh... what are we gonna do? 328 00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:28,469 The only way to catch this beast 329 00:09:28,469 --> 00:09:30,274 is through the dark sacrament. 330 00:09:30,642 --> 00:09:33,346 We must head to the ceremonial circle 331 00:09:33,346 --> 00:09:35,851 and build a pyre of white cedar. 332 00:09:35,851 --> 00:09:38,824 The incantations will lure the devil 333 00:09:38,824 --> 00:09:40,293 to the blood sacrifice. 334 00:09:40,293 --> 00:09:40,828 - What the hell... 335 00:09:40,828 --> 00:09:42,665 and upon his satiation 336 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:45,170 he will sleep for three days- 337 00:09:45,170 --> 00:09:46,606 Pfft! Blood sacrifice? 338 00:09:46,606 --> 00:09:47,975 Yeah, that's never gonna work. 339 00:09:47,975 --> 00:09:48,644 Oh yeah? 340 00:09:48,644 --> 00:09:50,480 You're gonna tell us, 341 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,286 the guardian family of this abomination 342 00:09:53,286 --> 00:09:54,655 for over 300 years, 343 00:09:54,655 --> 00:09:56,593 how to find the Jersey Devil?? 344 00:09:56,593 --> 00:09:57,662 Uh... I got news for you. 345 00:09:57,662 --> 00:09:59,432 It's a friggin flying goat, okay? 346 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,100 How hard can it be? 347 00:10:00,535 --> 00:10:02,371 You look in the sky for a friggin goat with wings. 348 00:10:02,371 --> 00:10:03,874 Ok genius. 349 00:10:03,874 --> 00:10:05,945 Why don't you go do that? 350 00:10:06,112 --> 00:10:08,584 But since “You ” unleashed this horror, 351 00:10:08,584 --> 00:10:10,386 one of you must stay back... 352 00:10:10,688 --> 00:10:12,892 for the sacrifice. 353 00:10:12,892 --> 00:10:14,462 Uh yeah, that's all you Mark. 354 00:10:14,462 --> 00:10:15,564 Okay whatever lady. 355 00:10:15,564 --> 00:10:16,432 Okay Hank, can you just deal with 356 00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:18,770 whatever cockamamie nonsense they wanna do? 357 00:10:18,770 --> 00:10:19,906 You got it, Mark. 358 00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:26,786 David. 359 00:10:26,953 --> 00:10:27,888 Focus. 360 00:10:32,097 --> 00:10:33,833 Argh... argh 361 00:10:35,370 --> 00:10:36,004 Next. 362 00:10:36,807 --> 00:10:37,909 Sorry, it's a little heavy. 363 00:10:37,909 --> 00:10:39,612 Okay looks like we got a... 364 00:10:39,612 --> 00:10:41,550 - Real Babe doll? -Uhp! Yes. 365 00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:43,621 It was shipped to me by mistake. 366 00:10:43,621 --> 00:10:44,856 Hm. Sure. 367 00:10:44,856 --> 00:10:47,294 So there's a whole process for these things. 368 00:10:47,294 --> 00:10:48,564 It's gonna be a few minutes. 369 00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:49,566 Connor! 370 00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:50,199 - What's up? 371 00:10:50,199 --> 00:10:50,801 I need a hand! 372 00:10:51,168 --> 00:10:53,874 I got a customer returning a Real Babe Doll! 373 00:10:54,174 --> 00:10:54,809 A what? 374 00:10:54,809 --> 00:10:56,178 A real babe doll. 375 00:10:56,178 --> 00:10:58,449 It's one of those fancy lifelike sex- 376 00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,886 Hey could you not? 377 00:10:59,886 --> 00:11:01,923 Can you just come over here for a sec? 378 00:11:01,923 --> 00:11:03,392 And bring the scissors. 379 00:11:03,392 --> 00:11:04,562 Is this necessary? 380 00:11:04,562 --> 00:11:06,566 If you want to return it, yes. 381 00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,102 Alright, let's just go. 382 00:11:08,470 --> 00:11:10,039 [snip, snip, snip] 383 00:11:10,641 --> 00:11:13,346 [customers gasp and laugh] 384 00:11:13,346 --> 00:11:14,114 [click] 385 00:11:14,649 --> 00:11:16,218 So uh, where we headed? 386 00:11:16,418 --> 00:11:18,523 The ceremonial circle. 387 00:11:18,523 --> 00:11:19,959 Ooh. Sounds fun. 388 00:11:19,959 --> 00:11:22,732 Well. Sounds more fun than it is. 389 00:11:22,732 --> 00:11:24,401 Will you shut up, Charles? 390 00:11:24,401 --> 00:11:25,036 What? 391 00:11:25,504 --> 00:11:28,409 It's nice to speak to someone pleasant for a change. 392 00:11:28,910 --> 00:11:31,716 You don't name the chicken you're going to slaughter. 393 00:11:31,716 --> 00:11:33,052 - Get off my back. 394 00:11:35,289 --> 00:11:36,927 Well, here we are. 395 00:11:36,927 --> 00:11:38,997 - You sure this is the place? 396 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,839 So we know this thing is half bat, half goat. 397 00:11:42,839 --> 00:11:45,143 Now what do bats eat? Okay they eat berries. 398 00:11:45,143 --> 00:11:46,580 What do goats eat? 399 00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:47,181 Trash. 400 00:11:47,682 --> 00:11:50,386 So, what we need to do is find a berry junkyard. Okay? 401 00:11:50,386 --> 00:11:52,223 Ooh- maybe a berry landfill? 402 00:11:52,658 --> 00:11:53,660 It's pointless. 403 00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:54,830 The thing is probably deep in the 404 00:11:54,830 --> 00:11:55,964 Pine Barrens at this point. 405 00:11:56,231 --> 00:11:58,537 C'mon Darren, okay. It's gonna take time and skill, 406 00:11:58,537 --> 00:12:00,140 but we're gonna hunt this thing down 407 00:12:00,140 --> 00:12:02,945 and get that boomerang back if it's the last thing I do 408 00:12:02,945 --> 00:12:04,448 before I throw it again. 409 00:12:04,582 --> 00:12:05,216 [thump] 410 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:07,387 Woah, yo! Well speak of the devil! 411 00:12:07,387 --> 00:12:08,824 I told you it'd be easy Dar! 412 00:12:08,824 --> 00:12:09,825 Sup dudes. 413 00:12:10,259 --> 00:12:11,896 Can I come in? I got your boomerang? 414 00:12:11,896 --> 00:12:13,767 What do you think, Dar? Gotta let him in, right? 415 00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,202 Uh. No. Are you dumb? 416 00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:18,076 Come on. He can't be that bad. He brought the boomerang. 417 00:12:18,076 --> 00:12:19,010 I gotcha. 418 00:12:19,612 --> 00:12:20,748 Please don't hurt us! 419 00:12:20,748 --> 00:12:21,917 Dude what? What're you talking about? 420 00:12:21,917 --> 00:12:22,818 Why would I hurt you? 421 00:12:23,419 --> 00:12:25,356 But aren't you like the devil or something? 422 00:12:25,356 --> 00:12:27,327 Well you know I'm not “the ” devil. 423 00:12:27,427 --> 00:12:28,329 That's my dad. 424 00:12:28,329 --> 00:12:28,697 Uh. 425 00:12:28,797 --> 00:12:29,297 I just wanted to 426 00:12:29,497 --> 00:12:30,734 thank you guys for freeing me. 427 00:12:30,734 --> 00:12:31,536 Ah. Least we could do. 428 00:12:31,536 --> 00:12:32,403 I mean your guardians seemed like 429 00:12:32,604 --> 00:12:34,676 a couple of whack- a-doos, you know what I mean? 430 00:12:34,676 --> 00:12:36,011 Oh dude, tell me about it. 431 00:12:36,178 --> 00:12:37,948 Yeah, they keep me locked up in the attic 432 00:12:37,948 --> 00:12:38,884 away from people, 433 00:12:39,151 --> 00:12:40,621 so you know I never get to make any friends. 434 00:12:40,621 --> 00:12:42,257 But you guys seem cool. 435 00:12:42,692 --> 00:12:46,633 That dingleberry bit that was-- oh my god, had me dying. 436 00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:47,868 - I was dying! - Oh yeah, you like that? 437 00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,371 Yo that was a good one, right? 438 00:12:49,371 --> 00:12:50,240 You like that right? 439 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:51,174 Yeah that was good. 440 00:12:51,174 --> 00:12:52,043 Yeah totally. 441 00:12:52,143 --> 00:12:54,783 So would it be cool if I crash here for a bit? 442 00:12:54,783 --> 00:12:55,985 Ah no problem, yeah. 443 00:12:55,985 --> 00:12:58,489 Um... are you sure about this, Mark? 444 00:12:58,489 --> 00:12:59,024 Yes Darren, okay. 445 00:12:59,592 --> 00:13:01,729 I know you 're not used to meeting new people "IRL" 446 00:13:01,729 --> 00:13:03,901 but this guy's obviously cool. Don't worry, 447 00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:06,439 I'll talk to your mom. You guys have fun. 448 00:13:06,439 --> 00:13:07,675 I'll get out of your hair. 449 00:13:07,675 --> 00:13:09,044 Alright Mark, see ya. 450 00:13:09,311 --> 00:13:10,046 So, uh, 451 00:13:10,346 --> 00:13:12,050 what do you like to do on your computer? 452 00:13:12,552 --> 00:13:13,486 Hey, hun. 453 00:13:13,486 --> 00:13:14,989 So, how 'd it go today? 454 00:13:14,989 --> 00:13:16,793 Let's see, we played outside, 455 00:13:16,793 --> 00:13:18,096 met some new neighbors... 456 00:13:18,096 --> 00:13:20,499 Oh, and ah... Darren made a new friend. 457 00:13:20,499 --> 00:13:21,168 So yeah, 458 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:22,236 you could say it went pretty well. 459 00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:24,007 Get out of here! That's great. 460 00:13:24,007 --> 00:13:24,642 Who's the friend? 461 00:13:25,009 --> 00:13:27,013 He's some neighbor kid. You know, seems cool. 462 00:13:27,013 --> 00:13:29,017 He's actually upstairs in Darren's room right now. 463 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:31,189 Oh wow! I should make them some snacks. 464 00:13:31,189 --> 00:13:33,192 You know if this kid's got any allergies? 465 00:13:33,192 --> 00:13:35,765 Nah. Seems like the kind of guy who'll eat anything. 466 00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:37,467 Oh yeah this guy's pretty funny. 467 00:13:37,467 --> 00:13:39,071 He mostly streams Farm Crossing 468 00:13:39,071 --> 00:13:40,841 but he's always like, super baked. 469 00:13:40,841 --> 00:13:42,277 Oh dude, that's hilarious. 470 00:13:42,277 --> 00:13:44,849 If you want I can send you a bunch of my favorite streamers. 471 00:13:44,849 --> 00:13:45,584 Oh thanks man, 472 00:13:45,685 --> 00:13:47,521 but you know we don't get internet 473 00:13:47,521 --> 00:13:48,791 at our creepy old house so. 474 00:13:48,791 --> 00:13:50,594 Hmmm. I mean you're not that far away. 475 00:13:50,594 --> 00:13:51,529 I can just like, 476 00:13:51,529 --> 00:13:52,531 get a WiFi amplifier. 477 00:13:52,531 --> 00:13:54,836 Oh dude are you serious? That would be sick! 478 00:13:54,836 --> 00:13:56,372 Hey there kids I made you- 479 00:13:56,372 --> 00:13:57,007 Oh my god! 480 00:13:57,007 --> 00:13:58,677 Hey Mom! This is JD. 481 00:13:58,677 --> 00:13:59,813 Oh hey Ms. Hoagies. 482 00:13:59,813 --> 00:14:01,381 Uh... hi. 483 00:14:02,384 --> 00:14:03,119 Mark!? 484 00:14:03,319 --> 00:14:05,423 What is that “Thing ” in Darren's room? 485 00:14:05,423 --> 00:14:08,062 It's not a “Thing ” Tam. It's the Jersey Devil. 486 00:14:08,062 --> 00:14:10,132 What!? You left my son alone 487 00:14:10,132 --> 00:14:11,803 in a room with the Jersey Devil. 488 00:14:11,803 --> 00:14:14,509 Woah woah woah. That's not fair, I consider him a son too, Tammy. 489 00:14:14,509 --> 00:14:17,515 Darren cannot be friends with a “Satanic Beast ”! 490 00:14:17,515 --> 00:14:18,115 C'mon Tam. 491 00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:19,384 You gotta keep an open mind here. 492 00:14:19,652 --> 00:14:21,254 It's not like Darren's the most normal kid either. 493 00:14:21,254 --> 00:14:22,390 What the hell does that mean? 494 00:14:22,390 --> 00:14:23,125 I'm just saying. 495 00:14:23,259 --> 00:14:25,329 He's not Zack fricken Morris, okay? 496 00:14:25,329 --> 00:14:27,702 Hate to break it to you but if you expect his friends 497 00:14:27,702 --> 00:14:29,237 to look like AC Slater, 498 00:14:29,237 --> 00:14:31,175 gonna be a little disappointed Tam. 499 00:14:31,175 --> 00:14:31,743 Mark. 500 00:14:31,843 --> 00:14:33,045 Get up there and tell that 501 00:14:33,045 --> 00:14:34,549 thing it needs to leave. 502 00:14:34,549 --> 00:14:35,785 Ughh fine. 503 00:14:35,785 --> 00:14:37,253 I'll be the bad cop. 504 00:14:37,921 --> 00:14:38,523 Hey Dar? 505 00:14:38,523 --> 00:14:39,925 Can I talk to you for a sec? 506 00:14:39,925 --> 00:14:41,563 Uh, in private if that's cool. 507 00:14:41,563 --> 00:14:42,363 Oh yeah no problem. 508 00:14:42,598 --> 00:14:45,069 You know I was just about to go hit the vape so. 509 00:14:45,805 --> 00:14:48,242 So your mother wants me to talk to you 510 00:14:48,242 --> 00:14:51,281 because she feels that certain friends of yours, 511 00:14:51,281 --> 00:14:54,054 new friends, may not be the best kind of... 512 00:14:54,054 --> 00:14:56,760 thing to be hanging out with. You know your mother pfft. 513 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,063 What!? Oh come on! He's actually cool. 514 00:14:59,063 --> 00:15:00,734 Listen I hear you buddy okay but- 515 00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,170 Ugh, I finally make a friend 516 00:15:02,170 --> 00:15:03,405 and now I can't be friends with him! 517 00:15:03,405 --> 00:15:05,143 Listen, you know how your mom is with the whole 518 00:15:05,143 --> 00:15:07,414 "I don't like the devil" nonsense, 519 00:15:07,414 --> 00:15:08,015 you know. Forget it! 520 00:15:08,015 --> 00:15:09,151 Screw you both! 521 00:15:09,151 --> 00:15:11,857 Tell mom I'm out “doing ” experiences. 522 00:15:11,857 --> 00:15:13,894 Ay come on Dar. Dar! 523 00:15:13,894 --> 00:15:14,796 Come on JD! 524 00:15:14,796 --> 00:15:16,031 Let's get out of here! 525 00:15:17,734 --> 00:15:19,404 Alright, you go have fun alright? 526 00:15:19,404 --> 00:15:20,607 Crazy kids. 527 00:15:24,147 --> 00:15:25,918 Come on I got a baloney in the car! 528 00:15:25,918 --> 00:15:29,859 Okay let's see here. Okay, serial number is in. 529 00:15:29,859 --> 00:15:31,094 Are we almost done? 530 00:15:31,094 --> 00:15:32,532 Almost. Connor, 531 00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:35,103 can you go grab the blacklight wand from the back. 532 00:15:35,103 --> 00:15:36,072 Blacklight wand? Why-- 533 00:15:36,072 --> 00:15:38,576 Yeah just gotta make sure it hasn't been used. 534 00:15:39,077 --> 00:15:40,748 Can't we just skip this part? 535 00:15:40,748 --> 00:15:42,183 Listen man, I don't make the rules. 536 00:15:42,183 --> 00:15:45,189 Okay so what you want to do is just run that over the doll 537 00:15:45,189 --> 00:15:47,695 and look for any glowing spots. 538 00:15:47,695 --> 00:15:48,830 Got it. 539 00:15:48,964 --> 00:15:51,067 Wait, what do the glowing spots mean? 540 00:15:51,067 --> 00:15:53,272 Just scan the damn thing, Connor. 541 00:15:53,707 --> 00:15:57,715 [scanning buzzes] 542 00:15:58,016 --> 00:15:59,719 Okay. We're good. 543 00:15:59,719 --> 00:16:00,754 No no, no Connor. 544 00:16:00,754 --> 00:16:02,023 All the way down. 545 00:16:02,023 --> 00:16:04,328 What?! Come on, this is ridiculous. 546 00:16:04,596 --> 00:16:05,698 [scanning buzzes] 547 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,670 [dramatic music] 548 00:16:10,373 --> 00:16:10,874 Uh... 549 00:16:11,342 --> 00:16:13,178 what does it mean if the feet are glowing? 550 00:16:15,550 --> 00:16:16,485 So? How 'd it go? 551 00:16:16,719 --> 00:16:19,224 Eh not great. You know, Darren climbed out the window 552 00:16:19,224 --> 00:16:20,393 and they flew away. 553 00:16:20,393 --> 00:16:21,062 What!? 554 00:16:21,062 --> 00:16:21,930 Are you kidding me!? 555 00:16:22,030 --> 00:16:24,000 Oh my god there's no winning with you, Tam! 556 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,436 "Get him a friend" I do that. 557 00:16:25,436 --> 00:16:27,675 "Get him outta the house" I did that. 558 00:16:27,675 --> 00:16:29,010 Whatever I do it's wrong! 559 00:16:29,010 --> 00:16:30,046 Mark, stop it. 560 00:16:30,046 --> 00:16:30,914 Just help me find him? 561 00:16:31,015 --> 00:16:33,185 Alright Tam, but it's like a whole ordeal. 562 00:16:33,185 --> 00:16:35,991 You gotta build like a stone temple pilots thing 563 00:16:35,991 --> 00:16:37,828 and then do a blood sacrifice. 564 00:16:37,828 --> 00:16:39,565 Okay, I say you just give him time. 565 00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:40,568 This is classic, 566 00:16:40,568 --> 00:16:42,905 healthy teenage rebellion stuff, okay? 567 00:16:42,905 --> 00:16:43,774 He'll be back. 568 00:16:43,774 --> 00:16:44,842 They're in the woods. 569 00:16:44,842 --> 00:16:46,613 Uh. Helicopter Parent Alert. 570 00:16:46,613 --> 00:16:47,648 You see this is the problem- 571 00:16:47,648 --> 00:16:48,983 In the car. Now. 572 00:16:49,350 --> 00:16:52,490 Sancta mater diaboli libera! 573 00:16:52,490 --> 00:16:53,025 Sorry. 574 00:16:53,025 --> 00:16:54,227 Would you mind getting 575 00:16:54,227 --> 00:16:55,797 your other leg for me? 576 00:16:55,797 --> 00:16:57,233 Sure, no problem. 577 00:16:57,233 --> 00:17:00,306 [translation: Holy mother, deliver the devil!] 578 00:17:01,208 --> 00:17:03,045 ♪ and the bunny goes round the loop . ♪ 579 00:17:03,045 --> 00:17:05,049 ♪ And the loop goes round the tree, ♪ 580 00:17:05,049 --> 00:17:06,853 ♪ and the bunny goes through the leg-- ♪ 581 00:17:06,853 --> 00:17:07,420 Charles! 582 00:17:07,621 --> 00:17:09,926 Are you chanting or chatting? 583 00:17:09,926 --> 00:17:10,426 Sorry. 584 00:17:10,594 --> 00:17:13,933 Sancta mater diaboli libera! 585 00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:17,207 ♪ Sancta mater diaboli libera 586 00:17:17,207 --> 00:17:20,012 No no you don't sing it. 587 00:17:20,012 --> 00:17:22,150 Oh I thought we were singing a song. 588 00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:24,020 You got a real nice voice by the way. 589 00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:24,555 Doesn't she? 590 00:17:24,688 --> 00:17:26,192 I always tell her she sounds 591 00:17:26,192 --> 00:17:27,828 just like Tom Waits. 592 00:17:27,828 --> 00:17:30,901 That's not a compliment, Charles! 593 00:17:31,401 --> 00:17:33,272 I can't believe my parents kicked you out like that. 594 00:17:33,272 --> 00:17:34,340 They don't even know you! 595 00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:36,011 Oh it's fine. I'm used to it. 596 00:17:36,278 --> 00:17:37,648 I hate them sometimes. 597 00:17:37,648 --> 00:17:38,449 You know, believe me, 598 00:17:38,449 --> 00:17:41,221 parents can be a lot worse. 599 00:17:41,221 --> 00:17:43,425 Your dad seems pretty cool actually. 600 00:17:43,425 --> 00:17:43,960 Mark? 601 00:17:44,127 --> 00:17:46,031 He's my stepdad and believe me, 602 00:17:46,031 --> 00:17:47,100 he's not cool. 603 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,269 He tries way too hard. 604 00:17:48,269 --> 00:17:49,739 Well at least he tries. 605 00:17:49,939 --> 00:17:52,043 And my mom is a total hypocrite, okay. 606 00:17:52,043 --> 00:17:53,547 First she wants me to have friends 607 00:17:53,547 --> 00:17:55,617 and then she says you're not good enough for her? 608 00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:56,418 Like seriously? 609 00:17:56,418 --> 00:17:58,121 She's not completely wrong, Darren. 610 00:17:58,121 --> 00:18:00,259 My dad is literally the devil. 611 00:18:00,259 --> 00:18:03,065 Who cares man? That doesn't define you. 612 00:18:03,065 --> 00:18:05,704 There's a reason they keep me chained up. 613 00:18:06,238 --> 00:18:08,008 Oh boy it's starting. 614 00:18:08,008 --> 00:18:10,012 What's starting? 615 00:18:10,012 --> 00:18:11,817 “It Is Time ”! 616 00:18:11,817 --> 00:18:13,452 Um... Time for what? 617 00:18:13,452 --> 00:18:15,590 “For The Sacrifice ”! 618 00:18:16,191 --> 00:18:17,628 Oh we're doing a campfire? 619 00:18:17,628 --> 00:18:19,765 I actually got a few hot dogs in my pocket. 620 00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,569 Or are you just happy to see me? 621 00:18:21,569 --> 00:18:22,505 [chuckling] 622 00:18:22,505 --> 00:18:24,208 Knock it off and get out of the way! 623 00:18:24,208 --> 00:18:26,912 Deborah, do we really need to do this? 624 00:18:26,912 --> 00:18:28,616 He's a good guy. 625 00:18:28,616 --> 00:18:29,719 Yes, Charles. 626 00:18:29,719 --> 00:18:33,058 This is how it's been done for over 300 years! 627 00:18:33,058 --> 00:18:34,294 But don't you ever feel like 628 00:18:34,294 --> 00:18:36,999 we're perpetuating this cycle of violence? 629 00:18:36,999 --> 00:18:39,505 I don't care what it feels like. 630 00:18:39,505 --> 00:18:40,439 It works. 631 00:18:41,041 --> 00:18:44,849 [dramatic music] 632 00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:46,820 What's gotten into you man?? 633 00:18:46,820 --> 00:18:48,222 “I Must Feed ”! 634 00:18:48,222 --> 00:18:49,692 Uh, feed on what? 635 00:18:49,692 --> 00:18:50,794 “Humans ”! 636 00:18:50,794 --> 00:18:51,361 Humans!? 637 00:18:51,529 --> 00:18:52,697 I can't be friends with someone 638 00:18:52,697 --> 00:18:53,800 who eats people, 639 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:54,802 okay! Take me home! 640 00:18:54,802 --> 00:18:55,704 “Too Late, Darren ”! 641 00:18:55,704 --> 00:18:56,907 “I'm Blood-Lusting ”! 642 00:18:57,207 --> 00:18:58,276 “The Signal ”! 643 00:18:58,276 --> 00:18:59,477 “Dinner Time ”! 644 00:18:59,645 --> 00:19:02,483 [dramatic music] 645 00:19:03,152 --> 00:19:05,890 [crunch]! 646 00:19:06,792 --> 00:19:08,730 Hm this body tastes different. 647 00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:09,832 It's not bad though. 648 00:19:09,832 --> 00:19:11,201 There's like a hint of... 649 00:19:11,201 --> 00:19:12,103 what is that like, 650 00:19:12,103 --> 00:19:13,171 strawberry? 651 00:19:13,973 --> 00:19:18,783 [dramatic music] 652 00:19:19,551 --> 00:19:21,154 [crackling fire] 653 00:19:21,154 --> 00:19:23,492 Oo, my toes feel nice and warm, thanks. 654 00:19:24,529 --> 00:19:25,396 That's it! 655 00:19:25,396 --> 00:19:27,667 I'm putting my foot down. 656 00:19:28,570 --> 00:19:29,505 You fool! 657 00:19:29,505 --> 00:19:31,876 How else are we going to lure the J- 658 00:19:33,445 --> 00:19:34,013 Hank? 659 00:19:34,013 --> 00:19:34,615 Oh hey Darren! 660 00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:36,318 We're doing s'mores and stuff. 661 00:19:36,318 --> 00:19:38,055 JD, you're early. 662 00:19:38,055 --> 00:19:40,126 We're still preheating the pyre. 663 00:19:40,126 --> 00:19:42,129 Nah. It's all good. I'm full. 664 00:19:42,129 --> 00:19:44,134 What do you mean you're full? 665 00:19:44,134 --> 00:19:46,071 I found this awesome meat substitute, 666 00:19:46,071 --> 00:19:48,075 it tastes just like berries and trash. 667 00:19:48,075 --> 00:19:49,210 What? But... 668 00:19:49,210 --> 00:19:50,246 the ritual! 669 00:19:50,246 --> 00:19:52,016 Hey you know what? Screw your ritual! 670 00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:53,620 You're a bunch of enablers! 671 00:19:53,620 --> 00:19:55,389 It's all that damn chanting that makes me 672 00:19:55,389 --> 00:19:57,595 all bloodlust-y in the first place. 673 00:19:57,595 --> 00:19:58,696 See? 674 00:19:58,696 --> 00:19:59,397 - Yo Devil! 675 00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:02,003 You think you can steal my stepson? 676 00:20:02,203 --> 00:20:03,606 Not on my watch! 677 00:20:03,806 --> 00:20:05,543 [boomerang flies off] 678 00:20:05,743 --> 00:20:07,347 Darren! Mom! 679 00:20:07,347 --> 00:20:09,552 No more hanging with devils, okay? 680 00:20:09,752 --> 00:20:11,287 But he's my friend, mom. 681 00:20:11,287 --> 00:20:12,858 You can't be friends with that! 682 00:20:12,858 --> 00:20:13,492 Oh come on. 683 00:20:13,893 --> 00:20:16,231 Mark is friends with Mernft Man. He's way worse. 684 00:20:16,231 --> 00:20:17,032 We'll talk about it later, 685 00:20:17,166 --> 00:20:19,572 but for now you're grounded for a month. 686 00:20:19,572 --> 00:20:20,472 Okay. Sweet. 687 00:20:20,472 --> 00:20:23,378 I guess being grounded for 300 years 688 00:20:23,378 --> 00:20:25,784 does seem a little excessive. 689 00:20:25,784 --> 00:20:28,289 Have you lost your mind, Charles? 690 00:20:28,289 --> 00:20:30,126 He's the “Devil ”! 691 00:20:30,126 --> 00:20:31,562 JD watch out! 692 00:20:32,698 --> 00:20:33,566 Darren! 693 00:20:34,869 --> 00:20:35,670 [thud] 694 00:20:37,340 --> 00:20:39,511 Boom. Headshot. You like that, Tam? 695 00:20:39,511 --> 00:20:41,281 Saved your kid- I mean our kid. 696 00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:43,418 My kid. I love you, Dave. 697 00:20:46,458 --> 00:20:48,596 [knock, knock, knock] 698 00:20:49,965 --> 00:20:50,667 Mark? 699 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:51,903 Hey, David. Did you happen to get 700 00:20:51,903 --> 00:20:53,038 a delivery for me? 701 00:20:53,038 --> 00:20:55,476 Maybe like a big box or something? 702 00:20:56,278 --> 00:20:58,517 Yeah, Mark. I did. Was that for you? 703 00:20:58,517 --> 00:21:00,954 Yeah. Doin' a little project. Didn't want, you know, 704 00:21:00,954 --> 00:21:03,492 Tam to get the wrong idea. You know what I mean? 705 00:21:03,726 --> 00:21:04,928 Mhm, I see. 706 00:21:04,928 --> 00:21:06,097 Anyway, can I get that from you? 707 00:21:06,097 --> 00:21:07,366 Nope. It's gone. 708 00:21:07,801 --> 00:21:09,204 I destroyed it. 709 00:21:09,437 --> 00:21:12,577 Let me tell you, I absolutely obliterated that thing. 710 00:21:17,253 --> 00:21:20,694 Aaaah David! I bet you did, buddy! 711 00:21:20,694 --> 00:21:24,935 I bet you did! Yo!! Yo, there it is! 712 00:21:24,935 --> 00:21:27,708 Well I'm glad you enjoyed it. Anyway, that was six grand 713 00:21:27,708 --> 00:21:29,811 so whenever you get a chance you can just Venmo me.